#trying to assess which characters I commented on enough to tag lol

[deathlygristly]

So I finished listening to the episode and it was one of their best ones in a while. I was like yeah this is why I joined your Patreon and why you used to be my favorite kdrama podcast.

Also just last night I was telling the spousal person that their last few episodes have made it clear just how very middle class white American lady they are, and they actually called themselves out for that a bit in this episode. They brought up cultural differences and bias and how sometimes they judge characters for having a Confucian moral framework instead of a white middle class Western one.

I think I figured out why I turned a bit sour on them, but also why I still listen if the topic is interesting enough.

I am trying to think of a way to put it that people other than just the spousal person would accept and understand, lol.

Part of why I still listen is that I do get a lot of insight into how the majority of people in the online spaces that I am in think. It's kind of like if the people who got weird about me in the Sims community back in the day grew up and learned and now they are reflecting on themselves and their internalized misogyny.

I think the souring part was...well, maybe realizing how very neurotypical they are, and how close they are culturally to people who I find it unpleasant to be around online. I guess it's the same reason I keep listening, actually. Like oh, here's an example of what it's like inside the minds of people who judge others and make mean comments about harmless things, and it's also an example of how they can grow and learn and improve.

Like one bit was about how a decade ago they would have looked down on fanfic but they all recently read some popular Draco/Hermione fanfics and now they're all for it.

Which I don't think they're aware of Rowling's descent into TERFism, or at least they didn't mention it. Since they're just now discovering fanfic they probably aren't Online enough to know about it?

Another example was talking about how they'd see a woman who didn't add lots of qualifiers to her work emails as "a bitch" but they're trying to unlearn that now.

So yeah, this is why I have weird feelings about the podcast.

In other kdrama podcast news, the hosts of another podcast (younger and Asian American) who dropped Queen of Tears because of the complexity of the male lead's feelings in the beginning picked it back up at the behest of their Patreon members, and they're like oh yeah it actually is a good show, thanks for convincing us to go back to it.

Then they talked about the first four episodes of Lovely Runner and they were still thinking the male lead killed himself in the first episode. They didn't put together some obvious things even though they noticed and talked about things like the doorbell ringing and the focus on the taxi driver. So I think my initial assessment was correct - they aren't weirdly purist about fiction like antis. They just don't pay enough attention and/or don’t pick up on things very well, so their initial thoughts on a show after the first few episodes can be flawed and annoying but it's not due to a radicalized anti ideology.

Also like I said they're younger than the hosts of the other podcast, and you could tell because they said "unaliving himself" when they talked about thinking the male lead committed suicide.

Anyway I think the spousal person is just about done with making dinner, which means it's time to go watch the second episode of Dare to Love Me and the fifth episode of Frankly Speaking. Which I checked the Dare To Love Me tag last night and there wasn't anything in it yet. Interested to see if that changes.

So the middle class white ladies podcast that I have weird feelings about has an episode about character likability today. Which almost makes me want to resubscribe to their Patreon because I have a Lot to say on that topic.

They started the episode by talking about unlearning shame about enjoying romance stories, and one thing I have learned from listening to them is that middle class white culture is much more gendered than the rural working class culture I grew up in. Or at least gendered very differently?

So anyway I texted the spousal person and I told him that according to the podcast hosts he is a radical hero for being a dude openly into kdramas.

[tuesdayisfordancing]

Picard 3.3 thoughts part two:

“He’s not ‘Dad’.” “He’s a good man.” Relevance, William? Kid hadn’t said he wasn’t (though he will procede to lol) just pointed out that some guy you meet when you’re 23 isn’t automatically your dad because of genetics. (Also aw he said please.)

That being said Riker is pretty cute here overall. And Jack’s understated wtf face when he says “I spent 2 decades watching you get cooked up before you were born” is great. What a thing to say about a guy’s parents.

“Bigger the legend the more disappointing the reality” this is about WESLEY and I’m not wrong.

Um. Did they add the DNA line after seeing all the jokes about the accent being genetic or? I’m gonna be honest it would have been better by my lights to ignore this rather than call attention to it, but I’m sure some people prefer a slightly awkward explanation to none.

Oh my god I was right he literally did say “ugh no thanks” to the whole concept of having a dad. I thought based on the delivery of “I never had one” that I was wishful thinking. This is amazing. Oh man I gotta rewatch the first two episodes with the knowledge that Jack knows exactly who this dipshit is.

