#which is to say. i have to delete everything i wrote and start all over

[heldbybarnes]

hii! i’m sorry if im being annoying, but i do have a question tho

some time ago i saw a fic in which bucky, sam and the reader go to bucky’s therapy appointment together and i think it was maybe yours but im not sure. i think bucky and the reader are in an established relationship and sam recommended to them they they should go together bc he feels as if there was some tension between them and at some point in the appointment as bucky and the reader are found the soul gazing exercise the reader breaks down and saying “bucky everyone is dead, i don’t even allow myself to think too much about it but you almost dying on a mission pulled the rug from underneath my feet” and he just holds her while she cries… anyways, kind of a long description, i was wondering if you were the one that posted that and maybe deleted it or archived it. i didn’t even get to save it or anything because my phone shut down…

i’m sorry for this long rant but it did remind me of something you’d write bc your angst and generally everything is chefs kiss!!

okay, im actually gonna stop talking now. thank you for answering (if you do, which you obviously don’t have to do), and thank you for basically being there for me after long days and bringing me comfort with your posts!! :))

i don't think i wrote that?? (tbh most of my writing is a fever dream that i can never remember). BUT i loveee this idea!

im so glad i and my writing can be there for you after the long days. that is exactly what i hope to achieve every time i write💚

------------

It starts with Sam. Of course it does.

He’s standing in the kitchen when you walk in, the late afternoon sun bleeding across the countertop, Bucky slouched on a stool beside him. There’s the casual clink of a mug being set down, the low hum of small talk—normal, easy, nothing that feels like the edge of anything.

And then Sam says it.

“You two should go to therapy together.”

It’s not even subtle. He’s looking between you like he’s assessing damage, like you’re both ships that have been patched up enough to stay afloat but not enough to actually sail.

You laugh, mostly out of discomfort. “We’re fine.”

Bucky’s jaw ticks. He doesn’t say anything, but the silence is heavier than any argument could be.

Sam shrugs. “Fine doesn’t mean healthy. Just think about it.”

That’s how you end up here, in the too-warm office of Dr. Leighton, the therapist Bucky’s been seeing for months. You’re in the second chair today, instead of on your couch at home. The walls are lined with bookshelves and plants, the air faintly smelling of peppermint tea.

Bucky’s beside you, solid and warm, his hands clasped together so tightly his knuckles have gone pale.

Dr. Leighton gives you both a gentle smile. “Thank you for agreeing to do this together. Couples sessions can be very clarifying.”

You nod, though you’re not sure you agree. You came because Sam’s right—there’s been tension. Not fighting exactly, but a… distance. And maybe that’s your fault. Or maybe it’s his. Or maybe neither of you wants to be the first to say that you’re scared.

Bucky shifts in his seat. “This isn’t ‘cause I don’t like talkin’ to you,” he tells her. “It’s just… I don’t like—” He stops, scrubbing a hand over his jaw. “I don’t like people messin’ in my head unless I want ‘em there.”

“That’s fair,” she says, nodding like she’s got all the time in the world. “We’ll go slow. No prying. I’d like to start with something simple.”

Her definition of simple is… not simple.

It’s called the Soul Gazing Exercise. She explains that it’s about building intimacy, about connection without words. You and Bucky will face each other, knees almost touching, and look into each other’s eyes for two minutes without speaking. No fidgeting. No glancing away. Just breathing and looking.

Bucky raises an eyebrow. “This some kinda mind trick?”

“No tricks,” she says, smiling. “Just presence.”

You think you’ll hate it. You think you’ll feel awkward, exposed, maybe even resentful. But the second you turn toward Bucky, the room narrows to just him.

His eyes are so damn blue they knock the wind out of you. They’ve seen too much—wars, loss, shadows you can’t begin to name—but they’re also the eyes that soften when he watches you make coffee in the morning. The eyes that crinkle when you say something dumb and he can’t help laughing.

You’ve looked at him a thousand times before, but never like this. Never without an escape hatch.

At first it’s steady. You breathe in, breathe out, let yourself settle into the quiet. You can see the tiny scar at his hairline, the faint twitch in his jaw when he swallows. You can feel the heat of him, the way his thigh shifts against yours.

And then it happens.

It’s not gradual—it’s like the ground opens up beneath you. Your chest tightens, your throat burns, and suddenly you’re not in this soft office with its peppermint air. You’re back in the compound infirmary two weeks ago, standing in the doorway as they wheel Bucky in on a stretcher, his shirt soaked through with blood.

The doctor had said he was lucky. You hadn’t felt lucky. You’d felt like your heart had been ripped out, like the universe had taken aim and decided that this was the moment it would finally win.

Your vision blurs.

Bucky’s eyebrows draw together. “Doll—?”

The first sob rips out of you like it’s been caged for years. You’re shaking before you even realize you’ve moved, hands gripping his like a lifeline.

“Bucky, everyone is dead.” Your voice cracks on the word. “I don’t even let myself think about it most of the time because if I do—if I do, I can’t breathe—but then you almost—” You choke, pressing a hand to your mouth. “You almost died, and it pulled the rug right out from under me.”

“Hey,” he says, his own voice breaking now. He’s already moving, already pulling you into his lap like it’s the most natural thing in the world. “Hey, c’mere. I’ve got you.”

Your fingers curl into the back of his shirt. You try to breathe, but it’s all jagged edges and static, your chest aching with the force of it.

He just holds you, rocking slightly, one hand cradling the back of your head. “I’m here. You hear me? I’m right here.”

You shake your head against him. “You can’t promise that. Nobody can promise that.”

“I can promise I’ll fight like hell to keep it true,” he murmurs into your hair. “I’ll fight every damn day if it means I get to come home to you.”

Dr. Leighton doesn’t interrupt. She just lets you stay there, tangled together, until the worst of it ebbs. When you finally pull back, your face is blotchy and damp, but Bucky’s hands are still firm on your waist like he’s anchoring you to the world.

“I didn’t know you felt like that,” he says quietly. “I mean, I knew you worried, but—” His throat works. “I didn’t know you carried it like that.”

“Because if I said it out loud,” you admit, “it would make it real. And I can’t…” You trail off, swallowing hard. “I can’t lose you too.”

He cups your face, thumb brushing over your cheekbone. “I know the odds aren’t perfect. But I’m not goin’ anywhere without one hell of a fight. And you don’t have to pretend you’re okay just to protect me.”

The words land heavy but sure. You nod, more to yourself than to him.

By the time the session ends, you’re both wrung out but… lighter. You don’t leave holding hands, exactly, but when Bucky’s fingers brush yours in the hallway, you don’t pull away.

Outside, the sun is low and gold, the air cooler than it was when you came in. He opens the car door for you, and for once you don’t make a joke about him being old-fashioned.

Halfway home, you reach over and rest your hand on his knee. He glances at you, then covers your hand with his metal one, holding on until you pull into the driveway.

It’s not fixed. You’re not fixed. But maybe that was never the point.

[totheidiot]

one thing about me is that i actually don't remember a thing about the second arc of death note.

[snapcracklepop-myjoints]

i wrote this in the notes of another post originally and am copy + pasting it here because im right but "tell the cops nothing, tell the doctors everything" is such a stupid ass fucking abled take. doctors engage in policing idk how to explain to yall that some people cannot in fact just tell doctors everything without it putting them at risk

like im not gonna go into the myriad of ways this is bs but like a quick example is i cant tell my doctors about my substance use issues because if i get that listed on my medical records it will actively endanger me. It will impact how I'm treated in emergency situations and will get me labeled as "drug seeking" when i try to get other issues dealt with.

i dont say this to scare people but because this is actually important information for people to have. if a medical professional claims this isnt an issue, they are NOT "one of the good ones". they are either straight up lying or theyre utterly unaware, which is frankly not better. doctors are cops. never forget it

like YES tell ur doctor abt being sexually active but stop saying "tell the cops nothing and the doctor everything" before i start killing in cold blood

I KNOW THE ORIGINAL QUOTE. This is about how people misquote it, as well as how they view the phrase as meaning "all medical professionals". ALSO! emts are not the neutral figures you think they are. please stop spewing your lack of understanding on the topic all over my tags, its embarrassing. Paramedics kill people and engage in policing stop fucking shilling for them indiscriminately

finally, THIS POST IS ABOUT DRUGS. FIRST AND FOREMOST IT IS ABOUT DRUGS. THIS WAS WRITTEN BY AN ADDICT. the way yall are talking about addicts and drugs users in the tags is so fucking dehumanising. you are part of the problem. Id suggest non addicts shut their traps please and thank you.

similarly, before you comment, ask youself: am i an addict ? do i have an understanding of how addicts, particularly otherwise disabled addicts, have to navigate healthcare systems ? if not, consider SHUTTING THE FUCK UP. hope this helps !

read the notes before you leave a comment im so fucking serious. reblogs are off because none of you know how to act and i have zero patience at this point. if you think im being bitchy pls consider the fact that your stupid comment does not exist in a vacuum and i have received and deleted countless stupid notes and abusive asks on and about this post and your stupid comment exists within that context and i am fucking tired.

[azzibuckets]

letters from dallas part 1

paige bueckers x azzi fudd

a/n: in which i neglect all the other series and fics im supposed to be writing to send more angst ur way <3

lfd masterlist | main masterlist

May 1, 2025

Dear Azzi,

It fucking sucks here.

I know I’m supposed to be thankful for this opportunity. And I am, I swear. My teammates are nice. Arike’s been showing me around downtown. Nai and Lyss are funny. They’ve adopted me, called me their child. They remind me of us.

My therapist said it’s good to write down my feelings. Not sure how she’d say if it was letters, letters to you, but hey, something is better than nothing.

