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hitlikehammers · 3 months ago

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This Is Your Life (¿ǝɟı˥ ɹno⅄ sıɥ⊥ sI)

Steve Harrington never thought he’d end up like his parents. He never thought he’d allow his life end up like this.

…but did it really?

He wants to grab for his wallet: he knows there’s gotta be pictures there, he always knew if he did become a dad he’d be that dad and maybe he can’t fucking grasp how he’s here, how it all went wrong, but he, it’s… He can’t have gotten it this wrong; he might have fucked up the love of his life, somehow—and he knows that’s what it was, the one, came out of nowhere and made him feel more than anything he’d ever known his chest could hold: he might have failed the soft brown curls he can feel against his cheek with his eyes closed, but he’s shaky on the smell of them, the scent of this person he knows that he loved, fuck, no, he knows that he still loves—but he can believe that part. He doesn’t want to believe it, really thought this was different, feels it in his chest that this was so different, and this time was forever—but Steve’s history speaks for itself. Doesn’t matter if he doesn’t want to think it fell apart—again. But. That said: he swore he’d never be his own parents. He can’t have gone and failed this bad, with his own kids—

rating: t ♥️ tags: post S4, established relationship (?), drama, introspection, angst (?) with a happy ending (!), steve harrington and the inescapable reality of becoming your parents no matter how hard you try, (it IS inseparable, right?), creeper hitting on a sad divorcé at the bar, SINCERE APOLOGIES TO PEOPLE NAMED A NAME MALIGNED HEREIN SOLELY FOR PLOT PURPOSES

for @steddielovemonth Day Twelve—“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.”―The Sandman —

“You look like you shouldn’t be alone.”

Steve, actually, feels like he should definitely be alone. Certainly isn’t looking for company from this random, hair-slicked-back, not-even-being-subtle-about-the-sleaze stranger.

Who sees fit to put his hand on the back of the empty chair across from where Steve sits.

Alone.

“I meant,” and his voice is…soft, but like he wants something. Soft like he means to pull you in. Steve doesn’t fucking need this, not tonight. “Are you waiting for someone?”

Steve wants to laugh. Steve wants to throw his glass and watch it shatter, watch the other patrons of this fairly high-end restaurant gasp and clutch their pearls for it.

He wants to know how he ended up here. How his story unfolded to this. He knows there was a time when they were happy. When he was happy. Lots of memories of being unhappy, especially when he was a kid, but Steve knows in his��bones there was happiness, there was lov—

“Hmm,” the stranger hasn’t figured out he’s unwelcome yet, apparently; Steve tries sipping his drink as a hint.

It has the opposite effect.

“Ah,” the man watches Steve’s hand, then points: “it’s been a while, but you still remember the weight, no?”

Steve makes the mistake of taking his eye off this nuisance of a human to follow the pointing: he grabbed for his drink from the left.

Yeah, he does still keep his presently-empty ring finger the slightest bit off the glass. Like a habit.

Motherfucker.

“Children?” the stranger who absolutely cannot take the goddamn hint presses on, too curious, too poised at innocence to be wholly genuine.

Steve doesn’t know what could have possibly given him away—he knows he looks run through the wringer, but kids, there wouldn’t be a tell for the kids in his wrinkled suit, his mussed-up hair from running his fingers through it, greasier than he ever allowed before, tie rumpled and half-undone, what—

His right thumb catches his eye, just out the corner: nail polish. He didn’t have the heart to take it off, and, well. There’s a little corner of Barbie pink on the inside of the tip, hanging on months later. Taunting him.

Must be pretty quality stuff.

“How old?”

And Steve’s lips part, he intends to answer actually because the drive in him to tell this asshole it’s none of his business and that he needs to fuck off was strangled in a second at the thought of the girls, his three girls, the six little nuggets he always dreamed of, plus one more besides as a bonus, a fucking gift, and maybe it’ll hurt less in the long run to say anything about them to a faceless person he’ll never see again, so he intends to answer, but…

Suddenly he can barely form a coherent thought about his kids, it all hurts too much—like the burning, the wetness caught on his lashes; like that’s flooding full-on in his own mind’s eye as much as his lungs all at once.

He can’t have gotten it this wrong; he might have fucked up the love of his life, somehow—and he knows that’s what it was, the one, came out of nowhere and made him feel more than anything he’d ever known his chest could hold: he might have failed the soft brown curls he can feel against his cheek with his eyes closed, but he’s shaky on the smell of them, the scent of this person he knows that he loved, fuck, no, he knows that he still loves—but he can believe that part. He doesn’t want to believe it, really thought this was different, feels it in his chest that this was so different, and this time was forever—but Steve’s history speaks for itself. Doesn’t matter if he doesn’t want to think it fell apart—again. But.

That said: he swore he’d never be his own parents. He can’t have gone and failed this bad, with his own kids—

“She took them?”

Steve turns—he hadn’t been looking at the pestering asshole, had kind of forgotten he was there. Steve stares at him a little open-mouthed; blinks. The fuck is he talking about—

But it makes sense. Steve got his picket fence and his gaggle of Harringtons, maybe only got a handful of their trips across the country under their belts before it went to shit, before Steve fucked it up like it was always in his blood to do: lost his marriage. Lost his kids.

“For Henry?”

Finally, the man turns away, automatic: so that’s his name. That’s the only reason anyone looks so quick.

Steve…doesn’t know any Henry, but he bristles to hear it anyway. Like a…a back-of-the-mind instinct that it’s a bad name for bad people.

Maybe it’s just the fact that he’s obviously had too much to drink, for now fuzzy him mind is proving; for how quick his eyes are to sting in public—for how much of a mess he is.

How much of a mess it all is—

“Let me grab that, but,” and the man, this Henry, he gestures to Steve’s glass of mostly-melted-ice; “what were you drinking?”

“Old Fashioned.”

Steve’s voice is metal on gravel. He licks his lips.

“I’ll bring you back another,” this Henry, he thinks he can touch Steve’s shoulder as he walks away.

Once he’s reached the bar and shoots Steve a…deeply discomforting smile as he waits on the second drink and—

Steve doesn’t remember what he had been drinking.

But he knows in his core, somehow, that it wasn’t an Old Fashioned.

“Shame they can’t just turn the music off,” Henry slides the drink Steve’s way before sliding back into the seat he was never invited to sit in in the first place; “not loud enough to really hear is it,” and where he’s started the out-of-fucking-left-field comment with more annoyance than Steve thinks it warranted, he hadn’t even noticed there was music playing until now; “but not strong enough to make an impression.”

Henry ends with more…satisfaction, and weirdly, kinda like self-satisfaction, and fuck but this guy’s weird as shit.

“Oh, unlike the drink,” Henry laughs, shifts the mood—or tries to—after a sip of whatever he’s got for himself and he laughs…too forced. Too much like a game, and unsettling for it when Steve doesn’t know the rules, let alone the playbook.

And honestly, Steve is more interested in the music, now, than his unsavory tablemate.

“You were talking about your children,” Henry leans close his arm extended like it wants to grab for Steve’s in something comforting, too presumptuous—Steve moves that closest arm to grab his glass, but not to lift it.

“I’d rather not,” he says as flippant as he can because he doesn’t want to go back to the hurting, to the lack of anything to hold to in remembering that’s still closer to the surface than the actual face of his kids, his kids—

“Don’t see them much,” Henry says, kinda…tuts, like he’s regretful on Steve’s account, and it’s less a question than an observation, but Steve’s face must do something without his permission at those words because to en Henry’s got this too-bright, too eager sympathy painted all over him before he starts damn-near cooing:

“Oh,” he says, breathy, sour at the back of Steve’s mouth somehow; “oh you poor thing, you’re not even in their lives? Barely remember them sometimes, no?” And the weird thing is…he sounds too invested, yeah, but not just like a creepy fucker looking to maybe take a sad sap to bed. It’s…

It’s different.

“Like they never existed.”

Steve doesn’t understand why of all the things this asshole says, it’s that that shakes him, that trips in his pulse in a way he can feel, and hard.

He stares, jaw clenched, at the unsampled drink still in his hand: whiskey.

Like your eyes, sweetheart, just like whiskey in the morning sun, magic and full of their own perpetual light—

“She took the house, I bet,” Henry sighs, shaking his head, while Steve shakes his own from the voice that had floated at the back of his mind through to the front, close, so close and so fucking clear; “your white picket fence. Your Winnebago.”

And he looks over Steve’s shoulder like he’s really aiming at sympathizing, but…

Something about those exact words seems too precise. Lights something up in Steve’s wobbly memories—but the light feels old. Like it’s a thing he did know, once; followed and looked to, but…changed course.

And how the fuck does this jackass know that Steve maybe wanted, ever, or thought he could have wanted but knew it was a past want, a no-longer-want—in the marrow of his bones he knows the way he’s remembers it, if he is remembering it, he knows the last time it left if lips he didn’t mean it anymore, he’d turned toward wanting something else, something somehow more—

His chest feels stretched for thinking all of it through and…something equally uncertain and shimmering, just out of reach: that part knows this.

And is very fucking suspicious of how this fucker sitting across from him knew about a fucking Winnebago he doesn’t even want anymore?

