#to be like ‘you DO blame me admit it. i know you do >:(‘

[elixirfromthestars]

A lovesick Bucky with a big crush on the reader??? YES PLEASE!!! 🥹🩷🩷

More under the cut ᯓᡣ𐭩

“Hi, Bucky.” Instantly, he sputtered over his mouthful of cereal, eyes watering from his food going down the wrong way. 

^ Such a good start already 😂🩷

Your eyes fell to Sam then, who stood in the corner, fresh from a workout with a shit eating on his face. “Good morning, Samuel.”  “Mornin’, beautiful. How did you sleep?” Bucky fought the growl rising in his throat, the unprecedented possessiveness caving its way through its internal barriers in your presence. 

^ Possessive Bucky always does it for me 🤭💕

Bucky zoned out while you continued to express your gratitude to Sam. He couldn’t help the way his eyes dilated as he rested his head in the palm of his vibranium hand, a lovesick sigh escaping his lips. You were just so gorgeous – a deity in human form right in front of his own very eyes. Bucky had never considered himself so lucky in all his time on earth to be within your vicinity. 

^ Bucky right here is that one meme that’s like blah blah blah, proper name, place name, backstory stuff” 😂🩷🩷

Gently tapping his nose three times, you managed to gain his full attention again. “You seem out of it, sweetie. Maybe you should go down to the medbay. See if you’re coming down with a fever or something.”  Sam blew out a breath of air. “Yeah, because that’s what’s wrong with him.” 

^ A swooning Bucky is so top tier 🤭, and Sam being a little cheeky shit about it is the cherry on top 😂🩷🩷

You threw a lighthearted glare his way before bringing your eyes back to Bucky. “Promise me you’ll get seen to?” How could he refuse when you asked so sweetly? “Anything you want.” He vowed sincerely. 

^ Anything I want? 👀🤭💖

Sam crossed his arms and smirked. “You are down bad, man.” Bucky swiped a hand over his face, sighing deeply. “Fuckin’ tell me about it.” “This is serious.” Sam sobered up, his lips softening into an honest smile. With an embarrassingly loud thud against the island countertop, Bucky let his head drop. “I have no idea what to do, Sam. I thought this crush would have passed by now but it’s been months.”

^ I’m absolutely living for the lighthearted rom-com vibes this fic has!! 🥰🥰 I keep giggling at all the silly little lovesick visuals you’re putting, like Bucky plopping his head down on the countertop like that 😂🩷

Bucky lifted his head up and huffed sarcastically. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe she could turn me down and rip my heart out into little pieces, so much that I would hide out in my room for the rest of eternity never to be seen again?”

^ I COULD NEVER!! 🙂‍↔️🙂‍↔️

“Why? So you can spend your days staring at her with your googly eyes and drooling over her.” “I have never drooled over her,” Bucky snarled. A twinkle shone in Sam’s eye, a mischievous grin donning his face. “Then what’s that on your chin?” Bucky’s eyes widened and he quickly brought his hand up to his face to check if he did in fact have any wetness coating his mouth. Finding none, he looked back to Sam with a scowl. “I hate you.”

^ And I love both of you 🤣🩷 I’m obsessed with their dynamic in this 😂🩷

Sam huffed out an annoyed breath. “Listen, man. It’s not as if you’ve got nothing going for you. As much as you’re a grumpy shit, you’ve got them blue eyes the chicks love. Gets them all gooey when you give them intense eye contact, y’know?” He reluctantly added, “And they dig the brooding, bad boy, leather jacket vibe.”

^ YES WE DO 🙂‍↕️💗💗 I’m always vibing with any kind of vibes Bucky gives 🙂‍↕️💕💕 You tell him, Sam!! 🗣️✨

Low and behold, plenty of other people wantonly stared at you while you completed your circuit, almost salivating over their barely concealed pining. As much as Bucky hated to admit it, the fucker was right. You were the pinnacle of everyone’s attention. With the way you were bending over, squatting and looking like an angel amidst the perspiration the sun brought on, Bucky wasn’t sure if he could actually blame anyone for it. That didn’t stop the ugly, green eyed beast within him that wanted to tear everyone’s eyes out for daring to glimpse at you.  It was silly, he knew he had no right to feel any sort of possessive nature for you. Unfortunately, you didn’t belong to him. Still, he couldn’t control the deep rooted urges that whispered the kinds of fun he’d have gouging out eyeballs that looked where they weren't supposed to. 

^ Not silly at all 🙂‍↔️🙂‍↔️ Oh no, Bucky Barnes, I quite like this side of you 🤭💖💖

However to his utter bewilderment, you happened to be the most dangerous being he had ever come across, because in all of his years as a trained, professional assassin, Bucky had never, never, tripped over his own feet. And so, inevitably, Bucky’s face ungracefully met the asphalt of the outside track with an audible thunk. 

^ He did not just fall omg 🫢 I have this huge irrational fear of falling in front of people, so I am mortified for him 😨😅

“Ah, it’s nothin’—don't worry about it. Nothing a few hours won’t fix.” You shook your head fondly. “Well, how about I walk you to the infirmary and we get some ointment on them? It wouldn’t hurt to be cautious.” Bucky choked on his own spit and snapped his eyes to yours. “W-We?” Your smile was blinding — so beautiful with an ability to stop time. At least for him anyway. “Yeah, why not? It looks like you could use a hand—y’know, since you’re a little clumsy on your feet today.” The cheeky smirk that followed your words almost sent him to an early grave.

^ Have I mentioned yet that I love the dynamic between the reader and him? 🥰 Because I do!! 💘 I love that he’s such a lovesick puppy and she’s so cheeky and sweet to him at the same time 🫶🏼🫶🏼

“Just one question though, are we going to keep holding hands on the way?” Looking down to the space between you, Bucky felt his mouth dry when he saw that he hadn’t yet released his hand from yours. “I’m—oh fuck—I’m so sorry.” Still, he made no move to slacken his grip. You tightened your lips, and he knew you were willing yourself not to laugh for his sake. Sam would have a fucking field day with this. Though to his surprise, instead of pulling away like he expected you to, you began pulling him along, hands still interweaved. “Let’s go get you cleaned up, Bucky.”  

^ If that man held my hand in any capacity, there’s no way I’m letting go 🙂‍↔️🙂‍↔️ I promise you 💖💖

“Nothing I can’t handle,” he said with bravado. Bucky wasn’t prepared for the twinkle in your eye as you mumbled under your breath, “I’m sure it isn’t, Sargeant.” The breath got knocked out of his lungs. Oh did that do things to him. Suddenly, vivid images of you spread out on his bed wearing nothing but his old army hat while you screamed out his rank ran wild in his mind. Luckily, you were too preoccupied with cleaning the dried blood of his wound to notice him discreetly palming the bulge in his athletic shorts, trying to hide the effect you had on him. 

^ OKAY 🙈💖💖 I was not expecting things to get a little spicy, but I am not complaining 🤭💗💗

Time stopped and the two of you were caught in the other’s gaze. It was such a small gesture, one you probably didn’t even realise meant the world to him. But you asked him for permission on something that would affect his autonomy and if Bucky didn’t already have a hundred ways he was falling for you, that would have been the cherry on top.

^ Stooooop, this is so sweet 🥺🩷🩷🩷

He tugged his plump bottom lip between his teeth. “You think I’m handsome?” You giggled. “I would be blind if I didn’t.” 

^ I know that’s right 🤭💕💕

With the most confidence he had ever mustered up, he responded, “Truthfully, I’m too busy staring at someone else to notice, doll.” 

^ You don’t say 🤭💘💘

“Oh,” you hummed. “So it’s not true then? You don’t have a crush on me?” Fuck.Panicking, Bucky scoffed, though it came off sounding too pathetic, too breezy. “Me? Have a crush on you? That’s—Ha! Nope. No way. Not at all.” 

^ No, he did not just say that 😂

Within seconds, Bucky jumped off the bed and leapt towards you, not even noticing how he had grabbed your hands. “Doll, please. You can’t leave a guy hanging like that.” Playfully rolling your eyes, you dramatically exhaled and decided to put him out of his misery. “Leave you hanging? Damn, Buck. It’s not as if I’ve been waiting patiently for you to ask me out for months or anything like that.” 

^ He is such a lovesick puppy it drives me crazy in the best way 🫠💕 I want to hold him and keep him forever 😂🩷

It took him a couple of seconds to let the new information sink in. Clearing his throat, Bucky untightened his fierce grip on your hands and hesitantly slid them down to latch onto your waist. “So,” he mumbled. “Say if I asked you out to dinner tonight… You wouldn’t tell me I’m a fool and break my heart into a million pieces?” 

^ NOPE. 🙂‍↔️🙂‍↔️ I’d be asking you what time to meet you because I’d be the fool to say no 🩷🩷 What I would do to go on a date with this man 😩💘💘

“Oh,” you stopped suddenly at the doorway and looked over your shoulder. “One more thing. Don’t go tripping over again, you hear me?” You raised an eyebrow and grinned. “Can’t have you falling for me.” Your damn smirk was intoxicating and Bucky thought himself the luckiest fella alive to be the one taking you out. He licked his lips and crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m afraid I’m gonna have a little trouble with that request, Ma’am.” 

^ I’m swooning over this man he’s just too freaking cute 🥹🩷

The minute he couldn’t hear your footsteps any longer, Bucky pumped his fist up into the air and began dancing on the spot. 

^ Omg this is so freaking adorable, I don’t know if it’s possible that I could love him more 😂🩷🩷

Sam stood there, all cocky and mirthful with a shit eating grin on his face. “About time you bagged the girl, man. Dont’cha think?” Instantly, Bucky growled and grabbed the closest apparatus. With a pair of medical scissors, he charged towards Sam, who was quick to wipe the smirk off his face and skid out of the room with a scream. 

^ Perfect ending right there 🤣🩷🤣🩷🤣🩷

Mollie my beloved!! 🥹🩷🩷 This has to be one of my top favorite fics of Bucky, omg, this was soooooo good!! 🥰🥰 This portrayal of Bucky was so sweet and lovely to read!! 🥹💖💖 I love the reader’s confidence and how it complimented Bucky’s down bad nature 🫶🏼 And Bucky and Sam’s interactions were so fun too, anytime Sam was mentioned I was so ready to read what he’d say to Bucky to stir the pot 😂 Ahhh, I just loved this fic so much, my darling!! 🥰🥰 And also… 👀 I must know if you imagine this Bucky to still be a lovesick puppy once they get together or does he become a menace once his confidence grows? 🤭💕

Loverboy

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Word Count: 4.3k

Summary: Bucky, a lovesick, pining super soldier, vows to keep his feelings for you a secret — no matter how obvious his crush may seem. Those plans are ruined between a meddling Sam, an embarrassing fall, and a visit to the medbay with you.

Warnings: Avengers AU, Bucky’s POV, fluff, crack (my lame attempt at comedy), suggestive thoughts (no smut), just our boy being a lovesick little bean with a big ol’ crush.

Author’s Note: Dividers by @saradika. Proofread by @buckys-wintersoldier, thank you so much sweetie, I love you!! This was inspired by a wonderful request from @prettyboy56, thank you so much! Hope you enjoy x

“Hi, Bucky.” 

Instantly, he sputtered over his mouthful of cereal, eyes watering from his food going down the wrong way. 

Bucky knew that melodic voice before his gaze even reached its owner. You entered the kitchen, wiggling your fingers at him in greeting. 

Clearing his throat, he swiped his bowl to the side, his breakfast now forgotten about, and directed his attention solely onto you. “Hi—um h—hello, doll.” 

The muscles of your cheeks lifted up to your eyes in a smile that made Bucky swoon. Hard.

Your eyes fell to Sam then, who stood in the corner, fresh from a workout with a shit eating on his face. “Good morning, Samuel.” 

“Mornin’, beautiful. How did you sleep?” 

Bucky fought the growl rising in his throat, the unprecedented possessiveness caving its way through its internal barriers in your presence. 

You grabbed a bottle of water out of the refrigerator and closed the door, leaning your back against it to take a big gulp. 

“Not bad at all.” You licked your lips, ridding the dryness that came from a long slumber before your eyes lit up. “Oh, by the way! I drank some of that tea you recommended. It’s helped a bunch—”

Bucky zoned out while you continued to express your gratitude to Sam. He couldn’t help the way his eyes dilated as he rested his head in the palm of his vibranium hand, a lovesick sigh escaping his lips. You were just so gorgeous – a deity in human form right in front of his own very eyes. Bucky had never considered himself so lucky in all his time on earth to be within your vicinity. 

In his own world of oggling, Bucky didn’t notice how the conversation fell short between you and Sam. Neither did he realise how the two of you were staring at him; you with concern and Wilson smothering his laughter with his hand. 

“Bucky? Sweetheart?” He finally registered that you were speaking to him and almost choked, again, on his own spit.

“Mhm?” Bucky murmured, drunk off your attention. 

You smiled once again, so devastatingly beautiful that his left arm whirred in stupor. “Are you okay? You feeling alright?” Not waiting for a response, you walked over to him and Bucky almost let his eyes roll to the back of his head when you lifted your wrist to his forehead. “Jeez, you’re a little hot, Buck.” 

Sam keeled over in hysterics, unable to keep his composure any longer. Meanwhile, a bright red blossom of colour rose up from the skin of Bucky’s neck all the way up to his cheeks. 

Had Bucky not been embarrassingly infatuated by you, the throwaway comment wouldn’t have had any effect on him. But this was you. The woman who had the ability to make him melt on the spot. 

While logic and a basic level of common sense screamed at him that you were talking about his temperature, his mind could only conjure up the fact you had called him hot. 

Bucky saw your mouth moving, however he couldn’t concentrate on the sound of the words coming out of it. You were still touching him, patting his cheeks and sweeping the tendrils of hair that had fell out from behind his ears out of his face. The close proximity of your bodies threw him through a loop and without even realising, his thighs spread further, subconsciously begging you to forego all boundaries and smother yourself against him. 

Gently tapping his nose three times, you managed to gain his full attention again. “You seem out of it, sweetie. Maybe you should go down to the medbay. See if you’re coming down with a fever or something.” 

Sam blew out a breath of air. “Yeah, because that’s what’s wrong with him.” 

You threw a lighthearted glare his way before bringing your eyes back to Bucky. “Promise me you’ll get seen to?” 

How could he refuse when you asked so sweetly? “Anything you want.” He vowed sincerely. 

Scrunching your nose, you chucked his chin and whispered under your breath, “Good boy.”

Bucky almost whimpered when you withdrew your hands and stepped back. He so desperately wanted to follow you and nudge your arm until you paid attention to him once more. Your touch was fire and a cool breeze all at once. Electricity that created static across his stubbled cheek, yet also stoked a warmth through his entire body.  

Peace. He’d never felt anything like it. Never before felt drunk from just the delicate essence of a perfume or experienced the loosening of his limbs, relaxing until his legs felt like jelly whenever you so much as cast him a glance. 

You grabbed a piece of fruit from the table, ready to go down to the gym and train. “Catch you later, Sam,” you called over your shoulder. Meeting Bucky’s eyes a final time, you winked while you headed for the elevator. “Bye, sweetheart.”  

Bucky’s gaze was glued to you, following you out hopelessly until you were completely out of sight. 

He was fucked — well and truly out of his depth. 

Sam crossed his arms and smirked. “You are down bad, man.” 

Bucky swiped a hand over his face, sighing deeply. “Fuckin’ tell me about it.” 

“This is serious.” Sam sobered up, his lips softening into an honest smile. 

With an embarrassingly loud thud against the island countertop, Bucky let his head drop. “I have no idea what to do, Sam. I thought this crush would have passed by now but it’s been months.”

“Well,” Sam raised an eyebrow. “Have you even tried asking her out?” 

“And why would I do that?” Bucky asked, genuinely confused. 

Sam sputtered over his words. “What do you mean—Because that’s what people do when they like someone, you dumbass!” 

Bucky had lost enough braincells daydreaming about you constantly. He didn’t need to be told what he already knew. But the pressure of asking you out to then have a chance of being rejected? He would never come back from that. “Yeah, no thanks,” he mumbled.

“Come on, man. What’s the worst that could happen?” Sam asked. 

Bucky lifted his head up and huffed sarcastically. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe she could turn me down and rip my heart out into little pieces, so much that I would hide out in my room for the rest of eternity never to be seen again?” 

“Now you’re just being dramatic.”

Bucky sighed longingly. “Let me wallow in my misery alone, Sam.” 

“Why? So you can spend your days staring at her with your googly eyes and drooling over her.” 

“I have never drooled over her,” Bucky snarled. 

A twinkle shone in Sam’s eye, a mischievous grin donning his face. “Then what’s that on your chin?” 

Bucky’s eyes widened and he quickly brought his hand up to his face to check if he did in fact have any wetness coating his mouth. Finding none, he looked back to Sam with a scowl. “I hate you.”

Sam shook his head with laughter. “You shouldn’t make it so easy to tease you, loverboy.”  

With a growl, Bucky lifted from his seat and stormed out of the kitchen. 

The irritating voice followed him. “Don’t forget training tomorrow morning, loverboy!” 

The sun was shining over the compound the next morning and so came the bright idea from Steve that all exercise activities should be held outside. While the recruits in training buffed up on their sparring with the Captain, the rest of the avengers worked out as they saw fit. 

