#who needs impartiality
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thoughtlessarse · 19 days ago
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The Director General Tim Davie and other executives discussed altering BBC “story selection” in order to secure the “trust” of supporters of Nigel Farage’s party The BBC’s Director General Tim Davie and other senior bosses at the corporation have drawn up plans to win over voters of Reform UK, due to a belief that their news and drama output is creating “low trust issues” with supporters of Nigel Farage’s party. Minutes of a meeting of the BBC’s Editorial Guidelines and Standards Committee in March, seen by Byline Times, show that BBC News CEO Deborah Turness gave a presentation in which she discussed plans to alter “story selection” and “other types of output, such as drama” in order to win the trust of Reform voters. Members of the committee, which includes former GB News executive Robbie Gibb, discussed the presentation and agreed to give an “update on progress” towards their aim at a later date.
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Yeah, that's what was missing from British television; another GB News channel. So much for impartiality.
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redrobin-detective · 2 months ago
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Which Watson did it better: Moriarty edition
Elementary! Watson: I outsmarted Moriarty, saved Sherlock and I impressed Moriatry so much, the villainess became obsessed with me and we developed a one sided yuriship.
CBS! Waston: I outsmarted Moriatry, saved my dying teammate and saved Moriarty's eyesight only to break the Hippocratic oath and kill him anyway.
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enjoyvoidblack · 3 months ago
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I think where everyone goes wrong in the TMA to WTNV comparisons is putting Cecil in an analogous role to Jon in the first place. Cecil is not "Jon if he was more chill about it," because Nightvale does not have a Jon. If anything, the entire town is simultaneously us the audience, and the statement-givers, and Cecil? Cecil is the mysteriously appearing tape recorder.
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pansyfemme · 10 months ago
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just a heads up that enmeshment with your therapist is a sign that you need a different therapist. you go to these people to offload and heal, but if you're emotionally enmeshed and that's keeping you from bringing topics forward, that is no longer a healthy relationship nor a therapist that should be treating you.
just so you're aware. your therapist should not be an uncle figure you're afraid to talk about embarrassing stuff with, he's an impartial audience to help you heal. that emotional connection is now HINDERING you from healing.
honestly! me making one personal post! does not tell you the full story! while i defintly have an emotional connection with him- i have had other therapists in my life in and out the entire time. i seek help from other sources frequently! i said it was like talking to an uncle simply because of the fact he’s known me since i was a child, which makes talking about adult topics at times a little embarrasing because he knew me when i was 11!! he is not like an uncle to me in an other respect, i have a seperation. and i have openly discussed this with him and why im uncomfortable at times!! but we talk it out!! because its my therapist and me making one post doesnt mean you know everything!! geez!! also ive been embarrassed to talk about sex with every other therapist ive had!! not your call to make!!
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hibernating-stag · 3 months ago
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Thinking about. Eddie again. I miss you Eddie, I wish you got more than like 3 lines when GG made the transition to 3D... You were so interesting...
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iwritenarrativesandstuff · 1 year ago
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”I’m too old for this young person show I can’t relate to their drama” then why for the love of god are you reviewing/critiquing it???
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remthebombshell · 2 months ago
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how do i convince the people that rem is not straight when i only write him in straight fics
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anawkwardlady · 1 month ago
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This is the last thing i'll say about this. I'm going to take the hand of the true crime crowd when I say this. This is my smallest grievance but it needs to be said : the whole 'im just a girl and i listen to horrifying true crime stories while i do my yoga/chores/skincare with a straight face im sooo quirky' IS EMBARRASSING. You've all been saying this and it's been your only personality trait for years, you need to let this go, it doesn't make you interesting in fact that makes you the most boring ass person in the world. When I hear that exact sentiment with that exact tone and bubbling expectation that people in front of you would be disturbed my eyes roll so far in the back of my head. Stop doing this for the love of god. Get into gore movies or whatever.
