#which is of particular concern due to his spark condition

[ask-tfomegaquest]

Ratchet, what sort of public health education is standard for Cybertronians? As the CMO, is it your responsibility to teach the Autobots that sort of thing, or is that something you can delegate to someone else?

“Not enough. Attend physicals, take immunisations, listen to your medic. Pay attention to your frame and take note of any changes. See your medic if your fuel requirement suddenly changes. That was about the extent of it. And no, I didn’t often see many patients who followed even that basic advice. Apparently, the caste system believed that you didn’t need to know anything about your own frame unless it related to your caste. Warnings and advice were distributed by Med Practise 2 as needed. Infection containment, etcetera. Occasionally local government instated temporary injunctions on the advice of medics, but that was usually long after situations got out of hand…”“That was why I quit structured practice and moved to the Dead End. When you’re down to your frame I suppose you’re more interested in keeping it. Higher castes, ‘ma’am, your leg is falling off’, ‘oh I can get that replaced’. Casteless mechs, ‘slag, my elbow is squeaking, I should get that seen to’.”He rearranges his files. “Yeah, I’m in charge of forcing health awareness on the Autobots. Have been since the start. I shared it to a degree with my team, but they either died or left with the Exodus. It came down to myself, Firestar, Hoist, First Aid, and the few bots with basic medical training.”“Even so, I did and do take it very seriously. That’s a part of why I wasn’t too popular before the Exodus, and why mechs started calling me ‘the Hatchet’. Because I come down on anyone not looking after themselves and shout their helm off,” he adds with a wry smile.

[antoine-roquentin]

For now, these differing  ends  indicate  that  an  organization  like  the  FBI  did  not  allocate  repression  based  on  a  uniform  set  of  assumptions  separable  from  its  perceptions of the threats posed by particular classes of protest targets. Unlike popular conceptions of repression that view states as allocating repressive  activity  based  on  targets’  recognizable  characteristics  (such  as size, level of activity, or involvement in violence), the FBI’s actions were based upon assumptions about protest groups that were consider-ably more complex. For example, target group size seemed to be of central  concern  to  Bureau  personnel,  but  estimates  of  actual  group  size  were conditioned by an awareness of each group’s mobilization poten-tial, or the population of sympathetic individuals who might be mobilized through a catalytic event. This  awareness  stemmed  from  the  uprisings  sparked  by  SDS  at  Columbia University in April 1968, discussed in Chapter 2. The shocking  thing  about  this  revolt  was  that  a  relatively  small  protest  group was able to mobilize a large segment of Columbia students to take part in a set of high-risk actions that led to police occupation of the campus, hundreds of arrests, and more than a hundred injuries. The lesson the FBI took away from this protest was that campuses were full of potentially  mobilizable  individuals  and  that  a  small  number  of  committed  full-time members of organizations such as SDS could marshal a large body  of  sympathizers  into  action.  This  lesson  was  not  forgotten  two  years after the Columbia uprisings. In response to a ten-student sit-in at Stevens Institute of Technology in New Jersey in May 1970, an agent from the Newark field office sent the institute’s president a reprint of an anti–New Left article, attaching his own warning: “It begins with 10 like a deadly spore and soon the whole campus is infected with an incurable affliction.  Don’t  give  in  to  a  vocal  minority  that  wants  agitation  for  agitation  [sic]  sake.” Tom  Huston,  who  was  heavily  influenced  by  William Sullivan in his views on the dangers of protest activity, echoed this sentiment in his justification of the vetoed Huston plan. The New Left “wasn’t going to mobilize enough people to march on Washington to overthrow the government,” he argued, “but the way governments have  historically  been  overthrown  in  the  20th  Century  is  ...by small groups of dedicated people postulating the revolutionary theory.” Similarly,  we  can  explain  why  the  majority  of  violent  groups  were  not  subsequently  targets  of  repression  (see  appendix  B)  by  looking  at  the racialized context within which campus violence occurred. Of the seven  groups  identified  by  the  FBI  as  engaged  in  violent  activity  during  the  1967–68 school  year,  three  were  located  on  historically  black  campuses;  of  these,  none was  targeted  for  repression  by  the  FBI.  The  other  four  groups  were  on  predominantly  white  campuses,  with  half  becoming targets of significant repressive activity under the COINTEL program.  One  potential  explanation  for  not  repressing  violent  black  student organizations is that these groups were not defined as “truly” fitting into the New Left and instead could be dealt with through the existing COINTELPRO against Black Nationalist/Hate Groups. How-ever,  none  of  these  particular  campus  organizations  was  repressed  under this latter COINTELPRO. Instead, the Bureau believed that these acts of violence, while “spontaneous” and “unpredictable,” were generally the result of a particular grievance held by the students and there-fore did not represent a general threat to American values and institutions. Violent protest on white campuses, however, was often perceived as an attempt to undermine mainstream American values in general. These instances of violent action were indeed considered, as one SAC put it, “a separate and different problem [from racial or black nationalist activities]” since they directly posed a threat to the Establishment itself. In  this  way,  FBI  repression  of  the  (predominantly  white)  New  Left  was  as  much  about  resisting  a  challenge  to  the  traditional  American  lifestyle as it was about suppressing political gains and minimizing disruption.  This  concern  with  the  New  Left’s  countercultural  values  is  clearly  illustrated  by  the  Cincinnati  field  office’s  treatment  of  Antioch  College, a small liberal arts school in southwestern Ohio. According to the special agent in charge of Cincinnati’s repression of the New Left, Antioch was “most often run by a small group of militants that are permitted by college authorities to attack every segment of American society under the semblance of being ‘highly intellectual.’ Anyone visiting the  campus  doubts  its  ‘academic  scholarly  environment’  because ... the dirty  anti-social  appearance,  and  behavior  of  a  large  number  of  students can be seen to have the fullest ‘beatnik image.’” Due to the permissiveness  of  Antioch  administrators,  no  disruptive  incidents  had  occurred at Antioch during the preceding school year, and furthermore, “there is, in fact, little reason for disruptive activity [in the future] since the  students  are  permitted  to  do  exactly  what  they  want  to  without  interference  from  college  administrators.” Despite  this  recognition,  students  at  Antioch  were  repeatedly  targeted  for  repression  by  the  Cincinnati office, presumably for their adherence to anti-Establishment ideals rather than their potential for any disruptive threat. In this same manner, much of the Bureau-generated material against the New Left focuses on the “immoral” and “dirty” lifestyles of particular members rather than on their political ideals. In authorizing that a reprint  of  a  campus  article  about  a  student  demonstration  be  sent  to  students’ parents, the Director noted that, “while there is no indication in the article ... that the demonstration is inspired by the New Left, the tenor  of  the  photograph  is  such  that  it  shows  obvious  disregard  for  decency and established morality.” The Jackson field office even went so  far  as  to  define New  Left  members  solely  by  their  adherence  to  a  “hippie” lifestyle. Likewise, the SAC in the Newark field office described a New Left newspaper as a type of filth that could only originate in a depraved mind. It is representative of the type of mentality that is following the New Left theory of immorality on certain college campuses. ... The experimental literature referred to in the letter ... contained 79 obscene terms referring to incest, sexuality, and biology, four dozen “cuss” words and a dozen instances of taking the Lord’s name in vain. The  hostility  that  characterized  these  Bureau  agents’  views  was  so  pronounced  in  part  because  New  Left  “morality”  and  “lifestyle”  differed  strikingly  from  values  held  within  the  FBI.  Beginning  with  his  time at the FBI Training School (established in 1928), each special agent was  immersed  in  a  culture  that  was  the  polar  opposite  of  “hippies’”  lack of regard for established rules and respect for authority. In various ways, COINTELPRO–New Left became the place where these incompatible worldviews directly clashed. Obscenity of any kind was offensive  to  the  directorate,  and  agents  went  to  great  lengths  to  avoid  the  use  of  “cuss  words”  in  memos.  When  a  faction  of  SDS  began  calling  themselves  “Up  Against  the  Wall  Motherfucker”  (taken  from  a  poem  by  Amari  Baraka,  then  known  as  LeRoi  Jones)  in  late  1968,  agents  reporting on the group always typed the final word as “M_____ F_____ [obscene].” Agents’ outrage over the liberal use of obscenity in New Left publications provided another clear instance of this clash in values. Whenever the Bureau attempted to spread misinformation through the creation of faked “underground” leaflets, they necessarily had to imitate  the  language  of  New  Left  adherents.  An  interesting  dynamic  would emerge as obscene language would often be censored within the memo itself even though it was understood that it would be required in the Bureau-generated materials eventually distributed. The directorate would  also  often  justify  the  use  of  such  language,  as  in  one  memo  authorizing  a  proposed  leaflet  criticizing  the  National  Peace  Action  Coalition’s  upcoming  antiwar  demonstration  for  being  “lily-white”  and controlled by ��faggots”: “We are approving inclusion of the profanity because to do otherwise would render the leaflet suspect, incredibly  inadequate,  and  would  probably  defeat  from  the  outset  the  purpose for which it is being prepared.” Within the Bureau, including a word like faggot in memos needed to be justified as carefully as using the word to destroy targets’ legitimacy by publicly attacking their sexuality. Thus in the FBI’s dealings with the New Left, targets’ political ideology  was  often  confounded  with  their  perceived  commitment  to  an  alternative  lifestyle,  with  the  latter  structuring  the  FBI’s  allocation  of  repression against the New Left. This discussion illustrates the importance  of  the  level  of  sophistication  involved  in  a  repressing  organization’s  assumptions  about  the  protest  field,  as  well  as  the  problematic  nature of an analytic strategy that ignores the organizational context in which protest and repression takes place. To understand which groups and  individuals  were  targeted  for  repression  by  COINTELPRO,  it  is  clearly not enough to evaluate the “objective” level of threat posed by each New Left or White Hate target (e.g., its level of activity, number of adherents,  or  predilection  for  violence).  Instead,  we  need  to  shift  our  gaze to processes occurring within the repressing organization itself.

David Cunningham, There’s Something Happening Here

the super square fbi agent from boardwalk empire is actually quite realistic. note also the commitment to seeing the greatest threat through a vanguardist lens.

[vanderlindemorgans]

Cross My Heart (Chapter 5)

Pairing: Agent Whiskey x Reader

Rating: Explicit/18+

Summary: A traitorous Agent Whiskey returns to the United States on the run. Being cast out by Statesman, he soon finds that you’re the only person he can turn to - the embittered former flame from years long passed

Word count: 7.5k

Warnings: Eventual smut, some references to alcoholism and drug use. Reader is in her late twenties but there is an age gap between her and Whiskey. Chapter specific warnings: one scene takes place in a hospital, some medical talk, more heavy drinking, talk of death and alcoholism (specifically related to drunk driving), mentions of drug addiction, Whiskey being a dick, lotta heavy topics in general.

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“Alright, so the X-Rays have come back and as you can probably already guess your left arm has been fractured”.

The news hadn’t been a shock to you at all - it was only logical that the result of being thrown off the back of a horse was your arm breaking from the impact of the fall, nevermind the sheer amount of pain that it had already caused you was even more indication that something was definitely wrong there. All things considered, it still wasn’t a pleasant piece of news to receive, causing you to let out a low groan as you settled back into the hospital gurney they had allocated to you after the ambulance had pulled you in. Dressed in only a hospital gown, you felt the chill from the room's air conditioning prick the edges of your skin, the coolness of temperature making the whole experience even more foreign to you. Of course, it wasn’t like you’d never been to a hospital before - an unlucky bout of croup had sent you to the emergency room as a little kid when you’d almost stopped breathing. At the resurgence of that particular memory you felt yourself shudder, recalling the hours spent passed out in a brightly lit room and being forced to drink gross tasting liquid that was meant to clear up your airways. At least you weren’t choking on your own breath this time round. 

“Well that’s just fantastic. How long will it take to heal? I kinda got a ranch to run” you asked the doctor, who was standing off to the side consulting the clipboard nestled against his arm. Sighing, he looked up at you with a look of sympathy while he ran through the information he’d jotted down on his notes. “Usually it takes twelve weeks for fractures to heal - given the fact that a good part of your arm has been displaced you’ll need to be put into surgery to shift the bone back into place, which we’ll have scheduled for you in the next twenty-four hours. Afterwards, I’ll be putting you in a cast for a couple of weeks and you’ll have to come back in for checkups weekly. I’ll also give you a list of rehabilitation exercises you can do to ensure the recovery process goes as smoothly as possible” he explained. “After your surgery and subsequent discharge, I heavily recommend a few days bed rest due to the concussion you have sustained”.  

“So I’m guessing most physical labour is out then” you muttered under your breath, sighing once you realized how heavily this would impact your ability to keep things running smoothly back at the ranch. Yes, you had employees but without you to oversee everything things would slow down and descend into madness real quickly. You wished you had allocated some sort of second in command for times like this, a manager of sorts to keep things in place while you recovered but you’d just never gotten around to it, brushing the thought aside every time it sprung up with a simple “Why would I need extra help anyway? Nothing ever happens around here”. 

“You’d be correct on that. Now, I have some other patients to check on but I will be back in about 20 minutes or so to prep you for surgery, though I will send a nurse to give you some painkillers so you can stop feeling the worst of the pain for at least a little while” he replied. You went to thank him but before you could you felt a light touch graze along your right arm. Your eyes glanced over to where Jack’s hand was placed, his touch delicate and comforting, sparking that same feeling in your chest that you’d felt when he’d stroked your forehead back at the ranch. His eyes met your own for a moment, deep cedar brown looking at you with nothing more than concern and worry, somehow pulling at a single string of your heart even though you wanted to fight against it with all your might.

Snapping you focus back into place, you nodded back over to the doctor and thanked him for all he was doing, listening to his reassurances that he’d have you fixed up as soon as possible as he hurried on out of the room to his next patient in need. Once he was gone, you exhaled in annoyance and went back to staring aimlessly at the ceiling, mulling over the inconvenience of your predicament. 

“Everything ok, sugar?” you heard Jack ask you, feeling his enchanting eyes study your expression, his anxiety over your wellbeing plain as day. Letting out a small laugh, you returned his question with a small smile of your own. “Does it look like I’m ok?” you joked, gesturing vaguely to your fractured arm. 