I saw a trailer for Frozen 3 last week and I thought of you. I hope you’re doing well. I called KK the other day. She was so excited - I felt bad. I haven’t been as good as I wanted to be with talking to our team - well, your team now - but it hurts too much knowing that they get to spend every day with you and I can’t. I asked her about you. She seemed hesitant to tell me. But I kept nagging her and she told me you’re good, spending a lot of time reading and stuff. Said they finally got you off Colleen Hoover. She wants me to move on, I can tell. It’s killing both of us, how I can’t let you go. But I guess writing these letters and stuffing them in my closet are how I’m trying to get my closure and deal with my feelings, so maybe this will help.

You’re on my fucking mind all the time, and I wish you weren’t. I miss you so bad sometimes it hurts to exist. If you saw the amount of melatonin I take every every night just to avoid you in my dreams, you’d probably yell at me.

Love,

Paige

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

June 7, 2025

Dear Azzi,

Have I mentioned that Drew hasn’t been talking to me? He blames me for our breakup, and he misses you like hell. I do too.

I played like shit in the game yesterday. I can’t believe we lost to the Sparks. It was nice seeing Cam again though. I don’t know if you remember, but it’s our anniversary. I saw that you were at the soccer game with the girls. You looked really good, really happy. I guess it doesn’t affect you like it affects me. And I know that should make me like, mad, or jealous. But I’m glad at least one of us is healing?

Honestly? it sucks having to see your face all over social media. It sucks even more whenever I go on my Instagram page and you’re all over it too. I could be salty and delete all of it, but that would start too much drama. Besides, that would mean deleting like half my posts

I wonder how Jose and Jon are doing. Jon unfollowed me the other day. That one hurt pretty bad. I miss my little brothers, and I miss your parents.

Love,

Paige

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

August 28, 2025

Dear Azzi,

Yesterday was a fucking shit show. Honestly, I didn’t expect you to even show up when I heard you guys were coming. It was weird, seeing you in the audience. It was everything I’d always imagined, you coming to my games, but it also made me feel sick, knowing this is what could’ve been. What should’ve been. I was nervous the last quarter thinking about what to say to you after the game, but god, Azzi, you couldn’t even look at me. I tried to talk to you after the group pic but you disappeared.

Maybe it’s a good time to tell you that Katie and Tim were at my game last week, against the Mystics. I’m gonna be honest, when I saw they were there, I avoided them, and I���m not proud of it. I ran to my car straight after the presser but somehow they found where I parked and were waiting next to it?? If this was a different circumstance I would’ve laughed.

All they told me was great game before I started crying. I don’t even know what came over me. But your mom hugged me and that made me cry even harder. They told me I was their daughter no matter what, and they loved me. I wrote it down as soon as I left because I didn’t ever wanna forget.

Azzi, we didn’t even marry each other like we promised, and I still feel like we left a broken family. I didn’t mean for this many people to get hurt, for this many relationships to shatter because ours did.

It makes forgetting you so much harder, and that’s what pisses me off. That I’ve injured my knee and gone through months of rehab and moved across the country to a brand new city, yet this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

From,

Paige

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

October 2nd, 2025

Dear Azzi,

I was calling KK again and I didn’t ask about you this time. I think I’m making some progress.

Arike keeps trying to get me with some of her friends, but it still doesn’t feel right. I think I need a little bit more time.

From,

Paige

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

October 20, 2025

Dear Azzi,

I turn 24 today. Damn I feel old. I’ve spent a third of my life now loving you.

From,

Paige

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

October 22nd, 2025

Dear Azzi,

I just got your present in the mail. You didn’t have to. I love it. Thank you.

- Paige

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

November 11, 2025

Happy birthday big head. I think you probably received my gift by now. I debated on writing a card, but you didn’t write me one, and I’ve decided to leave the cards (haha) in your hand. So I’m just following your lead. I hope you enjoy 23.

- Paige

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

December 7, 2025

Azzi,

Hell of a game yesterday. Proud of you. National player of the year performance

- P

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

April 5, 2026

Az,

LET’S FUCKING GOOOO. Shit, man. Two peat natty champs??? Unbelievable. My hands are tweaking out, I can’t even read my own handwriting. I knew you could do it, Az. Thank you for not forcing me to wear irish merch..I never look good in green like you do

- P

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

April 13, 2026

Azzi,

Drafted to the Sky????

See you so fucking soon

Nice fit at the draft btw

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

May 16, 2026

Dear Azzi,

Fuck, the way you smiled at me after that game. Maybe I’ll have the courage to finally text you. I know it’s probably not the best idea but…I still regret everything. It’s been a little bit more than a year and it still hurts as bad as it did the first day. Is this normal?

Love,

Paige

[iiotic]

JEALOUSY

in which, you, meet the famous traveller and her companion, offering them your help as a guide in natlan, however your friend and secretly crush, doesn't seem to like it very much.

before you read -> jealousy, stalking, ajaw, mutual pining sorta, generally fluff, swearing, poorly written, short, cringe, female reader, based of an request (thank you anon!!)

word count: 1.6k

the first time i wrote it tumblr decided to delete the whole shit, thank you tumblr we all say in unison. that's why it's kinda worse now (rushed) help.

"what are we?"

the question lingered in your mind as kinich, once again, took you out on a walk. you didn't have the confidence to ask him that though, no. whenever you tried to ask him that simple, yet so important question, the words would never leave your mouth. it was like your mind was telling you to not do it, or else you'd ruin everything.

that you'd ruin all of your hardwork of becoming friends with kinich, best friends even you'd say but you doubt that he'd ever call you that. the countless nights that you spend sleepless because you were thinking about him. his eyes, his smile, his hair, his sense of humour, his bluntness, his confidence; everyting about him was so..

you gasped, snapping out of your thoughts as a bird flew right in front of your face. you stopped in your tracks, trying to calm yourself from the jumpscare. right infront of you, the beautiful landscape of natlan, with the sun rising from its slumber. yet you didn't stop to admire the sunset, nor the beautiful landscape, your attention was fully focused on the boy who seemed confused why you suddenly stopped, his yellow eyes shining even more than normally.

"are you alright?" kinich asked, walking over to you with a worried look. he put the back of his hand on your forehead. "you don't look very well, you're all warm and red."

"oh. no, im perfectly fine! just a little tired from the walk." you chuckled nervously, putting the whole teatric.

"pheraps we should take a break? c'mon" he said, gesturing you to follow him to the nearby rocks. the place of resting he chose was literally perfect, of course the rocks were hard as rocks are but there were trees next to them, blocking you from the sun.

you sat down with a heavy sigh, looking at your surroundings trying to stop yourself from thinking about the boy sitting next to you, nothing new, nothing interesting that would peak your interest. maybe kinich wouldn't mind if you rested your eyes for a bit.. just close them, relax, take a quick nap.

turns out he didn't mind, as he didn't wake you up; the almighty k'uhul ajaw did by his rather loud complaining. he was just in time out a second ago. you always thought that putting him in "time out" was silly. how annoying can he be? a lot, you soon found out.

"I do NOT have to waste my PRECIOUS TIME being here and doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING." he yelled, some strangers heads turning in your direction. embarrassing.

soon enough you made your way home, trying to ignore the voices of an annoying ancient dragon. as you were walking something or rather someone caught your attention.

"hey, who's that?" you said to kinich, pointing in the direction of strangers. "they don't look like they would be from around here."

"oh? that's the traveller and her companion, have you not met them?" he'd respond

"no, have you?"

you don't know how or why but you found yourself next to the strangers, introducing yourself in a second. if kinich knew them and didn't talk badly about them then they must be pretty cool. plus you needed friends, as you didn't know much people you liked here.

your mind telling you to go back, away from them because that's fucking weird, why would a random stranger come up to you with a creepy big smile and start introducing youself and rambling like a fool, but your heart was telling you that maybe just maybe they didn't find you as weird and let you accompany them just for some time.

and as it turns out they didn't find you as weird!! hurray or something. they told you how they just showed up here being here for roughly two days. you told them that you can guide them through natlan as they didn't seem to know the territory very well, they agreed but told you that they've been around the people of the springs as mualani already showed them around. oh? so they know mualani, nice.

you failed to notice the slight frown on kinichs face, what happened to your time alone when he wasn't doing commissions?

soon enough, about another two days later you finished showing them around. now, you sat in a nice restaurant next to a big window, laughing.

"yeah, it was so fun!!" you said with a bright smile, you were just happy to find someone who seemed to enjoy your presence as much as you enjoyed their. however in your head you felt like you forgot something, something important to you, something that you missed.

in the open, behind some trees stood kinich, seemingly observing you, smiling, you were smiling. at whom? the traveller and her companion, paimon. he knew that they were trustworthy but did they really deserve your smile? your smile which is brighter than the sun, shooing away the dark clouds when he was feeling under the weather?

the nonchalant, normally calm kinich was jealous? impossible. those were the annoying words from his even more annoying dragon.

"noo but seriouslyyy are we just going to stand there and do nothing? I'm bored!! it just proves the creep that you are, a stalker. I don't even know how they can put up with y-" the almighty k'uhul ajaw got cut off by his "owner" by him making him go in time out. "HEY WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE Doing"

kinich didn't know what he was doing, was it on impulse? as much as he didn't want to admit it he knew that ajaw was right. he was jealous. by the way you smiled at them, to the fact that you hardly were spending any time with him anymore. he knew that it was just for some time, until the traveller will go to the next stop on their journey, yet still he couldn't help his actions.

now, he stood in front of your front door to your house. some not so cheap flowers in his hands, rainbow roses from fontaine, they were expensive it was unbelievable, but he just wanted everything to go perfect.

he knocked, heard footsteps inside, immediately regret his decision. the atmosphere was tense, awkward as you opened the door to kinich just looking at you with flowers in his hands, not saying anything, it wasn't like him at all.

