#unwrap my soul in between the notes . . . [ PLAYLIST ]*

[heroeslogic-moved]

❝ i never asked you to stop ❞ — rowan, raffaella

mutuals may interact, do not reblog without permission (personals/non-rp blogs keep your grubby hands off my post)

[heroeslogic]

my ex walked in and my other ex with her leave me alone, bitch, i wanna have fun put the three of us together, that's a real tongue twister

[onceheroeslogic]

the smallest man who ever lived has been added to the alice/billy playlist

[yami-writes]

if your asks are open & my request isn't too much. could you write a secret relationship one shot with mina & a skater fem! reader? so like the bakusquad wants to have a movie night, but like mina declines since girly had a date with her cute skatergirl planned on that day already & like she snitches out to the date & like both of them snitch into minas room later & cuddle & kiss, reader on her lap clinging like a fucking koala on her & how her classmates would find out, react. please my bisexual ass needs more girlxgirl content here, espacially with the mha girls 😔✊

(✨) paring(s) — Ashido x fem!skater!reader  (⚠️) warning(s) — none! (🔖) word count — 2.3k (💌) yami's note — yuhh fr tho 🤧 we need more mha girls but dw i gotchu 😌✨ 

“What? Why?” Kirishima questioned, poking his head out from behind Bakugo, “We’ve been planning this for weeks! You can't just flunk on us like this!!” Kaminari exclaimed, causing Mina to rethink the amount of time that went into tonight's now somewhat ruined plans “Aha~ yeah... sorry about that guys. Maybe another time.” she scratched the back of her head. 

Mina was about to leave before being stopped by a hard grip on her wrist “Oi, raccoon eyes. You better have a good excuse for this.” Bakugo glared, his crimson eyes almost seemed as if they could pierce holes in her soul. ‘Why does Bakugo of all people care!?’ She fumbled on her words, trying to find a reasonable excuse that would reward her the get-out-of-jail-free card without spilling the beans on anything private. “Uh- well- I uhm…” 

“Bakugo, leave her alone. Forcing yourself into her business isn’t very manly of you.” Kirishima chimed, ‘Right before I was about to get blown to bits! Thanks, Kirishima!’ Mina sighed in her head, before checking the time. 2:54pm. She promised to meet her date at 3pm.

Before anyone knew it, Mina was dashing down to the common room and out the door, almost appearing as a pink blur to everyone around her.

“Wha-what was that??” “I think that was Mina~” “Where is she going that fast!?” “I don't know,,”  “Mina’s fast but I didn't think she would be able to pull off those kinds of speeds.” the class-A girls conversed, wondering in concern what's got Mina in such a rush.

“Shit! I'm gonna be late! This isn't even the first time!!” Mina panicked, still racing over to the park the two of you had planned to meet at. 

Mina recalled the time she came almost 20 minutes late to a date because she didn't know what to wear, digging through her closet to find something she thought you would like. Dresses, skirts, sweaters, shorts, jeans, you name it, she probably tried it. 

To say the least, Mina was nervous. 

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

Mina continued to race towards the park she had agreed to meet at. Her pace began to slow as her stamina got closer to reaching its limit. “Hey, Mina!!” she heard a familiar voice call out. “Y/n!! Hi!” huffed out as she came to a stop. Mina took a moment to gather her breath, her hands on her knees as she pants. “Did you seriously run all the way here from your dorm?” y/n questioned after a minute of silence.

“Of course I did! I didn’t want to be late,,, again.” 

“You’re a riot.” 

“Thanks!” 

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

The weather outside was nice and the view the park offered was wonderful. Flowers of all sorts bloomed on the flowerbeds. Mina could see daffodils, tulips, alliums, sunflowers, all of different colours. The clouds created gorgeous patterns in the sky, larger ones blocking out the sun and giving the area a slightly darker atmosphere, nobody seemed to mind though. Trees shaded parts of the park, most of the adults seemed to linger around there, watching the children play together. 

Mina and y/n took a seat at one of the benches that was shaded by a tall and broad tree, the smell of nature flowing around it, their hands intertwined. Mina wasn’t the best in some compartments, but one thing she is good at is conversation. It's hard to find a dull moment with her, maybe that’s why people like being around her so much. y/n definitely wasn’t at her level when it came to social skills but the conversations between them flowed so effortlessly, the two of them just seemed to click in the best way possible. Two puzzle pieces that were meant to be together, created to be together. 

“Hey! Mina, look!!” y/n pointed to an ice cream parlor across the park, a small line of children with their parent’s 5 dollar bills in their hands  “Let’s get popsicles!” 

“Sure! Last one there has to pay!!” Mina ran off towards the parler.

“Hey-! No fair!!” y/n ran after her, taking an extra moment to pick up her skateboard, the thought of riding it to pass Mina not crossing her mind. Mina was a fast runner, most of the men in her class not able to compete without their quirks, same thing goes for y/n. It was possible her skateboard wouldn’t even be able to put up a rewarding fight. 

Mina waited by the parler, almost mockingly stretching her arms as she waited for her date to catch up. “Took you long enough~!” Mina giggled

“Yeah yeah, whatever,” y/n got out a $15 bill from her pocket before immediately having it taken from her hands. “I was joking! Let me pay instead!” Mina pleaded “I wanna make it up to you for coming late,”

“Babes, you were a minute late..” 

“I made you wait an extra minute!! And what about all those other times I-” Mina was cut off by the Parler man clearing his throat to get their attention. She shoved her money onto the counter before ordering y/n’s favourite flavor and a strawberry popsicle for herself. The Parler man took the money before opening  his parler and handing them the requested flavoured popsicles. 

“Thanks, sir!” Mina chirps before taking y/n’s hand, bringing her back to the bench the two of them were sitting at before. The two of them unwrapped their cold treats, enjoying and sharing them with each other. 

Conversation continued to flow between the two, time quickly passing by. Parents began taking their children home, young adults began walking home from their jobs, the city seemed alive. 

Wind blew on the three branches of the park, a chill starting to coat the air. 

“It’s probably gonna get cold soon, maybe we should get inside.” y/n proposed

“Yeah... Hey! You should come to the dorms!” Mina was quick to suggest, she’s always wanted to bring y/n to her room. The idea of having y/n close to her body, sharing snacks and watching funny videos on instagram always brought warmth to her heart. The idea of getting caught never really crossed her mind. 

“Are you sure? Your classmates are definitely gonna find out.” 

“No they won’t, I promise!”

“Mina, they’re heroes-in-training…” 

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

When mina was set on a decision, it was hard to get her to settle for something else, that’s something y/n’s learned many times. Mina dragged her partner to the UA dorm buildings, planning out loud what they could do together. Face masks, tiktoks, nails, and dancing are only a few of the activities that came into question. 

“I like the sound of face masks, I've been needing one for a while, my acne’s been acting up.” y/n groaned. “Dancing also sounds pretty fun, do you have any new playlists?” 

“I always have new playlists! Plus, Jirou recommended me some new songs the other day, her music taste actually isn’t that bad,” Mina giggled, “For a goth, that is.” y/n laughed at her comment. 

Mina talked about her classmates often, sometimes even gossiping about them. She never said anything hurtful, though, it was usually just a few mentions after finding something that reminded her of them. She once found a icyhot packet in the store and went on about this hot and talented guy in her class, a frog jumping around near a pond caused her to ramble on about her friend Tsu, and the taste of a tea served to her at a cafe reminded her of the tea her friend Momo would serve at the tutor sessions she hosted. 

Soon enough, the couple was standing in front of Heights Alliance, preparing a plan to get inside without being noticed. “Everyone’s usually elsewhere at this time, probably in their rooms or off training or something~” Mina opens the door to the building, “We should be good.” 

Mina peeps her head inside, making sure no one was in the common room before she proceeded. She motioned for y/n to come inside, before walking further inside the building. “C’mon, my room is this way!” Mina took y/n’s hand, passing by the common room and to the elevator. y/n couldn’t help but look around, she had never been in the Dormitories until this point, it was much nicer, and bigger, than she expected. The elevator ride was quiet, the fear of having classmates hear them while they continued their loud conversation through the halls on their minds. 

The elevator stopped at the selected floor, Mina took y/n’s hand again before leading her to their destination just around the corner. “Here is it! Come on in!” Mina smiled before unlocking and opening her room door. 

“Oh wow, so… pink.” y/n gasped “Yeah!! Do you like it?” 

“Of course I do! Your whole room just reminds me of you, I love it!” y/n wrapped her hands around her date “And I love you too!”

“I love you more!!” Mina giggled, returning the hug. Her embrace was warm, warmer than one might expect, that might be the result of such a pure heart. 

“Whatcha wanna do? I have a bunch of stuff here,” Mina pulls out a box from under her bed and begins to dig through it, “I have face masks and beauty supplies here, snacks and candy hidden around my room, we could also watch some movies or find a show to binge!” 

“Face masks are a good idea, and I’m down to watch a movie while we wait for them to dry.” y/n gets down beside her on the ground, watching her sift through her box of stuff.

“Awesome! What movie should we watch? I have a bunch of DVD’s on my shelf but we could always find something on Netflix. Oh and pick your favourite face mask!” Mina presented about 12 different face masks for y/n to choose from. 

“Oh~ I like that one! It’s my favourite colour, and it has a nice scent.” y/n picked up the f/c bottle, reading the labels on the back and admiring the smell emitting from it. “Nice choice! I’ll go with this one!” Mina holds up a pink, sparkly bottle with grapefruits and strawberries on the front. “This one’s my favourite, I use it all the time!” 

“I can see why,” y/n laughs, Mina joining in. 

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

The two of them sat comfortably on Mina’s bed, y/n on her lap and arms wrapped around her. A movie the couple had agreed on plays in front of them on Mina’s laptop as they wait for their face masks to dry, sharing candy she had hid around her room. Mina occasionally placed soft kisses on y/n’s cheeks, jaw and neck, it was her favourite thing to do in this position. While Mina enjoyed receiving affection, she seemed to love giving affection even more.

Soon enough, the movie ended and credits began to roll, giving y/n and Mina a moment to stretch after sitting in one position for over an hour. “That was a good movie.” y/n said between stretches. “Yeah, I’m gonna recommend it to Hagakure, she’s been looking for good movies to watch lately.” Mina got out her phone to check the time, “We still have a few hours, wanna watch another one while we wait for our nails to dry?”

“We’re gonna do nails too?”

“Yeah!”

“Sure.”

Uhm i’m not sure how to continue and end this so i’ll do HCs for this part LMAOO

I gotta get better at writing smh 

Anyways, after Mina took you to her dorm for the first time you started coming over more often

The two of you always have a shitton of fun when you do

Not like you ever not have fun with Mina 

Although this one time was different~ 

Your skateboard had dirt and mud on it from riding after a storm, so you had left it by the door to avoid tracking any of it in Mina’s room 

But it so happened Denki was walking by and found it in the hallway floor 

And seeing it was outside Mina’s door he decided to not knock and ask if it was hers

He caught yall cuddling while binging your favourite anime 

“Yo, Mina, is this skateboard you-”

He went 👁️👄👁️

After an eternity a few seconds of pure silence Denki’s like BHJNBHJVHJ WHO’S THAT???? AND WHY ARE YOU SO CLOSE TO THEM-??/?????

Mina sighs and explains the whole thing about how yall have been dating in secret and going on dates and stuff

The look on the boy’s face was literally surprised pikachu 

Mina asked him to keep a secret but c'mon now we all know Mr. Kaminari cannot keep a secret for the life of him👩🏾‍🦯 big mouth headass

He told everyone. 

the look on Mina’s face when Sero brought up her secret girlfriend the next day was priceless

“H-hOW YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT!?”

“Denki told me.” 

Denki: *choke* 

He knows he’s ‘bouta get his ass beat.

