#what's compelling without just roasting her to shit

[il3x]

i tend to greatly downplay my ocs' struggles and flaws because i feel mean to them. can you imagine if someone sent you in a discord and went "this is [Name] she wants to be a cute responsible businesswoman but she can't even maintain basic household chores or personal hygiene and is scrambling to mask this whenever she's in public, which just adds mortification to the anxiety, and she only succeeds because she's so socially isolated. she's working a dead-end job partly because the job market is shit but mostly because she doesn't even consider shooting for something better. and she doesn't even have the horrific trauma that other Aberrants suffer as an excuse for her mental issues! the only time she comes within ten MILES of plot-relevancy is every few years when she needs a new counterfeit peace card. and her bad romance webfiction makes it obvious she gets no bitches" likeeeee what 😭 i'm not saying that in public!!

[raphexim]

Literally the only Gosling film I'd ever seen before Barbie was Remember the Titans like 25 years ago.

Jesus that makes me feel old. I am. Christ.

(it's only 23 years? That's... not better)

Working my way through belatedly so imma just use this post to keep track of thoughts and feelings

The Gray Man: fucking loved it so much??? Murder weapon turned unwilling father figure??? Sad grumpy dads are my one trope to rule them all, particularly when bound with found family. I'd wanna play checkers with Six. Like the characters were super compelling to me, the way they showed development and how everything felt character driven to me? And there were such good unspoken implications that also expanded on these characters without burdening the storytelling. AND the lack of gore!!!! This was a super violent movie and it only got a PG-13 because you literally don't need to show that shit on a screen. Bless

The Nice Guys: I expected to be aced out by the whole porno thing, but it was more nudity with implications than *the do* and I guess that didn't cross the line for me. And honestly pretty mild at that. The plot has holes. So many holes. Russell Crowe's accent was distracting. And crazily, I didn't really care about any of that, because the characters and their dynamics and chemistry were just chef's kiss. I love Holland? And I love that he is a disaster. I would not like him in person. There is a little gore at the end, but if you consider physics, it's not realistic at all (crazy how you can convey a visual without having to emotionally scar your audience, who knew???). This is the only one I have re-watched so far, and now have the book so that I can consume my comfort in multiple forms.

La La Land: idk. The music was good. Ryan walks some kind of way. I was VERY impressed with his piano skills. (I was raised by a pianist, so I have to notice that stuff, which makes me sound pretentious I'm so sorry). Idk what happened. I have no idea what the message was, or if there even was one. It seemed like it was trying to have one?? But like "you can either fall in love, follow your dreams, or be successful, but only two out of three. And if you get rid of one, you're guaranteed to get the others." Idk. Very meh, probably won't watch again except for specifically the piano playing.

Lars and the Real Girl: tbh my only context for this movie was an episode of Pushing Daisies where a delusional guy used his doll to murder someone, so. I did not have high expectations. Also had no idea RG had anything to do with it. *And* my tolerance level for secondhand embarrassment is on the fucking floor so I expected to have to turn it off. I didn't. Fuck. This movie was so wholesome???? The treatment of a mental illness was so supportive and positive??? (Except for the touch thing, that was... Let people not want to be touched!)

The Notebook: hi, I hated the Notebook. I don't get the hype, I don't know why people treat it like the ultimate romance. Man coerces a girl into a date by threatening to kill himself, she retaliates by publicly humiliating him. They scream at each other a lot. Poor communication. Obsessive behavior?? Literally so creepy??? Anyway they're terrible for each other and it's an unhealthy relationship. Ryan with brown eyes. Only rewatching if it's to roast and drink.

Half Nelson: made me uncomfy, but that was the point, right? It's a white savior movie but it's about being a white savior movie. The racial subtext of a white guy stepping in inappropriately and what the fallout of that is; stack on the nuance of addiction, male entitlement. How powerful of a moment for Drey to ask "will I end up like my brother" and Dan being the one to make her so. (Also the performance by Shareeka Epps? Spellbinding.) The writer who became a teacher and then never got around to writing? Real. So was the fact that nothing happened professionally after he did what he did to his coworker. Very pre-Me Too. Anthony Mackey was both the most charismatic and, somehow, most responsible character in the entire thing. My only actual beef is the camera work. This last bit is petty - they finally gave me a RG character with a cat, and the cat dies (but, very single white bachelor to name him Dave omg.)

Crazy, Stupid Love: uhhhhh the children involved in this were... this wasn't good. There could have been good lessons for them (the son with consent maybe??) (*not* depicting a teenage girl giving suggestive photos to a child???) but there weren't. There were good aspects in the story, don't get me wrong: exploring relationships, trying to find your identity outside of just 'who you're married to'. I get it. Everything that wasn't actively trying to teach a lesson was funny. The parts that were meant to be heartfelt, did not age well and also probably weren't great to begin with. Maybe that's the male gaze idk. I wanted more of Jacob and Cal's actual relationship, because what was being suggested between the lines was way more interesting to me than the actual plot. Jacob with the family/bonding with Cal's kids completely off-screen, are you kidding me? Cal being a really weird, awkward stand-in for Jacob's father? Jacob accidentally being written demi-romantic and having a crisis about it? I'd love someone to remake this movie. Preferably women-directed. [But I am obsessed with the second Jacob heard David's name and had zero hesitation, just ring off 'we doin this'. He's a real one.]

Can you tell I have feelings about overuse of sex and gore? Esp how it's been the last few years? Ugh. Like I want to watch Drive bc it sounds like it's supposed to be an ✨iconic✨ role for him but I get squicked out by chunks/organs and stuff and I have no idea how graphic it is. Can we go back to shit being implied, off screen, or at least artistic again???

I'm not tagging this, it's for me lmao

[serpenteve]

I'm having the horrible realization that Aleksander never actually did any serious wooing of Alina in the books. It's all just Alina her self being horny attracted to him. But this is supposedly???? His grand scheme???? Of manipulation???? Implications! It seems like the girls in these books wasn't the only one slut shamed. I'm- ☠

Leigh wrote a man sexy and captivating and said "it's his fault, actually, that Alina got a crush on him. He shouldn't of.... uh.." Flips through papers. "Ah, had such pretty eyes."

Okay! 👀Yes, we are finally doing this!

I'm flipping through my copy of Shadow & Bone and noting down all the interactions between the Darkling and Alina which I've put in chronological order beneath the cut.

First of all, the Darkling and Alina are only alone together in about a handful of scenes. Most of the time, the are surrounded by other Grisha or Baghra or are in a public place. A lot of the Darkling's actions and words are clouded by Alina's own insecurities. She constantly voices how she feels like she's not good enough, not pretty enough, not strong enough and he takes it in stride and gently encourages and placates her. There are a few lies he does tell her (that the Black Heretic was his ancestor, that he wants to destroy the Fold, and he doesn't know what Baghra's power is, etc) but if we extrapolate the trajectory of her ill-fated romance arc, I think even book!Darkling would have told Alina about his real plans if she seemed like she'd accept them.

A lot of speculation has been made about the Darkling's seduction of Alina and honestly???? Aleksander literally just exists and Alina is thirsting for him because she's desperately looking for validation and re-assurance. I initially head-canoned his first kiss by the lake as being pure calculation and the kiss at the Winter Fete being 100% accidental (because Dark Lord Sasha played himself lmao) but on this re-read, I don't even know anymore. He already came close to almost kissing her after they have a tender moment, catches himself and then immediately leaves before he can catch feelings. Then when they share another tender moment at the lake, he kisses her and then is surprised by it and before he can really process it, Ivan comes by to cockblock.

Like, even Leigh (as much as she has shit on this ship) said at one point that the Darkling has strong feelings for Alina, even if he may not necessarily quantify them as love. So looking back, I don't read anything the Darkling did as manipulative seduction. He obviously lied about some stuff and wasn't transparent about his real plans for the Fold, but as a military commander who sees Alina as an opportunity for a coup, it makes sense that he'd play that a little close to the chest---especially when Alina has proved to be wary of his powers and has a very black-and-white sense of morality. If anything, this is less "the Darkling seduced Alina to manipulate her into being used!!11" and more "local dark lord tried to encourage his protege and accidentally caught feelings and it was a mASSIVE FUCKING INCONVENIENCE TO HIS EVIL PLANS"

But you know who does slut-shame Alina a lot? Baghra. Seriously, Baghra makes Alina feel like shit for her crush on the Darkling numerous times. She has all these lines:

"You want to be [his pet]...Don’t bother lying to me. You’re like all the rest. I saw the way you looked at him."

"Dreaming of dancing with your dark prince?"

"Foolish girl." (After Alina shamefully admits the Darkling might come to her that night)

At one point Baghra creeps on Alina and the Darkling's interactions and even though literally nothing happens between them and when the Darkling leaves, Alina catches Baghra giving her a snooty look. ("For no reason at all, I blushed")

She is determined to shame Alina for her feelings and make her feel like a lovesick idiot for daring to crush on him and this is in addition to all the slut-shaming Mal does. The narrative revealing the Darkling is the bad guy all along while leaving Alina no compelling arc to discover this on her own feels very much like Leigh hitting us all with Baghra's stick, like "Foolish girls! You thought he cared about Alina just because he has a sexy jawline??? HAHA HE LIED YOU SLUTS"

Scenes with Alina and the Darkling in Book 1

Their first scene together is in the Grisha tent. Based on Alina's description of him, she already thinks he's hot as barely any other character in this godforsaken series gets so many descriptions of their grey/smoke/slate/quartz eyes as Aleksander does 😏

The next time they're together he saves her life. Alina is traumatized from seeing a man sliced in half and the Darkling instructs her to keep her eyes on him instead. She is disturbed that he killed the person about to murder her and this aversion seems incredibly contrived and arbitrary on behalf of the author. It's almost like she wants Alina to be vindicated and shamed for not trusting her initial bigotry against him or something 🤔The Darkling admits even he can make mistakes and then he touches the back of Alina's neck (with some secret Heartrender/Healer abilities?) and she falls asleep riding on his horse.

They spend the next few days traveling. Alina notes that the Darkling hasn't spoken to her (probably because he's focused on getting her to the Little Palace without any more assassination attempts) but Alina is a paranoid she's offended him somehow. Again, this is just Alina's insecurity painting a narrative that simply doesn't exist based on what actually happened so far.

They exchange a few words by the stream and Alina fishes for pity points by saying she's ugly and can't possibly be Grisha. Aleksander appears 100% done with her stupidity and says she doesn't understand but he's not in the mood to explain at the moment and walks off ☠️

Alina joins the Darkling and his men for a meal. She notes that the grouse they've killed is meager shared meal but that the Darkling doesn't want to put his men in danger by sending them out to hunt in the forest at night 😌He also sits on the floor to eat like they do and he doesn't take more than the regular portion than they do 😌. Sorry, how is this man the most ~evil~ wizard on the planet? He is obviously a good and fair commander and beloved by the Grisha.

Alina has been checking Aleksander out the entire time so when he catches her, he walks over to talk. He fishes around for information on what Alina has heard about him. He seems sad when Alina mentions she has heard that Darklings are born without souls, though not surprised. He then spins the story about the Black Heretic being his ancestor and how the Fold was a mistake and how every Darkling since then has tried to undo it and how Alina is "the first glimmer of hope" he's had in a long time.

Because Alina is still on that "Grisha are unnatural monsters" agenda, she asks him about the Cut and he explains it but she's still distrubed. He asks her if it would have been better if he used a sword and she replies: "I don't know". The Darkling gets offended and leaves. Alina tries to convince herself she can't have possibly hurt his feelings (because Darklings don't have souls or feelings?) and then feels paranoid that she's failed some secret test. Yeah, the test you failed is called "empathy", Alina 🙄

Two days later, they arrive at Os Alta. Aleksander roasts the Grand Palace as the ugliest effing building he's ever seen. He leaves immediately after dumping Alina at the Little Palace and Alina actually seethes that he isn't paying more attention to her? I understand that it's overwhelming to go to a brand new place, but Alina expecting him to constantly hold her hand and explain everything to her after she basically insulted him is a bit strange.

The next time Alina sees the Darkling, they are scheduled to appear before the King and Queen. The demonstration is a surprise for Alina and Aleksander's lack of transparency of what's expected of her means she's forced to rely on him and trust his instincts. This might be his underhanded way of getting Alina to see that she can trust him; that he will not make her look like a failure or humiliate her; that they are in this together and it will only work if she trusts him.

After the demonstration, Genya and the Darkling trash the monarchy for a bit (Alina is horrified) and then the Darkling orders Genya to get a black kefta for Alina, to which Alina infamously wants a blue one. The Darkling doesn't really put up much of a fight, merely wanting to know why. Alina decides he doesn't approve of her choosing blue and wonders to Genya if he's angry.

After Alina's first day, the Darkling calls her to his quarters to ask her how her day was. Alina is surprised that this is all he wanted to know because she was paranoid he was going to torture her??? She says: "Why shouldn't I be afraid of you?...You can cut people in half. I think it's fair to be a little intimidated." If the Darkling is offended or angry about this, he doesn't show it and merely indulges her. He notes that she has a habit of running her hand across a scar on her palm and asks her about it, tracing the scar himself. Alina gets distracted by his touch but manages to answer his questions: she got the scar at Keramzin, Mal is also an orphan, he is good at tracking. He shows her a secret passage back to her rooms to avoid the main hall.

Alina starts her training and at one point laments that the Darkling is rarely at the Little Palace and when he is, he never speaks to her or barely looks her way and she is convinced it's because she's a failure and can't summon light on her own. It could also be because, you know, he's the commander of the Second Army and is usually seen in talks with other military advisors and the fact that Alina kinda lowkey insulted him with her wariness about his powers???

The next time they are together, Alina interrupts him and Baghra arguing. He politely asks her how she is. Baghra antagonizes her. The Darkling defends her. They talk about amplifiers and because Baghra is being a snarky little shit about it, they take their conversation outside.

Aleksander complains about how annoying his mom is and then asks Alina what stories she's heard about Morozova's herd. At one point he laughs for the first time and Alina practically creams her pants at the sound. Alina expresses her concerns that she can't summon any light and the Darkling says he's not worried and it will happen when it happens and worse case scenario, it will happen once she has the stag. They have a quiet intimate moment, gazing softly into each other's eyes and then suddenly Aleksander realizes he's catching feelings and steps back suddenly like "GoodLuckWithYourLessonsOKayBYE". Baghra watches this interaction from her hut and gives Alina a slut-shaming look.

Alina eventually does learn to summon light on her own. Baghra gives her grief about how it's not enough. The Darkling shows up during one of these lessons and says as much. Alina says she's useless. The Darkling corrects her (“I don't think you're useless, Alina....No Grisha is powerful enough to face the Fold. Not even me”) and then he apologizes for letting her down ("I've asked you to trust me and I haven't delivered"). He wonders if his mother is right and he's crazy to hunt the stag. They have a nice bonding moment, Aleksander lies about Baghra's power, and then he asks if Alina would think him crazy for still wanting to find the stag. She asks why he cares what she thinks, he seems genuinely surprised himself that he cares. Then he kisses her. He seems not to have meant to kiss her because then Ivan shows up for his 5 o'clock shift of cockblocking and the Darkling immediately pretends like nothing happened and walks away with him. Like dude is acting like a fucking dork who's allergic to feelings at this point. I should note here that Alina practically has an orgasm from how giddy she is about this moment. She can barely think of anything else.

The next time they're together, it's at the Winter Fete. They do their demonstration and Alina accidentally reveals her insecurities about how he had kissed her and then disappeared. He responds, "Did you really think I was done with you?" and then they enjoy some steamy kisses and thigh grabbing in an empty room before a random round of Grisha show up for their 6 o'clock shift of cockblocking. Aleksander is annoyed at his own attraction to Alina. He asks if he can come to her that night but Alina doesn't get a chance to respond.

and then the Darklina romance arc falls off a giant cliff and dies a terrible death 😭😭😭

[niqhtlord01]

Humans are weird: SCP list part 2

Alien: Why is a sheet of music written in berry juice so deadly?  Human: That’s not berry juice, that’s human blood.  Alien: WHAT!?!?!! Human: Yeah. Turns out it compels you to hurt yourself and try to finish the music in your own blood often resulting in death by blood loss. Human: Worst part is it isn’t even good music.  It’s like going to a Kanye concert.  ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Alien: A book of diseases?  Human: You read a disease from the book and you get it.  Human: Like, if you read about lung cancer you’d get lung cancer. Alien: But I don’t have lungs.  Human: There’s a first time for everything. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Alien: What’s this ones deal?  Human: He’s a man made of paint. Alien: That’s it? Alien: Not deadly paint, or the ability to move between paintings? Human: Nope, just paint.  Alien: You don’t sound impressed. Human: When you’ve seen a teddy bear made out of human ears that turns people into a lump of flesh covered in ears a man made of paint comes off as pretty tame. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Alien: These threats all seem rather tame, limited to a single planet.  Human: There’s also an entire star that hates us and is actively moving closer trying to roast us alive.  Alien:......... Alien: What? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Alien: Why would you lock up a little girl?  Human: Because anyone who is near her for more than ten minutes will instantly want to kill her.  Alien: Is that not how you feel towards all human children?  Human: Now that you mention it..... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Alien: A mind controlling pen?  Human: A mind controlling pen.  Alien: Who uses pens anymore anyway? Isn’t everything digital?  Human: Clearly you haven’t seen how congress works. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Alien: What’s this? A haunted nightclub?  Human: It’s a location that turns people into characters of a script.  Alien: I don’t understand.  Human: The location compels people to come to it so it can enact some sort of script, like a soap opera.  Alien: That hardly sounds scary.  Human: It’s not so long as you don’t attempt to interrupt the script.  Alien: What happens if you do?  Human: Security personnel tried to stop the “husband” of the cheating wife script and ended up in the hospital.  ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Human: These are hand puppets that take control of anyone their threads touch.  Alien: Why is it so many of these things wish to take control of humans? Alien: You’re not even that interesting! Human: Someone’s just jealous supernatural fiends don’t find you interesting. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Alien: A mirror that makes a copy of yourself? Human: The copy is trapped inside the mirror and has full sentience. Alien: What’s the catch? Human: Well, it’s “alive” so long as the original subject is within line of sight of the mirror. Once they are out of sight the copy will disappear.  Alien: That doesn’t sound too bad.  Human: Have you ever heard yourself beg for your own life? Heard your own voice pleading for mercy so it can continue existing?  Human: That shit will haunt your fucking dreams.  ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Alien: What is this one labeled “The Mother”? Human: Something we can’t talk about on Tumblr without being banned. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Alien: Spontaneous combustion virus? Human: That’s a serious one.  Human: We were afraid of that before we even knew it was a thing.  ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Alien: A human with metal wings?  Human: They look like wings but can’t really use them to fly. Human: You know, weighing the same amount as dense steel and all.  Alien: Then how does he move around?  Human A series of metal chains shoot out of the wings and latch on to the ceiling and pull itself along.  Alien: These sound more like spider legs than wings to me. 

