#until at least 1/3 of the way in and then I am consumed and ravenous and adopt it as a personality trait

[covingtons]

why is starting a new book one of the hardest things in the world

[gentlemancrow]

Tagged by both @pocketsizedquasar and @distortingbones!!

1- Why did you choose your url?

I absolutely ADORE crows/ravens/corvids in general and my usernames/urls have had something to do with crows/corvids since UHHH like college-ish?? My primary one used to be "TheCrowsFeather" but then I eventually decided I liked the image of a dapper lil Crow in like... a lil top hat with a monocle and spats on his feet and GentlemanCrow sounded really cute?? Also with the added benefit of people being able to shorten it to just call me "Crow" online and I liked that too!

2- Any side blogs?

Nooooot really? I have one set aside for my original works of fiction but since I don't have too terribly much written I don't actually use it?? AKSJhfajsf

3- How long have you been on tumblr?

OH crap uhhh I think I made this blog originally in summer 2011?? I used it pretty extensively/primarily until about 2016ish when most of my friends gravitated toward Tw*tter instead. So there's a gap there! I picked it back up this past summer to ravenously consume TMA content and post my fan fics since this seemed to be the place where the most fan content for that series lived, so here I am again! :>

4- Do you have a queue tag?

QUEUE WHAT'S A QUEUE I DON'T KNOW HER.

5- Why did you start your blog in the first place?

Honestly my friends bullied me into it I had literally no idea what it was or what to post BUT I GOT THE HANG OF IT AKJHFSKS.

6- Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

OH THAT UHHHH. Shit I've had that for literal YEARS now it was a cute little simplified face picrew type thing and my best friend and I made matching birbs! They don't use tumblr anymore, but it's still cute so I just haven't bothered to change it lmao!

7- Why did you choose your header?

I will forever laugh at the joke/pun of two crows together being an attempted murder, so I just found a picture with the text already on it and slapped it up there ffffft

8-What’s your post with the most notes?

I have 2 that INEXPLICABLY BLEW UP back in the day This one about Big Hero 6 And this one about getting a refund on adulthood

Both of which were typed up on a whim when I was having emotions and I still have no clue why they blew up the way they did :T

9- How many mutuals do you have?

Wait this is a thing you can know?? Like is there a way to find out other than counting the lil green icon dealies?? CAUSE YEAH NO CLUE

10- How many followers do you have?

UM 681 but that list is inaccurate due to my VERY long absence from tumblr I'm ABSOLUTELY certain at least half of those blogs have been abandoned/don't exist anymore ahah >> It's probably closer to like... 50-100 or so given the count I have accrued posting TMA stuff and ones that are still active?

11- How many people do you follow?

691! But again a LOT of those are probably dead!

12- Have you ever made a shitpost?

Maybe? What counts as a shitpost these days anyway :T

13- How often do you use Tumblr each day?

I have a very reliable scroll through my dash at about 5:50 am after my alarm clock goes off and I'm trying to be awake enough to actually leave bed! Then usually I'll scroll through a little on my prep period at work, then I'll just casually have it open in the BG in the evening while I write/watch TV etc

14- Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

No?? I am neither important nor influential enough to have quarreled with anyone on the tumblr dot coms

15- How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

NEXT. Tho honestly I don't see them like ever except to mention how shitty they are? I must follow the right people fffft

16- Do you like tag games?

OH YES! I almost NEVER get tagged in them though so this was absolutely a treat ; w ;

17- Do you like ask games?

OH HELL YES PLEASE ALWAYS SEND ME ASKS FOR ASK GAMES I LOVE THEM SO MUCH 🥺

18-Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

UHHHH... I honestly have no clue? Maybe not Tumblr famous but maybe a few of them are fandom famous?? AGAIN I AM BUT A SMOL AND HUMBLE BIRB WITH A TINY FOLLOWING AKSJHFDKAS

19- Do you have a crush on a mutual?

DEFINITELY NOT NO AKJSFHKASJHFKASJ

Oh balls um this is the hard part tagging someone IF YOU WERE ALREADY TAGGED SO SORRY but maybe @bowtiesandfireflies @clarionglass @lucky-numberme and also just if you see this on your dash and you wanna do it consider yourself also tagged by me! ; w ;

THANKS FOR TAGGING ME GUYS <3

[youralternantpersonality]

Eternal Love

Paul x Reader: Eternal Love.

Part 1: Eternal Love

Part 2: Everlasting Love

Part 3: Endless Love

Part 4: Enduring Love

***

Darkness. All I see is darkness…I’m calm yet scared. I don’t understand what’s going on. I am in the forest in La Push, walking aimlessly. Not heading anywhere. I want to go home but I also like it here. I feel…at peace. I look over and I see a never-ending path of trees. What makes it eerie is that there’s no animals, no background noise, even when I get close enough to the dirt, no worms, ants, spiders, anything. I feel like I’ve been stuck here for almost an hour or so. And after some time, I realize something…where’s my dog?

“Snout! Snout! Where are you?” I yell and start looking around. I hear a bark in the distance and run towards it.

“Snout! Baby, come here!” I hear more barking and I run towards that direction. Something seems familiar about this. I just can’t figure out what it was.

Paul’s POV

Five days. That’s how long it’s been since the good doctor Cullen has told me that the love of my life, the only reason I even exist, the one who would calm me yet irritate me out of love, The One; gone. At least, not completely. She’s in a vegetable state—can’t move willingly, can’t hear, smell, taste anything. Hooked up to a machine that is keeping her on this earth. I haven’t moved from this spot by her bed unless I have to shower and eat (demands by Emily).

As I sit here, looking at my beautiful Y/n, bruises along her left side of her body, a cast that covers her arm, hip, and legs, bandages wrapped around her head, I can’t help but cry nonexistent tears. I have cried all of what I had left over the past few days. I can remember everything that happened so clearly. Regret consumed me, so much so, that Dr. Cullen was gracious enough to fix the damages in the bathroom attached to her room when I smashed my fist into the mirror, and he got her, her suite in the hospital.

I fucked up. Everyone tried to make me feel better, but deep down, we all know what I did was what put her in this situation. Which is why I begged, no pleaded, even bargained with the Good Doctor to change her. He wanted to help, but because of the treaty….

“…I cannot Paul. The treaty states…”

“Fuck the treaty! She’s the love of my life! I can’t lose her! I may have fucked up and caused this, but I can’t let her go! Please!” I pleaded outside of his home. His wife, Esme, came next to me and hugged me as I fell to the ground. I didn’t care if she was eerie rock solid or cold as ice, I just needed my Y/n/n back.

As I am looking at her currently, caressing her little finger that is hanging outside her cast, I think back to how we met.

At the Beach: September 2nd, 2018;

There was a birthday party at the beach and, like what anyone would expect from us, the guys and I crashed it. It seemed boring until we, I, showed up. The host was too tipsy to give a crap and was just happy to see more people. I was flirting, per usual, with some lovely girls when the host calls out a name. And what made me respond was the voice and fragrance that came with it.

“What hoe!” a laugh followed afterward. The wind blew a sweet fragrance, pomegranate mango with an orange-like citrus smell to it. I turned my head at the right time to see Y/n. I couldn’t take my eyes off her as she walked towards who I found out later to be Angela—one of Bella’s old friends. She went up to hug her and Y/n looked around. That’s where our eyes came in contact. Everything else around me disappeared and I didn’t care for anyone or anything around me. I slowly made my way up to her and she just smiles as I do so.

“Hello, beautiful. I don’t think I’ve seen you around here. I’m Paul, what’s your name?” I smile, not one of my flirty smiles, a genuine smile. It’s weird, I never wanted to imprint EVER in my life, but over time, it didn’t seem too bad. And now, I’m not complaining.

“Hmm, you seem dangerous.” A cheeky smile is placed on her face, she looks me up and down and turns her body towards me.

“I’m Y/n, but people call me Y/n/n.” I smile and shake her hand. Both of our eyes widen at the electricity flow, the magnetic force pulling us to one another, and this cloud 9 effect that is taking over. I look down at her and smile.

“Hmm, you seem like you’re about to ruin my life,” I said jokingly. She smiles and laughs.

“I guess we’re a match huh?”

“I guess we are. So, tell me about yourself.” And from then on, we were together.

But it seems like life wanted to make a full circle.

Current Day: August 30th, 2020

“Paul, the council is still debating. I know this is hard, but please, at least for Emily, go home and get some rest.” Sam said. Normally, I’d take alphas orders, but this time, I can’t. I shake my head and head towards the bathroom. I brush past him and Jake and just stand there behind the door. I look at myself in the mirror and can see emotional and physical damage.

I’ve lost weight, I have deep dark circles around my eyes, my eyes itself is bloodshot red. My skin is sickly pale, not it’s normal “golden glow honey brown sugar” skin that my little raven called it. I laugh at that memory. She was whimsical, mysterious, and protective like a raven. Her secret personality was as big as one too. She called you in naturally by her beauty—inner and outer beauty.

At Paul’s house: November 2018

We were laying on the couch relaxing before I had to go on patrol. She was reading a book with her legs planted in my lap, I was deep engrossed to the video game I was playing when suddenly, I feel a pair of eyes on me.

“Make a video to remember this moment then replay it when you miss me.” I smile and look over at her. All I could see is her big y/e/c eyes staring back at me. One eyebrow raised and her book was covering the bottom half of her face.

“You know,” she says sitting up, putting down the book, “it’s not fair how clear and bright your skin is. You have this…this golden glow…with, like, honey brown sugar swirled in it. You suck.” She says pouting. I pause the game, lean over to her, and place most of my weight on her while kissing her neck. She squeals underneath me and starts laughing. I smile and kiss her softly while poking my nose into her cheek.

“I love every bit of you, my love. You may see flaws, but with my heightened eyesight, I can see little freckles kissed all along your face. Matter of fact, let me show you where.” Then I proceeded to kiss all over her face. She laughs uncontrollably.

“But you don’t have the curse of hyperpigmentation! You see freckles, I see never-ending scars.” I hate it when she gets like this. It hurts me, to see the love of my life feel as if she has to be something different to even be next to me.

“Baby, stop,” I said calmly, I learned quickly that I would have to control my tone around her. She can read me like a book and because her emotions can get the best of her, yelling could end in two ways. One, she’ll fight back—she’s all bark and bites—so no one messes with her for a while when she’s at that point. Or two, she starts tearing up and holds back tears. Not for manipulation reasons that most girls do, but for the fact that she intakes certain emotions and she has no control over hers.

“I know you may feel that way, and you have to remember, I did too. You know, I was human like you before my wolfy sense’s kicked in.” I smile as she smiles back. “Just know my love, I don’t see anything wrong with you. I could never.” I place my forehead on hers. “I love you too much to worry about things like that.” I kiss her. She looks at me and says,

“So, if you didn’t love me, you’d notice it?” I look at her with a blank face, roll my eyes, and just roll off the couch. I can feel her watching me.

“Well…”

“You know, you’re a little shit, right?” I say with my hands covering my face. She lays on top of me and says,

“But you love me, remember.”

“Oh my god…” I just squeeze her to me and laugh along with her.

Current Day: August 30th, 2020

I step back out into the room where Dr. Cullen and Sam are waiting for me. I stop and look at them.

“The council decided…” Sam said, I looked up with hopeful eyes…

“They will agree to it, if…” Carlisle started.

“If what?” I say, taking a step forward.

“If she leaves until she can handle being around humans. And…” Sam began,

“She can’t go back to La Push,” Carlisle said. I replayed what they said…. she can change but can’t come back until she’s able to be around humans, but she can’t come back to La Push. I nod my head.

“How long does it usually take for your kind to get better at being around humans?” I ask quietly. Carlisle looked at Sam with guilt and answered.

“It depends on the person's restraint. Within their first year, their blood still runs in their body, so blood lust, especially from humans, is out of control. After a year, it gets better. Although, with our diet, it’s harder but not impossible.”

“But how long in total?” I asked anxiously. He looked at me with genuine sad eyes.

“Up to three years or so.” He said with sorrow in my eyes. For once in the few days I’ve been here, a new emotion that I haven’t touched came out. Rage.

“Three years! I can’t go that long without her! I’m coming with you.” I said to Carlisle. Sam looked at him for an answer. This is the first time I’ve seen him rely on his answers on another person’s answer.

“You can, but there’s no guarantee of anything. Her body may or may not accept the venom. She may or may not remember you. She may have anger towards you about what happened if she remembers what happens. Anything could happen Paul. Is it worth the risk?” without hesitation, I answered.

“Yes.” Sam nodded his head and gave me the okay. Even if he wouldn’t have, I still would have followed them. He knows just as much as anyone that separating imprints from one another is a death sentence.

“We leave tonight. Edward and I will take her to Alaska with some friends of ours. I will administrate the change there. Because you are in no condition to shift, we plan on flying. Medical services will meet us there with her. We have paperwork stating that they are her closes family since she doesn’t have one.” I nodded my head and took a deep breath.

“Thank you. I know this is a reach, but can I ask for one favor.”

“Of course.”

“Can you freeze her eggs.” They looked at me confused and with shock. So, I explained,

“We’ve always talked about having children. She’s always wanted children of her own and to adopt some. I know she wouldn’t care too much about it, but I also know that would make her happy.” I begged the doctor. He sighed and nodded.

“it shouldn’t be a problem, since she’s already under my friends name as family, Eleazar would be okay with it.” I nod my head and look back at my angel.

“Emily, Kim, and Clair will be up here in a few. Go home and rest for tonight Paul. I promise, she’ll be okay. If she’s going to have the procedure, you need to be ready for when it’s over and to head out.” I didn’t argue this time. I walked over to her and kiss her head.

“Don’t leave me, my love. I’ll be here waiting for you. Always.”

My Love (for the series)

Masterlist

[wexhappyxfew]

SHANNON!! HELLO MY FRIEND ☺️☺️ hope you're having a lovely day!! Okay you know I absolutely your character Death, so whatever you want to talk about with him :)

KRYSTAAAA hello my friend! I hope you are having a great day yourself! You sent this yesterday but I wanted to take my time with this as discuss one of my *FAVORITE* things about Death in this post - appearance and reasons WHY he appears this way. I know we don’t see actual images, but I try to work with the description in Landslide to give Death, in my personified way, an appearance - because in my mind he has an appearance, quite similarly to a man - LET ME STOP MYSELF WE’LL GET INTO IT BELOW HAHA!!! AW THANKS!! :,) I’m so glad you enjoy it truly, that means so much and I’ve worked to really develop Him and His character all together along with His role with Natia because it is one of the most important connections Natia holds with someone in Landslide - even though they can’t ever speak - AGH I LOVE IT!! Let’s get into it!

SO -- we are going to work with 4 general images that I’ve always envisioned Death as and I’ll really talk about WHY I have Him as such because there are reasons why these pictures are the way they are and why I decided on these pictures for Him!

Let’s solidify two things first!

(1) When I created Death in general, I wanted to make Him a male, just because I saw Death as male in my mind and for the dynamic of the story it would work best. But for a spin-off from Landslide (there may be a few!) I’ve thought about digging into another aspect which is - in this sort of fic, Death is seen in the way the seer wishes to see Death, which I think is pretty cool! There’s a reason though Natia sees Death as male....ahem...Agent Mortem I’m looking at you.

