#vampire squid from hell

[andycmarshall]

The One Place I Never Want to Visit: Home of the Vampire Squid 

– Deep Dive Wallpaper NFT Available at RodeoClub – Despite my love for rare and obscure creatures, there’s one place on Earth that I will never voluntarily visit: the midnight zone of the deep sea — the home of the vampire squid (Vampyroteuthis infernalis). Its name literally translates to “vampire squid from hell.” That alone should tell you everything you need to know. This isn’t your average…

[sirensslament]

»»-----------►MASTERLIST

welcome to the gallery of my stupid works:

❤ - fluff ⚔︎ - smut 🕊 - angst 🕷 - yandere/dark

-----------

slushynoobz-

hamzahthefantastic:

➳ drenched ❤ ⚔︎

➳ reverence ⚔︎ 🕊

weak hero class-

yeon sieun:

➳ unrequited ❤ (pt 1) , requited ❤ (pt 2)

series

➳ misplaced 18+ ❤ ⚔︎ 🕊

ahn suho:

➳ nothing...

oh beomseok:

➳ nothing...

go hyuntak:

➳ nothing...

park humin:

➳ nothing...

geum seongje:

➳ nothing...

na baekjin:

➳ nothing...

seo juntae:

➳ nothing...

the vampire diaries / the originals-

jeremy gilbert:

➳ ruin ⚔︎

teen wolf-

twilight-

titans-

marvel-

venom-

avengers-

umbrella academy-

one piece (netflix)-

true beauty-

strong girl namsoon-

xo kitty-

strangers from hell-

squid games-

enhypen-

stray kids-

tomorrow x together-

resident evil-

etc...-

[lolpy2965]

Octo-ber Day 2:

Vampire Squid

Despite having 'squid' in their name, they are neither squid nor octopus. They are, however, octopodiformes, hence I am including them in this challenge.

[bandom-of-the-sea]

Danger days Gerard way as the vampire squid!

There name Vampyroteuthis infernalis, comes from the phrase “vampire squid from hell”. Vampire squid are actually cephalopods that are found in the twilight zone of the ocean.

[bethanythebogwitch]

Wet Beast Wednesday: vampire squid

It's squidtember, everybody! To celebrate, we'll discuss the vampire squid, which is... not actually a squid. It's not a vampire either. I'll let you decide which is more disappointing. No, the vampire squid isn't a squid or an octopus or even a cuttlefish, it's its own thing, the only surviving member of order Vampyromorphida, a sister group of the octopi. Let's dig into this unique cephalopod.

(Image: a vampire squid. It is an octopus-like animal a dark red in color with large eyes and a pair of fins on the mantle. The arms are relatively short and are held together. End ID)

The scientific name of the vampire squid is Vampyroteuthis infernalis, which means "vampire squid from hell". With a name like that you'd expect it to be a badass predator, but it isn't. The name comes from its red color and arm membranes that are visually similar to a cape. They're also on the small side, maxing out at around 30 cm (about 1 foot), half of which is the body and the other half being the arms. The body is mostly a dark red color. Its body plan is similar to an octopus, with eight arms. On the body is a pair of fins and while the skin is covered in bioluminescent cells called photophores, they lack the color-changing chromatophores that allow octopi, squid, and cuttlefish to change their color so radically. The eye of the vampire squid is the largest in proportion to body size of any animal and the vampire squid likely has very good vision. The vampire squid has an internal shell called a gladius that is common to cephalopods but has been lost in octopi. The galdius helps maintain buoyancy, aided by a high concentration of ammonia in the body and inner ear-like organs called statocysts.

(Image: a vampire squid with its arms extended, revealing that they are connected to each other by a membrane that reaches almost to the tips of the arms. End ID)

The arms are connected to each other by a membrane called a cloak. The inner sides of the arms are line with fleshy cirri and only have suckers at the very tips. In between the base of the arms is the beak. Also within the cloak are a pair of pouches that contain the tactile velar filaments (side note: why the fuck does Tumblr's spell check recognize velar but not cephalopod?). The filaments are very long, very slender modified arms that are covered with sensory hairs. The filaments retract back into their pouches when not in use. The filaments are used in feeding similarly to the tentacles of squid, but they are not derived from the same feature. The common ancestor of octopi and vampyromorphids had 10 arms. The octopi eventually lost a pair while the vampyromorphids modified a pair into the filaments.

(Image: a vampire squid with one of its filaments extended from within the arms. The filament looks like a long string that is hanging in the water. End ID)

The vampire squid is found worldwide in tropical and temperate latitudes at depths within the midnight zone, where no light reaches. They are extremophiles, organisms that live in extreme environments. This isn't because of being deep-sea organisms, but because of the particular part of the deep sea they are specialized to live in. Vampire squids live in oxygen minimum zones, regions of the deep sea that have drastically lower levels of dissolved oxygen that the surrounding area. Because oxygen is necessary for most life, oxygen minimum zones are very sparsely populated. To survive in such a low-oxygen environment, vampire squids have developed a very low metabolic rate (the lowest of all deep-sea cephalopods) and have very large gills. This allows them to extract every possible bit of oxygen from the water and let it last for a long time. The squid spend their time slowly swimming using their fins for propulsion, keeping movement to a minimum to reduce oxygen use. Food is scarce in the oxygen minimum zones and the vampire squids have adopted a low-energy feeding method. The eyes and velar filaments search through the water for bits of food, which the arms catch. The squid uses a mix of mucus and bodily waste excreted from the suckers to encase the food, forming a lovely mucus dumpling that the squid eats. The bioluminescence may also be used to attract prey. A vampire squid's diet consists largely of marine snow, bits of organic matter that falls from above. Marine snow largely consists of bits of dead animals, but a lot of it is also feces. The vampire squid form hell eats poop. Vampoo-er squid. It also eats zooplankton and maybe small fish, but that's less scandalous