He chuckled at your sarcasm, always enjoying that certain fire you had to your character that refused to silence itself. Unbeknownst to you, that was one of things that drew him towards you in the first place - his own air of cockiness and confidence was equally matched by your spitfire and sarcastic wit. Finding out the sweet disposition that lay behind that harshness the first time round had taken him by complete surprise, but only did more to endear himself to you. God, he was such a fool for losing that. He was certain that your sweetness was still there, closed behind even more layers of hurt and pain that he’d caused such a large hand in. 

From the moment the ambulance had arrived, Jack had stayed beside you, refusing to leave for even a single moment. It was quite endearing, truth be told, a feeling that attempted to worm its way through your steadfast reasoning against him. He’s a liar. Don’t fall for his shit again, you repeated to yourself. Though it was becoming harder and harder to continue regarding him as your greatest mistake when he was behaving so kindly and gentlemanly towards you. Just a part of his deceptive charm, I guess, you thought bitterly. 

“Y’know, you don’t have to worry about things gettin’ outta hand down at the ranch. I’m more than happy to step up and help” he spoke up, snapping your attention back to his words and out of your own contemplation. You thought about his proposal for a minute, the temptation to say yes seeming very appealing towards you, though somehow that felt like admitting to weakness. The ranch wasn’t his responsibility, it was yours, left to you by your dear parents. It was your obligation to run it in their stead - there’d been difficulties along the way, sure, including the occasional nasty cold every now and then but you had pulled through without any trouble. You didn’t need help or any sort of handout, and you were more than capable of taking care of business by yourself, even with a broken arm.

Then again, it is gonna be kinda hard to run a business while being confined to bed rest. Briefly you thought about just closing the ranch for a couple of days while you got back on track yet once you thought about the loss in profits you discarded that idea quickly. It wasn’t like you were struggling to make ends meet but a dip in profits could cause a bit of issue. 

“Yeah but...It’s my responsibility. I can’t just ignore that because I got a stupid broken arm” you rebuffed, though you didn’t sound entirely convinced of what you were saying yourself. Sadly, stubbornness was your nature and even if you knew you were fighting a losing battle, sometimes it was more about the principle of having a position rather than whatever thing you were debating over. Some would say that was quite a counterproductive way to look at things, and you’d agree with them, yet you still remained stubborn in spite of them, feeding back into the cycle.  

“Darlin’, with all due respect, I think what’s best for you is that you take a step back and let someone else take the reins. You need to allow yourself to rest a lil. Tell me, in all the years of runnin’ the ranch by yourself, have you ever once taken a day off?”. 

“No, but-”.

“Exactly as I thought. You’ve been doing an amazing job at keeping things together for all these years, sweetheart, but you gotta relax a bit. Let me help you” he interrupted, gazing at you with those heart-meltingly sweet eyes of his, a look which made you seize up ever so slightly in minor fake annoyance. Little shit, he had to be doing that on purpose.

“Fine, only if it’ll get you to shut up” you relented, rolling your eyes in a dramatic fashion and hitting your head back down into the pillow below, eliciting a playful smirk from him in return. “That’s my girl, stubborn as always” he jested. 

To that you cocked an eyebrow at him in disbelief. “Your girl? Careful there, Jack, for a minute I thought you were capable of genuine compassion and care. I may have once been your girl, cowboy, but not anymore. Or did you happen to forget?”. 

His own expression softened slightly in regards to your snide remark, his mischievous grin faltering while he turned his gaze to the floor, looking somewhat sheepish towards what you had said, a far cry from his usual air of arrogance. “Yeah, I guess I deserve that” he murmured. “Tell me, sugar, do you ever think one day you’ll believe me when I say that I’m sorry?”. 

“When pigs fly, dearest” you smiled with a shit-eating grin, though you couldn’t miss that momentary flash of hurt in his eyes that made you pull back, a sharp pang striking through your chest that hurt harder than the agonizing ache in your arm, which really, was saying something. Could that be...guilt, perhaps?, you thought, searching Jack’s face for any further sign of offense. If he was feeling hurt, he was doing a pretty stellar job at hiding it. Maybe it was nothing, and even if he was hurt, well, he said it himself, he deserved it. Without giving you another minute to ponder your own feelings, a welcome interruption in the arrival of a nurse found you, shifting your thoughts towards the relief of finally getting some painkillers into you. 

___

The surgery had gone over well, and after a grueling day spent hanging out in that hospital room hopped up on painkillers you were finally discharged late afternoon the following day. The worst of your concussion had cleared itself up too yet you were still confined to your bed for those first few days - the doctor was insistent on that fact, saying you could never be too careful. You’d begrudgingly complied, not wanting to cause any further problems to your health, and even if you had tried to go against the doctor’s orders, you knew that Jack would be there to send you off back to bed if you dared lift a finger. 

Jack had doted on you the entire time, making sure you were well hydrated and cool enough in the midst of the hot Texas summer, fetching you snacks and whatever else you needed from downstairs. In his own words, what kind of man would he be if he didn’t take care of an ailing woman. You’d rolled your eyes and insisted that he didn’t have to go all out with looking after you yet he’d insisted. It was somewhat heartwarming, and it felt nice to be taken care of again after those last few years alone. It reminded you of when you’d come down with the flu back in third grade, staying home in bed lazily watching television and barely being able to keep your eyes open while your mum made soup in the kitchen. You could feel your heart drop at the mere recollection of your parents, pain that stayed beneath the surface rising up in full force. Usually you pushed those feelings down, not wanting to become distracted from the business, but today, you allowed yourself the indulgence of missing them. What would they think if they could see you now? Would they be proud, or disappointed? 

Feeling your stomach grumble, you shifted over in bed and reached your only good arm out to grab onto the half-eaten grilled cheese Jack had brought in for you five minutes before, letting out a low wince at the pain that writhed through your other arm, which had been placed into a cast and sling for the time being. Already you couldn’t wait for the day you could get the damned thing taken off - you hadn’t been able to shower and you felt grotty and gross. It wasn’t like you had to impress anyone, it was just you and Jack lying about the place. Still, you could only take so many days of waking up with unwashed greasy hair. And it was itchy too. Oh dear god, it was fucking itchy. You’d heard about how itchy the plaster could get second-hand but you never anticipated it to be that bad. 

Directing your eyes to the clock on your bedside, you took notice of the time and let out a small relieved sigh. You could finally take another one of those painkillers, the fourth and dismally last one for you of the day. 

Your relief quickly fizzled out into disappointment when you realised the packet of painkillers that had been sitting by your bedside was empty. “Seriously? It’s only been a few days, I couldn’t have gone through them already…” you muttered to yourself in annoyance. Nevermind, there was another packet downstairs. You may have been perfectly capable of getting out of bed and retrieving it yourself, though you found yourself not wanting to be bothered with such a task. “Hey Jack, you there? I ran out of painkillers, could ya run some up to me?” you called out.

“Sure thing, sweetheart” you heard him shout back, and no more than two minutes later he was striding through your bedroom door, carrying exactly what you had requested within his palms. “How are you feelin’?” he asked. 

“No better than six minutes ago when you last asked me that. Thanks for bringing these up though, fuck that stupid horse for bucking me off” you grumbled, sniping the blessed white packet out of his hands and into your fingers. “Pain making you grumpy, sweet girl? You seem a bit more full of spitfire than usual today” he joked. 

“Nah, you’re getting the discounted version today. If I wanted to vocalise exactly what I was feeling right now you’d be obliterated in a second” you laughed, chucking a tablet into your mouth and washing it down with a large gulp of water, anxious to feel some semblance of relief. 

“You don’t say. How’s your head doing, though? No dizziness or anything like that?”. 

“I’m fine, Jack, I promise. You don’t have to fawn all over me just because I broke my dumb arm” you assured, rolling your eyes at him. 

“I wouldn’t call in fawning, I only want to make sure you're comfortable and all that. Not only because of your arm and all” he smiled gently, reaching out to brush a stray hair off your forehead. It could have been the heat of the room but you could have sworn your skin felt on fire the moment he touched you. You could feel him press the back of his fingers against your head, unconsciously allowing your breath to hitch at his touch. And just like that, the warmth of his hand was gone, leaving an invisible searing mark in its place and your own head full of frenzied and confused thoughts. 

“Like I said earlier, just call out if you need anything else, alright darlin’?” he said as he was leaving, words that you didn’t care to take notice of as he left you to yourself again. Blinking slowly, you couldn’t even fully begin to describe what had just taken place, or why one little gesture was throwing your mind into somersaults. Why did his mere touch have to affect you like that? Why couldn’t he just leave you alone? Groaning loudly, you settled yourself underneath the sheet covering you and huffed at nobody in particular, cursing both yourself and him for even existing. For fucks sake...

___

Taking a sip of bourbon from your glass, you leaned against the side of the stairs of the veranda with your gaze fixated off into the distance, though you didn’t take any notice of what lay ahead, lost deep in your own thoughts that clouded your mind. It’d been a couple more days, and you’d finally been able to get out of bed and get back to helping out around the ranch - not that you were still of any use to anyone, given the state of your arm. It felt good to be back overseeing things, albeit a bit more behind the scenes than you had been in years. It’d be a good month or so before you were able to move your arm properly and have things back to normal. At first that fact did nothing short of irritating you, since you weren’t one to lie about helpless when work needed to be done. Over the last few days though, seeing the ranch go about with business as usual with Jack’s extra help had put you at ease a little. It still bothered you somewhat that you had to be asking any sort of help from Jack Daniels of all people, though really, he was the one offering it in the first place so you hadn’t so much as asked him to do anything, moreso conceding to his instistance at the behest of your stubbornness. 

The pain was getting a little better too, though whether that had more to do with the painkillers or not remained to be seen. For example, you couldn’t feel anything now but you had just ingested two glasses of pure straight bourbon, so of course any type of pain would be numbed. Remember when it could numb more than just that? You let out a small snicker at the thought, sounding as hollow and empty as it felt. Once upon a time you might have been classed as relatively lightweight, a fact that changed after years of the trials and tribulations life had thrown your way. You still got drunk easy, but it took a good few glasses before you actually passed out.

“You know, you should let me sign that for ya”. 

Hearing that familiar voice ring out from behind you, you swivel around so see its owner standing right in the opened doorway of your home, his hands casually resting in his pockets and his frame leant against the wall. “What are we, in middle school? I don’t want it getting dirty” you scoffed, rolling your eyes at him for good measure. 

He smirked right back at you, letting out a small snicker that mirrored your own. “Why not? It’s not like you're gonna have to be wearin’ it forever. A little scribble in permanent marker wouldn’t do ya any harm” Jack grinned, taking a large step forward to descend down to your level, seating himself right next to you on the veranda. You cocked an eyebrow at him, letting your fingertips trail over the edge of the glass in your hands while you stared at him with utter audacity. “And yet I know you’re only so persistent in signing it because you’ll write something crude or vaguely flirty” you snipped. 

“How little you think of me, sugar. I’d never dream of doin’ such a thing. I am nothing if not a gentleman”. 

“Oh, do cut the charm, Jack. What is it you want?”.

“Please, can’t a man share a glass of bourbon with a lady without being subjected to the Spanish Inquisition?” he asked, wearing his devilish and frustratingly charming grin as he spoke, the appearance of which you swore made your cheeks flush a little bit hotter. Probably because of the alcohol...and it is hot out here after all...

“Not this lady, cowboy” you stated, gulping down the last dredges of bourbon in your glass and placing it back down to the floor with a thud. You went to go grab the bottle from beside you but found Jack had already snatched it up, pouring you another glass. Mumbling out a small thank you, you considered asking him if he wants a glass of his own, however once you caught sight of his silver Statesman issued flask in his hands you dismissed the idea entirely. With nothing else left to say, you glanced back up to the sky above towards where the moon was hanging over you two, the delicate light illuminating the stretches of countryside around your property in a soft glow, one that was both enchanting and eerie at the same time. Every now and then you would be reminded of how beautiful the Texan countryside could look, whether it be bathed in the rays of that damned blistering sun or the enigmatic glimmer of moonlight. It could pull you back to moments lost in time, years ago sitting right where you were in that very same spot, seven years younger and with the exact same man sitting beside you, head rested on his shoulder and looking out into the vast expanse of midnight black. Funny how things change, don’t they?

Out the corner of your eye you saw Jack shake his head, his eyes quiet, the sparkle of stark confidence bordering on plain arrogance missing. It was a similar look to the one he’d given you at the hospital that night, before he’d tried to cover it up with a certain facade of indifference. “What will it take for you to believe I’m sorry? What happened between us, it was all-” he started before being unceremoniously cut off by your interjection. 

“In the past? I’m well aware of that. Doesn’t change how I feel” you stopped him. You’d anticipated him throwing out that line from day one and you’d come prepared. Shut it down. Don’t let him try to swindle you for a fool. 

His expression changed to one more serious, a hint of him being slightly miffed that you cut him off in the first place. “Let me finish, darlin’. I’m gonna level with you for a second - what I did to you was one of the worst mistakes of my life. Letting everything fall apart like it did, I never should have let it happen” he expressed, his tone straddling between being firm and also being gentle. Cocking an eyebrow at him, you turned back to your glass of liquor, swirling the liquid around idly in a way that reminded you of that persistent thought running round your head. Did he have a point? Were you being too harsh on him? 

Don’t become soft on him. Don’t do it. You shifted back into focus, pushing those thoughts far to the back of your tipsy mind while you took a couple large sips of liquor as if it were a lifeline. “Worse than whatever mistake led you to showing up on my doorstep?” you asked, eager to direct the conversation right back out of that uncomfortable territory and into something a bit more easier to stomach. Maybe later on you could ponder the true depths of your perceptions of Jack. Right now, though, you wanted to get wasted and not have to think about anything anymore. And hey, it’s not like I wasn’t wondering about the events that led him here in the first place anyway.“You never did tell me what happened. I know you said it was none of my concern but...I want to know. Call it a spate of drunken curiosity, if ya want”. 

The question alone was enough to draw Jack’s face from being merely serious to an expression more cold and distant. He looked away from you entirely and rested his gaze to the few steps below the two of you, his hand clenching in a subconscious act that alone was enough to tell you his own reservations regarding the topic. “Truth is, I’ve been fucking things up for a good couple of years. What happened to lead me here, well, it ain’t a pretty story”. 

“I don’t care, Jack, I wanna know” you asserted, surging with a sense of fiery confidence. It might have been the alcohol giving you a bit more moxie to push the topic. One thing was for sure though: you wanted answers, and you didn’t wanna let this go. Stretching your legs out, you finished off the glass you had while you waited for him to reply, not wanting to cave to your request even if he was looking at you like you’d threatened to kill the President. 

