totheidiot

[totheidiot]

thy evil spirit (ao3) // thy evil spirit (tumblr) .

fandom : death note .

relationship : L lawliet / light yagami .

word count : 1,409 words .

summery

in the morning of january 28, before the fateful meeting in the warehouse, L's ghost visits Light from the mirror of a bathroom. basically that scene in julius caesar act 4 scene 3, where caesar's ghost tell brutus that he will meet him at philippi but make it about light and L.

[totheidiot]

perfumed roses (ao3) .

fandom : death note .

relationship : misa amane / light yagami .

word count : 3,536 words .

trigger warnings : delusions, death, grief, grief hallucinations (idk if you can call this that), misa just has a shit mental health .

summery

Misa receives red roses from Light on Valentine's Day.

[totheidiot]

valentine, spurn my sorrow (ao3) .

fandom : death note .

relationship : L / yagami light .

word count : 11,059 words .

trigger warning:

death. like a lot of it.

grief and mourning

emotional distress

descriptions of corpses

corpse disinterment

canonical character death (it's L)

delusional behavior

fractured sense of reality

manic behavior

one line mentions sleeping pills

brief mention of strangulation

brief mention of stabbing + blood

summary :

L and Light watch the moon and talk. It’s only Light who says a single word.

[totheidiot]

son of man (turn your ear) [ao3] .

fandom : death note .

relationships : god & yagami light , L / yagami light .

word count : 10,531 words .

trigger warning:

discussions of death

canonical character deaths (light, L, soichiro)

blood

heart attack mentioned

gunshots mentioned

description of grief and loss

dysfunctional family dynamics

discussions of a higher power and religion

regret

helplessness

descriptions of pain

one line mentions strangulation

minor mentions of hallucinations

summary :

Before Light can be sent to Nothingness after his death, God needs to have a conversation with him.

[totheidiot]

what's left is only bittersweet [ao3] .

fandom : death note .

relationships : L / yagami light ; (minor) amane misa / yagami light .

word count : 11,398 words .

trigger warning

death as always

grief and mourning

emotional distress

minor feelings of agoraphobia

non-consensual kissing

canonical character death (it's L)

feelings of regret and despair

summary :

L kisses Light goodbye. Written for Lawlight Week 2025. Day 3: Final Goodbye.

[totheidiot]

honk mimimi shoo

i am about tooooo the flight was a billion hours long and it's 5 am here, jet lag is going to kill meeee

[totheidiot]

i added hearts to them. they are in love.

[totheidiot]

in order for people to like me and still want to be around me, i have to rely on their memory of me. i was always a better, funnier, kinder, smarter, more likable person before and if people didn't know that, they wouldn't be able to tolerate me.

[totheidiot]

do you ever just hang out with someone you will never see again

[totheidiot]

everything in this show is symbolism and its driving me insane.

the choir performance is meant to represent societal norms/heteronormative standards and just a general sense of harmony and belonging. which neither yoshiki nor “hikaru” feel. the fact that the classes performance was kind of criticized by hara in previous episodes but the day that the two are gone they sing it perfectly. their duet in the end symbolizing not only them literally mixing together, but also their combined sense of isolation and otherness. its something they both share, yoshiki because of his queerness and “hikaru” because of his monstrous nature. the fact that the choir singing stops at “dear friend-“ when yoshiki stabs him. the fact that the phone lies on the ground with the screen cracked with the two characters on the sides. its all showing just how different the two are from everyone else but also their connection from that.

their positioning in this scene is also so interesting because there’s the obvious visual element of the light separating them at first and then dimming as both of them sacrifice something of themselves to be on even ground. but also the fact that “hikaru” is on the bed with his hand outstretched while yoshiki is on the floor on his knees, which to me looked like slight religious imagery/symbolism? (honestly just the vibe i got) that could also tie in with the set up of “hikaru” being the “god” that the people of the village used to worship (which is going to be a pretty hard come down after it’s revealed hes not) and even his reaction after yoshiki stabbed him i feel was implying his whole wish granting ability.

also this scene is so important and also an insane (in a good way) anime only addition because this is “hikaru” reacting to yoshiki’s wish for “hikaru” to kill him, rather than reacting to yoshiki wanting to kill him. in the manga the background words included things like “he hates me he dont need me no more!” but in this scene his breakdown is because of his promise to do anything yoshiki asked conflicting with his own feelings of not wanting to kill him. its a slight change but it also conveys a TOTALLY different internal conflict.

