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cakesunflower · 12 days ago

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lovelorn (and nobody knows) [rafe cameron au fic] chapter 23

Summary: Isla Carrera had planned for the summer before college to be focused on three things: helping out at her family’s restaurant (the helpful daughter), preparing for college (the good student), and having fun with the Pogues (the loyal friend). But one fateful night, where her car breaks down and her rescuer is none other than Rafe Cameron, seems to send her summer down a path she didn’t see coming–one teeming with a secret, illicit romance with the last person she expected. And if her friends and sister found out, Isla isn’t sure they’ll be so understanding, no matter what her feelings are.

A/N: oh my good lord i am sooo sorry for how long it's taken for me to update this i've been down the pitt/mohabbot rabbit hole and im still there but i got out long enough to write this chapter oh boy oh boy im sorry

When Rafe feels someone come stand next to him at the bar, the last person he expects for it to be is John B.

Rafe leans against the bar on his elbow, waiting for one of the bartenders to get their drinks, when John B joins his side. But while Rafe’s pose remains at ease, he can just sense the tension in John B’s body as he leans forward with his arms crossed on the bar. Rafe arches an eyebrow at him but doesn’t say anything, easily noticing the tic in John B’s jaw, his gaze ahead since he doesn’t look at Rafe just yet.

Things felt civil enough when he and Isla had arrived; he and John B hadn’t shook hands or anything, but it was still progress, in Rafe’s opinion. The fact of the matter is, Rafe doesn’t give a shit about the old Kook versus Pogue mentality that he had lived in for years, not when having that kind of thought process would mean he would lose Isla. She’s far more important to him than old rivalries, and he’s more than ready to move past them and make nice with her—and, in turn, his sister’s—friends if it meant the stress would fall off Isla.

So, instead of running his mouth and antagonizing the situation like his old self would, Rafe simply quietly, and patiently, waits for John B to speak first.

It doesn’t take him long.

“You get it, right, why it’s been hard for us to accept Isla and. . . You,” John B says, speaking haltingly like he was trying to find the right words as he drags his gaze to Rafe’s.

Briefly pressing his tongue to the roof of his mouth, Rafe exhales sharply through his nose. “I get why you guys have a hard time looking past our shit history. I don’t get how it was easy for you to ice Isla out like that,” Rafe replies. He’s trying to be civil, he really is. But then he thinks of how heartbroken Isla has been, how many tears she has shed, and Rafe is filled with the primal, visceral urge to protect her from anything and anyone that could even potentially hurt her. And whatever his history with the Pogues, he hates that her own friends had been the ones to inflict that kind of pain on her.

Though, it’s not surprising. It’s the people you love the most that have the greatest potential to hurt you.

John B’s jaw works and Rafe can tell he’s frustrated. “It wasn’t easy,” John B argues, and when Rafe’s expression remains unconvinced, John B lets out a huff. “It wasn’t,” he insists, his spine straightening. Rafe still has a few inches on him. On all of them, really. “I—Look, it’s not right how we reacted. I know that. But we all just felt. . . Blindsided by your relationship, alright? With everything in our past, none of us really understood why you of all people.”

If Rafe had thinner skin, he’d be more insulted by John B’s words. He won’t lie to himself—it does sting a bit that her friends took one look at his relationship with Isla and immediately wrote it off simply because of him. He gets it and, not for the first time, he regrets all of the shit that has gone down between him and Isla’s friends. The unnecessary fights, provocations, the put-downs. Sure, it was all mutual, each side dishing an equal amount, but it certainly doesn’t gain Rafe any brownie points with the Pogues.

“But—” John B continues, pulling Rafe out of his thoughts as he takes a look at the other guy. John B fiddles the sleeve of his suit jacket, his jaw working. “I miss Isla. We all do. We’re not us without her.”

Rafe shakes his head, releasing an almost disbelieving chuckle. “She’s right there, man,” he says, vaguely gesturing in the direction where she sits with Sarah. “She’s been waiting for you all to get over it, or at the very least, fucking talk to her instead of shutting her out.” He thanks the bartender who places their drinks in front of them, and Rafe pushes one of the glasses towards John B, who looks at the glass briefly before lifting his gaze to meet Rafe’s pointed one. “If you all miss her as much as you’re saying, then do something about it.” Rafe grabs two of the glasses, while John B also takes the one for Sarah. “And, for shit’s sake, get JJ to take back that stupid ultimatum. Get through to him, will you?”

It pisses him off just thinking about it and based on the radio silence Isla has been facing from JJ, Rafe has no doubt he was serious about giving Isla those choices. He has seen the way it weighs on Isla even if she tries to push it away with smiles that don’t quite reach her eyes always. Rafe knows all of her smiles, each of them beautiful in their own way, but it hurts to see the sadness in that specific smile—the one she forces because the pain of her strained relationship with her friends makes her hold back.

“Yeah,” John B responds with a sigh, nodding when Rafe eyes him. “Yeah, I’ll talk to him. All of ’em.”

Rafe nods stiffly. While he’s glad that John B will finally get their group to get their heads out of their asses, he’s still a little annoyed that John B didn’t do it already—that it took a conversation with Rafe to kick his ass into gear. Maybe he just needed to see Rafe and Isla together to realize they aren’t fucking around, that their relationship has nothing to do with her friends, and make John B see the truth of it. Whatever. He wishes they just listened to Isla, took her word for it.

He and John B return to the table and Rafe isn’t surprised that Isla and Sarah are eyeing them both curiously, a touch of worry in Isla’s green eyes. Rafe gives her a reassuring smile as they approach them, setting the glasses down on the table as he returns to his seat next to her.

Isla’s hand finds his knee, leaning closer as she whispers, “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” he tells her truthfully with a smile. “All good, baby.” He takes her hand that’s on his knee and laces their fingers together, feeling her relax under his touch. Rafe presses a kiss to the back of her hand and is relieved to see the smile that curves at her lips, leaning into him more as Rafe mirrors her smile.

From behind her, he sees John B watching them. Rafe sees the smile on the other man’s face and he takes it as a sign that things between Isla and her friends will be looking up.

Cocktail hour passes uneventfully, with Rafe and sometimes Sarah having to make the rounds as Ward’s kids—plus, there are plenty of people here Rafe works with, too. He doesn’t drag Isla around with him and often catches sight of her talking to John B, the two of them far more relaxed with one another as the night progresses. They all have dinner together once the welcoming and keynote speeches are done, and as the tables are being cleared away, John B excuses himself to go to the bathroom.

Sarah is pulled into a conversation with someone Rafe vaguely recognizes and Isla turns in her seat to face him. Rafe mirrors her position to face her as well, legs parted to make space for her, his arms resting on his thighs as his back hunches forward a bit, looking up at her. Not for the first time, he’s struck by how stunning she is, effortlessly so. The dress brings out her green eyes, fitting her perfectly, and his blood thrums with the desperate need to peel it off of her, run his fingers along every dip and curve of her body that he already knows intimately well.

“It’s going well, I’d say,” Isla quips with a smile dancing at the edge of her lips as she looks down at him, as she sits with perfect posture and he’s leaned down, weight on his arms resting on his thighs.

“What is?” he asks with a tilt of his head.

Her smile widens a bit, showing off dimples he’s brushed his fingers along countless times already. It’s a breath of fresh air, every time he sees her smile. Drives him crazy. “You and John B being in the same room,” she tells him quietly, like it’s a secret between the two of them. “I’m glad you two decided not to give me and Sarah heart burn.”

“Anythin’ for our ladies, I guess,” Rafe replies with a teasing grin, fingers idly running up and down the length of her calves, one of them exposed thanks to the delicious slit of her dress.

Isla huffs out a laugh, her jewelry glimmering under the lights. “What were you two talking about? At the bar?” she asks curiously, fingers idly playing with his tie.

“He told me how he missed you,” Rafe tells her truthfully, watching as Isla’s eyes widen slightly. It kills him, a little, at the idea that that’s so surprising to her. “They all miss you. And I told him there’s a very easy way to fix this, and that he should just talk to the rest of your friends because everything about this is stupid.”

Her lips tremble with the effort of suppressing her laugh, shaking her head as her gaze softens, fond and warm. “I appreciate it,” she says and the way her eyes shine, Rafe knows she means it.

Rafe smiles, giving into the urge to kiss her as he leans towards her, only to be interrupted by Sarah coming to stand next to their chairs. “Hey, sorry,” Sarah says, getting both of their attention as they look up at her. Sarah shoots Rafe a concerned look, and it has his back straightening. “I—John B went to the bathroom a while ago and hasn’t come back. Can you go check?”

Rafe blinks. “You want me to check in on your boyfriend. . . In the bathroom?” he asks slowly, face scrunching up.

Sarah bounces from one leg to another. “I saw Topper head in that direction and I—just—can you please?”

Rafe runs his tongue along his teeth, suddenly understanding Sarah’s apprehension. He wouldn’t put it past Topper to corner John B in the bathroom and, frankly, Rafe is pretty sure John B can hold his own. But then he sees Sarah’s, and now Isla’s, worried expressions, and he’s on his feet without much thought. “I’ll check,” he tells them, earning grateful smiles from them both before he turns to walk out of the hall.

He smooths down his tie as he strides out of the room, leaving the party behind as he heads towards the bathrooms. Rafe’s jaw works at the idea of what he might be walking into, though he has a pretty good idea if Topper did, in fact, go to the bathrooms to confront John B, what Rafe is about to see. Topper, it seems, doesn’t know when to quit, and while Rafe didn’t bat an eye when they were friends, it pisses him off now.

Especially when he opens the door to the men's room and sees, unsurprisingly, Topper getting up in John B’s face.

Rafe’s voice is casual as he says, “Any closer and you’ll be kissin’ him, Top.” John B’s gaze meets his around Topper as the bathroom door swings shut behind Rafe. “What the hell are you doing?”

Topper doesn’t turn to look at him. “Nothing we haven’t done before, man,” he answers, his gaze no doubt fixed on John B. It’d be a bet Rafe wins, he knows, as he stares at the back of Topper’s blond head. “What, you here to defend your new friend?” he asks with a sneer that has Rafe rolling his eyes.

Rafe tilts his head slightly. There’s no one else in the bathroom, as far as he can tell. “No. I’m here to make sure you don’t get your ass kicked which, honestly, I don’t really give much of a shit about. But if I were you, I’d back up.”

He notes the tension lining Topper’s shoulders under his suit jacket before he takes a step away from John B and turns to face Rafe. “What, are you two besties now? You’re gonna defend him?” Topper tilts his head. “Weren’t you the one who said he wasn’t good enough for your sister or your family?”

Rafe doesn’t wince or flinch at the words he had spoken in the past being thrown back in his face. Frankly, he has said worse things to John B’s face. Behind Topper, John B doesn’t look upset, either. Whatever Topper’s goal was, he misses it as Rafe levels a flat stare at him. “Yeah, and I also said I’d prefer Sarah dating you over him.” Rafe shrugs, the picture of nonchalance. “Clearly, I said a lot of shit I was wrong about.”

That, he notices, takes John B by surprise a bit, his eyebrows rising behind Topper. But Rafe is being honest—now that he knows how much Sarah loves John B, and how much that love is returned, he regrets ever questioning their relationship. Now that he has Isla in his life and has gotten a taste of the kind of happiness that comes from being with someone you know, deep in your bones, you are meant to be with, Rafe would never want that to be taken away from his sister.

He thinks he might go crazy if it was taken away from him.

“Unbelievable,” Topper laughs as he gapes at Rafe, bewildered and mocking as he walks over to him. “You’ve become one of them now, is that it? You fuck a Pogue long enough and you turn into one?” His smile is more of a sneer. “Just like your sister, huh?”

Ice freezes over Rafe’s blood as his temper simmers, a protective sort of rage seeping through him. His voice stays eerily steady as he says, “Better watch your mouth, Top. I don’t think John B or I take it too well when people talk about our girls like that.”

He sees how that triggers, so to speak, Topper. The idea of Rafe accepting John B as Sarah’s boyfriend, even though they’ve been together for a year, pisses Topper off, clearly. His jaw clenches, eyes narrowing with fists curling at his sides. And maybe the guy is stupider than Rafe could see before, because he steps up to Rafe, obviously trying to be intimidating and falling short. Rafe would laugh, if it weren’t for Topper musing, “Maybe I should get myself a Pogue.” He flicks the front of Rafe’s tie, widening his eyes in feigned wonder. “Hey, you think Isla would be interested in taking turns? Maybe I can see what the hype’s about, since Sarah’s been pretty used throu—”

It was Topper’s own fault, really, for thinking he’d be able to finish that sentence without taking a hit.

The adrenaline numbs Rafe to the pain in his knuckles right after it collides with Topper’s jaw. The blond stumbles back and John B locks his arms around him, pinning Topper’s own arms to the side as he struggles and thrashes against John B’s grip, but it’s tight and unrelenting. John B’s expression is hard, lips curled in a sneer as he prevents Topper from swinging back at Rafe.

Topper’s lip is bleeding, his teeth having cut it upon Rafe’s fist’s impact, and Rafe steps towards him, flexing his fingers and feeling the tension and sting as he grips the lapels of Topper’s suit jacket. He sees the anger in Topper’s blue eyes, the curl of his bleeding lip as he’s forced to still in his struggle. Rafe easily towers over him and a primal sort of satisfaction rushes through him at the flicker of fear in Topper’s eyes, rearing back as far as he can, but John B is right there, not giving him much room to cower.

Rafe’s voice is dangerously low, the intent to put Topper’s head through a wall loudly clear in his tone. “Let’s get one thing clear, Thornton—I’m sick of you actin’ as if you’re owed something by everyone. You walk around picking fights with people you think have fucked you over, but you’re only embarrassing yourself.” Rafe’s grip on Topper’s jacket tightens, his blood boiling and pulse rapidly firing. “If you ever think about Isla and Sarah again, I’m going to ruin your fucking life. You won’t be able to show your face in the entire state if you keep this bullshit up. Not even your judge grandpa will be able to save you. You fucking get me?”

Indignation swims in Topper’s eyes, staring at Rafe as if he’s never seen him before. “You’re throwing away seventeen years of friendship for—”

“Yeah,” Rafe says tightly, not bothering to let Topper finish. “I am.”

He lets go of him then, his gaze meeting John B’s behind Topper, who waits a beat before he lets Topper go. Topper shoves away, straightening himself and his suit jacket out, his gaze never straying from Rafe. A trickle of blood leaks from the corner of Topper’s mouth, his perfectly styled hair in slight disarray, which makes Rafe feel more satisfied than it should.

He stares at Topper, though, and Rafe can feel their near two decade long friendship crumbling between them. Topper’s been his longest, oldest friend; they’ve known each other since pre-school, have made countless memories together, raised plenty of hell. Rafe knows that things have been shifting between them as he was becoming more familiar with his feelings for Isla, as the two of them started going out. The whole Kooks versus Pogues mentality seems so far away to him now, and he wishes that the same could be said for Topper.

But it’s abundantly clear that while Rafe has started a new chapter in his life, Topper has fallen far behind.

And it hurts, if he’s being honest, to see their friendship implode. But Rafe also isn’t going to let Topper get away with the shit he spews about his girlfriend and sister. The friendship, despite its longevity, isn’t worth that.

Topper pulls out his handkerchief from the pocket of his jacket, glaring at Rafe as he wipes at the blood on his face. “You’ve lost your damn mind,” he mutters with a shake of his head, moving to walk past him. He throws him and John B another dirty look, sharper towards John B and—more hurt towards Rafe, who swallows down the tightness in his throat. “Fuck this.”

He storms out, the door falling shut behind him, and the bathroom is left in a tense silence. Rafe runs his tongue along his teeth, fingers once again flexing at his side as he looks down at them, taking in the harsh redness already forming where the skin broke a bit. Slowly, the tension seeps out of his muscles—very slowly, and the silence of the bathroom is broken when John B speaks up.

“Didn’t see that coming,” he says idly, straightening the front of his shirt and suit jacket as well.

Rafe exhales roughly through his nose. “It was a long time coming,” he corrects with a mutter as he looks at him. He looks fine, but Rafe still asks, “You good, man?”

There’s a flicker of surprise in John B’s dark eyes before it disappears and he nods. “Yeah, I’m alright.” His gaze dips to Rafe’s hand. “What about you? Might need to ice that hand.”

“I’ll live,” Rafe says with a short chuckle before he lifts his chin. The air shifts, not as tense, but he still looks John B in the eye and asks meaningfully, “We good?”

