#topic: kain

[symphonicsoul]

A Prince's Thoughts || Accepting

@expressionbean asked: makenshi + 💭 + kain because updates have happened

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ He's frowning at the question because this is the third time he's been asked about the man...And every time his answer has been different. Every time his answer has evolved from what the last one was before it.

"Last we spoke of this, I said I wanted Kain to stay as far away from me as possible and not because I did not like the man but because I did not want to taint him with my filth.

Well now things have changed once again because it seems that even if I were to try to push him away from me or raise some form of wall, Kain Fuery will find a way over it any how. He seems to be the definition of the human saying "show me a ten foot tall wall and I'll find you a twelve foot tall ladder." Kain is relentless."

He's pausing to sigh as arms cross over his chest and the mist that rolls off his lips dissipates when it strikes against his mask.

"He has decided to love me. We have met and he has decided to love me even in all my wretchedness. He has met a few of the others, Little Cloud included, and he has not shamed or shunned us. Somehow even looking into the face of a demon. The very White Devil himself, Kain Fuery has decided that he will stay at my side regardless. How - how did I become so deserving of such a soul?"

His gaze is shifting along the ground for a moment before it rises back up again a faint smiling hanging on normally frowning lips even if they are hidden from sight.

"He...loves me and I must say I very much enjoy his presence. He respects me and wishes for my company. Soil born he may be but he is the kindest most gentle soul I have ever met...and..."

Somehow his hands have moved and fingers have started to fiddle with the ring that wraps around one of them.

"....I don't know how much time remains in this shattered mess of a soul but I - I'm happy to give it to him."

[shmowder]

Their concept of immortality is built upon the belief that you are not you, but your memories. Every person is not their body, is not their mind, is not even their DNA.

What you are, is a collection of memories, of life experiences, of ideas, beliefs, and observations.

You are, especially, other people's memories of you. That's the stuff your soul is made out of.

You know the saying, even if someone dies, at least they'll always live on in your memories. The Kains took that literally

Imagine with me that we took all of these things about you, and suspended them in air.

In modern terms: copied them on a hard disk and stored them for safe keeping. Then when you eventually drop dead, we simply take that hard disk and slot it into an appropriate device—a biological human body. Just like a virus, you'll begin taking over that person and overwriting their being.

"The Focus" is the storage place. The hard disk itself. It's called that because you *focus* memories inside of it. The Polyhedron and Crucible are just oversized SD cards.

You focus on your own memories of who you are, your own experiences, and they etch themselves into the wall. Likewise, other people can focus on their memories of you to help shape the stored version of you better. Since we're all different people depending on who's perceiving us, we need many perspectives; you're a different you with your mother than you are with your dog, etc.

And just like Yulia said, the Focus is not a physical place you can go to, at least the inside of it. It's just math, at its core, through and through. Much like a hard disk is just code, mere numbers and commands. You can save enough books in it to fill a building, but you could never reach in there physically and pull a book, nor replace a mass of books with an equal mass of a human. Which is why no one could enter Simon's Focus without Simon's explicit invitation.

But can any random human body do?

No. It heavily depends on the type of memories you stored, and the way in which you stored them. Much like your phone is unable to read a floppy disk.

Georgiy Kain is the father of this method, the architect of this ideology.

A doctrine in which he describes a soul not as a phantom manifestation of the person, but more akin to music. Each soul is a melody. Some are a piano solo, others are a whole orchestra. The more complex and deceivingly subtle the melody is—the more life experiences and memories—the harder it will be to replicate and play.

Because they have no feasible way to access the music sheets of the melody that is your soul, they can only hope to reverse engineer it through repeated listening, studies, and educated guesses.

Orchestras require various specific musical instruments to work. To replicate a person's soul—which we have established is their memories—successfully, you'll need an appropriate instrument of a physical body.

So no, not just any human body would do. Much like a Clair de Lune is horrendous on a ukulele.

The Focus places don't just suspend the memories—the soul—in time, but play them as well. At all times. That melody must be actively played. The orchestra requirements of a specific instruments extends to the Focus as well, not just the hosting human body. The SD card must have its own RAM, CPU, cooling, and Motherboard. While a Graphics card hasn't been implemented in a Focus yet.

Artemy talking to a visible Isidor in P2 is actually just the abattoir acting as an accidental Focus with an implemented GPU; meaning the kin succeed in building what the Stamatins failed, In this essay I WILL

Ignore that forget it back to topic :)

Which is why not just any place can be a Focus. Why Simon was "outgrowing" the crucible's focus and needed to be moved to the Polyhedron urgently; his memory was fading from the people.

Much like an overloaded SD card begins corrupting the data inside. This detail enables the Kains to talk to their "dead" relatives whose souls are in purgatory.

What's clear is that they need mortal minds with great intellect and will in order to "move" these said souls around. Tenacious humans to act as the adapter cable that allows you to transfer files from one hard disk to another.

In some instances, the process could spell the death of the human. The magentitude of the soul seems correlated with the years the soul has seen, the amount of memories it accumulated. So while moving the a soul older than two centuries is lethal.

Dealing with the 50ish years old soul seems fully survivable.

Well... except for the receiving end. Nina's soul (focus of memories) is being incubated inside Maria's physical mind (body?) temporarily. Akin to a non-running executable, a compressed pile of files. For it's Victor who is meant to be ereased and die in order for Nina's memories to elbow his own soul out of his body.

Their immortality is not physical; your body will decay inevitably, it is a continuous emulation of memories and past experiences. A ship of Theseus immortality.

To grasp the very basic essence of this form of immortality, think of it this way:

There is a far away kingdom where apples are forbidden by issue of the king and queen. Maybe the prince is deathly allergic to it, maybe it's a religion thing, or maybe they just really really dislike apple pies.

But the people really love apples, in fact they believe life isn't worth living without apples.

So they pool their money and hire a bunch of scientists to find a solution around the issue. The scientists can't bring apples into the kingdom, so they look at another round fruit instead, oranges.

They take an orange, selectively breed it and chemically treat it until it tastes just like an apple!

But the people aren't satisfied, sure it tastes like an apple but it doesn't smell like an apple. It doesn't look like an apple, and its texture is not that of an apple.

So the scientists go back to the lab, they try again, with a pear this time around.

They selectively breed it into a round apple-like shape, they inject apple flavouring into it, and they dye its skin the most shiny red.

In fact, it looks so much like an apple post-treatment, that their test groups could never differentiate between it and the real thing. The people are rejoiced! Their apples are back!

And the king and queen can't find a fault in this loophole, and these new apples don't trigger the allergy reaction in their son, so they allow it!

An apple, is whatever other people's memories of an apple is.

This pear acts, looks, tastes, and smells exactly like how other people expect an apple to, then It might as well be an apple.

If a person walks, talks, behaves, and looks exactly like how other people expect Simon to, then it might as well be Simon Kain.

And that's how you fool death and achieve Immortality

You make a copy of yourself which will live, a version of you suspended in time that you'll update every single day by going into your own Focus. And when the time comes, you take a pear, and alter it into an apple. But it must be a pear, the closest relative to apples, otherwise you'll get an orange, that while tastes like an apple, makes the nastiest texture in apple pies.

At the end of the day, it's a matter of perspective.

You can go full purist and claim the ship isn't the original one the second you replaced a single loose screw.... and while true in the literal sense, it's redundant and pointless to point it out. There is nothing to revert back into; the original ship doesn't exist anymore. It wasn't murdered or destroyed, it just vanished! Ceased to exist the second a part of it changed, no matter how small. Better to have the next best thing than pool the money for a new ship registery and sailing permit.

Because being the "original" version of anything is a concept. No man steps into the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man.

Your cells die and get replaced all day, are you not the same you? How about every seven years, the maximum time frame it takes for your whole body cells to fully die and get replaced. Should you get a new ID and enroll back into elementary school?

No, you'd say, because you already know all the information. You remember elementary school and everything you were taught in there!

Well... this new "Simon" remembers being Simon and everything Simon went through. Simon is dead, just like the previous you who has died, except your corpse was tactically scattered around into dust particles and slowly replaced by its murderer one by one throughout the years until nothing of your original body remained.

-

Now there are a lot of loose ends left unaddressed, but it's better to have questions you can't answer than answers you can't questions, and maybe an answer will rear its head eventually.

If Georgiy, the inventor of this method, is merely 77 years old how could Simon possibly be 200?

I'm working under the assumption no Focus has ever existed before Georgiy Kain orchestrated the whole ordeal, and yet Victor mentions the names of presumably distance relatives wondering if they should pull them out of the Focus instead.

-

Why Maria can talk to Nina and Simon through sleep, why Victor can hear Nina at all times, why Georgiy can consult Simon.

I'm not sure why their abilities to contact the souls encased in the Focus varies in conditions—why can Nina speak through Victor to the Changeling very early on while Dankovsky could only communicate with her during late game? And why does Maria have to sleep or journal to talk to her rather than speak through Victor as a medium?

It could have something to do with who's the biggest contributor to the memory of the person; Victor knew Nina longer and better than Maira, Georgiy knew Simon longer and better than both of them.

As to why Simon was immune to all diseases and sickness?

I think it's correlated to how your very own immune system has its own memory; if it learns how to defend against a sickness once, it will always be able to overcome it. It saves the instructions in its own database and makes copies of the white blood cells that previously worked the last time the sickness came knocking on its door. So by virtue of having a varied immune system database, Simon seems immune to all colds and sick throats.

Simon isn't actually immortal, he just appears immortal... but then, what difference does it make?

[bluelectricblu]

One last thing on the topic of Daniil and bitchiness. Obviously we understand him to be gay and so bitchiness comes naturally but I wonder also if there’s a sense distrust around people telling him about how they are so good and pure. He says angels are terrifying. Clara calls herself a Saint and he clearly doesn’t trust that. His own work could be regarded as blasphemous. And also (it’s been a few years since I played classic but) from what I recall the last people he trusted who were talking about how good and pure their vision is and how they are going to help drive humanity forward in a perfect vision were the “There is a top in utopia” Kains. The “Omelas is our ideal society actually” Kains. The “we are flattering you Bachelor we promiseeeee we are not a cult” Kains. Why would he want nothing but goodness from Artemy? Surely to love a man is better than to love an idea

[viperbunnies]

It's officially New years for me here! I am not the best at words, but I'm thankful for the support that I've received for the short amount of time that I've started posting art more often.

What started off as me wanting to just Archive some art I'm proud of snowballed to so many memories that I'll look back fondly to, so many silly ideas that breached containment that I remember seeing people do (Like the draw your oc reacting to their fave card that me and addie just talked about as a joke, and the Shroompocalypse that was just meant to be an Jade stealing people's yume joke)

I'm glad that I met so many amazing people and discovered new artists on this site! With that said I want to drop a few words of thanks to some of the amazing people that I've met here <3

Firstly, thank you to @oya-oya-okay being my first ever follower and mutual! If it weren't for you sharing my art I wouldn't be able to meet so many of my moots, your words of encouragement means a lot to me (and to other people that you also support!) I wish you well in life!

Thank you to @natsukishinomiyaswife ! If it weren't for you reaching out to me back then I probably would've continued lurking. You're a dear friend to me and I enjoy our random talks! May it be about life, or our own interests 💕 I hope the new year treats you kindly.

Thank you to @justm3di0cr3 ! For giving me so many ideas (some I've yet to finish...) and for listening to me whatever the topic maybe. I'm thankful that I met you! You're such a considerate person, always checking in on me whenever I feel down. If something's bugging you, I'm always all ears!

Thank you to @scint1llat3 , your overwhelming support has helped me so much. It's always fun seeing your currynoodles, and just your art in general. But it's just as fun just reading your thoughts! Your comments/tags are always so fun to read 😭 I hope you never get tired doing what you love! Labyu lodicakes (/p) kain ka ng madaming pansit sa new years for long life

Thank you to @jovieinramshackle ! I remember feeling so scared due to some inevitable changes, but seeing your general words of encouragement during that time helped me so much. Wishing you the best on your journey as well!

Thank you to @fell-e ! Your keysmashes and memes are so fun to see 😭 Genuinely need to know how you make them so quickly. Thank you as well for being my earliest supporters, I probably would've been burnt out so quickly if you didn't show genuine interest in my arts.