Finally, he let out a low groan of annoyance and leant against the side of the veranda, not affording you a single look as he launched into his tale. “Basically what happened is some agents from an English based secret service came over to the states as a last resort - their base got blown up by someone and the two guys that approached us were the only ones left alive. Well, them and this other guy we had at our headquarters, but that’s a whole other story. The people behind the attack were a group called the Golden Circle, and Statesman had already been investigating them for awhile. I was called in by Champ to partner up with the Kingsman fellas, do the regular secret agent spiel of espionage and savin’ the world and all that crap. But, me and these other agents, we had an...ideological disagreement. I was covertly tryin’ to hinder them until the older guy got wise to my shit and shot me in the head. Ginger managed to bring me in and revive me, I went over to Cambodia where the two agents were confronting the leader of the Golden Circle, and to make a long story short things got nasty pretty quickly. I barely escaped with my life” he explained.

You nodded along to his explanation, the load of information being a lot to take in the first time round. You were always somewhat aware of Jack’s position as a secret agent though you were never privy to the nitty and gritty details - in fact, the way you’d found out about it in the first place was by complete accident and Jack had to beg Agent Champ to allow you to become cleared on even knowing the basics of his true work behind the front of being a Statesman investor. “And these ideological disagreements were…?” you pushed. 

“Trust me, you don’t wanna know” he deflected.

“Try me”.

He didn’t reply to you straight away, instead staring at you with a stark look of confliction across his face, an inner turmoil brewing inside of him on whether or not he should tell you even more. Being cast out as a traitor, he didn’t have to worry about breaking any sort of rule of confidentiality, so if you had to wager a guess at what his dilemma was, then it must have been that he felt mildly ashamed, or even embarrassed about the whole situation. In your mind though, you’d let him keep his secrets for weeks now, but if he was going to stay in your house you wanted to at the bare minimum know what he did that was so bad that he simply couldn’t return back home anymore.  “Well go on then, hit me with your best shot” you prodded further, hopefully enough to get his demeanour to crack and for him to spill what exactly the entire fuss had been about. And sure enough, crack he did. 

Running a hand across his forehead, he let out a low exasperated sigh, one that would have been inaudible if you hadn’t been seated beside him, indicating the exact moment he finally decided to break his own silence and reveal everything to you. “The Golden Circle were primarily a drug cartel and terrorist organization based out in the hidden depths of the Cambodian jungle. Their leader had devised a plot that involved lacing their distribution of drugs with a new type of chemical she created that caused death. Since their supply was mass distributed over the globe, they were holding the entire populace of drug users and addicts hostage to their respective governments, demanding a payout for the antidote. They didn’t, however, anticipate the President and other world leaders not really giving a red hot shit about the lives of junkies. Being the noble men they are, the Kingsman agents as well as the rest of Statesman were striving to get ahold of the antidote to save all those people. And that, is where me and them disagreed” Jack elaborated, avoiding your gaze in what appeared to be a calculated move in order to refrain from seeing your reactions to his admittance. In the span of two minutes, your expression had shifted from intense curiosity to straight up bafflement at what he was saying. It didn’t make sense - why was he against distributing the antidote? He was a secret agent, wasn’t he meant to save the world and innocent lives and all that?

“Let me get this straight - you were assigned on a mission to try to save the lives of innocent people, and you chose...not to do that” you asked, your tone laced with judgment. Not that you had intended for what you said to have come across any different. If what he was implying was right, then that would mean...

“Well, when you put it like that, sure, it sounds awful. I will concede, it wasn’t my best move. But all the people who ingested those drugs did so willingly. They knew they were taking a gamble on their lives the moment they stuck a damn needle into their arms” Jack grumbled defensively, allowing you to gawk back at him in utter disbelief. “Jack, no, you can’t seriously believe that? So what you’re saying is that the kid that decided to get high with his mates one weekend at a party deserves to die? Is that right?”. 

“No, no, I didn’t mean like that, I just…”.

“Really? ‘Cause it sounds a lot like you’re saying that innocent people should die for their poor choices” you cut in, shaking your head to further drive your point in. “Jesus, just when I thought you couldn’t be a bigger asshole you proved me wrong”. 

“Sweetheart, please, I know. It was a mistake, you don’t have to keep rubbing it in”. 

“You know it’s a mistake, but do you truly feel it? Do you really feel remorse? Because if you don’t then it’s just a bunch of empty words” you rebuffed, shooting him with a cold piercing glare that could make an entire continent freeze over. Around about this time, you really began to take notice of the dazed feeling clouding you, every glass of liquor draining straight into your brain and making you feel like your entire head was swimming. Maybe take it easy on the next glass, why don’t ya? With that thought, you shoved the glass off to the side with your free arm and bit your lip, debating whether or not you should even say what you wanted to next. That debate, however, did not last very long as you found yourself blurting out exactly what was on your mind within two seconds of your last thought. “Jack, look...maybe I’ll hate myself for saying this later, and maybe it’s just the liquor talking but I don’t think you’re an inherently bad person. I think you’re an arrogant son of a bitch who does cruel stupid things but probably has a decent enough heart. You just...you gotta stop with this shit. Stop with the betrayals, and the lies, and the false promises, all of it, and just be the real you. The Jack I knew may be a prick but he was never one to let an innocent die on his watch. What’s really behind all this?”. 

He continued to glare from his position beside you, somewhat intent on making you recant and drop the whole subject entirely. You wouldn’t go down that easy though, and he knew it, for as stubborn as Jack was you were at least ten times moreso, so when he folded first and trained his eyes low to the ground, you knew that he’d finally conceded. You could feel a whole shift in his demeanour from where you sat, the mask of defensive anger slowly falling away to reveal what was truly underneath: hurt. Pure, raw, unbridled hurt. Anguish that felt especially familiar to you and spoke to a part of yourself that you’d been turning away from for years, and even before he said those words you knew exactly what he was going to say. 

“Years ago, before I became an agent to Statesman, I was married to the young woman I’d fallen for in high school. I think I told you about her in passing maybe once, or twice, I don’t know…” Jack started, trailing off once he began to fully re-immerse himself in the past, heartache plainly sewn across his features. It was then that you felt an ache of your own in your chest, a heavy feeling of guilt descending upon you once you realised the gravity of what he was saying. “I remember. You said her name was Lily, wasn’t it?” you murmured, your voice small and unsure, with a hint of something else present too. Regret? Guilt? Whatever it was, you couldn’t quite put a name to it, but it was there, strong as anything and clearly wasn’t going away any time soon. 

Jack let out a small hum in reply, everything about his composure presumably a million miles away from everything around the both of you.“So you do remember” he muttered, brushing his fingers over the edge of his silver flask that he had cradled in his handles, tracing the Statesman logo engraved on the side with the pad of his thumb. “I remember you askin’ me about her the first time you came back to my apartment in New York - you saw the photo of her I kept on my desk and asked who she was. I only told you briefly that she was long gone, but I never told you how. The both of us were only twenty-three, and she was pregnant with our first child, a baby boy. Last time I saw her she left the house to go to the convenience store a few streets over”. He stopped himself for a split second, the darkness of his eyes being the all-too recognisable sign of falling deep into his own recollection, feeling as if he was reliving every memory that he revisited in his mind. “Twenty minutes later I get a phone call from a cop, saying there’d been an incident. Meth addicts had robbed the store at gunpoint and she’d been caught in the crossfire. She died instantly, and I wasn’t there to say goodbye. I never got to meet our baby boy, I never got to hold her in my arms again and say how much I loved her, because she was taken from me by a couple of meth-addled scumbags”. 

You were honestly at a loss for words, not knowing if saying something would be the appropriate option or not. He was right, you knew he was married before - the time with the picture that he mentioned was the most you had heard of her. He never brought Lily up again, and you never thought to ask, since in your mind it wasn’t any of your business who Jack loved before. Now, the pieces were falling into place, the interwoven connections of his past to his actions as an agent making all the more sense to you. 

What you wanted to do most was lean forward and envelop him into your embrace, tell him that you understood more than anyone what exactly that felt like, and even permit yourself to pour out your own heart to him. Drunk as you were though, you couldn’t talk yourself into doing anything more than placing a reassuring hand on his knee, letting your touch be soft and hesitant in case he shrugged you off, since you did basically just goad him into revealing his own wounds in the name of having answers. “Jack, I...I had no idea, I-”. 

“How could you have known? I never told you” he mumbled flatly. In the dim veranda light, all though it was faint, you could swear that there was a teardrop lingering in the corner of his cedar brown eyes, nudging the dagger of guilt further into your heart. Say something, you idiot.

Starting off softly, you let your hand rest firmer on his knee, trying to catch his eyes into your own. Tearing his glance away from the flask, he looked back at you with the same raw grief that you had seen on your own face so many times. “I know it must have hurt like hell losing her. And you have every right to feel angry, and hurt that she was taken, but that doesn’t give you the right to hate. Every addict in the world is not the same man who took her life. You can’t just-” you started, before the sound of Jack’s harshest tone cut through your words like a knife. 

“How would you know? Do you have any idea what it feels like to hurt, to have lost everything because of someone else’s choices?” he spat, anger seething in his scowl that was directed solely at you. It had taken you by surprise at first - as a reflex you withdrew your hand quickly from him as if he were burnt, perplexed at his sudden outburst. That didn’t last long however, as soon enough confusion was replaced by your own flair of anger. Now it was your turn to get defensive.“I think I do know what it’s like to hurt and to lose. In case you’ve forgotten, dickhead, there’s two people who should be right inside this house that aren’t anymore and haven’t been for about six fucking years now!” you yelled back. 

Shit. He’d forgotten about your parents. The anger that had been in him disappeared without a trace right then, being replaced by something close to resembling remorse over his behaviour. “I...I didn’t mean...fuck, sugar, I…I’m sorry. I don’t even know what to say” he apologised. You didn’t say anything back to him. You didn’t want to dignify him with any sort of a response. First of all, how dare he? You were only trying to empathise with him, and here he was biting your head off for daring to suggest that he doesn't hate every drug user on the planet. Why do I even fucking bother? 

The awkward silence between you hung for awhile, the two of you not wanting to break it for your own different reasons. You could feel Jack stealing glances at you, like he was trying to talk himself into saying something but never had the courage to follow through. Huffing to yourself, you took in your next glass fast enough to make your head spin. You’d have to turn in for the night eventually, and truth be told you were considering doing so right then when you heard Jack speak up. 

“I never did ask...if you don’t mind me askin’ that is...what happened to your folks anyway?” he asked hesitantly, as if he knew the question was fat-witted to begin with. Not that you minded too much by then. Drunk you was a lot more forgiving than you were sober. 

Taking in a heavy breath, you relayed your tale of woe to him, one hand placed steady to your side to keep you sitting upright. “It was late, and they were coming back from a friend’s 50th birthday party. Their friend lived in downtown Dallas, so they had a fair way to go to get from there to here. When they were almost on the highway, an out-of-control car barrelled towards them, smashing into the front of their windscreen and killing both of them instantly. The driver of the other car had been drinking - according to the local news he was a known alcoholic and had been out having a heated argument with his friend in the passenger seat. The only survivor of the entire collision had been his friend”. 

You saw Jack blink at you in silent shock, the weight of your words falling heavily on him while he continued to process it all. “Shit, darling, I feel like an even bigger piece of shit than I already did. If you slapped me clean across the face and kicked me out on my ass after this I wouldn’t blame ya one bit” he replied to you solemnly in a way that didn’t leave you questioning the authenticity of his words - he was genuinely sorry this time round. Taking his apology in stride, you shrugged back at him  and acted as nonchalant about the whole thing as possible, not wanting to ponder the topic further. As far as you were concerned, you’d felt enough things for one day and would very much like a break from it all. 

“It’s fine. You had no way of knowing. But please, if you take anything from this, at least listen to my words: externalising hate towards random people only feeds your trauma. It doesn’t resolve anything, and the only person left suffering in the end is yourself”. 

He furrowed his brow at you, most likely feeling a little defensive that the topic had circled back around to here, but considering his unruly display of anger earlier he wasn’t one to indulge in his own instinctual need to defend his position. “But...didn’t you want the man who took your parents away to suffer? Didn’t you look at every other drunk driving incident in the papers with a little more anger and rage than before?” he asked, earning a single eyebrow raise from you in return. “I mean...I guess what I’m trying to say is...it’s so easy to hate...why didn’t you fall into that trap?”. 

“Well, I did, for a little. It was almost tempting to look at every person I saw struggling with alcoholism in red. Since the man who caused the collision was already dead as a result of his own mistakes, at times I’d externalise part of that pain I was feeling onto others, and sometimes that anger became so hot and so burning that it was almost impossible to ignore. I realised pretty quickly that hating alcoholics wasn’t going to bring my parents back and that I’d have to make peace with their passing at some point. Honestly, I still haven’t processed a lot of that shit myself yet I’m still out here living my life as best I can, and really, with my own drinking habits I’d be a goddamn hypocrite to even try to find any true hatred in my heart towards heavy drinkers” you explained. Taking one last sip of bourbon, you discarded your glass off to your side and chuckled lightheartedly. “God, If I drink another glass I’m gonna collapse on the fucking floor. Think it might be time for me to turn in for the night. At least it’s Sunday tomorrow so we can sleep in a lil”.

“Y-you’re goin’ to bed? You’re not telling me to get lost or anything?” Jack sputtered in disbelief, which in turn earned him a minorly strange look from you. “Why would I do that?” you asked. 

“I quite literally just admitted to treason against my former organization to you”. 

“So? You made a mistake. A pretty fucking big mistake, and a shitty one at that, but still, a mistake. You obviously have some of your own pain you need to work through, and I can get that. Doesn’t mean I agree with what you did, but I get it. I’m not gonna kick you to the curb just because you have issues”.Upon saying that, you hoisted yourself up by latching your free arm onto the veranda’s fenceline, stumbling a little as you fought to maintain your balance while being both drunk and unable to fully utilise one of your arms. Nevertheless, you’d managed to straighten yourself up, and once you’d determined that you were alright to take yourself upstairs you faced on towards the front door and grasped at the brass knob in your hands, taking a brief pause to turn back and nod softly towards the man behind you. “Night Jack, I’ll see ya tomorrow” you called out, leaving him to sit there and watch you disappear back into the house with a certain look of dumbfounded astonishment.