“Love,” Henry, fucking, yes, Steve is now 100% convinced that that’s a bad name, it’s a bad name that means a bad person, his brain might be fuzzy right now but he knows that part: “even if it werereal,” and he says is almost dreamily but more mocking, kinda, but he’s…he’s not sincere in it. At least not the hints at empathy.

Steve knows he’s being played, even without having the rule book. Even without knowing the game.

“It’s never quite enough, is it.”

It’s not a question. But still. Nonetheless.

Love isn’t enough?

Wrong.

That he knows deeper than any narrow. Closer to the soul of him than of the other things his brain has thought it’s known so far, he’s—

Wait.

Wait, why did Steve think that? Whose voice was that, in his head? A deep voice, smooth and sweet and beloved, Steve feels that undeniable in his chest—thinks it might have been the same voice as the one that talked about his eyes, and, he, it’s…

Is that what he lost, the ring not on his finger, the kids he’s apparently walked out on in every way that matters—if the voice is right, if love were enough then why is Steve, why is Steve here, now, and he’s—

It’s always enough..

It’s a man’s voice. Steve tried to think of any man in his life who would say such a thing in the first place—no family, and friends? He—

Maybe not enough to fix everything alone, but it’s the foundation, Stevie. If it really is love, then it’s more than enough to build anything out of, or back up from.

That’s a man’s voice. And it rolls through Steve’s veins like embers, like the light catching precious stones and sparkling prismatic.

Steve may not be able to place the where or the who just yet. But he knows that it’s there.

There was no ‘she’ to take anything from him, not anything that mattered, when it mattered.

It’s the weight of the memory between his lungs and his steady-pounding heart, gaining pace and punch with every breath—the first inklings of some knowing. It’s the face of kids he’d die for. It’s the knowledge in his bones they’re not the only people he’d die for, and that he’d feel his life more than well-served in doing it. More than.

Steve swirls his glass, watching the smoke from the bar haze through real crystal—thick where the cloud in his head is dissipating more every second. It’s a meta…metafort? It’s a thing that’s making a point about another thing. Illustrating it poetically, or whatever.

The smoke left in his head. The clearest thing shining through it is that voice. That voice telling him not just about love, but something crucial embedded inside: this man seated across from him.

That man is wrong.

“What did you say your name was?” Steve asks, because there’s power in redirecting someone’s attention. And Steve feels…electricity building in his body. Lightning in his limbs; familiar.

He’s on the brink of something, and if all of the losses this man is underscoring are the reflection of who Steve’s grown into, after all that he’d sworn not to become what he knew, what nearly ruined him growing up, fucked him up so bad it took another fucking dimension and its literal monsters to yank him back from the path to becoming like the monsters at his mother’s cocktail parties, his father’s business dinners—

If this man, sitting here, is still somehow who he’s become anyway?

If Steve feels on the brink of something, so fucking close—and maybe the thing he’s close to is total oblivion, to whole-on forgetting and decimating any chance of recovering the losses this fuckface across from him with his martini glass has lifted up to the light—if he’s this close?

Last time Steve can remember breaking through the disaster of his present self was swinging a bat, and swinging to crack fucking skulls.

He’s not sure what that means but he feels weirdly inclined to trust it. So…he figures: what’s the harm?

He’d very much like to break this sonofabitch’s skull in, so.

“Could have sworn you did,” Steve finally takes a sip of his refreshed drink—the single sip alone is sharp assault on his tongue, and he bites at his bottom as the taste shoot through the nerves in his limbs and the pathways in his ways and lights them all up at once, and he hears the music in the background make a bigger impact than the way his heartbeat starts picking up in his ears as he set the drink back down, and leans in on autopilot to meet the guys eyes and make sure the way every cell in his body’s waking up is real, is telling him the truth:

“Henry, right?”

The man barely blinks, just hides less a smirk now and more a grimace in the curve of his martini glass.

Fucking bingo.

The clouds are gone. The haze has fully lifted, or at least is on its way. Steve couldn’t have said how much his body felt like a wrong-sized suit before this very moment until this very moment, when it starts to feel like his own again, like this body and every scar it’s marked with belongs to him alone.

“I’m also in the mood for forgetting this evening,” Steve lowers his tone a bit, bats his lashes as subtly as he knows and then tips his chin down the look up through them, a move that’s never failed him once when he really tries:

“Could I persuade you to accompany me?”

Henry tries to play his wordless agreement cool, almost aloof, but now that Steve knows the truth of it all, now that his own mind is clear, it’s so obvious.

Motherfucker’s champing at the bit.

They make it just out the door into the half-packed parking lot before Steve pauses, looks up at the sky—notices the eerie starlessness, the shadowy-faltering veil over the ominous red of the clouds.

“It’s funny,” Steve tells the sky as his eye catches the impression of a bolt of lightning behind the shade; “what you said earlier.”

Henry hums, but it’s…it’s an impatient, or maybe unsettled, at the very least annoyed sort of sound. He wants to leave. He wants to take Steve farther from a neutral setting.

Or at least: neutral by comparison.

“About the music,” Steve tosses his head back toward the bar beyond the doorway. “Too low to really set the ambiance,” Steve agrees, because he knows the why; “but there enough to be,” Steve sucks his teeth, pretends to look for the right word: “distracting.”

Distraction.

Henry stills. Steve isn’t feel patient enough to drag this out any further, really, now that his gaze is clear.

“We knew it wouldn’t work this time, the music,” Steve taunts, feeling the adrenaline suddenly rise in his veins like an untamable force; “you’re not strong enough for it to matter, can’t even lift the tool you need for half your dirty work.”

Literally. Because Steve’s still cognizant. Steve can feel the bleed of the real world—even if he’s floating he’s not down for the count yet. And by rights, he damn well should be—based on all previous encounters.

And yet here, on top of everything, all the memory and clarity rushing back in one heartbeat, one breath—the choice of the cocktail, the song in the background wasn’t a song anyone would know, it was written for Steve and it was in the voice of its composer, probably sang at his side without any instrument to smooth it out to anything less than raw and real—

The last nail in the coffin were the eyes.

“Can barely hear at all, the state you’re in,” Steve kicks at the ankles of the man unraveling before him as the parking lot around them starts to fade into dead trees and shot-red skies; “the bats could have, if they’d made it.”

And there it is, even diminished, even rotting: Vecna’s eyes were always the same; unmistakable. Dead giveaway.

Still full of the same fucking unhinged, megalomaniacal hate.

“She took everything, didn’t she?”

Because Steve knew it didn’t sound right for him, when it was thrown at him beyond all of it being twisted and wrong—that part had felt different, and now he knows why: no woman was taking his house, was dismantling the life he was building with someone his heart belonged to, full stop.

But this sorry excuse for crawling corpse had a young woman whose buzz cut was growing back to her curls again; and she sure as shit took everything, and was poised now to come back for the stragglers and make it final. Make it done.

All this pathetic scrap of not even a man, not even a monster—this pathetic scrap of nothing really was?

Was lingering in the dead space, half-a-ghost on borrowed time.

So Steve thinks, given his role in this was always to be the bait, and to keep him preoccupied until that ill-borrowed time needed returning to its rightful owner, and what was left of Vecna had run out of it entirely—Steve thinks he’s more than entitled to kick this fucker when he’s down.

He doesn’t even feel bad when he trips the bastard up again, too uneven on his disintegrating legs to even try to fight; honesty feels kinda giddy, like he wants to laugh when the fucker let’s loose a fittingly inhuman scream when Steve jumps with both feet on what’s left of his knees, one by one.

“Never tell me my kids don’t exist,” Steve growls, enraged, half-feral at what this creature tried to sell him; “do not even suggest I don’t remember my fucking kids.”

Because Steve could never. Steve would never. He had the nuggets he used to dream of. Almost missed the gift of those shitheads, for too long, in clinging to a different version of it he’d just absorbed from what he thought was the way the world worked; hadn’t yet readjusted to knowing the world worked wholly fucking differently, and the things he heart really wanted of course would shift accordingly.

Had shifted. Goddamn perfectly.

“And it’s wild,” Steve takes a second, considers the writhing vermin on what’s given way entirely from the mirage of anything else than soggy ground, littered with dead leaves, blackened bark.

“I’m really not a whisky drinker,” Steve muses, circling the pathetic heap of this self-style god: some fucking god.

“Not yet, anyway. I’ve been told it’s a drink you have to grow into,” Steve hums consideringly, even as he catches a hand try to reach, try to grab, try to bring Steve down again and sap his energy, the lifeblood in him to steal a few more minutes, a few more gasps before the end.

Steve crushes the hand that darts out from what’s left of the wrist, unforgiving under his heel.

“But you ordered me that cocktail with bourbon,” Steve says, almost blasé, as the figure on the ground writhes and howls.

“I drank a lot, after our first round with you,” he had. Figuring out you might very well be falling in love with someone when that someone’s not guaranteed to make it through the night for too many nights in a row takes a goddamn fucking toll. “Only time I’ve ever touched bourbon,” and it’d been top-shelf shit, his dad didn’t keep anything less on hand:

“Only time I ever will.”