[monaownsmyass]

Influence Her

Requested fic by anon. (If you have any fic ideas or requests you'd like me to write, you can leave me an ask!)

Book: Queen B

Pairing: Veronica Lombardi x MC (Bea Hughes)

Genre: Fluff

Rating: PG13, strong words and suggestive lines/scenes

Word Count: 5,125 (V stans feasting with this one)

A/N: MC doesn’t really like Veronica’s social media presence but can real-life Veronica change her mind when they meet? (Alternating POVs) Y’all wanted a Poppy x MC enemies-to-lovers? Nahhh Veronica x MC would’ve been much better imo 😏 I also gave her some personality since PB is shit with character development especially with their side characters. 

Tag list: @ineedskyecrandall @kamilahsayeet2063 @avalawrencefl @lovekamilahsayeed @thequeenkamilahsayeed @heygmicheelle @djtjsmith14 @jjlover01 @soft-for-drake @dopeyouth @alexroyard @satrinadia @toalltheboysididntlove @mypegasifly (lmk if anyone would like to be included or removed in my next fics and if you only want to be tagged for certain pairings.)

Part 2 is here!

I couldn't escape it.

It was all Veronica this! Veronica that! Oh, Veronicats! Oh, @vivilomborghini! And I've had it!

She was everywhere and I couldn't escape it. Obviously, she was all over my socials. On Pictagram, The T, but ever since I joined Belvoire, I couldn't even walk across the damn campus without seeing her.

I heard about Veronica long before I started attending Belvoire and I never liked her even since then. Something about her always rubbed me the wrong way.

When I found out she was also a student here on my first day, I was ready to head out. I did have other offers from different universities but Zoey convinced me that it wasn't gonna be so bad, so I took her word for it and stayed.

It was hard enough trying to avoid her on social media, which, trust me, was a sport all on it's own, but now I had to inevitably see her face every single day. I had no idea why, but I felt like she was wherever I went. At the library, at class, at the courtyard, it didn't matter, she was there.

She was like a constant nightmare haunting me. Okay, maybe a gorgeous, very attractive nightmare, but a nightmare nonetheless.

"I don't get why you hate her so much, babe," Zoey said at she followed my irritated glare aimed at Veronica who was vlogging not too far away. "She's not that bad."

"I don't hate Veronica Lombardi, but she hasn't given me any reason to like her either," I clarified.

"Why not?"

I scoffed. "Just look at her! Look how fake she is. She's basically lying to her fans. Her online personality is so artificially bright and happy it makes me wanna barf."

"Bea, that's basically almost every social media influencer ever."

"Maybe, but there's just something about her that doesn't sit right with me. How did she even get that many followers? I don't get what people see in her. Like sure, she's easy on the eyes and all but there's literally nothing else going for her."

Zoey raised a brow. "I'm surprised you admitted she's attractive.."

"I just don't like her, that doesn't mean I'm blind, Zo. I can appreciate a pretty face even if it annoys the shit out of me."

Zoey let out a laugh and gave me a pat on the cheek before standing up from the picnic table we were sitting at. "I'm sure V would be ecstatic to hear you call her pretty."

The space between my brows creased. "What do you mean?"

"Oh, babe, it's so obvious our favourite social media star has a crush on you."

"What makes you say that?" My nose scrunched up in disgust but something in my stomach stirred.

"You know, the looks, the movements," she replied, waving her hand around. "I'd love to explain more, but I'm gonna be late for class." She gathered her things and started walking away.

"Fine, fine," I sighed.

"And babe?"

"Yeah?"

"Dreamgirl is headed your way."

~*~*~

From the moment my eyes set on Bea Hughes, I knew there was something different about her.

Yes, the way she dressed, her accent, how she stood up to Poppy, it definitely made her stand out in Belvoire but there was just something else about her that caught my attention.

Maybe it was the way she carried herself, or her vibe. Maybe it was just how hot she was, I wasn't sure.

There was just a magnetic pull attracting me to her and I may not have known why, but I was determined to get to know her better.

I remembered the first time I caught sight of her. There was a crowd in the courtyard surrounding her and Poppy. She straight up roasted Poppy with no remorse and when she was done, our eyes locked. I could feel the tension between us. Was it sexual? Was it rivalry? Jealousy? Hatred? Maybe it was in potential alliance.

Whatever it was, I felt a connection.

Her smouldering gaze held onto my curious one and we held eye contact for a good minute before I raised a brow. She suddenly seemed to realise where she was and rolled her eyes, looking away.

I didn't know what that eye roll meant but that wasn't gonna stop me from finding out more about this interesting woman.

While I was vlogging, my eyes drifted to the girl that had me thinking about her ever since she stepped onto campus. She was eyeing me in annoyance. I've had people look at me like that but something behind her glare told me that wasn't all. I saw my chance. I smirked, ended the vlog and started walking up to her.

I didn't know what her problem with me was but I was gonna find out.

She was intriguing. 

And I, Veronica Lombardi, was always up for a challenge.

~*~*~

I whipped my head around to see Veronica headed my way. I didn't like her but the way she strutted towards me made me breathless. The power in her strides almost made me realise why she was as popular as she was. Almost.

Still, I groaned and reached an arm out to Zoey.

"Zo! Don't leave me!"

"Sorry babe," she laughed. "You're on your own. Tell me how it goes, though!"

My arm flopped onto the table and my head followed.

"Hey," I heard a smooth, low voice call out not long after.

I knew who it was from but it still shocked me. It was such a vast difference from the bubbly, higher-pitched tone I had associated with her.

I raised my head to look at her.

"Yes?"

"This seat taken?"

"Does it matter?" I sighed. "Looks like you're gonna sit anyway."

She chuckled and crossed her arms. "That wasn't a yes so I can only assume you want me too."

I was about to deny it but something stopped me. I couldn't get the words out in time and she sat across me.

Well, this would be interesting.

"What do you want, Veronica?"

"No need to be so hostile," she raised her hands up. "I just came by 'cuz I saw you ogling at me."

My jaw dropped. "I was not ogling at you!" I said defensively.

She laughed again at my apprehension. "Sure you weren't."

"I wasn't!"

"Anyway," she said, ignoring my protest. God, she was infuriating. "I thought it was about time we finally meet and get to know each other."

I just looked at her as she stretched a hand out.

"Hi, I'm Veronica Lombardi," she said with a dazzling smile.

I had no intention of shaking her hand but I didn't wanna be mean especially since she was being nice. Also, there was something so compelling about that smile...

I lightly held her hand but the slight contact sent a jolt up my arm.

What was happening?

Brushing it off, I gave it a single shake. "Bea."

"Nice to officially meet you, Bea."

The way she spoke my name was unlike the way others said it. It sounded like a praise on her lips.

"As much as I'd love to hang around and make you fall in love with me," she stated and I was about to say something to contradict it but decided against it. Not like it would've helped. "I gotta go. Perhaps we could continue this conversation later? Elsewhere?"

I glared at her in disbelief. "Are you seriously asking me out on a date right now?"

"Oh, it's a date, huh?" she said playfully.

"What? I- you- NO!" I flustered.

"Alright then, it's a date," she laughed and I could feel myself getting red in the face. Was it from being infuriated or from blushing? I couldn't tell.

"Why would I go out with you?"

"Look, I know you don't like me that much, but why not give me a chance, hm?" The right corner of her lips quirked up ever so slightly as she gave me a lazy grin, so unlike the awfully overexaggerated fake cheery smile I was accustomed to seeing. It was relaxed and laidback and I'd be lying if I said I didn't find it absolutely sexy.

"How do I know it's not just for a vlog or some prank video."

"I swear it's not," she quickly assured. "If you don't believe me, I'll let you keep my phone for the entire time. I promise. I just want to get to know you."

She gazed into my eyes and I could tell she was telling the truth.

"Alright..."

"It that a yes?"

"It's not a yes..." I paused before adding. "But it not a no either."

I saw her eyes light up and I thought it was pretty cute. I mean, it was good to know she wasn't devoid of human emotion.

"I'll tell you what," she said and reached into her bag for a pen and paper and starting writing. "You let me know once you make up your mind."

She slid the paper over to me and on it was her number. She signed off as 'V, xoxo'.

Before standing up, she took my hand that was resting on the table between us in hers and paused for a moment, looking me in the eyes and making sure I wouldn't flinch away.

Once she was certain I wouldn't pull back, she brought my hand up to her lips and placed a gentle kiss on it. The way her soft lips grazed my hand made my heart flutter.

She let it go and walked away, looking over her shoulder to wink at me.

"Until then, beautiful."

I felt my whole face burn as I watched her walk away.

And this time, it was definitely from blushing.

~*~*~

"I'm telling you, Zo! How many times do I have to repeat myself? It's not a date!"

"Didn't you say she said it was a date?"

"Well, technically I made the mistake of assuming it was a date then she got the wrong idea and called it a date."

"So you wanted it to be a date?"

I was ready to pull my hair out in frustration. "No!"

Zoey giggled at me. "You are going though, right?"

"Why should I? I have no reason too."

"The Veronica Lombardi asked you out on a date and you're gonna say no to that?" She looked at me like I was stupid.

"It's not a date!"

"Just go for it. What do you have to lose?"

"My time, patience and sanity."

She glanced at me skeptically. "I don't think you actually believe that. I think you just don't want to admit you wanna spend time with Veronica."

That made me quiet. Was the idea of going out with Veronica actually repulsive or did I just not want to acknowledge it?

"Fine, I'll go for the stupid thing."

Zoey first pumped and cheered. "I can't wait to see you in her next vlog!"

"Oh, she said she wasn't gonna vlog."

She blinked at me. "What?"

"She said she would let me keep her phone for the rest of our time together as proof when I asked her if it she was only asking me out for a video."

"Bea, do you not realise what this means?"

I just looked at Zoey, puzzled.

"Veronica, Queen of Social Media, who vlogs and livestreams everything, said she would give you her phone. That's where all her power is! She's basically giving it up to you! I've heard if anyone so much as touches her phone, there'll be hell to pay."

Involuntarily, I felt myself start to smile. "Really?"

"God, you look like a kid in a candy store. You sooooo like her."

I shoved her and tried but failed miserably to hide my ecstatic expression. "Shut up! I do not!"

Zoey collapsed into a fit of giggles. "Deny it all you want, but you said you'd go out with her and I don't see you texting her yet."

I rolled my eyes at my best friend but moved to grab my phone to shoot Veronica a quick text to tell her my answer was yes.

~*~*~

When I received her confirmation yesterday, I felt the excitement bubbling in me. From the how she was blushing and the way she looked at me when I left, I was almost certain she would agree but getting a straight answer from her was the best news I've had all week.

I looked at the mirror at the outfit I was wearing. Hmm, should I change or would this suffice? No, I didn't want it to just suffice, I wanted it to impress.

I went through my closet, flinging clothes everywhere, trying to find something that would definitely catch her eye when I heard someone shout, "V!!!"

I rolled my eyes as Poppy barged in with Chloe by her side.

"What the hell are you doing and why is your room messier than a pig sty?! You were suppose to meet me an hour ago!"

I simply shrugged at her. "I'm busy."

"Busy with what? Putting on a fashion show for the fly on your wall?! Get ready, we're going out."

"Like I said, Pops," I took a stride in her direction and booped her nose, no doubt making her madder than she already was. "I'm busy."

"With what?" Chloe asked curiously since Poppy looked like she was gonna pop her lid off.

"I have a date with Hughes," I hummed.

"YOU'RE DITCHING ME FOR THAT NEWBIE, FARMSVILLE?!" Poppy screamed angrily.

I ignored Poppy and turned to Chloe. "Help me pick out something?"

"I'd love to!" she squealed which made Poppy stomp her feet in frustration.

"Ugh! Fine! Don't come crawling back to me when your social ranking takes a plunge after being seen with Farmsville!"

"You're delusional, Pops, maybe you should rest," I laughed as she stormed off, leaving Chloe to help me find the perfect outfit.

I couldn't wait to see Bea again.

~*~*~

There was a knock on the front door and Zoey jumped in excitement.

"You're looking forward to it more than I am."

"Can't I just be happy for my best friend-slash-roommate?" She pushes me towards the door. "Now go get your girl!"

"She is not my girl!" But my mind started racing at the possibility.

I shook the thought away and opened the door to be greeted with the sight of Veronica holding a single rose. I hate to admit it, but my breath hitched as I took her in.

My eyes ran up and down her body, soaking in every single feature my eyes landed on. Her sleeveless shirt was loose against her toned body but showed off her biceps nicely compared to her usual long-sleeved sweater.

My gaze landed on her chest and travelled down to her hips which only lead to her long, muscular legs covered by her pants. I forced my eyes back up to her attractive face only to see a stupid cocky smirk playing on her lips.

It was infuriating but fuck, she was hot.

I didn't even notice I was biting my lip until I heard her speak.

"Don't bite too hard, it might start bleeding before I get to kiss you," she said flirtatiously with that calm voice of hers but I could see her own eyes roaming my body.

I rolled my eyes but I wasn't as annoyed as I lead on. "Someone's confident."

"Very," she replied with a full smile this time and held out the rose in her hand. "For you."

"This isn't a date."

"It is!" Zoey called out from behind me.

"Zo!"

"It's true," she laughed. "Have fun on your date! V, you better treat her good!"

"The best," Veronica laughed with Zoey. "Don't worry!" She turned her attention back to me. "So, are you gonna accept my rose?"

The way she phrased it and said it made me melt. How could I say no?

Sighing in defeat, I took it from her and tucked it into my purse, the flower sticking out, on display for the world to know and strangely, I didn't mind.

We made our way away from the dorm and across the courtyard to her car. I saw people looking and whispering, wondering what the hell the newbie was doing with Belvoire's social media queen, the third ranked in The T.

I snickered and felt a little smug. It was great knowing someone with so much power was by my side. I felt kinda protected and safe 'cuz I knew no one would dare toss any snide remarks my way when I was with her.

I also thought it was really sweet that she didn't care that she was being seen with me. Not like I think anyone would dare say anything about her but I was still touched.

She opened the passenger side door for me and I raised her a brow at her. "I can open my own door, you know," I teased.

"O.M.G., I totally didn't know that," she replied sarcastically in a deadpan tone. "Lemme just do something nice for you."

"I guess I wouldn't mind being treated like a princess for the day," I muttered jokingly.

"Darling, I'll treat you like a queen," she replied coolly and suddenly, my whole body was on fire.

That immediately shut me up which made her chuckle.

We got into her car and she began driving. After a while, I spoke up.

"Where are we going?"

"You're warming up to me, huh?" She glance at me from the corner of her eyes and gave me another exasperating smirk.

"What?"

"You're starting a conversation with me. You like me now, don't you?" She reached out to poke me in the arm and I swatted her hand away even though I was trying my hardest to stifle a smile that was threatening to spread across my lips.

"God, you're annoying."

"Hey, I'm just stating facts."

Eventually, we pulled up to a small quaint café that didn't look like what I thought Veronica's speed was at all.

She opened the door for me again and this time, I didn't bother with a witty remark since I knew she would turn it on me anyway.

As we walked in, she greeted the barista behind the counter as if they've known each other for some time and it occurred to me then that I was getting to see the real Veronica. The thought that she actually was willing to share this private part of her life with me made me soft.

After ordering, she guided me to a table and pulled out a chair for me, motioning for me to sit. I looked around to take in the surrounding. There was barely anyone else in the café, only two other customers who were in their own worlds, reading. The place was small and cozy and... quiet. It wasn't like the high-energy, over-the-top, loud parties and events setting I was used to seeing her in. It was much more peaceful. Even the contemporary R&B and soul music they were playing that Veronica was humming to was much different than the pop songs she played in her vlogs that I've seen.

"Is this your little hideout?"

She offered me a small grin before staring at a picture on the wall. "Somewhat. No one expects to find me here so it's where I come if I just want some time to myself. No Poppy, no Belvoire, none of the Veronicats, just me." She leaned forward as her enrapturing eyes landed on mine and the sheer intensity of her gaze sucked all the air out of my lungs. "And now you."

I looked away, not being able to hold eye contact anymore and all of a sudden feeling very overwhelmed.

"It doesn't seem like you. I mean, I knew your online personality wasn't all real but this is..."

"Different?" she gave me a rueful smile. "I'm not my brand, Bea."

"Who are you, then?"

Her sad smile quickly changed into a simper. "That's why we're here, aren't we?"

"Fair enough." I leaned back in my chair. "Why don't you show your followers the real you? I'm sure they'll appreciate it." 'I do,' I thought subconsciously.

She let out a humourless laugh. "It's not that easy. Changing my entire image is already a hassle, but then I'd have to deal with that rumours and the haters and all that bullshit which is annoying. Then, I have to worry about my followers who'll either bash me or get bashed for still supporting me," she sighed, looking more tired than I've ever seen her. "It's just a lot."

Before I could reply, she pulled out her phone and slid it over to me across the table. "Like I promised, I'll let you keep it."

"V," I started and realised I called her by her nickname for the first time. I knew she noticed it to when I saw her brows lift up slightly. "You really don't have to."

She shook her head. "No, no, I want to. I want you to know I'm serious about this. I want you to know I'm being honest. Also, it's relaxing to know I don't have to worry about my online appearance since it's with you," she joked.

"Aren't you scared I'll log into your accounts? Maybe try and steal you phone?"

She looked at me with an amused smile. "I'm right here, I can see whatever you're doing. And what, you gonna run off with my phone in an unfamiliar area when I have a car?"

"Maybe I'll steal your car too."

She let out a full laugh that made my heart flip.

Woah?

"Darling, you can try," she spoke and leaned in closer, almost whispering the next part with a mischievous glint in her eyes. "But I think we both know who'll end up on top."

I caught the undertone in her statement and I felt my cheeks getting hot.

"You'd be surprised," I returned her energy and I saw her pupils dilate, the tension between us palpable.