As for reactions, they’re mainly looking pretty positive ✨

Denki, kirishima, bakugou and sero are the first people to find out, and probably one of the only people Mina talks about you to besides the other class a girls

They’re happy for her (although bakuhoe wouldn’t admit it- he pretends he don’t care but c'mon we know better than that), and definitely wanna meet you sometime soon 

All the class A girls and basically screaming 

Cuz like- wHAT

How could Mina keep such a big secret grrrrr >:((

She ends up bringing you and the rest of the girls to her room to meet you

Expect expect like 30 questions from each of them about various different topics that may or may not matter

Remember the boys who didn't care about seeing the girl’s rooms in that one episode? Yea this squad is still on their shit🧘🏾‍♀️

Okay well they do care, just not as much dnjskbjdkn

Sato would bake you a yummy cupcake! 

You ain’t neva eating something that delicious ever again just sayin~ 

Everyone else would silently wish to meet you one day 

Tenya is probably the only person you should look out for

if you don’t have Aizawa’s permission to be on campus he probably won’t let you inside🖐🏾

aizawa don’t care tho so getting permission isn’t a problem 

Overall, 1-A’s reaction to Mina’s girlfriend is pretty positive! 😗✌🏾

masterlist 

[heliophilial]

𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒖𝒔 . (a tbz 3rd year anniversary special)

genre :angst ,fluff (more of brotherhood)

group and member involved :the boyz ,all members are involved !

between :the whole group and thebs hello cuties <3

warnings :u may or may not cry but i cried typing this so gluck ig HWUJDF

word count :844 (i didn’t count my notes to thebs and the boys in)

brief description :when all seems dull ,when times are grey ,it is only when we are together that the world gains its colour .theres no one else like you ,no one else like us ,theres really nothing like us .

playlist :literally just nothing like us by justin bieber like a 1 hr loop or smth ,depends on how long u take to read this

before you continue to read also please note that ‘we’ refers to thebs here !!

quiet .peaceful .light snores of the members filled the dorm .the room filled with nothing but darkness .black shade hovering over the members faces .they had just wrapped up a little celebration in the living room with cakes and party poppers to celebrate their 3rd year together not long ago .shortly after wrapping up the party ,they had fallen asleep on the couch ,all lying on one another comfortably .

sangyeon slowly blinked his eyes open .he rubbed his eyes and slowly unwrapped eric's hands from his waist and placed chanhee's legs that were on his lap onto the space of the sofa that he had previously occupied .careful to not wake the members up .

he looked at the members' sleeping forms and smiled ,glad that they were finally able to catch some rest after their packed schedules .he walked to the kitchen to fetch himself a glass of water and at the corner of his eyes ,he spotted a glimmering light .he placed his glass down and approached the light that was so very alluring for some reason .

there on the shelf of where all their awards have been placed on ,laid a book with its contents blinding his eyes with its bright light .he inspected the book for a while before proceeding to open it with caution .

inside the book ,there were sketches of the key moments the members have shared together such as their debut stage ,their first ever music show award as well as their first ever full length album promos .as he flipped to the first page that displayed their first moment together ,there were harsh winds blowing past him and a force from the book pulled him towards the page and right into it .

he looked at the 12 boys on stage ,introducing themselves for the first time to the whole wide world .and he looked at them with pride and honour in his eyes ,the boys' who had no idea what being idols would be like for themselves ,clueless of what the future had in store for them .he looked at them from the bottom of the stage and sucked in a breath ,"wow we've really grown a lot ."he thought .

after they had introduced themselves as a group and individually ,the sight in front of him suddenly pauses and his attention gets diverted to the door to his right .

he walked into the room .

he gets transported to the very first time they cried together ,over the pain ,over the stress ,over the tiredness of it all .

he looked at the 12 boys shedding tears of pain .he swallowed the lump in his throat ,the feelings of helplessness ,confusion ,fear coming washing over him once again as he sees the very moment they broke down .

tears flows down his face ,and that my friends are tears of the caretaker ,the leader ,the person whom the members depend on ,lee sangyeon .

as heavy as the weight he carried ,the tears poured like a fierce and powerful waterfall .

and then the door right next to him yet again invites him to step into yet another memory .

he steps onto the stage of road to kingdom ,and as he looks ahead the ending poses of all their road to kingdom stages are there right in front of him .all the members still and not moving ,just statures .

he walks down the long stretch ,as he looks at the legacy they left behind ,the power and strength ,the confidence from these stages that the members have gained progressively with each stage .

as he finally reaches the other end of the stage ,the screen opens up to when they had their 'the stealer'promotions .where they had their wins .

his smile grew wider and wider as he walked through all the performances they have done for the stealer and all the trophies they have gotten from the era .

and finally he reached another door .a door with a question mark on it .

he opens the door ,to pitch black .

darkness ,just darkness .and the fear in sangyeon grew ,"what does this darkness mean ?what is it gonna be for us ?"

suddenly , the door creaks open to reveal the members one by one .

sangyeon looks up at them and suddenly the fear stops ,hes no longer afraid as he looks into their eyes .

they ran to him and extended their hands out to him .

he proceeds to embrace all the members into a big tight group hug .drops of colour starts to paint the room ,slowly forming a picture showing the many stages they have performed ,every milestone theyve achieved ,the concerts ,every moment with their fans ,every moment together ,every vlives .everything starts out when theyre together .

we opened the door carefully ,proceeding to join our hands together and form a circle surrounding the boys .as we cried tears of joy and pride ,we hugged each other as well and this is when we knew

"theres nothing like us ,theres nothing like you and me ,together through the storm ."

for thebs

thank you for being one of the most caring ,loving ,welcoming and inclusive fandoms ever .to all the thebs all around thw world ,thank you for supporting them and giving them love as well .i love yall <3 lets protect them at all costs ♡

for my beloved boys

hello my loves ❤ik its 12 am in korea already but i still just wanna type this for you !so there's really a lot of things i want to say to you ,im sure many of us have already said whatever im about to say but i will still say it to remind you or to let you know that ,yes ,you do make me feel that way ,you do make me feel those kinds of feelings .

i dont know how ,like no nothing at all can show how grateful i am towards you .i cant tell you how many times there were this year when i just got beaten up (mentally)to the point that i couldnt even have the energy to stand back up and continue life normally .but whenever these times come ,ik i just know even though youre not here physically ,i know you want me to stop crying ,i know you would want me to stop hurting myself and i know you would stay with me even when my walls come crashing down onto me .you made me feel the greatest kind of happiness possible ,i never knew that this feeling was even possible to feel until i met you .

there was never a moment when i regretted stanning you ,supporting you and giving you all my heart and soul ,my energy ,everything .i just want you to know that you are so special ,so wonderful ,so incredibly talented ,so hardworking ,so beautiful ,just the most amazing bunch of people ever .ive never seen people so passionate ,so ready to help ,so genuinely loving and caring towards the people who love them .

i know its hard to be an idol ,and i know that its especially hard to even speak your mind ,speak what you wanna say without having the media chase you down .but i just wanna let you know that we are and will be by your sides forever .no matter what happens ,im sure ,very sure u know that u can run right back into our arms like how uve always welcome us back into urs .u are the people who made me feel the most bizarre feelings ,beyond happiness ,beyond joy ,beyond euphoria ,beyond all the feelings ive ever felt in my whole 16 years of living .

we are so proud of you of how far youve come ,how much youve accomplished .im so so proud ,so so happy to be able to call myself a fan of yours ,a theb ,someone who so dearly supports you .and i really hope you know that .i would wish for there to never be an end to this .for all i know ,im in this shit for life ,forever ,till the end .

im just so happy because of you ,i feel joy ,i see the light in life ,the reasons to live ,so much more prominent to me now because of you .there will come one day ,when we can finally see each other face to face and i can finally shout out to you ,my words of gratitude ,my words of thanks and my words filled with love and affection for you and just see your faces .but till then ,please take good good care of urselves ,rest well and eat well okay !we're always here ,remember !❤

its really been a rocky and crazy ride these 3 years ,you my friend ,are indeed the best character i can ever invite into my story 💜i hope youre sleeping tight ,i love you so much more than words can ever describe .with that ,happy 3 years to my favourites ,my loves ,my bbs ,my shining lights ,my everything ,happy 3 years to the boyz ❤💜💙💛 - berinne

[vanchlo]

The Firsts / #2 “The First Time Bringing Him Home”

*not my gif*

---> NEXT BLURB: I hope that I can put it out on October 19th, following the every other week rule, but I’m not sure with my busy schedule. Keep an eye out for updates on the series masterlist!

---> READ BLURB #1

READ THE ASSISTANT, AKA WHAT CAME FIRST

SERIES MASTERLIST          

READ ON WATTPAD

-> SHOULD I CREATE A TAGLIST FOR THIS SERIES? IF YOU’D LIKE TO BE ADDED, LET ME KNOW! :)

LEGEND:

+ : a break in the story; a time jump.

italicized words : a flashback.

WARNINGS: None

WORD COUNT: 10.7k words (!!!)

SONG:  And I Love Her by The Beatles  (CLICK TO LISTEN)

                          * SNEAK PEEK, DUH BC ALWAYS *

“A tear collects at the corner of my eye, reminding me that at times like these, I expect to blink and it’ll all be gone. I wait for myself to wake up from the dream, and to have him ripped away from me, just like all of those other times he was. But it doesn’t, because how could my dreams beckon for me when my life was finally better than anything I could dream about?“

“She thinks that there’s one soul out there, just for her. One that will stay by her side forever and that someday, she’ll find it.”

- Kazuya Kujō, GOSICK -ゴシック-

*

“Are you kidding me?” 

Groaning, I drop my purse in the doorway where it falls with a thud, and my quick steps echo down the hallway. “Harry Edward, I swear to God,” I mutter under my breath, narrowing my eyes at his laughing figure at the other end, but the happy sound only grows further and further away. 

“What would you ever do without me?” I ask nobody aloud, coming to a stop in a patch of sunlight dancing through the tall window. Rounding his desk, I find his brown messenger bag that I still smile at every time, and begin to pack his stuff up.

Pulling open a drawer, I find his Macbook charger that I may or may not be stealing for the tenth or twelfth time. After the last of the unwrapped cord comes out, something pink flutters to the marbled floor. Huffing, I shove the charger into his bag and bend down to pick it up, smoothing down the end of my skirt against my bottom. The thought of standing back up comes to my mind, but as a hint of his recent Sage and Citrus candle trickles through the air, I stop at the words I see. 

“Huh,” I sigh, my lips curling into my cheek as the writing on the Post-It clears before my eyes. A certain somebody’s handwriting that I could recognize instantly, but my noggin takes a moment to rouse the reason for this very note. 

I hope your case went well today, Harry, and I’m sure it did because you’re so good at what you do. I just wanted to let you know that I really like working with you, and I’m so glad that I found this job, and more importantly, you. You’re one of my best friends, Harry, so thank you a lot for that. 

Your Becks xxx

The space between my eyebrows softens when the jigsaw pieces click inside my head, but then it’s followed by the smallest of tears in my chest when I notice that my name is smudged. The paper all over has smudge marks, and looks almost crinkled, as if somebody spilled something on it . . or shed tears onto it. 

“Oh, Harry. I hate to think what you did do without me,” I whisper, brushing my thumb over the note I wrote so many years ago, and yet, he still clung onto it. Standing back up, I clear my itchy throat and tuck the note back into the drawer where it sat in the little divider surrounded by coins and pink erasers. 

“Can I help you with sumthin’?” a voice teases from the doorway. I almost jump when I hear it, the sleek wooden drawer closing without a sound. 

“Yeah, you can stop making us late.” 

“What, we’re not gonna be late, Becks.” 

“We will if you don’t stop it with your Minnesota goodbyes,” I quip, draping the cloth strap over my shoulder and stepping forward. 

“Whatever tha hell that means,” he titters with knitted brows, that breathy laugh escaping his lips to grace the air. He closes the distance between us and I feel zings of electricity on my forehead where his lips touch. “Here, gimme. I was jus’ sayin’ me goodbyes t’ My’ t’ make sure we’re all set with bein’ gone t’morrow and Monday, and you as well.” 

