#to me it is magic. to everyone else it's ptsd :D

[gemidoriwillbarelyusethisaccount]

They would find the Traveler at last. They are lurched over a crushed heap of a Sadness, emitting an unearthly choking sound every few seconds. They retch, their grin unfaltering, when they found something - four things - that they, for reasons they no longer know, wanted to love.

Memories are of the past. The mind has torn itself asunder, atrophied to that of primal, longing joy. The four outsiders cringe, they sob, they stare, at the entity that was once someone they loved.

All because of a mistake. A STUPID MISTAKE. Something that could've easily been avoided so long ago.

There was no choice but to end this.

...

Maybe next loop will give them better luck...

---

Another fanart for @electrozeistyking and her brilliant In Rot and Infection AU! This is a hypothetical Stage 4 Siffrin, so hulking with tumors all over that his shirt tore off, their cloak is barely hanging on and their hat went missing (again). Tiny boy can't hold that much mass without a few articles tearing off :c

A huge thank you to Zeisty for inspiring my sinister mind - and man I feel horrible for always drawing this poor boy either totally crazy or simply monstrous like this ;-; They deserve to live!!!!

I just found out the dev wanted to be @'d for art, so @insertdisc5 ... This was not my fault, seriously!!!! :c

[heathermason6060]

Daryl Dixon x f!Reader: Together Apart Ch.5

Warnings/Mentions: History of abuse, neglect, strong language, mentions of character death, alcohol and drug abuse, ptsd, shared trauma, reader is cold, angst, fluff, eventual smut, slowburn, angst

Summary: You and Daryl grow closer due to feeling out of place in Alexandria. Just when you think you have the old Daryl back, he leaves.

Notes: I think the chapter after this one will be the last chapter, and finally have some cheesy old fashion love making :D Sorry Daryl vanishes at the end tho ):

It never seemed to end for him. In front of everyone else he was silent, emotionless, an empty body on autopilot. But when you'd walk off into the trees to search for water, it always hit him, no matter how many times he'd thought he'd cried out all out and was done with it. 

He clung to you after her death like never before, constantly walking in your shadow and wordlessly begging for some sort of comfort, reassurance, anything. You did the best you could, which ended up being more than either of you expected. You seamlessly morphed into the familiar elder sister role, mirroring the ways you would comfort your bruised baby brother. 

He put a cigarette out on his hand the one time he went off by himself, and not following him was something you came to regret. 

“Daryl,” the whisper of your voice had him cringing, the sound too empathetic and full of concern, he had to fight to keep himself from cracking when your comfort washed over him. 

“I know… I'm not good with words, or shit like this.” You sighed, maintaining a quiet tone, low enough for the sound of rain and the crackle of fire to cover. 

Daryl remained silent as you spoke. He picked at the skin around his fingers, looking down at his hands in his lap, and the sight of your smaller hand lightly touching his wrist makes him jerk. 

“I can't take away your pain, God knows I'd kill every goddamn piece of shit alive to make you feel better.” Your voice turned shaky, and the urge to cry was becoming overwhelming for the both of you. “But... I can promise you, you'll never have to worry about losing me. I just want you to know, I'm that one thing you don't need to worry about. I always will be.” 

Daryl slowly inhaled through his stuffy nose and nodded, the noise dry and shaky, his eyes burning and unblinking from their gaze on your hand. 

“I know.” He finally spoke and nodded again, as if that would magically set it in stone. “Me too.”

Slipping back into your place in the group dynamic was unpleasant after being alone with Gabriel for that long. It wasn't just one person you had to make an effort for anymore, and deep down you despised it. It was almost comparable to going back to school after summer break. You had to play by the rules again, fit into their perfect perception or risk repercussions. 

The discovery of Eugenes lies was all but a surprise to you. You didn't have some wild sense of intuition, you were just a pessimistic person. Although you kept your opinions to yourself, you didn't predict the extent of how deep his lies had been. The cure was a given, obviously, but the fact he lied about being a scientist as well? Lied about the safe place in Washington too? It took everything you had in you not to cave his face in when you saw the look of disappointment on Daryl's face. That's another reason why you hated being in a group. People didn't deserve to be able to let you down, and sure as hell not the one person you gave a shit about. 

People love to parrot that same ‘it has to get worse before it can get better’ bullshit you'd been told by concerned and empathetic authority figures all throughout your childhood. Safe to say it had lost its meaning to you, even when Daryl tried to lift your spirits. 

Well, it sure got better for everyone else. 

You weren't alone in your suspicions about Aaron. For once Rick and you agreed on something, it was a bad idea to go to Alexandria. But the group convinced him to take a chance, that the rewards greatly outweigh the risks, and you watched with a disapproving glare as Aaron led you all past the gates. 

“I'm just going to ask you a few simple questions, get to know you. You don't mind if I record this, do you?” 

You had a feeling your answer wouldn't make any difference, no matter what you said. You shook your head as you watched Deanna turn her video camera on, the big black lens feeling like an intimidating pit waiting to swallow you up if you gave an answer she didn't like. She rounded the couch and sat down, a tight and professional smile on her lips. 

“Let's start with your name.”

You told her your name, trying to behave despite your stomach growling and the sudden awareness that you smelled and looked awful. 

“Where are you from,” She repeated your name. 

“Georgia. Up North.” 

“Did you work?”

“No.”

“What were you before the outbreak?” When you didn't answer, she elaborated. “Were you a student in school, staying at home, traveling…?”

“After high school I stayed home for a couple years. Took care of my mom.” 

“I understand you're close with Daryl, is that right?” 

You must've visibly reacted to that question, because even after you answered, she pressed for more information.

“Did you grow up together?”

“Kind of, we weren't really friends or anything. He lived nearby and I'd see him around.”

Deanna nodded as if she was your therapist listening to some deep-seated trauma. 

“Did you ask anyone else these questions?” You scratched the back of your arm, beginning to feel uncomfortable. 

“I ask everyone all kinds of questions. I want to get to know you all, it's not an interrogation. You don't need to answer any that you don't want to.”

She finally changed the subject to your relationship with Rick's group. Not that you were eager to talk about it, but at least she wasn't grilling you on Daryl anymore. 

“I've been here since before Rick came and took over. Back in Atlanta. Daryl and his brother Merle came to get me when it happened. I thought maybe they were having some bad trip or somethin'. Ran into my house yelling about dead folks coming back to life and eating people. If it wasn't for them, I'd probably be dead too, but, I think they mainly came to get me because they knew my mom had a stash of cigarettes and drugs.” You were chuckling as you spoke, not realizing you had given up so much information without her even asking. You instantly shut up, the amused smile leaving your face. 

“How do you get along with other members of your group?”

You cringed at the phrasing. They weren't your group, they were Daryl's people, you were just a temporary guest without a set time to leave. 

“Fine. Haven't heard any complaints. Have you?”

“No. But I have heard you don't work well with others.” 

You shrugged. 

“Do you want to be here?” The way she would use your name at the end of every few sentences was starting to get under your skin. 

“I'm kinda stuck with wherever Daryl wants to be.” 

Deanna ended the interview after a handful of other unimportant questions and you were allowed to leave, led to your new house by one of her son's. 

You took the longest and hottest shower of your life, only getting out when Abraham started pounding on the door. It brought back that same feeling of anxiety you'd get when your mother would bang on your locked door in a fit of anger. You nearly ran him over when you burst out of the bathroom, making him drop his change of clothes and call out a disgruntled complaint. 

“Who the hell is this?” 

Daryl looked up from his bag to see you looking down at him, a teasing grin on your fresh face. The image of you being all cleaned up had him momentarily stunned. It had been a while since either of you had seen each other clean like that. 

“Daryl? No way, where's your grease?” You toyed with his damp hair before sitting next to him on the floor near the fireplace, where he'd decided to sleep for the night. 

“Nah, I don't know you. Ya don't smell like bloody rabbits.” He retorted, leaning in to dramatically sniff at you. “The hell is that? Shampoo?”

“Uh, it's shampoo, conditioner, body wash, lotion, and toothpaste.” You replied, giving an exaggerated smile to show your clean teeth. 

You shared a few chuckles and jokes as the rest of the group cleaned up and prepared for bed. Even though you couldn't stand the place or the new people in it, the prospect of having your own room with an actual bed had you buzzing with excitement. 

Sleeping next to Daryl wasn't anything out of the ordinary for you. It was an arrangement that happened more nights than not. But sleeping next to Daryl in a safe house, wrapped in clean clothes, soft blankets, and not even the slightest whiff of the outdoors? It was overwhelming. 

You turned on your side to face him, watching as he stared up at the ceiling, the dark room filled with the familiar ambiance of gentle snoring and breathing. Daryl always slept after everyone else, and that night was no exception. 

Despite your instincts telling you not to, you wiggled on the blanket to move closer to him, nuzzling your face in his nearly dry hair, closing your eyes as you inhaled his clean scent. 

He stiffened at first, an automatic reaction which soon faded and he relaxed, tilting his head until his cheek rested against your forehead. He could barely feel the warm tickle of your breath under his jaw, the feeling soliciting a subliminal relaxation. His eyes closed then, and he listened to the barely audible whistle of your nose. He listened as the whistle got softer, slower, and nearly disappeared altogether as you fell asleep. 

Daryl made sure to untangle himself from you the next morning, before anyone else had the chance to wake up and witness your private bond. No one deserved to see that part of him or you, it was intended for the two of you alone, something deeper and more personal than anyone would understand. 

Adjusting to being around people was a challenge that went all the way back to school. Even in Atlanta you struggled with it, going from being a hermit with your sick mother to an adult in a large group of people, it felt like your first day of school all over again. 

That was all nothing compared to being in Alexandria. Not only were you surrounded by people that annoyed you, but another larger group of people you knew absolutely nothing about. 

They bestowed heavy responsibilities on you as well. It wasn't just scraping by washing clothes and hunting, it was work. Hard work. Wall building, gardening, work inside Alexandria, work outside their walls, near constant supply runs, and cooking. 

Parties. Pasta for dinner. A seemingly limitless flow of sparkling amber champagne. Some kid was walking their fucking pet dog on the sidewalk. 

It felt insulting. Their first impression on you firmly implemented your personal views towards them. Spoiled, weak, wearing faces of false persona, wives chittering like hens with warm knowing smirks. Husbands and men who always smiled like the sun, going out of their way to do things they considered nice for you, then putting on a somber and humble face if anyone had praised their hard work, dedication, and sacrifices. Sacrifices that basically ensued going to the grocery store. 

You hated it. You hated them, you hated their kids, you hated their houses that looked like mansions to you, and you hated the way Rick's group treated it like they'd walked through the bright pearly gates and not the glorified pretentious prison that it was. 

To your relief Daryl didn't quite like it either. 

“They invited us to what?” You didn't believe him when he said it to you as he stared around your new room. 

“Said it was a welcoming party.” He grunted, fingers picking at the edges of a tacky poster of a puppy on the wall. 

“A party? What do you mean a party?” 

“Dunno.” He sighed, throwing his hands up in muted exasperation. “S’jus what she said.” She being Deanna, the same woman who took away your guns, which yours had grown to be quite the impressive collection. But you being your hardened and sneaky self, you'd managed to smuggle two of your handguns into your room. Daryl got to keep his crossbow, of course, and you your own recurve bow, it was the bare minimum aside from your knives, which the others were allowed to keep as well. Sadly, you'd end up breaking that bow a few days later by slinging it at Pete's head.

“And everyone's going?” You pressed on from your seat on the bedroom dresser. 

“Dunno. Goddamn, told you what she told me, you know s’much as I do.” 

You went to the party. Of fucking course you would, they had full on meals with all the food groups, they had alcohol, they had little appetizers and finger foods you'd only ever seen on tv and in magazines, you'd be an idiot not to. The only con was the house was stuffed with people. You could barely make it two steps without bumping into a new face. 

You didn't stay long at all, leaving the second your stomach felt full, and you had a decent buzz going on. You snuck out the back door and snagged the half empty bottle of champagne on your way out. 

“Ya went?” Daryl was surprised to see you walking down the sidewalk in new clothes. The black button up hung a little loose on you, the sleeves bunched up around your elbows, the hem falling all the way past your ass. 

“I may not like those people, but they make some damn good casserole.” You snickered, popping out the metal reusable cork and taking a deep drink. 

Daryl grabbed the bottle from your outstretched hand and downed nearly the whole damn thing in three gulps. 

“Yeah yeah. Go on, help yourself.” 

He gave a weak grin at your playful scoff before handing the bottle back to you. 

“You remember what I said back in Atlanta.”

You looked to your side at Daryl as the two of you walked down the dimly lit path back to your new residence. “Gotta be more specific.” 

“Bout takin’ their shit an’ hauling ass outta there.” 

“Yeah. One of my biggest regrets is talking you out of it.” You sighed, your tone no longer playful and lighthearted. “We could be all the way across the country by now. Would still have Merle bitching out ears off and ranting about some racist conspiracy theory.” 

Daryl suddenly chuckled. “You ‘member that time he was tryin’ to come up with slurs for walkers?” His amused grin spread further when you erupted into laughter at the memory. “What was it he called ‘em? Rotters? Pus-suckers?”

“Yeah, those were some of the tamer ones.” At the time you'd been annoyed by Merle's constant need to remind you that the three of you were better and more superior than anything and anyone around you, but all this time without him and his humorous outlook on life, you missed it. You even missed when he'd belittle you, at the end of the day he still was sexist, despite the obvious care he held for you. 

“Why'd you ask though?” 

“Dunno.”

“Daryl.”

“Everyone's safe now, ain't gotta worry about ‘em anymore.” 

You kept quiet as he fought for the words to convey his thoughts. It was obvious he felt like the odd man out again, it was impossible not to, in a place as nice as Alexandria. The rest of the group had effortlessly slipped into their places in the new environment, if you were an onlooker, it would look as if time had frozen in place for the small neighborhood and its citizens. 

But Daryl, and you, it wasn't easy like that. You never had a normal life like this, so you had no default state to regress to. Daryl had only changed a little since the start, and you hadn't changed much at all. Your skin felt like it was burning with electricity at the insinuation in his words. 

“I'll go wherever you go, you know that.” You nodded firmly. “Just say the word.”

He ended up going to Carol with his vague plan, and then Rick. You don't know what they said to him, but the next morning he told you he wanted to give it a few days before he made his decision.

You should've just made the decision for him. You should have grabbed your stuff, packed your bags, and stole one of their cars and left. Because a few days turned into a hell of a lot longer. 

It wasn't all bad, the two of you grew even closer due to his feelings of being an outcast once again surfacing. It was the same for you, which caused you to cling onto him tighter than before. You slept on the same ratty mattress in your room, sometimes cuddling, but most of the time on separate ends.

You watched more people die around you, which was something you'd become bitterly accustomed to. Aiden, one of Deanna’s sons, and Noah, who you'd never spoken to before. Rick made some trouble for himself getting wrapped up in the wife of the town surgeon, and all hell broke loose after that. Pete lost his shit and accidentally killed Deanna's husband, and Rick killed Pete. As if there hadn't been enough blood shed, a hoard of walkers became an issue just as things started to calm down. 

You didn't like the role that'd been assigned to you. You were being seen and tasked as a protector, sent out by Rick with Abraham and a handful of others to build strategic walls for his master plan of relocating the hoard. 

Another thing you didn't like was the way people's views towards you changed. People who once never even spared you a second thought were speaking to you, making an effort to get to know you, and it was just as unsettling as that time Rick invited you over for dinner. 

“Too pretty to be so sad all the time.” Abraham had said once as you dug a hole for the wooden pillar. 

“I'm not sad.” You muttered, stepping back as three men lifted the wood into the hole. You poured in the instant concrete and took your gloves off to get a drink of water.

“So you just always have that sour look on your face then, huh?” 

“Only when I'm around people I don't know.” Or like, you thought to yourself. 

“I've known you for how long now? Course you know me. And Sasha, and Rosita, and-”

“You're people I'm stuck with. Doesn't mean I know you.” 

“Tsh.” He snorted, folding his massive arms across his equally massive chest. “So you're just a bitch then?” 

“Yeah.” 

One would think that conversation would've been enough to get the point across. No, sadly, it only made things worse. Rick ended up giving you jobs with more people, and you quickly caught onto the convenient way Daryl was almost never in those assigned groups. 

Rick was in charge, that was undebatable, but he wasn't in charge of your free will. You did your work as he asked, most of the time faster than expected, and spent every second of your free time with Daryl, even if it meant pulling four different jobs a day. 

It worked like that for a while, and eventually you did begin to change. Not you exactly, moreso your attitude had changed. You became less closed off, no longer baring teeth and claws as a constant warning. You actually enjoyed spending time with Abraham, as he was one of the only people that called you out for being shitty, he wasn't scared of your mean mug or the harsh bite of your words. It wasn't just Abraham you started to like. Maggie, Carol, Rosita, Michonne, and sometimes Tara, the small group shifted from strangers to acquaintances, some would call you their friend. They'd eventually worn down your hard exterior and you experimented a little with conversation and generosity. Carol was the exception, it was you who had to pursue her. Trying to become genuine friends with her was hard, it made you realize how hard everyone else had been trying with you. 

You even started decorating your room a bit. Nothing fancy, just a few homemade shelves and displays for your numerous weapons. You made a special one above your futon, the only object it held was the small gold tinted shell of a used bullet. 

All good things must come to an end. 

You sat alone in your shared room for the third night in a row, silent on your lumpy mattress, your eyes burning in effort to hold back tears. 

He hadn't even told you he was leaving. 

@ophelialaufey @carlgrimesgfofficial @theskinniestjackson-denny @dilfish-daydreams @my1fx @jinx-nanami

[abyssal-ali]

you knew the hero died, so what's the movie for?