(2) The two important things to touch on with the Death I’ve created - cloaks and wings - cloaks (+hood) have been broguht up a various amount of times already for Death n the 26 chapters of posted Landslide chapters and content BUT we have yet to discuss wings. I can’t jump TOO into that yet exactly, but that is the second most important aspect of Death I’ve crafted together! Keep that in mind!

OKAY...now that we have all of that put together, let’s jump into it - 4 pictures, 4 ideas - WE LOVE TO SEE IT!! There may also be a cut somewhere below - idk where, but it’ll be there! Enjoy! 

AND AS A SIDE NOTE - THESE IMAGES ARE FROM PINTEREST SO NONE OF THESE IMAGES ARE ACTUALLY MINE OR CREATED BY ME!!! 

FIRST IMAGE: This is probably the best, accurate description and image of Death in my eyes at least - I’m sure the readers have envisioned Him differently (just imagine He has a cloak on and it’s covering His head LOL!) - but in many ways this is my portrayal of how I envision Death. Almost looking as if he is a regular man - dark tousled hair, a grey coat, dark boots - the works! But he’s quite sad, this wandering person, aimlessly moving about and he’s quite grief-filled. And so, that’s a reason I particularly love this photo because we get the head focused downward to convey this portrayal of grief and how consuming it is. I really wasn’t out to make Death this emotionless person who just takes and takes - I wanted in my portrayal to show how much pain he holds - and how he is protecting Natia with all His might from someone like Himself because He can’t bare to do His duty that He has for eternity on Natia. 

AND THE WINGS!! Okay, wings - we get more into the wings at the end of part 3 and extremely expanded in part 4 - but wings are extremely important. They are in fact black and feathered - I begin to reference him at the end of Part 3 as if he were a ‘Father of Ravens’ in a sense because of what a raven represents and for Death’s character I feel that is very true to his character specifically His role He takes in with Natia. You might even see him int he form of ravens as we come particularly out of Bastogne and the weather gets warmer - it will be very prominent. 

I would say this is my absolute favorite - if you ever need a reference - this is image is 100% what I would have crafted for Death if he were portrayed in a picture! 

SECOND IMAGE: Here is an absolute FAVORITE!!! (1) We know Natia sees Death essentially as male (for various reasons regarding Agent Mortem who literally is Agent Death or Agent of Death if we want - but that’s for another ask!) and so this I would say is a very good representation of the wings + ravens + eyes + profile of Death. The narrow-eye expression of his facial features if very prominent - Natia does much of the same - and let’s just say Death has picked that up as well. He sees the world really in blacks, whites and greys - similar to how Natia views the world because of Agent Mortem ( a morally grey character) and so I really took all of that and worked with it in this way! Natia, Death and Mortem are the mains in my mind and so they all see the world in grey - but who will break from that? They’re all connected with one another in many ways - who will break that?

But yes, in this picture, I go off the fact that in Landslide, Death will take the form of a raven as his best chance to get closer to Natia, to even try and interact with her and that is very prominent at the end of Part 3 and all of Part 4 and even some postwar! 

THIRD IMAGE: OKAY - so here is where we get into more of the ‘cloaked figure’ that encompasses Death and this image of his cloaked figure. The cloak hides quite a lot of things and one of those things are his wings - which don’t really make an appearance until the end of Part 3 for various reasons! Which I can’t say just yet :) But it also hides his face - his expressions - why might you ask does he want to particularly hide that? 

Let’s reference the most recent chapter update - Chapter 26, entitled Weapons Don’t Weep. (1) Natia is in fact a weapon, not only crafted by War, who makes his somewhat annual appearance, but also my Agent Mortem - who’s to say Death might’ve also crafted her? (2) Death and Natia have a unique connection - they can’t communicate through words, they can’t really communicate through much if you think about it - just feelings, emotions, thoughts. SO - this just adds onto evidence of how Death actually can control her a bit. The chaos that ensued at the end of Chapter 26 was a precursor to that - he can control her chaos, she can’t control his. The closing of his eyes - he uses a cloak to hide that he is abusing his power of control on her - and letting chaos warp her. NOW THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING - A MERE PRECURSOR AS STATED. We’ll get into it much later on and why, but the cloak covers wings + facial expressions for good reasoning.

AND THE HORSE YOU MAY ASK? Well...I did call Natia a dark horse right? The definition of a dark horse is “a candidate or competitor about whom little is known but who unexpectedly wins or succeeds.” Not only is Natia a lone wolf BUT she is very much a dark horse - you don’t know much but she manages to win her battles - she may not win the war, but she will wage a battle and win what she must to survive, that’s the name of the game currently. Plenty of times in discussion - it’s like Death and Natia at a game of poker, in a black room (as described by a friend!!) and that’s very real almost every chapter that is written and published - a tension continually building, awaiting to see what will happen next, and just a constant build off of that over and over again. She takes on the persona of a dark horse more often than not - she’s underestimated, never entirely trusted, yet she survives?! People start to take that into consideration, especially in Bastogne - BUT THAT IS FOR ANOTHER TIME!!!! :D

FOURTH IMAGE: OKAY NOW -- this is sort of the expected image - Death with his cloak, a cane, dark gloves, shadowed face that you can’t see. This is the image I imagine when I am writing and Death is sort of watching Natia from afar - purposely I place him in those scenarios for various reasons depending on what is happening in that time during the story. And this is the image he sort of takes on. I don’t have many notes particularly for this image, only simply the fact that this is what masks what is portrayed in the first image - it covers the wings, the facial expressions, the man that is evidently underneath and simply that a man - yet a being forever wandering aimlessly, doing his duty given for all of eternity. But I really think this is what most will remember the Death I chose to personify him by! :D

OKAY SO THIS WAS SERIOUSLY JUST SO FUN OMG!!! This is the first time I’ve used pictures to really dig into what I’m getting at with characters - especially handling a character to the capacity in which Death withholds - there’s a lot to unpack with Him! But I truly hope you enjoyed this - I’m always happy to do more of these for any of my characters - especially even War, or Natia, or Agent Mortem - I might even just do it for fun who knows - OF COURSE WHEN I HAVE TIME HAHA!!! But I really enjoyed this so thank you for indulging and enabling Krysta!!! This was super fun to give my in-depth take on someone like Death and how I decided to craft and personify him! 

[thebiasrekkers]

Make It Right [BTS Mafia!AU]

Plot: “It’s always darkest before the dawn…” It’s a dog-eat-dog world in Seoul, South Korea. One has to dwell in the shadows in order to reach for the light. What are you willing to sacrifice in order to feel the sunlight on your face? What will it take to drag you back into darkness? How long will the journey be to make it right?

Rating: NC-17 // NSFW

Genre: Series | Mafia!AU | Crime!AU | Angst | Romance/Fluff

Pairings: Jin x OC | Taehyung/Hoseok x OC | Yoongi/Jungkook x OC

Warnings: Graphic Violence, Heavy Language, Angst, Slow Burn, Smut

Previous Chapters: Prologue 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31

Links: FAQ || BTS Masterlist || Admin E’s AO3 || Admin E’s WP || [ REQUESTS ARE OPEN ]

Word Count: 3,083

Chapter 31: Persona

“So I’m askin’ once again, yeah who the hell am I?”

© thebiasrekkers (Admin E). All rights reserved. Reposting/modifying our work is prohibited. Translations are not allowed. Plagiarism/stealing is not tolerated by any means. Legal action will be taken in instances of theft.

Eden’s dark curls were wet, falling across her neck and shoulders as she stepped out of the shower. Steam filled the small enclosure of her bathroom and she could feel the cold bite from the stone floor shoot up her ankles. Her olive skin glistened under the amber light fixture and she wrapped a towel around her body, half stumbling to the sink. The porcelain rattled under her as her hands slammed around the bowl of the sink and she muttered an expletive under her breath.

Steam coated the mirror, obscuring her reflection. Reaching out with one arm, her hand swept over the moisture to reveal the reflective glass on the other side. A wet streak formed, her own image looking back at her.

“In our world, it’s not so easy to step into the light. The world is a fickle place and treats scoundrels like us as little more than garbage.”

She took slow, measured breaths – her shoulders slumping forward in a need to defy proper posture. A curtain of her raven hair – curly, wet and messy – draped over her right eye.

“He wants to know if what Hoseok-ah and the others are doing is genuine or just some big show to hide their true plans.”

She scoffed, shifting away from the mockery of her image looking at her; forcing her to examine herself.

“And what it will take to drag them back into the shadows with the rest of us.”

Eden spun on her heels, her back leg slipping on the wet stone floor. Her back arched and she pulled her right arm back with it, screaming at the top of her lungs. The mirror shattered when her fist made contact, spider cracks spreading from her knuckles. There was no pain that shot through her nerves, despite her fist trembling against the now broken mirror. Shards tumbled into the sink, smeared with tiny flecks of her blood that also stained the white porcelain.

Pulling her fist back, more mirror shards fell into the sink, but she ignored them. Instead, Eden yanked the towel off her body and began roughly drying her hair. Throwing the door open, warmth hit her from the heater fan she had in the main area of her apartment. She tossed the towel into the laundry hamper, picking up her flannel robe off the couch and slipping into it.

Just as she was tying the belt around her waist, there were a few hard knocks from her front door. Glancing at the clock, she saw it was just after 9pm. She thought about not answering it, seeing as she couldn’t tell whose reflection it was on the other side of the frosted glass. Eden scooped her phone off the coffee table and swiped her thumb over the screen. The lock screen was a selfie Jungkook and she took three weeks ago. There were a few missed calls and text messages; some from her friends, one from Jimin and the rest were from Jungkook.

A week had passed and her shoulder still ached...

Three more loud knocks rattled her front door on its hinges and she sighed, slipping into her house shoes and shuffling toward the door. She unlatched the deadbolt and wrenched the door open with the handle, looking up to see Jungkook on the other side. She couldn’t quite read his expression, but anyone could tell that he looked a little rattled.

“What?” she said, not bothering to conceal the bitterness in her voice.

For a moment, all they could do was stand there; motionless and silent. However, when she saw Jungkook’s gaze lower she instinctively slid it from the door and tried to place it into her pocket. His hand was quicker, and she felt his hand snatching at her wrist. Eden tried to wrench it free, but his grip was stronger. She didn’t want to start an argument, so her arm grew slack so he could pull her hand closer to inspect it.

Unexpectedly, Jungkook tugged her toward him roughly and her chest slammed into his. She grunted upon impact, her arms lifting in an awkward position as his larger ones encircled her – pulling her into an embrace she wasn’t prepared for.

“J-Jungkook-ah?” Eden’s voice shook slightly. “What’s the matter?”

“I’m sorry,” he murmured into the juncture of her neck, causing the hairs on the back of her neck to stand on end.

She had no idea why he was apologizing and before she could ask why, he pulled her even closer into him, causing her to gasp. This was a hug of desperation and Eden was more unsettled by how easily she was able to identify this. It was the way a child would cling to a mother’s skirt so they wouldn’t get lost; the way a person dug their fingers into the side of a mountain – mustering all the strength they had to keep themselves from falling to their permanent end.

Eden felt his chest rise against hers as he took a deep breath, his hand pressing against the back of her head. Her neck grew rigid, forcing her chin up as she pressed up onto the balls of her feet to meet his height. Mixed in with his normal cologne, she could smell just a hint of soju. She sighed, reaching behind him so she could gently pat him on the back; like she was comforting a lost child.

“Jungkook-ah…” She smiled. “…you’ve been drinking, haven’t you?”

“I’m sorry, Noona,” came his muffled voice and she had to smother the urge to laugh. “I’m such a fucking idiot!”

She shushed him, rubbing comforting circles on his back in an effort to get him to loosen his grip on her. When he finally did, Eden looked at his pitiful face and saw the tell-tale redness around his cheeks and nose. Pressing a hand to his forehead, she sighed and shook her head. He didn’t have a fever, but he was slightly warm from consuming alcohol.

Without thinking, she reached out with her injured hand and led him into the apartment. He kicked off his shoes like a petulant toddler while she fussed over him to put on some house shoes. When he did, he stumbled inside and she had to help him settle onto the couch without sprawling him out. After pulling off his jacket, Eden quickly made her way into her small kitchen to set a kettle on the stove. Once the water boiled, she poured it into a mug and then dropped a few tablespoons of honey into it. Stirring the mixture, she returned and handed him the steaming mug.

“Drink it slowly,” she instructed, settling onto the edge of her bed while watching him blow the steam away. “Why did you drink so much?”

For a minute, he didn’t say anything. Eden wouldn’t press him. He normally didn’t drink so much and that meant there was something weighing on his mind. Something he wasn’t willing to divulge just yet. Eden couldn’t blame him, though. She’d considered opening the bottle of whiskey she had in the kitchen after her little episode in the bathroom.

“What happened to your hand?”

She hadn’t expected to have her question answered with a question. Eden tried to hide her hand again, but Jungkook was still faster. He held it between them, and he frowned when he noticed the cuts on her knuckles – his cool hands soothing the inflamed skin. His thumb stroked over the broken skin and she winced slightly. Jungkook took two large gulps of the honey water mixture, set it down on the coffee table, and pulled Eden from the bed by her hand. He led her into the bathroom and she tried to resist him, not wanting him to see the results of her temper tantrum  in the bathroom.

He gently pulled her along despite her bracing trying to tug away from him. They finally went into the bathroom and she felt the fight leave her, embarrassment setting in instead.

Jungkook appeared not to notice the damage she caused. Or he at least wasn’t voicing it out loud. Grabbing a face towel, he reached into the sink and scooped out the shards of glass – throwing them away without a second glance. He turned on the faucet and held her hand under the lukewarm flow. Again, she winced and tried to pull her hand back. He waited until the blood was cleaned from her skin, opening the medicine cabinet that doubled as her mirror. Nothing was said about the ruined mirror and he took an alcohol wipe, swabbing it over her damaged hand and she hissed.

Silently he worked, disinfecting her injury and then wrapping it with some gauze. She was out of band-aids.

Eden turned to head out of the bathroom, but Jungkook closed the door. Rounding on him to yell about how she’d almost run into the door, her protests vanished when his hands slammed on either side of her head. Swallowing hard, Eden pressed her back to the door. If he held the door like that, there was no way she could open it and she wasn’t about to tussle with him in her already cramped bathroom.

“What are you doing?” she demanded, her eyes narrowing slightly.

She felt the back of her head pressing into the door as he leaned in close, their noses barely touching.

Jungkook took a deep breath, as if he was wrangling with something, and then exhaled through his nostrils.

“Why won’t you let me in?”

Eden’s eyes widened, followed by her blinking rapidly. “What?”

What did that even mean?

His eyes narrowed and she bit her lower lip.

“Why do you keep pushing me away, Noona?”

“What are you talking about?!”

She couldn’t help her voice rising an octave. Jungkook had been following her for over a year since they met, relentlessly pursuing her, and she was even taking a chance on him. They were dating weren’t they? She didn’t care that he was a gangster, or even a former gangster at this point. His status as an orphan meant nothing to her. He was over her house all the time, at all hours of the day when he wasn’t working and aggravating her in Tekken matches.

How in the hell was she pushing him away?!