We were interrupted by the barista from earlier. They served us our drinks and left, making me clear my throat and trying to shake out the image of Veronica and I in a.... compromising position.

I looked at her phone that was still in front of me and hesitantly slipped it into my purse.

"I have a question," I said.

"Mm?"

"Aren't you tired of pretending? To your followers?"

She crossed her arms on the table and my eyes immediately drifted down to see her arms flex as she did but I forced them back up to her face. 'Not the time!' I scolded myself in my head.

Her tiny grin told me she noticed. Damn, nothing slipped past this woman.

However, she looked over it and answered me. "It wasn't always pretend. That person was actually me once. That's what happens when you grow up in the public eye, I guess." She propped her chin on her hand. "I started doing all of this when I was young and it was only for fun. A kid just being a kid, you know? But then my content blew up and as I grew older, it was only natural for me to change, to discover who I really was. But the thing with people online is that they don't get that. They think we're a fraud or we went off the rails if we suddenly change things up."

I looked her in the eyes as she told me more about it.

"And before I knew it, I had an image to uphold. A brand to stick to. I was no longer that bubbly, excited kid from a decade ago but my audience didn't know that. I don't feel like I'm fake 'cuz that was who I am. But not anymore. And it might be tiring but it's worth it. I may be playing a character online but if that person inspires young girls and boys and is their role model, how could I take that away from them?"

Listening to her speak made me regret every awful thing I've said about her. A wave of sadness washed over me and as much as I wished I could reassure her and tell her it's not true, that everyone would support her, I knew that wasn't reality. 

So instead, I said, "Would you ever show who you really are?"

Her perfectly threaded brows creased as she pondered over my question. "Not anytime soon. But if it gets too much, maybe then I'll consider doing it. But until then," she looked down and then back up at me with an honest smile. "I'm happy just sharing the actual me with the people in my real life."

~*~*~

Opening up to Bea was the easiest thing in the world. Those warm eyes, that curios look, the way she hung onto every word I said, giving me her full attention, it was inevitable that I would spill my heart out to her.

And it looked like I had the same effect on her.

She told me more about her life back in the Midwest, her family, her thoughts, dreams and so much more that I didn't expect to get out of her on our first 'date'.

As she spoke, I studied her face and mannerisms, wanting to know every single detail about her. Her expressive eyebrows, her stunning eyes, her smooth skin and soft lips. The way she pronounced certain words and how her accent got stronger when she was angry or talking something she was passionate about. The way she would roll her eyes but her cheeks reddened when I teased her or said something flirty. How her nose scrunched when she giggled, the way her eyes crinkled when she smiled.

Fuck, that smile. I'd do anything she told me to if she smiled at me like that.

"Hey, I know I said I wouldn't use my phone today," I began and I saw her give me a worried look. I quickly continued so she didn't get the wrong idea. "But I really want to take a picture with you. Is that okay? I won't post it, I just wanna keep it."

I saw her disappointed look instantly turn to relief then shyness.

"You wanna take a photo with me?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "You look really pretty and I just want something to remember you by."

I wasn't sure if she would agree but then she reached into her purse and handed me my phone. Grinning broadly, I moved beside her and lifted my phone up.

"Is this okay?" I asked, moving an arm around her waist carefully, making sure she wasn't uncomfortable.

She simply nodded and when my hand touched her, I felt her shiver which only made made me smile wider.

The cups and plates piled on our table, customers walked in and out, the sky darkened, a hundred songs were played and the second hand on the wall clock travelled the same path thousands of times as we continued talking and yet, our conversation never died.

I had never connected with someone so fast and it surprised me just how easy it was for us to just talk.

It was getting pretty late and we decided it was time to leave. Before standing up, I jokingly asked, "Anything else before we leave?"

To my surprise, she replied, "Just one."

"Yeah?"

She smiled. "You're alright, Lombardi."

~*~*~

When we made it back to campus, V walked me back to my dorm. When I said she didn't have to, she still insisted which was really sweet of her.

"Plus I get to spend more time with you," she said teasingly while lightly bumping shoulders as we walked side-by-side and I felt myself smile.

We stopped outside my dorm room and admittedly, I had no idea how I was gonna say goodbye to her.

"Here we are," she announced.

"Yup."

She took a step towards me cautiously as if I would move back. I didn't.

I stared at her as my stomach filled with butterflies. Everything about her was painfully gorgeous and it made my heart ache. I knew she was attractive but now that I got to know her, to actually see her, it made it hard to believe she was a real person.

She was perfect.

One hand on my hip, she leaned forward and bent down, face inching closer to mine. I closed my eyes, here nearness making me light-headed and the smell of her perfume fogged my thoughts. My heart was hammering in my chest.

I expected her lips to meet mine. Instead, I felt it on my cheek but my skin still tingled from where her lips touched.

"Good night, beautiful," she whispered with a small smile and a longing look in her hazel eyes. "Hopefully you don't glare at me the next time you see me."

She stepped back but I instinctively reached out to hold onto her wrist, preventing her from moving any further. I shook my head. "No."

"No?" she looked at me, confused and I could sense the hurt in her voice.

"No," I repeated. "No, that's not enough."

I pulled her into me and crashed our lips together. The moment our lips touched, I swear I saw stars. She pushed me back until I was pressed up against the door with her body. She trailed a hand down my thigh and hiked my leg up to her hip, making me groan.

I sent a mental apology to Zoey if she was in and heard all this.

"God, I don't know what you hold over me," I muttered between kisses. "Yesterday I didn't like you and now you have me against my dorm door, making out with me."

She pulled back, breathing heavy and gave me one of those sexy, relaxed smile. "Well, I am an influencer."

Veronica grabbed onto my other leg and lifted me up. Arms wrapped around her neck and legs locked tight around her waist, she kissed me again.

"Ohh! V!"

I moaned as she bit my bottom lip. My whole body was burning with heat and everywhere she touched ignited me further. One hand moved to grip the side of my neck while the other rested on my ass.

"Are you in love with me yet?" She said into the kiss and pulled away again, looking at me proudly with a genuine smile on her face.

"Shut up," I grinned and tugged her head back so our lips could meet again. This time, in a slow, sweet kiss.

And you know what?

Veronica Lombardi wasn't so bad after all.

(More fics!)

[youandthemountains]

1, 9, 17 - dealer's choice for the fandom(s) you pick

oh we're going FULL THROTTLE salt, huh. I have object impermanence wrt interests sometimes so this is going to be cobra kai sorry

also this got obnoxiously long bc I'm feeling chatty this morning, absolutely understand if you don't wanna read all that lmao

1. What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?

Look I think anything can be approached in an interesting and compelling way. I'm also a big fan of like, absolutely wild out-of-the-blue ship concepts. So it's really more particular relationship dynamics that I don't get - for instance, I get the appeal of liking Lawrusso obv and I personally like it similarly to fenders (lol this will be popular /s) -

Okay actually as a tangent - you know that post roasting the reasons people are into various tropes that says like, you're into enemies to lovers because you're into the fantasy of someone seeing you at your worst and loving you anyway? I think that's cool and enjoyable too but for me, what draws me to it is the fantasy of resolution, of achieving solidarity i guess, of discovering a core commonality between what felt like insurmountable differences. It's about walls and the fantasy of reciprocity in someone knowing exactly how to find the fracture point and you instinctively hitting theirs.

Anyway the point is, that's what I enjoy, so I don't personally get when the dynamic is more like, the relationship is fulfilled when Put-Upon Real Man Johnny gets Daniel to submit and all of the unpleasantness could have been avoided if he had just realized his place at the start. I just dislike it on a lot of levels, I personally think it's a disservice to both characters, but I get that the power fantasy can be the draw for people. I also think Johnny's interesting because of how garbage he can be while we still root for him lmao, so I don't get the draw of turning everything he does into, for example, a sign of how much he ~respects women or whatever when it's like, I mean that just reads as pretty classic sexism/homophobia etc. to me (which can be fun and funny to play with but personally don't feel the draw of just playing it straight) but idk. I'm also an ~awful feminazi I guess, so.

Oh also don't get some of the teen ships but they're teens so I do also believe it bc teens can be dumb and horny, I also don't get romantic endgame Silver / Daniel bc of the same reasons I don't get that particular Johnny / Daniel dynamic, but I also fully believe that Silver / Daniel happened, and ykw, kinda enjoy reading it when it's played as fucked up and awful. I'm not into most of the Cobra ships, I just dislike shitty men that hype each other up, and boys' clubs in general, and prefer not to dive into their psyches, see evil misandrist disclaimer. I also laughed at how hard the show tries to make them into Actually Good Chivalrous Old Boys, See They Will Start A Bar Fight for the Honor of a Black Woman. the transparency of it all esp considering they get the most ethnic looking guy to play the sleazebag as per usual. convenient. love props.

9, Most disliked character(s)? Why?

Kreese not even bc of the villainy but bc I want him to shut up about the war!!!!

17. Instead of XYZ happening, I would have made ABC happen…

Hard to say since the show's not finished yet so we don't really know for sure what they're doing with all the arcs. I would make all of Kreese's backstory unreliable narration though, give Johnny like, one working class white dude to beat up bc I get uneasy sitting through his fights sometimes, give Miguel a longer recovery from his coma & broken back??? maybe one that'd contribute to slowly jolting Johnny into an awareness of how treating himself like shit hurts the people he loves who emulate him too idk, help him really be hit by the awareness that he isn't alone and that's both a gift and a responsibility, also as a parallel to tkk Daniel and Miyagi since the show loves that. Also, I'd like to see more of Robby and Shannon's relationship and Shannon in general outside of Johnny's perspective of her.

Also jfc either don't have characters of color or stop making them some of the only characters who act as pure antagonists without any attempt made into seeing where they're coming from like literally every other character including the weird child abusing karate teachers get.

[misterbitches]

I ship muren and li cheng bc i only saw it through gifs then i watched this episode cos i was like im only starting this show if they kiss im waiting and they did and it was nice and i got so anxious that i was about to fucking vomit. I really like them together. The top/bottom shit is dumb and i hope if they must mention it they all build a bridge and get over it so they can switch cos who gives a shit. I didnt realize how large they all are like most “tall” men on tv are lying. But bc that kid is so thin and tall and the other one (idk the stepbrother) is huge too. Li cheng is shorter than them both but more ~manly~ but still short so why doesnt he take a DICK UP HIS BUTT XD since that’s all that fucking matters and there’s only 2 genders and 2 eays to have sex lmao so nothing else otherwise ur screwed

Hd a terrible past couple of weeks personally and because i keep seeing my peopl eget murdered and things ripped from us ^_____^ anyway here’s Some libertatrian communist dumb bitch discoars so i’ll tag it:

keep in mind these are my opinions’”” when i engage in discourse. I am not the end all be all and I don’t need you to agree. There’s some shit I am non-negotiable on but thsi is just exchanging of information. Any authoratative tone I take on comes from my beliefs, my life, my experiences, and what I choose to cultivate as a person and an artist. I dont have control over your feelings, you do. If it hurts you then either tell me the issue and be PRECISE about it, understand that context matters which is why i type so much in engagement, and do not fucking lie or misconstrue my words. Do not call me western ever in your life either. I am a black-american. I have adhd and bc i am a black woman if ur automatically thinking im brolic i am accepting money in my paypal for ur wellbeing to get me to shut the fuck up.Thanks.

The stepbrothers storyline is stupid and lazy writing. I really want to counter people that say it’s written well and that it’s interesting because it isn’t. Even if it was illicit and fucked we can write a story out about this. Let’s rethink what they could have done shall we:

- become stepbrothers at about 16 and their parents mismanage the relationship and they fail in trying to get an integrated family together (this is what happened in the #iconic transit girls and that was fuckin’ weird but hey dude guess what we watched it and it was weird but not unethical and we know one is like 19 and the other is 21 and a girl so it’s like wow you avoided so much and handled their stepsister story very…….um lightly given the end lmao but it was there and people had AGENCY)

-OR you realize that freak is obsessed with him and then he realizes it and is like “bitch i swear to god” and in typical shtity trope BL fashion they can find a way from obsession, to loss and independence when you lose your obsession, to “love” if they choose

- have the fucked up shit but make it clear what the issues are and you literally cannot write your way out of it so do not try

But why can’t fucked up things be shown? Also this is realistic.

0. Well according to you but no one said that they can’t. So that’s on your interpretation of critique (that is, again, not bullying or harassment.) They can, i just gave plenty of scenarios in which it is affective and not just annoying to witness, trope-y, and frankly ridiculous and offensive. Sorry! They don’t do it well. You can come up with alternatives too. See #2 btw.

1. No it isn’t doing a good job of reflecting life because life has consequences. The exaggeration in drama doesn’t mean the arc shouldn’t be there. Almost always things that aren’t heavy with the message or meant to be sobering in a deep way are COMPELLING. The realism is the basis for art because we are human. This is not the way real humans act.

Someone said Tharn Type was mature and I had to laugh because no, no one acts that way and is “in love” if they act that way that means they fucking hate each other and they’re immature and frankly it’s just not that interesting for many of us to watch because the dramatization of the “realism” is fucking bonkers. That was such poor writing it is unbelievable and someone has the audacityt o say it’s how real adults act. Fucking murder me if I’m with someone for 7 years and we break up over a miscommunication and for some reason I am not as horny as my always horny boyfriend. The fuck? What kind of lives do you lead? Either you are not an adult or you are an adult who needs therapy.

I also hear the “realistic” argument but then people try and temper it with “but also it’s fiction.” What do you think fiction is? Why do you think filmmaking exists? Number one, it’s propaganda in the sense that you want others to buy into your presentation and see what you see. That means that the creators are telling people and influencing them WITH ART BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT IT IS about their feelings around a situation. That’s why it is imperative to be responsible as a filmmaker and artist and underline the deepness of creepiness if that’s what they want. If they want to relay that rape sometimes ok and psychos are crazy so they get boy (??!?!?!? BITCH?) then they achieved it with no innovative information. We know people get raped bc we are human beings and many of us live with that fear. You know, being the target demo and all. And bc BL loves that trope it’s rape fantasy peddled to young people and women. Just like shitty wattpad fics or NYT best sellers. Hooray, what now? Or are you trying to purport that this isn’t glorified fanfiction? Which it literally is

2. This is the issue with these shows. No one is saying that fucked up shit cannot be shown. There’s a film about a woman who is raped and she falls in love with her rapist (because he was masked but i think we find out later that she knows. Binoche is in it.) I have no desire for that film—i think it’s by a man and i extra dont care—but I hear it’s sort of powerful for many. I heard it was a good film. But the act itself is always eschewed and the conflict comes from how fucking ridiculous it is especially finding out that she knows. The power imbalance adn the possibility. They may not have handled it in a way I would have cared for but it was there.

There’s simply no imagination because these people do not care that much and aren’t great writers and filmmakers because they simply do not have to be. Sorry.

The industry doesn’t rely on the best they rely on efficiency (this is everywhere.) You can tell by the camera angles, the editing, the camera itself (idk if it is multicam but the flatness is typical soap flatness without the glowboxes to soften their faces.) Simple constant lighting. Now the surroundings are mostly beautiful. But even to some of the costumes. And those edits are abysmal, some of that camera work.

So with all that said even with the couple I extremely enjoy I see its (H4) faults. Add into that a lazily thrown together “shocking” love and if they are trying to get us to feel a type of way about its sexiness they fail. This is why movies like 50sog, 365 days, etc aren’t enjoyable to people because it’s fucking strange situations that they dont want to entangle or make enjoyable to viewers across the board. They know what people will take. It’s just that bitch what are we here for if even the sexiness isn’t there for ur stupid story.

At least with that teenager and 30 yr old man in MODC (which i do not love but i like them in theory if it wasnt totally repulsive to me and also if it was developed in a way that was good TO ME) they had their, er, “sex appeal” i talk about this as well the main couple in MODC to me, visually, was a miss. Not bc whatshisface was small and stuff but bc he was so sickly and they needed that to propel the story but it was just not appealing given how the story progressed. A missed opportunity in tying the two together besides making him look waif-y and sickly only to have the “did ur mom die in a car crash? No, cancer” type of move in not another teen movie. But the opposite. And not funny. Wayne tho????? GORL. Eggs. Cracked.

fandoms have a very warped sense of harrassment and discourse.

Most fandoms have harassers who are “protecting” the cast and crew who don’t need their protection (or maybe the crew does since they probably dont get paid well but why the fuck would anyone care about that lol) but very few have the people who have concerns or massive critique about the show are not going to be “bullying.”

If people are saying “if you like xyz, u suck” then sure it may suck for you to see but who fucking cares. Either talk to the person or don’t be friends with them. That is not bullying or harrassment. Things that are shitty get criticized. Fuck, things that aren’t shitty don’t. Get away from this idea of cancel culture and people misunderstanding the story. We have the ability to.

Think beyond your noses of personal preference. You don’t have to convince people of what you believe. Discussing it is good but critique is not bullying, harrassment, or hate. Neither is fucking roasting shit because even this shit I like (manner of death lets say) deserves it. Art is meant to be critiqued and if you dont fucking like the bullshit people make then say it. They know stupid stories like this are scandalous and they don’t give a shit in how to present them.

And guess what? You won’t like everybody. Many people can’t stand me i’m sure. Oh well. I mean frankly I don’t like that and I feel very unsettled when I don’t feel understood. That’s ok! I have to temper it. Sometimes calm myself down. I won’t get anything and everything I want. And you won’t like every opinion and sometimes it’s like “man am i a dummy?” But the part of growing up is fucking maanging that and beng honest about “bashing and harrassment” and “bullying” and growing up. Yuo can like what you want the “let people like what they want thing” is so fucking juvenile and THAT is not the real world. Which is probably why so many people feel that way, they dont want to live in the real world. Unfortunately, you do.