Thank you to @part-sadist ! For the laughs that you give me from your silly sketches, and for acknowledging some of my ideas. You've contributed so much ideas to my to do list as well, to the point that I don't think I'm gonna run out of any drawing prompts any time soon (They just need to give me the time already...)

Thank you to @taruruchi ! for being one of my earliest supporters, it's just so nice to see someone with similar interests as me! I still have so many Oz and Taru interactions that I want to make, so I hope you look forward to them hehe.

Thank you to @jadelover69 (i miss your old name /j) Thank you as well for your overwhelming support! I love seeing the things you rb on my tl, may it be twst or different fandoms you're interested in. They help lighten up my mood whenever I need it!

Thank you to @the-travelling-witch ! We haven't been mutuals for long, but you've always been so supportive of me! Thank you for showing genuine interests in my ocs! And for sharing me rambles about yours as well! If you ever get any new ideas, I'd love to hear them :> (Probably not asap due to Timezones and schedules, but of course I'll get to you soon!)

Thank you to my friend (alias Melone) If you see this I hope you know that I'm thankful that you pushed me to draw more. You'll always be my no. 1 hypeman, and I wish we can spend more time together soon. 2024 really is cursed-- our annual meetup didn't happen 😔 I hope we can meet soon! I still need to give you my gifts from your birthday.

If I could add everyone I've met here I genuinely would 😭 I love all of my moots/supporters /p.

Honestly I feel like I'm more cynical qnd negative irl... due to many reasons, but perhaps it's due to the people that I've met here that I'e had such a positive influence, which I'm honestly so thankful for. It's helped a lot with my personal struggles.

If you've made it this far, I hope you know that life gets better. A struggle today, doesn't determine the wind's path tomorrow. Wishing you all Happy new years! I hope that this coming year will be kind to us as all ^^

[vstarlightt]

The Taste of His Defiance

Raziel x Kain fanfiction

The sunlight crept through the grand windows of Kain’s lavish quarters, casting soft shadows across the expansive bed. Kain and Raziel lay apart, though their presence was undeniable, like two forces locked in a silent standoff. The room was thick with unspoken tension, neither of them acknowledging the other as they lay on their sides, staring at the wall.

“Raziel.” Kain broke the silence, his voice filled with irritation.

“Yes, my Lord?” Raziel rolled his eyes, he didn’t want to speak to Kain right now, not after their disagreement.

With a heavy sigh laced with disappointment, Kain spoke once more: “I must say Raziel, I am quite disappointed in your progress last night, I had expected my Right Hand to clearly listen to my commands from last night, but alas, you cannot seem to follow the most simplest of instructions. A pity, really.”

“Are we really doing this now Kain? It’s morning, I am exhausted, can’t you just let this go?” Raziel groaned, silently pleading in his head that Kain would indeed let the topic be laid to rest. Raziel was aware of how he disappointed Kain last night, and how his plan backfired on him, he did not need another reminder.

Kain’s fingers began to clench the sheets, as though he was suppressing his anger, but instead, replaced it with sarcasm. “Exhausted? Ah, yes, of course. Any one of my lieutenants would be exhausted if they decided to go against my commands and just decided to do their own thing. Things would have gone a lot smoother if you just stuck with the plan, Raziel.”

Raziel let out a heavy sigh, he did not want to argue with Kain right now, he didn’t even want to be in the same room as Kain let alone share a bed with him. Raziel knew Kain was right about last night, but he could never admit that. Kain already had enough satisfaction of seeing him fail, Kain didn’t need him to audibly admit that as well.

Raziel exhaled sharply finally speaking, rubbing his temples. “Yes, my Lord. Next time, I’ll obey without question. I’ll hang onto your every word, cling to your orders like some desperate fledgling. Perhaps I should just let you shove your tongue down my throat while you’re at it—”

Silence.

Raziel froze. His entire body went rigid as his own words replayed in his mind, horror dawning upon him like a slow-moving catastrophe.

Kain, who had been seething only moments before, suddenly went very still. Then, with an eerie sort of calm, he shifted onto his side, golden eyes now locked onto Raziel with an unreadable expression. His gaze swept over Raziel’s stiffened form, taking in the way his fingers were now digging into the sheets, the way his shoulders tensed as if he wanted to disappear into the mattress.

A smirk tugged at the corner of Kain’s lips. “I beg your pardon?”

Raziel’s face began to flush, his fists clenched. “My Lord…” Raziel begun, trying to find the words to rectify this travesty situation unfolding in front of him.

“Mm?” Kain smirked at Raziel once more, patiently waiting for Raziel to explain himself.

Raziel’s face flushed even more, Raziel sat up, his gaze facing away from Kain’s. Raziel was not ready for this conversation, he was not ready to truly unveil his feelings for his Master. “My Lord, I assure you, you misconstrued my words. What I meant was—“

Kain sat up, and placed a singular finger underneath Raziel’s chin, interrupting Raziel’s sentence for Raziel to look up at Kain. “Misconstrued? What a shame Raziel, I was looking forward to entertaining that desire for you.”

Raziel spoke, his feigning indifference, though the excitement of the possibility slightly seeped through. “My Lord, surely you jest, I am your Right Hand, it’d be unbecoming of someone in my position to be fooling around with you.”

In truth, Raziel didn’t care. He didn’t care that it was unbecoming for him. All he wanted in this moment was Kain’s tongue down his throat and Kain’s hands on him. But he could never properly express that desire aloud to his Lord. After all, they had their roles to play. Kain’s job was to oversee his lieutenants, and the fate of Nosgoth. As for Raziel, his job was to simply be by Kain’s side and serve. A relationship between them would never work, there was just simply not enough time for the both of them.

“Hm, is that how you truly feel Raziel?” Kain removed his finger from Raziel’s jaw and gently moved Raziel’s hair away from his face.

Raziel couldn’t speak, between the constant feeling of being flustered and Kain taunting him. Raziel couldn’t tell it Kain was just toying with him, or if he truly meant his words.

For a while, which was only a few seconds but really felt as though it were millennium, Kain and Raziel just stared at each other.

Kain moved his head closer, moving his lips to Raziel’s ear and then whispered: “Why so quiet, Raziel?” Kain’s was voice smooth, with a hint of playfulness. His fingers continued to gently run through Raziel’s hair as though he was brushing it for him. “You had do much to say before Raziel, could it be that you’re embarrassed? Or are you perhaps afraid of saying what you truly want from me?”

Raziel’s throat tightened, he couldn’t think straight, not when Kain was gradually sating his inner most desires. Of course he was embarrassed, how could he not be? He just accidentally confessed a secret he’d been harboring for ages.

“Ah, apologies my Lord, I just find this whole situation amusing is all.” Raziel said, his voice steady, even though his undead heart was pounding through his chest hard and fast. “It’s ridiculous to me that you’re taking such an interest in teasing me for a slip of tongue.”

Kain pulled back from Raziel’s ear, his eyes gazing into Raziel’s. “Oh? A “slip of tongue?” Ah, yes, I am sure that is quite it. Though, I am sure you want to slip that tongue of yours somewhere else.” Kain placed a finger on Raziel’s bottom lip, as though he suggesting to Raziel what he meant.

Raziel’s jaw clenched. He wanted to argue with Kain, but he couldn’t. Every touch, set fire to every nerve in his wake. And yet, he reveled in Kain’s touch, he watched as Kain’s fingers trailed down his collarbone and then stopped.

“I wonder, Raziel.” Kain murmured shifting closer to Raziel. “How you’d react to me calling out your bluff.” Kain’s fangs moved close to Raziel’s neck, barely grazing.

Raziel’s heart pounded, but still pretending to feign indifference, but his voice leaking a faint nervousness “You wouldn’t…”

Kain’s smirk in response and before Raziel could say anything else, Kain closed the distance between them. Their lips met—slow at first, as if Kain were savoring the moment, drawing out the inevitable surrender Raziel would never voice aloud.

Raziel tensed, every instinct screaming at him to resist, to shove Kain away and put an end to this madness. But he didn’t. He couldn’t. Instead, he found himself leaning in, his fingers curling into the sheets as Kain’s lips pressed more firmly against his own.

The kiss was deliberate, consuming—like everything Kain did. He didn’t demand, didn’t force; he simply took, knowing that Raziel would give. And Raziel did, parting his lips just slightly, just enough for Kain to deepen the kiss, for his fangs to graze against Raziel’s lower lip in a silent, possessive promise.

Raziel reached for Kain, tangling his fingers into silver-white strands, gripping just tight enough to draw a pleased hum from him

Kain pulled back first, though not by much, his forehead against Raziel’s, their breaths mingling in the small space between them.

“Mm,” Kain mused, running a thumb over Raziel’s swollen lips. “Perhaps next time, you’ll watch your words more carefully.”

Raziel, breathless and thoroughly undone, could only glare in response.

Kain chuckled, brushing a final kiss against the corner of Raziel’s mouth before pulling away entirely. He settled back onto his side of the bed, his expression maddeningly pleased.

Raziel, still reeling, turned onto his back, staring at the ceiling with wide, stunned eyes.

AO3 next chapter coming possibly:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63213406

[unusualindigo]

Raziel: I have outgrown you, Kain. wing flex Kain: …I can still throw you with my mind. This means nothing. Raziel: Well it does mean within a few short years my people will fly and then we can go back to the topic of unionizing, since we are the primary couriers- Kain: Cast him in.

[toastbtterbread]

"Ikaw lang patutunguhan".☘︎ ݁˖ — Taesan Filo Au

🥀—A long time crush, Aviel never gave up on Taesan. Kahit anong reject, kahit anong hindi, naniniwala parin ang dalaga na balang araw, siya narin ang pipiliin. Ngunit, paano kung kelan oras na, siya namang pagkawala?

Genre: Romance, Youth, Angst

Warnings: Mention of hospitals, cigarettes, family problems

Now playing: Ikaw lang patutunguhan by Amiel Sol, La la lost you by NIKI

Word count: 1.6k

* ੈ✩ ₊˚

[12:30 AM]

Anong oras na, chat parin ng chat tong si Aviel. We've been friends, probably since highschool. Unfortunately, hanggang college kasama ko parin siya. Sabi niya, SABI NIYA, gusto niya raw talaga ang kursong kinuha niya—BS Accountancy.

Tapos, rinig ko pa sa kaibigan niya, kinuha niya lang talaga to dahil nandito ako. Minsan di ko malaman laman anong balak nito sa buhay. She was an out going type of person, go with a flow pero takot sa mangyayari sa furture niya.

A total opposite of mine, I know what I want and don't. I already figured and planned my life out the moment I step on college. Well, that's what I thought.

Aviel

Baks, gising ka pa?

Sa tingin mo?

Yown! Pasama ako 7 11

Viel, it's already midnight

Kala mo naman bago! DALI NA

Maninigarilyo ka nanaman?

HOY HINDI

Sama mo naman sakin:(

Omw

12:35 AM

Yes. She's smoking. Mas malala dati. She said it was her coping mechanism, but still.

"May nangyari nanaman ba?" Una kong bati dito. She's wearing a gray oversized hoodie, hood over head covering her messy long hair. "Gaga, di ba pwedeng miss lang kita?" ngiti nito sakin sabay kapit sa aking braso na kala mong linta.

"Can you please—"pilit kong alis ng yakap niya sakin. Lakas talaga nito. "IIIIHHH!!!"

"Ano ba bibilhin mo?"

"Anong sakin? Bilhan kita potchi!"

"Huh? For what?" As far as I know, wala namang event kanina. She usually gave me gifts everytime na may ganap. It may be Christmas, New Years, Valentines, ewan ko bakit pati sa Independence day.

And its always...potchi. Just because I like them.

"Hala! To naman! Syempre, tapos na tayo sa midterms" oh, yes. "Is that a big deal?"

"Oo naman no!"

"You know I rejected you, right?" Napatigil ito sa kanyang paglalakad. Pati tuloy ako, napatigil narin. I was just staring at her, waiting for her reply. "U-uhm...ayun na yung 7 11 oh! Bilisan na natin anong oras na!" As always, change of topic.

[9:00 PM - February 19]

"You know I'm studying, right? May quizbee ako bukas" it may sound bad, pero totoo naman. Ito agad ang bungad ko kay Aviel. Randomly calling me at night. "Ay, sorry! I just want to see you lang naman..." she replied, lips were pierced to each other.

