#totally normal enemy behavior. i love these freaks so much !!!!!

[veryberrybad]

happy pride month!

[heart-stomper]

Unspoken Trust, Unspoken Fears

Gathering my thoughts on Sasha and Marcy’s dynamic before S3 proves me wrong shows us what’s going on with these two.

It’s time to look at The Dinner and Battle of the Bands, and then use it as a guide to read the room in True Colors.

No worries! You just gotta speak their language. - Sasha, Reunion

Or in this case, know when to stay quiet. 

Sasha gets really really frustrated this episode. Like, so bad, that if that Volcakeno didn’t erupt, she might have been the one to end the friendship. Even Marcy and Grime couldn’t calm her down. But that’s the thing, before this point, they were the only ones to get through to Sasha without provoking her.

Grime keeps Sasha in line; she rolls her eyes and is clearly annoyed every time she has to hold herself back, but her willingness to keep it cool shows she ultimately agrees with Grime’s plan and sees it as the best path to success.  When Marcy chimes in, it’s with a helpful answer to Sasha’s question. She reminds Sasha of why they stopped Doing Thing by explaining how their plan failed. She avoids judging Sasha for it, and frames it as the repercussions of their actions, as a group. Marcy is on Sasha’s side, so Sasha doesn’t put up any defenses. When Sasha decides to avoid arguing with Anne however, it isn’t for Anne. It’s for the plan, for her and Grime.

Marcy has enough faith in Sasha to believe she’d never want to purposefully hurt Anne, but is careful about broaching the subject. Sasha feels attacked very easily, and will quickly trivialize or downplay things if she feels the other person is being unreasonable or doesn’t ‘get’ her.

And that is the only time Marcy speaks up besides The Big Argument. She only jumps into actual conflicts if things get too heated. Otherwise, she just lets Sasha do her thing, and lets Anne argue with Sasha... sort of.

This isn’t collaboration. It’s a hostile takeover. Why do things always have to be your way?

Now, for the bait and switch. Let’s talk about Marcy’s behavior in Day at the Aquarium and New Wartwood, and Sasha’s in Toadcatcher and Barrel’s Warhammer… while tying it all back to Battle of Bands!

You didn’t tell me you were writing a song! Let’s do it! I mean, if that’s okay with you, Sasha.

In A Day at the Aquarium, Marcy’s first instinct to Anne saying she’s going back with the Plantars is to make a plan. To show that it isn’t actually what will benefit Anne’s Goals. She doesn’t even consider opening up as an option, and avoids saying anything that could cause conflict. New Wartwood, Marcy tries to chat with the citizens of Wartwood and get to know them. But when that doesn’t work, she decides that impressing them with her knowledge and usefulness is bound to make them like her. It has to.

It does seem simpler.

Trying to win people over by claiming a plan is of mutual interest and necessary, carefully choosing which words to use, viewing relationships as a puzzle to be solved… this isn’t the sort of thing Marcy needs to do to get along with someone like Anne. It’s how Marcy copes with Sasha. Sasha lashes out and belittles bad ideas. Sasha has to be convinced the plan benefits her, suits her. Vulnerability and love aren’t enough to make her care, so Marcy does what she can to prove she’s worth being around. She might even sometimes wonder if Sasha actually likes her, or just likes what she can do for her. She rather not find out.

Whenever she’s afraid of people not liking her, or is worried that she’ll lose them, she dives right into those bad habits. She can give her opinions, but they aren’t supposed to get in the way of what Sasha wants. She’s supposed to say “That’s amazing! What do you think Sash’?” not “Let’s do it!”

Listen. There’s another reason why I’ve been training so hard. To protect the one person I know I can count on right now. You. You’re right, I already lost one friend. I’m not about to lose another. - Sasha, Toadcatcher

In Toadcatcher, there’s that scene, where Sasha looks at the BFF picture and the wind cuts off Anne for a second so it’s just her and Marcy. This is where Sasha is at. Anne might have rebelled, but when Sasha reunites with Marcy? Oh, she’ll show Anne, one way or another. They’ll get her back (like, joining the team or revenge wise, depending on Sasha’s mood.)

Listen here you buffoon! What’s it gonna take to prove that you should follow us? - Barrel’s Warhammer

Aaaand Sasha freaks out royally when she learns the two are alone together and doing just fine. On some level, she fears Anne and Marcy “getting along without her�� because it means they might decide they don’t actually need her to make plans; that she isn’t necessary to have fun. In the The Sleepover to End All Sleepovers, we see that isn’t as big a catastrophe as Sasha seems to think it’d be. As time goes on, the girls do gain a healthier relationship to their feelings about Sasha, but that doesn’t mean they’d want her gone even if they don’t need her there. But Sasha doesn’t know that, she doesn’t even consider it till reuniting in The Third Temple. All she knows for now, is that she can be a bit... much... so if she isn’t in control, if her way isn’t “the best”, why would Marcy put up with her either? 

Listen. If things get too wild out here, just give me a signal and I’ll call the whole thing off. 

 For sure, teach it to us Anne. 

Every Sasha plan starts with an empty reassurance. So much of Sasha’s dialogue follows a pattern where she says stuff like “we’ll call it off” (she did not call it off) and “for sure, I don’t mind” (she did mind) that it could be it’s own game. Sasha talks the talk, until it gets in the way of what she wants.

Sorry guys, but we’re way to close to bail. I am not going back empty-handed.

It’s good. I just have a few tiny notes that I think could make it even better. ... Boom! Fiixed it! 

If they just follow her lead and let her fix it, everything will work out. They should believe in her and trust her. After all...

That’s not true! Besides, we did it. ... You’re not actually gonna throw this all away are you?

I just wanted all of us to succeed. I was just being a good friend. Why couldn’t they see that?

It all worked out, right? Percy and Braddock made it out okay even if she didn’t follow through on her promise. They won, she’s reliable. But of course, Sasha lost something more important than their belief in her abilities, she lost their trust. In Battle of the Bands however, Sasha recognizes that Anne and Marcy don’t want to follow her ambitions and will be pushed away by them just like Percy and Braddock were. So she takes it upon herself to end things, accepting that she’s lost.

Sorry it took so long.

Except this time, she manages to realize that maybe “what she wants” is to be there for her friends. Sasha’s finally had the space to relax and really think about what she wants, at least a little. This isn’t a real battle after all. Doing things her way all the time isn’t as important as she thought. Maybe she should trust in her friends more. A change of pace isn’t “wrong”, just different. It’s fun.

Sorry we lost, Sash’.

Just like Percy and Braddock, Marcy knows Sasha is capable. She understands that Sasha just wants the team to succeed. That’s why she apologizes when Grime beats them in the competition. She wants Sasha to know she appreciates what she did, but keeps it a bit indirect. She gets Sasha probably didn’t want to push them away. Marcy tried to catch herself and back Sasha up, but when Sasha had her argument with Anne, she stayed quiet. She couldn’t bring herself to go against Anne. 

That was ultimately for the best, as Sasha learned a valuable lesson. Except... She’s in too deep with the rebellion to back out now. This is the episode she’d spill the truth and give up on the whole thing, except... Grime. A part of her knows leaving would make Grime her enemy. She can’t risk that. So, she keeps going with the plan. She decides she’ll somehow win it all back. Because the thing she’s actually most afraid of, is losing another friend. 

Sorry things got a little crazy back there. You guys good? ... Sheesh, don’t be a sore loser. Look, I’m gonna stay here and get this toad regime off the ground, but I can totally send you two home if you want. Or, you can stick around and give me a hand! So what’d’ya say?

Sasha’s final offer; the last chance she’s giving the girls to stop acting weird and go back to being her obedient friends who do what she wants. Sasha lost at Toad Tower, but now she’s won. So Anne should go back to normal, she’s supposed to, like some unspoken “rule”.

And Marcy is supposed fall back in line too. The offer and apology are just as much a plea directed at her. Sasha’s trying to be generous, in her own awkward way. She has bit her tongue so far. She’s thrown a temper tantrum or two, but she hasn’t been this forward in asking Marcy for help till now. She wants Marcy to say that everything’s okay. Make it clear she doesn’t think she’s the bad guy, and that she forgives her and wants to be there for her. That they’re on the same page again. She wants Marcy to help make Anne look overly dramatic and silly for making such a big deal of all this. Sure, if Anne figures that out by herself, that’d be great, but if Marcy could just speak up.

But she doesn’t. Of course she doesn’t.

Marcy’s too busy worrying about Anne’s reaction. Knowing that she’ll be upset about this. She doesn’t dare side with Sasha, and is disappointed and betrayed that she actually did something like this. Marcy already has her own secret plans, so when she finally tries to calm things down, all she can give is a non-descript “we can still fix this”. And then, she’s once again shocked when she sees Sasha threaten Anne and the Plantars. Seeing Sasha act so willing to actually hurt people rather than just push them around... it finally hits her just how serious “tried to kill them” was. And of course, losing Anne or being sent home with her would completely mess up her own plans.

Sasha’s isn’t a vulnerable person. She’ll go on about loving her friends if it makes her look good, but she actively avoids doing anything that could be seen as “weak”. She wouldn’t dare ask Marcy to drop Anne and choose her. If Marcy isn’t speaking up, she can take the hint. She still isn’t on her side, and so she gets sent to the dungeon along with the rest of them.

Marcy accepts that Sasha has become an obstacle, but a part of her still hopes the three of them can work through all this. If they do things her way, nobody has to get hurt. She'll figure out a way hold everything together, fix everything, like always.

And then Andrias betrays her.

Yeah, what plan?

Sasha stops talking once she realizes what’s going on. Quietly fuming as Marcy explains herself. The music box, the suggestion to take it back to Andrias... that wasn’t Marcy being the sweet, supportive friend who Sasha thought she could always rely on, who believed in her... that was Marcy using her. It was never going to become their plan; Marcy never trusted her and was actively working against her. Sasha lost Anne, and she never had a chance at getting Marcy back, either. 

Sasha smacks Marcy away when she desperately tries to justify herself. She doesn’t want to hear it anymore. She’s furious that Marcy thinks they could be friends after something like this, after she’s manipulated them and claimed it was for their sakes. This whole time, her goal had been avoiding the move with her parents. And coming here has only torn them apart even worse.

Marcy reaches out to both girls. And when Sasha rejects her, she clings to Anne, hoping at least she’ll find it in her to forgive her. That she’ll understand she cares about them even if she messed up. Marcy knows they’d probably never pick her over their families or ambitions, so she told herself this place offered those things too. Made them all better people. But as she says her excuses out loud, she can’t find a single one that feels right. She was just afraid of losing them, and now, she’s managed to hurt them on top of that. 

But the thing is. After all that. Despite how betrayed and hurt and angry Sasha was, she looks like this:

Sasha realizes this must be exactly how Anne felt about her betrayal. It isn’t just an abstract “hurt” or “bad thing” anymore. She can also sympathize with how Marcy feels and why she did it, at least a little. She can’t imagine being able to forgive this, and yet... when she looks to Anne with that apologetic look, she isn’t just hoping Anne will forgive her. She’s also asking for permission to forgive Marcy. Pleading that they all still have a chance to move past this together.

[strayneoculturekids]

enemies to lovers AU Doyoung x Reader

Summary: Your roommate was the worst possible person ever, always fricking nagging. The only person you’re able to complain to is your online friend, and in return, you listen to his complaints about his roommate. You two find out you got to the same college and finally he tells you his name, turns out he’s actually your roommate.

College AU, enemies to lovers AU

Genre: fluff, kinda slight a little bit angst but like not really, crack(?)

BTW “Y/U/N” means your username and for the sake of the story it can’t be your actual name

You walked into your shared dorm where you found your roommate sitting on the couch, scrolling through his phone. He immediately turned his eyes to you when you walked in as if he was waiting for you to return.

“You didn’t clean up after yourself this morning, so I did it for you” 

Now, normally, cleaning up after someone when they forgot to do it is considered a nice gesture and you would’ve thanked them. With Doyoung though, his tone was so passive aggressive and you were much more than sure that he did it just so he could rub the fact that he’s cleaner than you in your face.

You grumbled a barely audible thanks, quickly going to your room so you didn’t have to look at him any longer.

You’ll admit, Doyoung is handsome. Probably the best-looking person you’ve ever met. But oh god was he annoying. Every second you spent with him was another cell gone from your brain. His constant nagging and passive-aggressive responses to everything were the worst things you had ever gone through.

You made it to your room, shutting the door behind you and immediately getting out your laptop from your bag, sitting down on the floor, placing the laptop in your lap because both you and Doyoung were too broke to afford two desks so you bought one and split the price. But the desk was in the room Doyoung was currently in and there was no way you were spending more time with him than absolutely needed.

You opened your laptop and got up the messaging app you used to message your closest friend. You’re pretty sure he knew like everything about you, and you knew everything about him. Including the fact that you were...pretty kinky. Hey, he was your closest friend, like you weren’t gonna tell him about all that.

[Y/U/N]: hey

[dongie]: heya, what’s up? You seem in a bad mood

[Y/U/N]: how were you able to tell that from one word

[dongie]: cuz i’m smart, unlike someone I know

[Y/U/N]: shuddup, you wish you were as smart as me

[dongie]: yeah yeah, just tell me what’s up

[Y/U/N]: my goddamn roommate is nagging again, he’s so annoyingly passive-aggressive. ughhhh save meeee

[dongie]: trust me, I wish I could but I gotta get to class like right now and unlike someone, I actually care about my grades

[Y/U/N]: wow thanks for making me feel better

[dongie]: I know, I know, I suck but hang in there. Your roommate is just a total dick. I gotta go now, love ya!

[Y/U/N]: love you too you absolute dummy

You smiled when you read his message. You guys told each other that you loved each other pretty much every day. It wasn’t a romantic thing but it definitely got you flustered, even after he had said it so many times.

This was basically routine for you two. You texted all the time but at least twice a day, you both would complain about your roommate to each other. He hated your roommate along with you and you hated his roommate along with him. It was a winwin situation. (A/N: sorry for my shit pun making skills)

Just as you were about to start studying, you heard the door slam shut, making you jump. Geez, could he be any louder? You thought, annoyed but glad that he was gone so you could use the desk.

The next day came around and you were so rudely awoken to the noise of the door being opened and then slammed shut. Again.

“Seriously?! I don’t have any classes until the afternoon! Could you be a little quieter?!” You yelled

No response.

Usually, he would argue back so you can guess that he had just gone to one of his morning classes and in fact, didn’t just come back from staying out ridiculously late after his night class yesterday.

Doyoung sucked. Like really sucked. But he was always on time for rent and never invited anyone over without your permission, plus he wasn’t a party guy and never trashed the apartment. He was just a dick in his attitude, not his behavior. Which you guess is the only reason you tolerated him.

You grumbled, rolling over on your side and grabbing your phone, seeing a message from your best friend.

[dongie]: hey, you up yet sleepyhead?

[Y/U/N]: ya, unfortunately

[dongie]: my roommate just yelled at me while I walked out of the apartment :(

[Y/U/N]: aw, my poor baby, you must be so devastated

[dongie]: I literally cannot tell whether you’re being sarcastic or not

[Y/U/N]: I’m being sarcastic. Anyways, what are you doing right now

[dongie]: I deserved that

[dongie]: and i’m just walking to class

[Y/U/N]: it just occurred that I never asked you what college you go to?

[dongie]: oh yea. I go to insert college name here

[Y/U/N]: ...

[dongie]: ?

[Y/U/N]: ...I go there as well...

[dongie]: ...

[dongie]: so you’re telling me that we’ve been going to the same college all this time and didn’t know?

You sigh, trying to calm down your racing heart as well as trying to prevent yourself from throwing your phone against a wall as hard as you possibly can

[Y/U/N]: yep, that’s exactly what i’m telling you

Immediately, you feel your phone vibrate and look to realize that he’s calling you. Like anyone would be, you were surprised but answered the call anyway.

“Holy SHIT” 

is the only thing you heard before silence and very ragged breathing

“I just screamed that in the middle of the street.”

“Dongie?” you asked, trying to hold back a bit of laughter

“Yep that’s me”

His voice sounded familiar but you couldn’t really put it to a face. It was over the phone so you couldn’t hear him that clearly

“so...are we meeting up?” you asked, trying not to freak out

“I’ll be fucked if we’re not”

You finally let out a laugh and you got a small chuckle in return. The only thing that went through your mind in that second is how beautiful is laugh was and how you wanted to hear more of it.