(Image: a vampire squid showing off the inside of its cloak. Each arm is lined with fleshy protrusions called cirri. At the center of the arms in a lump of flesh covering the beak. End ID)

Vampire squids can't afford to spend energy on fighting predators, so they have adapted some unique defense mechanisms. The red coloration is one of these. Red light is the first wavelength of visible light to be filtered out in water and as a result, many deep-sea animals can't see red light. To them, a vampire squid would seem invisible. The first defense mechanism vampire squids use is the pineapple pose, where they wrap their arms and cloak around their bodies to look like a spiky ball. If that doesn't deter predators, the squid can release sticky, glowing mucus from its suckers. This mucus can disorient the predator and will stick to it, making it vulnerable to predators of its own. While making an escape, the squid will use its bioluminescence to disorient the predator, especially flailing its glowing arms to create a very confusing sight. It can regrow the ends of its arms, making them an acceptable sacrifice if it means surviving the encounter.

(Image: a vampire squid in the pineapple pose. Its arms and cloak are covering its body, exposing the cirri. This makes it look like a round object lined with rows of spines. End ID)

Like its octopus relatives, the vampire squid reproduces via the male inserting a packet of sperm into a hole in the female's mantle. The female can store the sperm for long periods of time until she is ready to use it. They may also be able to use only part of the sperm supply at a time while reserving the rest. While squid, cuttlefish, and octopi only mate once before dying, vampire squid appear to mate multiple times in their lives. Eggs may take over a year to hatch and the juveniles are born as 8-mm miniature versions of the adults. The juveniles live in deeper water than the adults and survive on an internal yolk sac for some time after hatching. Curiously, the juveniles are born with a single pair of fins, then grow another pair as they mature. Eventually the original pair of fins is lost and the new pair will chance shape and placement during maturation. This has led to vampire squids of different development stages being misidentified as different species in the past.

(Image: a juvenile vampire squid. It's arms are shorter and it has two pairs of fins. End ID)

Vampire squid are classified as data deficient by the IUCN, meaning there is not enough data to determine what conservation needs they have. Their worldwide distribution indicates they are likely not at risk of extinction. They are believed to be vulnerable to microplastics, which drift downward like marine snow and are very likely to be mistaken for food by the squid. Microplastics can carry chemical loads that could be poisonous to the squid and can obstruct the digestive tract or trick the animal into thinking it is well-fed when it is actually full of indigestible plastic. Vampire squid are known to be prey to large fish and deep-diving marine mammal like toothed whales or seals. The vampire squid was discovered by the Valdivia Expedition of 1898-99 and was one of the animals caught that helped disprove a then-accepted hypothesis that the deep sea was lifeless. The azoic hypothesis or abyssus theory stated that ocean life diminished with depth and that, by extrapolating the existing numbers, the ocean would be lifeless below about 300 fathoms (550 m, 1,800 ft). The vampire squid was one of the earliest examples of animals captured from below that depth.

(Image: a vampire squid with its arms and cloak extended. End ID)

[protectoursharks]

can you do one about vampire squids ? 🦑

Vampyroteuthis infernalis or Vampire Squid

It's (very dramatic) scientific name means "vampire squid from hell". However, the vampire squid is not actually a squid! It's actually the only animal in the Vampyroteuthidae family! It's separated into its own family because it can't change color or produce ink. Instead, it turns itself "inside out" (as shown above) to deter predators.

Proportionally, vampire squids also have the largest eyes compared to their body size! They eat mostly zooplankton, marine snow, and other organisms waste. They grow to be about the size of a football and live to be around 8 years old.

There's even evidence that vampire squids have been around since the Jurassic period- almost 200 million years ago!

[laylahluvsasians]

𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 + 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

✧ hii my name is laylah

✧ im a student at princeton university

✧ 22 years old

✧ bisexual

✧ i feen for gong yoo

𝐑𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢 𝐰𝐨𝐧𝐭 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞:

－ ZERO incest/stepincest, pedophilla, etc.

－ rape, sexual assult, unwanted touch, pregnancy.

－ will only write teacher x student if its in college and LEGAL.

－ illegal age gaps.

－ male readers

－ wont write about rapist, racist or problematic characters/people

－ wont write about minors regardless if they’re aged up or not.

－ character x character, cinema ships (canon or not.)

－ threesomes or poly relationships.

－ mlm or m!reader x female characters

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞

－ female readers

－ age gaps (legal)

－ college professor x of age student or teacher x teacher

－ wlw

－ both women and men

－ smut, fluff, angst.

𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆

𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰𝐬/𝐦𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐢 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫

⍟ squid game

⍟ train to busan

⍟ a man and a woman

⍟ silent sea

⍟ bloodhounds

⍟ coffee prince

⍟ alice in borderland

⍟ strangers from hell

⍟ friendly rivalry

⍟ mr.plankton

⍟ pretty little liars

⍟ the vampire diaries

𝐤𝐩𝐨𝐩 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐬 𝐢 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫

⍟ black pink (all members)

⍟ BTS (all members)

⍟ TWICE (all members)

⍟ straykids (all members)

⍟ le sserafim (all members)

⍟ p1harmony (all members)

⍟ seventeen (all members)

⍟ BIGBANG (all members excluding seungri)

⍟ NJZ (all members)

⍟ ATEEZ (all members)

⍟ AESPA (all members)

⍟ ITZY (all members)

𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐬/𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬 𝐢 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫

⍟ gong yoo (mainly)