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silveredsticks · 5 months ago
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x
#silv rambles#so my dad has convinced his lawyers that hes got capacity and has revoked the PoA and Enduring Guardianship that i never wanted to be#ahh i am so glad to be free#the anxiety and depression i have felt especially since last june#is almost unexplainable#i did this for my sister I who really put herself through SO much trying to help this man who is selfish beyond measure & always has been#she tries to give him grace for the Huntington's but the truth is hes always been manipulating and self centred#hes stolen the last months of my mum he stole my recovery from cancer he stole our grieving period and he caused me to start having#panic attacks again and opened up trauma from csa (not him) that i had long dealt with by raising it without preface or warning#anyway#he wanted us removed as he has changed his mind and realised he'll be better off if he doesn't divorce his wife#and we are concerned that he doesn't understand the full impact of this#but hes been found to have enough capacity to make some choices so hes appointed her son- his step son- who he says will be impartial#lmao#anyway anyway#its all ao long and HORRIBLE and boring#but hes made his choices and wr are free#and i hope my sister I geta some peace#and i think all of us (my three sisters and I) can grieve mama and start to live with joy how she wants#and tomorrow im going to the ladies baths to swim in the ocean and then ill do some gardening and then#I don't know#finish my weaving#finish my seamus fic#who fucking knows#but i won't have yo be replying to messages berating me for something I never did in the first place or demanding i do something immediately#while also telling me i am stupid as im dyslexic and probably don't understand what he wants#etc etc#i want to write a proper post about this but i just need to get this out of me for now
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lemonynuggets · 4 months ago
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is that representation really bad or do you just not relate to it?
#lemon man talks#I saw someone say Nico’s “coming out” scene was bad#Well. I have opinions on that#I’m not gonna ramble here lest someone kills me with rocks#The poolrooms server get ready for my incoming rant in the infodump channel#Man I’m not mad I’m just having thoughts#Like some rep IS bad but sometimes people are just biased#But either way there’s always gonna be divergence in opinion#The people that don’t relate with the rep will say it’s bad while the ones that do will say idk man I think it was good#I think this is a “the majority decides” situation#Usually id say rep gets the Officially Bad Seal when like nearly everyone from the group being represented says its bad#Obviously you shouldn’t count the opinions of people outside the group because they don’t have that experience therefore can’t know if the#Rep actually represents that group well or not#Representation is a way of making a group feel seen while teaching other people about them#So yeah. Maybe the rep isn’t bad you just don’t relate to it/don’t have that experience or something#The Cupid scene is a VERY specific situation#I for one relate a lot to it and its a very important to me#It definitely helped me a lot when I was a kid reading it for the first time!! And it’s still very important to me now!!!#So maybe it’s not bad it’s just a very specific situation that no everyone will relate to#And considering the whole context of it too#Aka who wrote it/when it was written/Nico’s character#I wouldn’t say it’s bad no#But that’s just my opinion and experiences and bias#It’s impossible to be completely impartial and that’s what makes people disagree on this kind of thing#Whatever I need to sleep#All I just said was so incredibly redundant#I’m not very good with words
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creature-once-removed · 2 years ago
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I've been reading and watching some reviews of Oppenheimer and am shocked at the way some people don't seem to be able to connect to characters who are a little bit closed off and inwardly complicated.
This is a film you need to bring your own empathy to. It isn't actively provoked and drawn out of you.
Which, given that it deals with the construction of the Atomic Bomb, I think is something that should be self explanatory. If you go into making this thinking "Oh I will make people feel so bad about the bombs" you're already headed in the wrong direction. It's not the question whether or not it's bad. The question is whether or not you realize it's bad when no one tells you outright how to think about it.
This movie is incredible for doing this.
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meganechan05 · 2 years ago
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...Did Makeup Staff go heavy on the eye makeup during filming for this episode...?
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The eyeliner's a bit heavier than usual unless it's just the shadows and lighting...
...TOEI, I SWEAR TO GOD PAPILLON, IF YOU GIVE RITA A CORRUPTION ARC, I WILL RAIN HELLFIRE!!