John B stares at him for a beat before he lets out a breath as well, the corners of his lips tipping up in an accepting smile. “Yeah, man, we’re good.”

Rafe nods, feeling more relieved than he anticipated, and he and John B leave the bathroom to head back to the party. He doesn’t look to see where Topper scurried off to as he and John B head back to the table. Rafe’s knuckles aren’t bleeding, but they are a bit raw, and he doesn’t have a hope in hiding it because the second they near the table where Isla and Sarah are sitting, his girlfriend immediately clocks the injury.

“What happened?” she asks, alarmed but hushed as she gets to her feet, her hands immediately grasping his—gingerly, her fingers holding his as she looks at the raw knuckles with concern creasing her forehead.

Even Sarah stands up, coming over to them with her eyebrows furrowing together. “It’s not a big deal,” Rafe assures them and despite the tension from earlier, he feels a smile ease onto his face as he gets crowded by his girlfriend and sister.

Sarah shakes her head. “You punched Topper?” she asks, disbelief coloring her tone. And a hint of laughter, if he listens for it.

Isla looks up at him, eyes slightly wide in surprise. He shoots her a flat look that has the corners of her mouth curving up. Before either of them can say anything, a hand appears holding a bag of ice, wrapped in one of the white cloth napkins. All three of their heads follow the hand that leads to John B, who raises his eyebrows at a surprised looking Rafe.

“It’ll help with the swelling,” he says, gaze unwavering, and when Rafe takes it with his uninjured hand, it feels like accepting an olive branch.

“Thanks,” Rafe says genuinely with a dip of his chin, which John B returns, as Rafe places it on his knuckles. His gaze flickers, then, and he catches Isla and Sarah looking between the two of them as if they both grew a second head. When he looks back at John B, the brunette is clearly fighting back a smile, and Rafe finds himself huffing out a laugh as he looks back at a bewildered Isla and Sarah. “You two are gonna dry your eyes out if you don’t blink soon.”

“What is going on.” Sarah asks, though it comes out more as a statement, a demand.

John B drops an arm around Sarah’s shoulders, grinning. “We kissed and made up,” he says with a casual shrug.

It has Rafe snorting out a laugh, surprisingly enough, even as he sucks in a quiet breath when he adjusts the ice on his knuckles. Isla grimaces, still holding his hand from the bottom, as Sarah shakes her head, blinking at Rafe and John B. “I’m so confused.”

Isla cracks a smile in her direction. “Don’t question it.” She looks back at Rafe, her voice quieting, just for him as she looks up at him through long eyelashes and asks, “Are you okay?”

Rafe meets her gaze, the world around them slipping away as he sees the way she searches his eyes. He knows, right then, she doesn’t mean just physically. That she knows what it’s like to be on opposite sides of a friendship, and that something fundamentally has broken between him and Topper. But right now, Rafe can’t make sense of it all.

So he gives her a gentle smile and responds, “Ask me again later?” and, to his relief, she nods after a beat of hesitation.

“Uh, should we leave before Dad finds out you punched someone at this party?” Sarah pipes up, brown eyes darting around the room.

Rafe’s jaw tightens. “If Dad knew what Topper was saying, he wouldn’t be upset.” He blows out a breath through his nose. “But I’m ready to head out,” he adds, glancing at Isla in question, who nods in agreement.

John B smiles. “I know a place we can go.”

*****

If anyone had told Rafe, months ago, that he would be having a beer in John B’s backyard—in the backyard of the Chateau—Rafe would’ve laughed in your face. Maybe said something rude and condescending for even suggesting such a thing.

Yet here he sits, in one of the hammocks even, with a cold beer in his hand and legs spread so Isla could slot hers in the space in between. Through the leaves of the trees around them, Rafe sees the clear dark sky, stars winking in and out of existence as the hammock gently sways under their weight. John B and Sarah are in the next one, their positions mirroring his and Isla’s, and it all feels a little surreal to Rafe.

Inside the Chateau, a few of the lights are on where Big John hangs out. Rafe hadn’t missed the surprise in his eyes from behind his wiry sunglasses when he realized Rafe was accompanying the group of them, but the man had greeted and welcomed him with the same kind of friendliness he always did whenever Rafe happened to see him. Which is a little more than often, given that Big John and Rafe’s dad are friends.

“I’m thinking another boneyard party,” John B muses thoughtfully, his head resting back as he, too, gazes up.

Sarah snorts. “Yeah, because the last one definitely wasn’t broken up by the cops.”

But Isla hums with a smile. “But the last one did have a hand in us getting together,” she says, meeting his gaze.

Rafe grins, remembering that night well. John B looks between them. “Wait, really?”

Isla nods, chuckling. “Remember I said some touron gave me a ride home after we all split up when the cops came?” John B nods and Isla jerks her chin at Rafe. “My knight on a shining motorcycle.”

Sarah feigns a sniff, one hand to her chest and the other wiping a fake tear. “He does have a heart.”

“You’re so funny,” Rafe says sarcastically with a roll of his eyes, but Sarah’s responding laughter has him shaking his head with a small smile of his own. His eyes land on Isla opposite of him and she’s watching him with that gentle smile, one that hints at her dimples, and Rafe’s chest tightens at the sight of her.

Still in her dress, though this time his suit jacket is draped over her shoulders to shield her from the night chill. “It was very sweet,” Isla tells Sarah and John B with a smile before her gaze flicks back to Rafe. She’s looking at him as she tells the couple in the next hammock, “He didn’t have to save my ass, but I’m glad he did.” Rafe’s pulse thumps happily as she nudges her painted toes against his hip where her legs are stretched out next to him. “Who knows if we’d be here if he hadn’t?”

Rafe watches her, unable to see anything or anyone else. “I would’ve found a way,” he replies, the words wrapped in a vow.

Isla’s smile widens, dimple deepening. He loves the sight of them. To his right, he hears John B groan. “Ugh, you were right. They are cute together.”

Both Rafe and Isla look over at them, catching Sarah’s grin and John B’s head shake, though he seems to be hiding his own smile in his next sip of beer. Hearing John B say that clearly delights Isla, green eyes shining in the dark, and Rafe finds himself appreciative of John B’s words, too.

Sarah just grins smugly, triumphantly. “I love being right.”

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119 notes · View notes

mirixmoya · 3 months ago

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my initial first-read thoughts for SOTR PART II: THE RASCAL there will be MAJOR SPOILERS under the cut but pls enjoy :)

chapter 10;

fake louella is so interesting, i'm excited to see where this plot point goes

"and someone's definitely rapping at my chamber door." we are 2 for 2 on The Raven references that's wild

"what breaks a machine?" "time." and the machine in question is the Capitol itself suzanne u kinda ate w that.

chapter 11;

whatever u do don't think about haymitch and burdock sneaking into victors' village to admire the luxury of the houses only for haymitch (and burdock's daughter) to spend great portions of their lives trapped in those houses drowning in their luxury

beetee entrusting this complicated ass plan to a 16 year old is crazy work bro

maysilee trying not to giggle at haymitch's singing... her and effie would be best friends i fear

haymitch picking up the word aphorism from snow immediately and using it himself ohhhh my sweet clever boy :(

chapter 12;

ceasar flickerman mention thank u jesus

guys... guys i'm not even joking i read the words "big, big, big day" and i burst into tears #normal

chapter 13;

ITS REAL ITS REALLY HER HOLY FUC K

OLDER SISTER EFFIE CANON

ngl i did not think we would get an effie cameo. not even a little bit. i didn't even let myself hope for it in any small way. life is so fucking good rn

okay so effie is obviously a Little Older than we've all be writing her huh

"well, she's swallowed the capitol propaganda hook and took the line and sinker with it, but at least she's brought us some decent footwear." TEARS. TEARS IN MY EYES.

i cannot believe i have lived to see the day where we actually get canon haymitch pov perceiving effie this is crazy

The Trinkets being slightly socially disgraced... interesting.

"For a moment, they're just two girls on a mission to beautiful the world." WHAT DID I SAY. I KNEW THEY WOULD BE BESTIES.

HAYFFIE CRUMBS HAYFFIE CRUMBS

not him jumping to pick up her shit for her... in a world of boys he's a gentlemen

EFFIE THINKS HE'S BEAUTIFUL :((((

"the capitol citizens lose it and so do i, until i remember the joke's not just on panache. it's on all of us stupid, clawed district piglets. animals for their entertainment." haymitch gaining class consciousness in real time

"and you, darling?" okayyy abernathy charm

effie just hanging around in the background in making me inexplicably happy. i am smiling and giggling

not her tryna shoot her shot by putting the flower on his label okayyy miss Effie Subtlety Trinket

chapter 14;

"sometimes she cries because things are so beautiful and we keep messing them up. because the world doesn't have to be so terrifying. that's on people, not the world." felt that one in my chest my god...

"i love you like all-fire. that's for always." this food is so fucking good suzanne

effie and plutarch going this far back is... interesting. then why didn't u save her ass from prison during the 75th SIR?

"i hate needles" PLASTIC SURGERY PHOBIC EFFIE CANON!!!!

another The Raven reference... what is going on

chapter 15;

mags mother of millions

MORE HAYFFIE CRUMBS SUZANNE I OWE U MY LIFE

haymitch asking her to make sure the token gets back to lenore dove... effie laying a hand on his chest and promising to do her best... the interconnected web that is haydove / hayffie has never been more alive

effie being the last person he sees before going into the arena is kinda insanely romantic??? "locking my eyes on hers until things go black" ??? hello??

chapter 16;

"the games must end. here. now." and then he's gonna spend so many years watching them happen over and over and over again suzanne how dare u

"i don't want one of my last acts to be taking out an ally, especially a dove-coloured one." he loves lenore dove sm im crying fr

"fire is catching, she'd say" ... suzanne is doing comedy now

chapter 17;

"i can't keep one of them safe. why do they flock to me?" just thought about him having this mindset for the next 40 years and cried :(((

chapter 18;

"in a way, it's a comfort that a bunch of people i know have gone before me." my baby :( spoken too soon girl :(

haymitch trying to blow this shit up katniss&haymitch fatherdaughterism has never been more alive and well

ampert :( haymitch's closeness with a lot of the victors makes so much more sense now. like it's not JUST that they hang out during the in-between years but their lives are tied so closely together from the moment haymitch enters the games.

is the goose and the common song silly? yes. is it important to remember that the enclosure of common land is historically and inextricably linked to (1) the rise of private property, (2) increasingly powerful centralized states, (3) the economic dependence of the labouring poor on their lords of the land. suzanne u big history nerd

he's so hopeful :( he believes so hard :( it's sad to know that that's all slowly washed out of him :(

more slightly intelligent thoughts! even more rambly nothing thoughts! either way i hope u enjoyed :)

#sunrise on the reaping #sotr spoilers #haymitch abernathy #effie trinket #hayffie #seph thoughts #i plan to finish the book tomorrow!!!

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bvidzsoo · 11 months ago

Text

Love Me Like A Rockstar (13)

ー☆ Chapter 13: You Know Me Too Well

Author: bvidzsoo

Pairing: Song Mingi x female reader

ー☆ Warning: cursing, usage of the word 'bitch' ー☆ Word count: 6.5k ー☆ Genre: university!au, enemies to lovers!au, rockstar!au ー☆ Rating: sfw ー☆ Summary: Love. You wanted none of it. You had already been heartbroken very badly once, you didn't wish to go through that ever again. But the Universe works in intricate ways and, somehow, you found yourself webbed up in a local rockstar's life, Song Mingi. He was everything you expected him to be, yet nothing like you imagined him he would be. What happens when you find mutual understanding and have heartful conversations? Will he be able to break down your walls? Will you be able to chase away his darkness?

A/N: Well, well, lovelies...new chapter is up and maybe I'm kind of kicking my feet??? Who knows, we'll see what y'all think of this chapter hehe. Also, happy birthday to Song Mingi?! I actually didn't mean to post the new chapter today, but today was the only day I had enough time to write it sooo, yeah. Tmi, but MC's mother is exactly like my mom, so maybe I drew inspiration from real life lol, I love her to death but sometimes I really wish SHE DIDNT SPEAK lol. Also, I'm so obsessed with today's song for the chapter; I'm screaming, crying, throwing up over it LOL. Just a heads up, next chapter is the last like actual chapter of the series and then I decided to add an epilogue lol cue the sobbing. As per usual, listen to You Know Me Too Well before or while reading the chapter! I hope you enjoy and let me know through feedback hehe <3 Enjoy your weekends! divider

Taglist: @orshii @or5i @lovely-red2 @scarfac3 @juicy-red

@sunaswifes-blog @voicesinmyhead-rc @teez-the-time @maru-matt @kyeos4ng

@deathbyyeekies @chicksmoothie @mjlbn01 @xhexy @tmtxtf

@hwashiningstar @thatfavouritesong @ateez-atiny380 @xciiiomwliah @vixensss

@catchingskzzzs @tesssaurrr @ginger-mingi @mingisbbg

⟨Series M.list ↭ Previous Chapter⟩

♫Playlist♫

Saturday (2:55 pm)

Me: mingi can we talk?

Saturday (8:30 pm)

Me: i am free whenever you say so just let me know and i’ll be there

Sunday (9:15 am)

Me: we need to talk, mingi.

Sunday (12:08 am)

Me: please hear me out im sorry

Monday (current time)

“Do you think he’ll slam the door in my face?” The hallways were buzzing with life as I tried to veer my way around the crowd of students without running into anyone. Today, out of all days, I just so happened to have my last class of the day in a completely different building and at least a good five-minute walk away from the arts building.

“It’s what you’d deserve, to be fair, but—” The was a gasp on the other side of the phone and my eyebrows furrowed as Seulgi muttered something to someone, muffled, “sorry, Wooyoung almost dropped my mother’s favorite vase, I told him to take off that blindfold.”

Eyebrows furrowing even deeper, I abruptly stopped walking, making a girl give me a heated glare that I didn’t care for, “Why is he blindfolded? Wait! I actually don’t want to know.”

“We were playing hide and seek with his niece, you idiot, but I got bored and sneaked away when I saw you calling.” Seulgi’s voice was exasperated and I chuckled as I took off again, leaving the science major’s building as I nuzzled further into my thick scarf. Some days it was warmer, but most days it got really cold and I hated it. I couldn’t deal with the freezing weather, perhaps it was my biggest enemy after Jeong Yunho, “Anyways, as I was saying, you deserve to be ignored by Mingi, but knowing how big of a sucker he is for you, he’ll probably give in before you can utter a single word.”

My heart jumped at the thought as I gnawed on my bottom lip, cutting off the path as I hurried through the grass, uncaring that I was probably destroying the work of the gardener. Besides, the grass had barely just started growing out again, it would be fine, “You think so?”

“I know so.” I heard Wooyoung’s high-pitched voice shouting from the distance and my eyebrows furrowed as I realized Seulgi had probably put me on speaker. Now that was a bit awkward, “He’s an idiot, but he’s in love. Now that I come to think of it, you two are a lot alike, two idiots in love—”

“I believe your niece is looking for you, babe.” Seulgi cut her boyfriend off and I was thankful because I don’t think I could’ve handled hearing him say the words ‘in love’ again. That was scary, even just the thought of it. I was barely coming to terms with liking Mingi, but hearing the word love sort of made me want to turn back around and abandon my whole plan of trying to make peace between the two of us. And Seulgi knew this, thankfully, because she didn’t say anything about it again, “Are you on your way to his studio right now?”

I hummed and curled my fingers tighter around the thermos bottle, my nose cold from the weather as the arts building finally came into sight, “Yeah, three minutes and I’m there.”

“Good.” Seulgi sounded content and I sighed as I tried to ignore the dawning anxiety that tried to crawl through my body and make me abandon my well-thought-out plan. I had to do this. Seulgi and my mom were right, I couldn’t mess this up again. I liked Mingi, a lot. He is a good guy and I shouldn’t let my past and my fears dictate my life. Yes, Mingi is Yunho’s best friend, but Mingi isn’t like Yunho. Hopefully, “Update me later then, I love you Y/N, I hope you know that.”

I chuckled and nodded at the security guard as he was out of his cubicle, standing at the bottom of the steps, smoking his cigar, “I know, thank you for knocking some sense into me.”

“We’ll see about that later.” Her snort was amused and I shook my head as we said our goodbyes, the warmth of the building making me sigh out in relief as I entered through the front doors. I pocketed my phone and unwrapped my scarf from around my neck, greeting the familiar people I crossed paths with. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t feeling nervous at all, after all, I didn’t know how Mingi would react. If he was anything like me, he wouldn’t forgive me so easily. Not when I’ve hurt him again and in the worst way possible.