Holy shit Picard you PHENOMENAL JACKASS??? Literally changed his fucking mind about whether he should have protected Jack upon learning that Jack knew who he was and hadn’t wanted to meet him??? What the absolute everloving fuck????? !!!!!!

“I think it might be time you called me Number 1” was good

Raffi and Whorf are very cute but I’m having trouble getting properly invested because I just. Don’t we should be starting from a place of her being isolated and miserable to begin with!

Mixed feelings about Beverly being a better doctor because she doesn’t over rely on fancy new tech. I mean, I like it mostly but. Hm something bugging me and I can’t put my finger on what.

Beverly completely ignoring the CMO’s hypothetically being in charge is fantastic though because it’s both a strength (in this case she was needed!) and also an arrogance that could absolutely have led to her getting in the way and causing problems. Hope this is explored more.

She summons Jack to help her! Because they are a team! I don’t know like on the one hand it’s obvious, if nothing else probably the doctors and nurses on the ship would hesitate whether they should listen to her when she’s arguing with their boss, but the whole thing just felt like it got across so well the way they are used to relying on each other.

How is Raffi’s hood staying on while she runs? She and Whorf continue to be cute as hell.

Seven Jack teamup!! This was actually a secret item on my wishlist that I didn’t mention because it had nothing to do with themes I just really like Jack and want him to get to do cool stuff and what’s cooler than bonding with Seven? Also as far as I’m concerned this proves that that one fic is canon.

Are there going to be. Consequences later for Jack knocking out a security person or are we just skipping that? LMAO the doors though.

I really thought that guy was like, going to assume Jack was the bad guy, not that he was the bad guy? But anyway I’m ALWAYS down to whump the pretty boy. Yes please.

Curious like a proper sucker about the Seven hallucination. “Connect the branches. We’ll be together soon. Find me.” What does that mean! I also wonder if he’s picturing whatever’s going on as Seven just because actual Seven is there talking to him, or for another reason?

Hmm, okay it’s not that Picard doesn’t deserve a significant share of the blame but Will you were in command, you made the call to listen to him!

[lord-of-christmas-lights]

I could post regular Narnia headcanons...

Or I could post the continuation of this post and go into depth about how Eustace and Caspian are affected by deity Narnia. Welcome back to Inhuman Narnia 101 and it turned out just as long as the first one so buckle up.

Check out this post by @dorianviolet for another awesome version of Inhuman AU Caspian

Warnings for slight body horror mentions including blood magic stuff, slight religious themes and theological discussion towards the end.

Before anything: This AU directly contradicts canon a lot. I don't care, that's why it's called an AU. Some of it is deliberate, some of it is accidental. I haven't read the books in a number of years, so this is all based on the movies and general information I've picked up from fanfic and tumblr. Discussion on this post is welcomed, criticism and arguments are not. Thank you.

First off, here is the link to an exploration of Dragoning, the Eustace-centric fic I wrote about this. I refer to it repeatedly in this post so if you want the full thing, there it is.

Second, let's get into this. So in my last post, I talked a lot about Narnia, her general existence in this AU, and her motivations as a character. She wants the people in her world to be a part of her, and no one else. Some of this is a conscious choice, and some of it isn't. Eustace's changes throughout his time in VOTDT are definitely not purposeful. It was his greed that drove him to the treasure, it was his own "curse" in becoming a dragon. That was not Narnia reaching out to him and purposefully trying to mold him to her world. As such, he takes on more of an observing role.

Eustace doesn't ever actually directly address his cousins on the subject of their inhumanity, in this fic or in any other I write. He simply sees it, notes it happening, and moves on. Even in the sections in my fics where the subject of inhumanity in general is brought up between Eustace and one of his cousins, it's always about Caspian, the greater Narnian world, or himself.

"Eustace asks why, and Lucy answers. Narnia changes people, she says. It happens to everyone, but the closer you are to her Heart, the greater it is. I don't know where Dragons are. Perhaps closer than we realized. It's exhilarating, isn't it? Aslan will return us to normal though, at the end of our journey." - AEOD

I don't know why, but I don't like the idea of Eustace trying to directly address the Pevensie brand of inhumanity. That line above takes place after his UnDragoning, after the way he sees things has changed, and I see it as him asking what exactly has changed, you know, why are Dragons different than boys?