Leaving a light sighed, I walked towards her. "Go on, what do you need?" A huge smile was plastered on her face. "Here" abot nito sakin ng sobre. Its not just a normal envelope, it was decorated with small bows and pinky stickers. It even has a small bump, probably a candy.

"What's this?" I asked, acting dump. "Letter" she smiled innocently, hiding both of her hands behind her back. "I know, I mean—"

"I like you, Taesan"

I know.

"Yun yung letter" silenced. Hindi ko alam kung anong isasagot ko sa kanya. All this time, I only see her as a friend. This is probably the third time she confessed. I never expect na aabot pa hanggang college.

"Aviel, you know—"

"I know. Pero, sana hayaan mo lang ako? Kapag kasi pinipigilan ko, mas lalo lang akong napapamahal sayo, San" sambit nito. "Just let me, San?"

[12:30 PM]

Lunch break.

Forgot to bring mine, so I don't have a choice but to go to our cafeteria na napagka-layo sa building namin. Ayaw ata nila kaming pakainin.

"Taesan! Kain ka Cafeteria?" salubong sakin ng kaibigan ko—Leehan. One of the well-known students here. A role model. He's the president of Central Student Council and also an athlete. No wonder, a lot of girls were running for him.

"Yeah, nakalimutan ko baon ko"

"Oh? Hinahanap ka nga ni Aviel kanina" he knows her? "Oo. She's literally my classmate, tol"

"LEEHAN! SABAY TAYO KAIN—" biglang sigaw ng isang matinis na boses mula sa kabilang hallway. It was her, Aviel. Her jolly smile were there. Checks were red as roses.

"Oh, Taesan. Pinapa-abot ngapala ni tita" sabay abot sakin ng isang eco-bag, containing my lunch. "Tara na, Han! Sabay tayo! Libre kita" she happily told him, she was excited. Clinging onto his arms.

"Ah, sige tol. Una na kami, SUNOD KA!" habol ni Leehan sabay takbo kasama si Aviel.

Kelan pa kayo naging close?

[8:30 PM]

Hindi ako mapakali. Naka-tayo lang ako sa labasan ng bahay namin. I was waiting for her. Usually around 7, naka-uwi na yon. The thing is, lagi kaming sabay. Ngayon, sumama siya kay Leehan. It's not that I don't trust my friend. it's just...

"Nagseselos ka ba?"

Unang bungad sakin ni Aviel the moment I bombed her with questions. Saan ka galing? Bakit late ka umuwi? Nasan si Leehan? Inaalagaan ba siya ng maayos? Anong nangyari?

"Hindi ah! Bakit mo naman iisipin yan?"

She just left out a small laughed. "Taesan, crush mo talaga ako, 'no?"

I scoffed. "How many times ba kita ire-reject para i-let go mo ko, ha?"

"I won't, San"

"Hindi ka ba naaawa sa sarili mo niyan?" she looked down, piercing her lips once again. "You know, San. Sometimes in life, you don't have other choices but just keep on going. Although it was clear that it was not meant for you..." bigla niya nalang akong tinignan sa mga mata.

Aviel...

[3:00 AM - May]

Ilang buwan na kaming walang usap ni Aviel. The only assurance I had is nakikita ko siyang lumalabas ng bahay nila at uuwi. Minsan, nakikita ko sa school. Pero hanggang doon lang. We never talked ever since. Even my chats, they were ignored.

At first, maybe she was busy. We are busy. Thesis defense na kasi. Until I decided to go outside. Hindi kasi ako makatulog.

Doon, nakita ko. Ang dating Aviel. Trying to light up the cigarette on her mouth, covering from the wind. I have no other choice but to snatched it from her.

"Hoy—" she was snapped the moment she saw me. Her eyes were swollen. The redness were still visible under her eyes. I knew it, there's something wrong.

Napalunok lamang ito sabay tungo. "What happened?" She tried to speak, but no words can scape from her mouth. "Tara, 7 11"

[3:15 AM]

Silenced. The sound of crickets were the only thing that we could hear. I brought her a milk, a usual drink that calms her down.

In one gulped, she sighed. "Taesan?" I hummed. "Do you think...the world could've been better if I wasn't born?"

I didn't respond. I don't want to respond. "Do you think...both of my parents could've a better life? Without us?" She land her gaze on me. It was sparkiling. A tear scaped from her almond eyes.

"Aviel..."

She smiled bitterly. "Malapit na pala birthday ko..."

"Hmm...what do you want?"

"A restart. A restart button"

She looked away. "I want to restart everything, Taesan. To live a truthful life, not surrounded by lies"

[8:00 PM]

I just finished my classes. They were tough, but it was bearable. At least. Could've been better if...

"Kuya! Kanina ka pa dito?" Hindi ko na namalayan, nasa tabi ko na pala ang kapatid ni Aviel—Aries. "Just got here" I noted as I opened the door. As usual, the smell was good. Nag-request talaga kami na panatilihing mabango ang kuwarto niya, para pag nagising siya, hindi siya badtrip.

"Waah! Kainis talaga yung isa kong kaklase. Muntik ko na masapak, kuya!" I just chuckled at his silly little stories. "Wag kang gumaya sa ate mo"

"Di ko nga alam kung gigising pa yan" buntong-hininga nito sabay upo sa kabilang couch malapit sa bintana. I decided to sit on a monoblock near her bed. Though we were talking, the sound of the machines can still clearly hear.

"Kuya...gigising pa ba si ate?" Muling tanong ni Aries. Ever since that incident happened, bigla nalang nawalan ng malay si Aviel, the only question he has is kung magigising pa ba ang ate niya.

Both of their parents were working, so most of the time, kaming dalawa ang bantay. "Of course she will. She's a strong person" I assure him.

"Alam mo kuya, feeling ko alam ko na sagot sa tanong ko" I hummed. "Siguro...mas ok na rin na hindi na gumising si ate"

"Hmm? Bakit naman?"

"Pagod na kasi siya, kuya. Naaawa na ko kay ate" ani nito. "Alam mo, pag nag aaway sila mama at papa, mas pipiliin niyang marinig lahat nang yon"

"How?"

"Kinukulong ako ni ate sa kuwarto tsaka pinapasuot sakin yung earphones niya. Kahit alam kong ayaw niya, pipilitin niyang siya nalang makarinig lahat kesa makita ko" ngayon ko lang narinig to. Aviel never opened up about family related problems. She will rather keep those on her own. One thing is because she doesn't want to ruin the names of her family. Malalaman ko nalang kapag naninigarilyo siya.

"Do you know that your ate smokes?"

Tumango ito. "Kahit ayaw ko, di ko siya mapigilan. Wala akong magawa eh, coping mechanism narin niya. Kaya, para narin sa kanya, mas gugustuhin ko nalang mag pahinga siya kesa sa nakikita kong nahihirapan siya..."

"...kahit ayaw ko"

[10:00 PM]

Pinatulog ko na si Aries. He cried, again. Gabi-gabi yan, umiiyak. Hindi sa ayaw na niyang makasama ang ate niya, but also for her peace narin.

I miss you, Aviel. Siguro kung nakikita mo ko ngayon, papaulanin mo ko ng tanong. Bakit ka nandito? Bakit mo ko inaalagaan? Ayaw mo sakin pero nandito ka? You'll probably even try to kick me out of the room. Yet, a sweet smile will still be formed on your face.

I miss that, Aviel. I miss your jolly personality, eagerness, and positivity in life. Knowing that you've through a lot behind those sunshines you gave to us, to me. I miss you, Aviel. Wake up na, please? Your brother is waiting for you...he misses her ate na. Aviel, please? Say my name again. Lets go out again in the middle of the night and talk nonsenses...

Aviel...I—

"Taesan?"

[running-with-kn1ves]

Hi! Can I request a Officer x female!Nurse reader during a zombie apocalypse? The Officer would be the stalker-ish, possessive type who’s made it clear he’s protecting her from the others because she’s one of the best at her job. But in reality, he’s just making excuses to be close to her—always hovering when not  patrolling the hospital. Could you possibly add like…non-consensual touching/kissing, definitely power imbalance, manipulation in the form of comfort. Maybe nsfw if you can?

A/N: started this a while ago but only just now got around to finishing it in a... "semi-decently" way.

Synopsis: you're a nurse healing those still alive after the start of the apocalypse; unfortunately for you, a certain annoying guard has made it his mission to have your undivided attention. 

TW: noncon kissing, touching, feeling up, etc., intimidation, power imbalance, general sexual assault warnings, zombie apocalypse/infected theme

WC: 3600

“Oh come on now, I didn’t hit him that hard.”

“You literally pummeled the man to the ground!” The underwhelmed attitude of the guard trailing behind made you dig your fingers into your temples. “He lost his front tooth, Kain. And the guild wants MY head for it.” 

Pacing through the halls of the abandoned hospital, you make your way to the opposing wing, Kain following quickly on your heels. 

“Don’t honestly tell me you’re worried about the ‘guild’. " Kain speaks, creating quotes with his fingers. “You’re the only nurse they got who’s actually qualified enough to do a damn decent job.They can’t get rid of you, they need you too much.” 

You make a sharp turn into an old hospital room, throwing Kain off. He stumbles over himself to follow, while you quickly distract yourself with the limp body resting on a raised bed in the middle of the room. You hurriedly picked at the bloodied bandages of one of your fellow survivors, the mangled man out cold under the wool sheets as you began to inspect him.  The process was like clockwork, being what most of your job had become now that you were stuck with flesh-eating monsters and a third of the human population left, most of which was crippled in some way or another. 

 Kain peeks up from behind you, irritated yet curious as to what was more important than responding to him. His head popped up next to yours as he looked at the bandaged man, giving a bothersome frown. 

“You shouldn’t have been talking to anyone about me, period. This all could’ve all just been avoided, Kain.”

Kain opens his mouth to speak, looking like an awed fish as you berate him. 

“Who in their right mind cripples one of their own men?” You mumble under your breath, hoping he wont hear lest he throws a fit. "Now, can’t you see I’m working here? You’re getting in my way.” 

You push past him to throw away the old gauze and stained bandages. 

Kain’s constant look of mild amusement faded. 

“Ya should’ve heard what he was sayin’ about you. Then, you might not feel that way.”

You avoided Kain’s sharp stare, pretending to not listen as you pulled open a drawer beside the hospital bed. 

Lifting his eyebrows in suggestion, Kain rested his hands on the front of his patrol vest, continuing to chew his gum with feigned nonchalance. “Like a piece a meat…” He muttered.

Clearing your throat you ripped open a new package of gauze with your teeth, avoiding Kain; Maybe it’d be best if you changed the topic. 

“Well… What are you still doing here in the first place? I thought you were supposed to be at your new transfer by this morning…” 

You remembered primarily because you thought it’d be your first day of freedom. 

Kain rubbed his nose with his thumb, trying to hide a wide grin that showed his dimples.

“I’ve been stationed to protect the hospital for another six months.. Just found out this morning. Some other guy wanted to go and…the guild commander thought my talents would be better off here.”  

Your face dropped. The sliver of fragile hope you held onto, shattered. Finally, you thought, you’d be rid of the overbearing coos and humiliating social teasing, his invasive bullying-- the dream seemed to fizzle out like the end of a candle wick, slow and sad. You began to rewrap the survivor’s wounds, hands on autopilot while your stomach sank.

And like a switch, your annoyed tone was spat back at him. 

“Okay?” You shrugged.  

You had been Kain’s prime victim when picking meaningless fights for the past eight months, his presence like a wall of muscle in your path. But no more, you wouldn’t sit and entertain his bullshit for another half a year.

“If that’s true, then nothing’s changed. Don’t you have better things to do than annoy me?” You swat Kain away with your hands like a fly. “Go stand guard or something. Be useful.”

You pinned the end of the final bandage, rearranging the patients scratchy bedsheets. Without another word you began to walk away.

 Kain grunted in annoyance, watching you turn into the adjacent room across the hall to leave him in the dust.

“Well, you never know,” Kain shouted, running after you across the hallway. “You might come up against a stray infected. I know you haven’t had this set up for long, the doors hardly do anything to keep a draft from blowing through. What happens if I’m not there quick enough? You’d need someone much bigger, and much… stronger than you, to protect you.”

You let out an exasperated noise, recognizing the insult in his words. But Kain didn’t mean it as an insult; he was thinking of other… things. 

“Besides, you need protecting just from the things in here you can’t handle, and I decide to offer my assistance-- at a zero cost.” 