As I ascended the marble stairs, I found stability in the thermos bottle clutched firmly in both of my hands now, its weight helping me to keep my determination and focus on going through with my own plan. When I woke this morning and went to take a quick shower, I was surprised to hear my mother’s singing and smell the delicious waft of pancakes, making my stomach growl loudly as I didn’t have dinner the night before. It seemed like my mother had taken a day off, grumbling something about her deserving a day to rest after she was almost choked out by one of her mentally ill patients. I couldn’t help but agree with her as we sat at the table in silence, enjoying our breakfast, that is until she cleared her throat loudly and stood up, fetching a mug and a cup from the counter next to the sink. I froze when I realized she was handing me the cup Mingi had designed with funny looking chicks on it, and I was even more confused when I realized it wasn’t coffee I was drinking, but hot chocolate.

“So, what are you going to do about that handsome fella?” I tried not to groan or regret the fact that I told her everything about Mingi. I took a tentative sip of the hot chocolate and realized it wasn’t hot before taking a bigger gulp as I enjoyed its sweet taste.

“I’ll talk to him today—”

“Great!” My mother didn’t even let me finish as she sprung up from her seat again to fetch something from a cupboard, “It’s amazing how strong our maternal intuition is, I swear my starlight, you should make some babies soon.”

“Mom.” I groaned as I watched her curiously as she took a blue thermos bottle from the cupboard and filled it with hot chocolate from the kettle, “We’ve had this discussion many times before, I’m not having children so young.”

“You’re not that young though.” She sent me a sheepish smile as my eyes widened, feigning hurt.

“I’m turning twenty-three?! How is that not young?” She cleared her throat as she sealed the thermos and walked back to the table to sit down.

“I’m just trying to inspire you, anyways,” She huffed and then placed the thermos on the table and pushed it towards me, “Bring this to him as peace offering, he’ll love it. Trust me.”

“I don’t think what Mingi needs right now is hot chocolate—”

“Finish your breakfast and shut up.” My mother didn’t let me finish as she cut off a thick part of the pancake with her fork and forced it inside my mouth, making me groan, “Mothers know best when it comes to stuff like this, be thankful I’m saving your relationship and be back before lunch. I’m ordering take out, and I certainly am not waiting for late your ass if I’m hungry.”

I knew fighting my mom was fruitless, so I just grumbled an okay as I tried to chew the pancake she had forced in my mouth, my cheeks all puffed out. My mother seemed content that I finally wasn’t talking back to her and I shook my head as I pulled the thermos bottle towards me, reminded of the time when Mingi had brought me tea knowing that I would be feeling probably a little sick after getting all soaked in the cold rain and harsh wind.

So, now, with Mingi’s clothes in my tote bag and the thermos filled with hot chocolate in my hands, I couldn’t help but feel optimistic despite the anxiety gripping at my thoughts. If my mother, Seulgi, and even Wooyoung—who knew Mingi like the back of his hand—were convinced that everything would work out just fine, then why would I not believe that? Sure, Mingi was probably still annoyed at me, but I didn’t think a few apologies and even more explanations couldn’t fix the issue at hand. All I had to do was be honest and come clean with my feelings and he’d probably do the same and then—that’s where anxiety stepped in. Then what? Was I ready to pursue a relationship? Did Mingi want to date me? Did I want to date him? Why did it have to be Jeong Yunho’s best friend I was into? Why could I not move past my fears and stop associating Mingi with everything I was wounded by, when he never once made me feel like Yunho did? I could dwell on these thoughts for an eternity, I fear, but I didn’t have that time right now. And to be fair, I didn’t want to think of such things right now because I could feel my determination wither the closer I got to the music majors’ floor, heartbeat loud in my ears.

I stopped at the end of the hallway and took a deep breath, eyes settling on the studio I knew now was used by Mingi only. Wooyoung was nice enough to tell me the number of his studio—not that I had forgotten since the last time I was here—and he also let me know that it was used by Mingi only, the teachers having granted him full access, even at hours when students were supposed to be at home. It seems so Mingi was a favorite amongst the teachers, and I could see why. He was diligent and hard-working; his lyrics were beautiful and nothing would stop him from fulfilling his dream of becoming a well-known rockstar. I couldn’t help but feel excited at the prospect of that, and hoped that I would be part of his journey, that he’d let me back into his life.

Steeling my nerves and trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel, I knew there was no turning back. I wanted to do this, I had to do this. I had to stop sabotaging myself, and so, I marched down the hallway towards Mingi’s studio with a newfound hope and determination. Which lasted about five seconds as I came face to face with Mingi’s studio door. There was a small window on it, which would let you know whether the room was occupied or not, and it was straight across the desk where he was sat at—with the blonde girl standing right next to him. And that should have been okay, because really, Mingi could talk to whoever and spend his time also with whoever he pleased. And it’s not like I didn’t have male friends—I didn’t, Seulgi was my only friend—it’s not like he couldn’t speak to one of his fans. After all, he’s made it clear she was nothing more than a fan he appreciated for helping spread the word about his band.

But then, why was her hand on his shoulder one second and the next second slowly trailing down the sleeve of his beige cardigan—which looked like it was messily stained with paint—and certainly the way my good disposal dissipated and was overtaken by blind jealousy and rage had nothing to do with the sudden possessiveness that shook me to my core. And perhaps the thing that bothered me the most wasn’t even her feeling up Mingi’s arm as she looked down at him with sultry eyes, perhaps it was the way Mingi leaned back in his chairs, legs spread wide, and smirk on his lips as he looked up at her with his sharp gaze, allowing her to touch him. Perhaps that’s what sent me over the edge as I barged inside the studio in the most unceremonious way, making the girl yelp in fright and Mingi flinch as his eyes widened.

『Baby, you're all that I want

I want you all to myself

Oh, but you know me too well』

And when I was angry—or panicking, or hurt—all rational thoughts flew out the window as I was led by nothing else but pure instinct and a shit ton of unclear and not so necessarily nice thoughts. Simpler put, I wasn’t thinking nor making sense, but I couldn’t care less as I glared at the both of them while I struggled to mask the fury licking at my veins. They were both looking at me wide eyed, as if I had caught them doing something I wasn’t supposed to, and that made me snap before I could think through how to proceed with this whole shitshow, “Get out.”

For a second, even I didn’t recognize my voice as it dropped a few octaves, fierce gaze set on the blonde girl as she paled, eyes scrambling between Mingi and me as, suddenly, Mingi seemed to snap out of whatever scare I had given him by slamming his door open and into the wall. God, I hope I haven’t actually damaged it, because I certainly didn’t have the money to pay for it right now. I couldn’t look at the blonde girl anymore, heart beating fast in my chest as Mingi and I made eye contact, his eyebrows set in a deep frown as he had a sneer on his face.

“Excuse me?” God, even her voice was annoying. I looked back at the blonde girl and raised my eyebrows at her mockingly.

“Are you deaf?” I chuckled, but it was humorless, “Do I need to repeat myself?”

She huffed, looking offended—rightfully so—and I gritted my teeth as I stepped inside the studio, making it pretty obvious that I wasn’t going anywhere before this bitch left. I tried not to see red as Mingi’s hands balled up into fists or the way the girl snickered, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

“You’re the one that’s barged inside uninvited, sweetheart,” And if I could have, I would have ripped her blonde strands out, “this isn’t your fucking studio, so, shut up. Mingi wants me here, maybe you should leave.”

I bit my bottom lip to stop myself from laughing, somewhere deep in my mind realizing I looked absolutely psychotic and if Mingi didn’t hate me before, he certainly would hate me now. I wasn’t helping myself; I was making everything worse—just the usual, then. But this bitch wasn’t stopping me from getting what I came here for, and I hummed as my eyes fell on Mingi again, who’s jaw was clenching and unclenching. His sharp eyes were narrowed, but it seemed like he wasn’t saying anything anytime soon and that only pissed me off more.

“Sure,” I nodded and walked further inside, forcefully throwing my tote bag on the small couch against the wall on my left, making the contents of it spill out. I watched as both Mingi and the girl looked at the clothes, and Mingi’s expression flashed with something unreadable for a second, “Mingi wants you here.”

I suppose neither expected me not to stop until I reached the desk, coming up on Mingi’s left side as I slammed the thermos bottle—albeit too harshly—against the desk, a loud bang echoing in the room. Mingi’s eyebrows furrowed as I opened my mouth to tell the girl to leave again, but suddenly, he was up on his feet, staring me down. The height difference wasn’t that great between the two of us, but suddenly I felt small under his heated glare and sneer that seemed to settle on his lips, broad shoulders intimidating as he lowered his head just a little bit. He looked nothing like the Mingi I had gotten to know over the past few months, and it made my heart race as I realized I might not be able to reason with him today, “What the fuck is your problem, Y/N?! You tell her to get out when you barge in unwelcomed, and then start demanding for her to leave—”

I couldn’t even let him finish his sentence before I was firing back my argument, “Oh, what’s my fucking problem?! Maybe the fact that you lied to me?”

“About what?!” Mingi snapped, eyebrows furrowed as he took a step towards me, his body big enough to make the blonde girl not be seen behind him.

“Oh, be for real.” I scoffed and rolled my eyes, “You never show anyone your songs to? But you so conveniently let me listen to that unfinished song of yours and now look who else gets to listen to it? Her. If you’re so desperate to get laid, you should have—”

“I didn’t show her shit.” Mingi cut me off, voice shaking as his cheeks grew red from anger, probably. Mingi wasn’t a scary person, but he looked scary right now. There was no ounce of kindness in his expression nor tone, he looked cold and angry and like he hated me. I gulped and realized, once again, that I was digging myself deeper into the shithole I had created for myself, that I was hurting him again and again. This is not how things were supposed to go, “I only showed you. That unfinished song you’re talking about, only you know about it. Thanks for reminding me again why I shouldn’t deal with you anymore—”

“Stop it.” I snapped, eyebrows furrowing as I felt fear grip at my throat, making my voice sound shaky as Mingi’s expression went blank. I hated when he did that. I wanted to know what he was thinking about, I needed to see what he felt. I couldn’t do this if he withdrew himself, I couldn’t do this if I was the only one that would bare her heart to him. I was scared. He was pushing me away like Yunho had done, Mingi was abandoning me.

“Stop it?” If I wanted to cry when he laughed in my face mockingly, impassive smirk settling on his lips, I didn’t let it happen. I kept my composure, anger, hurt, desperation, yearning all mixing together as I found it harder and harder to breathe, “You want me to be nice to you after all the shit you said to me on Saturday? You want me to treat you like before after everything that’s happened? I can’t. You hurt me, made me feel like a fucking idiot, Y/N, you broke—I thought we were friends. I feel disrespected and played, and yet here you are again, acting like you have even an ounce of right to act the way you are right now, when it’s you who made it so fucking clear you want nothing to do with me anymore. Do you enjoy making others suffer? Do you want to see me on my fucking knees begging for your attention? I have enough self-respect to step back and move on with my life when someone so blatantly tells it to my face that I am nothing—”

“But you aren’t!” My tone raised without me meaning to as my heart continued to beat out of my chest so fast my ears started ringing. I felt tears prick at my eyes, but I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t want to victimize myself, I just wanted Mingi to understand I made a mistake, that I knew I did, and that I was trying to fix things. I didn’t want us to part ways, especially not like this, he made me realize this second that I didn’t want to lose him, “You aren’t nothing to me. I said those things because I’m scared. I don’t know how to navigate these feelings—”

“Save it, okay?” I was left gaping as Mingi shook his head, pushing his hands in the pockets of his light denim jeans, “I don’t want to hear whatever sob shit you have to say right now, I’m asking you kindly to leave before I call security and delete my number, like I have deleted yours.”

The silence that settled upon us was deafening and my eyebrows furrowed as a tear rolled down my cheek without warning, my chest rising and falling rapidly as I tried to find my breath. That hurt, it hurt more than anything before, it hurt more than when Yunho left me, broke my heart. Mingi meant so much more to me than Yunho ever did, and I bit my lower lip as Mingi seemed unaffected, expression blank and rather bored. Nothing was making sense anymore. I was scared, but I also felt ready to break free of the chains of the past, I wanted Mingi. And knowing all this, I didn’t want to hold back anymore, I didn’t want to consider my next words anymore. I just wanted to speak my mind freely.

“My ex-boyfriend is Jeong Yunho, your best friend.” Mingi had almost turned away from me, but he froze, head slowly turning back to face me once again, “We dated back in high school, many years ago, when we were still some headless and stupid teenagers. But he was the first boy I’ve ever loved and he fucking broke my heart, shattered into pieces with a bright smile on his lips. He promised me many things, and I was naïve, so I believed it all. And because I did, I ended up hurt beyond fixing and I’ve never trusted a man again. He was my first boyfriend and the center of my universe, yet he never cared enough about me to properly break up with me.

“Yunho talked about you all the time. Everything you liked, everything you hated, you were part of our daily conversations and I always wished to meet you, to see what was so great in you that had Yunho gushing all the time. I was jealous, so jealous that I became bitter. I started hating even the mention of your name, I selfishly wanted Yunho to myself, and you gone from his life. I couldn’t understand what was so great about you and why I wasn’t enough. I knew Yunho didn’t love me, but I wanted him to, so I made myself believe it, believe that I was worth more to him than you’ll ever be. And in the process, I stupidly made myself believe that he’d never leave me, that he was the one for me like he has said so many times before.

“He broke my heart so fucking bad that it took years until I could say his name or even see his face again. I am over him now, have been for a long time, but I can’t help still feel bitter about him. I can’t help but associate you with him at times. He made me defensive and untrusting of men, I couldn’t help but assume you’d be just like Yunho when I first met you, at least when I finally realized who you were. I felt so guilty, I tried to push you away but you wouldn’t fucking give up. You are everything yet nothing like Yunho and that scares me, because I want you, Mingi. But I’m scared you’ll abandon me like Yunho did, that you’ll fill my head with empty and pretty fantasies and then leave me alone with them, tearing my heart apart in the process. I want to open up, but I’m scared. I think, however, with you by my side, I’d be able to do that, to let my walls down.”

The silence that settled upon us, once again, was deafening and I gulped, heart racing and making me feel lightheaded as Mingi’s face had fallen, expression finally not as void as before. He looked shocked, but surprisingly, he didn’t look hurt nor like he would hate me for ever. It made me hopeful for a second, it made me sniff loudly and blink away the insisting tears from my eyes. He gulped and took a deep breath, making me stare in his eyes, hopeful and less scared, as he sighed and rubbed at his chin; a stubble was showing. Now that I come to think of it, he looks rather tired with bags under his eyes, and his platinum hair has a blue hue to it.

“I’m sorry he made you go through so much; I know it wasn’t easy.” Mingi’s tone finally lost the edge it had before, finally it wasn’t laced with so much anger, and it almost made me cry, “I kind of—I knew. Not exactly the whole thing, but I suppose I can say I had a feeling that there was history between you and Yunho. It was too obvious whenever I brought him up that you didn’t like him, at first I was confused, but then I suppose everything just clicked into place. The drawing of his eyes, the sweater you lent me and the fact that you gave it to me in the end—I’ve known since then that it was probably Yunho. I never said anything to him, not like that at least, I wanted you to come to me on your own, when you fully trusted me with the information. And I’m sorry, but he—he was an asshole back in high school, he was insecure and he played with everyone’s feelings, he was quite good at manipulating people around him. He’s mentioned dating you, but very few times, and by the time you had broken up I had all but forgotten about you, I suppose I wasn’t much better compared to him.

“But all of this isn’t my fault in the end, and while I completely understand your reasoning now and why you often acted the way you did, I’m sorry, but I can’t just let go of things and start anew. There’s just—too many things that have happened, emotions that you stirred up in me, and I just can’t do it, I—it’s not even about you and Yunho, I don’t give a fuck about it, it was ages ago and Yunho is a changed man and I know he’s long moved on. And you too, I believe you have, you seemed less bitter lately, but I just can’t. I can’t help but ask again, what do you want, YN?”

At least he wasn’t mad at me, but I did feel ashamed that I made him piece everything together on his own, that I wasn’t capable of telling him the truth myself. I have made mistakes, sure, but Mingi apparently didn’t hate me for them, “I just want to apologize, for everything.”

