#trying a catchier title with this one

[one-squash-one-end]

>1.6k words on bi Gansey

Hi! This belongs to my big Raven Cycle analysis, click here for the masterpost.

Today we are diving into all the reasons why I think Gansey is a bi king (and then some more). Enjoy!

(I think there might be mild spoilers up to trk, nothing too bad though, more character interactions than plot)

b) Gansey

Alright hear me out. This man. There is nothing this rich boy can do to beat the fruit allegations. He is a bi king, through and through. Everyone but him knows, including you, because what I have to say is the absolute truth and I am great at convincing. I once saw a tumblr post that said “Gansey has to physically restrain himself from kissing all his friends” and there has never been anything more true.

And it’s important to note that this is really not only reader interpretation. Or, at least, reader interpretation includes other character’s interpretations, which are sometimes incredibly straight(lol)forward.

After doing Adam a big favor, Gansey’s sister Helen (who is aro-ace btw, because I said so) immediately assumes he is sleeping with him, which is a conclusion she jumped to way too quickly if Gansey has never previously shown any interest in Adam or other boys. Like, she seems to know him quite well, and for her to just think he’s in a relationship with Adam says a lot about the homoeroticism prevalent in Gansey’s friendships with both Adam and also Ronan.

Because then we have Kavinsky, another canonically queer character, who thus might arguably have some sort of gaydar, assuming Ronan and Gansey are in a romantic (but most of all, sexual) relationship. Admittedly, this has largely to do with Kavinsky assuming things about Ronan and his sexuality, as is explicitly mentioned in the book. However, you can very easily speculate about someone’s sexuality without knowing their (previous) partners, if there have been any at all, so to correctly believe Ronan is gay does not have to randomly entail relationship speculations. So somewhere, even from not interacting with them so much, Kavinsky must have gotten that idea. That somewhere is the deep affection the two of them share, which is absolutely palpable for everyone around. Yes, I know their relationship is described as brotherly (please note I do not condone incest!), but also somewhere within “they’re bros” lies the implication they are gay. Two bros chilling in a hot tub. They’re having a bromance. Let bros kiss.

Another person who seems to believe in a Gansey romance above bromance is Henry, who at that point of book three had only interacted with him at school very superficially. We can assume the way Gansey behaves with Adam and Ronan at school is very much homoerotic, or elsewise Henry would have no reason to be surprised about seeing Gansey with Blue (“a chick”). He can’t be surprised about Gansey pulling… someone, considering he is apparently super good-looking, he just never had reason to assume Gansey was anything but achillean.

Now this was mostly people who don’t know Gansey that well, or at least people not part of the inner circle, so it can’t mean that much, right? Surely there would not be anyone who truly, deeply knows Gansey, who would assume he is queer. Right? Wrong. I have since forgotten the context of that quote, but Adam, someone who is very close to both of them, thinks that Ronan and Gansey could date. Make of that what you will, but I will it to be homoerotic subtext. (Or text, as what Adam says is what he says, no room for interpretation there.)

Lastly, Adam’s father called him the f-slur. Ok, I will admit that it’s not completely confirmed to be that, but what else would a censored word with f stand for? Again, it’s hard to tell, because my two options would be the slur and just straight-up “fucker”, but both “f*g” and “fuck” are used directly in the following books. The f-slur was used directly in Ronan’s narrative though, in that of a character who talks very obscenely in general, so I have no trouble believing Gansey just wouldn’t have wanted to repeat that word, especially if it’s just a memory.

The line between romantic and platonic interactions is thin enough in this series as it is, but Gansey seems to blur it especially. I am going to touch on that at a later point, but platonic affection is given a very important role, so much that in some parts it carries as much significance as romantic actions do (as it should- relationship anarchy rules), if not more. With Gansey that seems to be especially strong, a lot of the things he does with his friends seeming romantic.

First of all, he is co-parenting with Ronan. Yes, it is a bird, but Ronan loves her like a human daughter so the point stands. The two of them even squabble about it like an old married couple, Gansey’s legendary “this is exactly why I didn’t want to have a baby with you” speaks for itself.

Then there is the insomnia quality time, as I like to call it. We, as the readers, are probably supposed to focus on the late night phone calls and drives with Blue, the fact that “she makes [him] quiet”, and that he can sleep after talking to her. But what I find equally important is the time he spends with Ronan at Monmouth during those sleepless nights, them getting orange juice at three a.m. While it might not be something super comforting that makes them both fall asleep, this routine they seem to have fallen into, just spending time while not expecting anything from the other, is something that means a lot to me; they are very much giving platonic soulmates, but also what if they kissed?

Of course I cannot not mention “While I’m gone, dream me the world. Something new for every night.” That boy is being unnecessarily dramatic about going away for literally one weekend. And why? Because “they had been a two-headed creature for so long, Ronan-and-Gansey. He couldn’t say it, though. There were a thousand reasons why he couldn’t say it.” What are those reasons though? Is it because he is actually in love with Ronan but admitting to that would make the friendship super fucking awkward so he whips out a dramatic, half-romantic metaphor quote? Yeah, that makes total sense.

Staying on my Ronsey bullshit, let’s not forget the glorious, deleted pool table scene. In case you are not familiar with it, or have forgotten the way it sounds (probably the reason it was deleted), I’ll just let two quotes speak for themselves. “There was something suggestive about how [Ronan] wore the suit” Oh yes, of course there was. Sometimes you wear clothing with a certain intention, and in Ronan’s case, that intention is to be bent over the pool table by Gansey. This becomes even clearer here: “Gansey was well aware that Ronan rather fancied the way he looked while he played pool, and the way he reached across the felt now, intentional and elegant and coiled, indicated that he was fancying himself at this very moment.” Once again, everything is super intentional, and Gansey wants to fuck him so badly. Not even kidding at this point, the way Maggie wrote this scene really makes it look like Gansey finds Ronan super hot; even as an aromantic asexual person I have to say, this is a lot more than “bro appreciating his best friend’s glow-up in a completely heterosexual way”. This iconic scene is gay brainrot, which is exactly why we did not get to experience this masterpiece within an actual, published book. The Ronsey shippers would have gone too wild.

[Speaking of which, I’d like to clarify that I do not ship Ronsey in the way some other people do, I do prefer them with their canon love interests, however I clearly see the potential of them having had some kind of mutual attraction in the past, I just think it makes the dynamic a lot more fun and interesting, sort of like how Jesper had a crush on Kaz in Six of Crows.]

Gansey has received at least one (1) dick pic of Ronan. The circumstances do not say anything about either Gansey or Ronan, but I think it’s funny, it builds character, so I chose to include it in this.

Perhaps the strongest evidence for him running with the lgbtq+ is the fact that he goes to an all-boys school. Come on, what is he supposed to do, surrounded by all those guys rich enough to afford good haircuts and a private trainer? Should he just not have gay thoughts? Impossible.

Now all this was mostly evidence for Gansey swinging that way, somehow, but of course he’s one of those doors that open both ways. Yes, he has a girlfriend, but there is even more proof for him being specifically m-spec, just you wait. To begin with, apart from his friends Gansey has two true loves. Henrietta (the town with a female name, who his sister refers to as his girlfriend- the same sister who assumes Gansey is sleeping with Adam; Helen is a bi Gansey truther) and Glendower, the dead, male king. Obviously, this is totally serious business. Additionally, I have talked through to a very full extent how he is in love with Ronan, but of course he is also in love with Henry, I do not have to elaborate on this. He is also very much jealous when Blue and Adam are dating, as is described multiple times, but we don’t find out exactly who he is jealous of. Yes, he likes Blue, and he is sad that his best friend is sort of being stolen away etc., but what if he also just wanted to hold hands. With both of them. At once.

It’s not only Gansey being in love with all of them, it’s also all of them being in love with Gansey. His bi swagger. It was this: Blue finding him irresistible. It was this: Ronan wanting to smash his fist through a wall because of how hot Gansey is. It was this: Henry saying Gansey is a “Caucasian with great hair”.

Bi Gansey is the truth and I will defend that until the day I die.

However, I will admit that he is absolutely a cis guy, no question. At no point in his life has he had to be afraid to take up space or anything, but that man supports trans rights of course. He would not wear a crop top on his own, but considering how he is in love with them, Blue, Ronan and Henry could bully him into it and he would rock it.

[iffeelscouldkill]

I wrote some more of the 'What if Nicholas never applied to Kings Row' AU

(I need to come up with something catchier to call it; in my notes it's just titled "Fence AU")

First part is here!

--

It was surprisingly easy to persuade Coach Williams to let a random onlooker watch the team practice.

As Aiden resentfully went off to change into his team uniform, Harvard explained the situation to Coach Williams, who looked Nicholas up and down.

"You went up against Kyle Allen in the first bout on the regional circuit," she said. Nicholas was clearly surprised to be recognised.

"Uh, yeah." He scratched his head sheepishly. "I lost-"

"15-5. Could have been 15-6, but you didn't quite manage to get that touch past his guard in the second third," Coach said, and nodded. "You can stand on the sidelines, but no distracting the fencers. Keep any commentary to yourself."

"Yessir. Uh, ma'am." Nicholas saluted, and Coach Williams quirked an eyebrow, but said nothing. As Nicholas went to stand at the edge of the salle, Aiden stalked over, dressed in his fencing whites and radiating irritation. Harvard was about to volunteer to spar with him to give Aiden an outlet and smooth things over with some banter, but Coach Williams spoke first.

"Aiden. Nice of you to show," she said, handing Aiden a red tardy slip, which he took wordlessly and tucked into the sleeve of his uniform. "You're with Seiji. I want the two of you to practice getting in under the other's guard."

Aiden's smile was razor-sharp and contained not a trace of humour or friendliness. "Sounds great."

Seiji's eyes narrowed, and he nodded. No doubt, he was looking to even the score following his staggering loss to Aiden during the team try-outs just a week ago. Harvard was positive that a match between the two of them would be a bloodbath. "Coach, maybe it would be better if Aiden and I-"

"No. Harvard, you're with Eugene; I want you to practice the same thing," Coach Williams said, her tone brooking no argument. "Pay attention to your defence in the low lines. Eugene, I want you to focus on consistency. You've made good progress in the last year - but fencing at nationals will be a completely different ballgame."