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unrealcities · 2 years ago
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Absolutely missing Vivianne Miedema
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burning-sol · 2 years ago
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Sol I only say something bc I’ve seen you mention it multiple times but sometimes people just block you and it doesn’t make sense and then you move on. World is full of mysteries. I got blocked by someone I like actually had conversations with on multiple occasions and then suddenly blocked. Man idk it just happens, we leave them alone, we move on. No use dwelling on it.
this is so funny. do you know who i am.
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firidisfox · 2 months ago
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the two party system sucks cause itd be one thing if there was one party that i agreed with and one i didagreed with but actually how it works is theres one party thats kinda okay but kinda does nothing and another party that's literally straight up evil, wants me and my friends dead, defies law repeatedly, and overall is antithetical to ny entire moral framework as an average human who cares about other people. but people go out and act like they're equal or just differences in opinion.
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ladsonlads · 4 months ago
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Impartial Hearts | Sylus - Part One
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Pairing -> Boss Sylus x Non MC Reader
Parts -> Part One | Part Two
Synopsis -> You’ve been working as Onychinus’s accountant for two years, and you’ve been carrying two heavy secrets for a third of it. You were in love with your boss, and your mother was dying.
A/N -> Guys this shit is just sad icl I need to lay off the sad songs... anyways, reader is not MC but MC is mentioned I called her 'Miss Hunter' or 'MC' bc I couldn't come up with a name, sorry.
EDIT: Thanks for all the love <33333 I honestly didn’t expect so many people to want a part two, I promise it’s in the works and I’ll try to get it out ASAP.
Trigger Warnings -> Death mentioned, heart issues mentioned.
Word Count -> 7.3K
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“I’m sorry, what?” The question slipped out of your lips without much of an attempt from your brain to restrain it. You regretted that instantly.
“Watch your tone, Y/N.” The scarily low timbre in Sylus’s voice threatened retribution if you didn’t.
“Sorry… It’s just that— are you sure? I feel like this is a decision that requires a little bit more contemplation. Like getting a dog!” You tried to backpedal, but from the look of Sylus’s narrowing eyes, he wasn’t happy with your response. 
“Are you comparing her to a dog?” There was a threat thinly encased in Sylus’s question and under the thick layers of fear, you felt the slightest pang of jealousy that the he felt so strongly about defending her honour. 
What a dramatic and far-fetched conclusion. You wanted to say, but instead you bit your tongue. 
“N-No! Of course not. Not at all. I’m just wondering if wiring her such a significant sum from your equity account is a good idea when you met her—” You make a show of glancing at your shabby watch “— 13 hours ago is a sound decision.”
“So you’re questioning my judgement? Is that it?” 
You couldn’t blame him for being difficult, you walked right into that one. 
“No! Well… yes?” One would think that after two years of working for Sylus, you’d have the ability to stand your ground against him. But there was only so far someone could push a man like Sylus before he deemed you irredeemable. The consequence of which involved a hollow point in your skull. 
“Wrong answer. Wire it. Now. I’ll deal with your insubordination later.” He quickly left the room that doubled as your ‘office’; you shared it with the twins who liked to use it as their reprieve from crime. You wouldn’t have minded had they chosen less rambunctious ways of cooling-down, like reading or watching a show. Instead they’d play-fight, actually fight, play video games on the loudest volume or — the worst option of all — karaoke. 
The sarcastic yes sir died on your tongue as quickly as it crossed your mind. You pissed him off far more than usual today, and he was already way more tense since her arrival. 
Miss Hunter. Sylus kept her first name under lock-and-key, said it was safer that way. You barely caught a glimpse of her as Sylus dragged her out of his office, which was across from yours. From the glimpse you did catch, she was beautiful. Fair skin, jet black hair, a fit body. Her outfit, which was the Hunter’s Association standard issue uniform, had never looked so good. 
From what you knew from shameless eavesdropping, she was extremely important to Sylus. She was part of some critical master plan you weren’t privy to. 
You hated her.