Think beyond our noses of personal preference and what we feel emotionally in conjunction with others. You don’t have to convince people of what you believe. And you can say things that you believe to be true but it doesn’t make them so or maybe it isn’t received that way to people. And many times we learn new things in the discussions “oh shit i didn’t see it that way” right? Discussing it is good but critique is not bullying, harrassment, or hate. Neither is fucking roasting shit because even this shit I like (manner of death lets say) deserves it. Art is meant to be critiqued and if you dont fucking like the bullshit people make then say it. They know stupid stories like this are scandalous and they don’t give a shit in how to present them. Usually the “opposition” in these situations aren’t the popular beliefs that permeate through society. Trust me lmao

Antiblackness

Antiblackness is a thing. It permeates everywhere. It permeates in this genre and it permeates in fandom. Get it the fuck together. Also do not conflate cultural relativism with being repsectful. They are not barbarians, they are smart human beings either making work or deciding to. We all have diff cultures but we have fucking sense in what is respectful and not. And if we don’t we fucking learn. You cannot excuse things and say “oh culture” when you have 0 idea of that culture or actual people who are radical etc and are fighting against it. Additionally the word westerner is an ignorant term when referring to people in the US or UK who are black. Because we are not. We extend sympathy to other groups and empathy since we know so there is no inherent power imbalance between a black viewer and their subject. Don’t suggest that because it’s wrong and ahistorical and contextless.

FIRST the fallacy of representation as freedom makes people fucking complacent, individualistic, and doesn’t let them think critically. Consumption and discourse around consumption is not helping material conditions of the marginalized communities in your home, the black ones who are ignored, those intersectionalized in these communities. Groups talk about art and what it means for them outside of just what we see and because we also don’t have access to a bunch of Thai reviews or what movements or going on we are less likely to know if we don’t FUCKING SEARCH for it. Because art is constant...which leads me to....

Representation is difficult. It matters and it doesn’t.

Tthese shows are not meant to overturn the LGBTQ+ community.

There are queer filmmakers and artists in these countries. Deep illustrious film careers or even TV that is moving and deliberate. We can even see it with the dude from “your name engraved” in their short series he was in beforehand. BL is no wa pejorative because it is simply not “qu**r” storytelling whatever that means. But know it has always existed everywhere and there are also out artists or radical artists in all these countries who do no respect mediums that are cash-grabs and poorly made.

ex: As much as “Like in the Movies” sort of isnt for me and is a bit hamfisted you can tell how much love goes into that. Love of the characters, acting, and message. Yes it’s cringey to see some of the lines (like very tbh subtlety wasnt exactly their strong suit) and yea naming them after lenin and marx is just 0ihgoaudgijposkagjihou BUT GUESS WHAT? THEY FUCKING DID IT. THEY TRIED. And class was a large component as well bc u cant fuckin ignore it. The show is aware of the machinations in its world as a show but also in the philippines and for a fuckin reason. And duatarte? Loooooooool so like yea not so sure bl makes him love his ppl but the show isnt trying to do that

It’s not a transgressive genre and it has no reason to be. No ethical anything under the way we live it’s just trying your fucking best to be. That’s it. They serve societal ills and capital’s purposes. Which is fine but it is not revolutionary.

These countries in SEA or even SA do not have as big budget for even mainstream dramas—though things are changing and that’s bc REVENUE like revenue from kpop is fucking huge for SK and again so much about that is bc of what happened in their history from japanese imperialism to WWII to the US—so for “queer” stuff it is sort of now important to make that an export and it sure is one. Not only globally or to the west but a lot of these places make their money within asia (duh!) outside of their countries. OBVIOUSLY. so BL is a way to output and gain money. The thing is, it doesnt seem to be put back into the industry at all. For people in all these countries to make works that aren’t for mainstream or wont reach as many people there’s a difference between trying and just shoving shit in your face and going here it’s gay you like it right? But dont antagonize the inherent patriarchal nature of BL.

Another thing: did you guys know thailand was never colonized? You should look it up. There’s little hints of things in ITSAY to represent french influence still. Isnt that fascinating? Find out why. It’s certainly interesting that the representation, though damaging and dubious many times and also incorrect like any media, is huge in asia and this isnt a commodity here (the US) exactly. A lot of that has to do with colonial ideas of gender of which I am sure. But listen………lmao

Sometimes people dont give a shit. And it very much shows. Here is the thing once again. GOOD TRANSGRESSIVE WORK exists.

Een within the capitalist Bs paradigm or you can see people trying (I can sort of applaud parts of lovely writer) also queer media has always existed everywhere the reason you don’t know about it is because it gets takena nd commodified into a mainstream product. We hvae little incentive, particularly if we are not fans of cinema or art in gen, to search fror others when the output is right here. Being dictated by others and the state and who will give you money. No longer an effort of a cast and crew who want to convey things. But google [any country] independent cinema, radical cinema, queer radical cinema, or even retrospectives on the cinema and rethinking what is queer and radical in film. What if we took that, diluted it, got rid of the creators who put themselves through all the work, ignroe al the nuances and do……………….two actors who are conventionally attractive with no chemistry making out.

It’s the same here lets say daniel kaluuya winning the oscar for the film about the BPP. I heard it was okay and not too offensive but it still isnt’ enough. It still isn’t like hwood isn’t trash, nnati black, misogynistic towards BW and women, and all that other shit. It was pushy but it can’t be enough where we are. Black KKKlansmen i think won an oscar, by circumstance i fuckin hate these award shows they mean nothing, and i like the film a lot but he has his misogynoir still resting in his films even if it is poignant. And it was a film that honestly wasn’t really made for black people. And should all art be a response to direct trauma or trying to make ourselves palatable when we’re just human?

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ and it’s importance (capitalism) but also sorta individual responsibility

Considering a lot of these actors are rich and then just dip that’s another problem. Mainstream isn’t what sustains marginalized art ever. It doesn’t change in the vast ways we think it does. What changes is the people of these groups pushing, fighting, forcing and then capitalism trying to make it work under capitalism. It will not. It cannot.

This is why artists and labels often don’t mix or you see people like Sonic Youth doing whatever they want and pissing off their label but making them give them money. Same with Nirvana. Vince Staples. The thing is they can fight and make good shit but what capitalism helps people….not care? They don’t respect the audience? We’re getting those returns on poor executed product placement, lighting, editing, framing, fucking acting. And you surewon’t see mixed black asians in these shows. WHY R U is the oNLY one i have seen it in and he just disappears (but that was pretty cool.) so who the fuck is this representing? And before you start: asian countries are not homogenous the way we believe them to be. There are marginalized communities outside of even mixed people that are harmed. So you can skrrt cause on that one: you’re wrong buddy. But it gives us the IDEA of a paradise which is what they NEED.With representation and visibility comes consequence and responsibility as artists. What it allows them to do is coast and not think complexly because why should they; it’s mostly the fantasies of some older woman who probably has money and much less interaction with the world. It’s bonkers. And what that allows even further is for them to say YOU ARE THE THING THAT YOU CONSUME and the THING THAT YOU CONSUME IS YOURS. It is not, it is not your identity, form a close bond but figure it the fuck out. Especially for adults who are hellbent on twisting their minds into pretzels and can’t acknowledge what’s just laziness in art and not giving a fucking shit. Truly.

There’s damage that has been done from Parasite as he was supported by CJE&M and the bullshit obsession america had and eveyrone’s poor interpretation of it if they are rich. BJH is a socialist and he is a filmmaker. He has made films that are outstanding and cost a lot of money. But now a fear for indie filmmakers is just not being able to raise that much or have that much attention. Getting funding that helps them instead of expecting the Next Big Thing that is a fad because capitalism is trash. Yes this funneling of money is absolutely harmful to us artists. Even buying in is strategic. Additionally, that film is probs one of the most radical films to have that wide release and accolade (unlike “Sorry to Bother You” which i have a lot of thoughts about. One being that asian exports are acceptable but black ones are not. This is an overall art critique and global media critique. Blackness is removed, not respected.) However, filmmaking isn’t green, it can’t be socialist, and it’s a lot of work. They used tons and tons and TONS of water to do a huge beautiful feat but we still know there is a cost. We have to figure that out because it shouldn’t be. It doesn’t go back into the crew’s pockets the way it should and the work becomes that of the director’s and actors solely. It’s fucking hard. We have to do our part but it doesn’t mean we are doing it perfectly. We just have to try to do better. So does BJH cos he needs to not be a misogynist but anyways i digress.

additionally and this is something some users fail to understand: people in the media sphere generally have fucking money. I went to film school that was international with super fucking rich kids. Taiwanese kids, kids from south asia, china, thailand. They had money. No not upper middle class money, not “rich” money, not some paltry 1m that’s chump change. Fucking money. Fucking RICH-RICH. MILLIONAIRES. BILLIONAIRES. WHICH IS DISGUSTING MIGHT I ADD. The domestic people didn’t have the money for school (in the UK) and i am in a massive amount of debt like every other black student that went there. You do not understand how much money is needed to survive so people who turn to these crew positions even casting etc need this fucking money usually. OKAY. A lot of the people that do well in these dumb shows or even on a larger scale HAVE MONEY. The reason these industries are small and struggling is because of lack of people and lack of resources to independent shit because oh gee it takes money to make things.

Why should I try? Well you don’t have to really if you have money or a name. Yet...

We can tell when like those Tik Tok shows or DCOMs dont give a shit (anymore.) You know how frustrated we get when content for young people is garbage? Well, see, BL is literally that under that system. Occasionally we will get something good now but there is virtually no need in any sector in the world at this point to truly figure out how to make it better and what to do to enhance artistic literacy, outreach, teaching people new things, getting people from these communities there and having true realistic says. Art and culture is IMPERATIVE TO WORLD LIBERATION but not when it is so stiffly trying to bend to capital’s idea of progressiveness. No. Neoliberalism. No.

That’s why in a way ITSAY is a huge feat; it takes from films etc and they clearly had money (the actors rae rich too which….lmaooooo j’aime pas) but it was a respected fucking script, acting was important, blocking, framing. There’s very little to critique as a visual medium for that because I understand what they are trying to do, their market is going to be mostly young girls, but they RESPECT THE FUCKING AUDIENCE. And guess what guys? You can make money from it!!!! WOAH! Since that may be the only goal which is disgusting and repulsive.

HOWEVER AND THIS IS WHAT IS SAD: itsay is an ex of a great show however knowing the actors backgrounds and the pseudo trouble it stirred when they weren’t supporting people protesting against the coup in the summer it really put a damper on my enjoyment. And this is how we can see that:

a) it’s honestly just a show and a good one but b) now what?

These kids (actors, who are like idk 19? 20?) are rich and not saying anything while countless actors, who were filming, did. Even tul who has $$$$ and the thing is the protesting against the coup legitimately attacks the rich. As it should. The protests going on were cries for help, against a dictatorship and fucking coup, asking people to get fucking help for covid, having kids be able to live. There’s a mini on VICE about this and it probably doesnt go too in depth but there’s a kid in there who talks about his friends getting into drugs and how he just wants to make music, have fun, skateboard. And it’s harrowing to see. This is a direct example of what these things do and don’t do. Yea we know a good show is here, we know growing up and slice of life, we know this is a bit of escapism and idealism but the idealism is reflected in the way these actors also choose to live their lives. So what progress? To who? For who? How is this helping me? What purpose does it serve? I say ITSAY serves its purpose as a piece and a glimpse into possibility of growing up but i do not say it antagonizes a broader issue that needs to be relevant in some sense but simply is not. It’s very singleminded and, well, it’s sort of like “besides my sexuality, what do i have to worry about?” But for real humans like....a lot. I do not respect their decision at all.

Why can’t we do our jobs and make something decent and respect our audience? No time, gotta make that sweet sweet sweet cash baybee. Look how progressive we are! Don’t look at history and material conditions. Thanks in advance, management.

History 4 does not have that respect. Many of these shows do not. Sometimes we hit good, sometimes we don’t. But in the end we cannot settle. And I won’t. If I am critiquing something I will not be shy and if I am meant to enjoy something as escapism then these shows NEED to highlight that and it’s rare sometimes (the best twins is a good reminder like that show is bad but man do i Brain Empty when i turn it on and i like that and there’s not much in it that makes me want to kill myself from annoyance but there are transphobic jokes i dont love however the whole show is a comedy about this dude’s crazy homophobic sister and she is constantly positioned as wrong and they talk about the aforementioned trans women as the actor was in drag. Interesting that they can manage that, huh?)

Oh btw.....taiwan has a very complicated history but ignore all the bad stuff it’s good now you can kinda sorta get married and stuff. KMT? You know how i learned that? I care about human beings and read about it lmao. I am not Taiwanese and look at that. So now I have historical and DIALECTICAL~**~*~****~*~*~ context so i can judge it as an artist, a black woman from america, and from the knowledge i have to pick up on their history to see if this fits into a broader picture besides the micro-one of sexuality on an individualized level. And this is kinda where it comes full circle: these shows are not you, you are not them, they do not exist in a vacuum because nothing does. The failure to critique now means continuing on as it has and it will still do so. History and time are not linear in the sense we think it is. Someitmes things are better, sometimes things feel more austere. We are not living under liberation though and these shows are not going to do so. So they are not US nor are they for a nebulous “us” of which the groups are all fractured and have diff opinions anyway (my opinion as a black american is going to vary from an asian woman’s say and that could really clash and i do not feel solidarity with all those in every community i am for several reasons.)

Final thots that have taken up my time and the only thing i actually wanted to write but got distracted:

Anyway my dissertation is that I ilke Muren and LiCheng a lot a lot and i like how cute they are and how truly dumb li cheng is. This is an example of mostly good writing, decent actors, nice chemistry, and sort of a calmness to them. And I super enjoy how Muren is pretty forward with LC in the sense that being together is like very important to truly be together. When he was like “no i didnt forget!” Or when LC asked him something in the office I forget it was 6 am and again i almost threw up and muren nodded and then LC leaned on him. Very cute. I want more of them tho i may have to skip that othre couple (the cameo the ones from MODC) but omfg the younger one HIS HAIR GREW SO MUCH HE LOOKS SO MATURE AND CUTE OMFGIJ0HUG9SAOGIJPKOAGJSIOHUAGIJP hahhaha the one good thing i will say about THEM.idk how old the actor is i figure he was young idk it makes me happy to see him he’s very cute. I hope he’s in something i can watch and not gag at. Is he hot? Who knows but he is a cutie!!

Anyway muren and lc have a good thing going it’s nice to watch ho\pe they dont fuck it up but im truly a sucker for some true finds 2 luvas i think some user on her\e was like i’m not a fan of friends ot lovers bc it doesn’t seem like they’re actually friends and maybe they were referring to this show idk. But it made me think and it was a very good observation. So i think they are friends and also luvrs <3

[abluescarfonwaston]

Shapeshifter Au -8

On Ao3 Now! 

He found Roach. Buried his face in her neck and wrapped his arms around her. She nickered her concern.

He could be something small and unobtrusive. A mouse at the bottom of his saddle bag. A lark nesting on top. A cat keeping the mice away from Roach in the stable.

He could be small and unobtrusive and quiet and a good traveling companion. He could be whatever form Geralt wanted. Would stay that way forever if that’s what Geralt wanted.

But it wasn’t his form that were the problem was it?

Geralt had made it perfectly clear what he wanted.

No matter the form he would still always be Jaskier.

“I love you Roach. Don’t let him be too stupid without me okay?”

Running into Geralt at the bar wouldn’t be an issue. Humans had to follow switchbacks and winding roads. All he had to do was switch back after soaring down the mountain.

Not that he’d felt much like soaring but the falling sensation had been near enough to manage.

One drink and then he’d play and in the morning he’d go. Long before Geralt arrived.

“Here alone familiar? Hasn’t Geralt told you that’s dangerous?” Yennefer sweeping into the seat across from him. “Some evil mage might just snatch you up.”

He’d heard her coming, the singing- ever present around her- growing louder and louder as she approached. Wouldn’t you like to snatch me up Yennefer?

“Is that an offer Yennefer?” That voice sounded a lot more compelling now. Or maybe he just didn’t have any real reason to resist it. ”Because I don’t have any plans for the evening.”

He flashed her a smile and hers disappeared.

“You’re not bound anymore.”

Oh wasn’t that rich. Bound. He rolled his eyes at her. “I’m not the one he wished for Yennefer. I doubt the djinn will heed your breakup.”

Her frown deepened into a scowl before smoothing back into a placid mask. “Then the next round is on you Jaskier.”

Rude. I’ll go as many rounds as you want. He wasn’t even getting another round. He downed another swig. “What do you want Yennefer?”

“I wanted someone to shit talk Geralt with and you were over here looking terribly despondent all alone so I figured he’d ditched you.”

“Can’t argue with that.” He agreed waving down a barmaid for another round. It was a bad idea. Yennefer required a clear head to deal with and a hangover would make leaving tomorrow harder. But she told you to get the next round. So he did. “But I don’t think you’ll find what you’re really hoping for Yennefer.”

She pinned him with her gaze. She wasn’t using magic but he could feel it- feel her- lighting up the veins and electrifying him with her luminescence. She was going for a bored look but he felt the anger rolling like waves.

“And what am I hoping for mutt?”

Mutt. Half-bred. Those were better than what she'd called him at the start. Pet. Thing. Creature. But she hadn't called him those in the last few years. 

Mutt and half-breed were reserved for when she thought him unaware of her power. A broken 'familiar' that couldn't tell how powerful she was.

He suspected he was one of the few who knew exactly how powerful she was. More accurately than even Geralt. It thrummed in his veins and the song beat at his head every time she was near.

Power. It praised. Strong. It rejoiced.

Be hers. It plead, begged and demanded.

He shrugged. “A quick romp? A way to hurt Geralt? A friend?”

Her face settled deeper into boredom and the lightning began to scald his skin.

“Oh and I won’t find any of those here?” She reached her hand out and he moved his face into its grasp. “Never put you down as picky when it comes to bed-mates.”

There was a comment there. About how he was- was something? Those eyes were so purple. His jaw remained lax in her grip.

“I have friends and I certainly don’t need to stoop to your level for one.”

The lightning was so pleasant in his body. Thrumming like a drum. Her nails dug into his cheeks and he welcomed the pricks of pain.

“And I am more than capable of hurting Geralt on my own. Half breed.”

That name was important.

It was.

Right.

“Do you really want another man bound to you by magic?”

Her hand twitched against his cheek and withdrew. A whine escaped him at the loss of contact. He dug his fingers into his legs to stop them from chasing after her.

“What?” She studied his face as if struck. “You can’t sense magic.” She stated. Growing less sure by the consonant.

He leaned away. The song screamed louder at him for it. He grit his teeth and didn’t move.

“And what makes you so sure about that?”                

“You wouldn’t-“ She frowned. “Familiars are drawn to magic.” She explained. He had actually gathered that thanks. “The difference in power alone between Geralt and I should have.” Made me yours. It finished for her when she trailed off.