Pairing: Gen Ao3 Masterlist

Rating: E for Extra Bad Mental Health WC: 2.2k

Summary:

Babs finds some footage of Jason acting strangely and calls in the Bats to help her figure out what's up with Jason.

TW: Suicidal Ideation/Passive Suicidal Thoughts, Implied/Referenced Depression, Major Character Death/Major Character Undeath

A/N: (Yes, I'm fine<3) Title from hoax by TS. I love the Immortal Jason Todd theories but I also think he'd have a lot of Thoughts and Feelings about death and life after the first time. (Also don't worry, there is a happy ending.)

~

Barbara Gordon spun on her chair’s wheels to face the Bats. The whole clan, minus one, were admitted to her domain after her special request.

“Why could you not send us the footage?” asked Batman, his voice not so raspy with the modifier turned off.

“It’s safer here. This is extremely delicate information here, and I cannot have it fall into the wrong hands somehow.”

The Bats exchanged glances at Oracle saying she didn’t want to risk this being hacked. Her finger hovered over the play button on her large screen.

“I hacked Hood’s helmet just after he ducked out of patrol to tell him I’d received info I thought he might want to know for a case he’s on. He was speaking, but it didn’t seem like a call or voice-to-text, and the security cam from the alley he was in doesn’t show anyone or anything. The context is weird and the whole situation is…disturbing.”

Babs finally played the CCTV footage after her explanation, showing a typical Gotham alleyway, Red Hood’s large shape the only figure visible as he walked normally into it from around the corner. 

His steps stutter, then his whole being seems to lose tension as he walks further in, his shoulders curling inwards slightly. “Now?”

A pause, then, “What is it this time? I haven’t decided what I wanted to cross off my list this time.”

He leans against the wall, one foot propped on the rough brick casually as he tosses a knife through the air, always catching it by the handle. After a couple seconds of seeming silence, he turns abruptly, his posture tensing. “I just want quiet, is that too much to ask?!” 

He calms, then continues, “I don’t hate you, D. It’s your sister. She always interrupts and it’s gotten really old. You…can either stop flirting with me or do somethin’ ‘bout Elle. She keeps bringin’ me back down…”

He sheathes his knife and shifts into an offensive stance. “I was at peace, D! I’m just…so…tired…” His voice trails off, revealing the weakness his family has never picked up in him.

After a moment, he relaxes back into his slump against the wall. “We’re running outta options. Explosions, blunt force trauma, asphyxiation, suffocation, smoke inhalation, drowning, exsanguination, jugular sliced, cardiac arrest, hypothermia, electrocution…” He ticks off his fingers. “I’m immune to most poisons and toxins, so they’re out, medication burns through me too quickly…” Another pause.

“I can’t just run off with you, D. They’re detectives, and any explanation they’ll believe is falsified, and they’ll pointlessly search space and time. I’m not gonna spark PTSD and make them sad. Oh! We haven’t tried decapitation yet, we could recreate Dickens’ scene…or there’s my personal favourite, you kidnap me in my sleep. Sounds peaceful….NOT THAT I WOULD KNOW ABOUT PEACE!”

The watching Bats flinched at the sudden outburst from the dejected Hood they were wrapping their minds around. 

On the screen, he waves at air, then turns on his heel and stalks out of the alley, heading somewhere else. 

Babs’ trackers showed everyone in the Clocktower, and one red dot at a known safehouse of Jason’s a few blocks from the alley.

Babs turned to the Bats. 

“Hmm,” Batman mused.

“Ambiguous,” decided Nightwing. “You didn’t pick up any interference, magical or alien?”

“No. Everything is clear,” replied Babs, spinning back to her computer to run more scans on the footage. 

“I hate one-sided conversations,” said Spoiler, staring thoughtfully at the frozen image of Red Hood walking out of the alley.

“Who’s this ‘D’ he’s talking to?” demanded Red Robin. “He usually only calls Dick ‘D’, and even then it’s rare. And Dick doesn’t know about this.”

Batgirl got the others’ attention. “Jason is hurt. Always. Not from fighting.” She thought for a moment. “Heart-hurt. Always tired. This is…tired, but relieved.”

“Hmm,” said Batman again.

Two days later, Nightwing and Red Robin knocked on Jason’s door. He’d managed to instill the basic modicum of manners in them with careful traps, a fair amount of glitter, and occasionally a minor wound or two. When he didn’t answer after two tries, and Babs reassured them through their comm link that his tracker was still pinging from that location, they let themselves in.

The first thing they found was Jason, dead in his bed.

In shock, confusion, and grief, the Bats were notified, confirmed it was truly Jason and not some elaborate scheme to fake his death for some Jason-only-knew reason, and taken back to the Cave to prepare him for burial. Again.

To their great surprise, Talia al Ghul marched into the Cave and swept past all their baffled questionings to the table Jason lay on, more peaceful in death than they’d ever seen in life.

She carefully scrutinized him, then sighed and put her hand on his. 

“Don’t touch him,” Bruce snapped, looking worse than he had in years. 

Talia removed her hand after a slight hesitation, turning to face the grieving Bats. “Before you bury Jason, please wait one more day.”

“Why?”

“You do remember what happened last time you buried him,” she reminded them flatly.

With a grunt, Bruce agreed to wait 18 more hours, looking over at his son’s body every few moments from the tea Alfred was forcing him to drink.

The Bats were quietly mourning their brother, son, grandson, friend, tormentor, coworker, rival, saviour when a loud stream of swearing shocked them out of their grief. 

“NOT AGAIN?! WHY?! WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!” Yelled one very alive Jason Todd, sitting straight up and looking as pale as a ghoul.

He slipped off the table, stumbling towards the group in zombie-like motions, collapsing into Talia’s waiting arms. “Tals? Why’re ya’here?”

“To stop your idiotic, grieving, well-meaning family from hastily burying you again.”

“Oh, thanks.”

The still-stunned bats slowly gathered around the hugging duo. Talia dragged Jason over to the cot in the medbay and forcing him onto his side. “Stay still until you’re better. You should know better, habibi.”

“But my mom was here, I had to hug her,” he grinned crookedly up at Talia, who was unimpressed.

Still, she smiled softly at him, running her fingers through his hair. “Just lie still. 15 minutes on every side.”

“This ain’t my first rodeo, Tals,” he grunted, but stay where she left him. 

Tim opened his mouth and Talia turned her fierce glare on him. With one motion, she directed them all away from Jason to the debriefing area, where he was still within sightline, but wouldn’t be disturbed by their sure-to-be-invasive questions.

“How did he die?” she asked them, looking sternly at Bruce.

“I don’t know.” He collapsed into a seat, staring at Jason blankly. “Oracle showed us a concerning video she found with Hood, we went to his safehouse…and found him…peaceful, in his bed. A little smile on his face,” he choked out.

Talia sighed, glancing back at Jason.

“Why are you here?”

“Mother’s intuition,” she shrugged. “Something was very wrong with him. I was worried, so I came.”

“T, I can deal with them,” called Jason. “I’m a big boy, I can handle their need for privacy invasion.”

Talia sighed but relaxed from her gatekeeping stance, letting the Bats crowd Jason’s bed again.

“How dare you alive again? You were definitely dead,” blurted Tim. 

“Life and I have a mutual hate for each other,” said Jason cryptically. “And Death and I are kinda close.”

“How did you die?” asked Dick, quietly horrified.

“Oh, D was really accommodating–I was asleep this ti-”

“‘D’ is Death?!”

“Yeah, I call Death ‘D’, so what? You all have nicknames. And like I said, this ain’t my first rodeo, We’re tight, she likes me.”

“Ethopia…” remembered the Bats awkwardly.

“Why are you lying down?” asked Steph as Jason shifted to his front, turning his head to watch his family.

“I can’t lie on my back for longer than a few second because of PTSD. And my heart hasn’t been pumping for…awhile, so blood flow ain’t the best right now. 

“First, there’s numbness, like when your leg’s fallen asleep, only full-body. 

“Then, prickles of pain as all your muscles and circulatory system start up. 

“Third, your brain’s fuzzy from lack of oxygen and bloodflow, so you spill your deepest darkest secrets to your needlessly nosy family because some twisted part of you feels guilty for putting them through your death again. That last part might just be me, though.

“Fourth, I’m tired and I want to sleep, so ask T or wait for me to wake up. Trust me, I will,” he grumbled. “Oh, you may wanna shock me a li’l bit to make sure my heart’s started properly again. Sometimes it needs a bit of a tune-up to make sure it’s good as new.”

“Why do you sound like this happens regularly?!” Dick demanded.

“It does.” Jason closed his eyes, turning his head to the other side.

Talia shooed the murmuring Bats back to let Jason rest in peace (consciously).

A couple hours later, Jason sat up again, with more colour to his skin and smoother movements. Talia carefully supported him, leading him to a chair and mug of steaming hot chocolate.

The disturbed bats gathered around him until he looked up with a grimace at them. “I’m fine, okay? Why are you even so worried?”

“No, you’re not fine! You were dead, again, and now you aren’t, and you’re acting like this happens every week!”

Jason shrugged. “Done it enough it feels like it. Don’t worry, I get better quicker the more often it happens; you’ve never noticed."

“You died the first time in Ethiopia?”

Jason nodded.

“And it took…six months for you to come back? This was…24 hours or less. So how often have you died, and what’s the exponential rate?” demanded Tim. 

Jason shrugged again. “Dunno. Based on past times…” he trailed off, looking to Talia.

“With this one, it should be about twenty hours until his resurrection the next time.”

“Why were you even looking for me?”

“I hacked your comms when you were, apparently, talking to Death, and I brought the CCTV footage from that alley to their attention,” reasoned Babs, pulling his free hand into hers and squeezing it gently. “Why would you not tell us about this? We were worried sick about you after we saw that! And then you disabled your tracker, and it took me ages to find your last ping and find your new safehouse!”

“Sorry,” he mumbled into his mug. 

“So you were actually talking to Death? Who is…apparently a person…being?” asked Steph.

“Yep, she’s cool. I’m her favourite repeat customer,” he joked. It fell flatter than one of Bruce’s pancakes.

“You sounded happy to see D,” said Cass, watching him closely.

“Yeah, she’s a lot nicer than her bitch of a sister, Life. She keeps bringing me back,” Jason bemoaned under his breath.

“You don’t want to come back?” Dick asked sadly, inching closer.

“Not really. It’s peaceful being dead. Being alive is so…tiring,” he sighed, leaning his head back and gently placing his mug down.

“Habibi,” Talia said thickly, running her fingers through his hair again.

“But…but you talked down that jumper last week!” pointed out Tim.

“So?”

Cass rewound the footage Babs had played them, playing a section back for the others on the Batcomputer. “I’m not gonna spark PTSD and make them sad.”

“‘Sad’ is…a wrecked car. Replaceable. ‘Grief’ is you dead. We cannot replace you. We are not sad for you. We grieve for you.”

At Cass’s revelation, the Bats’ heads swiveled between Jason and the screen. 

“Little Wing…do you think we would grieve you less than the first time?”

Jason didn’t answer, picking up his mug to see if there were any dregs left.

Talia laid her hand on his shoulder. “Why are you still the Red Hood, habibi? No one is forcing you to. You became the Red Hood to antagonize Batman*. You’ve done that, moved past it. Move on, don’t just give up.”

A strange look crossed Jason’s face at Talia’s face. His eyes darted to a harrowed-looking Bruce, then back to the depths of his mug. “Thanks, T.”

Red Hood retired, Jason choosing to hand the reins of his crime bossing business over to his trusted lieutenants as he moved to Europe, entering Oxford to pursue a secondary education. 

One or another of his family members were more often than not flying to and from his flat to remind him how much they loved and valued him. 

Talia visited him often, making sure that he knew just how much the other side of his chosen family also cared for him. She introduced him to a therapist that was accustomed to dealing with clients with more confidential matters than usual. 

Gradually, Jason healed and discovered his personality aside from ‘anti-hero crime-boss vigilante’. He pursued therapy as a career, becoming a therapist and mentor to the Justice League and its associates, specifically the sidekicks and teen heroes. 

The twenty-hour resurrection rule wasn’t needed for several more decades.

*****

A/N2:

*Yes, I'm aware he also wanted to change Gotham in a way that Batman couldn't/wouldn't etc, but I couldn't get into the nuances there.

Jason has canonically died several times, including the time Bruce stopped his heart (don't ask me for canon references, I don't touch those things with a 10-foot pole) but as I was editing this fic, I decided to go the good/semi-decent dad Bruce route instead; Jason's hurt enough, so you'll only find one small easter egg about that. I also left out the line about the slit throat from the Batarang Bruce threw in UtRH, which I am firmly convinced hurt Jason more than was shown in canon.

I got the inspiration for Jason dealing with post-mortem/post-resurrection stiffness etc from a fic but I can't remember which one. Possibly Who I Am. Who I'll Never Be by Zootopon?? If you find one, feel free to lmk.

Jason is depressed and isn't very objective about the Batfam, and even though they're on fairly good terms in this fic, they're still emotionally consitpated Bats and Jason's a good actor; they're not thinking to reassure him they love him and want him, and he's sure not gonna outright ask for reassurance. As someone with depression (not speaking for everyone, just drawing on my own experience), it really makes you feel like even those you love most and who love you most don't actually. It's hard to ask for confirmation of their love, and especially with dynamics like the Batfam/Jason have, that complicates matters further. If you're reading this and you don't somehow have Issues, learn from this and face your feelings.

[silvershadow1711]

I know nobody asked for this or likely cares (especially seeing as pretty much anyone on here who's read my fics would only be familiar with the BSH stuff and nothing else), but I'm in a mood, dammit! So!

Everyone who is even a little literarily inclined has works that serve as the building blocks for their "Style"©️, and so here are mine:

"Belinda" by Anne Rice

This is THE foundation for my writing. I just... would not write without this book. I found a copy from 1984 in a thrift store when I was 14 (this was back in 2004), and kept it in my purse for the next three or so years until the spine broke from me reading it so much. I still have it (the spine broke yet again, so it's in 3 parts) and I still reread it when I need a push to write. If you ever read/have ever read this book and then read any of my fics, you'll just have a moment where you think "ohhh, I see it now..."

"Animorphs" by K.A. Applegate

Animorphs was such a major aspect of my childhood. I had the entire collection at one point, and then I sold 2/3rds of it because I was a stupid child. My inspiration doesn't come from the prose of the books so much as what it symbolizes for me. Which is "it's okay to be pedantic and nitpicky about the established rules of your universe. It's okay to have your suspension of disbelief not extend to mundane aspects of a story. You can write a whole-ass story about that!" If that doesn't make sense to you because you aren't familiar with Animorphs, let me explain. It's a story that takes the trope of "group of superpowered kids have to save the world" and says "but if Reality Ensued?" They don't go to magic school where grades don't really matter- if they fail their classes, they get grounded and can't go on missions. Parents aren't just set dressing who don't care what's going on in their kids' lives; they do, and keeping their parents happy and ignorant is a major part of the story. The superpowers have hard limits and side effects, including mental ones. PTSD is very real; child soldiers end up traumatized and that interferes with interacting with the world in a neurotypical fashion. (Animorphs is basically the antithesis of a battle shonen story, and is probably why I cannot stand the latter).

"Harry Potter" by you know exactly who

Now, before anyone pulls out a pitchfork, this is not an endorsement of JK Terfling. I hate that bitch as much as anyone, but in a list of stories that inspired me as a writer, I would be remiss to not add one that was not only a major contributor to the way I think about literature, but also the story that got me into fanfiction in the first place (reading- I've never written a HP fic). Like with Animorphs, the inspiration didn't come from the prose itself: this time, it was the world. For me, and probably a lot of other people if things like Hogwarts Legacy and the Universal attraction are anything to go by, the biggest draw of Harry Potter ian't the characters or the mystery, but the world magical beings inhabit. This was the story that showed me that the world itself could be just as important, just as fascinating, as the protagonist (cue my obsession with worldbuilding).

"Speak" by Laurie Halse

Speak is one of those books I was assigned to read in my middle school Literature class. Every book on that list was a banger, but Speak is the only one I later bought my own copy of from B. Dalton. It's hard to describe if you haven't read it yourself, but what I'll say is Melinda's disjointed inner voice has become a mainstay of my writing style. In fact, it blends prefectly with...

"Triptych" by Estee

A fanfic. Because why would a fanfic writer NOT be inspired by fanfiction? Everything- quite literally everything- Estee has published over the last 12 years is amazing, but it all started with Triptych and I consider it a masterpiece that stands toe-to-toe with any of the published books I've mentioned (or will mention). I only started reading their work about three or so years ago, but the second I did, I started incorporating elements of their style in my own work.

(Those thoughts of Ray's that show up in parenthesis?)

(Like this?)

(Yeah. That's an Estee staple)

(Sometimes, I feel like a hack fraud, ripping them off like this...)

Their worldbulding is some of the most in-depth I've ever read, their ability to take something completely innocuous from canon and turn it into the moat jaw-dropping detail imaginable beggars belief. Triptych is the standard I hold all fanfiction to, including my own.

(If you wanna read their work- you should- you'll find them exclusively on fimfiction.net)

"Perfume: The Story of a Murderer" by Patrick Süsskind

So, I actually found out about this book through a song. "The Perfumer's Perfect Fume" by Steampianist, if you're curious (listen to it- it's great), and when I got around to reading it... it's the same reason I love Belinda and Triptych so much; what some would call an excess of detail. I can't see people complain about purple prose without wondering how we're the same species. Maybe it's because I have pretty severe aphantasia, but I need as much detail as possible to know what things in your story are supposed to look like. Assholes who are like, "just use your imagination"- how about I imagine a better story than what you've written? Perfume's characters are all interchangable vessels of greed and hubris who exist to be bitch slapped by karma. They're not important. What's important is how shit smells. The world is describe through smell, and god help me does that do wonders to paint a picture. I will forver remember that the perfumier Grenouille first worked in was an overwhelming hurricane of smells stacked from floor to ceiling with shit like pastilles and makeup and erectile disfunction remedies, and everything was scented. I try so hard to include scent descriptions in my own writing specifically because I want people to remember scenes and settings by their smell.