You scoff again. “What do you mean ‘things I can’t handle’?” You copy his previous quotation movement, half distracted by rummaging through a large cardboard box of old medical supplies. 

Kain follows you inside the room, seeing your back turned to him next to an empry hospiral bed. A lightbulb went off over his head, his printless fingers grabbing the privacy curtain and pulling it. The curtain surrounding the bed, you, and him-- clouding the fluorescent lights from the hallway. The ones inside the hospital room flickered, barely making the guards face visible. 

“Something like this.” 

An arm traps you from behind, one of Kain’s scarred palms leaning on the wall next to your head. You turn around to look at him with a scowl, not yet realizing what he was trying. 

From the corner of your vision you saw the mean glint in Kain’s eye. 

A smug, egotistical smirk rested on his face.

“I can see it now…. some band of other survivors coming in, raidin' what they could and stumbling across you,” He pushed his dirty blonde hair back with his free hand, calloused fingers sticking out his glovelettes. “So helpless in your dirty scrubs, scared and alone….What would you do? Would you even be able to defend yourself?” 

He watched as your eyes shifted, trying to avoid him as you attempted to shove your way out. But he was a wall of muscle and pheromones, a light slap telling him to knock it off wasn’t going to cut it this time.

And this, was exactly what you were trying to avoid. 

Kain shoved your shoulder against the wall, pushing his nose against the sensitive front of your neck; it nearly made you grunt from surprise. 

“Ah…” You felt him exhale, licking his lips against your jugular. “What a cute bitch…You smell so fresh, So different than all the rotten corpses in here. Maybe we should take this one to go, huh boys? I’m sure they’d all like a turn.” Kain said to himself. 

You try to swat at him again but he catches your other arm, wrenching it back behind you. "That's not funny, asshole!” 

Kain gave an angry laugh, your stubbornness testing the edge of his limits. His harshness and your violent panic ruined any playful mood left. 

“You know, you really don’t understand how lucky you are; how much I care about you. Just trying to-- protect you.” Kain struggled to  keep you compliant, and to keep his urges at bay. his eyes wildly flit between staring at your lips to your soft exhausted body, the one now in his hands, bulging from his fingertips. For a moment his attention seems to linger on the shallow movement of your chest, falling and rising with each worried breath. But it soon pulls back to your rageful glare, a harsh swallow coming from his throat. 

“Why won’t you just take my help? I want what’s best for you, Don't you understand that...” He couldn’t stop looking at your sweet lips, downturned into a frown-- a frown he wanted to kiss away. 

In his mind, when he imagined kissing you he thought you’d be stunned at first-- but would quickly fall into his arms, holding onto him as if he was your lifeline. 

“Fuck it..” Kain murmured under his breath. 

He didn’t spare any time, knowing you'd put up resistance no matter how well he tried to swoon you. Leaning down to get his first taste of you, sweet kisses lapped at your lips before you came to realize what was going on. The curious, self-interested pecks to your lips were so cautious at the start, until Kain’s mouth began to grow lewd. He took your slack jaw as permission to greedily devour your tongue to the fullest. His mouth seemed to fit like a puzzle piece against yours, twisting upward to savor your mouth. You were surprised but not all shocked-- though, this was the first time he had tried to kiss you directly. 

“Kain,” He let go but swiftly kissed again under your chin, gliding down your jawbone to your ear. “For the last time-- don't make me fucking hit you--!”

Kain drug his tongue up your skin, pinning your arm behind your back to shove you further against the wall; any closer and you'd be a part of it. He took in deep whiffs of your homey smell, of the sensation of your warm skin and its smoothness on his. 

"What're you going to do about it? Gonna fight me off?" The thought made him give you a cheeky grin; it was almost too easy.

When was the last time he touched something so plush… so calming compared to the flesh wound that was what was left of the world? Even the sounds of your labored breaths made Kain…excited. When it came to your body pressed and aligned with his, he couldn't help but feel overly eager in wanting to push and press you flush against him. 

“Stop-! You can’t do that here-- ”

But with your writhing body and fingers digging into his scalp, he realized that doing such a feat would be harder than he imagined. Your days of carrying injured survivors into their beds and helping unload traincarts of medical supplies made you nearly a worthy rival in strength. 

"Can't stop now…" you heard him mumble, a big, warm hand coming to grip your chin. He was above you, caging you in with the biceps you mocked were more well-formed than his brain. Your hand was still pinned behind you as he pushed his squishy chest against yours. 

You dug in your pocket for one of the two needles you always kept on hand. You pulled out the one with a peeling sticker-- its purpose for telling the difference between the two. This particular syringe held enough to sedate a horse-- which, you complemented to Kain’s large size. 

You held it up like a knife, test-squeezing a little bit of the serum out. 

Kain was busy nestled into your neck one moment, and the next he wasn’t. You were so sure he had forgotten about the hand you were raising, that you paid little attention to the one pinned behind you. 

Without notice that he had even caught you, the guard tugged at the wrist behind your back, twisting it against the wall unnaturally. Your breath caught into your throat, body tensing as your forearm let out a crunched pop. A weak moan of agony came from your mouth, Kain’s hand that was once petting you possessively, now slowly taking the needle from your shaking fingers. 

You tried to fight him, attempting to stab him then and there. But you were no match, not when your right arm was continuing to be crushed, the longer you tustled him for the syringe.

Kain lets out a triumphant laugh, throwing the needle behind him. 

“Nice trick; I didn’t know you were such a flirt, nurse. How did you know I liked a little fight?” 

Kain doesn't hesitate to dig both hands into your back pants pockets, allowing you the grace of cradling your throbbing arm. He felt up what he could while removing the other syringe, and keys from your pocket. 

“Now,” He started, pulling your head back toward the wall with a grip on your hair. “Let’s see this pretty mouth do what it was meant for.”

Kain practically suffocated you with his body, pinning you back as he slowly pushed his thumb into your mouth. 

"Ahh-thole!" You tried to sound out.

Kain watched your plump lips open around his finger; you attempted to bite the digit invading your personal space, but Kain yoinked down on your lower jaw first. The officer pushed the pad of his finger against your tongue, sensations of the muscles smooth wetness making him shudder; your startled sounds of awe only spurring him on, the glint of drooling interest in his eyes shifting to one of excited admiration. 

Your stomach sank as you saw the shift in his expression, the peak of his interest making him look like a dog in heat. You were afraid he might miss your lips and smash straight into your cheek. Kains thumb was quickly replaced with his tongue, slowly gliding against your lips as he bit their fullness. He tasted bitter, like thick smoke and faint tobacco. 

Kain on the other hand, was finally…finally, getting to experience the sensation of your arousing mouth, the one he had fantasized about so many times. He fantasized about how they'd taste during your first kiss, while he ran his fingers against the dip of your back, how they'd look around his c-- 

Your relentless teeth made blood trickle from his bottom lip, surprising the guard as he let out a pained groan. But Kain was too stubborn, he wouldn't let you go just like that! He had gone too far now, he couldn't go back to the way things were-- he needed you, needed this. 

But you felt so lewd, Kain’s forced kisses making a slew of wet sounds as he occasionally slowed to pull at your lips with his teeth for payback, leisurely grinding against whatever he could press up against. Lord, it was like a high from the heavens for him; your body, your smell, it was enveloping him in a joy he hadn’t felt since... Well, since he could last remember. 

Your knee came to push deep against the officer’s crotch. You could feel the shift in between his legs as you shoved as hard as you could. 

Kain let out a muffled groan, separating from you for a moment.  But he only returned with a bitter laugh, kissing you between revengeful bites. 

"Sweet little nurse," Kain singsonged, looking at how you winced at the burn of raw bites left on your lips. Your feet shuffled underneath, twisting and turning to wriggle your knee deeper into his crotch. "How're you gonna fight off the big bad officer? Hm?"

Kain’s leg rammed between your thighs, forcing them apart. He dug the toe of his boots into the wall, positioning so you were practically sitting on his leg. 

"Fuck you," you spat, hating the way he pulled at the back of your collar to lift your head back, making it easier to kiss you. "Eat shit and die, Kain. I'm not your fucking toy-!"

The officer giggled like a schoolboy, feeling a painfully intoxicating sting from your words. The anger and yearning made it harder for him to see straight. 

"We'll see about that…!" He huffed, lifting your jaw to the sky. A long, wet stripe made its way down from your chin to your ear, a shudder leaving Kain’s mouth as he swallowed the salty tang of your skin. 

You heard low chatter from the radio attached to his hip, his name repeated by a deep voice.

“Officer K..ain.. four..… intruders…4--” The voice was cutting in and out, static making the message hardly discernible. 

“Shit…” Kain huffed, kissing through words as the corner of his lip became smeared with blood. “Why now-- for mm.. fuck’s sake….”

Kain’s head fell low as he left your lips, hanging in frustration. You were gasping for breath as you turned your head to the side, dizziness coming in a small wave. 

The surface of your skin felt hot, a sharp taste left in your mouth from Kain. The officer was currently licking over his lips, tasting the remains of your sweat and his own blood. 

Your head throbbed; the sterile stench of the hospital clung inside your nostrils, thick coughs coming from the room over, your 'patient' likely still feeling the twinge of his insides bleeding out. How could you still be dealing with Kain's bullshit, while the world around you was continuing to be mauled and raped by the disease plaguing your species? 

The officer was an effective distraction from your nursery duties, his grating voice interrupting your thoughts as he still clung to you.

“Nurse, help me out,” He whined. “I can’t go out there looking like this!" Cain threw his hands down, letting you go to your surprise. "C’mon what do I do? You're the expert.”

You saw what kain was referring to, his hand covering a bite of retaliation you left on his neck, and the crotch of his black pants billowing out in a restrained fashion. 

“Dear g-- Kain!” your immediate reaction was to shove kain back away from you, But the guard held a hand to his forehead, hardly lurching backward from your assault. You hit him afain, repeatedly punching at him to get him back for all thar had transpored. But kain merelt pushed his hair back to show his glistening forehead, barely holding up a palm to protect himself. 

Kain chuckled wryly, groping at himself in a futile effort to make his erection less noticeable. 

“This is all your fault--! Fucking…Asshole--” You grunt, mumbling curses as you pushed at the man again. “You don’t have the time, anyway. Get out of here, go do your damn job.” Wiping your mouth, you look at his radio. 

You were tempted to chew him out as he stood still, but Kain got to you first. Rubbing at your neck to get rid of his love bites, you fell prey to Kain’s harsh shove of your shoulders against the wall. He seemed to throw you around like a stuffed animal, his strength 

 Kain grabbed your shoulders, shoving you against the wall again. You let out an involuntary “umph”, as the officer pressed his flushed forehead against yours. His fingers reached for your chin again as you tried to jerk your head away.

“Look at me-- before I go,” His voice grew low and harsh as he whispered, the clear stomps of other officers clicking outside the patient room. “I suggest that if you don’t want to be reprimanded by the guild--” Kain stopped momentarily, grinning as he imagined in his head. “Come to my room. Tonight.” 

“...Room?” You questioned. Ah right, all the officers got rooms to stay in, while the rest of you measly survivors had to sleep close together in tight quarters. "Like hell I'll do that. You're the reason they're on my ass, they think I told you to defend me!"

Kain frowns, dissatisfaction making him furrow his eyebrows.

"What was I supposed to do? Let that guy practically violate you with his words? I couldn't stand letting him do that." he clicked his radio off, annoyed by the continued static call of his name. "You, wouldn't have allowed that either. I know you, you would've unleashed far worse than I had; but, I saved you the trouble, and the ass beating."

"But--" 

 "I know i know, you're still being 'reprimanded'," Kain gagged as he scrunched his fingers. "However, i could easily sway the guild council's opinion as a leading officer… in return for something, of course."

Your eyes narrow. 

"And how would you do that? You're the one that caused this whole mess in the first place!"

 Kain’s mouth was left lingering open against your cheek as he tried to hold himself back. 

"A few of the council members owe me some favors… I wouldn't mind cashing one in if it meant, a night with you."

The guard’s breath hitched, his damp cheek pressing against yours as you winced in disgust.

“Seriously? You're willingly playing into their corruption; disgusting.” 

Kain dug his hand into your hair, taking a deep inhale of it, ignoring your criticisms. He tried to press you up against him, as if your body wanted to give him physical affection. 

"Take it or leave it. It's a much better choice than the tunnels, hm?"