As usual, Sam took any opportunity possible to annoy Bucky, which brought them together, running laps around the outdoor track. 

“When are you gonna man up and ask her out then, Cyborg? Pretty girl ain’t gonna be available forever.” 

Bucky wasn’t entirely sure why he didn’t run ahead of Sam. It wasn’t as if he couldn’t. Maybe the pace he kept alongside Wilson allowed him to stare at you so clearly in your tight workout leggings and sports bra as sweat sensually rolled over your skin. Maybe. 

“I’m not asking her out, Sam. Drop it.” 

Sam huffed out an annoyed breath. “Listen, man. It’s not as if you’ve got nothing going for you. As much as you’re a grumpy shit, you’ve got them blue eyes the chicks love. Gets them all gooey when you give them intense eye contact, y’know?” He reluctantly added, “And they dig the brooding, bad boy, leather jacket vibe.”

Bucky let out a rare smile within the presence of Sam. “You tryna hit on me, Wilson?” 

“Look, all I’m saying is you have a chance.” Sam slyly glanced over the field. “And if you don’t quit fuckin’ around, that chance is gonna disappear.”  

The smile instantly dropped from Bucky’s face. “What do you mean by that?” 

Sam’s signature smirk came back with vengeance. “Your girls lookin’ kinda cute today. So I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but you ain’t the only one who’s got their eye on her.” 

Naturally, Bucky followed his instinct and let his eyes look over at you. You were a fucking wonder, of course he knew that. But heeding Sam’s ominous warning, Bucky allowed his gaze to venture out, only allowing you to blur into the background for a couple of seconds while he took stock of the other male, and female, recruits. 

Low and behold, plenty of other people wantonly stared at you while you completed your circuit, almost salivating over their barely concealed pining. As much as Bucky hated to admit it, the fucker was right. You were the pinnacle of everyone’s attention. 

With the way you were bending over, squatting and looking like an angel amidst the perspiration the sun brought on, Bucky wasn’t sure if he could actually blame anyone for it. 

That didn’t stop the ugly, green eyed beast within him that wanted to tear everyone’s eyes out for daring to glimpse at you. 

It was silly, he knew he had no right to feel any sort of possessive nature for you. Unfortunately, you didn’t belong to him. Still, he couldn’t control the deep rooted urges that whispered the kinds of fun he’d have gouging out eyeballs that looked where they weren't supposed to. 

Knowing he had stirred the pot enough, Sam figured it was time to try and hit the final nail in the coffin in order to make his friend move his ass. “Y’know what gives you an advantage though, man?” 

Bucky continued to death stare the surrounding agents, while keeping up with his steady jog. “What’s that?”

“Guess who’s making eyes at you right now.” 

At breakneck speed, Bucky snapped his head back around to you, only to indeed find you staring at him with a fire in your eyes and your bottom lip trapped between your teeth. 

A violent shudder ran down his spine and for a moment, the whole world stopped on its axis, allowing Bucky to revel in a daydream brought to life. 

That was until his mind snapped him back into the present. The super soldier was majestic on his feet in a fight, graceful yet utterly dangerous out on the field even with the pressure a mission came with. 

However to his utter bewilderment, you happened to be the most dangerous being he had ever come across, because in all of his years as a trained, professional assassin, Bucky had never, never, tripped over his own feet. 

And so, inevitably, Bucky’s face ungracefully met the asphalt of the outside track with an audible thunk. 

A collective of gasps, oo’s, and ah’s, rang around the large group. Bucky could physically feel the coating of red, hot embarrassment climbing up to his now scratched cheeks.  

Bucky couldn’t see the look of shame and pity on Sam’s face as he dropped his head into his hands. All he was capable of was fantasizing faking his own death and moving far, far away where no one who witnessed his fall could ever find him.  

With a painful, deep groan, Bucky managed to roll himself over. He couldn’t bear to open his eyes and allow himself to accept reality yet and so he kept them closed, waiting for the ground to swallow him up or for the beaming sun to slowly incinerate him, melt him into the ground with his shame and dignity. 

But instead of either of those, a shadow casted over him, the harsh brightness behind his eyelids dulling down. Slowly, he peeked an eye open, only for mortification to kick him in the gut when he found you standing over him. 

“You alright there, Soldier?” Your hands were set on your hips, those deliciously curved grooves of your body that he had shamelessly stared at one too many times during gym sessions. 

“Mhm,” he gulped, his Adam’s apple bobbing roughly. “Just peachy.” 

Even though you’d just seen him eat dirt, in front of hundreds of learning recruits and the rest of the avengers, your smile was kind as you held out your hand. “Need some help?” 

Bucky took your offering, sliding his clammy palm into your dry one and hoisted himself up with your grip. He hadn’t needed your help, he was a super soldier with a metal arm; an agility and strength beyond normal human ability. But he wouldn’t pass up an opportunity to feel your soft skin against his. 

He couldn’t look you in the eye as he stood up, aware of your gaze glued to him. “Th-Thanks.” 

“It’s not a problem,” you said. “Although, you’ve got a few nasty looking cuts on your cheeks.” 

Bucky brought his left hand up to his face, hissing when the cool vibranium stung the open wounds. “Ah, it’s nothin’—don't worry about it. Nothing a few hours won’t fix.” 

You shook your head fondly. “Well, how about I walk you to the infirmary and we get some ointment on them? It wouldn’t hurt to be cautious.” 

Bucky choked on his own spit and snapped his eyes to yours. “W-We?” 

Your smile was blinding — so beautiful with an ability to stop time. At least for him anyway. “Yeah, why not? It looks like you could use a hand—y’know, since you’re a little clumsy on your feet today.” The cheeky smirk that followed your words almost sent him to an early grave.

His cheeks blazed. Bucky was sure he looked utterly stupid, with his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. But he couldn’t help the effect you had on him. “I um—I— ha, I guess.” 

Your eyes glinted mischievously. “I’ll take that as a yes?” 

Not trusting his voice to hold steady, Bucky simply nodded. 

“Great,” you approved. “Just one question though, are we going to keep holding hands on the way?”

Looking down to the space between you, Bucky felt his mouth dry when he saw that he hadn’t yet released his hand from yours. “I’m—oh fuck—I’m so sorry.” 

Still, he made no move to slacken his grip. 

You tightened your lips, and he knew you were willing yourself not to laugh for his sake. Sam would have a fucking field day with this. 

Though to his surprise, instead of pulling away like he expected you to, you began pulling him along, hands still interweaved. “Let’s go get you cleaned up, Bucky.”  

His name on your lips was akin to a siren singing her song; dragging helpless seamen to their deaths. A thought crossed his mind then, that he didn’t think he would mind so much if he sank to his reckoning, not if your voice was the last thing he ever heard. 

“Okay.” Bucky followed you blindly, eyes glued to your conjoined hands and disbelieving of his luck. 

You had led the way towards the medbay and found a cozy, private room that the doctors used for small injuries. Bucky sat impatiently on the side of the medical bed, twiddling his thumbs and fidgeting restlessly. Never had he been so close to you, alone. 

Bucky internally prayed with all his faith that you couldn’t hear the rapid staccato of his heartbeat. He was sure if he was hooked up to a monitor, the doctors would be thoroughly concerned about his health. 

Finally having gathered all the supplies you deemed necessary along with a first aid box, you walked back over to the bed and dumped everything next to him. 

“So,” you began, an uneasy conspiratorial tone to your voice that weirdly reminded him of Sam. “Wanna tell me what happened out there?”  

“I—,” Bucky sheepishly scratched the back of his neck while his cheeks bloomed crimson red. “I must’ve just tripped over my own feet.” 

He tried to shrug off his nonchalance, but he knew by your raised eyebrow you didn’t believe him. “Somehow, I have a hard time believing a big, strong super soldier such as yourself has any trouble finding his footing.”

Before Bucky could muster up any other excuse but the truth, you ripped open the packet of a medical wipe and warned him, “I’m sorry. This is gonna sting.”

“Nothing I can’t handle,” he said with bravado. 

Bucky wasn’t prepared for the twinkle in your eye as you mumbled under your breath, “I’m sure it isn’t, Sargeant.” 

The breath got knocked out of his lungs. Oh did that do things to him. 

Suddenly, vivid images of you spread out on his bed wearing nothing but his old army hat while you screamed out his rank ran wild in his mind. 

Luckily, you were too preoccupied with cleaning the dried blood of his wound to notice him discreetly palming the bulge in his athletic shorts, trying to hide the effect you had on him. 

“Are you certain there is absolutely no other reason as to why I’m playing nurse right now, then?” Your feline grin was sexy and scary. “No possible distractions that led you off path?” 

There was no way you could read minds, right? Bucky doubled down on his denial, shaking his head from side to side and letting the length of his hair hide the truth in his eyes. 

“I’ll take your word for it then.” You finished up and reached for the healing gel. “I know the serum enhances your ability to repair the cuts, but I’d still like to use this.” Looking into his eyes, you asked, “Only as long as you’re okay with that, of course.” 

Time stopped and the two of you were caught in the other’s gaze. It was such a small gesture, one you probably didn’t even realise meant the world to him. But you asked him for permission on something that would affect his autonomy and if Bucky didn’t already have a hundred ways he was falling for you, that would have been the cherry on top. 

“Yeah,” he breathed airily. “Yeah, I’m good with it, doll.” 

Unseen to him before, you ducked your head and sweeped your hair behind your ear and if Bucky didn’t know any better, he was sure you were shy. 

He couldn’t help the large grin he sported. He was always so enamored with you, quick to falter in your presence and become unsure of himself. Right now though, a small bout of bravery returned. “Ready when you are,” he cheekily murmured. 

You hastily rushed to compose yourself. Clearing your throat, you squeezed the tube of gel, allowing a small drop of the cool liquid on the tip of your finger and stepped between his legs to gently dab it onto his cuts. 

“Okay, you’re all fixed up now.” With a last swipe of his forehead, you smiled. “Don’t worry, Buck. You still look handsome.” 

He tugged his plump bottom lip between his teeth. “You think I’m handsome?”

You giggled. “I would be blind if I didn’t.” 

Bucky blinked at you slowly, still processing your words and trying to calm the excited bubble rising in his throat. 

You rolled your eyes playfully. “Oh, don’t act all coy, Bucky. You must have heard the whispers of the recruits. They stare at you all the time, whispering and giggling to each other.” 

With the most confidence he had ever mustered up, he responded, “Truthfully, I’m too busy staring at someone else to notice, doll.” 

The shock of his sudden boldness was glaringly obvious on your face — it was you this time who held your mouth open, lost for words. 

Bucky’s body screamed at him to tell you that he was in fact head over heels for you. That had he known falling over in front of the full compound would lead him within a hair’s breadth away from you, he’d do it all over again. 

But you seemed to recover after a couple of seconds, clearing your throat and making yourself busy to avoid his eyes. “So, I’ve got another question.” 

“Oh?” Bucky cocked his head. 

“Yeah.” You smiled while placing everything back into the first aid box as you found it. “I’ve been hearing a few rumours around the compound recently.” 

Bucky’s stomach dropped with dread. 

“You wouldn’t know anything about those, would you?” 

“I—” Bucky swallowed the lump in his throat. “I have no idea what you mean.” 

“Oh,” you hummed. “So it’s not true then? You don’t have a crush on me?” 

Fuck.

Panicking, Bucky scoffed, though it came off sounding too pathetic, too breezy. “Me? Have a crush on you? That’s—Ha! Nope. No way. Not at all.” 

He watched as you nodded to yourself. Internally, he was begging for the floor to swallow him while he cringed at his own stupidity. 

“Well,” you shrugged. “That’s a shame, I guess.”  

Bucky’s head shot up, eyes wide and shock written over his features. “E-Excuse me?” 

“Oh, it's nothing really.” There was a sparkle in your eye that screamed trouble. “You said you didn’t have a crush on me, so it doesn’t matter.” 

Within seconds, Bucky jumped off the bed and leapt towards you, not even noticing how he had grabbed your hands. “Doll, please. You can’t leave a guy hanging like that.” 

Playfully rolling your eyes, you dramatically exhaled and decided to put him out of his misery. “Leave you hanging? Damn, Buck. It’s not as if I’ve been waiting patiently for you to ask me out for months or anything like that.” 

The air became humid and stuffy and suddenly the clothes attached to Bucky’s body felt too tight and restricting. “You—What now?” 

You rolled your lips inwards, trying to smother your laughter. “Bucky, honey,” you gently murmured. “I’ve heard what the others have been gossiping about. I’ve definitely heard Sam telling the team about your crush on me.” 

Bucky squeezed his eyes shut and groaned. “That fuckin’ punk.” 

You squeezed his hands reassuringly and offered him a warm smile when he looked at you. “I’ve just been waiting to hear it from the horse's mouth himself.” 

Bucky’s eyes darted between yours, trying to find any hint of decievement. “You’re serious.”

“Mhm,” you whispered. “Deadly.” 

It took him a couple of seconds to let the new information sink in. Clearing his throat, Bucky untightened his fierce grip on your hands and hesitantly slid them down to latch onto your waist. “So,” he mumbled. “Say if I asked you out to dinner tonight… You wouldn’t tell me I’m a fool and break my heart into a million pieces?” 

Butterflies erupted in Bucky’s stomach at the sensation of your hands sliding over his chest to rest against his neck. “No, Bucky,” you chuckled. “I would tell you that I’m looking forward to our first date, tonight. Nowhere fancy, just casual. Six o’clock sharp.” 

Bucky smiled, all beaming and ecstatic. “I wouldn’t dream of being late.” 

“Good.” You leaned up onto your tip toes and ghosted your lips over his ear. “See you very soon then, Sargeant.” 

Tingles shot down Bucky’s spine and his eyes rolled to the back of his head. He fought tooth and nail to crush the moan that rose up his throat and in his internal struggle, he missed how you’d sneakily slipped out of his hold and started to saunter towards the door. 

He almost begged you to come back; the thought of having to wait for you until the evening was unbearable. But those pesky butterflies that invaded his stomach came back strong and fierce as his gaze became glued to the sway of your hips and the sweet perfume that lingered in your exit. 

“Oh,” you stopped suddenly at the doorway and looked over your shoulder. “One more thing. Don’t go tripping over again, you hear me?” You raised an eyebrow and grinned. “Can’t have you falling for me.”

Your damn smirk was intoxicating and Bucky thought himself the luckiest fella alive to be the one taking you out. He licked his lips and crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m afraid I’m gonna have a little trouble with that request, Ma’am.” 

The clench of your thighs was unmissable. The way your eyes dilated called to him. Bucky had more game than he realised and he kept that new information tucked safely into the corner of his mind for a later date. 

You didn’t reply. You didn’t need to. Your actions told Bucky everything he needed to know and so he wiggled his fingers with a huge grin locked onto his face and watched you longingly as you left his sight. 

The minute he couldn’t hear your footsteps any longer, Bucky pumped his fist up into the air and began dancing on the spot. 

In his own bubble of happiness, he didn’t hear the footsteps of a new person entering the hallway. Only when an amused clearing of the throat echoed from the doorway did Bucky abruptly stop his dancing and slowly swivel to the intruder. 

Sam stood there, all cocky and mirthful with a shit eating grin on his face. “About time you bagged the girl, man. Dont’cha think?” 

Instantly, Bucky growled and grabbed the closest apparatus. With a pair of medical scissors, he charged towards Sam, who was quick to wipe the smirk off his face and skid out of the room with a scream. 

[laceyhearts]

ꊞ I'D DO ANYTHING ; QUINN HUGHES !

➪ summary: quinn and y/n had had a rocky few weeks, and when quinn arrives home late from a game again and y/n receives a photo from an unknown number, things fall apart at the seams

➪ laceyhearts diner event: a basket of salty french fries w/ prompt "tell me what I can do to make you stay. What I can say, so you won't leave. I need to know how I can fix this!"

➪ pairing: quinn hughes x fem!reader

➪ warnings: reader has had a history of shitty exes, allusions and mentions to/of cheating

➪ word count: 1.0k (whoops i got carried away, my bad)

➪ emma's notes: oh so like- i wasn't expecting this to be out but when you get writing motivation no matter the time you take it. um... nonnie who requested this, i tried to work the second prompt in as much as i could but lowkey blacked out so it's there but not really and i apologize for that. (but if people would like, i'll write a second part focusing on that prompt!)

© laceyhearts ; do not copy, repost, translate, or put my work through ai generators. do not copy or remake my themes, graphics, or layouts.

She was used to this happening, to being so caught up in the bliss that she forgot to look for the signs that it was going to collapse soon. It was like the universe hated to see her happy, hated to see her not second-guess every decision she made. 

Being with Quinn made her forget about all those times when her happiness had fallen through, because Quinn was different. He made her feel like she was the only girl in the world, like every time he looked at her, it was as if it would be the last time.

And maybe this time it was. 

She should’ve expected it as soon as he started pulling away, when the time between the end of the game and when he got home grew longer, when he’d sip from beneath the covers and out the door before she even stirred, when his phone would buzz incessantly when she was talking and he’d be occupied with it for the remainder of their conversation. 

Y/n knew she shouldn’t jump to conclusions, but she’d been through this once too many times, and she wasn’t about to let herself be hurt again. So she did what she thought was the only solution, she started to distance herself too. 

He stopped receiving pregame texts that consisted of a stupidly adorable amount of heart emojis, he stopped feeling her in his arms when he woke up and found her curled in a ball on the other side of the bed, stopped seeing her wear his hoodies that she claimed were the comfiest things in the world.

