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listlesswhistle · 4 months ago

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AAAAA im thinking about Ingo in Legends Arceus again. They really fucking did that. Im so insane about it, like-

Okay. So. You have this preestablished thing in Pokémon called Fallers. Basically its people who fell into the pokemon world from an entirely different universe. Sometimes theyre alternate versions of known characters. The one thing they all have in common is that they remember nothing from before they fell.

With me so far? Good.

Now we move onto Legends Arceus. Here we are, some hundred or so years in the distant past, exploring the wonderful land of Hisui when, hold on, is that Ingo? The train man? You're in the wrong time period, my guy! And what's that? His memory's gone? Damn that sucks, alt-Ingo got a real shitty deal when he Fell. Trains haven't even been invented yet smh.

Anyway, case closed. Just another Faller making the best of what they have. Cool, but nothing new, lets move on right?

Except. Maybe not.

You see, this "Hisui" region has a little bit more going on with it. Its actually the ancient version of the modern day Sinnoh region, and theres all kinds of fun little details tying the two together: location names, area themes, little nods to Sinnoh myths and pokedex entries, the whole nine yards. Huge gen 4 nostalgia trip. Theres even a bunch of characters that are just blatantly ancestors of important DPPt characters. And you betcha the pokemon match as well!

Yeah, thats cool, but what does this have to do with Ingo again? Weelll, turns out, two of those gen 4 pokemon makin a comeback just so happen to be the gods of time and space. And things have gone a bit fucky with them.

There are these things called "space-time distortions" going around, popping up all over the place, sitting there lookin like big, spooky soap bubbles, and spitting out objects and pokemon from all over the timeline. We're talking dinosaurs and data viruses. Because of these things, Porygons technically existed before the computers that birthed them. And while its never explicitly stated that they're how Ingo got there, how else do you suppose the New Yorker ended up in feudal Japan?

"Alright, that makes sense, but didn't you say he lost his memory? Isn't that kinda a whole thing with fallers?"

Oh yeah, right, thanks for catching that! I guess this was a bust after all. Time travel's not exactly new to the pokemon universe, and it doesn't usually cause memory loss, barring extenuating circumstances. (Ingo didn't turn into a pokemon, so I think we're safe on that front) This isn't even the first time Dialga's gone mad, actually! He must really be a Faller then. I mean, what are the odds that Ingo just tripped into a random space-time distortion, only to run into something entirely unrelated that just so happens to be well known for erasing memories, perfectly replicating the symptoms of a Faller?

Buckle up, this is where things get interesting.

So, when Ingo faceplanted in Hisui, he got picked up by this group called the Pearl Clan. They're this native tribe that worships Palkia, but like, under the wrong name, and they think Dialga's a false version of their god worshipped by these other natives, and they're actually kind of both right, except not, because they thought the were actually worshipping the creator god, Arceus, and it's this WHOLE thing. That's not important. What matters is that they picked up Ingo. Just. Remember that. Pearl grabbed Ingo.

Now, aside from the two big gods and their good ol' poppa Arceus, there's actually another trio of minor gods who took care of smaller business. Relatively. They like to rest at the bottom of three lakes spread around the region, and each one represents a certain gift they were said to have given to the world: Uxie, God of Knowledge; Mesprit, God of Emotion; Azelf, God of Willpower. When Arcues made them, the went out, did their thing, gave their gift, then went straight to bed in their lakes, where they stayed for... pretty much ever. Yeah, these guys are actually pretty chill. Apparently theyre tied for highest base friendship out of all pokemon?

Getting back to the Pearl clan, their camp in the Alabaster Icelands is actually pretty close to Lake Acuity! Way closer than any other settlements are to the lakes, at least.

I know what you're thinking: "What does ANY of this have to do with Ingo's memories??" Well, there's one more thing we need to cover about the lake trio. Y'see, there's this little myth about them, hidden away on a shelf in the back of modern day Canalave library. As calm and relaxed as they usually are, its easy to forget that they're still gods. Powerful gods. Direct decendants of Arcues themself, embodiments of the very gifts which they gave unto the world. The myth goes that, should someone be foolish enough to raise their hand against the lake gaurdians, they would quickly find that those gifts can be taken away.

Harm Azelf, and find yourself as still as stone, drained of even the willpower needed to move. Touch Mesprit, and find yourself in a pointless world, drained of all emotions, joyless and empty.

…Look into Uxie's eyes, and find yourself lost and confused, fallen into a world unknown, without even the knowledge to find your way back to a home you can't remember.

...Yeah

Hisui is plaqued by Distortion, ripping creatures out of their proper Time and Space. Uxie makes their home at the bottom of Lake Acuity, just outside where the Pearl Clan makes camp. The Pearls found Ingo alone, no memory of his past, no evidence of how he came to them.

So you see now. How I might be a little obsessed.

Oh, are you still wondering if he's actually a Faller or not? Well…

I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA!

This was the first game he appeared in since Black and White 2, and he hasn't been mentioned since! His story is never expanded on!!!

He's probably? not??? Unless he fell out of an ultra wormwhole and into a distortion?? And the ultra beasts couldn't find him??? They literally NEVER hint at a possible cause for his arrival in game, I think. We're just. Left. With this.

What the fuck.

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oatmealmika · 2 years ago

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What Are They Like On Social Media (Headcanons)?

feat. luffy, zoro, nami, sanji, usopp, robin, franky, and brook

requests open for other things like this!

Luffy

nami made him make an Instagram account and he did so... BUT NOT WITHOUT DOWNLOADING 8 VIRUSES THE MOMENT HE GOT ONTO IT

he started clinking on every ad he saw, of course, and now he's got to pay 100000 dollars by the end of the month or else world government will find him.

he took that as a challenge.

basic, but his username is kingofthepirates or strawhat69 or something

maybe even a pun or some shit bro

follows anybody he even slightly likes and comments dumb shit on all of their posts.

ex; luffy commenting on a post robin made w chopper "can you ask him if reindeers are real?"

takes weird angled photos of his friends and posts them (ex. forehead shots)

Zoro

username is bestswordsmanofficial

usually posts training videos, but also sometimes puts on his story a cry for help to his friends cuz he got lost again

also not the most tech savy guy

i get vibes he would straight up record himself coughing to death and post it

he went viral once, actually.

was dragged by nami to be a backup dancer for one of her tiktoks

stiffly dancing

on snapchat, he uses weird filters like the broccoli one and just sent it to everyone he knew.

