#when you're disabled you develop weird coping and humor

[brightlotusmoon]

February 2024: Whoa, was it that long ago?

Update: I no longer like Joseph Campbell.

So, I woke up from an odd pain-filled dream. I was back in my early twenties. And I was hanging out with Bayverse Mikey, now a Young Adult Mutant Ninja Turtle. He had given me a shell back ride to a rooftop so we could talk.

I was quieter than usual, so he rubbed my back, and suddenly I burst into tears and confessed that nobody really liked my writing and readers were just being polite.

He took my face in his hands and said, "Those are blinking slices of your own dopamine deprived amygdala and adrenal medulla crying out for healing. Don't berate yourself for these roller coaster moments of anxiety, but rather ask your centers of emotions what they need to be relieved and less inflamed."

I joked that he could be Donnie's assistant at this point, and his eyes darkened slightly, with a mischievous glint. He gave a half smile and said, "But I am. I have been for a long time."

He started quoting Joseph Campbell, "The Hero With A Thousand Faces" and then slipped into Terry Pratchett, "Hogfather" and it made me grin because those are two of my favorite books.

"Maybe," he said, "You and I can study psychology together, because neuropsychology sounds awesome - and didn't you and Master Splinter keep saying I'm empathic? And clairvoyant? We could work on that!" And he gave me a hug, engulfing me.

I opened my mouth to say something, and I woke up.

I'm still feeling weird and kind of sad about my fics getting very few comments, but damn if I feel a lot better about my own mental blocks and illusions and my own depression's attempts to make me dislike myself.

[brightlotusmoon]

Oh, it's sciatica. Also, hip bursitis and all that, but the sciatica is at the top because it's screaming the loudest. And this time it's the left leg. Already full of spastic hypertonia, chondromalacia, arthritis, tendonitis.

Ha ha, watch me try to walk. Fucking cripple.

The trick is to gently insult your pain under your breath. Or out loud if you want. I call my overall pain Dude a lot.

[itsclydebitches]

(Not "Tai's Joke Anon" but on that topic) I agree with you on pretty much everything: Yang being very obviously a victim in her situation and not responsible for what Adam did doesn't mean Yang is no longer reckless. Ruby growing increasingly irresponsibly reckless in V6-onward doesn't mean Yang is no longer reckless. Ruby and Blake having made strategical blunders doesn't mean Yang is no longer reckless. Weiss's "accidental magic" emotional semblance use doesn't mean Yang is no longer reckless. It feels silly to act like Yang can't have flaws just because she was a victim and others also have flaws. I think you're right about all this.

That said, I do have to agree with the other anon that I think Tai's 'joke' was horrific. I was shocked and angry when I first heard it, and not even writing Yang to laugh made me feel any better about it. I recognize that humor is a valid way for people to cope, but imo, it should be up to the victim to decide when joking is appropriate (like in Yang and Nora's arm-wrestling match) and not the able-bodied person currently yelling at her about not being ready for the world. Plus, even if it was okay for him to joke about her situation, the joke itself seemed heartless. He not only is using humor to speak over her and tell her what she is and isn't capable of, but he throws in a jab at her intelligence, too.

I like Tai. I really do. He's probably my favorite RWBY parent. And I liked Yang's recovery arc, outside of that line. And I have a lot of respect for you (and this hasn't made me lose any or anything, jsyk) and I agree with basically everything else you've said. But I'm sorry, I think that joke was crossing a line, and while I agree that it isn't entirely fair to judge 4-5 by 6-8 standards, I do think that the recent pattern of blatant, admitted ableism in the Penny and Ironwood arcs, with the added bonus line of Yang telling the audience that humanity stops at flesh and everything else is 'just extra,' makes the joke seem even less like an unfortunate blunder on RT's part, and more like the first sign in what would eventually develop into a long history of ableist writing that, at this point, can no longer be denied.