Cool fingers caressed her temple, causing her to jump slightly. She hadn’t expected the sudden gesture and it forced Jungkook’s movements to a halt. When her eyes met his, Eden was startled to see the pained expression painted over his features. Was he still drunk? She didn’t know what was happening…

His hand slid from her face, trailing down the fabric of her robe that covered her arm, and he clasped her uninjured hand in his. Eden wished she could read his mind, to figure out what was making him feel this way. She felt a measure of guilt at knowing that she was the source of whatever suffering he was trying to smother out of himself.

Jungkook pressed her hand along his chest, feeling the heavy drumming of his heartbeat against her palm. Eden sucked in a slow breath as her eyes searched his dark brown ones. He never let his gaze rove from hers; like he was trying to look straight into her soul. It didn’t take her long to realize that her own pulse was matching his; completely in sync with each other.

She was only able to whisper his name once – a breathy sigh as his mouth captured hers. Her eyes slowly closed, drinking in his scent as she wrapped her arms around his neck. The flat of her palm slid down between his shoulder blades, her nails gently pressing into his back through his shirt. Jungkook’s hands moved over her body, making the heat rise inside her body as he lifted her into his arms effortlessly. The kiss was only deepened through the movement and she tightened her legs around his waist while he supported her with his strong arms. A burst of cool air brushed along her bare legs as he pulled the door to the bathroom open, carrying her the short distance to her bed.

Eden was going to go crazy. She was losing her mind from all the sensations her body was being put through. She wanted to fall against him – to get lost in his eyes as he overtook her with every single bit of raw passion that was contained within them. Eden heard her name falling from his lips, and as she pulled back, she gently touched the swollen buds as she bit her bottom lip at the corner; her breathing heavy as her chest rose and fell slowly.

He set her down on the bed gently, her robe barely covering her as he clambered onto the bed slowly – looking every bit like a tiger on the hunt.

Jungkook towered over her, his arms braced on either side of her shoulders, and Eden could only look up at him. He’d always been stubborn, but this was a new level. He was worried about something; wanting to tell her something but he was still holding back. Even now.

And this hurt her. It hurt her because she was holding herself back too.

She could make up all the excuses in the world, but it was true. Jungkook had seen it. She really was keeping him away – refusing to let him in fully.  

“Noona,” Jungkook managed to croak, “please let me in. I’m tired of looking from the outside in…”

His voice was thick with yearning. It made her heart twist inside her chest. Her vision blurred momentarily, and she quickly covered her face with her hands, blocking out his painful expression.

She felt his hand on top of hers, pulling them away so she was forced to up at him; at his gentle smile. Tears leaked out the corners of her eyes and Eden smiled. She cupped his face in her hands, leaning forward to kiss him hard on the lips and slipping her tongue in between them as she felt the muscle rake slowly against his fangs - a slow intake of breath filling her lungs as she smelled him. His scent was still the same - even after all this time they’d spent together. Spring rain with a hint of spice. She could’ve died in his arms right now.

After taking the time to greedily consume his mouth as he had hers, Eden pulled back and moved her eyes back from one of his orbs to the other. Her dark hair fell in a jet curtain of curls that covered half her face. “I…I’m sorry, Jungkook-ah. I didn’t know you felt that way after all this time. But I should have…because I know what you’re worried about.” She paused, watching his smile fall slightly. “I’m okay. I’m going to be okay. We are going to be okay if you trust me. Trust that I’m not going to abandon you when things get hard.”

She watched Jungkook swallow the lump that began to form in his throat. Not wanting her own resolve to waver, Eden brushed his bangs off his forehead – her fingers tracing the line of his brow.

“You exist here, in my head and in my heart,” she said softly, moving her hand to each place while attempting to calm her heart; albeit in vain. “I’m tired of worrying about my past or even what tomorrow will bring for any of us. Aren’t you tired of it?”

His brows furrowed. “Noona…”

Eden smiled up at him. “As long as we’re together, then I know I can take on anything anyone tries to throw at me. Dislocated limbs, busted lips, threats, whatever the fuck they try to push at me? I can take it.”

“I can’t see you get hurt, Noona. I don’t know what I’d do—”

“You can’t protect me all the time, Jungkook-ah,” she interjected, seeing fear simmer in his gaze, “and that’s okay. You’re not supposed to. I’ve spent my whole life taking care of my life and until you guys can get your shit together, I’ll keep doing that.” She paused as he pressed a hand against her cheek. “I’ll keep doing it until I don’t have to anymore.”

Jungkook frowned, closing his eyes and leaning forward so he could press his forehead against hers. Her eyes fluttered closed in response and she felt his breath across her cheeks as he sighed.

“…this will always be what I want, Noona,” he finally spoke, his voice dropping an octave and coated with emotion, “it’s what I’ve always wanted.” He lifted his head off hers which had her opening her eyes to look back at him. “If you can let yourself go with me, if you can stay with me, then I won’t regret anything. You drive me crazy and you’re one of the most stubborn people I’ve ever met…” Eden rolled her eyes and he chuckled. “If you trust me, then that’s all I could ask for. I won’t break that trust, Noona. I don’t think I could live with myself if I were to let that happen.”

He leaned forward, his lips pressing against her ear as he softly breathed against the lobe. Her arms snaked over his shoulders to grasp at the fabric of his shirt, pulling it up and over his head so that his skin was exposed.

“…can I be selfish, Noona? Can I ask you to love me with everything that you are?”

Jungkook slid one hand down to rest at the folds of her robe, slipping further down to loosen the belt that held the material to her form.

“Can we fall into each other until there’s nothing left of us?”

Jungkook kissed her ear, then nipped it before he fully tugged the belt loose and pushed the folds of the robe off to the side to expose her naked form beneath. His hands moved across her skin, the heat radiating both from her own body and his as she pulled him into another kiss – the desperate need to feel his body against hers almost maddening. She nodded, knowing that this moment was what mattered the most. Nothing else.

There was no going back now. Eden was done looking over her shoulder at what was. She was done looking too far ahead at what could be.

She would live in the here and now with no regrets.

[theastrophilearchitect]

February 2021 wrap-up.

Every book, audiobook, tv show and movie I consumed in February.

The phrase ‘wrap-up’ is so boring. I want to talk about books, TV shows and movies, so I can’t even call it a ‘reading wrap-up’, however pleasingly alliterative that sounds despite the fact that ‘wrap’ actually begins with a W. One of my favourite YouTubers, polandbananasBOOKS (that capitalisation is loud) calls her wrap-ups ‘Stories I Ate This Month’ which I love, but using exactly that seems wrong. I genuinely debated calling this ‘My Media Diet’, but the word ‘diet’ has so many negative connotations to me, so I dropped that. Besides ‘wrap-up’ all in lowercase followed by a full stop is aesthetically pleasing.

The Hunger Games and Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins (audiobook) I’ve read this series countless times. I read the series first time through six years ago, and, after finishing it, I just kept rereading it during silent reading time at school, so God only knows how many times I’ve read it at this point. This is actually the second time I’ve listened to this audiobook, and I still, of course, love it. When I first read it, this book stuck with me. It was the first teen book I ever read and, most unfortunately, put me into a dystopian phase. However, we got over that. I’m good now. I promise.

You know what this is about, but here it is anyway: in a dystopian future (of literally just North America, it never mentions what’s happening anywhere else), a country called Panem (literally the whole of North America) is divided into the luxurious, utopian Capitol, and thirteen districts, all of which gather or produce something for the Capitol. Some of the districts live in poverty, while others are afforded some luxuries but nowhere near those of the Capitol. It never really explains how this system came to be, but then there was a rebellion against the Capitol in which District Thirteen was destroyed, and every year two teenagers from each district are chosen to compete in the Hunger Games, where twenty-four tributes are put in an arena together to fight to the death, and the last person standing emerges victorious. It feels so strange to talk about the basic premise of this book without going into the rest of the trilogy, but I’ll leave it here.

I hate how the media washes this book out and plays it off as just another love triangle, which it barely even is. It has such an important message about society, and the fact that the media does that just proves how accurate it is. I can’t believe when I first read it I was actually Team Gale, but in truth I think that was just because I liked Liam Hemsworth better than Josh Hutcherson, which I still do, but not the point. Anyway, the narrator is excellent.

I’m not giving these booksa rating, both because it’s a reread and I like to base ratings off my initial opinion, and because the first time I read this book I was literally a small child, and part of my love is the nostalgia.

The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by VE Schwab

This was the first book I read with my eyes this month, and I ended up getting the ebook because it was just so much cheaper than getting a physical copy - I may have invested if I loved the UK cover as much as the US, I’m ashamed to say (above is UK). It was not what I was expecting.

This book was much more contemplation-heavy than I was expecting and actually very light on plot. In 1714, Adeline LaRue runs away from her wedding and prays to Gods, wishing to be free, and is answered by the darkness, who makes her a deal: he grants her immortality, and she promises him her soul when she doesn’t want it anymore. He, wanting her soul, twistedly grants her freedom by cursing her to be forgotten by everyone she ever meets. Three hundred years later, she meets someone who remembers her.

It’s really about life, freedom and time - there’s no direct message or moral, at least not that I picked up on, but it really makes you think. I do enjoy that in a book, but not as much as one where i just love the story. I generally prefer books where I’m rooting for the characters, and it’s full of ships - the kind of stories you would write fanfiction about, but this is the kind of book that I think will stick with me. I take issue with how cliché the ending was, though.

Anyway, I’m not actually sure how I want to rate this. As a British teenager, I’m not actually that familiar with lettered ratings, and I don’t really want to use stars, but I think I’m going to suck it up. Maybe I’ll think of something else eventually.

Rating: 4.5 stars - books that get five stars from me are generally based on the enjoyment factor, but this book deserved more than four.

Arrow Season 1

I’ve been semi-interested in the Arrowverse/DC TV universe for a while, and finally took the opportunity to delve in. This show is so insanely CW - everyone has that look, it has that tone and it takes itself way too seriously. By the 23rd time you’re hearing it, the recap becomes painful to listen to.

This was the first show in DC’s saga - the show picks up as Oliver Queen returns home from being stranded on an island for five years after a cruise ship sank. When the ship went down, his billionaire father sacrificed himself to save Oliver, and left him with a list of ‘the people poisoning [his] city’. Upon returning home, Oliver becomes the vigilante who will eventually become known as ‘Arrow’ or ‘Green Arrow’ (currently unclear; I’m not a comic book person) but is currently dubbed just ‘the Hood’ or ‘the vigilante’, with the goal of taking down the people on the list. It’s very intense.

It took me about ten episodes to actually get invested - which is nearly seven hours watch time - but, ultimately, I’m glad that I did. Aside from the excessive CW-ness of this show, I love the characters and I want to see what happens.

Still, why is everyone so obsesses with Laurel? What’s so great about Laurel? I don’t get it. Felicity is 10000% the best character - she’s relatable, cute, and I high-key ship her with Oliver.

This little rant of mine was unintelligible.

Rating: 4 stars

Guardians of the Galaxy

I’m not explaining what this movie is about. Honestly. This was just a rewatch: I’m currently rewatching every MCU movie in chronological order (as in, starting with Captain America: The First Avenger instead of Iron Man). For every TV season I finish, I watch a a movie, and I alternate between movie series, one of which is, at the moment, MCU films. It’s hard for me to briefly explain my weird watching patterns.

I love this movie so much. It was the first really upbeat MCU movie, and I love the characters.

I don’t really have much to say about this, but if you haven’t watched MCU movies, please watch them. Even if you don’t want to, this movie is absolutely worth watching and you don’t need to watch any other MCU movies for context.

I Am Not Okay With This Season 1

I’m reeling from this show. I literally can’t tell whether or not this is getting a second season; it seems like it was meant to, but then got cancelled, and now I can’t tell.

This show follows a high school student named Sydney. She’s your typical outcast, and isn’t interested in getting ‘in’ - she’s best friends with a girl named Dina; they both came to their school around the same time and ended up friends, though Dina is your typical pretty girl. Then Syd discovers she has powers that operate based on her emotions, and I really don’t want to say anything else. But it does star Sophia Lillis and Wyatt Oleff, who you likely know as two of the kids in IT (the clown movie, not like computing).

Honestly, episodes 1-6 were very chill, more focused on teenage life than her powers, then episode 7 brought it. Up until the end of episode 7, I enjoyed the show and would be happy to watch a second season, but I wasn’t particularly invested or excited by it. Then episode 7. I would love a second season of this show. I have to at least know where the writers were going with it.

This show came out last year, and I only just got to it, but I can’t believe I haven’t heard anybody talking about it. It’s intense, it’s entertaining, and the first season will only take up about two and a half hours of your time (it’s seven 19-28 minute episodes).

Rating: 4 stars

Blue Lily, Lily Blue and The Raven King by Maggie Stiefvater

I listened to The Raven Cycle audiobooks in 2019, and I’m not sure why because I didn’t even enjoy them that much. I did, however, decide I wanted to read Call Down the Hawk, the first book in the spin-off series, and that meant I had to reread The Raven Cycle since I had paid so little attention to the audiobooks, which I started in January and I love this series. Not what I expected from a reread of a series I paid virtually no attention to, but here we are.

This is book 3 in The Raven Cycle series, book 1 being The Raven Boys, which is a paranormal book in which the protagonist Blue, is the only non-psychic in a family of psychics, and has been told her whole life that if she kisses her true love, she will kill him. Then, on St Somebody’s Eve (Mark’s? I want to say Mark’s but I’m not sure), when she goes with her aunt to see the spirits of the people who will die in the next year, she sees one of the spirits, a boy from Aglionby Academy, the local private school, meaning he is either her true love, or she is the one who kills him, which in her case, could very much be both. Then that boy schedules a reading with her psychic family to help him find an old Welsh king, and there is so much more than that to this glorious series, but I’ll stop here.

I think my main thing in books and general media is the characters. They have to follow some kind of sensible plot, but if I’m not invested in the characters, I can’t get invested in the story. I genuinely don’t think I’ve ever been so in love with a cast of characters, not even in Six of Crows - this story is so character-driven, and I can’t get enough. This was an excellent continuation, and so much happened, but it did feel like its purpose was just to set up the final book, so I didn’t enjoy this one quite as much as the previous two.

Rating: 4 stars

As for The Raven King - this was the last book I read this month, finishing it on the morning of the 27th because I knew I would have very little reading time from mid-afternoon until twenty-four hours later.

In complete honesty, I found the climax of this book to be a little rushed - we spend the whole series aware that Gansey’s looking for Glendower, but it never seems to be more prevalent than just their general investigations as to what the hell is happening. As a result, when it came to that in this book, it felt a little out of the blue (no pun intended).

Regardless, this series so well balances strong characters and strong plot where so many others fail, and I love it.

Rating: 5 stars

Fate: The Winx Saga Season 1

This show is a live-action rated-15 Netflix adaptation of one of my favourite childhood shows, Winx Club. And, honestly, you can tell.

I tried to watch this objectively, instead of complaining about how they cut some of my favourite characters and changed so many (Tecna, Riven, Beatrix, Stella, Brandon etc.). While I was upset about some of the cuts, I can agree that they were best for the story. Where in the original, every fairy had their own unique powers, this adaptation splits it into five elements: fire (Bloom), water (Aisha - on another note, screw Aisha, honestly), air (Beatrix), earth (Terra) and mind (Musa), though Stella still has light powers? Which is never explained?