"are those for.. me?" you asked, almost pleaded silently him that yes they were indeed for you, and how fucking stupid can you be of course they were for you, you fucking clueless moron. that would be the words spoken by ajaw if he wasn't locked out right now.

all he did was shove the flowers in your hands, clearly avoiding your gaze and breathing out a quick "yes"

"oh, these are lovely, thank you." you said with slightly flushed cheeks, your fingertips dragging at one of the pedals on the flower. "do you want to come in?.." you asked awkwardly

he nodded eagerly in response, now stepping a foot in your house. you closed the door behind you, asking him what does he want to do now. you looked up to see him already looming over you.

"you know, you haven't really been paying attention to me lately. I can fix that.."

© 2024 iiotic. — do not steal, translate or repost any of my content onto any other platform

definitely one of my least favourite works, the ending was rushed because as I said tumblr decided to delete the fucking whole thingihmtgkdimtweaking

[uconnic]

Everywhere, Everything - Pazzi

Pairing: Paige Bueckers x Azzi Fudd

summary: paige helps azzi navigate through her rehab process and they finally meet up again in person. not sure if this was what everybody was looking for in this chapter, but it felt needed for what's to come. it's a bit short and sorry for the wait but hope you enjoy!!

part 1 part 2

word count: 2.2k

Everywhere, Everything: Part 3

They Got Their Own Thing

Paige didn’t answer right away.

She reread Azzi’s message – twice. Then a third time. The words blurred slightly, as if they were something sacred, not meant to be consumed too quickly.

“Thank you, Paige. And of course I remember you, superstar. How could I not? 💗”

She let the phone rest on her chest, staring at the ceiling of her darkened bedroom, heartbeat uneven. It was ridiculous – how a single message from someone she barely knew could make her feel like she could finally exhale.

She typed, deleted, typed again. Eventually, she sent a picture.

It wasn’t one she normally showed people. She was waist-deep in a therapy pool, hair slicked back, visibly crying behind a pair of fogged-up goggles. It was raw. Unfiltered. Taken by her mom on a particularly brutal day in month three of her recovery.

Attached was the message, “that was me. 7am hydrotherapy. my knee throbbed so bad i couldn’t see straight. i think i told my mom i hated her that day. still feel bad about that.”

It was a strange way to start a conversation, but Azzi didn’t hesitate. “I’ve thrown a resistance band at my physical therapist twice now lol. He still says I’m his favorite tho 😂”

Paige smiled. It wasn’t long before their messages turned into conversations – real ones. Long, meandering, sometimes vulnerable, sometimes simply stupid. They talked about knee braces and scar cream, about which podcasts made rehab tolerable, about their least favorite exercises (Azzi hated wall sits while Paige hated – well, apparently everything).

But it didn’t stop there. They talked about everything.

Sleep. Or lack thereof. Paige confessed that she hadn’t had a full night of rest in over a year. Azzi admitted she sometimes stared at the ceiling for hours, her mind replaying every play, every jump, every pivot – trying to find the moment it all slipped. She would take melatonin just to quiet her own thoughts.

They talked about pressure. How the second you were “the next big thing,” everyone stopped treating you like a kid. Paige told her about the time a scout cornered her after a game and asked if she was “finally ready to stop being cute and disrespectful to opponents and start being a leader.” Azzi said someone once told her her smile would “only get her so far” in the sport.

“Do you ever feel like people are waiting for you to mess up?” Azzi wrote one night.

“yeah. like they want you to fail. just so they can say they were right about you.”

There was a pause. “Same.”

The texts became a lifeline. Whenever the world felt heavy, they reached for each other. And slowly, something shifted. Paige noticed herself waiting for Azzi’s messages. Checking her phone more. Feeling lighter every time her name lit up the screen. She hadn’t meant for it to happen – whatever this was. But she also wasn’t fighting it.  

Two weeks after their first message, Paige hesitantly sent her number.

“texts are easier than dms. unless you’re one of those people who still uses android 😬”

Azzi grinned at her screen. “1. I’ve never been more offended in my life and 2. What took you so long?”

Their texts naturally became imminent parts to their daily routines. Sometimes Paige would wake up to a two-paragraph rant from Azzi at 3am and respond hours later with a photo of her breakfast and a caption like, “you’re insane. also you’d think i would have mastered smoothie-making by now. this tastes disgusting.”

They talked about everything vulnerable to do with rehab. Azzi confessed she was scared to push herself too hard. That every time she landed from a jump, she couldn’t help but hold her breath and brace for the worst.

“What if I just… never feel like myself again?” she asked once.

Paige sat with that message for ten minutes before responding. “then we find a new version of you. an even better version than you already are. one who doesn’t have to be fearless all the time.”

Another night, Paige admitted something she’d never said aloud. “i think i used to judge my own worth by how many points or assists i put up in a game. like if i didn’t hit 20, i wasn’t enough. that no school would want me and nobody would take me seriously. i hated that.”

Azzi responded almost instantly. “I think I still think that.” There was a long pause. Then: “Or at least… I did. Until you started texting me.”

The vulnerability hung between them like it was the first time the had ever admitted these things aloud, and it was.

For months, while texts and phone calls came often yet, they hadn't yet FaceTimed. Not until one night – three months after their first exchange. Azzi called. No warning, just a ring.

Paige answered, expecting a joke, a meme, something stupid. Instead, she saw Azzi’s face on the screen, eyes wet, lips quivering. Her voice was hoarse and barely audible. “I can’t find my rhythm,” she whispered. “It’s like I’ve lost everything. I shoot and it doesn’t feel right. Like my body’s betraying me. I can’t even pivot without overthinking it.”

Paige blinked, sitting up straight in bed. “Azzi-”

“I don’t know how to fix it,” she choked out, wiping her face furiously. “I go to the gym, I do all the right things, and it’s like… nothing clicks. Like I’m going through the motions just to prove to everyone else that I’m trying. My parents think I’m improving… And maybe I am. But it never feels like it.”

She stopped. Lowered her eyes. “But I’m not okay, Paige. I’m really not okay.”

Paige didn’t speak right away. She just watched Azzi cry – like really cry – for the first time. Unfiltered. Vulnerable. Completely lost in who she was meant to be. 

Paige comforted Azzi for the rest of the night. Knew exactly what to say every time Azzi countered with another cloud of doubt. Talked her down until her breathing steadied again. Whispered, “We’ll get through this, I promise” until Azzi eventually fell asleep. 

And as she watched her friend through the screen, something inside her moved. Without thinking, she whispered, “Good night, Azzi" and ended the call.

Thirty seconds later, she was texting Katie Fudd.

“hi Mrs. Fudd. i hope this isn’t weird that i’m texting you. i know we’ve talked on the phone a bit before, but this is a first. i don’t want to overstep, but i don’t think azzi’s doing okay and i know what that looks like because i’ve been there. i wanted to ask if you would would be open to me visiting? just to stay with her for a few days or a bit longer to be there for her. i really think i can help and that she just needs someone who understands. if not, i completely understand. we haven’t even met in person before so it’s okay if you’re not comfortable with it.”

Katie responded five minutes later.

“Paige, if your parents are okay with it, we would absolutely love to have you here any time. You’re a good kid and I know how good of a friend you’ve been to Azzi. Let me know when you book your flight and I’ll be sure that Tim or I can free up our schedules to pick you up from the airport.”

“will do. thank you so much, i’ll see you soon. also, could you maybe not tell azzi? kind of want it to be a surprise.”

“Of course, Paige. See you soon.”  

------

Three days later, Paige landed at Ronald Reagan National Airport with a backpack, duffel bag, and a stuffed unicorn that she picked up from the gift shop. 

Katie and Azzi was waiting for her at baggage claim. Azzi was about to start complaining about why she had to come with her mom to the airport (she was told they were just picking up her grandparents) when she and Paige locked eyes. Smiles bloomed on both of their faces. There were no cameras. No fanfare. Just two teenagers who had grown impossibly close without ever really sharing the same space.

They didn’t hug right away. They just stood there, staring, both of them a little awkward and breathless.

“Hey,” Paige said, adjusting her backpack and handing over the unicorn. "I saw this at the gift shop and thought you'd like it."

“Hey,” Azzi replied, looking at the stuffed toy. "I love it, thank you."

Paige laughed softly. “Yeah, whatever. You’re shorter than I remember.”

Azzi rolled her eyes. “And you’re exactly as annoying as I expected.”

Then they hugged. And something settled. That week changed everything.

They trained every morning. Paige designed mini workouts tailored to Azzi’s comfortability – closeouts, spot-up drills, form shooting, balance exercises. They watched film together, breaking down footwork frame by frame. They talked late into the night. About fear. About the mental part of recovery. About the anger of being forgotten, the resentment toward teammates, coaches, and schools who moved on too fast and too easily.

Paige didn’t try to fix Azzi. She just listened. And in turn, Azzi stopped pretending.

Slowly, the rhythm returned. Not perfectly. Not every day. But in moments. A clean crossover. A fluid step-back. A jumper that didn’t just swish, but sang for the entire world to hear. The two learned everything about one another on the court. Began to notice each other's tells, knew exactly where the other wanted the ball to end up. Paige made perfect passes to spots on the floor before Azzi even got there. Azzi screened for Paige as she curled around perfectly for a midrange. It was as though they had studied playbooks of each other beforehand for an exam and had passed with flying colors. 

By the second week, Katie and Tim found them on the driveway, playing one-on-one at sunset, both of them laughing so loud it echoed across the yard.

“First to eleven,” Paige said, spinning the ball on her finger.

Azzi narrowed her eyes. “Loser has to do dishes for a week.”

“Neither of you ever does the dishes,” Katie chimes. 

“Fine. Loser starts doing the dishes.”

“You’re on.”

They were tied 10-10 when Paige hit Azzi with a hesitation step, then drove left. Azzi cut her off perfectly and stripped the ball away. Paige didn’t care, because in that moment, she saw a glimpse of the same Azzi she was mesmerized by all those months ago at North Tartan. Not just in the way she moved, but in the way her eyes lit up from making a good play.  

“God,” Paige gasped, shaking her head in awe. “You’re back.”