That brings me to how Eustace himself changes. Now, if he hadn't gone and turned into a Dragon, I imagine Narnia wouldn't have taken much note of him. He's a random human, stuck-up, not at all in line for ruling her lands, and just kind of exists without much else going on. She still would have affected him a little, as she does to all humans in her world but it would have been almost entirely spiritual with no physical changes. And then we got the greatest fuck around and find out scene ever. He becomes a Dragon.

I love dragons, always have, I have a very deep spiritual connection to these creatures, and as such, I have gone all out on worldbuilding for Narnian Dragons. Again, the quote from AEOD, "...the closer you are to her Heart, the greater it is. I don't know where Dragons are. Perhaps closer than we realized." In the Inhuman AU, Dragons were the first creatures Narnia (the deity) and Aslan made when they created Narnia (the world). They just really liked the dragon shape from other worlds and thought, "Hey wouldn't it be cool if our world was populated by these big fire-breathing lizards?" Now I don't actually remember how often Dragons are mentioned and/or featured in the books so I'm going with my idea that Dragons are a somewhat rare but not extinct species. They have to be created through magical means, often through physical transformation of people or objects, though there are a few known cases of natural-born Narnian Dragons. Eustace's creation was the curse on the treasure, though I don't see his Dragoning as a curse itself. As in, the curse isn't in the being a Dragon, it's in how the Dragon was created. So, Eustace experiences this accidental change into a creature that's closer to Narnia's Heart than pretty much any other being in Narnia. They were her first creations, forged from the fire in the Stars, and they are the closest to her magic. And that gets her attention.

Now, if you went and read AEOD, you'll have noticed that one of Eustace's biggest changes (aside from the obvious physical ones) is his vision. This is just a natural thing for Dragons, they are far more in tune with magic and the earth and everything than everyone else, but Narnia's special interest in him definitely amplifies the hell out of his magic sense.

"The people here say dragons see the oddest of things, and he has to assume it's a hallucination....He refuses to give into its whims, reminds himself it's just his imagination. Until Reepicheep comments on it." - AEOD. Following this quote, Reepicheep mentions to Lucy that her inhumanity is returning faster than Edmund's and Eustace has a total panic attack at the idea that what he's seeing is real. He sees what everyone else does, Lucy's stained fingers and Edmund's ability to manipulate words, but he also notices stuff no one else does like the stars in Edmund's throat and the echoes that follow Lucy's words. This is further cemented after his UnDragoning, where the extra stuff he perceived has vanished. Now the general idea in this AU is that the closer to Narnia's Heart you are, the more you know and perceive. Everyone can see some of the more obvious inhuman aspects of the Pevensies, but there are things that only Dragons, druids, Stars, and some other magic folk really close to Narnia's Heart see. I'm not going to get into an exact chart of what certain characters can and cannot see because that can change over time and such and I'd rather leave it mostly up to personal interpretation on what other characters do and do not perceive about the Pevensies and other such inhuman characters.

(Side note—I had to pause in the writing of this post here to go to my second meeting for an autism assessment and I think if I just showed the doctor my notes app and the inhuman/dark fantasy narnia tag on my blog, I'd get the diagnosis instantly lol) So anyways, Narnia senses Eustace becoming a Dragon and is like "Ooohoo what's this?" and starts sort of digging into him in the same way she does to her Kings and Queens. This triggers his already enhanced perception of Narnia (the world) to get even stronger, and this is when he starts seeing stuff like people's souls, Caspian's second heart (more on that soon), and looking at Lucy/Edmund/Lilliandil becomes almost painful because Narnia's magic is so bright in them. Aslan then UnDragons him, which Narnia really doesn't like btw, and Eustace is back to being a fairly average human.

This is where stuff established in AEOD ends.

Now I have so many ideas and half finished fanfics written out in my notes app about Eustace, UnDragoning, and inhumanity and it would be impossible to cover them all here, so I'm just going to go with the highlights. One of my favorite ones is the idea that after Eustace's UnDragoning, he still feels very connected to being a dragon. He's had this taste of pure inhumanity, and something like that doesn't just leave a person. There's a fic I read once long before I was fully invested in this fandom about Eustace and draconity that I will never stop thinking about and was actually the reason I started considering Eustace and Narnian Dragons in this AU. One of the really important things to note is that once a Dragon is created, they can never be uncreated. They can be UnDragoned, where their physical form is returned to whatever it was before their Dragoning (a rock, a talisman, a faun, etc) but their soul has changed on a fundamental level to that of a Dragon. Now for Eustace in my Inhuman AU, this manifests spiritually as a deep longing to return to being a Dragon. Physically, he experiences fun side effects like increased heat tolerance, nails that grow faster than normal, and because Narnia likes to meddle, a single ridge of scales along his spine. In some versions of my drafts, he stays at the end of VOTDT and experiences a slow Dragoning because Narnia's influence on him is that strong, other versions he stays but never quite returns to the Dragon he was before, and in yet other versions, he returns to England and loses that connection enough that physically, he will never be a Dragon again. As I said, Narnia is fascinated by him, she's never really had a human Dragon before, but he is still just a random guy who happens to be related to the Pevensies and as such, she doesn't invest as much time or magic into his inhumanity.