Anyway, this follows teenage Bloom as she discovers she’s a fairy and goes through her first year at a fairy school called Alfea.

I’m not going to go too deep into this because I have so much to say about this show that i think I’m going to make a whole separate review rather than bore you with it now. 

Quality-wise, this show was mediocre, but enjoyment and nostalgia raise its rating for me because I’m biased.

Rating: 4 stars

Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo

This is both Bardugo’s first adult novel and her first novel not set in the Grishaverse. I read the Grisha trilogy for the first time years ago and didn’t like it that much, but followed that right up with the Six of Crows duology which I loved. I read King of Scars in 2019 when it came out, and started listening to the King of Scars audiobook just before I started reading this in preparation for Rule of Wolves at the end of March.

I loved this. I don’t think I have anything to criticise quality-wise - the characters had depth, there were plot twists and strong subplots, the world was incredibly well built, and the only thing that got me to put this book down was taking a week to start working on my own writing project (post coming soon). Because I took that week completely off reading, this book took me about two weeks total from start to finish, but it was so worth it.

This novel follows Alex Stern, a twenty-year-old whose friends have all been murdered. She was found beside one of them who died of a overdose, with the same drug in her system. But Alex can see ghosts, and, soon after her friends’ deaths, is consequently offered a scholarship to Yale University, on the condition that she works for the ninth House of the Veil to monitor the activities of Yale’s secret societies.

In complete candour, I found this book somewhat convoluted, though most of that was probably mainly my own poor reading comprehension. Regardless, I loved the plot, and am very highly anticipating the eventual release of its as-of-yet unnamed sequel.

Rating: 4.5 stars

Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo

So I actually finished this audiobook briefly after finishing Blue Lily, Lily Blue, but I’m tacking it on here because I forgot to add it to the list and already explained my Grishaverse experience in my Ninth House comments.

So, yes, I love this duology, and it really opened a new compartment in my writing brain, even though I haven’t really taken advantage of that writing brain until now (again, post coming soon).

King of Scars by Leigh Bardugo

I am realising I’ve read eight books this month, and nearly half of them were by Leigh Bardugo. Which makes sense, considering how much I enjoy her books.

This book is slower-paced than most of hers, but it does follow two (one of which splits again) completely separate storylines, and is still excellent and entertaining.

I listened to this for a recap before Rule of Wolves is released on March 30th.

[nevararaven]

My Candy Love University Beta Gameplay  Opinion/Suggestions

This is going to be part one of my “Review” of the Beta for My Candy Love University. A lot of what I will say probably has been said before but I had to take a day off before I posted my feelings. To have a clear head as I write my thoughts on the upcoming game. 

Everything I think is important or any suggestions to the issues will be in bold. Only to make things easier.

That being said I will be posting this in two parts. The first part will be strictly Gameplay/Visual Aesthetic as it is different than story/character story telling.

In order to not be biased I played the beta 6 times. 3 times WHILE biased (playing it as if I was a player who had played all of MCL and have a past with the characters) and 3 times UNBIASED (playing the game as if I was a new player that skipped high school)

Now that this has been set up I will put everything under read more as I try to be well spoken. If I swear a few times and forget to edit it out, forgive me. I have a foul mouth and it’s hard to not express my emotions without swears.

Also this is very long (both parts) the best part of the Beta is the last response but everything can be/should be read (especially by @chinomiko or beemoov) I have worked hard to put all my thoughts together.

Lets start with the one thing everyone knows of and is not happy with.

AP (Action Points to move the story forward)

AP has always been a sore subject in My Candy Love (Amour Sucre, Amor Doce etc.) from day one. It is one of the few things that keeps me from suggesting this game to anyone, especially anyone who is an adult. Every day I would log in as a young 15 year old, save up for about 2 or 3 months then play the episode I was currently stuck on. Most of the time it would be worthless because I would miss a characters sprite to continue on the story, but that was the gamble. People wanted more mini-games or at least have them reset after 6 hours like Eldarya, but we never got this.

This was a problem as I got older because I had lost my patience and would just buy AP so I didn’t have to wait. I have been doing that for years, so that the story can continue in one solid go.

What Beemoov as chosen to do with the new AP system is an obvious cash grab. As someone who buys AP and money just for a constant story, I can see it. More people would want to buy AP if a conversation with someone is cut short. This is how psychology works. Previously if you lost the gamble trying to find Nathaniel, it was fine. You had patience to wait until tomorrow. But if you are in mid conversation with a love interest the mind wants the conversation to be completed, especially if you think you will screw up the convo if you wait a day. What makes it worse is that they put a CAP on both the AP and dollars. Another thing pushing players who don’t spend real money to cave in and purchase. This is a cash grab for new and old players.

It isn’t just the fact that conversations with people eat up AP it is ANY dialogue options. Even when it is just narration or Candy speaking to herself. They genuinely should go back to how high school was, AP per movement. But I can also tell how this would be helpful to them as a company. More people buying AP in order to talk to people, good. My suggestion is if they are keeping the new AP system (which halts story progression rather than move it forward) to take away the 1000 limit OR only use 1 AP per dialogue option. That way you get the both of best worlds. The consumers don’t feel cheated (mostly) and you still get money from the off chance people get stuck in the middle of a convo.

There isn’t much I can suggest only because I fear that Beemoov isn’t really going to change anything. I only have this fear because when I was a beta tester the first time they mainly changed spelling and grammar issues. The only other thing they actually did register was adding an option in the closet so that people could see more options at once.

But onto my next part. 

Visual Aesthetic/Sprites

So when I had opened up the beta I was surprised by how crisp the front page looked. Might sound ridiculous but I love how it looks, but that might be because of the changed/upgraded art style. And maybe it is just because I have been staring at the same city landscape (just upgraded every once in awhile) for 6 years that seeing the new “City” was so exciting. 

There isn’t much I can say other than the website itself looks nice. I, personally, haven't had any serious lag issues that some others have had. With or without the animations of the sprites on, so I can’t really put my two sense in that regard. But I can for the sprites themselves.

The art for the new Sprites are beautiful. Even Candy’s sprite looks great. You can tell they worked hard on drawing out the chararacters and didn’t just slack off because most of the upcoming players would be coming from MCL and wouldn’t really mind. 

The animations are okay? Just okay. They jiggle physics are weird and sometimes the art gets messed up. The only reason why I even bring the jiggle physics up is because they kind of screwed up? 

I think the animations move around a little too much or fast. I know what they were trying to do because I have played modern dating games/visual novels. I feel as if they took inspiration from Neko Para but screwed it up.

 In Neko Para the sprites blink a lot and when something happens they move. They are constantly slowly bobbing up and down. When something happens, like Vanilla tearing up Chocola will move closer and have a different expression. Jiggle physics only happening if you click a button. What MCL did was make the sprites do awkward movements where sometimes they go back and fourth too quickly. Jiggle physics are always on which I don’t mind but is a little weird?

You can turn of animations which I did for the most part which didn’t really change anything? New players would probably be attracted to the animations but it isn’t really needed. It is just something extra that is cool.

A quick one is the clothing options are cute. I know when I first started my candy love they would tempt you with clothing in the store. They have kept up the tradition and I wanted to buy everything. And I did even though when the beta ends I won’t keep them. I just have a problem with dressing up my candy and new players will definitely be tempted. I can guarantee there will be new players who blow all there money and then wont be able to spend the 88 dollars needed for the “Date” outfit. Which gives me nostalgia

This next part is going to be all about connecting My Candy Love and University. And honestly it is my favorite part of the Beta and I can’t wait to talk about my excitement.

You can switch back and fourth from University and My Candy Love with ease. And I hope that it isn’t just because of the beta but the way MCL looks is great.  I might just be a sucker for how cute my Candy is but she looks beautiful. If they keep it, the 3 moles under her eye are on the right way again. This honestly is just me being petty but I love how she looks on the front page and it makes me so happy. I have always been a very cosmetic player but honestly I am very cosmetic in every game I play. So having the candy look so good on the front page on both the high school and college edition makes me so happy.

There are two other things connecting the two websites that are interesting. The first one is okay and kind of makes sense. You get to chose which Candy you see in the forum and on your profile. I am not 100 percent sure if other players can see both of your Candy’s, but i did go to another players profile who I knew was doing the Beta and I saw nothing. What I mean by seeing nothing is on your profile you can choose between which Avatar you see and what school ID you see. This is only for you. You can not choose between another players two Candy’s to see what they look like. BUT when you are playing University you will only see University you.

THIS NEXT PART IS MY FAVORITE THING ABOUT THE NEW CHANGES AND I WILL TELL YOU WHY!

My Candy Love FINALLY allows you to have a story nickname! And if my testing was right it will be for BOTH university and MCL. 

Why is this so important? So those poor suckers who had the names Anime666Chan do NOT get called Anime666Chan IN GAME.  Now I was lucky cause I had played a bunch of visual novel and dating games so my name was not as embarrassing (RavenArcher) BUT it was annoying to have friends or boyfriends calling my Candy by her first and last name every time. I even used a third party system in order to get the characters to just say Raven.

When the site updated the game broke my third party app and it did not work anymore, which was frustrating. I had actually suggested for MCL to fix this nickname issue during the first Beta, Suggesting  for the Username to be different from a Nickname in game.

But now we have it. On your account they ask for your story name. At first I had thought my third party app was working again, I hadn’t noticed that in game it was fixed now. I assume they took the name from my facebook, because the game knew what name I was going to use before I had the chance to change it and my facebook is connected to my account.

Now this isn’t just important for new or old players, it is great for both. Especially how my story part of this review will go. I will not get into it much but what I will say is this Nickname is a savior. 

If new players DO NOT want to continue on with the game, because they do not believe it is Canon, they can now play it like that. They can choose to change what there Candy looks like and change the name In game to pretend that this Candy is just from another universe, the other universe being the correct one. This one is fake.

The nickname means in game conversations are less awkward (Not being called dickslick69) but also means people can pretend it is a different Candy without having to restart everything.

Honestly I think I said everything I wanted to say out. While there are a bunch of pros on this part of the review, get buckled up for the storm brewing in Part 2.

Because while the site and sprites look great there is so much wrong with the story and writing. Part 2 won't be done until later tonight but has already been half written.

Edit:Link to Part 2

[killscreencinema]

God of War (PlayStation 4)

So I missed out on God of War. 

Back in 2005, when the first game was released by Santa Monica Studios for the Playstation 2, I was finishing up college.  I remember reading about the game’s development and being fascinated by the concept - a Spartan warrior who decides he wants to kill the Greek gods?  Cool.  I never got a chance to play it upon its initial release because I was a broke college student and had probably spent what little money I had on some other game.  I considered renting it, but no, no, this was a game I needed extensive time on and didn’t want to binge in order to get it back to the video store on time. 

Before I could get ahold of it either way, some college buddies of mine bought the game and so began playing the ever loving crap out of it.  Every time I came over to hang out, they were playing God of War, which bugged me because the whole game was being spoiled for me.  When my friends played a game, they had this sick compulsion to REPLAY it over and over and over (whereas I finish a game and move on, like a sane person).  This went on for at least 2-3 months before my desire to play the game myself was replaced with resentment for the entire series. 

I had always meant to play the trilogy at some point, but other games took precedence.  So when the 4th entry into the series, simply titled God of War, was released this year, and it was clear that the game was a kind of soft reboot/sequel (in the way that Resident Evil 4 was a soft reboot/sequel), it seemed like a perfect jumping on point for a newb like me. 

Now I want to say normally I’m very uncomfortable just jumping into the the middle of a series like this.  I don’t like to say things like, “I’m OCD”, because I feel it trivializes an potentially serious mental illness in order for people to make themselves sound less boring, but... I think I have mild OCD, especially in that I’m incredibly resistant to watching movies and TV shows out of order or playing video games out of order.  It’s not just a preference thing - I get physically out of sorts when someone insists I watch something like The Raid 2, but I haven’t seen the first one.  They might be like, “It’s an entirely new story with different characters, you don’t need to see the first one” to which I’m like, “No, you don’t understand, I NEED to see it.”  However, I don’t think I’m actually OCD because many times I’ll break down and just get over my weird fixation on watching/playing things in order.  My introduction to the Elder Scrolls series via starting with Oblivion and never looking back (Morrow-what?) is evidence enough to me that I am perfectly capable of skipping games in a series without feeling terribly bad about it.

The point of this dumb tangent is that I was dead set against playing this new God of War until I played through the first three, but it seemed to me like the developers went out of their way to make this game accessible to people who are new to the franchise, so I pulled an Elder Scrolls and blew caution to the (Morrow)wind.  I’m kind of glad I did too, for reasons I’ll explain further when I discuss the story. 

The game takes place years after the third, with the legendary “Ghost of Sparta”, Kratos, having retired into the mountains far away from his homeland of Greece.  When we meet Kratos, he is in the process of building a pyre with which to cremate the remains of his dead wife so that he and his son Atreus can take her ashes to the “highest peak in all the realms”, according to her final wishes.  At first Kratos is reluctant to bring Atreus on the journey, believing him to not be ready, but his hand is forced after a god named Baldur, brother of the Nordic god Thor, unexpectedly shows up to pick a fight with Kratos.  After barely surviving the encounter, Kratos realizes that he and Atreus both would be more safe on the move than staying in one place long enough for Baldur to show up for round two.  However, along the way, Kratos uses the journey as a opportunity to continue training his son to become a man, while Atreus is insatiably curious to learn more about his stoic badass of a father, but Kratos ain’t talking because he doesn’t want his son to know about his true godly nature.

So yes, the new God of War game is, at its core, a story about an estranged father and son bonding during a journey.  Cue “Cats in the Cradle”:

Kidding aside, I absolutely loved this aspect of the game and I enjoyed the back and forth between the characters throughout the story.  This was helped by excellent voice acting by Sunny Sulijic as Atreus and Christopher Judge (of Stargate SG-1 fame) as Kratos.  Evidently, Judge took over the role because the game developers needed someone who was physically closer in size to Kratos in the game for animation purposes.  While I’m sure this was regrettable for fans of Carson’s work with the character, Judge is no slouch, and does such a great job even diehard fans of the series have to give it up to him as worthy of the mantle.

Fans of the series may be quick to point out that I may not feel that way if I were more familiar with the series, and that’s fair.  Like I mentioned before, though, I’m glad that I’m coming in fresh, because not only does that make me a little more open to a different sounding Kratos, but not being as familiar with mythos of the series makes me just as eager as Atreus to hear more about his bloody past.  One might say it takes on a... mythical quality?

No, wait, please keep reading, I apologize!

The game plays like a brawler in the style of Bloodborne or Dark Souls, though certainly not as difficult as those games are infamous for being.  That being said, God of War ain’t a cake walk either!  The game has a respectable bite to it challenge wise, forcing the player to learn how to deal with individual enemy types beyond repetitive Dynasty Warriors style hack-n-slashery.  The optional boss fights with the Corrupted Valkyries is an absolute treat in which to test one’s skills, leading up to a hell of a brawl with the Valkyrie Queen (whom I couldn’t beat... dammit).  That being said, epic boss battles like that are way too sparse and the same enemies get overused a little too much. 

