#to make it into an ouroboros at basically random. a lot of things with it feel incredibly random

[boxheadpaint]

4 am: Who am I? Am I me? Does it have to be me? Is this how it's always going to be, is this the limit of who I can be? What about when it's grown tired of? What's the patience for the things I have to be? I don't want to eat this. Does it have to be me? Things move too slowly to know they move at all, this thing I am feels stagnant. It's been put in wrong and I can't hear myself think in a quiet room. I have no control over this, the thing that is supposed to be me, that I only am in theory, that I don't know personally, tha

5 am:

[hivemuthur]

To Be Known - Ch.1.

viktorxfemale!reader explicit! Modern AU, set in London, current era but not very specific. Uncharted waters for me, because I have no idea how many chapters it will come out as.

Reader is: British, Young Vic (get it?) theatre company director, working class, in her 30s, a control freak, a semi-conscious sub. Viktor is: Czech (as always), working in biotech with Jayce, working class, in his 30s, a control freak, a conscious dom.

MASTERLIST next chapter ->

word count: 4,6K

warnings, or rather this work contains: d/s dynamics between main characters (but who the fuck knows what Mel and Jayce are doing), love (attraction?) at first sight, no strings attached to lovers/strangers to lovers (so like reverse emotional slow burn?), lots of porn, angst, happy resolution. I will be adding kink warnings as they appear in the future chapters.

author’s note: Ok, so, um, hi! A Deer and a Man is ending, so something else has to begin. It’s like… a very freeform thing I’m doing here. Sort of about nothing, just relationships with d/s dynamics, because I want to play around with some kinks and stuff. I’m trying to make it make sense here, but not everything might, since it’s just my subjective take on things. It will have some d/s etiquette but not always, because I’m clumsy and my characters get infected with my clumsiness :v Nothing’s new really (hehe, get it?), some plot, some porn, some feelings. It’s basically me going to IKEA asking you if you wanna come and grab some vegan meatballs and the meatballs are smut in this :v So yeh, hi, welcome to another blurb of a mutlichap work.

Special thanks to my friends @rennethen and @strongfartzemergency for pre-reading this and enabling my brainrot. Artist is @petitesieste, just ahh ♡

Cross-posted on AO3

—

Your eyes glaze over the computer screen, trying to memorize a list of poor souls to probe the next day. An ouroboros of theatre life has reached another mark, one where you must make a million decisions in a short span of time: Which plays will grace the stage, who’s performing in them, who’s directing, and who’s dressing all those people in their fancy costumes? And, most importantly, who’s paying for all of it?

So far, a successful year has set your bar even higher, with the next season looming in the golden light of August evenings. You don’t even have time to warm your bones in it—you have to think ahead, transport your brain to the future, to a cold January, when the real test begins for you. In truth, you don’t have time to do anything beneficial for your bones, and you’ve just learned to accept that your joints crack like dry wood every time you move.

A head peaks through the crack in your door, and you don’t have to look up to know who it is.

“Charlie,” you greet him, your nose still scrunched up by the screen. “I know, I know. I’m going, I just need a second.” You begin to rise from your chair but remain hunched over, extending your arm blindly toward the computer. “Did you bring my shoes?”

“Yes, and I’m not kicking you out,” says Charlie, passing you a pair of ballet flats. “But if you want a driver, well… he’s getting impatient.”

“That’s okay, I can commute,” you smile at him, taking the shoes and glancing at your watch. “It’s only Camden… oh, shit, it’s very late. You should, in fact, kick me out.” After a few hurried jumps while putting the shoes on, you're back to frantically picking up unrelated objects and shoving them into your purse: tissues, lipstick, random notes to review in the morning, and Mel’s gift—a seasonal Young Vic pass for her and her plus one.

“Where are you guys meeting?” he asks, passing you the rest of the things you will obviously want or need. It’s a seamless collaboration with Charlie. Since the very beginning, you two have been sharing a brain, and this is partly why nothing has collapsed yet. On the contrary—both you, as a theatre company director, and Charlie, as an assistant director, have been doing an amazing job, mending together a forthcoming approach and love for theatre. And this is all your head is at, despite the one evening of reprieve where you can share beers with friends in a pub that Mel has chosen completely out of character for herself. Which is why, instead of answering, you ask, “Do you really think we can do Hamlet?”

“Why wouldn’t we be able to do Hamlet?” Charlie parrots, passing you a coat with a raised eyebrow.

“I don’t know, is it not a bit… on the nose? It’s my second year, and my brain’s steamed up so much that I’m doing Hamlet?”

Charlie chuckles softly, as he steps behind you to dress you up. “You are going to do a bitchin’ Hamlet. And now can you please go and have some fun for once?”

“This is fun, Charlie. Hamlet is fun,” you say, holding his arms and giving him a playful shake. “Fun!”

“Calm down, captain,” he grins, rolling his eyes. “Where are you guys going?”

“Ugh… World’s End?”

“World’s End?!” Charlie covers his mouth in feigned horror, his eyes wide. “This is so unlike Miss Medarda!” he whispers, shooting you an incredulous look.

“I know, Mel wanted casual,” you shrug, rolling your eyes. Then, as you move past him, you swat him lightly on the shoulder, seeking another round of uninhibited cackles. “Don’t be mean, Charlie!”

“Sorry, sorry,” Charlie laughs, raising his hands in mock surrender. “Ah, World’s fucking End, who would’ve thought. Let me fetch you a driver, my lady.”

You shake your head and scan your office one last time, making sure you haven’t left anything important behind. Figuratively, of course, since almost everything dear to your heart is actually being left behind. And even though it’s only for a couple of hours, not being in control is frightening.

On the other side of the coin are your friends, with Mel right up front. She’s been there since the very first second of your meeting—right after you yelled at a light technician, making him flinch and nearly fall off the ladder. You had immediately corrected yourself with, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have shouted. But this lightwork is still shit. Please fix it. I ask you kindly.”

That was when Mel grinned, wrapped an arm around your shoulder, and whispered into your ear, “Okay. I want to be your friend.”

Since then, Mel has been one of the main patrons of your theatre company, and you—being a firm unbeliever in your own abilities—are convinced it’s largely her money and pep talks that have granted you the creative freedom that led to you becoming an artistic director. Your worlds collided fast and hard, and, being another person married to her work, she quickly became one of the closest people in your life.

Until Jayce.

Mel, being someone who treats every relationship as an investment, doesn’t limit her influence to the arts. So when her family decided to fund research grants for scientists from the Francis Crick Institute, you knew something was coming as soon as she justified the decision with, “And they are both very handsome.”

You know the urge very well—the ever-nagging need to have everything under control, to oversee every grain of sand that rolls through the waist of the hourglass, every second planned, every schedule so tight there is barely time to breathe. It’s one of the things that bonded the both of you.

So when Jayce came along—with his motivation stemming not from a sickening need for self-accomplishment or a desperate urge to prove something to the world, but from the purity of his own heart and a healthy curiosity—Mel began to crack. And then the disease spread to you.

Now, you actually rest. You spend your free Sundays socializing. You talk about things other than work. You’ve even been on a few unsuccessful dates. And it’s all Jayce’s fault.

You loved him for it immediately—the small crumbs of the outside world granted to you and Mel through his unabashed joy and excitement. Jayce made things fun, and turning your phone off—briefly relinquishing control—became a little less terrifying.

From there, your thoughts drift in different directions until your absent-minded stare at the moving lights outside the car window is interrupted. The driver, in a grumpy tone, informs you that you’ve arrived at your destination. You crack the joints in your hands before thanking him and bidding him goodnight.

The World’s End is all red from the outside, its glow bleeding onto the wet pavement. Through the glass, you spot the back of Mel’s heavily accessorized hairstyle, a head of intricate twists and gleaming accents. You glance at your reflection, and—well. You’ve seen better days.

Your mini skirt has twisted around, placing the slit exactly where you don’t want it, so you yank it back into place, cursing Charlie for not telling you. In the process, you notice a small eyelet in your tights, the hole widening with each step you take. No nail polish to stop it from spreading. You curse yourself for that one. Your shirt is crumpled at the stomach—a reminder of hours spent hunched over your desk. Your necklace has caught a bunch of stray hairs, which you pick out frantically as you stride toward the door. And the rest of your hair? An artistic mess, sculpted by an impatient hand that’s raked through it a hundred times too many today.

Once inside, Mel’s slender hand and a row of her impossibly white teeth beckon you forward as she stands up to give you a hug.

And the inside of The World's End is exactly what you would expect from a Camden pub—big, loud, and brimming with mismatched charm. The walls are cluttered with a collection of art that looks like it was bought in a rush at a local flea market. There's a hum of conversation mixing with the thrum of the music playing in the background, and the space itself is large, almost cavernous. The low ceiling and uneven, wooden floorboards give it an unpolished look that feels welcoming to some, but it's not exactly the kind of place you'd expect to see Mel at.

Mel, in contrast, belongs in a sleek, minimalistic bar, somewhere where the drinks are as carefully curated as the furniture, where everything is perfectly composed. Here, she’s lost in the midst of it all, a little too refined for the space, as if her sharp lines don’t quite align with the pub’s rough edges. The things we do for friends.

“Darling, I’m glad you made it,” she chirps, walking toward you and spreading her arms wide.

“Now I can say I’d go to the end of the world for you,” you murmur into her shoulder, squeezing her tight. Then, pulling back, you present a small envelope. “Happy birthday, love. Here—best possible seats.”

Mel’s brows lift as she takes the tickets, flipping them between her fingers. “You shouldn’t have,” she says, though the gleam in her eye betrays her excitement. “But thank you. You wouldn’t believe who Jayce has managed to drag along,” she murmurs into your ear.

“Oh, it can’t be,” you whisper back, scanning the table over her shoulder.

A few of her closest friends sit huddled together, deep in conversation and laughter. Then, Jayce’s broad frame, unmistakable even in the dim light. And next to him—

A pair of loose shoulders, wrapped in a red shirt stretched between two sharp blades. The nape of his neck, covered in a mess of brown curls. He leans on one hand, nodding along to whatever Jayce is saying, his profile cutting sharp against the glow of the street lights.

Viktor. The last man standing, the one seemingly immune to Jayce’s influence when it comes to making people step out of their comfort zones. And yet, here he is. Of all occasions, it’s Mel’s birthday that has somehow coaxed Viktor out of his self-imposed solitude. A horse you wouldn’t have bet on.

You are led to the table, where all the seats seem to be taken—until Viktor removes his cane from the empty stool beside him and gestures for you to sit between him and Jayce. As you lower yourself onto the stool, you take his hand briefly and say, “The smartest man in the room, finally in the room.”

“You must be talking about Jayce,” he counters, a glint of amusement in his eye. He holds your palm for just a moment longer than necessary before letting go. “I’ve heard much about you.”

“Only good things, I hope,” you reply with a smile—until Mel’s head suddenly pokes between the two of you.

“What’s your poison, honey?” she asks. Only now do you notice her flushed cheeks and the way she’s completely disregarded the concept of personal space, her arm stretching beyond your shoulders to tug playfully at Jayce’s hair.

“A pint of bitter?” you say, startled.

She frowns slightly, but you quickly follow with, “Cheers,” hoping to steer her attention elsewhere. Her eyes squint at you, but she relents, giving Jayce’s back a clingy hug before strolling off to the bar. Only now Viktor’s hand releases yours.

He studies you for a moment before turning to his glass, giving you the chance to take a closer look—

The first two buttons of his shirt are undone, revealing the hollow between his collarbones, skin up to his neck is covered in a satin sheen of sweat. Tendons shift beneath it, blue veins threading along his throat. His hair is faintly damp around the ears, curling and plastering itself to his temples. From the side, his jaw forms nearly a perfect square.

You don’t dare to look higher.

Lower down, though, his sleeves are rolled up carelessly, exposing freckle-specked arms. You spot it by dropping your gaze naturally.

Mel was right. They are both very handsome.

As the birthday gal disappears toward the bar, you are left wedged between the two scientists, the noise of conversation assaulting your ears. Across the table, Amara leans in, her many rings clinking as she refills someone’s glass from a sweating bottle of wine. Beside her, Salo—always overdressed for the occasion, his blonde curls neatly combed back—gestures broadly mid-story, his voice animated. A few seats down, Mion, the youngest among them and always balancing the line between sharp and naive, listens intently while occasionally stealing olives from Mel’s abandoned plate.

"So," Jayce starts, shifting his weight so he can face you properly. “What’s keeping you so busy these days?”

You exhale, stretching your arms along the back of your seat, making your spine pop. “Wrapping up meetings with playwrights, directors, and actors—making sure everything aligns. Managing funding and sponsorships, finalising script choices.”

Salo whistles. “Sounds like a headache.”

“It’s a miracle she’s here at all,” Jayce adds, nursing his beer. “I half-expected her to send a regretful telegram from the depths of her desk.”

That earns a laugh from Amara, who nudges your foot under the table. “And what are the plays, then? What’s in?”

You rest your chin in your palm and do a mock countdown with the fingers of the other. “Further than the Furthest Thing, The Scottsboro Boys, A Streetcar Named Desire—possibly Hamlet.”

Mel, just returning with your beer, lets out a delighted gasp as she sets it down. “Hamlet? Oh, darling, tell me you’re doing it.”

“Calm yourself,” you warn, reaching for your drink. “I said possibly.”

She spreads her hands dramatically. “I can already see it now—the staging, the lighting—”

“Don’t start designing the posters just yet,” you cut in, but she’s grinning too widely to be discouraged. “I can still change my mind.”

“You know that’s a lot for one person,” Viktor remarks, leaning in from your right, his voice lower, meant just for the two of you. His pupils are darker, wider than the number of glasses of wine he’s had would suggest, assessing you from under hooded eyelids.

“I’ve always run through my life,” you say simply, tipping your glass toward him. “I do have help, though.” Viktor clicks his tongue, his mouth curving into a half-smile.

Before you can figure out what it means, Mion suddenly snaps her fingers. “Wait—how did you and Mel meet, anyway?”

Mel waves a hand dismissively. “Oh, I saw her preparing Yerma, and it was love at first sight.”

“Love?” Salo lifts a brow.

“She was standing on stage, sleeves rolled up, arguing over how the chairs should be arranged.” Mel sighs theatrically. “Her diligence. Her eye for detail. I knew I had to have her.”

Jayce snorts. “And by ‘have her,’ you mean ‘fund her.’”

Mel grins. “Exactly.”

The table dissolves into laughter, glasses clinking. Conversations crisscross—Salo and Mion bickering over some technical aspect of stage production, and you don’t have the heart to correct them. Jayce launching into an enthusiastic recounting of an experiment gone wrong. Someone beside you leans in to talk, and for a moment, you lose the thread of conversation.

The haze of smoke, the warmth of alcohol-softened breaths, the layered voices—it all blurs. Next to you, Viktor is speaking, but his words are swallowed by the noise.

The room tilts slightly, or maybe it’s just the drink settling in. Sounds overlap and ring in your ears as exhaustion takes hold and you zone out. Somewhere nearby, a bottle of wine gets passed around, then discarded in the middle of the table, still within your reach. A voice cuts through the fog, softer, closer. Then sharper, clearer than before.

Foreshadowed by Viktor’s hand on your leg—his right palm rests on you, and the moment it does, you tilt toward him, only to find he’s done the same. His fingers press inward, just barely grazing the inside of your thigh. It’s a gentle invasion, entirely unprovocative, something that simply happens—natural. His left arm hovers over your backrest as his mouth nears your ear, and you can feel the tickle of his hair on your cheek.

“Pass me the wine.” A soft command, tilting toward a question at the end, firm and quiet all at once.

You reach for the bottle without looking, your eyes fixed on his throat as he breathes. The moment it comes close, his touch leaves your leg and finds your fingers instead. His skin brushes yours, spreading the sweat from the glass onto your own, and something coils low in your stomach.

“Good…” he murmurs, clipped, as if something else should follow. “Thank you.” And then his warmth is gone, leaving you painfully sober, achingly empty.

It’s one of the most agonising seconds of your life—except this time, there’s something sickly sweet curling around the edges, a lingering undertone that was missing from all the other agonising moments you’ve suffered through.

