#what a hell of a way to die

[of-pale]

It was an ordinary afternoon at the Devil May Cry office, and Vergil was suffering.

Not in battle—though he might’ve preferred that—but at Dante’s cluttered desk, wading through what could only loosely be described as paperwork. He frowned, flipping through crumpled receipts, half-finished contracts and an ever-growing mountain of overdue bills from Sparda-knows-when.

This was beneath him. All of it.

But since his clouded judgment had led him to cohabit the office with his twin—for now, at least—it couldn’t be helped. Running a devil-hunting business required more than just swinging swords and drawing demonic blood. It also required drowning in administrative incompetence. And as Dante’s efforts in the matter had resulted in this headache-inducing disaster, Vergil had no choice but to take the reins.

Then, a knock came from the front door.

He's come to expect potential customers barging in—some barking demands like they owned the place, others wide-eyed and frantic, pleading for help. Either way, to Vergil, they were all the same: a nuisance.

But knocking?

That was... unusual.

Vergil stood—Yamato untouched but always within reach—and moved to the door with the quiet, controlled steps of someone prepared to greet problems. He opened it to—nothing. The street outside was empty.

He scowled and began to shut the door.

“Uh... hello?”

The voice was soft. Timid.

Vergil looked down.

Three young girls in crisp uniforms stood below his line of sight, clutching colorful boxes. It took him a second to process what he was seeing, which might explain the brief flicker of confusion that crossed his face.

The tallest of the three hesitated under his glacial stare. Her rehearsed pitch faltered, but she gathered her courage and held out a box labeled 'Choco-Chomp Delights'.

“We’re selling cookies to raise money for our scout troop. Would you be interested in buying some?”

Vergil’s eyes narrowed at the box as if it was some kind of trap. His expression, which Dante had once diagnosed as a chronic case of stink-eye, only deepened.

One of the girls instinctively stepped back. Only a second later came the familiar clang of boots on the stairs.

“Alright, Verge,” Dante called, “what unfortunate customer are you terrorizing this time?”

Dante appeared at his brother’s shoulder, all lazy grin and casual swagger. When he spotted the girls—and more importantly, the cookies—his eyes lit up like kids on Christmas morning.

“Girl Scout cookies! Hell yeah. Gimme five boxes.”

Before the scouts could blink, Dante slapped some bills into the tallest girl’s hand and tore open one of the boxes like a starving animal. He devoured a whole cookie in one chomp, somehow managing to spray crumbs everywhere.

“Man, I really needed that,” he said through a mouthful, barely swallowing before he shoved the open box toward Vergil. “And so do you. Might sweeten up that sour-ass glare you’re giving everyone.”

The trio of girls giggled at that until Vergil’s icy gaze flicked toward them again.

Dante quickly gathered the rest of his purchase and offered the scouts a warm thank-you, waving them off with a playful salute before shutting the door.

Vergil raised an unimpressed eyebrow. “You do realize these cookies could be poisoned.”

The only threat Dante faced was nearly choking from a burst of laughter. “Are you seriously suggesting some eight-year-olds are handing out demon-poisoned cookies? Try telling me again that you're not paranoid.”

“I am not paranoid. Unlike you, I prefer to stay vigilant.”

“Well, if they are poisoned, then I’ve got all the more reason to share them with you.” Dante popped another handful of cookies into his mouth.

“If they are poisoned, then I finally have a chance to be rid of you. So do sample some more.”

Dante waved a cookie under Vergil’s nose and kept talking with a stuffed mouth. “Come on, one ‘poisoned’ cookie won’t kill you. I’ve had a few already, and I’m still breathing.”

“Unfortunately so.”

There was a pause. A long one.

Vergil’s gaze drifted to the open box, then to the cookie Dante was waving under his nose as an insult. He seemed to sniff at it but said nothing. Just reached out and plucked his own, brand new cookie from the box.

He examined it first, as though it might indeed be cursed. Then, with a slow resignation, he took a small bite.

Silence.

Vergil's expression didn’t change—barely a twitch. But he chewed. Swallowed. Took a breath.

Dante watched, eyes wide with anticipation. “Well?” he prodded.

Vergil calmly finished the rest of the cookie, his face unreadable. “It is... tolerable.”

Dante grinned like he’d just won a decades-long war. “You like it.”

“I tolerated it.”

“Wow. You loved it. I’m buying more next time.”

Vergil scoffed and turned back toward the desk, refusing to eat another cookie. “Your delusions are becoming more concerning by the day.”

Dante tossed another chocolate cookie into his mouth with a smug crunch. “Whatever you say. We’re both poisoned now.”

A week later

The scouts knocked again, nervously.

This time, there was no slow horror-movie door creak. No icy glare.

Vergil opened the door in one smooth motion and got straight to business.

“I’ll buy your whole stock.”

The girls blinked.

Vergil glanced behind him, just once, toward the stairs.

“…And your silence regarding this transaction.”

[ratb4stard3]

I'm kissing your Wiggly square on the forehead

He's so scruffy scrunkly scrimbo

I love him sm

Unfortunately now you have to Die, So..

[brainrotcharacters]

GLORY GLORY

[malarkgirlypop]

okay but 10 for the wip game...zim zam sister 🔥

Ah Em, you won the prize of finding chapter 26 of MEDIC! good job, I didn't think anyone would ask hehe.