Azzi didn’t answer. She just smiled, raised an eyebrow, and nailed the game-winner right in Paige’s face. 

Paige threw her hands up in surrender. “Okay, Fudd. I see you.”

Tim and Katie watched with soft smiles from the porch as they saw their daughter’s love for basketball creep back in. 

Later that night, Azzi sat on the couch with her knees folded under her, head resting on her arms. Paige sat across from her. “I was really gonna quit,” she said softly, tracing circles with her finger on the carpet. “Like… I meant it. I was done.”

Paige didn’t say anything.

Azzi looked up to meet Paige's eyes. “But then you messaged me... You saved me, Paige. Probably more than you’ll ever realize. And I'm gonna sound so stupid for saying this because I wouldn’t even be in this mess if it weren’t for my injury, but I keep thanking God that it happened to me because it brought you into my life.”

Paige’s eyes were glassy, but her voice was steady. “You saved yourself, Azzi. I just reminded you who you were. Plus, I was just being selfish. You really think I was about to let the best shooter in the country go out like that? When I hadn’t even gotten the chance to play with her yet?”

The silence settled between them, a thousand words unspoken between them and yet, an understanding of one another deeper than they ever thought possible. 

—--- 

A week later, an envelope arrived at the Fudd house. Azzi read the first line and screamed: “USA Basketball invites you to try out for the 2017 U16 Women’s National Team.”

The whole house seemed to shift as they jumped in celebration. Her parents, brothers, and Paige celebrated as though it were their own major accomplishment. It was a letter that nobody had expected in the mail. It wasn’t that Azzi wasn’t good enough, but given her recent absence from competition, it had kind of become the safe assumption that she’d have to wait another year for her opportunity to prove herself again. 

Azzi barely had time to process it before Paige’s phone buzzed. A text from her dad, sent with a photo of the same invitation she had just received back in Minnesota. The house shook again – and it was funny really. The Fudds, who had really just met Paige a couple weeks ago, celebrated her news like she was one of their own.

Paige and Azzi looked at each other, stunned.

Azzi spoke first. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

Paige smiled slowly. “That the universe might want us on the same team?”

Azzi’s eyes sparkled. “No,” she whispered. “That it already put us there.”

[dalliancekay]

"I don't even like you!" "You dooo!"

Okay so I wrote this fairly light-hearted paragraph to go with a gif and then it turned into three paragraphs and more gifs so now I had to delete it all and start again because apparently I don't just want to point out how Aziraphale wasn't lying to himself when he said "I don't even like you" NOR was he trying to lie to Crowley either!

TL:DR Bandstand is not some terrible break up where Aziraphale refuses to leave with Crowley for a happy time on Alpha Centauri (or alternatively to kill a child) because... okay I actually don't know why people think he refused Crowley's suggestions and blame him for them parting ways here - Aziraphale wanted to save the world? Without killing a kid? Or try at least everything possible first?

Plus Aziraphale was desperate too to try and get Crowley off the hook should someone very shortly question their relationship. That's why he says the ridiculous things he says. (It's always the reason he says them.) It wasn't because the angel was a little bit scared of what will Heaven say if they found out he fraternised - not to mention fell in love with a demon. Well, not scared in the - omg how do I tell my parents I fell for a bad boy - sense. But terrified that they will kill him way. Or that Crowley's own 'family' will kill him.

So. How do I, in the year of Lord 2025 STILL see takes and comments that say - oh, why is Aziraphale lying to himself so hard, he just has to be honest with himself, can he get over his precious angel self already, why is he so scared of admitting he loves a demon. Crowley is so right; even(?) Crowley can tell Aziraphale's lying, he's calling out his BS; but why is Aziraphale so hurtful and why does Aziraphale keep making the same mistakes/bad decisions.

Why are too many people STILL thinking of Aziraphale as wrong (and horrible and cruel) in the bandstand, as if he was being stupid and hurtful and denying their friendship and wanting to do what Heaven wanted (??) and so on and on and then he went on and did the same thing in the Final 15. Not listening to Crowley.

So no. None of this. He did not. He was not wrong. He did what he did and said what he said because he was scared for Crowley. And for Earth. He just wanted to try his best. Give his everything.

Besides, note how Aziraphale turns around:

He did that before arriving at the bandstand too.

What or who is he looking for? Could it be the Supreme Archangel who he knows runs along this exact route?

Do trees have ears?

But a lot like in F15, Crowley is not paying attention to Aziraphale's fear in the moment, he's too focused on his own emotions and his need to protect Aziraphale NOW and get away from it all which the angel is resisting (because that's just how he is, he would not leave, whatever it's going to cost, if he set his mind on trying everything; but also, because he knows "there isn't anywhere to go").

Why is Aziraphale saying this?

Well because it is the Great Plan. Something that has been in the works for aeons, since before they met as angels in Before the Beginning. They tried to thwart it and their plan ineffably - got away from them (or so they must think at this point) by having them look after the wrong boy. They failed. The only other option (to kill the boy) is still unthinkable to Aziraphale. And the only other thing he can think of is to speak to Gabriel and then God too about it. I mean, it seems reasonable to me. Crowley tried the same. Talk to God I mean. But Aziraphale, being who he is (holier than thou - that's the whole point!) has a better chance.

It didn't work, but was he wrong for trying? And they did in the end thwart the Plan too. And it was Aziraphale's nitpicking that did it in a big part.

Is he wrong here? Look, he didn't have time to sit down and explain to the audience and to Crowley what exactly he meant and that he didn't mean to imply.... I'm sure Crowley knew what Aziraphale meant. What side did they have here, hours before Armageddon? They did go along with what they had to as far as they could - and did what they felt was better when they could get away with it. Yes. But. Would this be the case after Armageddon? Absolutely not. No one will pay their desires and sides and wants any heed. They will have to fight on opposite sides. Because that's who they are. It was not their decision. They did not decide to be an angel or a demon. Neither of them did. Whether they want to or not, that's just how it is. There isn't anywhere for them to go away from it all. Not for long anyway.

And yes, that comment did throw Aziraphale because OF COURSE he wants to just go off together. Of course he does. And of course he was flattered that Crowley wanted him to go with. That this was a desire of his. Of course it did. But there is nowhere for them to go to. Nowhere safe they would not be found and dragged back from.

And yes, the Final 15 has a similar vibe, Aziraphale is not choosing (also - what kind of question is that, 'job' or death) to run off together; because he is going to Heaven to protect Crowley - whether Crowley is coming with him or not.

And then, once he learns of the Second Coming, to try and protect Earth too. Again. Look, none of this is their fault. Everything is crashing down on them and they have nowhere to go. Or so it seems. Because they did it once and saved themselves and the world and they will do it again.

Please stop blaming Aziraphale for their unhappiness.

[pantheresssy]

yo if you do request you should do a reader thats similar to max from two broke girls and loser ellie how would they be tg and how reader would have a soft spot for only ellie

MAX!R AND LOSER!ELLIE — EW.

— ┊⋆ cw: r is a big boob girly and this have non graphic smut even but there’s something talking about it.

i’ve never watched two broke girls before so i was guided by tiktoks edits, hope you like it! it took me so long but i wrote this and deleted over and over, i’m sorry for any mistake and for this b so short …

loser!ellie who would fall to her knees after seeing you walking around dressed on the most horrendous mustard yellow dress with hints of red, not moving an inch to try and treat costumers more gently — differently of your best friend, dina –, including her.

loser!ellie who would do anything to have your eyes on her, but not really knowing how to do it. she would try to flirt when you stepped on her table, notebook on hand and beating the pen on it in the rhythm of the song your mind couldn’t stop singing, but it would come out so fucking bad, so she would just sit and stare like “um … hi,”

loser!ellie who would notice your enormous boobs pushing out of the neckline and would salivate for them, but always looking away afraid of you noticing it. she would dream about them at night, day, noon, while you were just two feet’s away from her. them and you were all she could think about for ages.

loser!ellie who would give up on you after trying three times, putting on her mind that you would never look at her. nobody but losers like her ever did and she knew that this wouldn’t change. you were the hot girl she would just want from afar.

loser!ellie who had a admirer since day one, who just waited to the point she would combust on her place to do something. you were looking at her more discreetly while taking the customer’s orders, acknowledging each time sho would look at you with puppy eyes, wanting. she was beautiful and dina side eying you because of your unusual attitude had made everything more exciting.

loser!ellie who would make you like her so easily just by the way she seemed to be so messed up. at your eyes it could be a great match: the hot girl with the loser. so you used everything she couldn’t keep her eyes off to play a little, flirting — but she was slower than you thought, never understanding what you were saying.

loser!ellie who would make you go softer only for her, even if she doesn’t seemed to notice it. while you talked to others as if you were bored, always sarcastic, with her it was a hole different story, with “good morning”s, “i’m gonna be your waitress today”s and “don’t be pressured, i’ll wait”s. you’re being so fucking soft for her and hated it, but couldn’t change it.

loser!ellie who couldn’t see things that were in front of her eyes, only giving the time of the day to everything her mind told her, believing it was the only true. and while you were investing so much on playing a little, ellie wasn’t getting none of it … after a while, you decided to do what you did best and see what she would do: you were going to be direct.

loser!ellie who almost threw up when, one day, you came up to her table and while noting what she wanted, said: “instead of looking at my boobs you should just ask to grab ‘em.” you looked at her and placed the notebook in your pocket. “i’ll say yes.”

loser!ellie who would still be gagging and not knowing how to react each time you were closer — because you were closer after that day, and for the first time she was starting to realise something.

loser!ellie who when she was going to say her order, saw you biting your lip while looking at her hand and tattoo, you being the one salivating over her now. and after you saw that she knew what you were doing, blinked and smiled, pretending to accidentally pull the neckline down, the suggestion of your halo appearing.

loser!ellie who after this got more confident and finally had the courage to ask what she wanted, in which you were more than happy to give her. ellie took you to eat in a decent place and was nervous during all of it – with you thinking that it was kind of captivating. in the end, she was with you on her lap, her face buried between your boobs while you rode her thigh.

loser!ellie who learned how to eat someone out wonderfully well and was taking all of your attention, knowing that she was the only one to have your big, soft boobs on her mouth and face. (having your nipple on her pussy as well).

loser!ellie who was the first to have you so gently, and the only one to make you handle better your shitty work after a great fuck.