“If you say so,” I exhale, letting him take the bag from me. Somehow, it only makes him all the more attractive, clutching onto it across his chest, clad in a teal and black paisley suit with a button up the color of raven feathers beneath. 

“C’mon, brat. Let’s get this show on tha road then,” he complains ever so annoyingly, making me roll my eyes. 

“Hey! Watch it, you’re on thin ice, bud!” I exclaim, whipping around to find him giggling after pinching my ass. 

“Oooo, ‘m so scared!” 

+

“Harry, hurry up already! I don’t want to hit rush hour traffic! What more do you need to bring? It’s only a three-four day trip,” I call up the staircase, my hands slapping against my thighs in impatience. 

“‘m comin’! Would ya chill yer tits, woman? My God,” Harry chuckles, appearing around the corner of the staircase a moment later. Shaking my head, I catch sight of the large box wrapped in floral paper. “Don’t smile now, Becks. Dontchu’ smile, babe.” 

Stifling a giggle, I turn around fast and thread my fingers through the cloth handle, “Dammit, Harry, what do you have in this bag? It weighs a ton.” 

“‘s yer birthday presents, bug.” 

“It is?” I ask excitedly after an intake of air. His steps stop in front of me, but I ignore him and push aside the fabric of the large reusable cloth bag. 

“They’re wrapped, silly. Hey, you were gonna cheat and take a peek, weren’t you?!” Harry exclaims. Looking up slowly, I press my lying lips into a line and shake my head. His own pair rise to pinch his cheeks and now, it’s his turn to shake his head. “Naughty, naughty, Becks. Hmm, maybe I should jus’ leave ‘em here and you can open ‘em when we get back on Monday. Fo’get ‘bout openin’ ‘em up t’morrow mornin’ on yer birthday.” 

“Harry, no!” I almost shout, but his stern look dissolves into a giggle. A spark ignites on my cheek when his thumb brushes along it, hooking his fingers into my hair. 

“Don’t worry, sweets. I can hardly wait t’ give ‘em t’ you, let alone anotha few days,” he winks, and I feel my shoulders relax when I breathe out. “Now, let’s go put this in tha boot, and get goin’. Yer dad’s expectin’ us soon,” he hums, bending forward to sponge a kiss under my eye. I can’t remember when he had started doing that, but I smile at the feeling of his warm lips on my birthmark. 

“Hey, what’d I say earlier?!” I argue a moment later, almost jumping into the air after he pinched my bum. 

“I don’t care. Yer gonna be tha one makin’ us late now, if ya don’t hurry that cute bum o’ yers along.” 

Giggling, I open his glossy, black front door to step onto the front stoop. Humming a tune, Harry helps me to get the heavy bag into the boot of his Rover, fitting it and his large box amongst his suitcase and my own. Things are shoved to the side, including his windshield scraper, a jumper or two, and his bag of workout clothes with his highlighter yellow Nikes spilling out. 

“Becks, I get t’ pick this time!” 

“No, you don’t. I don’t even remember who picked last time, but I got to your phone first. That’s the rule,” I return with a mischievous grin pointed towards him. Huffing, he adjusts himself in the driver’s seat before pulling the seat belt across his chest. 

“Pick sumthin’ good please, and would ya plug me phone in then?”

“Sure, and wait, what do you mean? I always pick good music!” I say, turning to look at him as he presses the button to start the car. 

“I love ‘Dancing Queen’ and ‘Bohemian Rhapsody,’ babe, but please, can we have sumthin’ different t’day? ‘s a three hour drive, I don’t wanna be listenin’ t’ those songs or bloody ‘Hannah Montana’ tha whole way.” 

“You’re no fun,” I groan, finding the words I had just said feeling heavy in my throat when I see his lock screen. A giggly picture of us from the other night fills it, the first time I’ve seen it. Smiling, I unlock it regrettably, and find his Music Library. 

“Alright, Ms. GPS, where am I goin’ exactly? ‘s been awhile since ‘ve been up this way, y’know,” Harry says, adjusting the air conditioner until it flows softly. 

“Thanks for driving,” I tell him first, squeezing his hand and watching his eyes scan over to me. They instantly fill with the smile that follows on his face. 

“Welcome, babe. Take all tha time ya need with gettin’ back t’ it. But, y’know, ya should start lookin’ fer a new car.” 

“I don’t wanna talk about this right now, Harry-,” I begin in an upset tone, scrolling through one of his playlists. 

“Ya, but I do. I don’t see why you won’t lemme help you pay-.” 

“Harry, I can afford it, I’ll be fine. The settlement money will be enough for a used one,” I disagree, settling on a Haim song just to have something to listen to already. 

I just hope it’ll help me tune out this impending argument. 

“Ya, a shitty used one, Becks. ‘m not gonna let you drive ‘round an unreliable car, I-.” 

“Well, I don’t remember needing to have your permission before I did something,” I retort, setting his phone down above the radio on the little mat, noticing his fingers darting around on the touch screen. 

“That’s not what I said, Becks, y’know that . . Ya don’t ever need me permission t’ do sumthin’, I can’t believe ya’d think that ‘bout me,” Harry sighs, stabbing at the screen one last time before backing away from his closed garage. 

Closing my eyes, I let my head fall against the window, regret pooling inside of me darkly. I try to swallow, but the words I want to say sit there, unsaid. 

“I don’t think that about you, Harry, I-.” 

“Then why fookin’ say that, Becks?” he spits back, harshly switching gears before zooming along as the directions are spoken to him. 

“Because I’m upset and people say things they don’t mean when they’re upset, and I’m tired of-.” 

“Doesn’t fricken ‘scuse what ya said, actin’ like ‘m controllin’ when ‘m not like that. You know ‘m not,” Harry grumbles under his breath, stopping suddenly in front of a changing stoplight. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Ya well, what have you said t’ me befo’, huh? ‘Sorry doesn’t always cut it,’ ‘cuz y’know, it doesn’t mean a whole lot when it gets overused all o’ tha time,” he continues, a bite in his voice. I soon taste blood in my mouth and release my tongue, unaware I was taking out my frustration on it, as well. 

“I don’t want your help buying a car, Harry, why can’t you just accept that already?” I almost explode, wishing I wasn’t, but the words were shoved up and away before I could stop them. 

His sigh is automatic and unavoidable, as is the click of his tongue, “‘Cuz we’ve argued ‘bout this how many times, and ya still won’t tell me why not.” 

“Fine, because I don’t want to take your help- your money. I-It’s just how I was raised, I don’t know. It’d be so embarrassing, Harry . . ,” I trail off, my voice growing small and choked. 

“Oh, Becks,” Harry says in an exhale, lacing his hand with mine and pressing a kiss to it. “Ya don’t hafta be embarrassed, love . . I know that you’d pay me back, and however long it takes ‘s fine.” 

“Thanks, but . . I don’t know. I don’t like ‘talking money’ with you, no offense or anything. It’s just . . weird with you being my boss and signing my checks, like you say. You know how much I make, and I know you pay me a little more than an associate because you like me.” 

“‘m sorry I give you shit ‘bout tha check thing, but y’know that other part’s a bit o’ an understatement,” he wheezes, squeezing my hand in his. Breathing in, I move my head to look at him and watch his eyes turn to me and soften. “It ‘s. I liked you afta a few weeks o’ knowin’ you at tha firm, then I really liked you, and then I loved you.” 

“Harry,” I say with a sigh, looking away and finding our laced hands sitting on his thigh, right where he always places them. 

“What, ya aren’t gonna reciprocate me love?” he giggles, and I remain quiet. “‘s okay, love, ya don’t always hafta.” 

“I love you too, but-,” I start, but cut myself off, just in time. Or, so I think.

“But what?” he asks, his indicator making a ticking noise while he switches lanes. It takes me a few moments to notice the absence of the music. I think that he’s lowered the volume, but then, I gather that he’s turned it off altogether. “Becks, what’re you thinkin’ bout?”

“Bug? Yer scarin’ me, what’s tha matter?” he says, hurrying through his words. My lips are dry when I swipe my tongue over them, but the landscape outside my window is anything but that. It’s green in between the buildings and the hot sun shines high in the sky. 

“I feel like a burden to everybody . . the last few months . . ,” I admit in a small voice, focused on the sensation of him twirling a ring around my finger. An old one I had found in a drawer the other day, from my uni days with Skye. “What are you doing?” I ask hurriedly when I notice he pulls off the road onto the shoulder, and parks. 

“Becks,” Harry says firmly, pressing his thumb into my hand, but it doesn’t wake me up quite yet. “Rebecca Holte, listen to me. No, I need you t’ look at me too,” he continues, cupping the side of my face and pressing on it until I look into his eyes overwhelmed with something. “You are not a burden t’ anybody, let alone t’ me. I love you, Becks, mo’ than I thought I could ever love somebody. Hell, mo’ than ‘ve loved anyone. Yer never a burden t’ me, ‘ve told you this fer years, and I wish you’d believe it, love. I really don’t mind givin’ you lifts t’ work, and I know Skye doesn’t either. How else would I know that you secretly love Miley Cyrus’ music, or ya still jam t’ High School Musical or The Lion King? I love ridin’ t’ work and home with you ev’ry day, I honestly cherish gettin’ that extra time with you. Sure, ya drive me nuts sumtimes with yer odd music tastes, but I love you fer that. I love you for yer stubbornness, even with this bloody car issue, ‘cuz I dunno if we’d be t’getha if it weren’t fer yer stubbornness. I love you fer how good you are with yer money, tha effort you make fer those you love, like spendin’ tha weekend at yer Dad’s fer yer birthday with Robbie. I love you fer yer dedication t’ anythin’ and anybody that you love - throwing Asher a surprise birthday party tha other week, or organizing that baby shower fer Rose next week. Yer amazing, you blow me off me feet ev’ry day with sumthin’ new ya did. You could never be a burden t’ me, yer tha complete opposite, bug. You make tha world spin ‘round fer me, always done that, you have. Ya make me excited t’ get up in tha mornin’, t’ be a lawyer, hell . . t’ be a person, and mo’ importantly, yer boyfriend and best friend. I never wantcha t’ think yer a burden, ‘specially t’ me, ‘cuz that’s tha last thing you are t’ me. I love you mo’ than I could ever begin t’ tell you,” Harry divulges and not for the last time do I feel like The Grinch, because it feels as if my heart has grown another size, or two. 

His warm laugh dances across my head when I fall into his arms and pull him against me for once. 

“Dontchu’ cry on yer birthday weekend now, bug,” he jokes against my temple, his lips making a smacking noise against my flushed skin. 

My favorite song in the world fills my ears as his words from before drunken my mind with their never ending meanings. I never thought I could love somebody this much, either. Sorry, Skye. 

Sniffling, I brush my hand against my itchy nose and peer up. His greens brighter than the grass outside my window peer down at me, softer than can be. 

“I love you too, Harry, so much. I don’t know what more I can say after that,” I croon with happiness plastered across my face. “But, thank you.”

“Ya don’t hafta say anymo’, that’s mo’ than enough fer me, sweets,” he assures me, pressing his lips to mine. “‘m sorry ya didn’t get mo’ settlement money, ya would have if it was me who fought yer case.” 

“How many times do I have to tell you that it’s okay?” I giggle and he nods with those dimples on full display for me. He nibbles at his bottom lip, leaving short white imprints amongst the rosy color. I sometimes still amaze myself at getting to run my fingers through his hair whenever I want to, like now. The clean, citrus smell of his new shampoo wafts over me as he smiles down at me, making me think all of my dreams have come true. Almost all of them. 

“I know, bug, but it was disappointin’, tha settlement.”

“Your friend at Williams and Knox did great, Harry, and you couldn’t have argued it with your connection to me. Nobody at the firm could, seeing as how I work with them,” I explain to him, my thoughts brushing over the redundancy of it all. 

“‘ll tell ya what, I have an ol’ mate who works with cars, and I bet he could knock off a few grand fer me-.” 

“Harry!” I begin to protest, but it’s soon whisked away by the softness of his lips against mine. Our giggles tickle the others, and his hand is cold against my hip when he slides up my shirt. “I don’t want you to-,” I start again after he pulled away, but he dives back in for another kiss. Now, I don’t really care if we happen to be late. 