"A Song of Ice and Fire" by George R.R. Martin

So! Funny story. Back in 2016, I started posting a fanfic series that was a novelization/adaptation of all three Fire Emblem Fates games. It gained a decent little following on FFN, and one comment in particular that I remember said that the way I wrote reminded the reader a lot of "Game of Thrones". Now, I didn't have cable- I barely watched TV at all (still don't), so I had no clue what they were talking about. So I looked it up, and everyone was talking about this "Red Wedding", and one site uploaded a passage from that scene in the books. And I read it, fell in love, and instantly bought the first first 4 books off amazon (Dance was out of stock) and read all 4 of them over the next week. Take everything I love about "Belinda", "Triptych" and "Perfume" and add dragons and knights and a medieval coat of paint. For 7 odd years, every time I was hit with writer's block, I would whip out Clash of Kings and instantly be inspired.

[heylittleriotact]

✨Writing Interview Tag Game✨

Thanks you for the tag @preciouslittlebhaalbae - sorry this took absolutely forever to get to!

When did you start writing?

As soon as I was taught that a story has a beginning, a middle, and an end. I was the weird savant kid in first grade that was writing far above the level of my peers, but my teacher became concerned about the content of my writing because it was all really graphic, vicious, violent horror stories that included scenarios like two girls walking home from school and finding a severed head on the playground - complete with a vivid description of its dead eyes and the gravel sticking to the gore and strips of flesh and viscera at the base of the neck. I got sent for some counselling sessions and was told by the adults in my life that I was a very talented writer, but that I should write nice stories that are happy and make people feel good. Clearly that didn't stick. Thank fuck for that.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I've been very lax on reading for the past ten years or so. I haven't been able to get into things or maintain focus on novels long enough to get properly into them, but I do enjoy a good biography or autobiography.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

I'm very paranoid about my voice sounding too much like someone else's. I've been reading more recently than I have in years and it's reaaaaally screwing with my confidence when I start putting things on paper because I start questioning if it sounds derivative and has been subliminally influenced by the author I'm currently reading. I have been told in the past more than once that my style is reminiscent of Ne*l G*iman which is a compliment that has aged like milk, sadly.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

I focus the best at work lol. I just chuck in a headphone, queue up some music, pull out my notebook and my fountain pen and away I go. I have a big, beautiful white marble topped reception desk and massive windows that look out into downtown. The reception area has nice warm pot-lights on dimmers so I don't have to suffer under fluorescent lights like everyone else. Overall 10/10 super cozy.

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Music is a big one. I make character playlists for almost every major character I write with a mix of lyrical and instrumental music. It really helps me nail down motivations, personality, flaws, and how they feel.

Aside from that, going out and doing something always helps. Participating in something, observing people - all really great ways to find little pieces of life to cannibalize and turn into words.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

Hahahahahahahahahahaha

Alcoholism/substance abuse

PTSD/C-PTSD

Many other mental illnesses

Death and mortality

Magic as an entropic force that is largely misunderstood by those who study it

The first time I clocked the recurring nature of these themes I was like "huh" and now I just embrace them.

What is your reason for writing?

It's something I've always been compelled to do. As an abused child, it was very much an escape when I was young. As an abused adult, it was very much an escape when I got older. Writing has always been a great way for me to work through things that I've otherwise felt I have no control over. I can literally do whatever I want and it's very liberating.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

All of them. Any of them. The fact that anyone would take the time to not only read my writing, but also take the time to comment on it and give me their thoughts about it, how it made them feel, what they liked etc. is so meaningful to me. I write for myself and I don't change plots/directions based on what I think or know readers would like, so to have people trust in my vision and the direction it's going in and still come along for the ride is huge for me.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

Hmmmm. I've never really thought about it. Mysterious and sexy, but pleasant and supportive seems like a nice way to be perceived.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I've been told that I have a knack for battle/fight scenes, violence, and gore, which is unsurprising when one considers my tendencies when I wrote as a child.

How do you feel about your own writing?

I'm glad to be doing it again in the first place. I stopped altogether a few months into 2017 because I had used it as a coping mechanism for various abuses and traumas over the years, and then escaped the abuse and no longer required a coping mechanism. Anytime I tried to pick up a pen after that I just triggered myself and felt reminded of all the horrid reasons that I wrote in the first place.

Such a long gap has fucked with my skill and writing style and it's extremely noticeable when you hold up what I was working on in 2017 next to what I put out these days, but it's not necessarily a bad thing: the me that wrote like that doesn't exist anymore and that's okay. I'm having fun getting to know how I write now.

I very much danced around writing explicit sexual content for years on account of my face turning red and me giggling like a twelve year old every time I tried for years, but this year I've put serious effort into writing more smut and getting better at it. It's by no means perfect, but I'm really proud of how confidently I can approach sexual content these days.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

If I get too hung up on what other people want or might like I literally feel my characters cease to be mine and start to become weird gaseous inconsistencies in my mind. My stories deal with heavy themes, darkness, and personal struggles that I try to convey in a realistic way and that's not for everyone. Sometimes I wish I could just write nice happy stories like they told me to when I was a kid, but I feel like forcing myself into a box that isn't for me would be a betrayal to myself and this odd talent with words that I have.

Smut though? That's all about people-pleasing. Smut is written for me to enjoy, and you to enjoy, and anyone who comes across it to enjoy.

My brain is sore now so I won't tag anyone, but feel free to steal this if you'd like to!

[zponds]

The Genie Team S9EP023 - “Zachery’s New Genie Friend” (part 3)

(Start of script part three)

I’m still sitting on a bench outside in the school yard, and luckily, it’s under a tree, and therefore is in the shade. Despite being shaded, I still feel down that I was left behind by Hunter, Ellie, and everyone else. It’s almost as if I’ve been forgotten already, and I fear that that might be the case. Back inside the building, Hunter finally notices that I’m nowhere to be seen, and he immediately alerts Ellie. Almost immediately they conduct a search for me. Back to me, I’m sitting with my Altaria under the tree, and I’m laying back against Altaria’s huge’n’fluffy wings… and my Cinccino (who’s bigger and fluffier than other Cinccinos) is laying on my lap. As I relax with Altaria and Cinccino, I begin singing “Arabian Nights” to myself. However, when I finish singing the song, I notice Magic Carpet coming in for a landing. And when I see who’s on Magic Carpet, its Grant and his sister Amanda. They’re both relieved that they found me and they immediately let Hunter and Ellie know that I was found. I return Altaria and Cinccino to their Dream Balls, then I ask Grant and Amanda what they’re doing here. Amanda tells me that Hunter and Ellie launched a search party to find me as they forgot to get me after lunchtime was over. And like Ellie, Sally and Mirabelle before, I immediately recognized Amanda as Hunter told me about her too, and I give Grant a nice friendship handshake. At that moment, Hunter and Ellie arrive, apologizing for leaving me behind, as they were a little too focused on making sure everyone went back to their assigned rooms and classes in the school. I accept their apology and the tour resumes. However, when I see a 2-d purple engine, I get awful PTSD flashbacks and seizures from All Engines Go and I’m quickly taken to the school nurse area. Then Genie Dawn and Genie Azusa, the school nurses show up, and they both see me with bad seizures. They take me to the nursing room, and after looking over me, they conclude that I’m suffering from PTSD seizures, caused by something that I saw. But Dawn can’t figure out what it was that i saw that caused me to have seizures. Hunter and Grant say that it’s because I saw someone who reminded me of All Engines Go. Quickly, Dawn and Azusa use their genie magic to calm me down and make my seizures stop. Once that’s complete, I bring a sigh of relief, then I immediately recognize Dawn. She’s quite surprised that I recognized her, and Hunter and Grant say that I watched Diamond and Pearl, and Dawn understands. I then introduce myself to Azusa, and she introduces herself to me in return. After the introduction, I tell the two that I’m a newcomer and am on a tour of the school and the guides for said tour are Hunter, Ellie and even Grant. Hearing that, Dawn and Azusa are quite impressed and they wish me luck on the rest of my tour. I say thanks and my tour of the Genie School of Friendship continues.

(and of script part three)

[ao3feed-undertale1]

Part IV - Interlude: Glimpses

read it on AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/50112910 by DredgenSoul Her heart pounded in her ears, and the world pitched, just as it had years ago. She saw herself, draped in red chains and surrounded by black tar. As far as the eye could see, that was it, there was nothing else to behold, nothing to consider, only herself at the center of nothingness. She was older, maybe closer to being an adult, with a haggard look on her face. This older version of herself turned, greeting her with matching eyes, and nodded. “It is almost time for me to recreate my timeline again, this time… I will find the equilibrium,” she said, tone low and empty, “they won’t fade again. But you… your timeline doesn’t have this problem… hmm, interesting. Say, would you like to make a deal?” /// Or; In which a peek into what makes Chara, Chara, is glimpsed by others. Words: 5802, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Series: Part 4 of Flowers and Poisons - Tales of the Oversoul Fandoms: Undertale (Video Game), Arthurian Mythology & Related Fandoms, Ancient Greek Religion & Lore Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death Categories: F/F, F/M, Gen Characters: Chara (Undertale), Chara's Parents (Undertale), Frisk (Undertale), Frisk's Parents (Undertale), W. D. Gaster, Original Undertale Character(s), Ajax the Greater son of Telamon (Ancient Greek Religion & Lore), The Olympians, Asriel Dreemurr, Asgore Dreemurr, Toriel (Undertale), Achilles (Ancient Greek Religion & Lore) Relationships: Chara/Frisk (Undertale), Chara & Frisk (Undertale), Chara & Asriel Dreemurr, Chara & Original Character(s), Alphys/Undyne (Undertale), Asgore Dreemurr/Toriel, Asgore Dreemurr & Asriel Dreemurr, Asriel Dreemurr & Toriel, Chara & W. D. Gaster, Frisk & W. D. Gaster Additional Tags: Female Chara (Undertale), Female Frisk (Undertale), Female Chara & Frisk (Undertale), Hotland (Undertale), True Lab (Undertale), Undyne (Undertale) Swears, Established Alphys/Undyne (Undertale), Good Chara (Undertale), Chara (Undertale) Has Their Own Body, Chara (Undertale) Is Their Own Warning, Chara (Undertale) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Protective Chara (Undertale), Teenage Chara (Undertale), Teenage Frisk (Undertale), Frisk is a Little Shit (Undertale), Verbal Frisk (Undertale), Frisk (Undertale) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Chara (Undertale) Has Issues, Human-Monster War (Undertale), Magic-User Chara (Undertale), Magic-User Frisk (Undertale), Slow Burn, Everyone Needs A Hug, Demigods, References to Ancient Greek Religion & Lore, Arthurian, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Timelines, Undertale Saves and Resets, Undertale Reset Issues, Hijacked Run, Eventual Romance, I swear, just trust me bro, Angst, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Depression, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Eldritch Horror Chara (Undertale), Lesbian Character, Mentioned Character(s) read it on AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/50112910

[violet-shadows]

Low on Hope (Part Four)

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Masterlist

Summary: The youngest of the Archeron sisters went to great lengths to keep her family afloat before her sister went over the wall. The nature of her sacrifice was a secret she vowed never the share. That is, until Feyre and new brother-in-law’s magical abilities spoil her plan to leave the past in the past. When old memories become fresh wounds again, it’s up to a certain Spymaster to help piece Y/N back together.

Word Count: 2.4k

Pairing: Azriel x Reader (She/Her)

Warnings: violence, prostitution, sexual assault, sexual violence, PTSD, food insecurity, unintentional weight loss

A/N: This is the final part of this story, though I may circle back for some outtakes and alternate POV’s at some point. Thank you again to everyone who has shown this support and a MASSIVE thank you to the anon who requested this series originally. You guys are so amazing. 

⊱ ���————— ❈  —————— ⊰

Unable to bear their scrutiny any longer, you stumbled backward and ran towards your room. One of your sisters called out after you but you ignored it, slamming the door behind you as you were overcome with deep, body-wracking sobs. 

You hadn’t cried like this since that night in the brothel, not even when Feyre had gone off to certain death Under the Mountain. Curling in on yourself, you fought to catch your breath as you shook, your face twisted in soundless agony. You were huddled in the corner of the room, hands tangled in your hair, gripping it painfully. You didn’t hear the knocking or pleading coming from the other side, consumed with your spiraling thoughts and unyielding panic. 

Your family knew, at least, Feyre and Rhysand did. Nesta likely suspected, and soon everyone else would know what you had done as well. Azriel would know. Although there was no Cauldron waiting to boil you alive, there may as well have been given the pain and terror that gripped you. You sat there, rocking back and forth for some time, your breathing coming in increasingly short gasps. It felt like a metal band was wrapped around your chest, squeezing your heart and lungs. The sensation was not unlike drowning in the Cauldron all over again. 

You were too distracted to hear the door burst open, the deadbolt forced through the frame by someone on the other side. It wasn’t until there were hands on either side of your head, gently untangling your fists from your hair, that you realized you were no longer alone. “Breath, Y/N,” Azriel whispered soothingly. “You have to breathe.” 

He sat back onto the floor and you allowed him to pull you into his lap, arms wrapping around you to hold you close. His scent and soothing voice were grounding and you gripped his shirt, turning your face into his broad chest as you continued to cry. He petted your hair, humming as he rocked you like a babe while you fought to catch your breath. “That’s it, Sunshine. Just breathe with me. I’ve got you.” 

You hiccuped, continuing to cry into his chest until your tears soaked his shirt. He didn’t seem to mind, though, patiently guiding you through deep, calming breaths. After what seemed like hours, you had calmed enough to speak. 

“D-did Feyre–”, your voice broke and you let out a strangled cry, taking several moments to catch your breath again. You had to know what he knew. “Did Feyre tell you?”

“She didn’t say much, but…” he trailed off, the rest of his sentence unspoken. Feyre may not have shared what she saw in your mind, but the reason behind your outburst was clear enough. They knew. They all knew. 

You began to sob again, this time letting out keening wails, and Azriel held you tighter, tucking your head into the crook of his neck. “T-t-they’re g-going t-to ha-ate me,” you blubbered, your voice muffled. 

“No,” Azriel said urgently, beginning to rock you back and forth again. “No Sunshine, they could never hate you.” His reassurance fell on deaf ears and you continued.

“Y-you m-must t-think I’m disgusting,” you bawled. 

“No. Never.” Azriel straightened, pulling away slightly, and he gently lifted your face, forcing you to look him in the eye. “Y/N, listen to me,” he paused, allowing you time to draw a few shuttering breaths. “You did what you had to to take care of your family. You were willing to do anything for them. How could I ever think less of you for that?” 

You sobbed, hands coming up to cover your face and he guided you to rest your head back on your shoulder, stroking your hair softly. “I’ve done things, terrible things, in the name of protecting the people I love. I’ve hurt people. You– you were willing to allow yourself to be hurt for your family. To sacrifice yourself for them. I don’t think you’re disgusting. I think you’re incredible.” His voice was thick with emotion as he spoke. “Your sisters could never hate you for that either. If anything, they hate themselves for letting you go through that.” 

You sniffled, your breaths beginning to even out as you contemplated his words. He continued, “You have to understand that none of us would ever think less of you for what you did to survive. I could never think less of you.” You lifted your head, hazel eyes meeting his, and you were struck by the raw sincerity you found there. Somehow, you knew Azriel’s words were more than empty comfort, that he meant what he said. 

In that moment, something shifted. It started in your chest, a glowing warmth that began to soothe the hurt there, like a salve to a burn. The golden light spread outwards, moving into your limbs and beyond your body, forming a bridge between you and the male before you. The connection snapped into place and suddenly, you were tethered, his presence a comforting anchor on the other end of a glowing cord. ‘A bond like no other’, Feyre had called it. 

“You–,” you whispered, shock and awe taking your breath away. 

“Mate,” Azriel whispered, tears gathering in his eyes. “You’re my mate,” he broke into a watery grin. 

“Did you know?” You asked, leaning forward to rest your forehead against his, completely overwhelmed at the realization. 

“I suspected,” he said softly, closing his eyes as he leaned into your touch. “I hoped.”

Your heart squeezed, pain and hope warring within you as you asked, “Even now? That you know?” 

His eyes shot open, meeting yours, “Yes.” he sighed, “it is I that doesn’t deserve you, Sunshine. Not the other way around. But I’m willing to try… to be worthy. If you’ll have me.” You sobbed again burying your face in his shoulder and wrapping your arms tightly around his neck. He returned the embrace, holding you tightly, and when you finally pulled away again, his face was wet with tears as well. He gave you a soft smile, reaching up to wipe your cheeks with gentle hands. 

“You said you hoped that we were mates,” you whispered, the tears finally stopping. He nodded earnestly. “But… I thought you wanted Elain?” 

His eyebrows shot up and he shook his head, looking baffled. “Elain? Why would you think that?” 

“You spend so much time with her and you and Lucien were so at odds that I thought…”

Azriel chuckled, shaking his head. “I was spending time with Elain because she’s your sister. I saw how you worried over her and I thought looking after her might help you feel better as well,” he explained. “And I was jealous of Lucien, because he got you to eat and talk. That’s all I’ve wanted, all this time, was to see you come back to life like that.” 

You sniffled, sounding almost childlike when you asked, “really?”

“Really, Sunshine.” Azriel assured you, placing a kiss on the top of your head. You could have purred with satisfaction at the contact. 