[heuldoch7b]

while i was gone, i was deeply contemplative about part of what made me take a hiatus in the first place, which is shame. long post forewarning

growing up on the internet (i was 10 when i started using the internet, back in 2010-11) and something i was (and frankly, still am) constantly exposed to was shaming others. ranging from "light hearted" shaming; this ranged from poking fun at an amateur artists work for it looking funny or it being super "tumblry" to shaming with the guise of social justice, you know "hey this artist draws X and thats BAD and if you support them youre JUST AS BAD".

when i was younger i poked fun at other artists and engaged in cancel culture, on a very small scale (just my friends and i) and i regret it. it was entirely due to my own low self esteem and peojecting fear of being made fun of myself. but ive retained that fear, even as i've matured and grown to understand how unkind it is to shame and mock others, ESPECIALLY as myself a weird, autistic artist who draws "cringe but free" stuff

and even with regards to problematic content, stuff that, reasonably more often than not, ellicits a "yuck" reaction out of most viewers, has turned more into a genuine social risk of getting a callout over being immoral or gross and losing your social circles and delving into isolation. this happened to me. i think it genuinely messed me up, and im dealing with it even now.

it has lead me to be avoidant of being honest about what i like, and being afraid of befriending others due to fear of being dropped again. this is of course not fair to you, potential reader, but unfair to myself as well. i want to develop a healthier respect for my friends as well as myself about what i do and dont like, and not feeling guilty for saying no or not liking something.

i think, as i remake my old pinned post, i am going to be more explicit on stuff, i like shipping the primarchs! i love it very much even. and if you do not thats absolutely A-OK. i like drawing the dismal warcriminals as genderweird. i like maybe skirting away from how chronically cynical and dour the universe (which i do still enjoy, im into warhammer FOR warhammer) and making silly, comfy stuff. fuck i LOVE drawing weird heroic nudity mythological scenes where some characters are like, centaurs, cause its sick as fuck.

and with all that i myself need to be okay with maybe people who i enjoy their work of dont really jive with all that, and that isnt the end of the world, its just being honest with oneself, and thats really important to do. i will be trying to maybe tag sensitive stuff like primarchcest better, so people can filter it out, but i am not gonna be hypervigilant about tagging everything because that would make me neurotic and id rather just be unfollowed or blocked at that point.

anywho, i really just wanted to put my thoughts down into words and share them, i honestly wrote this out and deleted it like 3 times already due to, hilariously, shame. but this is a really important topic to me and extremely relevant to my social presence on this website. i care for you all immensely, even if we are all strangers online.

i will be sad if i lose potential friendships over the things i like, but theres literally thousands of people if not more on this website, and it so fine and healthy to go like "eh no i dont want that in my life" to something like someones specific fuckin fandom art LOL

if any of you want to talk to me about your experiences with shame, id welcome it, may it be through a reblog or messaging me personally. i think its really important for all of us to be unashamed, mindful of course, but not stifling ourselves. be free have fun type stuff. i hope i can drop my own shackles too. thanks for reading

[ladymilkyway]

The timeline of the AI/Grok situation.

Because a post has been made using MY screenshots without my consent is still being shared about despite its deletion, I am going to make an entire timeline.

/!\ REMINDER: I am French, so the hours will be shown differently. Things went down between 1am-2am for me on the 18th, while it was still the 17th in the US/Canada.

Right before I went to sleep, Nimh's VA messaged me on Discord and sent me a link to the tweet that started it all.

As you can see, the post was made at 1:27 am my time. I reacted at 1:35 am. As you can see, only one person (no idea who bc it didnt show when I tried to check) had reacted, otherwise it was just ME.

The tweet was deleted right after. THE POST WAS UP FOR LESS THAN 15 MINUTES.

I then got contacted by SPS themselves at 1:54 am. As you can see, Mio was trying to explain her decision. I had the worst BPD split I've had in a long time. I was crying hysterically, dissociating severely. A few hours later, I took the bullet and wrote my message back. At 4:10 am.

I didn't think expect anything else. I just wanted to be heard and tell her how I felt and what i've held back for a long time.

At 5 am, I receive a DM from a Twitch and Discord regular, showing me the prototype for the Volks plush. I bawled like an absolute baby and watched the VOD for myself after waking up.

Again, this moment happened an HOUR after I messaged her. There was NO call-out post on Reddit yet. No one else knew but me, my friends and the Twitch viewers, that the tweet even existed. Mio had no idea at this moment how SEVERE the situation would turn out. So while the apology is kinda ass here, that's purely because me and apparently one other person had privately contacted her.

Because I can only see the day a post was made on Reddit but not the hour, this is where I become unsure about which came first.

First came all of BlushBlushBear's posts on both Reddit and Tumblr. While she had originally asked me if I was okay with it, I had express I wasn't but that I couldn't control what she did. I wanted to avoid what happened. I should have told her no. I will regret this for the rest of my life.

Surprisingly, Mio actually got back to me.

This is why my perspective of the situation is completely different. I didn't get a corporate answer exactly, I had just another person's POV and feelings, and like I said on Reddit, this is why I feel empathic towards this whole mess. This isn't the first time Mio makes a decision for the company and it backfires.

Because things started to get bad, and my mental state as well, I made numerous posts on Tumblr and one on Reddit in hopes of calming tensions down.

But things were already going to shit on Discord. I thankfully managed to calm things down. However, I felt completely unsupported by my friends and those who had publically called SPS out. No one was sharing my POV, no one was trying to help me. "We're doing this for you", "she's using you as a middle-man", "she's buying your forgiveness and silence" etc... As you can see, Mio never asked shit of me. Revealing the plush was FOR ME. Not a marketing scheme. She KNEW how much this meant to me, and this, I believe, was her way of showing me she does care and that I hold some type of worth in her eyes.

Things are a blur for me at this point. Like I had mentioned in my "I refuse to quit BB", I admitted relapsing into self-harm out of guilt and despair over watching everyone leave, delete, arching everything. I kept having BPD splits and dissociated really bad.

At the time of this message, we were the 20th at 00:30 am. I just begged for her to say something, to be honest with the fans. I was desperate, I was near losing my mind.

I did receive a lot of comments and messages thanking me, wishing me well and checking up on me. I cherish those so much and I can not thank you guys enough for giving me a sliver of hope still. The project of drawing SPS artists in the fandom will happen, I promise.

Mio getting back to me and assuring me she will say something.

Yesterday as I was writting the original timeline, Mio made a statement on Reddit. I didnt think she would do it so early, and a part of me wishes she had waited just a tiny bit longer. The statement is good and honest, but some of it is too vague. And with people's fucked up view that they can no longer differentiate between ethical, generic AI and GENERATIVE AI, it didn't help the reactions.

I made two comments, the second one explaining the differences between generic and generative AI, and what Mio probably tried to explain in her post.

This is the whole timeline now. If you have more questions still, you can always ask me.

I understand my view of this whole mess is different compared to yours. But I simply can not believe all of what Mio did was out of malice.

If the use of Gen AI is fully confirmed, I am choosing to believe that she is simply providing this option to her artists who can then choose to use it or NOT. She says she can not promise to not use AI but if she means Gen AI, then who says they are doing it, will do it, or drop it altogether.

After the entire fandom's reaction, I very HEAVILY doubt she would shoot herself in the foot like this and destroy her decade old company and put her artists at risk.

[pomegranateteatime]

Weekly update: Creativity and unease

Hellllooooo. I feel bad still, I mean I am still doing my best and chugging through each day one at a time but that doesn’t mean I feel great. I’ve worked on myself enough that even at my worst, I can still force myself to eat once a day and brush teeth once a day, all that stuff. Sometime I didn’t do much of this week was write…except I did…I wrote over 17k this week alone and yet…it doesn’t feel like I did anything.

I really love writing and I love Dear Nightingale so much but I always feel bad about my output for some reason. Like obviously I can’t write a book with over 100k words in one afternoon but I think that I can and I find disappointment when I can’t. I’m trying to be more positive and focus more on my craft but it’s embarrassing to feel like an amateur writer after all these years.

Realistically, it’s good that I’m not cocky. As that could easily lead to me becoming stagnant. But I feel that my level of self esteem in regards to my work also isn’t healthy. I need to find balance, a medium. I don’t know if I want to professionally publish Dear Nightingale for a plethora of reasons, but I don’t know if I want it to remain something published online. I’m very conflicted about the plan for my work as well but for the time being, I’ll leave you with chapter one and two…

Now let’s go onto what I did this week aside from writing. Well I’m possibly having issues with my ears again, I scheduled an appointment for Tuesday and the good news is the horrible ear ache I had was gone by the end of the day it started but I still want to get them looked at just to be safe. I also deleted tiktok again cause the amount of hateful people I would see on that app was so devastating, not to say that other platforms are paradise but they’re better at least in my experience.

On the day of my horrible ear ache I took a fat nap which is not something I do unless I’m really not feeling good. I don’t get tired often during the day and whenever I do I usually just brew some tea or it’s a sign I need to eat something! But the ear ache gave me a sickening headache and I needed to rest, but my mom was on the phone with her friend and was talking loud as she always does. I long for the day I can live alone (and with my darling girlfriend!) but until those days come I need to create my own peace. So I turned on some of my lamps and put on one of those Zelda relax/sleep videos and thankfully with the ambient sounds from the video and the songs it had I was able to rest. I legit took this photo before passing out lol.