Eugene nodded seriously. "On it, Coach."

"Everyone else," Coach Williams called to the rest of the practicing fencers. "Pair up and take it in turns: one fencer practices lunges, one fencer practices parrying. After three minutes, you'll switch."

Harvard took up a stance across from Eugene, but he couldn't help tuning into the conversation between Aiden and Seiji a few feet away.

"-not going to make the same mistake against you twice," Seiji was saying. "It was a cheap trick; I know better than to fall for it."

Aiden raised his eyebrows coolly. "You know, we're teammates now," he pointed out. "We're meant to be working together. Helping each other."

"I don't need help from someone like you," Seiji retorted. Harvard groaned under his breath.

"Uh, Harvard?" Eugene prompted him. Harvard shook himself and put his helmet on.

"Sorry - go for it, Eugene. I'm ready."

"Are you planning to approach every practice bout like it's a grudge match?" he heard Aiden snark, just as Eugene scored a hit past his guard. Harvard swore inwardly and tried to put Seiji and Aiden out of his mind so that he could give Eugene his full focus. He would talk to Aiden later. He might have to speak to both of them about team spirit.

*

Nicholas stared at the dark-haired fencer taking up a stance opposite Aiden. The coach had said "Seiji"… and Nicholas had seen the guy in the changing rooms at Regionals. All the smirking, full-of-themselves dickheads (including the dickhead that Nicholas had lost to, Kyle Allen) had been acting like he was a god in human form. Seiji Katayama.

But what would one of the top-ranked national fencers be doing here? Hadn't everyone said he had a full ride to Exton? Nicholas knew that Exton was one of the top fencing schools (if not the top fencing school).

Coach Joe had tried to encourage Nicholas to apply to one of the high schools with a good fencing programme, even go in for a scholarship, but… Nicholas wasn't much of a one for class attendance. His academic track record ranged from poor to non-existent. It was difficult to picture himself at a fancy school.

Nicholas was burning to ask someone, but all of the fencers were busy practicing and Nicholas didn't want to try Coach Williams' patience when he was getting the chance to spend some of his rare downtime in a really cool salle watching fencing matches. Nicholas had expected to be spending that time making out, but this was better.

Nicholas' fingers itched to pick up a blade and step onto the piste himself. He was watching the matches between the fencing team members - Harvard and his opponent, and Aiden and Seiji - closely. Particularly Aiden and Seiji. In contrast to Harvard and his opponent, who were pushing each other but not too much, pausing between exchanges to give advice and compliments, Aiden and Seiji were both laser focused on the match, neither saying a word.

Aiden was giving no quarter, attacking again and again with speed and from a variety of angles, forcing Seiji to defend constantly. However, Seiji was more than equal to it, and only very rare blows found their way past his guard.

Coach blew her whistle for the pairs to swap, and Seiji and Harvard switched to attacking while Aiden and the other guy (Eugene?) defended. Now Aiden was the one fending off a continuous volley of blows.

The whistle went again, and then once more before Coach Williams blew two sharp trills and called for everyone to take a break. The fencers broke away from their pairs and milled around, grabbing water bottles and chatting. Harvard and his opponent grinned at each other and shook hands; Aiden and Seiji stared at each other frostily before walking in opposite directions.

"Hey!" said a cheery voice next to him, and Nicholas looked around to see a petite guy in fencing whites with long hair fixed into two buns grinning up at him. "I haven't seen you around here before!" He stuck out a hand. "I'm Bobby!"

"Nicholas," said Nicholas. "I'm just spectating, actually. Uh, Harvard invited me?"

"Cool, so are you visiting from another school?" Bobby asked, earnest.

"Uh…" Nicholas had a brief flash of the classes he was skipping to be here. It wasn't like he ever took anything in from them. "Kind of, yeah."

"What do you think of Kings Row?"

"It's… A lot different to what I'm used to," Nicholas said, thinking about the dingy, scuffed local hall where he'd learned to fence. "Listen, Bobby-" He realised that this was his chance to get an answer to his questions about Seiji. "That guy over there. Isn't that Seiji Katayama? The national-"

"-number two-ranked fencer, yeah." Bobby was immediately blushing and starry-eyed. "Can you believe he fences here?"

"Why does he fence here? - I mean, no offence; your facilities are amazing. But I heard he was going to Exton?"

Bobby nodded seriously, clearly excited to impart some quality gossip. "No-one knows for sure," he said. "He showed up at the beginning of the semester and hasn't said anything about why he switched. Aiden has a theory that- Well, he thinks it's something to do with Seiji's loss to Jesse Coste at Nationals."

Nicholas' fist clenched involuntarily at his side at the mention of his half-brother. "Right," he said. "Yeah, maybe."

"Oh!" said Bobby as the coach blew on her whistle again and started gesturing. "I think I've got to- no, wait, it looks like she just wants the team for the next bit." He relaxed again and took another drink from his water bottle.

In the company of someone as friendly and enthusiastic as Bobby, Nicholas momentarily forgot the edict about not commentating while fencing was going on. "He's obviously in a different league," Nicholas said as the coach had Harvard and Seiji demonstrate a particular move. "Aiden's good, but he wasn't fast enough to take advantage of the moments where Seiji was open."

Nicholas' voice had carried a little too much in the newfound quiet, and he suddenly found the coach glaring over at him. Nicholas slapped his hands over his mouth, and Bobby murmured, "Oh no," next to him. Aiden, who had clearly heard Nicholas' comment, didn't look offended, only raising an eyebrow. But Seiji Katayama -

Nicholas only had a moment to register how furious Seiji looked before the other boy was storming over to bear down on him.

"What are you talking about?" he demanded.

(Now with part 3!)

[miloscat]

[Review] Sonic Rivals 2 (PSP)

Does Rivals 2 really rival Rivals 1?

Almost exactly a year after Rivals, Backbone produced a sequel. Given the quick turnaround you can't expect too much has changed—we still have a 2.5D race-based platformer—but they've done a good job stuffing new features and content into the package this time around. Is the new stuff a worthy addition though?

First I'll address the general refinements. Characters' signature moves are no longer at the whim of the rotating pickups, but given their own button and a dedicated meter that fills by collecting rings. This is a great change that adds dynamism to play, and makes character choices more meaningful. The action feels faster paced, with shortened windows to execute vaulting moves, for example. Presentation is a little more slick and the card collecting more transparently tied to your accomplishments (although they don't factor into the plot anymore). Weapon use has a little more depth as it's possible to avoid hits, and stage gimmicks get more involved at times. All these tweaks make for a stronger game experience, but I did feel like the bot players were harder, and story levels took me more retries on average... especially when playing as the characters with weaker abilities.

So the headline feature is the new playable characters. Added to the prior game's roster of Sonic, Shadow, Silver, Knuckles, and Metal are Tails, Rouge, and for some reason Espio. They bring new abilities of varied usefulness; Tails's flight is rarely helpful and Espio's merely makes you disappear from the level progress bar, but Rouge's homing bat missile is great. Apart from these powers, everyone plays identically. Story mode is still split into four perspectives as the roster of eight pair up... you can pick either character within a pair but I think this only changes which order you play out events within a zone, while each character still has a separate campaign progress. It's an odd choice.

The story follows its predecessor's example of constant misunderstandings and miscommunications as an excuse for the characters to get into petty conflicts. It also reuses the "Nega disguising himself as Eggman" plot device, although this time Eggman has an actual role in the plot. Not content to rip off its own prequel, Rivals 2 steals shamelessly from Sonic 06, as it culminates in a city of the future devastated by a raging beast of elemental fire whose name is taken from Islamic folklore, Iblis Ifrit! At least this game doesn't completely erase itself from history. Anyway, more characters means more interactions and this time the cutscenes—while still just text boxes and portraits visually—are all nicely fully voiced.

A new world map screen helps to contextualise things well and the new environments are just as nice and colourful as they were in Rivals 1. Among the race levels and boss fights (whose quality is on par with the prior entry's) are new level types. Some just have you run through a level solo against the clock or trying to collect rings or Chao; not very satisfying. Others are head-to-head battles in small arenas, and despite pushing them hard in the story mode I feel like these are a dud. Even with the standard multiplayer-type variants of deathmatch, capture the Chao, bomb tag, etc. these always seemed a drag when they came up in the campaigns. It's a shame that all these attempts at adding new things to do end up not as fun as the core gameplay.

At least the soundtrack is a step up, catchier and more exciting. The exception is the addition of a key vocal track, which only plays on the title screen and oddly in level one. It stands out, and not in the good way that His World stood out in 06. This sums up Rivals 2 in a nutshell: the core is enhanced and refined, but its new additions and ideas are a real mixed bag. This leaves Rivals 1 as a purer if rougher experience, which I prefer. Unfortunately Backbone didn't get another chance with Sonic as a couple of years later after a flurry of acquisitions and mergers this particular studio was closed down. There wouldn't be another Western-made platformer in the series until Boom seven years later... well, unless you count Unleashed for mobile phones, Jump, Jump 2, Jump Pro, Jump Fever, Dash, the Sonic CD remake, Sonic for Didj... you know what, never mind.

[rosemaryreaper]

Four Short Nick & Piper Scenes

Not counting Ellie, most of Nick’s interactions in Rosemary Reaper are with the other POV characters—Ros and Nora. But there are a handful of fun instances where he teams up with Piper instead. Here are some snapshots.

* * * *

1.

“Less Grim Reaper and more Pale Horseman,” Nick noted.

“Or Horsewoman. Horseperson? Is that what you call someone who rides horses? Do people even ride horses anymore?”

“This one apparently does.”

“I’ve never seen a horse, but something tells me their eyes aren’t supposed to glow red.” She kept bouncing her leg. Nick could feel the floor shake beneath his feet. He mentally calculated how much force he could kick her with under the desk without doing any permanent damage. “Anyway,” she added, “‘Grim Reaper’ sounds catchier.”

“Pale Rider?” he offered.

“Ehh…” Piper shook her hand with a grimace.

“We’ll put a pin in the name,” he said, as if he had any say in the matter. He had the sneaking suspicion the “catchier” and coincidentally more headline-worthy title hadn’t come into use without a strong nudge. If Piper Wright wanted a name to stick, she would get it to stick. “Any incidents so far?”