Nami

username is nami.venmo.me

probably makes scams in order to get money

she has two accounts; a scamming account and a real account (both under similar usernames actually)

on snapchat, she and usopp have a 200+ snapscore

they both contemplated jumping ship when they messed it up..

matching pfps with usopp too! ex.;

nami is cookie monster, usopp is screaming man

Sanji

username is lovecook_sanji

other than posting the food he makes, he also posts aesthetic photos of him crying💀

ALSO posts photos of baths with rose petals that he only made cuz he wanted to be desperate in the caption like "such a beautiful place... i just wish that... someone could share it with me... :("

out here posting "i wish i was beautiful :(" posts for attention and zoro out here commenting back "i wish you were too💀"

blocked zoro after that

tags ONLY nami and robin in his posts whenever he posts the group

"the rest of them are just some guys 🙄"

Usopp

username is god..usopp

also is in charge of the strawhat official social media accounts

nami makes the aesthetically pleasing posts while usopp posts the funny hahas

like that time luffy slipped off ship with his mouth full of food (and bcuz he can't swim w his devil fruit) so he almost sank to the bottom

plugs his personal acc on the strawhat official acc too much

luffy used to be the manager of the account but that acc got banned...

so usopp was given the job to make a new one and manage it (no luffy you can't write the caption)

Robin

username is nico.robin

mostly posts about the books she's been reading, such as reviews

formats them nice and neatly

all her posts are very aesthetically pleasing

besides book reviews, she posts a lot of chopper

she's like a mom in that way making her kids pose for photos and takes photos as much as possible

overall very pretty account

Franky

username is franky_da_cyborg

when not posting inventions, he posts crewmates doing random things

doesn't have to be weird at all most of the posts are just straight up usopp making a sandwich or robin reading

all posts are very low quality tho lol

Brook

username is musician-brook

obv posts him playing music but also posts himself saying terrible dad jokes

"singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. then it's a soap opera."

he got the phone confiscated for that one

apart of nami's backup dancers for her tiktoks

actually works it

go grandpa go!

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unpredictablestuff · 1 year ago

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my second-favorite science fact is that soap doesn't kill germs it's a weird little molecule that's basically a water magnet on one end and an oil magnet on the other so when you rub soap and water on anything oily the oily stuff gets stuck to soap molecules that are already stuck to water molecules and because bacteria's outsides are oily because that's what keeps water out of them the soap basically sucks them up like magnets picking up a pile of tiny nails and they have to go wherever the soap goes

my favorite fun science fact is that you never touch anything ever because molecules can't get close enough to touch because the magnetic resistance between them is too strong and what you feel when you touch something is the same thing you feel when you push the negative ends of two magnets together so basically solidity is a force field

#soap is a bacteria trap #also works with oily viruses #if soap is left behind on something so are all the bacteria stuck to it

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murmiss · 9 months ago

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Insane and brain-dead.

pairing-Simon 'Ghost' Riley/You. Very little John 'Soap' MacTavish/You

Chapter WARNING- Description of blood, cruelty, tin.swearing, partial description of decomposition, mention of suicide. My vision of the characters

Summary - 'There is no love'-that's what Simon thinks. BUT what if two traumatized and mentally wounded people meet in a hellish apocalypse and find solace in each other?Hundred what if what happens to them connects them?.

(the end will be good)

This is the first, introductory chapter.

Part one.

It is no secret that viruses and bacteria mutate at an amazing rate, either changing their genetic code and causing mutations, or changing so much that there is already a problem of a new strain. Today, viral mutation is a common phenomenon that does not scare people in the least. Many people do not even think that someday this microorganism can cause harm, ignoring all those stories of fatalities, great and terrible epidemics that have happened to mankind, naively believing that if it happened a thousand years ago, it certainly will not affect you.

How many people know about the Antonine Plague? Although, by the way, it was the most horrifying epidemic in history, which killed more than 5 million people, and according to records, killed 2 thousand Romans a day.And the bubonic plague? It's frightening when you think of the descriptions in books: fever, nausea, hallucinations, pus-filled buboes, death, and people in bird masks. So what? That's right, nothing. Remember when the coronavirus wasn't taken seriously? A lot of people thought it wouldn't reach the regions, states and cities, but it did.

Just like this time, no one took it seriously when dozens of reports were projected from a small town about a sudden outbreak of "rabies", forcing the sick to die in hellish agony within minutes, and then rising up like stereotypical zombies to bite everyone they came across, succumbing to the virus' natural call to multiply.

Really, who'd believe it? And for nothing. After the first newscasts, a wave of memes and jokes started among the schoolchildren, while the adults, lost in the cycle of work, family, and household chores, paid no attention as the small town of Corrins struggled to cope with the sudden and unknown threat. The town government was going crazy-people were refusing to work, refusing to go outside, and even the patrolmen were going on strike. But the infected were unstoppable. Even a hundred people were already tangible, and where there were a hundred, there were a thousand people, and where there were a thousand, there were two.The city was slowly dying until no one took it seriously. Why didn't anyone move out? The answer was simply that they couldn't. Corrins was quarantined, a total lockdown, no entry or exit. When did that ever work? There's not even a movie where a flimsy gate and guards stopped a horde of infected.

The infected huddled together, roaming the streets like mindless, attacking anyone they could catch.

The virus was spreading as fast as anyone could have imagined, and seemingly in ways never before recorded in history. In just a week, the city of Corrins had fallen into oblivion, along with three other towns in the vicinity, followed by the entire region.