Tag list (lemme know if you wanna be added): @giselatropicana​

[astrologysvt]

Wonwoo’s Ideal Type - Natal Chart Reading

For ideal types, I’m not going to be doing specific placements of their ideal partner. Instead, I’m gonna be listing personality traits I think would mesh well with them, as well as focus on their needs and the kind of person who could meet them. what this reading cannot account for is the compromising the members would do on their end for their s/o. so just keep in mind this is only half of the whole picture! 

honestly, based solely on his chart, i imagine wonwoo’s type to be EXACTLY the opposite as how he appears.

someone fun, bright, talkative.

i could even see him with someone who is a bit flashy, as his leo moon and mercury would like to be with someone he can show off and be proud of.

someone who’s a great listener and great conversationalist.

you can’t tell me with all that leo and gemini that wonwoo isn’t talkative, energetic, and excitable.

not only would he want someone he can joke around with and talk with for hours, his leo placements need a great deal of validation and would be outraged if his significant other were to gloss over what he has to say.

not to mention his cancer sun wouldn’t take well if he felt his feelings weren’t being taken into account.

his moon is trine saturn which is a great aspect for emotional control and responsibility.

so he may also want to see a mirrored kind of tact in his partner, while also wanting someone who can help him let loose once in awhile.

just someone really fun to be around, ready to challenge him, but also incredibly reliable.

his cancer sun makes him a homebody — he loves comfort and security and would definitely be one for lazy dates where ya’ll do nothing and just chill.

his leo placements also play into his love with being lazy and luxuriating and being comfortable so someone who is an ultra-extrovert who only wants to go out may not vibe with him as he’s in constant need of places/periods of rest, security, comfort in order for him to be that fun, playful person he wants to be. 

cancer suns get crabby (please don’t acknowledge the word choice) when they feel like they’re being pushed out of their comfort zones against their wishes, so his s/o should be able to help him balance his need for that comfort and his want for excitement. 

it goes both ways, where if his s/o only wanted to hang out at home and play video games he’d eventually feel his life/relationship was getting stale. 

someone loyal.

anyone with a strong leo influence doesn’t take to commitment lightly.

they are highly attracted to individuals who are just as committed and loyal in life as they are. 

and with a leo moon, wonwoo would very unlikely feel comfortable being in an intimate relationship with someone who he felt was flighty (even if, solely to him, they appeared loyal.)

ironically, however, he has both venus and mars in gemini which can notoriously make him pretty flighty himself. 

this is obviously toned down a great deal due to his leo placements, but independence will certainly be an important value to maintain in his relationships as these placements don’t like feeling restrained.

he may also be very hard to pin down, although I don’t necessarily like thinking of gemini placements as “flighty” as in unreliable and self-serving, but rather as having very active minds that need to be both entertained and reeled in every once in awhile.

so his leo placements may make him acknowledge his commitment and loyalty, but if certain conditions and understandings aren’t met, then he may end up growing insecure in the relationship.

not to mention a gemini venus and mars will literally REVOLT if they feel as though they don’t have options.

so it’s important that you take things at a gentle bace and do check-ins, allow him to come to his own conclusions without added pressure and this should be easy for someone who similarly values independence.

he needs to feel confident that he has autonomy over his actions.

with gemini placements, if you don’t reaffirm to them that their opinions matter and that the choice is equally their’s, they will FIND and MAKE options for themselves.

like they may very well be happy with the circumstances they’re in, but a lack of wiggle room will make them start to resent it.

so it’d definitely be important that he’s with someone who understands that and reaffirms that they’ll be there for him as he does his own thing, and that it is a happy partnership more than a kind of contract.

someone affectionate.

leo placements love affection and attention, and his venus conjuct mars creates a strong connection between the romantic/intellectual and the passionate/physical.

meaning that, while he may have a strong desire for communication and strong intellectual connection thanks to his gemini placements, he will also equally need a strong physical connection and understanding with his partner.

i think it’s a very cute placement to have. 

venus softens the aggressive mars and creates a very nice free flow between the passionate and the tender. softens the barriers between the emotional, physical, and intellectual -- meaning, he can freely express and accept love in a multitude of ways.

he’s really and honestly a really tender and loving partner.

inversely, he’d be very good and accommodating to someone who struggles to express themselves in either which way. 

so if his s/o can’t say it in so many words, he’ll be able to understand and acknowledge their attempts at communicating to him through affection and body language.

this aspect is also super interesting because it blurs the lines between femininity and masculinity. and, in astrology, when I talk about “femininity” and “masculinity” I don’t mean gender, I mean energies solely.

since we’re all a mixture of different energies and situations activate certain aspects of ourselves differently, this placement in particular could mean he could take up either “role” within a relationship.

i know this sounds mad problematic but thing of it more as ying and yang.

certainly that could mean he could be either the super soft and nurturing presence that’s more “feminine” or ying, or the more assertive “male” yang presence.

but instead of thinking of it as a light switch where he can only be either or at a given time. i see it more as he’d feel most comfortable in a relationship where both him and his partner offer each other both energies freely. 

(as, honestly, most relationships should. he’s just REAL good at it).

there is an inherent understanding within him in how to bring a sense of passion/stability to his relationships as well as the softer/romantic/lighter parts of it as well. 

his gemini placements love the chase and his leo placements want to be wooed.

so someone whose assertive and charming enough to try and woo him, but they should also be intelligent, clever, and deep-thinking enough to keep his interest once the initial spark has dissipated. 

there is a part of him that 100% is very hard to read, pin down, and satisfy.

with his sun, moon, and mercury opposite uranus, he will often feel a strong desire for freedom, eccentricity, and uniqueness to the point it may cause him to feel restless if these things are threatened.

his s/o should be patient, and willing to allow for a great deal of freedom in the case these placements act out.

not only that but they should be open-minded individuals from the get-go.

someone too concerned with meeting norms, or someone who is unaccepting of people’s eccentricities and different walks of life would definitely leave a negative impression on him.

his moon is sextile venus which is adorable 🥺

having the moon (comfort and security) in soft aspect to venus (love, friendship, and pleasure) means that he has a great deal of understanding for his emotions and their connection to his need for intimacy.

he is truly a very loving and soft boy.

this aspect would also make him just a very calming and endearing presence to have around.

he would definitely not do well in a relationship with someone who was overly cold, stoic, and serious (lmao, like how he appears sometimes).

but this aspect in particular craves emotional closeness, while his venus conjuct mars would crave both that and physical affection, and all of his leo and gemini placements would lose their minds being with someone who wasn’t reactive enough, not to mention his cancer sun would crave the security of a responsive s/o.

summary: soft, soft boy. handle with care and make him laugh.

i imagine his relationships would have a very long, very enjoyable honeymoon phase.

primarily because everything having to do with affection, intellectual connection, and playfulness is all very well aspected and comfortable for him. It’s once things get a bit more serious after the initial wooing and honeymoon phase that this chart starts to get challenged.

his s/o should be prepared for that, but also very well versed in communicating these things. if his s/o is someone who wants commitment and things like “i love you’s” “you’re the love of my life” to even marriage, they should be prepared to wait a little bit.

they shouldn’t be someone who gets anxious, paranoid, jealous, possessive, or upset because he isn’t ready to state his commitment in so many words.

of course, it’s natural to be a little disappointed. but in the mean time, it’d truly help for them to continue to enjoy the aspects of the relationship that come easy to him as they are still very important things to maintain regardless how serious the relationship is.

and truly, the key to ensuring that he doesn’t get overwhelmed and restless in a relationship while also making him feel comfortable enough to say and feel those things sooner, is in maintaining this light and free dynamic. 

his gemini placements will give his more committed and attached tendencies through his cancer and leo the thumbs up to do their thing, once he feels he’s positioned in a place with his s/o where he doesn’t fear that they’ll hold onto him tighter if he tries to express independence. 

they should just have fun, enjoy each other’s company whether they’re talking, playing a game, or just sitting around doing their own thing and breathing each other’s air.

[nightslain]

STUDY    :    LEON BELMONT.  Repost it, do not reblog.

tagged by : @patricursed​ ⭐⭐⭐ tagging :  @vampiriam​ @bloodxsong​ @goldenendless​ @ghostlyanon​ and whoever else wants it!

—    basics.

▸       is your muse tall    /    short    /    average ? Average! He stands at 5′10″, certainly not the smallest among his peers, but neither the tallest.

▸       are they okay with their height ? He is! Leon isn’t troubled with any insecurities regarding his height and doesn’t necessarily wish he was taller for any reason either. Even if Mathias uses it to his advantage to hold things out of his reach, but that man is remarkably tall.

▸      what’s their hair like ? Leon’s hair is a warm pale honey colour and is very soft, thick and voluminous--not necessarily sleek, shiny or silky, but pleasant to the touch, almost downy in texture and, for lack of a better word, fluffy! It falls quite straight nearer the crown of his head but unravels into those waves of bouncy curls about his ears and neck. His curls often becomes even more unruly during humid weather or after spending time in the sea air, which is quite a regular occurrence given his location being nearer to the shoreline of Carnac. He has humoured the idea of growing it out, but largely abstained due to the fact he already has his hands full with maintaining his hair and keeping it well groomed. He does take a lot of pride in it, though!

▸     do they spend a  lot of time on their hair     /    grooming ? A decent amount. It can take quite a bit of effort to wash, dry and groom it all to a satisfactory condition given its wild texture that often does not like to cooperate with him! His curls flick out every which way if left without their usual meticulous styling and care, and perfecting them soaks up a hefty amount of his morning routine, especially given the state of it when he wakes up. Needless to say, he has some impressive bedhead to tame each day.

▸      does your muse care about their appearance   /   what others think ? Leon does take pride in his appearance to a certain degree; not to an excess of vanity so much as simply minding that he always looks presentable and sets a good example, presenting himself as well-groomed and dignified at all times. He has a reputation to maintain above all else, and the way he dresses and minds his appearance very much reflects that. Albeit, even without the expected societal norms in place, he would choose to present himself as such. He has worked hard for his impressive physique in particular, and maintenance of that aspect of himself above all is vital. 

He doesn’t care too much what other people think of him; he knows he is perceived often as being beautiful by some, whereas others sometimes sooner mock him for how delicate and feminine he appears, at least in the face. While he will always present himself to others as impeccable in appearance, he doesn’t trouble himself too much with what they think beyond that, having heard as many compliments as he has insults, and only taking notice of what people closest to him say. It’s why he is far more likely to blush at a compliment coming from any close friends, but is seemingly unmoved by those coming from anyone else. 

—    preferences.

▸      indoors    or    outdoors ?    Outdoors. ▸      rain    or    sunshine ?   Sunshine. ▸      forest    or    beach ?    Beach. ▸      precious    metals    or    gems ?     Metals. ▸      flowers    or    perfumes ?    Flowers. ▸      personality    or    appearance ?      Personality. ▸      being    alone    or    being    in    a    crowd ?   Alone. ▸      order    or    anarchy ? Order. ▸      painful    truths    or    white    lies ?    Painful truths. ▸  science    or    magic ?     Both. ▸      peace    or    conflict ?    Peace. ▸      night    or    day ?    Day. ▸      dusk    or    dawn ? Dawn. ▸      warmth    or    cold ?     Warmth. ▸      many   acquaintances    or    a    few    close    friends ?   A few close friends. ▸      reading    or    playing    a    game ?   Playing a game.

—    questionnaire.

▸      what are some of your muse’s bad habits ? Leon absorbs too much responsibility for a lot of situations, even when he is aware of his lack of power over a situation. This isn’t necessarily always applicable, but whenever something of any magnitude happens, Leon often lets himself get wrapped up in guilt over things he failed to do in order to secure a different outcome. It is something he struggles often with and despite having enough rational thought to understand his relative powerlessness, he will torment himself with what-ifs and should-have’s.

Leon is also incredibly stubborn when he sets his mind to something, and is sometimes prone to acts of rash impulsiveness when particularly emotionally charged--which, sometimes, is a very valid reason for his struggle with the previous point. He takes things to extremes in a temper, albeit such is indeed rare and difficult to spark, and regrets it later when his mind is clear again. He also has the tendency to say rather scathing things when truly provoked.

▸      has your muse lost anyone close to them ? how has it affected them ? Certainly. This was a precedent set early into his life with the loss of his parents, although Leon was not quite old enough to remember them with clarity. The absence of both parents though did give way to quite bit of loneliness as he was growing up, despite having a close relationship with his foster mother. He had a poor relationship with his paternal figure, which did little to balm that particular void in his life. However, this impact was relatively minimal compared with the frankly traumatic losses he suffered later in life.

Elisabetha’s death was the first that Leon truly experienced and was damaged by significantly. Her death wounded Leon to a similar degree of intensity as it did Mathias--the three of them all shared a very deep love of one another, and Leon positively adored her. The only thing keeping him together once she passed away was the fact he had a duty of care to Mathias, who simply could not cope and more or less went mad without her, as well as succumbing to illness. Leon struggled a great deal in this period, now being saddled with the responsibility of supervising their men and arranging their battle tactics alone as well as taking care of Mathias in the time he had to spare, who seemed just about ready to follow Elisabetha to the grave. He put on a brave face for the public, but no less was suffering. He couldn’t bring himself to eat much if at all for quite some time, which combined with the resulting loss of weight and energy did start to impact his competence in battle. It was something of an uphill battle getting himself back into good condition again throughout the following year.

The second was naturally Sara, made all the more traumatic by the fact he failed to rescue her after sacrificing everything else in his life to do so, and that he was forced to kill her himself once she was tainted by Walter. Leon didn’t give himself chance to properly grieve her death once her soul was infused into the Vampire Killer, and the true magnitude of her loss didn’t come crashing down on him till much later, though he had already long set his plans to honour her promise into motion. When it did finally catch up to him in its entirety though, he was a complete and utter wreck, suffering much the same symptoms as experienced after Elisabetha’s passing, but to far worse a degree; working himself to the bone between travelling for days on end and battling the monsters he found along the way while eating little to nothing. Eventually, his wounds and exhaustion both weakened him to the point he fell prey to sickness and its nasty cocktail of symptoms, from a raging fever to vomiting to vivid, frequent hallucinations. He was extremely ill for a worrying period of time.