“Just the one. It’s the only reason they drew any attention in the first place.”

“You mean besides the horse.”

“Besides the horse. Seems they had a run-in with some raiders. Raiders who are now no longer breathing.”

“Is that all?”

“What, the spooky apparition isn’t enough for you? The deadly spooky apparition. With a gun.”

“There are scarier things with guns out there. And without.”

“Fair point.”

The pens in his cup continued to rattle. Abandoning his mental calculations, he stuck out a leg to trap her foot beneath his shoe. She ceased the bouncing with an apologetic look.

* * * *

2.

“Science can be fun! It can be fun if you write it right!”

“Write it right!” Piper laughed incredulously. “I’d like to see you try.”

There was a nudge at Nick’s elbow. He turned to see Vadim frowning at him, an unusual expression for the cheerful barkeep. “I don’t mean to sound rude, old friend,” he said, “but most of us were hoping you would have, uh, broken them up by now.”

Nick chuckled. “Looks like they’re having fun to me.”

“They’ve been shouting for an hour. Patrons have been complaining of headaches.”

“What do you need me for? You’re not suddenly afraid of Piper now, are you?”

“Not Piper.” Vadim pointed at Ros. “Her new friend paid for a room for a full week. Looks bad if I chase off a paying customer, but since Piper is your girl…”

“My girl?”

“She listens to you.”

“Very funny,” Nick scoffed, but he pushed himself away from the bar.

“You’re a good pal, Nick. How about a drink on the house? I have a new batch of moonshine—”

“Absolutely not.”

* * * *

3.

Up on the roof of Publick Occurrences, Piper was fuming. The sheet metal wobbled dangerously under her boots as she stomped across its surface, swinging a paint bucket around like a weapon. Passersby on the ground politely (if not fearfully) averted their eyes. On the lower half of the sign for “Diamond City’s Newspaper,” messy red letters screamed, “SELLOUT.”

Nick whistled at her from below. She glared down at him. “Need a hand?” he called.

“I’m going to kill someone,” she said.

He took that as permission to climb the stairs. She was slapping green paint across the letters by the time he exited the door onto the roof. She had dressed down for the work—hair pulled back, jeans and t-shirt stained with old paint splatters. No hat or coat. The look was disconcerting.

“Who do I need to dangle off the Wall?” he asked.

That almost earned him a smile. Almost. “Not a case worth solving,” she said. “Ooh, looky, Piper said something somebody didn’t like. How shocking!”

“This about the latest paper?”

“Could be. Who knows? I’ve had a million letters in my mailbox like it for the past year. Apparently sleeping with the leader of the Minutemen comes across as biased.”

Nick shed his coat, tossing it safely out of the way. Rolling up his shirt sleeves, he grabbed another paintbrush. Piper opened her mouth, as if she were about to protest, but she closed it again as he covered the “T” in quick, smooth strokes.

“Nora know?”

Her jaw clenched. Her eyes stayed fixed on the wall, which was enough of an answer for him.

* * * *

4.

“Thank you so much, Mr. Valentine, Piper. Mr. Zwicky will be so relieved!”

Piper picked at a new hole in her shirt, wincing. “It’s no trouble.”

“Make sure Toro knows not to go on any more adventures outside the Wall, all right?” Nick said. “And that he needs a bath.”

“I think he knows.” Nina held the cat out at an arm’s length. “Come on, stinky.” She carried him off towards the school, Toro purring like nothing had happened.

Arturo laughed from his booth. “No case too small, eh, Nick? How much does my daughter owe you?”

“No charge,” Nick said.

Arturo rounded the table to press a roll of caps into his hand anyway. “Consider it payment for damages then.”

“Now hold on—” Nick said, but Arturo was already walking off. Nick turned to Piper, who was dabbing at her bleeding hands.

She shook her head. “It’s your case.”

He still gave her half the caps. “Water bill,” he explained. “Take a long shower.”

“I won’t say no.” She fidgeted, on the verge of something. But she settled for, “Thanks, Nicky.”

“I’m never far away. Whatever you need.”

“I’d give you a hug, but…”

“Long shower. Really long shower. Downwind.”

[twistedtummies2]

Year of the Bat - Number 6

Welcome to Year of the Bat! In honor of Kevin Conroy, Arleen Sorkin, and Richard Moll, I’ve been counting down my Top 31 Favorite Episodes of “Batman: The Animated Series” throughout this January.

  TODAY’S EPISODE QUOTE: “It would move me to tears, if I had tears to shed.” Number 6 is…Heart of Ice.

Many seem to consider “Heart of Ice” to be the single best episode of “Batman: The Animated Series.” If it isn’t number one, it’s usually VERY high up, typically in the Top 5 at least. So for me to rank it a mere number six is probably blasphemy, in some people’s minds. As usual, I have nothing against “Heart of Ice” – far, FAR from it – but I just have personal biases that cause me to like five other episodes more. Of course, we’ll get to those stories when we get to them…for now, let’s focus on this one. This episode marks the first appearance of Mr. Freeze, and is famous for its reimagining of the character’s origin story. In the comics before this point, Freeze was a pretty standard, honestly rather dull villain: as one version of Green Lantern described him, he was “a two-bit gimmick villain from Gotham City.” Back then, he was an unnamed mad scientist, whose experiments in creating a freeze ray led to him needing to wear a special suit to keep himself in a sub-zero environment at all times. He was honestly depicted as sort of a blundering sort, whose condition was self-inflicted by his own foolhardiness. He was also known by a different name, “Mr. Zero.”

It was actually the Adam West series that first reinvigorated the character: not only was that show the series that gave him the title of “Mr. Freeze,” since the series’ creators felt that was a catchier name (and they were so very right), but they added a surprisingly tragic element to the character’s backstory: Freeze was still a mad criminal scientist, but his condition was no longer self-imposed. It was revealed that, when he first met Batman, the Caped Crusader (accidentally) doused Freeze with some of the dangerous chemicals he was experimenting with, and Freeze’s cold-hearted attitude was largely a result of his bitter desire for vengeance against the Dark Knight, whom he felt had robbed him of a normal life. Of course, the Silly Sixties could only go so deep with this pathos, due to its focus on campy comedy. It was the Animated Series that brought Freeze to critical mass, taking some of these same elements and expanding on them in a way that has now become legendary.

In “Heart of Ice,” we find out that Mr. Freeze was once a good man: a cryogenics expert by the name of Victor Fries, who was trying to save his wife, Nora, from a terminal illness. Unfortunately, Fries ran afoul of his employer: an entrepreneur named Ferris Boyle, who tried to shut down his experiments, not caring about Nora’s wellbeing at all. Victor tried to fight back, and was tricked by Boyle, who knocked him into a collection of unstable chemicals. This is what has led to him becoming Mr. Freeze: an ice-themed supervillain who can no longer exist outside of arctic-level temperatures, seeking vengeance against the one he blames for destroying his life and trying to murder his poor, beloved bride. When Batman is put on the villain’s trail, he ends up in Freeze’s crosshairs. Honestly, there is so much I could talk about on what makes this episode so magnificent. For starters, it’s one of the best animated episodes of the show, in my opinion. (The only one that might top it is “Feat of Clay.”) The music is spellbinding, with Freeze’s haunting, music-box-like theme repeated throughout the score, in stark contrast to Batman’s grandiose, orchestral power. It’s also notable for featuring Mark Hamill as a character OTHER than the Joker, as he plays the role of Ferris Boyle in the story. (Apparently, he actually recorded the voice of Boyle before ever landing the role of the Ace of Knaves, even though several Joker episodes all predate this story’s release. Weird.) And of course, the themes present in the story – the difference between vengeance and justice, and of what it means to be truly human – are powerful and nuanced in their presentation. One could write a whole book about what makes this episode so great, and still not have said enough. So…again, probably heresy leaving it out of the Top 5. For those of who are (unfairly) upset with me, I feel there’s no better apology I can give than Mr. Freeze’s own final lines: “I can only beg your forgiveness, and pray that you hear me somehow, someplace. Someplace where a warm hand waits for mine.”

Tomorrow we move into the Top 5 of the countdown! Hint: “My fault…I didn’t get the joke…”

[asbestos4president]

Hamuel Burger Episode 1 Transcript

Episode title: Keep Pushing, Abraham!

[Sound of a UFO landing. Interior spaceship noises] Asbestos … Thanks for the donations. Okay, so we've just touched down in Grace, Idaho, the capital city of the planet Earth, so I'll be stepping out shortly to take my first look. For those of you who are new to the stream, I'm doing this blind, I haven't looked anything up about Earth before coming here, so no spoilers, please. Okay, so, before we leave the shuttle, I want to establish some ground rules. First, like I already said, no spoilers. Seriously. Second, no embarrassing me in front of any of the Earth inhabitants. And third, and this is the most important-

TTS voice If you're going into this blind, how do you know that Grace is the capital city? Cheater.

Asbestos Look, it's just common knowledge. The national animal of earth is the mongoose, the national food of the earth is the deathcap mushroom, and the capital city of the earth is a sweet little place named Grace, Idaho, notable for its Mormons, its potatoes, and its vast intergalactic geopolitical importance. 

TTSYou literally just quoted that straight off the page for Idaho on the Earth fan wiki.

Asbestos Did not! 

TTS Did too!

Asbestos Did not! 

TTS Did too! 

Asbestos Yeah, well, you literally just paid me five American dollars to be able to send that message, and if my information is up to date, that is enough to purchase at least one American hot dog. You know, the national hound of the planet Earth? Which I will ride into battle against my enemies and laugh as it mauls them to death. 

TTS Did too! 

Asbestos

 Okay, chat, you have officially lost text to speech privileges for the next Earth minute, which reliable sources inform me is a really long time. Now, it's important to make a good first impression, so I'm just going to make sure my hair looks okay and my belly button looks convincingly real before I- 

[Knocking on metal]

[Short silence]

Asbestos Sorry, I thought I heard something. Probably just the potatoes snoring. It's actually quite late in earth time, and potatoes like to get to bed early because- 

[Knocking again]

Asbestos (whisper) Chat. Chat, I think there's something at the door. Should I-

TTS Hello potentially violent stranger, please come in and strangle me to death!