Albeit, completely unfounded, your hatred for her stemmed from an ugly feeling you could not shake. In the two years you worked as an accountant for Onychinus, Sylus touched you once. Correction, you touched him once accidentally when you had too much to drink with the twins after work. You were taking careful steps to the bar to pour yourself another glass of a gross vodka raspberry mixture when you tripped on the edge of one of Sylus’s extremely expensive rugs. Your feet pedalled forward in an attempt to keep you upright, and you clashed right into Sylus who was innocently scrolling through his phone on the wall next to the bar. 
You could recall the fear you felt vividly. You almost felt the same wedge lodged in your throat. Sylus quickly removed you from him, steadying you with his cold palms on your shoulders (an action that made you blush like a schoolgirl) before verbally deeming you cut-off from all liquor from the night.
That was the full extent of all physical contact you’d had with Sylus in two whole years, meanwhile it took Miss Hunter less than 24-hours before he was holding her hand. God, you hated her.
“Oi, Y/N, we’re using the company card for lunch today.” Luke quickly yelled out to you from the hallway, too engrossed in your self-loathing and plain old regular loathing, you forgot to remind Luke that they only had $40 left on their weekly lunch budget. 
Knowing the twins, they wouldn’t have cared anyway, creating yet another problem you had to fix.
Looking at the excel sheet that contained this month’s trial balance, you shivered at the thought of having to deal with Sylus’s wrath at yet another monthly increase in expenses. So, you shifted the remaining balance on your lunch budget, a generous $255, into the twin’s joint account. It was only Thursday morning, and they’d managed to max-out their $1000 budget. 
You hated them too.
You looked through your drawer in hopes you had a leftover snack that could sadly double as your lunch and felt a wave of relief at the sight of a protein bar. 
It wasn’t like Sylus didn’t pay you enough to afford your own lunch, in fact he was the most generous employer you’d ever had. But the only thing bigger than his bank account was corporate greed, and the blood-sucking heathens at Akso hospital were milking you dry.
Life in the N109 Zone wasn’t easy for most people, especially your mother who raised you all on her own after your father left. She worked 3 jobs to put you through university in Linkon, so the least you could do was use every last cent you made on ensuring she had the best medical treatment money could buy. 
Your mother had a bad heart ever since she was born, it was a hereditary condition that would sometimes skip a generation only to show up in the next. She had an atrial septal defect, or in another words, a hole in her heart. You were born with one too, although yours was much smaller. She’d undergone several surgeries to repair the hole, but it reopened, and now the scar tissue surrounding the surgical site was obstructing her arteries. She was now on bypass patiently awaiting a heart transplant you couldn’t quite afford, but you’d make it happen. You were sure of it. 
With half the protein bar in your mouth, you began to call Dr Zayne, the cardiovascular surgeon who was overseeing your mother’s care. You called him for updates on your mother and the transplant list every day, since a train ticket to Linkon was too big an expense to justify, you’d settle for Dr Zayne’s cold recollections of your mother’s heart function. 
“Ah, Miss L/N, I was beginning to think you weren’t going to call today.” The dead-pan sarcasm dripped from his tone. 
“Your bedside manner needs serious work.” You bit back. You weren’t sure when or how your relationship with your mother’s doctor turned so hostile, but you figured the busy chief of surgery was annoyed by your constant calls. 
“Need I remind you, Y/N, you’re not the patient.” 
“There isn’t a waking second I’m not thinking about the patient, Dr Zayne.” 
An uncomfortable silence hung in the air at your confession. You didn’t mean to make him feel guilty, in all honesty, you looked forward to the banter before the updates on your mom, it helped ease the nerves. 
“Do you want to see her?”
“Of course, but I’m working a lot.”
“No, I mean right now.”
“Are you finally letting me borrow the hospital helicopter?”
“No, but I will let you borrow my phone so you can FaceTime her.”
His kind offer caught you off guard. “Really?!”
“Sure, you caught me in a rare moment where I don’t have someplace to be.”
“It must be Christmas.”
“Rarer than Christmas. Think solar eclipse.”