Maybe Steve could grow into enjoying another kind of whiskey in the future but…that taste was always going to be tied to the heart-pounding nightmares, the bitter fear of unmitigated loss.

“Really throws me out of the moment here and now, though, y’know?” Steve makes a point of crushing every individual finger on the hand he’s still got under one shoe with the other. For insurance. “Takes me back somewhere else.”

When the cretin slowly quiets his yelping to heavy panting—and Steve is not above admiring to himself that he does weight crushing his windpipe next because Steve’s not a vicious person, he’s not violent like that but this animal nearly cost them everything, nearly cost him everything.

Might still, if Steve can’t get back out of this half-mindfuck, half-hellscape.

He really, really thinks about it.

“You fucker,” he desires to hiss, to lean down little and catch those wrathful eyes; “you really thought you had me, didn’t you.”

And the second hand tried to shout up to take Steve by the neck, but Steve’s faster, not least because he’s not coming apart at whatever stands in for the cells of a reconstituted corpse multiple times over. He knocks that arm away hard enough to snap something clean enough to echo, and then takes his time repeating the through crushing of wrist, finger, finger, finger, finger, thumb.

And then, because the screaming isn’t load enough for Steve’s liking just now, not for this monster, he decides to see if there’s anything in the crotch area left of this wrinkled ballsack of a man. It never really looked like it, the few times Steve had seen him in full, in better days for his…already-rotting body…thing.

But the pitch of the agony that rings out when Steve grinds his heel down in that general anatomical…area must mean there’s still something.

It’s something like the middle of that scream that Steve catches under his shoe at what’s left of the neck he wanted to crush before but now…now it’s just pressure. Painful. Inconvenience, dialed up to Eleven.

“What’s wrong, Henry?” Steve taunts, meets those eyes with what he knows, means to be a crazed fucking grin:

“Never heard of a Piggyback?”

And those hate-filled go wide, go fearful.

Fucking excellent.

“El, take him!” Steve cries out and feels a seismic wave knock him far from where he was standing, but he’s still grinning wide when he lands far in a heap, knocked hard but…this was the plan.

Everything goes dark very fast after he crumples in the ground, hears mostly yelling—rage and pain, triumph and total decimation—and it’s the last thing he does hear, might be the e last thing he hears ever, save for a desperate cry of one word before it all fucking fades:

“Steve!”

🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸

…..tbc??😬🫠

SERIOUSLY: I have nothing against people named Henry! I promise! 🫠

✨permanent tag list: OPEN (lmk if you want to be added/removed): @ajeff855 @allmyfavoritethingsinoneblog @anthrobrat @askitwithflours @awkwardgravity1 @bookworm0690 @bumblebeecuttlefishes @captain--low @depressed-freak13 @disrespectedgoatman @dragoon-ze-great @dreamercec @dreamwatch @dreamy-jeans137 @estrellami-1 @eternal-sunflowers @friendlyneighborhoodgaycousin @goodolefashionedloverboi @grtwdsmwhr @gunsknivesandplaid @hiei-harringtonmunson @hbyrde36 @imhereforthelolzdontyellatme @kimsnooks @live-laugh-love-dietrich @madigoround @mensch-anthropos-human @nerdyglassescheeseychick @notaqueenakhaleesi @ollyxar @pearynice @perseus-notjackson @pretend-theres-a-name-here

divider credit here and, oddly, also me!

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pastelshroomsbasement · 9 months ago

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Goofy svsss au where qqq is also a transmigrator!!!

#pidw needed a lesbian fujo to shake things up with the power of delusion and qu bing is here to DELIVER #svsss #alternate universe #scum villian self saving system #qi qingqi #shroomysocs #????? ocs?????????#its not fair that sha hualing doesnt have a canon partner outside of our collective delusion so i was like “this needs to be changed”#and instead of liu mingyan SHES GETTING MOTHER SUPREME #might write something or not who fucking knows #qu bing is going to intervene and get into deep characterization investigations to figure out what the fuck went wrong with airplanes ocs #shes the therapy these useless men needed #girl power saved qi qingqi but now she had to suffer getting backseat role as a useless lesbian manned the reigns to her body #they function like genshin impact character switching #the qqq transmigrator au

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fandomtrash-16 · 1 year ago

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do you think they knew each other

#imu one piece #sun god nika #one piece #inspired by all those scenes of imu in the butterfly garden #had me thinking “what if that was nikas room” and devolved into me writing 17 scenarios about their friendship before everything went wrong #tw blood #muns doodles #me when i murder my friend and steal his house

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johnslittlespoon · 1 year ago

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i just finished the prologue of the mota book and i don't know how i haven't seen a single post talking about how after john and gale's stalag reunion, they were then separated for another four months.

my heart is aching so bad. imagine being reunited (after almost three weeks, oct 8–26th) and having that tiny feeling of 'everything is going to be okay' and then being ripped apart again for four fucking months. 120 more days of not being able to be at each other's sides.

#let out an actual pained noise when i processed the sentence #went back and reread three times to ensure i wasn't reading it wrong #johnslittlespoon mota book #<- gonna be posting stuff from the book there as i read #but yeah what in the fucking sick twisted joke #how did they not mention this in the show #also the way john is called 'johnny egan repeatedly' makes me want to put my fist thru drywall #do you think they could see each other/talk through the fence #i can't do this i rly can't #there's no way i'm not gonna write a oneshot about the second reunion that comes after those four months #johnslittlespoon brainrot #buckbucky #buck x bucky #clegan

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viperwhispered · 1 year ago

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Too Hard

Woop part 2 of the trip inside Jamil's head. Part 1 here.

The next time Jamil caught sight of you on campus, his first instinct was to turn around on his heel.

What a stupid thought to have because of you.

Besides, that would only make him more conspicuous, not less.

So, when your eyes met his, Jamil gave you a short nod in greeting. He would’ve left it at that and kept on his way, had you not walked up to him.

“Hi Jamil! How’s it going?” you said with that impossibly disarming smile of yours.

Why was it so difficult to look at you like he normally would? You had no right to make him feel so stiff, so unnatural.

On autopilot, Jamil exchanged a few pleasantries with you - those lessons from his parents had been instilled too deep in him for him to falter too badly in a simple exchange such as this. Still, Jamil quickly excused himself by telling you he still had to find Kalim before his next class.

Jamil didn’t miss the way your smile faltered. Had you hoped to get something out of him?

“Oh, okay. I’ll see you two later, then.”

Something about that irked him, though Jamil did not allow himself to dwell on it further.

His heart really had no business still racing as it did when he walked away, unaware of the frown on his face.

Just act normal. That’s all he needed to do.

After all, he had no time for dwelling in silly fancies.

If Jamil had been acutely aware of you before, it only seemed to worsen now that he was making a conscious effort to not act any differently with you. In fact, the harder he tried to keep you out, the more you invaded his thoughts, unsettling him.

The most innocuous words from you looped in his mind, and even the simplest actions caught his eye. For goodness's sake, he’d found himself staring at you while you were queueing up in the cafeteria the other day, not even doing anything other than standing around and looking bored!

For once, Jamil found himself grateful for all his duties. At least they provided him with something else to occupy himself with.

After all, if he was busy enough, it was difficult to think about those bright eyes of yours, your sweet laugh, or the way you bit your lip while thinking.

Still, sometimes it felt like no matter which way he turned, you were there, ready to throw him off-kilter. Not like it was his fault that often the most convenient route to class intersected with your daily routines. Or that your face seemed to jump out from any crowd, catching his attention.

Which certainly did not help his basketball performance. Jamil certainly did not recall you having such an interest in sports before, yet suddenly you were always there, distracting him. What had changed?

Could you possibly-

Jamil scoffed to himself, forcing his thoughts back on track for the nth time that day.

He picked up the tray of food and started taking it to Kalim. After dinner, he’d need to help Kalim with his homework, there were some housewarden tasks that would need dealing with, not to mention the preparations for the next-

Jamil froze in his tracks.

The voice he heard was quiet, but it was unmistakably you.

Really, it should not have come as such a surprise to him. You had become a rather frequent visitor to Scarabia, and Kalim often invited you to stay for meals. In fact, Jamil had started planning the dorm’s meal prep with your tastes and dietary restrictions in mind, just in case.

Jamil rounded the corner with strange exhilaration, his heart fluttering needlessly.

Yet, his mood evaporated when he saw you.

Why did you stop talking and look so guilty as soon as you caught sight of Jamil?

Jamil knew that look you gave to Kalim, had used it himself a thousand times. The one telling Kalim to keep quiet about something.

What could there possibly be that you would be comfortable sharing with Kalim, but not with him? That would give Kalim reason to sit so close to you, a comforting hand on your shoulder?

Jamil's mind raced with possibilities, yet could not settle for any single explanation.

He’d have to ask Kalim about it later.

Jamil gave you a short, polite greeting, his eyes lingering on you in an attempt to read what you were hiding.

“If I’d known you were coming over, I would’ve prepared something for you to eat as well,” Jamil said, already thinking about which parts of the dorm’s dinner to spruce up for you.

“Oh, no need, just figured I’d pop by. I’ll get out of your hair soon enough,” you said, something sheepish about your expression.