For the rest of the evening, your attention doesn’t waver, save for the necessary moments to put Mel in the spotlight.

Viktor lingers close. Not close enough to raise any eyebrows—everyone else is too busy bickering and laughing at Jayce’s anecdotes—but enough for you to notice and relish in it. His breath occasionally fans your face when he leans over you for the bottle, his knee bumps yours under the table. He sits tilted toward you, his arm hooked against your stool, and his eyes never leave you, one way or another. He bombards you with questions and answers yours without blinking.

"Where did you study?" you ask, lips glued to the rim of your glass, leaving an stamp of your lipstick there.

"Abroad," he says vaguely, tipping his head. "You?"

"England. Try again," you counter, not looking up, only baring your teeth to the remnants of a cocktail in your hand.

Viktor exhales a quiet chuckle, tilting his glass idly in his fingers before conceding, "Vigilant, of course. Very well—biochemistry at UTC Prague." He pauses, watching your reaction. "Then onward to Francis Crick through MSCA. Now—tell me yours." The last part, a command again, gentle and firm and you find yourself reciting in no time.

"Theatre and Performance at Goldsmiths," you reply, your words a little looser, the alcohol working its way through your veins.

"Ah, how prestigious," he murmurs, voice laced with amusement.

"If you consider five years of bullying that, then yes," you slur, twirling your drink in your glass. His expression sharpens, brows lifting slightly in silent question. You sigh, meeting his gaze. "I got The Royal Academy of Dramatic Art scholarship. Before that, I led an utterly non-prestigious life in Staines."

"Hardworking girl," he purrs, and oh—his hand returns to your thigh, this time less inconspicuous as he drags a long finger up and stops just beneath the hem of your skirt.

"Where do you live?" he asks, his voice dipping lower, quieter, like the answer might be something just for him.

"Hackney," you answer immediately, then, seeing his knowing smile, feel the need to correct yourself. "The bad Hackney. You?"

"Eh, Islington," Viktor says, a hint of sheepishness in his voice.

Your mock jaw drop is immediate. "Unbelievable," you drawl. "And you dare to make fun of my fancy living?"

Viktor smirks, his fingers brushing your thigh before retreating. "You are making it up. But we can share a cab home then."

Something jumps in your chest at the thought of being locked in a tiny space alone with this man. And the cab driver, but, nevertheless. "I suppose we can. When do you want to go?" you ask, as steadily as you can manage right now.

He exhales slowly, then leans in, his breath warm against your ear. "Let's go now."

You have to stop your eyes from rolling in your skull. In fact, with the mix of various alcohols cursing through your veins and the secretive glances he’s been giving you, you’d probably nod vigorously if he offered to fuck you on the bar.

You step away from the table, weaving through the crowded space as you pull out your phone. Your fingers tremble slightly—whether from the drinks or the anticipation, you can't tell. It doesn’t matter. The cab company confirms your ride is on its way, barely three minutes out.

When you return, Viktor is still lounging against the table, his fingers tracing the rim of his now-empty glass. He doesn’t look at you right away, but his body angles toward you the moment you step back into his space. You lean in just enough to let the scent of him—wine, sweet sweat and washing powder—settle into your senses before speaking.

“We have three minutes,” you say casually, as if not stopping yourself from clenching your thighs.

Viktor gives a small, knowing nod and starts shuffling around for his cane and coat. His movements are unhurried, but there’s a quiet efficiency to them, a preparedness that has you smiling.

From across the table, Mel lets out a dramatic sigh. “You’re leaving already? I knew I shouldn’t have sat two workaholics together.”

Jayce snorts into his drink. “At least they lasted this long. I was expecting Viktor to slip out halfway through.”

Viktor hums in vague amusement, fastening the buttons of his coat. “And miss all your storytelling? Impossible.”

Mel rolls her eyes but grins. “Fine, fine. Go, be boring. Just don’t forget—” she waggles a finger at you—“you owe me a Hamlet.”

You laugh, shaking your head. “Goodnight, Mel.”

With that, you feel Viktor’s hand brush lightly against the small of your back—an absentminded gesture, almost cautious, but it sends a thrill down your spine.

It’s raining again, and neither of you has an umbrella, so you huddle together under your purse until Viktor opens the door for you. You fall in with no grace whatsoever and slide your ass across the back seat to make space for him. He steps in slowly, throws his address to the driver, then slumps down beside you, looking at you expectantly.

For a moment, you freeze—until you realise everyone is waiting for your address. Mumbling out the street and number, you lean back, your shoulder blades pressing against his arm.

And oh. You know damn well you won’t be able to let this go beyond tonight—or that you shouldn’t be fucking around where you figuratively eat—but he smells good, and his eyes stay on you, dark and hungry. So you tip yourself into the crook of his shoulder, tilting your head up with an innocently pleading look.

Viktor chuckles, as if something has just been confirmed, and his slender hand finds its way between your thighs. His body shifts subtly, shielding you from the driver, who barely suppresses an eye roll in the rear-view mirror. His lips, burning with alcohol and want, close over yours. His tongue pushes inside, licking slow and deep along the row of your teeth. His fingers travel up your leg, stopping painfully close to where you ache for him most, and squeeze—just enough to brace himself as he leans in further.

You fumble with the buttons of his coat, slipping your hands beneath to tug his shirt free from his trousers. Another warm chuckle rumbles against your lips.

“So efficient,” he murmurs, breaking the kiss to mouth at your ear. His breath is hot when he whispers, “Do you want to fuck here, or will you be a good girl and wait until we get home?”

A strangled moan escapes you, and your own hand flies up to clamp over your mouth. Viktor grins against your skin.

“Good. Quiet,” he purrs, before dragging his tongue in a slick trail down your neck, stopping halfway to suck a bruise into your flesh.

Breath stumbles in your lungs when he stops, lips flushed, wet and red with your smeared lipstick, his teeth barely grazing your skin before he leans back to look at you. His fingers remain firm between your thighs, a teasing pressure that makes your legs tense and tremble beneath his touch.

Whatever has led you to this moment is not your usual behaviour, but somehow, you can’t be bothered to announce it. Long ago—somewhere after shitty date number five, or fifteen—you swore off bad sex for the sake of no sex and peace of mind. You grew tired of partners who were more tease than do, and the ones who assumed you’d thrive on organising everything in bed, just as you do at work.

You crave someone to take that pressure off you. Someone who would simply allow you to be dumb, even just for a few moments. To fuck your brains out so that poor strongest muscle of yours can replenish and breathe before you have to step back into the saddle and lead the chaotic orchestra of theatre technicians, actors, directors, and founders toward whatever critics deem a successful season. To take all the decision-making away and praise you for it.

And you have no guarantee that Viktor will do exactly that—other than the way his roaming hand squeezes your leg so firmly or the way his tongue, insistent and wanting, doesn’t ask permission before invading your mouth. The way he has stared at you the entire night has left you hotter and more bothered than anyone’s scrutiny ever has. And even if this is a mistake, it’s one you are willing to make. Your thighs shake at the thought, and Viktor gasps softly against your lips.

"You're trembling," he murmurs, voice low as the vowels roll thickly off his tongue. His free hand reaches up, pushing your hair aside. He trails his knuckles along your jaw, his thumb pressing lightly against your parted lips. "Cold, or something else?"

You give a breathy laugh, rolling your hips ever so slightly into his palm, chasing that friction. Viktor hums, pleased, before his fingers slip higher—just barely ghosting over the hanging-there nylons shielding your underwear. Your breath catches.

The cab rattles over a pothole, jolting you both, but neither of you pulls away. If anything, it only makes Viktor bolder. He shifts to face you fully, pressing you back into the seat as he kisses you again, deeper this time, his tongue curling languidly around yours. You taste wine and your own spit on him, and it makes you dizzy.

His hand abandons your thigh only to grab your wrist, dragging it to the front of his trousers, where he's already half-hard beneath the layers of fabric. "I want you," he breathes against your mouth, nipping at your lower lip before letting his forehead drop to yours.

You palm him through the material, pressing just enough to make him suck in a sharp breath. The sound alone makes a fresh gush of lust bloom in your knickers.

Then—a pointed cough.

You both jolt as if caught doing something far more illicit than you already are.

"Islington," the cab driver announces dryly, eyes fixed firmly on the road.

Viktor huffs out a laugh, dragging his fingers through his already-mussed hair. "Do you want to come in?" he says, as if you hadn’t just been grinding against each other like reckless teenagers in the back of a cab.

You swallow, pulse still pounding in your ears. "Yes," you nod. "Yes."

“I suppose we will wrap up the ride here,” Viktor says reaching for his wallet and taking out one note too many to make up for whatever the poor man had to endure.

“Yeah, mate, I figured. Have a great night.”

[starlightwoofwoof]

welcome back to

🪞💖✨ Perfect Yap Session Part 2 ✨💖🪞

not sure if I’m gonna make this a series cause y’know, there’s only so much to say about Perfect but yeah lol

anywayyyyy here’s where I just talk about random things about The Polished Perfectionist (akuma! Glisten) (or just ‘Perfect’ for short, as you guys know-)

okay, first of all, uhhhhhh

His voice!! Now, I don’t really have a specific voice claim for Glisten (because I’m terrible at voice claims because I mostly can’t imagine characters’ voices in my head, if they don’t have them) but if I can describe Perfect’s voice- uhhhh

just, like, imagine your voice claim for Glisten, and put them in a cave

Perfect’s voice is basically just Glisten’s but a lot more “echoey”, bold, and y’know, evil

not sure how to describe it other than that but yeah

anyway, next, uh-

who likes non-canon to the AU scenarios??? ME ‼️‼️‼️

so, something I’ve been thinking about for a little bit

what if Perfect won?

What if Perfect caused everyone to only see visions of their biggest insecurities, stole the Ladybug Miraculous, gave it to Allureium and then they went on to try to find the other Miraculouses?

or even worse

What if Perfect gave Allureium the Ladybug Miraculous, and he figured he didn’t need Perfect anymore? What if Allureium just turned Perfect back to Glisten and he had to witness everything he had done? What if he lost his mind with guilt and loneliness?

anyway

on a, uh, lighter note, I kinda wanna talk about the fact that, y’know, this AU takes place in the cartoon

I kinda like to think Perfect’s episode aired right in the middle of the series. Both to build up Glisten’s character and to have him enough time for his character arc after the incident

Also I like to think after he turned into Ouroboros and got over Perfect, he started wearing pink makeup again, and even more often than before :3

okay one more thing for now, I kinda wanna talk about some Reflective Detective stuff-

I have thought about Mimicry and Perfect but y’know, I feel like it would be kinda toxic considering ………… P e r f e c t

but, hey, I think Mimicry and Glisten would be kinda cute- and I guess you could say their hero forms could be separate ships as well

okie tyyyyyy-

[shadowgast-recs-weekly]

Survey Results! Finally!

I’m finally getting to posting the survey results! It’s taken about a month longer than I expected – work got busy and my laptop screen is busted. Also, writing this out took was longer than I expected – ten pages in total.  And that’d be a horrible tumblr post.  So instead, here’s the main findings and the longform answers, and you can take a look at the google doc here for a more in depth analysis from each question.

Main Findings:

Respondents are about evenly divided as to whether or not they reblog.

People generally kudos and comment!

Nobody knows we have a fic randomizer.  (We have a fic randomizer. It’s on the spreadsheet)

Sixty percent of respondents either do or would self rec

The biggest write in answer for why people don’t rec is shyness

The biggest reason for why people don’t read is they don’t remember to go back

Opening up the reclist is contentious, people are generally okay with a script and could use a reminder

What we're doing/did in response:

There’s now a @reclister role on AiFL, request it to get pinged when the rec list goes up or to get reminders as to when to rec

I’m posting what fics have been recced with the 24 hour reminder and the tag list.

I’ve added ‘Less Common Authors’ as a possible theme

I’m going to open up the reccing sheet to everyone – I just have to lock down some stuff first

I’ll update the value filters for the reccing sheet

I’m going to work on a script that updates the basic fields (title, author, word count, rating, ect) for the form.  This one might take a bit.

And now , the long form responses, under the cut:

Thanks to everyone who was thankful that I was doing this! We’re just going to be a thanks ouroboros, happily!

The reason I don’t rec every week is that I find writing summaries hard, everything else is easy for me/The summaries aren’t very useful to me:

So, a short guide to writing summaries for recs:

If the author has something that works – you can always copy it. Part of the reason why this isn’t ‘just a copy and paste what they have’ option is that AO3 summaries can take up space, and we don’t want folks to get sad about having to scroll lots. But if the author has a sentence at the bottom of the summary that explains everything, there’s no reason to do more work.

If the author didn’t provide a one sentence summary, then include the basics of the plot. (Essek gets dicked down by Caleb, Essek and Caleb skip through the wildflowers together, aeorian magic turns Caleb into a capybara and Essek into a hot tub filled with oranges, ect).  Then add an adjective or two that has something to do with tone.  (A hilarious story about Essek being dicked down by Caleb, a tense account of Essek and Caleb skipping through the wildflowers together; Aerian magic turns Caleb into a capybara and Essek into a hot tub full of oranges. It’s surprisingly romantic.) Think about how it made you feel, what genre you would put it in, what tags you’d add on storygraph.

Don’t worry if it’s kind of dry! A) It’s probably less dry than you think, and b) you can do more gushing within the ‘what you liked about it’ section.

One last thing to remember – there’s no one right way to make a summary, people are looking for different things.

If the rec form was opened up to people who aren’t on AIFL don’t you think the name would need to be changed to reflect that it’s not an AIFL thing anymore?

Maybe! I wasn’t planning on not posting it on AiFL, and I’d suspect that the majority of reccers would still be AiFL members (just because getting notifications of something on tumblr is a lot harder).  But to be honest, this would be a relatively small issue.

I'm not a huge shadowgast fan, but I think reclists are cool, and sometimes the fics are relevant to my interests

Thanks!  Have you heard about the other reclists?  There’s @critter-genfic-events for a genfic one that was started by @Professor-Rye and is now being run by @operafloozy, there’s @widomaukficrecs, and I also have the reccing blog tools (group version or single user) in case you want to start your own!

Less a suggestion and more a general thought. I believe the anonymity of the reccers is an important part of this process and I am in no way saying that should be removed, but at the same time, it does feel impersonal, like a lack of commitment to one's tastes. Word of mouth doesn't tend to sway me to read new fic when I don't know the mouths the words are coming from. That said, take this with a grain of salt because, for the time being, I'm not the target audience of the rec lists.

Hey thanks for the comment! I agree with you! There’s a definite trade off in not knowing whether a reccer’s tastes line up with your own. It means that there’s not a great way to add moderation into the rec list, and with anonymity being an ever- dwindling resource on the internet, people’s attitudes towards it have shifted further into suspicion of intent. Even when it’s something like a rec list, I think there can be an anxiety about people finding a way to use it to bully authors – moreso than even having a consistent pseudonym. When really, I think there’s a good reason why reccers might want anonymity. Admitting you like something can be a vulnerable act! Social anxiety was the number one write-in reason as to why people didn’t rec, as is. I want people to feel comfortable reccing fics that are weird or kinky or require a lot of different warnings, and I wanted people to feel comfortable reccing their own fics. And it’s one thing to leave a kudos on someone’s work while signed in – something nobody else is going to see unless they bother to look – and another to put your name saying you enjoy any sort of beastiality or noncon or whatever else where any purity culture lover can object to on tumblr for all to see. The last thing I want is for people to be hurt or harassed because they participated in something that’s supposed to be a net good.

Anyway, this is all saying that I don’t think your concern is unfounded – and while I’m not likely to change anything about this rec list’s anonymity, if anyone else wants to try their hand at running one, it’s something to think about.

Also, I know I tend to read fic the same way, but it does seem to be a ton of repeat authors week-to-week, so maybe if once in a while the list can be to branch out to a never recc’d person?

I really like this idea, but the logistics of it are a little complex. I crunched the numbers, and out of 558 recs, there’s been 175 authors recced. Which is admittedly is a lot of overlap, but also that’s a lot to expect reccers to keep track of.  But a top ten list should be doable!  I crunched the numbers a couple of different ways – top numbers of times an author was recced, top number of different fics recced by an author, and top number of themes recced, which got me a list of fourteen authors – that seems doable. It’s now a possible theme.