While Kratos eventually regains his iconic Chaos Blades from the previous games (spoilers), his main weapon is an axe called Leviathan and ohhh what a fun weapon it is too!  Similar to Thor’s hammer Mjolnir, Kratos can hurl the axe at enemies, and call it back at will.  This spices up battles a lot, allowing you to pull off awesome moves like throwing your axe at an enemy to freeze them with its ice powers, and beating another enemy with your bare fists, before calling your axe back to you, which slices up or trips enemies in its trajectory back to you.  Meanwhile, your son isn’t just sitting on the sidelines cheering you on (or warning you of attacks from behind, which is helpful) - Atreus jumps into the fray to help either by shooting baddies with his bow and arrow or he’ll often leap on their head and keep them prone long enough for you to deliver powerful, but slow, cleaving blows with your axe. 

And anyone with traumatic memories of GoldenEye 64 escort missions need not worry - Atreus cannot die!  Yay!

Besides the main story quest, the game offers a nice variety of side quests to keep you busy without being so overwhelming that you totally forget there even IS a main quest (which is something that often happens to me A LOT with games of this type).  Fortunately, besides killing all 50 of Odin’s ravens, the side quests are actually a lot of fun and don’t involve insipid fetch quests.  While some of them can be fairly time consuming, like the labyrinth in Niflheim, none of them ever felt tedious. 

If my ramblings haven’t made it clear, God of War is amazing game, which delivers a compelling “cinematic experience”, but without sacrificing substantive gameplay (a formula a lot of AAA developers named after badly behaved canines have trouble balancing).  However, you don’t have to take MY word for it...

[super-zero-time-blog]

Super Light Warrior Changéríon: Episodes 1-3 Review

The year is 1996. Toei Co. Ltd., the penny pinching and merchandise driven imaginative studio that graced the world with anime adaptations of Sailor Moon and Dragon Ball and tokusatsu hero franchises like Kamen Rider and Super Sentai, have found themselves paired up with massive entertainment force Sega (yes, the Sonic the Hedgehog guys) to release a brand new superhero show on the world.  The first idea, a planned follow up to the 1995 Keita Amemiya film Mechanical Violator Hakaider (itself a reimagining of the villain from the 70′s Shotaro Ishinomori classic Android Kikaider) falls through.  A new idea suddenly comes about from Toei producet Yoshikawa Susumu and suit manufacturer Rainbow Co. Ltd: Create a hero suit made primarily out of transparent parts. With that in mind, a cast and crew are soon brought on to create one of the weirdest tokusatsu series of the 1990′s.

So here we are and here I am and it’s Changéríon (yes the accents are how it’s officially written, it’s meant to be French, I don’t know why) time. Sorry for that long build up! Just figured it’d be what all the cool kids do. Super Light Warrior Changéríon is a doozy of a series, one that has held a cult following in Japan for 20 years after its abrupt end in December of 1996. The show featured a staff of producers (such as Shinichiro Shirakura), directors (such as Takao Nagaishi)  and writers (namely head writer Toshiki Inoue) who would go on 4 years later to help revive Kamen Rider for the Heisei era, and in general went on to be remembered for its quirky and surreal nature. Even the show’s star, Takashi Hagino, would go on to be in Kamen Rider (in a very different role as infamous serial killer Takeshi Asakura, a.k.a. Kamen Rider Ouja, in 2002′s Kamen Rider Ryuki) I decided to plunge into this series finally now that English fansubs were out, and I’ve been contemplating how to go about this. For the first installment I figure I’m just going to write up my thoughts briefly on the first three episodes of this 39 episodes series, and I may then expand upon that later and switch the format around a bit at any given time, so here goes!! 

A few things to note ahead of time

1. The head writer of this series (and, to my knowledge, the writer of the first four episodes here) is Toshiki Inoue. Inoue is a man known for his love of drama, strange humor, and plots heavily focused on miscommunication. His best known shows include Chojin Sentai Jetman (1991), Kamen Rider Agito (2001), Kamen Rider 555 (2003) some mess called Kamen Rider Kiva (2008) and oh yeah he’s written for anime, included the Death Note anime in 2005. You have likely seen something he has written if you’ve touched an anime. Or maybe not, I don’t know.

2. The suits in this. They are absolutely gorgeous, but they were infamously dangerous. 

The Changéríon suit alone had two versions, a 100 kg (~ 200 lb) version for close up shots and a 40kg (~ 80 lb) suit for action scenes. Both were terrifying to those in it. Veteran suit actor Jiro Okamoto commented on the suit being absurdly heavy and fearing he would break it, not to mention that it was so heavy that it hurt his neck. This thing supposedly nearly sent suit actors to the hospital! And yet the action is generally decent despite the struggle in these beasts of a set of suits.

3. The opening, “OVER THE TIMES ~ Beyond The Present~” by MISA. It’s just awesome. It’s really awesome. I mean listen to it. It’s super awesome. 

Aww yeah....

SO! Now that I’ve gotten all of that out of the way, on to the reviews! The format is simple. A summary of the plot first, then my thoughts on it. I’ll see how this works and just go from there.

EPISODE 1: “A Hero!! Me?”

Air Date: April 3, 1996

Bumbling detective Akira Suzumura is hired to investigate a series of missing student reports from a local elementary school. After a night of staking the grounds out, he soon finds himself on a new path after a freak accident and an attack by a monster from the inter-dimensional invaders known as the Darkzeid lead him to unwittingly become the warrior of light: Changéríon! But as he struggles to master his new powers and deal with the mysterious SAIDOC organization, the full threat of Darkzeid begins to awaken.

Changéríon starts out about as weird as you can expect a show like this to with a massive hoop spiralling down a flight of stairs to a narrow Tokyo tunnel and having a creepy 90′s CG entity force its soulless face out towards the camera. It only escalates by going to a dramatic sequence of Akira and his assistant Akemi seemingly armed and ready for a shootout....only for the sequence to be a harmless rescue of a local puppy. This is Inoue at his peak weirdness, something which can really be hit or miss, but it’s strangely all a bunch of baffling moments which click oddly well. Akira isn’t much of a hero in many ways: He’s clumsy, he’s a bit lecherous, selfish and lazy. He doesn’t have much cash and doesn’t even pay part-timers like Akemi well. And yet despite all of this he has his heart in the right place and it’s fun to watch him fumble around in the suit at the episode’s end. It even made me chuckle seeing him “free up” time on a completely empty schedule to help the school find their students. While some scenes do feel disjointed and a bit uncomfortable (including a very uncomfortable joke about pedophilia which struck me as more than a little uncalled for in a show aimed at children), everything is really bonkers and pretty exciting here! It all ends with the main villains being awakened and a budding rivalry between Akira and the former, intended Changéríon candidate, Hayami, as the good folks at SAIDOC quietly wonder “What on earth have we gotten ourselves into with this nut?” 

It’s also worth mentioning that this show is a definite turning point for Toei’s production, having been one of their first shows recorded on digital video rather than film, and it’s chock full of now dated CGI and strange, minimalist dark rooms for otherworldy realms. It’s kinda creepy and very uncanny, but I’d say it oddly works in the show’s favor at this point. It’s got an unintentional charm to it. There’s a borderline David Lynch feel to the Darkzeid realm bits, in all honesty. Considering how big of a hit Twin Peaks was during the mid 90′s in Japan, it wouldn’t surprise me if the set designers took at least a smidge of inspiration from the Black Lodge sequences during seasons 1 and 2 of the series. It’s not as traumatic as something you’d see Lynch do, but there’s a similarly sinister atmosphere to it all here with countless bodies wrapped in plastic...like...bags, much like Laura Palmer was.

 The combat itself is a bit strangely edited too. Lots of sped up footage and Changéríon seldom kicks (more often getting kicked around instead), which I will assume is due to that hulking suit. But it also gives us one of the most ridiculou(sly satisfying) attacks ever with the Shining Attack. Which...uh...well...

....okay it’s pretty rad, I won’t lie. That’s pretty great. It is. It’ll get used to death in future episodes, but it’s still cool here.

First impression is a good one. It’s like this episode sets the tone for what is to come quite well.

Episode 2: “Twinkle Twinkle, Little Brain”

Air Date: April 10, 1996

The three generals of Darkzeid awaken and enter the human world, with plans to consume humans to satisfy their ravenous appetites. Meanwhile, SAIDOC Chief Munakata explains to Akira about the threat of Darkzeid and their need for his help, only for him to swiftly turn them down and celebrate his newfound superpowers with an unlimited shopping spree. But in the process he not only angers operatives Hayami and Eri, but finds himself in yet another Darkzeid plot as Akemi and Eri are kidnapped by an otherworld monster using posessed shoes. It’s up to Changéríon to save the missing women before they end up on Darkzeid’s lunch menu!

It’s here that we see Inoue throw in another one of his big tropes with character writing: The reluctant hero. This isn’t the first time he’d written that character archetype (another great example of this is Gai Yuki/Black Condor in Jetman) but it’s something he loves to write quite often. In this case, Akira decides to just go hog wild with loans he can’t afford, and it’s actually pretty funny. Buying out restaurants for the day, loading up on shoes for Akemi, and just being a total snot and a cocky jerk until he’s forced to realize that he put his own employee in danger and team up with Hayami....after a bizarre sequence of both of them sneaking into the same Darkzeid shoe store. In drag. And not recognizing each other. In drag. Before fighting it out in front of onlookers. In drag. This is after a scene with the store owner, the monster of the week (with a literal face full of shoes in his monster form, no less) attempts to feed his kidnapped victims with mysterious goop in high heel shoes. There’s no shortage of surreal visuals here and it does get disjointed at points, yet I feel like the story comes to a more coherent point from here. 

Despite the goofier antics, there’s still that underlying sinister aura to the Darkzeid generals. Their designs are legitimately creepy and their hushed meetings in dimly lit rooms, murmuring about their need to consume humans and how darkness will consume their own world could easily give a kid nightmares. Even I was amazed at how well the monster suits were pulled off in this show. The villains look like villains, and they’re fittingly mysterious.

In terms of action, Changéríon gets his aptly named Gun Laser, a really nifty weapon with a gimmick I love! Y’see, it runs on disks that he summons from his chest. And the discs spin. Go figure that Sega would manufacture all these toys with a disc gimmick. Not only was it the peak of the CD boom, it also made me chuckle thinking about how they had moved into CDs with the Sega Saturn at around the same time. (Plus the Gun Laser just looks really dang cool!)

 We’re getting places now that the initial stage has been set! Slowly but surely, we’re getting places! 

Episode 3: “A Bunch of Brides”

Air Date: April 17, 1996

Brides are mysterious disappearing at the altar! Darkzeid is behind this! Akira plans to counter these objections to holy matrimony with the help of Hayami and Akemi...but time and again things keep going south! Can he save the day and stop these foul occurrences? Meanwhile, in a basement lab, Chief Munakata struggles to develop the sidekicks Akira needs in his battle...

If you haven’t figured out that this series is meant to be goofy at this point, I don’t know what to tell you. This is a pretty fluffy and light episode with some good gags strewn throughout. Perhaps the funniest is Akira��s futile attempt at teaching Hayami how to flirt with women. It’s done with the most 90′s montage imaginable and it killed me with how good it was. The follow up is the sequence in the above shot, which I won’t spoil the full context for, but it also got a laugh out of me. There’s slapstick, there’s snark, there’s a simple but weird vibe to this whole episode and it’s totally fine. We’ve gotten into the groove of the show at this point it feels like, and I look forward to where it goes from here. The most interesting element plotwise is seeing Munakata’s struggle to get a set of mysterious robots up and working for Akira to use. It’s made clear that he and his research are mocked by his superiors, who don’t even think that Darkzeid is real, let alone a threat. Poor guy needs more respect! But we’ll see where things go with these machines in the next episode.

With 36 episodes left to go, Super Light Warrior Changéríon is certainly an odd, yet familiar show to me. I can see the early elements of Heisei Kamen Rider at play here with how it’s shot, the eerier villain designs, the quick cuts and kinetic feel to the action and the quirky humor and characters. It’s like seeing a mix of Metal Hero aesthetics with Super Sentai pacing making something of a hybrid that will have a lingering impact. Next time I’ll cover episodes 4-7, or perhaps change up the pace a bit. Expect some cool new robot buddies next time, but other than that I’m as in the dark as everyone else!

Hopefully my rambling didn’t scare you away by now, and we’ll be ready for more adventures to come, soon!

And remember! SOMEBODY LOVES you. And SOMEBODY NEEDS you. 

[sayrj]

Year of Exams

Two days ago I bought some flowers from the reject corner of the grocery store and a very fancy notebook. I had just lost out on an apartment I wanted, a change I had been counting on. Housing that I might actually want to live in. This post is an extension of the notebook - two products of growing anger that the main reason I am in Kansas is the last thing on my list time and again because of the banalities and dramas swirling around me.

The first thing I’m putting in this notebook will be conversation notes, which I won't document here. I take notes religiously, not because I take great notes (I don’t) but because it helps me to actively pay attention when I am reading or in class. But I’ve realized I talk to people all the time and never document any of it beyond post-it notes, which is absurd because so much of why I moved here was to talk to people. I will also write about my thoughts related to my research, starting with thoughts about my exam fields, which this post and hopefully the posts that follow will reflect, with some omissions and additions. It’s not meant to be a transcription. Then, and more often than not, I want to post about what I am reading, with or without commentary (1).

I need a space of my life that is about my project even though I “don’t have one.” I need an outlet that doesn’t have to be aesthetically beautiful or well written, and something that is distanced from the rest of my social media that requires (”requires”) balancing the personal, entertaining, and political, always with great care for the “friends” who can see this or can’t see that. I want to be one-note, selfish, and rambly. This space is public enough for a level of accountability, I think, but still private enough in the sense that I know no one will realistically be reading. Posting here also doesn’t require any distracting web building on my part, which I know could easily bog me down instead of lift me up.

So now (and something I’ve been avoiding thinking about as I “get settled” for six weeks), my fields... I’ve been playing with them self consciously because they do feel like huge commitments/opportunities to get familiar and find where I fit, but also, and most importantly, because the idea of trying to be an expert in anything is nauseating (2). 

But I’ve been playing with (in blips, nothing sustained) my bookshelves. All these giant presences in my life, little rectangles staring at me in my tiny, used-to-be-a-porch bedroom/office/storage facility at the co-op I’ve been staying at for almost a year now. I actually stacked up all the fiction I have on my desk to get it out of the way the other week. So first, a recent revelation. Last spring and this spring I’ve TA’d for my advisor who assigns Du Bois and Richard Wright early on to mostly first years in an intro American Studies course. It’s my favorite week. It inspired me to assign Invisible Man + the same Wright reading to my students last summer. It reminds me of taking my senior folklore class where I read Richard Wright, Alice Walker, Ralph Ellison, Randall Kenan, and Ernest Gaines all for the first time. This was the same year I read Toni Morrison’s work too, just (”just”) Beloved and Paradise. Part of what I loved about American Studies as an undergrad was all the literature. What isn’t given any space to breathe seems to bubble up elsewhere, screams like a kettle too. It punctuated my last bit of time there in a very particular way I didn’t expect (thinking semicolon, maybe ellipses). I looked back at the stack of fiction on my desk and thought “not everybody’s bookshelves look like this.” I’ve been breezing past this influence when thinking about my research interests, even as it shows up everywhere else.