As expected, Kalim asked you to stay and dine with them, and with just a bit more persuasion you agreed - though not before telling Jamil that he should join you too and have himself a breather.

And since Kalim agreed with you, Jamil soon found himself sharing a meal with you and Kalim. Yet, even as he sat down with the food, his mind raced.

Had you been getting particularly close to Kalim lately? But surely Jamil would’ve noticed such a thing. Maybe someone from the dorm had been giving you trouble? But if that was the case, then surely you could let Jamil know about it, too. Unless for some reason you did not want to? But if it was something that concerned Kalim, then sooner or later it was bound to concern Jamil, too.

All the while, Kalim was talking to you about this and that, the latest topic being the animals kept on the Asim estate.

“I’ve got some pictures, let me show you!” Kalim said with an excited grin.

Only, a thorough patting of his pockets and a look around confirmed that Kalim’s phone was nowhere to be seen.

Jamil pinched the bridge of his nose. Where had Kalim left it this time?

Before Jamil even had the chance to say that he would handle it, Kalim sprinted off. Jamil hesitated for a moment, automatically halfway up from his seat, before he decided that leaving a guest unattended would be a worse offense than not helping out his master.

Jamil slumped back down with a sigh, mentally tracing the path Kalim took today, trying to recall the last time he saw Kalim handle his phone.

“Breathe. He’ll manage,” you said. There was the faintest of smiles on your lips, and Jamil could not decide if it was knowing or amused. Perhaps both.

Somehow, despite his frustration, Jamil’s own lips wanted to curl up too.

“Hmm. Maybe he will.”

Sure, Jamil could’ve called Kalim’s phone, to make it easier to find, but it was not that urgent, was it?

Jamil took another bite of his food, keeping an eye on you from the corner of his eye.

How was his mind so empty and so buzzing at the same time?

“You know-”

“So-”

You looked at each other, both just as surprised that the other had spoken up at the same time.

Even your surprised look was so-

“You first,” Jamil said. The way you bit your lip... Jamil had to raise a cup to his lips, slowly sipping his drink.

“Just… Feels like it’s been quite a while since I’ve seen you be still, you know. Or exchanged more than two words with you,” you said. You were attempting a light, joking tone, yet it was quite clear there was more to it.

“You say that like it would be unusual for me to be busy.”

He was not prepared for the way your soft sigh tugged at his heartstrings.

“No. It is not.”

You were both quiet after, poking at your meals. Normally, Jamil would’ve cherished such a moment of peace, yet this particular silence between you two was decidedly awkward.

Where was your usual chatter? Why weren’t you looking at him like you usually did?

“If you’re worried about me, don’t. I’m fine,” Jamil said, some softness creeping into his tone despite his best intentions.

“That's what Kalim said too,” you said. Yet the way you looked at Jamil made it clear you were still skeptical.

Wait.

Had you clammed up earlier because it had been Jamil you had been talking about with Kalim? That Kalim had comforted you about?

The thought twisted his stomach into knots.

Eta: you can find part 3 here, part 4 here, and finally part 5 here. Hasdhfsdf the way I fought with that last scene I swear. I don't even want to know how many versions I went through, trying to figure out how to say what I wanted without rubbing it into your face or making it too veiled. The joys of trying to convey things through a limited pov. Hopefully it came out reasonably balanced in the end. Rip to all those sentences that were lovely on their own but didn’t work for the whole. Hopefully I can rehome y’all one day. I do have thoughts for part 3 and part x (might be some chapters between those two as well, who knows at this point), so maybe we'll see those at some point, too. Tag list: @colliope @crystallizsch @diodellet @jamilsimpno69 @jamilvapologist @twstgo If you'd like to be tagged for future works, let me know! (Just be aware that sometimes I do also write nsfw, though you can certainly ask to be tagged only for particular kinds of works.)

#twisted wonderland #jamil viper #twisted wonderland x reader #jamil viper x reader #ner writes #jamil definitely knows how to deal with his feels #also writing this is making me wonder how aware jamil is of his inner versus outer life #like he’s very aware of how he comes across because that’s what he’s been told to watch out for #but how well has he truly learned to understand himself and his own feelings wants etc?#(I mean as you can tell I’m assuming not very well)#originally this went to more of a “jamil hears just the wrong part of the conversation” route but #a) I kinda hate that trope especially when it’s dragged on beyond belief and #b) Kalim maybe doesn’t want to spill anyone’s secrets but he really is such an open book especially with Jamil so #also it’s not like jamil needs the extra help to catastrophize he already does that well enough on his own 🙃#tho then I went a little too far in the other direction and had to pull back #but let's just hope I didn't edit this to death by now #also also: since I seem to have a bit of a naming theme going on for this series #if I were to be the sort to go for the angst route what part would definitely be titled Too Late or something along those lines #also x3 but loved folks commenting on that part about reader being inoffensive in the first part #I certainly had fun writing that line #(and in general extra love to everyone who leaves comments on tags replies wherever always great to read those)#(and in general chat with y'all)

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seagreenstardust · 7 months ago

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Why do I feel like a few years are gonna pass and Hori’s just gonna shadowdrop a pic with bkdk holding hands

#bkdk #bakudeku #captioned with how this was his personal vision but jump wouldn’t let him see it through #so he bare bonesed a patch up het relationship #I mean izu*cha was probably the original plan? put the girl in early and develop them #but clearly chemistry went another way #i’lll say it again #hori was able to write straight ships #Kirimina has chemistry #denki x jirou #has chemistry #but bkdk has the most chemistry and the most screen time #izu*cha did not have chemistry #not on the same level #like first crush energy?#but not the all encompassing intense passion and energy bkdk had #also I love it when people say we’re coping?#maybe we are but 1 canon is bkdk’s playground #and 2 what is wrong with coping anyway??? the izu*chas coped after 430 #usually by replacing Katsuki with Ocha in bkdk’s big moments but still #coping #and that was fine #like let people live????

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uniiiquehecrt · 11 months ago

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Voice actors are NOT the same as actors.

It takes a specific kind of skill-set and training to be able to warp and meld the voice. It takes a certain kind of talent and dedication to hone that talent into the ability to meld the voice and invoke emotion with one's voice alone. Actors are used to using their voice secondarily to their body language and their facial expressions. It's all mirrored back on camera. They do have nuance. But it's a different kind of nuance and a different kind of training to produce that nuance.

Voice actors might get their likeness transposed on their character's design, and maybe their mannerisms might seep into the character's animation. But when it's all said and done: their presence is in their voice. They are bringing a character to life, showing that emotion in their voice, trying to keep a specific accent, drawl, pitch, tone in that voice and keep it consistent for their recording sessions.

The voice actor is like a classically trained musician who can play first chair in a competitive, world-renown orchestra. The actor (who fills the voice actor's role) is like a moot who played violin in beginner and intermediate high school orchestra and thinks they can get into Juilliard with that 2-4 years of experience.

This doesn't mean that the HS orchestra moot can't play. They can even be really good at it. Maybe they won competitions and sat first chair. But they are not in the same league as the person who's been training their whole lives and lives and breathes to hone their craft using the instrument and all of the training they've ever acquired to perfect it. They are not meant for the same roles. They are not in the same caliber. You do not hire the HS equivalent when you want to play complex music in a competitive orchestra.

Actors are not the same as voice actors.

And furthermore, actors - especially big name actors - taking the roles of animated characters for big budget films or TV pilots makes no sense anyways when - at least in the case of TV pilots - there's not a point to hiring a big budget actors anyways. That money could be used elsewhere (like paying your animators), and the talent that is brought onto the screen for X character could then be hired on to voice said character no recasting required.

I wouldn't say voice acting as a profession is in danger exactly, but it's certainly being disrespected and overlooked for celebrity clout, and this has ALWAYS been an issue. Shoot, even Robin Williams knew that much - which is why he tried so hard not to be used as a marketing chess piece for Aladdin and got royally pissed off when it happened anyways. People shouldn't go to any movie (but especially not animated films) because "oh famous actor is in it". People should go because it's a good movie and the voice acting is good.

People who honest to god think that voice actors are replaceable because "oh well anyone can voice act" or "I like xyz celebrity so naturally it'll be good" ... Honestly I just wish you'd reassess your priorities because you're missing the point and are part of the problem.

Voice Actors ≠ Actors.