Quinn blamed himself; he knew he should’ve been open about his own worries, how hard he was pushing himself to be the best captain, best hockey player, best boyfriend, best brother, best son in the world, but he never wanted to admit that to himself, much less her. He’d always been that way, keeping his feelings bottled up so he didn’t have to bother anyone else with it.

⎯⎯⎯ ౨ৎ ⎯⎯⎯

He had arrived home late again that night, dragging his feet as he entered, shoes being kicked off lazily, bag dropping, and not being bothered to be picked up again. His limbs were heavy, his neck stiff, and he felt the remaining few drops of sweat against his skin.

The apartment smelled faintly of that one candle y/n always loved to light when she was reading, which made his lip turn up in the slightest amount. There was a plate wrapped in Saran Wrap, a vegetable stir fry sitting between, but he didn’t have the energy to eat, not after the game. He placed it carefully in the fridge, amongst the other three or four leftover plates she had left for him the past week. 

His walk was sluggish as he made his way toward their shared room, eyes finding her still awake, head buried in her book, and her glasses almost falling off her nose as she turned the page. His smile grew, feeling his body relax at the sight of her, “Hi, baby.”

Her eyes barely flicked up at him before she went back to reading, a shrug of her shoulders as she mumbled a ‘hi’ in response. A frown replaced his previously growing smile at her dismissive greeting. He stepped closer, kneeling on his side of the bed and reaching out to tuck her hair behind her ear, only to be met with her shying away.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothin’.”

“You know I know when you’re lying.”

“'M not lying. Just tired and want to read my book.”

He sighed, the tension between them thickening, but he knew he couldn’t force her to open up, force her to tell her what was really on her mind, even though that’s all he wanted to do. He rose from the bed, heading towards the closet as he slowly took off his suit jacket.

“Where were you?”

He furrowed his eyebrows, more than confused, head buried in the closet as he looked for comfier clothes to wear, “What do you mean? I had a game.”

“It ended two hours ago.”

“We had a lot to talk about, we played like dog shit.”  He knew he should shower again; the one before he left the arena was less than cleansing, but the thought of having to wait for the water to heat up and having to go through the motions made him more exhausted.

“Lexie said Thatch got home an hour ago.”

Quinn froze, his shirt halfway on, turning to face her again, “What?”

“Where were you really, Quinn?”

“I was at Rogers, I don’t- what are you saying, babe?”

“I’m saying that if most of the others got home an hour before you even left the arena, then what were you doing?”

“Talking, talking to the trainers about my hand.”

“Then what’s this?” Her phone displayed a picture of some girl, one she was unfamiliar with, but the look on Quinn’s face made it known that he knew who that was.

“Baby…”

“Don’t,”

“No, no, no, listen to me.”

Tears were already welling in her eyes, threatening to fall, but she kept them in, “Who is she?”

“She’s no one, I mean it.”

“Why are you lying to me still?”

He suck in a deep breath, kneeling in front of her, “She’s a friend from college.”

She scoffed, “A friend from college? That’s what they all say.”

“That’s what who says?”

“Everyone, every guy who’s cheated on me.”

“Baby, I didn’t- I would never.” 

She shook her head, wiping her tears as she tried to collect herself, “I need space.”

“I’ll give you space, but just stay here, please.” His hands gripped hers loosely, trying to keep her attention on him and not her spiralling thoughts.

“I can’t-”

“Tell me what I can do to make you stay. What I can say, so you won't leave. I need to know how I can fix this. Please.”

She couldn’t say anything, whether that was because she didn’t know what words would sound best or because she couldn’t physically get the words out; she wasn’t sure. Quinn’s head rested in her lap at her silence, and her hands continued to lie limply in Quinn’s.

And if he thought she was out of reach before? Now she was a million miles away from him, and he didn’t know how to pull her back in.

DINER ENTRANCE ; PICKUP COUNTER ; QH43 MASTERLIST

JOIN THE TAGLIST ; MY NAVIGATION

[khloberry]

FaceTime fun with Rafe

Wish You Were Here

Rafe Cameron (boyfriend!rafe) x Reader

Khloe says » fair warning, this is pure smut & I make no apologies #feral

11:52 PM

One glance at the time, and it’s clear that your assignment won’t meet the 11:59 deadline. You can only blame yourself for procrastination, and maybe, no definitely, your boyfriend for distracting you. How did he expect you to concentrate when he sent you that sexy after shower pic? The loosely wrapped towel and knowing all too well what was under it were enough to take your mind completely off your essay. You’re sitting in front of your MacBook, but instead of typing, you’re staring at the screen, unable to focus on anything but Rafe and the needy ache between your legs.

Fuck it.

You can finish your work later.

“Hey Siri, FaceTime boyfriend.”

A few seconds later, the call connects and Rafe’s handsome face is on your laptop screen.

“Hey, baby,” he answers, noticing your little pouty face immediately. “What’s wrong?”

“I didn’t finish my essay because of you.”

“Me? What did I do?”

The smirk on his face tells you that he knows exactly what he did.

“Okay, so it’s not all your fault, but you sent me that pic and now I can’t focus.”

He smirks again. “She misses me, huh?”

“You have no idea. I wish you were here.”

“Me too, but you know what…” His voice trails off suggestively. “You can tell me everything I would do to you if I were there.”

You like the sound of that.

“Well, for starters, I know I won’t be wearing this.” You pull off your t-shirt, revealing your breasts, letting out a cute little giggle when Rafe wolf whistles at you. “Like what you see, Cameron?”

“Fuck yeah, my dick is so hard already.”

You bite your lip. “Show me.”

He does.

You literally almost drool.

Has there ever been anything more perfect than your boyfriend’s hard cock?

“I want it in my mouth.”

“I want it in your mouth,” he laughs, propping his back against the headboard, making himself comfortable. “Tell me what I’m doing to you now.”

“You have both hands on my tits.” Smiling, you run your hands over your breasts and squeeze them. “Now I feel your tongue. Your hands feel so good, but your mouth feels even better, baby.” You move closer to the screen and bring your fingers to your mouth, slowly licking them before rubbing your hard nipples.

Rafe takes a deep breath. “I bet you’re so fucking wet right now.”

“I’m soaked,” you admit, letting out a soft moan as you brush your hand over the wet spot. “You always make me so wet.”

It takes all your self control not to push your panties aside and bury two fingers inside yourself.

But you have something else in mind.

Something exciting for both of you.

“Be right back, baby.”

Rafe watches as you briefly disappear from the screen before coming back with something that makes his dick stir. It’s your pretty purple vibrator. With just one glance at the toy, he knows that the night is about to get even better from here.

You hold the toy up, tracing your finger over the smooth silicone. “This is Cam. We have a lot of fun together when I’m really missing you.”

He grins. “Cam, huh?”

“Yeah, ready to play with us?” you ask with a teasing smile, rolling your desk chair back to give Rafe a full view of everything you’re about to do. This wouldn’t be the first time that you’ve touched yourself in front of him, but the addition of your vibrator is sure to take the fun to a new level. Keeping things fun and interesting keeps the relationship exciting, especially while you’re away at school.

Standing with your back to the screen, you slowly slide your panties down before turning around and playfully tossing them to Rafe. He pretends to catch them, making you both laugh. It’s lighthearted and fun, but then you see it— the unmistakable lust. The way his eyes get dark and he licks his lips when you sit down, your legs spread like an open invitation.

“Fuck,” Rafe groans. “Been thinking about that pretty pussy all day.”

You’re soaked just like you told him.

Just like he knew you would be.

You bring the vibrator up to your mouth and run your tongue over the tip before sucking it gently. You can almost feel the heat radiating from your laptop as Rafe watches you, wishing it was your pretty little lips wrapped around him instead of your toy. His hand reaches down to free himself from his boxer briefs, aching and desperate for your touch.

If only you were there.

“God, I’m so wet, baby. You wanna hear how wet I am?” You spread yourself open with one hand and slide the vibrator in with the other.

The sight of your wet pussy.

The slick sound of the toy sliding in and out.

Rafe nearly loses it.

“Fuck, baby,” he groans, his breaths getting heavier as he strokes himself.

“Wanna know what you’re doing now?”

“Tell me,” he says, his voice just as tight as the grip on his dick.

“You have two fingers deep inside me. Mmm, it feels so good. Can you feel it, Rafe? How wet my pussy is? How I’m dripping down your fingers?”

Oh, fuck.

His hand moves faster.

You tilt your head back, moaning softly as you press the vibrator against your clit. “Now your face is buried between my legs, and you’re licking my pussy like it’s your favorite ice cream. How good does my pussy taste, baby? Like the sweetest scoop of vanilla melting on your tongue?”

As you moan those words, Rafe feels like he’s about ready to explode. He’s seen you play with yourself before, but not like this. Never with a toy and never so unbelievably dirty. His sweet girlfriend talking to him like this? Who even are you right now? He’s fairly sure he’s never heard or seen anything hotter. He’s also certain that you’re driving him fucking crazy.

But he can’t get enough.

“I want you so bad right now. Show me how I would fuck you.”

Without hesitation, you slowly slide the vibrator back in, drawing a gasp from your lips as you imagine Rafe inside you. How your pussy would grip him, drip for him, take him so good. How he would be hitting all the right spots in all the right ways.

“That’s it, baby,” he says between breaths, tightening his grip. “Just like that. Fuck.”

As the vibrator works you relentlessly, Rafe watches you start to fall apart on the screen. He knows you’re close. So close. But you can’t come yet— not until he tells you to.

“If I were there,” he starts, “you would feel me so deep inside your pussy right now, and you would take it cause that’s what good girls do. You’re my good girl, right?”

“Mm hmm,” you moan.

That’s not good enough for Rafe.

“Tell me,” he all but demands.

“I’m a good girl.”

“No, you’re my good girl. Say it.”

“I’m your good girl, baby.”

“That’s fucking right. Mine.”

“Oh, fuck,” you whimper softly. “I’m getting so close, baby.”

He knows it.

But not yet.

“Keep going until I tell you to stop.”

You nod your head, continuing to work the vibrator in and out with a shaky hand. The pleasure is just too much. You’re not gonna last.

“Rafe, I can’t.”

He can’t help the satisfied smile on his lips as he sees how hard you’re trying to fight it. You’re being such a good girl for him, but is he gonna let you come now or make you beg for it? Making you wait when you’re so very close is agony for you. He knows this. But what can he say— he loves it when you’re desperate. Those pretty little cries. Those cute little needy faces. How can he resist keeping you on the edge just a bit longer?

“Can’t what? Listen? I thought good girls listened.”

Your response is another pitiful little whimper.

“Keep taking it. You‘re doing so good, baby. If I was there I would be fucking you even harder. That’s what you like, isn’t it? For me to fuck you so hard until your legs are shaking? For me to ruin that pretty little pussy?”

You know Rafe well enough to know that’s what he wants you to do, so you increase the speed, sending your toy into overdrive, making yourself see stars behind your eyes.

He grins. “I fucking love you.”

“Rafe, I—,” you cry out, your voice trembling just like your legs. You feel your muscles contract around the vibrator, your back arching in the chair as you draw closer and closer. “I’m gonna cum. Please.”

“Me too, baby… fuck.”

In and out goes your vibrator.

Up and down goes his hand.

Faster.

Harder.

Almost there.

Don’t stop.

You look at Rafe, silently asking for permission. He gives you a nod before you close your eyes and let yourself go all over your toy, moaning so loudly that you’re sure your roommate hears you in her room. You forgot that she was even home. She probably heard way more than she ever wanted to. You can almost expect a joke from her in the morning about how you’re such a little slut.

You open your eyes just in time to see the most perfect cum shot. Your boyfriend is already so fucking hot, but moaning and shooting thick spurts of cum? Yeah, it didn’t get much hotter than that.

“Shit,” Rafe blows out a breath after a moment. “I needed that. Thanks, baby.”

You smile. “I love you.”

“I love you. Gonna sleep real good tonight.”

“Sleep sounds good, but one of us still has to finish an essay.” You shoot Rafe a look that he laughs at.

“No more distractions. I promise.”

Want more Rafe?

Check out my other fic here

[stfrancisofinfidelity]

frank has 3 older siblings. andrew (7 years older, blue collar worker), michelle (4 years older, lawyer), and joseph (1 year older, public school history teacher). he both blames them and thanks them for his personality as an adult. as the baby of the family, he got a trickle down of traits from all of them. which means that they got along so well that they couldn’t stand each other for more than 5 hours. frank’s great-grandparents — on his mother’s side — were italian immigrants and his grandparents — on his fathers side — were from louisiana. in short, this meant he was used to very loud, very emotional, familial conversations. when he married abby, he felt an odd sense of foreboding in her parents’ very quiet home. no music playing, no siblings arguing, no loud ass tv in the kitchen.

mel only had the one sister, her twin, becca (rebecca elizabeth if she was being bad as a kid). frank hung out with the both of them fairly often. it started with mel inviting him to after-work dinner at whatever restaurant becca had chosen, then it extended to their little trips to the farmer’s market, and now he just hung out in their apartment. around him, the sisters seemed perfect. there was never any real arguing, just tiny tiffs that were solved with smiles and laughs. a small part of him was envious, the last phone call he had with andrew ended with him screaming, “FUCK YOU, I HOPE YOU GO BALD LIKE DAD. LOVE YOU. BYE, ASSHOLE” because andrew had told him his new haircut was stupid and wouldn’t stop needling him about it. had he not ended the call with “love you,” andrew probably would’ve flown from maine to beat his ass.

now, frank feels like he’s been tricked. he’d assumed that mel and becca had no annoying sibling energy within them, that they were always diplomatic and kind with each other. sometime over the past few months of loitering in mel & becca’s place and stealing their wifi, he’d gotten close enough with them to see the way they really interact. the first time he saw it, he’d shown up early to eat breakfast with them before dropping becca off and then taking mel to work.

as frank keyed into the apartment (he got a spare key a week ago and abuses that privilege) mel was walking around in pjs, which was incredibly odd. admittedly, he was about an hour early til they had to leave, but around this time mel was dressed and doing her hair. she was speed walking across the living room with a bottle of… something in her hand. her hair was in a messy bun at the top of her head, her face moisturizer wasn’t fully rubbed in on her nose. all frank could do was watch as mel stomped down the short hallway to becca’s room, peering around the corner like he wasn’t supposed to be there.

mel opened the door to her sister’s room after a few quick knocks. frank couldn’t see becca in there but he had to assume she was because mel started talking to her.

“did you seriously use the last of my lotion?” he’d only heard her angry a handful of times, and every time it felt like a little gift. maybe he was gross to think that, but he just loved seeing her brows furrow and hearing her voice pitch.

“what? no i didn’t. didn’t you say yesterday you were almost out? maybe you finished it.” becca yelled out from her room. mel huffed and crossed her arms.

“becca, don’t lie to me! i know i didn’t finish it, i even screwed off the cap yesterday to check!”

“mellllll, stop yelling! you’re hurting my ears. i didn’t do it!” frank laughed at that, promptly blowing his cover. mel whipped her head around so fast her bun went kinda wonky on her head. now, mel was looking at frank like he was going be able to help her.

“fraaaaank, don’t laugh at me! tell becca to admit that she used the last of my lotion!” frank, unhelpful as always, just kept laughing at her. then becca ran out of her room to point at frank.

“he did it! that’s why he’s laughing at you! i’m telling you, it wasn’t me!” mel just loudly groaned, slumping and marching back to her room, shoulder checking frank on her way. looking back at becca as soon as mel slammed her door closed, he saw her smiling like the cat who caught the canary.

“you did it, didn’t you?” becca just started giggling and nodding, darting back into her room. in true sibling fashion, the rest of the morning went fine. mel was still obviously annoyed, but helped becca get ready for the day and helped frank with breakfast.

apparently, in mel’s mind, since frank has seen her be whiny to her sister, he can get that treatment too. she’s started scoffing at him, rolling her eyes, slapping at his hands when he’s trying to flirt with her by poking her. initially, frank was scared this meant she saw him as a brother, not a guy she could date. then, when they were in the break room on hour 10 of a 12 hour shift, he’d been shadow boxing her to stay awake (and to get her to laugh at him, she always covers her face when he acts childishly, but peeks between her fingers like she couldn’t stop watching). mel took his hands and tugged him forward to lay a quick kiss to his lips, the kind that made a sweet “smack!” noise. it stunned him into silence for about 3 minutes as mel laughed at him. she laughed so hard she had to crouch down on the floor because, in her words he looked like, “a tarsier with blue eyes.”

so now, frank gets to delight in mel purposefully annoying him and then whining at him for being mad. she’ll tug at his ears and then scamper away when he turns to get onto her, she’ll pull the blankets off him when he’s on the couch for no reason, she’s even started tattling on him to becca (this does scare him a bit because becca is even more protective of mel than him, which is saying something). he felt like he was meant to be there, weaving between these sisters, watching them and loving them.

[g4rvez-r3id]

Would You Even Want Me, Looking Like A Zombie?

Post Prison! Spencer Reid x Fem!BAU!Undercover!Reader

Synopsis: You’re going undercover at a prison and the team is beginning to question your sanity and at this point— so are you. The one person you’ve wanted to visit hasn’t shown… until now at the time where you may need him the most.