And of course, there’s Mathias, although not dead in one sense, certainly in another. Mathias’ betrayal is directly intertwined with Sara’s death, and both of them more or less died at the same time as far as Leon is concerned--therefore, the suffering that followed was just as much consequence to Sara’s death as it was to Mathias’ traitorous actions, and for that matter his role in it all only accelerated Leon’s already rapid decline in health and stability. Leon couldn’t fathom why Mathias would hatch such a plot against him for quite some time and that wound never truly healed even after years spent hunting him down. His betrayal was devastating in every sense of the word, and yet even then, once his hate and rage began to burn out, Leon was left to ponder if he had done too little to protect Mathias from his own madness when he still had the chance. He spent a little too much time lamenting over whether he should have surrendered his alliance with the church much sooner and devoted more of his time to Mathias’ recovery, or if he simply was too far gone to save at all. Neither possibility brings him any comfort. Mathias’ loss perhaps cut the deepest, as he had known Mathias for the longest and loved him with such intensity for the entirety of that time they spent together. Leon was never quite the same again, even if he refused to let his suffering strip him of compassion or resolve, he struggled with loving people once more for years into the future.

▸      what are some fond memories your muse has ? The fondest memories he has are all of his time in France, before the Hell of Mathias’ betrayal and Sara’s death. He thinks back to many of the hours the two of them spent by the sea watching the sunset and the stars or chasing each other through the woods on horseback, raising hunting birds and minding their gardens together--for all the peril and danger of their lives, they were immensely happy and they made the most of every waking moment. Memories of Elisabetha and Sara are likewise precious to him; he would sometimes let Elisabetha dress him up and fix him with a makeover in the privacy of Mathias’ home simply to see his reaction when he came home, which never failed to be comical! The two were very close in general, albeit, and Leon spent quite a bit of time tending to her in Mathias’ absence, whether that was helping her with her knitting or assisting with washing and combing her hair. 

As with Sara, he always fondly remembers their night time strolls hand in hand through the lavender field encompassing Leon’s land, as well as the many things he endeavoured to teach her; he would often take her fishing with him as well as on the occasional hunt or horseback ride when he could sneak her away. Other times he would bring her to his aviary to teach her how to handle his hunting birds--and as well as showing her the chicks he was raising while she was visiting, often with the promise he would gift one to her when they were older. 

And he will always vividly remember the look on her face when he first proposed to her.

▸     is it easy for your muse to kill ? Yes. Leon is very used to killing, even if he hasn’t grown numb to the weight of taking a life. He has been a witness to war since he was more or less a child, and fighting them almost as long. However, he does begin to struggle morally with the thought of people he’s killed when he becomes disillusioned with the church and begins to realise that he may well have been party to many a needless death. His act of defending humanity from monsters is as much a fulfilment of his promise to Sara as it is penance for the lives he has already taken.

▸      what’s it like when your muse breaks down ? Intense and deeply troubling to watch. Leon is quite explosive when he reaches his limits, and this is not much aided by the fact he will bottle up much of his grief for as lengthy a time as possible. When his suffering finally gets the best of him, he shatters quite violently into screaming and sobbing fits, often becoming physically aggressive and remaining inconsolable until this wave has passed. After this, it’s common for him to isolate and go completely silent, unwilling to speak or even see other people and going out of his way to avoid them. This can last for days or weeks, depending on the severity of the situation that sent him over the edge. Thankfully, it is blissfully rare that Leon suffers a break down of this intensity, and to date, it has only occurred twice; once when Mathias got his throat cut and almost died as a result of an ill-fated plan Leon warned him against acting upon, and the second time is when Mathias turned him into a vampire in order to save his life after Leon was accidentally impaled during battle with his monsters. 

▸      is your muse capable of trusting someone with their life ? Absolutely! Although it is naturally rare that Leon would put that level of trust in anyone, he put his life in Mathias’ hands countless times and vice versa during their years in France. They trusted one another completely and utterly in all matters, and they knew their lives were perfectly safe when guarded by one another. Albeit, Leon is considerably less trusting after Mathias’ betrayal, and guards himself much more intensely. His trust can still be won to this degree if given time and a great deal of patience.

▸      what’s your muse like when they’re in love ? Leon is quite transparent when he is harbouring feelings for someone, unless he is under the impression he absolutely cannot share it with them for whatever reason. Typically, Leon is swift to tell someone he is romantically attracted to them one way or another, and following a reciprocal reply, he will not hesitate to lavish time, attention and gifts upon them. He is a very affectionate man and he loves nothing more than doting on the people he cares deeply about--both as an expression of love and as an expression of gratitude for that person being in his life. If you manage to win Leon’s heart, you can safely expect endless praise and affirmations of his devotion--there is no small amount of passion when it comes to Leon’s expressions of love, either! He’s a very physical and intimate lover who leaps at the opportunity to be close to his partner in any capacity, and he deeply enjoys being able to provide for them or attend their needs. 

You will know Leon is in love simply by the sheer amount of romance that starts to seep into the way he talks to certain people--his speech will often start flourishing with poetic, dreamy descriptions of them or the way they make him feel. If he is welcomed to, he will become much more physically affectionate, with much less fleeting caresses and kisses working their way into the display. Closeness will amplify in almost every sense. The looks he give them will become much drawn out, as though he has seen nothing more lovely than that particular person and can think of looking at nothing else. And of course, gifts. Leon likes to make gifts for many of his friends, but there will be a noticeable difference in the quantity and exact nature of the gifts he offers to people he is hoping to woo.

[brentsaunders79-blog]

Far out

"Allergan CEO fires back on Hillary Clinton tweet."

That is the course by which CNBC titled a social affair between Brent Saunders, Allergan's authentic, president, and CEO, and Mad Money have Jim Cramer back on September 21, 2015. The tweet being proposed, referencing Turing Pharmaceuticals' fundamental cost augmentation of a 62-year-old course of action, read:

Moved closer by Cramer for a reaction to the tweet, Saunders answered, "The model she tweeted about today was only a solitary stunning condition. I think we need to pull back the stunning sort of conditions with what genuinely occurs. Moreover, outline that, we should have astonishing concerning make improvement."

All of a sudden Saunders got himself unequivocally in the particular pathway of presidential real issues and its laser-like spotlight on influencing biopharma for its "inordinate" drugs.

Scarcely shy of one year later, Saunders was in a limited timeframe portion expand period seeing a creation calm investigating fight as heads Chuck Grassley (R) Iowa and Amy Klobuchar (D) Minnesota centered the game-plan concerning base on Mylan at its cost enlargements of the EpiPen. "Mylan and Turing were qualities, and it truly vexed me that an industry so accommodated helping individuals live better lives was being seen so stupidly by people as a last resort," stands up concerning Saunders. It was August 2016, and

Saunders was on the "head attested excursion" he had taken in around 17 years. "On the flight I began considering as time goes industry's help discovering balance between the need to put resources into progress and investigating remedies so they are open and moderate," he outlines. In like way, investigating that Saunders had starting late utilized the verbalization "certain intelligence" to propose this idea of progress, it was while in the midst of a break that he had the decision to crystalize his reasoning. What checks for after is the story behind Allergan's titanic choice to formalize its clear simultaneousness with patients.

Flight Sparks The Idea Of A Social Contract

Much like different heads, Saunders says he envisions that its hard to kill the business bit of his mind during the individual time of an encounter. In like way, the beginning of the particular cognizance creeped into his cerebrum during that first voyage of his family escape. In the wake of ruminating on the thought for the going with scarcely any days, he as time goes on chose to come back to a region of his embellishments at Allergan to hear their assessments.

The epic three on his skilled blueprint were Alex Kelly, EVP Corporate Affairs and authority correspondences official; Bill Meury, EVP and authority business authority; and Bob Bailey, EVP and supervisor announced official and corporate secretary. He picked these three since he figured they could give the most help like stirring up the focal draft of the irrefutable comprehension.

"Regardless, I ricocheted the thought off my loved one, to the degree what she looked like into that it may be gotten," Saunders gives up. Articulating it with her and unequivocal relatives on the idea with like way persuaded him he was on to something. "It was an incredibly huge party, my in-laws, my family, my family and sister and their families. The apparent approval was not the subject of this outing, at any rate there was the spot different relatives shared their positive and negative perspectives on the biopharmaceutical business and what ought to be possible to improve it." As a wide piece of his fervently cleared family work in government need as suppliers, they hear the voice of the patient and most remarkable truly guided it may be to propose a fix that security doesn't cover or requires a titanic level of work zone work and earlier sponsorships.

The key responses of the two his family and work relates what's proficiently set his general idea that the business expected to accomplish more to show all the striking it does. In a short range he on an astoundingly fundamental level expected to refine the idea and put it unequivocally.

Refining And Gaining Support

Right when the focal small gathering from the most positive beginning stage began dealing with the particular thankfulness, the objective was not to make any sort of open explanation. "We began overseeing it less knowing where we would at last take it," Saunders yields. The focal idea was to check whether there was something that could maybe be made as an industry code or possibly depict a kind of standard only for Allergan.

"There was a gigantic level of forward and in switch as we tried to record checks we felt were crucial to Allergan correspondingly as could help depict where we remained on incredibly sporadic and inadequate issues in people as a last resort press," he shares. For instance, one of the district where there was an epic level of pushback and exchange was around the particular understanding's clarification of raising the cost of approaches close to the satisfaction of a patent-limit period. "Express in our industry will everything considered take more cost growthes near the zenith of an answer's life as a structures for dealing with the awkward budgetary effect accomplished by loss of character," Saunders clarifies. While such cost progressions can influence patients, there was some exchange concerning whether these sorts of improvements were fabulously a load on an extremely essential level borne by statement affiliations. "We pulled back that for two or three days at long last concurred the right development, and where we felt ordinarily boggling, was working in a level out responsibility around considering as opposed to continuing on through a piecemeal structure," he clarifies.

Saunders came back from trip close to the finishing of August, suitably, with everything considered the get-together had an unfathomably superior to key draft of the specific accreditation. "It was then that I began to share it incomprehensibly continuously everything considered with the remainder of the Allergan official get-together to get always head evaluation," he clarifies. Saunders undeniably won't have any desire to have a social unlawful relationship meeting yet, as he foreseen that everybody should feel unprecedented talking through what it proposed. "I didn't envision that anybody should feel there was pack pressure, as I was hoping to get especially fulfilling and veritable to life input," he proceeds. "So I began calling every official position embellishment as it were." Due to get-aways, work timetables, and work travel, it took him a few days to meet one-on-one with the aggregate of the heads. Everything considered, their reactions were certain concerning the undeniable seeing with everything considered and how it was made, at any rate there was some talk over when it ought to be coursed. "They responded so perseveringly that I thought perhaps we should simply yield it to the entire association," he says. In any case, before it could be obliged 18,000 supervisors, making the got a handle on finding in a general sense an open report, Saunders expected to from the most concise starting stage award it to Allergan's top managerial staff. "I sent it out to our store up and an obliged time task period later started calling to get their data, which once more, was overwhelmingly positive. As the official organization and controlling body understood the got authentication, Saunders felt the partnership had something that totally depicted the way Allergan (everything considered) felt about the drugpricing issue. "Our following stage was to offer it to our workers and people with everything considered, at any rate we ought to be tense to remain behind it," he clarifies.

An Informal Exercise, Not A Structured Plan

There are a tremendous degree of relationship with corporate worth clarifications; J&J's Credo is one industry-express model. Notwithstanding, Allergan didn't utilize any of those different reports as a model for making its particular information. Truly, Saunders says that when they began building up the certain thankfulness, "We were not proceeding through this to be as being center, and we didn't have a picked yield. We were on an especially sincere level attempting to consider how to memorialize the undeniable attestation, what it proposed to Allergan, and how we could envision that ourselves should overview that." He says that, since it started as a not horrendous advancement, no "fundamental research" (that he considers) was done to show it in the wake of an elective that is other than what's run of the mill.

"I get got a few information about the comprehended observing perseveringly," Saunders giggles. "Heads and CEOs from other biopharmaceutical affiliations expect Allergan had a board — an endeavor plan — and that we occupied with some mindful structure to put this thing out." That couldn't in any capacity at all be satisfactory topsy turvy, regardless. Or of course maybe, he says it was regularly obviously an unconstrained structure put moving by an astoundingly little amassing that by then spread it to the most raised degrees of the affiliation. Right when Saunders offers this to different CEOs and reveals that the entire bunch the whole approach took less a month, they are astounded. "Some have gave that on the off chance that they attempted to do what we did at Allergan, it would have taken months, if not years brent saunders."

[brentsaunders10-blog]

Out of sight Allergan's Social Contract

"Allergan CEO fires back on Hillary Clinton tweet."

That is the course by which CNBC titled a social event between Brent Saunders, Allergan's legitimate, president, and CEO, and Mad Money have Jim Cramer back on September 21, 2015. The tweet being proposed, referencing Turing Pharmaceuticals' vital cost extension of a 62-year-old drug, read:

Drawn nearer by Cramer for a response to the tweet, Saunders replied, "The model she tweeted about today was just a lone appalling condition. I think we have to seclude the unintentional kind of conditions with what truly happens. In addition, review that, we ought to have remarkable with respect to make improvement."

Out of the blue Saunders got himself unequivocally in the recognizable pathway of presidential authoritative issues and its laser-like focus on impacting biopharma for its "lavish" drugs.

Barely short of one year later, Saunders was in a short time viewing a creation quiet assessing disfavor as heads Chuck Grassley (R) Iowa and Amy Klobuchar (D) Minnesota focused the drug with respect to base on Mylan at its cost increments of the EpiPen. "Mylan and Turing were idiosyncrasies, and it genuinely vexed me that an industry so committed to helping people live better lives was being seen so antagonistically by individuals if all else fails," stands up concerning Saunders. It was August 2016, and

Saunders was on the "head affirmed trip" he had taken in around 17 years. "On the flight I started reflecting by and by industry's affirmation to finding balance between the need to place assets into progress and assessing drugs so they are open and moderate," he surveys. In addition, reviewing that Saunders had beginning late used the verbalization "certain discernment" to propose this thought of adjustment, it was while amidst a break that he had the choice to crystalize his thinking. What searches for after is the story behind Allergan's noteworthy decision to formalize its fathomed concurrence with patients.

Takeoff Sparks The Idea Of A Social Contract

Much like various heads, Saunders says he imagines that its difficult to kill the business bit of his psyche during the individual time of an experience. In like manner, the start of the specific perception creeped into his cerebrum during that first journey of his family escape. In the wake of ruminating on the idea for the going with hardly any days, he over the long haul decided to return to an area of his adornments at Allergan to hear their contemplations.