[Spaceship door opening noise]

Asbestos (whisper, directed to chat) I'm going to actually kill you.

Ham Please don't kill me! I'm left-handed and I have asthma and my Mum says I can't go around getting killed or the neighbours will think we're uncivilised! 

Asbestos Oh my god, this is not a drill. Are you guys seeing this? I didn't think I was going to be nervous, but I'm actually super nervous. What should I say?  Um, hi, Mr. President! Wow, you're way shorter without the hat. 

Ham What? 

Asbestos Do you take constructive criticism? Because honestly, I think you should have kept the beard. The clean shaven look does not suit you.

Ham What???

Asbestos Well, I guess it doesn't matter because I'm going to kill you in a few seconds anyway. Any last words?

Ham This is a sentence I never expected to say, but I think you've mistaken me for Abraham Lincoln, and I'm not sure whether to find that gender-affirming.

Asbestos See, I just don't think that's gonna sell any tabloids. Do you want to pick something catchier? Something with a bit more oomf, maybe? Like, "I've Abrahad it with this life!" 

Eh, we can workshop it.

[Beat of silence]

Wait, what? 

Ham Abraham Lincoln died, like, at least 3 years ago. If you're looking for the president,  it's definitely not him, and it's definitely not me either, and you're definitely not going to find him in a potato field in Idaho. Please put the gun down.

Asbestos Oh! My mistake. I know this one. It's, uh… It's Ben Jammin' Franklin now, right?

Ham Uh, not particularly, no. Look, I just came to tell you to get off our farm or at least turn those big blinking lights off because it's 9PM and some of us are trying to sleep. You really need to leave before my mum finds out you're a UFO.  

Asbestos Man, this is embarrassing. Okay. Okay! Just point me in the direction of the president's house and I'll be on my way. 

Ham I think Washington is, like, South, sort of? Somewhere near Florida? Actually, let me look it up.

[Low pitched noise like a foghorn. This is Ham's mum's voice]

Ham Gee willikers. It's okay mum, the tractor is just leaving!

[Ham's mum]

Ham Not everything is an alien, okay? Sheesh.

[Ham's mum]

We've actually had five spaceships landing here in the past week, but she doesn't need to know that. I've managed to convince her that they're just genetically modified cows. Now go!

Asbestos I'm going, I'm going. I thought Earth would be more welcoming than this. 

Ham You tried to kill me!

Asbestos Earthlings love dying, they do it all the time. Ugh. Now then. Which of these is the go button?

[SFX of a sound a spaceship should not make. Kind of a noise like you would hear for a death animation in a retro video game.] 

Asbestos Not that one. Okay, how about-

[Another disturbing sound effect. Like a balloon deflating but electronic.] 

LINE 36. Asbestos Alright, third time's the charm.

[Fire alarm SFX. An automated voice with a New Zealand accent says "evacuate the building using the nearest fire exit" before a siren blares.]

Ham What the goshdarn heck are you doing? Go!

Asbestos I don't know, and it won't start, and it does not like me!

Ham Well, you can't stay here!  

LINE 40. Asbestos Well then help me! 

[Ham's mum sfx again] 

Ham Mum, the tractor broke down so I'm gonna help push it, okay?

Asbestos Push it where? This is a valuable craft, and if anything happens to it-

[Ham's mum] 

LINE 43. Ham Mum, it's fine, okay? We've almost got it. One, two, three, push… One, two, three, puuush… Help me out here!

Asbestos Absolutely not. Such work is beneath me! Keep pushing, Abraham! My sensors indicate you've shifted it exactly one fiftieth of a millimetre!

[Ham's mum] 

Ham (with a sigh)Okay. Mum says you can stay in our field tonight. You'd better be gone by morning, though, because if she sees you in the daylight she's going to realise that tractors aren't supposed to float.

Asbestos Well, that is extremely nice of your mother to say. Tell her I said thank you. And can you tell her my antennae are very shapely and I have a sparkling personality and I'm free this weekend by the way, just in case she's wondering?

Ham I'm going to bed.

Asbestos (slight chuckle) Goodnight, Abe! Sweet dreams.

[Rooster crowing. It's morning.]

Asbestos What's up, chat? Welcome to the second day of my becoming the president of the United States any percent speedrun. Yesterday we got off to a rough start with some technical difficulties, but today I'm determined to make up for lost time. Now, eagle-eyed viewers will have already noticed that I have drawn a strange and terrifying shape on the side of my craft in strawberry jam. This is in fact the English word "tractor" transcribed (get this) using the Latin alphabet. Ee, that's right! For today's stream, I'm going stealth mode, disguising myself as a humble farmhand in order to infiltrate-

Ham (laughing slightly) You spelt it wrong.

Asbestos What?

Ham Um, you spelt tractor wrong? It doesn't have a K in it.

Asbestos Chat, this is the enemy of the stream Hamuel Burger. I know all about you, young man. Your mother says you never pick up your socks.

Ham That's not true! Hi chat, um, my name's Ham, my pronouns are he/him, and you can find me on YouTube where I do banjo covers of-

Asbestos She also said that I was the most organised and well-disciplined young person she'd ever met, because she wasn't expecting the new farmhand to show up until the afternoon! 

Ham That's right! What are you going to do when he arrives and starts telling the whole town that an alien took his job?

Asbestos Well, he isn't going to get the chance to do that, because I'm gonna kill him! 

Ham (justifiably upset) What?

Asbestos Chat, you're about to see me employ a useful hack called "black mail". Hamuel here is going to help me fix my spaceship because if he doesn't I'm going to dispose of one of his fellow earthlings. You're a farm boy, you can fix a simple spacecraft, right? 

Ham No?

Asbestos Get to work.

Ham I can, like, change a lightbulb, maybe? This thing, though, I don't think the best mechanic in the world could save it. It doesn't even look like a machine. Like, I'm pretty sure it's made out of meat? How does that work?

Asbestos Hey! That's my son you're talking about!

Ham Your son looks less like a spaceship and like a modern art piece representing the alienation of workers under capitalism. I'm feeling exploited just looking at it. Actually, that's exactly the kind of thing my best friend Stanley would make. He's, like, this really cool artist who specialises in mixed media sculpture? His pieces are super thought-provoking. Like, this one time, he stuck a radish to a-

Asbestos Is this Stanley guy going to help me fix my spaceship? No? Then I don't care. 

Ham Actually…

[Ham's mum]

Ham That was mum, she wants you to feed the chickens if you have time. Okay, you stay here and milk the potatoes while I run and get Stanley. And keep out of trouble!

Asbestos I've never even been to Trouble! I don't know where that is! 

[Ham leaves]

Alright. I don't think milking a potato can be that hard. You just sort of have to- 

[Thump]

Ow! It fucking bit me!

TTS Hello Asbestos. Longtime fan, first time caller. I think you're holding it upside down.

Asbestos I don't tell you how to live your life. TTS (different voice) Just last week you encouraged your entire viewership to quit their jobs and invest in your shitty cryptocurrency, Sawcoin. My Grandma had to sell her house because of you.

Asbestos Sawcoin? I've never even heard of-

TTS (same voice as previous) Sawcoin deez nuts! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. ha.

Asbestos Okay guys-

LINE 70. TTS (different voice, overlapping slightly) Hi Asbestos, your stream has already taught me so much about the United States. I have started learning English so that I can better appreciate this beautiful culture. So far, I have learned many useful phrases such as "can I get ketchup with that?", and [a bunch of censorship beeps]

Asbestos That's-

TTS (different voice, overlapping slightly) Asbestos Le Guin, are you aware that two out of three of your fellow competitors are already inside the White House at this very moment, one of them holding a knife to the president's throat? And here you are arguing with your chat over the right way to milk a vegetable.

Asbestos Okay, shut the fuck up. You think my ten-year unopposed reign of the speedrunning charts for most civilisations toppled in a day was by accident? You think I've lost my edge just because these new competitors are younger than me and faster than me and have spaceships that work and know how to milk a potato? Well, you've forgotten your places. I'm the best, and I will always be the best. I don't even need my ship. Y'know, I'm going to steal a tractor right now and I won't stop until I've ridden it full speed into the president's office, hung him from the rafters with an American flag and taken his fun little hat for myself.

Ham Uh, what was that about stealing our tractor?

Asbestos Um. Nothing.

Ham I thought so. Stanley, this is-

Asbestos I am Asbestos Le Guin, an ambassador from the planet Strawberry, here to spread love and friendship throughout the cosmos. 

Ham Yeah, this is Asbestos, she's some kind of low-level Twitch streamer and she's here to kill the president. Asbestos, this is Stanley. Stanley is an artist with a poetic soul who has taken a vow of silence because he is a feminist and is dedicating his life to listening to women. He only communicates in harmonica, which I understand fluently due to our warrior's bond. 

[Jaunty harmonica]

Ham And he wants to know what kind of a name Asbestos is supposed to be. 

Asbestos It's a Spanish word meaning "fireproof", and it represents my resilient nature.

Ham … Right. Now stand back. Stanley is going to use his artistic vision and knowledge of steak preparation to make your spaceship beautiful.

[Hammering, drill, creepy opera, clown honk, mooing. Fades out.]

Ham Behold, Stanley's latest creation! A perfectly tender and juicy filet mignon seasoned with glitter and pencil shavings, served with a side of deep melancholy, yet with a subtle aftertaste of hope for humanity. This one of a kind artwork represents the cycle of life and death and rebirth while critiquing the artificial estrangement of man from his fellow organisms that our society has created.

Asbestos You cooked my spaceship! It's medium rare! 

Ham And it smells delicious! Do you mind if I-

Asbestos No! I've had enough! I should burn your pathetic planet to the ground with you still on it. Tell Stanley to stop eating the oxygen tank!

[Unfazed harmonica]

Ham Stanley says [muffled, as though chewing] but I didn't have breakfast this morning and it tastes really good!

Asbestos This is terrible! I'm already the laughing stock of the streaming world, I don't need- Hey, look at this! My views have doubled! Is it too late to change the title from "World Domination" to "Chill Cooking Stream"? Who knew this was what the people wanted? Maybe it's time to turn my life around. Maybe instead of mindlessly slaughtering galaxies, I should become a food influencer! I'll teach the people how to prepare easy, nutritious meals at home! 