So I owe it to myself to take this more seriously. I am still hesitant, though, because then I wonder where does Poe fit, and the “closets of their own” I wrote about in a paper ages ago when I was still checking off boxes (3)? Where does Lemus fit, the author of the book I’ve spent a year writing about with hopes of publishing (4)? And the quieter worry that I’m straying from the queer studies work I promised, or at least promised myself. That word that’s been ripped away from me, before I was born it looks like, that makes me wince when I read it, shift in my seat when I hear it, increasingly disenchanted. Ashamed to use it. 

I remember the first theory, if I can call it that, I learned in an American Studies class. A term pulled, not out of an explicit piece of theory but from a short piece by Wil Haygood that talks about the “ears of whites” being “placed at awkward angles” (5). The class was on the ethics of stand up and we talked, sort of, about what it meant to have one’s ears at “awkward angles.” That concept is something I have carried with me for some content-specific reasons. More broadly, though, and leading to how I found what I think might be another field, it taught me a particular freedom while reading. I have been taught and teach others now the skill of pulling central arguments from texts. But what about that tiny word, in this case a phrase, that lights up? Or something “off topic” or secondary that feels central? Something that stretches you or preoccupies you. Along with recognizing that tilt of the head, the power of that twinge of discomfort... focusing on that single phrase gave me permission, a model, that I could latch onto things, notice things, value the details, zero in and then magnify.

Last June, I read Seth Kotch’s book on the death penalty in North Carolina (6). I don’t remember why I read it at that particular time so intently, just that I ordered it specially from the Raven and picked it up after dropping off Kelsey Carls after our Kansas City commute. The part in particular I’ve been consumed by is less than a paragraph, a tiny moment that states that burglary was a capital crime in the state until the 1940s because it implied rape, at least (”at least”) attempted rape (by a black man, towards a white woman). The potential was actionable, conveniently leaving the white women’s virtue in tact. 

What I have been struggling with is whether this is a striking fact that expands my understanding of the already substantial existing scholarship discussing black masculinity and white womanhood, or if this a jumping off point? 

In this and a stack of other texts the logic has its foundation in public (white) sentiment. I am interested in the distribution of surveillance and privacy, and the power surrounding it that is so consistently rooted in vague “feelings,” unsubstantiated “fears,” that are given more credit than any material reality. And does this recurring, viciously powerful “public sentiment” mean I can, or should, show up at the door with all the affect I’ve been torturing myself with reading?

I don’t actually agonize over figuring this all out or making all the right choices on the first try. But there is finite time and finite money, and I have to start somewhere, and I’m excited. It’s already March for heaven’s sake. Nothing else I write here will be this long or I’ll never get a move on.

__________________________________

1. What I don’t need is a public diary and what I definitely don’t need is another venue to wax about teaching, funding, coursework, or various dramas. All valid, all important, all interrelated, and all hard to keep from eclipsing conversations about my work.

2. And I mean anything. I can come up with an excuse for why anything is not appropriate. Anything that feels like it’s none of my business, anything that feels stereotypical or trendy, anything over my head, just anything. Which leaves me with nothing, which makes sense. Because it doesn’t feel right that I would be or aspire to be an expert of any kind. Because people like me shouldn’t be experts (or, inevitably, pretend to be experts) in anything. So that’s a cloud over everything that’ll choke me to death if I let it. 

3. Poe, The Murders in the Rue Morgue.

4. Lemus, Trace Elements of Random Tea Parties. The helicopters, ya’ll, damn. 

5. Haygood, “Why Negro Humor is so Black.”

6. Kotch, Lethal State: A History of the Death Penalty in North Carolina. 

[everythingjonsa]

I liked Jon as KitN just fine, before the leaks came out at least, but if I had to say who's "consort" I'd rather want him to be, it's Sansa. He knows Sansa. They trust each other. And despite their quarrels they seem to value each other. I would wager that even if Danielle was truly in love with Jon, she's so consumed with her right to rule that she would not want to share her power with him. [1/3]

[2/3] And as far as Jon's POV goes... I don't understand how he can put his trust in Danielle so quickly. He does not have any other choice when it comes to the WW than doing just that, but everything else? Jon is not someone to trust so quickly, and they have already threatened him in the letter—Jon does not take kindly to threats, either.

3/3] For this to work within the short amount of time we now left, they would really have to turn this into a "love at first sight" kind of thing, which is not something I would expect from GOT/ASOIAF.

Hello Anonny, 

I absolutely agree with you. At this point of the story, if we have the hero on one side falling in love with the hero on the other side, falling in love with each other and teaming up to fight the WW, this should have begun happening last season, imo. This is a good time to remind everyone that after his resurrection, Jon had lost all sense of purpose in his life, in spite of knowing very well about the threat that’s coming from beyond the wall, one that he’s so hell bent upon defending and protecting from right now. He needed to believe again and that came in the form of Sansa Stark who has spent her post-reunion with Jon assuring him that he’s exactly where he should be. She does not want him to give up his claim in favour of hers. 

D on the other hand is going to spend the most of at least the next episode strong-arming the KitN to bend the knee. Both are going to be suspicious of each other, yet I feel that they will at least sense that there is a bond that ties them together. We’ll have to watch how that translates into the screen. Jon is a STRONG hero and a leader, in-spite of him not wanting power. We’ve seen that in his dealings with Sansa. She doesn’t back down but neither does he. His decisions are always based on compassion more than honour in which regard he is slightly more different from his father. Yet he has the strength to punish misdeeds, however much he may hate doing so. 

So, this is my theory. If Jon does fall in love with D, it will be because he feels that she is a good queen, not just the RIGHTFUL but the most DESERVING ruler of Westeros, she can show great compassion and endear herself to the common people of Westeros. Not just because she was kind enough to save him(not really, it’s a stark who comes to his aid even if the leaks are to be believed) and had agreed to help them in the battle against the WW. Isn’t the threat as real to her, as it is to him?? As a leader, Jon is the complete opposite of D. She wants power as desperately as he doesn’t.

So, the love at first sight can work. But Jon is not a green boy anymore. And honestly, it will be such a crappy way for two of the strongest players in the game to fall in love at first sight. And so much injustice to their characters too. Unless, like everyone else who’ve met her, Jon is going to be charmed instantly too. See, how they have dealt with Tyrion Lannister and his relationship with D. He believes he’s an excellent judge of character but he is beginning to get those worried looks. We’ve seen it in Stormborn, “Attacking Kings landing would be easy for you. But you don’t want to be the queen of the ashes.” He of course doesn’t add the ‘do you?’ in the sentence. She gives him a direct order to send a raven north asking Jon to come to Dragonstone and to bend the knee and tyrion rephrases the bending the knee bit as an alliance. How ironic would it be if the cleverest man is westeros suddenly realizes that he’s on the wrong side after all? That there was a good king hidden in plain sight all this while. That he just didn’t notice him until it is too late. 

If D is going to be a villian, I don’t see her taking decisions that will benefit westeros and if she doesn’t take decisions for the good of the land that she plans to rule, I don’t see how Jon can fall in love with her. Her ambition will be her downfall, is how I am reading the turn in her character arc with all the dialogue writing that’s happened for her homecoming. If not, and she is in fact the ‘good queen’ she believes herself to be and then Jon can fall in love with her. He’ll just be another Dario or slightly better. The leaks anyway make him sound more like a smitten fool than a hero on the rise. 

I don’t know if this is that kind of a story too with such less time to show us sooooo many things. 

Two things are probably happening at the moment. Either D&D and HBO are freaking out at the moment because their entire life’s toil has been released by some fool who has no respect for creativity and hard-work, and this leaker had better watch his back for some legal action coming his way (or release some false information just to be safe) or they’re just relaxed and sitting behind sipping a soda telling each other, “They don’t even know what’s gonna hit them in the end” LOL

Thanks for the ask !!

[raymondfiyx393-blog]

Don't Just Sit There! Start Weight Loss & Control

There are a lot of handy damage control diet strategies that you should employ to best prevent yourself from overdoing it in the dining room table this holiday season. Use the tips below allowing yourself to stay social also to be capable of enjoy moderation without splitting your pants before the New Year:

1.) Perform High-Intensity Activity Before and/or After a Big Meal or Holiday Feast

I know, I know. I promised diet strategies, but I simply cannot go without recommending some activity. Your is most receptive to higher calorie and/or carbohydrate meals within half an hour before and within three hours following high-intensity activity. Ideally, you would like to workout out before AND after a big meal, however, if you'll be able to only do one, which will suffice. It is less important once you undertake it and more important that you simply undertake it. Your best options will likely be twenty or so minutes of circuit weight training or cardio interval training. Even a 20-30 plus minute walk several hours afterward can serve as being a bit of damage control.

2.) Do NOT Fast in Preparation for the Big Meal or Holiday Feast

Fasting is preparation for the free meal doesn't just lead to overeating, but worse: overeating foods which can be elevated in sugar, fat, or both! Your body is often a survival mechanism. If it hasn't had food for a while it anticipates a famine state. This means that next time that you eat your body use quite as much of the incoming food as possible to hold as excess fat (survival energy) in anticipation that it certainly can't see food again for an additional any period of time. Do yourself and one's body a favor by consuming every two to four hours when you normally should prevent yourself from being a ravenous, fat-storing beast this winter holiday!

3.) Do NOT Gorge Yourself

Eat prior to the point of satisfaction, not discomfort. Remember this: binge eating just isn't the habit of lean individuals. It is important to recognize that those holiday your meals are not only a ticket to eat just as much as it is possible to in very little time as you can. However, listen to the body and make certain to take pleasure from the meals you are craving without excess and just eat when you are hungry.

4.) Eat a High-Fiber, Protein-Rich Meal An Hour Before a Holiday Event

A meal high in fiber and protein before a big holiday meal can help prevent overeating start by making you really feel more full which means fewer calories consumed throughout the ensuing feast. My favorite strategy is always to drink a protein shake with the added fiber and healthy fats (e.g. 2-4 Tbsp. flax meal) and 1 liter of water before such a meal to maintain me nice and full upon arrival. This way you'll not lose any friends to eat their dinner platter and you'll save your midsection from the fluffier existence!

5.) Eat Leans Proteins and Fruits and Vegetables FIRST

Just because it's actually a holiday meal does not imply you are able to't eat any nutritious food. Make sure to stock up on healthier food choices first and try to eat the maximum amount of lean meat, fish, and fruits and vegetables as you can on the start of each holiday event. This will leave less room to the unhealthier, higher-calorie treats. At least this way you know one's body becomes in certain good nutrition and you're not putting yourself at excessive risk for sickness and/or other health issues.

6.) Drink, Drink, Drink Water!

Water competes for space within your stomach and truly helps decrease appetite. For every plate, consume, try to drink at the very least 1-2 servings of water. After that second plate, when you have 1 full liter of water inside your stomach, I bet you could just throw inside towel!

7.) Do NOT Eat Again Until Hungry Following a Large Meal

Now I know I already said to nibble on every 2-4 hours, but there is certainly one exception for this. If you consume a huge meal, it is important not to consume again until you are hungry and/or no more full. If the body is just not employed to eating such a major meal, it will need an extremely longer time to digest everything food and the worst thing you are able to do is put more food into a currently full stomach, unless your ultimate goal would be to perform the stop, drop and roll drill. Only whenever you are hungry again in the event you resume your normal diet plan following a major holiday meal.

8.) Immediately Resume Your Normal Eating Schedule on the Next Meal

What's done is performed. Now it's time for it to make contact with your regular eating plan. Remember weekly calorie consumption is far more important than daily caloric intake. For example, let's say which you need 3,000 calories per day to take care of your overall bodyweight. Well, all that you have to do is make certain the average daily calorie consumption every week is 3,000 calories daily. This means that you'll be able to fluctuate your everyday calorie consumption and yield the same results as if you ate that same amount on a daily basis. So if you have one day of big eating where you consume 9,000 calories (just a sample, not a recommendation), but you only eat 2,000 calories each day the remainder of the week, you still turn out with the same caloric balance. Again, I am not recommending that you eat in such a severe manner, rather I am suggesting that you do not have to obsess about being perfect. Enjoy some indulging without excess at your various holiday festivities if you know the week in review trumps a day, even once you are particularly naughty on any given day.

9.) Never Eat Junk Food for Breakfast or Before Bed

Eating a highly refined carbohydrate meal very first thing within the morning could make your glucose levels go crazy for the remainder of the afternoon producing greater unhealthy food cravings and uncontrollable hunger. On the other hand, eating a huge meal before going to bed can lead to a bunch of unused energy which will be stored as body fat and you well might have trouble sleeping wonderful that extra food volume inside your stomach!

10.) Control your Portions

Try to eat only half of all of the servings of unhealthy food that you choose. Half of the portions equal half the calories!

11.) Avoid Empty Liquid Calories and Alcohol

One can easily consume over 1,000 calories per day from liquid calories alone. This means that in one week, you will gain 2 lbs of unwanted fat from just fluids! Opt for regular solid food calories versus empty liquid calories (e.g. juices and soda pops), for a minimum of the foodstuff will satisfy you and provide some nutrition whereas liquid calories, particularly alcohol, haven't any such effect. Rather, sugary and/or alcoholic drinks tend to make you hungrier generally speaking and sometimes hungrier for unhealthy food especially. Furthermore, one's body cannot burn up fat before alcohol is processed out of the body in addition to the fact that consumption of alcohol lowers leptin levels thus defeating one of the primary purposes of this flexible eating (decreased leptin levels increase hunger and decreases the body's using fat for fuel). Thus over-consumption of alcohol can avoid the weight loss process from resuming until a few days later and/or even cause unwanted fat gain and thus cost you as little as a few days to as long like a full week!

12.) Use Lower Calorie/Carbohydrate Substitutes Whenever Possible

Instead of employing sugar, choose zero-calorie alternatives like Splenda or stevia. They can deliver much the same taste without every one of the extra sugar and calories. Even try replacing yeast with protein powder whenever you bake. The extra protein and reduced carbohydrates will lead to a slimmer you while still providing some great tasting treats! Your goal should be to get the minimal volume of calories that could provide a similar great taste which makes the vacation treats enjoyable instead of simply overdoing it since you can!

13.) Avoid Eating Meals which can be High in Both Fat and Carbohydrates

The absolute worst thing that you can do is to have a meal that's loaded with both fat and carbs. The high amount of carbs will cause a rapid increase in blood sugar and so large increases within the potent fat-storing hormone Insulin. The high amount of fat will cause a large surge in free essential fatty acids inside your bloodstream. Since Insulin has already been present in considerable amounts, in addition to there like a large amount of free essential fatty acids now available with your blood, takes place is set for anyone free fat to be gobbled up and stored because of your fat cells. This may be the same in principle as becoming the following Goodyear blimp, so it's imperative to use caution at your holiday meals when it comes to combining fat (particularly saturated fats) and carbs (particularly starches and refined sugars). In general, it's best to pick one within the other. But since most people crave carbs at their free meals, it can be essential to maintain your fat low at this meal. Want pasta? Instead of alfredo sauce, opt for a marinara sauce with wholemeal pasta. Want pizza? Make your pizza with whole-grain crust and fat-free cheese. Want mashed potatoes? Well then make sure to skip the gravy and go easy for the butter. These small changes can help you save hundreds, even thousands of calories, and more importantly prevents your holiday feasts from creating the best fat-storing environment that may amount to from achieving your quality of life and fitness goals.