“Ya gonna stop arguin’?” he wheezes after ending the kiss, brushing the tip of his nose against mine. My lips part and he raises his eyebrows in response, making me nod moments later. “Good. Now, as I was sayin’, he owes me a favor so ‘ll see what I can do ‘bout gettin’ you a new car. Actually, I think a lease would be best fer you.” 

“But, Harry, new cars are too expensive and the insurance as well, and-.” 

“Hush,” he whispers against my lips, soon letting me taste his coconut chapstick for the third time in the last minute. Then again, time has seemingly gone out the window these last few minutes, and I couldn’t care if I tried. “I really do think ‘d be best. Ya, insurance would be higher, but then ya have a new car, guaranteein’ no problems, and if there are, tha dealer place fixes ‘em free o’ charge. Inna few years, ya can buy it, or trade it in and sign another lease.” 

“Okay, Mr. Convincing Lawyer, you do have a few good points,” I at last agree, watching his sixty-watt smile only grow brighter at my surrender. 

“Yer music t’ me ears, y’know that?” 

“Ditto,” I say, smiling up at him.

“Maybe if ya continue t’ be good  and give a li’l less lip at work, ya jus’ might get a raise when it comes t’ yer six month review next week,” he jests with a lift of an eyebrow, a shit-eating grin plastering his lips. “Reckon that’d help with tha car, bug.”

“Is that so, Mr. Styles?”

“Mmmhmm, it ‘s indeed, Ms. Holte,” Harry answers, but I ignore him and choose to get lost in his lips, and the baby curls on the back of his neck. 

+

A Paul McCartney song hums around us, the soft twang of acoustic guitar filling the holes as buildings pass on by. Yawning, I shuffle my feet in front of me and tip my head against the window. The song comes to a gentle end before a Bowie song follows, and I find my thigh warmed by his touch. I lose myself in the lyrics as his thumb leaves circles through my jeans first above my knee, then higher, and higher. Turning away from the window, I peek a look at him to find him biting at his nails while focused on the road. 

“Stop biting your nails,” I whisper, my hand falling onto his and dragging it back towards my knee. It’s difficult, but I hold back the grin begging at my lips when I watch him blink with emphasis. 

“Stop movin’ me hand. Y’know what, it took me tha last ten minutes t’ get that high,” he retorts without moving his eyes from the traffic in front of us. 

“Why are you trying to get so high, huh, Mr. Styles?”

“Yer not helpin’ things by callin’ me that. Y’know how I feel ‘bout you callin’ me it,” Harry sighs, his thumb falling from his lips, and he turns on his indicator. After switching lanes, he reaches into the middle compartment and offers me a stick of gum before shoving a piece into his mouth. 

“And how do you feel about me calling you that?”

“Stop,” he says, turning his head to look me straight in the eyes when a light has turned red. “Playin’ dumb, Becks.” 

I avoid his eyes with a giggle and peer out at the landscape where buildings soon become far and in between, knowing how it gets to him and in a good way. His tsking tickles my ears and I shove his hand away, sure I’ve only made matters worse. The next few songs tick Queen off the list, as well as The Stones, and Simon and Garfunkel before a Beatles song follows. 

“Penny Lane is in my ears, and in my eyes,” the radio sings back to us while Harry cruises at a steady 68 miles per hour. His distracted humming along eggs me on, and without a thought more, I slide my hand across the divider and onto his thigh. If he noticed, he didn’t say anything, and when I glance over, he’s blowing bubbles between singing along. “And in his pocket is a portrait of the Queen. He likes to keep his fire engine clean . . ,” he nods to the words, and smacks loudly on his gum. I take the chance and slowly lift my hand from the warmth of his leg, and find another spot a little higher up. 

“Yer cheatin’,” is all he says while sitting back further and adjusting his hand on the wheel. 

Huffing, I look away guiltily and try my darnedest to hide the smile blooming on my lips, “I am not.” 

“Yes, you are. Only slidin’, no liftin’, Ms. Holte. Start over, then.” 

“Fine,” I groan, replacing my hand to above his knee where I had begun in the first place. His chuckle irritates me, but when he picks up my hand to press a kiss to, I find it hard not to melt next to him. 

Throughout the next few songs featuring Jagger, Backstreet Boys, and McFly, I don’t get very far. I hardly beat my record when he picks up my hand and places it back at the starting point. 

“Harry!” I exclaim in annoyance, turning to face him. His dimpled cheeks round out with a pink smile. “No fair, I almost won!” 

“Ya, and ya were gettin’ a li’l too close t’ me junk, y’know.” 

“That’s the point of the game, silly!” I argue but it only collapses into a laugh that he reluctantly echoes. “We don’t actually . . touch each other, you know that.” 

“What’re you talkin’ ‘bout? You did jus’ tha other day!” 

“Stop it!” I whine, crossing my arms over my chest and facing the window once more with hot cheeks. With my face smushed into a line, I find only a few bits of relief when my forehead meets the cool glass of the window, wishing I hadn’t heard those words. “Don’t,” I mutter when he pries at my stubborn arms that coax me back together. 

“Babe, I was jus’ jokin’ with you. It was only an accident, ya don’t still hafta feel bad ‘bout that, Becks,” Harry insists, but the harmless giggle feels anything but that when it interrupts the new Busted song. 

“I would if you’d stop bringing it up! You know that I’m never going to hear the end of it from Skye, and now, you too!” 

“Bug, it was funny. We all agreed it was, ‘s nuthin’ t’ be ashamed of still, I promise you.” 

“Oh, hush,” I say through gritted teeth, shaking off his hand only to hear his depressed sigh. 

His voice grows low, and somehow, I let his hand remain when it graces the round of my knee, “I didn’t mind y’know, ‘s rather flatterin’ actually-.” 

“Would you shut up about it, please? I touched your crotch the other day, I know because I was there, and it was in front of Skye. I almost died from embarrassment when it happened, and if you don’t stop bringing it up, I actually will die from embarrassment and it’ll be all of your fault.” 

“Becks, chill out, babe,” he titters, the emphasis held in his hand that tries to rub the worries away, but I remain pouting. “Stop it with tha poutin’, love, ‘s not lost on me. It was an accident that ‘m sorry I keep givin’ ya grief fer. I like our li’l game, and I know ‘s harmless. Maybe one o’ these times ‘ll make it up t’ you and let ya win.” 

“Stop talking already, you know I hate it when you let me win.” 

“Young lady, ya better stop it with tha whining, cuz yer stuck with me for tha next three-four days, and ya best bet ‘m stealin’ all o’ tha covers,” he gripes, and I at last look at him with my body too. 

“Harry Edward, you will not!” 

“I will too, ‘specially if ya keep on poutin’ ‘bout that thing, ‘s not worth it,” he insists, pulling free one of my hands to lace with his one, and smatter the skin of with kisses. “I jus’ hope ya like what ya felt, but ya should know, ‘s mo’ impressive when ‘s hard.” 

“Harry, would you stop it?!” I shout, yanking my hand away from him and shrinking against the window with a shiver. “You’re gross.” 

“What, like ya haven’t thought ‘bout me dick befo’?” he wheezes with that breathy laugh I’m trying not to love right this moment. Sighing, I close my eyes and try to focus on the song, but it’s becoming too difficult as his words spring a leak in my mind. 

This little ‘game’ of ours had started shy of a few weeks ago, and I can’t even remember why really. One of us had started laying our hands on the other’s thigh and as a joke one night, I think after some drinks, I got a little handsy and tried to see how far I could slide my hand without him noticing. It’s become a competition ever since and harmlessly, given the fact that a few steamy makeout sessions as of late hadn’t progressed to anything besides that. Running across some old photos the other night with Skye when backing up my phone made me realize again just how lucky I’ve gotten with him. The man I never thought I’d be able to love, and here I am, embarrassed because my boyfriend is talking about his dick that may or may not occupy my thoughts at times.

God, if I could tell Past Becky that sometime in the near future sh-we may get to see Harry naked, she wouldn’t believe me, or the fact I probably get to sleep beside him the next few nights with him wearing nothing but shorts. I can’t decide which outweighs the other, the excitement, or the fear of the f- that kind of future. 

+

“No,” I whine, continuing to comb through the contents, despite the fact that I already know that it’s not there. 

“Yer bedroom ‘s cute, y’know. Look at all these posters, I love ‘em. Bloody hell, ‘s that a Scooby Doo stuffie? Powerpuff Girls too?” he giggles from across the hallway, and I hear things being moved around. “Becks?”

“I know I packed it, what the heck?”

“What’s tha matter?” Harry coos, coming up from behind me and circling his arms around my waist. 

“I forgot to pack a razor.” 

Apparently, he finds that very funny, because within seconds he’s laughing, “Why ya frettin’ over a razor, bug? We’re only here three nights.” 

“Because . . I didn’t want my legs to be prickly when we sleep together,” I reveal softly, and that sweet sound of his returns, soon muffled against my hair. 

“I honestly don’t care if yer legs are hairy t’night, or t’morrow, or tha night afta that. I never have, love. But, if it really matters t’ ya, ya can borrow me razor. Lemme find it.” Facing him, I watch as he picks up his small, black toiletries bag and plucks a silver handled razor from it. “Here.” 

“Uh, no thanks. Forget I asked,” I rush, occupying myself by grabbing my toothbrush and toothpaste from the bag to set on the counter beside his gray one. 

“What, why ya look scared, Becks? Ya never used a safety razor befo’ or summat?”

“No,” I reveal slowly, untwisting the cap of the white tube, and squeezing a dollop of the blue gel onto my toothbrush. 

“‘s really not that bad, I promise you. I like it better, doesn’t gimme razor burn and goofy bumps, or ingrown hairs as much.” 

“I’m fine, no thanks,” I mumble with the toothbrush in my mouth as I move it around, scrubbing my teeth. 

“Becks, c’mon. Really, ‘s not that bad. Hey, why dontchu’ help me shave t’night, and that way you’ll learn how t’ use it. Reckon ‘s easier t’ use on yer legs, not havin’ all tha contours o’ yer face and jaw t’ nick.” 

“Really?” I ask, placing a hand against the cool countertop, and facing him. “Wait, but I like your stubble and it was just coming back after you had shaved.” 

“I leave the upper lip area and chin, but tha cheeks get patchy, so I shave those. I guess yer gonna hafta put up with tha stache again.” 

“That’s okay, you know I like it. You’d really trust me to shave your face?” I respond, turning on the sink and filling a cup with water. 

He nods, and with an eager smile, fishes out the large tube of shaving gel from his bag. 

“What if I cut you?” I almost whine moments later, with the heavy handle in my hands. 

“Babe, ya won’t, and if ya do, I won’t be mad. Rememba, like I showed you - forty-five degree angle, short strokes, and tha lightest pressure. Rinse every few strokes under tha tap. You’ll be fine,” Harry insists with the emphasis placed in his rising eyebrows. “Promise you that I trust you.” 

“Okay, I’ll try it a few times, but that’s it. If I don’t like it, I don’t want to continue. I don’t want to hurt you, Harry.” 

“Ya won’t, bug. This ‘s how ya learn, anyways. Now, c’mon, give it a go,” he coos, pulling me closer to him by his hands pressed to my hips. 

Exhaling, I lift my hand and leave a gap of air in between the safety razor and his cheek covered in the white foam. Tilting it like he had said to do, I wait for him to open his mouth to pull the skin taut. I go with the grain and pull the razor along with short strokes, listening to his encouragements as his cheeks slowly reappears before my eyes. 

“God, you look like a baby like this. I’ve always wondered what you looked like as a teenager, I want to see more pictures.” 

“Noted, ‘ll hafta have me mum bring some over next time,” he replies  and I nod, being careful when his face slopes with his cheekbones, but I save the jawline for him to do. 

Goodness, Becky, you’re shaving your boyfriend’s face. Sometimes, I still catch myself when I call him that, Harry.