The men started singing loudly, they were all very excitable about going to the new destination. It was starting to feel like this was all almost over and hopes were getting high again. There was more joy, less sadness in the eyes of the men. We weren’t cold, or hungry. No one was dying, we weren’t being blown to pieces by Kraut artillery. We had showers and beds, roofs over our heads.

“He ain’t gonna jump no more!” The men bellowed as we bounced along in the truck. “Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die. Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die. Gory, gory what a hell of a way to die. He ain’t gonna jump no more.” I laughed as Don sang in my face, a bright smile on his lips. I was being nudged by George from across the truck, he was as usual egging me on to sing. 

“Christ was strapped around his neck, connectors cracked his dome. Suspension lines were tied around his skinny bones. The canopy became his shroud, he hurtled to the ground, and he ain’t gonna jump no more.” I made a face, listening to the lyrics. It was such a happy tune but the lyrics were about a man hurtling to his death from the plane. 

[waxscentedcandles]

There Was Blood Upon The Risers, There Was Brains Upon The Chute, Intestines Were A'Dangling From His Paratrooper Suit, He Was A Mess They Picked Him Up And Poured Him From His Boots,,

And He Ain't Gonna Jump No More

[symphonyofsilence]

Let the poor man rest.

[spitedemon]

i really don’t think it’s “typical dragon age fandom nonsense” for people to be genuinely upset about the world state choices. combat, level design, art direction, gameplay gimmicks, those have all varied across each dragon age game. the one thing that’s remained constant are nods to our previous choices.

i wasn’t expecting my HoF to come riding in on a griffon, but i can’t find a monument dedicated to warden tabris somewhere around the anderfels? lucanis couldn’t have some lines about the time that one arainai boy was stirring up trouble in antiva city? you’re gonna tell me that making a mage the new divine wouldn’t have some impact on nevarra and antiva? on the anderfels, the supposed most devout militant andrastian nation in thedas? you’re saying nobody in the north is paying attention to who rules orlais or ferelden? come on.

[billionstarsandhereweare]

Charlie Cox on set of Daredevil: Born Again S2

not mine!!! but this came across my FYP on TikTok and uhhhhhh had to share, I couldn’t find these photos anywhere on tumblr

all credit to https://www.tiktok.com/@jess__00_?_t=ZP-8xAyqDZYlep&_r=1 (if you see this and you want me to take this down I can!!!)

[saintaviator]

some stuff.. la..

[thenamesapollo]

state of deltarune theories is so so bad cuz they all try to connect back to the theme of escapism without noticing that that theme isn't even in deltarune.

[laurrelise]

prove me wrong: tua s4 was a giant aidan gallagher thirst trap written and created by yours truly steve blackman

[arcanewebs]

amazing episode EASILY one of my most favorite battle episodes of all time. How Ever is it insane of me to wish it went Just a little bit worse than it did. for the plot

[tanjir0se]

Giyuu Tomioka is the funniest man alive he had a KNIFE to his throat because of a misunderstanding that likely could have been solved almost immediately by him explaining what happened and he STILL refused to speak.

But when he needed to be a bitch during a work meeting for NO REASON this man hits them all with “god I wish I was as stupid as you guys. It must be so relaxing.” For WHY Giyuu. Absolute Dream man.

[tiredguyswag]

it's really cool how almost all the "morally good" characters in cs have to be "pretty" and have anglocentric features and the villains and morally grey characters (specifically men) get to have non white features and by really cool i mean girl get up what the fuck

[cluescorner]

A Batman who kills people is a bad Batman. Except for Terry because he is my special boy. Terry can drown a man it's ok. He can literally shatter a woman it's fine.

[danwhobrowses]

Goodness this is like the third episode in a row begetting discourse among the cr fandom. For me this discourse has two perspectives where the division depends on whose perspective you're looking at;

For the armies it was 'We've been sent by the gods and are here to help you stop Predathos as we pla-wait, you're a vessel of Predathos? Isn't that just like Ludinus planned??' which yeah is valid from their perspective

For the Hells it was 'We just came out of 4 back-to-back battles with Ludinus and Predathos itself, we have a solution to save the gods but change the dynamic but we want to discuss it privately with the gods first and now you're trying to kill us!?' which is also valid

What puts me more on BH's side is that we have the context; BH are allowed to be terse when people try to kill them and fail, least of all allies who don't ask for an explanation before asking their god to come down and smite them. They're not villains because they snarked at the person who attempted to sic their god on them, and it's not as if Imogen sic'd Predathos on them in retaliation. Once again they are met with the thankless job and burden that they neither wanted or asked for, but was thrust upon them anyway. With all the times Bells Hells have been criticized for being aimless and indecisive it seems a little strange to criticize them now for being focused and decisive.

Could they have explained from the start? Maybe. Would it have caused a different reaction the moment they said Predathos is in Imogen? Probably not. I can't tell you why they didn't come out of the Cage and immediately explain because I'm not the players; perhaps they wanted to avoid the hysteria and conflict, perhaps they were drained from the fight and wanted to wrap up the episode, or perhaps it was just down to Bell's Hells, as with all CR campaign parties, being infamously bad at communicating, I don't know.

But it's times like these where it's worth reminding that this is a DnD show, nerdy-ass voice actors having fun, it can't always be clean and clear-cut storytelling every second. And sometimes as a fandom we need to take a step back so we don't get ourselves stuck, because we're probably making it deeper than it is and getting annoyed at each other over our interpretation of two groups from the same side getting annoyed at each other. Just, take a breath.