“That day, when I had dinner with Lucien. I was feeling a little better,” he tensed, almost imperceptibly, and you continued, “but it was because of you. Because I was looking forward to training.” 

“And then I nearly ran you into the ground because I was too distracted by my jealousy,” Azriel leaned his head back, rubbing a hand down his face with a sigh. 

You couldn’t help but giggle, “I can’t believe you were jealous of Lucien.” 

“I can’t believe you thought I wanted Elain,” he replied, with a smirk. “I wasn’t exactly being subtle. Rhys even told me to tone it down before I scared you off.”

You laughed then, a true, genuine laugh, and Azriel grinned. “We’re both a mess.” 

“Yes,” he agreed. “I guess that’s why we’re mates.”

⊱ —————— ❈  —————— ⊰

After a few hours, Azriel disappeared to fetch you food and water, insisting you eat after such a tumultuous day. “Did you tell them? About us?” You asked when he rejoined you in your chambers, a tray of food in hand.

“I didn’t have to, Rhys and Cas could tell,” he said with a bashful look on his face. “They’re worried about you… they’re not mad.” 

You swallowed thickly and looked down, knowing you would have to face your sisters sooner or later. Before, the task of explaining yourself to them seemed monumental, but having Azriel at your side emboldened you slightly. You debated whether to seek them out that night or wait until morning, but a knock on your door made the decision for you. 

“Y/N?” It was Nesta on the other side. “Can we come in? Please?” 

You drew a deep breath to steady yourself before answering, “Yes, come in.” 

Nesta and Feyre stepped through the door, their eyes rimmed red from crying. You were shocked to see Elain come in behind them, looking more present than you had seen her in weeks. She too wore a distraught expression on her face. “I’m so sorry,” it was Nesta who spoke first, shocking you as she broke into a strangled sob. “I’m so sorry,” she repeated. 

You sprang to your feet and embraced your oldest sister; it was the first time you had hugged her since before you went into the Cauldron. You cried as she held you, Feyre and Elain joining in, and before you could stop yourself, it was all coming out. Your story was ineloquent and stumbling, but they listened all the same. At some point, Azriel reached out and took your hand, the bond between you glowing with affection as you borrowed his strength. As you began to reach the end of your tale, the story of your final night as a working girl still left to tell, you began to lose your nerve. Perhaps that was one secret you could yet keep. 

Feyre saw you begin to clam up and reached out to grab the hand Azriel wasn’t holding. “The other night, I– I looked into your mind when you were dreaming to see what was wrong. I saw a man in it, you were scared of him…” 

You looked away, keeping your gaze fixed on a distant point. “That was the last night that I… worked.” You flinched at the admission. “He was a client with particular tastes. Paid off the madame to look the other way while he… hurt me.” Feyre sucked in a breath and you felt Azriel tense, his grip on your hand tightening. In your peripheral, you could see his shadows begin to swirl, dancing upwards to whisper in his ear. 

“That day you came home after you said they fired you. You were in bed for nearly two weeks and you wouldn’t change in front of us,” Elain recalled numbly, her face ashen. It was the most she’d spoken in weeks. When she looked up at you, her doe eyes were filled with tears. “You didn’t slip and fall at all.” You shook your head and looked down, gaze fixed on your hand clutching Azriel’s. 

“Do you have a name?” Nesta’s voice was sharp and commanding, and when you looked up, her grey eyes were swimming with fury and tears. When you shook your head, she pressed, “A description. I’ll find him. I’ll find him and I’ll–.” 

“Not right now, Nesta,” Feyre said gently, catching the way your eyes went distant as the memories began to spiral forth. Nesta took a steadying breath and came close, kneeling in front of you and taking your hand in hers. 

“Starting right now, you are not going to lie to me again,” she said evenly. “You’re not going to lie and you’re not going to sacrifice yourself. Not for my sake, not for Feyre’s, and not for Elain’s. Do you understand?” 

You swallowed back tears, nodding mutely, and she squeezed your hand tighter, her voice rough as she repeated herself. “Do you understand, Y/N?” 

Azriel moved closer, a low rumble of warning in his chest, but you stopped him from intervening by replying, “Yes, I understand.” 

“Good,” Nesta’s voice wavered and she hugged you tightly, wiping her eyes as she pulled away. “Now that that’s settled, perhaps we should let you get some rest. It’s been quite a day.” Feyre may have been High Lady, but Nesta knew how to command a room. “Azriel,” she beckoned the Shadowsinger when he made no move to leave with the rest of your visitors. 

“He can stay,” you told Nesta, leaving no room for argument. She seemed to hesitate, pursing her lips, but eventually relented, bidding you good night with the rest of the sisters. After she left, you turned to look at Azriel, who had remained quiet throughout your story. 

He was standing by the window, now, his hands clenched tight at his side. In the moonlight, he looked ethereal and deadly, like a god of wrath. “When you’re ready, I’ll need a description”, he said lowly. You swallowed thickly and nodded, moving to sit on the bed. He joined you there, an arm coming to rest around your shoulder. Before, you might have worried that the cold fury radiating off of him was directed at you, but with the bond, you understood it was protective anger that made his clenched hands shake. 

“We’ll find him,” he promised you, sounding sure. You believed him as well. Azriel had no name or place of origin, but he had time and experience on his side. “Maybe not now, but we will. I will.”

“And what will you do with him?” you asked softly. The concept of vengeance was not one you considered, and while you didn’t have the stomach for long drawn-out revenge, the thought of stopping him from hurting others was comforting. 

“Whatever you want me to do, Sunshine.”

⊱ —————— ❈  —————— ⊰

Taglist: @answer-the-sirens @microwaveallthedemons @judig92 @wolfyland07 @donttellthecats @goldentournesol @mulansaucey @millionthingsihaventdone @starlit-terror @starrstrucked @bankerfrog @xxoverthinkxx @luv-xoxo @abrunettefangirlnerd

Taglist - This Series: @positivewitch @i-am-fascinated @valeridarkness @kristalhi @ladylizzieofdarbyshire @hollyismentallyillhelp @fromdelos @pricklepearbloom @secretlycressdarnel @acotar-thirst @cassie-buckysbaby @sevikas-whore @elizarikaallen @starryphoebe @acotarlove63 @waitingtobeimpressed @sassybluebird

Likes, reblogs, comments, and feedback are greatly appreciated. Please let me know if you would like to be added to or removed from my tag list for future fics. Click here to check out my other work.

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

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1. Hiiii! Good day to all. I am looking for a fic where LWJ went to see LXC in seclusion but he didn’t open the door. Cue trauma from Mama Lan and i think LWJ went to qi deviation. I remember LXC coming out of seclusion too. Thank youuu

FOUND? This sounds a lot like 💖He who feels deeply by LFMH021 (G, 5k, wangxian, LXC & LWJ, fluff & angst, angst w/ happy ending, hurt/comfort, post-canon, brother feels)

FOUND? 💖A Many-Splendored Thing by Netrixie (M, 14k, wangxian, WWX & LXC & LWJ, post-canon, PTSD, depression, character study, panic attacks, family bonding, angst, hurt/comfort, grief/mourning, self-hatred, happy ending) well well well, if it isn’t one of those fics that made me cry ~Mod L

FOUND? 💖a fever, a promise, an unopened door by pale_and_tragic (T, 8k, wangxian, LXC & LWJ, post-canon, sickfic, hurt/comfort, angst w/ happy ending, protective siblings, fever, hallucinations, anxiety)

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2. Hi I really love and respect what you do you’re a life saver for so many people ✨ myself included 🫣 I just read one of your post about someone that forgot a thing they had just read well that’s me too 😅 I’ve been looking for it for so long I’m starting to think I dreamed it. I may be mixing two fics but it was about the wen doing arranged marriage instead of the indoctrination/ and I remember you specifying that it Was Wangxian and (lwj was married to wen xu?? And wwx to someone else ?) it’s the part where I think it’s another fic. Anyway thanks for everything 🥰✨❤️❤️ @ihaveasoftspotfora-yuan

FOUND! In case it’s two fics you’re remembering there is The Oriole Behind You by mercyandmagic (M, 97k, wangxian (and many other ships), arranged marriage, family feels, angst w/ happy ending, everybody lives au)

NOT FOUND! and Magnanimous in Victory by giraffeter (E, 40k, wangxian, dead dove do not eat!, offscreen major character death, underage, rape/non-con, prisoner of war, violence, sexual violence, angst w/ happy ending, mind all the tags!, WIP)

NOT FOUND! The Lifespan of a Lotus Blossom by Silver_pup (M, 155k, WIP, Canon Divergence, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, A/B/O Dynamics, Non-Traditional A/B/O Dynamics, Arranged Marriage, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Unplanned Pregnancy, Mpreg, Unrequited Love, Family Feels, Family Drama, Rape/Non-con Elements)

Hello I’m number #2 and I don’t know if I should post it here but it was the oriole behind you thanks so much and magnanimous in victory is very familiar thank you so much ✨🥰❤️

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3. I'm trying to find a fic, but I think it might have been deleted.  WWX was an array/talisman expert doing work at a university and the Lan brothers how up because there's been a string of horrifying murders involving arrays.  WWX is the prime suspect at first, but once they get over that he gets involved in trying to figure out what's going on.  JGY is WWX's supervisor and is connected to the murders, which are being committed by Xue Yang.  WWX and the Lan brothers end up rescuing a-Qing from one of the arrays.  Feel free to contact me for more details. @ghostjellyfishheart​

FOUND! Moonlight as My Guide by BromeliadDreams (M, 32k, Case Fic, Body Horror, Modern with Magic, Grey-ace WWX)

Not FOUND 避风港 by Heroine (Evoxine) for strippedpink (E, 113k, Modern au, college au, canon rewrite, Sex God LWJ, Friends to lovers, slow burn, hurt/comfort, light angst, public blow jobs, accidental voeyurism)

Hello, I'm number three on today's fic finder (modern au talisman expert gets involved in string or murder cases). Unfortunately the one recommended isn't what I'm looking for. Thanks for the suggestion though!

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4. Can you help me find a fic where Xue Yang says that if you do t have an inbuilt sense of morality, storebought is fine? **Oof, I swear I’ve read this one or something very similar but I have zero memory of it otherwise D: ~Mod L**

FOUND! A Pavlovian Approach to Honesty by Stratisphyre for sisi_rambles (T, 6k, XiYaoNie, Venerated triad, Modern with Magic, Truth Spells, Fluff, Getting Together, Minor WangXian, A Tablespoon of Angst, Spreadsheets)

not FOUND Rehabilitation by BeneathTheBrim (T, 36k, Time Travel, Xue Yang redemption arc, Slash he's still a teen and hasn't really murdered anyone yet, Drug Use, What do you mean WWX can't cure XY's sadistic proclivities by getting him stoned all the time???, Canon Divergence, Demonic Possession) XY is being held at the Cloud Recesses, with WWX as his self-appointed therapist. Two important notes: the author (1) does not warn for mass bunny slaughter, and (2) now wishes to distance themself from this fic and does not want kudos

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5. Looking for a fic! lan wangji tries to form a soulbond (?) with a dragon near cloud recesses and becomes friends with wei wuxian too. he doesn't know that wei ying is the dragon. lan zhan courts the dragon while wei ying courts lan zhan because of this wei wuxian gets rejected and lan wangji's dragon disappears.

FOUND? Of Skin and Scales by firesonic152 for Suspicious_Popsicle (E, 21k, Dragon WWX, Pining, Slow Burn, Miscommunication, Bottom LWJ)

FOUND? no other cloud compares to you by ectocosme (M, 125k,Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Courtship, Slow Burn, Slow Build, Identity Issues, Misunderstandings, Mistaken Identity) It has the soulbond aspect and miscommunication of LWJ courting a dragon but not realizing the dragon is WWX, whom he rejects

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6. hello!! ive been searching endlessly for this one heavy fic where wei wuxian went to wen ning's party and xue yang and i think wen chao drugged mianmian's drink but wei wuxian drank it instead and became their victim. the whole fic was centered on wei wuxian, his husband lan wangji, and his friends and family dealing with the aftermath of that traumatic experience. thank you!!

FOUND! feast and famine by luckymarrow (E, 49k, Modern AU, Non-Graphic Rape, Rape Recovery, Kink Negotiation, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Injury recovery, Established Relationship, Switching)

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7. hii!! ive been looking for so long for this fic where lan wangji deals with the aftermath of wei wuxian's death and was heavily focused on how lan wangji raised lan sizhui (i cant remember exactly if wwx never came back, i dont think he did or he did but not in the canon way). the things i remember clearly: lsz calling him baba till he left to go to the disciple dorms and only called him baba in private, them still eating dinner together even after he left the jingshi, lsz's name ceremony and how his smile was just like wwx's and ppl noticed (everyone lived except wwx), nhs being the best uncle and even painting wwx just for lwj, lsz when he grew old enough learned to play inquiry to help lwj. thank you sm i hope u can help me!!

FOUND! Until the End by abCEE (M, 36k, Canon rewrite, Established Relationship, Mpreg, Happy Ending, Fix-it of sorts, BAMF JYL, WWX Gets a new core) it's got Sizhui's naming ceremony where the Jiang sibs recognize wwx's smile

not FOUND To Be of Use by Errisette (Not Rated, 53k,Found Family, Accidental Baby Acquisition(kinda), Father-Son Relationship, Missing Scene, Good Teacher Lan Wangji, Fluff, Worldbuilding)

not FOUND although my mind is young, it is not gentle by everythingispoetry ( T, 27k, Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, Disability, Parenthood, Growing Up, Family Dynamics, Character Study, Self-Discovery)

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8. Hi, I read this story on AO3 a while back but am having no luck finding it again. When Wei Ying fell from the cliff at the Burial Mound Siege, resentful energy reacted, sending him back in time to the Gusu Lectures.  Lan Zhan, who had been trying to hold on to him, was slightly affected, making his emotions travel back, but not his memories. To try and explain things away, Wei Ying makes up the story of meeting Lan Zhan as a child like in the Donhgua.

FOUND! Come Back to Me by s6115 (M, 8k, Time travel, Fix it, implied soulmates)

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9. hey for the next fic finder could u find a fic where post canon wei ying and the juniors are on a night hunt and wei ying plays this horrifying melody and lan sizhui falls asleep cause that used to be his lullaby while the other juniors are all creeped out?

FOUND? is referring to a scene in chapter 2 of tell some storm by qurbat (G, 31k, wangxian, JC & WWX, LSZ & WWX, NHS & WWX, Post-Canon, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, liberal amounts of outsider POV, the legend of wangxian, how to create a romance epic for dummies)

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10. Hello! I'm trying to look for this one fic where lwj doesn't recognize wwx at dafan mountain bc someone stole his wangxian song so everyone knows it after 13 years?? I'm sorry if it's vague but this is all I remember from reading the summary. Thank you, hope you have a good day!

FOUND! Divergence and Convergence by dissentingsweaters (M, 65k, WIP, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Slow Burn, Minor Character Death, Canonical Character Death, Spoilers for Novel, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Heavy Angst)

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11. Hi! At this point I feel like I dreamed this fic up, but maybe you can help? LWJ writes stories about himself and WWX. At first he is embarrassed and makes up different names, writes about their interaction during fight with waterborne abysses but ends it with lines he read in romance novels. He keeps writing about them together until he feels there is no chance for them. Then he writes only about WWX night hunting and being happy. He stops after WWX death. In the end post canon WWX finds all these stories hidden in Jingshi and reads them. They were stashed under floor boards behind wine. I think LWJ burned one story because it turned out to steamy, and one he was so embarrassed about that he put it at the bottom of the stack.

FOUND! operational amplifier by chinxe (T, 7k, Angst with a Happy Ending, Pining, not nearly as cracky as the premise makes it sound unfortunately, Character Study, of sorts)

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12. Hello! Thank you for your hard work!! For the next fic finder I was hoping you could help me find this fic during CR lecture era where lwj punched/hit wwx in the face because wwx said something about not realizing if someone likes him/has a crush on him ?? Sorry if this is vague that's all I remember 😭 Thank you so much!!

FOUND? Punchline by jiangnan (G, 3k, Crack, Humor, Comedy, Slapstick, Pining LWJ, Love Confessions, punch your crush to confess your love)

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13. Um excuse me but can you help me find an air of wangxian in modern au I read it when I first got into it but I can't find it anywhere so I hope you can help me it's about lan zhan being either a Mafia boss or something like that while wei ying is a detective/police officer I think I remember wei ying getting drunk at a bar than being taken by lan zhan than they did papapa other than that lan zhan took him to his limo after the bar scene while the end is when wei ying leaves to go only to find out he did the papapa with the dangerous lan zhan that's all I can remember but I am hoping you know what name it is also can you find any male pregnant wei ying when wei ying and lan zhan lives at gusu. (I'll add your request for Mpreg WX to an itmf for you ^^ ~ Mod C)

#13 sounds so familiar and it might even be a twitter threadfic but i cant remember which ToT; anon would u happen to remember where you've read it?

FOUND? 🧡 Rule Number One: Never get attached. by KizuKatana (E, 130k, WangXian, Modern AU, A/B/O, Light Angst, Crime Boss LWJ, Rogue criminal genius WWX)

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14. I know that this is Wangxian.... but please help, I'm desperate. There was a fic where WQ and WWX end up accidentally doing the golden core surgery on the actual mountain of Baoresh Saeran. And she, seeing 3 teenagers trying to perform surgery on her mountain comes down in a huff and ends up actually restoring JC's core. Little Song Lan was also there. This fic has been eating my brain and I can't find it for the life of me. It might have been part of a larger collection.

FOUND? Kids These Days by Bideroo (T, 2k, Canon Divergence, Baoshan Sanren is Old and Tired, No Golden Core Transfer, Crack Treated Seriously, Attempt at Humor, Hand-waving of 'realistic' Immortal Powers) When a group of determined children choose her mountain as the site of their... baffling ritual, Baoshan Sanren is forced to deal with it.