⍟ lee jung-jae

⍟ lee byun-hun

⍟ yim siwan

⍟ lee dong wook

⍟ jo yu-ri

⍟ hoyeon

⍟ wi ha-joon

⍟ won ji-an

⍟ lee yoo-mi

⍟ kang ha-neul

⍟ woo do-hwan

⍟ lee hyeri

⍟ nina dobrev

⍟ kat graham

⍟ paul wesley

⍟ chris wood

⍟ kento yamazaki

⍟ nijirō murakami

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐢 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫

⍟ the salesman

⍟ hankyul

⍟ ki-hong

⍟ han yun-jae

⍟ gi-hun

⍟ hwang inho

⍟ hwang jun-ho

⍟ semi

⍟ junhee

⍟ saebyeok

⍟ hyun-ju

⍟ daeho

⍟ katherine pierce

⍟ bonnie bennet

⍟ stefan salvatore

⍟ caroline forbes

⍟ spencer hastings

⍟ aria montgomery

⍟ emily fields

⍟ hanna marin

⍟ tony cavanough

⍟ alison dilaurentis

⍟ jong-woo

⍟ moon-jo

⍟ hae-jo

⍟ geon-woo

⍟ jae-i

⍟ arisu

⍟ chishiya

⍟ usagi

⍟ kuina

⍟ ann

- 𝐑𝐄𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐂𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐄𝐃, 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐍𝐎𝐖.

[rassicas]

Frye is not a Vampire Squid.

It's one thing to headcanon something, but it's another to pass it around a fact, which is why i have to say: Frye is not canonically a vampire squid. This idea originated from a popular twitter thread made at the time of Splatoon 3's direct, and the evidence it's based on is...weak. And yet I still see this info passed around... Yeah I think Frye is just supposed to be a regular Inkling.

the splatoon team has shown us that inklings, like humans, can have a lot of diversity. while our player character models are limited, in-universe its a different story. these are all considered regular inklings. look at the varied eye masks, faces,...they can even have blue skin! So i think that frye is just the splatoon team showing us how more diverse inklings can be.

I made a google drive folder of Inkling hairstyles with a lot of concept art, you can see many diverse examples. To address the other specific points of evidence used:

Long fangs: All Inklings have sharp "teeth"/ beaks. Inkling beak shapes can vary. the last one appears to have a snaggletooth.

Long ears: Ear shapes can vary as well. compare ears of the squid sisters with the player character. Pearl has short ears. hell even the player inkling ears between s2 and s3 are different.

purple fingertips: prior to S3, fingertip coloration was something only seen on octolings, not on inklings. with how her and Shiver can freely change finger tip colors according to their ink, it seems like just a thing inklings and octolings can Do and we just haven't seen much of until now, like how we didn't see much varied hairstyles until s2. Perhaps with how integrated octarian culture is in the splatlands, inklings have caught onto this style as well? Her earrings, the sharp pointy bits in her design: Yes this was used as evidence for the vampire squid thing. That's all eel motifs.

Now the biggest reason she cannot be a vampire squid... vampire squids are NOT squids! They're more closely related to octopuses, but really, they're their own thing (also they're called 'bat octopuses' in japanese... the language the splatoon developers speak. nothing to do with vampires or squids)

With how splatoon's designs have been so far, other species of cephalopods are not guaranteed to look like inklings, especially if not closely related to ink-producing squids and octopuses (and vampire squids are not) Here we have a dumbo octopus (not octoling). also nautiluses. In the case of a species that would be more closely related to the playable species, what seems to be an octoling based on a blue ringed octopus.

Going off this, if the splatoon team were to make a vampire squid character, it most likely wouldn't be a subtle 'inkling/octoling but 2 inches to the left,' For such a unique species, I think they would be pretty explicit about it in the design itself. And considering that they are deepsea creatures that do not produce normal ink, a vampire squid in splatoon might look pretty odd! In conclusion...please stop claiming frye is "supposed to be" or "canonically" a vampire squid, it's a flimsy headcanon based on superficial traits at best and there is zero evidence that was the developer's intent.

(And while I'm here, Pearl is not confirmed a pygmy squid, marie is not confirmed to be a firefly squid, marina is not a webfoot octopus etc. That's fanon based on their japanese names, not canon. As far as we know, the player inklings and inkling idols are all just one species of inkling. inklings and octolings seem to take inspiration from multiple species, but it's not confirmed if they are those species.)

[t00thpasteface]

do you have an opinion on vampire squids from hell

i love cephalopodssssss i love them so MUCH!!! they're so WEIRDDDD and their anatomy is so fucked up. like did you know squids have donut brains so their esophagus can pass through them?! ANYWAY,

i especially love the vampire squid... definitely top five squids (as if i could ever narrow down my favorites that concretely)

my favorite thing about them is that even though they have the most badass common name AND scientific name ever (for the uninitiated, Vampyroteuthis infernalis literally means "vampire squid from hell"), they still look like adorable little red sausages with big innocent baby-blue eyes... they're just like those octopus hot dogs.

well, until you flip them over, anyway!

[kandy-sticks-zaza-blogs]

Welcome to the Happy Inn!

What is it about?

It’s about angel arriving to hell name Charlene Magne who wants to rehabilitate sinners to heaven so they wouldn’t suffer in hell.

The elders refuse but God agree to let Charlene redeem the sinners to the path of redemption to Heaven.

But things took time for Charlene since she struggled to understand Sinners emotions and struggles they been through.

Introducing the sinners!

Valerie a vampire squid who died in 2000s New York City being murdered by a dangerous criminal roaming around the streets that choke her to death wanting to go to heaven after being alone for so long since Charlene arrived to help her redeem to heaven.

Angelo a spider hobo drug dealer who died from drug addict by overdoses himself to death 1970s.

Alastor Hyde the radio demon deer who is a radio host to serial killer that died in 1930s New Orleans.

Nifty is a tragic housewife with OCD who is a Japanese immigrant that killed her husband for cheating and killed herself died in the 1950s America.