+

“Bloody hell, ‘s yer dad good at cribbage. I thought I had that last game 'til tha end there,” Harry chortles from across the hallway. Nodding to myself, I flick off the bathroom light, and stop in the doorway to find him snuggled under the covers of my childhood bed. Talk about a sight for sore eyes. 

“I told you that I learned from the best,” I reply, closing my door softly and then getting the light. Dashing across the room, I almost jump onto my bed. 

“Come warm me up, bug, ‘m freezin’ with that fan on,” Harry says, his teeth chattering, but I wonder if it’s only for the comical effect. “And then, God, what he said when we brought our suitcases in.” 

“What’d he say again?” I ask, burying myself underneath the plain, gray comforter, and draping the rainbow colored quilt on top. 

“How could ya forget, Becks?” he chuckles from beside me, the sound surrounding me when I place my head on his chest. His laughs continue and grow deeper over the next several seconds whilst I get comfortable under the blankets and his arms find their way around me. “Hey, Dad, where should Harry sleep? Have him sleep with you in yer old bed, I’m not getting any younger y’know, I want some grandkids soon, and Robbie isn’t looking too promisin’.” 

“I can’t believe he said that either, I could have died from embarrassment right then and there,” I comment, my laugh joining his to echo around the room. His chest and belly shake and then squeeze beneath me as I nuzzle my head into the middle of his chest.

Little old me had nearly all of her dreams granted after I kissed this fellow, including getting to feel his toned body any time I want to, or lay my head between his solid pecs. Christ Almighty. 

“Once again, ev’rybody, but us, thinks we’re havin’ sex,” Harry says, his laugh seemingly not going anywhere. My cheeks warm at his words and I wish that I could bury my head deeper into him, but I only feel the lukewarm metal of his cross necklace against my cheek. 

“Hey, that’s not too bad of a deal. We didn’t have to do anything, and people think we are.” 

“You have a silly mind, li’l one. I mean, I don’t care what people think, but I wish our parents would stop askin’ fer grandchildren, seein’ as we’ve only been t’getha four months,” Harry giggles, and I nod, remembering my dad missing vague and going straight to obvious when he said he was traditionally named after his father. His elbow into my side didn’t help his case, either. 

Suddenly, a disturbing thought whisks my laugh away and I don’t find the joke very funny, anymore. 

“Why aren’t you laughin’, hmm? Here, then - it was funny when he hinted he wants a grandson named afta him. Our parents really are obvious, aren’t they?” Harry chirps, and I nod silently, only now noticing the callused tips of his fingers dancing along my arm. “‘m sorry, I overplayed tha joke, didn’t I? ‘s not too funny afta a few goes, ‘s it?”

“No, you’re fine,” I say, but the thoughts kicking up dust in my head don’t feel very fine. No, they don’t make me feel ‘fine’ at all. 

Why is it that she always has to ruin everything, ever since I was little? Even now, with her well out of my life, she’s still there despite the fact she’s not . . here. 

“What ‘s it, Becks? Did I say sumthin’ wrong, love?”

“No, it’s not you, Harry. I don’t know, just overthinking things,” I reveal, letting my hand rest on the curve of his bicep, wishing I could see his tattoos in the dark to trace them. I know that that wouldn’t make them go away, though. 

“Wanna talk ‘bout it, or jus’ go t’ bed?”

“I dunno,” I almost laugh, wishing this was ironic and that it was still funny. But, it’s not. “It’s hard to think about being a mum and mine not being there for it. I know that’s how I’d want it to be, though. It’s just . . hard, knowing how much other mums rely on that and enjoy getting to share the experience with theirs.”

“Oh, love, ‘m so sorry. I didn’t mean it like that,” he pipes up, resting his head against mine, and I welcome the closeness. 

“I know you didn’t, it was just my thoughts stirring up ‘what if’s.” 

“Hey, ‘m sure when ya get t’ know me mum betta and Gemma, that me mum would be happy t’ step in fer that role, and me sister too. I already know with Gem that me mum would be all over my babies, and she’s a wonderful grandmother. I only wish she lived closer, but she’s always joked if I had kids, that that’s what would take her t’ move t’ London,” he says into my hair, and I nod into his smooth skin, my cheek tickled by his chest hair. 

“Gemma must have been annoyed with that,” I titter and he agrees. 

“‘ve thought ‘bout it too, y’know. Me dad‘s ‘round fer Harper and Ollie, but I dunno if ‘d ever want him ‘round my kids. He fooked up things with me, so why would I let him do tha same with me kids? I don’t want them wonderin’ why their granddad doesn’t come t’ their birthday party this time but did tha last, or t’ see us have a row . . It makes me sad, but y’know, ‘m glad we can relate t’ each other on this stuff, whatta load o’ rubbish it all ‘s.” 

“Me too, Harry,” I breathe, tracing the shape of his necklace as his heartbeat thuds in my ear. “I can’t ever see things changing with my mum, but maybe it could with your dad someday . . It’s a good thing we’re not having kids anytime soon, huh?”

“Ya, reckon so, but ‘m already thirty, Becks. Time’s a tickin’ fer me in that father department,” he shares gently, and I wish I could see his eyes and lose myself in them, and maybe drag him along for the ride too. It’s all that I can think of to get rid of the sour remnants of this conversation, one that’s all of my fault. 

“Oh, hush. My dad was thirty-four when he had Robbie and I, so you’ll be fine.” 

“Ya, but I dunno, rather sure ‘d want kids soon afta gettin’ married,” he hums happily, a longing for the future in his voice. Boy, is it contagious. “Prolly within tha year.”

“Okay, would you chill it with the future talk? As you just said, it’s only been four months, Harry,” I laugh, nervously. A similar sound rumbles through his chest as he hugs me in his arms, smattering kisses along my head. 

“Well, maybe four months will turn into forever one day, ya never know, bug,” he says with a lilt in his voice, teasing dripping from it. “C’mon, ya don’t know yet whether or not ya wanna be my Mrs. Styles one day?”

“I can tell what your answer to that question is,” my answer comes out in between apprehensive laughs, my cheeks surely scarlet against his skin. 

“I never reveal me secrets, Becks,” he whispers, as if I don’t know it by now. “So, will ya marry me one day?”

“I’ll have to think about it . . ask again in a few months, weirdo.” 

+

The streams of sunlight tease at my eyes while a sensation tickles my neck. Groaning, I shuffle my legs under the covers but they don’t get very far, knocking against another hairy pair. 

“Wake up,” somebody coos softly into my ear, followed by a stream of gentle kisses down my face. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to pull the covers higher, but they don’t budge. “Becks,” they say, dragging out the sound of my name as they rub circles into my stomach. 

I lay there for a little while longer, dipping in and out of sleep, amongst the sound of my name and indiscernible humming. The next time I open them, the sun is beating through the window and the standing fan whirs along. A pair of arms is secure around my waist, and although used to it, I feel somebody’s prickly stubble against my cheek. I smile into the soft kisses pressed along my face and then a last one to my nose. “Wake up, Boops, ‘s yer birthday. ‘s my baby Becks’ birthday t’day,” Harry croons and I feel his cheeks rounding out from a smile against mine. 

“Mmmmm, my twenty-seventh birthday,” I reply, stifling a yawn. They reply with an ‘mmmhmm’ before they hide their face in my neck. “And I get to spend it all with you,” I hum, my thoughts waking me quickly. It’s black and white from my birthday last year, pining away for him as he loved somebody else and ignoring his presents. 

No matter how hard I could try, I wouldn’t be able to remember how long it’s been since I’ve had a birthday as good as this one already is, and undoubtedly will be. 

“‘m so glad I get t’, bug, ‘s ‘bout time,” he yawns from behind me, stirring under the covers. I whine when his leg moves away from mine and takes its warmth with him. “I didn’t imagine ‘d be wakin’ you up in yer childhood bed, but here we are,” he giggles. “Tha first o’ many birthdays spent t’getha, babe.” 

“Yeah,” I reply distractedly, propelled back to this day last year and how robbed I felt of a day that was supposed to be all about me and being happy. That was the last thing I was, it seemed, and it’s like a different life to think about that while Harry kisses the hollow below my ear. My boyfriend, who kicks off a blanket with a groan, a laugh rising from my lips as he complains about being hot.

“‘ve taken off all tha clothes I can and ‘m still bloody boilin.’ God, Becks, could ya be any mo’ o’ a heater, love?” he sighs and I only reply with a loud laugh that grows when his hands roam my body to tickle me. I find his sleepy face painted with a smile when I turn around to face his naked upper half, and it makes me wonder how he could ever be any more perfect than he already is. “What? ‘m sweatin’ over here,” he wheezes, carding a hand through his mess of curls while his eyes shine back at me. 

“Nothing, I just . . “

“You jus’ what, love?” he murmurs, threading his fingers into my hair and stroking it away from my face. 

“I just, really love you,” I confess, watching the contentment blossom on his face to almost embarrassment. 

“I love you too, Rebecca Ann,” Harry beams with that contagious smile again, dipping forward to peck me. “More.” 

“No, I do!” I protest, fingering his gold cross necklace that’s warm in my fingers. “I love you most! There!” 

“Okay, okay,” he titters, batting a hand at me before pulling me into his chest. “‘ll let you have it, but only cuz ‘s yer birthday, my love,” he coos, surrounding me with his arms and covering my head in kisses. 

I silently roll my eyes but I know he hears my huff, “Don’t be a pout on yer birthday, jus’ be happy ‘m lettin’ you get yer way with e’rythin’,” he remarks, muffled against my cheek where his warm breath wafts over me. 

“Everything, you say?” I tease, and his intake of air eggs me on. 

“Oh, what d’ya want now?”

“Hey, it’s my birthday. I get whatever I want on my birthday, isn’t that what I told you on yours?”

“I don’t rememba those exact words, but yes, my girl can have whatever her heart desires on her birthday,” Harry responds softly, his eyelashes leaving butterfly kisses against me. “What ‘s that li’l brain o’ yers cookin’ up now, huh?”

A laugh peeks out from my lips and he groans in response as I ready my proposal, sure he’s falling back asleep in my arms. 

“A baby,” I divulge, and begin to count the seconds after the words have met the air. 1 . . 2 . . 3. 

“‘Scuse me?” Harry exclaims, pulling away from me and looking at me with a wild pair of eyes. I find it so hard to hold it back when his green eyes widen further, accompanied by a sudden pallor to his face. “Rebecca Ann-,” he begins adamantly, but the moment the chuckle pours from my lips, he stops. “Woman, I swear- Jesus Christ, ya really are gonna gimme a heart attack one o’ these days.” 

“The look on your face, Harry! I wish you could’ve seen it,” I giggle profusely, only fed by the crimson appearance of his cheeks as he shakes his head. 

“You li’l smart ass, you,” he tuts, swiftly flipping onto his back and pulling me on top of him. “Y’know, ya kinda hafta be havin’ sex in order t’ have a baby, love, sumthin’ that doesn’t quite exist fer us yet,” Harry remarks with the cutest double chin from below me. I adjust myself lying on top of him so I’m not crushing his lungs, or well, his baby making junk. 

“Not yet, anyways,” I murmur with a smirk, enjoying the squirming he does at my words. He giggles and covers his face with both of his arms, exposing as well as hiding some of his tattoos. 

Propping my chin on my hand, my elbow finds a place on the mattress as my finger finds its way to his chest. I trace the numbers in my handwriting above his heart, so entirely grateful for this year and mostly all that it’s brought along with it. 

“Maybe one day I’ll have a baby with you.” 

I hear his wheezy laugh and the happy sigh, because they live inside of me too. His greens are stuck on me from between his peeking hands when I look over and my smile brightens. 

“If we’re havin’ kids, ‘s gonna be mo’ than one, ‘ll tell ya that right now, missy.” 

Somehow, my lips spread even wider, “How many then, Mr. Styles?” I pose aloud with a raise of my eyebrows at him. 

“Five.” 