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15. Hello, iam looking for fic where wei ying goes to jin ling's one month celebration without wen ning and almost dies

FOUND? The Fire Lapping Up the Creek by notevenyou (E, 66k, Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, Major Illness, Grief/Mourning, Angst with a Happy Ending)

FOUND? when you're doing all the leaving (then it's never your love lost) by tardigradeschool (T, 26k, Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Sharing a Bed, Sharing Clothes, Fix-It, the inherent eroticism of under robes, Golden Core Transfer) Lan Wangji goes with Wei Wuxian to his nephew's one-month celebration instead of Wen Ning. They still don't make it to the party.

FOUND? Birthday Party by waffles_4_breakfast (E, 100k, wangxian, canon divergence, fix-it, angst w/ happy ending, sharing a bed, pining, getting together, slow burn, poison, torture, first time, smut, consensual non-con)

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16. Hello Mods! I was looking for a fice where WWX and a part of LWJ go back in time. Only LWJs love for WWX goes back and not his memories. I didn't get much farther since I accidentally closed all my tabs. I appreciate any help, thank you!

FOUND! Come Back to Me by s6115 (M, 8k, Time travel, Fix it, implied soulmates)

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17. What’s the one fic with a ‘Wei sect’ where the YIling Patriarch demands that the sects give him soil and seeds, but it’s written in such a way that they all take it to mean concubines? He means, you know, actual food. Lan Wangji, high key offended that this brat fits his type exactly, volunteers via the very effective method of kidnapping the Yiling Laozu back to his own home and gets to work on railing a new core into him.

FOUND! Crush and Conquer by Papriqua (E, 4k, Rough sex, Different first meeting, D/S elements, Dubious consent, Dom LWJ, Rape/Non-con elements)

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18. Trying to find a fic I read a while back. LWJ and WWX come across their young daughter who accidentally time traveled. They freak out a little. Later, they’re in a room with Lan Qiren and LXC when old LWJ, WWX, and one/two more of their kids walk into the room too to pick up their time-traveling child. The fic ends with WWX and LWJ looking at each other and realizing they like each other and want that future together.

FOUND? Ardent Desires by crestre (Not Rated, 6k, Time Travel, Canon Divergence, Fluff, A/B/O Dynamics, Attempt at Humor, Mpreg, Fix-It of Sorts)

FOUND? The Trouble with Talismans: a Treatise on Time-Travel by Young Master Lan Xiaohui (Age 6) by stiltonbasket (G, 26k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Time Travel, Getting together, Happy Ending)

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19. What’s the fic, I think it’s mpreg, where Wen Ning’s core gets transplanted into Jiang Cheng? Wen Qing tells Wen Ruohan it’s punishment for helping the Jiang.

FOUND! Don't Wanna Fall by nekojita (M, 111k, Mpreg, A/B/O, Fix-it, Lots of pining, Angst with a happy ending, Canon Divergence, Child thief WN)

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20. Hi, hope you’re doing well! (I am, thank you~ Mod C) This is for your next “Fic Finder”. During a gathering of some sort (most likely a discussion conference?), Wei Wuxian is talking to Jiang Wanyin about something involving the Jin Sect and Sect Leader Ouyang tries to attack Wei Wuxian. Jiang Wanyin pushes Wei Wuxian behind him, and Wei Wuxian is then flanked by Sizhui, Jingyi, and Jin Ling. Lan Wangji, who I believe was Chief Cultivator, has Sect Leader Ouyang brought out and stripped of his position.

FOUND? A place of Gold by ThisIsWhereTheMagicHappens (T, 10k, Canon Divergence, Post Canon, Happy ending, Married WangXian, WWX POV, Junior quartet become Sect Leaders)

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[luimagines]

So there are a lot, and I do mean, a lot of qu readers, but may I introduce another that popped into my brain, maybe an hour ago??

Keyblade Welder Reader. A. K. A. KH Reader.

This is a person who has seen darkness, and has lived to tell the tale, like I'm specifically talking about the Union Cross player here as they've seen some things, I would not even be surprised if they had a form of PTSD, like they were a child soldier guys.

I'm going to go over magical abilities, if you want a more detailed explanation, ask, please. I literally have nothing better to do.

First one; Healing magic from Kingdom Hearts is OP. The cure spell works on everyone in a close proximity to the caster, or specifically those that the caster wants to be affected. It can heal life-threatening injuries, to paper cuts. It's very Opie the higher level it is.

Two elemental magic; It's amazing, like there are a bunch of different spells of the elemental range; there's Fire, Blizard (Ice basically), lightning, and there is now Water magic! They are amazing useful spells, and just all around a good time.

We also have magic that doesn't fall under that category, like Stop, which literally freezes enemies in time, Magnet I think it's called (I'll correct myself later if I'm wrong.), like it changes the gravity around an enemy, and makes them super flat on the ground, I don't know how else to explain it.

Then we have Light and Darkness based magic spells, like we have Dark Fire, which is awesome.

We also have form changes as well, but that's an entirely different post altogether, so we'll come back to that later.

Keyblades are not just swords, but they are literally keys. They can unlock anything, I'm not even joking about that, tap it on a chest it pops open, tap it on a door or keybeam the keyhole, it opens. They could take the chain through an entire dungeon, and they would never need any of the keys, because you just have the reader's keyblade to open the doors.

it's incredibly useful, however, there are some downsides, The Heartless, which is the main thing you fight in the Kingdom Hearts series, can tract keyblade wielders by their keyblades, because The Heartless is afraid of it, and they want to destroy it, so they follow you around everywhere. That's not even going over the different types of Heartless, and enemies made from Darkness itself.

Kingdom Hearts lore is messy, and there's a lot, and I do mean a lot, to go over and sometimes it doesn't make sense, but I find it fun because of how weird it can get, but if you have any questions feel free to ask, I'm willing to answer them, cuz again, I have nothing better to do.

Oh, and call me KeybladeAnon.

qu readers? What does that mean?

I knew the keyblades sounded familiar! I was wondering what that were referring to and was glad that I was right. :D

I think that would be a very interesting thing if Kingdom Heart met LU.

You mentioned elemental magic. What kind do you think reader would do and what does that imply? Like what kind of spells will they be able to do? Can they do more than one?

How do we flesh this character out?

[gameofdrarry]

Wizards Hearts Smut Recs: Magic Sex Toys

Wizards Hearts was a four-month-long Drarry reading fest. Players were given a playing deck of 52 tropes, and were asked to find 52 different fics to read and comment on to fill their decks. To prevent the same few fics from being read, fics were restricted to only being used for the game three times before being considered ineligible for further points. The tropes and submissions list can be found here. Players could opt in to an additional suit of 13 cards, all themed around various popular smut tropes.

Check out the masterlist of fics for this trope below the cut!

📜 Beautifully Unbound by breath_of_mine (tsundanire) Rated:  Explicit Words:  54933 Tags: Post-Hogwarts, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Post-Second War with Voldemort, Minor Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Minor Blaise Zabini/Narcissa Malfoy, BDSM, Praise Kink, Dom/sub, Subspace, Safewords, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Blindfolds, Impact Play, Spanking, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Mental Health Issues, Therapy, Consensual Kink, Light Bondage, Angst, Holidays, Young Teddy Lupin, Mystery, Auror Harry Potter, Accidental Bonding, Bonding, H/D Erised 2018, Community: hd_erised, POV Alternating, Telepathic Bond, Gay Male Character, Bisexual Male Character, Dom Draco Malfoy, Sub Harry Potter, Bearded Harry Potter, Dirty Talk, Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Gloves, Massage, Sex Toys, Mistletoe, Family Dinners, Misunderstandings, Past Relationship(s) Summary:  Auror Potter is sent on a mission to clear out deadly artifacts from a Death Eater Safehouse with Draco Malfoy. What could possibly go wrong? ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Three Wishes by PalenDrome (nerdherderette) Rated:  Explicit Words:  10161 Tags: Fairy Tale Elements, Fairy Godparents, Wish Fulfillment, Explicit Sexual Content, Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Hand Jobs, Butt Plugs, Sex Toys, Implied Switching, Light Angst, Humor, Fluff and Crack, Confessions, Auror Harry Potter, Ministry of Magic Employee Draco Malfoy, Be Careful What You Wish For, Thirsty Draco Malfoy, POV Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, H/D Sex Fair 2020 Summary:  Draco meets his fairy godmother and is granted three wishes. Unfortunately, they all keep coming back to the same thing. [excerpt]: Pop! "Oh, wow," Vince says, and is that sarcasm Draco hears? "I never saw that coming." "What?" Draco opens his eyes. He's prepared for the theatrics of the puffs of smoke—Vince, despite the sudden career change, was never blessed with an overactive imagination—but what he was not prepared for was the sight of Harry Potter, bare-chested and dressed in arseless chaps, his hands bound and mouth wrapped around a ball gag while lying face down on Draco's sofa. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 The Four Ds of Apparition (or: Destination, Determination, Deliberation, and Dicks)  by eidheann, firethesound Rated:  Explicit Words:  36638 Tags: Apparition, Dick JokesAurors, St Mungo's Hospital, Acronyms, Sex Toys, Crude political statements, Inappropriate use of office equipment, Inappropriate use of shoe boxes, Inappropriate use of hats, Misuse of national anthems, Obscene floral arrangements, Seamus's sticking charms, Dicks, cocks, Penises, Willies, Pricks, Phalluses, Comedically large numbers of unattached dicks Summary:  After transferring to the Apparition Department, Harry's life becomes one big dick joke. And all his friends are arseholes. So is Malfoy, but what else is new? AKA Harry Potter and the eighteen twenty dicks. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 in advance  by M0stlyVoid Rated:  Explicit Words:  3563 Tags: Wax Play, Kink Exploration, Safe Sane and Consensual, Gags, Bondage, Blow Jobs, Kink Negotiation, Dom/sub, Dom Harry Potter, Sub Draco Malfoy, Shibari Summary:  Draco's been scared of fire since the Battle of Hogwarts. Harry likes wax play. This is how they work together to face Draco's fear and get what they both want. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Have yourself a kinky little Christmas by  keyflight790, tsundanire Rated:  Explicit Words:  21433 Tags: Drarropoly: A Drarry Game/Fest, Secret Admirer, Secret Santa, 12 Days of Christmas, Consensual Kink, Other Additional Tags to Be AddedSex Toys, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexual Harry Potter, Bottom Harry Potter, Light Dom/sub, Dom/sub Undertones, Praise Kink, semi-public wanking, Aural Kink, Dirty Talk, Awkward Harry Potter, Auror Partners, Auror Harry Potter, Auror Draco Malfoy, Masturbation, Masturbation in Bathroom, Work In Progress, Angst, Mental Health Issues, Switching, Cock sleeve, instructions, Dealing with mental health, Tattoos, writing on dicks, praise!kink, non con, brief non con display of nudity, Mutual Masturbation, Public Masturbation, Loud Sex, Unaware Pansy Parkinson, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Orgasm Denial, Rimming, Semi-Public Sex, Public Sex, Public Nudity, Public Rimming, Sex on Ministry Time, Inappropriate Use of Ministry Time, slacking on the job, These two are so inappropriate, The Writers are having too much fun, This whole thing is NSFW, Consent, Explicit Consent, Explicit Sexual Content, conversations about consent, Clearly expressed Consent, Potions, Lust Potions, Overstimulation, Orgasm Delay, Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, Public Hand Jobs, Public Blow Jobs, Face-Fucking, Consensual Sex, Anal Sex, Anal Play, Anal Plug, Writing with your BFF, This is what happens, Harry Deserves a Magical Ending, Draco Deserves Happiness, Dom/sub, This Fic made my life, and cleared my skin, writing this fic made me the happiest, and did my laundry, Art, Digital Art, mzuul Summary:  As the holidays loom, Harry feels the weight of everything and everyone he'd lost. Working as an Auror, while exciting hadn't filled him with the same kind of satisfaction he'd assumed it would. It takes one extremely kinky secret admirer to pull out a side of him he'd been pushing away since his youth, and actually make him want to come into work everyday. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Asking For A Friend? by RoonilWazlibMalfoy Rated:  Explicit Words:  13734 Tags: Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Daily Prophet, Drag Queen Draco Malfoy, Gay Harry Potter, Size Queen Harry Potter, Post-Second War with Voldemort, Epistolary, Fluff and Smut, Sex Shop, Sex Toys, Anal Fingering, Anal Play, Anal Sex, Masturbation, Nipple Play, Nipple Clamps, Blow Jobs, Rimming, Felching, Discussions of Fisting, Gay Bar, Sex Advice Columnist Draco Malfoy, H/D Sex Fair 2020 Summary:  Asking for a friend? Don't be shy! I'm Genna Russ with advice! Draco Malfoy, drag queen and agony aunt for the Daily Prophet, is very happy with his life. He loves his job. He loves his drag queen persona. And he loves the fact that the wider Wizarding world doesn't know who is offering them sassy advice with their morning news. When he starts receiving letters from one Harry Potter – letters that are too racy to publish – he does the only thing he can do: he replies. His carefully constructed secret life is at risk of being blown wide open, but he just can't help himself. Draco never did have any self-control where the Prat Who Lived was concerned. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Ligabus Filium by Tessa Crowley (tessacrowley) Rated:  Explicit Words:  41534 Tags: Post-Deathly Hallows, HP: EWE, BDSM, Top Harry Potter, Dom Harry Potter, Bottom Draco, Sub Draco Malfoy, Virgin Draco Malfoy, Whipping, Riding Crops, Gags, Dildos, Creative use of Time Turners, Creative use of Howlers, Creative use of Amortentia, Listen it's the running theme of the story ok, it's filthy bdsm smut what do you want Summary:  It should be careful, deliberate, but it isn't. Like every other part of their relationship, it happens gradually and then all at once, before they even realize it. And when the little blue threads bind them together, there's no going back. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Obsessions Release by katie_delaney Rated:  Explicit Words:  27783 Tags: Deepthroating, Dom Draco Malfoy, Top Draco Malfoy, Dancing, Breathplay, BDSM, First Time Summary:  Harry is convinced Draco has given him a love potion, on confronting him he is forced to face an inconvenient truth about himself. Will be very smutty/moderate bdsm, tame in first chapter. Warnings for breathplay. Set during the Half Blood Prince through to the end of the Deathly Hallows. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 in the flesh by M0stlyVoid Rated:  Explicit Words:  1462 Tags: Masturbation, Accidental Voyeurism, Roommates, Sex Toys, Loud Sex, Anal Sex, Dirty Talk, idiots to lovers, Denial of Feelings Summary:  Draco really should have knocked. He's really glad he didn't. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 You Make it Hurt So Good by bangyababy Rated:  Explicit Words:  1938 Tags: Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Daddy Kink, Spanking, Anal Fingering, Sex Toys, Magical Sex Toys, Punishment, Dirty Talk, Light Dom/sub, Dom Draco Malfoy, Bottom Harry Potter, Safe Sane and Consensual, a bit of fluff at the end Summary:  “Harry,” he said, a clear warning. “What are you going to do about it, Daddy?” Draco is in a bad mood. Harry knows just how to draw him out. ❤️ Read on AO3

[whimperwoods]

Part 9 of Gozukk and Anna

Anna has a doctor’s appointment. Gozukk turns down an offer to join the church. Jak helps out.

[Note: One of the d&d canon things I particularly don’t like is that the ‘evil races’ have their own separate evil gods particular to their race. I’m aware that there are halfling and elf and dwarf pantheons also, but the thing is that those generally have deities of multiple alignments (rather than only evil ones) and those communities seem to be allowed to serve any gods they want, in practice. In my d&d world, orcs can too, and this particular tribe, to the extent to which they’re religious, is affiliated with Kelemvor. Not everyone worships him, and there are some individuals with other faiths, but he’s the god they have a shrine and a cleric for/from. (I’m not sure it matters that much from a worldbuilding standpoint, but I’ve taken an overall position of “no-race-specific deities,” which does also throw Moradin and the like out with the bathwater, but that’s probably alright.)]

The masterpost is here and includes a cheat sheet with character names, since the list of people she’s met in the community just keeps getting bigger.

tw: slavery (past), tw: PTSD, tw: past rape/noncon (barely referenced), tw: past abuse, tw: fantasy religion (no religious trauma), tw: panic attack, tw: drug reference (past), tw: date rape drug (past)

Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!

Tag list: @redwingedwhump, @nine-tailed-whump, @thehurtsandthecomfurts @kixngiggles, @bluebadgerwhump, @dragonheart905, @carolinethedragon, @whumpzone, @newbornwhumperfly, @cupcakes-and-pain, @much-ado-about-whumping

****

Anna’s legs shook faintly as the healer shouted for her and her master to enter, but she tried to keep her face steady as she ducked under Gozukk’s arm and in through the flap of the tent.

The space was small but comfortable, the furnishings generally not quite as nice as Gozukk’s, with the exception of a smallish but very fine altar, richly carved from solid wood. A set of heavy brass scales sat on it, held up by a skeletal hand, the same image that was carved along its sides, and that she recognized from the box in Gozukk’s room, and a small collection of candles sat around it.

Gozukk knelt briefly in front of the altar, going down on one knee with a quick bow and then rising to his feet again before turning to the healer, Mukzod. “I’m sure you’ve heard plenty about our newest guest,” he said calmly, as if he hadn’t paused at all. Anna felt certain she should kneel, too, but somehow she found herself frozen, unable to move farther into the tent, or to do anything at all.

Mukzod was dressed in dark grey robes, well-made and clean, with the same skeleton-arm scales embroidered carefully across his chest, but looked fresh-faced, too young for such serious, formal vestments. He was a half head shorter than Gozukk but just as wide, with dark messy hair that flopped into his eyes as he nodded toward her and made her shudder and freeze up. He looked almost nothing like Master Kir, but that hair, the length of it, the little flick of his head to get it out of his eyes - her chest tightened with fear, her breath shortening.