More Information I got from number crunching includes:

86 authors have only been recced once

418 fics have been recced, 324 have only been recced once.

Most recced fics are Hard Mouth at seven times.

Royalgreen has had the most recs at 24, the most fics recced at 18, and the most themes recced at 17, but they also have 51 Critical Role Fics, so.

Further info can be found in this details sheet. I've also added a randomizer for general use, just because.

knowing upcoming themes further in advance

This can be done – it’s how the genfic rec list is currently set up. (as a note, while I’m currently running the genfic rec list, @professor-rye was the one to create it).

The AiFL rec list is currently set up so you can rec fics after the tumblr post, with the idea that people would probably look at the list of recs at the google sheet – which I realize isn’t the way it’s currently used. So you can still rec later, it just doesn’t have the same visibility.  (The two exceptions for this are the ‘older recs’ and the ‘hidden gems’ recurring themes, because we know they’re going to recur and they’re not likely to be ineligible when the theme rolls around again, the way works in progress might be).

Logistically, the selecting the upcoming themes in advance doesn’t work as well from the admin side. Instead of remembering that next week is the last Tuesday of the month, I’ve got to remember to count the Tuesdays and order the progress.  Right now the way it goes is that we pick the theme from the randomizer right before we post the reclist, so the same theme gets pasted into the ‘next week’s theme’ section, the google form, and the tumblr post at the same time. If I’m choosing a theme a month out, I select next month’s theme, add it to the google form, then go back and check what I’d selected a month ago and post that into the tumblr post and next week’s theme. 

There’s also the fact that if we give too much lead time, it means folk procrastinate and forget. Most of the recs currently come in soon after I post the tag list or the 24 reminders as is, and while some people on the gen fic reclist post for multiple weeks at a time, I find that most of the recs are for the week of, anyway.

Anyway, I’m not completely against this, but currently the drawbacks outweigh the perks. Figuring out a different way to sort the upcoming themes for the genfic list is on my to-do list, maybe afterwards I’ll come back and revisit.

[incendiorum]

very random hcs I've been thinking of:

io isn't... technologically inclined, so their phone use is 90% for communication purposes and that's it. the other 10%? watching makeup videos. for inspiration.

they text much the same way they talk. a lot of words. and what comes across as fairly formal. however their use of punctuation is... loose, and restricted to periods only. commas don't exist when they write.

if they're texting latona, they do so strictly in latin.

for that matter, io and latona frequently only converse in latin. while they do try and switch to a common language for whoever else they're with, they will fall straight back into latin at a moment's notice. especially to argue with each other.

lucrezia also frequently gets talked to in latin. she understands... quite a few languages, though, honestly.

the combination of io's mother tongue, the evolution of latin into the romance languages, and their more frequent use of spanish and italian mean that io speaks english with an accent. it's indeterminate, really. muddled between different languages. but the guess of romantic in origin isn't incorrect, really. some people might think italian or spanish, but there's certainly some differences that make it not exactly either of those.

if they like you, they answer a call with salve. otherwise they pick up the phone and go 'what.'

io enjoys making jewelry for themself to wear. and these can quickly get very elaborate. such as: a heavy collection of golden hellebore flowers, sitting carefully so across their collarbones; an articulated, golden skeletal hand with the fingers touching their throat, the radius and ulna sits in the middle of their chest; an ouroboros - a snake swallowing its own tail; arm bands and bracelets made to look like prickly vines.

io really is multi-talented. and they love putting their talents to use. they like to make and create with their own two hands. it's why they gold-and-silversmith. why they've made their own knife handles. why inter mundos looks exactly the way they want it to. they know how to work leather and rawhide. they know how to do things starting at the most basic level, because that's what they did for centuries living on their own. and they like dedicating time to starting from the very basics.

[networkunsupported]

⚠ TRADE OFFER ⚠

i receive:

information about your new ocs

you receive:

my undying gratitude

oh BOY OH BOY OH BOY ALRIGJT.

sorry i'm like category five nuts over these two bear with me

so basically the hatsune miku lady is a person called anya reyes! she comes from,, not necessarily an overbearing family but ones who are depending on her success a lot (they live in like. an apocalyptic world with its main source of guidance being this very high-up sciencey official corporation and her parents are basically trying to get asylum there by convincing her to build some Grand Scientific Technological Marvel)

which she does! she spends her whole life constructing a...construction called the Orobo- the uh. the. Orub- the um. the Ouroboros Project (which is a nightmare to spell so let's just call it OBS for short) which is the first officially recognised time machine! yayyy!!

( it's important to note that OBS is not the first time machine. it is simply the first recognised one, as time machines are the second-most likely contraption to inadvertently ruin things massively if incorrectly used (the first-most being atomic bombs), and the first-most likely to erase any trace of their existence if REALLY incorrectly handled (mind-erasing devices take second place, as it was deemed the most incorrect usage of them would be as expensive and overly-complicated paperweights.))

this isnt plot relevant in any way. it's literally just random worlbuilding. funfact.)

so. OBS a) doesn't blow up, and b) allows anya and her family asylum inside the walls of this corporation. in fact, more than that, they're SO pleased about this invention that they even rename the corporation! this place used to be called the D.O.S.T. , or Department Of Space Travel after the fact they...made spaceships or whatever, but then renamed themselves to the D.O.S.T.T. , or Department Of Space-Time Travel. THAT'S how pleased they were. had to reprint all the paper napkins and monogrammed towels just for that.

and so, inside the D.O.S.T.T.s buildings, anya meets a guy called viktor cruz- who- you've guessed it! is the other guy i drew. he claims to have been there,, a little longer than her, but not by much- and has got in through the insane and wildly amazing way of umm...(checks my notes) passing the entrance exam. yeah they have one of those. first and last exam that man ever passed- but hey, it was enough!

hes a little less,, caught up on the existence of the OBS than most people- he's like oh sick that's cool but that's about as high as his levels of interest get on that matter and honestly anya appreciates that!! tying your life to one creation you didn't even really want to make yk. kinda sucks.

so they stick together <3 they're besties even- roomies, if you will

viktor helps anya dye her hair and get some periecings and really just be a bit wild with it all and in exchange she helps maintain his prosthetic (and sleep schedule) for that matter!

viktors whole thing is kind of like. he wants to find a nice hospitable planet somewhere and set up his own talkshow/podcast/radio kind of a thing and anyas like fuck yeah i wanna get out of here too can i come be a guest and he's like absolutely you can

what i mean to say is im nuts over them. like so nuts. like they're such,,, they're. you get me.

[starfolk7]

For the ask game: Messmer, Wolf, Genichiro and your grubby man Gabe

Oh my god im so sorry this took me so long to get to but HOO BOY this will take a bit here we GO-

Messmer

- favorite thing about them: My god, they did SUCH a good job with his character. Forever locked away in the Land of Shadow? Carried on a crusade that even his most loyal followers had to take a step back and say "hey um is this too much"? Cursed with the inhabitance of the Abyssal Serpent, wherever they came from? There's so much buried under that fierce and tired exterior, and I love it when people dig deep on Messmer and come up with fitting headcanons to coincide with his tragic canon story <3

- least favorite thing about them: I guess all of the genocide? Then again, that's a core part of his character/story, so he wouldn't be the same without that. And really, there are no pure sides in Elden Ring, everyone's got blood on their hands and skeletons in their closets. Messmer is no exception.

- favorite line: "O Mother, forgive me..." The delivery on this line gets me every. Single. Time. 😭😭😭

- brOTP: Messmer and Gaius!! From the lore, it sounds like they were super close friends, and I love the idea of them being close comrades. Idk, something about it just hits, y'know?

- OTP: Any Messmer x Tarnished/OC ship! Yes I have one of my own, but I don't think I'll be publishing anything about it for quite a while. I'm already loaded with writing projects as it is lol

- nOTP: Don't really have one for him!

- random headcanon: Give him hot soup and he'll be a happy man. Idk why, but my headcanon of him as a soup guy still holds firm!

- unpopular opinion: I really don't like how a lot of fans seem to put all of the blame on Messmer and none of it on the Hornsent. My point above stands: there are no innocent sides in the story of Elden Ring. Except maybe a handful of NPCs.

- song I associate with them: Ouroboros by Trobar de Morte; Demigods by HEALTH (especially the last minute of the song, OOF)

- favorite picture of them:

Kind of basic, but I adore the cover photo for the DLC. The pose and the lighting just absolutely slap <33

Wolf

- favorite thing about them: His loyalty and, to an extent, his naivety. It's pretty endearing, seeing him figure out things about the world around him that he never knew about. Example: the poor man didn't know you're supposed to cook rice before you eat it. He's spent so long learning to be a weapon that it never occurred to him to learn the simpler things. It's kind of sad, but also compelling, if that makes sense!

- least favorite thing about them: I guess the killing thing, but he didn't exactly get a say in his career path soooooo

- favorite line: I have so many for Wolf, he's got great lines! But honestly, all of the dialogue where he defies Owl. It hits closer to home than I'd like, but it's an amazing part of his character development <3

- brOTP: Wolf and Kuro! Sure, there's a master/servant dynamic going on here, but I just love Wolf looking after Kuro like a sibling or even an adopted son. It tugs at my heartstrings something fierce ;w;

- OTP: Hehehehe I love shipping Wolf with OCs. Yes I have an OC ship with him that I don't chat about much, but it's cute and compelling and UGH I love it a lot!

- nOTP: Don't really have one for him, believe it or not!

- random headcanon: Once he has the freedom to do what he likes, I feel like he has more energy to develop a better hygiene routine. Let's be real, he smells like dirt and sweat on a good day, and I don't wanna think about what he smells like after trudging through that Great Ape fight fjkjskghd

- unpopular opinion: It's been a bit since I thought about this aspect of things for Wolf. I guess I don't like it when people boil down Wolf to being just naive or just an unfeeling killer. He's so much more than that. I'm noticing a trend in what bothers me with character interpretations lol.

- song I associate with them: Tourniquet by Evanescence, though he's def not the only one of my boys that gets this song!

- favorite picture of them:

There's so much wonderful fanart of Wolf, but after looking through a bunch, I just adore this shot of him. It encapsulates so much of his character in one go! Plus the lighting highlights his pretty face so well! <33

Genichiro

- favorite thing about them: There's so much passion contained within one guy that looks like attractive burnt toast. If he used it for good, it would be much more attractive, but at the very least, it's compelling! Genichiro has more issues than Time magazine, but he's got the spirit, y'know? Overall, absolutely great antagonist with so much depth <3

- least favorite thing about them: How to stop him from going after Wolf asking for a friend. The friend is me. I know, it's part of what makes him a compelling character but PLS

- favorite line: It's been a bit since I played Sekiro, but I use "Heresy, you say?" on my brother a lot lol

- brOTP: Not really sure? Need to read more fics with Genichiro in them, that might give me a better idea.

- OTP: Don't really have one of these for him, either! Shipping him with Wolf has its own kind of spice, but I wouldn't call it an OTP of mine, y'know?

- nOTP: Also don't have one of these for him lol

- random headcanon: He would not know how to function in everyday society. I don't mean high society, I'm talking amongst everyday people. He would be so lost lol

- unpopular opinion: I guess I don't really care for how people boil him down to one trait or another. As much as I like to poke fun at Genichiro sometimes, there's so much anger and passion for a multitide of reasons. He doesn't fall into one box or another.

- song I associate with them: Gotta admit, haven't really thought about songs for him much. I'm not the person to ask on this one skdhfkdsh

- favorite picture of them:

You cannot tell me this isn't an amazing shot of him. It embodies SO much of his character in one frame. Plus, it's pretty hot, not gonna lie dsfsdfdsh

Gabriel

- favorite thing about them: Oh my god, where do I even start? The nuance behind his heinous acts? The crisis of his position in existence? Gabriel is SUCH a disaster and he doesn't even know it until he gets his ass handed to him for the first time in his existence. He's spent the whole time fighting in the name of God, someone that couldn't even be bothered to live with His mistakes, and for what? Just for Gabriel's own kind to turn on him when he slips up once? GodDAMN there is so much to unpack about him and his character, but I'm trying to keep this as spoiler-free as possible, so. Just know that he has a LOT going on in that haloed head of his okay he's Going Through It TM

- least favorite thing about them: Why he gotta be so mean to me :((( I'm kidding, but for real, Gabe has uh. Done a LOT to piss off the damned, let's just put it that way. But again, it comes down to: what choice did he have, if any, to do anything different? Lots to dig through on that one.

- favorite line: UGH I have so many for him, but this is from an exchange later on:

"Face it, brother. God is Dead. The fire is gone. You're chasing phantoms."

G O D his character arc drives me insane okay

- brOTP: If Gabe and V2 (another of my beloveds) ever got the chance to meet, I'm p sure they'd bond over their mutual hatred of V1. Maybe that's just me, but I love the idea so much that it's a later thing I'm playing with down the line in my fic. Sure, it's also motivated by other things, but shhhh don't worry about that lol

- OTP: Hehehehehehe Gabe x OC go brrrrr. Y'all know the shit I'm writing with him and Charlotte down the line, it's not a secret at this point that those two drive me nuts in the best way skdfhksdhf

- nOTP: I wouldn't say nOTP, per se, but I really am kind of neutral on Gabe x V1? I completely understand where the appeal comes from, and there's some cute ass art of it, but it doesn't really hit the spot for me? Personal thing, really. It's fine, though! I'll party in my little OC corner instead lol

- random headcanon: Since Gabriel is an archangel that has existed for...god knows how long, he can understand every single language humanity has ever created. Now, does that mean he can properly speak every single language? Absolutely not. Some languages he can speak as elegantly as a native speaker, but others? Oh no no, he's atrocious with his pronunciation. Idk, I think it's just funnier if he can understand what people are saying, but he can't always properly convey his words in their language. French, for example. No this isn't motivated by his stuff with Charlotte what are you talking about-

- unpopular opinion: I like poking fun at him and comparing him to a wet cat sometimes, but I really don't care for when people only see Gabriel as a pathetic whiny mess. He didn't get this far being that way, he had to fight and win SO MANY battles before his first encounter with V1. If he wasn't competent in his skill set, V1 would have crushed him in an instant. There's a reason he was able to cause so much misery for the denizens of Hell. That's all I'll say.

- song I associate with them: Oh geez, SO MANY. But here's a few, not counting his tracks from the game:

Sleep Token - Chokehold; HEALTH feat. SIERRA - HATEFUL; Ethel Cain - Family Tree; JVLIAH - Angel of Death; DYNA - Redemption; Spiritbox - Circle With Me

I don't have a problem I swear-

- favorite picture of them:

I had to sort through a LOT of pics, but this is by the lovely friedri-ce right here on Tumblr!!

Not only are the style and colors absolutely STELLAR, but it just. Perfectly encapsulates Gabriel when you first meet him in the game. Gorgeous piece, I love all of their fanart of Gabe!!! <333

[lokittystuckinatree]

I’m baaaaack

I’m eating pancakes and drinking an entire glass bottle of San Pellegrino. It’s 2:30 am.

This movie is genuinely so freaking…weird

Thor basically says Loki hasn’t been acting like himself lately. We don’t know what Loki is like in a healthier place. So why do so many people swear TVA Loki can’t be a version of OG Loki’s true self? For example, I find Loki’s personality in the Loki Series reminds me most of Loki in Dark World. Makes sense. Same period of life, different timelines. I theorize season 2 Loki will be very Dark World esc from what we’ve seen

That scene where he shapeshifts into different people to drive Thor crazy reminds me of his shenanigans at the TVA.

when Loki said Thor “likes (his new friends) so much,” did it sound sarcastic, resentful, jealous? I could be imagining things. He may just be mocking his brother’s friends. Too subtle to tell.

Loki is definitely into Steve

and I’m definitely into Sif

Odin is the real villain

Is it embarrassing that Thor and Loki driving that spaceship and the exchange that leads to “you just decapitated your grandfather” and then Loki driving super sexily and “TA DA” is possibly my all time favorite MCU sequence? A bit, however cringe is dead. So many iconic quotes from those scenes.