Dim light shone through the thick navy-colored curtains, softly illuminating the room. Simon Riley, a former British mercenary who had just awakened from another night of nightmares, sat in the kitchen chair, leaning back casually, foot on foot and hand under his head, staring into the void. For the third time he was dreaming episodes from his past. Dreams about his goat father no longer frightened him, no longer made him nervous like the dreams about the team that Simon had grown accustomed to during his ten years on the job. Now, after the severe injuries, the difficult and sometimes deadly missions, the adrenaline that bubbled in his blood day and night, life in retirement seemed like hell. For the first few days he, like his guys, was in a depressed mood, not understanding why they were forced to retire so early, but none of the superiors explained anything, giving a completely stupid answer that was the same for everyone: "We changed priorities". That day was hard for everyone. but, nevertheless, the guys did not forget each other. Living in the same city, they often gathered in the bar "Ricky and Mickey", discussed personal matters, tried to rebuild their lives on a new way. And for Riley, worrying about what to cook, trying to build relationships, job hunting, and constantly changing activities were hated, so his thoughts often returned to the days when he and John and the guys worked together. When adrenaline was bubbling in his blood and his brain was working on emergency decisions and tactics. Being on the rope gave life an unrealistic drive, helping him forget the horrors of his childhood. Sometimes, however, he was afraid - those were the rare occasions when things didn't go according to plan and his companions could get hurt. Simon wasn't afraid for himself, he wasn't afraid of bleeding out on the battlefield, getting shot, or even losing a leg or an arm, but the image of a bleeding comrade made him shudder inwardly, still vivid in his mind's eye: He'd been shot in the head-unfortunate and nearly fatal, if it hadn't been for the plate in his skull-the miracle that had saved Johnny from certain death in this cold and filthy place.

That day Simon Riley almost died for the third time. The first time Riley had experienced such deep emotions was in his childhood, when his father, an alcoholic and deeply addicted to drugs, had mocked him. The image of his father with a viper in his hand and the devil-like image of his older brother would haunt Simon's dreams and visions for a long time. The second time it was the image of his mother. The fragile woman who was pulling the whole family on her own back, tolerating her abuser of a husband day after day, humbly going to hard work, trying to earn at least some pennies, couldn't stand it and put a bullet in her temple. She lay on the old and creaky couch for almost twenty-four hours before her husband paid attention. Simon remembers like yesterday her small, thin body lying stiff and stiff on the couch, with a humble face like a painting of The Death of the Virgin Mary by the artist Caravaggio. She was dressed in her pale pink robe, and her thin hand rested on her breast. Mrs. Riley tried her best to hold on for little Simon's sake, but she could not endure her eldest son's abuse and her husband's hatred, killing herself and finally achieving the peace and quiet she so desired. Little Simon sat with her all day, trying his best to wake the lying woman, covering her face with a damp cloth, gently stroking her icy hands. He was only six years old then, when he stood over the pit where the old wooden coffin containing the body of his beloved mother lay.

And then, when Johnny had been injured, Simon felt again like he did then at six years old, next to his mother. He, lost in emotion, grabbed Johnny's head, his hands trying to cover the bullet wound, roughly grasping like a child trying to help as best he could. The ghost doesn't remember Price dragging him away from Johnny's unconscious body, giving room for the paramedics to arrive.

John 'Soap' MacTavish was taken to the medical unit and underwent emergency surgery, Sitting in the dark and empty corridor, Ghost was out of breath as Gaz and Price tried to support him. "John's a tough guy, he'll get over it." And the this jerk turned out to be fucking resilient. And lucky too.

After that the band didn't last long-quite a couple months later they were dismissed, without reason or much explanation, taking them out of their positions. Of course no one expected it, but what was to be done?

Simon picked up his phone, checking messages, secretly hoping for another invitation to a bar, just to avoid the domestic routine, but instead of the pleasant words "let's go for a cognac," he came across a sweet and sweet message from Amanda, the girl Ghost had tried to meet at his leisure, when Soap was once again blowing his mind about the need for a relationship.Amanda was undeniably beautiful-blonde curls, blue eyes, and charmingly pouty lips, but the problem was that as soon as she opened her mouth, everyone wanted to shut her up. Amanda Hess was a meticulous Shopping Fanatic, and "miss fucking amazing ideas." In places, undoubtedly, the idea of going to fuck in the park at one o'clock in the morning excited Simon, but frankly, he lacked enthusiasm, and for the fifth time, hearing an unusual idea, his eyes involuntarily rolled with stupidity.

Simon and Amanda had been talking for about three months now, and he didn't know if he liked her or if he liked her ass, or if he even needed these dates.

"Honey, can you pick me up at eight pm?" -said the message, and attached to it was a nude photo of a girl sitting on the edge of a bed with her feet up and taking a picture of herself through a mirror, wearing only black lace lingerie. Beautiful, but unimpressive. When you see the same tits and hear the same things, you get used to it and the panties photo is no longer arousing. Inwardly Simon wished for soulfulness and some kind of domestic affection, maybe a cozy lady dressed in his huge warm sweater and striped socks, making hot chocolate.

"I'm busy," Simon answered rudely but habitually, but no sooner had he sent a message back than someone slammed the front door, forcing him to look up and away from the phone.

"Fuck," Soap said, panting and trying to catch his breath, leaning his hands on the walls. His eyes darted around the room, searching for the scowling lieutenant and finally seeing his comrade, Johnny rushed over to him, speaking quickly and nervously. "Hey L.T., did you see what the fuck is going on? We're fucked, we're fucked up a bloody fucking ass that can't be compared to Makarov's ugly face."

Simon grinned wryly as he listened to MacTavish and sat just as casually in the kitchen chair, watching Mr. Mohawk walk around his kitchen, looking for the TV remote and finally finding it, turning it on as he continued to mutter-"Fucking lunatics flooding the streets! I thought I'd never bloody get to you-the police are shutting down the city, ambulances everywhere!"

And as John spoke, Simon lowered his gaze to the phone again, wistfully noting that Amanda's message was from yesterday and apparently he hadn't noticed it. Soap snatched the phone out of Simon's hands, carelessly tucking it away on the table, speaking seriously, frowning his bushy eyebrows. "Buddy, can you hear me? I'm dead serious right now."

"You can't be serious about piles of zombies roaming the street," Riley replied, looking up at his friend again. Behind him, while no one was paying attention, the coffee was frothing, running off and dirtying the stove, leaving a bitter burnt odor that Simon sensed and immediately moved the coffee pot. "Bloody hell, John."

"Leave your fucking coffee, this isn't a joke, Lieutenant," John shrieked, finally turning his attention back to Simon.