“Yeah well we were bonded.” He wanted to emphasize that “bonded” idea with the quotation marks it deserved –what did that even mean- but he didn’t trust his hands to behave so he settled for spitting the word out. “So.”

She shook her head. “That shouldn’t have mattered.” He remembered a tapestry burning under his skin when she’d used magic on him.

“Then maybe I’m not what you think I am.”

He felt her taking in the taunt lines of his shoulders. The strain pulling him to her as he struggled to resist. Her face fell- only slightly but- Sad. You’ve made her sad.

“You’re Jaskier.” She said like that explained anything at all.

She drained her drink and stood. Turning.

“Yennifer?” She paused to grab her drink from the approaching barmaid. He leaned over his unfinished drink staring into it like it might have answers. “I would have liked to be friends.”

If the world had been different they could have toasted drinks and roasted Geralt into the long hours of the night. Maybe drunkenly tumbled into bed together or just fallen asleep next to each other. Maybe he’d hate her just the same for hurting Geralt, maybe more because he would know what being human really was. Or maybe he would have fallen for her beauty and written her countless odes and sonnets.

But none of that mattered. Because she had no choice in loving Geralt. Like how he had no choice in loving her. Whatever they felt couldn’t be trusted.

He hated her for hurting Geralt. Respected her for walking away. Loved her for her magic.

Who knew what was real under that?

Does it matter?

It did to her. She wanted something real.

That thought was the only thing that kept him from running after her.

If only he were human.

But then again he’d still be Jaskier.

[nanero11]

Color me in love - pt 2

Hey everyone, thank you so much for your support on part 1. Every single comment, reblog, and like literally means so much to me. Please let me know your thoughts on this part, I love reading what everyone has to say. I’ll try to get pt 3 out soon. (@marvelmisha)

It had been a few days since the Djinn incident. A few days since Geralt discovered Jaskier was his soulmate and his life changed forever, since he fucked it up like he always does, and since he can’t look at Jaskier without feeling a nauseating mix of what Geralt has decided must be love, uneasiness, and guilt.

Love because, well it all seems so obvious to Geralt now. How he had been slowly falling in love with Jaskier, since they met, without even knowing. It makes him laugh looking back on it, thinking about how clueless he had been.

Uneasiness because the bard hadn’t brought it up. No mentioning of colors, no mentioning of soulmates, and in all the damn time they’ve spent together he hadn’t so much as implied anything about the situation.

Guilt…because Geralt knew that Jaskier had seen him and Yennefer together that day after defeating the Djinn.

He didn’t even know why he slept with her. Or maybe he did, but he just didn’t want to admit to himself that he was so weak, that the second he had finally figured out he had more to live for than killing monsters he threw it all aside for what was easier and more familiar. And he hated what he did, and he hated himself because he had done it and that it had been, in part, to get Jaskier off his mind, but that he had ended up thinking about him the whole time anyways. Fuck, he knew he was bad at this whole soulmate thing, but he didn’t know he was this hopeless.

And, a few days was a long time to think about something when you couldn’t get it out of your head. Every second, of everyday, thoughts of colors and Jaskier were constantly running circles in his mind and it certainly didn’t help that the bard was traveling with him at the moment. The only time he could get a semblance of focus was when he was killing monsters, and even then, he was thinking about the fastest way to get the job done so the monster wouldn’t have a chance to direct its attacks at whomever was nearby, that whomever being Jaskier.

No, he couldn’t focus on anything, unless that anything was Jaskier. Like right now. Jaskier was composing a song about Geralt saving him and defeating the Djinn, and Geralt was trying to cook dinner. But instead of paying attention to the rabbit he was roasting, Geralt was watching how the glow from the fire caused shadows and lights to bounce around on Jaskier’s face while he swayed back and forth as he strummed his lute and mumbled little rhymes.

“Uh, Geralt--”

Yes, Geralt was extremely focused right now. Focused on the way Jaskier’s blue eyes seemed to shimmer as they looked at him and the way his lips moved around his words and, oh fuck, the bard was talking to him.

“Geralt! Hellooo, are you in there? Oh, you’ve come back to me. You see, I just really had to ask if you were planning on feeding me that burnt hare for dinner. Because, don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the effort, but I’d prefer to not eat charcoal.”

Geralt’s eyes immediately flew to the rabbit and he barely had time to bite out, “Ah, shit,” before he grabbed the blackened meat and tossed it away from the fire. They both watched its smoldering corpse land a few feet away before Geralt lowered his face to his hands with a groan. He was supposed to cook dinner for them so Jaskier could go to bed, so maybe, just maybe, he could try to think without getting sidetracked over and over.

He let out a deep sigh and for a moment after it was utterly silent. Just the bugs chirping and the fire crackling and Roach shifting around letting out soft neighs every now and again. Then, he heard Jaskier set down his lute and make his way around the fire to him. The bard laid his hand upon Geralt’s shoulder and something in the way he said his name compelled him to look up, although he wished he hadn’t. Because now he was lost in those blue eyes which were filled with concern and Geralt was pissed because he kept letting himself get distracted, and also because he really, really, didn’t fucking deserve Jaskier’s worry.

“It’s okay, really. We had a big lunch, I’m sure we can survive skipping dinner—"

“No.”

“You can’t be serious. You’re really going to go out hunting at this time of night?” Jaskier said this with his hands on his hips and his eyebrow almost all the way up his forehead, and Geralt knew that this meant the bard thought he was being ridiculous. But instead of paying any attention to Jaskier’s obvious judgement, Geralt appreciated the way his mouth formed a small pout and how his hips were cocked out to one side and shit it was happening again.

“Yes, I’m going hunting.” Then, Geralt was up and gathering his weapons and Jaskier was grabbing his wrist and asking him to wait and saying something about being concerned, but Geralt only shook him off and told him to stay at the camp. Because it was just easier to leave the bard behind, so he didn’t have to look at him with all those radiant colors, or hear him chatter on about all the things he had to say, and so he didn’t have to think those thoughts that he didn’t know how to deal with. The ones about how Jaskier was looking or what Jaskier was doing, and that Jaskier hadn’t brought up their bond or made any advances on him yet, and that it drove Geralt fucking crazy that Jaskier was right there and that Jaskier had touched him and all Geralt had wanted to do was grab him and maybe tell him how he felt.

And, it also drove him crazy because he was pretty sure he had finally figured out why Jaskier was avoiding the subject. Geralt had exhausted every possible conclusion over the past couple of days and only one thing seemed to make any sense. It was clear to him now, the fact that Jaskier just didn’t want him. He knew that Jaskier liked him, sure, but loved him? Wanted to be with him? Of course not, and who could blame him. Geralt knew how he could be abrasive and blunt. Physically attractive? Everyone he’s been with seemed to think so. But emotionally capable? That was a whole other issue and probably one that Jaskier didn’t want to deal with.

With that, his decision was made. As long as Jaskier was happy, Geralt was happy and Geralt would not push his selfish and unfair desires on the bard. So, with fresh rabbit in hand, Geralt made his way back to camp, because he would be damned if Jaskier went to sleep hungry.

Part 3, part 4,  part 5,  part 6

[zanesgirlfriend]

The Reality House | David Dobrik

Requested by anonymous: hiii, can you do one abt knj house and the reader is davids gf or jasons daughter or both(?) and shit goes down with trisha?

_____

It's not like you needed the money. You and Kristen both just wanted to do something fun and crazy. The Reality House seemed like something to fill your time while David was busy.

"Two whole days without you?" David whined as you packed your bag.

"It'll be fun!" You smiled at him.

"I don't wanna sleep without you." He opened his arms and you joined him on the bed.

"We can FaceTime later, okay?"

"What if they keep you up all night?" He tugged on the ends of your hair gently.

"Well you're up all night anyway. You'll live." You chuckled before kissing his cheek.

"Okay."

Your phone buzzed in your pocket and you pulled it out, not expecting the text that appeared. "Oh no."

"What is it?" David peered over your shoulder as you sat up.

"Trisha's gonna be there." You looked at him, some type of sadness in your eyes.

"Deadass?"

"Deadass. Kristen just texted me." You showed him your phone, watching his muted expression change.

"Just try to stay away from her. You already know she's gonna start shit."

"I know, but if she brings you up I will feel very compelled to defend you."

"Don't worry about me, everyone knows she's crazy."

"Yeah, but you're my baby."

"Just ignore her, okay? You'll do great."

So with a nervous tick in your heart you drove to Kristen's house, picking her up, and then you were on your way.

The Reality House was incredible. It seemed like a mansion. There were a million rooms, beautiful decorations, a pool, and a million other incredible things.

People started arriving so Kian and JC made everyone walk up to the door one by one, introducing themselves as they went.

Yours was easy and fun, and you stood in the living room with a few other girls as people continued arriving.

Trisha's sparkley outfit was spotted immediately, you putting your head down as soon as she walked through the door. Things seemed to be going well until she continued talking. She mentioned "Twenty-Two year olds controlling her life" and you rolled your eyes. She continued, talking about David's pranks and some jokes about Tana that allegedly ruined her relationship with Jason. You let it slide.

"Tana's gonna be here." Kian joked.

"Is she? That's fine. We live for Tana, we just fucking hate Jason and David." Trisha put on her sunglasses, obviously glaring at you as she walked into the living room. Kristen's jaw dropped, and your eyebrows raised, giving Trish that "Really, bitch?" glare.

"You hate them. Not 'we.' You don't speak for everyone." You didn't even notice that the words had left your mouth. You were pissed. You hated that she felt the need to comment on David and bring him up, when it was her own problems and insecurities that ended her relationship.

"Hey, I didn't mention you." She jabbed at you with her words, the grudge between you very obvious as she walked into the kitchen and grabbed a drink.

"You mentioned my boyfriend." You stepped a little closer to her.

"I don't know how you can date someone so crazy and manipulative." Her high-pitched valley girl voice drove you insane.

"I don't know how you can continually blame someone else for your break up just because you're insecure." You stepped a little closer still, ready at any moment if she wanted to fight.

"Hey, hey, let's not fight yet." JC stepped in, a chorus of "oh shit" and "damn's" promoting him to stop any physical violence from happening.

"Come chill out a little bit." Kristen grabbed your wrist bringing you back over to the couch. Trisha mumbled some things, you utterly ignoring her. A million thoughts ran through your head, most of them wondering why you even signed up for this.

Once all the contestants were in the house, you all sat around, talking and roasting eachother. You and Kristen stayed inside with a few other girls while people argued outside. Being away from Trisha was your best bet.

You ignored her presence completely until the first challenge. There were thirteen people in the house, and only ten could stay. The rules of the game were that the first ten people to get their ball into the trashcan got to stay. Easy enough.

The first few rounds went fine, a few people getting in one by one. You made it somewhere in the middle, not sure if you were happy that you were staying, or sad that you wouldn't be going home to David. As more people made it in, Kristen seemed like she wasn't going to make it. You needed her to make it, especially instead of Trisha. Hell, you didn't even care if Kristen made it, as long as Trisha didn't make it in either.

The final four were on the line. Kristen, Trisha, and two other people that you didn't really know or care about. There was one more spot. One spot left, reserved for everyone except Trisha.

"Come on Kristen!" You screamed, making it very evident that you wanted her to make it, and not Trisha.

Kristen's heart sank when she didn't make it in, and your heart sank when Trisha did. There was no way you could deal with her any longer, especially not as she got drunker.

You rubbed your face, the headache you got from her presence growing stronger.

"I don't want you to go." You pouted at Kristen. "I don't think I can do this without you."

"I don't wanna leave." She frowned back at you. You were whisked away back inside by one of the other girls, and Kristen was left outside with Kian and JC. She begged and pleaded them, asking what she could do to get back in the house. One of the other losing contestants mentioned buying a spot from someone else, and she had a lightbulb moment.

You were in the backyard when Kristen ran up to you.

"I'll buy you out." She stated excitedly.

"What?" Your head tilted as you looked at the wild expression on her face.

"I'll give you two thousand dollars to trade." She offered. You thought for a moment, wondering if you could make it through, or if it would be better just to go home with more than you started with, and still get to cuddle with David.

"I'm down, I need to get out of here." Trisha's face flashed in your mind and you followed her quickly out to KnJ. They agreed to the deal and Kristen Venmo'd you the money.

You let all your emotions out during confessionals, talking incredible shit about Trisha, and gassing up David.

"Hey, Trisha!" You screamed across the room as you grabbed your bag. "Fuck you, I'm out!" You couldn't deny flipping her off, the alcohol in your system aiding in your craziness.

"Fuck you, too! Go back to your psychopath boyfriend." Her words were slightly slurred, she'd been drinking a lot, but you didn't care. Your uber was almost there and you wanted to have the last word.

"Go back to your boyfriend, oh wait, you don't have one! Because nobody wants to deal with your crazy ass!" Everyone else in the room was holding in laughter, almost silent as the two of you hashed it out.

"I can get any man I want!" She stood up her drink held firmly in her hand.

"But you can't keep one, can you?" Your hand pulled your bag behind you as you walked up to the door.

"You're just a bitter bitch!" Trisha shouted down the entryway at you.

"At least I'm not obsessed with my ex boyfriend! Your drunk tweets tell it all, Trish. Why can't you get it in your head that everyone thinks you're crazy? Just move on. Leave Jason the fuck alone and move the fuck on!" You slammed the door behind you, not caring what the people inside were thinking, or that it would soon be posted all over the internet. You meant what you said, and you didn't care who heard it.

You fell into a deep sleep in David's arms, needing a mental break after what happened, and then rehashing it to David when you got home. You cried out of frustration, David rubbing your back and talking you to sleep.

This was the reason you loved him.

You didn't care if he was a 'psychopath' or if he went overboard sometimes. He's a good person who cares greatly about you, and that's all that matters.

[mrswagangel]

Not Sorry

This is a @soulbounty fan fiction. The story universe and all characters except Brian belong to @whatthehaxx​. Check out their art blog: @haxxydraws!

Beatboxxx was having the time of her life. Her hips swayed to the club music. The beat was so loud it felt like it was clutching her heart and compelling her body to dance. She could feel Suxxubus grinding on her front and someone she most likely didn’t know grazing her back, but Beatboxxx didn’t care as long as they didn’t get in the way of her dancing. She had so much emotion and frustration to let loose with no time but now to release them.

Beatboxxx had a job to complete tonight. Yesterday she flirted her way across some intel of where she and Clwn could find their next target. Brian Cyan sold his soul 10 years ago to make his wife and kid “go away” in order to marry into wealth. It was time for him to pay his debt, but he managed to slip away. Beatboxxx found out he had a bit of a gambling addiction landing him to a gamblers club meeting at midnight a few blocks from where she was dancing.

There was nothing to do until the meeting, so there was nothing standing in her way of accepting Suxxubus’ invite to the club... as long as she met up with Clwn on time.

She started to run low on energy and thought it was a great time to get another drink, so Beatboxxx pulled Suxxubus towards the bar. The person who was dancing too close behind Beatboxxx grabbed her arm. She tried bruising some pink strands attached to her forehead via sweat from her face with a hand still on her arm. She finally looked and knew for a fact she didn’t know this person.

“You’re not leaving without me, are you?” The man asked. “I thought we were having so much fun.”

“I need a drink!” Beatboxxx yelled over the music.

“I can’t let a pretty girl like you get away! Let me buy you and your friend a drink!”

“No, thanks,” Beatboxxx said while removing his hand from her arm and immediately grabbing Suxxubus again. “My boyfriend is waiting at the bar for me!”

She quickly lost him in the crowd and made it to the bar.

“Let me get the fruitiest drink you got and a vodka cranberry!” Beatboxxx yelled at the bartender.

“Men!” Suxxubus complained.

“I know, right!” Like I let you grind on me a bit while I dance! That should be enough!”

“This is why I don’t let them even talk to me!” Suxxubus pointed out.

“That and you’re in no way attracted to them!” Beatboxxx tried to get out while laughing.

The bartender gave them their drinks and Suxxubus paid while Beatboxxx checked her phone.

“Shit!” Suxxubus looked over Beatboxxx’s shoulder at her phone screen to see 3 missed calls and 4 texts from Clwn. “It’s 2:22! I missed the job and Clwn is pissed.”

“Well at least you don’t need to watch the time anymore!”

“I’m gonna go,” Beatboxxx said after she drowned her drink. “Clwn might go on a murder spree and I gotta make sure he collected the soul. Sometimes he just kills the target and leaves the soul when he’s in one of his moods.”

“Alright! See ya, girly!”

Suxxubus turned toward the bar looking down for someone to hang with for the night as Beatboxxx grabbed her bag and left.

Beatboxxx found the gamblers club riddled with ambulances and cops. All the members looked confused and terrified letting Beatboxxx know Clwn used his reality warping on them. He at least didn’t go on a murder spree here. The lifeless body being hauled had no soul, so Clwn has the soul or already delivered it. All his text said was that he “handled” it.

There was nothing else for Beatboxxx to see, so she made her way to one more pitstop before heading home.

                                                            : : :

Just as Beatboxxx suspected Bootsman was hanging by his harness from the living room ceiling. Because Bootsman had no arms, Clown put him in a jacket that he sew weights inside the sleeves to keep the harness in place.

Bootsman stopped angrily squirming once he noticed Beatboxxx looking at him. She heard a faint whine echo in her head she probably wouldn’t have heard if she wasn’t focused on the gachapon imp.

Beatboxxx put down the pig she caught and roasted with her electrokinesis before helping Bootsman.

Clown had a tendency of fucking with Bootsman when he was upset with Beatboxxx. She’s the one who wanted him as a pet and yet he was the one who took care of Bootsman the most (not that Clwn would let Bootsman know this). Beatboxxx just never thought about the responsibilities or consequences that came with her decisions and actions. Beatboxxx could buy and show off all her gachapon imp merchandise, but couldn’t feed or walk Bootsman half of the time unless she knew Clwn was royally pissed with her (hence the roasted pig).

Once Beatboxxx got Bootsman down, he beelined to Clwn’s door to kick it repeatedly. It raddled with each kick. Beatboxxx ignored this in favor of ripping the pig apart with her bare hands for her and Bootsman to share.

After Beatboxxx finished dividing up the pig, she called Bootsman to come eat. He left Clwn’s bedroom door to fill his stomach. He stopped in front of Beatboxxx who now sat at the kitchen island with pig parts all over the surface. She picked up one piece while Bootsman almost split himself in half vertically revealing sharp teeth. Beatboxxx dropped the pork and Bootsman closed himself over it. Beatboxxx ate and occasionally dropped a piece in Bootsman’s awaiting mouth whenever he split himself.