Farmhand Hello? Ah, howdy. I'm the new farmhand you hired. Now, I know you weren't expecting me until the afternoon, but I just wanted to come early to get a headstart on my duties.

[Crickets.] Oh, I'm sorry, is this a bad time?

Ham No, no, it's fine, we were just having some… technical difficulties with this tractor…?

Farmhand Oh, this'n? It smells delicious, you've seasoned it perfectly. So the issue is that it just won't start?

Ham Um. Pretty much, yeah?

Farmhand Oh, not to worry, my uncle has one just like this. You can get it started with a good kick to the side. 

[Thunk. The sound of an engine starting up.]

Asbestos What the fuck? Never mind, cooking stream cancelled, we're gonna go kill the president. Stanley and Ham, you really drive viewer engagement, so you're coming with me. Farmboy, to express my sincere gratitude for your services in getting my ship started, I'm going to refrain from vaporising you on the spot for daring to kick my baby. Now run before I change my mind. Okay. Tally ho!

[Synth music]

CREDITS

Asbestos

I'd just like to take a moment to thank everyone who subscribed today and read out some of their messages. Spikes says, "hi Asbestos, I wrote the script and I play Hamuel Burger, and I'm failing university because of this podcast". Weird message, but okay. Thanks for the sub. Um, I also have one here from username "Bulk" who says, “Hey chat, I play Asbestos Le Guin and illustrated the cover art for the pod-” What is this? No fucking promoting your stuff on my own damn show, username Bulk! Ugh. Okay, last one and then I'm ending for today. Uh, this one is from Sarah, who says, “ Hiiii Asbestos, huge fan! I loved editing your voice and the whole show”. God, you guys are a real riot with this bit stuff. You just love the bit. Okay, that one was a little weird, so let's just end on another one. There's one from Freya who says, "howdy pardner, I played a charming Southern gentleman". Hey! That's the fucker who kicked my spaceship! Get back here, you varmint! 

[Scuffling]

==>

[falloutbradreviews]

Of Mice & Men – The Flood

Despite releasing their debut album 15 years ago, people forget that Of Mice & Men was a staple of the late 00s and early 2010s metalcore scene. Their first two albums are considered classics in the scene, whether it’s their 2010 self-titled debut album, or 2011’s The Flood. These two albums are the only ones that feature rhythm guitarist / clean vocalist Shayley Bourget, but people know Aaron Pauley as their vocalist now (he was originally the clean vocalist after Bourget left, and became the sole vocalist after Austin Carlile left in 2016), so it’s crazy to think that there are albums before he was even apart of the band. Their sophomore album, The Flood, is often considered to be their magnum opus, and for good reason. I never owned it on CD as a kid, but I’ve always wanted it. I absolutely loved it, just never owned it. Back in those days, streaming wasn’t around yet, so if you wanted something, you either had to get a physical copy of it, or buy it on iTunes. I tended to try to find stuff physically, but I did download albums on iTunes from time to time. My childhood dreams of finding this album were finally fulfilled because I found a copy of it at Half Price Books last week, and I couldn’t wait to dive into it. I’m trying to get more late 00s and early 2010s metalcore into the collection, but I got a good bit now. I’ve listened to this album a handful of times since I got it, and I really love it. It holds up insanely well, and it’s easy to see why this is one of the best albums of the 2010s.

It comes down to two things: the instrumentation and the vocals. The overall sound of this one is heavier, more technical, and still oddly catchier. There are some songs with only clean vocals, and it’s cool to hear Bourget shine on his own here. The instrumentation is also sharper and heavier, but I could see people dismissing this as a generic Risecore album, because there are elements of that sound here. This album is a bit smarter than it looks, and the instrumentation is much better than that of most generic Risecore bands. This isn’t your average Risecore album, but there isn’t too much else to say about it. Harsh vocalist Austin Carlile is on his A-game here, but the real star is the instrumentation; I absolutely love a majority of these breakdowns and riffs, especially on songs like “Still YDG’N,” “Ben Loko,” or “Ohioisonfire,” but they go absolutely hard. This album is only 35 minutes, too, so it doesn’t take a lot of time in your ears, but it’s a fun little record. It’s relatively straightforward in terms of a metalcore record, but like I said, there is some technicality that a lot of albums in that vein didn’t have. Of Mice & Men were always unfarily lumped in with bands like Sleeping With Sirens and Pierce The Veil, but they were heavier and more interesting. This is one of the most iconic albums of that era, and most people have heard it already, but I would still recommend it if you haven’t yet.

[liugeaux]

Greatest Songs Ever - Part 29 (The Forever Playlist)

This hit me the other day. This Greatest Songs Ever list I've been working on for 20+ years has become my goto playlist when looking to listen to some quick tunes. I'm happy to report nearly every time I listen, I do it with zero skips and at full volume. This will likely end up being my forever playlist. I went into this installment of the series with that in mind. Part 29 is a bit "all over the place", but honestly, that's when these lists truly shine.

1999 "Save It For Later" - Harvey Danger

I struggled for quite a while with this one. This Harvey Danger cover is the version of "Save It For Later" I'm most familiar with. When it comes to this list, I usually side with the originals. That English Beat version is good, but it's tough. It's not as singable and uneven. I love the song they wrote, but in Harvey Danger's hands, "Save It For Later" beams with life and is perfect fodder for the ultimate playlist.

2018 "It's Not Living (If It's Not With You)" - The 1975

The 1975 can be a troubling band to be a fan of. While riddled with very public mistakes, Matty Healy seems more like a kooky too-self-serious artist than an actual piece of shit. None of that really matters to this song, especially if you can remove the art from the artist. "It's Not Living (If It's Not With You)" is one of those pop songs with timeless appeal. Sweet to its core and catchier than most of Healy's work, this song is the perfect blend of hand-holdy adult contemporary, 90's alt-rock with just a pinch of 80's synth-pop. I accidentally heard this in a Walmart a few months ago and found myself uncontrollably smiling. That's when I knew it was special.

1989 "Black Cat" - Janet Jackson

Oh boy! "Black Cat" is a lotta song, in the way overwhelmed men say "She's a lotta woman!" It's a rockin' track that never strays too far from Janet's R&B/New Jack Swing sound of the late 80s. David Barry's guitar solo before the bridge is worth the cost of admission here as it clangs and echos at the heart of the song. Like her brother's track "Beat It", "Black Cat" lives in this space where themes and instruments from a heavier genre are present as seasoning, but they never overwhelm or try to "rebrand" the artist. She doesn't sing in metal-voice or pull out a scream. This is part of what makes "Black Cat" miles better than the costume rock that's become so prevalent in recent years.

1963 "Act Naturally" - Buck Owens

I have no idea why I know every word to "Act Naturally" as I don't remember it ever playing on the radio as a kid. It's not my parents' music, so maybe one of my grandparents liked it. It's a seemingly cute country song about a dopey country boy taking over Hollywood, but beneath the jangly guitars lives a dour undercurrent. In short, Owens sings about it being easy to become a star because he's so sad and lonely; his dramatic acting will be super believable. I'm telling you, that's just a My Chem song 38 years before My Chem was a thing. It's a brilliant subversion of expectations and also a lovely little tune.

1996 "That Thing You Do" (Live at the Hollywood Television Showcase) - The Wonders

Speaking of lovely little tunes, "That Thing You Do", the title track from the Motion Picture of the same name, is a 60s-inspired Beatles-esque pop track that not only gets your feet tapping, but it absolutely carries the movie. Okay, that's an overstatement. That Thing You Do is a great film with a great cast, but it would not be what it is without the strength of the music. Credited as being by The Wonders (formerly The Oneders in the movie), in real life it was written by the late Fountains of Wayne bassist Adam Schlesinger, and sung by music producer Mike Viola. It's just 2 career pop songwriters flexing on an entire genre and decade. Note: While the "Live" version isn't really live, it's the version used in the movie and is also slightly different from the "Studio" recording. Oddly, it's the better of the two.

2015 "Cool For the Summer" - Demi Lovato

This track is Demi at the peak of her powers and shows off why she was one of the undisputed queens of the '10s. At first listen, "Cool For the Summer" comes off as possibly disjointed, misguided, and immature, but the thing about the song is, it gets under your skin, burrows into your soul and before you know it, you're belting out backing vocals in traffic and thinking you pulled it off. It's unapologetically a song of its time, and 20 years from now it will be an example of "what the 2010s sounded like."

2004 "All Caps" - Madvillain

Madvillan, or the collab album by MF DOOM and Madlib, is a seminal genre piece released during hip-hop's creative peak. "All Caps" is a masterclass in understanding sample culture and finding the song within the song. Madlib's meticulous sampling of a theme song from the obscure 60's detective show Ironside should be taught in Hip-Hop 101. MF DOOM holds down the vocals with his trademark rap styles, but the star of this collab is the mix and feel of that television deep cut slicing through the speakers.

1967 "Don't Come Home A-Drinkin' (With Lovin' on Your Mind)" - Loretta Lynn

I just found this classic thanks to Jack White describing it as the perfect country song. After hearing it, I tend to agree. It tells a very simple and straightforward tale that rolls perfectly into an incredibly singable chorus. It's got a common chord progression and an ironically forward-thinking agenda. It probably doesn't count as a "woman empowerment" song, but a song about a woman putting her foot down and denying her husband "lovin'" is off-brand for the traditionally conservative-centric country genre. Especially in 1967. I dig the song, I dig the message, and I dig the progress.

1986 "Your Love" - The Outfield

This song is YEARS too late to this list. It's been great since 1986. Then, in 2007, Katy Perry recorded a truly novel version of the song, and that reinvigorated my love for it. Then that new love faded, and it became even more clear how great The Outfield's version is. Enough like "Jesse's Girl" to catch your ear, yet close enough to a classic rock sound to make it feel inherently comfortable. A simple guitar riff and bar-friendly beat make "Your Love" shine in a seemingly obvious spotlight.