Another thing I’ve been trying to do more is customize my belongings. I already do fun phone aesthetics so why not take things a step further? Plus it gives me an excuse to be off of my phone for at least a few minutes! I burn a lot of CDs and while some are just albums I wanna listen to others are playlists! I decided to decorate both my frutiger aero playlist and my shoujo playlist! Both just have a lot of good ambient songs and I really love how they turned out! I plan to decorate the rest of my CDs as well in the coming weeks! :D

I also decided to decorate my airpod case. I think personalization is important but I also think it’s good to truly personalize something. There is nothing I hate more than someone who buys things because they’re trendy. It’s why I can’t get behind those labubu’s, so many people don’t actually like them, they just want them for a status symbol. If you actually like them, more power to you. But often times when it comes to quick trends like them, they’re only enjoyed by normies who aren’t collecting for the long run. And that makes me sad.

I’m trying to be more adventurous with food. I don’t think I’ve mentioned it here but on top of having bd I also have autism, I’ve been diagnosed with it since I was a kid and I have gone to a lot of therapy to help me learn coping mechanisms but the bottom line is I still have it. Now believe it or not, poke is one of my favorite foods and something I consider a safe food. Like I could eat it for days on end and not be overwhelmed by it, but my order is very plain. Cucumber, carrots, corn, masago, and salmon on top of rice. Well recently…I got edamame, which is something I typically don’t like. But it was actually really good here. Though I think I’ll ask for one scoop next time cause it was a bit much, I think I’ll also ask for a few green onions next time as well since I like them a bit.

But of course, when it comes to stepping out of your comfort zone, it’s best to also have something you’re familiar with. So I convinced (basically begged and meowed at her till she said yes) my gf to get boba with me today and I got my usual, a ube yam blended smoothie. It’s so good! And spending the day with my lovely wife also helped a lot with getting over my fear of trying something new! I love my gf dearly and I feel sick that I can’t see her yet today. She is truly my everything and I need to live with her soon or else my soul may vanish! I am being overdramatic but…I rlly do love her with my whole heart…

Music time…I actually didn’t listen to a lot of music this week nor did I watch a lot of music videos…well rather…I’ve been listening to a lot of musicals this week instead and I’ve kinda become obsessed with cats I need to see it live again my mom made us leave early cause she doesn’t like it. If she tried something like that now I would’ve just stayed and called a friend to see if they’d let me crash at their place but I was 16 when it happened so I’ll always hold the first act of the play close. But god memory is such a beautiful song and the way Elaine Page sings it is insane!!!

I watched more Wolf’s Rain with my gf today, we plan to finish it the next time we hang out! I love Wolf’s Rain but I watched it at 14 in a daze of drunkness. But for years, I would occasionally dream of a caracal and wolf chasing each other in a big green field. I couldn’t remember the show and sometimes I even assumed it was something I had made up. I even remembered a song that had a gentle melody but I couldn’t remember the words. Then in 2020, at the late of night on tiktok, I saw an edit. With a wolf and caracal chasing each other, I was hit with a flood of memories and joy. I didn’t properly rewatch wolf’s rain, I just watched episode 19 and 20 and that was enough to satisfy me. I’m fairly certain that the song I’m about to share plays for the first time when Kiba and Mew are running together, I nearly cried rewatching it honestly, it was so beautiful…I felt so lucky to rewatch these episodes with my girlfriend by my side…

I really didn’t watch YouTube this week, idk I just find myself watching more shows or reading or writing more. And unless something looks good or is by a creator I already know and like, it’s rare that I click on a video. But I did watch Kurtis Connor’s Time Machine video and…I liked it and I don’t mean to diminish anyone’s feelings towards it. But man, YouTubers can just say one slightly emotional line and people act as if they’re a philosopher. I understand people feeling a strong emotion to Drew Gooden’s over 2 minute speech about human art being better than generative ai, but Kurtis saying “maybe there’s a timeline where none of us were hurt” and that being his only heavy hitting moment just didn’t effect me…Not that I don’t think it’s a sweet sentiment. But his video was pretty light hearted and I felt like people were hyping it up cause it was by Kurtis and nothing more. But I still liked the video so maybe I’m just being negative.

[wolfiee10]

Author's note: Dear Anonymus. I hope you see this because I accidentally deleted the request, thank god I had a screenshot of it. Also, I'm so sorry that you have to wait for so long. Maybe there isn't much fluff and angst in it but I hope you still like it. Also, this was on my other profile before.

Author's note2: This is the second smut I ever wrote and the first was a year ago so it's most likely terrible. I still try to improve at smut writing so please bear with me and be kind to me. Thank you... Also I might delete this later or rewrite it because I hate this

I love you - Miguel Diaz (🌪)

Summary: miguel diaz with all? smut, fluff and angst? Maybe he's afraid to say i love you in case she rejects him but she ends up saying it first and it leads to smutt and fluff?

Warnings: MDNI, lewd language, nsfw, 18+, smut, fingering, unprotected sex, p in v (lmk if I forgot something)

Being Sam’s sister was never easy for you. You were always second in everything. You were always the second choice. Even though Sam was only a few seconds older than you, somehow everyone loved her more. Your parents, your younger brother, Anthony, basically your whole family choose her over you. Your dad taught Sam karate, but he only taught karate to you because you asked him to teach you too.

Your friends were her friends too, but mostly they were her friends. Yasmine and Moon were your friends first but then they met Sam and after that somehow, they forgot you. You weren’t even surprised that it happened. And the boys… They always choose Sam first and they only choose you when Sam turned them down. 

But everything changed when a new boy came to school. Miguel changed everything. For the first time, you were first for someone. You quickly became friends with Miguel since you had a lot in common. Sometimes you two even trained together.

As the time passed, you spent more time with Miguel, you realized that you don’t see him as a friend anymore. You don’t want to be friends anymore. You wanted to be more than just friends. Miguel understood you more than anyone else. He was there for you whenever you needed him. He was everything you wanted in a man. 

You were friends with Miguel for years, he became your best friend, and you told each other everything. The only thing you didn’t tell was that you have feelings for him, you needed months to admit it even to yourself, so you didn’t want to tell him yet and you didn’t want to ruin your friendship with him. But after months, you finally took the courage, and you decided to tell him how you feel about him. 

But then, Miguel started spending less time with you and he started spending more time with your sister, Sam. You felt betrayed and it broke your heart. You knew that there’s only a little chance that he might feel the same way as you. But now, you know that he never liked you the way you liked him. Maybe, he was only friends with you to get closer to Sam. This thought made your heart ache. You didn’t want to believe that’s the truth. Miguel would never do something like that, right? Not after you told him that how you were always second in everything. He wouldn’t do that with you. Maybe, he just fell in love with your sister because he spent so much time at your place, which meant that he also spent a lot of time with Sam too. You tried not to think much about it, but it was hard not to think about it. Miguel was the only one who chose you over your sister and now he chose your sister too. This felt like a nightmare for you. You just didn’t want to believe it.

But the truth was far from what you think. The truth was that Miguel fell in love with you too, he was just scared to tell you. He was scared that you might reject him because you only see him as a friend, and he didn’t want to ruin your friendship. So, he did the only thing he thought was the best. He asked Sam if she knew something. Whether she knows that you love him too or not. He asked Sam for some advice and that’s why he spend so much time with Sam. He never knew that he might hurt you with that. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt you. But he did. He hurt you. He broke your heart, even though he knows nothing about it.

One day, you couldn’t take it anymore. You couldn’t stand seeing Miguel with Sam. You wanted to ask him why he spends so much time with your sister all of a sudden. You wanted to know the reason. So, you invited him over when you were alone. You wanted to talk with him. Just the two of you, without any distraction. When that day you approached Miguel and told him that you wanted him to come over at night, he didn’t hesitate to say yes after he heard that it would be just the two of you. He thought that it would be the perfect opportunity to tell you about his feelings.

That night you were more than nervous. You know that everything is going to change between you two after you two talk. But you had to know his reason, even if it will break your heart more what you might find out. 

You were sitting on the couch, waiting for the time to pass as all different kinds of scenarios ran through your head. When you heard the doorbell, you flinched a little. Of course, Miguel was on time. He’s always on time but you felt like you’re not ready for this conversation. You got up, walked to the door and opened it.

“Hey...” Miguel greeted you with a warm smile.

“Hey…” you said and forced a smile on your face. Others would probably not notice that your smile was fake, but Miguel knew it. And at that moment he knew that you want to talk about something serious today.

“Is everything okay?” Miguel asked you and you just nodded and opened the door wider a let him in.

“Yeah… Yeah… Everything is fine” you said as you closed the door after he walked in then you two walked upstairs to your room.

“It doesn’t look like that. You want to talk about something serious, right?” Miguel asked and he sat down on your bed while you were pacing around in your room.

“What’s going on between you and Sam?” you blurted out.

“What?” Miguel asked you confused.

“What’s going on between you and my sister. Recently you have spent so much time with her. And I can’t take it anymore. I can’t stand seeing you with her. You know that I was always second to her and now I feel like that you chose her too. And it’s a lot worser that you’re with her too. You have no idea how hard it is for me to see the boy I love with my sister…” you started rambling, but Miguel only heard a part of your little speech.

“You love me?” he asked and looked at you with wide eyes while you were still pacing.

“Of course, I love you. Wasn’t it obvious? And it’s killing me to see you with…” you started but Miguel wasn’t paying attention after he heard you say that you love him. He stood up from your bed, grabbed you by the waist and pulled you against him which made you shut up immediately and you looked up at him.

“Y/n…” he started and looked deep into your eyes.

“Yes?” you asked quietly, and you felt that your heart sped up by how close he was to you. How close his mouth was to your mouth. At that moment all you could think about was how he would react if you just kissed him.

“I love you too” he admitted. You opened your mouth to speak, to say something but you were too shocked by what you heard, and no words came out of your mouth. “I love you for a long time now, but I was scared to tell you because I was scared that you don’t feel the same. So, I just tried to figure out from Sam if she knows how you feel about me” Miguel continued when he saw your expression.