“I haven’t even told you my real name yet,” he said, slightly breathless “It’s Doyoung”

Your eyes went wide and before you knew what you were doing, you immediately hung up. You threw your phone at your floor, looking at it as if it were the most cursed object in existence

“...fuck,” you said aloud, just about ready to yell at the top of your lungs

You hear your phone vibrate again, most likely Doyoung trying to call back. You pick it up and deny the call, hands shaking.

[dongie]: Y/U/N?

[dongie]: hello?

[dongie]: what happened?

[dongie]: are you ok?

You turned away from your phone, trying to distract yourself. But it just kept vibrating because of Doyoung’s consistent and confused messages.

After a while, the vibrating stopped which you assumed was because Doyoung had reached his class.

About maybe two hours had passed and you voiched for studying on the desk the entire time. Normally you would procrastinate and leave it till last minute like every other completely logical college student, but all you needed right now was something to distract yourself with.

You heard the door open and turned around to see Doyoung, his eyes and shoulders droopy and his lips contorted into a frown. You had never seen him so sad in all this time living with him. It definitely hurt your heart.

“hey” he said quietly, quickly brushing past you to go to his room

You were frozen. You were pretty damn sure that you had never felt this bad about anything in your entire life. Ever.

You took in a deep breath and picked up your phone, your heart beat picking up. Your fingers shakily moved to call Doyoung. As soon as you hit the button, you heard a thump come from his room, as if he had fallen off of his bed and immediately after a very loud and worried hello, which you heard from your phone as well.

“Hey...”

“why did you hang up?! Did I do something?! Are you ok?!” you could hear everything he was saying loud and clear from his room

“yeah, you did”

“What is it?! I’ll do anything to fix it!” he sounded so desperate, making your heart ache even more

“yeah. You nag way toO FRICKIN’ MUCH” you said, getting louder with each word, making sure Doyoung could hear you from his room

There was more loud thumping and suddenly Doyoung burst out of his room, his eyes meeting yours. His hair was dishevelled and his eyes were wide.

“FUCK” he shouted before sighing extremely loudly “THIS IS THE OPPOSITE OF HOW I WANTED TO MEET YOU”

“tell me about it” you said, trying to control yourself, not believing you had never noticed the resemblance between your online friends’ personality and Doyoung’s personality.

You both stared at eachother for a long time. Once the you had both calmed down, it started getting really awkward.

“I- this is too much” he said, confused

“Don’t worry, it took me a while to process it too”

Without warning, Doyoung started walking up to you and put his face at the same level as yours. You could see red rising to his cheeks and he opened his mouth.

“I love you.”

“You- you what?” you said, heat rising to your cheeks as well

“You’re annoying as fuck. I know you think I’m also annoying as fuck. But you’re also funny and you listen to my worries and always manage to make me smile with your utter stupidity, and I know that I also somehow manage to make you smile. I love you.”

you blinked a few times before what he had said completely registered in your brain.

“...I love you too. You absolute dummy” you said, a bit hesitantly

He smiled and pulled you into a slightly awkward hug. You would work out the fact that you two complained about each other to each other without knowing for who knows how long. For now though, let’s just focus on all the things you loved about each other.

[journeysintowebcomics]

Worm Liveblog #95

UPDATE 95: Moles

Last time Skitter argued with Tattletale and Regent about how going behind her back to control an enemy, even if he’s going to be useful, is wrong. Lack of communication is bad! And afterwards, Taylor visited Brian, giving him support. He was traumatized by everything Bonesaw did to him. After that interlude ended in an unusually positive note, it’s time to continue with the story. Back to the usual doom and gloom, hah! Onwards!

Sundancer had once described her life in costume as intense, violent and lonely. I’d had a hard time understanding the last point.  That had been about the same time that I had been riding the high of having friends for the first time, after a couple of years spent in almost total solitude.

Maybe, if the subject had come up again in recent weeks, I might have understood, nodding my head in sympathy.

Huh. I don’t know, I thought that was kind of a given. Life in costume immediately brings to mind the words ‘intense’ and ‘violent’. I suppose Taylor had a rather romantic opinion of how life as a superhero was like.

This makes her think how, in a manner that makes her feel bad but is also completely true, parahumans are above everyone else. It’s all thanks to how they have possibilities almost nobody else has, and that also leads to parahumans isolating themselves in some manner. Boy is that ever true! Dad Hebert, for example, he sure has heard nothing from Taylor in a long while. Putting barriers between themselves and others indeed!

I couldn’t think of two capes who were in a committed relationship where there wasn’t some degree of fucked-up-ness.  Night and Fog were, if I’d understood Tattletale right, essentially functional sociopaths.  They’d acted out the role of a married couple with none of the affection or fondness. Victor and Othala were screwed up in a different way, burdened by a shared event in their past.  Brandish and Flashbang?  If their kids were any indication… yeah.  Fucked up.

Can’t say I disagree. Not sure how well that fits Night and Fog given we haven’t really seen much from them in their relationship, so I can’t really comment on that, but the others seem about right. Victor and Othala are together due to their circumstances, and although they do seem to love each other, who knows if they’d have gotten together if things had been different. Brandish and Flashbang, well, we all know what happened to their daughters! Messed up, definitely, although that’s more because of Brandish’s behavior – or at least that’s what was shown. Maybe Flashbang also had more of a hand in that than you’d think, but I we don’t know. I only know what’s told in the story.

It seems Skitter is kind of afraid things will end badly for Grue and her. So far, the track record of relationships between parahumans going for long without someone dying is...not good. There are several examples already. I don’t know, Skitter kind of has 0% chances of dying due to her status as the protagonist, and I think if Grue was meant to die, it’d have happened during the Slaughterhouse Nine arc. He was in enough danger back then and ended more powerful than before, leaving aside the very obvious trauma. I can’t imagine he being in a situation like that again.

There’s a lot of fuzzy feelings here. It still is unusual to see them in Worm.

I felt warm in the core of my chest.  That wasn’t just the morning light streaming in through the windows.

Not happy, exactly.  I didn’t feel like I deserved to be happy, not with the responsibilities I wasn’t attending to right now, not with the mistakes I’d made and the people I’d failed.

You know, all I hope for Taylor is that someday she feels she deserves to be happy. She’s taking a lot onto her shoulders, that can’t be good for her. That’s the one thing I hope to see in the end, for her.

The happy rationalizations end and Skitter stands up, and soon she’s on the phone with Tattletale. Oho, is it plot time?

R is done. Bird in the pen 4 now.  C wants a meeting neways.  Get G I and come 4 11am?

Won’t lie, it actually took me a moment to figure out what this says. Let’s see...Regenr is done. That should mean Victor has been brought into the team as temporal support, one way or another. Not really sure what the Bird in the pent 4 now part. It possibly is about Victor being in, buuuut I’m not sure. Coil wants a meeting, and Grue, Imp and Skitter should go at 11:00 AM. All in all, it doesn’t sound like there’s been any trouble yet – unless Coil suspects something’s wrong and that’s why he wants a meeting!

...that’s a possibility, isn’t it? Coil isn’t stupid at all, maybe he does suspect something is afoot.

I hope Brian rested for once, because it’s time to go back into the hectic events going on. It’s meeting time. Taylor finds out Aisha arrived last night and cleaned up, when they encounter Aisha thanks Taylor for her help. You know, this went smoothly, way more than I expected. For once it feels like things are going according to plan.

“Thanks for cleaning up,” I said, quiet.  I could remember her reaction the last time I’d been talking to Brian, and added, “And for not getting upset.”

“I can’t help him, don’t know how.  So I’m putting it in your hands.”

“Thanks.”

“Don’t thank me.  If you screw this up, I can and will make your life a living hell.”

Looks like Aisha is resigned about her brother’s relationship because it’s for his sake. Good for her. Not surprising she threatens Taylor, hm...overall I think there’s not much risk about Taylor screwing up unless Brian and Taylor’s opinions directly clash, but at this point they should know how to ensure that won’t be a big deal. Right? I sure hope so, at least!

I thought Taylor would roll with the punches, but nope! She doesn’t. Instead she has objections, saying it’s likely she’ll screw up at some point. I don’t think that’s what Aisha wants to hear at all!

Apparently since Aisha got her power, she’s had a lot of practice in how to ruin a life and make someone go crazy. It’s all pretty clever, in a horrifying way. First she starts with a somewhat inoffensive attack, like moving stuff and making the person think their memory is fooling them. It gets more serious, misplacing very important objects. Small injuries is the next step, and then when they run away, Aisha strikes again after a while, worse than before, until her target wants to get away no matter what. That’s when they leave, once Aisha tells them that’s the way everything will be over.

And Taylor won’t get to have that respite. Well, kind of missing the point when you tell her that’s what you’d do, Aisha! Hah! But yeah, her point is that she’d look for a way to make Taylor’s life a living hell.

“I asked Coil’s lieutenant for some.  He asked me how many gallons I wanted.  How weird is that?  I mean, seriously, who needs gallons of blood?  Or maybe I could use it.  Paint someone’s house, see if I can’t freak them out hardcore,” Aisha smiled wickedly.

Nothing says harassment like turning someone’s house into a biological hazard.

Brian woke up just in time to hear the end of Aisha’s recitation, inquiring what she was talking about. Taylor dismisses it all as Aisha being protective, which is pretty accurate, all things considered. While I don’t doubt Aisha means every word and would actually try to make Taylor’s life hell, I don’t think this is as big of a threat as it sounds at first. Taylor would have her ways of countering all that, somehow.

Brian and Taylor are alone again, time to be a bit awkward around each other!

I didn’t know what to do with myself.  We had taken a step forward, but I didn’t exactly have any experience on this front. What was I supposed to do?  What did I say?  I wanted to hug him, to hold his hand or raise the idea of spending time together later, but I didn’t know what was allowed, or what would be pushing boundaries or taking things too far.

You know what’s the solution to that?

Asking. Preferably when there’s not a meeting with Coil looming in the very near future. Perhaps she could ask some time afterwards?

A bit more of fretting happens, Taylor is hoping Brian will put his arm around her – ahaha, she’s being like a normal teenage girl! How rare nowadays!  -- and the romantic moment is over when Brian brings up business. Oh well. Next time, Taylor, it’ll be next time.

So, about Coil. What’s Plan A?

“I whip my territory into shape, Coil decides that it’s more valuable to keep me in his service.  The idea is that he values my ability to keep an area stable more than he values having Dinah.  He lets her go.”

Pretty unlikely. Coil already made pretty clear he doesn’t intend to let Dinah go. He’s not going to keep Skitter around at all. Despite how unlikely this is, Skitter still thinks it’s worth a try. Not holding my breath for that one!

“Think about what it would mean in terms of security leaks.  If he let Dinah go home to her family, she wouldn’t be able to return to her normal life.  If Coil was dumb enough to let her go with no safeguards and without people to watch her, then the heroes would swoop in on her and use her to get him.”

I nodded, glum.

I hadn’t considered any of that, I admit. This makes Plan A go down from pretty unlikely to pretty much impossible. Coil wouldn’t take a risk like this one no matter what.

Some of the dialogue in this part is nothing I haven’t read already – stuff about how Coil may think she’s expendable, and about how Skitter wants to keep working for her territory’s benefit. The one thing that seems to be new is that it was a bad idea to make that deal with Coil, the one about letting Dinah go if Skitter proved to be worth it. It indicated Coil Skitter had issues with his plans. Grue is right, that may have been a bad decision. Once another reason to strike at Coil and win: if they don’t, he may take measures against Skitter.

“Fair. What’s your plan B?”

“Plan B… well, it’s not so much a plan as a fallback.  If I get found out before we make any headway, it means fighting Coil and his underlings.”

It’s Plan B time, because it’s time to strike. Again, the only chance they have is that Dinah is out of commission. They’ll have to fight, and right now his underlings and Coil’s power are big obstacles. Of those, Coil’s power is the one I’m not very sure how to counter...

They’re supposing Coil will back up Travelers and Circus, the perspective of their future fighting is daunting. It’s so daunting Taylor apologizes for this discussion, and offers to talk of something else, for Brian’s sake. She doesn’t want him being under a lot of stress. Oh, Taylor, he’ll be under a lot of stress in no time. There’s no time to rest in Worm! Just you watch, before this chapter ends Coil will crash through that wall over there, ready to use his power over alternate timelines.

Apparently Taylor is kind of disappointed nothing feels different even if Brian and her have kind of...gone deeper into their relationship now. It doesn’t seem like they’re acting different and she was kind of expecting some noticeable change.

I had to admit to being a little disappointed with the way the morning was unfolding. Part of that was with myself, not knowing how to act, but part of it was with the lack of romance.  Rationally, I knew that the movies, TV, books and all that, they didn’t paint a realistic picture.  I knew that we wouldn’t instantaneously click, that everything would be fixed.

Oh, there’ll be plenty of time for that kind of stuff once Worm is over. I mean, chances are once the story ends things won’t be as hectic for them anymore. There’ll be plenty of time for cuddling and getting sappy, hah!

Well then, since they’re all awake and it’s time for a meeting with Coil, the three go to Coil’s headquarters. It has changed a lot since the last time Skitter visited it – or more like since the last time Skitter described it. Before it was under construction. Now it’s finished, or almost finished. Say, once they defeat Coil, perhaps the Undersiders could claim this lair? It’s a good idea, isn’t it?

I glanced at one map; our territory had expanded somewhat.  Or maybe it was better to say that the pockets of enemy forces that had lurked at the edges of our territory were collapsing.

If that’s true then the heroes must be pretty alert and ready to counter the Undersiders. For the main characters here, the progress they’re making is both a blessing and a curse.

Apparently they arrived early. The Travelers are here. Hey, Travelers, you wanna commit some mutiny? Hah! Yeah, it’s unlikely they’ll tell them anything, but it sure would be nice if they could count with the Travelers. Too bad the Undersiders can’t offer them whatever Coil did.

Whatever Tattletale went to talk with them isn’t going well, and is delicate enough for it to stay secret for a while, or at least until Coil isn’t nearby.

“Uh huh. You know, for someone who calls herself Tattletale, you’re way too fond of keeping secrets.”

Haha, that’s a good one! Gold star for Skitter. Tattletale doesn’t think it’s funny, because whatever she’s hiding right now is something she doesn’t like, I think. She just said some secrets aren’t so fun to keep. What could the Travelers have told her? Perhaps she did try to get them on the Undersiders’ side, so they’re not caught in the crossfire against Coil?

It’s meeting time. From what I’m reading here, it’s some sort of status meeting, where everyone will inform how their progress with their territories is going. Nice, I like hearing about what other characters have been doing offscreen. How do others handle their territories? How much trouble do they have? Is there anyone who has managed to earn the respect of the people living in their territory, whether it’s out of fear or not?

“Putting me on the spot, huh?”  Trickster asked.  “Dunno. Nobody’s doing business in my neighborhood, and there aren’t any crooks there that the public knows about, but Purity and her people are still hanging around, and I’m waiting on my teammates to wrap up their stuff so they can lend me a hand.”

Doesn’t sound like he’s doing much. Kind of disappointing, I thought that, as the leader of the Travelers, he’d have done something, no matter if it was good or bad. Maybe he just isn’t very interested in his territory.

“Good. Sundancer?”

Sundancer had the posture of someone who’d desperately hoped to avoid being called on in class.  “I don’t know.  I’ve been working with the maps Tattletale provided me, but I’m not good at this.  I burn them out of whatever place they’re holed up in, they run, then half the time it’s like they settle somewhere else that’s nearby.”

Sundancer hasn’t made much progress either. Hm. It has been two so far yet this feels more...mundane than I expected. I don’t know what I expected but it wasn’t this. Oh well.

The problem with Sundancer is that she’s being too soft with those who invade her territory, and that’s not surprising. She doesn’t want to hurt anyone too badly, and that extends to her enemies. Because of her power, she has to pull her punches a lot, doesn’t she? And the enemies sense that, they don’t take her very seriously. Taking that into account I can only guess Ballistic hasn’t done much with his territory either, because he has the same opinions than Sundancer, if I remember correctly.