Husk a gambler and a bartender who became a calico cat that died from the cardiac arrest in the 1940s.

Y|N the Chef of the Inn who died by the betrayal of the friend who planned to steal the money from him than their dead body was thrown in the bayou swamp in 1960s somewhere in New Orleans.

Crymini a broody teenage hyena girl that got killed during the protest against the government in the 1990s England.

Baxter a mad scientist anglerfish that drowned to death being pushed over by a rival and broke his jaw in the 1910s.

Mimzy a werewolf demi human who is a Cabaret dancer died from the abuse of Hollywood in the 1920s being pressured than died from exhaustion and depression.

The side characters & Villains

Cherri Bomb a 1980s Japan sukeban who grew up without parents and died from the explosion triggered when she accidentally put it near to her feet.

Sir Pentious a 1888 Snake inventor who lost his ability to walk after his incident when his machine fell onto his legs died from the death threat of his colleague who shot him in the head when he's alone.

Vox the Internet Overlord who died from electrocution when the water spilled in 1990s.

Mothelia the Mafia Overlord who is the ex wife of the 1940s mafia ex wife & ex girlfriend of Angelo she died from the poison from her husband who planned to use her for the money.

Velvette the fashion overlord who died in 2000s by being pushed off to the edge of the highest building by a college student and broke her bones and blood splattered everywhere.

[sirensslament]

W E L C O M E !

lament: ⋆ /ləˈmɛnt/ -- a passionate expression of grief or sorrow.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

intro: hi! after years of being a ghost user on tumblr, i've finally decided to step up and make a writing blog! writing has been my passion for god knows how long, and though the thought of starting a blog like this seemed too intimidating, i decided to do it anyway!

warnings !: minors do not interact! i will write smut, fluff, angst, heavy yandere themes; all based on the requests i receive. i am open to writing any kinks, although at times i may deny some (listed below)

my masterlist ✧˖*°࿐ !

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

fandoms i'll write for; bts ✾ teen wolf ✾ the vampire diaries ✾ the originals ✾ twilight ✾ titans ✾ marvel ✾ venom ✾ avengers ✾ umbrella academy ✾ one piece (netflix) ✾ slushy noobz ✾ weak hero class 1 & 2 ✾ true beauty✾ strong girl nam-soon✾ xo kitty ✾ strangers from hell ✾ squid games ✾ enhypen ✾ stray kids ✾ tomorrow x together ✾ resident evil (leon only) ✾ any k-drama really as long as ik what it is

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

kinks I won’t write for; urophillia/watersports (piss kink basically) ✾ snowballing ✾ rape ✾ CNC (to an extent, depends if i write anything dark or if a request persuades me lol) ✾ necrophillia ✾ pregnancy fetishism ✾ any ddlg themes ✾ etc...

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

kinks i will write for; bdsm ✾ dom/sub themes ✾ spit (kinda) ✾ voyeurism ✾ roleplay ✾ food play ✾ free use (sometimes) ✾ breeding kink ✾ edging ✾ exhibitionism ✾ honestly, anything else apart from the above...

lastly... requests are open!

[vivlily]

Vampyroteuthis infernalis, lit. 'vampire squid from hell'

seperated

[wonderneverlandsystem]

There is so much content out there for monster fucking, from as plain as vampire and werewolf movies/shows to porn about slimes and other squids- But there really isn't much for robot fucking. I mean there are plenty of robot movies sure- But they clearly aren't viewed/made in the same lighting as vampire and werewolf movies. And that makes me very sad. We need robot fucker producers and writers and shit for the screen, authors too for books, and hell! Gimme games!

[mullermilkshake]

Part 8 <- Part 9 -> Part ten

Twister.

Twister is fucking twisted.

<- Master list

Frontman!Satoru Gojo x Fem!Reader x Frontman!Suguru Geto (Squid game au) Request by @vampir-queen Font used for title Tags- Canon typical violence,blood,betrayal,violence

For the rest of the night, you didn’t dare speak to either Satoru or Suguru as a punishment for the barbaric rhymes and reasons Satoru had spurted out. And Suguru just watched.

Absolutely abhorrent. 

You thought over and over in the little makeshift bed you slept on, just how deranged those two were. The man, number twenty two was right, they did enjoy this. It made them dangerous, vicious animals you could no longer be associated with if you wanted to get out of here, because sooner or later, they would turn on you regardless. Two wild animals tearing and gnawing at your limbs until they removed them from your body in a bloody heap. If you were to be eliminated, then you were going out on your own terms.

But what of your husband? He must be worried sick for you, missing out of the joint bedroom for almost a week. No doubt in your mind that he was looking for you, calling for you until you returned. You had to win this, not just for your friend but for your husband. Your life. It couldn’t end here just yet.

Though going against Satoru and Suguru did not settle your stomach. In fact, it kept you up all night, ruminating on the facts to which you had simply ignored because you were overwhelmed.

Satoru seemed to be the wild card and had no issue pushing players in front of a moving bullet, or shoving them off furniture so that sticks tore straight through their bodies… You couldn’t get the pained groans from your mind at all, stuck there like a scratched up record when you closed your eyes to sleep every so often.

Suguru, well he was a whole other entity entirely. He was calculated, seemed almost manipulative in ways like he knew what Satoru was thinking, a handler to his dog. The man could have passed himself for being telepathic and you would have believed him, knowing how moments would progress like he knew the game already. Like he had been here before.

But that was impossible. It must be an impossible scenario. 

If someone came here and survived, why the hell would they come back?

Well, these thoughts kept you up the entire night. The way Satoru glared at you also kicked your survival instincts on autopilot. You could just see Satoru skulking his way over to strangle you in your sleep, or slip a fragment of the broken glass from the night before across your throat.

You watched across the room the entire night while he and Suguru slept, wondering whether they were really asleep. A drip fed ideal and intrusive thought that if you let your guard down, you’d die too just like the others did. By their hands.