“So, you don’t love her?” you asked him, and he just shook his head.

“No, I don’t love her. I never did. It was always you. I’ve liked you since I met you” he said and he slowly backed you to the bed then he gently pushed you back, so you landed on the mattress, then he crawled over you.

Miguel leaned and pressed his lips against yours once again. This kiss was more intense and passionate than the first one. He ground his hips against yours and you felt how hard he already is which made you moan against his mouth. He broke the kiss, and he started kissing down your jaw then down your neck. He started sucking on your skin and you knew that it was going to leave a mark tomorrow which you have to cover but at that moment you didn’t care. It felt too good.

“I want you” he murmured against your neck as he left another hickey on your neck.

“I want you too” you whispered and that was all he needed. His hands started to explore your body.

When his hands reached the hem of your shirt, he grabbed it and with a swift movement he took it off you and tossed it away. one of his hands sneaked around you and he ran his hand up on your back, till his fingers find the clip of your bra. With practice ease, he unhooked your bra, then he pulled it off you and threw it on the floor. Once again, he started kissing down your neck but this time he didn’t just stop at your neck. He was placing wet, open-mouthed kisses on your collarbone and chest. He kissed down between the valley of your breasts, and he placed kisses down your stomach until he reached the waistband of your shorts. 

He placed his hands on your waist, and he slid his hands under the waistband of your shorts, then he started to slowly pull it down your legs. After he tossed your shorts somewhere in the room, he pulled back to look down at you. You were laying there, on your bed, only in your panties. As he was staring at your body you felt that your face heats up. It wasn’t your first time but the way Miguel looked at you made you feel like that it’s your first time and it also didn’t help that he was still fully clothed.

“You have too many clothes on” you complained, and he immediately removed his shirt and tossed it away.

“Better?” he asked you and you just shook your head at his question while you were staring at his bare upper body. You saw him shirtless countless times, but this was different than other times. When you shook your head Miguel got off you and he took off his pants along with his boxers. His already hard cock sprung out of his boxer and hit his lower stomach. Your eyes widened when you see his size and your breath caught in your throat. You know that he’s going to ruin you. You were already soaking but the thought of him, ruining you, made you ever wetter. You pressed your thighs together for some friction which of course, he noticed.

“Are you already that eager?” he asked teasingly, and he crawled on top of you once again.

He ran his hands up your legs and stopped at the edge of your panties. His fingers barely touched you through the thin fabric of your underwear, but he still felt how wet you’re. He smiled at the thought that he’s the one who makes so soaked. He pulled your panties to the side and dragged a finger over your folds which made you gasp.

“You’re already so fucking wet and I barely touched you” he leaned down and whispered into ear then without any warning he slid two fingers inside you which made you moan loudly.

“Oh… Fuck” you cursed and closed your eyes. He was curling his fingers inside you just right and your hips bucked up against his hand. You felt as the tension slowly built up in your lower stomach and it didn’t take too much time till your walls clenched around his fingers signaling for him that you’re already close. But then he suddenly stopped and pulled his fingers out of you. Your eyes snapped open, and you glared at him, only to see him bring his fingers to his mouth and lick them clean.

“Why did you stop? I was close” you complained, still glaring at him.

“I know… But I want to make you cum with my dick, not my fingers” he said, and his words sent a shiver down your spine. 

He placed his hands on your hips and hooked his fingers into your panties and pulled it down your legs then he just tossed it away. As he removed your panties you immediately closed your legs, but he grabbed your thighs and forced your legs open as he settled between them.

“I will make you scream my name so loud that the neighbors will know who makes you feel so good” he whispered into your ear, and he lined himself up at your entrance then he slowly entered you. You felt every inch of him, and you felt like that he’s splitting you in two.

“Tell me if I can move” he whispered once he was buried deep inside you, letting you adjust to his size while he placed little kisses on your neck to help you relax more.

“You can move now” you whispered after a few seconds and he pulled out of you, until just his tip was inside of you then he slammed back inside you which made you moan and made your eyes rolled back.

Miguel was thrusting in and out of you at a fast pace which made your body jolt with every thrust. Your head fell back into the pillows, eyes closed, and mouth slightly open as little moans slipped out of your mouth. You felt that you’re getting closer and closer with every trust. 

“I’m so close… Please, don’t stop” you moaned out and your walls clenched around him.

“Ohh… Fuck… I’m close too…” he groaned, and you felt him twitched inside you.

After a few more thrusts, his movements became sloppier, and you felt that the knot in your stomach was about to burst. He reached a hand between your bodies and rubbed circles on your clit which pushed you over the edge and you orgasm washed over you like a wave. You cried out his name as you came. Then with one final thrust, he buried himself deep inside you as he came too, painting your insides with his cum. He slowly pulled out of you and collapsed next to you.

Both of you were breathing heavily and you tried to catch your breaths. He reached out and pulled you closer to him, cradling you against his chest. He pulled the covers over you two and he was slowly running his fingers up and down your spine as your breaths slowly went back to normal.

“I love you so fucking much” he whispered and a kiss to the top of your head.

“I love you too, Miggy” you whispered and wrapped and arm around his waist while you rested your head on his chest. 

[kaddyssammlung]

I don't let anyone shame me into knowing who is behind the masks.

I did not even care when I first got into this band in January of 2023. YouTube showed me an old video. And I happened to know Vessel's identity by accident right from the start. It was just meant to be. I never had a problem with that. I trust the universe. I was meant to know.

For context.....

On Friday morning I posted a link in here under a keep reading cut. It lead to music. That link did not involve one of the band members real names or faces.

Then I got attacked for it.

I did not get attacked for it on my blog, which I am used to because of the mental health topics and stuff like that, no I got attacked on a different blog. Someone sent an anon to a different blog and made sure that I see it.

Sneaky.....?! Because if that someone had attacked me on my blog I would have used the "block button". It felt like being stabbed in the back.

I find it weird when people use the sentence “our identities are not important” to impose their own morals onto others. Or the new version of this is “did you not hear Caramel?!”. Yes I did. I never did anything wrong or anything that Vessel sings about. I am deeply sorry that he feels that way. I have also read a lot on Twitter...texts from the people that actually stalked the band. It's horrible! It makes me very angry.

But what I posted was under a keep reading cut and also did not invovle someones real name or face. And also their real names are right there when you ask Google. Not to say that this is okay but it's realistic.

In my opinion it was fine to share what I shared, even in the main tag.

I fell down very bad that day. It felt like I was singled out and attacked. As if someone had planned this over a long period of time and that day they just went for it. Somehow someone knew how to push all of my BPD buttons at once.

This has happened before in this fandom on a different platform.

Why attack me?! Idk....Maybe I share too much personal stuff and therefore make it easy for people to attack me? Because I don't hide my flaws.

How do you attack someone with severe BPD?!

Shame and blame them....the rest they will do themselves. That's not an excuse btw....it's what it felt like to me.

I deleted everything that I had uploaded that day.

I regret that now.

In my opinion it's okay to share certain things that don't involve any real names or faces. I have many posts like that...such as Vessel playing the piano for someone else, for example. It's not like I make posts like that daily. But I have many posts like that under the main tag. They never involve real names or faces, they always come with "instructions" and are always under a cut. I don't force people to see things. I always leave it up to them.

That's how I interpret “our identities are not important”. One sentence and everyone sees it in a different way.

In my opinion this has something to do with something totally different....it's “non-egoic”, makes you face yourself because you then let the lyrics sink in on a deeper level, a process that is described by Jung as “indivituation” or also as I like to describe it “Plato's cave”....it's deep. It's actually really profound and interesting. (worth wriring about it again...I guess?! )

Yes, I know ho they are.

So?!

I don't lie about that. I never have. To me it's not a problem. It's what you make out of it.

To whoever wrote that: I'm not leaving and I'm also not silent about being attacked for having done nothing wrong.

And also....I don't care anymore. Whenever I stood up for someone else in this fandom then people leave, block me, unfollow or whatever but then a whole bunch of new people come in that see things the same way I do. I rather have those people stand behind me then kneel down and let someone walk all over me who decides to stab me in the back.

Edit: okay...one more thing! I'm just realizing something. I keep trying to unify a divided fandom. That's not my job. Like I said...I know and I'm fine with it. I don't intend on abusing what I know. But also what I keep fighting against: the fact that this fandom is divded and probably always will be?!. There are the ones who know and the ones who don't know....For me that's not a problem. Trying to unify those two sides does turn it into a problem for me.

When I feel trapped and can't post what I want to post then there is no point of still being in this fandom at all. Because it makes me feel trapped.

I will continue to post "behind the scenes stuff" every now and then. It's so rare that I do that anyway. Imo that's fine. We are talking about like 10 posts out of more then 3000 posts that I have. That's like 0,3%. That is not much.