Beatboxxx made no attempt to clean off the counter after they finished eating. Instead she gagged at the smell left on her clothes and hands from carrying and splitting the pork. 

She stripped on the way to the bathroom leaving a clothes trail in her wake. After she finished washing up and removed her make-up, she sat on the living room couch scrolling through Instagram. Suxxubus already posted pictures and videos of them, so she shared those on her story adding stickers and such. Bootsman surprisingly jumped on the couch to snuggle her side waiting for scratches. Really Beatboxxx was avoiding Clwn. His last text just said the words ���Fuck you” with no emoji.

Beatboxxx knew she probably shouldn’t have gone to the club or at least kept a better track of time, but the last thing she wanted to do was tell Clwn that or anyone for that matter. Clwn was just always right and he was never nice about it either. It didn’t help that Bootsman kicked Clwn’s door as soon as she let him down. There’s no way Bootsman could’ve got down on his own meaning Clwn had to know Beatboxxx was back. If she goes straight to her room, there will be a bigger fight in the morning.

She looked back at Clwn’s texts:

   12:16am Where are you? You should’ve been here 15 minutes ago. 😡

   12:30am Forget it. I handed it. 😒

   1:30am I made turkey wings for dinner... you know, whatever you get back 😑

   2:13am Fuck you

Actually Beatboxxx couldn’t do this. She got up and headed to her room. As soon as she opened her door, Clwn opened his which was directly across from Beatboxxx’s. Beatboxxx reluctantly let go of her door knob and faced Clwn. Bootsman, sensing the tension, ran past Beatboxxx into her room and kicked the door closed behind him.

“Look. I-”

“You should’ve been there. We had a plan,” Clwn interrupted. “Do you think I like this job?”

“Yes?” Clwn didn’t move. The poncho didn’t reveal any hand movement and his mask stayed as the cynical clown face. Beatboxxx, however, did notice the slight leak of black matter from under his mask. “I mean you can legally— or at least legal-ish— kill. You love killing!”

“I prefer picking my own targets and not having to create sneaky plans, so humans don’t see me,” Clwn retorted.

“I swear I was keeping track of time.”

“No, you were too busy with Suxxubus to do your damn job!”

Beatboxxx covered her mouth to giggle.

“Are you seriously jealous? Is that why you cursed at me over text? Because I wouldn’t eat a romantic, homemade dinner with you?”

“No,” Clwn said while holding himself back from telling her off. “I want you to do your job PROPERLY for once.”

“It got done, didn’t it?”

“No. Thanks. To you.” Some of Clwn dripped on the floor from behind his mask. Beatboxxx couldn’t say she wasn’t a bit scared. Usually Clwn could hold his form together. Not now clearly.

“I was the one who found out where he would be!”

“You also need to follow through! You can plan all you want, but, if you don’t do the damn deed, what’s the fucking point?!”

The two just glared at each other. Beatboxxx clenched her fists causing nail dents in her palms while Clwn dripped a small puddle of black matter over his poncho and onto the floor.

He was right. He was always right and it pissed off Beatboxxx to no end. She just had to be patterned up with him of the all Soul Bounty demons.

“Fine,” she exhaled. “I’ll handle the next job by myself. Will that make us even?”

All the matter on the floor creeped up Clwn’s legs disappearing under his poncho only to reappear briefly at his neck to go back under his mask.

“That’s what I like to hear.” One of Clwn’s detached hands came from under his poncho to re-open his door. As she turned around to retreat into his room, he warned, “Don’t let this happen again.” The hand followed him into the room to close it behind him.

“Don’t let it happen again,” Beatboxx mocked as she finally went into her own room. Beatboxxx found Bootsman comfy in his bed. Clwn got him a dog bed as a joke. Although Bootsman was initially upset about it, all it took was a soft blanket for him to reluctantly sleep in it.

Beatboxxx decided to call it a night if you could call 3:45am bedtime. She crawled into her bed and layed down, not looking forward to handling the next mission. Clwn was usually the strategist, but she knew he wouldn’t offer any insight. She supposed she got herself into this one. She would figure it out somehow.

Just as Beatboxxx closed her eyes she heard her door open. This confirmed her suspicion. Clwn was seeking her attention today. He was more mad about her not showing up for dinner than he was about the job.

Nevertheless, she allowed him to get into bed with her. Once he settled, she rolled over to cuddle him. Beatboxxx was the only one of them that had arms, so Clwn reluctantly let her be the big spoon. It had nothing to do with the fact he was 1 foot shorter than her with his heels.

The 2 of them— 3 if you count Bootsman— had a lot to work on relationship-wise, but, for now, they were all tired.

“You smell like a pig.”

[lightlorn]

ABC- For Everyone

late festivities. ll accepting.

A   :   AFFECTION.   how does your muse show affection?

Aerith: See, Aerith is a bit odd. She’s ultimately a good person, and a fantastic friend, but she’s very out of practice in letting others in and demonstrating her feelings. Part of this is her backstory, part of this is just the hard knock life she’s led. For the most part in canon, her affection is a little mischievous, a little chaotic, being the one that goes along with your wild ideas and giving her all to your aims. But it’s also thought, letters written and wishes made, the same care and attention she would give her garden. Aerith is not a woman that shows her affections easily, but is no less devoted once you get around her rougher edges.

Albel: He doesn’t. For the last nine years, Albel has not had a speck of affection in him for anything, living or dead or self. Even his once close bond to his deceased father has soured in his heart to a further reflection of his failures. Tenderness or adoration are beyond him. That said... I think he would display it in respect, or in curiosity. For a wicked man such as himself, simply taking the time to listen to another’s opinion or invest himself in their affairs is a great show of trust. I also think he would, over time, get more physical without getting violent, like a child just learning how to navigate the world. There is something simultaneously mature and overall boyish about this, which is why he does not let such sentiments rise to the surface.

Angela: She’s a healer, so it falls on her to want to take care of those she feels strongly for. Besides this, Angela is a taciturn woman, and I think she uses her words to great effect if someone can coax them from her. Whether she’s singing praises or taking someone to task, her voice will be used to demonstrate just what someone means to her. There’s also the possibility she will geek out about her hobbies and interests with someone who has won her affections, all too eager to get them up to speed so they can keep up with her interests. The act is repaid in kind, as she looks into her loved one’s interests and gains at least a rudimentary understanding of how it works or what it’s about. Catch her with lots of useless video game trivia to keep up with Hana, for example, or basic knowledge of bike maintenance for Mako.

Aria: A more in-depth answer can be found here.

Aqua: Oh my God Aqua is such a giver. It’s in her nature to mother others, to show her affection in gifts and in tender care for them. She’s all handmade gifts and homecooked food, deep concern tempered with constant support, the peak of team mom. While this is sometimes tempered by her self-righteousness, such as her worry for others manifesting as nagging, her heart is as ever in the right place. Her affections are also very self sacrificing, as she will take the fall for her loved ones without fail and try to take their burdens on as her own. At her best, her love is a gentle and homely thing, and at worst she will let it take everything she has so long as the object of her affection is alright.

Braska: Actions. Above all else, Braska is a man who acts. While his tongue is silvery and his heart too big for his own good, he is more of a doer than a talker. This is a man who turned his back on the church and his own lifelong training for the love of a foreign woman, and who later decided to lay down his own life to try and spare his daughter some pain. He spares Auron, in my telling, by leaving him behind out of love, though it does nothing to spare Auron in the long run. Even his taking a chance on Jecht is a leap of faith that pays off in the long run, and shows the depth of their bond. Even if he ought to think things out a little more thoroughly, he puts his money where his mouth is every time he feels strongly for someone.

Eraqus: Stern as he is, Eraqus has always shown his affection recklessly and sometimes in a very troublesome way. He is always willing to forgive and grant second chances, whether romantically as seen with Xehanort or as a matter of familial affinity, as seen with Terra. He puts care into everything he does for those who have won his loyalty, and works to show it in his own ways -- the time he offers others, and the encouragement he shows them. As a younger man, I think he was far more open about his affection, and more physical about it as well. He was less judgmental then, too, and as part of his adulthood affection he is at least willing to hear out those who disagree with him rather than shutting them down completely.

Gwynevere: Honesty and physical affection are the cornerstones of Gwynevere’s genuine affections. She puts forth the face of the all loving goddess, but her real love is shown in simply being herself around another person. She won’t beat around the bush or try to trick others, only show them how she really feels for them and those around them. She is also liberal with physical affection, anything from a touch of the hand to an embrace, and for lovers there is an ever-present sensual element from a woman who must always be above such things in the public eye.

Inessa: Inessa is actions and giving, to be honest. She shows affection for her community by being an ever present sentinel in Lowtown, ready to help as she is needed or sees need. Diligence is what makes affection in her eyes, the time and effort put into others sure to be repaid even if she does not work for that reason. Faithful as she is, she puts goodwill and prayers without actual attempts to see your desires made reality in low regard, something that has led to a lot of her friction with the Chantry of late.

Invi: Reserved as she is, Invi’s presence alone is one way she shows her affections. If she likes you, she will tolerate being around you for longer than is strictly necessary, and without any ulterior motives to boot. Being observant, she might also ensure little tokens or treats are left where the person she cares for can access them, never owning up to these things but responsible all the same. There’s also the chance she invite someone into her personal space or day and that is when you know you have made it with her.

Isa: This is actually very hard to answer because in canon, we see his affection as a child manifesting in ‘I am going to roast you alive but also I will go along with your dumbass idea because I love you’ and as a Nobody in displays of great possessiveness and rage. His actions towards Lea/Axel have always been a little antagonistic, but to what degree varies between his state of being. I think he might be the kind of person who shows his affinity in time spent together and being easily compelled into whatever the other person wants. Given my take on his backstory, I think he’s emotionally stunted even putting aside his inhuman rage issues, and so he’s not entirely sure what to do to show how he feels about others on any positive level.

Kokoro: Local Blue Blood Lets Down Her Defenses In Show of Trust, Lets Herself Be Human and Make Mistakes. But seriously, Kokoro is a person who is all about appearances and keeping up a front, so her affection comes more in letting others see her be more down to earth and laid back. I have said before that she shows her love in being able to admit she doesn’t know something, but it’s also in admitting she’s wrong or made some mistake. The sins of the father have definitely influenced her to channel her affections in a more healthy way, and acknowledge those moments where she lets the people she cares for down.

Roxas: Ice cream and fighting a cult. No literally. The boy is a trained child soldier whose only brushes with softness involve eating sweet snacks with other child soldiers, former or otherwise. This is what he was taught friendship is. He’s got to figure out for himself the shape his affection takes when he’s not fighting a war.

Shizuka: Flashing cash and offered favors. Shizuka’s got shaky identity and self-worth ideals, so they fall back on using their resources to reward those who get close to them sincerely. Some who are very close to them get more genuine shows of affection, the ability to hold them or be held, and heart to heart conversations, but for the most part Shizuka is the kind to pull strings rather than get into any ‘sappy shit.’

Zevran: I swear I am not shitposting, flanderizing, or making fun of him, but how doesn’t Zevran show affection? Realistically, though, he’s very protective with those he cares for, and tends to let them in a little deeper to see the mess he is under the ladykiller facade. He can be something of a good person for them, and that’s the most he can give. He’s still a little too broken to fully form an idea of how to show affection that isn’t saccharine or bombastic.

B   :   BOUQUET.   does your muse like flowers? which ones are their favourite?

Aerith: She absolutely adores flowers. Her people are tied to the planet itself, and the ebb and flow of life is shown so beautifully in flowers. She tends to some both as a hobby and to make some money, and so she’s very attached to them. She adores lilies best of all.

Albel: Once given a flower by a female peer of his fathers, immediately bit it off of the stem. He’s from a harsh winter environment backed up against desolate flatland and mountain ranges, so he is unused to them in any capacity. Still mesmerized by the red spider lily. 

Angela: They’re alright, but not really a priority. She’s so used to hospital flowers that the appeal is kind of lost, though she might still hang a few cheaper bouquets on her desk to try and spruce the area up. Show her a proper Alpine bellflower and you might get a nostalgic smile out of her.

Aria: Like might not be the right word, but Aria is certainly aware of various herbs and flowers from the Koccari Wilds to the edge of the Free Marches. She appreciates them as tools, but is not much of an aesthetic admirer. Is fascinated by the vandal aria for which she was named.

Aqua: The land varieties are just fine, but her love for flowers lies in the watery blossoms. She studied them extensively as a child and knows basically everything there is to know about them. Unsurprisingly, she loves the lotuses that grow on the Land of Departure.

Braska: He was never much of a man to stop and smell the roses before his Pilgrimage, so he often overlooked flowers. He’s not very well educated on the different types, but they’re pretty enough.

Eraqus: Coming from a world that was a winter wonderland, Eraqus is absolutely enamored with flowers. His master’s daughter had a balcony garden that was his favorite place to go and decompress after a long day. He is fond of morning glories above all.

Gwynevere: The princess oversees the maintenance of Anor Londo’s vast garden during its glory days. She is a friend to every flower she meets and knows how to care for any variety. Scandalously, her heart belongs to the moonflower for deeply personal reasons.

Inessa: Good flowers are hard to come by Kirkwall, at least for women of her station. The most she has seen of them has come through her work as an apothecary. For this reason, she has decided the marigold is her favorite.

Invi: As the local font of mystical and magical wisdom, Invi is well acquainted with many different plants. The language of flowers is one in which she is fluent, though it has little bearing in her choice of favorite. It’s the water hyacinth, for those interested.

Isa: The man is a Radiant Garden native. There is no conceivable way he escaped being a fan of flowers. Of the many species found on his homeworld, he just had to be enchanted by a dangerous one -- wolf’s bane. 

Kokoro: Her mother is aforementioned master’s daughter from Eraqus’ answer. She could never have escaped being educated and invested in flowers. Of the many that her mother grew in her garden, Kokoro gained an affinity for foxglove.

Roxas: He doesn’t know a lot about flowers, admittedly. There wasn’t a lot of time to stop and smell them during his missions, and Marluxia was unbearable even on his best behavior. He feels drawn towards the forget-me-not for reasons he cannot immediately pinpoint.

Zevran: If a poison can be made from it or a message conveyed with it, Zevran is aware of it. He’s learning how to appreciate flowers for just being flowers the longer he’s a free agent. And he’s a cliche who just adores a red rose.

C   :   CHOCOLATE.   does your muse like chocolate? which one is their favourite?

Aerith: It’s ok, but a little out of her budget. Whatever is cheapest gets her vote.

Albel: First had chocolate on the Diplo. It churned his stomach. Disgusting.

Angela: Yes, but only a rich European style or she’s not touching it.

Aria: Humans are out of their gods damned minds thinking this tastes good.

Aqua: As a connoisseur of desserts, absolutely. Loves a good white chocolate.

Braska: Has never heard of chocolate in his life.

Eraqus: Patron saint of sweet teeth. Milk chocolate or don’t talk to him.

Gwynevere: It’s human food and she’s not a plebeian. 

Inessa: Had some once as a child. It’s now way out of her budget but she dreams.

Invi: More fond of chocolate products. Loves hot chocolate.

Isa: His body is a temple and only cheat days permit a chocolate/nuts candy bar.

Kokoro: Eh. Not a huge sweets person, but a rich chocolate cake has her number.

Roxas: If it’s not sea salt ice cream don’t fuckin talk to him.

Zevran: Thinks Aria is fucking crazy and any chocolate is good chocolate.

[kinetic-elaboration]

November 18: Thoughts on The 100 2x07

Okay, gonna try this again with another ep. Long Into the Abyss

The last time I was watching T100 I was back at the beginning of S2 so I could remind myself of some stuff for a fic so now I’m really out of sorts.

I remember watching this ep for the first time and thinking, ‘oh, I guess Keenan isn’t going to be important, then.’ The fucked-up-ness levels of this scene are supremely underrated. Much like how they experiment on Maya--they know no shame. Also I feel like the implication is that Keenan isn’t the first person they’ve killed in this way. Does no one.... miss them? Why was there no revolt from the populace on the grounds of ‘they’re experimenting on us’ if not on the grounds of ‘they’re experimenting on these random kids’?

That Keenan was felled by rain makes me think that the rain was....dun dun dun, acid the whole time.

“Civilian check-in will take place at 0900 hours. All civilians must be accounted for by your station supervisors.” I mean first there are only two stations lol but otherwise... collecting more data for the Ark AU.

“This is not our home, it’s theirs” is SUCH a retcon and I’m still angry about it.

It makes absolutely no sense that Abby is still in charge even though the duly elected Chancellor is back in the settlement. I mean I know they’re just making shit up now but they’re not even trying.

Jaha’s faith would be more compelling if it didn’t mean randomly abandoning big chunks of his people--not just Marcus and the 48 but every other station that may or may not be out there. I guess he still sees them as a whole not as individuals or even as sub-parts. (I’d say he’s being selfish but in fact he will sacrifice himself too.)

This would have been a good time to lean even more into the 100 as a distinct people all their own. Clarke (and co.) care about the 48 than anything else. But no one else does, really; they were already thrown away.

That was the worst speech Chancellor 1 and Chancellor 2 could have given because now it’s super obvious they are not on the same page.

“The Grounders are attacking because of me” is 100% true and you should say it. People in this fandom love to hate on fuckboy Finn but the actual main characters stuck behind him right up until the bitter end lol, let’s not forget that.

Also yes Clarke’s line is stupid (”The Grounders are attacking because that’s what they do”) but.... she’s not entirely wrong that the Grounders have historically targeted them for almost no reason, over and over, since day one. So yeah they’d probably be attacking anyway. Not five minutes ago Jaha was saying they were just trying to get ‘invaders’ off their land so....yeah no one knows.

Raven’s Gate!

The Mount Weather delinquents! I love them. I love their group dynamic. I love the bizarre way Jasper is sitting, and how much faith he has in Clarke, and Monty being the voice of pessimistic reason. I do not love Monty’s hair. That is an unfortunate cut.

WE’RE CRIMINALS RIGHT SO LET’S BE CRIMINALS.

Says the boy whose crime was being a stoner.

Like tbh now that I’ve looked at the whole season from afar, trying to make it make sense for fic writing purposes, I see that this whole ep’s story line probably mostly exists just to buy some time while actual progress is made outside the Mountain but... I still love it.