Even in the morning, you never even entertained them with an angry glare or burned your eyes into the back of their heads when it was time to leave for the last game up the pink staircases. Nothing. You would not bend or yield, for you could do this all on your own.

You hoped.

No, you had to do this, there was no other option.

“Remember what I said.” Number twenty two kept his voice low away from Satoru and Suguru. "You might think that they are on your side- but they’ll push you out the first moment they get… let’s end this.” 

You nodded, placing your eyes on the two men ahead of you for the first time. “I know… I just- it’s hard to think about, that they’ll die if we work together. I can’t die here.” 

“Me neither. I have a wife who’s sick, she’ll die if I don’t make this money back.” 

Taking the man’s hand, you threw him your sweetest smile despite the circumstances. “We’ll get through this, I’ll do my best. I have people who wouldn’t cope if I was left behind too, so let’s give it our all, hm?” 

He nodded back at you and squeezed it, the corners of his eyes welling up at the large double doors came into view. “Fuck… fucking- shit. Here we go.” 

The last game. “Here we go.”

When the doors opened, they seemed slower than any previous game had ever been before. Satoru and Suguru slipped in first, crudely conversing with each other as though this was simply a darkened entrance to a nightclub or sleazy bar.

The room was dark alright, the only light laid across the floor in possible square meter circles  like a sheet of stickers on the floor. The circles glowed in variant shades of red, blue, yellow and green, some disappeared, some flashed and some were stagnant on the floor at your feet.

“What the hell is that?” Number twenty two pointed his trembling finger at the gigantic spinner on the wall.

Just by the side of it was a comedic level with poorly written handwriting saying ‘pull me’. It was in crayon, bright red crayon that could not be ignored nor missed. You recognised that spinner, a game you had heard of, but never played. A western game your husband had mentioned once during his travels to America.

A foolish and childish game for adults to play, but apparently fun enough to play when drunk. You couldn’t believe it could be so… unsettling.

Once the doors shut, the voice over on the speaker interrupted the suffocating tension. “Welcome to the final game… The game you be playing is Twister, which you will be playing individually-“ 

At least the difficulty halved, not having to worry about Satoru and Suguru competing as a team, but they would team up regardless, so that point was moot.

“In turns, you will each pull the lever which will spin the two hands on the spinner. One will land on a colour and the other will decide a time limit to reach that colour and and have both feet inside the circle. Any player out of a corresponding coloured circle within the time limit will be eliminated…” 

It was simple enough for now, but it was never that simple Pushing, shoving, vile misdeeds to show dominance which could reflect poorly on you. Perhaps Number Twenty two could fend Satoru and Suguru off for a while, but you could not. If they wanted you in a particular place, they would not have much issue in doing so.

“You will go in ascending order… Player twenty two, please pull the lever.” 

At first, he shook his head. His bottom lip quivered whilst studying the dial numbers, hesitating to step forward-

“C’mon asshole, just pull the thing, I don’t wanna die of old age.” Satoru snapped almost, taking just two steps towards him before you recklessly got in between them, throwing your arms out like a shield.

“Don’t you dare.” What you were hiding is that you were doing your best not to show your vulnerability. “He has time- it’s not timed yet. Just because you can hold your shit together doesn’t mean everyone else can.”

You saw the way Suguru was glaring at you from behind Satoru, the real threat it seemed. Who were you kidding? Of course it was Suguru, and you got a sense that you were yet to see the full extent of his twisted nature. Who the fuck had you messed with exactly? Satoru’s ice blue eyes burned into you, they should have melted, but your crumbling facade did instead.

“It-’s fine. I’m going.” The man edged forward slowly, studying the colourful circles until he came close to the large lever handle.

He studied the writing and the numbers on the dial, like oven temperature readings. Number twenty two looked right at you and gave a curt nod to say ‘you better be ready’. Then, he pulled it, creepy ticking bounced around the walls as the spinner moved and whizzed around.

You kept your eyes peeled on the colour, not the number. For now, the number was irrelevant, the multiple colours on the floor made any time on there doable. You focused on choosing a colour as far away from Satoru and Suguru as you could.

Click, click, click… click, click… click… “Red!” 

The timer began its countdown, twenty seconds. Twenty two ran to you and pulled you across the room away from the two men hopping onto red circles nonchalantly with hands in their pockets.

“It works on how fast you push it I think.” He had his arm around you, physically shaking. He never took his eyes off of Satoru and Suguru. “Pull it as hard as you can so nothing gets stuck I-I think it works that way.”

“Okay.” You made no effort to pull away from his grasp.

The end of that round was over. Simple, right? “Player forty two, please pull the lever.” 

It was your turn. And now it didn’t seem so simple.

You padded over to the giant lever and wondered how you were even going to pull it hard enough like he said to do so. By placing both hands on the metal pole, you locked yourself in for the next round. It was much heavier than you expected it to be, clunking on with a life of its own as the oversized hands of the spinner turned over and over. Before it ended and slowed, your attention fell on the circles. Had they gotten bigger? Fewer? It was as though they were pulsating and eagerly awaiting the next color, the next set amount of time on the limit.

Click, click, click… click, click… click… “Yellow!” 

The circles had definitely gotten bigger, only six circles remained this round, dropping dramatically to cause chaos. The timer only permitted for five seconds this round, pulling the level did not mean a thing. You managed to make it on a yellow circle with player twenty two again, panting against him though it was mostly panic.

“You did- you did good.” He meekly smiled at you, though his eyes were watering.

“We’ll be alright, I know we will.”

There weren’t too many close calls in the first round. Well, not in most of the second round either, until it came back round to Suguru. No one had let up and no one had been eliminated. 