[hms-no-fun]

BLAUGUST, day one: i wrote this yesterday and forgot to post it. let's pretend i have a winning streak here.

it's august, which means it's blaugust, the month where you write a blog every day. i used to blog a lot, compulsively even, and on this very tumblr account too. none of those posts exist anymore, however. back in 2019, when i was starting to get Minutely Internet Famous, i went back and deleted basically everything that wasn't just reblogs of comics and fanart. i still have those posts downloaded in an archive, of course, but i used my deadname more than not at all and most of what i blogged about was... kinda depressing.

i haven't really picked up the habit again since then, though the thought's crossed my mind. i guess in a sense, with the way social media has evolved, i feel this overwhelming miasma of "who asked?" with regards to blogging. on a timeline full of serious political analysis, panic about rising fascism, discourse over casual transphobia, and a constant stream of increasingly desperate crowdfunding campaigns, posting inane thoughts about my day or whatever feels frivolous.

isn't that just the story of the Internet? i often feel bad for younger "digital natives" in gen z and especially alpha, who've never known a net that was primarily hobbyists posting whatever in their free time, with no expectation of turning a profit in the process. there were always grifters and scammers and arguments and drama, mind, but there was also a general sense of (take a deep breath with me now, we'll get through this together) "netiquette", a sort of informal best-practices for civil online interaction. it was by no means universally held or particularly well-defined in most circles (except in places where it was EXCESSIVELY defined, an approach i used to mock but that i'm now not so sure wasn't the righter idea), but in the mid 2000s there was at the very least a fairly universal sense that there WERE rules that one SHOULD follow, or that they were EXPECTED to follow and deliberately chose not to. and the wild thing is, if you go back to old community guidelines even from the 90s you'll see that the dynamics at play today which seem to mystify modern commentators were very well understood and ample approaches existed to deal with them.

so what changed? broadband Internet access spread exponentially, far outstripping the capacity of those older communities. unscrupulous social media platforms moved in with no care towards conduct and vacuumed up all those fresh new users. over time, the platforms ate everyone's lunch, the economy collapsed, online payments got easier, and a lot of those hobbyists suddenly could/had to treat their online presence like a job. blogging was once the ubiquitous social media activity of my generation, all of us wowed i think by the spectacle of suddenly gaining access to what was essentially a million strangers' private journals. the freedom of anonymity collided with our desire to be validated, and so our thoughts became the tapestry of the web.

but as the 2010s rolled on, a lot of us who grew up in the end of history and assumed obama fixed america were slowly but surely confronted with the magnitude of our naivety. it's not a stretch to say the edgelord tendencies of the early web won outright, weaponising dynamics that were once the stuff of pointless MMO forum flame wars on the global stage. the "lol just because i said hitler did nothing wrong didn't make me a nazi bro i'm just being ironic why can't you take a joke" types made the indignation of a dipshit who got banned from a community for saying slurs and insists that THAT is the real bigotry into the cause célèbre of the entire conservative movement. all of it enabled by feckless liberals who don't actually exist in those communities and don't like hurting anybody's feelings. by which i mean, they always side with whoever makes the loudest fuss about fairness in public, regardless of the actual conduct and beliefs of the people in question. seriously, if you run an online community of any kind, you NEED a "bad vibes" rule. if you feel compelled to always justify every moderation decision with a situationally specific line item in the rulebook, you're fucked. there are worms out there you just cannot afford to humor, and you need the leeway to kick them out without question if you want your community to remain safe. and sure, they'll throw a fit. but who fucking cares? it is a website for christs sake. what kind of loser gets screaming mad over getting banned from an anime forum? clearly that's not the kind of person you ever wanted in your community anyway.

so yeah, i guess in the wake of these tides i've struggled to know what to blog about or why it's worth the effort. but maybe that's just it. the haters don't care about quality and churn out trash endlessly, while those of us with a conscience fall silent. and of course, for someone like me whose job is ostensibly Professional Opinion Haver, i often feel guilty writing anything that isn't For something and so i end up writing nothing at all. letting the perfect be the enemy of the good, as it were.

but i do miss blogging. it was a nice outlet for thoughts and feelings. maybe that's all it has to be and we all just crawled way too far up our own asses about it. i dunno. for this month at least, i'm gonna try to blog daily again. maybe you should give it a shot too!

[bagalois]

i got an email from the general grad advisor today, questioning how wise it would be for me to take algebraic topology 2 given my C in algebraic topology 1. she suggested that i could take the probability course track instead, which will knock off a distribution requirement and "could play more to my strengths"

ngl, i'm a little pissed. i'm doing a phd in math to become an academic and to have research in pure/applied mathematics. stats might be more employable, but i'm not putting in all this work to become a statistician. if i wanted to work industry, i would have tried harder to find a tech job with my COMPUTER SCIENCE DEGREE or CYBERSECURITY EXPERIENCE.

at first, i wrote a paragraph saying things like, "Regarding my strengths and interests, I'm figuring those things out. I don't have any statistics/probability background prior to my TA experience this past year - I didn't have much interest in it before and the subject is still new to me. I'm very interested in being employable after I graduate though, so I am happy to open up my options as much as I can."

i read over it and deleted it. my actual reply was pretty dry - all i said was a brief "thank you for the email" "hope your summer is going well" and "i'm interested in switching over to probability."

as second-year student, nobody actually cares about your interests. that's for after i have my master's degree and start shopping for advisors - and even then, it's more about what you have experience in than what you like.

they say grades don't matter, but the only thing anyone actually cares about (when you're early in the graduate career) is if you have good grades... i already knew that of course, but i let myself get swayed by the "your gpa doesn't matter!" propaganda from everyone in the department.

and here i thought mathematicians were honest.

you know, the biggest thing i regret from spring semester is not skipping classes when they stopped serving me. i wanted to, but i was more afraid to be rude than i was to fail.

(i don't encourage skipping class though, obviously. i only stop going when i seriously hate being there. i learn from the book instead and i still do the homework and show up for exams. it was easy in undergrad because those professors don't care. i just needed the credit/grade, not their approval.)

i just have to stay true to what i know. i'm usually right about the things i need and want. can't be letting other people detract from what i need to do for myself.

i thought that, since the department is full of mathematicians, they would understand me and share my interests - but the only interests they have are their own. i need to remind myself of this.

what i need over the summer is to prepare and practice for the statistics class i'm teaching this july. i need to review and relearn algtop 1. and i need to get As this fall.

technically i only need B+'s, but i want As, so i'm going to get them.

switching to probability should help me a lot. i have a classmate who took probability last year, and i'll be brushing up on my calculus anyway from being a calculus instructor this fall. so i have high hopes that, if everything goes well, i can pull it off. then i'll study hard in the winter and take the master's exam in the spring.

[valeriianz]

hi! in the spirit of Dreamling Week, here is an updated masterlist, now with clickable links to tags to follow along with a series :) welcome to my corner of the fandom, where it's predominantly human aus!

in time, all of my fics will be transferred to Ao3, so if you're interested in that, follow along here! this list will (finally) include (some) links to fics ive tagged on in reblogs that i usually ignore... but not this time! :'D Everything here is complete unless otherwise stated: (wip)

G - T Rated:

tepid - 1.3k canon, Dream can get sleepy, too

Stay - 1.7k hurt/comfort, vague mafia vibes

the date that never ended - 1.2k humor, established relationship

You Know How That Thrills Me - 2.2k The Devil Wears Prada AU, + blog tag which includes fanart, here!

savvy? - 1.2k pirate au! Hob rescues Dream

daydream - 1.1k fake dating, UST, fitting room pining

Exit Wounds - 2.1k hurt/no comfort, infidelity, angst

call me back for more - 2k NYE, strangers to lovers, sexual tension

scratch a little itch - 5.6k neighbors, pastry chef!Dream and professor!Hob

The magic of the mistletoe - xmas fic, canon

Hob grieves over Dream - canon, vague comic spoilers, angst

Cowboy AU (snippet) - aka Charro!Dream, Mexican rodeo vibes + blog tag with lots of art and collaborators :)

spin the bottle - highschool setting, friends to lovers

Reason in the Noise - 3k+ (wip) musician!Dream, companion piece to Bolt in the Blue (but can be read as a standalone)

Retired!Dream with facial hair along with part 2! - canon(ish), domestic, light spice

The Parent Trap AU and part 2! - loosely inspired by the film.

Hob walks in on Dream dancing - musician!Hob and Dream dancing to his music. marshmallow fluff.

Personal Chef!Hob, single dad Dream - what it says on the tin, part two here! and my 'chef Hob au' tag full of art and recipes!

NYE and slightly possessive Hob - another obligatory New Years Eve fic

The Proposal AU and also a part two! - a couple silly romcom things in collaboration with valiantstarlights here's the tag for it!

Bday fic for ambarden - the night before college graduation, pining,

Road Trip - the start of an idea...

ASMR youtuber!Dream - an add on... Hob is a fan. meet cute

Hard of Hearing Dream - pining, bittersweet, friends to lovers

Spicy/NSFW fics under the cut!

M - E Rated:

Bolt in the Blue - 102k+ (wip) the epic band au, slice of life, fluff, touring. see everything related to this fic in the tag fic: bolt in the blue

skipping breakfast - 667w domestic and a lil spicy

obsession - 1.6k canon, making out on the dancefloor

Fin de siècle - 3.2k vampire hunter!Hob and vampire!Dream

parked - 1.1k canon, car sex, PDA

tease - 1.3k Dream has a vulva, Hob fingers him in a car

ushy gushy pussy Dream - and he refuses to get off Hob's cock

Mr. Gadling's Bodyguard - 11.7k The Hitman's Bodyguard AU, action, humor... second chapter does not relate to the film at all and is just smut

Savory & Sweet - 6k+ (wip) restaurant au, unhinged behavior

Let Me Down Easy - 21k photographer!Hob and model!Dream but they're exes. angst with a happy ending

never enough - 7.3k friends to lovers, love confessions, mutual pining

turn the lights off - 3.3k phone sex, side fic inspired by by the minute by issylra

kiss me properly (and pull me apart) - 4.2k Hob wears a butt plug all day (lol) inspired by this incredible art by messmonte

Dream stepping on Hob - power imbalance, PWP

Bathtub shenanigans - a bit of relaxation ;)

Hob as Sexy Santa - and Dream can't handle it

Celebrity Dream and his normie bf Hob - inspired by that 3am photo of Ferdie looking all sweaty and disheveled

One of Your Girls AU - an ask fic/prompt i sent to Gabe and she added on <3

Let Me Down Easy [deleted scene] - they get frisky the morning after

Dream can feel Hob's lewd daydreams

Bi-curious Dream - basically a summary/headcanon of what i think Dream having his bi awakening with Hob would be like. and then hardly-an-escape went and wrote a full ass fic about it. but im counting this anyway lmao

#my writing

btw i am so sorry, yes i did give up on including the word count. i just... gave up. but everything without a word count is most likely under 1.5k.