Mingi nodded and I watched in despair as that cold mask slipped back onto his face, expression void of any emotion once again. It made me want to grab his shoulders and shake them, force him to look deep into my eyes and just see everything I felt for him, “That’s fine, I accept your apology. If that’s all, you can leave—”

“But that’s not all!” I snapped, having had enough of being dismissed by him. I saw the way his jaw twitched, the way his eyebrows furrowed at my defiance, at my reluctance to leave just yet. I was being pathetic and a pain in the ass, but I had to make him understand that I was ready to leave all my fears behind for him, to learn how to be a better person next to him. I wanted to change, and I wanted it to happen with him by my side, with him guiding me and teaching me how to be more like him, and less like the shitty person I was for so long. I longed to be the way I was before meeting Yunho, a lot happier and a lot less broody and hateful of the beautiful things that surrounded me, “Mingi, I cannot stop thinking about you. I spend every waking moment when we’re apart wondering what you’re up to, what’s going through your mind, whether you’re okay or not. And I’ve been drawing you, since the first time I saw you, you’ve captured my attention, you’ve made me curious of who you were the longer we spent time together. I don’t want to be like this anymore, I don’t want to hurt you anymore and shut you out, I want to fix everything. I want to—I just want you, Mingi.”

There was a quiet scoff behind Mingi, but neither one of us reacted to it as our gazes bore into each other, my eyes glinting with yearning and his façade slowly breaking down as he released a shaky breath, “Mingi, I adore you.”

“Get out.” For a second, my body froze as I thought he was addressing me, but then, he whirled around and pointed towards the studio’s still open door, “Get out, now.”

And I just realized that the blonde girl had been witness to everything, and I couldn’t help but blanch in embarrassment as she made to interject, but I guess Mingi’s sharp eyes made her reconsider her choice as she huffed and then stormed out of the studio. My cheeks felt hot and I realized the clothes were making me sweaty, so as Mingi hurried towards the door to close it, I shrugged my jacket off and placed it neatly on the back of the sofa together with my thick scarf. And as I looked up, mouth dry as the door clicked shut and Mingi turned around, it felt like time stopped, like the world stopped moving. But Mingi was moving towards me, in nothing more than three steps he stood in front of me, and before I could even as much as try to reason with him or plead more to be forgiven, warm fingers dug into my cheeks and the wind was knocked from my lungs as his plush warm lips slammed against mine, making me gasp as my eyes remained wide open.

『Filthy impetuous soul

I wanna give it to you』

I thought he wouldn’t want anything to do with me, I thought he’d tell me that he needed time to forgive me completely and for us to work things out. But I couldn’t help shudder and feel ecstatic as I grabbed the collar of his shirt and cardigan, my eyes falling shut, as I pulled him closer to my body, savoring the kiss as if it was our first. But it wasn’t anything like that one, it wasn’t soft nor careful nor slow, it was hurried and desperate as Mingi pushed me backward, pressing me against the wall, right between the small space between the sofa and the desk. My arms circled his neck as he grabbed my nape with one big hand and pressed his other into the small of my back, making it arch as my fingers tangled into his soft hair, not pulling, just feeling the need to hold onto something, to keep myself grounded.

And much like the first time, our lips seemed to fit perfectly, and I tried not to keen when he sucked my bottom lip between his teeth, nibbling on the soft flesh, and I tried not to turn into a puddle when he hummed lowly against my lips as my fingers flexed in his hair. Perhaps I kissed him a bit harder and more aggressively as our pace quickened, my hand holding the side of his neck as Mingi pressed his body into mine until it felt like he was trying to forbid me even of the idea of escaping from his clutches, and I had no fucking intention of going anywhere, because in his arms I felt content and safe, and perhaps a bit too hot as goosebumps covered my arms the longer our lips moved hungrily against each other. And when I cupped his cheeks and perhaps held onto them a bit too firmly, his lips parted, and I ignored my lungs screaming for air as my tongue slipped past his parted mouth. I didn’t expect him to moan as our tongues tangled together, all wet and perhaps a little disgusting, but neither one of us cared about that.

I tried to stand on my tip toes for better access as Mingi’s ring clad fingers were suddenly running through my hair and tilting my head back, making my skin tingle where he held my hip firmly. I had been kissed by other people before, but neither felt like with Mingi, neither made me crave more and more and more. But our lungs could only go on so long without air, and I would’ve been embarrassed for the loud gasp I let out when we finally parted, if it wasn’t for Mingi diving straight for my neck and finding the sweet spot that made me putty in his arms. And I tried to ignore his deep grunts as my fingers got tangled in his platinum blonde strands as he pressed open mouthed and wet kisses against my neck, his arms around my hips pulling me into an embrace that had my pulse showing through the skin of my neck. My lips were tingling and my lungs actually hurt, but I couldn’t care less when Mingi finally pulled back and blinked his dark eyes open, pupils dilated and lips so swollen he almost made me chase after them once again.

『Oh, just to see what you'd do

'Cause I'm so drunk on you』

“What’s in the thermos?” His voice was raspier than usual, and it made me bite my bottom lip as my eyes searched his face, his falling on my lips instead.

“Hot chocolate, for peace making.” I answered, sounding a lot more breathless than I actually felt, and Mingi chuckled, the sound deep in his throat. I let my arms fall from his shoulders and instead circled them around his torso, trying to fight off the smile from my lips. Mingi didn’t look angry nor dismissive anymore, but I knew I wasn’t actually forgiven just yet. And that was only fair.

“This is peacemaking, not the hot chocolate.” And there it was, the mischievous glint in his eyes and the smug smirk on his lips as he squeezed my hips once and lowered his face until our lips brushed together, “Although I do appreciate the hot chocolate too.”

“Good, my mom was rather excited when she told me to give it to you.” I pressed a chaste kiss against Mingi’s lips before he could try and say anything, and he chuckled when I pulled away, eyes creasing and crooked front teeth showing.

“What are we now?” His voice was a mere whisper, not insecure nor scared, just wondering, “What do you want?”

I gulped, but decided to be honest. No more hiding my feelings and thoughts from him, “I don’t know just yet, and that’s why I need you to take the lead, but this—I want more of this, of you.”

“Good,” Mingi hummed, lips pursed as he kissed my cheek once before slowly releasing me from his warm embrace, “because I’ve been wanting more of you for fucking ages, doll.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle as suddenly I felt embarrassed and perhaps a little shy, but Mingi seemed to be unphased as he grabbed my tote bag and looked through it because his clothes were in it, “You can keep these, they looked better on you anyway. But you better not give them to Yunho if he ever happens to go over to your house—”

“Mingi.” I snapped mortified and pushed his arm as he dropped the tote bag and burst out laughing, giving me a cheeky smile.

“Want to hear the rest of the song I made for you?”

“For me?”

“Yeah, doll, for you.”

By the time I managed to get home I might as well been on cloud nine and in so much ecstasy that one would think I was on drugs. Which, kind of felt like it after the day I have had—not that I’ve ever done any drugs. I failed to notice my mother’s silhouette in the window of our kitchen when I got out of Mingi’s car and, of course, that meant she saw him get out of his old Honda Prelude and jog after me to kiss me hard and leave me dizzy before he left. And all of that, of course, meant that by the time I unlocked the front door and stepped inside, my mother was leaning against the archway of the kitchen with the widest smirk I’ve ever seen on her face.

“So, did you have sex?”

My eyes widened in mortification and I struggled to step out of my boots and shrug off my jacket, “Mom!”

“So, you did, huh.” It wasn’t even a question, and suddenly running after Mingi’s car sounded a lot better than standing in front of my mother as she bit her bottom lip, giving me a wink.

“We didn’t!” I exclaimed, cheeks flushed a deep red as I cradled the tote bag to my chest, “He needs to take me out on a date first—many dates, actually.”

“Well, he better hurry up then cuz you’re glowing and you’re happy.” I froze at my mother’s words as she looked at me with a serene expression on her face, lips pulled into a small smile, forgetting all about her previous teasing, “He’s good for you, too good. I haven’t seen you so relaxed and happy since—since highschool.”

Since Yunho broke up with me.

“I know, and I will make sure I never hurt him again.” I told my mom and she hummed, looking down at her wristwatch.

“You missed lunch, by the way, so you’ll eat chicken tenders—”

“Again?!”

“Again, exactly. Go wash up before dinner.”

And I was out of her sight in no time, with a newfound rush in my system, skin tingling as I realized I craved to hold my pencil and my sketchbook in my hands. I couldn’t remember the last time I drew something for me and not because it was an assignment. And if hours later the sketch looked a lot like a familiar platinum blonde haired man with sharp eyes and a tall nose wearing blue jeans, a white t-shirt and a beige cardigan over it, accessories many and nails painted black, then I wouldn’t even deny it anymore. Perhaps he would love seeing my drawings. Perhaps I should finally show him.

Mings 🖤: date on wednesday? Me: but im paying this time Mings 🖤: so when we went to the pottery coffee shop it was a date wasnt it, doll Me: maybe it was maybe it wasnt Mings 🖤: no maybes this time

『Oh, but you know me too well

Oh, but you know me too well, well』

❱❱ Next chapter

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medical-magpie · 29 days ago

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The weird and the unhinged

a guide to the stuff that got me through med school

Believe it or not but studying between 6 and 10 hours a day, 6 days a week for two years straight, taking a grand total of maybe 5 weeks off during that time and balancing all that with hospital placement sometimes require a bit of creativity to get the synapses to connect.

When I was studying for the entrance exam I had this very fancy classical music playlist that lasted 12 ou 13 hours so I could listen to it everyday on repeat and I really did romantise the days spent at my desk. Naturally, I tried to defrost that approach when I was studying for the specialty exam.

It didn’t work. Chopin couldn’t bring me to focus, neither could Dvorak nor could Desplat. The spell was broken.

So I leaned into more unconventional ways to set the tone.

1. The candle timer

At one point my brain figured the pomodoro timer was an arbitrary rule and that we could be done whenever we wanted. That’s when the. Candle timer came in.

For that trick you’ll need a huge ass candle, I used the big Yankee Candle jar and on a couple of occasions some church candles, the only thing is that they must take a long time to burn. Then I marked off where they had to burn before I could snuff them out. That’s where the jars are nice because if you blow them before the wax melts to the edge then they start to excavate or whatever and that’s washing the candle.

2. The fancy drink reward

One of the arbritary rule that never stopped working, not like the pomodoro one, was the fancy drink reward. I drink a worrying amount of tea if my GP can be believed. Around a full pot and a half a day.

So each day I brewed my first batch while planning my tasks then off I went to work.

At midday if half the task were gone I could swap out the tea or switch to the cold brew in the fridge, if not it was a second brewing of the morning pot.

At 5pm when I took my snack break if 75% of the tasks were done I could do a fancy drink. By fancy I mean, taking the time to prepare a matcha, making a latte or a fruit mocktail. If not, third brewing of the kettle or water.

3. The online class workout

Pretty self explanatory, I’d put the recording of a lecture and hop on a treadmill and walk/jog for the whole thing. No note taking. No flash card making. Just walking to the voice of a lecturer explaining the treatment plan of tuberculosis.

But wait it get worse.

4. The online class nap

I had a class where lecturers across the country came together to make a podcast with bite size summaries of the chapters. Nephrodio if you speak French give it a try.

I’d pick an episode, put it on and lied down for the 15-20 minutes of the episode. Eyes closed hoping for some osmosis I guess.

5. The discography Saturdays

You know how on Saturdays it’s really hard to get going because you already had five very full days ? And the world tells you to slow down because it’s the weekend so it’s time to rest ? Well med school doesn’t care about that. So for those long days spent at my desk I let go of the pomodoro and used Spotify instead. Here’s how.

After breakfast, id look at my schedule for the week to check whether im on track or behind (i was never ahead) and also where my energy level was. Then id pick an artist with multiple albums and I used them to pace my day.

Woke up early, feeling energised or just really behind ? Queen, Taylor Swift, Lana del Rey, 5+ albums some lasting over 2 hours.

Woke up later, less energy, on time and no so many things to do ? Lorde, Arlo Parks, Alexandra savior.

Adapt to your music taste and to your schedule.

6. The true crime podcasters compagny

And when all else failed, when nothing could get me to focus that’s when the true crime podcasters came there, couple of conditions for it to work with my brain.

Only one main voice, occasional second voice allowed because following a conversation is hard.

No theatrics no additional audio, I dont want theatrics or drama. I don’t like them when the podcast has my full attention and I downright hate them when they’re background noise.

Ideally in English to have a distinction between what in studying and what I’m listening.

And that’s about it for my weird tricks, feel free to add on!

#studyblr #studyblr community #university #med student #exams #study tips #studying techniques

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pedrosgrogu · 5 months ago

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Born Too Late - Chapter 13

pairing/au: neighbor!joel x reader // no outbreak

Warnings: so much fucking angst it literally isnt funny. soft!joel

Summary: You're embarking on a journey of self discovery. Of things that make YOU feel good. Like setting boundaries, and getting your dream job! But that means leaving Sarah, and Joel. You actively don't think about it, until you have to. (1.7k+)

a/n: okay so shoutout to @frankensteingotwet because their vision literally inspired this chapter. ive been so down the dumps w this fic because of many reasons and im so sorry this took so long. but, if you've stuck around this long, this ones for you too. leave a like or a comment or a reblog, they mean the world. love u all bunches xoxoxo ps still figuring out writing from other POVs and boarders. :P bear with me pps didnt proof this so sorry for any errors :/

Chapter 12 - Masterlist - Chapter 14 (coming soon)

boarders: @evansyhelp

It’s been a few months since the fallout with Joel and things are relatively the same. Every so often there's muffins on the porch or you bring Sarah home, but you leave his spare key under the flowerpot and you don’t go out of your way to speak to him.

You try to tell yourself you’re healing. You tell yourself that in order to heal you need to take more time. More time to think, more time to find yourself. But what you’ve actually done is build a wall. A wall so tall and so thick that not even the Romans themselves could conquer it. A wall so strong that a meteor would barely scratch its surface.

But despite that big ass wall, you’re trying to get back out there. You’re trying to fix the shit that you didn’t even break. Trying to be better for yourself. You’ve gone on a handful of dates but none of them made it past the first one. The first guy, Bryan, wouldn’t shut the fuck up about how damaged he was from his ex, and the second guy, Carter, didn’t talk at all. The third? You don’t even remember his name because he didn’t show. Or at least you don't think he did. You sat alone at the bar 15 minutes past when he was supposed to get there before you blocked his number and left. Men these days make you want to become a fucking nun.

Work is fine, and you still occasionally bring Sarah home but don’t stick around for casual conversation. You don't ask how he is or about his recent jobs. You decline many coffee invitations, and leave little room for misinterpretation. You might be trying to get back out there, but not with him.

The more you think about your relationship(?) with Joel, you want to smack yourself. It’s like you had red fucking glasses on and couldn’t see the flags. But you were no saint either, which is why you don’t think it will ever work. There's too much shit that you both did that screams “WE ARE SO TOXIC, ESPECIALLY TO EACH OTHER!”

Your most recent life development has been preparing to take the middle school social studies Praxis exam, your dream job. And you’ve told no one. Not even Penny. Again, “protecting your peace” or whatever self-help journey you think you’re on.

After months of studying, you take the Praxis. And you pass. With flying fucking colors. Your excitement can’t be contained and you call Penny. She answers after 2 rings.

“My sweet Yellow!! How are you?!” she basically screams into the phone.

“So good Pen. You have no idea!” you pause, barely able to get the words out.

“I passed my test! My test to teach middle school social studies-”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” She screams so loud you have to pull the phone away from your ear.

“I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO SEE HOW ELEMENTARY WAS? REGARDLESS.. AHHHH!! YELLOW I'M SO EXCITED FOR YOU!!”

“I know I know!! I considered it but I really want a change, and I want it now. I think it’ll be good for me. I'm even considering taking a position at the charter school which means I’ll have to possibly move so I'm not driving a borderline 40 minutes to work everyday but I'm excited.” you say, feeling like this is the first right decision you’ve made since you moved here.

“You know I support you, no matter what. But…” she trails off

“Spit it out Pen. You’re making me nervous.” You say, chuckling in both joy and anxiety.

“But… I’ll be moving back at the end of July. I'm going to finish my doctorate at UT Austin. I love Ireland so much but with everything going on at home with moms health and being far from my friends, I just think it's time for me to come home.” she says, more cheery than you’d expect.

“I haven't really figured out the logistics yet, but I’ll definitely be back. I found an apartment that's about halfway between my moms and campus.”

You speak lightly, empathy lining every word. “Oh Pen, I'm so sorry. I know how much Ireland means to you.”

“Hey, I got all my clinical shit done so really all that's left is my dissertation. But I’ve got to finish some stuff up here before I head out for the evening. I'm so glad you called. We have so much to catch up on. I'll text you, and we can schedule something, kay? I love ya. Soooooo so much.”