Category: Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Warnings: angst, post prison spencer, my love, reader is on an unexplained undercover mission in a prison, prison arc mentioned, Season 12 of Criminal Minds spoilers, mentions of fighting and someone being beaten but no further details, spencer and reader lowkey fighting, fluffy towards the end

Author’s Note: so i was inspired because i was as staying at my parents’ place for a few days and they were watching 60 Days In and i thought “hmmm🤔 fic idea😃” the title comes from my current favorite song by yungblud called “zombie” because i am wayyyy too obsessed with this song atm but hope y’all enjoy overall RAHHHH 💋

You knew what you were doing. Going undercover in a prison to see where were narcotics were being distributed within the jail and who was responsible for sneaking them in. Apparently, you were picture perfect for the role in your unit.

Emily had asked you numerous times if you were sure about this. If you really wanted to go through with this. You were sure and everyone knew you could hold your own. Despite one person in your unit that was very against you going in there to begin with.

And despite Spencer being very soft spoken, he was very loud with expressing his opinion on the fact that you were chosen for this position. He’d have much rather do it since he’d already dealt with prison time in the past but because it was a woman’s pod that was involved in the undercover mission.

You’d volunteered to go because Emily was unit chief, Tara would be your mental guide as a psychologist, JJ had a husband and children waiting on her at home and Penelope, of course, you knew couldn’t handle being in an environment like that. So, the only option left had been you. You had no close family or relatives, you were always independent and the only thing you were ever dedicated to was your job. You knew you could handle it.

You’d already been here longer than necessary, six months and you were getting somewhere with it. Everyone on the team had come to see you, everyone except for Spencer. You had to admit, it hurt because he hasn’t come to see you. Maybe things would be better understood if he had.

When he was arrested, falsely convicted and sentenced to the Millburn Correctional Facility for three months, you had a hard time figuring out why it happened to him. He was always so kind, so thoughtful, he always grabbed your coffee order and made sure you were okay after cases. You weren’t gonna lie, you developed a bit of a crush on him in the years that you’ve known him. So you found it upsetting that he hasn’t shown since you’ve been in here.

But you always jump at the opportunity to ask your other co-workers how he’s doing and if he’ll be in to visit you soon. You know it sounds pathetic but you couldn’t help but wonder about him. What he was doing, how he was coping, if he was thinking about you. Again, pathetic.

And of course, being here longer than intended, things were starting to get to you. The other female inmates were watching you like a hawk, whispering about you and leaving you truly wondering if you blew your cover.

You gained a few friends in here, neither of them wondering where you came from— seeming to be genuine as far as you knew it and luckily, they had a lot of respect in here. And because of that, you were untouchable. But another girl you’d become friends with hadn’t been.

One night, a fight broke out. You and that girl had been separated together and one of the inmates looked between both of you and targeted the other girl instead. You began to blame yourself because that girl ended up severely injured.

And after the fight broke out, the girls that you were friends with there ended up going into protective custody, leaving you as a target once more. You’d honestly never felt more alone. But you knew you couldn’t pull away when you were getting too close to why you were here to begin with.

You refused to see visitors for a while after that. You knew they’d only worry, try and comment that you could still choose to leave. But how could you leave when you were so close? You believed that they wouldn’t understand. So as much as it pained you, you decided to stop going to see your visitors. You knew they’d only try and talk you out of this. You couldn’t afford to be weak in front of them. And you weren’t gonna turn your back now.

And then one day, you’d been careful with watching your back in the courtyard when a guard had come up and said you’d had a visitor. You told him you didn’t want any visitors but the guard had then mentioned it had deemed the visit was of importance and that “some doctor” had come and see you.

You froze in your tracks.

Some doctor?

It couldn’t have been—?

So, after a minute of thinking, you’d gone with the guard. You wanted your brain to revert to Tara, that it was her coming to visit you. Spencer wouldn’t just come and visit you after all this time. Randomly, to add on. It couldn’t have been him.

The guard had led you to a room towards the front of the prison and you waited for the buzz to indicate to walk in. The minute that door opened, your heart stopped. Because there was Spencer Reid, in the flesh and standing there— hands on either of his sides, hazel eyes wide and glistening as he looked at you in your state. He was wearing a blazer paired with a red cardigan underneath and black slacks. You could memorize every inch of him forever and ever if you had the time. And looking at him made you feel like you had all the time in the world.

Here he was, looking like he sculpted by Casanova himself and you were in your prison scrubs, hair frizzy from the shampoo that was given to you there and smelling like a porta-potty in the hot sun.

The guard left you two alone and you suddenly felt small as he stares down at you. You’re intimidated, even if his stares aren’t meant to be. Your first instinct is to hug him, hold him and never let him go. But you’re hesitant. You don’t know why you are, you guess it’s because he has come and visit you until now and you do hold grudges over small things like that.

“What are you doing here?” You find your words, stable yet unsteady. “I… I came to see you.” Spencer said, in that soft voice that always had you swooning.

You walked towards him but you still keep your distance. You stare into his eyes— something glistens and you can tell he’s not being as truthful to you. “They sent you here… didn’t they?” Spencer opens his mouth and closes it once more— like he’s trying to come up with a lie. “They thought you were the next best thing.”

The team knew Spencer was your weak spot. He always would be. Maybe them sending him here would make you change your mind and leave the prison. He didn’t come here because he wanted to. He came because he was obligated to. You nod in disbelief and scoff as you turn towards the doors. “Guard?” You call, banging on the door.

Spencer calls your name and tries to grab you gently but you immediately flinch away from him. Spencer backs up carefully and holds his hands up in surrender. He wasn’t trying to hurt you. His heart breaks when he sees you backed up against the door like you were afraid of him.

You decide to change the subject as you step away from the wall and turn towards the door. Spencer says your name again, “Can we please just talk?”

“Look, I don’t want you to come in here because someone else tells you you have to.” You spin around to face him. “I want you to come here with it being your choice, not anybody else’s.”

“It is my choice to come here.” Spencer told.

“Then where were you when I needed you?” You snap back. “Clearly not here.” You swallow the lump in your throat. You hated confrontation, but with Spencer— you were so angry at him. You just wanted him to be here and he never came. Not until now. And not until it was convenient to. He always thought this mission was a bad idea from the start.

“Yes, the team told me to come here and talk to you. But I wanted to be here for you, too.” Spencer explained and you scoff as you cross your arms, “It’s a little too late for that, don’t you think?”

Something in Spencer breaks softly. He knows you didn’t deserve this. Him seeing you because someone else told him to. Especially when you visited him nearly everyday when he was in prison. It wasn’t fair.

“Just leave,” You encourage him. “It’s not like you want to be here anyways.”

And now Spencer had enough at that. “Did you ever stop to think that maybe I didn’t want to see you like this in here? Caged like an animal? Losing all hope?” He questions but you’re quick to spit back. “Oh, and me seeing you in prison like that wasn’t any different?” You had him there. You seeing him like that wasn’t easy on you and he knew that.

Spencer bites back from continuing and shakes his head, “Look, I didn’t come here to argue. Okay? I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” He tells. But you’re having none of it. “Too little, too late, Spencer. It’s been six months.”

Six months and you haven’t seen his face. Six months and you’ve dealt with being more alone than ever. Six months and the one person you wanted to see and who understood what you were going through wasn’t there. Six months and he finally shows up now?

“I’m not leaving. Not when I’m getting this close to getting answers.” You finish and turn back to the door to just leave it at that. But Spencer won’t let this go.

Before you can call for the guard again, he speaks. “Do you remember when I was in prison?” He begins. “And I was giving up on getting my name cleared and didn’t want to see anyone?” You pause. And you know where he’s going with this. “You came and see me. And you fought like hell to come and see me. Even when I didn’t want to see anyone.”

“I never told you but you were the reason I started fighting for myself again. Why I continued that cognitive interview with Tara, why I was able to look Cat Adams in the eye and get my mother back to safety. All of it was because of you.” You don’t want to look him the eye. You might cry. Because what did he mean you brought him back to believing he was innocent again?

“I know you’re mad at me. You deserve to be. I couldn’t come here to see you because it reminded me too much of myself. You always wondered what I went through, why I couldn’t talk about it. And I just… I can’t see you going through what I went through for some reason. My brain… it can’t contain it.” The memory of you in those scrubs would forever scorch his brain. It was something he never wanted to see so he just didn’t see you. And that wasn’t fair to you.

“I… I love you too much to see you like this, okay? That’s why I couldn’t come and see you.” Spencer said it. He loved you. You were so stuck on that part. He loved you? You gasped as he confessed. You definitely weren’t expecting that. And by the look on his face, he wasn’t expecting to blurt it out either.

He parted his lips and looked anywhere but you but you both laid in the silence of his confession. Spencer clearly didn’t want to say that to you, here and now. But he did.

Part of you wonders if maybe he said it to get you to leave the prison, another part of you knows he didn’t. He usually speaks before he thinks on his words when it came to the women species.

You can’t think of anything to say. Your brain literally can’t comprehend his sentence. “You…” You pause for a moment. “Love… me?” Spencer looks at you and he doesn’t say a word. He doesn’t need to. He’s already answered your question.

“I’m not trying to… dissuade you from anything. I just… I guess if I didn’t say it now, I wouldn’t have said it ever.” Spencer stated and you swallow the lump in your throat. What did he mean? How could he love you? And how could he admit that with you standing here in front of him in prison scrubs? Clearly, he was in over his head, not in the right state of mind.

“You cant be saying that here and now… to me. I mean, look at me. I look like a mess—“ He cuts you off as he strides closer than you. “I’d want you however you’d look. Whether you’re dressed in a ball gown or you’re a zombie who just dug through the dirt. I’d want you in any way possible.”

Spencer tilts your chin up towards him and you look into his eyes and you can tell he means every word. His gaze says so much yet so little. You just want to bottle up this feeling forever. The way your stomach feels whenever you’re around him, how you suddenly smile when you think of him, how he’s always able to make you feel better. Please let him mean every word. Please tell me he’s not saying this just because he wants me to get out of here. Please don’t let this be too good to be true.

“I believe you,” You say and you feel content that you actually do. “I just…” Spencer puts his hand down, wondering what you would continue with. “I made a vow. I can’t leave. Not now. And I know you’re not saying it to get me to leave… but I need to stay. I have to.”

Spencer nods at this. He knew he couldn’t persuade you to leave the prison. It just wasn’t going to happen. He knew you too well. When you make a promise or a decision, you don’t break it or stray from it. You keep your word. As much as he would like you to leave the prison and never come back here as an inmate, he can’t make that decision for you.

Before you can walk away, he pulls you back by your hand and you look at him. He doesn’t want you to go but he knows you can’t stay. Part of you wants to call this whole thing off, to leave with him. But another part of you is on a mission. Because you two still have a moment to yourselves, you take in the moment and decide to lean into his touch and you hold him. You hold him like you’ve been wanting to for a long time now. And when he finally cages you in his arms, he holds you tightly and doesn’t want to let you go. He holds you like he can’t live without you.

“Maybe when this is all over… maybe we can, I don’t know… go to dinner or something?” You suggest shyly and he ponders for a moment playfully before answering, “It’s a date.”

Your cheeks heat up and for the first time since you’ve been in here, you’re walking out with a smile and hopefully, when you get to the bottom of the case— you’ll finally get your date with Spencer Reid.

[pink-petal-horns]

You Call It Effort, I Call It Growth

Rafe Cameron x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of past drug use, emotional trauma, mature language, reference to toxic patterns.

Part 1

It’s been three months and seventeen days since you left Rafe standing in his bedroom, eyes wide and jaw clenched, whispering I’ll be better to a door you didn’t close gently.

Three months and seventeen days since you stopped picking up his messes.

Three months and seventeen days since you finally stopped choosing potential over peace.

And somehow—he stayed.

He didn’t chase you down the driveway. Didn’t blow up your phone for weeks with pathetic apologies and voice notes that started with I swear this time I mean it.

No. Instead—he disappeared.

And you thought that was it. You thought maybe he finally let go.

But then one afternoon, two months later, your best friend shows you his Instagram story.

And there he is.

Rafe Cameron. In a hoodie. Hair longer. Eyes clearer. No beer in hand. Standing beside some landscaping project he’s apparently been doing as “part of the program.”

Your heart stops.

“What program?” you ask, trying not to sound like you care.

Your friend raises a brow. “The one he signed himself up for. Didn’t you know?”

—

You don’t see him until the third time you pass by the docks that week.

He’s wearing gloves, unloading wooden crates with a kind of quiet focus that doesn’t fit him. At least not the him you remember. The Rafe you knew would’ve already been slamming things, cursing the heat, starting fights just for air.

But this Rafe—

He looks up. And freezes.

You don’t smile.

But you don’t walk away either.

He sets the crate down and walks over slowly. Not charging. Not cocky. Just cautious.

Like he knows he’s walking up to something breakable.

“Hey,” he says quietly.

“Hey.”

He waits. Doesn’t speak right away. Then—

“I wasn’t expecting to see you here.”

You nod. “Didn’t know you’d be here either.”

Silence again.

Then: “You look good.”

You raise a brow. “You look… different.”

He almost smiles. “I’m trying.”

—

Two weeks later.

You meet him at the pier. At his request. No begging. No guilt-tripping. Just a text that said:

If you ever wanna see for yourself. I’ll be here at 4. No pressure.

And for whatever reason—you go.

He brings iced tea instead of beer. Takes off his hat before sitting. Doesn’t touch his phone once.

“So… you’re sober now?”

He lets out a breath. “Not perfect. But yeah. I’m getting there.”

You nod.

“How long?”

“Ten weeks.”

Your brow lifts. “Seriously?”

He smiles—small but real. “Seriously.”

You sip your drink.

“And the program?”

“Twice a week. Mandatory drug testing. Group therapy.”

“Group?” you echo, almost amused.

He nods. “Yeah. I, uh… I talk about shit now. Who knew?”

You snort. “You, in therapy. Talking.”

“I listen, too,” he says quickly. “Like—I don’t try to make it all about me. Or blame people anymore.”

Your face softens, just a little. “That’s new.”

“I know,” he says. “It’s weird. But it’s helping.”

—

Two more weeks pass.

He doesn’t text again. Doesn’t push. Just gives you space.

Until one day, you’re the one who calls.

“Hey,” you say when he picks up.

He sounds surprised. “Hey.”

“I… heard from JJ that you turned down a party last night.”

He chuckles. “Yeah. Wasn’t really in the mood for house beer and cocaine anymore.”

“That’s not you now?”

He hesitates. Then: “It was never really me. It just felt easier than dealing with who I actually was.”

You don’t say anything. But your silence is softer than before.

Rafe clears his throat.

“Why’d you really call?”

“I don’t know,” you admit. “I guess… I just wanted to hear your voice. And see if it sounded different.”

“And?”

You blink.

“It does.”

—

You see him again.

At The Wreck. It’s not a date, but it’s not not a date.

He waits for you outside. Doesn’t get a table without you. Doesn’t make a show.

When you sit down, he hands you a little folded-up list. His handwriting is a mess, but you can still read it.

“What’s this?”

“My shit list,” he says. “Stuff I used to do. Stuff I don’t do anymore. Stuff I’m still working on.”

You skim it.

- talking over you - blaming everyone else - drinking when I feel anything - punching walls - guilt-tripping - running when it gets hard - acting like a fucking child

You look up. “You wrote this for me?”

“I wrote it for me,” he says. “But you inspired it.”

Your chest tightens.

There’s something almost shy in the way he holds your gaze now. Like he’s still trying to earn the right to look at you this long.

“You gonna keep adding to it?” you ask.

He nods. “Yeah. I’ve got a lot more to fix.”

—

One night. Two months after that first dock sighting.

You invite him to your place.

He shows up clean. Clear-eyed. Empty-handed except for a little book of quotes he’s been collecting.

“I write shit down now,” he tells you, grinning sheepishly. “Better than bottling it up and screaming later, right?”

You flip through it. Some are about control. Others about healing. One, you notice, is dated just a few days after your last fight.

It says: You can’t love her like a child screaming for candy. Love her like a man who can hold her in silence.

You stare at it.

He watches you carefully. “Too much?”

“No,” you say quietly. “Not enough, honestly.”

He chuckles. “You’re still mean.”

You smile. “And you still like it.”

—

Later that night.

You’re sitting on the couch.

The lights are low. No music. Just air between you.

He fiddles with his ring. Then speaks.

“I know I was awful to you.”

You don’t interrupt.

“I know I made everything about me. I twisted shit, yelled too much, blamed you for shit that wasn’t even yours to carry.”

You keep your eyes on him.

“I didn’t get it back then. But I do now. You didn’t leave me because you stopped loving me. You left because I wouldn’t let myself grow up.”

Silence. His jaw twitches. He swallows.

“I’ve been working on it. For real. Not because I thought it’d win you back. But because… I hated who I was when I lost you.”

Your throat tightens.

He shifts forward.

“I’m not perfect. I still get angry. I still wanna punch something when I feel cornered. But I don’t. Not anymore. I breathe. I write. I walk away.”

You blink, hard.

He says it low:

“I miss you. But I won’t ask for anything you’re not ready to give.”

You stare at him. “You’re really trying.”

“I am. For you. For me. For whatever version of myself doesn’t destroy everything good.”

You nod slowly.

Then: “I’ve seen the work, Rafe.”

He looks up.

You take a breath.

“I see how far you’ve come. You’ve earned a lot back. Not everything yet. But… enough to try again.”

