#valid amuze

[mikec137]

Zurich, Switzerland, February 2024

[thefaggifier]

Hunter, duuuuuuude, I don't really know what a faggifier is, but if you're it, count this first-time visitor IN. That photo shoot? Very cute. The gorgeous hair, the amazing amuzing outfit wowie-zowie. That means mucho validation-o. How ya doin, my friend?

Thank you very much. And to clarify, a faggifier is someone who faggifies things and people. Things and people that weren’t faggy are made faggy by faggifiers. It’s like when Jesus turned water into wine. I make things that weren’t faggy faggy.

[illustrierte]

[anemicheart]

I am learning that rejection is not a thing. The feeling of being rejected is just a defense mechanism, atleast for me it is. I’ve been doing alot of self-reflecting and its been a tough, uglie and brutal process but yet, I’m so grateful for this experience. I’m starting to actually love it. I’m finally starting to get to a place of self-love. I am loving how my mindset is starting to change. My perspective is changing and maturing. I’m no longer upset at situations that exposed the parts of me that needed healing and some tweaking. Everything happens for a reason. God knows what He’s doing. I am learning to stop trying to control whats not in my hands and let the man above handle it. I choose what to carry and put down. My emotions do not control my thoughts or behavior. I am old enough to be aware and accountable for my reactions when it doesn’t meet MY expectations. I’m wise enough now to understand to not hold anyone to any expectations/standards, especially when they never ask for it. If the actions and words aren’t on the same scene, then stop questioning what’s truly being shown. Stop living in denial. Its easier said than done, I KNOW. But we must. Its so heavy. Its so exhausting. Having to fantasize how we want it to go and doing what we can to make sure it happens and refusing to see how we’re just pushing others away and we’re now not being receptive of others and their feelings. So now, we’re behaving to where we cross boundaries, don’t respect others values, almost unconsciously taking them for granted but not with that intent. Intentions are always good, never maliscious but selfishness starts creeping in because of my past. My trauma that I haven’t healed from. This can be frustrating to others especially if you’re throwing these emotions onto them, making them feel as if they’re having to pay for your past. Someone who is very secure of themselves and has worked very hard on building themselves on their own will simply not deal with any type of bullshit that is draining or toxic. Once you mature not in age but in your mindset, you will learn that arguing with others, gossiping and drama isn’t amuzing as everyone tries to make it seem. Talk to me about art, your beliefs, your goals and how you plan on reaching them, how I can help you. Lets help each other grow, even in the uglie areas. Thats what a true relationship (not necessarily intimate) is about isn’t it? Its a partnership. So using rejection as a defense mechanism for me was me rejecting myself. Me telling myself lies believing I wasn’t good enough. Telling me I wasn’t doing enough. Or I’m doing too much. Being hard on myself. Trying to control.. Everything. So it was time to start accepting myself, without validation of others, on my own. Cut off the distractions, the triggers. Lift my own chip up. Better yet, let God do it for me. That’s all He has been trying to do so that I can see the bigger picture and keep going, rather than living in my own pity, sorrow and past. Life goes on, time goes with it. I’m not saying to get over it in a dismissing kind of way.. but know that before you decide to let it go, let yourself feel everything first. Cry. Yell. Write it out. Sing it. Smoke it. Pray. Let yourself be vulnerable with yourself and God. Be 100% transparent. Don’t you dare let yourself feel ashamed for your past or present. Because the past is done and the present changes every single day filled with the grace of God. This is healing. This is a process. Its not easy or always pretty but it will give you your identity and that self-empowering feeling. This is how you gain your confidence back that was lost when the enemy tried to bring you down. This is how you get stronger and wiser. There are going to be many other kind of rejections and maybe even worse. But don’t let it define you or your character. There is always something better. So keep going, keep moving forward babe. ✨