The major three on his once-over were Alex Kelly, EVP Corporate Affairs and executive correspondences official; Bill Meury, EVP and director business authority; and Bob Bailey, EVP and supervisor genuine official and corporate secretary. He picked these three since he figured they could give the most help like working up the central draft of the conspicuous understanding.

"Regardless, I ricocheted the idea off my loved one, to the degree how she accepted it might be gotten," Saunders surrenders. Articulating it with her and particular family members on the journey likewise convinced him he was on to something. "It was an incredibly monstrous social gathering, my in-laws, my family, my family and sister and their families. The fathomed observation was not the subject of this excursion, at any rate there was the spot various family members shared their positive and negative viewpoints on the biopharmaceutical business and what should be conceivable to improve it." As an expansive bit of his intelligently cleared family work in government disability as providers, they hear the voice of the patient and utmost severely structured it might be to suggest a fix that insurance doesn't cover or requires a titanic proportion of work zone work and prior backings.

The principal reactions of the two his family and work collaborators what's more set his general thought that the business expected to achieve more to show all the mind boggling it does. After a short time he basically expected to refine the thought and put it unequivocally.

Refining And Gaining Support

Right when the central little gathering from the start started managing the specific discernment, the goal was not to make any kind of open clarification. "We started taking care of it less knowing where we would finally take it," Saunders yields. The central thought was to check whether there was something that could perhaps be made as an industry code or potentially portray a sort of standard just for Allergan.

"There was a gigantic proportion of forward and in switch as we endeavored to record gauges we felt were crucial to Allergan correspondingly as could help delineate where we stayed on really shaky and flawed issues in individuals as a rule press," he shares. For example, one of the locale where there was a huge proportion of pushback and trade was around the verifiable understanding's explanation of raising the expense of courses of action near the finish of a patent-qualification period. "Distinctive in our industry will everything considered take more cost growthes close to the finish of an answer's life as a techniques for managing the ungainly budgetary impact achieved by loss of exclusivity," Saunders explains. While such cost increments can affect patients, there was some trade concerning whether these sorts of enlargements were fantastically a weight basically borne by confirmation affiliations. "We broke down that for a few days finally agreed the correct action, and where we felt commonly beguiling, was working in a level out duty around assessing instead of tolerating a piecemeal procedure," he explains.

Saunders returned from trip near the completing of August, thusly, with everything considered the get-together had a genuinely better than normal draft of the certain perception. "It was then that I started to share it impressively more extensively with the rest of the Allergan official social event to get more examination," he explains. Saunders probably won't want to have a social unlawful relationship meeting yet, as he anticipated that everyone should feel unimaginable talking through what it proposed. "I didn't anticipate that anyone should feel there was pack pressure, as I was wanting to get particularly satisfying and veritable to life input," he continues. "So I started calling each official position assistant only." Due to get-aways, work timetables, and work travel, it took him a couple of days to meet one-on-one with the total of the administrators. Everything considered, their responses were sure concerning the conspicuous seeing with everything considered and how it was made, at any rate there was some discussion over when it should be coursed. "They reacted so diligently that I thought maybe we ought to just yield it to the whole affiliation," he says. Regardless, before it could be provided for 18,000 laborers, making the fathomed finding in a general sense an open report, Saunders expected to from the beginning grant it to Allergan's top administrative staff. "I sent it out to our heap up and a brief time period later began calling to get their information, which again, was overwhelmingly positive. As the official affiliation and overseeing body comprehended the got perception, Saunders felt the connection had something that conclusively depicted the way Allergan (everything considered) felt about the drugpricing issue. "Our following stage was to offer it to our laborers and individuals with everything considered, at any rate we should be eager to stay behind it," he explains.

An Informal Exercise, Not A Structured Plan

There are a ton of association with corporate worth explanations; J&J's Credo is one industry-express model. Regardless, Allergan didn't use any of those various reports as a model for making its unquestionable discernment. Truth be told, Saunders says that when they started developing the apparent discernment, "We were not accepting this to be as being focus, and we didn't have an ordained yield. We were on an exceptionally fundamental level endeavoring to think about how to memorialize the apparent perception, what it proposed to Allergan, and how we could imagine that ourselves should audit that." He says that, since it began as a decent activity, no "legitimate research" (that he considers) was done to show it in the wake of an alternative that is other than what's ordinary brent saunders.

"I get got a couple of data about the grasped seeing tenaciously," Saunders snickers. "Heads and CEOs from other biopharmaceutical affiliations expect Allergan had a board — an undertaking plan — and that we busy with some purposeful structure to put this thing out." That couldn't in any way at all be dynamically upside down, in any case. Or then again maybe, he says it was fundamentally logically an unconstrained method put moving by an astoundingly small accumulating that by then spread it to the most raised degrees of the association. Right when Saunders offers this to various CEOs and unveils that the whole distance the entire approach took not so much a month, they are confounded. "Some have bestowed that if they endeavored to do what we did at Allergan, it would have taken months, if not years."

[wisdomrays]

Fleeting Storms, Perennial Breezes

Despite all odds, time seems to flow toward long awaited days of splendor and hours of bliss. Albeit, there is a shadowy presence of ominous days which cultivate an “evil” that is disposed to mischief; this is in spite of the looming storms that whip around us from time to time and notwithstanding the certain wicked spirits which are devoted to relentless destruction and demolition, who have the sole aim of silencing believers by lighting fires of tribulation everywhere. However, in the face of all such storms, the great majority of us—with the will of God—continue to search and pursue beauty and embellish our dreams with charm. Enlivened by such depths of pleasure, which caresses our feelings of rapture, we are aware that the doors of the palaces of bliss beyond are creaking open. From where we stand, as if coiled to jump to the heavens like a spiral, we are immersed in contemplation and we find ourselves in this luminous world for brief moments of melodious elation, in defiance of the blizzards raging outside.

By virtue of the light that faith and trust in the Absolute Truth emits within us, we are neither shaken by the noise and clamor that is being intentionally made around us, nor do we panic in the face of the dust that envelopes us. Instead, with this strength from the inner light, we are resolute in the face of the tyrant and any of the cruelties that befall upon us without cessation. For we are of those who hold trust in God and arm ourselves with wisdom; we are of those whose endeavor it is to aspire to spiritual zeal and God’s superior pleasure in every place while living up to our unique cultural values.

At the present time, with the dawn of every new day and the fresh blessings that are within-may the Hand of Power behind them be glorified-we, together with all believers, seem to be elevated to a realm that in its beauty contains pavilions of heaven, exquisiteness, and great beauty; this occurs after we have been cleansed from innumerable centuries of ancient fog and smoke that cover the entire world. The seething animosity, hatred, and raging wrath on our right or on our left does not concern us. So prevalent are these perpetual breezes within those most terrifying of blizzards, typhoons, and thunder storms, which are part of the commonplace events that go unnoticed, that they cause the weak at heart to despair; yet we march resolutely on. We stride towards those peaks of ideals that gleam with the radiant days dreamed of in our souls. Unswervingly we tread in the direction of our ancestors’ spiritual ambiance.

Gripping tightly with faith and active hope, we live with the belief that one day we will be revived as ourselves and we will stand on our own two feet. This hope to which we cling at all times has, in fact, left the windows for a new resurrection open. Even during merciless times and ruthless events, we have reserved our faith for those imminent and promised heavenly days. Lying behind our submission, surrender, and trust is the fact that we have given ourselves over to the Hand of Blessing, for He will transform both this world and the beyond into flawless abodes for us. We have arrived at the conviction that all good done in this world will flow into the vineyards and gardens in the realm that is beyond. In the face of the abundant favors which are bestowed upon believers, we always discern the divine messages and humbly rejoice at the indications of such Divine attention. We rejoice and are almost completely unaware of such severe dolor.

What is more, and this is not an overstatement, in the tasks in which we are employed and on the path on which we walk almost every one of us can hear the rhymes of the Hereafter, like beautiful poetry, echoing within the depths of our hearts. Although such sensations arise in proportion to the expanse of one’s inner world, nonetheless every believing soul can intuit these elevated ideals and esteemed reminiscences that were once a remarkable poem.

However, at times and under particular conditions such elation and literacy in the meaning of events may not be perceived. On occasion, due to our immaturity, we may even view our surroundings in a fog. Particular states of affairs may cause such murkiness, however, none of this is permanent; given that faith, surrender, and submission have penetrated our souls, then all of these shall come to pass; as they do, they will impart within us a renewed spirit of endurance. In fact, for people of this caliber of insight, life is experienced afresh every day-this is a kind of life which occasions as many unexpected events as it does ordinary ones, and each day presents laughter interspersing the laments, ecstasy follows upon agony, and permanent pleasures come with suffering.

On the horizon of the believer, the summer heralds revival in the same way that spring does, while autumn and winter paint sunsets with the color of dawn and deliver the glad tidings of resurrection. Thus is the course of these four seasons, which follow one another with unique promises of bliss in the ambiance of pure delight, enchantment, and relief. Each morning delivers the exhilaration of the revival, the days give rise to a different enjoyment to all, the evenings unwrap shutters of the realms beyond, and the nights swathe all things with such charm that the language of the soul can be decoded in the heart with each blessed hour. Every minute and each second sparks a light and holiness that melts even the coldest of hearts with the warmth of mercy.

In this spiritual atmosphere, who knows what ingenious reflections people contemplate in proportion to their capacity, what inarticulate things they murmur about realms unknown by many, in what profound visions they immerse themselves, and on what horizons of the beyond their sights are set. The moment these reflections take wing toward the heavenliness of the past, they roam in the sweetest dreams of the future and they garner a variety of things from the virgin garden of considerations that is connected to the realms beyond this world.

Yes, due to the two wings of faith and hope we are able to fly through infinity with our insight and affection. As we continue to strengthen our relationship with Him, time and again we are so aware of matters that exceed our imagination that it is as if we are being embraced by compassion from all four directions. Our ambience shimmers with otherworldliness and we regard our abode as the corridor to the Hereafter. This particular world, constructed in accordance and perception of our inner universe, transforms itself into an enchanted world that announces the luminosities that lie beyond. It is because of this boundless inner sight that our horizon never truly darkens in its entirety; even though the darkness may fall, layer upon layer, most of the time our spiritual sight shines powerfully with the gleams of the Hereafter. So long as we pay due diligence to where we are, making the best of the conditions in which we find ourselves, and set focus on our permanent horizon, we will never be destitute.

Dwelling with the marvels of His blessings, we can assuredly rely on “strong support” (Hud 11:80) and with such a point of recourse we can unwaveringly challenge the most gigantic waves that can confront us. On occasions though, certain times which appear to have veered off course and which are saturated with ruthless events may appear to impede our path and they can potentially dishearten some. Yet the storms or typhoons that come and clash with our bosoms will strengthen our immunity; they go as they come and leave behind numerous gifts that are manifest in the qualities that make us who we are. This is the way through which worries vanish and concerns are truly transformed into pleasures; “all praise belongs to God” replaces the moans and the events that occur around us start to shimmer with promises of imminent bliss.

Thus far, in accordance with such light, sparked by the faith and emitting from within, and the resulting hope that rests all its security upon the Absolute Truth, we have been able to perceive and evaluate everything in a manner of beauty and elation. Henceforth, with the same fervor of hope, we stand firm in our position and remain intact; our insight will discern everything through the same light. Hence now, O you unreceptive wind of hate and bitterness! Go and blow from any corner you please! Soon the Irresistible Power will surely pronounce to you “enough is enough O arrogant one, cease your snarling … cease now!”

[college-girl199328]

The 82-year-old says he wants that suffering to end. He wants to do it legally, painlessly, in a way that respects his loved ones. He wants medical assistance in dying.

But like many Canadians who suffer from mental illnesses that their doctors have been unable to successfully treat, Scully has had to wait.

The Liberal government passed legislation in 2021 that would expand eligibility to patients whose only condition is a mental disorder developed. Last month, it hastily legislated another year of delay.

Scully said in an interview that the wait is beyond agonizing. "I have utter contempt for the panels and the government that has delayed the application of (assisted dying)," Scully said. "They can't make up their minds. That's the reason they kick the can down the road."

The Liberal government's decision to expand medical assistance to people with mental illness as a sole underlying condition has sparked a wide range of reactions in Canada, which is set to join just a few in granting access for this reason.

Opponents, including some disability advocates, have expressed concern over whether it will further open the door to abuse and coercion and that people will choose to end their lives when to support, including housing and mental health care.

There are also concerns over a lack of consensus among medical experts over whether a mental illness is "grievous and irremediable" to meet the criteria for medical assistance in dying.

Conservative Leader Pierre Poilievre has promised to repeal the expansion should he become prime minister. Supporters argue the move will give autonomy and dignity to people who have exhausted all other treatment options and that not doing so would violate the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms by discriminating against those with a disability.

Scully, a former journalist who covered 35 war zones in a lengthy and award-winning career, also suffers from severe spinal stenosis and chronic kidney disease. But these physical ailments do not qualify him for assisted death.

As the law stands, on March 17, 2024, Scully will finally be eligible to apply, though he expressed doubt that the government will follow through on its commitment.

He already has the paperwork. But he said he's too frustrated to start filling out the forms. "I haven't touched them might rip them up." Scully described his condition as "non-stop, incessant, incurable and his life as "joyless" due to severe mental illness. He said he feels the government has backed him into a corner.

"That's a hell of a choice they've imposed upon me, and I presume other folks: (assisted dying) or suicide." Dr. Chantal Perrot, a family physician who does assessments and delivers medically assisted deaths, says it's "awful for patients to be in a position of thinking that they have a choice between continuing to suffer in a major way versus taking their own lives."

The latter also "contributes to the suffering of family and friends who love them," Perrot said. "For most people, suicide is a very isolated and lonely act, and that's not how a dignified end of life should be."

She said there is no need to further delay the patient is assessed on a case-by-case basis, taking into consideration the unique particularities of their lives and circumstances and wishes," she said.

"We will carry out those assessments as we have assessments for all the other patients requesting (assisted dying), and we will do it with the integrity and thoroughness that we apply to all of our medical work."

Scully said he discounts the need for consultation with doctors and family before accessing assisted death said the situation has caused him to lose faith in the system and question whether it has his best interests at heart.