Dashingfrost canon methinks… “FLeXibLe”

Whenever Loki exists in this movie I want to lick my screen

The only woman whose love you’ve prized will be snatched from you! *cut to Loki crying at a random McDonalds in Oklahoma* I wish Thor was there to roast him back

I need to stop quoting Loki but “Satifaction is not in my nature,” is such a tragic line coming from such a tormented ambitious dreamer of a person…he’s an enneagram 4 for fvcks sake. He spent his whole life chasing a rainbow…Ouroboros, serpent chasing it’s own tail. (Possibly also the name of that new Loki character?)

Legend says, every scene in Thor the dark world can spawn up to 13 Loki character analysis metas. His character growth in this movie alone means so much to me. I can’t stop pausing every 3 seconds and dissecting his character. Dark World is a Loki masterclass alongside Thor 1, and in my opinion more important to understanding his character than Avengers.

Selvig went insane cause of Loki’s mind control via the mindstone… The mindstone altered Loki himself to a lesser degree. I wonder how much…incharresting

Why is Loki the only one who ever has a goddamn plan? At least Thor helped for once. Meanwhile Jane is like “wait, is Loki actually a good person?” I’d talk about the plot but it’s convoluted and very blah in every way. Loki is the plot, to be honest

Me whenever Loki “dies”: he’ll be fineeeee

The anomalies/portals in this movie are still super funny

Mjolnir on the coat rack, so iconic. Even funnier knowing Loki’s wandering the desert off screen with a stab wound this whole scene. Who said this movie was bad I just want to talk (the plot is sketchy but it’s fucking hilarious. Easily one of the funnest MCU movies)

Sometimes I too daydream about faking my death, Loki. Go to therapy. (Oh wait that’s what Mobius is supposed to be )

The suspicious face Loki made in guard disguise lol. So subtle so subtle I’m just picturing him eating trail mix, mildly concerned, while the convergence goes down.

I forgot this entire part of the movie. Ya know, the climax. With the important bits and stuff.

Thor: basically advocating the throne. Loki as Odin: did I - did I just get a fucking happy ending?

When you speak, do I never hear Mother’s voice? Potent use of double meaning and dramatic irony. *Sentimental Loki noises* He loved his mom so much bruh I’m choking up.

And eventually, Loki did finally choose being a good person over being a great ruler. Ironic, as Loki was a better person and better ruler than Odin ever could be. The soft way he talks to Thor in this scene…it’s so funny, because on one hand, Loki is a phenomenal actor (and a theatre kid lol) but he’s also not acting a lot of the time. He meant most of what he said to Thor, and in Avengers he was at his worst but much of what he said was projection… he hides his true self behind a mask. The Loki series got something right at least…

Loki is so fucking neurodivergent

The Thor/Jane end credit scene. They’re endgame in my head, Marvel

The end

LCU (Loki Cinematic Universe) Rewatch Part Three here we come!

Thor: the Dark World

Oh Gods I forgot how…indescribable this movie is. I have no words. The outfits and settings look so real and the elves look so fake?

Me every time I see Loki: oOmMgGg Hiiiiiiiiiii 😘

“Mother did I make you proud?” And the whole way he handles this scene…How did anyone ever take him seriously - no wonder he went off the rails, that’s his greatest fear

“Do you not feel the gravity of your crimes” ok this is pure speculation but going off of what we know about Loki’s moral and emotional system - he’s capable of remorse and empathy, but he tends to compartmentalize and bury guilt and shame, repress and conceal his true feelings, and rationalize, minimize and justify his actions instead of accepting what he sees as weakness, so yes, I’d imagine that deep down he absolutely fucking feels it. And it don’t feel good.

Loki justifies his imperialism genocide and violence in an imperial genocidal militaristic society but the second he becomes king he decreases military intervention something something (one of the good bits of Ragnarok)

“I don’t enjoy hurting people” But Odin does. And so Loki pretends to.

BOOOOOO Odin no one likes you BOOOOOOO SCREW YOU

oMggg Sif hiiiiiii. Look at her, Thor. LOOK at her! With your eyes! She prettyyyyy

Odin and Thor: talking about Thor’s love life. Loki probably: rocking back in forth in his cell because no one’s ever gonna love him. Another Loki at the same time: chasing his soulmate across spacetime because she pulled a Loki on him and he finds that endearing

The sets and ambiance of Asgard are gorgeous how do I move there

Yet another obscure character I don’t remember, Darcy’s in the comics now I’m so proud, Selvig’s lost his last marble, so have I Selvig, so have I

The weird gravity/time space anomaly/warp thing in that abandoned building actually makes for a fun scene. You cannot change my mind on this. The Aether is pretty creepy though ngl.

Thor and Jane are so cringe together. I love them. They also break my heart

The plot of this movie is really…something

Loki and Frigga’s bond actually makes me teary I know they didn’t have the best relationship it was strained and toxic at times but omg they care about eachother so much I’m getting emotional…she genuinely was the only person Loki truly loved in a healthy way. And he fucking lost her. FUCK

Cut to me relating to Loki so much it makes me physically recoil. I’d get into why but I’m not trauma dumping today.

“I don’t know why Loki helped the dark elf get into the palace”…lol stop lying to yourself you know the reason very well. You have the same resentment and lust for chaos inside you that Loki does…that desperate grief that makes you want to burn down the world that burned you. you know. I see my worst in Loki, and his story gives me hope that I can change. There’s a good chance I will die young (medical shit) and Loki dying young also gives me comfort.

This movie is peak Loki. I just fucking adore the little shit. I just aahfhkjkmng *aggressively squeezes*

Heimdall is underrated

Someone on discord said Frigga autocorrected to Fridged on their phone and Frigga’s dying and that’s all I can think about rip…bruh this scene hits a lot harder after my dad’s death ✌️

HE WASNT EVEN ALLOWED AT HER FUCKING FUNERAL FUCK YOU ODIN DRINK BLEACH!!!!Anyways I forgot how cinematic and heartbreakingly beautiful the funeral was

YOU CAN SEE THE SPARK LEAVE HIS FUCKING EYES IM GONNA FIGHT ODIN IN A DENNYS PARKING LOT. I’m ending on the Loki illusion scene for tonight because it’s 3 am and I’m in emotional distress.

How can anyone watch the illusion scene and the deleted bits and actually believe Loki is a cold hearted psychopath? I have this fucked up headcanon that Loki almost attempted suicide after Frigga’s death and either stopped himself…or Thor showed up right on time. I can’t prove it but I know it’s true by gut instinct.

There’s something so weirdly profound about someone who seeks out death being unkillable. Character who thinks he represents death actually represents life. That’s something the Loki series actually did well. They definitely screwed up his character in places, but I can see the backbone of what they intended. I don’t know how to explain this, but I don’t ship Sylvie with TVA Loki, I ship her with Pre-Ragnarok Loki. Aka, I characterize TVA Loki as closer to OG Loki than he is thus far.

There’s a tiny detail about Loki that makes me go feral. You have to psychoanalyze a little, but Loki doubts his brother even cares about him, so whenever Thor says he feels betrayed and threatens him, Loki smiles. It means Thor cared. It means there’s hope. Negative attention is better than none at all. Disappointment is better than apathy. I wish I didn’t know how he feels.

[unlimitedhorsepower]

hey anyone interested in betareading my t&b fanfic (lol).

i have mega ADHD and sometimes forget entire word or sentences which results in funny incoherency and also sometimes i get grammar wrong however thats secondary to me wrt getting characterization and canon fact compliancy right (and ill have to be honest. i have a photographic ryan fact memory but sometimes forget basic facts of the show. its a disease)

i gave synopsis of my two closest-to-finishing and not ungodly long projects under the cut (ryan/yuri and one of my ouroboros au projects), if you wanna give me feedback lmk... ill add you on discorb and give you the google doc link xP

ryan/yuri, ~7k (as of now, itll be at least 10k when i write out some parts itd be finished i just got stuck fiddling with the formatting/order of flachbacks to present-day)

synopsis: ryan visited sternbild a long time ago, and the two of them met. present-day yuri feels compelled to confirm whether the boy in the photobooth picture reel he remembered owning really is ryan or not. the theme is mostly about whether you have a family dinner or not at home, poorly sitting on chairs, having an existential crisis on a permanent basis and whether its possible to judge yourself or no (judges are supposed to be impartial) ^includes flashback scenes and i wanna make sure the formatting makes sense to people who arent me

barnaby, ryan & keith, my ouroboros au, ~14k (but im going to trim it down bc theres a lot of unnecessary things). mature but this is because some maiming and manslaughter but this is secondary and comes up mostly in off-screen acquired blood

synopsis: this just explains why the three of them work together, establishes some basic worldbuilding details about them. they sit in cars an awful lot. ^i have to say my barnaby characterization is absolutely the weakest of the three lol so id be interested to hear an opinion about it.

also PSA im not too good of a writer like objectively/in a technical way(?) yknow and thats fine with me, its practice! i am great at thinking of themes and shit but dont ask me to write a beautiful sentence instead i will describe random object locations multiple times in the same sentence before reviewing my writing and being like wtf was i doing there.

also i never type with the semblance of grammar here but i promise. i do use capitalization and punctuation

[gellavonhamster]

for the ask meme: 001 for dark (even though i still haven’t watched it yet but i’m really excited to eventually) and/or 002 for beatrice/bertrand/lemony

001 for Dark:

Favorite character: Claudia - the cleverest player in the time travel game and the baddest bitch with an amazing character development

Least favorite character: Ulrich. Objectively speaking, he is hardly the worst person out there, but I just find him so annoying

5 favorite ships (canon or non-canon): Aleksander/Regina, Agnes/Doris, Hannah/Katharina, Jonas/Martha (I couldn’t care less about them for the first two seasons, but s3 changed my mind), annnd Bartosz/Silja

Character I find most attractive: AGNES

Character I would marry: do I absolutely have to marry into that horrible town? The 1950′s version of Egon seems like an okay option, I guess

Character I would be best friends with: Regina or Ines

A random thought: a fic I recently read opened my eyes to the fact that the snake biting its own tail - the symbol associated with the time travellers - could signify not only the ouroboros, in which the beginning is the end and the end is the beginning, but also (in its secondary meaning) the serpent, which seems quite appropriate for a story that has Adam, Eve, (the myth of) Paradise, and the (White) Devil, and wow... there are truly endless possibilities for analysis, what a mindblowing show (she said for the 100th time)      

An unpopular opinion: I... don’t feel as strongly about Noah/Elisabeth as everyone else seems to. That must be because we didn’t see much of them as an actual couple, it was mostly a grown man around a little girl (creepy) or a young adult around a girl who is still significantly younger than he (less creepy, but still a bit weird). They obviously loved each other a lot and deserved better, but I guess I just didn’t have enough time to get attached to them as a ship

My Canon OTP: Aleksander/Regina

My Non-canon OTP: I don’t really have one at this point, but the idea of  Hannah/Katharina is slowly growing on me... who needs cheating men, lol

Most Badass Character: Claudia (see the first point)

Most Epic Villain: I don’t think there are any clear-cut villains on this show, but if we’re talking those morally gray characters who cause the most problems, then probably Eve (sorry, Adam!)

Pairing I am not a fan of: the first ship I thought of is very spoilery, so I’ll just say instead that Ulrich/Hannah was an unhealthy trashfire of a relationship that made everything worse for everybody

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): Silja (underdeveloped, needed more personality, I still love her though), Agnes and Doris (their subplot got neglected towards the end)

Favourite Friendship: weirdly enough, I don’t know? Everyone in this story just keeps screwing everyone over. But I enjoyed what little we saw of alt!Martha and alt!Bartosz together, and, if sibling dynamics count, Martha & Magnus.

Character I most identify with: I’ve definitely made this joke somewhere already, but Wöller because comic relief eye injury + I, too, never have a clue about what’s going on

Character I wish I could be: uhhh, no one? Maybe Claudia if I really have to come up with an answer (not pre-time travel Claudia, though).

002 for B/B/L:

When I started shipping them: god, I don’t remember. Some time after joining the ASOUE fandom and reading some fics and realizing that this is a possibility and I like this possibility a lot

My thoughts: I know I’ve said this before, but it makes canon less tragic (no love triangle) and MORE tragic (Lemony loses both people he loved) at the same time, and I think that’s beautiful. Also, each dynamic between each two characters within this OT3 is so interesting in its own way! There’s Lemony/Beatrice that must have grown from a passionate relationship of two dramatic and loving people who were probably too similar in their personality and not similar enough in their aspirations to what is basically the poet and the muse (probably because writing about a muse is not as painful as mourning a real woman). There’s Bertrand/Beatrice, which I see as a more mature and healthy, if less romantic, relationship of two people who share the same goals and the weight of the same crime on their shoulders and decide to change their lives together. And then there’s Bertrand/Lemony - two gifted men who got compared to each other (well, at least L sure got compared to B) even before they first met, and who, logically, must have been rivals, except that there is a lot of fondness in how Lemony writes about the man who married his ex-bride... inch resting..... what I’m saying is that it’s a facinating dynamic made up of three separate fascinating dynamics and they live in my head rent free  

What makes me happy about them: see above for fascinating dynamics + I like to imagine that whatever time they spent together was very happy for all three of them 

What makes me sad about them: oh, I don’t know, the fact that two of them die, and one is left alone and depressed? :))

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: I think I liked, at least more or less, all B/B/L fics I’ve read, so I have no answer

Things I look for in fanfic: at this point I just look for fanfic, period. Also smut bc I can’t believe the closest thing to smut w/ this ship was written by me, of all people

My wishlist: I don’t see how this point is different from the previous one? Anyway, gimme all the fanfiction and fanart and headcanons and everything

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other:  Beatrice with R, Bertrand with Ernest (Vera sold me on this ship :D), Lemony with his Kind Editor

My happily ever after for them: B&B both survive the fire, start looking for their children, run into L, and then all three of them together manage to find Violet, Klaus, and Sunny

[eisforeidolon]

Episode: Ouroboros

Ouroboros is a fitting title for this episode.  Not because it has a snake-creature.  Not because of the symbolism of unity or the cycle of life and death.  No, in the sense that it's such a clear, contained example of how Dabbernatural is eating itself to death through the writers' absolute incompetence at telling a compelling, coherent story.  Or perhaps it’s in the sense of being a never-ending circle of making the same exact mistake over again: Supernatural is the Winchesters' story; making them incompetent fools to highlight your nonentity OCs is always going to read badly to a large portion of your audience.

It starts out okay.  The previously seems really overlong here and I do have to wonder if they think our memories of what’s previously happened are as shit as theirs.  The episode itself, however, begins well enough with a mysterious cold open involving a MotW who has really creepy new powers.  Okay, cool!  

Except instead of actually being hunted by Sam and Dean, literally everybody is along on this fucking hunt. Remember when Sam and Dean were allowed to be competent enough to track and kill a MotW themselves, because the writers knew they were meant to be clever, resourceful, and good at their job?  Best hunters in the world?  LOL. 

Now not only do they have to drag Castiel and Jack along, fucking Rowena has joined the Hunters R Us club.  Like, I love Rowena, but COME ON.  Which doesn't even address how later in the episode, Sam can't even do his own fucking research – they call it out to fucking Maggie!  Then Sam & Dean and Jack & Cas ALL get their asses absolutely handed to them … by some random one off MotW that we're not told any reason to expect has major fighting skills.  Unlike all the things they've beaten which literally did.  COME THE FUCK ON. 

What do the Winchesters actually get to accomplish in this episode of their own goddamn show other than exist onscreen to con us into watching the Dabbernatural Gary Stu drama hour? 

Blah blah blah, interlude of characters reminding us about Dean having Michael in his head interspersed with oh no, poor sad beige woobie still has magic consumption.  [Insert totes concerned hand-wringing here, or don't, because LOL, so over it.]  The most charitable thing I can say about it is that presumably Dean talks to Castiel about the box plan again here because Castiel will actually go through with it, unlike Sam. 