“I love you too Pen!” you say, clicking the phone shut.

You accept the position at the charter school and inform your current school that you won’t be returning. It feels like a weight off your chest, knowing that you’ll soon be in a new town miles and miles from here. But your stomach churns at the thought of having to tell Joel, having to tell Sarah. Be away from Sarah. From Joel. But you’re healing. You’re getting the fuck over it.

The rest of the school year flies by. Everyday is like the last. Wake up, go to work, take Sarah home occasionally and avoid small talk with Joel, maybe eat, sleep, repeat. You browse newspapers and websites for homes to rent, not finding anything worth calling about. You start to worry the closer to July you get but push it to the back of your mind.

With one week of school left, your kids are beyond done. They’re so mentally checked out from school it's like having 23 little zombies everyday. On the last day, you receive that same “Hey works running late, can you hang with Sarah?” text from Joel and the answer is always the same bland “Of course!”.

You guys jam out to Sum 41 on the way home and do all the basics; homework, some version of spa day, dinner, and a movie.

You both fall asleep on the couch watching Freaky Friday, and don’t even notice Joel come in. Sarah is splayed across the couch, her head using your thigh as a pillow and her feet hanging off the edge. You have your hand sitting on her head, fingers nestled in her hair like she's a baby needing the external stimuli to fall asleep.

*Joel's POV*

Things never really changed after that last conversation, and her words play in Joel’s head like a broken record, stuck skipping on the same groove over and over. “Joel, respectfully, you were an ass to me the day we met. You don’t treat someone you care about this much, like that”. It makes him want to punch a wall every goddamn time he thinks about it, because she's right. He was an ass.

But on that night, the night on her porch, he was vulnerable. Soft. Like a butterfly on its first day out of the cocoon. But her blinds never opened back up. And she never took the key, never accepted coffee dates, and never stuck around for banter after Sarah was asleep. It hit him like a ton of fucking bricks everytime he saw her.

Especially when he saw her leave at night in mini-skirts and heels, knowing that someone else was getting to see her. Getting to touch her porcelain skin. Kiss her strawberry lips. Run their fingers through her walnut colored locks. It made him spiral, but she said she needed space. But how much space is too much? How much before she's gone for good? He wishes he knew. But for now, even just seeing you for 5 minutes when he gets home late will be enough. It has to be.

It’s been months and he’s trying to accept the new normal. But when he comes home and Sarah is splayed across the couch with head in your lap and your fingers tangled in her coils, it shoots a wave of pain and agony through his once strong body. His eyes overflowed at the sight. How could he fuck up something so goddamn perfect? Despite anything you ever did, it would never compare to the shit he put you through. He felt like he was drowning, and needed to calm himself down. He quietly sneaks off to his bathroom and tries to wash away the negative thoughts running rampant through his mind.

He throws on some sweatpants and a t-shirt, combing his chocolate curls from his eyes. Walking out, his steps echo through the house. The TV must've auto shut off and the only sound heard is the hum of the refrigerator mixed with the soft snores of his 2 favorite girls. He dreads having to disturb either of you. You both look so peaceful, holding onto each other like your lives depend on it. He rubs his thumb across your cheek, soft as not to wake you. Knowing it would only cause more turmoil. He sighs, scooping Sarah off your lap. You barely stir, mumbling softly as Joel carries Sarah to her room. He comes back and you’re burrowed into the couch, your hair covering your eyes.

*Readers POV*

“Hey” Joel whispers, standing over you, but you don’t move.

He crouches down so he's now eye level with her “Sweet girl, I’m home”

“Yellow? You gotta wake up. Sarahs already in bed.” He says, a little louder this time, rubbing your shoulder, your skin so hot it makes him feel like he’s going up in flames. His heart is full of desire, and regret.

You stir, eyes crinkling open. “Hey Joel. Where’s Sarah?” your voice groggy and light. His heart melting at the mere sound of it.

“I took her to bed, ya both were knocked out on the couch.” he says, flashing you a quick smile.

She stretches, becoming more conscious as the seconds pass.

And then it hits you. The thought of having to tell Joel that you’re moving makes your stomach churn, but it needs to be done. You want him to have time to arrange her transportation next year.

“Joel?” you ask, your mouth salivating because of how nauseous you are.. “Can we talk?” you say, sitting up.

“Always. I actually need to ask you something too.” He sits beside you, but not too close. His honey brown eyes meeting yours, looking at you rather than through you.

You both sit in silence, just staring. And almost as if the same spit it out bug bites you both in the ass at the same damn time,

“I’m moving.” “Can you keep Sarah for me some days this summer?”

And a singular tear rolls down Joel’s cheek.

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller fic #last of us #neighbor joel x reader #neighbor joel #pedro pascal #joel miller x you #the last of us #neighbor!joel #joel x reader #daddy joel #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x f!reader #my writing

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seokmn · 5 months ago

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chapter 13.

wc: 1k words

“oh my god, if you say anything else ill throw you in front of a moving car! we’re almost there, stop complaining!” frustration was very clear in doyeon’s voice, which made chan even more annoyed. “youve been saying this for an eternity now! im going back home.”

“wait! we’re here!”

chan looked at the old house in complete confusion. doyeon took a key out of her pocket and opened the door before looking at chan. “what are you waiting for? come in.”

the house not only smelled but looked old. “careful where you walk,” doyeon referred to the good amount of pieces of broken dishes on the floor. she placed her backpack on the table and carefully took some plates out of it.

“what are those for?”

“look at the floor and youll know what are those for,” she laughed as you looked around. “you wanted to break some plates with me?”

“exactly. now here, take these,” she handed him a few plates and a marker pen. “why the marker pen?”

“youll write something that you want to break, that you want to get rid of it,” doyeon took a plate and a marker pen, wrote school’s pressure down on the plate and looked at it before throwing it hard against the wall and yelling at the same time the plate hit the wall and broke it in pieces.

chan looked surprised, not knowing doyeon had this side of her. “so, wanna try now?”

“why should i? breaking a plate wont make the problem go away.”

“trust me, chan. do it.”

he sighed, took a plate and wrote losing her. chan looked at the plate, his fingers gripping at it before throwing it against the wall. the sight of the plate turning into small ceramic pieces was relieving and he couldnt explain why. it felt like the some of the weight on his shoulders were gone. he smiled and chuckled a little, finding the situation amusing.

chan didnt waste any time and started to write things down the plates and threw them, laughing like he was losing his mind. every thing he wrote on the plates were about you, about losing you.

he took a deep breath while looking at the ceramic pieces on the floor and tears started to fill his eyes, making his vision blurry. laughs that were coming out of his mouth soon started to turn into sobs as he crouched down, hiding his face in his hands and doyeon went closer to him without saying a word and started to rub his back in order to soothe him.

“i- i dont know what to do!” his voice came out between his sobs, his whole body shaking as he cried hard. “the thought of losing yn was already way too painful and now that i really lost her… its like i have nothing to smile about life.”

“hey,” doyeon crouched down as well and gently took his hands out of his face, taking sight at his red eyes and runny nose. “its for the best.”

“who cares if its for the best?! doesnt mean it doesnt hurt as hell!”

“i know, i know.”

“do you? i hate when people act like they know what im going through. you clearly dont! when you lose the love of your love because of your dream life, then you can say that.”

“im sorry.”

“dont apologize,” he sniffed. “its just- it shouldnt have to be like this, i shouldn’t have to suffer like this and make yn suffer as well. i shouldve never gotten closer to her, she doesnt deserve this. i want to run back to her, but i also want to become an idol… why cant i have both?”

“in life, we have to make sacrifices, chan. you can become an idol and love her from afar, or maybe your busy schedule will make you get over her, think that it wasnt right to stay together. you dont know what can happens.”

“i dont know and i dont wanna know… now i gonna choose to let her go because she made up her mind, but not because i chose this,” he sighed and wiped his tears away. “its funny how i cant go back, how i only have one path to go to now and im still torn. its not like i can go back in time or something.”

doyeon stood up and waited for him to stand up as well, “come on, you cant stay like this forever. are you really gonna just sit in your pain or are you gonna grow out of it as well?”

chan stood up and looked at her with pitiful eyes, “i feel like im grieving.”

“well, think about the bright side, youll have a lot of great songs to compose.”

“thats not funny.”

“who told you its a joke? turn your pain into art, chan. why do you think i paint that much? youre not the only person whos hurt in this world, so will you turn this pain into something productive or will you let it drown you? turn this into songs or into choreographies. dont let this pain take over you.”

chan only nodded, that was the only thing he could do at the moment. he knew she was right, but he also knew he wouldnt be able to do that, at least not at that moment.

“im sorry i was rude to you in the groupchat. to be honest, i dont even know why i said those things, i guess i got frustrated at the situation because i hate seeing you like this and blming yourself for it. i know i never told you, but i see myself in you.”

doyeon was expecting anything from chan as his response to his words but the hug he gave her right away, which she responded by wrapping her arms around his body while whispering motivational words in his ear.

once the hug was broken by doyeon, she looked in his eyes and smiled. “im hungry, we should eat something. lets go,” chan smiled as well and nodded. “yea, lets go eat something.”

HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEARTS

yn and chan date since their freshman year and are truly high school sweethearts, but will chan’s dream of becoming an idol get between their relationship?

masterlist — prev — next

taglist: @ivehypnosis @wonkierideul @ateez-atiny380 @noircheols @222brainrot @odxrilove @vixensss @starshuas

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badbatchsprincess · 10 months ago

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Heated ~ pt.21

Pt.1 ~ Pt.2 ~ Pt.3 ~ Pt.4 ~ Pt.5 ~ Pt.6 ~ Pt.7 ~ Pt.8 ~ Pt.9 ~ Pt.10 ~Pt.11 ~ Pt.12 ~ Pt.13 ~ Pt.14 ~ Pt.15 ~ Pt.16 ~ Pt.17 ~ Pt.18 ~ Pt.19 ~ Pt.20 ~ Pt.21 ~ Pt.22 ~ Pt.23 ~ Pt.24 ~ Pt.25

Masterlist

Summary: This is an ABO Bad batch!Poly x Omega Reader smut with a plot. This takes place as an AU before order 66. Y/N previously served under the 501st before being transferred to Special Forces 99. This is her adventure with these rowdy Alphas in a quickly changing universe.

THIS IS AN ABO AU ABOUT THE BAD BATCH (NO CANON OMEGA!) Due to the unfortunate situation of her name being Omega… Omega the child from the canon series is not going to be apart of this fanfic/porn with a plot. I feel obligated to put this warning in because it makes my skin crawl thinking anyone could make that mistake.

Warnings: Smut! Short chapter my b.

IM NOT DEAD!!! woooo! Sorry there's been such a big break from my posting but I'm going to get back into finishing up this story and getting our precious pip back to her pack. Don't worry! And thanks to everyone sending messages and commenting you make my day and really help me stay encouraged to write. So thank you!

─ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──

You stared at your reflection in the mirror, gazing at the somewhat hollow figure of yourself.

The monstrous silver collar weighed heavily on your spirit and collarbones.

You traced your fingers over the indents where you had used a butter knife in a futile attempt to pry it off. Stolen from the mess, of course—it had been confiscated immediately. (Imperials are no fun.)

This followed the explosive outburst after that dreadful meeting in Tarkin’s office.

The fight you put up required multiple troopers to pin you down, with the help of Crosshair to calm you as they forced this constricting collar onto you. Your screams had echoed throughout the entire base like the roar of a Zillo beast.

That was two days ago.

You didn’t even have the strength to get out of bed. It was so dehumanizing to be reduced to this… breeding stock?

You didn’t know.

You couldn’t think about it without feeling sick to your stomach. It made you itch with rage. The fantasies of murdering Tarkin were becoming more gruesome by the hour.

The 104th tried to visit, but you just curled up in bed, trying not to cry. Their voices and concern only reminded you of the 501st. You did your best to stifle your grief. They left with forlorn expressions and a curt shrug from Crosshair when they asked when you’d come out again.

Crosshair tried to nudge you out of bed, but you just burrowed deeper into the blankets, determined to remain in solitude. He sighed and left you be, feeling your despair through the bond.

Now, here you stood in your apartment bathroom, wearing Crosshair’s clothing, poking at the reminder of your purpose here.

Your neck was raw from tugging at the collar; Crosshair had smeared bacta on the open sores that morning, and you looked at the red healing lines.

You were suddenly overcome with the need for your other alphas. You craved the security they provided. Even when you were on the run, doing strange jobs for Cid, you felt secure with them.

You missed their warmth, their hands, their pleasure… your home. You just wanted to scent them again, curl up in your nest, and never leave.

You looked back in the mirror and ran your fingers over the Aurebesh engraved in the metal:

“Property of CT-9904.”

You stared into your own empty eyes and decided enough was enough. The Imperials were winning if they could break you.

Fascist fucks.

You took a deep breath and steadied yourself, willing your spirit to lift.

Enough moping.

It’s time to fight.

Grabbing the leather tie belt from the counter, you wrapped it around the large shirt, tying it at the waist to resemble Jedi robes. Then you pushed yourself away from the sink and turned toward the main living space. You grabbed a pair of slippers, hit the door lock, and stepped out into the hallway, making your way to the training center.

Crosshair had been ordered to track down your pack and had to pretend nothing was different. His new team of stormtroopers were inexperienced and desperately needed Crosshair’s knowledge if they were going after the Bad Batch. He had been working with them for the past few days, preparing them for this high-risk mission.

It wasn’t long before the security detail filed in behind you, following Tarkin’s orders. Two 104th infantry men flanked both sides, keeping a respectful distance but serving as a reminder that you couldn’t run far without being caught. You chose to ignore that last detail, but whatever.

Omegas and Alphas pressed themselves against the walls to let you pass. This was the one change you noticed drastically since your little show in the cafeteria and your grand escape from the facility. You were not an omega to be trifled with. You noticed the other omegas didn’t dare meet your gaze. Good. Stay away.

You had a reputation to uphold.

Descending the metal stairs, you floated down the corridor to the training rooms. Inside were endless rows of workout equipment for the regs, but more importantly, the open training mat where Crosshair was running drills with his new squadron. He sensed you immediately and gave you a discerning glance before turning his attention back to his men. However, you scented the alpha you were looking for. On the viewing platform, Wolffe sat watching Crosshair in silence. You filed in next to him, sitting down in acknowledgment.

“It’s good you’re up,” he said, keeping his gaze fixed ahead.

You sighed. “Can’t let them win. Not even the small things.”

He nodded. “You’re right.”

You nodded in return. “Did it work?” he asked.

You nodded again. “Light turned green. It’s just a matter of time.”

“Good.” He smirked. “I heard all about it from my men.”

You stifled a laugh.

“You would have made a remarkable Republic spy,” Wolffe joked. “Missed opportunity.”

You hummed.

“So, you really had a thing with a reg?” Wolffe asked, turning to face you and leaning back on the bench.

“It was a long time ago,” you said, giving him a sidelong glance.

“Didn’t think regs were your type,” he gestured toward Crosshair with his chin.

“It wasn’t a relationship. Just an… understanding,” you explained.

“I get it.” Wolffe smirked, clearly remembering something fondly. “We may be clones, but we’re still men. Alphas at that… The Republic had a pretty big budget for bunker bunnies.”

You whipped your head around, wide-eyed.

“What?” he laughed. “Your boys didn’t tell you?”

You gawked. “No!”

He snorted. “Yeah, every permanent base, and sometimes they’d bring in a ship for extended encampments.”

You were floored. You had no idea. Then you looked at Crosshair, trying to picture shiny Cross, Hunter, Wrek, Tech, and Echo experiencing that for the first time. You giggled, knowing there was probably some trauma related to that topic.

“What?” Wolffe was amused with your musing.

“I’m just thinking about my pack. Oh god. I can’t believe all of the 501st was getting down like that and I had no idea.” You buried your face in your hands and laughed.

Wolffe laughed too, “You really didn’t know?”

“No!” You shook your head, “I thought quarterlies was like random people!”

Wolffe snorted, “No darling, there was a special sector just for the girls back in Coruscant. They had the whole floor to themselves. Hundreds of omegas.”

You squealed, “Oh my god.”

“Ya know, I recall seeing Echo and Crosshair there a lot now that I think about it. Even your Sergeant a few times I think.”

If your jaw could hit the floor it would.

“Yeah. They liked to pop the shinys early. Get them accustomed to being around omegas at an early stage. Nothing worse than the first rut ya know?”

“And Kamino?” You scrunched your brows.