“Genesis?” Coil asked.

“Mostly clear,” Genesis replied, leaning forward and putting her elbows on the table, “Not sure how to get anything going in the way of operations.  It’s not exactly heavily populated territory.”

Ah, nice! I bet her versatility contributed to driving out the enemy factions. It’s not a heavily populated area, so it’s not like she can do much in terms of rebuilding, apparently. I suppose Genesis’ territory isn’t priority in any way, it doesn’t sound like anything vital for anyone.

Turns out Ballistic managed to do some good job too. There’s only two other parahumans hanging around, both of which I recognize just from the descriptions:

Got that girl from Dolltown who’s pretty insistent on holding onto her neighborhood, even if pretty much everyone that lived there is dead, now.

That’s pretty depressing. I feel bad for Parian, everything she was trying to protect is gone, and it wasn’t her fault in any way. She just had the bad luck of being an easy target for the Slaughterhouse Nine. I guess she can’t let go, because she’s still over there. Seriously, she got a very bad hand...

“There’s a kid from the old Merchants group.  Has powers.  Going to try to scare off the Doll girl and recruit the Merchant kid.”

It took me a moment to remember who it may be. Scrub, was that the name? He’s the only Merchant parahuman that’s left, I think. Or at least I don’t remember he dying. I could be misremembering, though.

Ah, it really was Scrub. Okay, carry on!

Since Parian was going to be dealt with – as if the poor girl didn’t have enough problems already – Skitter wants to come along, and she’s told she can’t because Coil has a request for her. That’s bound to be troublesome! Now it’s time to see if Coil suspects Skitter and the rest of the Undersiders are getting ready to backstab him with prejudice.

Nevermind, that’ll be for later. It’s still time for status reports. The Undersiders’ turns.

“Been busy helping everyone else out,” Tattletale admitted.  “Like Trickster, I guess, I’m waiting for others to finish what they’re doing.  I’m pretty solid for business, though.  Bringing in more cash than I’m spending.”

Nice! Excellent job actually making a profit, I don’t think any territory has managed to do that. Even if Tattletale hasn’t claimed the entirety of her territory – I think, that’s what this sounds like – she has been a busy bee. It must all be thanks to her power, I bet. It must be pretty useful when it’s about finding trouble and solving problems.

“The big one is reclaiming items and homes.  I offer goodies to any people from the shelter willing to band together and scare them off, anything too difficult, I use the mercenaries you provided. Coil’s hooked me up with some banking services so we can actually make the transactions.  People don’t have a lot of use for money with the way things are right now, and they do have stuff that they value.  Figure a few hundred to a thousand dollars per job, three or four jobs a day, and they’re sort of doing my work for us, dealing with the gang members.”

I’m not very sure I’m interpreting correctly what Tattletale’s saying here, but I’ll try nonetheless. Hmmmm...so, she’s using the habitants of her territory to drive out the enemies that aren’t too troublesome. Those that are too difficult – the parahumans, I’d say – are driven out by the mercenaries. Those habitants receive goodies as their reward. I guess the act of taking back the houses and stuff is more profitable than I thought it’d be.

Grue hesitates about answering because, as we all know, he hasn’t really been able to do much, due to his current mental state. Luckily, Imp has done a lot of work, and she can inform Coil they’re 75% done. Nothing they can’t deal with in the future, if their track record so far is any indication.

“Excellent. Regent?”

“About the same.  Nobody wants to cross Shatterbird, but lots of people keep popping up, moving in because they’re oblivious that she’s there.  With no radio or TV, they’re clueless.”

Kind of surprising word of mouth hasn’t led to everyone knowing Shatterbird is still around. You’d think that was the kind of thing everyone who sees her would talk about, but I guess it didn’t, haha. It shouldn’t be too difficult to make it obvious she’s still around. She’s quite distinctive and her powers are well known.

“Bitch?”

“Nobody left in my territory.”

“No threats?”

“Nobody.”

Heckpuppy is terrifying, and she had no interest in having anyone’s interest in mind but her own. All Coil can do is offer her a territory on the outskirts where nobody will bother her. I suppose having an area in the city where the only resident is Heckpuppy is of no help to him, but I don’t think taking Heckpuppy out of there will help much. People will be terrified about moving in where she once was, haha

It’s finally Skitter’s turn to give her report, and it’s just what we all knew: no threats, no enemies dare to get in, and she’s protecting everyone personally – when she has time for that, hm? She has complained in her narration many times how she can’t do it as often as she wishes she could. Overall it’s nothing we didn’t know already. I wonder if the favor Coil will ask is related to her territory.

Ah, Coil is impressed! That’s a feat.

So, mayoral elections are coming pretty soon, and Coil wants to have taken over the city before that happens. As someone said before, a couple of Coil’s agents are candidates. Having the city under control will be favorable, and to ensure things continue being good for them, Coil wants to send a few of the villains here to ensure the discussions about condemning Brockton Bay turn in favor of Coil and the city. Oh boy.

Skitter really wants to help Parian, adding one person more to her very long list of people she wants to help – golly, Skitter, stop adding more and more people to that! Coil approves, and Ballistic seems kind of upset he won’t get to scare Parian away. Well then! One thing more for the future arcs.

You know, with everything there’s to be done, I’m not sure where the plan to defeat Coil will fit. They’re getting their schedules filled with stuff.

The meeting is over, everyone disperses. This is when Tattletale approaches Skitter to talk to her about some very important matters:

“One piece of good news, two pieces of bad news and one spot of catastrophic news.  The good news is that Coil is impressed with you, Skitter.”

Impressed enough to not want to throw Skitter out like yesterday’s trash?

Apparently not. In fact, things seem to have gotten worse.

“But something tells me we’ve got a major snag.  I’d say odds are pretty fucking good that he’s on to us.”

Well then! Everything got a lot harder now. Not surprising, hah! While Tattletale isn’t entirely positive yet, she’s sure enough to think informing Skitter is necessary. It’s good to have confirmation things are as bad as they feared they could be.

“Not positive, but pretty damn sure.  And I’d say there’s a fifty-fifty chance one of ours informed him of our aims.”

“A member of the Undersiders?” Grue asked.

“That, or he’s got our places bugged.  But I didn’t get the sense that anyone who built the place or brought our stuff in knew about any electronic bugging.  Like I said, fifty-fifty chance.”

I’m finding hard to believe anyone in the Undersiders is betraying the rest and telling Coil about these plans. After Skitter’s betrayal, I don’t think anyone would think of being a traitor. I’m inclined towards thinking the place is bugged – they did raise it was possible Coil bugged their phones. Bugging the hideouts wouldn’t be too difficult.

It’s possible the request Coil has for Skitter is a test of loyalty. If she refuses or doesn’t go, then she’s disloyal and shall be eliminated. Well, not that going will be good for her, because...

I’m positive he’s asking you to go on that errand with Genesis and Trickster because he’s planning on eliminating you

Possibly. Those two are the only options. None of the Undersiders would ever attack Skitter because Coil tells them to, and Ballistic and Sundancer have qualms about killing. By process of elimination, that leaves Genesis and Trickster as those who’d “deal” with her.

The thing is, among them, Genesis is the one who can do anything. Trickster’s powers and skills aren’t useful when it’s about defeating Skitter. Genesis has better chances, thanks to her versatility and how it makes it very difficult to know what she’ll do – the sky’s the limit when it’s about what Genesis can do.

Oh well. I doubt she’s going, anyway. All that may not matter. It depends on how soon they’ll do their move against Coil.

That’s the end of the chapter, but I think I’ll read the next too.

The next chapter starts with Regent stepping out of the cell with Victor in tow. Looks like Victor isn’t cooperating out of his own free will, Regent has taken over him and is now trying to get used to the new body he’s manipulating. While it moves well, it seems Victor’s power isn’t working well through Regent’s own power. Ssssso does that mean he has some access to Victor’s power, just that they’re not as strong as they could be? Perhaps Victor is resisting Regent, like he warned he would?

Oh, Skitter is going with Trickster and Genesis like Coil requested. Well then. I’m still not convinced she’s leaving. If I had to guess, Coil is trying to get Skitter away for the length of time Dinah is out of commission because that’s the window of opportunity.

“Sure.” Grue extended a hand and smothered Victor in darkness.  A second later, he said, “I’m getting something.  Anyone here speak another language? Sug puppene til horemammaen din?”

Protip: don’t translate that in a workplace environment. That’s kind of difficult to explain to onlookers. Anyway, Grue is gaining the ability to speak a language, thanks to Victor. That’s going to be useful if he has to be crass at a foreigner. Doesn’t seem like Grue can choose what to steal, so in an attempt to redirect the absorbing darkness to take something more useful, Tattletale encourages Regent to make Victor use martial arts. That’d be better!

Grue feels guilty because this is kinda like cheating. He’s proud of achieving what he can through training, not through stealing abilities. Not that they’ll stop their current plan. Since apparently Victor wasn’t bluffing when he said he could resist Regent somewhat, Tattletale suggests drugging Victor a bit, see if that makes this all easier, and this makes Skitter think of Dinah because it’s technically what Coil is doing to her. Thankfully, Skitter isn’t upset things took this direction, because she has other things to stew about.

I had to wonder why?  I was arguably doing the best among his underlings.  Why was it so hard for him to simply let Dinah go, maybe take countermeasures to ensure she didn’t betray him, and leave things alone?

I’m not sure how Skitter hasn’t understood yet just how useful Dinah is to him. Of course he’s not going to let her go so easily. Come on, Skitter, you know this already.

Since this gives Tattletale and Skitter an excuse to walk away and continue discussing some ugly possibilities – such as a mole in the team – they go away, stumbling upon some of Coil’s soldiers.

“What’s with the soldiers?” I asked.  “He’s got, what, fifty or sixty here?”

“A little under that, but some are elsewhere.”

This makes them wonder why Coil needs those soldiers in the first place, since he isn’t using them much. If I had to guess, they’re forces that’ll do menial job for him and other parahumans. It’s not like Coil doesn’t have loads of money, he has more than enough to keep them on payroll and I’m sure he makes even more money every time.

Anyway, about moles. Since Coil may have one in the Undersiders, then they should get a mole in Coil’s forces. This makes them consider Ballistic as a possible mole, and that’d be a good possibility if it wasn’t because Skitter annoyed him not long ago. Whooops. Her altruism comes to bite her on her rear – once again. The entirety of Skitter’s experiences in Worm can be defined in those few words:

‘Her altruism comes to bite her on her rear’

Anyway, how about some words regarding the murder attempt Coil may or may not be planning? Turns out Coil wants it as soon as possible, in Tattletale’s opinion. It may be during Skitter’s task. Makes sense to me.

“It’s one of those things where everything clicks into place perfectly if we acknowledge this one fact: he wants to kill you.  For example, he has more reasons to send Imp than to send Trickster.”

“How’s that work?”

“I’ve already filled Imp in on this, but Coil’s concerned about Grue’s emotional state and what it means for our team as a whole.”

I nodded. Which means he wants to remove Imp from the picture to see how Grue handles himself.

I doubt Coil is concerned about Grue because he feels bad for him or anything, he just wants to know if Grue will be an effective underling. Boy, if Skitter dies he’ll be crushed. Coil will be losing two underlings in one move. Not that he cares, I’d say.

Apparently the Undersiders were planning to make Skitter the team leader since Grue wasn’t in condition to do it. Okay, that’d be great! Like Tattletale is saying right now, Skitter thinks tactically, that’s useful. Skitter doesn’t take the leadership immediately, though, instead she asks Tattletale why she doesn’t take the role because she can identify the enemy weaknesses.

If I had to choose between Tattletale and Skitter as the leader, I’d definitely choose Skitter. Just saying. Oh well. None of this matters if Skitter dies. For now, better focus on the present instead of thinking too far into the future, because the potential murder attempt is coming tonight. Good luck, Skitter.

Ballistic is here and he’s angry, and the surprising part is that it’s not only because Skitter is overstepping his boundaries. It’s because of his situation with the rest of the Travelers. They were never going to win any awards for team unity, but out of all of them, Ballistic is the most distant one.

For one thing, I don’t know if Coil seriously intends to offer any fix he does find.  For another, Ballistic cares less about that than anyone else.  Or maybe it would be better to say he almost doesn’t want to help with that because Trickster wants it so badly.

Ah, an opening! Too bad using it will tip the Undersiders’ hand. Oh well. At least maybe with this info they have an idea of his current mood. That has to be useful for something. No more time for discussing, because Ballistic arrives to their side and comments this little reunion seemed a conspiracy at work. Ayup, it is. Want to join?

To try to get on his good side, they tell him an Undersiders secret – that they’re thinking about replacing Grue as a leader. This only makes Ballistic get even more annoyed with them, because he takes this as them putting him in even more trouble by giving him compromising information. Everything the Undersiders have done since they arrived to the hideout is annoy Ballistic! At this rate he won’t accept to conspire with them.

“Tell me,” Ballistic said, as Tattletale strolled off, “Do you ever get past that point where you feel painfully uncomfortable around her?”

“Yeah,” I said. “You get over that with time.”

I can only imagine someone like Tattletale is tolerable when she’s on your side. If Skitter and Tattletale were on opposing sides, I bet Skitter would dread her a lot. Maybe even dislike her.

Seems to me like Ballistic is trying to dissuade Skitter from going with him to his territory and deal with Parian. He tries to get a clear explanation as to why she wants to do it, she’s...not honest? Or at least I don’t think she wants to go to get some inspiration of stuff she can do for her own territory.

I think what I’m going to paste here defines a lot about how others perceive Skitter’s way of dealing with her territory.

“If this city doesn’t get condemned, you’re going to have people moving into your district. Even after the city’s infrastructure is up and running again, those people are going to put pressure on you for certain things.”

“See, you’re approaching this like a medieval lord, managing her serfs and servants and I see this more as being a watchdog.”

I gestured toward the exit, and he sighed.  We began making our way out of the base.

“Do you really want to limit yourself to being a watchdog?”

“When I’m making this much cash?  When even the top guys in this town would run scared from me?  Sure.”  He held the door open for me.

“And that’s all it comes down to?  Cash and being feared?”

I don’t think anyone outside of the Undersiders thinks Skitter is doing this because she cares about the residents of her territory. I suspect they’d all think she’s playing feudal lord with her turf. Coil may be the only one who believes Skitter’s intentions, and that’s because he knows she has strong moral opinions. Ballistic sure doesn’t believe her, or he flat out doesn’t care at all.

“Doesn’t seem worth it, working your ass off to make some people a little happier and more comfortable before the world ends.”

“You’re one of the people that’s fixated on that, huh?”

“The world’s gonna end.  How can you shrug that off?”

Oh. Great. The end of the world is already affecting people. I knew some would care less about stuff once they knew the world was going to end, but this happened much faster than expected. Hard to work with someone who doesn’t care about anything. Skitter even realizes that. I don’t think this tentative plan about convincing Ballistic to be their mole is going to work.

I skimmed the next few paragraphs to have an idea what to expect, and I can already say Skitter is being pretty aggressive here. She sure isn’t going to draw Ballistic in with honey! At least she tried to throw in his face how he’s pretty upset about stuff when he shouldn’t care because of ‘the world is going to end’ logic. Ballistic gets all defensive, which I don’t think will be of much help here.

“Okay, first of all?  I have a closer working relationship with the people in my territory than I do with any of the Travelers.  If and when you get more people in your territory, you might find that’s the same with you, too.  So I’m not sure I buy that coworker thing.”

“You’re talking apples and oranges.  Capes and non-capes.”

“Fine.” He’d left an opening for me to target. “Then I’ll just point to your other ‘coworkers’.  The other Travelers.  There’s obvious friction.  There’s resentment.  Cherish said as much.  So I don’t think you buy the coworker thing either.”

I won’t lie, I’m not very good at diplomacy. Maybe that’s why I don’t really see where Skitter intends to go with this. She’s using the information Tattletale gave her, yeah, but the way she’s doing it seems more like she’s trying to drive a wedge between Ballistic and the rest of the Travelers instead of trying to get him on the Undersiders’ side. If this fella here gets the impression Skitter is trying to sow discord, then this is all over. Crossing fingers Skitter isn’t making a mistake here!