[cashveen937-blog]

Want More Money? Start Weight Loss & Control

There are a few handy damage control diet strategies that you ought to employ to best prevent yourself from overdoing it at the table this holidays. Use the tips below allowing yourself to stay social and to have the ability to take pleasure in moderation without splitting your pants prior to New Year:

1.) Perform High-Intensity Activity Before and/or After a Big Meal or Holiday Feast

I know, I know. I promised diet strategies, but I simply cannot go without recommending some activity. Your person is most receptive to higher calorie and/or carbohydrate meals within half an hour before and within three hours following high-intensity activity. Ideally, you would like to workout out before AND after a huge meal, in case you are able to only do one, that can suffice. It is less important whenever you take action and more important which you take action. Your best options will probably be twenty minutes of circuit strength training or cardio interval training. Even a 20-30 plus minute walk a couple of hours afterward can serve as being a bit of damage control.

2.) Do NOT Fast in Preparation for any Big Meal or Holiday Feast

Fasting is preparation for any free meal doesn't only lead to overeating, but worse: overeating foods which might be very high in sugar, fat, or both! Your body can be a survival mechanism. If it hasn't had food in a while it anticipates a famine state. This means that next time that you simply eat one's body use because the incoming food as you can to store as extra fat (survival energy) in anticipation that it certainly can't see food again for one more long time. Do yourself and your system a big favor by eating every 2 to 4 hours as you normally should prevent yourself from becoming a ravenous, fat-storing beast this winter holiday!

3.) Do NOT Gorge Yourself

Eat before point of satisfaction, not discomfort. Remember this: binge eating just isn't the habit of lean individuals. It is important to understand that those holiday meals is not only a ticket you can eat just as much as it is possible to in very little time as possible. However, pay attention to the body and be sure to enjoy the meals you might be craving without excess simply eat once you are hungry.

4.) Eat a High-Fiber, Protein-Rich Meal An Hour Before a Holiday Event

A meal an excellent source of fiber and protein before a huge holiday meal can help prevent overeating by making you're feeling more full which often means fewer calories consumed in the ensuing feast. My favorite strategy is to drink a protein shake with an added fiber and healthy fats (e.g. 2-4 Tbsp. flax meal) and 1 liter of water before such a meal to help keep me nice and full upon arrival. This way you'll not lose any friends by eating their entire dinner platter and you should useful midsection from your fluffier existence!

5.) Eat Leans Proteins and Fruits and Vegetables FIRST

Just because it's a holiday meal does not mean you'll be able to't eat any nutritious food. Make sure to load up on healthier food choices first and try and eat all the lean meat, fish, and vegetables and fruits as you can on the start of each holiday event. This will leave less room for your unhealthier, higher-calorie treats. At least using this method you understand the body becomes in certain good nutrition and you are not putting yourself at excessive risk for sickness and/or other health issues.

6.) Drink, Drink, Drink Water!

Water competes for space within your stomach and truly helps decrease appetite. For every plate, you eat, attempt to drink a minimum of 1-2 servings of water. After that second plate, whenever you have 1 full liter of water in your stomach, I bet you may just throw within the towel!

7.) Do NOT Eat Again Until Hungry Following a Large Meal

Now I know I already mentioned to consume every 2-4 hours, but there's one exception for this. If you eat a huge meal, it is important not to consume again until you might be hungry and/or no more full. If the body is not utilized to eating such a major meal, this will require a significantly longer time to digest all of that food and the worst thing it is possible to do is put more food into a currently full stomach, unless your ultimate goal is always to perform stop, drop and roll drill. Only once you are hungry again in the event you resume your normal weight loss program following a large holiday meal.

8.) Immediately Resume Your Normal Eating Schedule in the Next Meal

What's done is completed. Now it is time for it to make contact with your family diet plan. Remember weekly calorie intake is far more essential than daily caloric intake. For example, let's say that you simply need 3,000 calories each day to keep your existing body weight. Well, all of that you need to do is be sure the average daily calorie consumption every week is 3,000 calories per day. This means that you'll be able to fluctuate your everyday calorie intake and yield a similar results that you ate that same amount daily. So if you have one day of big eating where you take in 9,000 calories (just an illustration, not only a recommendation), however you only eat 2,000 calories per day other week, you will still turn out in the same caloric balance. Again, I am not recommending that you simply eat in these a serious manner, rather I am suggesting that you do not must obsess about being perfect. Enjoy some indulging in moderation for your various holiday festivities realizing that the week in review trumps each day, even when you are particularly naughty on any given day.

9.) Never Eat Junk Food for Breakfast or Before Bed

Eating a very refined carbohydrate meal initial thing inside the morning is likely to make your blood sugar add too much throughout your day resulting in greater processed foods cravings and uncontrollable hunger. On the other hand, eating a major meal before going to bed will lead to a couple of unused energy that can be stored as extra fat and also you well could have sleep problems wonderful that extra food volume inside your stomach!

10.) Control your Portions

Try you can eat only half each of the servings of unhealthy food that you simply choose. Half of the portions equal half the calories!

11.) Avoid Empty Liquid Calories and Alcohol

One can certainly consume over 1,000 calories daily from liquid calories alone. This means that a single week, you will get 2 lbs of unwanted fat from just fluids! Opt for regular solid food calories versus empty liquid calories (e.g. juices and sodas), for no less than the meals will satisfy you and still provide some nutrition whereas liquid calories, particularly alcohol, have zero such effect. Rather, sugary and/or alcoholic drinks tend to make you hungrier normally and sometimes hungrier for unhealthy foods especially. Furthermore, your system cannot burn up fat before the alcohol is processed out of the body as well as the idea that consumption of alcohol lowers leptin levels thus defeating one of many purposes of the flexible eating (decreased leptin levels increase hunger and decreases one's body's using fat for fuel). Thus over-consumption of alcohol can steer clear of the fat reducing process from resuming until a couple of days later and/or even cause unwanted fat gain thereby amount to very little as a few days to as long as a full week!

12.) Use Lower Calorie/Carbohydrate Substitutes Whenever Possible

Instead of employing sugar, choose zero-calorie alternatives like Splenda or stevia. They can deliver the same taste without every one of the extra sugar and calories. Even try replacing yeast with protein powder if you bake. The extra protein and reduced carbohydrates can lead to a slimmer you while still providing some terrific tasting treats! Your goal should be to obtain the minimal quantity of calories that could provide a similar great taste that makes the break treats enjoyable in lieu of simply overdoing it as you can!

13.) Avoid Eating Meals which are High in Both Fat and Carbohydrates

The absolute worst thing that it is possible to do is usually to consume a meal which is full of both fat and carbs. The high amount of carbs will lead to a rapid boost in blood sugar and so large increases inside potent fat-storing hormone Insulin. The high volume of fat will lead to a large rise in free essential fatty acids within your bloodstream. Since Insulin is already present in a lot, along with there like a large quantity of free fat now available within your blood, happens is set for those free fatty acids being gobbled up and stored by your fat cells. This could be the same as becoming the following Goodyear blimp, so it is vital to be cautious your holiday meals with regards to combining fat (particularly saturated fats) and carbs (particularly starches and refined sugars). In general, it's best to choose one in the other. But since most of the people crave carbs at their free meals, it really is essential to keep the fat low as of this meal. Want pasta? Instead of alfredo sauce, opt for the marinara sauce with wholegrain pasta. Want pizza? Make your pizza with whole-grain crust and fat-free cheese. Want mashed potatoes? Well then make sure to skip the gravy and go easy about the butter. These small changes will save you hundreds, even thousands of calories, and much more importantly prevents your holiday feasts from creating the perfect fat-storing environment that will cost you from achieving your overall health and fitness goals.

[gregoryiwrg537-blog]

3 Tips About Weight Loss & Control You Can't Afford To Miss

There are a few handy damage control diet strategies that you ought to employ to best prevent yourself from overdoing it on the dining room table this winter holiday. Use the tips below to allow yourself to stay social also to be able to have pleasure in moderation without splitting your pants prior to New Year:

1.) Perform High-Intensity Activity Before and/or After a Big Meal or Holiday Feast

I know, I know. I promised diet strategies, but I simply cannot go without recommending some activity. Your is most receptive to raised calorie and/or carbohydrate meals within half an hour before and within three hours following high-intensity activity. Ideally, you need to workout out before AND after a large meal, in case you are able to only do one, that can suffice. It is less important if you take action and more essential that you do it. Your best options will likely be 20 minutes of circuit weight training or cardio interval training. Even a 20-30 plus minute walk a few hours afterward can serve as a bit of damage control.

2.) Do NOT Fast in Preparation for a Big Meal or Holiday Feast

Fasting is preparation for a free meal won't bring about overeating, but worse: overeating foods which can be elevated in sugar, fat, or both! Your body can be a survival mechanism. If it hasn't had food in a while it anticipates a famine state. This means that the next time which you eat your system uses quite as much of the incoming food as possible to hold as body fat (survival energy) in anticipation that it will not see food again for one more long period. Do yourself and your body the following favor by eating every a couple of hours because you normally should prevent yourself from being a ravenous, fat-storing beast this winter holiday!

3.) Do NOT Gorge Yourself

Eat until the point of satisfaction, not discomfort. Remember this: binge eating isn't the habit of lean individuals. It is vital to recognize that those holiday your meals are not a ticket to consume up to it is possible to in only a small amount time as you can. However, tune in to one's body and ensure to savor the meals you happen to be craving sparingly and only eat whenever you are hungry.

4.) Eat a High-Fiber, Protein-Rich Meal An Hour Before a Holiday Event

A meal an excellent source of fiber and protein before a large holiday meal can help prevent overeating by causing you feel more full which means fewer calories consumed in the ensuing feast. My favorite strategy is to drink a protein shake having an added fiber and healthy fats (e.g. 2-4 Tbsp. flax meal) and 1 liter of water before such a meal to maintain me nice and full upon arrival. This way you will not lose any friends when you eat their dinner platter and you should save your midsection from your fluffier existence!

5.) Eat Leans Proteins and Fruits and Vegetables FIRST

Just because it is a holiday meal doesn't mean you are able to't eat any nutritious food. Make sure to group on healthier food choices first and try and eat the maximum amount of lean meat, fish, and vegetables and fruits as you possibly can at the start of each holiday event. This will leave less room for the unhealthier, higher-calorie treats. At least in this way you already know the body gets in most good nutrition and you happen to be not putting yourself at excessive risk for sickness and/or other health conditions.

6.) Drink, Drink, Drink Water!

Water competes for space within your stomach and truly helps decrease appetite. For every plate, you take in, try to drink no less than 1-2 servings of water. After that second plate, when you have 1 full liter of water inside your stomach, I bet you may just throw within the towel!

7.) Do NOT Eat Again Until Hungry Following a Large Meal

Now I know I already said to consume every 2-4 hours, but there's one exception to this. If you have a huge meal, it can be important not to eat again until you happen to be hungry and/or no more full. If your system just isn't accustomed to eating such a major meal, that will require a significantly longer timeframe to digest all that food and the worst thing you can do is put more food into an already full stomach, unless your goals is always to perform the stop, drop and roll drill. Only whenever you are hungry again should you resume your normal eating plan following a big holiday meal.

8.) Immediately Resume Your Normal Eating Schedule with the Next Meal

What's done is conducted. Now it can be time to make contact with your family eating plan. Remember weekly calorie intake is far more important than daily caloric intake. For example, let's say that you need 3,000 calories every day to take care of your existing body mass. Well, everything you need to do is ensure the average daily calorie consumption per week is 3,000 calories each day. This means that you are able to fluctuate your day-to-day caloric intake and yield the same results as if you ate that same amount each day. So if you have 1 day of big eating where you take in 9,000 calories (just a sample, not just a recommendation), nevertheless, you only eat 2,000 calories each day other week, you continue to wind up with the same caloric balance. Again, I am not recommending which you eat in these a serious manner, rather I am suggesting that you just do not ought to obsess about being perfect. Enjoy some indulging moderately your various holiday festivities knowing that the week in review trumps each day, even whenever you are particularly naughty on a day.

9.) Never Eat Junk Food for Breakfast or Before Bed

Eating an incredibly refined carbohydrate meal very first thing inside the morning could make your glucose levels add too much throughout the afternoon leading to greater unhealthy food cravings and uncontrollable hunger. On the other hand, eating a big meal before going to bed can lead to a couple of unused energy that can be stored as excess fat and also you very well may have sleep disorders effortlessly that extra food volume within your stomach!

10.) Control your Portions

Try you can eat only 50 % of every one of the servings of unhealthy food that you simply choose. Half of the portions equal half the calories!

11.) Avoid Empty Liquid Calories and Alcohol

One can readily consume over 1,000 calories every day from liquid calories alone. This means that a single week, you get 2 lbs of unwanted fat from just fluids! Opt for regular solid food calories versus empty liquid calories (e.g. juices and carbonated drinks), for no less than the meal will satisfy you and provide some nutrition whereas liquid calories, particularly alcohol, don't have any such effect. Rather, sugary and/or alcoholic drinks make you hungrier generally and frequently hungrier for unhealthy foods particularly. Furthermore, your body cannot burn up fat before the alcohol is processed out of the body beyond the proven fact that consumption of alcohol lowers leptin levels thus defeating one of the main purposes of the flexible eating (decreased leptin levels increase hunger and decreases one's body's use of fat for fuel). Thus over-consumption of alcohol can stop the fat reducing process from resuming until several days later and/or even cause extra fat gain thereby set you back only a small amount like a few days to as long being a full week!

12.) Use Lower Calorie/Carbohydrate Substitutes Whenever Possible

Instead of employing sugar, go for zero-calorie alternatives like Splenda or stevia. They can deliver much the same taste without all the extra sugar and calories. Even try replacing yeast with protein powder if you bake. The extra protein and reduced carbohydrates can lead to a slimmer you while still providing some terrific tasting treats! Your goal is always to find the minimal level of calories that could provide a similar great taste which makes the vacation treats enjoyable as opposed to simply overdoing it as you can!

13.) Avoid Eating Meals that are High in Both Fat and Carbohydrates

The absolute worst thing that you are able to do is always to follow a meal that is certainly an excellent source of both fat and carbs. The high level of carbs will bring about a rapid boost in blood sugar levels and thus large increases inside the potent fat-storing hormone Insulin. The high quantity of fat will result in a large boost in free efas with your bloodstream. Since Insulin is within huge amounts, together with there being a large quantity of free essential fatty acids available today in your blood, the stage is defined for all those free essential fatty acids to become gobbled up and stored because of your fat cells. This will be the same as becoming another Goodyear blimp, so it really is important to be cautious for your holiday meals in relation to combining fat (particularly bad fats) and carbs (particularly starches and refined sugars). In general, it is best to make a choice in the other. But since many people crave carbs at their free meals, it can be essential to keep your fat low as of this meal. Want pasta? Instead of alfredo sauce, opt for the marinara sauce with wholegrain pasta. Want pizza? Make your pizza with whole-grain crust and fat-free cheese. Want mashed potatoes? Well then be sure you skip the gravy and go easy about the butter. These small changes will save you hundreds, even a huge number of calories, plus more importantly will prevent your holiday feasts from creating the optimal fat-storing environment that will amount to from achieving your quality of life and fitness goals.