#(i am incredibly passionate about this)#(and seeing celebrity voice actors in what should be a voice actor's role completely burns my buns it doesn't matter WHO it is)#(hemsworth as optimus? someone tell me one good reason why they couldn't get a good v/a to replace mr. cullen properly for the future)#(ben shwartz as sonic? dude literally isn't even a good voice actor OR actor anyways-)#(- A N D jason griffith AND my boy roger craig smith are still RIGHT HERE)#(jason griffith IN PARTICULAR would have pulled back SO many sonic fans that went to watch the film anyways. if not /more/.)#(and on top of that he has the same tonality and energy they tried to force this moshmo to try and emulate anyways so GET THE REAL THING)#(chris pratt as mario? i can at least defend /him/ and say that barring his failure to do a NY accent consistently he wasn't terrible)#(but mario's new voice actor could've been used instead and people would've clearly appreciated that WAY more)#(vanessa hudgens as sunny starscout in mlp g5's pilot movie? literally why. they replace her and hitch's va in the show.)#(don't even get me started on the concept of hiring celebrity singers to do musical theatre roles or not letting musical theatre singers-)#(-dub the celebrity voice actors you just HAD to hire for your film bc you're so worried about not getting enough clout to get ppl in seats #(that you're putting it all in this (1) big name hire bc turns out that you have no faith in your writing ability much less-)#(-animation as a medium.)#(and no before anyone says anything : no this is not me saying that ALL celebrity voice castings are bad.)#(there are some that aren't that bad and others that are actually pretty good.)#(i especially appreciate it when actors are damn well aware they aren't voice actors and try to LEARN from voice coaches-)#(-and/or their va predecessors if applicable.)#(that does not change the fact that the celebrity shouldn't have been hired just because the film wanted to have bragging clout-)#(-oh look at this FAMOUS PERSON we were able to hire — yeah ok. sure wendy. i want to know if this film is quality or not.)#(and 9/10 times the SECOND there is money spent on a non voice actor to voice the main character especially)#(that usually means somewhere along the way animation IS going to get shafted. if not w the animators themselves then in the way of-)#(-the actual animation itself and ESPECIALLY the screenwriting because it's especially been so dogshit lately even before the strike.)#(a celebrity being hired to fill a voice actor's role is such an immediate red flag to me and it is VERY rare that i get to be proven wrong

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pokimoko · 3 months ago

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To Walk Over Your Grave - A Gravity Falls Fic

Written by pokimoko

Chapters: 7/7

Final Word Count: ~60K

Fandom: Gravity Falls

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Ford Pines & Stan Pines, Dipper Pines & Ford Pines & Mabel Pines & Stan Pines, Fiddleford H. McGucket & Ford Pines, Bill Cipher & Ford Pines

Characters: Ford Pines, Stan Pines, Dipper Pines, Mabel Pines, Fiddleford H. McGucket, Bill Cipher, Background & Cameo Characters

Summary:

This is not the world you think you know Though it starts in the same winter snow And ends in the same place as before: In a town of cryptids and folklore Where a man must set his mind aflame To bring an end to a god's cursed game That's the thing about branches of time However they diverge, they will rhyme But diverge they did, with one mistake One wrong number is all it can take To keep a man away from his twin And to change all of what might have been How cruel, how strange, that a change so small Could make so many dominoes fall But still, every choice must have its cost And in this world, he must pay with frost

Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe, Cryogenics, Suspended Animation, Young Ford Pines, 80s Ford in 2012, Ford Pines Has Issues, Ford Pines Needs a Hug, POV Ford Pines, Ford Pines-centric, Psychological Trauma, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Ford Pines Has PTSD, Memory Loss, Amnesia, Repressed Memories, Horror Elements, Mystery, Angst, Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Canonical Character Death, (just…not quite in the canonical order of events), Haunting, Dreamscapes, Unreliable Narrator, Reconciliation, Memory Alteration, Grief/Mourning, Metafiction, Pre-Portal Incident Ford | Early 1980s Era Ford Pines, Implied Autistic Ford Pines, Alternate Universe - Ford Pines Never Went Through The Portal, and let's just say that changes a lot of things, Brotherly Love, Brotherly Angst, Wait if I'm haunting the narrative and you're haunting the narrative then who's driving?, TLDR: instead of portal adventures Ford gets frozen for 30 odd years and is still not having a good time, my boy is out here young dumb and broken

#gravity falls #gravity falls fanfiction #gravity falls fic #gravity falls fanfic #fanfic #my fanfic #my fic #ao3 fanfic #fanfiction #ford pines #stanford pines #stan pines #stanley pines #dipper pines #mabel pines #fiddleford mcgucket #bill cipher #hey remember last year when i said poetics of space was the longest fic i'd written since 2021. yeah so it may have lost that title already #this fic started off as a 'dream plot to fall asleep to because it would be way too long to actually write'. well. i wasn't wrong.#though let's just say that dream plot wasn't prepared for most of what this fic ended up being about #shocking news: pokimoko writing about ghosts and grief and memory AGAIN (no talking radios or sentient houses though so no bingo this time)#but hey! finally got to write in ford's pov! man it was fun! he's the exact kind of guy i love writing for:#smart. unreliable when it comes to narrator duties. and having a really bad week #you can tell this is my first time properly writing an AU because my dumbass could not resist exploring the concept of choice & consequence #what is canon divergence if not a medium to explore the choices we didn't make? the paths we never went down?#anyway i'll stop talking before i spoil stuff. hope you guys have fun with this one! 'cause i definitely did! :D

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shannonsketches · 1 year ago

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Why is the anime so weird, it's not even the same series dude?? It's like,

Anime:

GOKU: I have a great idea to bring peace to the universe, and my leadership and compassion alone will unite us all. I have No Flaws and am A True Relatable Everyman :)

VEGETA: NO! I AM THE BEST AND I WILL CAUSE PROBLEMS UNTIL I AM RECOGNIZED AS SUCH!!!!

Manga:

GOKU: Vegeta what's cornmeal made of? I know it's what the corn eats, but what's it made of? VEGETA: Hey Kakarot let's play the quiet game until one of us dies.

#dbtag #I do not understand this writing it's so bad aklsdlkasjd #Toei wants Goku to be Clark Kent SO bad and he SO isn't lmao #they're so good and dumb and rounded and complex in the manga what is the anime so afraid of #Toriyama said 'no no this man is a detached faux-immortal who has a dear pure heart but he's childlike and selfish even though he's kind'#and toei went 'got it goku's never done anything wrong ever in his life'#toriyama said 'Vegeta's gone through a lot and he's finally settling into his more mature leadership role with the confidence he's earned'#and toei said 'got it vegeta has the confidence of a high school bully except now he can interact with his family as a comedy bit'#girl hWHAT #Toei trying to group Goku and Vegeta as two people who would rather train than be with their families and Toriyama said NO Vegeta wants #to be HOME this is the first time in years that he's HAD ONE and it makes him HAPPY to be with his wife and children!!#Vegeta trains so that he can protect the things he doesn't want to lose again and Goku trains because it's the thing that makes him happies #They are NOT the same lmao And yeah Vegeta still wants to beat Goku but he also knows that Gohan could dogwalk both of them if he wanted #He also knows Trunks and Goten are going to surpass them it's not about being the best anymore he's past that he just wants to Not Need Gok #He just doesn't want to have to rely on Goku to save the day he wants to be Enough on his own he just wants to know he can be #because every time it's mattered he WASN'T and people he loved were lost to his inability to protect them and he carries that #Like Whis diagnosed him with anxiety and cptsd out in the open and Beerus said he was self-centered for feeling guilt #+ he lowkey enjoys the rivalry it keeps him goal-oriented so he can't get complacent and lazy which is what triggered his Buu Saga breakdow #realized how Fucked Up it was that having a home and loving family made him feel like he was failing and went 'wait no I won actually??'#now he's chill as fuck in the manga. cool confident leader.#and sometimes he is childish and dumb with Goku as a treat #you know what rocks about his rivalry with Goku in Super though is that it's Playful. Vegeta is learning how to Play.#You ever seen a shelter dog get introduced to a really playful dog and it takes a minute for the shelter dog to understand it's safe here #And then they're both running around the backyard playing hot potato with one braincell?? That's Goku and Vegeta's relationship #and the way the anime sleeps on that dynamic is so fucking criminal especially when it's literally canon it's in print it's out there #you had the playbook how'd you fumble it this bad #anyway that's my 25+ year blorbo thoughts I love Geets a lot okay #And I love Goku in the manga a lot I'd forgotten that he's actually a great character when Toei's not fucking up his whole vibe

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itwoodbeprefect · 20 days ago

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you're the only person on my dash who's said anything about the nl govt collapse, I don't know lots about it but I'm curious what the feeling is on the ground chez vous. thoughts? how you feeling election-wise?

ooh! ohoho, that's a fun question right now, thank you!

i don't know how much you know, so apologies if i overexplain, and this also took me MANY DAYS to answer (more important apologies for that) because i immediately started writing too many words. i put most of them under a read more, but they're entirely optional and only there in case anyone would like to. read more, that is.

so, generally, the feeling from all sides is the absolute opposite of surprise. this cabinet sat for 11 months and 1 day after more than seven months of a very unhappy formation, and those 11 months (and 1 day) weren't much happier. this overwhelming lack of surprise comes hilariously paired with the fact that there was absolutely no good reason for the cabinet to fall now (on some level this did come out of the blue), because there was no sudden crisis, nothing new really happened, but wilders (leader of the far-right populist PVV, the biggest party in parliament since the last elections) got antsy and realized that all the things he'd promised (mostly extreme and often impossible anti-immigration measures) were about to fall through again/had already taken far too long (from the pov of his voters. politics takes time, that's how it goes, but he wants things (Far) Right Now), so he more or less made up a list of 10 new demands he wanted the other three coalition parties to sign for, and when they didn't (but told him he could propose those laws and they wouldn't block him, and he might even have their support. they just weren't willing to put their name on a sudden new coalition promise), he sort of overnight decided to pretend that this was THE line in the sand, and he couldn't stand for this any longer, and he HAD to let the government fall for the good of the country, i guess. the idea behind this is that if he's the one to pull his support for the coalition he can pretend he's been trying soooo hard to get something done but everyone just kept working against him (say "awww" please), and at the same time it puts immigration at the center of the next half year-ish of campaigns because that's the Big Issue this government fell over.