“I’m curious what’s going on there, yeah.  But I’m also trying to figure you out.  As you said, we’re coworkers.”

Iiii’m not sure framing it as curiosity was the best idea. Kind of makes her sound like she’s asking for kicks and giggles. Maybe she should have said she was concerned or something.

“I’m not trying to get on your bad side,” I said.  “Really.  But I’ve dealt with some interesting personalities like Bitch, Regent and Imp for a little while now, and I know I won’t be able to communicate with you until I understand where you’re coming from.  So I’m willing to go the extra mile to figure you out now so I can understand you in the future…”

That’s better. Maybe it’s because she just brought up her teammates, but Skitter starts thinking Ballistic is very similar to Heckpuppy. That would have never crossed my mind. Before this specific interaction, nothing about Ballistic was similar at all to Heckpuppy. This is the only time I can recall any kind of similarity. I get what Mr. Wildbow is trying to do here, but I still feel this is kind of out of left field.

Ballistic doesn’t know Skitter will die. Perhaps Genesis and Trickster will now only when they’re about to leave?

Seems to me Ballistic just got resigned to Skitter prodding and digging in his team’s personal business. Doesn’t look like he’ll be very forthcoming with information, it’s more like he’s getting tired of her questions. She’s trying to take an approach that’s making her sound like a confidant, he doesn’t want that.

Golly, I’m reading this and it’s like I’m grading Skitter’s diplomatic skills. I’m having fun, honestly! Mentioning she has talked to someone else in the Travelers...risky, but doesn’t seem to have raised any red flags.

At one point it feels like she reached a dead end, so she shuts up and they walk in silence. I once heard during an interrogation silence sometimes makes those you’re talking to start spilling the beans, and it seems it’s true here. Ballistic is the one who starts talking, without much prompting from Skitter. Jackpot!

“He took everything from us,” Ballistic said, breaking the silence.

“Trickster?”

“Trickster. When everything started falling apart, he stepped up to make the calls.  Bad ones.  And now the group is all we have left.  No friends, no family, no home to go back to, no goals beyond fixing Trickster’s fuckups.”

So that’s why the group isn’t united at all. They all feel all they’re doing is try to fix Trickster’s mistakes. They’re possibly blaming him for everything and would like to be away with him if they could. Hmmmm...perhaps the reason why Noelle needs to be locked in that vault is because of something Trickster did? Like, I know it’s because of her powers, but maybe he’s responsible for her trigger event in some manner?

Nobody in the Travelers like Trickster. What they feel is more akin to respect, but nobody likes him. Who knows what the rest are thinking, and Ballistic isn’t interested in taking revenge against him for everything Trickster did.

No.  I’m with the group for one reason.  I stick with shit.  Not going to turn on the guy.  I agreed to this thing with Coil because I thought it’d be a way to get back some of what we’ve lost, maybe.

Alright, this settles it: he won’t betray them. Oh well. It was worth talking about. Skitter realizes too this won’t work, they stop talking until they reach Dolltown. Time to go search for Parian.

Skitter wants to make the first move, Ballistic doesn’t like that idea because then Skitter will take the credit.

“I get what you’re doing.  You want to make us Travelers look bad.  Get yourself a bigger slice of the pie somewhere down the road.  More respect, more power, and you’re doing that by wedging yourself into everything, getting hyperinvolved.  Gotta be in first place.”

Ooooh that’s unfortunate. He’s misinterpreting Skitter’s earnest wish to help her territory. Seriously, it’s like everything they have done in this chapter is annoy Ballistic.

Turns out this is doing more than just annoying him. He’s getting upset, precisely because of what I was afraid before: he thinks Skitter was trying to drive a wedge between him and the rest of the team. While it’s technically true, it’s not like she was trying to sow discord! But of course, that’s what it looks like, it’s understandable Ballistic would call her out for it. Things are going south here and that can’t be good at all.

This all leads to Ballistic declaring he’s not working together with Skitter in this. He’s going to do what he wants and he won’t let her get in the way. Parian better run away! Seeing how he meant business, Skitter agrees to step back, and instead uses her powers surreptitiously to look for Parian and guide her away from Ballistic. Ballistic isn’t going to like this at all once he hears about this.

There’s some people left despite everything, and they’re currently with Parian, running away from Ballistic. Dolltown itself has been attacked by several parahumans already and it’s rather noticeable. Golly, Parian can’t catch a break. Despite that, she’s at least willing to hear what Skitter has to say, even if she doesn’t trust in her not one iota.

Skitter’s offer is quite appealing: she’ll give Parian everything she needs to help the few people who are alive, and that people – people who were mangled by Bonesaw into decoys of the Slaughterhouse Nine – can receive professional medical help. In exchange, Parian just needs to join Skitter’s team—oh tell me she accepts! That’d be cool!

“No.”

Well that’s a bummer.

While they were talking, one of Parian’s followers approached Skitter, leaping towards her when Parian responded she didn’t want to accept. It’s not just any common person, though. It’s actually Flechette, and she’s ready to inflict some pain. Her power makes the arrows between her fingers pierce through Skitter’s costume. That’s impressive! Also, ouch.

“The lady said no,” Flechette told me, one hand holding me down, the other hand raised to strike me again.

Golly, I imagine Flechette is very upset someone’s trying to get Parian to join a team of villains. I can see how that’d be incredibly upsetting, and while I’m wincing in sympathy at Skitter’s pain – I mean, that must hurt a lot! – at the same time I can’t hold this against Flechette. Maybe Skitter wouldn’t have proposed this if she had known Flechette was here. Oh well.

This is where the chapter ends, so I think I’ll stop for now. It sure is taking me a long time to make Worm updates.

Next time: next update

[emmelfish]

Alright team, we’re in this mess together. 

So last time on The Only Way is Pleasantview, we found out that Darren had impregnated Brandi with her fifth and sixth bebs around the 20 second mark of entering her trailer (NOT A EUPHEMISM), and they hadn’t even spoken yet, let alone kissed or anything. Any number of things may have happened – they’re that attracted to one another, they both lost their respective spouses to pretty awful deaths as deaths go and that kind of raw grief makes you hella horny, they’re not getting any younger and don’t want to die alone, the LTW of 6 married children fills Brandi with determination, or any and all of the above.

And now they dance in their underwear, which, I’m not gonna lie, is toothachey sweet. I think I like these two.

Beau: Hello. I thought you hated painting.

Dustin: Can you not tell by my face that I do? I need a stupid creativity skill point to get a stupid promotion in my stupid career.

Huh, what on earth is that in their bedroom?

Why, it’s teenage townie royalty Sophie Miguel and Princess of Strangetown Erin Beaker in her gardening gear having a dance-off! I don’t even remember anyone inviting them in. Probably because I was too busy fixing pasties for Brandi’s nekkid bewbs.

Beau: Yippity hoooo, now THIS is what I call a party! Come on Dusty, you know you want to!

Dustin: I don’t want to want to, but I sure do! It goes against every fibre of my being, and yet that smustle is infectious!

Suse has that Worried Broke Eyebrows thing down to a tee, yet she somehow manages to make even that look menacing.

Susie: Hello, Mother. Where have you been? Finding me a new stepfather I hope?

Susie: TELL ME WOMAN! Don’t sugarcoat it! Is he pretty? Rich? It’s Armand DeBateau isn’t it, OH I CAN’T TAKE IT!

Brandi: Armand DeBateau? Yeah in a parallel universe seven years ago maybe, Watcher’s long over that ship.

Brandi: Presenting Queen Susie, as she gracefully glides through the ornate castle arches to greet her grateful subjects!

Darren: And what a beautiful sight she is to behold, some say her face has launched ships and triggered wars!

Susie: ... Yes. Yes.

Skip Jr. on the other hand couldn’t give a shit less about Operation Stepdaddy and proceeds to throw blocks all over the activity table.

Skip Jr: CHAOS! ANARCHY! YAAAAEEEERRRGGHHHH!

(Seriously Bran, are you sure you and Loki Beaker didn’t meet in a club one night and make the beast with two backs in a toilet cubicle? Because I’d wholly rename your twins Atom and Ceres if so. Oh who am I kidding. Loki in a club?)

Susie: YOU! What do you do for a living? How much money do you have? How many days until you become an elder? What are your prospects? Are your intentions with my mother honorable?

I learned something today, and it’s that if Dustin sits on the floor and does his homework in the doorway of the bathroom, Brandi has to hold in her vomit and it never actually comes out. 

(Note to self: use this trick on Circe Beaker, the most morning sickness prone sim I’ve ever encountered. Seriously, at one point I thought she’d glitched because every time she sat down she ran to the toilet again.)

Oh they look so happy. They have not yet spoken a single word to one another, but the couple that does autonomous romantic interactions together every three seconds, stays together. Just look at the Burbs!

Beau: You. What do you do for a living? How much mo –

Susie already covered all that, Beau. The answer to said questions was... inconclusive.

Oh hey! Whatcha doing, Suse?

Susie: Being Godzilla. I eatin all th’people.

Sure, that’s normal completely standard dollhouse behavior. Good. Do carry on. *Calls child psychologist*

Darren you’re about five hours late for the bedroom dance-off.

Darren: And I’m furious about it too!

Dustin rolled a want to purchase an mp3 player, and so took Beau out of what had become a somewhat unwholesome environment dominated by Darren walking around in his boxers. However, there were no mp3 players to be found on this particular lot. TRAVESTY

There was townie Komei Tellerman of Extreme Jawdom judging Veronaville’s Cornwall Capp though, so not a totally pointless experience.

Komei: I have a glandular problem. What’s your excuse?

Cornwall: Excuse for what? Existing? I’ve never been sure, really.

More importantly, why the hell is the cash register outdoors?

Beau: Achhh Dustin! This car smells of booze, dashed hopes and crime.

Dustin: Be grateful that I took you anywhere at all – hopefully by now he’s put some pants on. Speaking of which, did you not get the memo about switching into your summer getup?

Beau: ON IT LIKE GIN AND TONIC

Beau: You there! Random fellow kid! That shirt... where did you get it? I must have it, despite it being outside my limited wardrobe boundaries of white, beige and blue.

(Beau’s cassette tape T-shirt to represent his love of music & dance FOR THE WIN)

Benedick: Oh, I must be in a place where nobody knows who I am. Not my choice actually – I’m from Veronaville, and we’re going with the whole Baz Luhrmann aesthetic. Quite frankly I kind of envy the Capps with their sharp suits.

Beau: Wow, I’m sure what you’re talking about is super interesting but DO YOU LIKE TOMATO SOUP?

Benedick: I DO like tomato soup!

Beau: Frieeeeeeend!

Brandi: Lookin’ good Dusty! Hey the family that creates art together stays togeth –

Dustin: Chill out, I am so sick of telling people I just need a creativity point before work and am loathing every minute of this.

Brandi: Son, when you and I open our art gallery together, you do all the economics, ’kay?

Dustin: Mom, did you not hear – *sigh*. Can you at least get him to put some pants on?

Darren: Lovely leaffffffs 🍃

Beau: See, when the truth walks away, everybody stays ’cause the truth about the world is that crime does pay. Our bills at least. But that’s what’s wrong with the universe, right?

Beau: Oh hey Dustin I wasn’t talking about you I was talking about a totally different criminal have a lovely time at work make sure you eat healthy snacks like almonds and dates love you byeeeee

Dustin: Pfft.

Beau: HEY BENNY LOOK WHAT I CAN DO!

Benedick: That’s impressive! I mean I live in the same town as actual fairies, and my family’s mortal enemies are friends with like a clan of vampires or something, NBD... but aw yis!

Benedick: You do you, Beau!

The walk-bys are getting better all the time here. It’s Cassandra Goth’s parallel universe Riverblossom Hills opposite, Sandra Roth, in her speed-racing suit!

Sandra: ... I’ve never experienced summer. It’s new. It’s interesting. It’s different. My polyester is chafing me suddenly.

Oh my good grief autonomous child huggling. I can’t take it. It’s so pure. They’ve known each other for like three minutes. Beau, is it inappropriate to start shipping you off yet?

Beau: Never!

Whatever on Watcher’s green sim earth is going on here, I’m all for it.

Benedick’s face! Protect these boys. PROTECT THEM

Like from supernatural wolves that might savage them.

Hardimos: This house has many children and foliage, my pack will do well here.

Dustin: What the hell is going on here? Why are you still out on the sidewalk after three hours? Why is there a wolf here? Who’s the enthusiastic chick in the nylon suit? Where is our mother?

Beau: Never mind all that, did your creativity point get you a promotion?

Dustin: It did! Bestowed upon me now is the honor of lifting people’s belongings directly from their person.

Meanwhile inside, Skip Jr. is finally getting on the Find a New Stepdad train. And he didn’t even have to do anything, he didn’t ask for attention, Darren simply picked him up autonomously. Hey Daz, you have a hidden Family aspiration token?

Darren: Nope!

Family secondary?

Darren: Possibly? Seemingly you can never remember what you give us.

Enough of the sass mister, I remembered giving Nina Caliente a freaking grilled (Daiya or Violife) cheese secondary didn’t I?

Well you’re great with kids... let’s hope you don’t have a nervous breakdown at the prospect of dealing with baby twins just when you thought you’d be settling down to focus on your art with your firstborn off to college soon.

Darren: Well, I was all set to try to steal Cassandra away and she’s got baby fever so I’ve been preparing myself for my second fatherhood for years. Plus they’re easy aren’t they, they just fall right asleep.

Yes but firstly, Cassie wasn’t already saddled with four. Secondly, I’m not sure you’re remembering early parenthood correctly. Or maybe you are, Dirk’s pretty much the perfect sim all-round, he was probably a dreamy baby.

C’mon Brandi, right all those wrongs you did Beau and get your toddlers all trained up long before their childhood transition! Although frankly, the prospect of a kid with Susie’s personality up on her feet is terrifying.

Susie: It’s okay Mommy, I’d never murder YOU in your sleep. You’re my best friend.

I want still that paternity test because I’m pretty sure that’s what Loki Beaker said to Vidcund Curious before he metaphorically stabbed him in the back by stealing Circe Beaker. Never have those green smileys looked creepier.

Next time, we’ll head to the Dreamers’ pad for a little look at how Darren – thanks to time standing still when you’re not on a lot – essentially woke up with two kids on the way. Imagine that!

[alia-turin]

That’s a long one, hope you guys enjoy!

Fic Title: Take It and Run [cowboy au] Chapter: 8. Rock Bottom Previous Chapters:  Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 |  Chapter 3 |  Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6  | Chapter 7 Rating: G (Warnings: swearing, drinking, some self hate implied) Characters: Cor, Luche, Noctis, Glado, Ignis, Nyx, Luna, Ravus, Libertus, Crowe. Tagging: @birdsandivory @jojopitcher @lazarustrashpit @yourcoolfriendwithallthecandy @themissimmortal @kairakara101 @littlestfangirl @parjiljehavey @ladychocoberry

If you want to be tagged, let me know

Noct didn’t move from Ignis’ sick bed throughout the day. The doctor came and went and came again to change his bandages. He had no idea how much time it passed, the room was dark, doctor recommended it so he couldn’t figure if it was day or night, if it was just an hour that had passed or ten.

Doctor said that when Ignis woke up he might never be able to see again or if he does, his sight would be damaged forever. Noct had shouted at the doctor and then begged him until Gladio pulled him away. That couldn’t be it. Blind? How would he shoot, ride a horse, read…

He was running what had happened through his mind over and over again and he couldn’t explain who or why would have done that. It was a robbery, a normal stage coach robbery why didn’t they need to set explosives? Cor had suggested that they didn’t want to leave traces, even traces of what might have been stolen, but Noct still couldn’t understand why somebody would do that. What could they steal? Some of the money and valuables from the passengers…Prompto had spoken with the post office and they confirmed it was just normal post on that stagecoach. It wasn’t bonds or anything else that could be turned into money.

Noct look at Ignis’ bandaged face and felt himself helpless and guilty. If he wasn’t so blinded by his hate for Ardyn, he might have been more careful. But he was blinded, he thought it was just another one of these things where the mayor was trying to annoy him. He didn’t take his own job seriously out of spite towards Ardyn and now Ignis was paying for it.