Also, I'm not a vet or any kind of medical professional, but when they needed to get some antivenom, my immediate thought was, “Wait, what kind?”  I figured maybe I was wrong because surely the writers would do the bare minimum of research, but apparently not, as Wikipedia does seem to corroborate that “the specific antivenom needed depends on the species involved”.  Pretty sure that their local vet's office doesn't have Gorgon antivenom.  Even if Rowena’s magic is involved, if she can just make it magically the right thing, why on Earth would they actually even need any kind of antivenom in the first place?  Or not at least talk about getting a specific kind so it doesn’t look like they’ve got no idea what they’re on about?  As such, I can’t see this as anything but the writers yet again not bothering to put in the basic minimum of care to explain how this thing that obviously shouldn't work will now work for reasons.

I did genuinely like Sam and Rowena's playacting in the vet office, that was great!  Even Jack getting turned into a dog to lift the non-magical magical cure-all antivenom was fun. As well as Rowena chiding Sam about how what they're doing with Jack is doing exactly what she would – as she was until recently a villain. (Although again, putting aside why, if Rowena is their fucking hunting buddy buddy now, why exactly they aren't telling her what's up with Jack.  Seriously, why?)  Unsurprising that what I think actually works briefly in this episode is the character interactions powered by the skill and charisma of the actors, not anything the writers are doing.

Which brings us back to what Dabb didn't learn from Wayward: making the Winchesters (and Cas) entirely incompetent and helpless to facilitate ludicrously endowed super!kids like Jack stealing the show is insulting enough when it happens with the Gorgon, but it is straight out infuriating as the end of the whole AU!Michael arc.  Seriously, I do not get this fetish of his.

Before getting more into that, as an aside, does it matter if Cas can breathe?  I don't mean that in a “Die, Cas, die!” way, either.  I mean, he's literally an angel in a human suit, even if he's paralyzed by the thing's venom (which I'll accept that the creature can't see him but its venom still works on him because the body is more or less human {sort of, considering it's been turned into a specially constructed vessel made to break all the angel rules for reasons [to not have a supposed good guy holding a human soul permanently hostage and that whole dumb special-vessels-lol-what Lucifer interlude]}) does it really matter? Especially in that moment?  Like, if he's angel enough that the monster can't see him, he should be angel enough that mundane damage to a vessel should be nothing more than an inconvenience.  Castiel is exactly as human or angels as the writers need in at any given second. 

Speaking of which - Jack freaking out over it is another instance where he's dumb as an infant or competent as a trained adult from second-to-fucking-second to facilitate what passes for a plot, because Dabb & Co. apparently got bored and decided they'd rather go back to another round of What's Wrong With Jack, You Should Totally Care! rather than actually write a coherent story around AU!Michael.  This infant/adult thing comes up again during the conversation with Cas about humans ultimately dying where Jack suddenly doesn't get death.  Even though we had that whole. long. thing. about Jack wanting to know about his mother and talking to that therapist and her parents about her and seeing her in heaven?  Yet now we're back to LOL what is death??  Maybe angels or part angels are literally incapable of learning anything.  It would explain a lot about both Jack and Cas in recent years. 

Also, I take back the points I mentally rewarded at the beginning of the episode for actually involving a new monster taken from mythology.  It was at this point when we see that Jack kept the snake that I recalled spoilers about what happens to it and I became suspicious that literally the only reason they went to the trouble was to give Jack a pet that wasn’t cuddly enough that the audience would turn on him if he does something to it.  I don’t mind planning ahead, but when the monster hunt was such a manufactured clusterfuck of stupid and the ultimate purpose of it seems this transparent?  Sigh.

Oh noes, what if Dean doesn't wake up!? Well, for one thing, he'd be spared continuing to exist in this shitty parody of the SPN universe, so, I'm kinda thinking that might actually be a win...

Speaking of the writers just railroading the characters in random directions to get wherever they want to go regardless?  Cas's ability to heal is useless again, because of course it is.  Somehow a physical head wound is complicated by archangel possession, because sure, why the fuck not? Remember when angel powers weren't a fucking joke, as useful as a knife without the blade?  Honestly, I might even accept that another angel was unable to do anything to a human who was playing vessel to a different angel if this wasn’t just one more in a string of so. fucking. many. instances of angel powers transparently and ludicrously existing or not exactly where the “plot” decrees they do.

Likewise, Rowena, the totally most powerful witch ever?  Shrug, she can do nothing.  Except, it turns out, get handed an idiot ball to make this railroading keep going on the same dumb track.  Welcome to the club, Rowena, enjoy being half as competent as ever you were (or less!) now that you're an ally.  Again, vessel rules?  What vessel rules?  Any old archangel can just pop into any old person they want to, don'tchaknow?  Not to mention how goddamn fucking stupid Rowena would have to be to let Michael in so he “doesn't harm anyone in the bunker”.  Are you fucking kidding me?  The only thing letting him possess her is going to do is give him immediate faster access inside the bunker without any chance to prepare for his attempting to kill all the people he definitely intends to kill.  Not to mention that they turned Rowena from completely self-involved to brainlessly selfless in this episode, suddenly, because because as if nothing exists in-between.  This literally happens because the show decided it was bored and uninterested in Michael after half-heartedly playing with the character for half a season so it chopped everyone's brains out, including their own, to make him go away.  I just cannot see any other explanation for Rowena both being that dead stupid and conveniently being able to house Michael. 

The only worthwhile thing in this episode is the good riddance to bad rubbish of all the AU!hunters in the bunker finally getting wiped out.  That the show actually expects me to be in any way upset by a bunch of people who don't even fucking have names and just keep milling around in the background taking up space biting it?  Aside, from, of course, another Dabbernatural-style cardboard sue like Maggie who went from not even knowing how to hold a weapon to being the goddamn leader in a handful of episodes?  Presumably because the Winchesters are?  Yeah, no.

Even though when he actually had his powers it wasn't a foregone conclusion that Jack could effectively take on Michael?  Now that Jack doesn't have his powers, suddenly he can burn up his soul and just completely overpower Michael with the total McGuffiness of his existence for reasons.  If doing that is so powerful, and we’re stuck with this retcon about divisible souls, why can’t any old angel just burn out their vessel’s soul to get super-powered magic?  If the powers that any individual or item has have no logical consistency, and every new idea that pops into what passes for the writer’s brains is introduced as TEH MOST POWERFUL EVAH?  No conflict over supernatural powers in this show can have any legitimate narrative weight.  If the audience can’t adequately gauge the threat, it all becomes a muddle of random events that happen rather than a coherent story we can actually invest in caring about.

Look, I’m not saying that no Supernatural plot before the current era was resolved by McGuffins or random powers.  The issue here is the general issue with their use in Dabb’s era.  Jack doesn't have to work for it.  He doesn't have to figure out some complicated way to boost his powers to make it work against the most powerful archangel.   There’s no buildup for us to invest in.   There’s no sense of the characters actually working at an obstacle and earning a victory.  He's just suddenly handed this level of power to make it happen right now, at this arbitrary moment, because the show decided it was done with this arc now and could not be fucking bothered.  It makes no sense with anything we’ve been shown about the characters' powers, it makes no sense for the story actually feeling like the characters are meaningfully accomplishing anything by their legitimate merits.  It sure as fuck makes no sense for the lore.  That whole thing with Billy's books they've been harping on and on about as TEH ONLY WAY?  Which Rowena even calls back to this episode?  Nah, nevermind, tossed out the fucking window without even a goddamn handwave.  

Seriously, the Michael arc is not resolved here because the Winchesters outsmarted destiny again, or that they found some way to cleverly subvert it.  It’s not even that they worked to find a solution and finally the work paid off by them coming across something suspiciously perfect.  It’s that they waffled around for several episodes being dramatic and making literally no progress until Dabb & Co. arbitrarily and literally handed the power to end the arc to their pet joke fake!Winchester “son” because they did not care.  And yet they expect us in the audience to continue to care, even though I can not think of any other development in any other professional media I have ever consumed that was as unsatisfying and honestly infuriating as this pile of haphazard bullshit.

[battlestar-royco]

because you said not to get you started, now i’m curious lol: what’s the tea on the ac0tar names?

 LMAOOOOO you people enable me too much. Also, shoutout to linguists, if I get any of this stuff wrong, please let me know in a comment or ask or something and I’ll totally eat my words where I make mistakes. This post is gonna examine not just spelling, but also the BALD cultural appropriation and general carelessness with naming people, places, and things. This is gonna be a lot of typing SO.

First of all, let’s look at the names we’re actually given.

F/EYRE: so stupid on so many levels. 1. The average English speaker would think to pronounce this as “Fair,” maybe “Fey-ree” when SJ/M’s desired pronunciation is Fey-ruh. In this case, she should’ve spelled it as Feyra or Faera instead of unnecessarily confusing her readers. 2. This is more of a personal gripe because SJ/M can’t write non-conventionally attractive characters, but “Feyre” is supposedly of Celtic origin, meaning “fair/beautiful.” I know it’s a BATB retelling, but really SJ/M? We know she’s hot, even though Faerug plays coy in the beginning of AC0TAR with the “I was rather plain” [proceeds to describe the epitome of mainstream Western beauty]. Faerug’s hotness is basically a main theme of the books. You don’t need to name her “beautiful.” 3. The name of the main mythical beings is FAE and their lands are sometimes referred to as fucking FAERIE. SHE LITERALLY NAMED HER MAIN CHARACTER AN ALTERNATE SPELLING OF FAERIE. CAN YOU IMAGINE IF BELLA WAS NAMED VAMPIRA, IF SCOTT MCCALL WAS NAMED LYCAN MCTHROPE, OR IF HERMIONE WAS NAMED WITCHEA??? LMFAOOOJFMWIBGOIWRBHOITOUEOTIH

A/RCHERON FAMILY: I don’t take as much issue with the names “N/esta” and “E/lain,” but maybe if SJ/M had stuck with the Celtic originated names, they would’ve all flowed better together and paid more respect to Celtic nomenclature. The “A/rcheron” pun would’ve been kind of clever if it didn’t mean that Faerug’s last name had the word “Archer” in it. This is a crime on the same scale as “America Singer.” It rubs me the wrong way how SJ/M applied the Greek “Acheron” and the iconic H&P myth to horrendous Failsand. They have nothing to do with Greek mythology. They’re just sadistic, egomaniacal sex robots. Don’t bring Hades and Persephone into this!

R/HYSAND “R/HYS”: “R/hys” is typically pronounced “Reese” or maybe even “Riss” lol so that’s fine. But once the -and suffix is added, it changes the pronunciation to RYE-sand, implying that “R/hys” alone is pronounced like “Rice.” The “H” in “R/hys” makes the “Y” soft. However, the “Y” would change into a long “Y” (ee sound –> why/I sound) in “R/hysand” because most readers would assume the two syllables are broken up like “Rhy-sand.” Therefore, now that Y is at the end of the syllable, it becomes long. So what is the truth???? SJ/M should’ve just stuck with R.hys/Reese/Reece or Rheesand.

T/AMLIN: he’s only named as such because SJ/M wanted to market the book as a crossover between BATB and Tam Lin. This book barely has anything to do with the Tam Lin myth. She should’ve gone with an original name for this.

L/UCIEN: randomly French name when the other named Autumn Court characters are Eris, Beron, and Jesminda. None of those are French. Plus it gets worse when you realize he was randomly shoehorned into being H/elion’s son because H/elion is a Greek-inspired name. And then V/anserra (Italian maybe?) is given as his last name when NO OTHER FAE has a last name. Why???

A/ZRIEL: this is spelled in a way that corresponds with the pronunciation but it reeks of cultural appropriation. SJ/M stop using names that “sound hot” 2K18. (Also, how can a name sound hot??? This is something I’ve been very confused about for years.)

MORRIGAN “MOR”: why? Why name her the Morrigan if you’re not going to respect the origin of the name, never explain her powers, and just completely sideline her? grsgrwg?/FEfwagrwtwhns!!

Moving on to the utter laziness of names in this series:

PEOPLE/PLACES/THINGS NAMED AFTER RANDOM CULTURES OR MYTHS: Illyria, Bharat, Ouroboros, Koschei, Veritas. All these names are legitimately ripped from legends and time periods, and plastered into SJ/M’s books. She couldn’t be bothered to make up her own names???? She didn’t even flesh out the places/things she named after them with due attention to detail??? Somehow she’s still renowned as a fantasy queen??????

THEORETICALLY SIGNIFICANT BUT UNNAMED CHARACTERS/PLACES: 1. Papa Arch and Mama Arch, 2. Rice’s entire family, 3. literally any part of the human lands; namely Faerug’s village, 4. the human queens, 6. anyone’s last name, 7. the King of Hybern.

NAMES THAT ARE MEANINGLESS OR STUPID AS FUCK: the Book of Breathings, the Darkbringers.

[themagiciansreccenter]

Author Spotlight: @highkingmargooffillory

Every week we are going to be interviewing a writer from The Magicians fandom. If you would like to be interviewed or you want to nominate a writer, get in touch via our ask box.

First things first, tell us a little about yourself.

Hey humans or magical creatures of the internet. I’m Ella but online I guess I go by Margo. I’m an 18 year old university student in the United States (East coast). I dance and speak French fluently. I started watching the magicians after the first season came out on Netflix and heard about the show from a BuzzFeed quiz (crazy right?!). I go by MargoWicker on ao3 and that’s where I post my work. I love creative writing (fanfic) because it is a way to create a diverging story you can control based off of an amazing foundation the show creates.

How long have you been writing for?

I’ve been writing for just over a year for The Magicians (unless we’re counting that random stuff I wrote back in the beginning of high school) and I can’t say I’m all that great. *nervous laughter*

What inspired you to start writing for The Magicians?

I joined a Magicians discord and got inspired by all the lovely talented writers who make up part of the discord channel. I also felt so compelled by the story and what goes on in the show. I think the visuals in particular played a large part of wanting to write based off of that because they are so enamoring. It’s some quality cinnamon topography (cinematography).

Who is/are your favourite character(s) to write? What it is about them that makes them your favourite?

My favorite characters to write are Margo and Julia. I think they interact with their environment in such an interesting way. They're also my favorite characters in the show so I suppose I’m biased. They're also easier for me to write in that I relate to a lot of the aspects of their personalities. I love Margo’s tough bitch exterior and Julia’s intense personality. Also they’re strong women of color. Woo!

Do you have a preference for a particular season/point in time to write about?

Yes. Some weird limbo area where everyone can exist at Brakebills and live their lives for a second. I also like a limbo area of Fillory. Basically, I like a place where my narrative can play out without an ouroboros of ass fucking it up.

Are you working on anything right now? Care to give us an idea about it?

I’m working on a multi-chapter piece with Julia and Margo. It’s angsty yet romantic but I am working on incorporating all the senses into it. Hopefully it'll be out before the end of October. It’s a better version of the fic I referenced in my Five @ Five.

How long is your “to do list”?

Moderately long I suppose because there are a few things I’m still working on and I come up with ideas too often. I also write in spurts and forget that I’m working on things.

What is your favourite fic that you’ve written for The Magicians? Why?

I think my favorite was Good Liquor Gonna Carry Me Down (Julia/Quentin at Brakebills) or Drinking Partners (Margo/Julia finding themselves at Brakebills) because they’re so imagery heavy.

Many writers have a fic that they are passionate about that doesn’t get the reception from the fandom that they hoped for. Do you have a fic you would like more people to read and appreciate?

Either Good Liquor Gonna Carry Me Down (Julia/Quentin) or Golden Slumbers (Julia/Fen) probably because they’re less popular ships. It's kind of funny how I didn’t even write Quilia for my self, but I ended up liking it. Honestly though I’d take any appreciation.

What is your writing process like? Do you have any traditions or superstitions that you like to stick to when you’re writing?

Its pretty ridiculous but I love to prewrite everything and set up the story. I rarely end up with anything mildly of quality if I just go with a stream of consciousness. I don't have many superstitions though or I just haven't noticed them.

Do you write while the seasons are airing or do you prefer to wait for hiatus? How does the ongoing development of the canon influence and inspire your writing process?

I will write during both. I think because I like my fics to be suspended in a time bubble, it seems like canon narrative is less of an issue. That said, I do pull from ongoing canon during the season and I think that comes out in some of my writing. I think I am most heavily influenced from any character development in my writing.