That made you shudder. You doubted they'd throw you to the tunnels and catacombs of the city for something like this, but who's to say you're not one mistake too close to being zombie bate.

You were too stuck in the dread of what he was asking for. You knew he wouldn’t be satisfied if you let him have you, even if it was just for a night; he’d always come crawling back for more, until he completely consumed you. But did you really want to deal with his bullshit if you didn’t show up?

The radio chimed again, and Kain caught himself before he lashed out again, merely letting out an annoyed grunt. 

“Got it?” He asked, pressing his knuckles against your jaw.

The guard didn’t wait for an answer, instead squeezing your face with one hand and pushing a multitude of kisses on your bruised lips. You tightened your lips shut, trying to turn and grunting as he kissed and kissed and kissed, not a thought of pulling away-- until the radio snatched his attention again. 

All of a sudden Kain’s hands were off of you, his bulky body had pushed past the privacy curtain, leaving it closed. You heard the door shut as he stormed out; shutting the door with a tight firmness that irked you. Letting out an exasperated sigh, you listened to his heavy military boots trudge down the hospital corridors, waiting for them to be completely silent.

That silence was quickly filled once again however, your mind snapping back into work mode as the dying man in the adjacent room’s hospital bed began another violent coughing fit. 

You shut kain out of your mind-- but in the back of your head, you mentally played what you felt would happen tonight if you took up his offer. Hell, what were you going to do with him? 

Murder was starting to sound real tempting.

[symphonicsoul]

Don't you think it's rather inappropriate to teach a Soil soul your dance of commitment? What happened to such a thing being sacred?

strike a nerve || accepting

"You're a bold one, aren't you? His name is Kain and I suggest you use it instead of speaking of him in such a way. It would be in your best interest to show Rakkani some respect. Our dances of commitment are sacred, and Kain learning it will not sully it by him doing so. Soil may not hold the Mist is any form of affection but that does not mean I dislike it.

We, Mistericans, were not at war with the Soil stranger. We were at war with the Windarians. Check your facts before you come at me so boldly. You're making yourself look foolish. I am King of the Mist and if I wish to teach such a thing to one born of Soil then so it shall be by my wishes.

Check your station before you start making accusations, stranger. It would be unfortunate if you were to lose your way. The fog is rather thick today."

[sgushyonka]

Recently I've seen a post on Simon Kain and how his character represents a relative that passed away and how that impacted The Powers That Be kids, and that made me think about what some other characters could represent, specifically Katerina and Peter (they are treated very differently but I need to think about it some more rn).

Death is a heavy enough topic as it is, but then you are also facing characters that are supposed to be very talented people, who are capable of great things, something that not many other people can do, and have shown that in their own ways, or at least are trying to. However in the timeline of the story they are heavily struggling with their mental health and addictions. Makes you think where that type of character came from

[the-inkwell-variable]

If the killer was willing to go so far just to send a message, they absolutely would take it a step further to silence her for good. They'd done it before, after all.  What was one more?

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Amara expected her new life in Lochmallow to be peaceful, quiet. When she becomes the prime suspect in her competitor's death, she finds herself unable to rest unless she solves the crime herself. But who in the sleepy village would stoop to murder - and can she stop them before they strike again?

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

CHARACTERS

AMARA VOREN ˚.⋆ half-tiefling, half-drow. twenty-seven years old. she/her, demisexual ˚.⋆ a skilled illusionist, scam artist, and baker with a sketchy past, freshly arrived in lochmallow expecting a fresh start.

HENDRYK VOREN ˚.⋆ half-tiefling, half-drow. twenty-seven years old. he/him, asexual ˚.⋆ Amara's brother, a jack-of-all-trades with an easy smile and an absolute devotion to his little sister.

GLENDARA MOONCREST ˚.⋆ high elf. four hundred and ninety-five years old. she/her, bisexual. ˚.⋆ the widow of a founder of lochmallow. owns an occultery and amara's direct competition. very blunt and abrasive. not very popular.

ROSE FENWICK ˚.⋆ half-elf. a hundred and fifty-six years old. she/her, heterosexual. ˚.⋆ a widowed fisherwoman with a take-no-crap attitude but a golden heart beneath her multiple leather aprons.

JALEN McKINNON ˚.⋆ half-elf. seventy-four years old. he/him, homosexual. ˚.⋆ the local blacksmith. more thorns than rose. absolutely obsessed with protecting his little village. has a huge crush on hendryk.

LILY MONTAGUE ˚.⋆ human. twenty-two years old. she/her, bisexual. ˚.⋆ jalen's apprentice. fire mage in training. too naive for her own good.

RINARV STRAKELN ˚.⋆ dwarf. three hundred and eighty-six years old, heterosexual. ˚.⋆ the local gossip. always found where the action is. always happy to have a chat, no matter the topic. very sunshine.

TILTON KAIN ˚.⋆ human. forty-six years old. he/him, bisexual. ˚.⋆ the sheriff of lochmallow. chews tobacco like he's addicted, but he can quit any time. enjoys suspenders and scuffing freshly polished boots.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

GENRE ˚.⋆ cozy fantasy mystery

POV ˚.⋆ third person

STATUS ˚.⋆ second draft

INSPIRED BY ˚.⋆ once upon a witchlight - murder's a witch - baldur's gate 3

TROPES ˚.⋆ misjudged death. villainous victim. detective suspect. blackmail. second chance. family ties. morally gray protagonist. light angst. diverse characters. romance as a background character.

TAGLIST ˚.⋆ @theink-stainedfolk - @drchenquill Ask to be added!

[shmowder]

requesting anything nsfw kainburov but it’s totally ok if not 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶 lov ur old man yaoi memes

Too Late, Too Soon Pt.1

[ Alexander Saburov x Victor Kain ] [Part Two]

[ AO3 mirror]

[Smut, internal homophobia, unfulfilled desires, angst, hatred and love, delusion, feminization, unhealthy coping mechanism, NO love traingles: polyamory wins, merges P1 and P2 canons]

Fifty-seven, fifty-eight, fifty-nine...

Nine O'clock.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven...

The handle turns with a squeek, the floorboards creek, the door clicks shut again.

Victor stood up from his chair just as the governor enters the room. The silver tray of tea he set out for guests gets ignored for the second time around. A small respectful distance is maintained between the two of them.

"My condolences, for your family's loss." Brief and rehearsed, a white envelope is set at the edge of his desk. "Simon ment many things to many people."

"Thank you." Victor replied, a short cordial response that didn't offer much room to continue the conversation.

"I assume your family started with the funeral arrangements already?" Yet the governor remained stubborn still.

Pursing his lips into a thin line, Victor summerised as much as he could. "We will, after the day has passed. Georgiy is... besides himself, at the moment. I'm handling the paperwork. The death certificate will follow after. The burial will take place in the family's tomb." Hoping his answer will be satisfactory, this time around.

The body must not be disturbed for 24 hours, family tradition. He couldn't have known, he wasn't there during her funeral.

"And was the decision to hire that famous doctor to look for his murderer one that your brother took on the spot?" Alexander didn't hesitate to pivot the topic of discussion, a clear agenda in mind. "Inviting strangers to meddle into the town's affairs has always been one of his fortes."

"I see you have been acquainted already. A bright ambitious mind, is he not?" And so the younger Kain deflected in return.

"The rest is up to debate." Criticism, he must always spot the flaws in everyone around him. "You're clearly biased. He's a graduate from the same institution you're planning to get your degree from."

If only it was any other person, Victor might have been touched at their attentiveness to his whereabouts and future plans.

If only.

"Maria foresaw greatness in him," so should've Katerina, how come your wife never spoke of him? All Mistresses' visions allign. At least, true Mistresses—But, he knew better than to voice those thoughts. "My brother is a hard to impress man. I'm sure he will prove himself in due time."

"I sent him to Lyuricheva to act as his aid." Two peas in a pod. "Let's hope he doesn't turn out to be another Stamatin case, for his own sake." The last part was spoken through gritted teeth.

"I don't think so. It's nearly an impossibility..." He lied. "But, if the worst comes to be, I trust in you to handle the matter as delicately as you had previously, governor." Sprinkling the backhanded compliment on top.

"And I trust in your brother to abuse his jurisdiction to approve yet another last minute insanity plea." Blunt and to the point, how abrasive his insults were always irritated Victor. Social etiquette was lost on him, it seemed. These situations should be handled delicately. Gloves are a requirement for politics. The art of subtlety is of the utmost importance, yet the dear governor walked around with a loaded gun.

"You had him examined." Victor played up his anger, replying with rehearsed exasperation. "Repeatedly, may I add. Much to the displeasure of his twin."—It took both of Maria and Eva to talk him down—"All great artists are known to face strife... Peter's predicament is the cost of his ingenious mind." Never true anger, merely the pretence of one, the aesthetics of sharp teeth.

"Your Andrey made his displeasure known loud and clear." But of course, not even the devil could intimidate a governor like him. "Beating three psychiatrists to an inch of their lives. Those architects will be the downfall of the Kains' legacy, mark my words." Rubbing his failure in with another direct insult, Victor wondered if his attempts at intimidation even ment anything to the other man. To Saburov's eyes, more akin to the mewling of a kitten than any bark or roar, perhaps.

"Why have you come here, governor Saburov?" Lifiting his chin high even through his defeat, Victor regained his composer.

"I came to apologise." It stung to admit, that much was clear from the traces of genuine remorse across his steel-like expression "I sent a carrier in my stead last time, when I should've gone in person."

"... We took no offence. losing Nina crumbled many of the delicate infrastructures of the town. It's only sensible for you to be there besides your wife as she paved a new path."

As she rushed to take her place—Victor did not add.

"That's not an excuse. I've neglected my duties to your family. Losing a wife and a brother in the same decade can't be easy. I'm truly sorry, Victor."

Alexander's hand lifted with uncharacteristic hesitation, deciding to land on his shoulder. A reassuring squeeze followed.

Victor doesn't brush it away, even when the voice in his head urges him to. "They will live, within us, as long as their memories remain."

"I should take my leave." Despite his declaration, he doesn't pull his hand away. Neither does he stop Victor from grasping his other hand, lifting it slightly in a display suiting of a gentlemen, caressing the knuckles.

"Stay a little longer, Sasha."

The last word held the weight of the world, turning the air heavy as it was said, for the implications it contained were mutually understood by the two of them. A silent agreement came into fruition.

Where initially it merely laid on his shoulder, it quickly broke through the facade of politeness as Saburov's hand slid up his collarbone. Calloused fingertips brushing against the exposed skin, thumb pressing down on the jugular notch, the tender flesh easily dipping down under his touch, feeling the pulsing of his veins.

Moving up his neck, placing a subtle restriction on the other's air flow, brushing the underside of Victor's jaw with his knuckles. Taking one step closer to him, now cupping the side of his face ever so delicately.

Despite its small transgressions, Victor welcomed the other's hand all the same. Turning his head to the side, burying his lips under the other's palm. A small kiss placed on the inside of the index finger, moving to the middle finger with another light kiss, feeling the thumb digging its nail harshly against the other side of his face just as Victor's lips caressed the ring finger.

Expression as indifferent as ever, Victor was met with fury painted across the other's face. Not directed at him in particular, more an unintended side effect of some internal turmoil the other must be undergoing.

A guilty conscience suited the governor, Victor decided, the contempt in his eyes, the deepening wrinkles around his mouth, the subtle frown to his lips. It was a sight to behold.

The golden ring twinkled under the room's light, shiny and well-maintained. Likewise Kain's bright eyes rivaled it in glimmer, so close against one another.

Victor could never let him know, Saburov must never find out about the thoughts swarming his mind. How one insignificant apology from the governor lips extended a live wire to his heart.

The contrast of the cold precious metal and the alluring heat of soft inviting lips both pressing against his own finger made Saburov's stomach twisted around itself, a bitter taste at the back of his throat. The overwhelming sickening sweetness of sin.

Not a single word spoken as their lips parted to meet one another halfway through. A cautious kiss, wary movements and half-shut eyes. Hyper-aware of every sound contained within the building, of any resemblance to a door squeek, a floorboard creek, of an uninvited guest.

Of the faint footsteps constantly sounding from the upper floor.

Hearts racing too fast to take notice of the other's taste, bodies an inch shy away from pressing against one another, an invisible line they dare not cross yet.