The healer’s smile was warm, but she couldn’t slow her racing heart.

“Hello, guest. Anna, is it? Did I hear correctly?”

Her mouth was dry and she couldn’t answer. Gozukk reached a hand halfway toward her, but then stopped and she suddenly, desperately wished he hadn’t, wished she could bury her face in his chest and not see this new stranger, with his new hair, and his new tent. But that was a foolish thing to wish, wasn’t it?

“Yes,” Gozukk answered, his voice softer now, as if to put her at ease even though he was talking to the healer. “You’ve heard right. I already know she’s wounded, but I want to make sure she isn’t also cursed or marked or being tracked.”

“You know, if you just gave a little bit more of yourself to Kelemvor, you could do it yourself,” Mukzod said jovially. “We all know your piety is genuine.”

Gozukk laughed. “For the last time, cleric, a paladin oath is out of the question. The tribe has to come first. You know that. A holy life is not in my cards.”

Mukzod held his hands up, “I know, I know! I only ask because I know you’d be good at it.”

Anna watched the exchange, trying to follow. Kelemvor was - was a god of - of something. Scales. Justice? But no, that was Tyr, everybody knew that. The skeleton, though - the skeleton - her eyes widened, and her body began to shake.

“I - I didn’t realize you worshipped - umm -” Her voice was thin, tense, and surely one of them would bark at her to speak up. She tensed, awaiting a slap for interrupting, or for doing it poorly, or both. Instead, both men turned slowly to look at her, their posture open, hands away from her.

“It’s alright, Anna,” Gozukk said, “He’s not a god of death. He’s a god of the dead, which is something else.”

Mukzod had his hands up, the palms out toward her. “The chief is right. We don’t kill, not unless we have to. Not unless we’re fighting undead things. I’m more about healing. And curing diseases. And burying bodies we find unattended in the desert, which happens a little more often than one would hope.”

She shivered. She’d seen a body like that, had watched the men in the caravan dragging another man’s corpse away from the hooves and wheels that had crushed him to death, only to leave him lying in a heap alongside their caravan route and keep moving at Master Kir’s orders.

She opened her mouth to ask if they’d found the man from the caravan, if they’d buried him properly, but then she couldn’t. What if they thought she’d had something to do with it? She still remembered the beating she’d gotten after they stopped that night, how unsure she’d been whether her master thought she’d done something to distract the dead man, or whether he was just frustrated. She’d known her place. She hadn’t needed to be reminded. She didn’t need to be reminded now.

She sank onto her knees and felt both safer and less safe, in over her head and drowning in uncertainty.

Gozukk knelt beside her again, taking her hands gently in his own, so gently she could have pulled away, but she knew her place, and maybe soon he would realize she knew it and she wouldn’t have to be so scared.

“It’s alright, Anna,” he said, running his thumb gently over her knuckles. “You don’t have to worship him. Plenty of folks don’t. But I do, and Mukzod does, and he’s got some magic that can help you, if that man did anything that’s lingering.” He scowled, but over her shoulder, not at her. “Anything magical, anyway.”

The cleric placed one hand on her shoulder and the other on Gozukk’s and she flinched heavily before she could stop herself.

“Is it alright if I do a quick magic detection spell? If all is well, I’ll won’t see anything, and we’ll know the human doesn’t have any magical hooks into you. If there is something, I’ll have to do some tests, but we can fix that, too.”

His voice was soothing, but she couldn’t look at him, couldn’t look at the hair falling into his eyes, scraping his shoulders around the back of his neck. She was shaking, and she couldn’t stop. She gripped Gozukk’s hands tighter, hoping he would allow her nearer. He squeezed back gently and she scooted forward on her knees until she was close enough to whisper into his ear.

“Please, Sir -” she flinched, but decided not to correct herself and maybe he wouldn’t notice, “I - can I -” He let go of one of her hands and then reached up and brushed her hair behind her ear, a gesture that was increasingly becoming a familiar one. She steeled herself and caught her breath. “May I put my head on your shoulder again, please? Like yesterday, when I was -” she didn’t have a word for what she was, “Please, Gozukk, I’m sorry I’m weak, I just - I can - I can do this. I can be good, please, I just - I need - please.” Her breath gave out, her body shaking even harder.

Yesterday, she’d leaned into him with both of their hands between them, his pressing hers to his chest. Now, he wrapped one arm around her carefully, keeping hold of her hand with his other one and drawing her just slightly closer. “Is this alright?” he whispered into the space between them, “Does this help?”

She shook, and wasn’t sure how to answer, but she knew what she’d wanted at first, knew what she’d wanted, and thought she still wanted it. She leaned her forehead against his shoulder, her breath coming in deep gasps, and he removed his arm from the small of her back as she kept fighting for air, tracing his fingers through her hair at the temple instead.

“It’s alright,” he said, “I’m here to help.”

After a moment of his arm hovering beside her, he let it fall to his side, not touching her as she knelt up against him, watching him breathe and trying to time her breaths to his.

“Are you ready for the spell?” he asked.

She nodded against his shoulder.

“We’re ready, Mukzod.”

Nothing happened. The cleric said a few words in a language she didn’t understand, and then he fell silent, the air in the room unchanged.

“Nope, all clear,” he said after a moment. “Your pendant’s lighting up like a candle, Chief, and the altar, and some of my stuff, so the spell’s working, but she’s not got any magic on her. Not that lingers, anyway. I can try a dispulsion anyway, but as far as I can tell, there’s nothing there to dispel.”

Gozukk leaned his cheek against her temple, sighing in relief. “There we go. You’re safe. Now we know it for sure.”

“I -” Mukzod cleared his throat. “Can I be of any other service? I’d thought you might have come for healing. Or perhaps a calming spell?”

A calming spell? Anna had never heard of that, but as soon as she thought too hard about it, she found herself remembering the times Master Kir had - what had that been - he’d put something in the wine, she’d known there was something in the wine, but he’d made her drink it anyway, made her drink it, made her choke trying to swallow as he forced it down her throat and then he’d - and then he’d -”

She sobbed, her head suddenly spinning, her entire body tingling like there were bees buzzing just inside her skin, and her head on Gozukk’s shoulder wasn’t enough to keep it at bay, wasn’t enough to keep anything at bay, wasn’t - wasn’t -

She grabbed desperately for the front of his shirt, closing her hand into a fist around the fabric and forcing herself to keep breathing. His free hand came up alongside her head, but he didn’t quite touch her, just kept it hovering there, like he was shielding her from the sun. As another wrenching sob tore itself from her throat, she pulled herself closer to him, into that protection, and everything else be damned.

“We’re done for the day,” Gozukk said, his voice rough-edged with anger, like it never was when he talked to her, and she flinched but didn’t dare pull away, couldn’t afford it when he was the only thing steadying her spinning head, couldn’t afford it when it might make him angry, couldn’t - couldn’t - she couldn’t breathe. She gasped for air.

"She’s allowed to feel what she feels,” he snapped at the cleric, “She’s doing fine.”

His own breathing wasn’t quite as steady as she knew it could be, deepening as if he were holding himself together, holding back the snarl she could hear at the edge of his voice.

But then the snarl was gone, and his voice was velvet-gentle again, his hand stroking carefully through her hair. “It’s alright, Anna. You did well. It’s been a stressful day. You don’t have to do anything more. Mukzod just wants you safe, same as me.”

The gentleness was for her. It was just for her, and she was a fool, and she believed it, and she knew she was a fool, but she could feel herself starting to shake apart, could feel the way the buzz under her skin threatened to become the way she felt in the dark, at night, like a fire burning itself out, like she was dying a piece at a time, reducing herself to ash as she went, and she couldn’t. She couldn’t die now, not while she was in a place she was fool enough to half-believe might be better.

“Do you want me to carry you back home?” he asked, his voice still soft, rumbling through his chest and under her cheek, and when had she twisted her head sideways like this, resting more fully on his shoulder? “Or do you want to wait it out here and then we can walk back together? I think you need some quiet for a little bit. You can take another nap, like yesterday. You’re still healing.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck, letting go of the front of his shirt, and he took it as an answer, rearranging immediately to gather her up in his arms and cradle her against his chest.

When he rose to his feet still holding her, she didn’t shudder this time, but she wondered if that was only because to shake any more than she was already shaking might be to shake herself to pieces.

The softness in his voice was gone as he looked up at the cleric and ordered, “Open the flap for me,” all of a sudden in control again, the chief whose feet she had been thrown down in front of. But then he was bending his neck to speak softly in her ear again, the gentleness returned to his voice. “Squeeze my neck when you’re ready for me to walk, and we’ll go. Just tell me when you’re steady.”

She squeezed his neck, desperate to be away from here, as if the bees in her skin would leave her alone out in the sun.

They didn’t, but Gozukk let her bury her face in the side of his neck and kept holding her, his arms solid around her and his breath steady, now, soothing.

Halfway back to the tent, small footsteps joined them, a voice she didn’t recognize piping up from below. “Whoa, Uncle Gozukk, is something wrong?”

“Get the flap when we get to my tent, Jak,” he said, the imperiousness gone again, as if it had never been, his voice warm and normal, but without the particular softness he seemed to save for her, and what did that mean? She sobbed in spite of herself, about nothing, or maybe about everything, but her head was full of bees and her skin was full of bees and she couldn’t think.

“She’ll be alright once she has a little peace and quiet,” Gozukk explained, tone patient, “She’s just a little overwhelmed.”

A small hand patted her dangling ankle and she pulled away instinctively before she realized the boy was no threat.

“Oh,” he said, “That makes sense. Does she need a calm down cloth?”

She could feel Gozukk’s chuckle, deep in his chest. “Yeah, that might not be a bad idea. Why don’t you go get one after you help me inside? And then you can go back to whatever it is you’re supposed to be doing.”

“Got it!” The footsteps sped up, then stopped again, waiting for them to catch up.

Anna clung to Gozukk the rest of the way to the tent, relieved when Jak’s footsteps pattered away as soon as she and Gozukk were inside.

The fine chair he’d been seated in to meet the caravan was inside, now, set behind the table in the front room, and Gozukk settled her into it. She grabbed at its arms, surprised, and squeezed them tighter when Gozukk squatted down in front of her to look in her eyes. She couldn’t get out of the chair and down to his level. He didn’t want that. She had to stay. She had to stay.

Her breathing was still ragged, too fast, and she knew it, but she couldn’t do anything about it.

“Anna, can you hear me?”

Everything was still too much, his words clear enough to make sense, but then immediately gone to her, as if they had never been. She nodded, trying to keep hold of the question.

“Alright. You did a good job this morning. I want to make sure you know that. It’s alright if you need to stay in here the rest of the day. I’ll try to come check on you when it’s time for lunch, but if you get hungry before I come back, you can go find Djaana or one of the twins, and they’ll look after you.”

She was breathing. That, she was sure of. His voice was soothing, reassuring, and the things he was saying were reassuring, and she couldn’t make them mean anything. She nodded. Reassuring. He was being reassuring. She could be reassured. She kept breathing.

Gozukk nodded back. Her breathing eased a little. Good. He was pleased.

Jak came running in, and she got a good look at him for the first time. He had the same dark hair as Djaana and Gozukk, but his eyes were a lighter color, a green she hadn’t expected, and even with some lingering baby roundness to his face, she could tell there was something about his cheekbones that must be like his father. Gozukk stuck a hand out to slow the boy before he could run all the way to her, and he blushed, looking bashful.

“Oh. Sorry. I forgot about the quiet.” He held out a damp, white cloth, in her direction, and she wasn’t sure what to do but take it.

The boy’s green eyes stared at her, his arm drifting behind his back so he could wrap his hand around his elbow, still staring. “Thank you,” she said quietly, aware that her breathing was loud and her voice wasn’t.

“Why don’t you explain to Anna how it works, just in case her mama and grandmother didn’t teach her?” Gozukk asked, something of the softness he always aimed at her in his voice as he addressed the boy.

“Yeah!” Jak said, his face brightening! “It’s easy, Miss Anna! You just put it on the back of your neck, and it’s nice and cool so it feels good, and then you just breathe real steady and think about cooling down and noticing that it feels good, and then when it gets dry, you can go back outside and play or try what you were doing again. Or I guess you can - I dunno. What do you like doing?”

She had no answer, but there wasn’t enough time for it to become awkward. Gozukk laid a hand on Jak’s shoulder. “Why don’t you wait and ask her that in a couple of days? You wouldn’t like it if somebody asked you a bunch of questions while you were trying to calm down, would you?”

“Oh! No!” He mimed locking his mouth closed with a key and tucking it into his pocket, and Anna found herself smiling in spite of everything. She put the cloth against the back of her neck to prove she’d been trying to listen, though there was a lot he said that she hadn’t been able to keep ahold of, the words slipping through her fingers as half of her kept getting wrapped up in her own breath.

He was right. It felt lovely, cool and soft. She closed her eyes, half instinctively, and managed a deeper breath.

She could hear a smile in Gozukk’s voice as he said, “Take all the time you need. We’ll be back to check on you at lunch time.”

Then both sets of footsteps walked away, out the door, and she was alone.

She slid out of the chair and onto her knees, where she felt more herself, but kept the cloth where it was, steadying her breathing as much as she could and thinking about the coolness, the dry air pulling water from the cloth, the dampness sitting against her skin, and nobody touching her.

When the cloth dried, she wasn’t calm, but she was close.

[electronicdelusionstarlight]

Ok, here's how I'd set up an actual BNHA Elder Scrolls crossover in case I ever get around to write it:

1) While he's, like, 4 years old in his living room watching TV, Izuku's Quirk activates. It will not get an actual official name but we can call it Planeswalker Spark ala MTG. Basically kid can tear a hole through reality and launch himself into a different plane of existence, which is what Izuku accidentally does here.

2) It's a slow process tho, which gives Inko plenty of time to rush in from where she was to tackle her son away from the sudden green glow brightly shining around him, a impulse decision based on her Instinct to protect him at all costs, which only ends up with both of them getting sent to Skyrim.

3) Izuku incidentally also happens to be a Shezzarine. His quirk is a mutation from her mom's side, whose Quirks usually affect space in some way, and is completely unrelated to this. Anyway, he and Inko are on the cart to Helgen now, usual shit, The plot of Modded Skyrim takes places, with Inko taking on the brunt of the adventure and trying to shelter Dragonborn Izuku from his destiny.

4) After many trials and tribulations, 2 DLCs, 4 guilds, 1 Dragon War, several adopted orphans as well as so many quest mods it's unreal, Lucien Flavius and several members of the College of Winterhold manages to reverse engineer Izuku's quirk, and gives him an enchanted ring to better control it. Kid can now safely use it without risking ending up somewhere completely different from his planned location. Izuku is now 14 years old. He also had to do terrible things no matter how much his mother tried to shelter him and take the brunt of the war crimes. This leads to PTSD obviously, but also to a now blue and orange morality system, chief among them his general disregard with killing or not killing someone.

5) Getting back to 10 years prior, Izuku's Quirk causes a ripple in the Tachion Field surrounding earth, which is felt on I-Island. David Shield spends the remaining 10 years monitoring and trying to better understand the phenomena, since it could be revolutionary in the till then hypothetical field of time and space travel. When Izuku activates his quirk back 10 years later, I-Island has by then built a teleportation device, hijacking Izuku's trip and sending him to I-Island.

6) Meanwhile on a familiar junkyard, Hatsume Mei's scrappy device built via salvaged parts, spit and lots of duct tape comes to life on her back, individuating a sudden tear in the now constantly decaying Tachion Field. It's happening in the middle of the ocean tho, so she can't really deal with it now.

7) Anyway, David Shield needs Izuku at hand for his Quirk, but Izuku and his mom came back to Japan trying to live a double life since by then most of their friends and family are in Tamriel. Except, both of them have been declared dead for years, and Hisashi, the bitch, ran away with the insurance money, so they don't have a life to return to. David Shield can't let them get back to Tamriel tho, again, he needs Izuku on planet for his new research, bit also realizes that if he actually wants to leave he can't really stop him, except Izuku, you know, still wants to become a hero, just like his mom is in Skyrim. So they reach a compromise, he will try to get into UA, and will take a new identity as Mikumo Akatani, usual excuses to have Izuku get into 1-A you know?

8) Izuku can't really make his Quirk public tho. So, after forging his and his mother identities as a foreign dignitary from the states and her son, and his Quirk is listed as "Cataclysm" (The last perk in the destruction skill tree for a Fire (and Earth) mage in the Ordinator Mod). He is after all a member of the college of Winterhold, trained under the Great and Powerful Destruction Magician Uncle J'Zargo the Magnificent himself, of course he knows plenty of spells. However, he can't really explain all of them as one Quirk, or better yet, he can, it would just get really complicated, so he just goes "My mom can move things with her mind, my... Father, ugh, can blow fire from his mouth, obviously my Quirk is being able to control flames with my mind, usually from my hands but some times also via vocalisation."

9) Which means Izuku has to really contain what shit he can do. It's a very superman like situation, since he needs to remain in control at all times and also not slip up and pull spells he couldn't explain as his "fire" quirk, least people start asking questions. Some people however notice.

10) Tsuyu and Todoroki start an unofficial conspiracy theorist fan club over it.

Tsuyu was there with him at the USJ, where in his sudden hyperfocused competence over the crisis situation made her realize A) This is not the first time this boy has almost died in his life and B) Back in the water at the USJ, she could swear she saw his hands shining as some strange light washed over him, and she could swear he could swim as fast as her back then, and for such long periods of time she could swear he could breath underwater. That makes it really suspicious.