“Okay, okay, I get it. Now give me my mother.”
Zayne kept his promise, and you spoke to your mother for your entire lunch break, and then some. You would’ve continued talking to her until the sunset if not for Sylus’s interruption. 
“I don’t pay you to FaceTime your friends, Y/N.”
“Sorry, I have to go. Talk to you later. I love you!” Your mother rasped out that she loved you too before you quickly hung up the phone. 
“Sorry.” Your apology fell on deaf ears as Sylus took slow, deliberate steps toward your desk. 
“Do you hate this job?” Sylus’s asked this deceivingly innocuous question while sliding a finger across the mahogany tabletop. 
“Um… no?” You placed your hands in your lap as you answered to hide the slight tremor. 
“You sound unsure.” 
“I like this job very much.” You made the declaration with as much confidence as you could muster. Your mood was already depleted from seeing your mother’s sick face for the first time in months. She wasn’t looking any healthier, and Zayne told you she’d barely moved up the list. 
107. There were 107 people who’s lives were more important than the woman who raised you. You were well aware that wasn’t the way they calculated the metric, but it didn’t make the number hurt any less. 
Sylus let out an sigh that suggested whatever he’d say next was a much tamer version of what he truly wanted to say. “Then I’d suggest you start acting like it. Remember, sweetheart, everyone’s replaceable. Especially you.” 
His comment stung like antiseptic on an open wound, though you were sure that was his intention. 
“Right. Of course. I won’t let you down.” 
“For your sake, I hope not. The twins told me they went to that seafood buffet for lunch, you haven’t let them go over the budget again, have you?” 
You quickly pulled up the online banking account connected to the company card. You saw the $189.95 charge for the seafood buffet and swallowed the lump in your throat. 
“Nope, it’s all dandy.” You gave him a smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes. He noticed. 
“Good. You wire that money like I asked?” The venom in his tone alleviated, and you were glad at least one thing seemed to have worked out for you that day. 
But alas, your joy was short-lived.
“Yes, an hour ago, but it’s still processing until you put in your access code.” You moved away from the computer to give him room to step around and put in the code like he usually did. However, his feet never moved from their position in front of your desk.
“Why didn’t you tell me that?” Just like that, his voice was all venom again. 
You were beginning to grow agitated with his misplaced anger constantly being taken out on you. It didn’t happen often, but when it did, he’d tear into you like a bear would a boxing bag and then act like everything was fine the next day. You never got an apology, you knew not to expect one. 
But lately these fits of unbridled rage came about more often than not, and Sylus took a shovel to your mole hill of resolve every time. 
“I always need your access code on transfers over $500,000. I’ve never told you before, I just assumed—” 
“Are you stupid?” You didn’t bother answering the mean rhetorical question. “What about this transaction seemed usual to you? Did I not convey my urgency effectively earlier? Or are there rocks where your brain should be?” His voice never went up in volume, but you could tell he was angry. Livid even. Seething with fury at your supposed incompetence. 
Your eyes welled up with tears at his outburst. Normally you could take whatever insults he’d throw at you with little outward reaction, but you were particularly sensitive from the sandwich-shaped hole in your stomach, and the maternal hole in your heart which ached every second, reminding you of the much bigger one your mother bore.
Before you could stop it, a tear rolled down your cheek, and the second you registered the sensation you quickly went to wipe it. 
“Stop crying.” Sylus ordered.
“I’m not—crying.” Your voice betrayed you, a hitch in your throat interrupting the sentence. The tears began to stream down faster, so fast your hands couldn’t keep up. 
You prepared yourself for a speech about how weak you were, how he wouldn’t tolerate such inane shows of infirmity. But all Sylus did was watch as you embarrassingly tried to pull yourself together. 
You weren’t sure how much time passed before Sylus moved next to you, hunching down to input his code into the transaction. His eyes glanced at the second monitor, displaying the company card’s account, and he zeroed in at the twin’s charge, and your lack thereof.