now. after the PVV bailed, the other three coalition parties could technically have decided to make a go of it as a minority government, but this was a doomed marriage right from the start and there was exactly zero will to continue from any side, and the opposition was also immediately calling for elections, so that's what's happening. summer is coming up, so the date has been set for late october, and i don't love that (i'd rather have them sooner, honestly), but i DO like the prospect of an election. in hindsight the conditions were perfect last time for a right wing... well, not quite sweep (there are 15 different parties in parliament right now. not much about dutch politics is ever sweeping), but they definitely blew up more than predicted, and i harbor a faint sliver of very guarded hope that results in the next election will be, like, maybe a few seats less doom and despair inducing. things won't be fixed suddenly, the PVV will continue to exist and get a large share of the votes (as will several other right-wing parties), but chances are... not huge? that they'll manage another entirely right-wing government (and you could debate if that's what this one was, but we'd be splitting hairs). there were a few voices from the right after the cabinet fell lamenting that wilders had wasted the potential of this wonderful first-of-a-kind truly fully right-wing government, and they're not wrong but it's also wishful thinking (this cabinet was never going to get anything done. for so many reasons), and obviously my feelings on it are more along the lines of yay! hooray!

so it's, like. it makes me nervous, because everything about politics does, currently. but at least it probably fingers crossed most likely won't get worse (it could! it can! there's plenty of room for things to be worse over here! i just mean that it currently doesn't seem very likely), so any chance of it getting slightly better (and not having to watch the PVV minister for immigration on the evening news every other night because she said some new wildly nauseating thing while smiling) is one i'll take.

also, it's just fun to witness the mess right now. sometimes it's the little things in life that bring one joy. <3

point in case, all i keep seeing in my head is this, from the national evening news on the night of the collapse:

this is the leader of the one of the coalition parties (NSC) responding right after the news broke, but she's standing next to a racist cartoon (it's part of a series of islamophobic... jokes? because she's in the hall near the PVV offices, a bastion of free speech. and islamophobia), but the text is so close to unreadable that really she's just. earnestly trying to do politics next to a picture of hole. there are no two ways around it that's just. it's just a drawing of an anus. with an arrow pointed at it.

which is a terrible place to put yourself if you want to be taken seriously! < the only words really needed to describe anything any of the non-PVV political parties in the coalition have done over the past year and a half.

the above also forced me to relearn that the public broadcast livestream doesn't allow screenshots, so i had to skip back and get out my phone and take a picture of my laptop screen, like a caveman. oh, the times we're in.

as promised, the entirely optional MANY MORE words for context on why i am (very very cautiously, a tiny little bit) optimistic about new elections under the cut:

okay, so the now ex-coalition had these players:

PVV (party for freedom), far right nationalist-populists under geert wilders. received the largest share of the votes. (note: by no means a majority of the votes, just the largest share in a very fractured landscape.) wilders wanted to be prime minister, and the largest party generally gets to supply one, but the other parties blocked him ("normal" political parties, generally, do not like wilders, and do not want him to represent this country), which is how we ended up with prime minister schoof (not from the PVV. a guy nobody knew, so nobody had any objections to him) heading a cabinet to which wilders kept playing opposition even though HIS party was in it. the PVV is genuinely awful and deeply racist, and they will dabble in a little great replacement propaganda (there was a minister who tried not to denounce something she'd said about this in the past, and then eventually did anyway so she could get the job. very believable), but they're a little too grounded to go full on Q Anon. (that's the domain of FVD, who had their moment but are now mostly irrelevant because of how deeply their leader got drawn into the conspiracy spiral. you can forget about the FVD now, they won't be important.)

VVD, mainstream right/center-right party (the liberals, but in a political context where that puts them firmly on the right), who were the largest party for a decade and a half until the last elections. i don't agree with them, i would never ever vote for them, they've done a lot of things wrong and left a legacy of problems they created and never solved, but under mark rutte (during that decade and a half) they were a very stabilizing force, so at least there was that. rutte left to become secretary general of NATO prior to the last elections (which meant we were finally rid of him), and the VVD is now headed by dilan yeşilgöz, who has been pushing them farther right to keep up with the PVV. they're not insane (currently), and they can be reasoned with, but they will really try to give tax cuts to the rich.

NSC (new social contract), a party quite literally so new that it didn't exist before the previous elections, and which won a stupid number of votes considering it wasn't entirely clear what they stood for. they positioned themselves as the party that cares about the constitution, and during the coalition forming process they kept asking concerned questions about the constitutionality of the PVV's proposals, and then they joined this coalition anyway. their leader and THE guy everyone was voting for the NSC for, pieter omtzigt, has been in a constant struggle with burnout and has now (probably?) left national politics for good (after leaving and coming back and leaving and coming back). things do not look good for the NSC.

BBB, the farmer's party. those words may sound sympathetic at first glance, but in reality they're a right-wing mostly single-issue party concerned with farmer's rights in a way that means they're very against, uh. nature. or animal rights. or doing anything to prevent climate change. this may not sound like an obvious party to draw votes, but for a tiny overpopulated country the netherlands does far more farming than you might think. they're a relatively new party but they have a strong core base of supporters.

genuinely, i think what this lineup really says about voters is that (like in so many places around the world) they want the government to take care of people, they want to feel supported, they want everything the left wants, but they keep trying to find it in right-wing parties, several of which have no clue what they're doing beyond shouting things that sound good and/or easy. out of these three only the VVD had any experience whatsoever at governing a country, the NSC barely existed yet, the BBB only really cares about one thing, and the PVV is great at playing opposition but you can't have it both ways. this was never going to work, and everyone knew it, even the people in these parties who were pretending that they might get something done.

now. when discussing him in an international context wilders frequently gets called the dutch trump, and i get why, and it's a decent enough shorthand, and they do align in being destructive unbearable racist anti-immigration populist right-wingers, but it's also, just. not really true at all. wilders has a firm grip on the PVV because he built it, and while trump is an idiot (a dangerous one! a powerful one! but an idiot), wilders is not, and he's been in politics since 1990, and in national politics as the head of his PVV since 2004. he's been here, spewing versions of the shit he's spewing now, and right now he's riding the wave.

and crucially, wilders doesn't get compared to trump a lot in his own country. that's not a thing in the mainstream dutch discourse around him, so the mess trump is currently making of the US doesn't stick to wilders in the way it seemed to haunt the right wing in the recent canadian and australian elections, and unless someone's campaign strategy changes that i don't think that will have much of an impact here.

also: it's important to note that the PVV is definitely a right-wing party, but it's not always that simple and they are, on a technical level, left on some social issues. they want to lower the cost of healthcare insurance (which is mandatory over here. everyone has it, but even so not all insurance is equal, and it's pricey), they were trying to push a rent freeze before the government collapsed (and their proposal was shoddy and about to get struck down, but in theory this could have been a good thing). and these kinds of things sound nice! it's just that wilders wants them for white people, and preferably no one else - but they have and will make people vote for him (sometimes without thinking too much about the racism), because he presents himself as a man who will say what no one else is saying AND cares about the cost of your groceries. during a debate in the runup to the last elections there was a confrontation between wilders and the leader of two left-wing parties which recently joined forces (GL-PvdA, THE mainstream left right now. we'll get to them), in which they were essentially saying they had the same stance on lowering healthcare insurance costs, but wilders was promising radical (impossible) change and the GL-PvdA leader was presenting an actual, reasoned, potentially workable plan that involved several steps. wilders came out on top in this debate even though he absolutely shouldn't have (and later, after the elections, he would shift to more or less parroting the GL-PvdA leader's "it's more complicated than that" stance, because it is more complicated than that), which is just a distilled version of the problem everywhere right now, i guess, because magical sudden solutions sound more attractive upfront than reality, and only certain people are willing to tell those pretty lies.

and finally, while he's been around all this time, he and his PVV have never been in government. they got very close once in 2010-2012 during the VVD-led Rutte I cabinet, when they were a kind of semi-part of the coalition (a very culturally dutch construction, in so many ways), but this ended so badly that nobody even wanted to consider working with them since then, not even on the mainstream right. the VVD (and everyone else, but crucially the VVD, who kept getting the lead in coalition talks) had an unofficial boycot in place against working with them, which essentially left them dead in the water - you can vote for the PVV, but you know up front that it's not getting them anything but opposition seats.

which brings me to the thing that happened last time to give the PVV the unexpected boost they got. so, it's 2023, the cabinet led by mark rutte (of the VVD, then the largest party. this was Rutte IV, so his fourth turn as prime minister) toppled over something they called an asylum crisis (so, over immigration). this was mostly the VVD at work, who were hoping to gain votes with their stance on the issues in a next election.