Despite all his sharp words and angular edges, the governor kissed so sweetly, so off-puttingly sensual, considerate in his every move. Polite lips silently asking for permission as if treading on glass, gradually easing the other person into it. Akin to the first kiss at the altar.

It Made Victor wonder if the other ever kissed anyone besides his wife.

It must be that Alexander doesn't know any better, has never learnt any other way to kiss, for all who he's ever laid his lips upon consisted of delicate petals and fragile bones, soft perfumed skin and dainty painted lips.

Katerina was never suited for the dark, not like his own wife was, never like Nina's wild nature.

Victor misses it, the metallic taste of blood on his bruised lips, the hint of black cherry wine at the tip of her tongue, how intrusive it was in movement, slithering inbetween his lips and pushing against his own tongue as if invading his mouth. He was always content to surrender to her. Merely another piece of him to offer up in worship. To plant her flag atop and declare ownership, for the sharp nails dragging down his back and the teeth marks littering his neck can attest to that.

Victor misses her.

The memories swirling around in his brain reignite the hunger in his soul, the faded urges and desires reconstructing themselves.

Closing the distance between them—feeling Saburov's body turn rigid at the sudden proximity. Victor wrapped his arms over the other's shoulders, rendering himself in a complete ease of access, practically inviting the other to feel up his body, and grope him like a piece of meat on display.

Yet, no wandering hands came, much to Victor's displeasure.

The logical conclusion he reached was to push things further in hopes of swaying Saburov into seeing things his way.

Deepening the kiss, teeth grazing Saburov's lips, holding the promise of digging into the tender flesh. Paving the way to force his tongue past the other's lips, further, deeper. Sweeping the roof of his mouth, curling against the other's tongue, meeting all reluctant movements with unwavering intensity.

Victor moved on muscle memory—not his own—in a moment of pure self-indulgence.

To add fuel to the fire, his own leg found a place between the governor's open ones. Pushing his thigh in, parting the hem of the dark coat, pressing against Saburov's most intimate area.

Leaving Alexander aghast at his actions. In all of his life, he never expected such a bold display of obscenity from the younger Kain. What's worse, the burning shame coiling in his chest at the rising tent in his pants. Victor's thighs were nothing like his wife's, never plush or plump, more muscular and toned, devoid of anything that would resemble a speck of femininity. So why? Why did they feel nothing short of heavenly against his body?

The Kains were always shameless.

That must be why Victor knew how to work up another man. That must be why his lips slotted against Alexander's very own dry ones so perfectly; it wasn't his first time doing this.

The Kains were always shameless.

So it's them. It's Victor's influence he should attribute this sodomy to. Not himself, for his proprietary and piety spoke for themselves.

The Kains were always shameless.

Which is precisely why his hands were hovering above the other's hips—so squarish unlike a woman's round ones—trembling fingers unsure of what to grab, of where to land, of how far past the line to cross.

Placing them on the lower end of his back, just a dip below what's appropriate, and a good distance away from any incriminating areas.

Pulling at the fabric of Victor's shirt ever so slowly, pooling the white material in his grasp.

How humbly the younger Kain dressed always bothered him, even his daughter—Maria—wore more extravagant clothes in comparison to how her father paraded around in a simple white dress shirt and black pants. It always felt intentional, this poor taste of a display. What exactly was he trying to prove? Alexander thought. Aiming to make the ruling families appear as shallow people who only ever care about frivolous appearance, by minimising his own wardrobe?

The shirt wrinkled in his fists, the more and more he lifted of it. Melting into the infectious ferventness, kissing the other man back with rivalling passion. Grinding into his thigh, absolved of sin and shame.

What irked Alexander more, were the cuffed sleeves exposing his arms, the pale skin giving way to visible veins—ones his eyes couldn't help but trace. Thin wrists curving into slender fingers, precise in their every movement, dextrous enough to tinker with the innerworkings of clocks, nimble to vivisect the mechanical guts of the most delicate machinery.

The clock in their house was made by him. It has broken before. He has seen the younger Kain get down on his knees, carefully holding the thinnest of tools between two fingers to realign the cogs to the correct position. That scene was burnt into his memory from that day on forward.

Until the very hem of Victor's shirt was added to the pile. completely exposing his back.

Maybe he should gift Victor a suit, a proper one. The many layers and extravagant fabric are sure to shatter any false image of a humble saint Victor fooled the people into constructing about him. With how much the Kains idolised etiquette and aesthetics, pressurising him to wear it would be a task even a child is capable of. Afterall, it's only proper to wear a gift someone of high importance has given you. Of course... the colours would need to compliment his complexion, the pattern should suit his height, the pocket square should match the divine colour of his eyes—made of silk no less.

The exposed skin tempting Alexander into running his hand atop it, tracing the spine in the centre of the other's bare back, feeling up the his shoulder blades, and pull him closer against his own body.

Only the last part he manages, a half shirtless Victor Kain pressed against the outer coat of the governor.

Alexander thought about feeling up his stomach, cupping his flat chest. Would he enjoy a thumb twirling against his nipple like a woman does? Would he have a reaction to his palm pressing against the naval below his stomach, where a womb should be.

Katerina does.

Saburov's hips unconsciously push into Victor's thigh, grinding back into them. The arms around his neck tightened, Victor's lips hungry and unsatisfied, still seeking more of him.

How beautifully she gave in under him, how sweetly she reacted to his every touch. Her moans a melody to his ears, the most angelic of sounds pouring from her lips with his head buried between her thighs. Alexander is not one for arrogance, but the one thing he allowed himself to flourish in pride about, is how hard he tries to be the epitome of a dutiful husband. He has never looked at Katerina with anything but love in his eyes, he has never neglected her needs, nor demanded more than she had energy for. Memorising all of her favourite spots, spoiling his lover rotten in and out of bed. Bringing her to the heights of pleasure while holding her hand, showering her in kisses, tending to her in the aftermath.

Alexander's body finally gives in, tension leaving his jaw as he welcomes the other's tongue inside. Melting into Victor's embrace, walls lowering down, a tired look in his eyes.

A faint sound resembling a whine slips through his guard, Victor swallows it up. Neither of them acknowledge it further.

They've been sleeping in seperate bedrooms for how many years... it felt like an eternity to Saburov. Memories, all he has are memories of her flowery perfume, of messy black strands framing her face like a halo on the pillow.

But she's alive, safe and sound in her bedroom–once their shared bedroom. And that's enough, to kiss her hand is enough, the fleeting hugs are enough, to love her from afar is enough. To ask for more would be greed.

Victor is uncharted territory, mentally and physically. Saburov has no guarantee that this isn't just some elaborate plan to take advantage of a moment of weakness from the governor... But then, what kind of plan would include dragging your own family name through the mud as well?

It feels surreal, to do something out of the pure desire to do it. He has gotten so used to the game of chess that is ruling this town, he has forgotten he is human at all.

That the Kains are humans, no matter how hard they try to sprout wings and break free of this proclaimed larva stage. To transcend the limits of flesh and blood, in Saburov's eyes, nothing but a kids' pretend game of Gods.

It's been far too long, and there's a warm body in front of him. A Kain's. A man who presumably done it with many other men before him.

But even then, even here, they can't be free of the discreet struggle for power. Alexander is out of his element, Victor is not. The control is slipping away from his fingertips; he must regain it back.

His hands are rough, calloused palms and faded burn marks of an incident long past. One he keeps tracing up and down the naked back of Victor, feeling the growing shivers. The other he brings inbetween them, cupping between Victor's legs, over the fabric of his pants, feeling the protuding bulge twitch at the contact.

There's a curious look in Victor's eyes. Breaking the kiss, a thin line of saliva forms for a second before it falls apart. Victor can't reach the other's neck with his knotted scarf in the way, so he settled for littering the side of his face with smalls kisses and kitten licks. Going from a completely obscene makeout to the most innocent form of kisses without a trace of irony gives the governor a pause, as the realisation of how begrudgingly into it he is, dawns on him.

The faux innocence Victor plays up, the soft cheek kisses, the intimate brushing of his nose against the other, the adorable nibbling on his earlobe. It should disgust him, not invigorate him even more. Those sultry eyes held nothing but sin in their depth, who is he to act to innocuous and pure while grinding his thigh against Alexander's clothed cock.

Worse is the knowing look in the Victor's gaze. As if he digged up some hidden secret he held no shame to abuse. Saburov should've know those curious eyes never spelt anything but trouble.

His mind is slipping away from him. To say he enjoyed the faux coy act of the other would be the underestimation of the century. He enjoys it so much, he is beyond horrified at himself when the other whispers sweet nothing into his ear.

"You're doing so well, my little dove."

As if setting his face on fire, little should fluster a grown man of his age these days. But to hear those endearing words in the younger Kain's voice? It was like a harsh shove over the edge. A fast approaching climax, cock twitching with every small kiss Victor Kain skirted around his ear. Cock pulsing with the thrum of his heartbeat. A final push of Victor's thigh against it was all that it took for wetness to seep through, staining the other's pants in a translucent white.

Stifling the groan following his climax took all of his willpower. Reduced to finishing in his own pants, all wounded ego, overwhelmed libido, and fast racing heart, Alexander Saburov will never forgive the other man for this.

He needs to shut him up, and fast.

Biting Victor's neck is out of the question. It's simply uncouth, it's not who he is, and it will never be something he'll do. The closest he's done was paint his wife's neck with kisses, but even then he was careful not to leave a bruise.

Well, a Kain is not worthy of such courtesy.

For the younger Kain walked around everywhere with the top button always undone, exposing his own collarbone like a whore. Maybe this will teach Victor some manners, even if the other man is 14 years his senior, Alexander's still his governor, and being the brother of that whimsical child Georgiy is all Victor will ever amount to.

Gripping harsher against the tent at the front of his pants, rubbing punishingly fast. The intense friction is everything Victor missed having, pressing himself harder into the other's hand, encouraging Saburov down this path of roughness.

And when the other's lips wrapped around a bare patch of skin on Victor's neck and sucked hard, it was the feeling of a hickey forming that completely flooded his brain with long-forgotten euphoria. Hips stuttering in their movement, left gasping for air under Saburov's stern gaze. Deliberately holding eye contact as the waves of pleasure went through the younger Kain.

Coming down from the height of pleasures, like breaking free of a trance, mutual dread formed a pit at the bottom of their stomachs. They wanted nothing more than to push the other away, bury this under the rug, and never face one another ever again.

But they stayed in each other's arms, holding one another. They stayed despite the despair chipping at corners of their minds.

For Alexander it was a case of principles, he's not one for clumsy rushed sex where he abandons a partner after getting his fill. The discipline embedded within him, the duty he adheres to, whether he wanted or not.

For Victor, it was a matter of pride, he's not one to curl away in shame and fear in the aftermath of an event. The Kains abhor self-flagellation, once an axe swings, you must always follow and see it to the end, no matter how trifling or impious.

High emotions simmered down as the moment passed, carefully unwrapping themselves from one another. High emotions simmered down as the moment passed, carefully unwrapping themselves from one another.

Saburov's hand found the other's waist, unsure of the next course of action; he usually took his wife to soak in a warm lavender scented bath, how Katerina would always coax him into joining her, how easily his self-will faltered when it came to her requests. For such a woman with a gloomy reputation, the absurd amount of bubbles in her every bath amused him to no end. He'd wash her hair, and she'd hum a melody, softly echoing against the bathroom tiles.

But it feels improper for this situation, seeing as he's not under his own roof.

As for Victor, he couldn't help but eye the silver tray on his desk, recalling how in every aftermath, his wife would bring him a warm cup of tea in bed. For all the wicked titles and horrible names the townsfolk called her by, none would believe the very same Sinister Nina would massage the knots out of his shoulders, soothe any bite marks, and hug his face close to her chest as he drifted into slumber.

Too bad he's in a state of mourning, unable to eat or drink out of respect for Simon's last request.

Alexander settled for coaxing the other back into his chair instead, Victor offered a small word of gratitude in response. Hearing his still breathless voice, Alexander attempted to seem unaffected. Pretending the memory of his pleasure-filled gasp hasn't been etched into his mind.

With Saburov, his coat easily covered any shameful spots or remains on his pants. While the younger Kain was a complete mess, his utter being glaring evidence of what went down in this room.

From his ridden up wrinkled shirt, to the two damp patches on his pants, one on his thigh, and the other belonging to him. The flushed face and half-lidded eyes, the completely exposed neck with a singular hickey far down.