Until the speaker announced the rules again. “I will explain the rules again-” 

Player Twenty two covered his ears and screwed his eyes shut. “Why does it have to keep talking! I hate it- I hate it! I want to go home to my wife- Please let us go!”

“If it’s explaining the rules, it’s trying to tell us something, right? N-no one’s been eliminated yet. What if they want us to do something outside the box to trip others up-” You stopped in your tracks, air stuck in your lungs when you saw the stance that Satoru and Suguru had taken.

Your survival instincts were forced into overdrive when you saw that they were watching you, watching both of you. Like feral and hungry dogs.

The circles disappeared. They vanished. The room flooded with darkness. “Shit.”

What you expected was a fight, for the strongest men in the room to rush you and player twenty two and take you both out. But that did not happen. The sound of the dial whizzed through the room and the black abyss in front of you could have been six foot deep, or six hundred. But when the clicking stopped.

Click, click, click… click, click… click… “Red!” 

One larger circle appeared in the middle of the floor. And one whole minute.

“Let’s go!” 

You only just saw the man beside you and yanked on his jacket towards the red circle with no one on it just yet, the room still darkened around the illuminated red circle. He didn’t fight you, but still made it frustratedly difficult to keep him up before he stood on the red.

Then you were grabbed. “Sorry, baby. This little worm has to go for a swim.”

Satoru. You panicked and thrashed at him, turning as much as you could to hit him and pry him off of you. He did not move despite your attempts to leave him, to fight him off and it only made him constrict you further.

“Look at him- look at him.” He spun you around and pinned you to him, making you look at Suguru on top of Player twenty two, throwing punch after punch to his face.

Satoru laughed with such poison it made you want to vomit had you not been so disruptive. “Leave him alone! This is cheating- stop it!”

“You heard the rules. If a player’s out of the circle, they get eliminated. Doesn’t matter how.” Satoru licked your earlobe and sucked on it, his excited breath dampening your neck.

“Get off of me, play it properly! You can’t do this- Please, let him play!”

As the timer drew closer, Player twenty two had stopped moving. Suguru kept throwing punch after punch, spraying blood all over the floor and during little snippets in your vision between your struggles, you saw clear as day, his maniacal and blood thirsty grin whenever his fist made contact with the poor man's face.

And when the timer was about to expire, Suguru rolled him out of the red light.

“No!” There was no point in fighting it.

The lights flooded the room and you closed your eyes to await the gun shot, the end of his life. But at first it did not come. Player twenty two laid there, coughing up blood and choking behind his broken nose.

“Player twenty two is out of the game… but for the first time, players during twister will not be eliminated on sight.” 

“What the fuck?” Satoru still had a tight hold on you.

“This has never happened, has it?” Suguru wiped the blood from his face with his blood stained numbered jacket.

You tried to pull away to get to him, to help him up at least. Satoru yanked you back and practically growled his words in your ear. “Don’t fucking move or you’re joinin’ him, got it?” 

Then the speaker's voice came over again. “Players will be eliminated in view of our guests as the room is unsuitable and they do not wish to view the last bloodshed in the cover of darkness.” 

“What does that mean?!”

“Are they talking about the VIP’s, Satoru?”

“Motherfucker’s...” Satoru scoffed and threw you to the ground as a triangle masked soldier entered the room. 

You scrambled away from them, being mindful to stay in the circle. “Why did you do that?! Who are you talking about- what does this mean?!”

When both never said a word and Player twenty two started being taken away, you lowered your voice and tried to confirm what you had surmised without evidence.

“Have you both been here before?... Why are you talking that way- answer me, have you played these games before?!”

Satoru slouched and rubbed the back of his neck. “Well this just turned boring.”

They were both crazy, Suguru never reacted and blew out a quick exhale of boredom. “Yeah… it’s no fun if she’s not here when it happens.”

If they did that to player twenty two, what the hell were they going to do with you?

Tag list - @love6969sblog,@notleclerc

DISCLAIMER - I do not own any of the characters of Jujutsu Kaisen, or anything from Squid game. This is a work of fan fiction and is absolutely not representative of the views or intentions of the original creator(s).

Also please don’t post any of my work without permission thank you!

[weatherman667]

I Shall Now Complain About And Fix The Racist Trench Crusade Map 

Trench Crusade adds lore, and it’s just so fucking idiotic.

Trench Crusade’s only real attraction is it’s art, which I’m not a fan of.  The artist is also completely woke.

There are two main problems with the world building:

They want to have a story about Christians fighting Hell, but also want to have respect for other cultures.

You have to see the gate to hell to become a heretic.

If you want to make a story about Hell versus Christians, it needs to be about piety.

Piety hurts demons.

Impiety strengthens demons.

They want to have the Christian idea that hell can’t just attack.  But, they say that demons cannot walk the Earth.  Except that’s literally what demons can do, they can walk the earth and tempt you to sin.

This would allow heretics to appear - everywhere.

They want heretics to control the seas, because pirates, honestly.  So, have the dark creatures from the abyss.  But, the heretics don’t have to rule that waves, because there are lots of oceans.  Pirates could literally go everywhere, whereas traders had to use better trade routes.  Which are vulnerable.

So, Britannia can still rule the waves, whereas the heretics can have literal ghost ships come up from the depths, flanked by sea serpents, krakens, and, honestly, real deep see creatures.  I mean, imagine if an angler fish, that can swallow creatures larger than itself, grew legs and walked on land?  What if a colossal squid?  Vampire squid?  I don’t even have to make things up.

Since the pope can talk straight to god, allying with the Muslims would be easy, and could be their own good faction that is different from the Christian factions.

The Golden Khanate would be incredibly easy to Christianize, as they active sought priests from all religions to the court of the Great Khan.  And if they simply prove they can talk to God, then the Great Khanate would mandate immediate conversion for the simple practical fact it helped them fight heretics.  The Great Khanate also conquered China, so China can join in.