“Yeah thats where the first ruts happen.” Wolffe said like it was obvious.

“Maker.” You shook your head. Images of your pack loosing their virginity flooded your mind. You felt Crosshair’s curiosity spike the bond. He was probably wondering what had you feeling like that. You could feel his eyes on you from across the room.

“Is that not common for nat borns?” He asked curiously.

“No Commander, it’s not.” You shook your head, “You usually just have it happen naturally, most go through the first heat alone. Then when you’re an adult you might find a partner.”

“Hmm.” He pondered.

You were overcome with images of a young Tech trying to understand his alpha instincts. Probably fumbling around confused… poor baby. You shook your head.

Oh god… Hunter… poor thing with his hyperdrive senses. That must have been so overwhelming the first few times.

Then you thought of Crosshair. There was no way young Crosshair was ever awkward. He probably knew exactly what to do from the start… that man was too cocky to be anything else.

You knew he was a whore from the get go… you giggled to yourself.

You’ll never forget that time on one of your first missions with the batch, you saw the way he finessed an omega into banging in a bar bathroom with such ease. It had your mind reeling for days after that.

You remembered having to rub one out in the marauder fresher to take the edge off after imagining him with that omega for hours. He had come back looking throughly fucked. His hair was mused, his skin glowing from sweat, and the strong alpha scent radiating off of him made the whole ship reek of Crosshair. The others carried on with dinner as usual but you couldn’t help but let your mind wander. That’s when your thoughts about your squad had started, actually.

The thought made your body suddenly warm.

Wolffe must have sensed your smell change as he peered at you softly.

“Excuse me.” You said standing and walking towards the mat directly at your mate. Your guards stayed behind with their Commander while Crosshair ordered his squad to keep practicing their drills while he tailed after you.

“What’s wrong?” He asked as you lead him over between a row of punching bags.

You just grabbed this hand and slapped the door panel dragging him into the nearest supply closet and shutting the door behind you.

The lights fluttered on as he peered down at you, confused by your sudden behavior.

You felt your heart quicken seeing him in his all matte black imperial amor. It felt so wrong to be turned on by it but, damn did he look good. So tall, so masculine. So… Alpha.

“What, omega?” His voice dropped an octave sensing your becoming flustered through the bond.

You looked up at him meeting his steely gaze. You felt your core pulse, “Echo said you all had developed feelings for me when I first transferred, but I never told you when it happened for me.” You felt your chest starting to heave trying to keep up with your sudden rush of arousal.

His smell was crowding you in a delicious way, like a warm embrace.

He narrowed his eyes at you and backed you slowly into the near by shelves feeling your pulsing through the bond. He could feel your desperation to cum. He could almost smell it.

He raised a brow playfully.

“Remember when we were on Nal Hutta picking up that weapons supply from that shady dealer?” You recounted feeling the steel shelving pressing up against your spine.

“And you had tripped and fell into the baby sarlac hole?” His memory clearly differs from yours.

You nodded, “My shoe had been chewed up and the others left you and me in that bar while they hunted down a pair of new boots for me?”

“Always loosing your shoes huh ad’ika?” He smirked and joked.

“You picked up that omega at the bar.”

He narrowed his eyes not sure where this was going but listened regardless.

You panted feeling the heat radiating through the bond and the wetness growing in your panties, “When you finally found your way back to the marauder, I had finished up dinner with the others… You smelled so good and you looked so different. And after knowing what you were doing…”�� You remembered the rush of heat that had flooded your cheeks that night.

Crosshair ran a finger lightly along your jaw making you shudder against the shelves.

“What about it, omega?” He trailed his fingers to your cheek where he rubbed your skin softly. He could feel the heat in your cheeks now. It made his trousers tighten.

“Something had changed. I couldn’t get your scent out of my mind. I had to finger myself in the fresher just to get to sleep.” You admitted with a whisper.

He flashed you his teeth in a wicked smile, “That wasn’t even two weeks after you transferred.”

“I know.” You sighed as his hands ran down your sides spreading their strong warmth making you purr and flex into his touch.

“You’ve been imagining me fucking you for all that time?” He asked reaching around to squeeze your bum. You mewled and reached for his breast plate. He slotted his leg between yours pinning your hips to the shelf.

You nodded.

“Poor thing.” He whispered.

“I didn’t ever take advantage of quarterlies because I didn’t want anyone else.” You sighed into his lips.

“You already knew you belonged to us ad’ika.” He claimed.

You nodded pathetically.

“Every mission. Every time you’d come back covered in mud or blaster residue.” You whimpered grinding yourself down onto his leg, “I felt bad hoping you’d need me to patch you up. I just liked being able to scent you.”

He guided your hips up and down his thigh. You bit your bottom lip holding back your moans.

“Why did you tell me this now?” He asked adding more pressure to your core watching your face scrunch up as the pleasure was bleeding into your system.

“I just remembered.” You whimpered, “Then it made me horny again.”

He chuckled, “It’s your heat coming love.”

You groaned as a particularly nice ridge rubbed up against you, “Fuck.” Your head slumped against his shoulder. He used a hand to grab your hip helping to guide you along his thigh.

“Why do you have to look so good in that?” You mumbled.

“In what, love?”

“The armor.” You whimpered leaning up to look at him with bleary eyes.

He smiled and leaned down to kiss you. You moaned deepening the kiss desperately feeling your orgasm starting to approach.

“You like it, huh?” He smirked pressing kisses to your forehead while he pushed your hips down harder against him. He loved the way you twitched and squirmed under his hands.

You nodded suddenly feel the crest of your orgasm.

Then it all stopped. You whined as Crosshair pulled away only for a moment before flipping you around harshly and bending you over a stack of near by shipping crates. You gripped onto the cool steel as he flipped up the bottom of his shirt you were wearing and yanked your panties to the side before shoving his joggers down and pulling out his leaking cock.

You bucked up against him feeling his tip rub through your folds. You let out a pathetic whimper as he continued to gather your slick… too slow for your liking.

“Alp-“ you were cut off as he surged forwards filling you to the absolute brim.

You both sighed feeling each other so closely and you tried your best to grind back against him but he continued on pinning you to the crates to create a steady rhythm with his hips.

“You were always such a good little medic, cyar’ika.” He praised, “I also would be a little reckless sometimes just so I could feel your hands on me.” He ran his hand up your spine to your neck where he fisted the hair at your nape, “We all did.”

He chuckled thrusting a little harder making you yelp, “Our little omega.”

“Cross.” You whined pushing back against him. The need to come was all consuming and he, like the good alpha he is, could seem to feel it through the bond. He reached down between your legs and starting making circles against your clit making you jump from the pleasure.

“Fuck.” You moaned barking down feeling the crest approaching. You also felt Crosshair start to tense up letting you know he was close. His energy was thrumming through the bond intensifying your own sensations making it nearly unbearable.

Then finally, with a pinched yelp, you bit your lip harshly as you came.

“Good girl.” He praised into your ear.

You slumped against the shelves, letting him hold you up as you regained your footing. With the urge to mate now abated, you began to return to normal.

“It’s coming soon,” you said, looking up at Crosshair with worried eyes.

“I’d be lying if I said I wished we had more time,” he sighed, nuzzling your head. “My brothers will need enough time to make a plan.”

“They can do it, though, right?” You wondered, suddenly feeling skeptical.

“They can do it,” he said confidently. “I just don’t know how we can be ready.”

You nodded, understanding his concern. It was frustrating being on the inside and having no idea what was going on.

A ping broke the silence, making both you and Crosshair look down at his com.

“Nala Se wants you in her lab,” Crosshair said, sounding resigned.

You took a deep breath. This couldn’t be good.

“Try not to fight her,” Crosshair sighed, petting your hair and tucking it behind your ear.

“You’re not coming?” you asked, suddenly filled with anxiety.

“Only if you want me to.”

“I do.”

He nodded and then tilted his head toward the door.

You exited first, grabbing onto Crosshair’s arm as he walked the two of you to the lab. Fortunately, the walk was quick and short. Nala Se’s office was just inside the infirmary, where a few regs were getting their check-ups. A couple of mating bites were being cleaned and treated, while others had come in for deep scratches down their backs. Clearly, the regs had been busy.

It didn’t escape your notice that every single one of them turned to look as you passed by. Crosshair’s presence was intimidating enough, but they couldn’t help but be curious about his mate. You could smell their scents spike as you walked past, clearly intrigued by your unique smell. Some even tipped their noses up to get a better whiff.

Crosshair approached the private lab and opened the door, allowing you to step inside and leave the room of wandering eyes behind you.

“Y/N,” Nala Se’s floating voice made you tense.

You stared at her, keeping your grip on Crosshair.

Crosshair looked down at you before addressing Nala Se. “What did you need my mate for?”

“She’s been ordered to have her remaining birth control dissolved in anticipation of her upcoming heat.”

You couldn’t help but lean a little closer to your mate, feeling your anxiety increase.

“Shouldn’t it just dissolve on its own?” Crosshair questioned. “I’d like to avoid putting her through more stress than she’s already had.”

“While I would normally agree, these orders have come from the Admiral,” Nala Se explained. “He wants to be certain she’s fertile.”

Crosshair looked down at you again. Knowing you both had to go through with this, he gently nudged you forward, and you climbed up onto the exam table. Crosshair stayed close, while Nala Se prepared the injector.

You nuzzled into Crosshair’s chest, and he soothed you with gentle back rubs. You felt Nala Se approach and press the injector to the implant site. With a quick jab, the dissolver was administered, and you felt the cooling medication spread under your skin. You flinched slightly when she pulled away, and Crosshair quickly nuzzled your cheek to keep you still. A small badge was applied, and then you were effectively dismissed.

“Once her heat begins, we will need to be informed,” Nala Se reminded you as you practically yanked Crosshair out of the lab.

In mere seconds, your scenting abilities came to life. Everything around you seemed to brighten. Crosshair’s heady scent enveloped you, followed by the unmistakable smell of regs. It was overstimulating.

You winced as you entered the infirmary. Crosshair noticed and knelt down to get a good look at your wild eyes, sensing your panic through the bond.

“Is it happening?” he asked, looking worried.

You shook your head. “No, no. I just… I can smell everything.”

“Let’s get you back,” Crosshair said, standing.

“Actually, I require your mate for one other test,” Nala Se said, appearing with her holo pad.

“It can’t wait?” Crosshair snarled.

You patted him gently on the shoulder, reminding him to stay calm and that you were okay.

You followed the long-necked alien back into her office, letting Crosshair remain at the door like a glorified bodyguard.

“I require a sample of your DNA,” Nala Se explained, leaving you to stand in the middle of the sterile white office.

“Blood?” you asked.

“Yes,” she blinked before grabbing her tool.

You held out your hand, letting her draw blood from your palm.

“Why are you doing this, Nala Se?” you questioned, watching her take your sample and not the sequencer. “Why would you help these people?”

“The Empire destroyed my home, and they’re threatening my loved ones,” she deadpanned. “I’m not here of my own volition.”

You were shocked she answered at all. You had always thought she agreed to help because of the money promised to the Kaminoans by the Republic. You had no idea they had destroyed everything. You didn’t know she was a prisoner herself.

You nodded. “Then that makes two of us.”

─ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──

Sorry this chapter is so short. I'm getting back into the swing of writing with my schedule, and according to my outline this was going to be a short/filler chapter anyways. Buttttt don't worry I'll be posting more regularly again.

Taglist: @substantial-exposure

@rains-on-kamino

@minimissmoo

@z-and-the-batboys

@aynavaano

@9902sgirl

@sideofhorny

@sxftiebee

@booksandtitts-blog

@subbing-for-clones

#crosshair #hunter #tech #wrecker #echo #star wars #abo #bad batch #smut #omega

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cressthebest · 1 year ago

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Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 28

chapter 47:

1. 😟😶 no one even got to say goodbye. i- WHAT THE HELL??? FUCKING RIDDLE

2. i’m at least happy that remus, james, and pandora can all take care of each other during the games.

3. im actually highly worried about regulus being a death eater. too worried, actually

4. “Regulus realizes it as he sits there, never moving or doing anything at all, just breathing; he isn't scared this time. Not even a bit.”

reg not being scared makes ME scared

5. “He had planned to kiss Remus' mask one last time, and kiss Remus, too.”

of COURSE it’s ALWAYS wolfstar that tips the tears over. why does THAT make me sob???

6. oh shit. it’s a maze

7. “”Come now, surely you wouldn't harm me and little Draco, would you?"

"I'm going to give you one chance to run," Sirius tells her, holding still, "and take little Draco with you."”

LMAOO they both know she’s lying out her ass

8. “It's Mavis and Velvet; they'd done exactly as they promised they would. They found weapons, found each other, and they died together. Their bodies are splayed out on the ground right beside one another, curled close in death like the lovers they were in life.”

oh shit oh shit oh shit i’m starting to cry again. i feel so bad for them, but don’t blame them in the slightest. it’s what i would have done

9. “and there's just this quiet, momentary mourning and respect for two people who loved each other and decided, together, that they would not participate in a game as cruel and sadistic as this one. They went out together, in complete control of their own fate, and they never deserved anything other than a long life full of love.”

crying HARDER. this would be the turning point in the games for me. i shit you not, i’d start teaming up and trying to break out the fucking arena

10. “And then, unprompted, Regulus' voice rings out, nearly snarling. He's addressing the sky, the audience, the Hallows in a low hiss of derision when he declares, "When you take them, you take them together, and know that it's your fault."”

i know i’m quoting this whole little section, but it’s IMPORTANT and it HURTS and everyone in that arena is being human right now instead of trying to survive. they’re all united on the front that they’re human and understand what it meant to love

11. i’m not surprised that the “first” kill of the arena was made by sirius. especially since it was to save regulus

12. WAIT YALL ARE GONNA LAUGH AT ME FOR THIS!!! sirius killed twelve people in the arena the first time. just like how he was blamed for twelve deaths in canon. i. it took me too long to make that connection yall

13. oh CHRIST i forgot that they planned to kill marlene’s parents in front of her right before she went in the arena. i’m so sorry. i want to comfort her

14. “Someday, Riddle is going to fuck with the wrong person, and they're going to slaughter him, and on that day, the whole world is going to shine just a little brighter” 👀 side eye

15. sirius has too much trust in regulus and i understand why and i see that, but BABES you’re so wrong

16. “In fact, they're all eyeing him like they're considering just killing him now so they won't have to deal with the headache he is sure to be. He's so ridiculously fond of each of them, truly.” 😶😑😶 blink blink. my dear. you need therapy

17. i- eli got in the arena and took a GODDAMN NAP- no fucking way. that’s wild y’all

18. regulus hating the rain is so me. and i’m not even exaggerating. reg hates the rain and refuses to go in it. if i get wet from the rain, the second i get indoors, i start having severe panic attacks over getting wet. i don’t blame him in the slightest.

19. y’all. people have really got to stop challenging regulus. he says that he’s gonna kill a person or stab them with a fork or brutally maim them if they kill/insult james or sirius. and every damn time, people still test him. and every time, he goes through with it. why do people not believe him?? he SAID he won’t hesitate

20. the authors notes are literally me on the previous point (19):

“regulus: i am telling you explicitly what i will physically do to you if you do This Thing

everyone else: *does it anyway and is immediately shocked when he follows through*

like??? DOES HE LOOK LIKE THE TYPE OF MAN WHO JOKES??? WHY DOES NO ONE TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY??”

😭😭😭 me fr

remember to respect zar’s wishes and fanfic laws! do not buy fics! do not repost crimson rivers on other sites. please and thank you.

#marauders #regulus black #james potter #sirius black #remus lupin #wolfstar #crimson rivers #zeppazariel #bizzarestars

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trainpassengers · 16 hours ago

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Hello, I hope you're having a good day/night and sleeping lots, 😊 anyway the question I wanted to ask is not really related to Terrestrial Inquiry but I wanted to ask anyway so thats why we're here.

I wanted to ask; how was your experience applying for university and what tip would you give. Im entering junior year next september and quite frankly Im stressing out a little bit 😅 especially since I want to attend a university in abroad. What kind of gpa would be best ?, what is the best structure for college essays ?, Any extracurricular you recommend ?, Did you take the SATs ?

Anywaysss thats all 😅, hope you relax and enjoy your summer break.