Aww thanks, anon! 💜 Yeah, as said, it’s a very contentious choice and it looks less and less like a positive the more RWBY goes on. Back in Volume 4 it was a (mostly) isolated moment that some fans enjoyed and others absolutely did not. However, four years later, it’s now a part of a pattern. For some that moment, if it was ever okay, will retroactively be made worse by what comes later (particularly Yang’s “extra” line). For some, if it was ever okay, it will be an example of when RWBY was writing disability better, further proof of how far the show has fallen. For some, if it was never okay, Volumes 5-8 just made it a thousand times worse. Congratulations, RWBY. You took what we thought was a one-off misstep and turned it into a whole philosophy. Nice work!

For me, I’m.. all the camps at once? lol. I enjoy nuance in media and that moment, for me, does have nuance. In that yes, we’re supposed to believe it has crossed a line. There’s a reason why the scene gives us shocked expressions. Not just Yang’s but Port and Oobleck’s too. Omg, how could you say that? 

And then we get our answer. The answer is not, as we assume in this moment, that Tai is a horrible person who insults his daughter without cause, but rather because Tai knows his daughter. He’s making a point here. Yang is arguing that she’s an adult now, ready for the real world, and Tai is arguing that this doesn’t mean she’s ready to run off on her own. If she honestly believes that, she’s lost those braincells along with the arm. He isn’t telling her she isn’t capable, he’s telling her (as my previous posts have argued) that she’s thinking recklessly right now. The implication is that of course she’s smarter than that. Smart is what he expects of her. So stop for a moment and consider whether what you’re saying is, in fact, smart. And provides that reminder in a way that normalizes her arm. After this will be the first time Yang has really talked about it, after it became something to joke about, not just tiptoe around. 

Things have been escalating, they’re yelling, Tai makes his point via an insult... and with a smile to lessen the sting.  

And then Yang smiles too. 

(Though I also think there’s a case to be made that neither really meant their “argument.” It feels very posturing to me, the chance to just go at each other for the fun of it, not because they actually feel that strongly about either position. It’s a form of play between them.) 

I agree wholeheartedly that the victim should be in control of the humor and that’s perhaps my biggest criticism here. The scene is meant to show how well Tai knows his daughter, he’s so sure this will cut the tension... but what if he’s wrong? This could have indeed backfired spectacularly and then yeah, Tai would need to apologize for that and not repeat such behavior in the future. In a perfect world no one would ever make that kind of misstep, but people (and characters) aren’t perfect. I like that Tai is shown to take a risk with humor. That he’s not some generic Good Father Figure who only approaches trauma with the Certified Approved Approaches. This risk makes him feel human and, notably, it paid off. He chose his intimate knowledge of Yang’s personality over the generalized advice, “Treat someone with that trauma with the upmost respect and care.” That works for me personally  — emphasis on personally  — because I’m like Yang. I have friends and family who say things that sound so unimaginably insulting to outsiders about the most sensitive subjects in my life... but that’s because they know me and know I’m cool with it. That, in a weird and human way, it helps me to process the horrible things going on. Tai knows Yang and knows she’d be cool with it too. And she is! Not to attribute agency to fictional character written by, as we’ve seen, authors with a very iffy handle on disability, but I think it’s important to let Yang speak for herself. The scene is written to show that she enjoys this, that it’s what she needs, and it’s always felt weird to me to go, “No, it’s horrible and never should have happened” when clearly Yang draws a benefit and gives it her stamp of approval. The nuance is that sometimes people cope in ways that don’t work for others, are insulting to others, may even seem harmful to others... but if it works for Yang, as a disabled woman, who are we to say, “No, you’re doing disability wrong”?  