On TV, a slender girl in a business suit with a serious face and a monotonous voice was giving an interview; in the background, behind her were several police cars, ambulances, and even a SWAT team flashed in the frame. Somewhere very far away there were shouts of people, special forces, passing information to each other. The girl's voice was steady and didn't even shake as she broadcast almost robot-like.

"Today, around six o'clock this morning, a group of unknown assailants attacked the locals. It's probably an outbreak of rabies. The patients have pale skin, cloudy eyes with red spots and gritted teeth, some cases of hemoptysis, poor coordination and slurred speech. If you find such symptoms in yourself or your relatives, call the number 'xxx-xx-xx-xxx'. We urge all citizens to stay in their homes until the next announcement. You are also reminded to lock your windows and doors and do not let anyone suspicious in."

"You heard her, it's just an outbreak of rage," Simon waved his hand nonchalantly, to which John, eyes wide, shouted again, trying to reason with his colleague.

"You don't fucking understand." -MacTavish clutched the remote tighter, rewinding the videotape of the interview to the very end.

"I don't understand what?" -Ghost raised his eyebrows skeevily.

"She's dead"-John said sharply, including the very end of the video, where a man in an ambulance corpsman's uniform comes at the journalist from behind. He sinks his teeth into her neck, biting off a large chunk almost immediately, his bloody hands grasping her shoulders as the girl screams frantically. Simon's eyes slowly open as his brain's mechanisms process the information. It's as if he believes it, but the other half of him screams "It's all a lie, a joke. April 1." Unconsciously he looks at his phone, checking the date and realizing to his horror that the first of April is long gone and it was June. The information and realization pressed on his brain, causing goosebumps to crawl across his skin. A slight fear bubbled in his stomach as he watched Soap's actions as if mesmerized. John frantically opened every drawer in the kitchen, looking for any canned goods and bars.

"Shit, LT, what are you eating? Don't you have any?!" exclaimed Soap, panic-rushing through the rooms while Simon came to his senses.

"Bottom drawer on the right"-as Riley answered mesmerized. John, opening the cabinet and seeing five cans of canned chicken and pork, exhaled, immediately pulling them out and placing them on the table.

"Don't delay, Ghost, get the damn things together. I was able to get a hold of Price, he and Gaz will be waiting for us on the outskirts of town at the cottage plots. Price is trying to contact Laswell and the department." Soap rummaged through the drawers, pulling out matches, knives, and anything else he thought might come in handy. Recovering and hearing shouts outside the door, Simon jumped up and immediately began grabbing his belongings and dumping them at speed into his hiking backpack. The screams were getting closer and it seemed like the entire apartment building was shaking with people running, panicking and screaming. Simon's apartment was right in the middle of the building, on the fifth floor, and it was damned inconvenient.

At last, Ghost jerked the curtains aside carelessly, peering out the window and watching in horror at the sheer chaos. He had never seen anything like this even in the army. From the neighboring apartment building, people were falling from the balconies, one was already infected, and the other, Simon's acquaintance, Edgar, a man with three loans and perpetually bawdy jokes, had thrown himself out of the window, not wanting to fight, nor to be infected and converted. Unwittingly, Simon remembered how they'd sat at the bar and the jerk with the black, curly beard would see any girl off with a meow, stretching out his catchphrase, "Your pussy's in danger next to me." Then, for Riley, it was a show, at the end of which Edgar was guaranteed to get slapped by some extravagant girl.Now he was dead. In the sky we could see helicopters crashing one after another, one of them crashing right into the house, partially destroying the building. The wreckage flies down where the crowds are, and at first glance it's hard to see what the crush is all about: screams and heartbreaking cries from everywhere, and the special forces are trying to get everyone out of the way, but they, too, the men in uniform and ammunition, suffer the same fate as the civilians - to be bitten. Suddenly Simon is yanked away from the window. Jonny, hearing something going on outside the apartment, realizes it's time to run. - "Damn! We're all going to die in here!"

The ghost followed Soap, and as the other opened the door, the growling grew louder. At the end of the corridor was a small flock of zombies - apparently residents of neighboring apartments that were infected.Without thinking long, the Comrades rushed to the stairs-an escape route. Suddenly, the door swings open in their faces and an older woman falls out into the hallway with a loud hiss. John reflexively shoves the old woman away from him, and Ghost reflexively hits her with the bat he'd brought just in case. "Oh bloody hell, I'm sorry Mrs. Ruzzet," Simon says nervously as he hurries forward, almost flying down the stairs, missing the steps. The zombie old lady lets out another clanking of teeth as she tries to crawl after them, but they've already broken away. Floor after floor flies by at speed, with only a door ahead. John pushes that one open, but it's like it turns out to be locked. "The fucking lock's jammed, Simon, help!" The sounds of zombies are coming closer, and Riley could swear she can hear them dragging their feet on the floor. Strike one. Nothing happens. Second strike. The smell of stinking zombies is getting closer and old Ruzzie is already sliding down the stairs with broken legs, dragging herself with her arms. Third strike. Simon stands behind Soap with bat in hand, the wooden handle cracking from his grip. Four. The door opens and John reflexively grabs Simon by the collar of his shirt, pulling him outside.

It's fucked.The smell of burning, blood and decomposition was everywhere, the dead trying to get to the last survivors who dared to go outside. A girl ran past Simon, clacking her high heels with a loud squeal while three well-fed zombies with bloody mouths with blood dripping from them, staining their clothes, almost ran after her. John rushed towards the cars, picking his way through them with a slight ducking, while Ghost followed behind him, looking back and keeping an eye out for single zombies. The path through the yard was relatively clear, if it weren't for a pack of zombies in suits crouching over a corpse and ripping apart their once office colleague. "That's what 'eating the boss's brains out' means," John grinned grimly, and Simon only chuckled.

"We can walk along the edge and hope the bastards are too focused on their coworker," Simon suggested, and John nodded, slouching, hunching over and almost pressing himself against the wall. The zombies, too focused on their food, wouldn't have noticed him if it hadn't been for John's sudden cry of, "Fuck!" With a snarl, they turned their heads toward the living humans, slowly rising, moving their hollow-headed bodies forward. Simon turned to John, who was swearing to himself as he tried to kill the crawling zombie: it was half a body, the upper half, and from the stomach on up, there was nothing, just part of the spine, but it was tough. Hurriedly, Simon grabbed his friend by the wrist and swiftly dragged him away from the alley.

