#what's his fucking problem help

[royaltea000]

I love Bai Long Ma he truly don’t gaf

[tea-cat-arts]

I simply think this fandom doesn't give Wei Wuxian enough credit for the various ways in which he saved Lan Wangji

[zarnzarn]

Penelope owns a golden chain.

It is a thick, large piece with two cuffs connected to one end of it, made of robust metal that still shines beautifully years later. It stretches perhaps some four metres, at most, and the clasp in the middle allows her to twist it tighter if she wants it to. The blacksmith she had commissioned it from had given her two copies of the key- one of which she'd tossed off of a high cliff, and the other that she keeps safe in a locked box in her room.

It can clasp to her bed, to the throne and to the bath flooring. She had it enchanted by a witch on the run from a neighbouring kingdom in exchange for security, to never cross the limits of the shoreline- so she never loses it, she'd said. She had won a favour off an alchemist in a bet and gotten it spelled to never break. She polishes it every day carefully to look it's best before she leaves the room.

It has only one use.

"I will hobble you like a horse," She hisses to her husband when he returns to her after twenty years. Adjusts herself and leans down to whisper in his ear, "I will chain you down like a common beast, cut out that silver tongue of yours so you can no longer get into trouble, break your fucking legs."

The chain clinks as Odysseus gasps for air. Penelope smiles and traces the edge of his adoring, breathless grin. "You are not allowed to leave me ever again."

Penelope owns a golden chain.

It looks wonderful around her husband's feet.

[starry-bi-sky]

DPXDC Idea: Mother of Monsters Dan(yal)

Specifically Fem!Dan because I made this in mind with my Fem Danyal Au bUT. The best part about Dan is that I get to play dress up with her, and Fem Dark Dany is gonna go by Layal (pronounced lae-el) because it means "the nights" and it sounds similar to Danyal, and I think she'd choose that name to mock Dany. ANYWAYS

Mother of Monsters Danyal. She may be evil but she's an Al Ghul at her core (even with vlad's soul merged with hers - however, considering that Layal looks and sounds like Dany, she considers that soul to be the more dominant one.) and loves animals. And she might be heartless, but she adores the monsters of the infinite realms.

Mother of Monsters Layal who hates everyone but utterly dotes and adores on every manner of beast she comes across. Stealing the eggs and infant young beasts of the Infinite Realms to raise as her own because she wanted them. Her own island full of monsters, a monstrous menagerie of her own. She steals most often from poachers or exotic pet keepers and other menageries -- the full grown beasties can keep their young.

And with every monster she raises, she can shapeshift their features onto herself, allowing her to change her shape from humanish to any matter of monster or hybrid creature. She calls herself their mother, and them her children. Her precious little babies, capable of incredible mass destruction and mayhem.

From little griffins the size of kittens, to stymphalian vulture chicks, and leviathan young hatching from eggs the size of her pinkie, to creatures native of the ghost zone that didn't even have names in the living realm. There really wasn't a limit to what or who she would take in and she didn't limit herself to any form of mythology. If they were beasts and they were unwanted, she wanted them. And as such, amassed her own mini army of "children" willing to listen to her any command.

Earth doesn't know what hit it when she attacks them.

There are many monstrous forms she could take on, the first one I've thought of is a combination of various serpentine/reptilian features. The body of a naga -- her lower half long and serpentine, her upper still human -- with spiked fins connecting from the bottom of her arms to her sides, ever seen Sinbad where Eris goes "you might have seen my likeness on the temple walls" and her arms do that fin thingy? Same concept. Her hands are webbed and taloned, perfect for slicing through the skin of the living, and her teeth are needle-sharp and shark like. Her hair can either be spiny and feathery-like like the spines of a lionfish, or frilled like a frilled-neck lizard. It's perfect for dealing and doting on her reptilian and amphibian-inclined darlings.

I'm more of a fan of aus where Dan is a sibling of Danny's rather than their kid, so Layal's redemption(..?? probation?) proceeds with her legally becoming Danyal's "twin" sister, who had been lost to the foster system before the Fentons adopted Dany, and was only recently reunited with her. The two of them look so alike that the lie is easy to take root and spread.

Layal is very indignant to the fact that she's now ten years in the past and has to restart her menagerie all over again. Do you know how much blood and sweat went into raising those children? How dare you separate them from their mummy. Although she'll admit she does miss their juvenile years, so she won't mind (too much) needing to raising them again. Dany is helping her retrieve all of them though, dammit.

long story short: epic the musical's "Scylla" has a CHOKEHOLD on me and this is the result of it

Unlike her Dan counterpart, Layal's voice is dancing and sirenic. It's purposely alluring and motherly, in order to lure people into a false sense of security until she feeds them to her "children." Echidna doesn't have shit on her. She almost seems friendly and reasonable, until you get too close and realize it was all an act and she drops it to metaphorically swallow you whole. She's like an anglerfish that way. She and Dany both sound like Scylla from Epic.

[aaaaanndbackstabbed]

Della: ARE YOU-

Launchpad: fucking.