1944 "Where Did You Sleep Last Night" or "In The Pines" - Lead Belly

So many people know this song from the Nirvana Unplugged album. While that is the version that originally got my attention, I find it a bit too indulgent for the story the song tells. While what Cobain sang in that performance was based heavily on Mark Lanegan's version of the song, the bones of the tune are pulled from Lead Belly, an early 19th century folk/blues artist from Louisiana. The origins of the song trace back to the 1870s as a folk song passed down through generations of performers. Lead Belly's almost creepy acoustic rendition is probably the best representation of the song's original spirit and delivery. It's just Belly with an acoustic guitar, and the surviving recording feels every bit as old as the song itself. Anyone curious about the origins of American music and culture needs to hear this stunning 3:02 song. With all due respect to the late Lanegan and Cobain, converting the back half of the song into a screamy rock track kills the soul of this beautiful, understated classic.

That's another one in the books, catch you next time!

Cheers

[rolandrockover]

Kover It Up Vol. 2 - King of the Night Time World

So here we have The Hollywood Stars with King of the Night Time, brought in by Bob Ezrin.

Their original version, written by Kim Fowley and Mark Anthony, is indeed unmistakable, but any elements that you should be more accustomed to from Kiss' Destroyer (1976) are still represented here, only in slightly different dynamics.

This means for example, the original's verses are also aspiring, but at the same time much more relaxed due to its loose good feeling chords; the well known character-defining drum thunderstorm only takes place in the intro; and the rhythm breaks that helped shape Kiss' majestic quasi final chorus can be found here in simplified, but still dramaturgically a little differing form in every chorus.

Speaking of different, the latter is not least due to the accompanying context of its lyrics, in which the songwriters must have kinda aimed to a certain extent to musically illustrate the devotion and inevitable exhaustion of the song title's protagonist in a somewhat concise way (1), if I may say so. One wonders whether Bob, Paul and Gene were aware of this in any way at the time.

As far as the Kiss version is concerned, I would like to point out that a song that begins with a fulminant car crash should be able to top pretty much anything (2), not to forget the droning, screeching single-note guitar that emerges from the disaster, which is essentially the real intro and forms the link between the devastation scenario we have just witnessed and the upcoming song. And that would only be the beginning before it has even really begun.

Be that as it may, quite apart from Bob Ezrin's superior production, and that Kiss are also ahead in every other conceivable respect; whether the verses or chorus guitar parts are better worked out and more playful; or Paul, who was just beginning to really unfold vocally, sounds more sublime, glamorous and pompous; the hot on the trot rhythm maintaining its tempo; or simply that the music is catchier up front and yet more colorful, and also that Kiss and Ezrin have polished King of the Night Time World into their very own klassik,

yes, apart from all that, there is and remains one thing of incredible fact:

Namely that Kiss of all bands, the undisputed emperors of dick lyrics, have actually managed with all the hustle and bustle to somehow un-dick this dick song of all dick songs for all time without even realizing it.

I mean, I'm not so sure if Bob Ezrin, in his intention to make Kiss accessible to a wider audience, was really trying to shoehorn a song about a blow job into his colorful overall vision of our favorite band (3).

Side Notes:

(1) I simply assume that everyone reading these lines is actually familiar with the true meaning of the cryptic felatio-suggestive neologism "Headlight Queen" that appears regularly in the chorus?

(2) I'm only saying that out of a purely male attitude, which is basically nothing more than a learned behavior pattern that has become just a superficial "cool" attitude.

(3) And I have no idea for how many years Kim Fowley and Co. must have laughed their heads off - and probably not only their heads.

King of the Night Time World (1976)

King of the Night Time World (1974)

[ess-institute]

How to use AI in Canva to make presentations easily

In this AI world, let’s unleash the power of artificial intelligence in Canva to create  animations and exploring various other hidden gems of Canva. This AI won’t only help you create the visual part of your presentation deck but it will also help you write all the content and other aspects as well. So, you don’t have to start with an empty canvas. The AI features in Canva will also help you improve titles and create unique images that are not available in the Canva library and we will show you all of it here. Canva helped me write all the content and some of the images were generated by the AI so if you guys are interested let’s begin further. 

How To Create Presentation With Magic Desgin?

Let’s go to canva.com and we’re going to create a new presentation document.

To do this you can use the button on top of the screen that says “create a design”.

From here we are going to select the option that says presentation 16:9.

We’re going to use “magic design” to create a presentation in seconds. This is the AI feature that I was talking about. This feature is available only in this format at the moment so if you were to select this format the 4×3 you won’t be able to see this feature.

We can access “magic design” in two different ways.

You will see it on the left-hand side. You will see a banner that says “magic design” describe the presentation you want and we’ll write and design a draft for you instantly so we can either click in here.

But if at some point this Banner disappears, you can access magic design with the button on the bottom of your screen i.e., Canva assistant button.

This time and from here we’ll see magic design, If You Don’t See Magic design under recommended actions you can type in here magic design.

If you are testing this feature for the first time, you don’t really need to create a presentation but you also just want to try it out. You can click on the button for an example. So, I’m going to click to see what Canva provides.

You will see a dialogue box appear on the screen where you can write the TITLE for your presentation.

Tap on “GENERATE” to see the outcome presentation.

And, here are the outcome for what we were exactly waiting for.

Use Magic Write To Improve Your Titles

We’re going to use to improve the titles on our presentations is called Magic right and this one is available for Canva pro users. let’s say that we want to improve the text that we see on the cover of our presentation deck.

We’re going to select this text box that I want to edit or improve.

We will be going to the Canva systems and from here we’ll see this option called edit with magic right. All of these features have the crown and that’s why I mentioned that this one is a Canva pro feature.

This time we are going to use “edit with magic right”. This window will appear and we have the text from the text box inside the magic right.

We will be adding a prompt to improve this title. so, I am just going to ask magic right to make this title catchier and then press return. Okay…!

This is what Canva “Unlocking the power of reading”.

Magic Edit in Canva

The next new feature powered by AI is called Magic edit and this feature will allow me to edit any part of my photo by brushing over a certain object in my photo and then replace that object by another.

Let me show you how it works with image that I have right here in this document.

The first step you will need to select your photo.

Click on that photo and then click on the edit photo button right here.

Now you should see magic edit.

The way magic edit is a free feature so that is a real gift from Canva that could easily have been a pro feature. So, every Canva user will have the possibility to edit up to 100 photos per day using magic edit.

Alright, so we will be going to click on magic edit right here which says one brush over the image. Highlights of the image will be edited.

From the slider that we have on the left of the screen, we can resize our brush.

When you’re done highlighting or brushing over the object you want to replace, just click on continue.

Now what do you want to generate in the brushed area, why not ask Canva to do that for us.

Now is where the magic is really going to happen. Canva is going to generate four versions of this emoji.  choose between one of these four versions and there you go.

There you go. Here the highlighted area is replaced by a different generated emoji.

Translate feature in Canva

I want to talk about is called translate and this feature will help you translate anything that is text based in your design into any of the 100 plus languages that Canva can deal with. So, let’s try it out.

We have the perfect template right here, that is being prepared for you. This is my template having a text box.

A call to action is to spot “translate”. Well, “translate” is going to be tucked under your apps right here.

You’ll need to click on apps and then you scroll down a bit and you should see a button below that says translate.

Click on that. The first thing I want to say is that you have two different tabs so make sure you check the settings once you are pretty good to go with the first menu right here the first part of the UI.

I would say the first box is translate from which you can let that to automatically detect especially if you’re working in a language like English.

Then you can choose which language you want to translate to. So, I want to switch to French.

Tap on “TRANSLATE”.

Let’s see, what it’ll do for us.

How to do Beat Sync in Canva using AI

Let’s continue to explore the magic AI features from Canva and this time we are going to look at a specific feature that is going to be awesome for making videos, this one is called Beat sync.

Beat sync will allow you to skip the manual editing when you’re making videos and match your video footage with a soundtrack with the click of a button.

Let me show you how it works. Let’s jump into a video project that I pre-arrange for you and try it out.

So, what we are going to do is to use a video project. You see different video clips right here. This project that I have laid out here have bunch of different video clips. I have aligned these with no soundtrack as of now. So, I’m going to start by finding a soundtrack.

You can upload your very own piece of music or you can find a soundtrack in the Canva audio library.

You can go to your apps and then find the audio. Now, this is a pro feature, if you are going to use this you will also have access to all of the pro soundtrack in Canva.

I’m going to be use any of this sound and Canva is going to position it on the timeline right here.

So, with the track selected I’m going to click on beat sync.

Beat sync is going to do is to realign all of that. So, let’s turn this on. Now it’s kind of perfectly aligned and let’s see the difference. After all this, you’ll really be able to observe the effect of beat sync. This really helped me really assist and changing the visuals based on the changes that I can hear in my soundtrack. This is quite hard to explain really what it does with words because it’s something you have to listen to and feel really. But here I really noticed that my audio track was synced with the changes of the visuals so this is Beat sync.

Again, it is a pro feature and a kind of magic because it is AI assisted in order for them to recognize the peaks in the music in your soundtrack.

You can also learn these tricks but to be a pro at design, you must have hands on software like Adobe Iluustrator, Photooshop. ESS institute being a top graphic deisgn institute in Delhi can also help you with the practicle graphic design course.

And for canva, you can also check our other tutorials listed below

Canva tutorial for Beginners

Canva tricks for a advanced user

But do not try to put everything in just one design, it becomes messy, learn how to manage spacces and importance of white space in graphic designing and UI

[thelordofgifs]

Kind people keep commenting on/reblogging the AU I started posting (B&L steal two Silmarils instead of one, tentatively titled “two of the fairest stars in all the heaven” until I think of something catchier) saying things to the effect of “I can’t wait to see what happens next!” and I’m like bestie SAME I genuinely have no idea what that thing is doing. It’s incredibly easy to write and I’m enjoying it, but it’s actually completely out of my hands what happens. Celegorm jumped on Carcharoth’s back! I didn’t tell him to do that! He just did it!