“Harry!” I exclaim and he giggles from behind his hands that his eyes peek out from. At last, he drops them and peers across at me, making me believe in the cuteness that is triple chins. “Five children? Five mouths to feed, lunches to pack, activities to put them in, bedrooms, pairs of shoes, car seats, bums to change, new school clothes and well, new everything every year, and five babies for me to push out of my crotch?”

That really gets him going and soon, a deep chuckle rumbles through his chest and from his lips, but I really couldn’t be complaining. It sparks one from mine too, and only makes me think of what it would be like to do this with him every morning. One day, with a swaddled baby lying to the side, or on his chest. What have I started now? 

“Yes, five . . Five kids t’ cuddle, make memories with, take on adventures, introduce Harry Potter t’, bake and cook with, watch grow and do great things, have mosey into our bed at night, maybe teach guitar or piano t’ one or two, teach ‘em so many things, and I hope they all have yer eyes and yer laugh . . Can you imagine all that love, Becks?” Harry says, dreaming aloud with an effervescent look in his eye that I’ve only seen a few times before. “Hey, don’t you do that on yer birthday,” he tuts, but I’ve already started and go to sniffle into the crook of his neck. “Did I say sumthin’ wrong? ‘m sorry if ‘s too soon and-.” 

“No, you said everything . . right,” I whisper against his neck, the absence of words letting me feel how it moves with every tick of his pulse. Gulping, I wait for him to answer, but I get it when he begins to hum our song amidst running races up and down my back with his hand. 

“Maybe one day- Wait, no. Not ‘maybe,’ hopefully one day,” Harry coos as I stare into the darkness, but this time I’m not afraid or fleeing. I could never feel anything but safe in his arms, and I know our children would too. “Mmmm, ‘m lovin’ tha cuddlin’, but holy shit, am I warm!” he continues, our skin sticking together as he separates from me between our laughs.

+

After a few trips to the bathroom between us, Harry plops onto the bed and pulls me onto his lap. His lips sponge kisses along my cheek and his arms surround me, almost swallowing me with their span. 

“Well, are ya jus’ gonna stare at ‘em or go and open ‘em, bug?” he coos, the hairs on the back of my neck lifting at his words tickling my neck. Turning my head, my excited eyes connect with his, and he nods. “Go already,” he says, kissing me before I leave his arms. 

“Which one first?” I ask, crossing the bedroom to kneel in front of the line of gifts set before my dresser and our suitcases. 

“Whichever yer li’l heart desires,” he answers. I grab one of the smaller ones and look over to him. “Savin’ tha biggest one fer last, I see.” He folds his hands together, his long arms already turning golden this early in the summer, and so are his legs that his arms drape across. 

Giggling, I stand up and make a few trips to bring the presents to the bed. 

“Openin’ ‘em up here, are we?” Harry asks with dumbfounded astonishment gracing his tired features. 

“Mmmhmm,��� is all I say as I settle onto his lap again, and relax when he wraps me up inside of his embrace. Tipping my head to rest on his shoulder, I stare down at the pink and purple flowers that branch across the crisp wrapping paper, and suddenly, it’s like for the second time. 

I’m not going to let it happen again. No, not sitting on the floor with his presents before me, and him so far away, if only a few steps. His chest rises and falls with rhythmic breaths and I remain there, moving my ear until I hear the song his heart plays, needing this to feel all the more real. A tear collects at the corner of my eye, reminding me that at times like these, I expect to blink and it’ll all be gone. I wait for myself to wake up from the dream, and to have him ripped away from me, just like all of those other times he was. 

But it doesn’t. 

I blink and the tear falls, and his lips rest in my hair, waiting for me. His large hand leaves waves and blossoms against my back, and hopes and promises. I make them too, just as silently against him. I promise myself that I’ll never give up on him, and although he doesn’t know, I promise that to him too. 

“Open it up, bug, what’re you waitin’ fer? ‘m dyin’ with anticipation here!” 

Smiling, I lift my head and don’t waste any time finding his lips with my own, just because I can. He moans a sound against mine and holds onto me, and I know that he would never let me go, either.

No, not again. 

“What was that fer?” he breathes half a minute later, staring deep into me. 

“Just ‘cause,” I respond and he only smiles back at me, but then he tips his head to meet mine, resting his forehead on mine. He winks and brushes his nose against mine a few times in a different kind of kiss. 

“I hope I get anotha one o’ those afta ya open yer presents.” 

“We’ll have to see about that, Mr. Styles,” I grin and he amplifies it with a snort, bumping his shoulder against mine to remind me of the present I hold, and his affable impatience.

+

Wrapping paper still litters the floor, so do purple bows, and Amazon boxes. The shadows of our mingled laughs pepper the air as his hair falls through my fingers, and his slow breaths are whispers against my skin. I let my head fall and my hair dance across his skin before my lips do, ever so gently. 

“Sweet dreams, love,” I barely whisper, careful to leave the bed without waking him. At the last second, I turn back and pull the comforter and quilt up his thighs covered in gray shorts, and past his bare shoulders. He’ll need it with his personal heater gone from his side, I think. 

Tip toeing across the room, I take careful steps around the pile of presents still sat by our suitcases. The elation and disbelief comes over me in another wave when I see them one by one, starting with the lilac colored Kitchenaid mixer. 

“Ya need it fer yer bakin’, love. I know tha kneadin’ part o’ recipes ‘s a bore, and yer handheld one was almost shot. We both know that. Maybe ‘m tellin’ you t’ bake fer me mo,’ I dunno,” he had laughed after my jaw had fallen to my chest, and his faced turned a proud crimson. 

“We’re already halfway in, might as well make sure we have tha whole boxset fer when we wanna rewatch it,” Harry told me after I had opened the large box with the five Friends’ faces on it, assuring me that it was just as much a present for him as it was for me. He had kept making it known that that was the theme, so I would stop complaining about him spoiling me too much. 

“I can’t take any credit fer that one, which ‘m quite sorry ‘bout, but mum wanted t’ knit ya sumthin’. Told her ya loved blankets, and here we are. Reckon I might have ya keep it at mine so I can steal it too,” runs through my head as I once again rub the chenille type yarn between my fingers at the end of the bed where the knit blanket lies. With a proud grin, I grab two corners and drape it over the sleeping man in my childhood, twin-sized bed, a dated McFly poster hanging over his head. 

“This one’s jus’ as much fer me as it ‘s fer you, too,” he kept saying, then for Paul McCartney’s second show at the O2, and then for another pair of tickets to his daughter Stella’s fashion show in just a few weeks.

The same phrase, give or take a few words, flowed from his lips when the bag of candles graced my hands. He explained that we nick so many candles from each other’s offices that it was only natural that he bought me some, seeing as how he’d be stealing some here soon, especially the Tobacco Vanilla, Whiskey Cedar, Sage and Lemon, and the highly coveted Cinnamon Roll one.

The cribbage board was just a bonus, him claiming that he could finally bring his office one home and keep mine at work for us to play on. 

What he couldn’t claim his rightful ownership to as well was the card full of unintelligible scribbles from Harper and Ollie, that thank the Gods, Gemma helped them write. The tears in my eyes since the first present grew and grew, and didn’t waver at the message of how Harper wanted to have a sleepover at Harry’s soon with me - nail painting, baking cookies, and all.

But, when I met his eyes with my sad, puppy dog pair, he melted right then and there.

“Harry, this is too much. I can’t accept all of this,” I had told him and he shook his head, lifting my own with his thumb to look in his eyes.

“Please, Becks. I-I hate t’ say it, but I have too much money than I know what t’ do with, and ‘ve been so excited to give you all of these. Don’t worry ‘bout tha money. Alright, my love?”

I gave in, and with the kisses he smothered me with, there was no way in hell I could say no to that face.

He stirs underneath the covers behind me, and so do my thoughts, but with a huff, Harry returns to snoring softly. I carefully open my suitcase and fish out my last clean outfit, and without a sound, walk across the hall and into the shower. 

I thought I had made out like a bandit, but when I slip back into my room in search of Post-Its and a pen, I find that somebody else is awake. 

“Where are you goin’, Becks?” they rasp, pulling themselves up to sit and the covers pool on his lap. Rubbing at his eyes, Harry cards a hand through his tousled curls, quickly yawning. 

“Oh, just to run an errand quick. Go back to bed, I won’t be gone long.” 

“Mmmm,” he groans, knuckling at his left eye. “Can’t it wait ‘til we leave this afternoon, bug? Y’know I can’t sleep without you, I get too cold, and miss havin’ you in me arms.” 

“No, it can’t. I’m sorry . . You’ll fall right back asleep, Harry, I promise,” I shush him, stepping forward and pressing on his shoulder, but he doesn’t fall back in any of the ways that I’d hoped. 

“I’ll come with, then. We can grab some pastries from that bakery you love fer brekky with yer dad.” 

“It’s okay, I will if you want. Please, Harry, go back to sleep. You were up late, you must have a headache from all of those drinks with Robbie. I dunno why you pair had to have a shots competition,” I insist, and my distraction makes a raspy laugh fall from his mouth. 

“I like yer brotha, y’know, he’s a funny git,” he drawls, rubbing his hands down his face once before pulling back the covers. “Can I come? ‘ll be mo’ awake after I have a shower.” 

“I dunno,” I nervously laugh, tucking a wet lock of hair behind my ear. Huffing, I smooth down the floral skirt of my dress and sit on the edge of my bed. Thoughts whizz around in my head, flying to that destination and the next, but this one isn’t sure where to go. 

“If ya really don’t want me t’, ‘s okay. ‘m sorry t’ pressure ya, babe.” 

“It’s okay, Harry. I’d like you to come, but . . I dunno,” I reveal, toying with the ring and starting at the corner of my eye, I watch his hands still my pair that wring each other. 

“Don’t hafta tell me if ya don’t wanna, I trust you y’know.” 

Nodding, I wonder how I had ever gotten so damn lucky with this one. A split second giggle tickles at my lips, and then the toying turns into twirling, and then, telling. 

“She would’ve been eighty-five today, I think,” the whisper fights to make itself known, and I can’t meet his eyes, but I think I hear it in his breathing when he connects the dots. The spinning of the ring, and the tracing of the flower, frozen in time. “I bring her flowers every year, just wildflowers I find on the side of the road. I’ve wanted to bring a cupcake and sing before blowing it out, but it seemed odd to eat it sitting there, when she can’t,” I continue, the frog jumping into my throat at the end there. 

His words are absent, but they’re the least bit of that and so is my surprise when my head meets his shoulder, and his fingers trickle through my hair. 

“You don’t have to come with, if you don’t want to,” I pipe up, grabbing hold of the smooth chain around his neck. The swallows beckon for me, and I trace their wings slowly, wondering how silky they’d feel if they were alive on his chest. 

“I’d like t’ come with, if that’s okay with you.”

“Yeah, it’s more than okay,” I respond, my thumb and finger holding onto the cross when my arms go around his neck, and he lifts me onto his lap. 

“I wish I coulda met her, yer Grandma Ann . . but bringin’ flowers t’ her grave sounds rather special too. Yer tha sweetest, Becks, y’know that?” 

“So do I, she would’ve loved you,” I say, watching the tear glide down the slope of his back, and past the golden hairs lit by the sunrise behind the curtains. 

“Does yer dad go with you?”

“Sometimes, maybe he will today.” 

“‘d like that,” Harry coos, drawing the letters of my name, one by one, along my spine. I only know that because he’d told me last night when I couldn’t fall asleep, and he was happily buzzed.

I think that’s why I couldn’t, because how could my dreams beckon for me when my life was finally better than anything I could dream about?

+

“Ya mean it, tha best ever? In tha whole, entire history o’ birthdays, ever and ever?” they titter and its feeling against my cheek brings one forth onto my lips. 

“You’re so silly, but yes. I had an amazing birthday, Harry. One to remember.” 

“Good, bug. ‘m glad t’ hear. Only tha best fer me favourite girl,” he coos, dragging his nose along my cheek. 

“Maybe next year for my birthday you can grow your hair out again for my birthday present.” 

