#where you date objects

[registeredboykisser]

why is there an ungodly amount of doomed yaoi in date everything

shadowlord and lunarknight?? keith and dorian?? the fucking washer and dryer?? EDDIE AND VOLT

okay don't get me wrong I will be making out sloppy style w my breaker box but I need them to make out sloppy style WITH EACH OTHER. I WILL REMOVE MYSELF IF IT MEANS THEY GET A HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

[ovrrdogg]

Hfjone au where instead of kidnapping people for his reality show he accidentally discovers twitch and starts a stream and becomes the most popular twitch streamer ever. People love tuning in to watch forest man and his wacky antics. They love the “larp.” Twitch keeps trying to get him to come to cons he can never attend. People make wildly popular edits and gifs of him to share on stan twitter.

Instead of getting people to entertain him, he works to entertain people.

[basu-shokikita]

do people like. know they can dislike a ship without blatantly lying about the dynamic itself

[strangefable]

i am so sorry to everyone about who i am going to become upon my eventual return to tumblr

[freddyyeti]

The Steam discussion page for Date Everything is really funny. Well that sounds like a you problem pal more for me

[lichtecht]

i do think aromantics get to hate love actually. i do think we get to have anger and spite and i do think we are justified to express it!!

[mad-hunts]

i like how barton went from being like... a hippie in terms of how he viewed sex in his early twenties, then kind of abstained from it for a few years / became sexually repressed, which... definitely isn't such a good thing. BUT then he became even more of a freak (and i do mean that in the good way this time LOL) around the time he started residency because WOW is that shit stressful. though that was also unfortunately around the time when he really started to spiral as well 😬 but we don't need to talk about that ahahhh

like the way this man learned how to express his sexuality REALLY came full circle in the end considering he was like 'yeah, back in the early days that i was in college, i was a freak. but now i'm not anymore... though do you want to see me do it again anyway?' like 💀 JSJSJ if he weren't so demented, i'd almost be inclined to say good for him, y'all LMAO feeling comfortable with your sexuality and perhaps even having a bit of fun with it (though maybe too much in barton's case, because he literally weaponizes it in order to lure in his victims. BUT once again, we don't need to talk about that right now psshhh. i actually fully intend on talking about that in the tags NGL) is more often than not a good thing after all

[quietwingsinthesky]

rose tyler's terrible taste in men you will always be famous to me

[fadewalking]

My version of sending a "risky" text is sending my old college philosophy professor my takes on ethics and then throwing my phone across the room very quickly before I feel like too much the idiot for opening my mouth at all.

[deliriousblue]

enjoying theory of love emphasizing khai being horrible both in general and specifically to third and yet giving clear glimpses of how third ended up liking him.

the intricate rituals of khai wheedling third into cooking for him And third And khai's rotating cast of girlfriends. triangulation is when there is three of something.....

absolutely incredible choices all around i am speechless

[musical-chick-13]

Genuinely I cannot take the phrase "de-centering men" seriously anymore.

[teruthecreator]

i found it pretty funny that we got two different flavours of "claw teru destroys shou" for shou's birthday

comparing tfs teru and @shigayokagayama ‘s smtwo teru is so fucking funny to me. like smtwo shou is in a personal hell of teru’s design. tfs shou is just like. sad his birthday got forgotten

[dizzying-waves]

I haven't played Date Everything, but i kinda like they explain why the objects look hum by you literally wearing rose tinted glasses.

[phoneguyobjectum]

manifesting an actual objectum dating sim to appear one day

[batnanne]

OMG IS THIS WHAT I THINK IT IS ? 😂

Date Everything! (2025) dev. Sassy Chap Games Tyrell (Towel) • Volt (Electricity) • Shadowlord (Shadow) • Amir (Mirror) • Washford (Washer) • Cabrizzio (Cabinet)

[sixeyesonathiel]

satoru gets jealous of inanimate objects.

why is the pillow getting more hugs than him? why is your phone funnier than he is? why does the blanket get wrapped around you instead of him when he’s literally right there, built like a heater, available and desperate for affection? he’s six feet of love-starved muscle, and you’re choosing a glorified sack of cotton over him?

it’s not that he’s dramatic (he is). it’s not that he craves your attention like it’s oxygen (he does). it’s just that he knows he can do it better. he can be softer than your pillow. warmer than your blanket. funnier than your timeline. he has jokes, okay? and arms. and a body that you used to cling to like a koala in your sleep, so what happened to that? what changed? was it something he did? is this punishment? have you… outgrown him?

“you haven’t hugged me all day,” he sulks, chin digging into your shoulder, arms wrapped tight around your waist like a vice. “you hugged that stuffed animal for a solid ten minutes. is he funnier than me, too? is he taller? stronger? does he have an eight-pack?”

“he’s a bunny, satoru.”

“a ripped bunny, probably. emotionally intelligent. good with taxes. i bet he remembers anniversaries.”

he would know. he bought it. it was one of those claw machine wins at the arcade on your second date, the kind where he burned through twenty dollars like it was pocket lint until he finally, triumphantly, fished the floppy-eared thing out by the foot. he made you name it. declared it your shared child. called it his competition from day one. satoru even gave it a tiny ribbon scarf, because he said it needed to look presentable when it went toe-to-toe with him for your affection.

he was all smiles and smug winks back then—thought it was funny. he’s not laughing now.

because here he is, years later, still glaring at the bunny across the bed like it wronged him personally. like it’s out here stealing his wife. he swears it watches him with beady little judgmental eyes. plotting. scheming. waiting for the right moment to hop in and take his place.

“do you love it more than me?” he deadpans, already pulling you into his chest like he doesn’t want to hear the answer. dramatic gasp. “oh my god, you do. you love the bunny more. i’m losing to polyester stuffing.”

you roll your eyes, but he’s already burying his face into your neck, all whiny and clingy and hot breath against your skin like a puppy who hasn’t seen you in years. he makes a noise when you finally stroke his hair, a pleased little hum, arms squeezing tighter like he’s won a prize. like he’s claiming you back from his fuzzy rival. his biggest nemesis to date.

“this is better,” he mumbles. “way better.”

(pillow: -1. bunny: forever suspect. phone: on thin ice. satoru: smug as hell and back in his rightful place—in your arms.)