God, Saburov thought, even if you took away the ruined clothes, his sinful face completely incriminated him. The usually indifferent tone replaced by a clement one, intimacy residing in each syllable. The somber never-changing facial expression somehow morphed into a hungry lustful look more fitting those barely clothed dancers in the pub.

He's not into men; he can't be. For no other man has ever looked at him like Victor does. No other man ever made his imagination run wild from the simplest of actions. No other man drove him this close to the brink of insanity like the younger Kain.

He has no attraction to men—he justified—for Victor Kain is an outlier amongst men. In fact, Saburov is sure that if he dressed him up in a soft blue nightgown, adorned his cheeks with blush and painted pink across his lips, then surely that'll make any honest man question his orientation.

For he is not to blame, it's the Kains who are always shameless. The irresistible siren's call has drowned many men better than him. For all of Victor's virtues, he remains Nina's husband, the very same Nina that could force blood from a stone. She must've done something to him, broke something that made him... so enticing to those he shouldn't be with.

Neither of them were truly satisfied with ending it here, longing for more, starved for one another's touch, for at least a full night of passion, to get their fill of one another's embrace.

"I should take my leave." Alexander repeated, for the second time this day.

Victor stood up again, and like clockwork, Saburov's hand found its way to his waist "I would offer to walk you to the door, governor, but as it stands I'm currently indisposed."

"Do stay where you are, and compose yourself, that dear Bachelor of yours will be making rounds today."

"I'll keep your words in mind"

An uncomfortable feeling gnawed at Saburov's core, the thought of turning around and leaving just like this didn't sit right with him.

Wordlessly, he cupped the other's face, mimicking what he did at the start. Moving closer, slightly parted lips pressing into Victor's. A tender kiss, too short for the other's liking, too sweet, too delicate.

Everything Nina was not.

Everything Alexander is to Katerina.

The hand should dig into his waist, not hold it like he's made of porcelain that'd crack under the smallest of forces. The kiss should steal his breath away, toy with the notion of choking him to death before granting her mercy, intead it was pitying almost, like kissing the coffin of a dead spouse.

Most of all, it showcased how brittle Victor's influnce was on him, for Alexander all but immediately reverted back to his old habits.

Ending far too soon, a bittersweet goodbye. "Send a carrier to inform me of when the funeral will be taking place. My wife would like to attend and pay her respects for Simon."

"I will, do send my regards for Katerina."

Adjusting his coat, the governor took his leave. The handle turns with a squeek, the floorboards creek, the door clicks shut again.

Fifty-seven, fifty-eight, fifty-nine...

Ten thirty-eight.

Picking up the silver tray, Victor went to reheat the kettle. Cinnamon tea with a sprinkle of sugar, her favourite. Walking upstairs for a change of clothes shortly after.

A quarter to eleven.

Back in his office, sitting in his chair, staring blankly at the death certificate of an immortal man, awaiting his signature.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine...

[danvolodar]

Pathologic and the Town's Russianness: 2

In part 2, let's explore the Town's social structure, compare it to what Russian Empire had before the Revolution, and see if the two are alike.

Two warnings have to be kept in mind when exploring this topic.

First, of course, the Kin are outside its scope, because they're a society quite apart from the real steppe nomads the Russian state had struggled against since before it became an Empire. So it'd be senseless to say "oh, but we can't really hear any Kin mentioned among the nobility in the Capital the way Apraksins, Arakcheevs, Yusupovs, or any number of other noble families were, thus the Capital is nothing like St.Petersburg!"

Second, when comparing the social structure shown in the game, we have to use the Imperial society as a yardstick, and not just because there's said to be an Emperor in the Capital, but because after the Empire fell, the Russian society changed quite radically, guided by purely ideological concepts, so the comparison would be meaningless from the start.

Now, that said, the society of Imperial Russia was explicitly a class-based one. There was some class mobility, and in the timeframe the game is set in the whole structure was under pressure of the new economic realities (as shown in quite a number of classical pieces, starting with, say, Checkhov's Cherry Orchard), but still, it was rigid enough.

And the Town's ruling families fit into said structure well enough.

The Kains could well be Russian nobility of the high noble stock. That works well with what the game tells us of the "blood of heroes" flowing in their veins; and it explains the source of their wealth, too.

Similarly, the Saburovs fit the mold quite well, as a nobility-for-service family. Alexander in particular is a match, with his inflexible values in his P2 depiction.

Now, the Empire had formally codified forms of address for high nobility and top-ranked officials (think "your Highness" or "your Excellency"), and our marry gang of healers, despite all being commoners, do not follow these, but it's nothing but a nitpick, since doing otherwise could've made the likeness of the Empire all too close.

The Olgimskys are a bit more of a mixed bag. They're clearly rich merchants, but they don't exactly fit the stereotypical depiction to a T, starting with Big Vlad's clean-shaven visage (compare him to the Morozovs or the Ryabushinskys, for instance). Beard fashions differed between classes, and with the number of Old Believers among the merchants (who considered shaving blasphemous), full beards were ever in style among that class - even Peter I's laws that leavied taxes on beards did little to change that. But then again, Olgimskys have a Western Slav surname, who's to tell, perhaps they come from Polish or Jewish stock, like the historical Poliyakovs.

A much more significant difference would be their apparent irreligiousity. The way religion in Pathologic 2 differs from what happened in the Russian Empire deserves its own post, I think, so I'll just note that the Olgimskys as merchants not using their religion (whatever it might be: Old Believer or mainstream Orthodox Christianity, Judaism or even Catholicism) at least as an ostentatious outlet for charity differentiates the game's setting from the Empire; same as, of course, the lack of priesthood class in its entirety.

There are other classes missing, naturally, but the reasons for that, I believe, have more to do with establishing the game's themes, as discussed in the intro part of my blog post series. Peasants cannot be shown, because fields, gardens and orchards stretching for kilometers around the Town-on-Gorkhon would undermine the theme of contraposition between the Town and the Steppe, removing the latter physically well out ofsight. Similarly, cossacks, ever present during the Empire's forays into the Eurasian steppes, cannot be present in the game: they did agriculture just as much as peasants; their presence as an organized fighting force in the Town would undermine the othering of the Army; and their styles would be too distinctive to maintain plausible difference from the historical Russian Empire.

The one class that's left to discuss are the commoners: the townsfolk and the factory workers. And they look and feel passably close to the commoners in the Empire, to a surprising degree; except, perhaps, for the shortage of facial hair and headwear. Perhaps they're even a bit too well-off for the underclass in the times when its exploitation was at its worst. Then again, the game design documents state they're meant to be "depersonalized in the utmost, a many-headed hivemind. Not a collection of individuals but a mass, devoid of color and personality. Soulless". Which is an impression of the common man normal enough for the Russian intelligentsia throughout time, yet one that I personally deeply despise, due to being a morlock myself (see also Lev Gumilev with his "what kind of intelligenstia am I when I have a profession").

So, to sum this part up: the social structure of the Town is passably Russian, the most significant difference being the lack of priesthood. The lack of the more distinctive classes, the ones that most differentiated Russia in the early XX century from the other European states of the time, can mostly be explained away by the game needing to maintain is themes and creative vision in the areas well outside of sociology.

[jillaxkalangg]

shet ganito pala ang feeling kapag sinagot nang tama kapag sinabi kong kumain na sya hahahahaha shuta itapon nyo na yang line nyong "kain kita" kasi yuck ang cringe lalo na kapag out of topic naman 😭 yun lang good night bye

[solreix]

hinata shoyo is one heck of a hunk in college. kada lakad niya, hindi talaga mapipigilan ng mga tao kung hindi sundan siya ng tingin. the way his eyes form crescent whenever he smiles, and it is all the time. he smiles all the time, at parang biniyayaan ang lahat ng nakakakita noon.

he was almost literally shining so bright kahit nakatayo lamang siya at naghihintay ng aya kung saan man sila pupunta ng teammates niya.

yet, this comes with disadvantage. kahit na sanay siyang makipag-usap sa tao, he could not help but feel discomfort whenever people would just barge in their classroom para magbigay ng kung ano. he likes the attention, and he understands, grateful even. pero minsan ay naiilang siya.

it's just... he doesn't have the heart to reject everyone, especially as most of them are literally handmade. he could not break their hearts like that.

so his answer? fake dating.

and that's what yn's here for. katulad na lang ngayon. kanina pa siya nakatago sa likod ng pader, pinagmamasdan si hinata na mukhang hinihintay siya para sa usapan nilang kain mamaya. she was just about to go to him when a group of friend went to him first.

"hinata, pwedeng pa-picture!"

she watched as hinata pushed himself from the wall, smiling at them, his typical business smile. "sure," simpleng sagot ng binata.

a sigh escaped her lips. hindi talaga marunong humindi ito. instead of waiting for them to finish, she walked towards the group. hindi pa man siya nakalalapit ay namataan na siya ng boyfriend, well, fake boyfriend. she could see relief through his eyes, making her think that her decision's just correct.

"love, hi! kanina ka pa?" bungad niya nang makalapit.

"sorry, excuse me." hindi na nito hinintay ang sasabihin ng mga babae. instead, he immediately went to her. tila ba automatic ang paghila nito sa kamay niya, at automatic na rin sa kaniyang ibigyay kamay.

"nagp-picture pa kayo," malumanay niyang sabi para hindi mainis sa kaniya ang mga fangirls nito.

hinata shook his head. "i think we've taken enough. and no, halos kadarating ko lang din."

with that, she nodded her head to the girls direction. kita ang inggit, at the same time admiration sa mga mata nito. "una na kami."

the girls could only nod and smile as they left.

"so, kumusta araw mo?"

nakangiti siyang nag-angat ng tingin kay shoyo. she couldn't help but find him cute as he tilted his head while looking at her. nakatalikod pa itong naglalakad para lamang nakaharap sa kaniya.

"masaya naman. kahit pumasok si de mesa." she sighed. "alam ko kasi gusto kong magdoktor, bakit parang audition ng pbb kapag nagtuturo siya?"

shoyo's hearty laugh echoed. "naging prof ko rin yan last year, minsan gusto ko na lang siyang tulugan."

"i know. kung hindi lang malikot mata niya," she replied with a laugh.

their conversation went on as they got out of the campus. dahil late na ang naging labas niya ngayon, halos iilan na lang ang estudyante sa labas. madilim na rin at tanging liwanag na lang ng buwan at street light ang nagbibigay ilaw.

as they talked, her eyes remained on shoyo. it's almost always like this, lalo kung wala itong practice. silang dalawa, kwentuhan hanggang maihatid siya nito sa dorm niya o minsan kapag may oras pa, kakain sila. palagi silang may topic dahil na rin kay shoyo. his days are always interesting.

"nga pala, nag-aaya sila yamaguchi sa linggo. reunion daw lalo kasi aalis na pa-italy si kageyama next week." umpisa nito.

"really? akala ko next year pa siya?"

nagkibit balikat ito. "i guess sa linggo pa namin malalaman." saka ito sumulyap sa kaniya. "well, kung papayag ka."

dito umangat ang kilay niya. "i always tell you na huwag ka nang magpaalam, ayan ka na naman."

"eh..." shoyo frowned. she sighed at the thought of wanting to keep her to herslef as he looked adorable doing so. "gusto ko lang magsabi."

nanlaki ang mata niya nang kumapit ito sa braso niya, at habang naglalakad sila ay idinantay nito ang baba sa balikat niya. unti-unti siyang huminga upang hindi mahalata nito na nahirapan siya.

hinata shoyo, pwede ba kasing totoong akin ka na lang?

she clenched her fist at the thought. "edi magsabi ka. magsabi ka lang para hindi ako mag-alala, pero hindi mo na kailangan ng permission ko." then that's when she remembered. "at isa pa, linggo na 'yon, shoyo."