Todoroki sees another kid with a powerful fire quirk but also the signs of a hard life and who seems to not like his father, and instantly goes "Oh... same hat." So his conspiracy is that Izuku is actually Endeavour Bastard Son he had after a premarital affair during a visit to the states 14 years prior, and he has a corkboard to prove it. He also realizes that he's trying to contain his power just like he is, which makes him believe he too must have done a pledge just like him.

11) Shinso beats Bakugou on the first match of the tournament. Doesn't really matter to the overall crossover I just wanted to point this out.

12) Anyway, this explodes during the Sports Festival. It's Todoroki Vs Midoriya, and 1) everyone is comparing the two due to similar Quirks, which Izuku finds really unfair to both of them, 2) Todoroki is being a stubborn ass with his quirk and 3) Izuku can't really talk now l, can't he? That would make him an hypocrite, and he might be a Mage, an Honorary member of the Explorer Guild, a Dragonborn and also a Bard College Student for some reason, but he's not a hypocrite, so he just up and SNAPS because hey, maybe Todoroki will actually unleash his full potential if someone else does it first too.

13) So, Izuku Midoriya, on national television, starts blasting. Armour Spells, Ice Spells, Lightning Spells, Mind Spells, Water, Wind, Air, Poison, turns himself invisible, summons a Dremora Champion, shouts with the power of the souls of the Dragons his mother slew, Todoroki actually has to start using his fire but is mostly out of sheer survival now ("There is always a bigger fish out there, and one day you deciding not to use your full power just because of a stupid pledge will get someone killed. Trust me, I know. You better start realizing that now Todoroki"), and is still a close match because Izukus spells all start from his hands or mouth after all, and Todoroki has now something to prove more than ever.

14) Without his robes on tho, Izuku Magicka is depleted in the end, ending up in a tie as the two collapse from exhaustion. Rather than an arm wrestling match this time, Izuku is disqualified due to the sudden mutation of his Quirk. He's fine with it and probably expected it, bit this still bums Todoroki out, as well as all of his classmates and friends.

15) After the Festival there are 4 leading theories on Izuku now:

A) All Might, discovering via Tsukuachi that Izuku's identity is fake, as well that he looks a bit like a missing case kid from 10 years ago, AND knowing that AFO is back due to the USJ... Believes Izuku is a mole, and is working, willingly or unwillingly, for AFO after he was implanted with all those Quirks. He is now incredibly suspicious of him, and it kind of shows. Nighteye is on the same page despite not having talked to the man in years, and is subtly trying to have Mirio scout out the kid to see if he's a threat. Mirio is too much of a Golden Retriever to even realize what has been asked of him tho, and just think Nighteye wants him to befriend another kid with a promising Quirk.

B) Todoroki now knows the truth. Izuku is Monoma's long lost twin brother. His Quirk allows him to copy the Quirks of those around him (Iron Skin and Stone Skin would be Tetsu Tetsu and Kirishima Quirks after all, Invisibility is Hakagure, Fire and Ice are either his or Bakugou's, Lightning is Kirishima, and Tsuyu mentioned how he could swim and breath underwater while near her, meaning he was using her Quirk). He has connected the dots.

C) AFO still remembers his brother's lover, the stories she came up with, the long periods of times she was gone, only to return with a haunted look in her eyes... The powers she hid from him, thinking he wouldn't notice, the way she fled right after his brother lay lifeless on the ground, almost disappearing into thin air with his broken body... The family his brother hid so well from him, as if they were in another world all together... They never told him, but he knew, he knew she had some sort of Quirk, one that had been then inherited by this new Mikumo Akatani, so similar to HIM yet so different, back from the other world in revenge for his ancestor.

He has to capture that kid. He's family after all, and his quirk belongs to him, it's his by right as his brother's keeper. And with it, he will be able to extend his reach to worlds beyond his own.

D) the official version, the one David Shield puts out, is that Izuku's Quirk evolved unexpectedly due to the new environment he was in, mentioning it as a precursor of Quirk Singularity.

E) The only one who actually got it is Hatsume. She can tell Izuku is the source of the Tachion Spikes and subsequent decays as he "returns home" in Skyrim when leaving school, so she perfectly understands that he's a powerful warlock from across dimension who had come here with the power of science and unholy magic to infiltrate society posing as a hero. Obviously, she's going to help him do it becoming his evil vizier and grand artificer of course. Worst case scenario, she can now market the shit out of him as a hero using her babies, best one, he succeeds and she gets to rule Australia out of their "Deal." I say "Deal" because Izuku isn't even sure he got half of what she was saying, but she seems nice and if Skyrim taught him anything is that you should treasure everyone willing to be your friend, so they hang out together, scheming and plotting without even realising it.

Tsuyu however pretty much got the gist of what Hatsume was saying (it was a crowded lunch break after all) and while she does know Izuku doesn't seem the type of the interdimensional conqueror, she still decides to call dibs on North America in exchange of becoming his Grand Admiral.

And Who knows, maybe he'll end up starting an actual line of Dragonborn Emperors there too.

Anyway that's the rough draft.

[jeeperso]

D&D Quotes Without context

Miscellaneous Edition, for those quotable lines from between sessions

"All I wanna do, is fork a giant woman! A giant woman!" "Jonni, I'm pretty sure she is some type of undead, probably a vampire. Are you sure that is a good idea?" "If I don’t get turned into a blueberry it won’t be my worst date." "Okay, but if you have to defend yourself just don't burn the place down for once." "Oh, Nyx. Sweet summer child. I never make promises we both know I won’t even try to keep." "Jonni, if I wake up to my bed surrounded in flames again I'm short-sheeting your next bed every night for at least a month." "I know you're trying to score here, but Lady Dimitrescu's daughters are literally vampires AND bugs. I can overlook one, but as a Paladin, it is my sacred duty to burn this place to the ground and stir the ashes."

"We don't let Marshall make breakfast anymore." "Those waffles are well-fortified." "I'm going to be charitable and call it hardtack." "We can use these waffles as melee weapons." "Well if we need to deflect siege engines they'll be good to have." "This is still carbon based and digestible by human systems without any poisons." "I can't serve this. It'll cause ... death." "Marshal we've been over this. This Pizza has 10% less of a lethal amount of grease." "Plus they signed the waivers when they bought a ticket. It's fine." "And don't forget to push the Cakeon." "Cakeon being slices of cake wrapped in bacon." "The special sauce is a mixture of mayonnaise, ketchup, mustard, ranch, horseradish, cheddar cheese, sour cream, and anything unfortunate enough to fall into the mixing vat."

"You do have a copy of the legal code I requested in my letter? As landed gentry you should actually have legal avenues to... I'm sorry did you say Burning child?"

"First I'm going to nail a crossbow bolt through your heart. Then I'm going to mount your balls to walls on opposite sides of this chamber." "I need Three Barrels of Butter" "Are you serious? Those Claws could crush an elephant in full plate!" "You're Right!" *Turns to first person* "We might need more than three barrels of butter."

"So Ioun is the patron of poor college kids. that scans "

"its hardtack or a mug of molten cheese-fried... something in a woven mug of bacon. your choice."

"Welp, all this coke ain't gonna snort itself..."

"Right hand me that dress and the bail money. I'll get Jonni." OOC: Well I mean they allow men in the city. Its just no men live in the city. "I stand by my statement. I'm allowed to look pretty every now and then." OOC: And dragons are the most unprejudiced lovers of anyone after bards.

OOC: Well I mean come on, its Ravenloft: saying a place is of death and madness is like making the observation the day ends in y. "Going out. Getting laid." "Jonni, she’s a werewolf." "Going out, forking a werewolf." OOC: Well Lycanthropy isn't usually sexually transmitted. Its just that Mercedes is a biter. OOC: ...I don't have an appropriate response to that.

"You seriously think I’d turn on my friends for a pile of gold?!?" "sigh I’ll show you my tits. "Hot damn, let’s get these murders done!" "No, Jonni, stay good. Besides, there are plenty of other girls who will do that without asking you to murder us." "Hmmmm… this is the moral quandary of my life…" "I’ll give you five bucks." "Scales tipped!" "Phew, I thought I was going to have to cover her next trip to the topless bar." "No, no, I have the bail money right here."

Nyx: So what’s the inside of Jonni’s head like? Edmund (with thousand yard stare): Imagine every ladies only smut magazine you’ve ever heard of going on forever into infinity while everything is on fire. Food was good though.

"It’s cool. They stole it." "And you know this how?" "Magic." “90% of Ravenloft deaths are mysterious vanishings.” "Why does everything come out covered in glitter and … is that …" "Lube. I’ve got a few theories." "Please don’t share them."

OOC: This is a plan that ends with Strahd having fewer brides, his castle is in flames, and he’s lost his cape.

OOC: Our team consists of a horny pyromancer, a gnome who can fillete you in five seconds, an HP lovecraft protagonist with actual magic backing them up, a literal slab of iron with a face, and a guy with a "I went to the eternal city of Ryleth and all I got was PTSD and this lousy T shirt". Gorbash smashing his shield into their face: "Have! You! Considered! Therapy!" OOC: Good news is you guys will no longer be the most conspicuous guys at the masquerade now. Jonni: Challenge accepted! "Nyx, the bounty on stealing his fake mustache is still on."

"Vanilla is the king of flavors. What does it say about society where vanilla is considered just 'regular'?" "That they have a lot of vanilla." Lash: "Don’t you want wishes?" Jonni: "Do I need wishes to get to see you naked?" Lash: "No?" Jonni: "Fuck ‘em." Vesh: "Oh dammit its my arranged fiance." Pit Fiend: "Milady." Vesh: "An extra wish to whoever punches this douchecanoe in the nards." Jonni: "I wish…for Bigby’s clenched fist of nard punching."

Soth: "Oh, gods, why am I on fire and why is Immigrant Song playing?" Jonni: "Take a guess." Hazlik: "Okay, so its a partridge, stuffed inside a chicken, stuffed inside a duck, stuffed inside a turkey, and the whole thing is fried on a stick. Congratulations, that's the most horrible thing I have ever seen, and I once crossbred an elephant and an owl." "I give him the 'itis, and we run like we stole something." OOC: ...weirdly Curse of Strahd has stats for Strahd zombies but not Strahd Skeletons. Or Strahd's skeletal Steed. Strahd once went to a branding seminar hosted by Bane and it changed his life.

"Are we on a high enough floor that if I throw him through the window he'll be killed by the fall?" "Oh, but when I say stuff like that it’s all 'Jonni, murder is wrong.'" "When they say pick your battles they don't mean to pick all of them. That's too many battles Jonni. Put some back." OOC: He's technically already got a symbiote. OOC: They can get married. Gorbash: "I'm increasing the rent." Venom: "Can I keep the pool table?" Gorbash: "I'm not a monster." Giant Brain: "Jonni… I have summoned you here for… WHY AM I ALREADY ON FIRE! PUT ME OUT! PUT ME OUT!"

"Hello We're the party-crashers. This is Jonni, she's here to steal your women and burn your shit down. That's Nyx, she's going to repatriate certain items from the premise. Marshal over there, is here to studiously ignore our shenanigans. This is the New Guy. He seems pretty chill. I'm Gorbash... and I have been distracting you."

"Will you walk into my parlour?" said a spider to a fly. Jonni: "Hold up. Trying to sex a spider." Nyx: (throws her hands up) And then Jonni wakes up with a spider venom hangover webbed to a wall waiting to be eaten. Jonni: "Eh, I’ve had worse one night stands. I’m not a fucking blueberry." OOC 1: Hey, where does your weed elf grow [her] crops? OOC 2: She probably just grows them in the room she hasn’t paid rent on. OOC 3: Because I was also considering a circle of spores druid tortle. OOC 2: We could be partners! We could turn this into road to el dorado staring Cheech and Chong. OOC: Wait, I just realized five people are hanging out in a pirate bar, and none of us are rogues. We are gonna need someone to get thieves tools. OOC: We have a barbarian with a big stick.

"Are we Foxhound now? Blunderbuss Octopus." OOC1: You want to put the stoner in charge of food. OOC2: Eyup. OOC1: I see no way this can go wrong! OOC3: We need the four basic food groups. Beans, Bacon, Whisky, and Lard. “We pray to Almighty Darkseid! Give us a sign! Thumbs up, for the triumph of the human spirit! Thumbs down to begin the everlasting reign of darkness!” “Where did you find this guy?” “Me? I thought you hired him.” OOC: Yup, nature, arcana, history, investigation and religon at +6. MJ got baked and watched the Discovery Orb a lot. Tordek: "But we have a cleric, Jozan, over there." Strahd: *sigh* Snaps fingers, and suddenly one of Strahd's brides sucks Jozan out the window, cue screaming. "Oh look, you suddenly have an opening, how fortunate." Tordek: "We also have a druid...." Vadania: "SHUT UP, TORDEK!" Edmund: "I think the first order of business may be to discuss your Human Resources strategy..." Strahd: "I have a guy for that too."

"When someone as smart as him talks with himself, it's not crazy...They call it monologing." "I thought it was soliloquy?" "No, soliloquy is when you're talk at someone else when your talking to yourself." "Most people would run from a demon, you run towards it to study it." Professor: "THIS IS ABSOLUTELY FASCINATING! A FROGHEMOTH, AND RIGHT UP CLOSE, IT WILL BE AMAZING TO SEE THIS PERFECT KILLING MACHINE IN ACTION." OOC: Also note the Professor is Lawful Good, Archie is Chaotic Good, so collectively they balance out to Neutral good. OOC: That's good. "The incinerations will continue until morale improves!" “You never incinerate the women!” “Because I’m fucking them!” “I… was not expecting you to be so honest about that…”

"You got what you wanted....but you lost what you had...." "Yes, I'm familiar with how capitalism works."

OOC: Dragons are like, “That’s Krandor the shiney. He only fucks other dragons. Weirdo.”

Gorbash: "D'awww, so tiny... perfect size... FOR PUNTING!" *boots tiny mind-flayer into the horizon*

"Dracula hasn't been spotted in almost recently. Whats he gonna do, destroy all we know and love like he definitely can?" "... my god you people are too stupid to live." "What are you doing in my house?" Gorbash: "...well Edmund has been reading your books, I've been sorting through your armory, Nyx and Irost has been going through your other shinies, Marshal has been cleaving anything monstrous that gets too close, and Jonni has been lighting things on fire to stave off boredom." Gorbash: "Okay Marshal, Jonni. Rock, paper, scissors over who gets [to kill] the bishop."

Jonni: "Did you really think this would make up for what you did?" Nima: "I… killed everyone you grew up with." Jonni: "Yeah, and I’m still not forgiving you for what you did to Eddie." Nima: "I am missing some key context here…" Nima: "Also I committed identity theft on you by having my new undead army tell everyone you are running the show." Jonni: "Oh, no. You’ve fooled the boar tribe. Who still haven’t figured out shitting in a hole." Nima: "Yeah I noticed that. I ruined two pairs of shoes attacking their camps."

[ketchup-monthly]

Sanders Sides D&D 2

Ooh fresh take: Jan is virge’s patron and that’s why there’s beef

Also: Jan is some sort of fae related being

Jan: i need you to do something for me Virgil: no Janus: that's not how this works!! Virgil: watch me :P

Okay so I was thinking of Patton as a cleric cuz ooh healer however, Patton as a Druid makes me so happy

I want logan to have Rage

(Also that could tie nicely in an arc about Logan learning to accept feelings)

but barbarian logan is going to be a scholar again and is gonna be smort

bc hes logan. he cant be not smart

Oh I figured he’d be the bbeg that eventually joins the party (hurt/comfort baybee!)(Remus)

he was the bbeg but then joined the party as a bardbarian or just a bard

plus, actual bard who accidentally casts vicious mockery instead of bardic inspiration

Side note: please include a scene where Remus attempts to seduce the dragon

also with this second au, i can start them at like level 5 so people can multiclass

Pat as cleric/druid

gasp logan as artificer/barbarian

janus sorcerer/rogue

because basically everything but alchemist would work well with barbarian, but alchemist feels very Logan

bc mad scientist being actually mad

alchemist logan making an experimental potion and going "here im not sure what this does but im sure its fine! someone drink it"

Remus does it voluntarily, but Logan usually tries to get Roman to drink it

Virgil will occasionally drink it when he's on his last legs and is just like.....100% done with the party

remus as a wild magic path barbarian and just fucking teleporting or doing something equally ridiculous whenever he rages

Oh my god Remus with rage would be a force to be reckoned with

You gotta describe the first time he goes into a rage really dramatically

obviously virgil is trying to "escape" his patron, Janus (really just do whatever he says to not do out of spite)

Eldritch knight roman

Feywild warlock virgil

hey so in the second d&d au, should roman and remus be actual full siblings but like remus went darkside and like romans just trying to get back at him for putting a dark stain on the family name

hey hey hey what about warforged Logan? (essentially a robot)(so like "i dont feel anything" becoming real)

okay hear me out. elf roman and elf base simic hybrid remus. so like maybe the reason remus went darkside was experimentation? so like. hes elf but special

FALLEN AASIMAR VIRGIL

virgil just transforming in the middle of a combat scenario and like his eyes turn into black pits and flightless skeletal wings appear on his back and like everyone near him has to make a charisma check and like he deals extra necrotic damage

Pat is the one human stuck in a band of misfits

so with it, roman would be a full elf, and remus would be an elf that has tentacles bc octopus

So robot logan

i meant literally he doesnt feel anything

like he has all the emotions, but he doesnt physically feel the need to like eat or sleep or stuff like that

he just.....he pretend he don't have the feelings.....but he do.....he feel so much and he hides it all in his littol mechanical heart <3

plus......if he warforged, then like.....AC huge

he stands in front of friends.....he protecc...."no, i don't have feelings, i am physically incapable of affection" but he do!! he do! he take hits for them because he do!! he care so much