Give Ricky Whittle an Emmy lol.

S2 Clarke was such peak Clarke... she’s so smart. Figuring everything out all the time.

[All Grunting]

David Miller is the true and only MVP I said what I said.

Mount Weather population: 382. You know people can give bone marrow without dying. Perhaps you could stop being so greedy and impatient.

Octavia trying to be brave and strong while looking young and scared and small is Endearing.

Totally forgot Nyko was a healer.

Or an Angel of Death lol.

I’m just going to say it. Bellamy was turned on by Clarke electrocuting Nyko.

I’m not super crazy about the Finn and Lincoln comparisons given that Finn acted of his own free will and Lincoln was turned into a cannibal.

The only scenes that really matter are the MW ones as per usual.

“Ye of little faith.”

“That’s my boy.”

I love Miller’s little thief kit omg. And Monty the Stereotypical Hacker.

“And they said we wouldn’t amount to anything.” UNDERRATED LINE.

“Abby, you cannot seriously be taking seriously the thoughts of a teenage girl we previously agreed was completely expendable lol??”

I’d say ‘why do the Grounders need such a comically large force to wipe out a tiny little enclave of scared refugees’ but of course the last time they went up against an even tinier group of refugees they got roasted, toasted, and burned to a crisp so...fair enough.

“She was Anya’s second” as in that should matter because Clarke and Anya were such good friends....?

Jaha hates not being in power so bad. Like he’s this-close from saying ‘Abby stop playing and hand over the pin to a real adult.’ Like he truly thinks she’s just fucking around and he’s entitled to the final say because...habit I guess?

Another point to Finn: if they left they would NEVER come back for the MW kids lol. What an obvious lie. Does Jaha believe his own bs??

Also someone should have pointed out that the Grounders have literally never been good faith with them. Never. Like who says that if the Ark left the Alpha Station site that the Grounders wouldn’t pursue them and kill them anyway? The delinquents abandoned the dropship site and were followed and attacked. (Am I mis-remembering or was ‘leave or die’ the offer then too?) The Ark doesn’t know how much land “belongs” to Trikru (prob because none of it does lol). Like, Jaha’s confidence that Lexa wasn’t lying to him the whole time--like every other time she opens her mouth, because almost everything she says is in fact a lie--is wildly misplaced imho.

All of that said and I completely stand by it--he’s not wrong that he’s the real Chancellor and it is ridiculous that the actual elected Chancellor has to beg the rando who just happens to have the pin to do something. Like--he is right  on the procedure but wrong on the substance is what I’m saying.

And here another example of how only the person who controls the army has real power.

Remember when Abby and Clarke had a good relationship? And it was significant and moving? Anyway another answer to ‘why are you throwing everything away on this plan’ would be ‘because it’s not a shitty plan, you’re just not hearing it out,’ or alternately ‘because we need to deserve to live as I have already said back in the pilot and walking away from MW would be morally abhorrent.’

Netflix subtitles don’t know Miller’s name lol.

MW surveillance of Alpha Station.

Honestly as soon as the stuff with the Grounders moves to the fore I just zone out. Maybe it’s because the tension is gone when you know what happens or maybe it’s because I never really believed ADC but...eh. She has a cool glove though.

They really do hammer home the idea that the MM aren’t really “alive.” Someone bring back that ‘they’re the souls in the underworld’ meta stat.

“This is our world. We deserve this.” Imo this is the hubris of the descendant of American Executive Branch survivors, the belief that, because they were chosen to live for their importance to the whole concept of America, that they now deserve not just survival but a return to that which they themselves destroyed. (I know in this universe it was some rogue AI blah blah blah--it’s more interesting if it was a nuclear war in the traditional sense in my opinion.) Dante has the other side of the argument: We are the keepers of history. The responsibility, over the entitlement. And he recognizes that this legacy is already stained, perhaps irrevocably. Is it ridiculous that he drew his line in the sand? Did he even make that decision, about the Grounders, or did his father make it? Does he think it’s okay because the Grounders are ‘savages’? Because the MM can survive without the bone marrow but not without the blood?

I’m going to be honest, I have no idea what the concept is here with saving Lincoln. Like is this real science about overdoses or just like shit made up as they went along? The only thing I got was the heart thing with the electric shock but like...unclear on the rest... is it just waiting out the detox, I guess?

The dropship has a cute tiled floor. I never noticed that.

They didn’t lie! They were just being as dramatic as possible! Griffin women specialty.

I never shipped M/inty but that was a nice moment. Love those attempts to expand Miller’s character. Also completely forgot that what Miller found was the engineering schematics.

“It’s not complicated really. We just need to keep them alive long enough for the drug to leave their system.” Okay so I was basically right. Not sure how she came to that conclusion from the fight scene but w/e.

L just strikes me as like a young person pretending to be a leader rather than like an actual leader... I’m sorry. But that’s just my read.

Anyway here she is, bad faith as always--moving the goalposts again. “You can have your truce if I get one thing”--LADY YOU GOT YOUR ONE THING THE FUCKING REAPERS HELLO. You don’t get a second thing. I mean fuck really you’re already getting two things: the Reapers and an ally in taking down the Mountain. Now you want a third thing?? No. No more things.

“The one you call Finn”--see, honestly, fake. You’re from fucking Baltimore, no one talks like this or has ever talked like this in the history of human speech.

Anyway, that was intellectually exhausting. Missed seeing my girl Maya. And even more importantly, Raven. And Bellamy had so little to do. He looked damn fine though.

[bisexualniallsexual]

“We were good at that, weren’t we?”

WHAT’S GOOD TUMBLR I’M ALIVE AND FELT COMPELLED TO POST SOMETHING I WROTE I HOPE YOU ENJOY

-Abby

PS: 18+, Smut ahead

Premise:

Haley is an OFC me and @niallhoranistodiefor came up with, and we have a whole story going for these two. But, sometimes one of us will get sidetracked and write headcanons of this character and Niall. This is one of those times. Haley is Niall's childhood neighbor and best friend from Mullingar, a curvy dark-haired 5'2 firecracker who's heart belongs to one Niall Horan, and vice versa. Her brother’s name is Conor. In this case, the variation from our story begins with Niall and Haley being best friends with convenient benefits, only to stop abruptly. The real meat of this headcanon is after their reunion. Just roll with me on this guys. It'll be so good. (AN: This is in American because I have no understanding of the English university system, also this is so unedited. Pls forgive.)

The past- a summary:

Niall and Haley hooked up pretty regularly when they were in their late teens. Anytime he was near her when she was at school or when they were both home he'd send a text and she'd be over, kissing him and tugging off their clothes after the first hello. It started the first time he was home after the X factor. They almost fell into it. They were hanging out in his room, talking and catching up, when Niall let slip that he hadn't been able to stop thinking about her since he left. He admitted he wanted her in whatever capacity she was comfortable with. For Haley, that meant temporary and convenient company. As she went off to college and the band took off, they saw each other a little less, but they still kept in contact. If he knew he was nearby, he'd let Haley know his schedule and location, and give security a heads-up. Nine times out of ten she'd be waiting in his hotel room for him after a show, smiling while sitting on his bed in just a shirt of his. They'd fall into each other without another word, and stay wrapped up for as long as they could. For Niall this arrangement was fine, but he always saw a future with Haley. Haley, however, was focused on the moment. It seemed like every time Niall saw her again she had done something new, whether it be added a tattoo or piercing to her body, or changed her hair, or adopted a different style of dressing (his personal favorite was the boho-chic Haley with the choppy yet elegant bob, but sexy 90s grunge Haley with the fishnets and the undercut had been a good look too). Then suddenly, he stopped hearing from Haley. He'd still always let her know when he was around, but she wouldn't be waiting in his room. After a brief chat with Conor, he found out Haley had gotten into some academic trouble and was devoting herself to succeeding in school. He understood, and told her that if she ever needed anything to just ask. He still reminisced about her, the way they moved together, the way her body felt under his hands, and the way she fell apart calling his name. It rang out in his mind from time to time, and for some reason, no one could measure up to her. A few years passed and suddenly One Direction was taking its break, and Niall could only handle it by taking off to Thailand with his friends. He wished he could talk to Haley about it, to hold her and anchor himself to something, but Haley hadn't spoken to him in years. He didn't know their last time was their last. After Thailand, he focused on his career, venturing into different realms and writing his own music. It wasn't until he popped into a coffee shop in a quieter part of London that he got a chance to see her again.

Present:

Niall had been at a few meetings with labels, management, and Ellie, and was finally done for the day. He stopped into his favorite local coffee place for a treat before heading home, walking in and inhaling the scent of roasted coffee beans and pastries. He ordered a dark roast coffee with cream and a hint of brown sugar, and as he waited for his coffee he glanced around the shop. A girl in the corner typing furiously on her laptop caught his eye. She had warm brown hair with natural highlights that caught the light of the sun coming in. Her green eyes focused intently on her task, darting around her screen. Niall knew her instantly. "Hales," he said softly, his chest tightening and a flood of memories hitting him. In three years she had matured a lot, or so it appeared to him. He could tell by the way she moved that her energy was as high as ever, but directed much better. He took his coffee from the barista and walked over to her table. "Haley?" he asked. Her eyes flew up and landed on his, her mouth forming a little round 'o'. "Niall?" She said in a soft but incredulous voice. He nodded. "Hey." He said simply, shoving one hand into the pocket of his jeans. "Oh my god, hi. It's been ages! How are you?" she asked, standing up and opening her arms to hug him. Niall freed his hand and hugged her back, pushing down all of the feelings that came with being so close to her. He smiled. "Couple of years, yeah. I'm good, been keeping busy." He said and she smiled. "Here, sit with me if you have a minute. I'd love to catch up!" she said warmly and he nodded, plopping in the chair across from her. She shut her sticker-covered laptop and he glanced at the articles she had next to her. "I see I'm not the only one who's kept busy. 'The twenty best places in London to go on a budget', 'Where to go to see the real Ireland'. You're a travel writer?" He asked and she grinned. "Sort of. I'm a writer for a publisher that has magazines that highlight the best and lesser known parts of Ireland and England." She explained and he grinned. "That's incredible! I'm so proud of ya. And I hope you don’t mind me saying you look fantastic." He said, Haley blushing. "You do too. I really like that you brought back the dark hair." She said and he smiled, running his hand through it. "Dyeing it was such a hassle and my hair was dead. And I wanted a change after the band went on hiatus." He explained and she nodded. "I get it. Look, Niall, I want to explain something first before we get too into each other's lives." she said and he nodded. "Of course." He said and she looked at him. "I hope you don't think I cut you out of my life and I really, truly am sorry for just vanishing. I found out I was on academic probation and it scared the shit out of me. I was a junior in college and I had to get my act together. It was a wake-up call to focus on school and my future. It wasn't just you that I distanced myself from. It was a lot of people that I realized were negative influences on my life. You weren't a negative influence of course, but you were a bit of a distraction. It was nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. I just wanted to make that clear." She finished with a small sigh, like she'd finally let a weight off her chest and he nodded. "Hales, I completely understand. You did what was best for you, I can't be mad at you for that. And look what came of it. You're a successful writer! That's so amazing. Truthfully I did miss my best friend a lot, but you and I…we kind of come and go when we need to. At the end of the day we'll come back to each other eventually." he said and Haley looked visibly relieved. "Yeah, that’s exactly how I felt." She said, a mutual understanding passing between them. They sat and chatted together for a while, catching up on their lives. Niall explained what he was up to, with the golf management company and the solo album coming together piece by piece. Haley was ecstatic at the very idea. Suddenly Haley's stomach growled. "Oh my god, it's like 5:00." She said with a laugh. They'd been talking for nearly two and a half hours. "Hey, I have an idea. Do you have plans for the night? Maybe you could come over and we could order takeout and watch movies. Like old times?" He offered and Haley smiled. "I don't have plans, and that sounds…heavenly." She said. "Then it's settled. Wanna follow me in your car?" He asked and Haley snorted. "Niall, I take the tube or uber just about everywhere. I can NOT afford a car, plus parking at my apartment complex." She said and he nods sheepishly. "Right, sorry. Well, then you can ride with me." He said and they walked to his car together. They continued their chatting in the car ride, talking about old friends from Mullingar. Haley gasped when they pulled up to Niall's house. "Oh my god, Ni it's gorgeous," She marveled as they pulled into the garage. "I can give you the grand tour." He said, leading her in. They walked from the foyer into the kitchen, Haley making a beeline for the 6-burner stove and double oven. "Oh my god, this is my dream kitchen. I kind of hate you a little bit." She said, letting Niall lead her through the rest of the house. There was the spacious and cozy living room, the inviting dining room, the office, guitar/music room, guest rooms, and then finally his room. Decorated with light greys and soft whites, a plush king bed taking center stage. The cracked door to the adjacent master bathroom revealed a shower big enough for three people. There was a walk-in closet bigger than Haley's first apartment, and she made sure to let him know. "Your house is heaven Ni." She said and he shrugged. "It's home and I love it. It's a big place for just me though. Sometimes I consider getting a dog or a roommate." He said and Haley snorted. "Roommates and dogs are messy." She said and he raised his brows at her. "What are you saying, McMahon?" He asked, being teasingly threatening. "That you're a neat freak." She said and his mouth hung open, a smile in his eyes. "Oh, you're dead." He said, reaching for her. Haley bolted away and down the hallway, laughing as she ran down into the living room with Niall at her heels. He was laughing too as he caught her in the living room, his arms snaking around her waist and lifting her up. They fell onto the couch together and Niall tickled her sides, Haley squealing and laughing uncontrollably. "Ni--stop--I'm gonna pee--oh my god stop!" She gasped and he finally stopped, letting Haley lay on top of him comfortably, like it was how they always were. Like three years hadn't passed. Their eyes met and Haley's breathing quickened, Niall could feel it. He shifted and sat up, worried this was too much too fast for her. They hadn't even acknowledged what they had been in the past. He didn't want to wreck this already. "Wanna order that food?" He asked and she nodded. "Chinese?" She asked and he grinned. "I know just what to get." He said, pulling up his favorite place on grub hub. He ordered dumplings, spring rolls, Lo Mein, sweet and sour chicken, and mu shoo pork for them so they could have plenty to choose from. Once it was ordered he offered Haley a change of clothes, which she declined, and they put on Netflix. Niall hesitantly put his arm around her and he smiled when she leaned into him. "I missed this." She said and he nodded, simply pressing his lips gently to her head. They sat contently, commenting on the movie Niall had picked, until the doorbell rang. Niall got up and paid for the food, bringing it to Haley. Her mouth watered from the smell. "Oh my god, come to momma," she said as Niall took everything out of the bags and handed her chopsticks. Haley had a bite of everything first, like she always did when they got a spread. "This is so good," she said with a mouthful of mu shoo. Niall could only nod as he chowed down too, the silence between them comfortable until they started to eat slower. "I've really missed you," he said and she blushed. "Me too. Thought about you a lot but I had to stay focused." She said and he nodded. "I know. I thought about you a lot too, especially around the hiatus. Some days it felt like my world was coming down around me." He said and Haley's eyebrows knitted. "I'm really sorry Ni. I…I wish I had been there for you when you needed me." She said and he shook his head. "Hales, don't worry. It's alright. Plus, there's plenty coming in the future I'll need you for." He said and she smiled. "So, you dating anyone?" He asked after a brief pause. Haley's green eyes went wide as she stopped chewing her mouthful of dumpling. She finished and swallowed. "Jesus, straight into it. Me? I uh…no. Not at all." She said, embarrassment in her voice. Niall looked at her and chuckled. "Glad to see we're in the same boat." He said and Haley's eyebrows went up. "You? A successful singer, CEO, and 24-year-old Irish hunk? Single? This world baffles me." She said and he laughed. "High praise." He said and she shrugged. "It's all true." She said matter-of-factly. "I'm surprised you're single too. You…you're stunning. You've always been so beautiful, even when we were awkward little teens, but now…there's something about you Hales. You radiate quiet confidence." He said and Haley's cheeks went red. Niall took a breath and then leaped for the topic they'd been avoiding. "I miss us together a lot. Like how we used to be." He said, his eyes conveying what he didn't say out loud. Haley swallowed and her eyes darted down, memories flooding her mind. "You do?" She asked and he nodded. "Yeah, I do. We were uh, pretty good at that weren't we?" he asked with a little chuckle and Haley couldn't help but crack a smile. "Yeah, yeah we were." She said. Their eyes met again and uncertainty hung in the air. They both wanted to reach for the other, to touch and feel that spark ignite again. It was just a matter of trust. Niall could feel the moment passing with every millisecond that slipped by, and he knew if they missed this their chance would be gone for good. He reached for her hand, pulling her into him and pressing his lips to hers. It was all Haley needed to let the wall come down, the familiar feeling of Niall filling her with warmth. His hands threaded into her hair, angling her head just a bit so he could kiss her deeper. She moved forward and situated herself in his lap, her legs around his waist. Niall was so much firmer, thicker, and manly than she remembered. He was the same and different all at once and it intoxicated her. Niall's hands ran over her curves, nudging the hem of her shirt more than once. Haley read his mind and lifted it off deftly, Niall's hands roaming her skin. Her kiss was like good whiskey, spreading through him and waking up his senses. "Oh god," she breathed as his lips coasted down her neck to her collarbones. "It's been ages since anyone even touched me like this Ni." She said and he nodded. "Me too. Nothing has felt this good since our last time." He said, his hot breath washing over her skin. He tugged off his own shirt at Haley's urging, her hands touching every inch of him instantly. "I need you Hales. I need to feel you. Please baby, want you so bad. Even if it's just this last time." He said and Haley looked down. She didn’t say it, but there would be no last time. This was the first time in a long time, the first of many more times to come. "Of course." Was all she said and with that Niall was standing up, carrying Haley with ease up to his bedroom. She took the time to taste the salty skin of his neck and run her hand over his chest hair, smirking. It was only when they were within feet of his bed that she went to that spot under his ear, right by the bend of his jaw, that made his knees buckle. She sucked his skin and butterflies danced in her stomach as Niall moaned, just like he always did when she found that spot. He let her down gently onto his bed and before she uttered a word he was tugging off her jeans, smiling as he saw her familiar tattoos. "I missed these. So fucking beautiful. You're a work of art." He said and kissed her thighs, skipping over her panties and going to her stomach. She still had the bellybutton ring she'd gotten her freshman year. He was glad only some things had changed. He found her lips again and Haley kissed him hungrily, her body absolutely aching for him after three long years. Niall took off his own pants and Haley looked him over for a second, nearly whimpering because she had missed him so much. She took off her bralette and Niall helped her out of her panties, her hips lifting eagerly off the bed. He kissed down her body and parted her legs, going to kneel at the edge of the bed. "Niall--," She said, her breath hitching as he settled himself inches from her heat. "So fucking gorgeous." He mumbled, his tongue licking a wide stripe over her folds. "Taste as good as I remember." He said, licking into her and finding her clit in seconds. Haley's hand flew to his hair and she moaned, Niall's tongue working wonders on her center. "Holy shit, I forgot just how good you are at this, oh GOD Niall, don't stop!" She whined, Niall sliding two fingers inside her. He pumped them slowly at first, lavishing Haley's clit and listening to her moan. Haley begged him for more and he happily obliged, quickening his pace and using his thumb on her clit in faster circles. "Niall, holy fuck, I'm already close, fuck, please, make me come baby." Haley said in a breathy voice, her hand tugging his head closer. He went back to sucking on her clit, his fingers moving easily in her wetness. He grazed his teeth over her clit, just barely, and it was enough to send Haley over the edge, coming hard while crying his name. Niall smiled proudly as he licked her release off his fingers. "That's my girl. Glad to know I can still drive you mad." He said as he kissed his way up her body, loving the hazy look on her face as she came down from her high. Haley threw an arm around his neck and kissed him deeply, feeling his hard cock through the thin fabric of his boxers against her leg. "Need you." She said and that was all Niall needed to hear. He stood up to take off his boxers, Haley watching his hard cock hit his stomach as she moved up the bed. She moaned as Niall climbed onto the bed and hovered over her. "Jesus, you look so fucking good Ni. I can't even believe it. I need you." She said, Niall leaning down to kiss her. Haley's legs parted as they kissed and Niall lined himself up. "Gonna go slow love. Don't know how long I'll last." He said with a hint of a smile and Haley matched it to reassure him. He began to slowly push inside her, both of them moaning. Haley's hand gripped his arm, Niall feeling her nails dig into his skin. He finally bottomed out and waited for the tenseness to leave Haley's body, kissing her neck and chest, one of his hands rubbing slow circles over her nipple. After a few minutes Haley was kissing him eagerly and moving her hips. Niall began to slowly thrust, pulling out almost all the way and then bottoming out inside her. He groaned as they moved together. "So fucking tight Hales, god it's just like I remember. Feels like heaven. Like home." He said. The words washed over Haley and she smiled. He was right, it did feel like home. It felt warm and safe and familiar and everything she needed. "You fill me so good Ni, so much better than anyone. Feels so perfect." She said, few more words exchanged between them for the next few minutes. Their lips met, Niall's tongue sweeping into her mouth and tasting her just like before. His hands roamed her body, touching every inch so he would never forget it. Haley practically lost herself in Niall, exploring him equally. Her hands drifted down his back, feeling the muscles under his sweaty skin flex as he thrusted steadily into her. Neither one of them cared about how much time was passing, only about getting reacquainted with the other. Eventually, Niall's pace started to become faster and unsteady. "Oh god hales, I'm so close baby. Been holding off as much as I can but fuck, you feel so fucking amazing." He said and Haley nodded, her breathing shallow. "I'm close too Ni, so close. Wanna come with you." She said and he nodded, reaching down to rub her clit with his thumb. Within seconds the coil in Haley snapped, her orgasm overtaking her. Niall only caught a glimpse of her face before he came too, stalling inside her and painting her walls. They called each other's names, her hand gripping his shoulder and Niall squeezing her hip. Niall collapsed onto her, seeing stars as he panted. Haley breathed deeply, her body shaking from the intensity of everything. She threaded a hand in the soft hair at the nape of his neck, combing through it gently. It took a few minutes for them both to be coherent again. "That was…everything." Niall said into her neck and she nodded. "Just like old times." She said with a smirk and he chuckled. They fell into silence for a few more minutes before Niall took a breath and spoke. "Hales…if you only want this to be a convenience thing, like before, I…I don’t think I can do that. I can't just have a few moments with you every few months. I want…everything with you. Every moment. If you only want hookups, then this was the last time." He said. Haley could feel the hesitation in his voice, he was just waiting for her to confirm what he didn't want to be true. Haley looked down at him. "Niall, I don't want just a hookup. For fuck's sake I -- I love you. I'm so fucking in love with you. I don't want this to be the last time. I want this to be the first of a lot more times. I want everything too." She said, Niall's eyes going wide. "You love me?" He said in disbelief and she nodded. Niall's face broke into a grin. "I love you too. I always have. I didn't want to scare you off by saying it." He said and they leaned in at the same time for a soft kiss, Niall smiling into her swollen lips. "Never letting you get away again." He said and Haley nodded. "I don't plan on going anywhere."