On a more serious note, while fun, this is one of my biggest problems with the thing (I still find it hard to call it a fic - maybe once I write it up in actual prose). I haven’t planned it in advance at all, which is entertaining, but I don’t know where it’s heading or what the shape of the story is at all. A principle I try to stick to while writing is to know, on a deeper level, what my story is about. So of my two published Tolkien fics, The Manner of His Return is fundamentally about grieving someone you had a complicated relationship with, and trying to come to terms with the fact that that’s all you’re ever going to get. but two remain, actually one of my favourite things I’ve ever written, is about brotherhood and trauma and the redemptive power of love, the different ways you can try to protect someone and how to accept not only that you’re a terrible person, but that the person you love is too. To me the Silmarillion is a profoundly moral work, and my hope and aim is to write fic that engages with that (where appropriate! But a Leithian AU heavily featuring the sons of Fëanor IS appropriate.)

All this self-indulgent rambling is to say, I don’t really know what the thing is about yet, what its themes and messages are, or how it interacts with the concepts in the Silm itself; and that troubles me. So, do let me know if you have any thoughts/constructive criticism on it! It was inspired by a couple of interesting tumblr discussions, so maybe a few more will help to finish it too :)

[adotrevsleft]

Album ranking post #1:

Initial thoughts (May 1st 2023): this album and all of its songs have something to offer to any different type of audiences. However, these were clearly made for the fearnots and the fearnots only.

Final thoughts (June 23rd 2023): I still stand with the opinion that there is a variety in the album tracks and each song is different which leads to appeal to different types of people, so maybe it's not just for the fans. It mainly is, but not completely. However, there is a huge inconsistency within the album tha could have been better executed, also there was no reason to add the other songs wich were literally the same just adding a (2023 version). There was no reason. I know it was done so there wouldn't be a recording of garam but, girl was proven innocent like nearly a year ago, so what was the reason? But, it surely does make me excited for their next comeback, because this was the end of their trilogy, I believe, so I'm excited to see what they will be able to offer us next time.

Now onto the ranking - with a few words:

1) FEARNOT (between you, me and the lampost) - a beautiful song that is so highly underappreciated in the lsfm fandom, it's insane. I have been playing this song on repeat since release. Because who doesn't love depressing songs yk? Atm, I have to say that this is my favourite track from lsfm's discography so far. The emotion is felt through their vocals and that's probably why I instantly fell in love with this song. 10/10

2) Eve, Psyche and the Bluebeard's wife - so fucking catchy. Also on repeat. Tbh, when I first listened to it I was slightly unsure but it's amazing. But, I just know that "I'm a mess in distress, but we're still the best dressed, fearless say yes, we don't dress to impress" is going to stay iconic. 9.5/10

3) Unforgiven (feat. Nile Rodgers) - tbf, I was surprised no one was making a big fuss that Nile Rodgers was a feat in this song because when I told my dad he genuinely freaked out. People are comparing this to unforgiven constantly to the point in which the song seems to be unenjoyable, but really this song is something to be enjoyed by itself. 8.5/10

4) No-return (into the unknown) - just a fun little song. After listening it from their concert, I was super excited for this song. It was quite catchy for the first week but afterwards I got bored of listening to it. But, it is a really sweet song and I did genuinely enjoy it at one point. 8/10

5) Burn The Bridge - genuinely makes me want to fight my inner demons (I don't have inner demons dw, it's just a metaphor). This is an intro I can vibe to instantly. The other ones that were previously released were not as interesting, this intro sounds like the intro to a long story (in this case the album), it sounds like a proper intro and I have played it a few times because it does feel quite empowering listening to it. 8/10

6) Flash Forward - it is such a cute song. I haven't gone back to it a lot, but certainly is a great song. It really depends on the mood of that day for me to listen to this. Clearly, this was trying to be similar to good parts, but good parts was way catchier imo. Also, this is a song I would recommend to anyone who likes a chill pop song. 7/10

7) Fire In The Belly - just because this track is at the bottom of this ranking doesn't necessarily mean it is a bad track. I can see the reason people enjoy it, but for some reason I don't see it. People say it's like antifragile or that this should've been the title track, but imo this doesn't have the same power and statement that Unforgiven does, and is definitely not as powerful in execution as Antifragile either, that's why I heavily disagree with that opinion. But, it's not a bad song either. 5.5/10

Overall score for this album: 8.1/10

[therubyreader]

My Review of The Raven Boys by Maggie Stiefvater

See a full list of my book reviews here

*Disclaimer: there will be spoilers later on in the review*

Review Word Count, non-spoiler: 1,008 Review Word Count Total: 1,692

Am I writing a review for a book I just finished yesterday instead of waiting for weeks and by the time I get to writing I’m already done with the whole series??? Looks like it, but don’t get used to this because I know I’m going to be back to my horrible habits soon enough. In the first ever installment of “a book review written about a book a real person in my real life recommended to me” (or another much catchier title) I bring you a review of The Raven Boys.

The book brings us to the fictional town of Henrietta, Virginia (yes I did just Google if it was real, I am multiple shades of not the smartest) where we are introduced to Blue Sargent, the daughter of the town psychic, or well one of them, and she lives with her aforementioned mother, aunts, and cousin. The women of 300 Fox Way are all psychically gifted, except for Blue, who is only able to amplify their gifts but has none of her own. On the night of St. Mark’s Eve it is tradition that Blue and her mother go to an abandoned cemetery and watch the spirits of the townspeople who will die that year walk through, though Blue can’t see them this year is different, she sees the spirit of a boy named Gansey meaning he is either her true love or he dies by her hand (she’s fated to kill her true love with a kiss so, it could be both). Parallel to this, Gansey is looking for the mythical Welsh king Glendower who is prophesied to grant a wish to the person who wakes him and his search brings him, unknowingly, to Blue. Together they, as well as Gansey’s friends Ronan, Adam, and Noah, search for the ley line that runs through Henrietta in hopes it leads them to where Glendower’s body is hidden.

I’m going to be totally transparent with you all and let you know that my friend has been trying to get me to read the Raven Cycle books for a solid amount of years, probably almost as long as I’ve known them (which has been almost seven years now) but I finally caved when they said they would read the Shadow and Bone trilogy in exchange, and I can’t pass up a good deal. I was hesitant to read the book because the summary doesn’t really do it justice, and also it just didn’t appeal to me even after my friend explained it. I think it just felt a lot like something I would’ve read in middle school, but not in a fun nostalgic way, and this was most likely because I did read another of Maggie Stiefvater’s books in middle school, Shiver, and my werewolf phase is a dark past I’m not trying to remember. And I honestly had this apprehensive feeling throughout the first half of the book where I couldn’t shake that vibe of middle school negativity but I forced myself to read it and to endure because I made a deal with my friend and they were nice enough to let me borrow their copy of the book complete with the author’s autograph and my mother didn’t raise a quitter. I think this feeling was made worse because I literally couldn’t stand any of the raven boys, save for my boy Adam, and eventually Noah, throughout the whole first half which in hindsight is good writing. Stiefvater did a great job writing entitled rich boys who are horrible in their own unique ways but I actually started to like (or well, be ok with) the other two boys by the end of the book.

I think once the action of the story really got going then I actually started to enjoy it, though it is a little annoying that I had to read about half the book before anything with consequence or excitement started happening. But, then again, I’m someone who really likes more action and conflict heavy books no matter how much they trigger my anxiety so this style of book where all of the world building and setting up the conflict take up the first half of the narrative without much consequential action isn’t super my thing. That being said, once I got over that (and myself) I actually enjoyed the book quite a bit, sorry for doubting you [insert friend’s name here for privacy reasons]. I enjoyed how each of the children’s (they’re teenagers but I’m an adult so they’re children to me) back stories and life circumstances are woven into the story, that it’s not just them looking for this mythical king but also them experiencing the hardships of life while on this quest. These characters are all very real with very real problems so you can relate to them all in one way or another which definitely adds to the story so it doesn’t feel like a run of the mill fantasy story that doesn’t have any depth or humanity. The question of “don’t these kids have school?” that a lot of stories with teenage protagonists makes you ask isn’t really necessary in this book because they do have school and their plans have to be put on hold until the end of their school day on top of the plot heavily revolving around Ronan’s horrible academic behavior.

Though this isn’t my favorite book ever it definitely exceeded my expectations (which, let’s be honest, were very low and that was entirely my own doing) and I’m very excited to continue reading the series, I already got my hands on the second book (public library beloved) and I only read the prologue as of right now which is already very intriguing. I will say if you’re interested in this book I do recommend giving it a chance but you will have to power through a solid chunk of it before it really gets good but overall a very Stranger Things but for a different breed of nerds vibes out of ten.

Spoilers Below!!

There are a lot of things I want to talk about in terms of the specifics of this book that I don’t know what I want to talk about first so I’ll just go in order of least complicated to most. First, Gansey calling Blue “Jane” because he thinks her name is stupid, rude. He’s right but like, that’s her name dude, she likes it, stop being mean. Another thing that doesn’t require many words is that it isn’t really explained how so many people are just presented with this idea of magic and are cool with it. I know Adam kind of touches on him being convinced by Gansey that magic is real and so is Glendower but I feel like in our day and age (which this is supposed to be set in, just ten years ago) not many people would be on board with it. I don’t know, it might just be me, but if you told me at seventeen that you were looking for a mythical king and a ley line I would think that you’re insane and probably not talk to you very often after that. But then again this could probably just be chalked up to their version of our reality being more accepting and open to magic and I could just be overthinking it, which wouldn’t be out of the ordinary for me. 

I also wanted to talk about the absolute plot twist of Noah being a ghost this whole time. I texted my friend about it as soon as I read that part and they told me it was stated right at the beginning of the book when Declan is introducing the raven boys to his newest girlfriend. I honestly didn’t remember it and so I went back and there it was, she made a comment about his hands being cold and he responded something along the lines of “I’ve been dead for seven years so that’s about as warm as they get” and then it isn’t acknowledged by literally anyone or the book itself. I think I just laughed it off as an angsty teenage boy joke but he was being serious. When Gansey and Blue found his body (which, why was it near the cemetery, did we ever address that?) I figured it would be the body of Czerny, just process of elimination, but when the ID said Noah, I was shocked. Then I thought it was like that thing where Ronan from the future wrote a note on the rock for Ronan from the past and this was going to be Noah’s future but nope, he was a ghost. I did think the ending where they dug up his bones and reburied them on the ley line was funny in a cute endearing way, especially with how Noah immediately started patting Blue’s hair. 