So that's Eustace. This is already such a long post but I promised to talk about both him and Caspian so here we go.

Now, in my last post I talked a bit about how Narnia (the deity) affects the other humans in Narnia (the world) to an extent, but it's nowhere near the amount she does to her Kings and Queens, and also this diminishes more and more the farther you get from Narnia (the country). Telmar is fairly close to Narnia (the country) but as we see in PC, a lot of Narnia's magic and spirit has been diminished by the time Caspian is born. Up until the awakening of the land during the battle, Caspian is essentially 100% human. However, this changes very quickly.

It's hard to pinpoint the exact moment Caspian becomes a King of Narnia. Is it when he refuses to kill Miraz? Is it when Aslan tells him he's one? Is it during his actual coronation? Yes, yes, and yes. I try not to pin it down to an exact moment. By the end of PC though, he's definitely noticing some changes in himself. I have an unpublished part 2 to an exploration of Inhumanity (my only other actually posted fic on this stuff) that I swear I will clean up and get posted soon that goes into further detail on the changes he's noticing at the end of AEOI. Some of the big ones include a second golden heart, seeing some of the life magic in the world around him, and a golden glow on his palms. He also slowly develops the ability to heal, though it's not always consistent. Magic takes practice, lots and lots of practice. In pt 2, the glow on his palms has gotten so bright and also spread around his head like a halo, and Lucy shows him how to conceal it so he's not impossible to look at, but because of Magic™ there's still a dusting of golden powdery stuff across his skin. His blood turns golden because Ben Barnes + golden blood is such pretty imagery, and like the others, it gets sucked down and absorbed into Narnia's Heart when he bleeds in battle. Also when I say he's got a second heart I mean he's got a second fucking heart. Ribcage shift and all. (His appearance doesn't actually change, it's more like a pocket dimension thing going on inside him, but he sure as hell can feel it happening). Having Narnia as a patron goddess just means you have to put up with a second puberty sometimes lol.

Anyways, there's a line in AEOI that I feel explains this stuff really well. "He cannot truly protect the land without becoming a part of it himself." Narnia changes her Kings and Queens because she wants them to be a part of her. Aslan doesn't really see these changes as necessary (in canon, a world without deity Narnia, they don't happen), and if the storyline we pick is the one that's the constant cycle of humanity and inhumanity, it's sort of a push and pull between them. Aslan wants the Pevensies, and by proxy anyone else who rules Narnia or experiences these changes, to keep their humanity, to stay as they were Created by him. Narnia, however, wants them to be as much a part of her as she is of them. It's very clear in both the books and the movies that Narnia (the world) is where these characters belong. In the end, they all come home to her (yes, Susan too because fuck Mr. Clive Staples Lewis). Caspian being anything less than fully inhuman is something she cannot handle. She is constantly having to recreate the Pevensies, reestablish her hold on them, only to have them return to England and become mostly human again. Caspian cannot be taken away from her, he is in this world by birth and she is going to do everything she can to shape him into the ruler he needs to be.

Once again, I would like to state that Aslan and Narnia are not opposing sides of good and evil. Gods cannot be defined by human standards, and to think either Narnia or Aslan completely in the right or wrong in this AU would be, well, an interesting standpoint, but really not the one I'm going for here. I'm not going to say it's a misinterpretation, I am very open to hearing people's thoughts on this AU, and everyone's going to see things differently. Just, please reread what I've written about them before you start making that argument.

Anyways, that wraps this post up because I have spent the better part of the past 6 hours writing this. I spent way more time on Eustace than I intended but it's just so fascinating to think about inhumanity from his perspective considering he's the only one in canon that actually was (briefly) inhuman. Again, if you got this far, congratulations! If you use any of my ideas mentioned here, please tag me, I am so starved for inhuman Narnia content lol.