They made their way to the outskirts of the city, but they couldn't stop there because all the neighborhoods were crawling with zombies.

"I'm damn glad your attraction to life on the outskirts cut us a hell of a lot of slack. It wasn't as shitty when I got to you as it is now," John tried to catch his breath. How many kilometers had they run? It wasn't clear, but it was a lot, though they were used to long runs, and their goal was to get to Price's country house as fast as possible, even if it was a hell of a long way.

#ghost cod #simon ghost riley #simon ghost riley x reader #cod #cod x reader #fanfic #simon riley #simon riley x reader #soap x reader #soap cod #john soap mactavish #captain john price #gaz cod

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itsa-me-lily · 7 months ago

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@nightunite putting this here to maybe pull out next Halloween.

But thoughts on Vampire Soap who’s a little technically challenged.

He’s not the youngest vampire in the coven (that’s Gaz) but he was turned before the invention of the computer or the internet. So one day Gaz brings home this absolute clunker of a machine and is all excited because this was the BIG THING before he was turned and needed to learn to be a civilized vamp. It takes forever to get the damn thing connected to the internet because Simon keeps thinking the cable guys are just on delivery snacks. But oh boy once they do? It’s slow as fuck but it’s still amazing for them. They can now look up anything? Anywhere in the world? What do you mean the silent movies have color now AND SOUND?????

So there’s a good year and a half of just exploration and getting so many fucking viruses (they do end up hiring someone to help teach them safe internet practices). Soap falls for the singles in your area scam every time because well…he’s a little lonely. Before he turned there was a bonnie thing he had an eye on but well…immortality ya?

So after the nth virus, Ms internet safety instructor tells soap about online dating because maybe that will at least keep the computer clean for a week this time. And it opens a whole new can of worms because now soap has to understand how cameras work, instant messenger blows his mind, and he’s catfished so. Many. Fucking. Times.

But he preservers, and he’s seemed to have found someone that makes his undead heart yearn, and they seem to actually be real! And themselves! So now he just has to get them to him because well…he doesn’t travel well.

#johnny soap mactavish #cod #vampire #vampire soap #he’s such a fucking goober guys

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mariacallous · 1 month ago

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Hundreds of emails and internal documents reviewed by WIRED reveal top lobbyists and representatives of America’s agricultural industry led a persistent and often covert campaign to surveil, discredit, and suppress animal rights organizations for nearly a decade, while relying on corporate spies to infiltrate meetings and functionally serve as an informant for the FBI.

The documents, mostly obtained through public records requests by the nonprofit Property of the People, detail a secretive and long-running collaboration between the FBI’s Weapons of Mass Destruction Directorate (WMDD)—whose scope today includes Palestinian rights activists and the recent wave of arson targeting Teslas—and the Animal Agriculture Alliance (AAA), a nonprofit trade group representing the interests of US farmers, ranchers, veterinarians, and others across America’s food supply chain.

Since at least 2018, documents show, the AAA has been supplying federal agents with intelligence on the activities of animal rights groups such as Direct Action Everywhere (DxE), with records of emails and meetings reflecting the industry’s broader mission to convince authorities that activists are the preeminent “bioterrorism” threat to the United States. Spies working for the AAA during its collaboration with the FBI went undercover at activism meetings, obtaining photographs, audio recordings, and other strategic material. The group’s ties with law enforcement were leveraged to help shield industry actors from public scrutiny, to press for investigations into its most powerful critics, and to reframe the purpose and efforts of animal rights protesters as a singular national security threat.

The records further show that state authorities have cited protests as a reason to conceal information about disease outbreaks at factory farms from the public.

Zoe Rosenberg, a UC Berkeley student and animal cruelty investigator at DxE, says she’s hardly surprised that powerful private-sector groups are working to surveil the organization, but she finds their work with the police paradoxical. “If anyone should have the ear of law enforcement, it’s animal cruelty investigators exposing rampant violations of the law leading to real animals suffering and dying horrific deaths,” she tells WIRED.

Profiled by WIRED in 2019, DxE is a grassroots animal rights organization dedicated to nonviolent direct actions, including covert operations that often involve rescuing animals and documenting practices at factory farms that the group considers inhumane.

Rosenberg, 22, is facing charges in California for removing four chickens from a slaughterhouse in Sonoma County in 2023. In addition to minor charges such as trespassing, she was also hit with a felony count of conspiracy to commit those misdemeanors—a discretionary charge that Sonoma County’s prosecutor justified by portraying Rosenberg as a “biosecurity risk” in light of avian flu.

According to Rosenberg, DxE relies on biosecurity protocols that go “above and beyond” industry standards, including quarantining its investigators from birds for a full week before and after entering farms. “All of our investigators before entering a facility shower with hot water and soap and put on freshly washed clothes that have been washed thoroughly and dried on high heat to kill viruses and bacteria,” she says. “Everything is sanitized and then sanitized again upon leaving the facility.”

Rosenberg does not deny removing the chickens, which she named Poppy, Aster, Ivy, and Azalea. “Generally, if we feel an animal is going to die from neglect or maltreatment if we don’t remove them from the facility, then we feel that it is justified and necessary to step in to save their life,” she says. Her attorney, Chris Carraway, says that DxE tried reporting allegations of health violations at the facility to “the point of futility.” Rosenberg says reporting alleged violations often leads to getting bounced between offices; a “never-ending loop of no one agency wanting to take responsibility and enforce animal welfare laws.”

The birds Rosenberg removed, she says, were all smaller and weaker than their flockmates, showing signs of what she believed to be infection and dehydration, along with open wounds and other visible injuries. Under veterinary care, Rosenberg says, Poppy was diagnosed with a respiratory infection, while Aster’s feet were found to be “full of pus.” Each of the birds had contracted coccidiosis, she says, referring to a parasite that causes diarrhea, inflammation, and bleeding.

Tinker Tailor Corporate Spy

To gather intelligence on DxE, records show, the Animal Agriculture Alliance has surveilled the group for years. Confidential documents obtained separately by WIRED reveal undercover operators for the AAA embedded within the animal rights group and fed the trade organization daily reports about protests and meetings, as well as photographs, audio recordings, and other documentation.