but who is even louder and meaner about immigration than the VVD? the PVV! so wilders was doing alright anyway, this was perfect for him (adding some to the incremental growth of the far right he could have counted on anyway), but then rutte (finally) left dutch politics, and the VVD leadership was passed to yeşilgöz. yeşilgöz, in an attempt to show that she's doing "new" and "different" politics (a lot of people had gotten tired of mark rutte) and also to appease PVV voters, says that she doesn't rule out working with anyone, even the PVV.

this, now, suddenly meant the PVV was a viable option again. instead of drawing votes for the VVD because they're so cool and chill and also totally tough on immigration, it had the opposite effect of drawing votes for the PVV because they're a Real Political Party! so they more than doubled their seats, going over what they were projected to get in votes, and getting easily their highest number of votes ever. the VVD meanwhile did worse than expected (they had been going strong for the previous 15 years, after all) and then suddenly yeşilgöz had to backpaddle and announce that she wouldn't stand for a prime minister wilders, which is how we wound up with a very odd situation in which wilders (annoyed) kept attacking a guy HE put in the prime minister seat.

so looking ahead now, for these next elections wilders is 100% hoping to somehow get another shot at being prime minister. he wants to grow the PVV even further, but looking at current polling numbers (which mean nothing yet. but are nonetheless all we have) that wouldn't be happening. they'd still come out as the biggest, but they might lose a few seats, and that's not getting wilders in a better spot than where he was. also, while he was of course trying to present as reasonable during the coalition talks, he showed his true (entirely known and expected) colors later on, so whatever his voters or the general population may think, politicians from other parties are supremely annoyed with him (once again).

(important bleak sidenote: this could also be what wilders wants. either he wins more seats, and then they Have to take him seriously and let him be prime minister, or he doesn't, and then he doesn't get to be a part of the next government, and he gets to go back to yelling very loudly about everything everyone else is doing wrong, which is his strong suit anyway. there are no real bad outcomes for him here, probably. that's the bad news (for everyone else).)

meanwhile the VVD would maybe gain some in new elections right now, maybe stay where they are; BBB would shrink a bit (but they're nowhere near those other two in size anyway), and the NSC, crucially, would essentially disappear off the map. this has happened before - something new pops up, dutch voters flock to it in hopes of positive change, nothing really changes and they all flock to the next newest thing/return to more well-known lettersoup acronyms - and it will probably happen again. many NSC voters came from the CDA, the christian democrats, a conservative but centrist party. the CDA had an extremely deep low point in the last elections (omtzigt, who started the NSC, came from CDA, and a lot of CDA voters had also hopped over to BBB already. CDA used to be big, but this was a gradual process of erosion over many elections), and came out with only 5 seats, but they're still a well-known name and i (and current polls) expect them to do much better this time. many former NSC voters will probably go back to CDA. which could be good? at the very least, the CDA is established and, like, knows who they are.

but! i also honestly think the NSC looked more left-leaning to many voters than it was, due to omtzigt's reputation as Man Who Stands Up For The Little Guy (there's a particular political scandal around welfare benefits he had a hand in uncovering that earned him this reputation, which gained him a lot of goodwill. but i think what he really stood for is transparency, not progressive social politics), so who knows, a few of those NSC votes could land left of center, IF the left plays their cards right.

and, okay, the left. there are plenty of parties on the left, of many types, but the most interesting development and by far the biggest and most relevant player on the left right now is the GL-PvdA united left. GL (groenlinks) is the green left, which is what you would expect it to be, and they've never been huge nationally but they're growing. this is where my vote usually lands. PvdA is the labour party, and they have a very long history and traditionally used to draw in a major share of votes (we had a PvdA prime minister when i was born. take me back), but in the last two elections which they took part in on their own they did very badly (like, they lost 29 seats between 2012 and 2017, and then never gained any since, leaving them in single digits. because, and this is a fun one, they were in a deeply ill-advised coalition with the VVD, and none of their voters liked that), and then in 2023 GL and PvdA (both small but present, and neither of them actually tiny) joined forces, and lured frans timmermans back from european politics. he was already a well-known face, and he's strong in this position and i like him and he's saying the right things (we have to stop moving to the right - we have to make center parties want to lean into the left instead), though it does have to be said that he's not very exciting. in an ideal situation, some fresh young face would suddenly rise up through the ranks in one of these parties, but until that happens timmermans will do - and these two parties together DID pull votes in the last election. polls currently have them growing a bit, keeping ahead of the VVD even. because, okay. numbers.

there are currently 15 different parties with at least one seat in parliament (de tweede kamer. which only has 150 seats), and that's not counting parties that were on the voting ticket but didn't make the cut (enough votes for at least 1 seat. so, the lowest cut-off point possible without chopping people in half), so there's plenty to choose! the PVV may be the largest right now, but they still have only 37 seats out of 150 total, which is a fuckton (and 20 more than they had pre-2023) but also, importantly, still MILES from achieving a majority and letting them just fuck around and do whatever they want. that's what wilders would want, obviously, but it's just not how dutch politics works, because there has never been a government in my lifetime (or my dad's, for that matter) that wasn't a complicated union of at least two, far more typically three or four different parties in order to actually get the seats for a majority in parliament. this is a good thing! one could argue there are currently far too many tiny parties active in the dutch political landscape, and one would not be entirely wrong, but i would still rather have this splintering than a consolidation into a political system with only two real options (i'm not naming any names, US americans, don't worry).

so in actual numbers: out of the 150 total the VVD holds 24 seats currently, NSC 20, and BBB 7. (before the PVV left, the coalition had 88 seats total, with the remaining 62 split across 11 opposition parties.) but in between the right-wing PVV and VVD, there's GL-PvdA, who received the second largest share of votes and therefore seats, at 25. note that they beat the VVD with this! this was a growth of 8 seats versus GL and PvdA results counted up (because they were still operating independently then) in the elections prior to the last. they were never going to join talks with the PVV (this is ALSO a good thing), for so many reasons, but they are there! these 25 seats were a victory in their own right! D66 is a centrist party that's in fifth spot with 9 seats. the socialist party SP has 5 seats (which may not sound like much, and it isn't, but it's still 5 clearly left wing people in parliament), the PvdD (party for animals), initially a single-issue animal rights party but now a broader, general left and ecological party, has 3 seats. VOLT is a (center-?)left pro-EU party with 2 seats (note that being far right in europe essentially always means being anti-EU). it's hard to say how many seats all left-wing parties hold if you count them up because it's hard to say which parties are the left wing once you get into the weeds (DENK has 2 seats and is pro immigrant minority rights! but terrible on LGBTQ issues), but it's not nothing, and once again, there is so!!! much!!! to choose from!!!

people just need to, like. stop voting against their own interests because some guy yelled the loudest and made the most impossible but pretty claims.

so, in summary: PVV bad. PVV hoping for more growth, but unlikely to get it, which may put them back in opposition seats, which also could be right where they want to be, but at the very least that would mean we wouldn't have the PVV governing the country. it would probably be tough to get a majority government that's entirely left-wing, so i wouldn't hope for that, but the left may do okay in the next elections and GL-PvdA will hopefully remain at least in the top 3 largest parties. the VVD is around, trying to figure things out. there is still, in the middle of all this splintering and shifting towards extremes, something of a political center, which is also good. there are so many parties with so much to lose and often such different interests that the election may be held in late october of 2025, but it would not surprise me (or probably anyone) in the least if we only had an actual new government in summer of 2026 at the earliest.

or an even shorter summary: things bad; things could be worse; i will stubbornly continue to hope for them not to be. fingers crossed emoji, fingers crossed emoji, fingers crossed emoji ten more times.

a few of the most recent developments because i took so long to get this posted: yeşilgöz announced yesterday that the VVD wouldn't consider working with the PVV again because they were "irresponsible" and "unreliable" from day one. fork found in kitchen, but sometimes it takes two years and a doomed coalition to remember what a fork is, i guess. (sunnier take: at least now we know, and if the VVD sticks to its guns on this, there's a high chance it would get nigh impossible for the PVV to drum up a feasible majority coalition, unless something very weird happens. there are unlikely to be a lot of other big players on the right (especially if the NSC melts like cotton candy being washed by a raccoon), and overall this would point towards a center-right coalition at worst, or possibly something much weirder (left-right cooperation? historically bad for the left, so that's scary, but who knows).)

meanwhile, the remaining coalition parties are squabbling over who gets to fill the empty ministerial seat on immigration (left behind when the PVV exited - all of their ministers left, so those ministries need temporary heads), because all three of them want to be the ones who get to say they're Tough On Immigration, and they're Taking Charge, etcetera. they wouldn't even really have to solve any of the current problems because this cabinet is just sitting it out until there's a new one after the next elections. it's win-win!

also meanwhile (and as an example of why we do need someone in charge, even if just so the press has someone to point their mics at and ask questions), a group of random civilians wearing reflective vests has been flagging down cars along the dutch-german border as "border patrol" (against "illegal" immigrants), which is, of course, a totally normal and chill and not at ALL deeply scary and dangerous thing to be doing, if you are a random person with zero authority whatsoever. wilders is delighted. these people were conducting their checks on the german side of the border at first, until they stopped a car that had german police in it, and the german police went hey! what the fuck! and sent them, in a deeply ironic twist, back over the border where they came from. this would be funny if any of this were funny.