“Oh, really? That’s whatcha want? Hmm, I was thinkin’ o’ givin’ you a baby fer yer twenty-eighth,” he giggles, the rich smell of coffee hinting on his breath. Now, it’s my turn to giggle and I share it into his neck, our chests bumping when he pulls me closer. I steal a kiss from his swallow and nuzzle in deeper as he drapes the blanket his mum knitted for me over us, sinking further into his sofa. 

“Stop it with the baby talk, marriage comes first, dumbo.” 

“Fine then, ‘ll getchu a ring fer yer birthday,” he continues and I hide my reddening cheeks in the place between his shoulder and neck. Monica laughs at something on the TV behind us, but my focus darts to the melodic kisses he sponges along my neck, and his nose nudging at my shirt. 

“Shush it, I’m not going anywhere,” I insist, revealing my scarlet cheeks to his smiling eyes. 

“Better not, I dunno what ‘d do if ya did.” 

“It’s a good thing neither of us have to worry about that, huh?” I return, tapping my finger on his nose. He nods and brushes his thumb under my eye where he often traces the imperfection that lives there. 

“‘m lookin’ forward t’ mo’ weekends at yer Dad’s. It was loads o’ fun gettin’ t’ see where ya grew up, tha house ya grew up in, yer old schools, tha park at tha pond, and bloody hell, that night out back by tha bonfire,” he says, words falling into a sound of happiness. “I can’t remember tha last time I had so much Tequila. Fook, can that brotha o’ yers drink, and yer dad too. And that pizza yer dad made, ugh, ‘m gonna need anotha one o’ those soon. I miss playin’ board games so much like that, I see where ya get tha love o’ it from. I ‘specially loved playin’ on yer family piano with you, reckon we might make a good pair if we practice some mo’.” 

Giggling, I agree with him as my fingers mingle with his necklace, “Yeah, it was a birthday to remember, that’s for sure.” 

“Reckon so, and I couldn’t be gladder to hear that, bug. Remember last year’s wasn’t tha best, you’ve said. I hope they only get betta and betta, my love,” Harry croons, and I nod, sure that they will. 

It all seems to be a hill that I get to climb by his side, but it’s the least bit tiring, and all the more exhilarating with every step that I take. 

[jeff-better]

Smoking With The Jocks

A/N: aloha ferns. this fic is based off of @allthe13reasonswhyheadcannons headcannon that is absolutely amazing. all of their headcannons are just amazing and you should give it a read including all of their others. i have permission to write this so don’t think i’m doing something illegal or something. idk. anyway, i hope you enjoy!

Note to @allthe13reasonswhyheadcannons: i added some small things in here to keep the story flowing and just for my personal preference. i still added in things from the headcannon but i added some othert things too. i hope that’s okay. thanks again for letting me write something based on your headcannon. i hope i did you justice with this writing. i loved writing this and as always, i poured my heart and soul into it. i hope i can partner with you in the future. also, i made her home life extreme just for some plot thickness. hope you enjoy, stay street. and don’t choke. xx p.s. you’re probably gonna think y/n is a little thotty but bc i am myself i kinda made her one. oops. and this took me soo long to write. and it’s like 3K words. so, sorry about that.

SUMMARY: finals suck ass but weed comes in clutch to calm you down. 

WARNINGS: drug usage, 

Song(s) used/mentioned: Location-Khalid, LOVE.-Kendrick Lamar (ft. ZACARI)

finals are just bitches. everyone can agree, even the smartest kids. 

today was day 2 of finals and y/n was already done. she was ready to just give up on high school at this point.

 after taking her math final, she was at lunch drinking her chocolate milkshake that her brother had brought by for her when a bee flew near her table. 

alex said that the bee wasn’t flying remotely near y/n so she continued sipping her drink and minding her business. but, alex wasn’t right and the bee was right beside her. she screamed and dropped the drink when the bee landed on her hand, spilling it all on her. 

she knew alex only meant the best and he didn’t do it on his own, so she forgave him completely. but she was so over school at this point that she burrowed alex’s car and drove herself home where she changed and took a shower. 

y/n had begun to relax and get into a better mode when her mom randomly appeared out of thin air. y/n swore she was at work but apparently she was off for the day. 

her mom started yelling at her about coming home early. she told her to make herself useful and wash her clothes for the week and when y/n started to do that, she yelled at her more. she talked about how she wasn’t washing them right, how she wasn’t using the right product. 

then she talked about how y/n would be better off living at alex’s place or something where people would do things for her. she called y/n names like ‘slut, whore, thot’ and things that weren’t true. she said y/n slept with all her guy friends and that’s the only reason why she goes over to their houses a lot. 

when her mom kept yelling at her, y/n got so done with everything. she packed a bag of clothes and grabbed her phone charger and computer. while her mom was taking a nap, y/n grabbed alex’s car keys and drove over to his house. 

school wasn’t out for the day yet but she was sure alex wouldn’t mind letting her stay over for a short amount of time. peter was home and he let her in, telling her to get comfortable and take a nap if she needed. 

so, y/n did. she went into alex’s room and silently cried herself to sleep. she cried about everything. she cried out of frustration, she cried because of her mother, she cried because she thought she was a whore, and she cried because life sucked. 

y/n woke up and she still felt like complete shit. she felt arms around her waist and a head burrowed into the crook of her neck, light breathing hitting her skin. 

slowly, she turned around in the persons arms and was met with a sleeping alex standall. his face looked so relaxed, his lips a bright pink and his skin pale. his room was mostly dark except from the colored lam in the corner that lit the room into a neon orange. 

y/n carefully analyzed alex’s face, her eyes continuously grazing over his lips. she wanted nothing more than to place her lips onto his. 

y/n and alex are the best of friends. they do everything together. but, for a month now they’ve been a little flirty with each other. cuddling whenever they can, giggling with each other, kissing each others cheeks, hanging with each other the most whenever they’re with their friends, anything like that. 

it all started after a drunk game of suck and blow. y/n was going to get the card from alex whenever he dropped it and instead kissed her. and that night was the beginning of the ‘flirting game’. 

y/n yawned quietly and laid her head onto alex’s chest. listening to his heartbeat for a second before getting interrupted by the ringing of his phone. alex groans loudly and unwraps his arms from around her waist, leaning back and grabbing his phone from his bedside table. 

“hello?” y/n listens to the small conversation between the person on the phone and alex for a few before standing to her feet and stretching, making her way into alex’s kitchen. alex soon follows after her, his hair ruffled in all sorts of ways and his phone tucked in his jeans pocket. 

“who was it?” y/n hopped onto the counter and started swinging her legs like a kid. alex made his way over to her and gripped her legs, spreading them wide enough for him to stand between them. 

“justin. he wanted to know if you wanted for us to meet him at the ‘place’.” the ‘place’ was the guest house of y/n’s dad who happened to become filthy rich after spiting with y/n’s mom. 

after everyone had found out what bryce had done, they stopped meeting at his place and went a few places before settling at the ‘place’. y/n’s dad was rarely home but when he was he was always cool with letting them go there. 

“i’m down. i need to let some steam off.” y/n sighed while alex furrowed his eyebrows. 

“are you saying you wanna smoke with us?” y/n had never smoke in her life. the closest she’s ever been to smoking is when she would inhale the smoke from the guys’ blunts. 

whenever the guys would get high and y/n was around she would just watch instead of joining in. it’s not that she was scared or that the guys wouldn’t let her, it was more of the fact that y/n had no interest in smoking. she didn’t see what was the hype about it. 

when the guys explained it to her, she still didn’t understand it. “basically, the weed helps relax you. kinda like meditation or some shit like that. all you gotta do is take a few hits and then you’re in heaven, just like that.” zach explained one night. 

“yeah. i’ve had a stressful day and according to you guys, the weed helps relax you.” y/n shrugged like it was nothing, because that’s what it was to her. nothing but a way to relax. 

“you sure y/n. sometimes weed will fuck you up.” alex smirked slightly and y/n did the same as they thought about times where that statement was shown. 

“i’m sure alex. now, take me to the weed.” alex chuckled and shook his head in amusement. quickly, he pecked y/n on the lips and smiled once he pulled away. 

“i had to do that first.” y/n blushed slightly and lightly pushed alex back so she could hop off of the counter. 

“i’ll meet you in the car.” 

“you wanna smoke? really y/n?” justin stared at y/n in disbelief, a blunt in his left hand and a lighter in his right. 

“yes. why is that so hard to believe?” she crossed her arms and leaned back in the beanbag, crossing her legs and bouncing the one on top in anticipation. 

“because. y/f/n y/l/n is a innocent girl who rarely does anything bad and for her to want to smoke is like donald trump fully apologizing for something. it basically never happens.” zach commented and y/n rolled her eyes. 

“if you see what has happened between alex and i, you would know that i am not that innocent.” oh yeah, i forgot to mention the fact that y/n lost her V-card to alex and some sexual things has happened between them more than once.

“woah, okay. that’s enough. i don’t want that image in my head.” monty looked up from his phone at y/n and then to alex. he raised his eyebrow at the two before shaking his head with a small smirk on his lips. zach just chuckled at y/n who’s cheeks went a dark red.

“come on justin. i just wanna try something new.” y/n began begging. she pouted and put on her best puppy dog face before saying, “please justy?” 

“oh man, she’s giving you the signature y/n puppy dog eyes. how’re you gonna resist this one?” alex teased from beside monty to which justin responded with his middle finger pointed in his direction. “Jesus. he’s watching you.”

“hush, standall.” justin turned back to y/n who hasn’t changed her face one bit. “fine. but i’ll watch you and make sure you don’t go overboard.” y/n clapped her hands in excitement and stood to her feet, walking to justin and jumping into his lap. she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly, squealing ‘thank you’ over and over again. 

“alex, get your girl off of me.” justin strained out. 

“i can’t control her man. you’re on your own this time.” alex smirked and shrugged his shoulders when justin glared at him. “you just gotta let time past and hope she’ll get off.” y/n couldn’t help but giggle slightly. 

justin shrugged and brought his arms around y/n body. being careful not to burn her, he lit the blunt and brought it to his lips. once he passes it to alex, y/n pulls back from hugging him and resorts to staying propped up on his lap. while y/n waited for the blunt to be passed to her, she connected her phone to the house surround system and played ‘Location’ by Khalid which was the starting song to her ‘smoke w/ me’’ playlist.

yes, she made a fucking playlist. 

y/n’s leg was bouncing with anticipation as the blunt finally made it’s way back to y/n. she took it from monty and held it in between her pointer finger and thumb like she had seen the guys do before. 

“d’you know what to do?” justin questioned. y/n nodded and brought it up to her lips, inhaling and then blowing the smoke out smoothly. it wasn’t until she was handing it to justin when she started coughing. jamie (a/n: the black jock) started chuckling which earned him a middle finger from y/n. "you'll get used to it later" justin commented before taking a hit.

justin was completely right. after about 5 more hits, y/n stopped coughing and was used to the smoke polluting her lungs. she loved the feeling it was giving her. so much that she even took a few extra hits than the guys took. 

everyone had pretty much forgotten the fact that is was y/n’s first time smoking. they couldn’t care less as they jammed out to her music. they pretty much weren’t aware of anything until about a hour later when they were all gone and legit everything was funny. 

y/n was laid face down, outside by the pool. she was dangerously close to the edge, to the point where if she moved a finger it would be dipped in the heated water. 

some guys were surrounding her and she was so gone she didn’t even remember their names. justin and zach were in the game room playing a game of pool, alex was laid on the couch on his phone while monty was finding food. 

“monty!” y/n yelled, lifting her head to the side so her voice was better heard. when he didn’t respond, she yelled his name again. and when he didn’t respond that time, she groaned and stood to her feet. y/n made her way into the house and into the kitchen where she yelled ‘monty’ once again. this time, the brown haired boy jumped and turned around, dropping the pack of cheese in hand. 

“shit. don’t scare me like that.” he held a hand over his heart as he sighed and picked up the pack of sharp cheddar cheese on the ground. y/n rolled her eyes and chuckled. 