What would his father think I he could see him right now? He was a brat throwing a tantrum against a man he hated. Ardyn was insufferable, but he wasn’t the enemy at the end of the day. He wasn’t the one who robbed the bank a year ago and killed his father and Clarus. He wasn’t the one who robbed that stagecoach and blinded Ignis. All that time he had tried and hoped that Ardyn was involved in the robbery a year ago, somehow, indirectly, but was that blinding him? Was he trying to accuse the man just because he disliked him?

Ignis was paying now for Noct’s stubbornness and even childish behavior. Maybe Ardyn was right, maybe he was just a kid with a badge with no ability to live up to it.

Noct closed his eyes trying to chase these thoughts away but all he could see was the explosion and Ignis’ face covered in blood. When he opened his eyes Ignis was right there in front of him. Sleeping, bloodied bandage covering his face.

“Noct.” Prompto walked in the room and spoke quietly. “There are two guys who want to pay Nyx’s bail…”

“Take the money and let him go.” Noct didn’t care about Nyx Ulric. He wasn’t the one who hurt Ignis. Cor was right all the time, taking the guns away wasn’t going to reduce crime. He should have listened to Cor.

 “Thanks guys.” Nyx stretched as soon as he walked out of the sheriff’s office, the sun blinding him as soon as he looked up.

“I’m afraid I have some bad news for you.” Luche started. The man looked like hell. His clothes were wet and muddy, he hadn’t shaven for at least two days which was highly unusual for him. Mister perfect looked nothing like himself right now. “That’s your cut of the cattle, we took out two hundred from the total and then we split what was left. Also, someone stole your horse.”

“My horse?” Nyx couldn’t believe that. His luck was not getting any better. “Which one?”

“The brown mare.” Tredd responded. Nyx still couldn’t believe how on earth Tredd looked cleaner and more presentable than Luche. What did he miss?

“I loved that horse, it was a good horse…” he counted the money Luche had given him, there certainly wasn’t enough for a good animal. It was enough in fact but he had to make a choice between eating or buying a horse. Ironically the horse was also related to him being able to make more money.

“Lucky for you, I have a friend who sells horses nearby and will probably give you one with a discount.” Luche said as they walked towards their camp.

Riding towards Luche’s friend was just made Nyx a bit more bitter about his situation. Both Luche and Tredd were on their horses, that quick dun thing Luche loved and the massive black stallion that matched Tredd’s personality. On the other hand, he was forced to ride his much smaller bay which was a good animal, but not as fast or as clever as the stolen animal. There was certain level of humiliation and annoyance he felt and somehow wanted a revenge. He wasn’t usually petty and part of him could understand the sheriff freaking out, but another part of him was angry about the horse. That horse was his livelihood, he couldn’t do his job with jus one horse and he couldn’t earn money if he couldn’t do his job.

“Let me do the talking.” Luche said as they approached a ranch, it wasn’t a big property, but certainly wasn’t small. From here he could see the horses boxed behind a fence. What caught Nyx’s attention was the house in the distance. That wasn’t a normal ranch house, it was one of these big white things with columns people built in the East. Or at least that was what the newspapers said, he had never been that far East to see these big houses.

“Your friend…” Nyx started not sure how exactly to put it.

“He is not from here. He also hates it here, and thinks he is better than everyone. Don’t take it personal.” Luche explained and Nyx gave him a long look. He could name another guy who came years ago from the East with a stick up his ass.

“You boys from the East with your fancy houses and clothes.” Tredd said and spit. “That house looks likes someone’s mausoleum. A very big one.”

Nyx couldn’t hold his laugh at Tredd’s words. He didn’t always like the man, nor he always got along with him, but Tredd possessed that street wisdom that one couldn’t learn in a school or a church. It was the type of knowledge you got on battlefields, sleeping rough and drinking till sunrise.

“I will talk with Ravus.” Luche said as led his horse towards the house. “You go pick your horse from what he has.”

“I’m coming with you.” Tredd followed Luche and Nyx was a bit disappointed. He was at the property of a man he didn’t know looking at his horses. At least Tredd had a good eye for horseflesh and could help him with the choice. One of his very few redeeming qualities.

Nyx tied his horse next to the fence and climbed up to look at the animals. Nothing caught his eye right away so he just looked. Luche’s friend was certainly from the East, lots of these animals were pretty but he didn’t need a pretty horse, he needed a working horse.

“I’d go for the chestnut if I were you.” The voice surprised him and Nyx turned to his left to see that pretty girl from town standing next to him on the fence. She was wearing riding clothes, her pale blond hair was tied up uncovering the most angelic face he had ever seem.  “I heard my brother talk about a price with your friends, decided to come and help you get the best for your money.”

Nyx just stared. Not at the horses but at her. He had no idea what to say. That had never happened to him. He wasn’t a shy guy and he knew how to talk to a woman, but for some reason his brain was jumping through twenty different dialogue options and neither of them seemed suitable.

“In prison, I’m Nyx.” He finally said and regretted not having a gun right now because he wanted to shoot himself. He wanted to say his name but was worried she remembered he was the guy in the prison…now even if she didn’t remember he certainly reminded her.

“Excuse me?” she laughed at his confusion, probably that was a good sign.

“I mean to say my name is Nyx. The prison part came out because that’s where I saw you last.” He already sank his own ship, might as well do it faster.  

“Oh, you are the man Noct arrested because they found a gun on you.” To her credit she didn’t move away from him or even show she was uncomfortable around him. A lady of her status and looks probably didn’t want to be anywhere near a man associated with prison.

“I was framed.” Nyx quickly defended himself. “The gun wasn’t mine. Someone put it there.”

“And if it was…would you admit to it?” she had a smile on her lips, that smile was so pretty.

“Probably not. I assume a criminal wouldn’t confess to his crimes. But I was innocent.” He was finally feeling a bit more at ease not like some fifteen years old before his first time. “Tell me what does a girl like you do in a place like that?”

“A girl like me?” there was curiosity in her voice and damn he could listen to that accent all day long.

“I mean the town is cattle station, everybody here is a cowboy or someone who deals with cattle. Most of the women are wives of cowboys or saloon girls.” He looked quickly toward Luche and Tredd, they were still talking with the girl’s brother from what Nyx could assume. They did look alike.

“So, nobody in town could talk well and dress well.” She asked him, that teasing smile still on her lips.

“Not nobody. I’m sure the mayor probably talks well, seen few other men and women dressed well around town. You just seem out of place.” He gave her his most charming smile and could swear she was blushing.

“I’d take that as compliment, Nyx.” The way she said his name almost made him lose his balance and fall from the fence. “My brother used to sell racing horses back East. He lost some money, we were forced to move here. Now he sells horses, nobody here races horses beside you drunk cowboys when you are bored. Sadly, working horses and racing horses are two different things and Ravus, never figured that out.”

“But you have?” Nyx moved just an inch closer to her, he could smell her skin, and that was most amazing aroma he had ever smelled in his whole life.

“Better than him. I know that the chestnut there is smart and you can teach her to herd cattle. I know she is not the fastest horse that was ever born, but she is fast enough for your work.” She smiled. “I also know that none of the others are good.”

Nyx wanted to ask her another hundred things but then Luche, Tredd and the brother came in.

“Whichever horse you want, it’s yours for ten dollars.”

“Eight.” Nyx said which made Luche look at him silently tell him to shut up. “And I won’t point out why because it will be embarrassing.”

“He actually has a point….” Tredd started.

“Fine eight, and get out of my property. Let’s go Luna.” He walked away without waiting for her and she followed not before giving Nyx a very warm smile.

“I will see you in town.” He told her and tipped his hat.

“I will see you in town.” Tredd repeated mockingly. “Come on lover boy let’s grab your horse because you are making me sick.”

 Luche was with Tredd in the saloon, the way he saw it, he had very little money anyway, losing some on cards wasn’t going to make him any poorer, he was as poor as they came. On the other hand, he could earn some. Axis had left to see his family, Crowe, Libertus and Pelna were probably sulking somewhere wondering how they would make it through the winter and Nyx was nursing his crush.

“You believe what Ravus said?” Tredd asked him as he ordered another drink and winked at the girl who brought it to him. She just smiled politely and left, of course she had no interest in Tredd if he wasn’t giving her money and like Luche he had none.

“I don’t know. He might not know where the leak is, he might be the leak. He would do anything to pack his stuff, grab his sister and disappear.” Luche drank his water, he was probably the only man here not drinking alcohol but he didn’t have the stomach or head to even lick some. “He did act surprised about the explosion.”

“The explosion doesn’t worry me.” Tredd leaned forward making sure no one could hear them. “It makes sense to blow the stagecoach, like that they don’t know we couldn’t find anything. Now the injured deputy…someone needs to show the man some mercy and shoot him the way you do with injured horse.”

“He also said Drautos has new plan, new job.” Luche said as quietly as possible. “But I’m not jumping on that train, until I know what’s going on. The way things are going, we might see the Marshal and the sheriff waiting for us at that job. No, we will wait for Nyx to get close to the sister.”

Luche had to agree on that one, although what worried him about the injured deputy was just that, he was an injured deputy. Nothing pissed off lawmen as injured or dead lawmen. But there were too many odd things in the whole story. Odd to the level of making them suspicious. Somehow every time they got involved in a job somebody who was someone in town ended up death or injured. In the bank heist it was the mayor and the sheriff. Now it was that deputy. Luche didn’t care much about either but it was his head on the line.

“Look there.” Tredd pointed with his chin at one of the tables and Luche had to turn around. It was that redhaired girl’s brother drinking with his friends. That was another mystery. Why did she pass Ardyn today as if he wasn’t there? His own supernatural deductions provoked by alcohol fumes set aside, Luche knew the man was popular. He was elected mayor after all, surely, he wasn’t everybody’s cup of tea but she passed through him without even looking at him. It was interesting to figure out why. He looked around, there was no space on their table and a stranger sitting with them won’t make them talk. There was a free table close to them…where the Marshal was sitting.

“If I get arrested would you bail me?” Luche asked Tredd and the man chuckled. “I’m serious.”

“I will bail you.” Tredd finished his drink.

“Let’s say hi to the Marshal.”

“Bad idea…” Tredd started but Luche ignored him. Of course, it was a bad idea, but when you are at the bottom all ideas are bad.

“Marshal.” Luche took his hat off, trying to look as respectable as he could, speaking in his more natural Eastern accent. “I came to apologize. I was drunk today and said some things I didn’t really want to say.” Part of it was a lie, he didn’t dislike the Marshal for any personal reasons, it was just lawman outlaw type of relationship. “How about I buy a drink we play some cards and forget what happened?”

“If we play cards, you might have to let me win.” He was serious for a moment but then smiled just faintly. “It’s really bad to apologize to a man and then take his money in a card game.”

“I wouldn’t be too worried, Marshal.” Tredd pulled a chair ordering drinks for the three of them, Luche could feel himself getting sick by the idea of alcohol. “He is terrible card player.”

Luche had to admit, cards were never his thing. He didn’t like leaving things to luck and the way he saw it cards were mostly that. Tredd would argue that cards were skill since that was something he was good at, but it wasn’t a skill. They started playing and Luche pushed his chair back just enough to be able to listen what was going on the other table. Lucky for him, the guy was angry and spoke loud enough so Luche didn’t need to try too hard to hear.

“That old man could have lived just couple more years. But no, he had to have heart attack just now. And left all the money to that bitch. The land as well. I’m given a stipend. A stipend!” he slammed his fist on the table which actually made the Marshal look at them, Luche couldn’t see if that effected the men in any way.

“But she is your sister, surely she won’t just leave you like that.” One of the other guys suggested.

“She said I need to work for it.  I need to help with the ranch. Fuck that! The mayor offered good price for it. Triple what he offered the old man last year. She said no. What a stupid child! She could have taken the money, given me third of it and still be richer than anyone in that shithole. She is just a child. Nineteen! Who leaves a fortune to nineteen years old girl?”

Luche wasn’t really playing attention to the card game he was participating in, although he probably should have since he was losing money he technically didn’t have. What bothered him however was why the mayor needed that land. The ranch was massive, he had seen it with his own eyes. You could build half a town there, but why would the mayor need a ranch? He was a mayor, was he going to retire and go into cattle or horse or farm business? Knowing the man, Luche doubted that.

Before the man could go on another rant the salon suddenly went silent. Luche had to look towards the door to figure out what was happening. There she was, that pretty redhaired thing, walking right towards her brother, with the intention to kill him from what Luche could tell. Everybody stared, women usually didn’t go to the saloon, at least not women whose dresses cost as much as Luche’s horses. It was saloon girls, or working women like Crowe who had the same gutter humor as the men. To put it politely, it wasn’t a place for a lady.

“You need to go. Now.” She was next to her brother and even if she was short little thing, she did seem perfectly capable to drag the man out of it.

“You are not my mother, you are not telling me where to go.” He wasn’t even looking at her and Luche suddenly wanted to hit the man’s face in the table. He looked at Tredd who had the most curious expression on his face.

“I own the roof over your head, and I told you I need your help tonight.” Most of the people in the saloon had returned to their usual activities, the family drama didn’t seem that exciting.

“I will come, when I’m done here, you can very well go and play with dolls or something.” The man smirked, still not looking at her.

Luche saw his chance there, he could help her do whatever needed to be done and get more information on what Ardyn exactly wanted, better to get it from the source that eardrop. He could see that Tredd had similar idea, although he doubted it involved getting information. He started formulating in his head what to say and how to say it.

“Ada, let’s go, I will help you.” The Marshal said and Luche’s mouth gaped at him. “Nice playing with you guys, you can keep the earnings.” The Marshal grabbed his black hat from the table and walked with the girl out. Luche and Tredd looked at the door, then looked at each other.

“Did he just…” Luche started.

“He cockblocked us.” Tredd finished. “Damn I was sure I was going to win that bet tonight.”

It wasn’t the stupid bet in which he wasn’t participating that worried him, however. He needed more information on Ardyn and the chance to at least figure out some of the man’s motivation just walked out of the door with the Marshal at her side. He wasn’t going to jump on that new job Ravus talking about before he knew what was going on, and he just missed one opportunity to figure that out.

[black-wolf066]

The Conundrum That is Regina Mills and WishRealm Killian Jones

Not sure if i can call these comments prompts or not, but they definitely “prompted” me to write, so *shrugs* (i’m not good at all with tumblr and adding actual quotes from others, so i pretty much just rewrote what they said verbatim, hope you guys don’t mind) 

So an Anon and @killian-whump had been talking and the Anon had said: “It’s honestly, a real long shot, but how fucking amazing would it be if both Henry’s mothers got swept off their feet by a dashing Rapscallion? He’d have TWO badass pirate step dads! And Alice as a step sister! (Even though Alice seems a little hostile towards him…) But it would be cool! Regina needs a good man and who better than Killian Jones?”

Killian-whump replied with “you know, at first I was thinking that would be the one super awkward thing about Hooked Queen in S7 but after thinking about it in a twins sort of way… Hey, why the hell not?! And YES. I have always wanted Regina to find a good man who is her equal and that she can have sass-offs with, haha, and Killian would totally be that :D and today I can’t stop thinking about how close she was with him when Henry and Ella came back from Wonderland… and how close she STAYED while they were there… and how they left the tent and she was still there with him, still RIGHT at his side… and there wasn’t even any discussion about it, it just WAS… and there’s something so intimate about that unspoken connection and her unspoken role as his caretaker and comforter… and I am ALL FOR IT.”

there was also another comment by @cogentranting “If Hooked Queen did happen it would be really kind of funny because then both of Henry’s mom’s would have married Captain Hook, and Henry would have two step-dads who are sorta the same person but also not. And that’s really the sort of bizarre scenario I watch Once for.”

So, rather than wait to see if someone actually writes it, i decided to give it a go. 

I know by the time the show progresses this will be completely AU for a lot of things (like Alice and possibly the story line with Ella, Henry and Lucy), but after reading these comments, the idea just wouldn’t leave me alone and I had to try my hand at it. I’m a fan of all ships (fandom just wouldn’t be as fun for me otherwise) and though i like Captain Swan and Outlaw Queen the best, this Hooked Queen thing would NOT leave me ALONE (I blame you three for my suffering right now)!!! So, if this isn’t you’re cup of tea, than i ask that you please kindly move on.