His eyes widen. “Are you serious?”

“Serious as hell,” you say. “But let me be clear—if you start slacking, if you go back to that boy I walked away from? I’ll be gone before you can blink.”

He nods instantly. “Fair. So fair. I—yeah. That’s more than fair.”

You soften, just a little.

“I’m giving you a chance. Don’t waste it.”

“I won’t,” he says. “I swear. I’m not that kid anymore.”

You look him over.

“No,” you whisper. “You’re getting there.”

Tags: @sublimepenguinpeach-blog - Hope you enjoy it!

[dat-town]

never loved this way before

Falling in love with Han Taesan has never been part of your carefully curated senior year plans, so why are you feeling so hollow as summer break inevitably puts distance between you?

MAINS. school radio club leader!Taesan & class president!female reader

TROPES. high school au, first love, slow burn, mutual pining

WARNINGS. a ton of yearning, they are both bad at this (talking about) feelings thing, skinship, narrative heavy

WORDS. 6.2k

NOTES. for @restlessmaknae with love! ♡ this is the continuation of abcdlove so it probably makes more sense reading that first. (one look is also loosely related.)

Summer washed Han Taesan out of your life in tidal waves. Not that you ever really had him in the first place but he slipped through your fingers like the white sand of the Gangneung beach where you were sitting and could not stop thinking.

You didn’t do it much – thinking about him –, you didn’t allow yourself to. Because when you did, it hurt with the pain of unsaid words and fingers close but not touching. You remembered with startling clarity the flickering glow of the lamp post above the bus stop, the way Taesan looked at you and the beat of your teenage heart sounding suspiciously like I think I’m in love with you. So you made sure you were busy, kept occupied every second you were awake: tutoring, summer prep course at your dream university, volunteer work at the local library, anything to keep your mind off him. Maybe that’s why your mom had enough and sent you off to the countryside to visit your grandparents and cousins for a whole week without any study supplies.

So you spent your days like this: helped around the house, hung out with your younger cousins, went down to the beach, tried hard not to think about Taesan and then failed miserably only to pull up a hard reset once your grandparents went to sleep by putting in earphones and listening to online CSAT preparation classes until you fell asleep.

It was always Dohee who caught you red-handed when you stared at your phone a little too hard, listening to the playlist Taesan had shared with you. It was also her who came to get you from the beach when it was time for dinner, so of course she noticed that something was off,  something that you couldn’t blame on senior year stress.

“Show me a picture of him,” she prompted, unprovoked, and you snapped your head towards her as she settled on the flimsy beach towel next to you.

“What?”

“The guy who makes you think so much,” she nudged your shoulder playfully.

Dohee was two years younger, just started high school and yet somehow she seemed to know much more about love and dating than you did.

“I don’t have any pictures of him,” you admitted, not trying to deny that there was a boy in question at all. The words still tasted like salt in your mouth because it was almost like there was nothing tangible about what you had with Taesan. You only had the sickly sweet memories of his teasing smile and that Spotify playlist that you kept listening to.

“Unnie…” Your cousin pouted and you just shrugged.

“I mean it. We’re not that close,” you forced a casual shrug but Dohee didn’t give up. She whined until you told her about the interview project, the bus rides, the karaoke and then… nothing. Right after you had told Taesan that you would miss him if things had gone back to how they had been, it was exactly what had happened. It was almost like neither of you knew how to reach out without the excuse of the graduation project. As if doing so would have crossed a line.

When you finished, Dohee sighed with the weight of the world on her young shoulders.

“Your issue is that you think about it like a Maths problem to solve. You think with your head and not with your heart,” she said, patting your knee with a sandy palm before standing up because apparently she was starving. You followed her into the house, making her promise her not to tell anybody about…

“Your boy? Sure,” she agreed mischievously and your heart really shouldn’t have skipped a beat at the thought of Taesan being yours. What a traitor.

You had to realize that things wouldn’t stay the same the week after your little karaoke celebration.

Sure, you should have been happy to have your Wednesdays back when you had hagwon classes every other day but Wednesday had become a Taesan and you thing. You had no idea what would happen after the interview program ended, after you blurted out that you would miss him if things went back the way they were, after Taesan took your hand and pulled you onto the bus like it meant something, after you almost confessed but… what actually happened was underwhelming.

Next Wednesday, you stood outside of his classroom and there he was casually sitting on his desk, tie loosened like most of the time, listening to Gyuvin talk animatedly. It was the other boy who noticed you first and waved enthusiastically when he did. Taesan following his line of sight made you panic. You awkwardly waved back and acted like you were just passing by even though their classroom was far off from your usual path which you tended to stick to. Taesan however didn’t question it when he sent you a music recommendation later that day, so you didn’t bring it up either even though you had a dozen questions. Did he expect you to show up? Was he waiting for you? Was he held back by his friend? Would he have come looking for you if you didn’t go?

You never asked any of these out loud though. Not when you were buried in books studying for tests and running around due to your class president duties. You and your beloved banana milk shared the bus rides back home alone again and it was Yunah with you in the library when you had to spend time somewhere before your hagwon classes.

And Taesan was just a voice on the radio during breaks all over again.

Maybe it was better this way, you told yourself, the timing to catch feelings was off anyways. You barely had free time as is, none of the seniors who wanted to get into a good university did in this cut-throat education race of Korea. Like this you could at least focus on what really mattered for the sake of your future. You had a bulleted list of why it was good not to entertain the idea of a crush and yet, you couldn’t help it.

Missing him.

(And sometimes you even let yourself wonder whether he missed you too, whether he hovered over his phone too thinking what he could write that didn’t come off as too much.)

It was a week before summer break when you talked again. You were just coming out of the teachers’ office after giving your homeroom teacher the list of the students who signed up for exam retakes when you ran into Taesan on the ground floor corridor.

His confident strides faltered when he noticed you. He slowed down until he came to a stop right in front of you. It would have been nonchalant and casual if you didn’t notice the way his fingers twitched before he shoved them into his pockets.

“Hey,” he greeted you casually and you pressed your notebook firmer to your chest as if it could do anything against the wild beat of your heart.

“Hi,” you mumbled, almost starstruck as you craned your neck to look at him, at his lopsided necktie and mouth pulled into a lazy smile. He was still unfairly handsome. Not that you could forget it just because you haven’t seen him in a while. At least not so close. You had only seen each other in fleeting moments but it wasn’t the same.

“Are you going to the teachers?” You broke the awkward silence, pointing at the door behind you, which was so stupid. Where else would he have gone? This corridor only led there and the principal’s office. It was so obvious that you wanted to prolong the moment even if it was with awkward small talk.

“Yeah,” Taesan nodded and didn’t elaborate but also didn’t make any move to leave either, so you stayed still as well and maybe that was what prompted the boy to ask how you have been. You tried really hard not to think of how hard you had found to focus on anything because the smallest things reminded you of him and once the what if charade started it was hard to stop it.

“Good. Busy with studying, the usual,” you hummed, half a lie, as you swayed on your feet a little. “You?”

“Same. Not as busy as you probably but yeah,” the boy shrugged because he knew how crazy your schedule usually was with all your extracurriculars but his days couldn’t have been that much better either. “I heard you got into your dream uni’s summer program. Congrats.”

Oh. So he knew.

Back when you applied, you were still talking regularly, so he knew about it and he told you that the university would have been stupid not to choose you. He was actually the first person you wanted to tell about the news when you got the email but by then you had gone from daily texts to rare reactions and it would have felt like bragging. He already knew about your fragile pride, so you didn’t want him to think you were such a show-off too. So it made you wonder how he had gotten to know about it and whether he didn’t say anything up until then because he was waiting for you to bring it up. Either way, it felt nice, his acknowledgment and congratulatory words because you knew he meant them.

“Thanks,” you mumbled bashfully, looking down at your shoes for a moment. “Do you have any special summer plans?”

“Not much. Or well, I got a summer job at a small radio station. It will look good on the applications,” he added almost as a secondary thought, as if it was nothing extraordinary.

“That’s so cool!” You smiled at him in genuine excitement and Taesan ran a hand over his hair with an almost shy chuckle. 

“Yeah. Uhm… I have to go,” he excused himself when the bell rang, signaling that you didn’t have much time until classes started.

When he passed you by and looked back, for a moment you thought he would pull on the ribbon in your hair like he used to do but eventually he just slipped away like he hadn’t been there in the first place. Only the rattle in your heart was proof enough that he had been.

And here you were, more than a month later, in the middle of summer break, still miserable. This was exactly why you didn’t want to get involved with guys during high school. Feelings were just so complicated, so distracting, so stupid. Or maybe it was just Han Taesan and his stupidly cool new profile picture on KakaoTalk which you spent too much time staring at, wondering who took that photo of him in that record store.

You opened and closed your chat more times than you would have admitted but it wasn’t until his birthday that you broke. Alone in the guest bedroom, you stared at the chat history as the messages became more and more scarce and then abruptly stopped when you didn’t know what more to say to each other. No more questions about upcoming tests, no more random song recommendations. Your heart broke a little with the familiar ache of things that didn’t go anywhere and uncertainty filled your chest to the brim.

What if only you felt you had something special going on at all? What if he was just teasing when he called you his best memory? You hated that you didn’t dare to ask but you hated it more that you didn’t know what you would have done if it wasn’t just a joke. You didn’t have time to date, you couldn’t allow yourself to get distracted so close to the CSAT exams, so it really was for the better if you stayed as just friends. But were you even friends at this point or just strangers sharing the memory of each other’s hand shape?

Your fingers hovered over your phone wondering how to craft up a birthday message that wasn’t too plain nor too cringe and before you knew it, you accidentally or subconsciously pressed the call button and just like that, the line was beeping. In pure panic you almost hung up but then decided against it. You tried to imagine it, Taesan sitting in his room seeing a notification that you called only to hang up immediately, his sour expression when you told him it was just a mistake, his teasing that followed. You wanted to hear it, you realized and let the ringing continue until your fears got the worst out of you and you started thinking what if he didn’t want to pick it up, what if he saw your name and didn’t want to hear your voice. What if‒

The phone line clicked.

“Sorry, I had to leave the living room,” Taesan’s voice came through the speakers, a little staticy, a little hushed but real. You could make out sounds of muffled speaking on his end and you realized he must have been at home with his family, celebrating his birthday. You took a shaky breath as you smiled at the thought of him surrounded by his loved ones.

“It’s okay. I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday,” you admitted quietly.

The line crickled between you and you had to check that it didn’t disconnect.

“You remembered,” Taesan spoke up quietly, almost in awe, clearly taken aback and you didn’t know what to say, how to justify it. Because of course you remembered. You had it underlined and glitter pen decorated ever since you added it to your calendar. But you couldn’t have forgotten even if you tried.

“Are you having a nice birthday?” You asked instead and leaned back against the wall, closing your eyes as you listened to him recite his day briefly, telling you about the football match he had with his younger brother and neighbourhood friends and how his little sister got into Pokémon Go lately. You didn’t even realize how much you missed hearing his voice. He could have listed off the ingredients of his favourite pudding and you would have loved listening to it. He asked about your summer and you told him about the beach, about your cousins, about the course you had taken in July and for a while it was like nothing had changed. You were back in the back section of those blue buses you had taken on your way home from school, earphones in one ear, banana milk in the other. With closed eyes you could almost imagine it, the breeze coming through the windows and Taesan’s warmth next to you as your arms were pressed against each other.

Eventually he had to go, they were cutting the cake and calling for him and you felt a lump in your throat as you struggled to say goodbye.

“Sure, go. Happy birthday again,” you forced your voice to stay light and not focus on the tightness of your chest, the newly forming ache asking why you were doing this to yourself.

Why start something if you can’t go all the way?

The thing with wanting is that you let yourself be weak for a moment and then suddenly you get ahead of yourself, wanting more of something that was fleeting.

It was only the first day back in school in September and the entire year knew already that Kim Leehan had gotten a girlfriend over the summer. It would have been hard not to when he walked the internet-famous transfer student to your classroom with an arm thrown over her shoulder, occasionally leaning down to whisper something into her ear. Among all your whispering and ogling classmates, you didn’t mean to stare but there was something about the toothy smile and dimples on Leehan’s face and the blush on the girl as they said goodbye that made it all very romance movie-like and your heart ached. It was stupid, really, because you hated nothing more than unnecessary unwanted attention and you were a firm believer that affection like that should have been kept within four walls but maybe you were a much more hopeless romantic than you had thought yourself to be.

You and Taesan hadn’t talked since his birthday but it was almost expected, so it didn’t hurt that much this time around. It wasn’t that you didn’t try. The next day you received a picture taken in a convenience store’s flavored milk section and you sent him an old song your uncle was listening to and thought he would like. Small things like these that said I know you and I remember you but nothing more, nothing else. Maybe you were both tiptoeing on the edge of something, afraid of overstepping the invisible line of being casual friends.

Being back in school didn’t change much but at least it didn’t feel that awkward running into each other. Almost like heavy dust settling, you felt like your heart accepted that your friendship wouldn’t go beyond that and it became easier to breathe. You greeted each other with a smile whenever you were called in for student council meetings that gathered all class presidents and club leaders. You got less flustered when you saw him playing football during PE period under the warm sun looking like a male lead from a coming-of-age movie. You could talk about university applications like any classmates would have when your study group met his friends in the library. You were both applying for Seoul universities, except for one in Daejeon for him and one in Incheon for you, which shouldn’t have mattered and somehow it did.

Settling into this routine didn’t mean your heart didn’t flutter whenever you heard his voice or even just his name. You were just putting back books you used for your English essay when you heard Yang Jungwon’s voice through the shelves.

“Yah, where’s Taesan?”

“He has a radio club meeting today,” Kim Gyuvin answered, lazily flipping through his workbook.

“Isn’t that in the morning?”

“Not originally. He only moved the meeting, so he could work on that interview project with the class president when she was free. They moved it back right after,” the other guy explained and then groaned when he gave up on finding the right formula for the Math problem he was stuck on.

In the meantime, there you were with your heart thumping in your throat, thinking of Taesan and his stubbornness, his grimace as you had been trying to find a time to make that project work. You had no idea that he rescheduled his club’s usual meeting just to accommodate you. You had forgotten that Wednesdays originally weren’t an option.

It was such a small thing to learn and yet, in the weeks leading up to November and ultimately the CSAT exams, you couldn’t help but pay more attention to Taesan.

It didn’t hurt this time, it wasn’t a painful aching. It was something soft and knowing, something patient, a quiet care towards each other. It was him sliding banana milk onto your table in the library or helping you reach a high shelf with his ridiculous height only for casually walking away after. It was you blocking the sunlight hitting him straight on when you caught him sleeping in the library or passing him a hot pack when he came to school with a cold.

Then the exams came and went faster than you could have imagined and a heavy weight of pressure was lifted off your chest. When Kim Leehan’s pretty girlfriend approached you on the following Friday and asked you were free to visit a café with her to celebrate, you didn’t think too much into it. Normally you didn’t interact much outside of the classroom environment but she was kind and since you dropped some of your CSAT-specific hagwon classes, you were freer than ever. Only when it turned out that it wouldn’t be just the two of you – since Leehan and Taesan were already waiting in the café by the time you arrived – did you realize that it was a setup, one that Taesan had no idea of either based on the surprise written all over his face.

Luckily the couple wasn't the type that made third-wheeling super awkward. They weren’t cringe or all over each other. Leehan did play-fight Taesan though, so he wouldn’t start eating until his girlfriend took her obligatory aesthetic photos for Instagram and Taesan fake gagged when Leehan pouted until his girlfriend gave in and fed him some of her dessert, but it was more amusing than anything. You had only seen Taesan interact with his friends a handful of times, when his carefully crafted cool facade slipped and he smiled more and it felt like a privilege to sit there and witness it, to be in his proximity when he let it happen. But when he looked your way, his dark eyes searching and all knowing, you were quick to look away.

The four of you talked about school, how scarily close graduation felt now that CSAT was over and about winter break plans. It felt nice and you had to realize that it had been a while since the last time you spent time like this with class mates and grade mates without studying. The last time might have been with Taesan too, when you had gone to celebrate the interview project ending in a karaoke bar. It might have sounded concerning, that you were at the peak of your youth and you spent all your time studying but you had always been the type who would make this sacrifice. Just until the CSAT exams, you told yourself. University was supposed to be more laidback as you heard.

You stayed in the coffee shop until closing time and once you stood outside in the late November cold and watched Leehan take his girlfriend’s hand to keep it warm while they walked towards the metro station, a gawning feeling dug its claws into your chest. You desperately hoped it didn’t show on your face when you looked up at Taesan once it was just the two of you on the corner.

“Same bus?” He tilted his head and you nodded, your steps falling into the same familiar rhythm. You always knew Taesan deliberately slowed down his steps to match your place but this time it almost felt like he walked like he had all the time in the world on purpose to prolong the moments together.

It was the first time in a long while that it was just the two of you alone, that you weren’t in the library surrounded by paper smell and hushed whispers, that you weren’t in the crowded hallways or the school canteen catching each other’s eyes. And the realization that it might be the last time too left an ache nestling deep in your chest. In a few weeks, school would end. In a few weeks your paths would diverge and might not meet again. The thought alone made you curl your fingers until your nails dug into the soft flesh of your palm.