“stop eating plain cheese and make me a grilled cheese sandwich please.” monty rolled his eyes as the girl sweetly smiled and batted her eyes. he nodded and watched y/n skip away to the pantry. 

he listened to the shuffle of y/n grabbing random things as he cooked the desired food for her. as she came back out with random things in hand, he handed her a plate which held the sandwich. 

“here you g-is that a pack of chips?” his full attention was now focused on the blue bag of doritos sat in between the pile of food that y/n held in her arms. “yewhs.” y/n spoke through a mouthful of granola bars. as monty reached for it with his free hand, she turned her body away from him and pouted.

 “mine.” she narrowed her reddened eyes at the brunette boy. “pwease?” monty tried using puppy dog eyes. when it didn’t work, he sighed and sat the plate down.

 as monty rolled his neck out and cracked his knuckles, y/n watched and munched away her munchies until finally, he crashed her down onto the ground. the two wrestled over the bag for a few seconds before zach heard their grunts and wondered his way into the kitchen.

 “are you two having dry sex?” he groaned out and furrowed his eyebrows.

“what?!” alex’s yell was heard from the other room over the music. y/n giggled and sat up straddling montys waist. she looked down at the smirking boy and brought her finger up to her lip and winked. 

“oh my fuck, monty,” she moaned out jokingly. “right there. don’t stop.” (A/n: i need jesus and some monty smut asap. it’s sunday. i could be praising the lord but what am i doing? writing freaking fanfic.) 

“oh my fucking god.” zach pretended to be disgusted. maybe not pretended. he walked out of the kitchen and mumbled something while shaking his head. 

“oh god, y/n.” monty played along and let out some groans along with y/n. the two were holding back their giggles pretty well.

 “montgomery de la cruz. i swear to fucking god. if you even touch her i wil-oh fuck you!” alex walked into the kitchen and when he saw the two were doing nothing but giggling to themselves. 

“calm down standall. i wouldn’t fuck your girl.” y/n got off of montys lap and threw him the bag of chips. 

“she’s not ‘my girl’.” alex put quotations around ‘my girl’ as he slid onto the granite counter top with ease. 

“you sure act like she is,” y/n helped pull monty up and walked back over to her food, biting into the grilled cheese the said boy had made for her. “just make it official already love birds.” he made his way out of the kitchen leaving y/n and alex sitting there blushing.

 “you didn’t really think we were fucking, right?” she smirked as alex blushed more and looked down, smiling wide. 

“would i sound like a idiot if i said yes?” y/n couldn’t help but to stare at the dimples implanted in his pale skin. she wanted nothing more than to walk over and kiss them, so she did just that. 

“you already sound like one, babe.” she replied before pecking alex’s left dimple and strutting out of that kitchen with the food in hand. 

y/n spent some time dancing around justin and zach who were playing a game of pool. they danced some with her, they had to hit the balls around y/n’s body when she laid on the red table. something she called the ‘y/n round’.

 it was only for those who play frequently and who are advanced. but, out of all the things she did, she didn’t share one drop of her food after giving monty that bag of chips. her munchies were crazy and she and monty basically ate everything in the pantry without hesitation. along with her dancing and hunger, she giggled at every single thing. 

zachs voice was funny to her because it didn’t sound ‘asian like she would’ve expected it to’. alex’s bleached hair was hilarious because it just is, and justin’s stripped shirt was pretty much the highlight of her night. 

no one thought anything of it. it was normal ‘high-time’ behavior. but when y/n was laid on the floor on her back, looking up at the ceiling that was spinning and giggling to herself, they began to get a little confused.

 “what’s so funny?” zach took his eyes off of the TV screen where him and alex were playing a game to look at the girl on the floor. 

“i can’t move my legs.” more giggling came from her pink lips. at first, justin was giggling with her until he realized she wasn’t kidding. 

“wait. you said you CAN’T move your legs? like, not at all?” y/n shook her head.

 “i don’t even think i have legs.” alex sighed and paused the game, sitting the remote down as zach did the same. 

“what’s the big deal? sometimes you just get so stoned you can’t move.” jamie shrugged from his spot on the ground where he was sipping on some pickle juice. 

“the ‘big deal’ is the fact that not only is this y/n’s first time getting high, her body is extremely light and the weed probably didn’t sit great with her. if she can’t walk, how’s she gonna get home? her parents are gonna question us which is gonna lead us to getting in trouble with our parents which could get us arrested for drug possession.” justin ranted shortly before inhaling a deep breath. 

“actually, weed is legal in California.” justin snapped his head to the dark skinned boy who raised his hands up in defense. 

“i swear to god jamie. i will snap your head in two if you make another comment.” he put his head down which everyone was pretty thankful for. justin doesn’t play when it comes to y/n and if jamie made another comment he would be dead. 

“maybe we should call jeff.” monty suggested which ended him up with a chorus of ‘NO’s from the guys.

“we could just make up an excuse. here, you call them alex. they love you.” zach threw his phone to the bleached blond who sighed and clicked the home screen, his thumb print being recognized and allowing him access to the phone. he dialed the number and shushed all his friends. this is how the conversation went:

Alex: hello? Mrs. y/l/n? this is alex standall, your daughters friend. 

Y/n’s Mom: oh, alex! hey! have you seen y/n lately? she left the house today and hasn’t returned any of my calls. 

that was because y/n’s phone was being occupied by justin taking selfies on it all night and she was pretty sure she had some nudes on there.

 Alex: oh, she’s actually here with my now.

 Y/n’s Mom: could i speak to her please?

on instant, alex replied with a ‘yes’ because that’s what he would usually do. 

“dude!” justin whisper yelled to the brunette after putting the phone on mute. 

“sorry!” alex whisper yelled back. “i’ll just make up an excuse.” he held up his pointed finger and sighed, hitting the mute button.

Alex: uh. actually, y/n isn’t feeling too good. she can’t speak right now.

 Y/n’s Mom: oh okay. i could come pick her up if you need. 

Alex: no! no. that’s fine. 

Y/n’s Mom: do you know what’s wrong with her?

Alex: yeah. she’s uh. she’s on her period. 

Y/n’s Mom: i could come bring her medicine or tampons or something. 

Alex: it’s fine. i have some for when she uh–when she comes over and ya kno. she just starts bleeding.

 Y/n’s Mom: okay, thanks alex. is uh–is anyone else there with you guys? i know that zach’s there considering you called from his phone. but is anyone else there

Alex: like who? exactly?

Y/n’s Mom: like that justin kid. i get a bad vibe from him. he’s not hanging around my daughter when she’s moody, right? like, zach’s a good kid and all but that foley child i ju-

Justin: hi Mrs. y/l/n. it’s justin foley. 

Y/n’s Mom: oh. hi. 

Alex: anyway. we’ve got to go cater to y/n’s cramps. bye!

and then he hung up.

 they all started laughing at the fact that y/n’s mom didn’t like justin but she liked zach. 

“hey guys?” y/n mumbled from the floor where she was dosing off into a deep sleep.

 “yes?” justin turned his attention back to the girl with the ‘cramps’. 

“you know i can actually move my legs right?” 

“what. no we didn’t know that.” justin stood up.

 ”can you stand?” he questioned which y/n responded with a head shake.

“just because i can use my legs doesn’t mean i want to.” justin rolled his eyes and beckoned zach over to help him lift you up.  they carried y/n over to the couch where alex was laid and she cuddled into his side. 

the two quietly listened to the sound of the guys laughing and playing games as y/n started to go off into a nap. 

“hey, y/n. are you awake?” alex looked down at the sleeping girl who softly nodded her head. “i’ve been thinking about us making this official. and i was wondering if you wanted to–you know. be my girlfriend.” alex felt her smile against his clothed chest. 

“sure. now can i be your sleeping girlfriend?” alex chuckled and lifted her head up with his pointer finger. “of course. want me to take you upstairs?” y/n nodded and let her eyes flutter close as alex pecked her lips repeatedly which ended up with them softly sharing a kiss. 

“hey, love birds. did you finally make things official?” justin questioned as alex carried y/n upstairs. when they didn’t respond, he took that as a yes. “they did!” he yelled out which was followed by some cheers and chants.  

[heroeslogic]

mama, take this badge off of me i can’t use it anymore it’s getting dark, too dark to see i feel I’m knockin' upon heaven’s door

[heroeslogic-moved]

A MAISIE PETERS LYRIC THAT'S SO ALICE CODED FOR EVERY SONG ON THE GOOD WITCH!

the good witch "still argue like my mother and suppress stuff like my dad still miss you but i know now it'll pass"

coming of age "i send my silence away printing my blood on the page you stole my love and i paid but you couldn't keep what you couldn't take i know I made you the big star i let you butcher my big heart but it's my song and my stage and it's my coming of age"

watch "now you're living the goddamn dream have a golden star, this one's for free 'cause you broke my heart and my self-esteem for a girl who's a remix of me"

body better "was i just an idea you liked? a convenient use of type with obedient blue eyes"

want you back "i'm not allowed to want you any longer i must go out with a stranger i must kiss him to get stronger so i don't tell a soul that i'll be yours again tomorrow if you wanted but you don't wanna"

the band and i "i'm 21 and I feel evergreen"

you're just a boy (and i'm kinda the man) "i'm on a one way trip to take over the world you could've come, babe i held out my hand"

lost the break up "i'll smile and you'll have to face it i'm the greatest love that you wasted"

wendy "then you're evasive on the phone 'til you're sorry on the floor so, i'm throwing you a bone 'cause you want me and you're sure if i'm not careful, i'll wake up and we'll be married and i'll still flinch at the sound of a door"

run "he likes a promise if he don't have to keep it he hates a sentence when he has to mean it i know it's dark and I know that i'm young but if a man says that he wants you in his life forever, run"

two weeks ago "i was yours so fast, i was scared so bad god, i loved you babe, did i tell you that? the song was true, now it's all i have and i wish it was two weeks ago"

bsc "i am unhinged (unhinged) i am scaling all these walls, I've gone within (within) i am both kathy bates and stephen king i can write you out the way i wrote you in"

therapy "i was abandoned but you swore that you'd be there for me carefully, you touched me now your touch will last for centuries"

there it goes "i sleep through the night and i go where i'm wanted and i don't need your light to be lit but oh, the way i loved you i will not be embarrassed of that just should've known when to quit"

history of man "he stole our youth and promised heaven the men start wars yet troy hates helen women's hearts are lethal weapons did you hold mine and feel threatened?"

holy revival "stay with me here, it's what he represents which is me getting obsessed by someone fundamentally wrong for me 'I'm not doing it again it's just, just me and myself so good for my health, you're just kinda dumb i'm just kinda done"

yoko "guess that's being twenty-two you misunderstood a lot of things but, yeah, i guess me too"

the song "my thing is i'm still obsessed with the idea of this one thing with all the ways that it wasn't but it might've been i could reach out but it's your turn and it's your shit (And I should call it)"

guy on a horse "sour in your saddle i think you want to start a war i've got bigger battles and you're just a guy on a horse"

truth is "did i rile up all your demons? did i give you any reason? or did i love you? did i just love you? was it useful? was it worth it? did you think that i deserved it? 'cause i didn't, i just loved you"

the last one "if you're the syd barrett of the band, i'm the girl on the train tracks holdin' your hand halfway to the moon on a plane you couldn't land but i'll believe in you, still your number one fan, baby after the crowd's gone, i'll be the last one"

[heroeslogic-moved]

Bet you thought I'd never do it Thought it'd go over my head I bet you figured I'd pass with the winter Be somethin' easy to forget Oh, you think I'm gone 'cause I left

[heroeslogic-moved]

ALICE (TAYLOR’S VERSION)

side a

they'd say i hustled put in the work they wouldn't shake their heads and question how much of this i deserve 

side b

give me back my girlhood, it was mine first

[heroeslogic-moved]

alice is blasting demi's rock album this pride month

[heroeslogic-moved]

when reneé rapp said :

who am i kiddin', i'm addicted to the chip on my shoulder i like it best breaking a sweat, so i go somewhere that is colder

alice fuckin felt that