But of course, that’s all in that context of our incredibly flawed writers who, as far as I know, are not disabled themselves. So I 1000% understand why others are not at all comfortable with this scene. And certainly no one needs to be. I do want to be clear, in such a meta-filled blog, that my own love of analyzing this show is by no means meant as a, “This is the right interpretation.” I don’t think the “right” interpretation exists, let alone for a moment as charged as this one, trying to represent huge swaths of people at once. I think a scene can cross a line and be a powerful choice simultaneously, depending on who is watching it and what that person needs. Like the question of whether Ruby is endangering people or heroically saving them, whether Ironwood had a phenomenal downfall or was slammed into OOC territory, whether RWBY’s “rule of cool” creates an inconsistent mess or a fun and thrilling adventure not burdened by what it put down before... so much of how we experience media is a result of not the media itself, but us. Our experiences, our normality, our needs, whether we’re choosing to read a scene on its own or in the context of a whole series. Since no two people are the same and, even if they were, they might be coming at this with different intentions, a single scene can read radically differently to them both. 

That and my own enjoyment of the moment aside though, yeeeeeeah, the more RWBY messes up its disability rep the more it reflects badly on... well, everything. At this point, the blatant problems are a blight on the current volumes, the past volumes, the previously good rep, previously bad rep, previously debatable rep, and everything in between. 

[brightlotusmoon]

Re: The Owl House having a parental figure tell their child that their disability is a part of them and every part of them is loved.

First of all, jaw drop in gen xer because while my parents were completely loving, most parents were not.

Also, Jesus Fucking Christ finally a cartoon letting its neurodivergent queer characters face family abuse and trauma and begin to resolve it with fluff coated in emotional hurt/comfort?! WE DIDN'T HAVE THIS WHEN WE WERE KIDS.

[brightlotusmoon]

Someone sent this to me and forgot it was my reblog.

Walk in on parents having a heated debate.

Am worried for a bit. Are they fighting?

Realize parents are having a heated debate on whether or not goats can climb trees.

Immediately side with mom, because I know goats can fuckin climb fucking ANYTHING because I remember the “crave that mineral” meme with the goat on the vertical cliff face apparently levitating to achieve the mineral it craves.

who fuckin says the internet never taught me anything

Dad has to leave to go back to work. Leaves convinced that no, goats can’t climb trees, they’re goats, they stay on the ground.

Once he’s gone, youtube search “Moroccan Tree Goats.” Find self-explanatory video of several goat up in a fuckin tree like some Dr. Seuss shit.

Mom looks at me like it’s the proudest she’s ever been of me in her life, including my university graduation

She emails it to him. At work. My dad will get a video of Moroccan goats screaming in a tree at his place of business, with the subject line “I TOLD YOU SO.”

Mom triumphantly yells to the empty house, “THIS IS WHY PEOPLE IN THE BIBLE THOUGHT GOATS WERE THE DEVIL.”

Another ordinary day in my house.

[brightlotusmoon]

I hate being this weak and inflamed and fatigued, and I want to take it out on characters, but that means writing, and my fingers are tired. Stephen King promised us a telepathic word processor and I'm still waiting.

[brightlotusmoon]

In an ND FB page, a fellow GenX adult diagnosed ADHD Autistic wrote this:

A neurodivergent person listening to music and imagining complex animations with characters from their hyperfixations has no age, I'm in my late 30s

And I admit I too was in my late 30s before even realizing how common that was. And someone else said, "that's what AMV was about" and yeah.

Someone once asked if that was how I meditated. Actually, yes, absolutely.

[brightlotusmoon]

"Your dark history is not a hindrance ... grab hold of it."

"...I learned to accept this darkness and use it. So harness your darkness, and be magnificent. All of you."

"When I'm working on my writing, it lets me put my feelings, thoughts, fears, all those things into a different, more tangible form. It's easier to grapple with that way."

"...and both those feelings can exist at the same time."

[brightlotusmoon]

Oh hey, I wrote this a year ago and forgot until it got Liked and Reblogged recently. See, kids, this is how you store your Tumblr memories: mutual kudos.

analyzing culturally important shitposts from an autistic perspective. "Those are his hooves you bitch" occupies a particularly esteemed tier

[brightlotusmoon]

I mean...is it even worth it to finish that twenty year old novel the way I want? To put it on a publishing website, a full book as thick as a Stephen King, full of the disabled queer characters who had always lived inside me, full of psionic powers, in a far enough future to not question anything? Is it "easier" to be that now, an older mind, grown directly into the branches of the Information tree. In the year 2000 I gave my characters personal computer tablets and now I'm writing on one.