P.S: you dont have to answer this if you're not comfortable, however I would be eternally greateful if you do ^ _ ^

P.S.S: CHAPTER 13 WHEEENNNNNN 😭😭😭😭😭😭😅

Hi, Mortal! I have been doing well, summer break has finally given me time to relax and crush all that I have been missing to do as of late💕 I am so happy to give tips for studying abroad! Hopefully, this helps, I ramble too much 🥹🎉

To start, my experience for applying to university had mainly such a rollercoaster for me when it didn't need to be😭 Back in highschool, I wanted everything to be perfect and would stress myself out to get the best of grades only to find out with my counselor that the requirements to get into the standard university abroad was simply a 3.0 GPA in college, could even be a bit lower too! The usual competitiveness and standards in America are much higher compared to the Universities in Europe and I burnt myself out for nothing hehe…

In my opinion, I recommend applying to a local college for support, benefits, and time to do what is required for the Gen Eds, General Education which are the basics, before heading to University all prepared! I bulldozed into University first and had to take way more classes than needed to do both my major AND General Education done 😅😂

All that matters in high school is to get that diploma and get yourself some good grades at your college/university for mainly two semesters (or a full year, depending on what is required in your college) and you’ll be eligible to apply to many programs abroad! There are many opportunities to choose, the more popular ones might be difficult to get into but you will always have more backups just in case the first options don’t work out in your favor😉

As for the structures, it very much depends on the college you are going to. For example, in the college I attended in Tennessee, the main requirement was APA format with a clean structure of a strong thesis, strong arguments the audience was capable of understanding as the body paragraphs, (for the body paragraphs, I recommend to start with what is familiar to the audience before delving deeper into unknown territory), and a clean but firm conclusion, mainly recap at the beginning of it, without the need to add new information. But, to my surprise, it seems that my friends over in the Pacific states, such as California and Washington, only had the requirement of MLA format with about the same plan I use in my APA papers! So, it isn’t so important what format you use as long as you deliver your message through your essay with assurance and credibility! I highly recommend speaking with a trusted school counselor to see what they recommend🎉🎊

As for extracurricular activities, yes! Though not as much of a requirement, I took part in the student council as treasurer and helped out the secretary when it came to her duties when she needed it. Loved doing that and the equestrian club, which was riding horses since I have always loved horseback riding since I was a kid.

Oh boy, the SATs 😬 The amount of breakdowns I had as a teenager of those were so over dramatic because I always felt like I never did enough. I cared way too much for something that is only preparing me and helping me with feedback for college, it was not the end of the world! SATs are only there to help and see what you are capable of, it is never permanently damaging 😊

Phew! That was a lot, sorry if I overwhelmed you with that😭 Just know you got this and not everything needs to be perfect, as long as you are within the comfy average group, you’ll rock those classes!!

Now… for Chapter 13, I am super excited to say that I have finished the transcript and writing of the chapter and finally, FINALLY, moving onto the final stages of editing! I AM SO HAPPY 😭💕 Chapter 13 will release soon this summer alongside Chapter 14 being a close second, so stay tuned🥹🎉

Thank you so much for your patience, I hope you and everyone else are having a wonderful summer and soaking in the hot summer heat in a relaxed manner! May good fortune find your way and have a wonderful day/night 🥰🫶🫶

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merijem · 1 month ago

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I have my Main Murder Drones Au called "MurderGlitch" basically whit my own ocs added to the story, its almoste like the original but diffrent scenes and moments happen.And yes itll alsp continew having more chapters (ill prob write stories in wattpad bc rn i dont trust a03 atm) like almoste continew after season 1 ended (i wish season 2 existed lol, the show was kinda rushed in my opinion BUT notherless, i loved it ^-^) also my au has more copper planets whit each ocs bing split there and their own show stories to begin so basically, my au is like cartoon network, many shows whit many stories to read! Thats same whit my project whit me in it named "my world" lol

Anyways

Here is my redesigned murder drones persona Meri Wither (Copper 9) (more ocs coming soon)

Here is extra info.

[Datafile is a private program that ONLY I CAN USE please dont add it on ur oc, its really breaking my boundaries.]

[Funfacts]

1. Uzi gifted her backpack to meri

2. Uzi doesnt consider meri as one of the humans because she calls her more of "Your the cooler version of humans...or whataver- bite me!"

3. she bites uzi's arm whenever she says bite me lol

4. Uzi often uses meri as a dummy because meri can always Regenerate! which why she considers meri as a cooler human and not the boring ROBOT racists one (thats how i see uzi rn lmao)

5. Meri only eats apples, thats why they keep a tree apple inside the bunker because she will go feral of hunger, causing dronelism (yes she can eat thro drones) again- (AGAIN?!)

6.She and uzi went together undercover outside the bunker.

7.Meri doesnt talk but others get shocked when she does due to her voice lmao, sometimes she can break her character (this is so canon im sorry-)

8. meri is like undertale realistic frisk at this point lmao-

9. She has NO fear, all she wants are awnsers on what happend to the humans, what happend here, why is there chaos lingering, why is solver like this and shiet.

10. Meri only smiles small times when u generally make her feel hope/happy, its rlly rare to see that.

11. Despite almoste everything is a copy, she has some realism in her, tho no one knows not even mr.wither.

12.Cried when she found her dad again alive and...well..alive i think? he was stuck in the underground lab whit his leg, luckily it healed later.

13.She doesnt use solver, she has much greater power than that, the datafile. (thanks to xiana)

14.She can Regenerate easily as purple flowers grow to form out her body whit purple goop, her inside has INFINITE organic organs all together, except there is only ONE beating heart...whit purple flowers around.

15.she has a notebook she writes and draws, stickers too!

16.Xiana lives whitin her..Can take control whit enough force and the reason meri has datafile powers whitin her body.Whenever meri goes into coma state, xiana rips from her back and controls the powers and corpse.

17. The only time she actully laughs/gives a chuckle is when uzi tells an insulting joke (not a pun, generall a joke that is insulting, like frisk and sans lol)

18. Adopted V's copy kid after V died, she felt bad.

19. Has other adopted kids.

20. Fan of Angry birds and undertale

21. She finds out her 2 adopted siblings are alive and later will meet them, growin more healed and more socializing...

22. Wondering where her two twin sister's she had are, as theyre still missing. (Biological siblings, Mia and Mai)

23. Has a drone sister which ms.rosetta adopted before she was borned and when she was found in copper 9, Khan took her in. (Cynal)

24.Wears a bow gifted by cyn long ago.

25. Has hair bc its manly idk, they are a quite a wierd kid.

26.Never reveals their eyes.

27. Wants to know where the missing kids are.

28. From Copper 9

Crush: Allie/SD A1 ane Vix (theyre both 13 aswell, allie was programmed and designed as 13, please dont be wierd people...)

close: Cyn, SD J, Uzi, Cynal, SD V, kiddo's she adopted, SD C/Cally, [Deviltech!] Cally, Geno-7, Khan & Nori, Lizzy & Thad, The Teacher (good chill teacher), Ms.Rosetta (Biological Mom), Mr.Wither (Biological Father), Ms.Sunshine (her aunt), Sabe & Sandra, SD-Galaxy (by MilkyDV) Tessa & Jessa, SD CB1, Tom X1, SD Sky (By MilkyDV), Xiana & Datafile (despite how shes paranoided and anxious they seem still to be..her friends she had when she was alone.), Raptors (she finds em cute and befriended some), Atta [001], The Crying Lady (TCL), SD A2, SD A3, SD F and Proto, SD Rose, CyberCore, Ollie, Andro (hes adorable :3) (by geno), Endro (hes funny) (by geno), Jauto (Likes learning new things by him) (by geno), Nameless (actully gets along whit the living void, the existance itself-), Sabre, Axolotle,

cool frendos: Artzy, Angelic (Good divine light that angels adore heaven smth, shes cool and chill), Anneliese (By Ghost), SD XR1 Ezekiel & SD HA3 (By Kuwa), Oyasumi, Maki (by lex),

netruel: Adam, Alice, Matthew, Victor (all by adam), Lex, Others

Enemies: those who get in her way and will not hesitate to kill them.

Some names are my friends ocs.

Datafile is the first program i made before other programs were made when i first saw absolute solver.

Will explain more about datafile soon.

Uptade: shes born as a diformed child, thats why shes considered as genderless, uses any pronounces aswell has hair around his body.

Template design made by my friend Sha.

#oc #artwork #digital art #art #digital artwork #murder drones #human oc #child #au #murder drones au #murder glitch #murder drones oc #original character #oc lore #lore #oc artwork #murder drones fanart #murder drones art

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anonymousauthorsblog · 10 months ago

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Turning Passions

chapter 13 • comforting peace

this chapter contains writing

lowercase intended

care for you - the marías

.•.••.•.•.••.•.•.••.•.•.••.•.•.••.•.•.••.•.•.•.••.•.•.••.

3rd person pov

y/n walks up to the door before taking a step back, she stops in her tracks before fully realizing where’s she’s at and how blunt she was with her texts. “what the fuck” she repeats in her head trying to contain her emotions. she looks around trying to understand herself. she’s at a boys dorm, not to mention a boy that she’s only known for a little while. she takes another step back away from the door, trying to put the common sense back in her head before hearing the door open. “y/n?” megumi says in a low voice. “you can come in you know..” he continues. y/n turns around caught off guard, she puts on a awkward smile nodding her head before heading through the door that megumi is now holding open for her. megumi then leads y/n into his room, sitting down on his bed- patting his hand motioning to sit right next to him. y/n cautiously strides over hesitating with her stuff still in hand, gently taking a seat next to him. megumi carefully takes a hold of y/n’s bag, “may i?” he questions before grabbing it fully and putting it aside, when getting the small approval from the girl. after the two of them sit in silence for a while before y/n breaks. “sorry, i uh shouldn’t of just barged in” she says rubbing her arm. megumi shakes his head before saying “it’s all good, im here for you anytime” y/n nods before awkwardly starting the conversation. “sorry i was in a mood today too, it’s just been difficult with dance and stuff.” megumi nods trying to be comforting enough while adding onto the ballerinas vent, “yeah didn’t you say you had to audition… again?” y/n laughs in disbelief- while shaking her head side to side. nothing in this situation is funny, but it’s laughable to see where this situation took her. she then nods her head before looking down “yeah, how stupid is that?” she asks. megumi hums in response making sure to let the girl know that she’s being listened to, “so uh how was the audition” megumi questions future hopefully trying to help the girl out to continue on. y/n stops letting a moment pass, the silent air becoming full of tension from the awkward conversation. she takes a deep breath in before saying, “well i officially have the part, but i’ll always be just an mediocre dancer” y/n sighs before she snaps looking straight into megumis eyes, “i mean i’ve trained my whole life to go to this school, to have this as my profession, to be an amazing dancer- but to have it bite me in the ass at the end. fucking worthless huh?” the girl drops her head into her hands groaning as she continues, “every day, second, minute i’ve been focusing on dance. this is something i love- something i live for. and you’re telling me i got played over and over again? they dangle a cord in my face and expect me to go and fish for it again and again?” y/n then looks up before finishing with her voice becoming raw “i’ve put in my blood sweat and tears for years, just to be a simple dancer with no more to offer.” megumi is shocked from the sudden outburst but closely listening. he starts feeling irritated and frustrated for the girl who’s blooming out of sorrow on his bed. he usually is awful at comforting people in any situation- it’s usually awkward between him and anyone that’s trying to vent. but for the first time his hands are moving faster then he can think and he’s hugging y/n. his arms wrap around her protectively, “y/n… I.” “i might not have the right words that you want to hear but i can promise you that you’re an fantastic dancer… if they can’t see it please everyone else can. i know i haven’t see you in action before but i can only imagine how magical you look because of the tremendous work you put in” the room falls into silence, the comforting touch only lingering in the room making the world feel like it’s on fire. y/n shifts forward before whispering a small “thank you megumi”

megumi nods in response before removing himself from the short intimate interaction, megumi hesitates before sharing, “you know i can sort of understand your struggle.” y/n whips over to lock eyes with megumi cranking her head to the side before replying “huh how?” megumi sighs out “uh with my channel i guess. i mean this might sound stupid but i always have doubts like about the future and how this level of new fame can get out of hand” y/n stops before questioning “well do you like gaming?” megumi stops before answering, hand reaching for his neck “well i like gaming with like my friends- i mean yuji was the one that introduced me to it. but if im being honest its kind of scary you know- hundreds of random people knowing everything about you” y/n nods signaling for the dark eyed blue boy to continue, “it’s just that sometimes im scared im not enough- i mean yuji and nobara are naturals at this and i feel like im just- me. like im not good enough to continue you know?” y/n listens attentively, ready to add on her opinion “well megumi not being bias because your my friend but your a natural at what you’re doing too, that’s why you have so many fans, people love watching you for being you and if you love the things you’re doing i think it’s a sign that you’re doing everything right” megumi lets out a small chuckle replying to the girl “yeah, that’s true” he pauses “i guess we have a lot in common” they both smile at each other, sitting down enjoying each others presence before megumis phone starts to blow up with text. y/n looks down before getting up grabbing her bag, “well i think that’s a sign for me to go, thank you again megumi.” megumi lets out a scoff of annoyance before getting up agreeing and walking y/n out. the both share their farewells, and leave the night to rest.

megumi walks back to his room grabbing his phone, pissed. he pouts as it was the sight of the problem and made y/n leave. he sits on his bed grabbing his phone, looking for the source that created this while ideal. he unlocks it but notices something different about himself, his heart. this time after his hangout with his friend his heart seems to paste with speed, bumping faster then usual. it feels like a different speed from anxiety, but something different like when he would be in line for a new copy of a book he liked or the excitement he got when he passed a hard test. this feeling was weird but something he didn’t hate.

authors note:

hello, hello! welcome backkkk! today we’re going through megumis and y/n trauma!! (fun right??) anyways i hoped you guys enjoyed this chapter and i can’t wait for our next one! (will be more happier i promise) but anyways byyeee!!

*anyone catch megumis heart raising? is he catching feelings or??? we will never know 😈*

fun facts:

• yuji found out that y/n was there because he recognized her shoes out by the door.

• megumi has an hard time opening up to people, but he felt safe enough to do so with y/n

• y/n got scolded and questioned by toge and maki when she got home for being out so late (and on a school night???)

• after nobara said “book cafe” megumi didn’t care what they were doing but he knew he would be involved with the different books!

tag list! :

@catobsessedlady @prettynai @notveevee @1l-ynn @xcalkenf @heyheyitsurdaily @aceakariii @meltedoctopie @hannahgcherry @juliiizh @domainexpansi0n @makeshiftproject

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lexicorp · 5 months ago

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Transformers Earthspark: Another Place, Another Prison

[Thought about tryna find another tfe screenshot but then this gif has been in my mind and its objectively more funny- clearly since the show links g1 with that history talk from Alex than this is totally canon anyway lmao]

Aww shit a full ass Megatron POV chapter in my Starscream fic? Its more likely than you think-

Megs and Star have their parallels and showing Megatrons wack ass thought processes I feel helps comprehend why they be struggling so much. So this chaps got Megs thinkin bout all the bs and talking it over a bit with Dot. Dude wants to fix shit but more in the sense he wants to just move on, and is frustrated on why tf it's being so difficult with star and navigating his feeling on their fucked up past bs.

Megs has a lot of questionable thought processes, but lawd do he be tryin.

Previous Chapter: Make or Break

First Chapter: The Need For Read

Next Chapter: Not All Scars Can Be Welded

Chapter 13: Obligation

Megatron stared down at Starscream’s unmoving frame. Halfheartedly comprehending the blistering destruction all around them. Many of the trees were either on fire, or fallen. There were scars in the Earth, paired with a crater caused by the explosion. It was a mess. But most of all, was the seeker himself. His arm had ruptured from his servo after the blast, with more of those crimson cracks spread across it. There were far too many fractures and warped plating. It was like what happened when he escaped the brig all over again. Although Megatron felt too, some sense of what the humans refer to as deja vu as he stood over Starscream. Again. Thin trails of smoke twisting into the sky.

Megatron was angry, but also confused. It was absurd that it had escalated as much as it had. Yet even as it felt typical–there were moments when it seemed as though Starscream wasn’t in control, which was certainly more abnormal. In fact, he’d started to make absolutely no sense after the explosion. Rambling about “not being thwarted again”, and how the kid’s wouldn’t be able to stop him this time. It didn’t align at all with what Starscream had been screeching about just minutes before. Was that what Dorothy had warned him about?

When he began retrieving the limp seeker from the ground, the Maltos and Bumblebee came running into the scene.

“What was with that explosion, is anyone dead–Oh my Primus what happened!??” Bumblebee exclaimed with an exaggerated gesture as a twig gave up its fight to cling to the rest of its branch in the background, and plopped weakly against the grass.