“Did you have lunch?” Sylus’s voice was softer, you attributed that to the fact that he was inches away from you. The question was so out of left-field it actually caused your tears to cease. 
“Yeah?”
“You didn’t use the card.” Your eyes followed his to the bank statement and you let out a sigh of relief. 
“Oh, I had some extra cash on me I wanted to get rid of.”
“You’re supposed to use the card, Y/N. That’s what it’s for.”
“It’s fine, I’ll have an extra big lunch tomorrow. Granted you’re not firing me?” You were only half-joking, but you could’ve sworn you saw the corners of his lips perk up in an almost-smile before he shut it straight down. 
“I won’t fire you if you tell me what’s got you this upset? I’m not so proud as to assume it was me.” It was that moment you realised Sylus was capable of feeling empathy. He was aware of how hurtful he was being all those times he’d berate you over the smallest inconveniences for virtually no reason, and he simply didn’t care. 
It was far worse to know that he did possess empathy, but chose not to extend it to you. 
“It’s just that time of the month.” You lied, convincingly. You’d mull over your blatant betrayal to feminism later, but for now you needed a means of shutting this inquiry down and quickly. You didn’t want anyone knowing about your mom, you were sure the pity would destroy you. She wasn’t going to die, and you didn’t want people to treat you like she might. 
Sylus waited for the transfer to clear before he left. You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding when the door closed behind him.
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“Are you sure we only have $105 on our lunch budget.” Luke’s question grated on your frayed nerves.
“$105 and five cents.” Your distinction didn’t do much help. 
“Come on, can’t you do your weird accounty magic and make more appear? We want steak.” Kiernan’s plea wasn’t helping either. You’d exhausted every last option, anything else would definitely cause alarms when Sylus eventually reviewed the accounts. 
“I already did all I could, I gave you an extra $255!” And a fat good that did you, now you were hungry and annoyed.
“Well, we both know there’s plenty more where that came from.”
There really wasn’t, but you didn’t tell them that. 
“I’m sorry, $105 is all you’ve got.” 
“Fine. But we’re very unhappy with you, Y/N. Very unhappy.” Luke chastised you, but you couldn’t even pretend to care. 
“Better you than Sylus, now please leave.” The twins opened their mouths with a retort, but a domineering voice interrupted them. 
“You heard her. Beat it and stop bothering my accountant.” 
The twins scurried at the sound of Sylus’s voice, and you wondered how much of that conversation he overheard.
“So, where did that extra $255 come from, Y/N?”
Too much of the conversation. Way too much. 
“My budget.” You cut your losses and told him the truth. Any other answer would have surely pissed him off. 
“I give you $300 for the whole week. Your sandwich costs $15. Either you haven’t been eating, or you've been paying out of your own pocket against my orders. Which is it?” 
Well, that was a lose-lose situation if there ever was one. You didn’t want to deal with the questions about why you were skipping meals, so you lied again. You always were an exceptional liar, your mother taught you that the less people knew about you, the less they had to hurt you with.
“I made too much food for dinner so I had leftovers. It’s no biggie.” You didn’t even look up from your screen as the lie left your lips. 
“What leftovers?” He asked. 
“Pasta.” You answered. 
“What kind?”
“Alfredo.”
“With mushrooms?”
“Yeah.”
“You hate mushrooms.” 
Shit. Why did he know that?
“I had a change of heart.”
“You’re lying.”
You bit your lip in worry, wondering how you were going to get yourself out of this one.
You stalled as much as you could, pretending to be engrossed in something on your screen, until the sound of Sylus’s phone ringing broke the tension. 
You internally thanked every deity that could possibly be watching over you as he took the call, and prayed to all of them that it would be something urgent. 
You heard the faint sounds of a feminine voice through his phone.
“Kitten, where are you?”
Wait, who’s kitten? 
“Just calm down, tell me where you are.” Sylus didn’t even give you a second glance as he quickly stormed out of your office. Leaving you to mull over the intimate pet name, knowing exactly who it was intended for.