“I missed you,” you blurted out when you passed by a corner store and as if it saved any of your dignity, you quickly added. “Over the summer, I mean.”

Only half the truth. You missed him all the time.

Silent followed your words, the kind when even the smallest sounds of traffic were suddenly too loud and you couldn’t look towards the boy in fear of what you would see. Surprise? Pity?

But Taesan didn’t let overthinking chew on your bones for too long.

“Yeah. Me too,” he said, just as quiet, just as honest. Then unexpectedly he followed up with “I even made you a summer playlist.”

You blinked in surprise, your steps faltering.

“Oh. Why didn’t you share it?” You asked, trying to sound casual about it as if your heart wasn't hammering against your chest like crazy. He made you a playlist of songs that reminded him of you like he did with his random music recommendations probably. That must have meant something, right?

Just how him not sending it meant something too.

“I know you can’t study with music,” Taesan said like it was an explanation. Maybe to him it was. He wasn’t wrong after all but he could have sent it anyways, you would have cherished it. You would have listened to it on nights that you spent staring at the ceiling in your darkened room wondering whether he cared, whether he missed you at all.

You didn’t say anything, you didn’t dare. What good would it have done to know if he thought he was distracting you from your studies? It had been months since summer anyways.

“Remember when you left your planner with me by accident?” Taesan continued without being prompted to. “I didn’t mean to look but damn, Y/N, I have never seen a summer so packed. And I know how hyper focused you are. I didn’t want to add more to your plate.”

It wasn’t about why he didn’t send the playlist to you, you realized, not just about that. Maybe it was about why he didn’t keep in touch at all, why he didn’t think it would work, whatever it was: companionship, friendship or more.

A part of you wanted to tell him that he should have reached out nevertheless, that he wasn’t a burden or a distraction but the ironic thing was that even his absence was distracting. But you knew fairly well that you were also at fault. Drifting apart like this took two people.

“We can listen to it now?” You suggested but it sounded like a question.

Taesan hummed, you could see the corners of his mouth tugging upwards in his reflection on a store front and couldn’t help but smile as well. You could feel the tips of your ears redden as the boy, instead of handing you one half of the wired earphones, gently brushed your hair behind your shoulders and put the bud inside your ear. The soft graze of his fingertips against your skin left goosebumps behind and you had to focus on evening out your breathing. His closeness was like a sugar spike, it left you high and giddy, craving for more, your heart working overtime. Only if coming down from this feeling didn’t leave you so greedy, like you were already missing a part of yourself.

The playlist was full of soft RnB and western rock ballads you didn’t know, it was filled with longing and feel good songs. The bus ride felt unfairly short as one song came after another. Your arm pressed against his through the layers of your coats especially at turns. Neither of you pulled away. When Taesan’s stop was next, he hesitated. You could see it in the way his fingers rubbed the straps of his bag before getting up.

“I will send you the link,” he promised as you handed back the earbud. His tone was casual but he was avoiding your eyes.

“I will be waiting,” you smiled, embarrassment be damned. Taesan’s mouth twitched in amusement before he got off and disappeared into the dark streets. You had no idea that his gaze followed the bus until it turned the corner.

One week before winter break you were on cleaning duty with Wonhee but sent her to go with her friends since you heard they wanted to go to a movie screening downtown. So you were mopping the floor of your classroom alone when you got a text. Leaning on the handle, you took your phone from where it rested on your desk, heart skipping a beat when you saw Taesan’s name in the notification.

Ever since that post-CSAT hangout, your KakaoTalk chat was filled with life again and from time to time the four of you met up, trying out some up-and-coming Instagrammable place. It was a fine line, the one you were walking with Taesan. You were more than mere friends, something more intimate and vulnerable as you shared your struggles and fears, your embarrassing childhood stories and maybe naive dreams, yet far from lovers. Maybe you were just hoping but you didn’t think your feelings were unrequited though, just that for some reason both of you refused to take that last step and acknowledge it out loud.

So getting texts from Taesan these days wasn’t unusual but his message this time was:

16:06 taesan: principal asked for some modifications in the interview edit for the graduation. check it, so i could send it to him.

16:07 taesan: [attachment sent]

You furrowed your brows as you re-read his text. Why did the principal want almost last minute changes when the finalized version had already been submitted at the end of the last term? Did something happen with one of the students and their part had to be removed? Or on the contrary did one of the parents donate to the school just so their child would have a bigger part? Your mind came up with crazy scenarios, so still utterly confused, you put your earphones in and pressed play on the attached file.

The moment the audio started playing, you heard your own voice, then Taesan’s and memories started rushing back. When you heard yourself again instead of another student’s recorded answer, you abruptly stood up, thoughts running. You had specifically told Taesan he couldn’t use this in the final version, so why was he suddenly being so difficult? How did he even have the audio of it still any why? You were half-ready to just run out, to grab Taesan and shake some sense into him. He couldn’t seriously think about airing this to the whole school.

But then you heard his voice again, unfamiliar words echoing in your ears and your panic settled when you realized that it was never meant to be aired. It wasn’t actually your graduation interview project. It was about the two of you.

[CLICK. CLACK. BUTTON PRESSED. ELECTRICITY HUMMING.] [YOU] What’s your most memorable moment from high school? [TAESAN, TEASING] Hm, a fierce girl yelling my head off during a live school radio radio… [YOU] Yah, be serious! [TAESAN] I am serious. It’s pretty memorable. [CLICK. CLACK. KARAOKE SINGING IN THE BACKGROUND.] [TAESAN] To be honest, I just liked your singing. [YOU, QUIETLY] Why didn’t you tell me? [CLICK. CLACK.] [YOU] You have to cut it out. [TAESAN] Nope. [YOU] I’m deleting it. [LAUGHTER. MUSIC. FADING INTO SILENCE]  [CLICK. CLACK. BUTTON PRESSED. ELECTRICITY HUMMING.] [TAESAN, TEASING] If you got here without storming off and yelling my head off, congratulations. [SILENCE] Have I ever told you that I love the sound of your laughter? It’s probably one of my favourite sounds. I like seeing you carefree and smiling. I hope, now that high school is ending, you will allow yourself to just be more often. I hope you can open a karaoke bar one day like you wanted. And I hope I can be part of your future too. [AWKWARD LAUGH] Argh… no matter how many times I record it, how I phrase it, it sounds so corny… but it’s true. [SIGH] I meant everything, Y/N. Maybe too much. When you said you didn’t want to go back to the way we used to be, I actually wanted more than that. But I think it wasn’t the right time for us. We were both so busy, we wouldn’t have had time for each other and I would have probably hurt you with an off-hand comment about feeling neglected or saying something I didn’t mean in the heat of a moment about you studying too much or our opinions would have clashed about our ambitions. But we’re graduating soon and we won’t see each other anymore by accident. So I thought about it and I would rather argue with you over stupid things than not have you in my life at all. [STATIC SOUNDS] [TAESAN, WHISPERING] You’re my favourite high school memory for a reason. I don’t want to be friends anymore. At least, not just friends.

The moment the audio ended, you were on your feet. You didn’t even think. You left the mop and your bag in the classroom as you rushed down the hallways straight to the room occupied by the radio club. You didn’t even know if Taesan was actually there but luck seemed to be on your side for once because the moment you opened the door to the clubroom, there he was, alone and lazily scrolling on his phone as if he was just waiting for you to show up.

“Yah, Han Taesan!” You scolded him, just pretending to be upset as you were still getting over your disbelief, your smile probably betraying your true feelings. It must have been because the boy looked at you with a way too satisfied grin.

“Yes, miss class president?” He tilted his head as he pushed himself away from the table and slipped his phone into his back pocket as he took a step towards you.

“You’re unbelievable!” You let out a huff, unsure whether you wanted to punch his chest a few times for good measure or to bury your flaming face into his uniform shirt. Still indecisive, you took a step towards him too, leaving merely an arm length distance and tangible tension between you.

“Am I now?” Taesan grinned wider.

He always had a witty response, never wore his tie properly and made you a playlist instead of texting you during the summer. He kept teasing you once you fell into a comfortable rhythm but listened to your troubles like it was no bother. He was the first boy who made your heart beat like crazy and he wanted to be more than friends. You couldn’t even pretend that you were angry about the trick he used to get you to listen to the audio ‒ as if he needed any.

“Couldn’t you just ask me out normally?” You lightly pushed at his chest, barely believing that the words fell from your lips so straightforwardly but Taesan didn’t correct you.

“And miss out on riling you up? Never,” he shook his head and put a hand over yours, pressing it flat against his chest, feeling his heartbeat against your palm. His touch felt like static electricity. “So?”

“So what?” You played stupid on purpose because you wanted to hear him say it, you wanted to look him in the eyes while he said it. But neither of you was good at putting feelings into words.

“What do you say?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t hear the question clearly,” you challenged with a quirk of brows and Taesan let out an amused laugh. Then without letting go of your hand on his chest, he closed the rest of the distance between you, his body heat and cedar wood cologne enveloping you like a hug as he leaned down.

“I like you, Y/N. Embarrassingly much. So please. Put me out of my misery,” he said, no more teasing, just shredding off layers until he laid his heart out for your taking and you couldn’t stop smiling.

“I like you too. So much,” you admitted and finally making up your mind, you slid your hand to Taesan’s back to press yourself against his chest, listening to his heartbeat in sync with yours. It was like music to your ears.

Dating Taesan wasn’t that much different from what you had before but it was significantly better because you spent a lot more time together as you stopped finding excuses for not contacting each other. Since neither of you was a big fan of public displays of affection, it actually took three get-togethers over winter break for Leehan to put two and two together and whine about Taesan not telling him the news.

“Finally! I seriously had enough of his moping, he‒”

“Nobody asked,” Taesan grumbled as he shoved the melon bread into his best friend’s mouth to shut him up.

You spent the break hanging out in karaoke bars, music stores and LP cafés. You still blushed furiously when Taesan took your hand and put it into his pocket during one of your walks in the snow-covered neighbourhood or fed you from his bungeoppang and he never missed a chance to tease you about it. You met his little sister one time when you joined in on their Pokémon Go hunt but it was during graduation you met each other’s family. Like every first, it made your anxious self nervous but you knew it would be okay as long as you had Taesan by your side. It was your first time being in love too after all and you were happier than ever.

So when you stood in line with your classmates in the school’s auditorium, listening to the principal’s speech and then the graduates’ interview you put together with Taesan, for once you didn’t fear the future. You couldn’t wait to explore it all.

“Classes of 2023…” Taesan’s voice echoed from the speakers in all its mellow glory. You turned your head to look at his tall figure and you found Taesan already looking back at you as well. Your smile widened, knowing fully well what was coming. “Thank you for being part of our youth.”

It was only the beginning after all.

END NOTES. abcdlove was the first ever bnd fic i wrote and posted exactly a year ago. originally i didn't plan to add more to it because i like open-ended stories but earlier this year i revisited that story and decided to give them a more definite closure. i finished writing it in may i think but i wanted to wait until the story's anniversary to share, so here it is, i hope you all liked it!

(and yes, i did wait for another bnd song that has love in the title to name this)

header pic is from here

☆ BOYNEXTDOOR masterlist

💌 askbox

© 2025 dat-town

[bloodyknucklesforme]

Strange Weather | Nikolai x F!Reader

Crash

Six months after giving birth, she finally tries to have a break

masterpost

tags: estranged husband Nikolai, emotional, age gap

"I shouldn't be long. I just need to get some groceries and not have her screaming the entire time." She laughed to the babysitter, a friend's younger sister.

"I'll take good care of her, I promise." Laura grinned, holding up Dahlia's little hand to wave.

"She should hopefully just sleep. It is nap time but bottles are in the fridge."

"Got it!" She smiled. "Say bye bye mummy. See you soon."

It was hard leaving Dahlia but Laura was good with her. And truthfully she needed a fucking break. Nikolai would come over and take over for a day but any longer than that it would devolve into arguments and her having to kick him out. Six months and they were still no closer to ending or continuing their marriage. Stuck in a standstill for who knows how long. She needed time without Nikolai in the house.

It was a simple grocery store trip. They didn't need much but she'd probably stop for a coffee and maybe get some flowers at the market. Just a short trip.

Nikolai had gotten her a new car after Dahlia was born. She kind of hated it. Big land rover that needed a step to get into it. He said it made him feel better that she was in something roughly the size of a tank.

She did feel safe in it, just wished it was a bit smaller.

Driving in London was always a pain. People too ready to get where they were going to follow any sort of order. Maybe she should have been more careful. It wasn't her fault but it was hard to feel like she wasn't to blame.

Going through an intersection, another car came speeding across, hitting the front passenger end of her car. She remembered her head hitting the window and the airbag going off. A car horn was going off somewhere. Someone was knocking on the window.

"Are you okay?"

"Call an ambulance!"

"Ma'am is there anyone we can call for you?" An EMT asked. She was on a gurney, being wheeled into hospital. Her head ached incredibly, her vision blurry.

"My…my husband."

He'd had her set up her emergency contacts in her phone. Him, being the first and only number.

He was waiting for her in her room after the CT scan. Luckily it was just a concussion and sprained wrist. Nothing major. She'd be good to go the next morning.

"Where's Dahlia? Does Laura know?" She asked, weakly.

"She's okay. I called, I'm paying her triple to stay over night and to tell me if she needs anything. How are you?" He pushed her hair back, away from her face. There was a large bruise across the side.

"My head hurts."

"I'm sure." He pulled his chair up next to her bed and sat down, taking one of her hands and kissing across it.

"You got here quick."

"I had a crash detection system on the car. I was already on my way before I got the call."

"You're stalking me?" She raised an eyebrow. It wasn't that big of a surprise, more so that he'd admit to doing anything unscrupulous.

"Only the car." He chuckled.

"How is the car?"

"Most likely totaled." He shrugged. "I'll get you a new one this week. The man who hit you ran. I'll have to deal with that too."

"Nik…" She gave him a stern look. He shouldn't have run from the accident but he didn't deserve whatever Nikolai was planning in his head. His willingness to succumb to violence made her stomach churn.

"Accidents happen but you don't run after hitting a woman like that. What if Dahlia was with you?"

"She wasn't."

"But what if she was?" He pursed his lips. He was never good at hiding his anger when it came to protecting her and Dahlia.

"We're okay." She reached out and laid her hand over his clenched fist. "I'm okay."

He spent the night with her, watching over as she slept.

"Thank you so much Laura," She hugged the younger woman. "I'm so sorry I wasn't able to call."

"I'm just glad you're okay. Dahlia was good but we went through most of the bottles. She's in her crib right now. I turned the mobile on."

"Thank you again. Nikolai will pay you. I'm going to lie down again."

"Of course, Malishka." Nikolai kissed the unbruised side of her face before pulling out his wallet and counting out notes for Laura. She heard the disbelief from the babysitter and Nik's assurance that it was well earned. He was generous when it came to things like this. He said it kept people loyal. Generosity endeared people to you. When she thought about it, that was how he first got in bed with her.

She laid in bed. Her body still ached from where the seatbelt held her. She'd need to pump before Dahlia got hungry again.

"Nik!" She called. His steps were fast up the stairs.

"What's wrong?" He asked, rushing in.

"Nothing. I…I just need the uhhh breast pump. Dahlia will be hungry again soon and I haven't done it since yesterday." Her breasts already felt tender from the seat belt retracting during the accident. If she waited longer they would start to ache.

"Where is it?"

"Bag on the floor of the closet."

He set it all up, made sure all the pillows were just right to support her back. She never put her bra back on from the hospital so no fumbling with that.

"Do you want me to do it?" He asked.

"Could you?" She asked, tears pricking up at her lash line. He'd hadn't seen her body since before Dahlia. Her stomach was pudgeier and breasts swollen. He grabbed the bottom of her shirt and she flinched.

"You're beautiful." He said, cupping her cheek. "Our baby didn't change that."

He lifted up her shirt and helped her put the pumps on. His hand rested on her bare side, thumb rubbing over a stretch mark. Once he was sure it was working he left her with a kiss on the cheek to go check on Dahlia.

It felt like a second crash - getting hit by all the emotions she'd try to keep at bay. She was exhausted. Not just from the past day, from everything. She covered her mouth to stifle her own cries. She might still have the house and the money and everything else Nikolai had ever given her but she was alone. So terribly alone.

It made her feel like a monster but if she'd known Nikolai wouldn't be around she never would have kept the pregnancy. She loved Dahlia more than herself, she just didn't think she was strong enough for this. If Dahlia had been in the car and gotten hurt, it would have been her fault. What if something happens to her? One fall down the stairs and no one would be here to help Dahlia.

"Are you okay Malishka? Does something hurt?" Nikolai was at her side, Dahlia still in his arms.

"No...I'm just tired." He brushed her hair back and rested a hand on her forehead.

"Do you want to stop pumping? Get some sleep?"

"I need to finish. She needs food."

"There are still bottles. She'll be okay for a couple hours."

"Do you even know how to do it? How to feed her?" She snapped. Anytime he was over for visits she'd feed Dahlia before and after to avoid any fussyness. She didn't want him caring for her in the same way she did. He didn't deserve to. He hadn't earned the right to be a father.

"I can manage."

"It has to be the right temperature and you have to hold her the right way and make sure she burps and doesn't choke and oh my god." She had trouble catching her breath has her anxiety wound its way around her chest and held on tightly. "Can I just have her? Please just give her to me."

"You need to breath."

"Nikolai…give her to me."