Ultimately, he said: "I am the one who should decide if I should die." Perrot said that since medically assisted deaths have become available, the diversity of people accessing them is "as remarkable as the breadth of the population." But she can't always do assessments because many people do not qualify under the current rules.

"It's difficult telling people that they have to wait yet another year," she said, in the case of those whose irremediable condition is a mental illness.

In a statement, Justice Minister David Lametti said he knows that the delay is frustrating and disappointing. But he doubled down on the saying it is the "prudent path forward" so the government can consider expert recommendations and practitioners can get up to speed on complex cases.

"Medical assistance in dying is a complex and deeply personal issue for many people and their families," Lametti said. "It is critical that we get this right."

Many other patients are frustrated because of eligibility concerns beyond the current framework. For Ron Posno, who has mid-stage Alzheimer's and dementia, assisted dying is still out of reach -- even though he can foresee wanting to access it when his condition becomes mentally and physically debilitating.

Because when it gets to that point, he may not be able to lucidly articulate to practitioners that an assisted death is what he wants, as is currently required by law.

A special joint committee of Parliament released a report in February recommending that the government allow people with an incurable medical condition, disease or disorder that leads to incapacity to put in an advance request for assisted dying.

"My wife and I are living very well at this time of our lives, and we're doing what we can do," Posno said. "But part of that relief is the belief that I will access (assisted dying) when it becomes available."

Posno said he has already gone through all the processes for accessing the program, including having his request reviewed by an independent doctor. He said he has been assured by his medical providers an assisted death would be provided if the federal government decided to add advance requests to the system.

There is no sign that Ottawa is moving toward that any time soon, but Posno is still optimistic that he will be able to die in the dignified way that he wants to.

"It's a beacon of hope for those of us who are facing something we do not want to deal with," he said. "It gives us a way out, a beacon of hope."

[askatemplarchampion40k-blog]

⏳

“It was an emotional moment, that first time I took a life.

I recall it as being a particularly short and prompt crusade. Not all of them are ten year epics across a dozen worlds. Many are over and done with in an instant, blink and you miss them.

It was, I will further admit, not a good use of Templar resources. We’re at our best putting down hardened chaos heretics, renegade guard veterans, alien freaks, and swaths of mutants. More conventional renegades, breakaway worlds, ‘free holds’ and that sort are best left to Guard regiments. The exception was made because A, we were close by, and B, the world held one of our chapter keeps, and the natives cries of demanding freedom were too loud to ignore.

What confuses me to this day is the nature of their calls for liberation from oppression. Oppression? The Imperium is undoubtedly one of the most fair and enlightened governments mankind has ever known. It is policed by faith and fury to ensure that an uncountable sum are kept safe and happy. It gives freely good word and for its honest citizens, and defends their souls against the suggestion of the damned and the alien. How simple it is then to point out heretics amidst such a throng of equity and justice. Inquisitors must have a fairly simple time of it, honestly.

In any case, the populace rebelled. I think the spark was a food crisis, as it often is. In all honesty I impress myself by recalling any detail at all.

My first battle was not the same in which I made my first kill. The first battle I participated in was against a strange metallic man-like xenos that seemed rather impervious to normal weaponry. I was wrong of course- I probably just didnt aim correctly, but nonetheless, no kills to my name. Thankfully, our combat with them was a short lived one- not a full crusade action, when we were deployed to this place. I cannot for the life of me recall its name. Ah, but it matters not.

I fought with combat knife and bolt pistol, and I regret I lacked appreciation for either. Looking back, I was slow, sloppy, and sought to suppress with my weapon, not kill. Perhaps I was squeamish or nervous- I had yet to fully comprehend that I knew no fear.

My first kill was taken in a brief burst of unprofessional excitement. Our squad was moving from the south on Governor square, where a local cell of resistance was housed, occupying the planetary government building. Other forces and initiates moved up other streets. Our particular group came under fire from a fairly well set up ambush. Well enough for two other neophytes to die, due to their weaker armor; grenade launcher action, if anyone is wondering. I saw movement on a balcony, pointed my pistol at the figure, and fired four rounds. The humanoid figure, apparently a female rebel warrior, blew to pieces of course; padded clothing does not stop a bolt round. A mixture of feelings went fleetingly through my thick  young skull: who was this being who now fell in three parts several stories down? Did they have family? Why fight against our emperor? Was what I had done a good thing, or a bad thing? Was combat supposed to be about shooting armed civilians? I remember those thoughts. I also remember a simple, almost bored sounding overruling reply to them all: Not important, find and eliminate the next target. After something like a half second I complied. To my credit, I killed three more before that day was done, probably wounded even more.

I spoke to my initiate afterward, about the thoughts, and the assured voice correcting them. I remember Helmuth told me: “No, neophyte. You forget so quickly your conditioning? Hm, perhaps you might- a side effect of the process.”

You see, astartes are fully aware we are conditioned by the chapter on induction. When the emperor declared that we should know no fear, that we should be his fist in the universe, he meant that in a very real sense. It is a precaution gladly taken up after Horus’ betrayal, to ensure we, the marines that have come after, will not betray the emperor’s love. Part of our unconditional promise is to give up a part of ourselves, a small morsel of our free will. In exchange, we are fearless, doubtless, and righteous. Even though some among our fellowship have fallen to darkness since the great mockery of His majestic legions by the arch-enemy, we have sired a galaxy full of strong willed and clear minded warriors. We Astartes rejected the concerns of our corruption by proving through great deeds of faith and purity that we would never again flag in our devotion, something that I am sure does great service to those brothers old enough to recall the days of the legions of old.

So it is that my moments of clouded judgement were overruled by the safeguards locked into my mind by my fellow brothers. So it is that I gladly stand as eternal watchman over His Realms. I take to my grim and doomed fate gladly, with a smile upon my lips, a hymn from within my heart. I serve the Emperor unquestioningly.

Those weak doubts and thoughts were washed away, in time. As I slowly learned discipline the hard way, by making the brash errors of youth, the taciturn voice of my conditioning was heard less, and less, replaced by the voices of the great heroes of my life: my initiate mentor, my castellan, the chaplain, the sergeant- so many brothers heroes and martyrs all steering me toward eternal blessed service.

In time I found, in a casual reflection, that my voice and the voice of the conditioning were one in the same, echoed in my words now as they were in those of helmuth back in the day, and ever other full battle brother. In some ways, we all think the same, act the same, move as one cohesive unit, our weapons and battle cry forming a chorus to the chant of the Emperor’s wrath.

This is why the conditioning allows for a pristine recollection of those early days. So complete is the marines sublimation in the Imperial Creed, that it need not self police. I think back to it fondly, albeit with some modest embarrassment. It is a point of pride to note how far I have come”

[coleenbrennanfilmblog]

Research Agenda & Rationale

Throughout this semester I want to continue my work as a Documentary Director. My previous work concerns the exploration of the human condition and the experiences people face living in Scotland. I find myself drawn to individuals who intrigue me, due to the way they live their lives and how that differs from what may be considered the ‘norm’. I enjoy spending time with these people and creating a film that represents them in a creative way. I am also interested in the different social issues that are present in Scotland and how that affects individuals. I find myself drawn to interesting landscapes and the way we interact with them. I am primarily invested in exploring the human condition and the way we navigate our environment, particularly in Scotland. 

I take a lot of inspiration from the work of Agnes Varda, her use of observational techniques to explore people and landscapes mirror that of my own. Her approaches are ones I wish to emulate in my filmmaking. Despite being a fiction filmmaker, I reference Lynne Ramsay a lot in my research. Her social realist style in films like Ratcatcher and Morven Callar is very interesting to me. These are my primary filmmaker references but I tend to turn to other sources for my filmmaking. Books, exhibitions, news articles and photography are really beneficial for my documentary research. I am currently reading Glue by Irvine Welsh, his fiction is a great source as it offers detail into the difficult social and political issues present in Edinburgh in the 90s, and the way that people react to this. I also read a lot of non-fiction concerned with aspects of the human condition, this stems from a personal interest which now informs my filmmaking. Reading content like this allows me to find greater meaning in what my characters share with me, and create a film that offers greater insight on life as a whole - making an individual's story relevant to everyone. I also want to continue going to exhibitions, particularly photography exhibitions. Whilst not directly related to film, I find that a lot of photography exhibitions spark creativity and ideas that help me explore my subject in a new way. 

Engaging and exposing myself to this range of media will help me develop my idea for my grad film. Currently, I am not feeling entirely inspired by any particular idea. In doing all my research methods as stated above, I will develop an idea that is relevant to the type of stories I want to tell and aligns with my filmmaking style. I am also open to engaging with as many new people as possible to find stories through conversation. I will be keeping a diary of this research so that I am constantly progressing. My methods of development will become more specific once I find an idea that I want to pursue.

[the-canary]

Sky Full of Song (4/10)

Summary: Giving a recovering amnesiac the proper musical education he was missing, wasn’t supposed to involve feelings, right? (Reader/Bucky Barnes)

Prompt:  “Should I reveal exactly how I feel?”

Word Count: 1643

Masterlist

A/N: This is for @redgillan writing challenge.This chapter was a hot mess, but please enjoy!

Feedback is always appreciated.

Warnings: Sam. Frank Sinatra appreciation.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

“Ok, who’s the best member of the Rat Pack?” Four questions behind the dark-haired woman, as he tends to his own wounds. She frowns at the unnecessary talk, but knows that you need it in order to keep your mind off of the current situation. Your hands are a bright blue with whatever anxiety you are currently feeling in the aftermath of the mission, and she doesn’t want to call Director Hill saying that you had taken down the plane on the way back to the compound.

“ Ow ,” you pause as Two deals with the large scar running across your forehead, “In terms of what? Aesthetic, music, scandalous lifestyle?”   

“Music?” he questions, unsure of where is discussion is going and how heated it might actually become.

“Sinatra, duh ,” you and Two echo each other at same time, as Four frowns – suddenly upset over you having Two on your side, but to be honest that was most of the time.  

“Ugh…really? I was gonna say Dean Martin,” he confesses and both of you turn to gawk at him.

“ Wow Four, I don’t know you anymore,” you murmur, as the glow begins to dim but you can’t really laugh when Two is still tending to you wounds.

“Me neither,” Two remarks so that only you can hear, and that causes a hearty laugh to leave your lips, which causes your older teammates to smile.

Bucky frowns midway through the current Elvis song before changing it to the next one, which is a smoother and easier beat as Patsy Cline’s sweet voice begins to filter into the small recreational area. He leans into the love seat and remembers you sweetly dancing to the song after your last training session. He had quickly found out that while the King was your training music, you tended to switch it up to slower music to calm yourself down. You would sway and hum as you would put the gear away, and he couldn’t help but – nope, nope, not heading there. He sighs and runs a hand through his hair before hearing on oddly curious and annoying voice next to him.

“Ok, Vanilla Ice,” Sam grins and takes a sit on the couch across from him, opening the Pandora’s Box he had been trying to avoid, “ Who’s the girl?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Bucky replies in annoyance, as he gets up slightly and presses stop to the music.

“It took me two months to get you to listen to Marvin Gaye ,” Sam gives him that shit-faced smile that he hates so much because he knows, “Now, you’re listening to Elvis Presley like some lovestruck teen. You can’t tell me there isn’t anybody, Barnes?’

“No, there—I—” he tries to fight back before, “FOUR! PUT ME DOWN!”

Blue eyes turn to look beyond the glass walls to see a group of three people walking down the hall., however his attention is drawn to the woman being carried over the blond man’s shoulder. The blond shakes his head and Bucky can see the woman is injured with bandages wrapped up to her elbows and there is a bandage on her forehead. You’re injured , but you are too busy complaining and hitting the blond to pay attention. The dark-haired woman walking next to the two of you notices Sam and Bucky staring and gives them an apologetic smile before pushing the blond to move faster.       

“Is that your girl?” Sam’s teasing voice breaks Bucky out of his stupor as he realizes that he had gotten up from the chair and was now close to the glass entrance. The soldier lets out shaky breath and just stands there for a moment.

“Shouldn’t you go check on her?”

“…I don’t know where her room is,”is all he can say.

“Damn, weren’t you supposed to be a charmer and what not?” Sam laughs as Bucky glares at him before leaving the room and walking in the opposite direction of where you had gone.

sixth night.   

“The overexertion of your power caused your nervous system to flare up and become painful to move. We can give you some medication, but you can’t touch anything electronic for now.”

“You gonna be okay like this, sweets?” Four’s concerned voice makes you frown, as you push the blanket a bit down to cover your legs. You didn’t want to be alone in your room, but you really couldn’t go into the office which was full of machines and other materials that could harm you at the current moment. So, you dragged yourself (with the help of Four) to one of the small living spaces, though your teammates were still watching you like hawks.

“I’m fine, mom,” you reply in with disdain, as he shakes his head and laughs. He ruffles your hair in big brother sort of way and tells you to holler at them or F.R.I.D.A.Y if you need anything. You grumble but ask the AI for one thing before he leaves.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y, please play Angel Eyes ,” your murmur and Four lets out a dry laugh before leaving. And that’s how you spend much of your late night, listening to Sinatra with the hope that he will ease your nerves enough to drag you into the land of sleep – though the lonesomeness of it all had you hoping for some company. A certain person in particular in mind, though you pout and try not to think about it, but that doesn’t seem enough after the 3 rd Sinatra song.  

“Damn, I’m bored,” you murmur into the emptiness of the room, completely unaware that a super soldier is walking around the halls unable to sleep due to the recurring nightmares, but with questions in regards to your current condition bothering him as well.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y, play Pal Joey !” you yell in sleepy frustration, as you stifle a yawn.  You snuggle into the middle of couch and cover yourself completely with the blanket as the screen shows you the familiar Columbia Pictures logo. The sudden sound grabs Bucky’s attention as he walks over to where the noise is coming from, but you’re already too caught up into the movie and Joey Evan’s antics to pay attention to the door opening. You see Bucky standing at the left end of the couch from the corner of your eye and smile.

“Watch this with me,” you state and he starts take a seat when you stop him for a moment. He frowns, thinking that he has done something wrong.  

“You should probably sit on the other side,” you explain as the movie pauses.

“W-What?” his fists tighten for a moment, thinking you probably don’t want to be so close to him in such an intimate way. It scares him and the air feels colder than usual. He isn’t scared of your rejection (he swears it), but he knows he’s lying even if he doesn’t understand why at the current moment. You look up at him with sheepish smile and hold out your arms.  