#i hope this is readable. questions are welcome! i promise i won't write another unexpected 4.6k in answer #*#ask #vimesbootstheory #and hey ultimately. when things went sideways so badly in the 2023 elections #a chain of events (media consumption fuelled by grief) was set in motion for me personally that led me to start learning thai #so IF things go all the wrong directions this time. stay tuned! to hear what language i'm learning next maybe #the elections are oct 2025. by the time there's a new government i might speak fluent italian

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necrotic-nephilim · 9 months ago

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I’m gonna be honest I didn’t realize the new 52 messed with Kon that much till I read your post and now I can’t get over the potential. I’m a Tim/Kon girly at heart so I would devour anything you write exploring the 52 vs typical Kon. Also Time being in a clone sandwich is 👌.

the new-52 messed Kon up SO bad it's ridiculous. like, to the point i would personally argue he's a completely unrelated character to pre-Flashpoint/Rebirth Kon. his personality, his suit, his origin, all different. the only real similarities are the name and powerset. and even New-52!Kon's powers are slightly different from pre-Flashpoint!Kon. New-52!Kon is a clone of a future version of Jon Lane Kent, cloned by N.O.W.H.E.R.E. to provide genetic material to Jon Lane Kent, whose body was not handling being half human/half Kryptonian well, it was a whole thing. New-52!Kon is also where we get the infamous "Kon-El means 'abomination of the house of El' and Kara basically named him a slur in Kryptonian culture" tidbit, because that is the only time that's canon. (originally Kon-El was a name gifted by Clark to accept Kon as his family way back in the 90s) he also never went by Conner Kent. New-52!Kon just straight up didn't have any real human identity or connections, outside of being very close to Tim and some Titans.

the very TLDR of Kon's history is: during post-Crisis/pre-Flashpoint, a clone called Superboy is created by CADMUS. at first, he's considered to be a clone of a dude named Paul Westfield and is not Kryptonian whatsoever, he was simply made to look like Superman and only has Tactile Telekinesis as a power. then, it was made canon that actually he was a clone of Lex Luthor and Clark Kent, but Lex hid this fact and slowly, Kon developed more Kryptonian powers. he's given the name Kon-El by Clark, and is taken in by the Kents, getting the name Conner Kent. then Flashpoint happens, we get the New-52, and we're given the above version of Kon-El, who is a clone of Jon Lane Kent, created by N.O.W.H.E.R.E. who has mostly very strong telekinesis powers and some Kryptonian powers. he's with the Titans for a bit, then at the end of the New-52, he kills some aliens and feels bad about it so he decides to fuck off and is never seen again, it's presumed he's dead but never confirmed. then Rebirth happens and DC makes Jon Kent the current Superboy, we get Supersons and all that, and it's assumed that no version of Kon-El exists. just at all. he's not around whatsoever, Jon is our only Superboy. *but* in 2019, we get a new Young Justice run and the pre-Flashpoint Kon-El is back, and we're given the explanation of: Kon got accidentally teleported to this alternate realm called Gemworld and then Flashpoint happened, and since that was a Crisis Event that changed the timeline, the poor lad got *erased* from the timeline, causing most people to *not fucking remember him* and for him to remember a timeline that no longer exists. some of the Young Justice team vaguely remember him, Ma and Pa Kent remember him, but notably, Clark *does not remember him*. it's not an issue of "Clark ignored Kon in favor of Jon" it's an issue of "Kon was erased from the timeline and didn't exist for years bc he was stuck in Gemworld and Clark just doesn't remember Kon or Kon's timeline" which to me, is far more tragic but i digress. since then, Kon has been back and is present in most significant Superfamily runs, with his own recent mini-series, Superboy: Man of Tomorrow. (which was very good btw)

so basically: the New-52 fucked Kon up so bad they wrote him out of comics for years and then brought back the pre-Flashpoint version, but never *explicitly* killed the New-52 version off. so hypothetically, it's possible that there are currently two characters existing in the DC universe named Kon-El who have been Superboy. and like i said above, one of New-52!Kon's only real significant relationships was with Tim, it was the only thing the New-52 managed to get right about Superboy, his closeness to Tim. they have a *lot* of moments that read incredibly queer. and ofc, it's just outright confirmed in Dark Crisis: Young Justice that Tim had a crush on pre-Flashpoint!Kon at some point. so while comics are intent on pretending New-52!Kon doesn't exist, i am intent on putting Tim in a clone sandwich.

because i do think it's fun to play with Tim having genuine feelings and potentially a relationship with both of them. and the fucked up nature of him not fully *remembering* his relationship with pre-Flashpoint!Kon (which is a canon thing, in YJ(2019) Tim has vague memories of Kon he's struggling to piece together and understand why he cares about this guy he doesn't recognize so much) and how frustrating that is for Tim. he knows he loves Kon, but it's all foggy besides that. and so it's even *more* fucked up if Tim dated New-52!Kon before he got emo and ran off into the unknown. obviously in canon no one has told current Kon about New-52!Kon bc comics are doing the good ol' tried and true of "sweep that shit under the rug" but for fanfic, i think it's fun to ask the question of: would anyone *tell* Kon? especially Tim? who now remembers dating both versions of them? would he admit to Kon that briefly, he had another Kon? how would Tim cope with that and move on? personality wise, they could not be more different. they dress and act and look different. they're not the same person, but there's certainly a questionable factor of Tim's dating history including two Kon-Els.

the idea i've had for a while is Tim slowly starting to date pre-Flashpoint!Kon again. it feels familiar and like home. and Tim has grieved and accepted that wherever New-52!Kon is, he doesn't want to come home, he didn't love TIm enough to stay and try. so Tim takes the Kon he has, and genuinely has a happy relationship. like for once, life is good and things almost make sense for Tim. but then, of course, New-52!Kon comes back. he decides he wants to try again and he finds Tim. only to find well. he's been replaced. and technically, he's been replaced with the *original* that he didn't even know *existed*. and if being a clone is bad enough, that just makes it a hundred times worse. because imagine knowing you're actually the second Kon-El your boyfriend who you never *technically* broke up with fell in love with. that's gotta give you some kind of complex.

so i think it's fun if both Kons try to step back and let the other Kon date Tim. both of them have reasons to feel like the "replacement" or "fake" Kon, and it makes them incredibly awkward with each other. do they count as the same person? bc they definitely don't *feel* like the same person to each other, but with weird timeline stuff, who can really say. them settling on an awkward throuple that's really meant to be Tim just dating them both but somehow they end up dating each other too is so fun for me. they both feel like imposters to the Superboy name but are so deeply in love with Tim Drake, it's the one thing truly connecting them. and then of course, Tim feels bad in that somehow, he's betraying both of them for having feelings for the other. but they make it work, with a lot of awkward angst and miscommunication. i just think it'd be fun. very difficult to write to get all the weird timeline nuances down in a way that's understandable in a fanfic (bc you can't just. infodump like i did on this post) but doable. also difficult to tag, because even though i argue these are two different characters, i'm pretty sure Ao3 groups them under the same character tag. so it'd be difficult to convey it's not *really* as selfcest-y as it would imply. comics, man. DC will never acknowledge New-52!Kon again, and he's admittedly a terrible adaptation of Kon-El, but. i think he was sort of neat in his own right and i'd *love* for DC to just inexplicably bring him back and make the current Kon deal with the consequences of all that. and them make Tim kiss them both. obviously.

#necrotic answerings #timkon #how do I tag this ship i'm so serious #kontimkon #I fucking *guess*?#also just plain Kon/Kon could be neat as well #I don't view it as selfcest. but like. I understand if ppl do #also if I got some details wrong i'm so sorry #I was tipsy writing this.#new-52!Kon you were a disaster child but come back from the war I miss you.#i'd need to reread the new-52 superboy and teen titans run to write this #just to be sure I've got a solid grasp on his character #pre-flashpoint!Kon I understand just fine he's my son I've read most of his content #new-52!Kon. eeeeeh. i've read it. years ago. and I'm not even sure if I actually read it all through or just bits and pieces #I hated him when he existed be like. he fucked up Kon so bad we fucking lost Kon for a couple years #but in hindsight. he had potential.#also if you want another bizarre fun fact about the new-52 #Tim was never Robin in the new-52. he went straight to being Red Robin.#also his parents are alive and in witsec. do with that what you will.#weird times.#I guess new-52!Kon could've been erased by rebirth but I don't think he was?? bc characters have recalled his existence so?#hypothetically he *should* exist???#and if he doesn't #*oh well* I do what I want #DC you may not care about the implications of your retcons and reboots but I do. I do.#I want more fandom acknowledgement of Kon getting fucking erased from the timeline and no one remembering him #yes it's fun to make Clark a bad dad #but Kon was forgotten! by almost everyone! that's also fun!#young justice (2019) isn't the *best* comic ever but it's still solid! lots of good Kon whump I tell you.#he was fucking going *through* it that run I tell you. by God.

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