Bro he spouts all this and then he uses a reaction to dive in front of someone and everyone’s just like oh

LIKE ROMAN STILL BEING MEAN TO LO BC HE THINKS HE DOESNT HAVE FEELINGS BECAUSE HE DOESNT HAVE A HEART BUT HE DOES

hey hey everyone needs to grow

and logan standing up for himself and other people stepping in and saying no stop thats not right

plus if canon wont give me roman facing the consequences of his actions towards Logan......

but also Roman learning how to properly handle his own emotions and how he interacts with others

logan who doesn't view himself as anything more than a machine to be useful to others

the party giving logan love and affection until he slowly learns his own worth as a person

Roman and Logan not getting along (maybe Roman has a Lore reason to distrust Warforged, maybe not) and slowly learning to trust each other

when Logan is feeling real down or having some issue, Roman actually comes through to help him, showing how far both characters have come

Okay yes but also can we please give Roman more confidence than canon? Like I’m sooooo sick of low self esteem being played for laughs or just being really really sad

this boy is going on a mission and will slap his brother upside the head and tell him to shut tf up remus youre not a monster just come back home and he will do it alone if need be

OKAY SO WHAT IF HE ORIGINALLY WENT ON THE QUEST JUST TO STOP REMUS ONCE AND FOR ALL BC ROMAN THOUGHT HE WAS A MONSTER, BUT ALONG THE WAY, AND AFTER LOGAN, HE CAME TO REALIZE THAT NO, JUST BECAUSE REMUS (AND LOGAN) ARE DIFFERENT, THEY ARENT MONSTERS, JUST DIFFERENT

AND LIKE IN THE FINAL PUSH TO MAKE REMUS JOIN BACK WITH HIS BROTHER, ROMAN IS PROJECTING HIS OWN FEELINGS ONTO REMUS AND EVERYONE IS LIKE WOW BRO YOU GOOD THERE, BUT ITS A BIG MOMENT FOR LOGAN, ROMAN, AND REMUS

im unsure as to how, but it happened when he was an older teen/young adult. a simic scientist either picked him (read: kidnapped), or remus volunteered (potentially to escape court life, unaware what exactly the experiment was going to do to him physically

bc also, remus and roman are royalty

so like. how best to get at the nobes/royalty/rich famous people than by turning their kid into a monster

wait, wait, wait, because i'm lowkey a sucker for this trope, but i'm not sure if it fits Remus: the experiments left him with some fairly significant physical pain/uncontrolled magical reactions. through some combo of trying to deal with that and trying find a cure for his pain, he keeps like....absolutely wrecking random towns on accident but also deliberately wrecking certain places looking for either a) vengeance on the guy(s) responsible or b) someone who can make the pain stop

SO LIKE. WILD MAGIC BARBARIAN DOING WEIRD SHIT TO HIM WHENEVER HE RAGES

AND LOGAN COULD MAYBE HELP WITH THE PAIN AND SHIT

BC ALCHEMY

Yknow, for simplification purposes, we could say the True Bbeg just gave Remus lycanthropy and Remus hasn’t managed to control it yet

lycanthropy but simic shit?

Mr. I-Don't-Have-Feelings sees the poor dude in pain and also Roman in emotional pain from seeing his brother in pain and is absolutely like "i must resolve this like right now, immediately" because he definitely doesn't hate seeing his friend suffering, or his friend's brother whom he's just met

he definitely doesn't relate at all to the idea of someone else shaping your body and absolutely does not sympathize with Remus's plight

i was thinking the grappling thing and either manta glide or the ability to breathe underwater for the simic stuff, but like he doesnt have control over the tentacles yet?

Manta glide seems like we could have fun battle scenes

he just jumps off a cliff to avoid mushy talk/dealing with his actions/roman

Roman: Remus just because you're a monster and though i wish i was an only child-- Remus, jumping off a cliff: byyeeeeee Patton: Roman, look what you did! Virgil: dammit jan what did you do? Janus: why do you think i had anything to do with that? im a fae, not a genie Logan, thinking: what an asshole. i wish i could do that

oh my god Logan always being tired mentally bc he cant sleep

Oh my gosh I love that. So Remus got kidnapped super young, (from royal family) they never found him, as a result Roman had to grow up super fast (side effect: lowkey inconsiderate and forgets to ask for others input). Meanwhile, Remus was experimented on by True Bbeg and came out with some trauma and super cool additives

yep! chronic pain and ptsd and all sorts of other shit!

so like, simic hybrids are usually created when they're adults. but what if the true bbeg decided to go younger to see what would happen, and thats why remus has chronic pain and stuff

he was still growing when his genes were spliced, so hes dealing with growth plates shifting and his body maturing and puberty and body changes and stuff

Pat is going to have a lighthearted story. Im saying that now. Hes the one without all the baggage

Sure, but his parents have to lowkey be the really kind people who are surprisingly always down for violence

everyone: multiple crises Pat: y'all need help Pat: love and affection in spades for his little band of misfits

Patton (which I think would be pretty simple, honestly he might just see danger and jump in and suddenly everyone in the party has Feelings)

Logan

Mhm. So how did he grow up? Was he just poof created? Wait

What if he was created by the king?

To make up for remuss disappearance

wait, wait....angst......he was created to fight (hence the barbarian stuff) but alchemy is his real passion

wait so like. a second son???

hes there to replace remus?

Yea! (But like in a sympathetic grief way) But that causes a bit of a complex in Roman and ergo Roman and Logan have a bit of a beef

okay so like. hes there to be a companion for roman, and like take remus' place, even though hes not actually in line for the throne?

LOGAN AS A KNIGHT

and just......the conflict of being created for a specific purpose (plus being, you know, robot and technically incapable of deviated from said purpose) vs the fact that he actually does have independent consciousness and like....wants to live life for himself

the parents made Logan a barbarian in hopes that him and Roman would be safe

okay. so logan was created by the king with the sole purpose to take remus' place as romans brother/companion, and to be his like guard? protector? and fight, but logan wants to be an alchemist and study shit

wait, wait, wait.....thinks about Asimov's Laws

he.....his first operative is protect (specifically protect Roman)

oh man. so hes literally just a shield

his second level operative is just like.....care for Roman's emotional well-being, but he doesn't really know emotions because he was kinda just spawned and nobody told him how

and he just....kind of....lets Roman treat him like garbage and take all his grief out on him because he's staunchly in denial of both having feelings or knowing how they work

Anyway Yea so Logan created by royal family in place of Remus which created angst between the two “brothers” and identity issues in Logan. Their arcs are learning how to healthily process emotions plus Roman apology and Logan commits to alchemy

So big question: why did virge make a deal?

Tricked

he gave janus his name

and instead of janus like killing him or whatever the fae do to people who break the rules of dealing with the fae, jan was like. hey. i'll give you magic, but do what i say

Janus is lawful neutral, but leans towards being selfish

hes self serving, but he has a strong set of morals and rules he follows

Tho I want to Virgil to also not be pushover so let’s say loophole happened and Jan has to stay with virge (hence why Jan is a part of the party)

okay so a couple of the rules are dont give a fae your true name and don't try to figure out their true name

So

what if virgil accidentally gave up part of his true name, and got stuck in the deal, but then figured out janus' true name

so in the same vein that janus had control over virgil, virgil now has more control over janus

he still gets his magic from janus, so he cant break free completely, but virgil has more freedom and can occasionally tell janus what to do or when to shove it

there should a running gag where virge can explain how he learned Jan’s true name but Jan can make something loudly censor him every time

(he learned his name bc once he heard janus practicing his evil genius voice and talking to himself in the mirror and janus said his true name)

so maybe janus sent virgil on the quest to protect a town or stop something related to remus, but virgil dragged him along

he might just be trying to protect a town thats close to a ley line, or something fae-related, and they just happen upon the whole thing

janus is selfish. but lawful vs chaotic is where he comes through, in morals vs doing whatever. janus has a strong set of loyalties to the fae, and to himself

so like....Remus is just too close to Jan's stuff and he wants to take him down

Virgil is just like....exhausted and said "fine, but if i gotta do this, you're coming, too"

or at least figure out a way to protect his place, even if it doesnt mean fully taking out remus. just moving him would work for jan

Janus: virgilllllllllll hes going to mess up my magic storage locker Virgil: Jan, its empty Janus: but its mine

Yea. Remus attacks a city away from the fae: Jan: Yknow I’m gonna sit this one out Virge: oh no you don’t, get up

Or

Janus vs Janice

so his real name is Janus, but Virgil calls him Janice

Virgil: This is Janice Janice: with a “U-S” Virgil: mhm, sure Jan

I'm a big fan of just like any of the old theory name being various aliases for Jan

Damien, Dante, Ethan, Declan, etc, etc

[nblenasabrewing]

Does Lena have PTSD?

This excellent post from @drummergirl231-2 goes into a detailed analysis about Della and the examples showing possible PTSD. I, being who I am, wanted to look at the same for Lena. Full credit goes to them for the idea and format!

According to the DSM-5, in order for a person to be diagnosed with PTSD, they must have a certain number of symptoms from eight categories: Criteria A through H.

For a diagnosis of PTSD, someone needs: to meet Criterion A to have at least 1 symptom from Criterion B to have at least 1 symptom from Criterion C to have at least 2 symptoms from Criterion D to have at least 2 Symptoms from Criterion E to meet Criteria F, G, and H

DISCLAIMER: I am not a professional. I do NOT have a degree in anything related to psychology and simply enjoy dissecting the layers of a fictional character. If you feel you fit any of the criteria, please see a professional for a real diagnosis. This isn’t something that can be easily self-diagnosed, and a professional diagnosis would open you to more opportunities for help.

Lena does and doesn’t fit the criteria in general for PTSD. She’s certainly suffered from traumatic events, but the event is more... her entire life. She’s a classic child abuse victim, which makes her more of a candidate for C-PTSD. 

Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD; also known as complex trauma disorder) is a psychological disorder that can develop in response to prolonged, repeated experience of interpersonal trauma in a context in which the individual has little or no chance of escape. Being stuck with Magica for fifteen years absolutely contributes to Lena’s current issues. C-PTSD and PTSD share similarities, there are a distinct differences - mainly that PTSD focuses on one event and the effect it has on a person long term, while C-PTSD focuses on years of repeated trauma. However, there’s no approved criterion yet for C-PTSD. So I’m using the PTSD criterion with some added explanation where C-PTSD would be applicable. 

Criterion A: The traumatic event

A person must be exposed to one or more events involving threatened or actual death, threatened or actual serious injury, or threatened or actual sexual violation in one of the following ways:

Direct involvement

Witnessing the event happen to someone else

Hearing about it happen to a loved one

Repeatedly hearing details about traumatic events, such as police officers repeatedly hearing stories of abuse

The obvious example here: Lena effectively died. Twice. Following that, she was trapped in a realm where she couldn’t be seen or heard by anyone and she couldn’t touch anything for six months (give or take). Her first interaction with anything since she had been trapped there was smacking the Boggle case in Friendship Hates Magic! And even she’s surprised by that.

In addition, she spent fifteen years with Magica in her shadow, who effectively acted as an abusive parental figure. She’s proven to be an expert in gaslighting, and knows exactly how to manipulate Lena - by hanging the promise of freedom over her head and reminding her repeatedly that people will think she’s a monster if they find out the truth about her.

Criterion B: Intrusive Symptoms

Expected or unexpected reoccurring, involuntary, and intrusive upsetting memories

Repeated nightmares related to the traumatic event

Some form of dissociation, such as flashbacks, where the individual truly feels the traumatic event is happening again

Strong emotional distress when exposed to internal or external triggers associated with the traumatic event

Strong bodily reactions (such as rapid heart rate) when exposed to reminders of the traumatic event.

Nightmares: While we can’t say for absolute sure that Lena has nightmares outside of Magica’s influence via the helmet in NOKH, the fact that no one is surprised by her nightmares does seem to imply that’s she probably had more than she’s letting on. Lena’s biggest fear is turning into Magica, after all - it’s no surprise she would have dreams along that line.

Emotional distress, strong bodily reactions: These really come out in Violet’s library, when Lena gets overwhelmed and tries to hide. The fish-eye view of everyone trying to talk to her while she sees Magica over their shoulders was most likely meant to imply she was having at least the start of a panic attack.

In addition, her reaction to Webby calling her (looking like Magica) a monster was pretty extreme. Again, the dream world setting makes things a bit wobbly, but given everything we know about Lena up to this point, and the fact that she yelled at Magica for saying they’re both monsters, it feels safe to assume she’d be angry and upset and scared if anyone ever called her a monster (again, something Magica constantly used against her.)

Criterion C: Avoidance

An individual with PTSD will frequently avoid reminders of the traumatic event in one of the following ways:

Avoiding thoughts, feelings, or physical sensations that trigger memories of the traumatic event

Avoiding people, places, conversations, activities, objects, or situations that bring up memories of the traumatic event

Whether the nightmares were caused by Magica or not, their effect on Lena is real and pretty easy to see. She sets up an entire sleepover just so the kids can help keep her awake. Avoiding sleep to avoid nightmares is pretty extreme.

She also continues to keep secrets from everyone despite Webby’s constant reassurances that they all care about her and don’t think she’s anything like Magica, because the alternative is having to talk about it or worse, have her fears confirmed.

Criterion D: Negative changes in thoughts and mood

The inability to remember important details of the traumatic event

Persistent and elevated negative thoughts about oneself, others, or the world

Exaggerated self-blame or blame of others for the cause or consequence of the traumatic event

Pervasive negative emotional state (anger, fear, shame, etc.)

Loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities

Feeling isolated or detached from others

Difficulty experiencing positive emotions

Lena’s opinion of herself seems to be pretty low. We only get one episode to really see it, but her fear of turning into Magica and active attempts to avoid such an outcome definitely make it seem like she still considers herself “evil”, and is trying to make up for it. She also readily gives in and says, “I am her”, essentially giving up on herself.

The dream adventures also excellently illustrate how Lena feels “Othered” from everyone else - they get butterfly wings, she gets weird monster wings. She falls behind at Dewey High and is separated from the others. She’s the only one in Louie’s dream, aside from Louie himself, to experience any sort of physical change. Even when she tries to be happy with them, she can’t keep up the facade.

And before all of this there’s the classic example of her being jealous of Violet (under the guise of protecting Webby from being tricked again). She immediately assumes the worst of Violet and follows Webby around telling her not to trust Violet.

Criterion E: Alterations in reactivity that started or worsened after the traumatic event

Irritability or aggressive behavior

Impulsive or self-destructive behavior

Hypervigilance (feeling constantly on-guard, or like danger is lurking around every corner)

Heightened startle response

Problems with concentration

Sleep disturbances, such as difficulty falling or staying asleep, or restless sleep

Lena’s personality in season one was mostly that of the sarcastic, irritating cool teenager who can’t be bothered. Under that, she was an unwilling slave to Magica, and while she did show irritable tendencies toward her, those can be forgiven as “Magica is terrible and provokes her.”

Season two, on the other hand, shows us a much different teenager - one who snaps easily and seems constantly frustrated by her own perceived shortcomings. Those emotions, of course, come out on the other kids (i.e. snapping at Huey and Violet). And while all of that can be attributed to her inability to sleep, which is being driven by Magica, Frank’s already said this isn’t the last we’ll see of Lena’s emotoinal growth and negative feelings.

Criterion F: The above symptoms must last for more than one month.

Obviously time is relative in Ducktales. Given everything that was going on around them, we can assume she’s been home for around a month-ish. Donald left for a month-long cruise two episodes before Lena came back, and everything after that has to have taken place within that month or it would have been way too obvious something was up. And again, Frank has said this is going to come up again. But even while she was still in the Shadow Realm, she was showing signs of trauma.

Criterion G: Distress from symptoms significantly impairs the individual’s ability to function in multiple areas of life (social, occupational, etc.).

While we haven’t seen much of Lena’s daily life, we do know a few things - before returning, she was living in Webby’s shadow, presumably following her around and getting comfortable in her shadow-y life. Violet throws a complete monkey wrench into that comfortable life, and Lena reacts... poorly, to say the least. She initially refuses to take responsibility for the tulpas feeding off her own negative feelings, continuing to project all the reasons she hates herself onto Violet (”She’s a spy, she’s a second-rate me,” etc.).

In NoKH we see that the triplets aren’t quite used to the fun, happy persona Lena tries to project, which immediately gets a frustrated yell and fire flaring up. She’s so worried about trying to be Good that her anxiety bubbles over into her life. She’s also constantly keeping secrets, something that is, unfortunately, normal for her, but not normal overall.

Criterion H: The symptoms are not due to substance abuse, medication side-effects, or another condition.

So the real issue comes in here - while there’s no medication or substance abuse, there is an outside force. Most of what we see of Lena’s symptoms are due to increasing sleep deprivation via Magica’s brainwave helmet. By the time NoKH starts she’s already gone at least several days without sleep, and it’s obvious the dreams are deeply affecting to her, to a point where she arranges an entire sleepover with her friends just to keep from going to sleep. There’s no way to know what she was dreaming about (although I have a few theories), but it almost certainly involved Magica, the main cause of her trauma. And we see how understandably upset she gets when she’s finally face to face with Magica.

In conclusion:

Lena is a complicated character with a lot of different factors playing into who she is, but there’s little doubt that after fifteen years of emotional/psychological abuse, two deaths, and six months trapped in what could almost be summarized as an isolation chamber, that Lena has some serious trauma. And while Magica influenced a lot of NOKH, it should also be noted that Magica, as her abuser, most likely acts as her trigger now. She spends the entire dream sequence running away from Magica, terrified to confront her. And while she has an amazing, empowering moment at the end of the episode, I’m sure this is going to come back up again.

(***All GIFs by me)