Have Africa be a war between the Christian and Muslim populations on the coasts with the heretics in the interior, which is literally what is happening.  Most people in Africa are Christian or Muslim, at least in theory, and would absolutely love it.

They have the Aztecs fighting off the heretics, even though they are the ones that woul be most vulnerable to it.  This would turn the Americas into a war between Christians and the natives that worship false gods that require human sacrifice.

This would allow us to have European, Muslim, Mongolian, Chinese, Sub-saharan African, North and South American factions on the Good and Evil side.

You could have your cake and eat you to, if you just accepted you own premise.

Runtime:  1:54:28

[azzie-beastbinder]

The Aftermath of a Reckoning

Satoru Umezawa made a point to expect the unexpected. Omenpaths to backwater planes, hotshot teenagers who left the gang as quickly as they tried to join it, people plotting to take his place as the Hyozan boss – these were all things he was used to.

But a three-in-the-morning visit from a “rival” Reckoner boss and a squid-looking man casually strolling into his office when he had just shut off his datapad was not high on the “expect the unexpected” list.

“Question one,” Satoru began, suddenly craving coffee to put up with this, “how the hell did you get in here, and question two, why three in the morning?”

“Answer one, we used the car,” Koda said, stepping forward so he was firmly on the other side of the desk between the two Reckoner bosses, “and answer two, we just broke into and out of prison and busted your Hyozans out. You and I need to talk.”

That was when Satoru finally noticed the thick folder in Koda’s hands. The younger man dropped it on the desk and shoved it closer to Satoru. Satoru felt his blood run cold when he saw his own name on it. His metal prosthetic didn’t shake as he turned it around and flipped open to the first page, only to be greeted by a picture of himself, at a mere fifteen years old, training under Ayame Hayashi – Koda’s mother.

His mouth felt dry. “Who put this together?”

“Sakai,” Koda spat. “I murdered him yesterday. Him and every Futurist in his branch. For what he did to me, to Mom, to Benkei-” Koda stopped, closing his eyes. His nostils flared for a second, but he did a remarkable job of not snapping or yelling.

The cephalid moved forward, joining Koda on the other side of Satoru’s desk. “First of all, the car – a Capennan Hoard Hauler – is in the hallway with all your guys we busted out of the prison. Got it through with my Omenpath. Second, you don’t have to be secretive, I know the whole deal with all of this between you and Koda. I downloaded most of Koda’s important memories along with his medical knowledge. Mind magic is great. Lastly, Koda’s evil grandparents – on the human side, not the oni side – sponsored everything Sakai did. He found that out after he did his whole stabby-stabby thing. Very cool, very satisfying to watch from my lenses. Sakai was paralyzed the whole time, which was a while.”

Satoru blinked a few times, then turned his attention back to Koda. “Where did you get this guy” – he gestured to the cephalid – “and can you get me three more?”

“I didn’t find Vasro, he found me,” Koda deadpanned. “And New Capenna doesn’t make any more Vasros. He hit all of the important notes, except for the vampires who want to crusade against the Imperial Court for how they treat Reckoners like us. The only thing stopping them at the moment is the giant evil bat god in their home plane who’s trying to bring in an age of everflowing blood and who honed in on my kinks instead of my insecurities like an amateur.”

Satoru leaned back in his chair, steepling his metal fingers together as he processed it. Someone who could create Omenpaths was certainly helpful to have around, and the fact that this Vasro had agreed to break into an Imperial prison with Koda in order to get Satoru’s own Hyozan Reckoners out said leagues about his willingness to help Koda. That was when the oni part finally caught up with Satoru. “You’re what, Koda?”

Koda sighed. It was the kind of sigh that only someone who had looked in the face of a god recently could make. “Yeah, turns out the reason Mom kept my father’s identity quiet is because he’s an oni. Which I only found out through a series of increasingly more bullshit events. Please tell me you have coffee, I am running solely on spite, period cramps, and part of a party hoagie.”

Well, if there was one thing that could be said about Satoru, it was that he would never pass up information. Nevermind the fact that it was usually gossip. He shoved the dossier into one of his desk drawers to go over later, then stood up. “I’ll put on a pot of coffee, come on,” he said, moving around the desk to head towards the door. He didn’t miss the bit of magic that Vasro did before the younger men both followed him.

Sure as shit, there was a strange vehicle sitting perfectly parked in the hallway outside of Satoru’s office. Satoru kept his back pressed against the wall as he moved past it to get towards the breakroom. Thistlefur – bless his aged heart – was already checking the freed Hyozans, leaning on his cane. Satoru nodded in respect to the nezumi healer who had raised him as he passed with Koda and Vasro, and Thistlefur nodded back and gave Satoru the “we’ll talk later” look that he had learned to dread since he was six years old.

The breakroom, thankfully, was a lot less busy than the infirmary now was. Satoru put on a pot of coffee and leaned back against the counter while the three of them waited for it. He gave Koda a pointed look and crossed his arms. “Okay Hayashi. I’m not going to ask you to start at the beginning, because knowing you, you’ll go back two hundred years in history, if not further. So start at the most important part of the oni thing. How did you figure this out?”

Koda grumbled under his breath for a moment, then began his explanation. “So, the plane of Ixalan is having a problem with a giant bat god that created the vampires there, and he’s been trying to fuck around in my dreams and tempt me with empty promises of power, like he fucks around in everyone’s dreams to tempt them with empty promises of power. When he made me have the dream, though, I kind of...appeared as two people at first. A human that looked like Ayame, and an oni. Both had my tattoos, and the oni half resisted the bat bastard’s whispers more than the human half. When they both finally came to an agreement, I was just me again.”