“I’d like an explanation myself…” Dorothy began as she surveyed the carnage, while her gaze ended upon the two mechs who caused it. “I think you did need to be more careful there, Megs. This isn’t exactly what I’d call handling it. I’m gonna need to order so many trees to replant this mess…” She pinched the bridge of her nose and shook her head.

Bumblebee had begun directing the kids for damage control; putting out or blocking off the fire until it died on its own. “What’d Screamer do to make this much of a mess? I thought you’d just like, give ‘im a good whack on the helm and drag him back or something, not blow up the place!”

Megatron tensed his grip around Starscream, but loosened it when he felt a dent deepen. “I apologize for…the damages. It was not my intention for it to escalate as it did.”

Twitch zipped up onto his shoulder after she finished assisting her siblings, the little bird leaning in to scrunch her tiny faceplate at the seeker. “Yeesh. Was it that weird chaos jolt junk again?”

“Yes. It was. The EMP Prowl insisted upon certainly took its time in doing its job.” He glared down at the device, “We will need to contact Wheeljack.”

Twitch fluttered into flight again to whirl around in the air in excitement, focusing on the more preferable aspect of the topic. “I’m on it! I’ve been meaning to call Dad 2 anyway–this’ll be perfect! Well–I-I mean not like–the situation of course…but y’know. It’ll still be nice to hang out, and maybe he can teach me how to fix this sorta stuff!” Megatron gave her a small nod of support, and the little bird was off again to make her call.

Dorothy knocked against his ped to obtain his fading focus. “So. What triggered it this time? I know you two have history, but we’re trying to stop these sorts of things from happening, not cause them.”

“Yes. Well. It would seem my mere presence persists on being of great offense to him. I am accustomed to our little spats and disagreements, or his general cowardice when confronted for his actions, not–!” Megatron paused for a moment as his processor attempted to filter his memory banks. “...Not this…” His former second had fought by his side for vorns, and was absurdly resilient. Starscream would often voice his complaints quite openly, but no matter how it was received, he’d swiftly move on as though it was business as usual. The mech was practically impervious to any real damage. He would always be back on his peds being a yappy little retro-rat with a snap of his servo. Had that somehow changed in their time apart? Surely not.

“...Let's start with getting him back inside for when Wheeljack gets here, and then we can talk it over more while you help me pick up this mess. Alright?” Dorothy turned towards Bumblebee. “You and the kids can continue on with your drills, Bee. Me and Megs can handle the rest around here once I get together the materials.”

The scout then rallied the others together again, and they all made their way back to the Malto residence. They aided Megatron in finding a trail this time, so the trek was far smoother, with no further path of destruction in their wake. The children had glanced back at him occasionally, but favored talking amongst each other instead. Likely scared off by the heavy scowl that he couldn’t shake from his faceplate. In fact, the thought only made it deepen as he thought about how Starscream had reacted at the sight of him.

Far before Megatron had been forced to unload his cannon upon the seeker in retaliation, Starscream had acted as though it was already pointed at him. All he’d needed to see was Megatron even slightly move it in his direction. Sure, wariness, or fear, was understandable. Even expected. Starscream of course, was supposed to be afraid of what would befall him at Megatron’s servos in the past. It was how Megatron had kept order. A healthy dose of fear had kept his cons in line, and if they didn’t do anything to warrant it, then they had nothing to worry about. Had Starscream really thought that his silly act of galavanting into the trees would warrant such a punishment? Hardly. Which should’ve been obvious. It’d only gotten to such an extent from Starscream’s own overreaction. It would have been far easier if he’d just done the dance of shrinking away and dramatically begging for mercy, if he’d thought such a fate was to befall him. Instead, he persisted on being as unpredictable as ever.

Over these past years alongside Optimus, Megatron had learned the value of perhaps being a touch more gentle with one's subordinates. Words didn’t need to be paired with a fist to force them into the other mech’s helm. At least, they shouldn’t. They were supposed to be exchanged. He and Optimus had plenty of their own disagreements, as he and Starscream had, but they never needed to brandish their weapons. Why did it always seem so impossible to do the same with his former second?

Suddenly, he was standing in front of the barn and heard Twitch’s rotors hum, “Dang. I guess our entrance is just a bit too small…”

Megatron stared down at the little stairway tunnel they had opened after crouching down to see it through the barn door. “Hm. It would seem so.” He might’ve been able to compact himself to some degree, but he was both too wide and too tall for it to be anything but uncomfortable while carrying his seeker as well.

Hashtag rolled up, then retracted her wheels to stand before him. “That’s alright! He’s actually not that heavy, I can take Screamer down for ya!”

Megatron blanked a moment hesitantly. She was correct. Yet he felt a touch impressed by her boldness, much like in that moment when she’d stood between him before. Hashtag certainly was a unique kid. “Alright then.” He passed Starscream off into her hold and she tossed him over her shoulder to then swoop down the staircase with ease.

He hovered outside and watched as the other Terrans began rearranging their obstacle course for their next race. Dot made her calls for the necessary materials before their departure as well, arranging for them to be delivered to them as to eliminate the inconvenience of flying around the city. Then, Wheeljack came barreling into the driveway with his engine revving obnoxiously before he transformed. Stomping over with a glare at the sight of Megatron loitering in his path.

“I hope you realize that I am more than your fix-it hotline Megatron!” Wheeljack noted with a screwdriver pointing up at him, while some sort of patch kit was in his other servo. “I’m an inventor and engineer. I. Ain’t. Ratchet. As much as it might surprise you–I do have projects that require my attention that I’d much rather be giving my attention than being forced to come out here everytime you wanna break that mech of yours for the 25th time!” Upon seeing Twitch come their way, he loosened and gave her a little wave before turning his back to her for a moment in order to give a final gripe about the situation at Megatron. “You’re lucky I just happen to enjoy Twitch’s company.” Then he whirled around to greet her.

“I can be the assistant right!?” Twitch asked excitedly. “You can be all like–scalpel! Or wrench, or whatever–and I can get it, and it’ll be just like in the movies, and I can learn how fix my siblings when they get hurt, and–”

“Woah now,” Wheeljack chuckled, “Slow down there little lady. We oughta save that energy for the action!”

“Right right-” Twitch nodded with her faceplate full of determination as she tried to realign herself to be even minutely professional. It was frankly quite adorable.

Megatron watched them disappear into the barn blankly. He’d faintly processed what Wheeljack had been rambling about. Surely he hadn’t been so drastically inconvenienced since he was now allowed an excuse to spend time with the little bird, instead of rusting away in his lab. That ridiculous fixation on one singular project made Megatron think of Shockwave. He had always had to refocus the scientist away from whatever questionable, or unnecessary experiment he’d gotten in his processor. Mechs like them were certainly always useful, and often brilliant, but tricky to handle with how independent they were.

Although, he couldn’t understand what aggravated Wheeljack about standing in as a medic. Engineer, mechanic, medic. What was the difference? Shockwave never was opposed to any sort of tinkering, be it with living metal or not. Then again…perhaps it was best to not compare them after all.

Finally, Dot drove up with a trailer and a trail of delivery trucks behind her. The other humans exited their vehicles and she elicited their assistance in moving the materials before asking Megatron to transform into his alt mode. He obliged, and waited stoically for them to load the materials. All this waiting around only allowed his processor to wander in ways he’d much rather it not. He was cycling through his files on Starscream. Once again thinking of the seeker.

He categorized memories from all points in time, with him increasingly becoming more aware just how many of them had been anything but pleasant. Then, just as he had managed to locate a clip where Starscream had been excitedly relaying a cockamamy scheme he’d concocked against the Primes at an early setting of the war–Dot knocked against the wall of his hull as a signal for him to close the hatch. Megatron lingered in the memory, and that feeling of fond amusement attached to it just a little longer, before storing it away and attempting to refocus his attention on the present. He sealed the hatch and slowly rose into the air as he became accustomed to the extra weight and was careful not to cause too much turbulence. Then began on their way toward the site in need of repair.

“Alright Megs.” Dorothy suddenly started after getting off the phone with her husband. “Are ya ready to talk about what’s really up with you and Starscream? You’ve been awfully quiet.”

Megatron hesitated another nano-klik. “I am still trying to wrap my head around it, admittedly. I always knew our eh…relationship, if that’s what it could be called, was odd to some degree. More so from many others questioning why I even kept him around, than anything else. But I am now starting to question our partnership in other ways.” After hovering a moment, he landed in their ill-created clearing. “As well as my leadership style in the past.”

“That so?” Dot prompted him to continue as she began transporting the saplings out of the way to allow Megatron to dump out the remaining dirt and seeds.

“Yes,” He affirmed verbally without yet the capability to nod, “When I lead the Decepticons, it was quite common for me to keep them in line with a show of weaponry here and there. In those days, looking back, I also tended to…unleash my frustrations on those around me.”

“Heh, yeah, the military certainly can bring that out in people. I knew this other commander who would constantly yell, or throw the nearest object anytime someone messed up. He never intended to hit any of us, just wanted to scare the newbies a bit y’know–but he did hit this guy Craig straight in the face once. He had to go to the hospital. That was quite the day.” Dot grabbed the last tiny tree and gave a little tap as a signal before Megatron transformed as she stepped out. All the little sacks of soil plopping to the ground beside him.

Megatron’s optical lids lowered as his gaze lingered towards the crater, then he chuckled with a more lighthearted air as he tore open those bags to begin filling it into obscurity. “I once tossed an Energon cube at Starscream’s helm, and it didn’t even phase him! The pouty seeker only looked a touch offended…” His vocalizer trailed out as a clip from a file he’d forgotten to square away from before came to the forefront of his processor. One where he’d catapulted said seeker across their war room with such force that the wall had cracked and crumpled behind him. Starscream had still managed to lift a digit to affirm that Megatron had a good point as a response. Megatron had only found it funny, if a bit impressive, after his initial annoyance at the insubordination. “Although he did frequent the medbay, he more often just dealt with it on his own, as many of us did.”

“You should never leave injuries unchecked Megs.” Dot scolded casually as if he were one of her children. “But I do assume, in correlation to what happened today, you two had moments where it escalated further than just yelling or tossing a cube in the past as well?”

Megatron nodded as he kept himself tethered to this moment by meticulously smoothing out the earth beneath his servo. “We exchanged blows with each other quite regularly, actually. It was…well, I suppose it wasn’t normal, as I never witnessed you or the Autobots behave as we did. I hadn’t given it much thought until this past year, or however long it’s been. Yet now, I can’t even approach him in any manner without him assuming I am immediately intending on attacking him! He doesn’t…he doesn’t feel safe around me. I realize our history has not been the most flowery thing in the worlds, but then why had HE–Ugh….” Megatron growled and rubbed his optics as if the sensation would fix his emotions, but then he only got dirt in them. “AUGH–Scrap!”

Starscream had attempted to usurp him, or leave him to be offlined, on so many occasions. Was THAT his fragged up way of expressing his thoughts on the matter in the past? Megatron had only seen it as the seeker being a weasley creature that craved any bout of power or superiority. Could it really have been something more than that?

“You alright?” Dot asked with a note of concern as she carefully slid a sapling into a hole she dug.

Megatron shuttered his optics rapidly in an effort to finally rid them of those blasted organic particles. Then he ex-vented as he ran his servo down his faceplate. “Yes, yes. I’m fine. Only this ridiculous material invading my optics, is all. I’m just…frustrated. I have worked for so long to gain what trust I have from Optimus and the Autobots, alongside being forced to stand against my fellow Decepticons, and enduring their anger towards my actions. As they have a right to. Yet, somehow, Starscream seems…different. I just can’t figure out why.”

“It sounds like you two had things a lot more complicated than I thought.” Dot dusted her servos before moving on to the next little tree to plant. “I’d like to say that maybe it has something to do with his issue being more personal than the other cons, but I also know about you and Soundwave, so I’m not sure. But I guess Soundwave didn’t fight with you like that before you joined us though, huh?”

“Hm…No. Soundwave was far more agreeable.” Megatron knelt near her to assist in making an imprint in the earth for the next sapling to be placed inside. “Starscream seemed to always believe he had something to prove, and in our altercation today, he asked me what I wanted from him. He always seemed far more self assured, much like Shockwave, but to a far more problematic extent. I never thought he cared what I wanted him to do. Always going against my orders, or coming up with his own little schemes…”

Dot laughed, “That kinda sounds like a teenager. Breaking the rules to try and prove that they know better than their parents. They wanna act all independent, and will fight you over every little thing. Sometimes, it’s them acting out in a misguided effort to make you proud. Sometimes, it’s them being angry about something, and they don’t know how to handle it. Or, they got something in their head from the internet that makes them think that sleep is a conspiracy somehow, and stay up all night playing a video game–but, I’m getting off topic.”

“Starscream is no human teenager.” Megatron stated flatly, failing to see the comparison relevant.

Dot sighed, “Of course not. But that never stopped plenty of other adults from acting like kids. Some people get locked in that mindset, and you bots do tend to be forced to grow up pretty quickly. My poor Terran babies are only like, almost 3 years old! I still can’t get over how absurd that is with all we’ve been through…I’m not saying it's the same thing. FAR, far from it. You all have millions or some such crazy amount of years under your belts. Regardless of the numbers, I still think I might get it, at least even just a little. But if you and Starscream also apparently beat each other up like this a lot, then no wonder things are weird with you two.” She patted the dirt around the plant and stood again. “We really need to find a good time for you to actually be able to talk it out with him. It’s not like I can speak for whatever issues that lunatic really has goin’ on.”

“I know that.” Megatron let his ped compact the dirt beneath it with more force than intended. He didn’t want to snap at her. But if he didn’t control himself from taking it out on the ground instead, he’d only ruin their work. “It is not as if I haven’t tried to talk to him.” He grumbled as he carefully retrieved a pack of seeds and snapped it open to allow them to scatter to the wind on their own. “He’s just incapable of giving me a straight answer! All I get are snide remarks, or him starting a fight. Even when he was locked up he found some way to twist the conversation in these odd directions with explanations that didn't match up in any sensible way! I KNOW we need to talk. All i’ve wanted to do since we retrieved him from the Titan, was talk to him. Perhaps more so in the hopes for closure with at least one of my closest Decepticons from the war. But we…have never been the best with that spark-to-spark nonsense.”

“We haven’t exactly been allowed the time to truly process it all with these–constant crises, even after we were supposed to be done with it. I know I still have plenty to talk about with my therapist, with each week's new bout of insanity.”

Megatron’s optical ridges furrowed at the title, “Therapist?”

“Yeah,” Dot shrugged, “I talk to her about things that’ve happened, or what I’m worried about, and she helps talk me through it. Or sometimes gives me homework, which the kids always complain about when they get out of their sessions.” She chuckled fondly at the thought. “My point is, Megs, is that maybe we can help you through it. Instead of leaving you two alone, you could pick someone to mediate. Like me, or Bee, or Optimus.”

“Hm…That might work. Optimus would be the best candidate, but the mech is always far too occupied with other matters. Bumblebee…no. Arcee would only make things more confusing, and Elita is not exactly the master of de-escalation.” He glanced back at her, “So, if you are truly willing to volunteer for such a thing, I would appreciate it. Now it would only be a matter of when. You will let me know when he is functioning again?”

Dot hovered her gloved servo in front of her jaw in thought. “Of course, but for this to work, Starscream will have to agree to it.”

“Uuuugh…”

“Pff,” She smirked at him, “You can’t make him talk to you, or you’ll just run into the same problem again ya big baby. I’ll letcha know how it goes.”

Megatron scoffed, “He’d better not come up with excuses to avoid me like the coward he is for months on end.”

“Oh I’ll keep on ‘im about it, don’t you worry. But these things can take time. We have to be patient. He won’t change in a week.”

“Right…”

They finished up the repairs, collected the waste, and by the time he was leaving her residence again the Earth’s sun was setting over the horizon.

Whatever was going on with Starscream, Megatron could not let things continue to be left unresolved between them. They were going to have a legitimate conversation. They were going to make real progress, and be able to move on from it all. He was tired of his past coming back to slag him in the faceplate, time and time again.

He was going to make it right somehow. Even if he had to drag that stubborn fragging seeker kicking and screaming to this “Therapy”, he was going to figure this damn thing out.

Ah but perhaps…that thought was just the harsh process that got him into this mess in the first place.

#transformers #tfe fanfic #fanfic #transformers earthspark #tfe #Megatron #earthspark megatron #tfe bumblebee #dorothy malto #twitch malto #hashtag malto #tfe wheeljack #remember that megatron also can lie and underplay shit #something he and star both do lol

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