[stephenwcze880-blog]

How To Learn Weight Loss & Control

There are a few handy damage control diet strategies that you should employ to best prevent yourself from overdoing it in the dining room table this christmas season. Use the tips below to allow for yourself to stay social and to have the ability to indulge in moderation without splitting your pants prior to New Year:

1.) Perform High-Intensity Activity Before and/or After a Big Meal or Holiday Feast

I know, I know. I promised diet strategies, but I just cannot go without recommending some activity. Your body's most receptive to higher calorie and/or carbohydrate meals within half an hour before and within three hours following high-intensity activity. Ideally, you would like to workout out before AND after a large meal, but if you'll be able to only do one, that may suffice. It is less important whenever you get it done and more valuable that you do it. Your best options is going to be twenty minutes of circuit resistance training or cardio interval training. Even a 20-30 plus minute walk a couple of hours afterward can serve like a bit of damage control.

2.) Do NOT Fast in Preparation for any Big Meal or Holiday Feast

Fasting is preparation for a free meal doesn't only result in overeating, but worse: overeating foods that are extremely high in sugar, fat, or both! Your body is a survival mechanism. If it hasn't had food for a while it anticipates a famine state. This means that when that you eat your system uses because the incoming food as you possibly can to hold as excess fat (survival energy) in anticipation that it won't see food again for one more any period of time. Do yourself and the body a big favor when you eat every two to four hours because you normally should prevent yourself from becoming a ravenous, fat-storing beast this christmas season!

3.) Do NOT Gorge Yourself

Eat prior to the point of satisfaction, not discomfort. Remember this: binge eating is not the habit of lean individuals. It is imperative to understand that those holiday your meals are not just a ticket you can eat up to it is possible to in only a small amount time as is possible. However, pay attention to one's body and make certain to savor the meals you are craving without excess and only eat if you are hungry.

4.) Eat a High-Fiber, Protein-Rich Meal An Hour Before a Holiday Event

A meal an excellent source of fiber and protein before a large holiday meal may help prevent overeating by causing you feel more full which often means fewer calories consumed in the ensuing feast. My favorite strategy is to drink a protein shake with an added fiber and healthy fats (e.g. 2-4 Tbsp. flax meal) and 1 liter of water before such a meal to help keep me nice and full upon arrival. This way you won't lose any friends when you eat their entire dinner platter and you'll save your midsection coming from a fluffier existence!

5.) Eat Leans Proteins and Fruits and Vegetables FIRST

Just because it's actually a holiday meal does not imply you can't eat any nutritious food. Make sure to group on healthier food choices first and make an effort to eat the maximum amount of lean meat, fish, and vegetables and fruits as you possibly can on the start of each holiday event. This will leave less room to the unhealthier, higher-calorie treats. At least this way you already know your body is getting in certain good nutrition and you happen to be not putting yourself at excessive risk for sickness and/or other health concerns.

6.) Drink, Drink, Drink Water!

Water competes for space in your stomach and truly helps decrease appetite. For every plate, you take in, make an effort to drink a minimum of 1-2 associated with water. After that second plate, if you have 1 full liter of water with your stomach, I bet you may just throw inside towel!

7.) Do NOT Eat Again Until Hungry Following a Large Meal

Now I know I already mentioned you can eat every 2-4 hours, but there exists one exception to this particular. If you follow a huge meal, it is important not to consume again until you might be hungry and/or no longer full. If your body is not employed to eating such a large meal, that is going to take a significantly extended period to digest everything that food as well as the worst thing you can do is put more food into a currently full stomach, unless your goals is always to do the stop, drop and roll drill. Only when you are hungry again should you resume your normal diet program following a huge holiday meal.

8.) Immediately Resume Your Normal Eating Schedule in the Next Meal

What's done is done. Now it can be time for you to return to your normal eating plan. Remember weekly caloric intake is far more valuable than daily calorie consumption. For example, let's say that you simply need 3,000 calories per day to keep up your existing body weight. Well, everything you'll want to do is make sure the average daily calorie consumption per week is 3,000 calories every day. This means that you'll be able to fluctuate your everyday calorie intake and yield the same results as if you ate that same amount on a daily basis. So if you have 1 day of big eating where you eat 9,000 calories (just an illustration, not just a recommendation), however you only eat 2,000 calories daily the remainder of the week, you will still end up in the same caloric balance. Again, I am not recommending which you eat such a serious manner, rather I am suggesting which you do not need to obsess about being perfect. Enjoy some indulging without excess your various holiday festivities knowing that the week in review trumps per day, even whenever you are particularly naughty on any given day.

9.) Never Eat Junk Food for Breakfast or Before Bed

Eating an incredibly refined carbohydrate meal very first thing within the morning could make your blood sugar levels drink too much for the remainder of your day causing greater unhealthy foods cravings and uncontrollable hunger. On the other hand, eating a big meal before bed will lead to a couple of unused energy that will be stored as body fat and you well could have trouble sleeping wonderful that extra food volume with your stomach!

10.) Control your Portions

Try to nibble on only half of every one of the servings of unhealthy food that you simply choose. Half of the portions equal half the calories!

11.) Avoid Empty Liquid Calories and Alcohol

One can easily consume over 1,000 calories each day from liquid calories alone. This means that in one week, you get 2 lbs of body fat from just fluids! Opt for regular solid food calories versus empty liquid calories (e.g. juices and carbonated drinks), for at the very least the foodstuff will satisfy you and offer some nutrition whereas liquid calories, particularly alcohol, have no such effect. Rather, sugary and/or alcoholic drinks make you hungrier generally and sometimes hungrier for junk food specifically. Furthermore, the body cannot burn up fat before alcohol is processed out of the body as well as the proven fact that alcohol consumption lowers leptin levels thus defeating one of the many purposes with this flexible eating (decreased leptin levels increase hunger and decreases the body's use of fat for fuel). Thus over-consumption of alcohol can avoid the weight loss process from resuming until a couple of days later and/or even cause unwanted weight gain and therefore cost you only a small amount as being a few days to as long as being a full week!

12.) Use Lower Calorie/Carbohydrate Substitutes Whenever Possible

Instead of utilizing sugar, select zero-calorie alternatives like Splenda or stevia. They can deliver an identical taste without every one of the extra sugar and calories. Even try replacing yeast with protein powder whenever you bake. The extra protein and reduced carbohydrates can lead to a slimmer you while still providing some terrific tasting treats! Your goal must be to obtain the minimal quantity of calories that may provide a similar great taste that creates the break treats enjoyable instead of simply overdoing it because you can!

13.) Avoid Eating Meals which are High in Both Fat and Carbohydrates

The absolute worst thing that you are able to do is usually to follow a meal which is full of both fat and carbs. The high amount of carbs will cause a rapid boost in glucose levels and so large increases inside potent fat-storing hormone Insulin. The high amount of fat will cause a large rise in free efas with your bloodstream. Since Insulin is already contained in huge amounts, as well as there like a large volume of free fatty acids available nowadays within your blood, takes place is set for all those free fatty acids being gobbled up and stored by your fat cells. This may be the same as becoming the next Goodyear blimp, so it can be important use caution at the holiday meals in relation to combining fat (particularly bad fats) and carbs (particularly starches and refined sugars). In general, it really is best to choose one over the other. But since most of the people crave carbs at their free meals, it can be essential to keep your fat low only at that meal. Want pasta? Instead of alfredo sauce, opt for a marinara sauce with whole fiber pasta. Want pizza? Make your pizza with whole-grain crust and fat-free cheese. Want mashed potatoes? Well then be sure to skip the gravy and go easy about the butter. These small changes can help you save hundreds, even a huge number of calories, and much more importantly prevents your holiday feasts from creating the perfect fat-storing environment that can set you back from achieving your overall health and fitness goals.

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How To Find The Right Weight Loss & Control For Your Specific Product(Service).

There are a few handy damage control diet strategies that you need to employ to best prevent yourself from overdoing it on the dinning table this christmas season. Use the tips below to allow yourself to stay social also to have the ability to have pleasure in moderation without splitting your pants prior to New Year:

1.) Perform High-Intensity Activity Before and/or After a Big Meal or Holiday Feast

I know, I know. I promised diet strategies, but I just can't go without recommending some activity. Your is most receptive to raised calorie and/or carbohydrate meals within a half-hour before and within three hours following high-intensity activity. Ideally, you would want to workout out before AND after a big meal, however, if you can only do one, that will suffice. It is less important if you undertake it and more important which you undertake it. Your best options will probably be 20 minutes of circuit strength training or cardio interval training. Even a 20-30 plus minute walk a couple of hours afterward can serve like a bit of damage control.

2.) Do NOT Fast in Preparation for any Big Meal or Holiday Feast

Fasting is preparation for the free meal will not only bring about overeating, but worse: overeating foods which might be extremely high in sugar, fat, or both! Your body is often a survival mechanism. If it hasn't had food for a while it anticipates a famine state. This means that the very next time that you just eat your system use as much of the incoming food as possible to keep as extra fat (survival energy) in anticipation that it certainly can't see food again for one more long period. Do yourself and the body a favor by eating every a couple of hours because you normally should prevent yourself from becoming a ravenous, fat-storing beast this holidays!

3.) Do NOT Gorge Yourself

Eat before the point of satisfaction, not discomfort. Remember this: binge eating is just not the habit of lean individuals. It is vital to understand that those holiday meals is not just a ticket to eat up to you can in as little time as you possibly can. However, pay attention to the body and ensure to enjoy the foods you are craving moderately in support of eat when you are hungry.

4.) Eat a High-Fiber, Protein-Rich Meal An Hour Before a Holiday Event

A meal loaded with fiber and protein before a major holiday meal might help prevent overeating by making you really feel more full which in turn means fewer calories consumed through the ensuing feast. My favorite strategy is to drink a protein shake with an added fiber and healthy fats (e.g. 2-4 Tbsp. flax meal) and 1 liter of water before this type of meal to keep me nice and full upon arrival. This way you won't lose any friends by consuming all of their dinner platter and you will probably useful midsection from the fluffier existence!

5.) Eat Leans Proteins and Fruits and Vegetables FIRST

Just because it is a holiday meal doesn't mean you can't eat any nutritious food. Make sure to bunch on healthier food choices first and attempt to eat as much lean meat, fish, and fruits and vegetables as you possibly can in the start of each holiday event. This will leave less room for your unhealthier, higher-calorie treats. At least by doing this you realize your body is becoming in some good nutrition and you're not putting yourself at excessive risk for sickness and/or other health conditions.

6.) Drink, Drink, Drink Water!

Water competes for space with your stomach and truly helps decrease appetite. For every plate, you take in, try and drink no less than 1-2 portions of water. After that second plate, once you have 1 full liter of water in your stomach, I bet you could possibly just throw inside the towel!

7.) Do NOT Eat Again Until Hungry Following a Large Meal

Now I know I already stated you can eat every 2-4 hours, but there is one exception to the. If you have a huge meal, it is important not to eat again until you happen to be hungry and/or will no longer full. If the body isn't utilized to eating such a big meal, that will require an extremely extended period to digest everything that food and the worst thing you'll be able to do is put more food into an already full stomach, unless your ultimate goal is to perform stop, drop and roll drill. Only if you are hungry again when you resume your normal eating plan following a big holiday meal.

8.) Immediately Resume Your Normal Eating Schedule with the Next Meal

What's done is done. Now it really is time for it to make contact with your normal eating plan. Remember weekly calorie consumption is far more important than daily calorie consumption. For example, let's say that you just need 3,000 calories per day to maintain your current body weight. Well, all of that you'll want to do is make certain the average daily calorie intake weekly is 3,000 calories each day. This means that you'll be able to fluctuate your evryday calorie consumption and yield a similar results as if you ate that same amount every day. So if you have 1 day of big eating where you take in 9,000 calories (just a good example, not just a recommendation), nevertheless, you only eat 2,000 calories per day the rest of the week, you will still find yourself on the same caloric balance. Again, I am not recommending which you eat in these a serious manner, rather I am suggesting which you do not must obsess about being perfect. Enjoy some indulging sparingly your various holiday festivities if you know the week in review trumps a day, even if you are particularly naughty on any given day.

9.) Never Eat Junk Food for Breakfast or Before Bed

Eating a highly refined carbohydrate meal very first thing inside morning is likely to make your blood sugar levels add too much throughout the day resulting in greater processed foods cravings and uncontrollable hunger. On the other hand, eating a big meal before going to bed will result in a few unused energy which will be stored as extra fat and you adequately may have sleep disorders with all of that extra food volume within your stomach!

10.) Control your Portions

Try to eat only 1 / 2 of all of the servings of unhealthy food that you choose. Half of the portions equal half the calories!

11.) Avoid Empty Liquid Calories and Alcohol

One can readily consume over 1,000 calories every day from liquid calories alone. This means that in one week, you will gain 2 lbs of unwanted fat from just fluids! Opt for regular solid food calories versus empty liquid calories (e.g. juices and soda pops), for at least the meals will satiate and provide some nutrition whereas liquid calories, particularly alcohol, haven't any such effect. Rather, sugary and/or alcoholic drinks make you hungrier generally speaking and sometimes hungrier for processed foods in particular. Furthermore, your system cannot burn up fat before alcohol is processed out of the body in addition to the fact that drinking lowers leptin levels thus defeating one of the many purposes with this flexible eating (decreased leptin levels increase hunger and decreases your body's using fat for fuel). Thus over-consumption of alcohol can steer clear of the weight loss process from resuming until a few days later and/or even cause unwanted fat gain and so cost you as little being a few days to as long being a full week!

12.) Use Lower Calorie/Carbohydrate Substitutes Whenever Possible

Instead utilizing sugar, select zero-calorie alternatives like Splenda or stevia. They can deliver much the same taste without all the extra sugar and calories. Even try replacing yeast with protein powder whenever you bake. The extra protein and reduced carbohydrates will lead to a slimmer you while still providing some great tasting treats! Your goal should be to find the minimal amount of calories that can provide the identical great taste that makes the holiday treats enjoyable rather than simply overdoing it because you can!

13.) Avoid Eating Meals which might be High in Both Fat and Carbohydrates

The absolute worst thing that you can do is usually to follow a meal which is full of both fat and carbs. The high level of carbs will bring about a rapid surge in glucose levels and therefore large increases inside potent fat-storing hormone Insulin. The high amount of fat will bring about a large boost in free efas in your bloodstream. Since Insulin is already present in huge amounts, in addition to there as being a large volume of free essential fatty acids now available in your blood, happens is defined for those free essential fatty acids being gobbled up and stored through your fat cells. This will be the same in principle as becoming another Goodyear blimp, so it's imperative to be cautious for your holiday meals in terms of combining fat (particularly saturated and trans fats) and carbs (particularly starches and refined sugars). In general, it can be best to pick one over the other. But since many people crave carbs at their free meals, it's essential to keep the fat low at this meal. Want pasta? Instead of alfredo sauce, opt for any marinara sauce with wholegrain pasta. Want pizza? Make your pizza with whole-grain crust and fat-free cheese. Want mashed potatoes? Well then make sure you skip the gravy and go easy on the butter. These small changes could help you save hundreds, even a large number of calories, and more importantly may prevent your holiday feasts from creating the perfect fat-storing environment that may run you from achieving your quality of life and fitness goals.