During a November 2018 meeting, AAA board members discussed attending DxE events to develop “protective information,” adding they were already in contact with a “security company” that had previously attended DxE’s training. At a manager’s meeting the following April, the group disclosed that it wanted to “hire someone” to attend a DxE conference in Berkeley, California. Minutes from that meeting show the “total price would be about $4,500.” A confidential report, authored several months later by an undercover on assignment from private intelligence firm Afimac Global, reveals the results of the operation. (Another confidential report—not attributed to a specific intelligence firm—shows the AAA would again infiltrate a DxE conference in 2021. The report identifies members of DxE and other attendees, including Rosenberg, and describes interviews with activists and observations about their protest activities.)

Afimac did not respond to a request for comment.

At a regulatory conference in early 2018, the AAA had delivered a talk on “Bioterrorism and activist groups.” Internal AAA documents show that, within a few months, the FBI contacted AAA with a request. “They reached out to us a few weeks ago and asked for records of activist incidents on farms,” say notes from a meeting that May. At the same meeting, members discussed their difficulty getting prosecutors to charge activists with crimes, with one industry representative saying the issue was their lack of legal standing.

The rep suggested calling on law enforcement to deploy “terrorism” charges instead—as one national pork producer had reportedly considered. The AAA had already “been in contact with the FBI about this situation,” the notes claim.

In an email to WIRED, AAA spokesperson Emily Ellis denied the organization has a formal relationship with the FBI. “In the course of our work to support a secure food system, we have occasionally communicated with authorities to flag concerns where there is a potential risk to people, animals, or critical infrastructure.” The nonprofit declined to answer questions about its hiring of undercovers and did not respond when asked whether it had any specific evidence showing activists have caused outbreaks.

“The Alliance cannot speak to how law enforcement officials choose to communicate or act on information,” Ellis wrote. “We do not direct the actions of any government agency, and we categorically reject the suggestion that the Alliance instructs or influences the FBI or any such organization.”

Records show that in the spring of 2019, the AAA moved to establish a firmer connection with the FBI. In an email to the bureau that May, the group’s then-president and CEO, Kay Johnson Smith, noted having met with Stephen Goldsmith, a veterinarian at the FBI’s WMDD, a month earlier at a conference aimed at strengthening ties between the government and agriculture sector. The email goes on to remind Goldsmith of her presentation at the event concerning DxE; an “extremist group,” she wrote, “that has executed several mass protests on farms, in retail stores and in restaurants.” Smith then called on the WMDD to help the AAA share information about DxE “with law enforcement officials nationwide,” claiming the group is planning an “extremist campaign.”

Smith passed along an alert about an upcoming DxE protest, a march from a local police station to a nearby grocery store, asking if the FBI would connect the group “with law enforcement officials nationwide.” Goldsmith forwarded the alert to another FBI official who forwarded it along to several more, before it eventually reached a counterterrorism center in Washington and a federal investigator with the US Department of Agriculture (USDA).

The WMDD issued an intelligence memo roughly three months later titled “Animal Rights Extremists Likely Increase the Spread of Virulent Newcastle Disease [vND] in California,” citing with “high confidence” claims that violent extremists were “likely” to “spread vND”—a highly contagious and often fatal disease that affects birds—“in the near term” by neglecting biosafety procedures. The FBI highlighted two instances in which it claimed there was “no evidence” of activists following proper protocols.”

Analysts at the Northern California Regional Intelligence Center (NCRIC), a multi-agency hub that supports law enforcement, soon threw cold water on the FBI’s claims. “Animal rights activists are probably not responsible for any of the identified vND incidents” in the state, the NCRIC said less than four months later, citing federal scientific research, records first obtained by the transparency group Distributed Denial of Secrets show. The agency further noted that despite law enforcement’s claims that DxE “almost certainly” violated biosecurity protocols, police reports showed activists had taken “biosecurity precautions to prevent contamination or spread of disease.”

If the activists were to engage in criminal activity, the NCRIC decided, the crimes were likely to be “non-violent” and “low level.”

That same fall, Goldsmith’s chemical-biological countermeasure unit within the WMDD quietly circulated a presentation to state law enforcement officials pointing to “unsubstantiated reports” that PETA, the animal rights nonprofit, had played some sort of role in the 2015 avian flu outbreak—allegedly collecting “contaminated carcasses” in an effort to spread the virus. Goldsmith had already previously dismissed a similar claim while working for the same unit four years prior. (A trade publication paraphrased the FBI official in 2015 telling a crowd “there is no evidence of that actually happening.”)

Goldsmith did not respond to a request for comment. The FBI declined to comment about any specific groups but noted it frequently shares information with members of the private sector. “Our goal is to protect our communities from unlawful activity while at the same time upholding the Constitution,” the agency said in an emailed statement. “The FBI focuses on individuals who commit or intend to commit violence and activity that constitutes a federal crime or poses a threat to national security. The FBI can never open an investigation based solely on First Amendment protected activity.”

New Ammunition

By the end of 2019, the Animal Agriculture Alliance was relying heavily on “bioterrorism” claims to justify further calls for law enforcement intervention. To gain the attention of local police in California and the state’s Rural Crimes Task Force, the AAA contacted Michael Payne, an outreach coordinator at the Western Institute for Food Safety and Security at UC Davis. One of its members, they said, had heard from an unidentified trucker who was growing increasingly frustrated with animal rights activists. And the driver’s concerns extended to “bioterrorism.”

The activists were taking photos of the driver’s truck, the AAA said, and “feeding his pigs grapes.”

Payne had previously attended a presentation by the AAA on “dealing with animal rights activists,” according to emails between them. He’d later invited the AAA to collaborate on a range of dairy-farm proposals in California, alongside multiple law enforcement agencies, including the FBI.

Neither Payne nor UC Davis responded to requests for comment. Nor did the California Rural Crime Prevention Task Force. Attempts to reach Payne by phone were unsuccessful.