Also fair warning: I’m not good at writing (seriously not at all… pretty sure I failed spectacularly with this little one-shot), and even though English is my first language “I don’t word good” (quoting Markiplier here for that one) nor do I “Grammar good” so please don’t complain to me about it, because you have been warned. I’ll happily fix mistakes pointed out to me, but rude comments will be fed to my cats.))

Without farther ado, i give you the mess that is my attempt at a one-shot....

         The Conundrum that is Regina Mills and WishRealm Killian Jones

                   Or in which Henry asks “What even is my life anymore?”

Henry couldn’t, for the life of him, figure out when things had shifted between his mother and the man who shared his step-father’s face (and he was the bloody author who was supposed to notice these things for crying out loud!). With the years spent helping the resistance and helping Ella raise and protect their daughter, Henry hadn’t really had time to notice much else.

That is until a passing comment from Alice, and a not so innocent question from Lucy, had it staring him in the face and refusing to be ignored any longer.

Seriously, what even was his life anymore? And why, after everything he’s survived through, did it surprise him now?

He remembered back in Storybrooke, the antagonistic alliance Regina and Killian had shared when Aunt Zelena had been nothing more than a giant green thorn in everyone’s side (and even before then, when they had ventured to Neverland to save him). They had come a long way, from enemies, to tentative allies, to somewhat begrudging friends, but the thing that had remained consistent during his years back home was the sassing remarks and his mother’s constant need to call the pirate every nickname that wasn’t his actual given name.

So, it figured that when presented with Wish Hook, it would be no different. The sarcastic quips, the eye rolling and the name calling had continued as they helped the resistance with their plight. It was something Henry didn’t even bat an eye at for how ‘normal’ the behavior was.  

What wasn’t ‘normal’ was the way their sassing eventually turned to banter, or how the nicknames slowly became pet names without either of them even realizing it (well, he was sure his mother did, for Regina wasn’t one for playing coy, but this Killian was definitely different from his step-dad in regards to safeguarding his feelings, and after hearing what Gothel did, he honestly couldn’t blame him). What also wasn’t ‘normal’ was why it had taken him 8 freaking years and two comments to finally notice whatever this ‘thing’ was between his mother and the man he had come to think of as an ‘uncle’ (or how obvious it had been to everyone else… but him apparently).

“This is weird, right?” Henry couldn’t help but voice to Ella as they settled down for the night.

“Says the man with a tangled spider web for a family tree.” She remarked with a chuckle. “I don’t see what the big deal is? Love is love, and who are we to begrudge them that?”

“No, I know, they both deserve to be happy after everything they’ve gone through, but I just… never saw something like this coming.” He sighed. “It’s going to make Thanksgiving dinners awkward, that’s for sure.”

                                                             ***

With the curse broken, their battles won, and travel for everyone made possible again; Henry and his family finally ventured home, where he grinned at the thunderstruck faces of his grandparents and the wide eyed, slack-jawed expressions of his mother and step-father when they saw Regina with her arm linked snugly through Wish Hook’s as Alice excitedly started the introductions.  

And as Alice and Lucy happily began to catch their family up on the last 11 years (which had only been 5 years here, if his little half-sister was any indication to the timeline), Henry smiled when his step-father and Emma fell into step beside him on their way to Granny’s.

“This is weird, right?” Killian unknowingly echoed his words from what felt like so long ago.

And he barked out a laugh as he replied to them both. “When has our family ever not been weird?”

[caspinn]

Repeating Apologies - Chapter 1

Summary: Dean needs to find his soulmate so he can get rid of the Mark of Cain. He only didn't expect his soulmate to be a total different, powerful species, created to purify humanity.

Warnings: No specific warnings in chapter 1. Please feel free to react!

“Just cut it out, Sam!” Dean shouted.

He was pissed off. Really pissed off, because he had the feeling that Sam was doing some dumb – very dumb – shit just to get rid of the Mark. That goddamn Mark that had been poisoning Dean’s mind ever since he got it.

Dean had noticed Sam’s weird and mysterious behavior a little while ago. It was quite obvious, too; how Sam always seemed to sneak away whenever he got a phone call, how he always gave Dean that look like he was some wild animal that could burst into flames as soon as it got mad, how he never had a good explanation for random leaving the house, instead coming up with those horrible excuses like going to see a freaking French movie in a whole other state…

Yeah, no, Dean wasn’t stupid. He knew his brother well enough to know that Sam probably was working on some kind of dumb shit, just to save him from the Mark.

Sam was looking at Dean like some beaten puppy when suddenly his cell phone started ringing – again. The device was on the table, buzzing around and begging for their attention… right in Dean’s freaking eyesight!

But this time, he would figure out who this person was!

Dean cast a quick glance at the screen and found himself frowning when he recognized the name written there. At that moment, Sam probably already knew that Dean would find out the truth about these plans of saving his brother, because Sam knew who was calling – of course he did, that little shit.

When Dean looked up, his stare was hard, boiling. Probably able to murder somebody with it if it was possible.

“CAS?!” He shouted at his little brother. There was no more use in trying to find another stupid excuse now since Cas normally only called Dean whenever he needed something. Yeah, no, Dean had enough here to make his own conclusions, and now Sam could only watch when Dean picked up the phone.

Almost automatically, Dean puts the phone on speaker, and together they hear Cas on the other side of the line.

“Sam?” the low voice of the Angel asks. Dean kept staring at Sam when he answered. “Cas, what the hell are you doing?” Cas squeaked softly and cleared his throat. “J-just testing my new phone, Dean,” Cas starts with another shitty excuse. “Didn’t want to bother you with that, heh.”

Deans eyebrows jumped up by hearing Cas lie like that; not that Cas hadn’t lied to them before, Dean told himself while thinking back of that whole Crowley-business. “You’re a horrible liar, Cas,” he said dryly. Seriously, how did he ever even manage to lie to Sam and Dean for a whole freaking year?

Sam was just standing there the entire time, looking at his annoyed brother who was getting even more annoyed since nobody seemed to be going to tell him what was they were planning – behind his freaking back! Again!

Dean knew that he had given up hope, and it was obvious that that Sam hadn’t. But that didn’t give him the right to lie to him like that. They did this dance over and over again, and somebody always ended up mad or disappointed again, too angry to talk to the other. Sam lied a lot to Dean and he lied about this whole project the whole time.

Something seemed to have shifted inside of Sam while Dean continued to get some answers out of Cas. The guilty, beaten look that he had been carrying just a few seconds ago was now gone, and instead he seemed… defeated?

“Dean, I really don’t-“ Cas kept on going, but then Sam interrupted him. “Just tell him already, Cas,” Sam mumbled. Dean’s heart jumped a bit there. Finally, they seemed to be getting somewhere. Cas hesitated for a few more seconds, but he sounded actually glad he could finally tell the truth to Dean. The Angel seemed to hate working behind one of the brother’s back, so this would probably be a real relief for him.

Cas sighed and started talking at last, Dean knowing with just the sound of his voice that the Angel is smiling. “Rowena found something.”

Deans eyes widened when he heard Rowena’s name, and anger boiled up inside of him again. That witch? Crowley’s mother? Who actually tried to kill him but failed miserably? Dean kept himself in and didn’t say anything, instead waiting for the rest despite feeling like he was very close to losing control again.

On the other side of the line someone beeped something on the background. “Okay, Rowena and Charlie found something together,” Cas quickly corrected himself. Dean’s eyes widened even more and his mouth dropped open. Then he blinked and stared furiously at his younger brother next to him. Charlie? Innocent, sweet Charlie, who really didn’t have to keep on risking her neck for their cause? Oh man, this was getting worse by the second.

Someone spoke again in the background. “Fine, Charlie did the most work,” Cas eventually corrected for the last time. Someone else spoke in the background, words Dean couldn’t understand. “I’m not a boy, Rowena. I’m clearly a full grown man.” “Cas, focus and tell us what they’ve discovered, please?’ Sam asked calmly, but Dean knew that he was impatient at the moment.

“Yeah, uhm, so they are still researching for more information, but we need to start looking for Dean’s soul mate,” Cas said it like searching for a soul mate was something ordinary, to be found easily in the store, hopefully with lots of discount. Dean was so taken aback that he had to put the phone on the table before it could drop on the ground. Sam watched his brother silently freak out a little.

“Like what, he needs to fall in love or something?” Sam asked the question Dean had been avoiding there. “Uh, what? Of course not,” Cas muttered as if the ‘you idiot’ at the end of the sentence was implied, sounding like he didn’t understand how Sam could even be thinking this. “I said he needs to find his soul mate.” “Repeating it doesn’t make it sound more logic, Cas!” Sam responded bitterly. “Oh, you don’t know what soul mates really are?” Cas asked. Sure, the Angel had infinite knowledge about all this shit, and to him it was probably common knowledge like knowing the days of the week.

“A soul mate is someone who is literally linked to somebody’s soul, Sam. That doesn’t necessarily mean something positive. Finding Dean’s soulmate doesn’t mean that he will fall in love with them. There are a lot of soulmates that are just friends. There are also a lot that are enemies and end up killing each other because the connection is strong but filled with negative energy, you see. Most soulmates never even meet.”

“Great,” growled Dean. “So we have to search someone, somewhere. That doesn’t sound vague at all…” “Come on, Dean! This is great news; we just have to find this person, how innocent does that sound? It’s not like you have to kill your own brother or something, we just have to find him…or her, whatever.” It had probably been a long time, but Sam seemed finally hopeful that things would go back as they were before the Mark came along.

“Yeah,’ Dean sighed, and the happiness he saw on his brothers face calmed him down. “Sounds almost too good to be true…” “Dean’s right, Sam. I don’t really see how the Mark will just go away when we find Dean’s soulmate.” Cas sounded doubtful “They didn’t decode the rest of the book yet. The only part they solved was that we have to find the soulmate, nobody knows what we have to do after that.”

“Right, I understand,’ Sam answered while passing his hand through his hair. He seemed to think for a second and then asked: “Can Rowena find out who this soulmate is?” Suddenly they heard someone curse very loudly through the speaker and then, when she was finally done with cursing, Rowena started yelling. “I’M A WITCH, YE BIGOT! NOT SOME KIND OF HUMAN PSYCHIC, I’M NO’ GOING TO LOWER MYSELF TO THAT! FIND ONE OF THESE WEIRD AURAREADERS OR THESE FORTUNETELLERS OR SOMETHING!” Her words were covered with that typical thick Scottish accent.

“I don’t think she can see who Dean’s soulmate is,” Cas unnecessary added to that. Dean couldn’t help but roll his eyes there. “Yeah, no shit,” Dean muttered to himself. Sam ignored him. “Okay, Cas, keep on searching for more answers about this solution. Give Charlie a big hug from us and tell that she can come to the bunker if she wants to work somewhere else. Oh, and Rowena should be imprisoned here now, I guess, since Dean now knows, so… .” “Of course,” Cas said shortly, like he always did. When the Angel hung up, Sam was already making plans to take action.

“So, Dean, I’ll search trough Bobby’s books, you can shift through dad’s journal and see if you can find something. We need to find a psychic asap.” When he looked at Dean at last, his expression changed. Dean knew he looked worn, obviously worrying. But Dean couldn’t help it, so much seemed to be happening in such a short time. “What’s wrong?”

“This doesn’t feel right, Sammy,” Dean started. “We don’t know any details; who even knows what we have to do to… my freaking soul mate?” Sam nodded in understanding, probably worrying about that too – who wouldn’t? Dean knew he only wanted to make him hopeful again. He had made clear from the beginning that he didn’t want Dean to stop fighting the Mark, but Dean had just given up when there didn’t seem to be any light at the end of the tunnel.

“I don’t think we can hurt your soul mate by just an introduction?” Sam tried, chuckling a bit. Dean snorted as well, and then nodded. The worried frown stayed on his face, still. Dean couldn’t really remember what it felt like to actually be happy, to smile without forcing it. All he had been feeling for so long was anger and worry, constantly concentrating on keeping things together and keeping the urge to murder deep inside

“We’ll start tomorrow. You should get some sleep because you look like shit, you sneaky bitch,” Dean said with a little, forced smile. Dean was trying the best he could not to be too angry with him for lying and keeping secrets. The mark made this effort very hard for Dean, so Sam better appreciated every effort he put into it.

Sam then gave Dean the kindest smile he had and said: “You too, jerk!”

[romancevsreality-blog]

bachelor in paradise, season five, episode one: do not trust anyone with a permanent smile on their face

I can’t believe we’re back here again.

By “back here”, I mean literally sitting in my bed, drinking an enormous iced coffee, and wondering where we all went wrong in life. And by “back here”, I mean Fuck Island: The Battle For Social Humiliation. Hi, I’m Amanda, the lead blogger and the laziest person on the face of the earth, back again, two weeks late, recapping the fifth season of Bachelor in Paradise, the actual worst show on television.

Up until last year, I firmly fell into the opposite camp - I thought Bachelor in Paradise deserved a god damn Peabody Award for The Audacity Of Being On Television. But after the Corinne and Demario crash-and-burn-and-pay-them-to-keep-quiet1 of 2017, the show kind of left a gross taste in my mouth. And following the Defense Against Criticism of Racist and Sexist Behavior, or the most recent season of The Bachelorette, I’m losing hope in humanity. It wasn’t fun to talk about anymore, it just made me angry.

I still hate these people, but now I want to slam my keyboard again and remind them what the fuck is up. So welcome back to Fuck Island, Y'all!

The episode opens with reminding us of Jade And Tanner, The Golden Couple Who Got Engaged Two Years Ago In Paradise And Married On TV Early Last Year and Then Had A Baby, Remember Them? as well as the new Paradise SuperCouple, Evan And Carly, The Golden Couple Who Got Engaged Last Year In Paradise And Married On TV Last Year and Then Had A Baby Too, Remember Them? They’re determined to make us forget Marcus and Lacy, too, because their marriage was a sham and apparently Lacy straight up ghosted Marcus, but also, that story is still hilarious.

Oh, Marcus. Marcus should come back on Paradise and get his Nick Viall edit.

So let’s go over the opening credits, shall we?

They’re still using the poor cover of “Almost Paradise” because someone on this series refuses to buy the real version -this show has a budget of $100. We get shots of the guys in the water, people on speedboats, people making out, all the girls running in their bathing suits… and first up is Jordan, laying on his side like a washed-up beach whale struggling to breathe. Kendall is looking at what is her best option for a romantic partner, the skull of a bull. I don’t know who Angela is. Eric dances like he’s your favorite cousin at your great aunt’s 88th birthday party. Chris is not even worth acknowledging because he’s awful and I wish the wave that washed over him drowned him. They put Tia in a red, white, and blue bathing suit because she thinks she’s America’s sweetheart. These people could write a book on subtlety. Krystal throws... glitter? Kevin leans into that “sexy firefighter” thing, an occupation I have never found to be sexually appealing. Can someone in the comments explain why there are “sexy firefighters” and not like, “sexy restaurant managers”? Bibiana has a new haircut and drops a mic because we love unexplained jokes that only make sense later on in the episode when we see the source. MY BOYFRIEND WILLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Astrid holds up some melons and I love her bathing suit so I will refrain from calling her Astird for now. Grocery Store Joe can straight up get it. Nysha looks like my friend Rae’s sister and clearly is too good for this show. David’s clearly recovered from his Bachelorette season injury but he just looks untrustworthy. Annaliese, who no one remembers, is freaking out about a bird? KENNY who we don’t deserve does an amazing backflip and Chelsea holds a glass. Nick, who I am strangely attracted to, particularly in that track suit because he reminds me of Jeremy Renner is a weird melted down kind of way, shows us what’s under that track suit and damn. DAAAAAMN, Waxy Jeremy Renner. And then finally, Venmo John counts his pesos and god, I love him.

Oh, and my Ex-Boyfriend Wills and Mortal Enemy, Chris Harrison are in Sayulita, too. Mexico, I am so sorry.

Chris Harrison pretends like he’s setting up the island area where these contestants are going to be hanging out. Chris Harrison doesn’t know how to hold a rake, let alone operate one, and why is he raking sand?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?! I am most uncomfortable with seeing Chris Harrison barefoot. That feels far too intimate from a man I despise. Anyway, they’re going to remind us of who these people are.