Della: KIDDING ME?! YOU-

Launchpad: fucking.

Della: IDIOT!

Goldie:…now, what was that?

Launchpad: Donald banned Della from swearing so I’m helping her out

[b0nelessdoodles]

some future bits of creme uni where sm grabs two of pv's patients and makes them start fighting for reasons that he does not explain to his husband beforehand and he will get his head ripped off about (literally)

as always more details in the tags

(non-text version 'cause its fuckin' funny)

[lanccelot]

merlin canonically being magic incarnate is fun because there are so many different ways to interpret it (the argument of "does the fact that he's literally the living incarnation of a force of nature make him a deity or is he classified as some other species of Being" for example) but i gotta say the "being magic itself makes him its god" idea is really hysterical to me because you have to wonder if the triple goddess is mad at him for killing her priestesses. right. like do you think they've been at odds with each other ever since merlin killed nimueh and merlin isn't really Aware of it (because he was still thinking of it in human terms, i.e. him vs. the individual priestesses instead of him vs. the triple goddess) until he's lived a few more centuries and actually begins to grasp the scale of things. but he's still kind of wretched about everything regarding camelot because he's only a Few Centuries Old and that's nothing compared to the grand scheme of things so he and the triple goddess are now officially Arguing with each other. with both parties aware of it. it's reminiscent of two siblings refusing to talk to each other at the dinner table. silent treatment that lasts for millennia. the spirit of the land of albion in the middle like "Kids could you lighten up a little" etc. etc.

[sunlitlemonade]

i want to write jason & natalia but head so scattered.....

[just-sp-in-inginthevoid]

AU where Sanzu goes to juvie with S62 after Kanto incident

57 dead, 63 injured

[wolfwarrior142]

My guy don't describe the random lost scientist guy that way to Rayla of all people. That literally just describes Callum.

[butch-bakugo]

Why are vetted accounts sending people stuff like this.

I mean it's clearly copy-pasted and sent to multiple people but this isn't even a donations ask. Imma guess the reason people aren't responding is because you're accusing them of not doing enough for Palestine and sending it to multiple people who you clearly don't check because I've been posting about and for Palestine since oct 7th when I learned about it.

Also yes he is looking for donations, you can check his account and find it. Why are you sending this guilt trippy stuff to people and accusing them of not caring enough? You don't know me? You send these to multiple people so your clearly not checking the account in question. This dose nothing to help you personally or the Palestinian cause, it just pisses people off and makes them question vetters.

[solidwater05]

I've been trying and failing to come up with a good Shadow Crystal Battat concept because that man would never admit he's trapped. You can't get him to ramble about freedom because he will do anything to not have to think about how he's trapped in a prison of his own making. Which is thematically appropriate but doesn't make for great dialogue

[sweetevoltrap]

Sylus saying "...don't run" to MC when they're finally being openly honest about their desire for one another and their trust and shared spaces.

[jacqcrisis]

uuuuuuhhhhh I've thinking about a jayvik au in the same magic realism universe that Left Turn is set in. Two people doing probably illegal magic research for generally good reasons in a world with strict oversight in these matters by two separate governmental entities alongside class disparity, restrictive social/cultural norms, a shady underbelly... they fit well in that. Lower the stakes so they aren't working on anything too world changing but still enough where there's tension and navigating a system very much set up against them and obviously two like mind dudes who would have never met meeting and falling head over ass for each other.

And Viktor is easy to slot in there. There's a lower class of witches barred from a lot of their own society due to pissing off the Fae Powers That Be for one of several reasons. Viktor comes from one of these families, while also probably being First Born, which means his mother (or father if mom died in childbirth) refused to give him over to the Fae, which leads to exile. Womp womp. Grows up, probably falsifies information and identity to get into a university and eventually land a government internship. On top of that, magic is a physically debilitating force on the human body with a lot of witches who work in magical research developing lifelong disabilities from the toll their work has taken on their body. A fact that could exacerbate Viktor's pre-existing condition and also give him the drive for possibly wanting to delve into some more illegal research to fix or slow that.

and then you have Jayce, who I can't place just yet. Is he Regular Guy who isn't a witch but became aware of magic due to an event at a young age and has been seeking out how to harness that power? Or is he from a middle class witch family, looking to make something better for the world after his dad died of something preventable while also being subject to the usual expectations of a young man in witch society? I don't know. Torn on that. Thinking about it.

Anyways, similar story beats to canon at the start. Jayce gets caught doing something Probably Illegal, Viktor is on scene to check it out for Department of Not Letting Dudes Do Weird Magic Shit, figures out what exactly this handsome dumbass is up to, they strike a deal, Viktor vouches for Jayce and says actually, he wasn't doing anything wrong, Jayce avoids either exile or having his memory wiped, and now its crime boy time. Straight up crime boy nerd hours where illegal magic is done, detection is evaded, and love is fallen into.

Probably. Maybe. I just...need to write out my thoughts so far. Idea thats been in my head for a few days now.

[sockdooe]

If I hear or see one more “Shiro should’ve stayed dead to allow the other characters to grow!” I’m gonna SCREAM