"noted, madam!" sagot nito, at umalis na lamang bigla mula sa pagkakadantay sa kaniya.

naiwan siyang pinanood ang likod nitong maglakad papasok sa paborito nilang kinakainan. her eyes melted at the sight of his arms pushing the door, waiting for her kahit na nahinto siya sa paglalakad.

sa linggo ang lakad nito.

sabado, tapos na sila.

fake lang naman kasi dapat eh. nagkataon lang na magkaibigan sila ni yachi at siya ang naisip nitong ipakilala kay shoyo. she could not blame the woman kasi she's known not to fall for anyone that easy. bato siya dapat eh.

sa dami ng nagco-commit sa paligid niya, hindi siya nadala. sa ilang bulaklak na naitabi niya, wala namang feelings na namuo.

pero hindi niya inasahang masyadong mainit si shoyo.

of course, she didn't fall easily. she had done her role very well the very first month, even on the second month as his fake girlfriend. pero lintik, mapaglaro talaga si universe.

who would've thought that shoyo can penetrate the walls she built around herself by being her fake boyfriend?

he was bright enough to lighten up her dull world. his smiles could unite the heaven and hell, and whenever he smiles at her, something snaps. his shoulders were strong enough for her to depend on, at hindi niya alam na kailangan niya pala iyon dahi sanay naman siyang dumipende sa sarili niya.

"dalawang sisig po."

her attention went to him when he guided her towards their spot. mabuti na lang at walang masyadong tao dahil kapag tanghali ay hindi bakante ang pwestong ito.

"wait here. bili lang ako lemonade." lord, ngumiti na naman siya.

naglakad muli palabas si shoyo at wala siyang ginawa kundi panoorin na lamang hanginin ang puting t-shirt nito. mukhang uulan pa yata base na rin sa paglipad ng buhok nito.

simula nang marealize niya sa sarili niyang hindi niya yata kayang makitang ganito sa iba ang binata, alam niyang tinamaan na siya. she could not accept the fact that someday he'd hold another's hand. someone's gonna run their hands on his hair, and they would feel the joy of it.

hindi niya pala kaya.

suminghap siya nang bumalik ito at ibinaba ang inumin nila. "sho," she started.

marahan itong ngumiti sa kaniya. "bakit?"

"sa linggo ka aalis. wala na tayo sa sabado." she decided not to beat around the bush.

katahimikan ang naging dulot nito sa kanilang dalawa. tanging hangin paggalaw lamang ng mga nagtitinda ang tanging maririnig habang nakatitig sila sa mata ng isa't isa.

nang hindi niya kayanin ang tingin ni shoyo. bumaba ang mata niya sa lamesa. "anong plano natin?"

"may nagawa ba ako?" finally, nagsalita ang binata.

sa gulat sa sinabi nito, muli siyang nag-angat ng tingin. "wala. what made you say that?"

mukhang nakahinga ito nang maluwag. "ah." he smiled sheepishly, scratching his brows. "i just thought... i did something."

"wala naman. iyon lang kasi 'yung napag-usapan."

"i figured." tumango ito. "actually, salamat pala sa pagpayag. bago ka pa kasi maipakilala ni yachi, kilala na kita kasi madalas ka niyang kasama last year-orgmates pala kayo."

doon siya nagulat. well, of course she knew him dahil player ito, pero hindi niya inasahang kilala rin siya nito noon pa.

"no'ng sinabi ni yachi na ikaw raw yung ipapakilala niya, natakot ako. you looked intimidating dati, like someone who wouldn't even dare to look at me." natawa ito, parang maraming naalala. "si hirugami nga, binasted mo, ako pa kaya? though fake, boyfriend pa rin para sa paningin ng iba."

"pa'no mo nalaman?" hindi niya inaasahang magugulat siya sa mga sinasabi nito ngayon. not that she's mad. pero hindi niya talaga alam na marami itong alam tungkol sa kaniya. sikat ito, gwapo, mabait-he's a literal star, someone to challenge celestial beings, so paano dadapo ang tingin nito sa kaniya?

"hindi naman pinublicize ni hirugami, huwag ka mag-alala. kaibigan ko lang si hoshiumi, so i heard it from him when she found out girlfriend kita." uminom ito. "but, going back, hesitant talaga ako sa pag-alok sa'yo. ikaw na 'yan, ito lang ako-"

"what do you mean iyan ka lang?" she cut him. hindi niya mapigilang magsalubong ang kilay dahil sa narinig.

mukha namang nagulat ito sa naging reaksyon niya. amusement dance in his eyes as he leaned closer. "ang cute mo." natawa ito, at iniunat ang kilay niya. "relax, i'm confident with my skills. with myself, pero sa'yo, noon hindi. pakiramdam ko may kailangan akong i-prove para matanggap sa tabi mo."

"what are you saying hinata shoyo, have you seen yourself?"

shoyo didn't let go of her cheeks. "have you seen yourself?" he retorted.

natahimik siya. una hindi siya makahinga sa mga sinasabi nito, pangalawa, she likes the feeling of his hands on her cheeks too much.

hindi nawala ang ngiti sa labi nito. "pero sabi ko, bahala na. naging selfish din ako eh, kailangan ko talaga."

natawa silang dalawa sa sinabi nito. give it to shoyo to lighten up everything.

"and everything went smooth. hindi ko inexpect na ganito ka pala. ang sarap palang magpaalaga sa'yo, at ang sarap na alagaan ka." marahan itong ngumiti. "pwede ko bang sabihin sa'yo ngayon ang plano ko?"

tumango siya, hindi makapagsalita.

"can i be selfish once again? pwede bang this time, totoo na? can i prove myself to you? pursue you in a way na malinaw sa'yo kung ano ba talagang habol ko?"

she was left dumbfounded for a few seconds. kanina lang hinihilang niyang sana totoo lahat. sana shoyo was also looking at her the way she looks at him. at ngayon, ito ang sinasabi niya.

is she dreaming? is this okay?

"kung ayos lang sa'yo..." ang tanging nasabi niya.

muli, natawa ito. "no, it's your call. everything, basta nandito lang ako."

"do it." pumikit siya. huminga nang malalim, bago muling tumingin dito. "iextend natin. without holding back. this time, no one will hold back."

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

Up on i76 in Pennsylvania. This is a traditional static/vinyl billboard (not digital) and will stay up through November. Chip in. https://maddogpac.com/products/quick-donate-1

* * * *

Are we really not going to talk about this?

August 29, 2024

Robert B. Hubbell

Apologies to all for the subject of this newsletter. It relates to Trump's posting a sexually crude attack on Kamala Harris. If you would rather not hear or read about it, please stop here and skip ahead to the article entitled “Trump-Vance campaign doubles down on cemetery desecration.”

On Wednesday, Donald Trump used his vanity social media platform to distribute a photo of Kamala Harris and Hillary Clinton, which contained the caption: “Funny how blowjobs impacted both their careers differently . . . .”

The link is here if you don’t believe that Trump posted this disgusting sexist attack on Kamala Harris and Hillary Clinton. I urge you NOT to click on this link. But if you must see for yourself, it is here: Truth Details | Truth Social

The post was part of a string of lunatic posts on Wednesday in which Trump promoted QAnon memes, suggested that Barack Obama should be tried before a military tribunal as a traitor, showed a half-dozen Democratic leaders in orange prison jumpsuits, and featured AI images of Trump riding a lion.

None of the above managed to pierce through the media’s criticism that Kamala Harris’s first interview after the convention will be with her running mate, which the media suggests is a sign of Kamala Harris’s weakness. Such joint interviews are traditional—including Trump/Vance, Trump/Pence, Obama/Biden, Biden/Harris, Romney Ryan, and Clinton/Kaine.

But when Kamala Harris follows that tradition, the media loses its collective mind—while ignoring Trump's use of a misogynistic trope asserting that the only way a female politician can get ahead is by performing sexual acts.

Where is the outrage? Where are the demands to apologize? Where are the editorials in stentorian tones proclaiming that Trump is unfit for the presidency?

We are witnessing the near universal moral collapse of the media. They have created the monster that is Donald Trump. They are allowing him to “slut shame” the first Black South Asian female presidential candidate with impunity. Until the press finds its backbone and moral compass, Trump will continue to slander women, minorities, veterans, LGBTQ people without consequence. That is the lesson Trump takes from our collective silence.

The first question in every press conference with Donald Trump henceforth must be “Will you apologize for and renounce your statement that Kamala Harris used sexual acts to succeed as a female politician?” If Trump refuses to answer that question, the media should walk out of the press conference. Cut off his oxygen—media exposure.

As a husband, father of three daughters, and grandfather of three granddaughters, I urge all women and the men who love them to stand against this outrage. We must not be silent or accept grotesque misogyny as the norm. We harm all women everywhere if we do so. We cannot be silent.

 [Update: Late Wednesday evening, the NYTimes ran a front-page, above the fold story on this topic: Trump Reposts Crude Sexual Remark About Harris on Truth Social. This article is accessible to all. It was written by Michael Gold. I have emailed Michael at michael.gold@nytimes.com thanking him for writing a factual article on this topic.]

Trump-Vance campaign doubles down on cemetery desecration and insulting women without children

A campaign led by normal people would apologize for the Trump's campaign altercation with a military worker at Arlington National Cemetery. Not the Trump-Vance campaign. Instead of apologizing for violating federal rules against using the national cemetery for political purposes, the Trump-Vance campaign released a Tik-Tok video of Trump's visit, claiming that the family of one of the deceased soldiers gave permission to photograph them at the cemetery.

The problem is that family members do not have the authority to waive federal regulations prohibiting photography. Why? Because as the Trump “thumbs-up” photo shows, it is impossible to take a photo that does not capture other grave markers or mourners (as Trump's photo did). Worse still, the family could not give permission to Trump to use Arlington as a site for political campaigning—which he did by converting the photo and video into a campaign ad. See CNN Politics, Arlington National Cemetery: Fresh controversy brews over Trump’s visit.

The increasingly creepy and angry JD Vance responded to the controversy by claiming that the media had exaggerated the significance of “the altercation”—his word, not mine. Worse, he criticized Kamala Harris for not investigating the Abbey Gate bombing on the last day of US troop withdrawal by saying that Kamala Harris could “go to hell.” See CNN Politics, JD Vance defends Trump after cemetery incident, says Harris ‘can go to hell’.

Ah, yes! JD Vance’s precious family values are on full display as he defends the indefensible by swearing at a person who dares to criticize Donald Trump. Of course, Vance is wrong in asserting that there was no investigation of the Abbey Gate bombing. There were multiple investigations by the Department of Defense. Kabul Airport Attack Review Reaffirms Initial Findings.

Perhaps JD Vance intended to be provocative and outlandish in his defense of Trump's desecration of Arlington because yet another “childless cat lady” video of JD Vance has surfaced. This time, Vance asserts that any woman without children is unfit to teach in school because they will “brainwash” the minds of their students. See The Guardian, JD Vance attacks childless teachers in newly resurfaced remarks.

A video of JD Vance’s remarks is here: An Evening with the Ohio Candidates for US Senate.

Vance said,

So many of the leaders of the left, and I hate to be so personal about this, but they’re people without kids trying to brainwash the minds of our children, that really disorients me and disturbs me. Randi Weingarten, who’s the head of the most powerful teachers’ union in the country, she doesn’t have a single child. If she wants to brainwash and destroy the minds of children, she should have some of her own and leave ours the hell alone.

As usual, Vance is wrong on the facts, politics, and morals. Randi Weingarten is a stepmother to her wife’s child. Factual errors aside, JD Vance believes that anyone without children is out to “brainwash” his kids. In most of America, people without children are known as teachers, coaches, principals, clergy, mayors, business leaders, politicians, and just plain “people.” JD Vance has a creepy worldview in which parents have a privileged status that entitles them to a greater voice in governance than people without children.

Meanwhile, Team Normal continues to act like normal people campaigning for the presidency and vice-presidency

After the disgusting and creepy display by the Trump-Vance campaign, the appearances by Kamala Harris and Tim Walz in Georgia felt like a breath of normalcy and decency. They started their bus tour through Georgia with a high-profile rally of 10,000 in Atlanta. See Slate, I Was at the Kamala Harris Rally in Atlanta. What You’re Seeing Is Very Real.

Kamala and Tim visited a school in Hinesville, Georgia, where they dropped in on a band practice. The video is here: Harris and Walz speak to students. The tour is part of an effort to decrease GOP margins in red counties of Georgia—essential to winning the race on a statewide level in November 2024.

Harris and Walz will conduct a similar tour in Michigan and Wisconsin over the Labor Day weekend. Trump, Harris heat up campaign trail in mad dash toward Election Day (usatoday.com). And President Joe Biden will appear with Kamala Harris this week!

As I said yesterday, they are acting like candidates who really want to win in November by taking their campaign directly to the people.

[Robert B. Hubbell Newsletter]