also in these scenes i love how it portrays yoshiki more as the “scary one”. just the parallels of “hikaru” making himself more human by tearing out a piece of himself while yoshiki succumbs more to the mixing by giving up a part of his human morals/humanity (literally the light going out from his eyes). and the tendrils engulfing him at the end could obviously symbolize them mixing but also like a projection of their fears maybe? the uncertainty of not knowing what “hikaru” is and that he is still potentially dangerous despite everything. i think it could also be a thing of him losing control of hikarus body because he just gave up a part of himself (he basically said as much in the manga so again foreshadowing?) ALSO the shot of him looking scared and then glitching out into his “half monster” form makes me think that maybe he also doesn’t want to find out what he is because doing so would just solidify the fact that he is different and not human. as of now both of them have tried to pretend that he is human because they could at least be together that way, but excepting that they are fundamentally different could break that (is this a reach? i dont know man i am losing it.) both of them are on a mutually self destructive collision course and i have no clue what will come out of it but its insane and making me feel things.

why cant the curtains just be blue for once /j

[totheidiot]

if you're doing fic recs, do you have any lawlight grief fics ^-^

Hi goat! Yes. I shall give you a collection of my favourite grief lawlight fanfics. None are explicit, rating & archive warnings mentioned. Under the cut:

Cry for Judas ; switchbladeflights ; G, no archive warnings Light writes L Lawliet’s name in the Death Note months after he dies.

300 words. 300. and it ruined me so hard. oh shut up Light's desperation... yet he's so calm... LORD someone kill me

Form Prayers To The Broken Stone ; judgeandjury ; T, character death ... “If you do it,” L stretches every note, self-possessed. As ever, “I will take it as you wanting to be with me. And kill you.”

Judge dropping peak after peak everytime. insane I have nothing else to say. just read it. It's 1000 words. 3 2 1 gGO!!!!

After the End ; tsukinousagi ; T, character death L is dead and Light is very, very happy.

Lawlight fandom VS not writing absolutely gut-wrenching grief fics

For being a 3xdrabble, it has so many emotions packed inside... Light's repressed fucking feelings and his ways of hiding them... SEDATE ME

cemetery drive ; anivhee ; T, character death ... in which Light visits L's grave.

Shut the fuck up right now. This fic destroyed me and I'm being dead serious right now I remember reading it on a cold night and just staring at my ceiling afterwards. I usually don't read longer fics but these were the best 7680 words of my life

fable and truth ; tojominist ; T, warnings unchosen ... Light Yagami is a God-fearing Christian man. He meets a grieving man named L who is looking for some sort of relief after a loved one dies. They pray together.

The grief isn't focused on lawlight; the focus is more on internalized homophobia. But, I LOVE THIS!!!! AND ADORE IT!! !

Oh yea. tumblr is back with the format denying. But... I'll give you some more, just without descriptions... :

Why? ; Sunshine_LemonadeLove ; T, warnings unchosen Twenty Years Later ; mapsareforbraindeads ; G, no warnings ^ not exactly lawlight but L&Light

And THATS ALL FOR NOW I hope to see and add more grief fics in the future! Feel free to leave yours in the comments & click #recs for more fic recommendations!

[totheidiot]

the new episode. oh my god. can't believe animation as a medium exists who invented that. that episode was the best thing ever i literally cannot think.

[totheidiot]

yikes

[totheidiot]

employment... over?

OFFICIALLY OVER !!!!! JUST GOT PAID AND I AM NOW ON THE TRAIN HOME !!!!

[totheidiot]

son of man (turn your ear) [ao3] .

fandom : death note .

relationships : god & yagami light , L / yagami light .

word count : 10,531 words .

trigger warning:

discussions of death

canonical character deaths (light, L, soichiro)

blood

heart attack mentioned

gunshots mentioned

description of grief and loss

dysfunctional family dynamics

discussions of a higher power and religion

regret

helplessness

descriptions of pain

one line mentions strangulation

minor mentions of hallucinations

summary :

Before Light can be sent to Nothingness after his death, God needs to have a conversation with him.

[totheidiot]

By popular demand, here is my same poll from before but with the next biggest cities

Remember

non trans women dont answer but pls reblog and share i want a huge sample

trans women not in or near one of the biggest US metros im sorry but I wanna see for the absolute largest metros This is for all you fucks acting like I'm some sort of idiot for not including seattle, now please don't act up bc I didn't include the bigger cities THOSE ARE ON THE PREVIOUS POLL. And no I can't make unlimited options so this is just the next eleven largest cities, sorry no NOLA no Louisville chill tf out.

metro includes surrounding area, so like Tacoma for Seattle, Oakland for SF, or Aurora for Denver

[totheidiot]

son of man (turn your ear) [ao3] .

fandom : death note .

relationships : god & yagami light , L / yagami light .

word count : 10,531 words .

trigger warning:

discussions of death

canonical character deaths (light, L, soichiro)

blood

heart attack mentioned

gunshots mentioned

description of grief and loss

dysfunctional family dynamics

discussions of a higher power and religion

regret

helplessness

descriptions of pain

one line mentions strangulation

minor mentions of hallucinations

summary :

Before Light can be sent to Nothingness after his death, God needs to have a conversation with him.