What has been the most challenging fic for you to write?

I wrote one piece of smut called Strawberry Wine and learned that it is (at least for me) surprisingly difficult to write about sex without making it all Fifty Shades (lame) or cliche.

Are there any themes or tropes that you particularly like to explore in your writing?

I think I like hurt/comfort and romance tropes the most. The romance I use most often is femslash just as a personal relatability aspect. I do tend to use at least one party scene in my writing as well as lighting (usually morning light).

Are there any writers that inspire your work? Fanfiction or otherwise?

I’m inspired by the entire body of work from the magicians fandom. There are too many great writers for me to reference them all and if I did I’d be afraid to leave people out. I do have to say I use more visual imagery (like shows or photos from the show) to work off as I am a more visual person.

What are you currently reading? Fanfiction or otherwise?

I am not reading any fic in particular, I just tend to scroll through ao3 and read it all in one go. I have just been reading about economic colonialism for class. Does that count?

I really need to get back into reading books for fun.

What is the most valuable piece of writing advice you’ve ever been given?

Tropes aren’t always a bad thing if used well. Also don’t feel like you need to pander to a certain audience. Write for yourself! (That was a solid 3 pieces haha)

Cringe time:

Are there any words or phrases you worry about over using in your work?

I think I tend to overuse some sentence styles. I gotta work on my phrasing and sentence variety to keep it interesting. Also this isn’t really a word but I feel like I write in passive voice or I’m not that great with picking a good verb tense but who knows.

What was the first fanfic that you wrote? Do you still have access to it?

Dear god this is embarrassing. It's a Wattpad fanfiction that I still have access to, and it’s an angsty Grace Helbig (youtuber) and Chester see (Youtuber) fanfic. The writing isn’t the worst and the topic isn't either, it just IS cringy.

Rapid Fire Round:

Self-edit or Beta? I tend to self-edit (need for speed) but beta is the most helpful.

Comments or Kudos/Reblogs or Likes? I appreciate likes but comments are the nicest to receive.

Smut, Fluff or Angst? To read? Fluff To write? Angst all the way

Quick & Dirty or Slow Burn? I write quick and dirty but I prefer slow burn (I’m working on it)

Favourite season? Season 3. It fucks me up the most

Favourite episode? I hate this question. FIllorian Candidate or Consequences of Advanced Spellcasting but I really love them all.

Favourite book(The Magicians books)? Second, because I love Julia and her background.

Three favourite words? I don’t know.

Want to be interviewed for our author spotlight? Get in touch here.

[eldritchsurveys]

o81.

[[ Random Survey Questions // By @x-hallie-x ]] 1. When was the last time you realized something about yourself, your abilities, or your financial situation that left you feeling disappointed? >> I’m not sure. I feel like I’ve got a pretty solid perception of my financial situation, and considering it’s the best it’s been since I’ve hit adulthood, I can’t imagine being too disappointed (except when new video games come out lmao but half the time I buy them anyway because... like, I can, for once, and my brain goblins can’t prevent me from treating myself forever!). As far as my mental state is concerned, Can Calah won’t let me beat myself up about that, so entertaining any sort of disappointment in myself is out of the question. 

2. Generally, are you more likely to blame others or yourself for problems you experience? >> Generally, I’m more likely to blame myself than others. But I don’t think that’s any better than blaming others. I am as much a product of my environment and the other people in my life as I am a product of whatever wild magical shit happens to make brains the way they are. I can control what I can control, but a lot of things about my life are out of my control. Finding things to place blame on really just doesn’t help me fix things, so I don’t care who’s to blame, I care how it can be fixed/helped.

3. What is one thing about your life that you don’t ever see changing, even if you might wish it would? >> I probably will never be a person that is gainfully employed or self-sufficient. And, honestly, that would hurt me more if I didn’t have someone who is gainfully employed and self-sufficient who is willing to use that for both of our benefit. I was basically convinced that everyone in this country is out for whatever they can get for themselves, and if I can’t keep up with that, then I’m not worth keeping around. I’d been convinced that people saw me as a leech who just existed to suck up all their resources, and had nothing of value to offer in return. It’s a very insidious mentality to have absorbed, but the longer I’m here, the less power it has over me, so I guess I do have her to thank for that.

4. At what point in your life have you been the most social or had the most friendships? And at which point have you been the least social? >> I guess when I lived in NYC, in general. I had a couple of persistent social circles: the Streetwork LES crew (homeless/destitute youth who went to the drop-in center on the Lower East Side called Streetwork), and the vamp scene crew (self-styled “vampyres” who participated in a big underground subculture, subdivided themselves into Houses and Clans, and threw a lot of parties). Most of those people weren’t what I’d call my friends, per se -- we were very friendly, sure, and I had a lot of good times with them, but most of those people didn’t really measure up to what I’d want out of friendship (and the rest were just casual acquaintances). I guess now is when I’ve been the least social; I know almost no one out here and the people I do know are really just... friendly acquaintances, I guess? Social-media buddies? We don’t really know things about each other, you know, like friends do... I don’t know. At this age, I don’t know how friendships form and I don’t know how to find out. The Internet is where my friends are now and I guess that’s just the way it has to be until I figure out something else (or until I move to a less socially-uptight area).

5. Do you prefer to have a few close friends or a bunch of random acquaintances? Which would describe what you have now? >> I’d like to have a mix of both. I just like to have people to be social with, in a variety of ways. Like I had in New York... Right now, I don’t know what I have. I’m kinda off this subject because it depresses me, ngl, no offence to anyone.

6. Do you journal? Generally, what do you write about? Do you find it helpful to get your thoughts out that way, or do you prefer another form of self-expression? >> I used to journal. I used to be really into journalling. But I guess, instead of trying to stick to the same practices I used to do, maybe I ought to recognise that my instinct to journal has been diverted into other forms of media -- like keeping a tumblr, and taking surveys. These all exist as records of my life -- as proof that I was here, that I existed, that these things happened to me. The internet enables me to keep a multimedia record of my existence, and that’s actually more than I could expect from just one paper journal, or whatever. Journalling (on various journal sites especially) was indeed a helpful way for me to get my thoughts out, but I guess now I just talk to Can Calah instead. I think I got put off writing my thoughts down because my instinct is to keep stuff like that public, because it’s all me and I am an open book, but then people (not just one person, either, this is just a thing people do in general, and I guess it’s understandable but oh my god) would get upset about stuff later and it’d just get messy. So I got put off being emotional on the internet because it backfired on me a lot lmao. I’m working on getting over it.

7. Do you like eating foods that other people have cooked for you, or do you prefer to have control over your meals? >> I do like eating food that other people have cooked for me -- as long as it’s food I like. And as long as it isn’t like... some kind of social trap. Like, I was annoyed with Sparrow’s mother for a few months because she wasn’t respecting my boundaries and always had some stupid shit to say about me to Sparrow and I don’t play that fucking shit. So I basically stopped being nice to her. And she kept trying to do stuff like... like Easter dinner, she made it “Southern-style” and made collards and banana pudding and shit. And like, this is a Midwestern White(tm) we’re talking about. That’s not the kind of stuff she naturally makes for any occasion. And she told Sparrow that she’d asked around (I guess at her job??? or something?) about what Black people eat on holidays??? And Sparrow’s like “but you could have just asked Logan if there was any dishes he wanted to be served”. Like, it’s not fucking rocket science, I’m right here. But she’ll always do shit like that, trying to ingratiate herself, when it’s not that fucking hard!!!! Don’t touch me, don’t talk about me to my fiancée behind my back, and ask me things directly!!!! WOW! SO HARD! (Also, the banana pudding was a fucking miss because bananas are one of like 3 foods on this entire planet that I don’t like. Which... she would have known... if she’d asked me first. But no, it was just all “oh I did this, I did that, he’s not grateful” bitch I DIDN’T ASK FOR ANY OF THIS. STOP IT.) Anyway, shit like that I hate. But people making food for me in general is great, because I hate cooking.

8. Have you ever been somewhere and REALLY didnt like a food that you were expected to eat? How did you deal with this? Are you someone who is likely to suck it up and be polite or refuse and save your taste buds? >> Yeah, that same Easter holiday I just mentioned. The collards were terrible, the fish was meh, and everything else was food I don’t care for (cheesy potatoes and that kinda starch-heavy fare). So I basically drank wine and played on my phone the whole time. As you can see, politeness is not something I feel compelled to give if I don’t want to. 

9. What is one way in which you compare yourself to others? In this comparison, do you regard yourself as better or worse off than the people to whom you usually do the comparing? >> Well, I compare myself to other fanwriters a lot, because it’s something I can’t help. I don’t think I’m a bad writer. I’ve been writing literally all of my conscious life, and I’ve watched myself progress. I’m generally pretty fair about my strengths and weaknesses in writing. When my confidence is where it’s supposed to be, and I’ve been writing often, I turn out some pretty good shit. I like my work. But my confidence took a big hit at some point lately, and I’m not sure why. All I know is that I feel like my offerings to fandom are like... boring to people, or not interesting enough, or??? I don’t know. And I feel like I don’t have any stories worth telling anymore. These are all feelings and really not based in any sort of reality, because my friends and partner tell me they like my work and my OCs, and tumblr as a whole is so astoundingly saturated with fanwork that the lack of interest most likely has nothing to do with my content and more to do with the fact that the market is full up and people don’t have time. I know all that, but when I sit down and go “okay, self, let’s write a fic”, all these mental blocks land in my path and I get too tired to deal with it and just scroll my dash instead. I don’t know what to do, but I guess I’ll just truck along until something in me changes. :/

10. What is something you’ve been particularly grateful for lately? >> That while my thanatophobia is nowhere near fixed, it’s been a little quieter lately. I’ve been able to sleep, and being able to sleep makes a lot of other things more manageable by default, so it’s like an ouroboros (in this case, a good one; but when I can’t sleep then it becomes a terrible one, lol). I’m using the lull to try to install some better programming, some less spiral-y thought patterns, that sort of thing. I don’t know if it’s helping, but I’ve literally got more to gain than I stand to lose, so.

11. What kind of change or opportunity would be the biggest help in your life right now? >> A therapist. But... like, one I feel like I can build a relationship with, not one who I dread seeing (which has been every therapist I’ve ever had). But like, besides just the benefit to my mental health... the clock is really ticking; recertification for SSI will most likely be happening within the next year and I have no psych team. How will they know how to judge my case if I’m not in any kind of treatment? That’s how people end up cut off. :T

12. Is there one emotion that you experience more often than any other? Is there an emotion you rarely ever experience? >> I experience amusement most often, probably. If that’s an emotion. An emotion I rarely experience is... shame? Most likely.

13. How mature would you say you are? What qualities do you think make a person mature? >> I don’t know how to gauge maturity, least of all my own. What is my basis for comparison? Adulthood as it is in modern USian society is a crock, most of the time -- the way people understand it is all kinds of flawed. What are our passage rites? Who are our elders? Where do we learn how to be a productive member of our community (and not just a cog in the capitalist machine)? The people we look up to are often no better off than we are. Individualism as a social standard (as opposed to the understanding of oneself as an individual) and the division of the community structure has ruined our ability to understand ourselves in relation to other people properly. What is maturity, in a society like this? What is my role in my society, and how well am I fulfilling it? What have I learned about life, and how much of it is truly worth knowing and passing on? Questions, questions, questions.

14. When was the last time you believed there might be something seriously medically wrong with you? What was the ultimate diagnosis? >> I mean, I always think my body’s about to fall apart, even though I’m aware that’s illogical and just a byproduct of thanatophobia. I don’t think I’ve ever thought anything was seriously medically wrong with me, because generally nothing is.

15. What is one illness you are afraid of having? Do you know anyone who has faced this illness? >> Anything that involves degeneration of the brain (Alzheimer’s and the sort). And no, I don’t know anyone personally with anything like that. 

16. How do you tend to behave when you’re sick? What kinds of things do you like people to do for you, if anything, to help you feel better? >> I’m so rarely ill that I’m not even sure, lmao. I think it’d depend on what kind of sick I am, because different illnesses require different methods of care.

17. If you’re someone who rarely eats breakfast, is there a reason for this? If you do usually eat breakfast, are there any other meals you avoid or skip for any reason, and why so? >> I mean, I eat when I’m hungry, and I don’t care what the time of day is (as long as it’s not too close to bedtime). So I don’t really label my meals using “breakfast”, “lunch”, and so on. 

18. When was the last time you did something you were proud of? Were other people proud of you as well? Does it matter to you whether or not other people care about your accomplishments, or is your own satisfaction enough? >> Probably finishing some questline in a video game. And no, I mean, I didn’t really tell anyone or anything. It’s not really an important thing. Woo, big deal, video games, who cares.

19. What is your least favorite thing about the season you’re currently experiencing? Are you okay with most types of weather, or are you only happy under certain conditions? >> I don’t like sweating or feeling lethargic because of heat / humidity. I’m usually okay with most types of weather as long as they’re not extreme, but if there are long stretches of cloudy / rainy days I feel pretty diminished and gloomy-doomy.

20. Have you made any changes to your style or “look” lately? How often do you change your appearance, hairstyle, fashion, etc? Or is it a pretty constant thing? >> No, not really. I don’t know what to change. My executive function when it comes to appearance is like... in negative integers. I just... I lost the knack for it. Whatever.

21. What are some things you do to feel pampered? >> I’m not sure I ever feel pampered, lmao. I tried to think about it and I just got this tangled ball of wires regarding like, stuff I can’t even explain quickly, so I’m just gonna move on.

22. What was the last thing you felt hopeful about? Do you think there’s a good chance of whatever-it-is working out in your favor, or not so much? >> Well, the last thing I felt hopeful about was getting out to see The Equalizer 2 today, and then the whole debit card thing happened, so I actually had my hopes dashed. And all because I did what I was supposed to do! But doing what I was supposed to do means that now I have to wait for a new debit card, which means I can’t go to the movies today (I can’t get to the bank and just get cash, which is what the lady on the phone said to do! I don’t fucking drive!!!). So, you know. Right now I’m just focusing on salvaging my day and my mood.

23. In what ways are you prone to black and white thinking? In what ways do you see more in terms of color or gray? >> I don’t know, I’m mostly a grey person by necessity or by design or whatever. Sometimes I’ll think “I’m a complete fucking idiot” because I did one dumb thing, or something, but like... it’s just because I’m upset about the one thing and can’t properly process that one thing at the moment without like, making a mountain out of it. That’s why I just try to distract myself until the feeling passes, because that’s the only way to get my brain to move on.

24. Are there types of people you will simply never understand (not necessarily ~empathize with) no matter how hard you might try? Are there people you seem to understand almost immediately? >> Well, yeah, definitely. I mean, I can’t possibly understand everyone. I don’t expect myself to, either. I guess I understand people who are like me? Like, that’s logical, right? I don’t know. 

25. When was the last time you tried something you’ve never tried before? How likely are you to break from your routine and try new things? >> The only thing I can think of recently is playing Journey, because I’d never played that before. I don’t know how often I try new things, especially since a lot of “trying new things” involves either money I don’t have or access I don’t have. 

26. Have you ever “recovered” from anything? What does “recovery” mean or look like to you? >> I don’t think so. I think mental recovery is a long-term shifting of paradigms and changing of perspective that can only be truly comprehended in retrospect. I think in that respect, I’ll be recovering for a long time. This is why I prefer the small-scale focus rather than the wide-scale focus, because using the wide-scale focus too much makes everything feel bleak and futile -- we may have a more complex consciousness and a more complex understanding of time and space, but I think exercising that cosmic viewpoint frequently can be really taxing on the brain (which manifests in things like existential despair, thanatophobia, etc). So instead of thinking about “recovery”, I think about being good to myself today. And that’s that.