He climbed onto the bed beside her, "She's okay. See?"

Dahlia smiled up at her with a happy gurgle.

"I can take care of our daughter." He stroked the back of her head. "You need to rest."

Dahlia was the best thing he'd ever given her. She wanted to be angry, leave him for good, hate him for how he hurt her. How could she hate someone when they looked like the thing she loved most?

"If something happens to me, promise you'll still take care of her."

"What do you mean? Nothing will happen to you." He cupped her cheek and turned her to him.

"But if it does. I need you to promise. Not that you'll have a nanny or send her to some school. That'll you'll be there. You won't leave her."

"I will. I promise you. I won't leave either of you." He kissed her temple. "Hold her for a moment while I take the pumps off. Then you can rest."

"Okay." She took Dahlia in her arms. She was everything she could ever want in one little bundle. She had her father's eyes. Nikolai said Dahlia looked like her but sometimes she could only see his features staring back up at her. Nikolai packed the pump away and took it downstairs to store the milk and wash the pieces.

When he came back, she was humming a song to Dahlia, letting the girl hold one of her fingers.

"I wish I was there."

"Me too." The sadness came through more than the anger.

"I'll stay as long as I can. Take care of you both." He took Dahlia back and made sure she was comfortable. "Don't ever be afraid of calling me when you need."

"Last time I needed you, you never picked up."

He looked away from her. Six months and he still never explained himself. She told herself she'd refuse to take him back until he did. He couldn't disappear from her the week their daughter was born and not tell her where he went. Even John didn't seem to know. God knows she hounded him enough.

"Get some rest."

[butteronabun]

“Diluc.”

“Hm?”

“You can kiss me if you want to.” You tell him, turning around to see his ‘already growing red face.’

It’s 2 am in the morning. You can’t sleep ( “I blame it on the imported coffee you bought — ” ) , and fortunately, Diluc can’t, as well. ( “I also drank some of the imported coffee I bought.” )

So your past conversations with him as of late had been nothing but rambles.

Diluc caresses your cheek. “Well, do you want me to?”

You pout. “I’m asking if you want to.”

“I won’t do it if you’re not comfortable.”

“Archons, I’m your wife,” you remind him, and you notice the small, amused, and most certainly handsome smile making its way on those lips of his. “You can kiss me.”

“Because you want me to?”

Tease. Diluc hasn’t been like this since you first started dating, and now that you’ve gone a long way with him, he gets to indulge into silly little pleasures like this: ultimately teasing you. Playing mind games with you. Seriously, who gave him the right?

You sigh and admit, “Yes.”

His eyes move down to your lips. “Alright then. It’s hard to refuse anything that my beloved wife wants.”

You fake a sad frown. “Do you not want to kiss me?”

Diluc’s eyes return sharply to gaze at yours. “I want to.” His thumb stops rubbing your skin momentarily, his expression now serious. The way his eyelids lower and his pupils dilate, the organ inside your chest skips a beat. “Of course I want to.”

“Then why not do it now?” You shut your eyes and jokingly pucker your lips. “Come here. Me lips are waiting, Master Diluc.”

You hear him release a low chuckle. Oh, so very charming. “Don’t call me that.”

The bed creaks as Diluc shortens the distance. It is not long before his lips tenderly meets yours.

You open your eyes when he pulls away. “That’s it? I think I can still be kissed a hundred more.”

Diluc’s smile widens. “It’s late.”

“Wow, okay—love, we know that regardless of the hour, this has never stopped you? Need I remind you about the time you had a very important meeting the next day but you didn’t let go of me that morning even though I told you that you were gonna be late?” Diluc blinks at your sudden recollection of events, Before he can even respond, you continue further. “Or what about the time that I had to depart for Sumeru, and even though I had to hurry so I can catch my flight, you thought that the marks in my neck weren’t enough—mmph—“

To keep you from venturing to other escapades that you both have done ( and to keep him from being embarrassed further ), Diluc silences you with a deep kiss. He wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you closer, and you elicit a small, pleased sound at the affection. You hug him in return by putting your arms around his neck.

When he detaches away from you to catch his breath, Diluc says, “Second.”

A bit dazed, you drawl out a confused — “…Second…?”

“Our second kiss today. I need to give you 98 more kisses, right? Since you want a hundred more.” Diluc explains.

You feel your cheeks heat up at that. You can sense how he’s determined to fulfill your wishes, and you shake your head. A giver through and through. “I- I— you didn’t really have to, uhm, I was kidding—“

“You were?”

“Y-yeah—“

“Well.” Diluc thumbs over the side of your lips. “I’m not. I want to kiss you. A hundred more. But I will do it if that’s what you want. If that’s okay with you.”

Ugh. You want this man so, so bad. “Diluuuuc.”

“Yes, my love?”

“Just kiss me.”

[simply-wlw-kpopstan]

13. The first Crack (1)

Weeks pass with no contact. No dirty looks, no words, no insults, no banter, nothing. Sophia hates to admit it but she misses it, she misses you. Of course she wouldn't admit that out loud, she'd look weak and that's something she'll never allow to be seen. No, she'll never admit to missing you. Yet she finds herself in front of your apartment door, contemplating whether to knock.

She raised her hand more times than she would like to admit, almost knocking on the door but never committing to it. Only when a neighbor came out of their apartment did she knock, the sound echoing through the hallway as the stranger eyed her suspiciously. The door swings open but she's not ready to face you. You're standing in front of her, a confused expression on your face. "What are you doing here?

"I don't know." It's out of her mouth before she realizes it, "I mean.... I... I don't know what to do. I've apologized in a very Shitty way and I'm sorry for that. I've tried to act like it doesn't bother me but.... you just shut me out so easily and it's painful. I get that you're mad but what will it take for you to accept my apologies? What do you want me to do?"

"I was clear about what would happen, Sophia. I told you in the library, I won't be entertaining you anymore."

"Please just..... Can I come in? Can you invite me in? I really want to talk about this." She looks down the hallway where your neighbor dwells at the stairs, glancing at the two of you.

"No. I'm not letting a vampire in my home. I'm not going to give you that invitation to then abuse it to your convenience."

"For God's sake," she rubs her forehead in annoyance, "fine, then let's go to my place. We need to talk."

"The vampire estate? Kill me on the spot why don't you?"

"You're a guest, I invited you. You're under my protection as long as you're there."

"point in case. Why would I put my life in your hands?"

"Then where?!" Sophia throws her hands up in frustration, "Where is neutral enough for us to talk?"

'' I'm not interested in talking to you. So just take your ass back home and leave me alone." You take a step back to close the door, but Sophia stops you by holding it open.

" I've made a mistake but I won't be ignored. I tried to hurt you and it backfired, but how was I supposed to know you'd turn into a train wreck over a damn dog whistle?! I thought you'd just get a high pitch in your ears and some ringing! You just went off the deep end, shut your friends out, and decided that I suddenly don't exist anymore! That's not on me! I own up to being the catalyst of it but you can't blame me for you shutting down!"

"What I do is none of your business." Your eyes flash in anger as she brings up the sore subject of the past few weeks. She's right about it, she didn't know and wasn't the one making you shut everyone out. She brought those memories back but it was you who ignored everyone around you.

"You're being irrational! It's a dumb whistle! I didn't know! I didn't know it would cause you to break down like that! So just drop the stupid thing and let me apologize for it! ''

''Not everything is about you, Sophia!" you snarl and step out of your apartment, stalking closer to the vampire in question." I couldn't care less about you and your pathetic little apologies. I don't care about you or what your intentions were that day. You opened a box that I kept closed for many years with that little stunt and now I have to pay the price. So sorry if I'm not acting the way you want. I've got bigger problems than entertaining a dumb feud between us."

Sophia steps back with every step you take forward until she's pressed against the wall behind her. For the first time in her life, she's not confident in herself, scared by the look in your eyes. Usually, there's anger, frustration, hatred, and annoyance visible when your eyes are on her, but now they're void of everything. They feel empty to her, and it's an unsettling feeling. "Everybody has their baggage. It's not my fault you can't deal with yours."

"Can you, for once, just shut up? Why do you always feel the need to say something? Why do you need to have the last word? Accept that you didn't get what you want and leave me alone."

"No."

"You're really pushing me right now Sophia."

"I don't care. I'm not leaving until we've settled this. I'm not expecting rainbows and sunshine here, I don't expect us to be friends. I'm trying to be a grown-up about it and apologize for my mistake." Her eyes trail down to your lips for only a second, but it's enough for her to slip. "I can't stand being ignored by you, okay?"

"Actions have consequences. You're apologizing, but I don't believe you truly understand what you're sorry for. The day you apologize with the right words, when you understand what you did then I'll accept them. For now, get out of my face because you clearly don't understand it now"

"I told you. I'm not leaving." She takes a step forward, looking you straight in the eye and getting so close that you're chest to chest. "I'm gonna be a thorn in your side whether you want me to or not. You could just explain to me what I did wrong, what the thing is that you claim I don't understand."

"I don't have to explain a thing to you." You look down at her, her dark brown eyes truly mesmerizing from up close. You always thought they were black, having the looks of Boba but now you can see a distinct difference between her iris and her pupil. It's light but it's there. "You infuriate me"

"That makes two of us. From the second you came into this town, you acted so closed off like you were better than everyone else. You were so cold and then suddenly you're nice out of nowhere? Acting like you weren't a bitch when you first arrived. You were rude to me, and I tried to be nice, but I can only take so much. So don't act all high and mighty because you're the one who started this whole mess in the first place." Her breathing gets labored as she remembers that time clearly." You were the mean one"

She remembers the day when she heard about a young lone wolf girl arriving. 2 years older than her, and she got excited. Sophia thought she would finally have a friend in this town, but then you turned out to be rude. Always glaring at everything, never responding. She tried to be nice to you, but you just didn't want to be her friend, so she stopped. Then more supernatural kids came to town, and she saw how nice you were to them, and it made her jealous. Why weren't you like that to her? What did she do wrong? Why didn't you like her?

"What? You really held what I did as a kid against me? I was new! I was going through a lot and processing everything I went through! You were always bugging me! Appearing out of nowhere and annoying me with your dumb questions when I just wanted to be alone!"

"I was trying to be your friend!" She raises her voice, "I wanted a friend! I was lonely, and then you showed up and you didn't want me, and that hurt! I tried for so long, and when I gave up, you went and made friends with the new kids in town. Other supernaturals, Non-vampire kids! I was hurt! I was angry!"

"Am I supposed to feel sorry for you now?" you match her tone, "boohoo little Sophia didn't get attention. Once again the world doesn't revolve around you!"

"I hate you! You're such a bitch! You've always been mean and nobody sees it! I'm the bad one because I'm the vampire right?! "

"I was a kid!"

"And what's your excuse now!? You were mean to me back then and I just started to treat you like you treated me for all those weeks. Not once did you try to sort things out with me. Not once did you tell the others how you treated me. They all just think I'm a bitch to you for no reason. who'd even believe me if I told them about it? Nobody. I'm the bad guy, I always have been. "

" You got one hell of a victim complex"

"Fuck you! Everybody tells me to apologize but where's your apology from all those years ago? Do you have any idea how much it hurt? All those years as a kid I thought it was because I was a vampire. That you hated me because of what I was."

"How many times do I have to tell you I was a kid?!"

"Just apologize to me!"

"No! I don't have anything to apologize for! It's not my fault you're sensitive! Rejection is a part of life, and you learned that at an early age, so you're welcome to that life lesson."

"You-you.... Ughh! Screw you! If you don't want anything to do with me then fine! I'm done trying with you! I'm done trying to get your attention and waiting for you to even realize why I'm acting this way!" The tension is at an all-time high, both of you breathing heavily when Sophia throws caution to wind and kisses you. Her lips smash against yours rather harshly, and her hands grab your face, holding you close. "I hate you" she mutters against your lips.

"Just shut up," you mutter back and wrap your arms around her waist, pulling her even closer if possible. Neither of you were anywhere near ready to call it what it was, and you both knew it, so you settled. With a swift motion, you pick her up from the ground and carry her into your apartment. Sophia's lips trail from yours down to your neck. "Don't even think about biting me."

"You wish" she fires back as her tongue gets a taste of your skin. She can smell your pulsing blood, feel the stream beneath her tongue and she can hear your heartbeat. "I don't bite unless I want to mark it as mine. It's an honor, a privilege to get bitten by me and you're nowhere near that quota." You roll your eyes as you move to lay her down on the couch, but she nips at the hollow of your throat, "Don't you dare. I'm a woman of standards. Bedroom wolfie or else you're not getting any."

"High maintenance, why am I not surprised?" you tease as you move to your bedroom, " like you'd actually be able to stop this if I did put you down on that couch. We both know you want this."

"Shut up. You want it too or else we wouldn't be like this in the first place. Now shut up, you're annoying me when I'm trying to get things going here." without another word she drops her hands from your face and tears at your shirt, ripping the fabric till it's nothing more then a rag on your body. "at least the packaging is good, makes up for your smug face."

"And yet you won't complain when this face is between your legs in a few minutes." You enter your bedroom and drop her onto your bed. Sophia bounces a little when she falls, and she glares up at you but doesn't say anything., "What?" you smirk as you take off the ripped shirt., "You owe me a shirt now by the way. "

"I'll give you a whole new wardrobe if you manage to make me feel good. God knows you need it with your sense of fashion." She kicks off her shoes before scooting herself up the bed and lies down with her head on a pillow, "You realize I now have access to your apartment whenever I want?"

"You won't be able to enter if I ask Manon for a barrier spell, or perhaps I'll add vervain to the water when I clean the place." You eye her body from top to bottom before climbing over her.

"try it and I'll stuff wolfsbane in your food." she narrows her eyes as you hover over her, " now shut up and put that mouth to better use" She had you pinned down in a blur of a second, grinning cockily down at you as her nails trail down your bra clad chest, " too slow" her eyes are hooded as she gazes down at you. Your gaze is stuck on her mouth as her tongue drifts over the soft and plump lips. "Tell me you want me." She leans down slightly, her breath hits your lips as her eyes bore into yours.

"You can't compel me. Werewolf 101 when living close to vampires, take your daily dose of vervain." You stare back at her, your eyes are a clear statement that you're not afraid of her.

"I'm not trying to compel you. You would know the difference if I did. This is me telling you to say you want me." She moves her head to the side, and her breath hits your ear. "Tell me you want me. We'll go back to hating each other tomorrow, just tell me you want me for tonight."

You turn your head to meet her eyes, there's desire and lust but also a hint of pleading and vulnerability. Sure, her request was sexual, but you couldn't help but see the underlying tone. Her desire to be wanted. To heal that little girl inside of her who was rejected by you when you were little. Your eyes flicker from hers to her lips and you nod slightly. With a gentle hand to her cheek, you lean into her, pressing your forehead against hers, "I want you, Sophia."

You can hear the moment her breath hitches, a small quiver that she doesn't allow to leave. "Again.... Please say it again"

"I want you. I really, really want you." With a second to let it set in, you close the distance again, and the kiss is different. Before, it was heat, desire, lust but now it's vulnerable, a way of easing her mind.

"Just for tonight," she whispers.

"Just for tonight," you repeat quietly, like any sudden loud noise could pop this intimate bubble that you created.

"This doesn't mean anything," her voice comes out shaky, her eyes cold but bearing a certain vulnerability she wasn't ready to address. She had to keep her distance somehow, reduce this to nothing before she clings onto it. Clings onto you.

"agreed" your hands find their way to her lower back, fingers slipping under fabric and tracing her soft cold skin. While you know she'll be back to her old self tomorrow morning you can't help but notice the shift in her demeanor. "Sophia-"

"Don't......Don't ruin it. Don't complicate this. It's just lust, a quick fix. Nothing more" she moves back, her knees on either side of your hips as she pulls her shirt over her head. Her body holds no marks, a clear canvas for you to ruin and then she leans back on top of you again. Her lips against yours once more.

masterlist | next

[alexanderlightweight]

Wednesday has arrived again! 'Tis magic (of your writing) in the air!

If the fancy strikes you, I would absolutely adore a continuation of either the long hair 'verse or the adamas piercing 'verse. The way you interweave the intricacy of nephilim customs through Magnus finding out is simply incredible.

For the hair verse, I adore the whole thing with Alec giving Magnus a lock of hair to wear as a bracelet, not to mention the sheer, no-holds barred contempt for Clary and her pitiful dissolving charm lol. Plus, the way Alec is just straight up like 'yes, let's do a totally unnecessary sex ritual Because We Can' with Magnus and it's glorious.

For the piercing verse, you made a point of Alec offering to take out his rank sigils for Magnus (when he didn't realize Magnus could touch adamas). Then Magnus kind of realized what it meant that Alec would take them out for him when it was incredibly obvious that this was a cultural taboo and yeesssssss

Anywhos, I LOVE both these verses if either of them inspire a plot bunny to bite <3

i am finally getting to this and i'm going with the piercings because it's been forever and i am longing to dust it off. your entire ask was a joy to read and respond to btw (and yes alec is very much happy to take advantage of opportunities with magnus in the hair vs)

a little more taboo and blasphemy for you since you enjoyed that! magnus is making statement and alec is enjoying it ^_^. last part here

i hope you enjoy

<3 lumine

trials of body and soul

Magnus frowns as he eyes his vanity.

On a tray of velvet lined bone is a series of earrings. Including one with a long platinum chain that can be clipped to hoops and from which dangles a slim, clear crystal.