[eliyora]

Toph is white coded, it would be a far more compelling story for Toph if she was black, whites simply don't understand what it means to struggle, even disabled whites have it better than fully functioning minorities. I am glad that Disney has realized that white people can;t empathize with non-whites struggle, #HalleBaileyMermaid.

So, let me get this straight. A disabled person is only actually struggling if they aren’t white. If they’re of a certain skin color, then their struggles aren’t struggling enough to understand what it’s like to struggle. So it doesn’t actually matter what someone is genuinely dealing with in their every day life. The ONLY thing that matters is that they aren’t white. Right? RIGHT?!

To all others, yes I realize this is likely bait, but I do NOT sit on my hands when someone is disregarding the day-to-day difficulties of disabled people based on race. Because hey, guess what the fuck that is? That’s right boys and girls! IT’S RACISM!!!

“But you can’t be racist against white people! White isn’t a race! White people are inherently advantaged in society! Systemic power plus not a race means it’s impossible to be racist to them!”

FUCK RIGHT OFF THE END OF MY GIRL DICK YOU PIECES OF SHIT!!!

White isn’t a race... I cannot tell you the number of times I’ve had this argument thrown at me and I all I can say is bullshit. White is a race, unless you’re trying to tell me that white isn’t a color. And if you are, I’m gonna tell you again to fuck right off. If we want to be absolutely technical, and it’s  gonna seem like I’m going on a tangent but bear with me, white is the full spectrum of color in one. White light is ALL colors. Black is actually the absence of color. So yeah, wrap your brain around that one. If you want to argue that white isn’t a race, you’re saying white isn’t a color, which basic color theory will disprove faster than your racist heads spun after being bitch slapped with the idiot paddle.

White people are inherently advantaged in society... Right. And I suppose that’s why all of my white friends are having a hella shit time trying to find jobs these days. I suppose that’s why white people can be discriminated against without repercussion because if you dared to try to imply even HALF of the shit people say about white people these days against a person of any other ethnicity, you would be roasted alive without mercy. I suppose this white societal advantage is just something my poor, weak black mind cannot comprehend, right?

So yeah, blind girl Toph in a cartoon that is patently, blatantly openly Asian-inspired is CLEARLY white and that makes her blindness so much less of a struggle because REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASONS.

And the best part? The absolute fucking crown jewel of all of this? Ariel being white or black has literally ZERO to do with this conversation. What, her voice gets magically stolen for three days. OH THE STRUGGLE OF A MUTE PERSON IS SO MUCH MORE REAL BECAUSE LOOK HOW DARK HER SKIN IS NOW!!!

You fucking racist bigot.

[wishingforatypewriter]

A Tale of Two Friend Groups (Part 2)

Summary: The World Culinary Conference progresses, and both Souma and Megumi receive offers they can’t refuse. (Chapter 7 of Between Us) 

Let the record show that absolutely no part of Hayama Akira was trying to get out of bed on the first morning of the World Culinary Conference. Only the laminated business proposals in his bag and the smell of French roast wafting from coffee maker compelled him get up despite his pounding headache.

This would be the last time he ever listened to Alice. About anything.

“It’s about time you got up,” Hisako said as she glanced up from her ironing.  “The first set talks starts in an hour.” Once satisfied with the state of her blouse, she put it on over her camisole and started buttoning it.

Akira was not particularly surprised that he’d ended up sleeping with his ex after the long night of clubbing; that was more or less consistent with how they’ve interacted with each other since graduation. What he found shocking was the fact that he spent the night in her hotel room, and that she didn’t seem the slightest bit hungover.

“Why are you not dead?”

“I’m invincible,” she said, deadpan, before walking over to the room’s mini-fridge. Then she tossed a plastic bottle filled with an unidentified green liquid in his general direction. “And I’ve perfected my hangover cure.”

Akira smirked despite himself. Leave it to Arato to be the only one prepared for last night’s endeavors. “I hate you.” He took a sip, and almost instantly the room stopped spinning. “You should sell this.”

Hisako shook her head as she donned her blazer. “It’s part of a larger concept,” she said. “Part cafe, part restaurant. And not all of us put our best ideas up for sale.”

Akira shook his head. There it was again—this same fight. “What is it that you have against making a profit?”

“Nothing. I just think protecting one’s intellectual property is more valuable in the long run,” she said.

“That may be true,” he conceded. “But some of us have to think about the short run, too.”

Hisako rolled her eyes at this, and for a moment it looked like she was really going to lay into him, like she hadn’t in years, but instead she just sighed. “I’m just saying, this is not a field in which everything should be about making money. What we do sustains the body, creates life. There’s an art to it.”

Akira glanced at her for a moment. Her no-nonsense attitude made it easy to forget how idealistic she was, how much she appreciated beauty in the world. If only she knew how much her pragmatic father cared about cash and bloodlines—at least enough to make some very convincing threats.

In the end, he merely shrugged at her assertions. “If I do what I need to now, then my children can be artists.”

Hisako seemed to consider this for a moment, her cheeks turning faintly pink. Where had her mind gone this time?

“Y-you’re hopeless, you know,” she stammered out after a pause. “Anyway, good luck with the investors and such. I should meet Erina downstairs. Let yourself out whenever.”

Tadokoro Megumi was not one to indulge in self-praise, but as she watched the Polar Star glow under the right lighting, with the right guests filling the building with laughter as they dined on just the right menu, she was forced to admit that she’d outdone herself this time.

“Another top-notch event by Tadokoro Megumi,” Chef Doujima Gin said as he approached her on the balcony.

“I can’t take all the credit,” she replied, more out of habit than anything else. “Yuki-chan and the others helped out a lot.”

Doujima smiled at her knowingly, and then glanced out at the crowd out in the garden once more. “How has New York been treating you and Yukihira?”

“It’s very busy, but I like living there,” she said, smiling for a moment as she thought about the memories they’d made, the shitty little apartment they’d turned into a home. “However, I have a feeling we won’t be there for much longer.”

“I take it that Yukihira is looking to open his own place, World Culinary Conference and all.”

“Please don’t say anything to Shinomiya-senpai,” Megumi urged.

“Of course not.” Doujima laughed. “Not that I can see someone like him taking offense to a young talent doing what all chefs ought to do. So, what will you do when he opens his restaurant?”

Megumi shrugged, shocked and annoyed in equal parts when she realized she hadn’t thought much about that. “I’ll help him out if he needs it, or take a job in the kitchen of another hotel.”

Doujima nodded a few times. “Can I speak frankly with you for a moment, Tadokoro-san?”

“Of course, chef.”

“I think you should come work for me,” he said. “I believe that the deputy director position is right for you. It would offer you the challenge and the autonomy necessary for you to reach your full potential as a chef and hospitality specialist.”

Megumi clasped her hands in front of her to keep them from trembling. She had assumed that the offer would be something she told her grandchildren about offhandedly in fifty years or so—a story of the thing she could have done, the life that could’ve been hers.

She couldn’t believe that it was happening again.

“I-I’m honored by the prospect, as I was the last time you mentioned it to me, but—”

“You don’t have to answer right away,” Doujima told her, handing her a business card. “Take some time to think it over.”

With that, Doujima Gin left to rejoin the party, leaving Megumi alone with her thoughts. Or at least, she thought she was alone until none other than Yoshino Yuki pounced on her.

“Megumi, Megumi, MEGUMI!” she cried, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

Oh, no.

“Y-Yuki-chan, how much of that did you overhear?” she asked, although she could tell by the sparkles in her friend’s eyes that she knew everything.

“This job is gonna make you a total VIP. Just think about all the parties you’ll be invited to, all the hotels, and the conferences, and—” Yuki trailed off and stopped jumping. She looked Megumi up and down. “And you’re going to say no? Why?”

“I can’t just drop everything and move back to Tokyo,” she said with a sigh. “I have a job. I have a boyfriend.”

At this, Yuki’s eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. “This is about Yukihira, isn’t it?”

“Yuki-chan—”

“Don’t get me wrong, you and Yukihira are hashtag relationship goals, but you can’t seriously be thinking about letting an opportunity like this pass you by because of a boy!”

Megumi thought of the way Yuki had ended things with Marui the moment she’d gotten her job offer in Munich, the way Arato-san put her breakup with Hayama-kun on her friggin Google calendar so nothing would keep her from her dream job in Geneva. Was she a fool? Was there some memo that she’d missed? Was this what had been in that Totsuki Women’s Association newsletter Hojo-san used to send out?

“I,” she started, her voice faltering. “I don’t want to break up with him.”

“Nobody said break up,” Yuki told her. “Just talk to him. Say, ‘Listen, I’ve been supporting you this whole time, no matter what type of crazy shit you decided to do, and now it’s my turn.’ If he doesn’t want this for you, he’s not worth your time.”

“I know,” Megumi said. “I know. It would be crazy to say no to this for the second time.”

“The second time?”

And at that particular moment, Megumi realized precisely how much catching up she and her friends had to do.

The conference proceedings broke for lunch at one, and Erina could tell as soon as Yukihira Souma reached their table at The Duchess that his meeting with the investors had gone well.

“I take it that I was right to order champagne.” Erina took off her sunglasses and placed them atop her hair.

The little fool couldn’t stop smiling, and the Nakiri heiress bit the inside of her cheek to stave off her own grin.

“Details. Now,” she said.

“It’s gonna be in Paris,” he said. “St. Germain.”

“That’s competitive territory,” she told him. “As I’m sure you know, the original Shino’s and Eden by Tsukasa Eishi are in the same district. A lackluster opening would make it very easy to go bankrupt and fold within a year.”

Yukihira shook his head at her. “Do you always have to be so negative?”

Erina merely shrugged as their waiter came along to pour the champagne and take their orders. “Negativity is my gift to you,” she said after a sip of bubbly. “Without it, I bet you’d carry on like a Disney protagonist.”

“You’re the worst,” he told her. “But I appreciate it.”

“You better,” she replied, rolling her eyes. There were people in this world who paid inordinate amounts of money for the advice she tossed his way for free.

“So, what’s your next move, Nakiri?” he asked. “People have been asking when you’re gonna take over the academy. Or the world.”

Erina gave a little laugh at this. “The world is mine already. Ask about the academy in fifty years or so.” She had way too much living to do before she considered becoming headmaster of Totsuki. “This stays between us,” she said in a warning tone.

“Naturally.”

“I’ve been playing with a restaurant concept for a while now. The site’s already under construction, but I won’t be ready for it for another year or two.”

“Really, where?”

“Madrid.”

“Nice,” he said, smirking at her. “I bet you’re glad you didn’t choose Paris, huh?”

“I’m actually a little sad,” she conceded. “It’d be fun to run you and your peasant eatery out of business.”

“You’ve been saying shit like that for years, but I’m still waiting on that soul-crushing defeat you promised.”

“Keep testing me, and you’ll get it sooner rather than later,” she said. “Congratulations, though. I hope you don’t fuck it up.”

When Megumi came home from the airport, the apartment was filled with the savory scent of beef and rich lardons. The table was set with red wine and candles and the good silverware her mother had given them before they moved to New York.

This did not bode well.

The plan, which she had gone over extensively with Yuki and Ryoko before boarding her flight, had been to get straight to the point. She was going to tell him that Chef Doujima had made her an incredible offer, that she was going to take it, and that she wanted him to come with her. But a romantic dinner would definitely complicate things.

She dropped her duffel bag in the living room and padded over to the kitchen, where her boyfriend was plating two servings of boeuf bourguignon. A smile found its way onto her face. That was the first dish they ever made together, way back in their first year at Totsuki. She had known since then that he was something special.

“How was your flight?” he asked once he saw her.

“It was alright,” she replied. “Should I change?”  she asked when she noticed he was wearing a light blue button down shirt and black jeans that one might mistake for dress pants in the right lighting. She looked down at her leggings and hoodie questioningly.

“Nah,” he said. “Just sit down.”

Megumi, who had spent the last several hours hustling through airports and subway stations, did not have to be told twice.

“What’s the occasion for all this?” she asked.

“I just missed you.”

Megumi raised an eyebrow. She knew that he had only gotten in a few hours earlier, and must have gotten to work as soon as he arrived. “Are you sure that’s all?”

Souma chuckled a little bit at this, and then reached across the table to take her hand. Despite the range of emotions Megumi had been feeling lately, the gesture made her heart start beating double time. “I can never get anything past you.”

“And I don’t know why you try,” she replied. “So what happened in Amsterdam? Besides jello shots with Alice, anyway.”

He winced. “You saw that?”

“All over Instagram,” she said.

“Are you mad?”

“Of course not,” she said, feeling a tiny twinge of guilt. He never kept anything from her. Megumi sighed. She supposed it was really time for some radical honesty on her end. “But I was a little annoyed when I first saw it. I know it’s perfectly normal for us to go out separately, but I felt kind of left out, and I missed you. And...whenever I see you with Nakiri-san, I just…” She sighed. Honesty was hard.

“Megs, I haven’t felt anything for Nakiri since we were second years.”

“I know,” she said. “It’s silly, but...I’ve always felt like...like someone like her would be your endgame.”

“Megumi, you are my endgame. I don’t want to be with anyone besides you, ever. You’ve had my back since day one. I can’t even imagine my life without you.”

Megumi felt her eyes welling up with tears; was it even possible to love somebody this much?  

“So where are we moving to set up your new restaurant?” she asked. She had known before he left that he’d come home with some extraordinary offer.

“Paris, if you want to,” he said, leaning down to kiss her hand. “Only if you want to.”

“I want to go wherever you go,” she said, and meant it, knowing that she would turn down Chef Doujima’s golden offer for the second time.

As for the rest of the night, the romantic dinner would go uneaten, and they would spend the next several hours perfecting their French.