“That’s just the confirmation,” Vasro butted in. “It really all started with my boss, Raffine, who told him he was ‘halfway to being like Kagemaro’. So Koda researched Kagemaro in one of the Living Historians’ libraries but an emergency pulled him away from the book he found, and when he came back, the book got checked out, so I stole the book, had it copied, and returned it to the person who had been checking it out without them noticing. But then all the notes he took from the book destroyed themselves, so I made him write an essay to bypass it, then I gave the essay to my boss Raffine and she rewarded his 92% by giving him a riddle. Also, Kagemaro was a human so evil he turned into an oni, and my boss is a sphinx that tells the future and runs a crime family. We play psychological warfare chess about every other week.”

Satoru blinked twice. “You wrote an essay?” was all he could think to ask.

Koda groaned. “That’s the wrong thing to focus on, Umezawa.”

Satoru shook his head and refocused. “Right. Okay then. What was the riddle?”

“It was ‘A syllable for each unspeaking mouth / The cold peaks call from home / Blood is cast like shadows’,” Koda repeated. “We know that the second line has to do with the Sokenzan mountains, but other than that, I’ve been hitting nothing but dead ends. Mostly because my main priority is the evil bat god trying to lure me and others into his grasp.”

“At least you have your priorities straight?” It came out as more of a question than Satoru intended.

“It’s the straightest thing about me,” Koda deadpanned once more.

That was when the coffee pot finished warming up and spat its contents into the pot underneath the nozzle. Satoru grabbed it and reached up into the cabinet to grab some mugs, muttering curses under his breath when he realized that some had been put back dirty. Of all the things in the safehouse, one would think that Reckoners understood the importance of clean mugs for coffee. Once he found three that were clean, he poured the coffee into each and handed one to Koda and the second to Vasro.

“So what’s the plan?” Satoru asked, holding his own cup. His prosthetics didn’t transmit information about temperature to the rest of his body – the downside of him having to figure out on his own how to make prosthetics. “Because you’ve always got schemes in that head of yours, Hayashi.”

“The downside of you knowing me from the day I was born,” Koda chuckled before he blew gently across the surface of his coffee. “Yeah, I’ve got a couple things in the air. Highest priority is the evil bat god thing. High priority is handling Tatsunari since he went nuts. Medium priority is hunting down everyone else that Ichiro and Yuna have been funding in order to keep things shitty for us all. Low priority is finding out more about what oni fathered me. Lowest priority is taking a nap.” He sipped his coffee.

“Don’t make me put you in a chokehold again, Hayashi.”

“Eat shit, Umezawa.”

Satoru sipped his own coffee and promptly scalded every tastebud in his mouth. He tried not to make it obvious as he spoke again. “What do you need from the Hyozans, Koda?”

Koda, apparently unbothered by how hot his own coffee was, drank heartily before he finally surfaced for air to respond. “Information. I need your network digging into anything and everything related to oni and any historical half-oni. I’d have Azzie digging for it, but they’re with Zenkuro and Goro-Goro making sure that the evil bat god doesn’t come through an Omenpath in the Sokenzan mountains. Goro-Goro has been exploding the god’s followers with lightning.”

“...I feel like the danger of another fucking extraplanar invasion probably should have been higher on the list to warn me about, kid.”

Koda let out a long, exhausted sigh. “It’s been a long couple of weeks. Also Yuriko is dating a Futurist from Otawara now.”

Satoru’s sigh was equally exhausted. “You’re shitting me.”

“I’m not. Eishi. It’s apparently under Katsumasa up there, which means that Haruko’s taking personal offense to this mess.”

“Then where’s Haruko?” Satoru inquired, raising an eyebrow. “Usually you two are attached at the hip. Or...I guess the arm, more technically.”

“Partying on Ravnica,” Koda said, as if the idea of a minor god partying on another plane was normal. “We’re trying to do better about the whole...codependence thing.”

Satoru made a non-committal hum and took another moment to assess Vasro. “So...what’s your deal, exactly?” he finally asked. “You’ve mentioned a boss you play psychological warfare chess with, you can control Omenpaths, and you’ve been helping Koda. Why?”

Vasro shrugged. “Koda’s chill and I like helping people. I also like information. Eventually I’ll know everything and become a god. Pretty simple.”

Satoru took a sip of still-too-hot coffee to mask himself frantically trying to figure out what the hell any of that had to do with each other. Once he was done, all he said was “Okay.” He briefly wondered if New Capenna had ADHD diagnoses. Or if this was just how all planeswalkers were.

“Point being,” Koda said, “I need as much information as you can get about oni cults – modern or historical – in the Sokenzan mountains, particularly any oni that have multiple mouths and something to do with blood. I’ve already got people investigating the akki warrens to see if they find anything.”

“That doesn’t narrow it down much,” Satoru mused. “...Eh, what the hell, sure. Not like there’s been a lot for me to do as of late. Not as many borrowers and not as many operations since...” He trailed off, trying not to think about the hardest loss the Hyozans had experienced during the Phyrexian invasion.

“I know,” Koda said, because of course he already knew. “I appreciate this, Satoru. More than you know.” He set his empty mug in the sink and turned back to Vasro. “Back to Torrezon?”

Vasro set his own coffee aside, practically untouched. “Back to Torrezon. Meet you there.” He vanished from sight immediately. Koda offered Satoru a nod before vanishing into the shadows himself, as though he were a ghost.

Satoru stood alone in the breakroom for a few moments, then sighed. “I’m going to go grey early if I keep putting up with that kid.” He ran some water into his own empty mug, turned off the coffee machine so it wouldn’t burn the building down, then headed back towards his office. He was relieved to see that the car was gone and that the infirmary sounded busy.

He sat heavily in his chair and took a deep breath, then grabbed his datapad and opened an encoded chat. Nari, let me know when you have a minute. There’s something important that we need to look into.