I am going to take this moment to pour one out for my homie Adam, that boy is too pure and kind for this world and he just receives the worst end of the stick possible. First, his dad is absolutely awful, he is a scholarship kid at a rich private school which probably feels horrible, and then he likes Blue and he doesn’t even know he’s going to get his heart broken in the future because Gansey is obviously Blue’s true love. I do hope Adam is able to have a happy ending at the end of the series because that’s what he deserves, life keeps beating him up for no reason. Justice for my man Adam. 

I think the thing I’m most excited to see is how the whole Blue and Gansey relationship is going to pan out, especially since she’s supposed to kill him, which sounds morbid but I know they’re going to find a loophole to keep him alive somehow and I just want to see what it is. Watch me be wrong and he just straight up dies, the end. Anyways, the moral of the story here is that you should trust your friend when they recommend a book because you’re going to like it.

[subliminalbo]

Tags

I'm still trying to figure out how I want to organize my tags here, but my priority in tagging is reaching as many hypnofetish peeps as I can while making sure that the non-hypnofetish peeps don't have to see this weird shit. That's why I'll never publish a story under certain vanilla tags like "fiction" or "requests."

I also have a number of tags that are strictly used for future updates to the blog. Currently I have a link for Stories and Captions, but I'd also like to have a link to view posts by series, character, or requests. I don't have enough content posted to the blog yet to justify that level of detail, but it'll come soon.

General Tags

These are the tags that I use on just about every post

mind control

controlled

brainwashed

Content Tags

These are tags that I use for differentiating between the types of mind control featured in each story or caption

hypnosis - A bit more specific than simply mind control, stories published with the hypnosis tag feature your usual suspects of pendulums, eyes, and soothing voices.

tech control - May include brainwashing collars. technobabble lingerie, evil computers, and VR headsets. Generally speaking, anything with a microchip.

alien mind control - Are there aliens? It's alien mind control.

serial recruitment - One of my favorite tropes so another super common tag, brainwashed ladies make more brainwashed ladies

hive mind - Likely some crossover with alien mind control, this tag is for stories where each victim becomes a part of one consciousness.

Genre, Series, and Character Tags

Used for differentiating between quick captions and microfiction and longer form chapters of ongoing series.

hypno story - Anything longer than a couple hundred words. Includes chapters of a series.

hypno caption - Bite-sized, quick mind control fixes.

subliminalbo request - May need to work on this one tbh, but until I think of something catchier this will be my requests tags.

old request - Requests don't always match my personal taste, but sometimes they turn out pretty good. I have a lot of old requests in the queue and they'll be tagged with this.

series: - Used for organizing series by title. The series name follows the colon. In the near future I'll have a dedicated page on my blog for easily accessing these tags.

oc: - Similar to series, this tag is used for sorting by original characters, if that's something that you care about.

subliminalbo - This tag is just used for organizing my About Me page. Inside baseball about the page or any important information I think you should know.

[beevean]

Try to give ratings to Fusion's individual aspects! :)

Story: 9/10. This game commits the cardinal sin of not letting you skip cutscenes, much like SM, but there are dozens of them now. But that being said, I really appreciate how plot heavy this game is, because the linearity allows for some iconic scripted moments, like when the power runs out and suddenly, you're alone like you probably wanted to. Plus, the whole idea that now, you're the victim of the immense power you reached at the end of SM. It's also a generally good plot, although there seem to be some translation problems...

Graphics: 7.5/10. I have not much to say? Fusion is pretty middle of the road when it comes to graphics and artstyle: it's not ugly, at all, but it lacks that charm that other games have. It's probably because it's set in an artificial station so the environments deliberately look fake. I also don't like Samus' look here, both her suit and her sprites, but I guess that was also deliberate. Oh, and if you're playing on mGBA, use the GBA Colors shader :P

Music: 8/10. Fusion goes for a more atmospheric approach which means it has less memorable tracks than SM (and the instrument quality isn't the best the GBA can do), but when you're playing you really feel the effect. You hear Environmental Shock, and you can feel your muscles clenching. You hear Environmental Mystery, and you feel intimidated. You hear Escape from the SA-X, and... well, let's not do that, shall we? :) And let's not forget the catchier bangers, like Facing a Huge Reaction, Sector 1, Serris/Yakuza's theme or the underwater parts of Sector 4!

Controls: 8.5/10. I don't like the nerfed Wall Jump and Bomb Jump :( but that's my only problem. Samus' snappier controls are easier to get into, and they finally fixed the missile selecting problem. Also, ledge grabbing! No wonder this became the standard.

Difficulty: 9/10. This game is hard, mostly due to how weak Samus is at first, and due to a couple of bullshit bosses. It's not however cheap hard, it strikes that good spot where you're pushed to keep playing until you overcome that one obstacle.

Navigation: 7.5/10. When it comes to progression, there's zero brain activity most of the time due to ADAM literally telling you where to go. Getting to the room you need to go, however, is another story, and some sectors are more labyrinthine than they look, especially as there are a lot of secret areas that aren't represented on the maps.

Backtracking: 5/10. What backtracking? You're not allowed to backtrack until you start a New Game+ because the game physically blocks you from going on an item run. All the backtracking you do, it's because the game wants you to do it. Disappointing.

Length: 9/10. I honestly never felt like this game could have been a little longer or shorter? It sucks you in and doesn't drag on, but it's not rushed like you would expect from a handheld title.

Bosses: 9/10. A stark improvement over SM, the bosses here are fresh, fun and intimidating. From Serris that swims at high speed, to Yakuza the suplexing spider, to Nightmare and oh god what happened to your face. Not all bosses are great (that one that gives you the Hi-Jump Boots... exists), but there clearly was put a lot of care here.

Replayability value: 8/10. This game is fun to speedrun not in the same way SM is. With SM, it's all about learning where to cut corners and plan the most optimal route; with Fusion, it's simply a matter of gitting gud, much like a Sonic game. The high amount of unskippable cutscenes are a big pain to go through, and the more you replay, the more SA-X loses its charm, but the fun level design and controls make it worth it.

Neo Ridley: OW MY FCKING EARS/10

[falloutbradreviews]

Hardy - Quit!!

I don’t quite believe in the idea of a “guilty pleasure,” because I’m at the point in my music fandom that if I like something, I like it. The closest I’ve come to it is in the beginning of 2023 when country artist / songwriter Hardy dropped his second album, The Mockingbird & The Crow. Hardy is a songwriter turned artist himself that’s responsible for Florida Georgia Line becoming popular, ultimately bringing bro-country to the world for about five years or so. In recent years, though, he’s turned to making his own music, finally getting a breakthrough with “Wait In The Truck” with Lainey Wilson in the last couple years.

I’ve listened to his debut solo album, and it was fine, albeit generic country, but Mockingbird is a different beast entirely. It’s a double album that has one half being country and the other being hard-rock. The country half of the album was pretty straightforward and generic, but it had some decent hooks and lyricism. The rock side was a little better, despite being a butt-rock album. It had the catchier and more energetic songs, but I’m not going to pretend they were great.

The Mockingbird & The Crow was a rather ambitious record, but it was also pretty bland and self-indulgent that showed Hardy wanting to have his cake and eat it, too, especially by wanting to have a more ambitious project in a new sound that still has generic country songs that will surely be played on the radio. Fast forward two years later, and we got his follow-up, entitled Quit!! This record, along with its title track, is an ode to the “haters,” specifically someone that wrote “quit” on a napkin at an open mic.

I wasn’t looking forward to it, because that song is awful, and so were the other songs that preceded this record, but I wanted to check it out so see if maybe the songs would be better in context, or if the album would be stronger as a whole, versus the lead singles. Unfortunately, “Quit” is exactly what I would do if I put this stinker out into the world for everyone to hear, because this is a really bad album, and it’s easily one of the worst of the year. Not only does this album have no idea what it wants to be, at least when it comes to its sound, hardly any of these ideas are what I’d call “good.”

As much as I was a Mockingbird & The Crow apologist, and thought that album was “okay,” this one is bad. Right off the bat, we got the title track, and this is a very obnoxious rap-rock track that he feels the need to employ here, but it’s all about how he won’t quit, despite people not liking him. He’s really obsessed with this idea, because he also talked about that a lot on the previous album.

The subject doesn’t get any better as the album goes on, as the following track “Rockstar” is a play on songs about being a rockstar, I guess, but it’s not funny and annoying. Most of the lyrics on this album, as well as the overall sound, is pretty bland, but it doesn’t get too bad. This album is mostly the kind of bad that I don’t like at all, but it’s easy to ignore. Hell, the album mainly sticks to a country-rock sound that has some decent hooks, but the album leaves a pretty sour taste in my mouth a few times.

Sure, the title track is cringy, and the song “Good Girl Phase” is kind of weird, but they’re not offensively bad. “Psycho” is the main song on here that I’m baffled Hardy wrote, recorded, and put on this album. The song is basically about how Hardy is a terrible partner, and if his girlfriend left him, he lists the crazy things he would do to make her miserable, so she should feel guilty to leave him. Despite the song clearly trying to be a joke, it’s not funny, and it just makes him look bad, like why would anyone want to be with him if he’s going to do that?

A few other songs get close to that, such as “Soul4Sale,” which has Fred Durst sounding the worst he’s ever sounded, and it’s a painfully generic song about selling your soul to be popular or something. A couple songs are actually okay, including the couple songs about his wife, “WHYBMWL,” and “Six Feet Under,” but they’re also super bland, both musically and lyrically, they’re just not outwardly bad. They’re at least more sentimental, and they have more defined hooks and structures, versus being loud and obnoxious.

Loud and obnoxious are the best two descriptors of this album, especially at its worst. Hardy isn’t a very good singer (or lyricist, for that matter), and it shows when he has to do anything that’s out of his limited range, so a lot of these hooks are awful, or very forgettable. Now at its best, it’s generic country-rock, but also very forgettable. Quit has a few of the worst songs of the year, and I still would throw this on a worst of list, but it didn’t piss me off as much as a few other albums did throughout the year. It’s bad, but it’s the kind of bad that you’ll forget about in a day or two, instead of letting it eat you alive as some bad albums can do.