First up is Kendall, the Not Like the Other Girls Girl from Arby’s season. Kendall is different! She likes dead stuff and the most annoying instrument[^2] and loves posing on the beach in a bikini. Next is Kenny, who’s still hurting from his breakup with Rachel. We get to see McKenzie, his 11-year-old daughter, and I’m FULL OF EMOTIONS. Kevin Is Canadian and immediately reveals that Ashley I cheated on him with Jared. I love that. Throw that shade, Canadian Kevin. Krystal is also back, and she wants the world to know that she’s a good cook, including able to frost an angel food cake. Chris is back and he’s totally trying to Josh Murray himself and redeem his image from Becca’s season. Oh, Chris. You’re on the wrong show for that. He calls himself The Goose, and I already know that’s the “do the damn thing” of this season.

[^2] I will fight anyone on the ukelele being an annoying instrument. I get it, it’s cultural, but it’s unfortunately been appropriated by a certain sect of people and I’m annoyed by THAT mostly. Why can’t they just play the banjo? Or the trombone?

Speaking of birds, David the Chicken who doesn’t like avocados is back with his long-ass eyebrows. He lives at home in Boca Raton with his mom, because David is a catch. Unfortunately, he can’t marry his mom, but he’s coming to paradise to come after Jordan. Jordan’s got a full arsenal of looks to wear and roasting of Chicken David to do in Paradise. Annaliese is remembered for her bumper car trauma and fear of dogs and pretty much everything. She’s afraid of redheads, sand, sombreros, birds, large bodies of water, so... an island in Mexico is perfect for her. My Queen Bibiana is there for her third Bachelor series in six months and she’s just ready for all bikinis and hoping her ass slaughters al the men. Me too, Bibi. I love you. My Boyfriend Wills also shows us his sartorial choices of the season, and he’s ready to loosen up. Have his eyes always been that green? God. He’s like Smoky Robinson.

Ugh, Tia. Tia gets the longest of the opening montages because they want to torture us all. The only thing I like about Tia is that fact that TIa is thirsty as hell and not afraid to show her disappointment. Openly sad about Becca as The Bachelorette. Coming in twice to piss on Colton’s leg on The Bachelorette. Saying “I’m only here for Colton.” Tia is obvious about what it is she wants and we hate her for it. Because she’s thirsty.

Alright, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, welcome to Fuck Island, where the people are heading in. The first in is Tia, who is like MY JOURNEY MY JOURNEY MY JOURNEY!!!! This is her chance to pretend she’s The Bachelorette. She’s the first person to arrive and her new fake boobs are on display. She’s like, “the person who comes down the stairs could be my partner,” and the next person is Eric, who looks like a mascot. Kendall arrives “open to love” because Kendall isn’t like the other girls.

Next down is Jordan, clearly long enough for the three of them to get drinks. Jordan’s happy to be in a place as beautiful as he is. Tia makes mention of Jordan’s villain edit on his season and Jordan’s like, “sometimes it’s best to know someone before judging them.” Bibi comes down and makes a joke to Chris Harrison about the bumpy road to Paradise and how much her uterus hurts. It’s not a great joke. Is it a joke? Yes. Bibiana arrives as a flamboyant ball of fire and I love her. Jordan and Bibi have something, but Bibi is waiting for the real sign of a good guy. It's never coming, Bibi. Men are trash.

God, Grocery Store Joe, my mumble-mouthed handsome Chicago man, arrives ready to fall in love and doesn’t want to get home straight away again. That’s his main goal. Next is in My Boyfriend Wills, who immediately comes face to face with My Ex-Boyfriend Wells, who managed to maintain his job as bartender despite not knowing how to bartend. How White Man of him. No wonder we broke up. Chelsea comes in, looking pretty much just like Krystal, and all the guys jump on her. Chelsea is a hot mom. Kendall and GroStoJoe talk about picnics, and Joe’s like, “I’m not a picnic kind of person,” while Kendall is like “I like to have picnics in graveyards.” Kendall asks if Joe has ever seen a dead person, and it’s all... yeah. Stop it, Kendall.

Chris, my worst nightmare, shows up in some salmon pink shorts and I’m gagging. All the contestants are waiting to see who’s arriving next, and they all hope it’s not Krystal. Particularly Tia and Bibiana, who both say she’s a bad person. Krystal arrives and the dramatic music starts. Welcome to paradise, Y'all. Krystal talks about the stress of The Bachelor on her, but she can recognize that Chris shares part of her name. Tia is literally like “I’m happy she’s here, but I want to kill her.” Krystal has some bass in her voice and is speaking like a normal person, not with that weird lilt to her she was pulling off all Arby’s season. Kendall’s worried someone’s going to be interested in both her and Krystal and so of course, Joe goes after Krystal first.

Canadian Kevin, Waxy Jeremy Renner, and Venmo John all arrive. Of course, Kendall is about John because “I’m a sucker for nerds.” Kendall really isn’t like the other girls. Nysha, one of the girls from Arby’s season who we barely knew arrives, and so does Angela, whoever the hell Angela is. Who is Angela? Angela is gorgeous but man, I have no idea who she is. Our Favorite Dad Kenny arrives and McKenzie refuses to let him come back if he doesn’t have someone. I love this show. Kenny is talking to Nysha, but Astird walks in and I already know I’m going to get her and Angela confused.

Tia keeps looking over everyone’s shoulders in hopes that Colton is coming down the stairs. She thinks she’s being slick about it, but everyone notices and it’s hilarious. Annaliese comes down in her Romwe romper and Jordan immediately tells her he’s interested, attracted, and he’s known for being arrogant form his season. David arrives and Jordan immediately freezes up. Someone calls out “Jordan, David’s here!” and they’re expecting drama to go down between them. It doesn’t, Jordan and David have a handshake and David walks away. It’s just awkward. Tia’s bummed that David’s the last entry and Colton, in fact, will not be arriving that day. Everyone’s like “MOVE ON TIA” and Tia’s conflicted on what she wants out of Colton, it seems.

Chris Harrison comes in and tells them the rules - there are more women than men this week, and the guys aren’t safe this week. They need to pair up ASAP or else they won’t get the chance to be the next Jade And Tanner, The Golden Couple Who Got Engaged Two Years Ago In Paradise And Married On TV Early Last Year and Then Had A Baby, Remember Them? or Evan And Carly, The Golden Couple Who Got Engaged Last Year In Paradise And Married On TV Last Year and Then Had A Baby Too, Remember Them?

The girls are ecstatic that they have control, except Tia. Tia’s mad she’s going to have to talk to someone other than Colton, even though she’s safe that week. God, I hate her. Joe and Tia sit down and Joe’s getting his flirt on and getting his camera time. He’s making up for lost time, apparently. Colton immediately comes up and you can tell Joe barely remembers Colton. But Tia talks about how she had a “relationship” with Colton before his time on Becca’s season of La Bachelorette and they haven’t spoken since. Joe would want to give his date card to Tia, but he can tell Tia’s not over Colton.

Colton, Colton, Colton.

Tia, the only person who didn’t want a date card, gets a date card. The producers want to torture her. She actually yells “NO!!!” when her name is on the card, and I agree with Bibiana - she needs to be open to her options and she’s super upset at the idea. She literally said “I came here o find something serious and lasting with Colton,” a guy she went on two dates with once a few months ago. This is such alarming behavior. Everyone’s upset by Tia but they’re all pretending it’s okay.

Tia really confirms her trash taste by choosing Chris for her date card.

Joe’s like, “I’m disappointed,” but everyone is like “dude, bullet dodged.” Krystal is thrilled Joe wasn’t picked by Joe until Joe takes Kendall aside for some private time. Kendall and Joe are cute and talk about storms and they like each other and make out on one of the day beds. Kendall’s mom warned her about making out on one of the day beds, and here we are day one!!!!! Krystal, meanwhile, is just baffled by the entire idea of Joe and Kendall. Joe isn’t the guy for her, it’s confirmed.

So it’s nighttime, and we have a few connections already made - Joe and Kendall, Annaliese and Venmo John, and David thinks Angela is in his league2. But that’s it - a few people have been left behind and ignored, and we see a great awkward conversation between Nysha and Jordan. In the wake of Joe and Kendall hooking up, Krystal’s interested in Kevin, who isn’t nearly as hot everyone wants us to think. He looks like a rough draft of a person. They both talk about how hot the other is and they make out on another of the day beds. Gross3.

Chelsea, one of the most beautiful women this franchise has ever had, is on the couch with Wax Jeremy Renner, and he’s way into her. He doesn’t care that she’s a mom, he’s super into that and thinks he’d make a great role model. He’s super attracted to Chelsea, too and continues to be like “man, I would make out with you if you wanted to,” but she starts feeling sick. Chelsea is my queen. The other contestants talk about Tia and Chris’s date and how it’s unfair because Tia has unfinished business with a guy who’s not even there. Astird is correct in saying Tia probably should have given her date card away rather than go out with someone she was only interested in until someone else comes in.

As if Tia would ever give up the chance to be on camera.

Tia and Chris sit down to dinner that they’re not really going to eat, and Chris is shocked he’s even out with Tia. Tia brings up Colton first, and basically says “I’m here because I want to be here with you.” Chris is thrilled and is in Paradise to hang out with people he wouldn’t necessarily hang around. They both want to leave Paradise with a real relationship. They continue to cut back to the villa, where My Boyfriend Wills and Astird both think that Chris and Tia will have a fun date, even if it is a platonic one. But it doesn’t matter, because they both make out while fireworks go off!

Tia’s like “Colton Who?” Which is such a mature response and a clear indicator of where her mind is?

The next morning, Tia and Chris are all lovey-dovey and kissing, and everyone’s excited for them, which is why Colton’s arriving now. Production needs to take a class in subtlety because they even add the “thunder crashing” and “ominous clouds” videos, even though it’s gorgeous when Chris Harrison talks to Colton, who you know not to trust because he is permanently smiling. Colton tells Chris Harrison he’s not there just for Tia, but his world is open. He has a date card (barf). Colton arrives and immediately Chris is set off course and Tia is smiling like the Cheshire fucking cat. She can’t even pretend not to be over the moon. She fully expects Colton’s date card to go to her an- Colton takes Kendall aside first. Everyone’s like “him not grabbing Tia is a signal.” Kendall tells Tia and gets the deets, and everyone thinks it’s awkward to not grab Tia first. Chris, meanwhile, is spiraling, and he’s terrified Tia is going to go out with Colton.

I mean, Tia’s going to go out with Colton. That was written in First Corinthians. Poor Angela, though. I mean that in the “it hurts now but you dodged a bullet” way.

Chelsea, Nysha, and Angela are all hoping that this date will at least come out with some solid “yes-or-no” on the Tia and Colton situation. Jordan says this is Chris’s Vietnam. It’s a weak metaphor. Astrid and Wax Jeremy Renner HATE Colton. Wax Jeremy Renner calls Colton a “fame chaser”, and Astird thinks that Colton just likes having Tia on the back burner in case something else doesn’t turn out. Fuck Colton.

Tia and Colton talk about their first date from six months ago, where they basically spent a weekend together. Like, two dates. That’s it. Tia’s hoping they can recreate that weekend in Paradise, but this is an extra AF reaction for TWO dates. Chelsea also hates Colton, because he can’t figure it out - is he there to date Tia and fuck the “I’m open to everyone here” idea, or is be big enough of a dick to date other girls in front of Tia? Either way, he looks like a dick. Colton brings up what Tia did to make Becca send Colton home, and Colton is still pissed. Like, he’s trying to pretend like he’s not, but he’s still super mad because apparently he was in love with Becca and Tia got in the way of that.3 Tia is sorry if he feels like he missed out, but she didn’t want to miss out on her opportunity to get a chance to be with him. Colton doesn’t know what’s there or what could be there with Tia, but he mostly just wants to be on television. Tia wants to know if he feels like there’s something possible between them because she can’t get him out of her head. Colton gives the most nothingburger answer, like “I don’t know, I want to be fair to everyone, I’m not closing the door on this, I’m here to figure out my stuff and be on tv and hopefully become The Bachelor.” Tia doesn’t take this as “Okay, let’s both play the field” like Colton probably intended it to, she just thinks that’ll make him try harder. They go out on a speedboat and then they have a make-out session.

Tia talks on and on about her feelings for Colton, and we never once hear from him. I know that’s on purpose. What Colton is doing is dangerous, and really shouldn’t happen. Just tell someone you’re not interested. That’s it. Back at the villa, Jordan, Chris, and Wax Jeremy Renner are plotting to confront Colton. They all know he’s there to be on television and he isn’t interested in Tia. Kendall and Joe can’t be bothered and don’t understand why they’re bothered, either. The guys are white knighting Tia and they’re hoping they’re going to get to confront him. The two of them have a scarlet letter on them, and they both need to come to terms with it because they’re killing the vibe in paradise.

To be continued...

Next Time: The greatest summer in Bachelor History! Everyone is making out with everyone! Krystal is in love! Hot people on the beach! YUUUKIIIIIIIIIIII1!! Ugh, Leo vs. Joe? Clearly, I’m on one side over the other. Jenna ignites the feud between Jordan and David. Ugh, gross, that gross guy Kamil. Oh my god, Shushanna is back?! Shushanna “Shut up 5s, a 10 is speaking” Russian girl has been accused of being a witch, so I already am on her team. Colton tears. Eye roll. Tia tears. I don’t care. Ben Higgins yells about being unlovable, and gross, Arby is there. ROBB(IE???) WHY???? All of the Bachelor and Paradise alums we don’t care about! Tears!

Random Assessments from the Desk of Amanda:

Okay, this is the best collective group of Paradise alums we’ve had since the first one. Fight me. It’s a bunch of nothing contestants plus a few notable ones.

I love Bibiana and I love Chelsea and I love Astrid. They all else can go in the garbage.

I don’t know if I can handle six weeks of Colton talk and sociopath smiles.

... I really hate those braids on My Boyfriend Wills. Sorry, Wills.

I’m already adorning my tin foil hat here, but Y'all can’t tell me Corinne and Demario didn’t accept a hefty settlement in exchange for The Powers That Be to do whatever they want. ↩︎

David really is a permanent wingman and that is not a compliment. ↩︎

Or, really, Tia was brought in by production to give Becca an excuse to eliminate Colton before Fantasy Suites so she wouldn’t get screamed at by America for eliminating the virgin in the Fanty Sweets. Tinfoil hats abound over here. ↩︎ ↩︎

[staystrange]

happy halloveen | chapter 2: amy

Jake and Amy’s individual POVs of the HalloVeen episode, but with way more backstory, plus a bonus chapter. I just wish the episode was longer than twenty minutes so the writers could have fit even more details into the episode!! But since they couldn’t, I wrote them myself : )

read on ao3 | ff.net | wattpad

If you had told Amy Santiago eight years ago that she would be engaged (engaged!!) to Jake Peralta, her goofy partner from the Nine-Nine, she would have given you a confused look and probably told you that you were absolutely insane.

And yet, here she was. At Shaw’s. With the Nine-Nine. With Jake’s arm around her shoulders. And a ring on her left ring finger.

Amy had never been as happy as she was right then, in that moment.

It had all started that morning. It was the precinct’s fifth annual Halloween Heist, and she had been planning for this day since the second she got home from Shaw’s after the last Halloween Heist had ended. This was the first Halloween since she and Jake had moved in together, so she used her newfound proximity to him to try and figure out what he was planning. And boy, had it worked! Jake had no idea how much he accidentally revealed when he was showering or when he talked in his sleep. (And Amy wasn’t afraid to admit that it was pretty freaking adorable, too.)

Amy had seen Jake set his alarm for three o’clock in the morning, so she set hers for even earlier. She woke up at two, got ready as quickly and quietly as humanly possible, and lay back in bed, facing Jake, anticipating the moment when he woke up and saw her already awake. This competition meant a lot to them, and since they were both tied with one win each, Amy was determined to anticipate Jake’s (and everyone else’s) every move. She vowed that not a single thing about this heist would surprise her.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, she heard the beep, beep, beep, beep of Jake’s alarm clock and saw him roll over to turn it off. He didn’t even hit snooze! Amy thought. She didn’t have time to ponder this huge change in Jake’s behavior because she had to focus if she wanted to stay ahead. She patiently lay there waiting for him to turn around and see her. And then he did, and he was surprised, just as Amy knew he would be.