It’s perhaps the most flamboyant of all the options, for all that it’s still understated and delicate. 

Yet Magnus is unsure how far such blatant blasphemy can be ignored.

“You okay?” Alexander’s voice breaks his contemplation and he turns to see his darling in the door.  He’s only got one of his boots off and his beautiful face is creased in worry.

Ah.

Magnus normally greets Alexander at the balcony when his boy comes home and instead of getting up, he beckons Alexander to him.

Alexander gets his other boot off with a little shake of his foot before he’s across the room, between one blink and the next. Then he’s on his knees, so solemn and stern as he settles between Magnus’ legs and reaches up, cupping Magnus’ face.

“You didn’t hear me when I called for you. Are you okay? Or just thinking?”

It makes his heart clench every time Alexander proves how well he already knows and understands Magnus.  Even the second question is just that. Understanding offered in a question that absolves Magnus even before he’s answered. Because Alexander knows that Magnus can get lost in his thoughts and never blames or minds it.  Where Camille or others have acted like it’s Magnus purposefully ignoring them or a sign that he’s lacking, just because his intelligence comes with quirks, Alexander never minds.

In fact Alexander had laughed with reassurance and given Magnus a smile that crinkled the corners of his eyes when he’d figured out why and where Magnus’ attention often drifted.

“I don’t mind. I like watching you think and create. You look like a timeless being of wisdom. It’s like your eyes don’t even see this realm but the entire universe. Your lips purse too and it makes me want to kiss them but then I’d distract you.”

Magnus had been the one to kiss his lovely boy after that proclamation.  Especially when Alexander had later — breathlessly after being thoroughly kissed — admitted that sometimes when Magnus plotted, Alexander found it attractive.

Extremely attractive apparently which certainly explained why Alexander was always eager after Magnus has a creative spree.

“I suppose a little bit of contemplation, a little plotting—” Magnus can’t help but tease especially as Alexander’s ears turn pink and his boy rolls his eyes. “And a little bit of worry.” The admittance of concern has Alexander focusing on him with his devastatingly sincere intent.

“Can I help with the worry?”

“Yes.” Magnus admits with a sigh, “I’m not sure where the line is darling. I’ve never known when ‘a lot’ becomes ‘too much’ and—”

And Magnus is being kissed with angry adoration.

Alexander kisses him like he’s trying to drawn out the cruel thoughts and words as one would venom from a wound.  When he finally pulls back to settle back on his heels, still on his knees before Magnus, Magnus wonders again how he got here.

How such a lovely creature adores him so intensely.

And how he can ensure that he doesn’t lose it.

Not by his own hand or another's or even Alexander’s.

“I will tell you if something crosses a line. I won’t know until we get there either, Magnus. This is new for me, okay? But that doesn’t mean that I’m not willing to work for it. If you cross a line it will because we both didn’t know it existed. That’s not a fault that can be blamed on one person alone and we’ll work on it, together. Not just blow everything up.”

Magnus nods, a quick jerk of his head. For a moment he’s tempted to ask for a blood oath, however Alexander is more honest than that and it feels unworthy to ask it of him.

“So instead of assuming it’ll be too much, why don’t you ask me and we go from there?”

—

Alec’s not sure what he thought Magnus’ ‘too much’ would be.

It’s certainly not a series of beautifully detailed earrings that radiate magic. 

Alec swallows, because he’s fairly sure he’s not supposed to find this hot.

He’s certainly not supposed to feel like he should bare his neck for Magnus hands around his jugular.  To feel his fingers — hot flesh and cold rings — press around his throat like a claim and certainly not because Magnus is giving him jewelry.

Alec doesn’t think Magnus knows what kind of a statement giving jewelry like this or how intimate it is for nephilim.

However he does realize that Magnus is aware and worried about the political implications.

Because Alec can’t wear jewelry giving to him by a downworld leader — especially not in a way that overshadows the adornments of his position — and not expect it to get around.

It’s a statement Alec won’t come back from and it will affect his Institute and Magnus as well.

And it’s not just that. 

Alec can see several other kinds of piercings.  Ones that he doesn’t have yet and will hold no meaning to the Clave, but Alec has a feeling it might mean something for warlocks.  Or even just Magnus, personally.

“Is this where I remind you that you promised me conversations?” Magnus asks him and the quip falls flat when Magnus’ eyes are concerned despite the levity of his tone.

—

“I think it’s more where I explain to you that I like it a little too much.” Alexander tells him, a wry smile on his face and it’s only when he rolls his eyes and motions down to his groin that Magnus realizes his boy is turned on by this.

“Truly, sweetheart?” Magnus is gleeful in his delight and it’s only because he has plans that he doesn’t follow that thought and instead picks up the crystal and chain.  Alexander tilts his head, eyes closed and breathing careful and even as Magnus attaches the chain to each adamas hoop on his right ear and then lets the crystal dangle an inch past Alexander’s lobe.

“What is it you really want to see me wear?” Alexander asks him after.

As if he’s not opening pandora’s box and Magnus muses thoughtfully because he has choices.

There are many options.

A lip ring because Alexander’s mouth is his and a reminder of it to all who look at him seems a good start.

A tongue ring. So that Alexander can’t even breath or swallow without thinking or being reminded of Magnus.

Perhaps even the eyebrow ring with golden gems the same hue as Magnus eyes or the blue of his magic.

However Magnus wants something bolder.

Alexander doesn’t shy away as Magnus summons a needle of pure magic and instead of closing his eyes again. This time he watches Magnus’ face.  As if the sight of Magnus’ delight and possessive fervor have enraptured him completely.

Alexander is completely still even though Magnus hasn’t bothered to numb his flesh. 

Instead he gets to feel as Alexander shiver, the hint of pain sending soft trembles through his boy’s body. It’s two simple piercings. A single dark vermilion bead on each nostril that’s then connected by a slim, black chain holding a crescent moon in the middle. It sits starkly on Alexander’s face. A truth as undeniable as the void metal that only warlocks work with and forge.

Valuable yes.

But only because it shows exactly who Alexander belongs to.

And it’s certainly not the Clave.

AN:

the jewelry is considered flamboyant because it's already a statement. making too big of a statement can be crass and Magnus is trying to make a lasting impression not a large but fleeting one. magnus wants what alexander wears from him to linger in the mind.

-

magnus: oh no. it is too much. alexander, remember what you just said. conversations!

alec: oh no he wants to publicly show off that he means more to me than the clave and that i mean that much to him and that's attractive af

magnus: i am no longer concerned and am planning on what to use this information for in the future. i have plans.

alec: i'm just glad you feel better even if i feel like i will both enjoy and regret these plans.

-

magnus - is worried

alec: panic? sad? who must i murder to make happy again?

-

shadowhunter commanders typically wear accessories from lovers amid their rank earrings and also in nephilm facial jewelry is a pretty intimate/intense present because it's a visual claim. right on par and socially equal to that of the clave. because you're putting something from someone in the same area as pieces of honor and rank from the clave.

so again nephilim thing. magnus is unaware of the intricacies but he's aware what he's asking is a big deal. not quite HOW big socially. but he is aware of the political implications and consequences.

it's not illegal but alec will be shunned by some for this and some people will transfer from his institute and he's fine with that. i don't focus on it in a lot of fics but alec doesn't really mess around with assholes in his territory and is happy to see them go because yes it more work with less bodies but you can't necessarily trust an asshole if you aren't sure if the asshole is a bigot

-

magnus does not like the fact that alec has claims of the clave all over him and while he will never disrespect them because they carry the weight and agony of alexander's trials and the invisible scars of his body, he will try to enhance/stake his own claim/make it clear he's got priority lol

[astra-galaxie]

Ei, Astra.

Vi que você está respondendo a essas perguntas, então aqui vai: O que você acha do relacionamento entre Fabien e Luke? Pelo menos para mim, tirando aquele incidente da poção do amor, Fabien era basicamente Diego, então o flerte foi irritante, mas nada que se qualifique como abuso ou assédio.

Translation courtesy of Google Translate:

I don't even know where to begin with this... Oh wait, yes I do!

I HATE LUKE X FABIEN!!!!!! AND I HATE FABIEN!!!!!!

I don't think there's a CC ship that angers me more than this one does!!!! Why, why, WHY DOES IT EXIST?!?!?! Even if I'll admit I can see where the idea came from, that still doesn't mean it should have been made!!!!!

I love Luke; I have nothing against the guy, because it's not his fault that people are shipping him with Fabien de La Creep! (His words, not mine.) But Fabien? I HATE THIS GUY SO MUCH!!!!!

He doesn't respect people, doesn't care about consent or what the word "no" means, and doesn't consider people he finds attractive more than a pretty face! He objectifies people and has probably had more flings than he's had years alive! (Or undead, but whatever. You know what I mean!) All he cares about is his own pleasure, and every time I see him, I want to SMACK HIM AND THAT STUPID SMIRK OFF HIS FACE!

And don't get me STARTED on the love potion incident! I don't care if he didn't know Luke was under its influence until the hunters told him; I'm POSITIVE Fabien knew Luke wasn't himself because Luke made NO effort to hide his dislike of Fabien! And I applaud Luke for giving Fabien a piece of his mind! So when all of a sudden, Luke is in love with Fabien, that DOESN'T seem weird to Fabien? Hell, NO! I don't believe that for a second! He knew something was impairing Luke's mind, and he still took advantage of that! And AFTER finding out about the love potion, instead of going "Oops! Sorry! Let me give him back to you so he can sober up!" FABIEN KEPT GOING! AND THE TEAM JUST LEFT LUKE WITH HIM!

(That's something else I could rant about, but this post is for Fabien, not the hunters screwing up!)

Who knows what Fabien did when no one was around to stop him? He was alone with Luke for HOURS! And even when we saw them together, Fabien made ZERO effort to get Luke off him! I'm praying Fabien didn't do anything to Luke when they were alone, but I don't have much confidence! That guy SCREAMS "zero self-restraint" to me!

And don't try to tell me Luke didn't mind it after the potion's spell was broken. He was DISGUSTED when he found out what had happened! And I don't blame him! I would be, too, if I had been left with a creep like Fabien while I was under the influence of a love potion!

And I'm sorry, but I am APPALLED that you compared my man Diego to Fabien! They are NOTHING alike! TONS of characters in CC are huge flirts, but the big difference is that ones like Fabien don't care about other people's feelings, just if they're hot, pretty, and can satisfy their pleasure! Diego is FAR from being in the same category as Fabien just because he flirts!

Diego RESPECTS people! AND he doesn't flirt with everyone he sees, even if they have a pretty face! This guy flirted with Mayor Castletown to help the Suqad! (No offence, Mayor!) Were some of his early comments crossing the line? Yes, I will agree that some of the things he said were taken too far, but he still knew how to control himself! He was crushing on Maddie when they first met, but he'd NEVER take advantage of her when she was drunk! And she was drunk PLENTY of times during the season! Heck, she was HEAVILY intoxicated at the party where we met Diego! But you didn't see him taking advantage of that! Unlike Fabien, who would have been POUNCING at the chance to get his hands on drunk Maddie!

Diego's also not a homewrecker! After Maddie and Charlie got together, he stopped flirting with her because he knew she was with Charlie and respected their relationship! He even jokes about wanting an invitation to their wedding after they are officially together! He did NOTHING to get in the way of their relationship and showed his support for them by painting a portrait of the happy couple for them to hang up in their house! Would a guy lusting after a woman take the time to paint a beautiful portrait of her with her boyfriend as a gift to the TWO of them?!?! I don't think so! Diego may be a flirt, but he's not a creepy asshold!

I can't say the same for other flirts in the game!

Such as Fabien! He wouldn't care if someone had a romantic partner and the relationship was decades strong; he'd STILL flirt with them if they were pretty enough. When he sets his eyes on someone, he does everything he can to get them! As we see after Luke caught his eyes!

Additionally, Luke is barely 20, while Fabien is almost 300 years old! I don't care if it's a vampire-human relationship; it's still creepy!

Fabien is beyond a harasser. He's obsessive, doesn't listen to the word "no," and doesn't care about anything but his own pleasure! Shipping him with Luke is worse than shipping Gwen with Pierce! Hell, I'd say it's worse than shipping Carrie with Enzo!

And the fact that the love potion thing is just brushed aside? I HATE THAT! It's like drugging someone so you can take advantage of them! I don't care that Fabien didn't give the potion to Luke; Fabien STILL took advantage of the fact that Luke was impaired before AND after learning about the potion!

So, yes, I DESPISE Luke x Fabien, and I would NEVER compare Fabien to Diego! I will die on the hill of defending Luke from being shipped with Fabien, and do NOT expect me to just gloss over Fabien's creepiness and the love potion incident when I write S7! I don't care if Fabien saved a dog and killed Roxanne so she couldn't betray the alliance later in the season, Fabien is NOT redeemable! I might even go as far as to say he's my least favourite S7 character, and that's including the Demon Queen!

Wow... That was a rant for the ages... I didn't think I would get this passionate about the subject...😭

Ah, others are free to share their thoughts on the matter if I've missed anything...

Good thing these requests close after tonight... I'm not sure if I have it in me for another rant if I get another character or ship like this!😅

I think I'm going to go get some chocolate or something to calm down now...

[inkskinned]

i'm still trying to piece together the truth of it. when you left, you said: feel free to spin this narrative however you want. i have no idea if you were being cruel or if you just genuinely don't remember what you've done to me.

it's hard because i'd done so much of the work for you. i had seen the parts that flaked off, the rust underneath. i started separating you into two people - the one i loved, and the one who hurt me. i had this fantasy version of you - my partner - and then i had this stranger, a third person who would show up randomly to shatter me. i am deliriously glad i'm no longer with "the stranger". i miss the gentle (unreal?) "other" you terribly.

at first, i was so strict about my boundaries. i remember telling you to get the fuck out of my house if you were going to talk to me like that. by the end: i would justify your behavior for you, accepting even your mistreatment as "my fault" in the grand scheme. i look back on the person i was before you - smart, independent, confident - and i feel a strange sense of detachment. i don't even recognize me.

even in one of our last conversations, you said: if you want a partner that always talks warmly to you, find someone else. there was a time that a comment like that would have made me leave. and instead, somehow, i just placidly accepted that kind of thing. you were literally telling me that i wasn't allowed to have a reaction to your cruelty - and i just took it, because you'd so fully turned things around on me.

when people are faced with irrationality, a rational brain tries to make sense of it. this is the trap. they're lovely in the morning, gentle and blue-eyed and sweet. like nothing even happened, they breeze around the house and kiss you on the mouth. but at night; who is that? they snap almost randomly; flying into an impotent rage about just-about-anything. it just doesn't make sense. so the problem must be me, and my brain, and how i think.

the traumatized brain just wants peace. so maybe i'm misremembering. maybe you were just having a bad day. maybe it's actually me.

you eventually would fully turn on me and start implying that i am the bad actor in our relationship. that's what happens, right? that's literally in the playbook. you went to therapy for all of a month, told her a half-truth, co-opted therapyspeak. you figured out how to reframe your actions as "seeking peace." any time i stood my ground, i was "gaslighting." when i asked you to be more gentle, you said i was "tone policing." you said, randomly, i had emotionally manipulated you - i still have no idea what that's even specifically referring to. maybe my consistent requests for calmness and empathy?

and while i literally know better, and i'm sitting here, trained by you, thinking: wait, fuck. was i actually the person you made me out to be?

and the thing that scares me is that i literally do not know if you ever actually saw what you were doing to me. when you'd tell me how you remember arguments, you'd always summarize them in a way where you come off as gentle and easy: "i was trying to set an important boundary." what had actually happened was 15 minutes of you shouting at me i know you did something shady, just admit it already. eventually you'd say my reaction to your shouting (when i finally reacted, which usually happened around hour three) was inevitably "disappointing" and "another way i'm silencing your feelings."

how many times did i ask you - beg you - to just take accountability? looking back, i don't think i ever heard you say: you're right. the way i talked to you was wrong of me.

i am trying to tie together the two people into a full version of you in my head. yes, you made my coffee and made me laugh and spent hours on the phone with me. and yes - you would scream at me until i had to run away and hide behind something.

i wish i did have a narrative i could pull out and shape to my whim. i wish i did have some semblance of reality. instead i just stand here, strange and vibrating, wondering: what the fuck just happened?

[andi-o-geyser]

ooooh, incorrect!! swing and a miss! looks like SOMEBODY didn't read Under the Red Hood

[winnie-the-monster]

Outlander quotes that feel so Elucien coded to me:

“I can bear pain, myself, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have.”

“Ye werena the first lass I kissed,” he said softly. “But I swear you’ll be the last.”

“I wanted ye from the first time I saw ye—but I loved ye when you wept in my arms and let me comfort you, that first time at Leoch.”

“I am your master…and you’re mine. Seems I canna possess your soul without losing my own.”

“It has always been forever, for me, Sassenach.”

“Do ye not understand?” he said, in near desperation. “I would lay the world at your feet, Claire—and I have nothing to give ye!”

“You are my courage, as I am your conscience,” he whispered. “You are my heart—and I your compassion. We are neither of us whole, alone. Do ye not know that, Sassenach?”

“Your face is my heart Sassenach, and the love of you is my soul.”

[faunandfloraas]

Seeing people still being weird about cinema.... girl it's been 17 years since it came out. Move On!!