In the year 2000 I didn't know what trolls could do.

I completed what would become my senior thesis for my bachelor's in creative writing, the first three chapters. I didn't really write more for a few years. I got diagnosed with ADHD. Major life events happened.

And now I'm about ready to release the story at least in part. And I have to weigh how resilient I can remain against trolling that's twenty times stronger against how deeply I want to be truly published.

In the end I'll publish. But I rarely use Twitter. That's probably a good idea.

[brightlotusmoon]

Disabilities present real barriers

Using the phrase “differently abled” is a bit like dismissing biphobia by saying “well, everybody’s a little bit bisexual.” The phrase implies that since everyone is a little bit different, ability-wise, “disabled” isn’t really a meaningful category that sets people apart.

It’s true that every person has a different ability level. However, some people truly are impaired, or lack certain abilities that abled people possess. When you imply that everyone is a bit different, you end up silencing the people who are different in ways that leave them marginalized or excluded.

Often, being disabled means lacking a physical or mental function that abled people have, or functioning in a significantly altered way. A person who cannot walk does not have “different walking abilities” than a person who can walk. They can’t walk. That function is disabled. This doesn’t make them inferior—it just means that they benefit from having access to tools like wheelchairs.

I’m Autistic, and while Autism has brought many wonderful things into my life, it also is a developmental disability. I didn’t socially or emotionally develop at the same pace as an abled person. For years, I lacked the ability to understand my own emotions or recognize when I was hungry, tired, or stressed. It took me until my mid-twenties to develop social skills that most people have by their teens.

I’m not “differently abled.” I’m disabled. And that’s okay to say. In fact, openly acknowledging a disability allows us to have frank conversations about a person’s needs and limits. Physically disabled people often need access to tools like chairlifts, elevators, wheelchairs, canes, and pain medication. Mentally disabled people often need sensory-friendly spaces, relaxed social expectations, and for complex topics to be explained in clear, direct ways. When we avoid the word “disabled,” we make expressing these distinct needs much more difficult.

Society dis-ables us

A disability is much more than a set of clear-cut physical or mental symptoms. Often, society excludes and ignores disabled people in a way that actively robs us of agency and ability. It’s not just our conditions that disable us. We are also “dis-abled” by a society that is unaccommodating or outright hostile.

[brightlotusmoon]

Me leaving my most traumatic fiction in the fanfic world of nonhuman humanoid characters everyone already knows about, and backing away slowly:

I feel this in my soul

[brightlotusmoon]

Me, looking up potential Problems for an athletic martial artist character who went through so much stress his heart stopped first for less than a minute, then later for just over three minutes:

Oh, hey, this is somehow fucking relatable, I am unintentionally excellent at writing characters who come back from the dead because I went through Hypoxic Ischemic Encephalopathy myself as a newborn and somehow that permanent neurological damage is like a damn memory? It's as if the neuroplasticity retained a stained glass memory of what happened and gave access to my Writerbrain.

[brightlotusmoon]

Me: *waking up at four in the afternoon with the migraine and fibro flare still there*

Callisto: Mama wake up? Mama still hurt? I fix! I sit on Mama! Don't move, Mama, I find good cuddle position! Now I purr! Helping!

[brightlotusmoon]

And that, of course, reminds me yet again of one of Kurt Vonnegut's masterpieces "Harrison Bergeron" - which might as well be required reading to understand inspoporn and the eugenic implications in authorities applying handicaps to those with exceptional skills or atypical presentation.

“What? Like, a disabled protagonist? How would that even work? How could someone with a disability be the hero in an action show?” local anime trash boy wonders while sitting next to his box sets of Full Metal Alchemist, showing no hint of irony or self awareness. 

[brightlotusmoon]

When Disability Is Defined by Behavior, Outcome Measures Should Not Promote “Passing” | Journal of Ethics | American Medical Association

Yes, I am friends of friends with the author.