“Gah!” Jake exclaimed, Amy resisting the strong desire to kiss him as they did every morning choosing to tease him instead. There was no room for cheesiness on a day like today. Today, they weren’t Jake and Amy, boyfriend and girlfriend. They were Jake and Amy, competitors, and if he stood in her way, she would take him down as if he was her worst enemy.

It was all in good fun. As soon as the heist was over, though, she couldn’t guarantee her ability to keep her lips (and her hands, for that matter), off of Jake.

“Thought you could get a head start on heist prep?” Amy asked. “Good luck.” She flipped the covers off of her body, revealing her work clothes. “I’m already dressed.” She glanced down and cringed at the slight wrinkles in her clothes from lying in bed with them on. Smoothing the wrinkles out as much as she could, she glanced back up at Jake, restoring her smirk. Amy Santiago could show no weakness.

“Well,” Jake replied, sitting up. “I’m also dressed. And, I made breakfast.” Amy was impressed. She hadn’t heard him in the kitchen or seen any evidence that he’d been there last night or that morning. He must have snuck in after she went to sleep. “Wait, where are my eggs?” he asked after moving the covers back some more to reveal the empty plate that once held his breakfast.

“In my belly,” a deep voice answered from across the room. The lights flickered on, revealing Captain Holt sitting in a chair across from the bed. Sure, Amy had given him a key to her and Jake’s apartment just in case of an emergency, but she didn’t expect him to actually use it. Her first reaction was one of total shock, but she honestly wasn’t sure if she was more surprised or pleased.

“Aah!” Jake and Amy exclaimed in unison.

“Now get a move on,” Captain Holt said, unfazed by their reaction. “It’s heist time.”

“I love Halloween!” Jake replied. Amy, who only a few years earlier would never have thought she could ever feel this way (but then again, a lot had changed since she’d fallen in love with Jake), agreed.

Somehow, Jake managed to beat her out of their bed, and she scrambled to catch up. There was no way Amy was going to let him beat her to the precinct. It had never happened before, and there was no reason for Amy to believe it would happen now. She quickly grabbed the breakfast she’d made (ordered) for herself and the bag she’d packed in advance the night before like she did every day, but when she reached the front door, she saw only one set of keys on the hook instead of the two she normally saw. Jake had managed to beat her out the door.

Amy didn’t let it bother her. She grabbed her own keys and walked quickly out of the building and to her car, Holt’s footsteps not far behind her. As she got into her car, it occurred to her that since she hadn’t been the last one out the door, she didn’t know if the door was locked. She froze with her hand on the car keys in the keyhole, about to turn the car on. Should I go back and look? she thought, every worst case scenario she could ever think of popping into her head. Then she shook her head to herself, her grip on the keys tightening with resolve. No. This is the Halloween Heist, and there is no time to waste. Besides, Captain Holt would never leave somewhere without making sure the door was locked, especially if it was someone else’s apartment.

Snap out of this, Amy, this is your year. She grinned as she pulled out into traffic.

Once she arrived at the precinct, Captain Holt a few steps behind her, the entire squad went into the briefing room to start the heist. She joined Jake and Captain Holt at the front of the room while everyone settled into the seats. Amy glanced over at Jake as he launched into the speech he’d been preparing for months; he always practiced when he thought she couldn’t hear him, but he always got so into it that he recited it much more loudly than he intended and Amy heard him every time. She held back a smirk as she waited for the right moment to startle Jake.

“This year, the competition is not limited to winners of the past heists,” Amy said, finally finding a break in his speech where she could contribute something.

“That’s right, any man, or woman, hashtag ‘resist’, can enter. It’s open to everyone,” Jake said, picking right back up where he left off. Amy’s smirk slipped for a moment, revealing a genuine smile. Somehow, Jake was almost as big of a feminist as she was, and she was a huge feminist. It was one of the many reasons she fell in love with him. He’d even surprised her in January and took her to the Women’s March in Washington, D.C. It was one of the most incredible days of her life.

“For I have only this to say,” Jake said, snapping her out of her daydreams, and Amy knew this was her moment.

“Victory shall be mine!” she said along with him, and the look on his face was priceless. “I heard you practicing in the shower. You can’t surprise me. Letting me into your life was the worst mistake you ever made!”

Fear spiked through Jake’s features for a moment before they settled on nervous. “Cool, fun take on our relationship,” he said.

Eventually, they left the briefing room and moved into the bullpen to officially start the heist. Jake left the honor of hanging the belt on the hook to Amy, and she took it seriously, gently setting it in place. As she did so, she carefully attached a tracking device to the back of the belt. As a seasoned detective, she, of course, had a lot of experience with hiding tracking devices and bugs on various items in plain sight, so she wasn’t worried at all about anyone noticing. And, sure enough, no one did.

Just as Captain Holt officially began the heist, the lights went out. To her annoyance, Amy was completely surprised, and she had no idea what was going on or what to do next to maintain the upper edge in this competition. She bit her lip in frustration, almost hard enough to split it, and when the lights turned back on, she cursed under her breath in Spanish, words that she’d heard her parents use many times throughout her childhood when they thought she couldn’t hear them, because the belt was gone.

Suddenly, a figure wearing a wolf mask appeared on the computer screen, claiming to be Gina and that she had stolen the belt. Amy went along with it for show, but she could immediately tell that it wasn’t Gina. First of all, “Gina” was sitting in a room that she immediately recognized as one of the precinct’s storage rooms, and she knew for a fact that Gina hadn’t come anywhere near the precinct since her daughter Enigma was born. She also knew Gina well enough by then to recognize her unique speech patterns, and while whoever this was came pretty close, it wasn’t close enough to fool Amy.

When Jake and the rest of the precinct ran toward Gina’s desk to grab some of the baby toys she’d supposedly left there to find some clues, she followed so she wouldn’t alert anyone else to the truth. Once all of the toys were gone, she pretended to be disappointed, but she couldn’t have cared less. She had to find the belt. She hid in an empty room for a moment and pulled out her phone, opening the app she used to connect to the tracker. It was flashing inside one of the storage rooms, most likely the same one that had been in the background of “Gina’s” video. She shoved her phone back into her pocket and glanced out the door to make sure the coast was clear before speed walking to the storage room. It took a lot of self control not to run at top speed, but she knew that if she did, someone would notice.

Deep breaths, Amy, she thought to herself. Focus. You’ll find the belt. You’ve got this.

Amy was so focused that she almost walked past the very storage room she was looking for. It was the sound of Jake’s voice calling her name that snapped her out of her intense focus and drew her attention toward the storage room. When she saw Jake handcuffed to one of the file cabinets, she grinned. She couldn’t believe her luck. As the senior detective in the ninety-ninth precinct and her significant other, Jake was her biggest threat in this competition, and having him out of the way made it so much easier to win the heist.

Amy walked inside, letting her confidence show in her stride and in the bounce of her hair. She immediately noticed that Jake couldn’t keep his eyes off of her, and she used that to her advantage. She had never been incredible at flirting, but her skills had definitely improved since they’d started dating; they spent a lot of time bouncing sexy banter and flirtatious comments off of each other, and she knew exactly what to say to turn Jake on. Once she’d successfully teased away Jake’s concentration, she turned on her heel and left him behind in the storage room.

As the door clicked shut behind her, she realized that while she had been teasing her boyfriend, she had completely forgotten to look for the belt. Amy knew there was no way she could go back in there, so she opened the app up again. Sure enough, the belt was now in a completely different room, and just as she was about to close the app, she saw it begin to move. She followed it outside the precinct, but when the flashing light stopped she didn’t see anyone there.

Amy looked around her in confusion for a moment until suddenly the desire to sneeze overwhelmed her and she let out an extremely loud one, potentially revealing her location to whomever might be out there. She almost let out another curse in Spanish until she realized what was going on. She only sneezed like that when she was sick, which was not the case, or when there was a dog nearby. Sure enough, Captain Holt’s dog, Cheddar, was standing not far away with the belt in its mouth. Amy really didn’t want to have to spend more time with the dog than necessary, but she knew that if she wanted to win this heist, she had to put herself second to what had to be done to win. She saw a stray dog in the alley that looked a lot like Cheddar, and she found a cheap belt in one of the nearby dumpsters, so she put the belt in the stray’s mouth and left it where Cheddar had been hiding. She then took the real belt out of Cheddar’s mouth and picked up the dog, running into the precinct as quickly as she could and hiding the dog in one of the small closets, leaving the door open a crack so the dog could breathe.

Once she got away from the dog, she found a small robot and attached the belt to it, pocketing the controller. Amy returned to her desk, narrowly escaping an interrogation from Terry (who, by the way, she knew was working with Charles and Rosa on a team called the Tramps) when Captain Holt entered the precinct demanding to know what had happened to Cheddar. Amy sat down at her desk and attempted to look as inconspicuous as possible, carefully controlling the robot and moving it into the safe she kept under her desk. Once she locked the safe behind it, she let out a sigh of relief. All she had to do was stall until midnight because there was no way she was going to let anyone get into her safe while she was sitting right next to it.

Yet somehow, Jake had managed to do just that. She had been distracted by all of the handmaids and the fake smoke all around her, and she couldn’t keep her attention on the safe under her desk because so much was happening at one time. By the time she could focus again, Jake had opened her safe, and the belt was gone. At least Jake doesn’t have the belt either, she thought, though she had no idea where the belt could have possibly gone.

It wasn’t until everyone started running that she realized what had really happened. Someone, probably someone helping Jake, had switched her safe the had the belt in it with one that was completely empty. She pulled up the app on her phone again and saw that the belt was on the move, but then she checked the tracker that she had hidden in Jake’s phone and saw that he was still in the precinct. Her forehead crinkled in confusion; if he had the belt, how could it be moving outside the precinct while he was still inside it? He must have found my tracker and put it on something else. The belt has to still be in the precinct. She glanced down at her phone again and saw that Jake was moving toward the evidence room, so she ran there, closing the door behind her just as Jake rounded the corner.

Amy stood in front of some of the shelves, waiting once again to surprise Jake. Today is really full of surprises, isn’t it? Amy thought to herself, allowing a smirk to form once again on her face. She heard the door’s handle turn, and Jake walked into the room. This is it, she thought. It’s time to end this thing.

“Hello, Jacob,” she said smugly, smirking even more when she saw Jake stop walking in surprise.

“Gah!” Jake exclaimed, facing her. “Wha… Ames, what are you doing here? Why aren’t you out looking for the belt?” he said quickly, clearly trying to distract her from what she already knew: the belt had to be in this room.

“You and I both know the belt never left the precinct,” she replied, her hands settling on her hips, her smirk remaining.

“I don’t know that. Nobody knows that.”

“I kept thinking, how did anyone swap my key?” Amy began, trying her best to stall as the clock crept closer and closer to midnight. “And then it hit me, they didn’t. They swapped the safe. One of the handmaids, I’m assuming fake Charles, took my safe, and then Of Amy deposited a look-alike. What did you give fake Charles so he’d help you?”

“Nothing, in fact, he gave me something: the power of financial freedom.” He took a shaky breath. “I invested in a pyramid scheme. There’s no time to go into it right now.”

Amy raised an eyebrow, but decided not to question it. Later, though, they’d have to talk about whatever it was Jake had wasted their money on. “Okay,” she said slowly. “So, while we all tried to figure out who had the real key, fake Charles broke into the safe, removed the tracker, and led Terry and the squad on a wild goose chase. My only question is, which box is the belt in?”

“Well, good luck figuring it out because the clock is tick, tick, tocking,” Jake replied, a smug look on his face.

“It’s that one!” Amy exclaimed, pointing to a box on a nearby shelf as Jake’s face fell.

“No!”

“The dust pattern on top doesn’t match its neighbors,” Amy replied, grinning as she pulled the box off of the shelf. “You see, Jake? I’m always going to be one step ahead of you. You’ve lost the ability to surprise me! Ya just plain boring.”

“Again, weird take on our very loving relationship,” Jake said quietly.

“And it’s midnight, so I guess I’m an amazing human slash genius,” she said, taking the belt out of the box and holding it up. She couldn’t believe she’d actually managed to beat Jake, for real this time, with no excuses about how no one had known she’d been competing. She was definitely not going to let him live this down.

“Yeah,” Jake acknowledged. “Although, you might want to read the inscription on that there belt.” He smiled, pressing his lips together.

“Why?” Amy asked, her heart plummeting. Her mind raced through a million theories about what Jake could have done, and she turned back the belt to confirm her worst nightmare: losing the heist to her boyfriend. It would be so much worse than losing the bet. At least the bet had led to them dating. What would this lead to? A proposal? Actually, maybe losing wouldn’t be so bad after all. Amy couldn’t let herself get her hopes up, though; whether she hoped that she would win or that she would lose she didn’t know, but it didn’t matter. “Oh no, what does it say?” She took a deep breath before glancing down at the belt in her hands. “Amy Santiago, will you marry…me?” she read, quickly turning her head to look at the place where Jake had been standing just a moment before. Now, though, he was on one knee, a ring box open in his hands.

Amy forgot how to breathe for a moment, the heist forgotten. “Surprise,” Jake said softly.

“I’m so confused,” she said, breathing hard. “I don’t know what’s happening right now.”

“I’m so confused, I don’t know what’s happening right now: title of your sex tape,” Jake responded, eliciting a breathless laugh from Amy. It sounded more like exhaling than laughing, but she was too in shock to care.

“Oh my God, I’m shaking, I’m definitely going to cry.” She paused, the perfect opportunity presenting itself. “Title of your sex tape,” she added. Jake nodded. “Wait,” she said, Jake looking up at her. “Is this really happening? Is this part of the heist? If this is part of the heist, I will dump you so hard,” Amy said, finally putting the belt down. She had honestly forgotten she was still holding it.

“No! Please, Ames, look, it’s really happening, okay? It’s not part of the heist, I promise. This is real,” Jake promised, and Amy believed him.

“It is?”

“Yeah.” Jake took a deep breath. “Okay, here goes. Ames, I love you. I love how smart you are, I love how beautiful you are, I love your face, and I love your butt.” He made a face once he’d realized what he’d said, but Amy thought it was perfect. “I should have written this down first.”

“No, no, it’s okay go on,” Amy said, trying and failing to hold back the tears gathering in her eyes.

“I love how much you pretend to like Die Hard.”

“I like the second one!” Amy protested.

“You don’t have to,” Jake said, and Amy relented.

“Okay.”

“Yeah,” Jake said before continuing with his proposal. “You’re kind and you’re funny and you’re the best person I know. And,” he paused for a moment, “the best detective.” He stopped again and pressed his lips together. “Also for realz, I love your butt.”

“I love yours too.”

“Gross.” Amy laughed.

“Amy Santiago,” Jake said, and Amy was sure she’d really stopped breathing this time, “will you marry me?”

There was no question in Amy’s mind that her reply was the right one. “Jake Peralta, I will marry you.”

A grin split Jake’s face in half, and she knew her face mirrored his. She was shaking, but she tried to hold her left hand steady so Jake could slide the ring onto her finger. Amy glanced down at it for a moment, noticing just how perfect it was, before pulling Jake toward her and kissing him with all of the love in the world. She felt his hands settle on her waist, and she almost melted. She had never been happier that a competition had ended.

They broke apart a few moments later, Amy’s hands on his face and Jake’s on her shoulders. She couldn’t keep her eyes off of him, and she definitely couldn’t stop her tears from falling.

She had been right after all. Today really was full of surprises.

1. Sorry this is late! I know I promised that this would be up on Friday, and I tried my best, but my acapella group went to Maryland this weekend and I didn't have time to write. I really didn't want to rush to finish this, so I waited until today to finish it. I really hope it was worth the wait!! 2. This chapter is quite a bit shorter than the last one because obviously there isn't as much backstory from Amy's POV as there is from Jake's. I'm still really proud of this, though : ) 3. Thank you guys so much for all of the love on the last chapter!! I was honestly not expecting any of it, and I can't even put into words how happy I am that you guys enjoy my writing. As long as you guys keep reading, I promise I will do my best to keep writing.

If you have any requests for future fics, whether for Brooklyn Nine-Nine or any other fandom I'm a part of, send me an ask!! Or, if you just want to say hi, you're more than welcome to do so : )