Months after the FBI circulated its now-disputed assessment of activists spreading the virulent Newcastle disease, Payne issued a memo under the rural taskforce’s letterhead encouraging his “FBI colleagues” to read an article translated and amplified by a Beijing-based podcast host. The article concerns Chinese “swine stir-fry syndicates” purportedly using drones to spread African swine flu in an alleged scheme to manipulate the price of pork.

Payne suggests weaponizing the allegations to achieve specific policy goals here in the US, such as allowing farmers to declare livestock facilities “no fly zones.” “Combined with the assessment from the FBI indicating activist trespass is a real and present biosecurity threat,” he writes, the Chinese pig-gang claims hand the industry “ammunition” to ensure sheriffs do a “proper job” when responding to complaints.

Significantly, the podcast host (whose blog was shared by Payne) openly rejected the pig-gang allegations, drawing attention to the Chinese government’s ownership of the news outlet that originally reported the story, as well as counter-reporting by a “respected” independent outlet.

Payne’s email notes that he forwarded the article to a slew of local sheriffs’ departments, as well as the state’s WMDD office, “which in turn passed it on to FBI HQ ‘for their situational awareness.’”

Information gathered on DxE’s activities by the AAA was widely disseminated to federal, state, and local law enforcement agencies around the US, as well as the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. In a February 2021 email, the group provided the WMDD office information on three events that DxE and other activist groups had planned, including a Zoom class and a vigil at a pork processing plant for Regan Russell, an activist killed in 2020 by a livestock transport truck outside an Ontario slaughterhouse.

Goldsmith circulated the AAA’s tips to several FBI agents, as well as a supervising special inspector in the animal health branch of the California Department of Food and Agriculture (CDFA). Several federal agencies and at least 27 state and local police departments received the email. At least 10 agricultural trade groups and lobbyists were copied.

Big Ag’s Back Channel

Ryan Shapiro, executive director at Property of the People, says the hundreds of records amassed by his organization offer an unprecedented look at how Big Ag lobbyists allegedly vied to conceal incidents of animal cruelty and disease and targeted law enforcement agencies specifically for capture. “This is a shameless assault on civil liberties, human health, and basic decency,” he says.

“There’s an inherent relationship between cruelty and disease on factory farms,” says Shapiro, whose MIT doctoral dissertation explored the intersections of national security and controversies over animals. “When you have that many animals packed in so tightly they can’t stand up, can’t turn around, can’t spread their limbs, and are pressed up against each other in their own filth, in their own sickness, of course disease is going to be rampant.”

The furor over DxE’s activism within the animal agriculture industry reached a fever pitch two months later with the launch of Project Counterglow, an online interactive map of more than 27,500 farms and animal-ag facilities drawn from public regulatory and business records, reporting by individual activists, and artificial intelligence that scanned satellite imagery to reveal previously unknown facilities.

Citing Project Counterglow the following month, the Food Protection and Defense Institute, a university-based consortium working alongside the Department of Homeland Security, disclosed in a memo that the FBI and AAA had jointly “profiled the current risk environment” at an industry-government coordinating event within days of the map’s launch. According to the memo, the FBI was in the process of supplying the AAA with a list of WMDD coordinators with whom members were encouraged to share knowledge about activists.

The FBI would eventually provide the group with a dedicated inbox to inform on DxE and other animal rights groups. In a 2023 email, the alliance reminded members to report “animal rights activity” directly to the FBI using the group’s own “Activist Activity Notification Form” and the email address [email protected].

The Food Protection and Defense Institute did not respond to a request for comment.

Delays, Denials, and Disease

Preventing animal rights activists from learning about outbreaks has at times taken priority over notifying the public about them.

Emails from 2023 show officials at the USDA and the California Department of Food and Agriculture discussing how best to delay news about a highly pathogenic avian flu detected at two Sonoma County farms; a state official having previously warned that “protesters” were likely to be in the area. The solution, put forth by a USDA official, was to simply not enter the information into the state’s emergency management response system, delaying the alert for at least another three days.

“Much longer than that and it raises too many questions,” they said.

At least a quarter of a million birds were culled around the same time as the emails. And a year later, the CDFA released a report that pointed the finger at the protesters, alleging it was “plausible” they may have spread the virus.

Steve Lyle, a CDFA spokesperson, says the possibility of people showing up to a farm without proper biosecurity training always raises concerns about virus spread. “In any animal disease incident, more movement of people and equipment brings a greater risk of spread,” he says.

A “crisis response plan” crafted by Washington State livestock and agricultural groups, obtained through a public records request, notes that the federal government’s policy is “to assume that any animal disease outbreak or large-scale food contamination incident is an intentional act until proven otherwise.”

When rumors about cattle being poisoned or intentionally infected with a virus began circulating around the Washington State Department of Agriculture (WSDA) and other agencies, the claims were put to rest by the head of an field dairy investigative unit out of Washington State University, whose team had discovered a “serious outbreak” among several herds of yearling cattle.

The investigator noted that while a cattle owner was convinced the outbreak was “sabotage from animal rights activists,” other probable sources were clearly present. The investigator said his team had “spent a lot of time trying to convince [the ranchers] that the disease outbreak most likely had nothing to do with bioterrorism, and is most likely due to husbandry and management issues which we laid out very clearly for them.”

But ranchers, he said, seemed to “prefer to follow conspiracy.” After reading this, a WSDA official told others in the email chain to “keep this information private and not forward [it] on.”

Pressed by a reporter in 2021 as to why the WSDA kept no tally of livestock in the state, officials noted internally that, while the short answer was it’s never been directed to, “privacy is very important to producers, especially with ongoing threats associated with agro-terrorism and activist groups.”

The AAA, meanwhile, has worked for years to keep its communications with the government secret from the public, moving documents subject to public records requests behind a “password protected link” in 2018, records show. That same year, it joined a coalition of food industry groups in filing an amicus brief with the US Supreme Court aimed at limiting public access to corporate records under the Freedom of Information Act (FOIA)—expressing enthusiasm at the time that the court’s conservative majority would back its play. “Animal activist groups routinely use FOIA to obtain confidential information submitted to the government,” a meeting agenda from the time reads.

The case, ultimately decided in the food industry’s favor, redefined the meaning of “confidential” under FOIA to include information that the industry itself decided should be private.