27. What are some ways your childhood differed from those of others around you? Do you think this difference was harmful or advantageous in the long run? >> Hm. I was raised as a “gifted child” with all the ridiculous bullshit that entailed. I was sheltered to an absurd degree for a modern child (like, I didn’t watch cartoons and didn’t know what actual video games [as opposed to computer games] were until I was almost an adult). I didn’t make my first friend until sixth grade, and I was so socially undeveloped that I ended up losing her before the year was out. I didn’t know how to talk to people, I was sullen and withdrawn, I lived in my headspace and didn’t bother with the actual world around me. My curiosity as a child was severely blunted by alienation (I guess I’m making up for that lack of curiosity now, huh). I was pretty obviously not a normal child, but no one could see that?? Or didn’t care?? As long as I got good grades and didn’t cut up in class, no one cared about my development, I guess. I think the nature of my childhood didn’t do me any favours, but I also think that I’ve done the best I could with what I had (which wasn’t much). I eventually had to teach myself socialisation by observation, for example, and I think I did a decent enough job. I can’t blame my parent and the adults around him for my stunted development forever. Now it’s my responsibility.

28. What is one thing you are really good at compared to most people? What about one thing you are really bad at compared to others? >> I really don’t know how to determine this. I think it’s too easy to judge oneself unfairly in comparison to other people, so I try not to do it on purpose, you dig.

29. Do you think people are “all good” or “all bad”? What would make someone qualify as “bad” or “good” to you, or do you simply not think in those terms? >> No, I don’t think that. I don’t even think of people in terms of “bad” or “good”, unless we’re literally playing a Fable game where you have an actual “good/evil” meter. Even then, I’ve spent most of my time in that fandom unpacking that stupid fucking spectrum and writing the characters with the nuance they deserve. So, you know. I’m pretty sick of good/evil or good/bad as a whole. People are people, and that’s that on that.

30. When was the last time you did something out in nature? Do you notice a dip in your mood when you don’t get enough of the Great Outdoors? >> I guess that’d be on the Fourth, when we went to Creekside Park to eat lunch. I... really don’t spend a whole lot of time outside anymore, and I think it’s directly related to how much I don’t like where I live. I’ve tried on many occasions to be more enthusiastic about something, anything, about Grand Rapids, Michigan, and I really fucking can’t. I can’t do it. And I’m tired of trying to make myself do it. So now I just don’t do shit. Which isn’t any better, I know. I’m just trying to make do, here.

[jeremy-ken-anderson]

Disparate Interests

I’ve been playing some City of Heroes again. The volunteers running the servers upgraded the game to 64 bit, which means it runs on Catalina on a Mac.

I had characters who’d been logged out for 400+ days. They had a LOT of rested xp ^_^!

My favorite is Nekomusha, the cursed ghost cat ninja, who is amazing at picking her preferred engagements, and who can skip a bunch of extraneous fights if she doesn’t feel like doing them due to the Hide ability. There’s something really satisfying about stealthily getting into position and taking down a prime target that you don’t get in most MMOs.

Part of Nekomusha’s appeal is how well-suited the character is to solo play (important, because while the servers are back online they’re still often pretty barren these days). I’ve been exclusively running through the flagged “Important” missions using the Ouroboros chronomancy power (the closest thing City of Heroes has to a “main story.” It’s an extremely episodic game, which is beautifully on-theme for the superhero genre) and taking the time to actually read the plots the devs put together. A lot of them are very basic, but there are some interesting stand-outs. The Trilogy is an attempt to Pulp Fiction your superhero story, bouncing you through a series of chronologically contiguous events in a pretty much random order. The alternate universe (which in true comic book style includes the main-line villains in heroic roles and vice versa) includes a bunch of pronged missions with moral choices at the end. And a lot of the villain factions have really cool back stories and twists. From the evil-frankensteinian Vazhilok (led by a dude trying to cure death, who thinks the benefits if he succeeds outweigh literally anything else), to the mutated homeless The Lost (infected by alien DNA and being manipulated by distant psychic whispers. You get to fight the aliens infecting them, later!), to the Clockwork (which look like steampunk robots but the more you study them the more obvious it is that they just plain shouldn’t be able to operate, let alone run around shooting lightning at people and stealing machine parts. You eventually find out they’re more like marionettes being controlled by a hyper-powered very specific telekinetic), the worldbuilding for the game is quite solid. It’s been pleasant going through and having a good look at it, in this little bit of bonus time the world got to have.

Some bits have aged badly. The Tsoo as a villain faction was always a bad take on asian mysticism - The fact that it mirrored similar bad takes in the comics industry doesn’t make it better. There’s also a weird side-effect to the way they decided to organize the alternate universe.

See, the main universe is an MMO with standard mobs. So there’s a mugger on every corner, a monster in every alley. By the time they released the expansion with the alt-world, they realized players were spending most of their game time in instanced missions, which meant the main “hub” world could be less littered with mobs. I don’t think they intended it this way, but the result is that the fascist society looks like they’ve actually got a handle on things, more or less, while the “free” society of the main universe is literally constantly awash in violence.

Also as a superhero you can beat up gang members the police already have in custody and are reading their Miranda Rights to, and nobody bats an eye. That seems a lot less heroic, tbh.

[borisbubbles]

SURVIVOR: GAME CHANGERS Review

I only saw “Worlds Apart” again as a prelude to the latest season, which I hadn’t seen just yet. Keeping in the theme of self-parody, or so it would seem, this latest season was called “Game Changers” and reinforced its titular promise by... casting a bunch of randoms and like... seven legendary players? My personal pet theory the season was meant as a fanwank dedicated to the AWFUL (um, spoiler) Ciera “BIG MOVES!!” Eastin but then she was booted first, WHOOPS!!!!

I only saw “Worlds Apart” again as a prelude to the latest season, which I hadn’t seen just yet. Keeping in the theme of self-parody, or so it would seem, this latest season was called “Game Changers” and reinforced its titular promise by... casting a bunch of randoms and like... seven actually legendary players? My personal pet theory the season was meant as a fanwank dedicated to the AWFUL (um, spoiler) Ciera “BIG MOVES!!” Eastin but then she was booted first, WHOOPS!!!!

“Game Changers” turned out perfectly average in the end. As one might expect from a season with that name, it focused on The Game a ton, which... meh. The game of Survivor is a combo of social dynamics + basic arithmetic;  no guarantee for entertainment in itself, but a solid frame in which a good cast can shine if allowed to do so. As a subject to model a season of reality television around though... eh, no fanks. The Max Dawsons of the world love hearing about OPTIONS and hypothetical scenarios and blindsides, but not I. 

By investing heavily in The Game, I feel production dropped the ball here: The Game basically always pans out the same way, no matter how many gimmicky twists you throw into the mix. Speaking of which, omg the twists were ridiculous, are you KIDDING me??? The default elimination of Cirie Fields, one of the savviest players to every play Survivor, because she was the only person at tribal council to not possess a grossly overpowered advantage and had relied soley on her own cunning, is definitely a low point in the whole FRANCHISE.

So let me state the obvious truth the producers seem to have forgotten: 

It’s the PEOPLE in that game which elevate it because they are differing factor between seasons. Ergo, what makes them tick should ALWAYS be the main focus. Despite a SHOCKING lack of personable moments (there’s transgate and advantagegeddon but both were awful) personalities did -miraculously- manage to shine and made Game Changers... what’s the opposite of “boring”? Not boring? Acceptable? Cromulent? idk. I consider GC being decent dumb luck for the most part. Still, in a world in which once good shows such as Survivor drift ever closer to Openly Bad Television, we should count our blessings when they come. 

~CAST RANKING~

1. Sandra Diaz-Twine Mana Tribe 15th place

THE QUEEN OF SURVIVOR <3 Explaining Sandra with mere words always sells her short. If you know her, you KNOW why she’s #1. If you don’t, well... acquaint yourself

Sassy latina matron whose entire personality can be summed up by “I don’t give a shit. fuck you, adios” <3 Sandra is just INTENSLY charismatic and personable and even mundane shit, like instructing her minions on who to vote out is funny: "so this is the person i think we should send home and imma tell you why: SIERRA. DAWN. THOMAS.. :)”. <3

I’m secretly grateful she was voted off early though because it meant she was spared the editorial dettol and we finally got to see her unplugged. <3 Foolish men would gun for her all the time, only for her to effortlessly turn the tables on them every single time. It’s weird that despite her legacy, people STILL underestimated her. Of course, this all led to her being despised by the goldfish memory’d fraus. “WHO IS THIS “QUEEN” CAN SHE GO I DON’T EVEN REMEMBER WHO SHE IS” the only person to win Survivor *TWICE*, that’s who! THE QUEEN STAYS QUEEN. 

2. Michaela Bradshaw Mana 7th place

All that Sandra worship, aside, I ALMOST ranked Michaela above her. She -too- is one of my all-time favourite players. Like Sandra, Michaela’s awesomeness is difficult to capture in script; imagine if the entire “Candor” faction from the Divergent universe was distilled into one human being; that’s the Michaela Bradshaw experience in a nutshell.

Great Michaela moments include: 

(1) “TELL MALCOLM YA SEND HIM HOME TOO” (2) “SLIDE TO THE SIDE, SLIDE TO THE SIDE”

(3) Desperately trying and -failing- to control her attitudeface

(4) Stress eating at tribal council, accompanied by the usual attitudefaces:

(5) her strategy to keep Culpepper Culpepper from looking for the HII: michaela: “yo brad, go fish” culpepper: “what do you mean “go fish” is that some sort of metaphor?” michaela: “no... it's a suggestion. go fishing, like go fish. it’s low tide.” culpepper: “..........” michaela: “and bring back fish. at low tide.” culpepper: “............” michaela: “...............................” culpepper: “....................” michaela: “GO FISH!!!! >__<”

On most seasons a Sassy Black Girl With Attitude would be an OTT charicature. On Survivor Game Changers however, she was the ONLY contestant who felt like... a real, complex person, with trivial yet relatable struggles (coping with a resting bitchface, putting too much sugar in your coffee, you know, the sort of little things we all know we shouldn’t do but still do anyway). Survivor as a show doesn’t really do such characters anymore, instead focusing on charicaturizing the people with bigger personalities, and sanitizing the rest. It was great to have a character which broke this tendency, even if it were through sheer happenstance.   

3. Andrea Boehke Nuku tribe 8th place

Pet theory: Andrea was secretly delighted that Zeke turned on her, so she could gun for an obvious jury threat WITHOUT looking like an asshole <3

Seriously, Survivor is known for its comically vitriolic feuds (Sandra vs Jon, Marty vs Jane, Judd vs Margaret, Mike vs Rodney, etc) but especially this one? Andrea was SOOO visceral and bitter in that feud and destroyed him in confessionals (”TERRIBLE GAME MOVE. YOU SUCK AT THIS GAME. I HOPE I SEE YOU NEVER.” is a top 5 voting confesh), shaded him to his face (”PEOPLE AREN’T HUMAN CHESS PIECES”) and then actually got him booted lmao <3 She REALLY hated Zeke for feeling threatened by her stardom (lmfao, okay Andrea LaGrossa) and *I* too really hated Zeke, so it worked for me! 

Andrea is a blatant famewhore, but of the best sort: the one who isn’t fully aware of her own compulsiveness to make moves, not for the sake of her game, but for the sake of her own entertainment. Fortunately for us, she has a pretty good grasp on what “entertaining” involves. <3

After getting Zeke booted, Andrea targeted her friend FirstOfficerSarah, claiming she had never liked her rofl she’s too much, stawwwp.

4. Cirie Fields Nuku 6th place

Cirie’s time on this show was a perfect blend of all her previous arcs: overcoming the physical obstructions of being a self-confessed “couch potato” competing on a Survival show, competent yet interesting strategic ploys, getting screwed over by shitty production twists... wait wut????

I loved her fleshed-out relationships with other contestants. In particular: the Ozzy/Cirie paranoia of “will the other gun for me after what happened eight years ago.... hmm... i don’t think so BUT i’ll gun for them anyway :)”, only for Cirie to be blindsided when Ozzy was booted; her Good Cop/Bad Cop routine with Andrea, her insistence to ALWAYS refer to Sarah as “FirstOfficerSarah” and her secret mentorhood of Michaela. Like Michaela, Cirie’s deep relationships with everyone fleshed her out like a real person, despite several instances of gamebothood. 

I suppose now is the time I address her outrageous exit?

So, Advantagegeddon. Cirie getting default-elim’ed because she didn’t have a Ridiculous, Overpowered Rigged Advantage up her sleeve is absoutely fucking BULLSHIT no matter how you slice it. I have no doubts production was hoping something like this would happen at the Final six, just not to Cirie lol, WHOOPS. It totally backfired and will hurt the franchise, mark my words. Survivor is a social game first and a strategic game second and this meritocratic TREASURE HUNT it’s turning into undercuts its basic mechanics. For it to claim the one person commonly regarded as the best player to never win was just... the worst possible outcome? (or best, if it leads to the number of advantages getting culled in future seasons but i’m not getting my hopes up.)

But there’s always the returnee ouroboros to fall back on. Her and JaredGOD (

) for BVW3 plz.

5. Tai Trang Nuku 4th place

On paper, I shouldn’t care too much about Tai: an idol-finding gremlin who streaks and says weird things and talks about the game a lot... MEH

In practice, holy shit he owns. Sinewy, sixty-year old challenge beast gaysian <3 Tai had the best idol-related storylines in the franchise and his idoling of Malcolm was for sure epic. He instigated Advantageggeddon and as much as the moment itself sucked, the back-and-forth paranoia between him and Cirie leading up to it was great. He talked about The Game a lot, in a mr Hyunh-like voice (lolracist), only to succumb to language barrier-induced confusion and panic. His flakiness also inadvertently destroyed whatever remained Culpepper’s social game, lmfao <3 Mess with Taingel and get electrocuted by the halo!!!

Tai’s non-game related content was pretty great as well. Not everyone can pull of stuff such as “loving chickens” and “streaking” but he did, effortlessly and naturally. Tai setting the chickens loose, only for them to shit all over Cirie <3 Streaking  at the one reward because “MY BOYFRIEND AND I ALWAYS TALK ABOUT GETTING NAKED IN ARKENSAS”. <3 It was fun. I shouldn’t counterpoint this with not-fun instances such as  fake-drunk Debbie (X_X) mooning him at the merge feast, but our collective Dillip ptsd must all bear witness. 

IMMA VOMIT -- Malcolm, Tai, all of us. 

6. Sierra Dawn Thomas Nuku 9th place

Alol I can’t even type out her name without being reminded of how Sandra pronounces it. SYEAH-RAW. DAWWWWWN. TAW-MAS.

I kind of LOVE Sierra and I’m not sure if I can explain it properly. She just... really clicks with me? She’s a fun overdog, a scrappy underdog and a comitted townsperson, which means she’s good in pretty much every situation she’s in. As in World’s Apart, she is a disarmingly normal and relatable person among a cast of crazed goons. In Game Changers, this of course meant production had no clue what to do with her, so they made her a non-entity... except lolwhoops they didn’t because she kept tumbling into relevancy time and time over <3 

After the highest heights of the Double Tribe Tribal (the Kiss may actually be my famo of the season, in fact?

), Sierra hunkered down and wrapped Culpepper around her finger and somehow became the New Sheriff In Town around the merged tribe. An UTR floater from a hated season who was a replacement for Natalie Anderson calling the shots on a season dubbed “Game Changers” <3 I love how this universe functions, sometimes.

7. Troy “Troyzan” Robertson Mana 3rd place

um, i know right? I was TERRIFIED of  Troy “Troyhard” Robertson going into the season. I was SURE his getting owned by an alliance of women would have fed his macho ego and turned him full misogynist in addition to his Wacky Self-Serving Memebase Existence. Instead the Kim ptsd emasculated him and drove him into Queen Sandra’s arms, lol <3

Troy was barely on this show, but bear with me. I’ll take a non-entity with a fun and funny edit (everyone CONSTANTLY coddling him like he was a danger to himself AND others <3) over a potential chauvinist pig. Especially when said non-entity was the ONLY male on the original Mana tribe to cockblock Tony’s all-male, anti-Sandra alliance <3 Early Game Changers truly was Sandra’s Island, y’all.

lmao @ his FTC arguments tho

troy: i wasn’t surprused i made it to the end, because i played a really good game² ^__^ jury: ²[citation needed] troy: uhh i suppose i didn’t, whoops, my bad. *deletes his mental wikia page*

8. Hali Ford Mana 13th place

¯\_(ツ)_/¯  <-- Hali’s entire existence on this season.