“My powers…do electrical stuff ,” you fidget your fingers through the bandages as tiny sparks pop up here and there, before you hiss in pain and turn to look him, “Your arm’s mechanical, no? ”

Bucky is dumbstruck for a moment and wants to ask what your power is (he wants to ask a lot of things actually), but you turn to go back to the movie, and he finds himself going to the other side of the couch and sitting beside you. You explain some of the beginning of the movie before letting him enjoy the rest on his own, and while the movie brags here and there for him what he enjoys the most is seeing you sway back and forth to the music and mouthing the words to all the songs whenever they came on. From the nightmares that he had just experienced, this is sort of a comfy haze for him that ends too quickly as he watches Joey and Vera walking hand-in-hand.

You’re grinning when you turn to look at him as you set yourself to sit sideways with a bandaged hand underneath your chin, eyes full of expectation and obvious love for the movie, “So what’chu think?”

“It was…all right,” Bucky answers, not really wanting to explain that he really wasn’t the movie most of the time.

“I know that’s not his best movie,” you shrug, “there are some better ones and he’s a musical icon. My grandma would say: If I hadn’t had married your grandpa, I would have gone after Ol’ Blue Eyes.”

You laugh, remembering the older woman and how much she loved music; it was something you had probably gotten from her growing up. Bucky turns to look at you with a soft smile, as you keep explaining Sinatra’s music career to him.

“So, what your favorite song?” he questions and in that moment he swears that your eyes light up.

“Witchcraft ,” you breath in and snuggle into the blanket a bit more as the crooning voice of Sinatra begins to play through the room, you grin and thank F.R.I.D.A.Y. Everything is starting to feel a bit more sluggish and you try to explain why you love this song, how you used to spend every Sunday afternoon making desserts with your grandmother to this wonderful voice, but all you do is yawn. You lean a bit more into the couch and pat the couch cushion for the soldier to follow suit.

'cause it's witchcraft, that crazy witchcraft  And although I know it's strictly taboo  When you arouse the need in me  My heart says "Yes, indeed" in me  "Proceed with what you're leadin' me to"

“Goodnight Bucky,” you hum before slowly falling asleep.

Bucky leans in and while he freezes the moment he feels your head leaning into his shoulder, your shallow breathing draws him into the land of sleep as well.

“Goodnight, doll.”

Part 4.5

[rwbydrivels-blog]

Can I request headcanons for Qrow, Ozpin, Glynda, and Emerald with a s/o that has severe anxiety and panic attacks?

as a person with panic anxiety, i hope i did my best. i completed the characters from alphabetical order by last name (which is the list your presented) to make things a bit easier. i apologize if i got carried away from character to character; there were so many ways i wanted to cover with it, but i didn’t want to make it too long! i hope you like it!

QROW BRANWEN

Admittedly, Qrow is not the best when it comes to dealing with emotions – especially with his own. He often keeps to himself and isn’t one to publicly express his more negative emotions, and prefers to keep it masked if he can.

In regards to his significant other, however, it won’t take long for him to realize what is wrong and upsetting them. While he brushes off his own inner turmoil, he would be a fool to ignore what was sending his s/o in such a spiral.

Their quickened breathing, jittery behaviour, change in temperature, and overall apprehensive nature will capture his attention immediately. He may at first approach them rashly out his own impulse – he is not angry at them, but concerned with the situation and wanting to know what was the cause.

While he has not had the highest extent of panic, he has had cases of mild anxiety, especially in regards to past experiences involving those he cared about. From what he has learned himself, he will tread carefully, all the while being sure they are OK.

He will keep a respectable distance if they request it, but will check in on them and return to see if their health has improved or they need assistance.

If they were to request his presence, he will remain by their side until he feels they are safe or of a lighter headspace. Qrow will be cautious in regards to physically comforting them if that is not something they want, all the while, speaking to them in a low tone, softly reassuring them that he will help them in any way he can.

“Hey, hey, I’m right here. Whaddya want me to do to help?”

GLYNDA GOODWITCH

While she has a stern persona and remains incredibly stoic due to her profession, this does not mean she lacks empathy. 

If they were to have a panic attack in front of her, she would avert her attention from her previous project and instead focus solely on them. If they were able, she would slowly move them to a quieter, and more calm environment for them to decompress.

Glynda is aware the heart-rate accelerates, and will quietly remind them to take slow, deep breaths if they can. She will not raise her voice for any means, and make sure that they are undisturbed.

She is patient and understanding, wanting to make sure they are able to speak after they calm down. In no way will she rush them, or bombard them with questions if they are short of breath and trembling, or withdrawing into themselves.

If they are shaking, needing someone to help them stop from shaking – any form of physical contact – she will be there. Firmly she will keep their hands within her own, rubbing circles on the backs of their hands, keeping steady eye contact to make sure they do not show any drastic signs or expressions.

Lovingly she will press a gentle kiss on their forehead, warm green eyes meeting with their own.

“Do you need anything, dear? You’re doing a great job.”

EMERALD SUSTRAI

She makes sure no one disturbs the two of them as she tends to them, centering all of her attention on her significant other. She will not have anyone near the two of them, unless they specifically request so.

Being with them for an extended period of time, she has noticed what can affect them more negatively, and makes sure not to overstep her boundaries. Seeing them in tears and shaking breaks her heart, and she refuses to leave them alone.

She encourages them to breathe, keeping a close eye on them. She lets the panic pass naturally as well as she can, not wanting to possibly spark their panicked state higher.

Emerald does not try to calm them down verbally by saying “Calm down”, and similarly related phrases. She is predictable, speaking in short, clear sentences. She does, however, slowly help them of breathing and phrasing exercises that had helped them before in the past.

Though they are anxious, she remains supportive and calm with them, assuring them that she will not leave any time soon.

“You will be alright. I’m not leaving until you feel better.”

“I’m right here with you.”

PROFESSOR OZPIN

Ozpin is incredibly intelligent and perceptive, though does not speak on absolutely everything. He prefers to only speak if he absolutely has to, but is not one to let things go to extremes if he can avoid it.

If his significant other is having a panic attack, he pays incredibly close attention to their body behaviour, such as to if they would accept or reject him physically if they are in such a state of shock.

Their thoughts spiraling out of control, skin becoming clammy and palpitations rapid, he will remain near them to prevent their condition from escalating. He will not make sudden movements or say anything out of turn to stress them.

He will ask what they need of him, and how he can be of help. He will never assume that he knows them well enough to completely remove the panic-anxiety from them, but stands by, positively assuring that he will work with them emotionally and psychologically, if he is allowed.

Ozpin is available for them, willing to let them speak to him. He will not judge and provides positive affirmations towards the thoughts that cloud their mind. “You will get through this,” and “Breathe with me?”

He would make them a drink to help keeping them hydrated, something light but also refreshing to their taste buds. While he has his particular fondness of various teas, he will remember their preferred drink and make it for them.

“You are not a burden.”

[jorjathomas]

Comparing existing magazines

As I've began to do some mild research, I thought it was beneficial to gather some information regarding my intended audience. I should see if there's a gap in the market for this particular self help magazine or if it would be high in demand or not. In this post, I have compared old magazines that were published for young women to see what has changed and what particular topics have became more popular over the years. Obviously magazines aren't as popular anymore for teens as most people would pick up a phone and scroll to kill time rather than buy a magazine from your local store however, I'm interested to see the comparison between the two. 

Old vs New

At first, I was going to compare two magazines and analyse the differences however as I started to do some research, I thought it would be interesting to see how certain magazines which have been running for a long period have changed over time as digital journalism has grown. I will contrast these brands with zine businesses which suits my idea.

Tiger Beat:

Google states ’Tiger Beat was founded in September 1965 by Charles "Chuck" Laufer, his brother Ira Laufer, and television producer and host Lloyd Thaxton. The magazine features teen idol gossip and carries articles on movies , music and fashion.’ This magazine is aimed towards adolesant girls just like my idea which is interesting to see the differences. Its funny to see how young women were perceived from looking as this magazines as they seem very celebrity based. As Tiger Beat is created by men, I'm assuming this is what they think teenage girls think about. I would say in the 60s this was true as boy bands where the hot spot for screaming girls however personally having a magazine just to get in the celebrity gossip is draining. The 60s was a very pivotal time for music and musicians didn't have a massive social platform like most artists do now so having a magazine like this is where fans would get updates about their lives. I think my opinions about Tiger Beat are solely based on how this generation has changed, I've defiantly bought zines just like this if it has my idol on the front however when looking at certain quotations and how its predominantly males being displayed despite being for girls is strange to me. For example the third image on the right where it advertised a ‘Peek inside Justin Biebers room’.  Not only does this feed on the artists personal life but it heightens this concept of teenagers becoming a obsessive fan. when looking at this magazine I begin to question whether this sort of content is normal for teenagers or am I just conditioned to believe it is what I should be thinking about as a teenage girl? Its even more ironic that this is made by men aswell but I don't know if that's the activist in me. To conclude, there was defiantly a gap in the market for supporting young adults when entering the real world as you can see. 

Teen zone:

Again, continuing with my previous opinions Teen Zone had the same intentions for their audience. Looking back at their earlier issues, it mas predominantly celebrity based. This involves gossip, looks and updates in their ‘perfect’ lives. This defiantly increased the idea of needing to be famous and look good all the time in order to be successful or good in life. These magazines are full of photoshopped faces with content telling people that they could look a certain way to feel accepted. Although looking briefly at the magazines are harmless I think they can be deep rooting in the problems girls feel in society when growing up. The only difference with this magazine in comparison to Tiger Beat is that they are still running as a business and have changed their content significantly. Teen zone only publish online now and when researching into their content i was surprised when seeing their statement. It states ‘TeenZone Digital Magazine is a magazine for the South African teenager. Teens in today’s society are increasingly being fed a diet entirely consisting of celebrity gossip. This grossly underestimates them. Teens today have voices that we all need to hear. They need to be taken seriously, and to be given the opportunity to express their views and concerns; to ask the important questions and receive trustworthy, accurate advice; and to enjoy themselves in a safe environment. TeenZone seeks to provide this platform. It is a magazine for teens, by teens.’ 

Teens in society now are much more vocal on certain events and I think we are defiantly becoming more aware on subjects which we may have not noticed before. The fact that Teen Zone has turned this around and creating a platform for teens to speak on matters special to them in inspiring and what I want to do also. They've defiantly succeeded well since moving digital as articles are much more accessible than a printed zine.

This is a picture of their website which differs from their zine. They have toned down their imagery and noticed as they are able to add more content onto a site.

As i began to look further into popular magazines from particular decades, eg; teen vogue, J-14 etc, I began to see the same results and outcomes. They were all very similar in content but I was surprised to finally see a magazine which although was produced a little later than the others, was drastically different to the others. Both aesthetically and within their content. This was a magazine called Rookie.

Rookie:

What makes Rookie magazine so different to the others is that this business was created by teenagers for teenagers. They are much more closer to their audience and were able to relate to the content they were giving out. Rather than adults profiting of their perception of what a teenager goes through despite not being one. I personally can see the differences between the two. Firstly Rookie stood out to me because of its collage-like personality. Its much more playful and personal than the previous zines I've looked at. The layered imagery with colourful texture achieves this friendly environment for teenagers to read though. I defiantly want to achieve this with my zine and I am going to look into this sort of work digitally and also physically to achieve a dimensional look rather than all of my work looking flat or 2D. 

This is a screenshot of Rookies site. Not only do they produce articles that teens can read for pleasure or to gain information, they also have platforms that can actually gives teens a place to talk and interact with others which I think is the drastic change for the industry. Interacting with the audience on a personal level proves that Rookie cares for their audience and wants to spark change. Unfortunately Rookie has stop publishing altogether as a business since 2018 for financial reasons.

Other magazines that I am interested in: As I've looked into previous magazines and began to understand their concept and beliefs,  I began to look into modern magazines that also produce the same concept as me and to see what makes them so different especially since there has been a massive sift in the journalism industry. Both of the publications below are fairly similar. Both want to create change and form a safe space where women learn new subjects which may not be normalise yet are very important for personal growth. They both combine their articles with art which helps create a visual understanding of their zine even better than standard text. I defiantly aim to follow these footsteps but I need to search for an unique concept that could help my idea become more popular for a young girl to read. I wanted to this as sadly both of these zines are either discontinued or temporality stopped making issues which makes me assume this idea isn't that successful so far whether that's due to the pandemic or society as a whole I'm unsure as of yet. I will begin to look at the impact of Covid on magazines later to understand why so many of these great businesses aren't running anymore despite having a positive impact on young women.

Got a girl crush:  “Got a Girl Crush is a blog and annual print magazine about women, by women, for everyone. We aim to disrupt the broken narrative of most women's publications and tell stories of all ages, races, and backgrounds of women all over the world. We believe that print is not dead and that there is value to having a tangible medium to read, digest, and share--rather than sharing a link online that is easily forgotten tomorrow.”

(Issue 3, published September 2016 from https://issuu.com/gotagirlcrush/docs/girlcrush_issue05_content-final )

I liked this magazine statement because it isn't restrictive on a specific audience. They mention that their content is open for anyone which I think is surprising. When thinking about making this zine I wanted to think of content that isn't too limiting or biased towards women as I think the real change in society will have to come from men's views and actions aswell as women's. When looking at their monthly articles, it was very text heavy. They had many important figures like planetary scientist Carolyn Porco, human rights activist Grace Lee Bogg menstrual activist & drummer Kiran Gandhi etc. Each had powerful stories to tell and impact onto readers. Despite this the illustrations and other visual forms of art broke down this barrier which is why it didn't look too overwhelming. I will follow through with this if not add more art into my final outcome as I’d like to be more creative for this project and really experiment with collaging. I had briefly did this in the first project and enjoyed the process.

Selva Beat: “Selva Beat is an environmental magazine with an edge. We take environmentalism and place it in the context of your favorite topics – beauty, fashion, culture, food, sex, love – to make activism as accessible and engaging as possible. Founded in 2014, we began as a way of educating the public about conflict palm-oil and have expanded into a multi-media platform that motivates others to better the planet through creative means.”

A magazines visual décor is very important as sadly you do judge the book by the front cover. Initially, this is what I liked about Selva Beat, it was very colourful and they had nice curvy, bubbled typography which isn't that common on magazines. When researching I didn't realise they were very environmentally orientated aswell as being a conscious feminist magazine. I was saddened that they aren't running anymore as I think this magazine would've been a good pivotal point.