In October 2024, Goldsmith attempted to intercede against a state-level records request by Property of the People, incorrectly informing the Washington State Department of Agriculture that the requester—Shapiro—was a member of a known criminal group.

Records later obtained by Shapiro under the state’s public records act show Goldsmith telling the WSDA that the “timing” of his request was suspicious because it coincided with a recent bird flu outbreak. That outbreak occurred in an “unusual location in the building,” he said, and did not match the virus’s “expected epidemiological pattern.” While stressing that there’d been a report of a simultaneous outbreak at another farm owned by the same company, Goldsmith also cited the AAA in his email as an organization monitoring “animal rights violent extremists.”

“Transparency is not terrorism,” says Shapiro, “and the FBI should not be taking marching orders from industry flacks.”

WSDA officials, while correcting Goldsmith’s allegation that Shapiro is a member of a criminal group, advised the FBI not to mention the infected farm by name, providing Goldsmith and other FBI officials with a code word in case their communications were discovered through a public records request. A WSDA spokesperson tells WIRED that it is customary to do so when a farm is placed under quarantine, “to protect the identity of the operation, consistent with confidentiality provisions.” The FBI was later waived off by the WSDA entirely in an email emphasizing that the two cases Goldsmith thought potentially connected were “completely unrelated.”

“WSDA responded to the inquiry,” a spokesperson tells WIRED, adding that the strains of disease at the two locations were “genetically different” and “did not raise concerns.”

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pupsmailbox · 1 year ago

Text

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nkgrimmie · 10 months ago

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Hello hi, it's me, here with more questions about domesticated cursors:

What sorts of supplies do you think would be necessary for taking care of them, from an owning stick's perspective?

Would they eat a pet food like thing, or, like, fruits and vegies from a stick's fridge?

You've mentioned they nest before; do they sleep in nests? If so, do they make their own nests or can nests be bought?

What sort of hygiene care stuff? Like brushes or washing shampoos? Litter box equivalent??

Are collars and/or leashes things that are used? Toys are definitely a thing, for enrichment and fun. Would they need anything else for enrichment/fun/keeping healthy?

Anything to avoid? (like poisonous/harmful foods/substances, or things that would be abusive/bad husbandry for them.)

Are diseases/viruses a thing for them? What would be some common ones, if so? What about some health risks in general?

glad to answer!!! am a bit tired though. might not make complete sense sjdhdb if it doesn't just ask me to clarify

anyways

What sorts of supplies do you think would be necessary for taking care of them, from an owning stick's perspective?

I imagine you need like... a food bowl for them that's high enough that they don't have to go down into the ground to eat, lots of things to perch on around the house, just generally supplies that would be expected for a small to medium sized parrot, with a few other things mixed in too.

Would they eat a pet food like thing, or, like, fruits and veggies from a stick's fridge?

depends on both the owner and the cursor. some owners give them people food/non-pet foods, some give them food specifically designed for cursors, some give them kibble. most will honestly eat anything you give to them as long as it thinks it'll taste good or already views it as food

i would say that a mix between the natural foods and the cursor-specific food is the healthiest for them, since those foods contain more water which they rely on a lot to maintain proper shape, but wetted kibble is good too.

What sort of hygiene care stuff? Like brushes or washing shampoos? Litter box equivalent??

special soaps and stuff that will be gentle on their skin while still cleaning them off, and special clothes that won't make them itchy when dried off. only cursorlings would need brushes or anything like that, as they're the only ones that have a coat. they have down feathers!

You've mentioned they nest before; do they sleep in nests? If so, do they make their own nests or can nests be bought?

and thankfully, there won't be any litterbox trouble, as like most/all of the other outernet lifeforms, they don't excrete. their bodies contain something similar to the Recycle Bin that they put waste material into, and after a time it is just deleted.

yeah they like to sleep in nests! for them a nest is really just any soft and comfy enclosed space that still has the top open– so like a box with a few blankets inside would probably be enough for some cursors. it all depends on the individual though, some don't mind store-bought ones, while others will ONLY make them. making a nest can be a bit destructive though, as they usually tear stuff up like pillows, blankets, or clothing make them. you probably can buy stuff for them so they can make their own nest though. but you'll still have to deal with a mess skdnbs

sometimes if they really trust you they might just sleep on your chest or in your lap though, or maybe on top of your head if you stay still enough

Are collars and/or leashes things that are used? Toys are definitely a thing, for enrichment and fun. Would they need anything else for enrichment/fun/keeping healthy?

oh yeah definitely. they don't really look like normal collars/leashes though, due to their very different body type compared to other animals, but they have them! don't want your pet cursor to fly away during a walk, now do we?

i imagine one of the best enrichment things for them are treat puzzles/games. they're actually pretty smart, so you have to get good quality ones, but still. a giant rubix cube with treats in the middle that opens when solved would probably be a good one for the more intelligent cursors... assuming they don't just throw it against the wall until it breaks.

Anything to avoid? (like poisonous/harmful foods/substances, or things that would be abusive/bad husbandry for them.)

i imagine one of the worst things to do to a cursor is to ground it. like tie something heavy to it so it can't fly, or neuter its flight all together. flying is kind of... their only efficient way of movement. dragging themselves on the ground is slow, difficult, and can hurt.

it'd be pretty funny if they couldn't have chocolate or coffee or grapes or whatever...

actually yeah. they can't have grapes it's canon now

Are diseases/viruses a thing for them? What would be some common ones, if so? What about some health risks in general?

also don't house them with any rodentware, even domesticated ones. said rodentware WILL use the cursor to their advantage

sadly, yeah...

the common ones are just generally the Outernet versions of illness our animals can get...

there's also RAT malwares (NOT to be confused with rat rodentwares).... not good. makes them act very erratically and confused, aggressive too. basically cursor rabies, unless they're vaccinated or given a good antivirus fast enough.

as for health risks?

cursors need a lot of water in order to maintain the proper shape of their bodies, and unless under specific circumstances, should not be taking in so much that they start to round out. it's like cats where being rotund is very unhealthy for them. i also imagine depending on the breed and species, they can have a higher predisposition to certain inherited disorders.

among other things i can't think of right now...

#outernet cursors #ava cursors #ava headcanons #ava #animator vs animation #alan becker #grimm asks

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