You can preeeeetty much c/p my World’s Apart write-up for Hali here. She was once again an endearingly weird random, nuanced slightly differently? She didn’t spend her time fetishing over the constitution or regaling what her fourth and fourtheenth favourite things in life are, but in the neverending game of musical thrones which was Game Changers she was a random townsperson who loathed Brad Culpepper (and Culpepper loathed her too?), which worked me too, I guess.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

hali: “please take culpepper out. i beg you -_-” sandra: “k gurl” jt: “nope” sandra: “...hali?” hali: “u do u, guys ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ”

and then was targeted over residu floaterhood and became collateral damage in Sierra and Culpepper’s Plan To Oust Michaela. Sadly, Michaela and Cirie had already bonded, dooming Hali, who proved too peripheral to be worthy of saving. Oh well, it could’ve been worse (I.E.: Michaela going), I guess.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

9. Malcolm Freberg Mana 17th place

Much like how Sandra going early caused her to shown at the full extent of her sass and pizzazz, so does Malcolm benefit from being booted pre-merge. This was easily his most intrinsically likable appearance; *shockingly* without the otherwise omnipresent Golden Boy Edit blinding us... I wonder whether there’s any correlation???

But yeah Malcolm “at his best” to me is him as an analytic narrator/hapless follower and he provided that. He was the ONLY person to openly gun for Sandra while simultaneously understanding why she’s dangerous (ie: not being like “Sandra won TWICE... that must mean something... right??”): that she just doesn’t give a FUCK about anything but her own survival when push comes to shove <3

But we’re mostly here because of Malcolm’s reaction to being idoled out. You know, taking your exit with grace is one thing, but Malcolm is hilariously bad at losing with dignity and thank goodness he is. His reaction to losing the IC in Philippines after fumbling his rigged advantage is my fave non-Abi, non-COOKIES?? moment of that season, ngl. If defeat was a picture, it would look like this:

FWD to this season: "IMMA VOMIT!!!" & “JT IS NOT GETTING A CHRISTMAS CARD, KID COULDN’T KEEP HIS STUPID MOUTH SHUT *supernovas during final words*" hysterical.

10. Sarah Lacina Nuku Sole Survivor

For someone who is fundamentally boring, FirstOfficerSarah had several good moments. I mean, her “last time, I played like a cop, this time I play like a *CRIMINAL*” was the superobvious impetus to kick the Generic Winner Arc into motion, so I happily zoned out of most of the Sarah content... only to be pulled in by a random, unexpected fun moment at the turn of a dime???

“MOST PEOPLE CAN’T TELL WHETHER THE LICENSE PLATE THEY’RE DRIVING WITH IS OUT OF DATE ON SIGHT... *raises hand* I CAN ^__^” A+ Coach refs <3. 

Other things I enjoyed: the way she handled her Vote Steal Advantage (this game had too. many. fucking. advantages.), pawing it off to Cirie, only to be like “welllll actually it’s non-transferable, it says so at the bottom, ... so... can you give it back now? I plan on using it tonight :)” holy crap stone cold.  <3 And the breakdowns. The breakdown DURING Transgate, interrogating Varnercunt about his vile behaviour while calling out all the inconsistencies in his story <3 her breakdown AFTER Transgate, concluding Zeke Smith is the best (only) transgender she ever met in her life <3 Her breakdown AT the family visit upon seeing her.. idk... hubby? boyfriend? whatever Wayne is <3

In conclusion, Congratulations, Sarah, you were an acceptable Boring Gamebot Winner!! That being said, the memory of her becomes ever more distant, akin to a tumbleweed rolling downwind in the desert...

11. Tony Vlahos Mana 19th Place

BAI TONY!!! :) SAY HI TO CIERA FOR ME!!! :) The knowledge that Tony didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell in going far made him far easier to stomach this go around. This was of course aided by his own obnoxious machinations; for ex: Upon landing at Mana beach he immediately (immediately.) brayed “IMMA LOOK FOR THE IDOL, SEE YA!!!! LOLOLOLO” and darted in to the jungle. <3 Psychotic, bellowing monsterbeasts are so much better when everyone’s in on the joke. Sadly, Tony then OF COURSE had to show is ass by turning on Queen Sandra *sigh*. Oh well, at least we know who won that battle. It also had the added bonus of making TROY situationally funny: Troy catching him in the act of digging out his “Spy Bunker” and making Tony explain why he’s all frantic and covered in dust and debris. <3 and when Tony tried rallying all of the men against Sandra, Troy REFUSED because he was already tucked under her sassy wing. WILL THE SANDRA OWNAGE EVER END???? 

12. Aubry Bracco Mana 5th place

I really like Aubry as a human!!! kick-ass aspergers princess <3 but she was barely on this show when you reflect on it. She had a token confessional every ep to narrate the strategic events to which she was tangentially related. Not bad, but in terms of personal development it’s nothing.

Her epic anxious aspie self eventually DID emerge at the F7 round buuuuut too little to late. It felt like a hollow non-sequitur to me. “LOOK AT AUBRY BEING AUBRY. :) SEE? :) SAME OLD AUBRY :) NOW THAT’S SETTLED, LET’S GET ON WITH ~THE GAME~ FOREVERMORE” cool storytelling, braz. I also did NOT enjoy the valedictorian Aubry/Probst one-two-punch at the end of every tribal council, trying to pimp ~The Game~ as if it were anything more than baseborn arithmetic. “WOW Aubry :o This Tribal Council has really been GAME CHANGING hasn’t it” “Mhm Jeff, I wonder how much the GAME will CHANGE after the vote :)” x at least half a dozen times, are you f’king kidding me.

13. Brad Culpepper Nuku Runner-Up

Culpepper was perfectly adequate this season. His time amounted to a whole bunch of whitemediocre strategy noises and superawkward sociodynamics that were honestly too awkward to appreciate. Luckily those inherently Not Good qualities were transmuted through the Monica megaphone making them Not Bad :) 

It is enough to colour Brad a very pale chartreuse once put through the red/yellow/green feelings-as-colours prism. He had a handful of quirks (Brad the Interior Decorator <3 “What do you mean, GO FISH??? O_O” <3 Being the Matt von Ertfelda to Troy’s Butch Locksley <3 (wait does that make Sierra the Cesternino? discuss.)) and a few Not Good Moments (browbeating Tai, Michaelousy) 

In the end, it all balances out to neutrality. Brad’s story was a reiteration of his spouse’s, nobody does Monica better but Monica. Not Brad, Monica.

lol I thought I’d have more to say about Brad, but I don’t. Sorry boo. 

14. Caleb Bankston Mana 18th place

Caleb was on this season? Like, not even POKING at his being cast as a “Game Changer”, which is pretty suspect in itself, it actually felt like he wasn’t on S34 at all?

lol what did he even do? umm, he pecked Tai on the cheek once, which... isn’t it precious when douchebro’s try to enforce their bromoerotic routine with an actually gay person, but that’s not how it functions. Bromosexuality with a homosexual is just homosexuality, Caleb, I’m so sorry to tell you [/karajanx]. He also had immediately bonded with his other “bro” Tony (... Brony?) and therefore became a semi-sentient anti-Sandra voice. Still voted Tony off anyway tho lol. 

And then he was swapfucked and used as a human sacrifice to grant Hali Ford just enough good fortune hoodoo to stumble into the merge. Which... is the best outcome I could’ve hoped for. If Hali doesn’t make the merge, Michaela gets voted off at the F13, robbing us of her Cirielliance and “GO FISH”, making this season way worse. So gratz for being the meatshield for another meatshield, I guess!

15. Oscar “Ozzy” Lusth Nuku 12th place

Ozzy was... IMMENSELY boring this time around, yep i’ve said it, dwi. Ozzy’s personality is notable for its basic smugness (</3) and delusional self-entitlement (<3) but neither side showed itself, so why should I bother with whatever bland husk was left behind?

Seriously though, Ozzy solely existed as the physical gestalt of the long-haired, athletic, situationally relevant (citation needed on the last one though) white male who catches fish. Apparently that’s all it takes to be the OVERWHELMING fan favourite (um until Transgate oops) with the fraudience. Jesus fucking Christ, I’ll never understand.

That said, I did enjoy his aforementionned dynamic with Cirie. (“she targets me... she targets me not *picks the petals off an imaginary forget-me-not*”) only to stumble into her side at the merge through their shared Andrealliance. A pity this potentially interesting relationship was whisked out of the spotlight like HvV Colberri was in favour of more STRATEGY TALK. Obladi, Oblada, life goes on~

16. Ciera Eastin Mana 20th place

Ciera is often cited as one of Survivor’s biggest game-changers because she VOTED OUT HER MOM... in a unanimous vote.... that was orchestrated by the opposing alliance for splitting up the last remaining family pair in the game... in which she had no say whatsoever, so she just jumped on the bandwagon. SUCH A “GAME CHANGER”!!!

Since then, Ciera has been retconned as ~The Brains Behind That Operation~ and spends her time haranguing others about MAKING BIG MOOOOOVES like she once "made”. *BARF*

As expected, she *immediately* started off her usual spiel by badgering her tribe mates on day two about BIG MOOOOVES. I don’t even remember whom she targeted. I think Tony and Sandra? Wait, the fact that everyone else was already targeting Tony and Sandra at that point proves that it was :) . It is fortunate she did though because it reminded everyone what an annoying brat Ciera Eastin truly is and nixed her at the first opportunity <3

17. James “JT” Thomas Nuku 16th place

As sure as day follows night, so sure can we be James Thomas Jr. is going to overthink a situation and clown himself if Stephen Fishbach isn’t there to hold him by the hand.

Credit where it’s due, JT instigated one of the best tribal councils ever. JT assuming that Culpepper would vote off Sandra based on sweet nothings and then informing him he was voting Sierra so they could idol Sandra out was “Cersei Reinstitutes the Faith Millitant” levels of accidental self-destruction. It created the pandemonic hellscape we all know and love: The Mana’s dancing on the ashes whilst Sierra bestows the Kiss of Death upon a devastated (understatement) Malcolm; Hali and Aubry’s jaws almost literally dropping to the ground, and JT and Sandra both coming close to tears as both of their plans went hilariously awry. It was EPIC and JT put that in motion.

That said, I find him sooooo smug and Michaelous that I just can’t help but dislike his pillsbury doughboy existence. Like, who cares if Michaela eats too much sugar, you just GOT YOUR ONLY ALLY BOOTED, sit back and eat a slice  humble pie. Luckily Sandra was there to mess with his g-ddamn’ mind, eat the sugar, make him feel safe and then mercilessly slitted his throat while he had an idol in his [proverbial because he didn’t even bring it to TC with him lolol] pocket. And people still wonder why Sandra is the best.

18. Ezekiel “Zeke” Smith Nuku 10th place

Ugh, Zeke.

Now, I understand that Zeke is notionally interesting and even likable as a “transmale who is more than just his gender”, but my first instincts were always to be wary of him. it wasn‘t until Andrea articulated her own reasons for disliking Zeke (um, the non-self-serving one), that I understood why I had disliked him myself.

As a transmale, Zeke wishes to prove he’s more than his transgender status, a plight I sympathize with. However, in doing so, Zeke inadvertantly ruins the seasons he’s on. 

(1) his in-game  personality is really barren and insipid. because Zeke avoided talking about himself or his past beyond what is skin deep, he really only talks about ~The Game~ and *snore*. Who on earth is Zeke Smith? I saw two back-to-back seasons of him and I have no bloody clue. This creates the paradox of Zeke’s transgender status being his most notable trait, by sheer force of being the ONLY ~personal~ thing we learned about him. By ignoring it, Zeke is pretty much no different from like... every other droning gamebot this show has produced.

(2) he actively goes after good people. Zeke’s way of getting the confirmation he craves so desperately is to establish himself as a Big Character/Great Player on a reality tv show. I do believe he’s self-aware enough to realize he doesn’t have the panache of a Sandra or a Cirie or even an Andrea but not self-aware enough to realize/accept he’s too bland to ever fill the rifts left in the space vacuum by their potential exits. In Zeke’s mind’s eye, he WANTS to be a Sandra. Ergo, he constantly targets people (mostly women or beta males) who are superior to him in both intellect and personality... I surely can’t be the only one detecting a Girl-Hating Girl vibe from this sort of playstyle, right???

As for transgate, eh. Definitely a memorable moment and one where I sided with Zeke, but it was epic because of others: Andrea breaking down and sobbing, complete with crodocile tears, Tai SCREAMING hard truths in broken English at a backpedaling Jeff Varner, Sarah pointing out inconsistencies and hypocrisies and being SHELL SHOCKED by her first sentent experiences with a transgender person. Zeke himself though, just stared and sat there doe-eyed, taking a moment to ponder philosophically about his ~metamorphosis~. On a human level the correct way to go about the sitch, on an enterainment level valium incarnate .

Ultimately, Zeke is TOO BORING to truly dislike even, and that’s precisely why I do and must? He’s clearly not made for reality television, he’s too earnest and reserved for a game he doesn’t even play well. Idk, Zeke, you’ll have to do something else for a living. Now, I heard there’s a job vacancy for an LGBT  councillor in North Carolina...

19. Debbie Wanner Nuku 11th place

When it comes down to “Putting Up A Character”, only two things can happen. Either you’re hilarious or horrific. This season Debbie pole-vaulted from the Coach/JFP side of the spectrum over to Corinneville and never looked back.

I refuse to recount any of her many insidious attempts at camera-muggery; they all boiled down to the same tired rhetoric of “AHA! I KNOW NOW MUCH YOU LOVE DELUDED OLD DEBBIE!! WATCH ME SAY SOMETHING DELUSIONAL OR DO SOMETHING CRAZY!!! PLEASE POINT AND LAFF. HA HA HA. I’M SO FUNNEH :)” bitch that shit only works when you DON’T fling it in our faces 24/sevs. I wouldn’t mind if she had any wits or originality about her, but nope, she’s just an arsehole. :)

People claim "Game Changers” ruined her, but, to paraphrase my Bio lecturer after I flunked my internship last year, ultimately it was Debbie who ruined herself, so~

lol this was prolly the shortest write-up of them all too. What an epic character.

20. Jeff Varner Mana 14th place

Ho, boy, it’s time to discuss Transgate, isn’t it? -___- I’m not even going to pretend like Jeff Varner’s presence of this season had any other bearing. Neither am I going to dissertate “Should’ve Known Better” scenarios because Varner - working as he did at an LGBT organization based in NorCar - definitely knew better. 

 Fortunately, none of his tribemates were having any of it. I can’t recap this entry any better than having them do all the work for me. Roll that tape: Varner: “What I’m showing is a Deception-” [nb: um weren’t you a pretend bisexual at the time of S2??] Debbie: "That isn’t a deception in a strategic game, I don’t think so :-/” Varner: “Jeff; I argue for the rights of transgender people on a daily basis in the State of North Carolina. I’m just fighting for my life here. I’m not outing him” Tai: “BUT YOU *ARE* OUTING HIM!!!! YOU JUST OUTED HIM!!!” Varner: “I don’t want people to have this perception I am some evil and horrible person” Andrea: “So... what *was* your goal in doing that, then?” Probst: “so, Jeff, you just equated “keeping your identity hidden” to a full-blown deception... isn’t that a giant leap? Don’t you see that’s kind of really bad?” Varner: “Oh I do see that, I feel bad about it. I support ya, Zeke~” Probst: “Dude, you can’t unring the bell-” Varner: “Imnotunringingthebellimapologizingtozeke” Ozzy: “You should be ASHAMED of yourself :-/ You’re playing with people’s lives at this point.” Varner: “I made a horrible mistake. I really thought he was out and loud and proud about it-” Sarah: “if you thought he was out and proud about it, then why were you making a point that everyone should know?  Varner: “because we haven’t discussed it” Sarah: (talking over him) “Because he’s *NOT* out and loud and proud about it.”

At the end of the gay, he really only cared about not coming off as the Bad Person, which... ouch. There’s no rock bottom to his dignity when a mil is at stake, is there, huh?