As Sylus left the room you reflected on the cacophony your feelings created in your mind. You weren’t sure when you developed such strong feelings for Sylus — or why. His personality was the antithesis of yours. Where he would free fall off of the proverbial cliff of his life without a second thought, every risk you took was meticulously calculated. Where he was rough and respected, you were sort of a pushover. Where his deadpan sense of humour tended to elicit more fear than laughter, you had an awkward habit of cracking jokes in situations they were not appropriate.
You were polar opposites, two parallel lines that were destined never to intertwine. You figured that was why everything hurt so much around him. He wasn’t right for you, but he would be right for someone else. 
The envy you’d carried for so long began to subside for the first time in years. Sylus had an array of estranged lovers that he’d bring around his mansion every once in a while, and now Miss Hunter. But for the first time the reminder of that fact didn’t hurt as much as it usually did. 
It was Mid-September and you warned yourself that if you couldn’t eliminate all the romantic feelings you had for Sylus by the end of Autumn, you’d cut your losses and quit. 
Of course, you’d have to find another job that paid just as well, but you were willing to cross that bridge when it came to it. There was only so much turmoil your fragile heart could take, and if you were dead, your mother would be as good as dead too. 
Happy with your iron-clad plan, you opened up your notes app and began to draft ‘Operation Sylus: No More’. You could change the name later.
Operation Sylus: No More
The foolproof guide of getting rid of all feelings Sylus related by the end of November. 
Step 1: avoid Sylus and all thoughts of him at all costs.
Step 2: no more funny jokes, his laugh is seriously deadly. 
Step 3: force yourself to remember Miss Hunter in moments of weakness. She’s the one he really wants. 
Step 4: try to find love elsewhere, like the corner shop owner, he may be in his 50s and happily married but he’s kind of a silver-fox!
Step 5: do not, under any circumstances, allow yourself to be alone with Sylus for too long.
You looked back at your list, proud of the relatively easy steps to follow. This should be a cakewalk. Whoever said you couldn’t be the master of your own feelings clearly never met you. 
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“Boss needs you in his office. He says bring your laptop.” Kiernan’s voice broke your focus. You were almost finished with the end of year report for this financial year, a task Sylus forced you to complete annually. It was meaningless, considering Onychinus wasn’t necessarily a legitimate business listed on the stock exchange, but you took it seriously nonetheless. 
“Okay, I’ll be right there.” You felt Kiernan’s eyes bore into you as you continued to make minor edits to the report. You’d sleep so much better once this 180 page document was out of your life. 
“He needs you now, Y/N. We’re both toast if you make him wait.” You sighed and couldn’t help but roll your eyes at Sylus’s lack of empathy for your large workload. 
You berated your past self for being so eager for this role, completing far too many tasks far too quickly, and setting the precedent that you were some sort of accounting machine. You really should learn to stick to the bare minimum. 
You walked over to the door leading to his office, and gave it a soft rap with your knuckles. The door opened by itself, or rather with the help of Sylus’s evol, to the sight of him leaning back in his chair, with Miss Hunter sitting directly in front of him on his desk.
Step 3 of your guide felt less like a friendly reminder and more like a stab in the gut. Think of corner-shop man. Think of corner-shop man. Think of corner-shop man.
“We don’t have all day, sit down, Y/N.” Sylus’s command woke you from your trance, and you hoped your envy wasn’t as obvious as you thought it was. 
This was the first time you’d seen Miss Hunter up close, and when your eyes travelled to meet hers, she gave you a warm smile. You felt like the shittiest person to exist for ever hating her.
Your eyes scanned the room for somewhere to sit. The chairs opposite his seemed like they would intrude on the intimate moment he was clearly having with Miss Hunter, so you settled on an armchair in the corner that had a coffee table in front of it. 
Sylus sighed and didn’t even bother to ask you to move before he used his evol to whisk you up and deposit your body onto the chair at his table like a rag doll. You hated when he used his evol on you, it felt like the arms of a prickly cactus. 
“In a few minutes, I’ll be getting a phone call from a possible investor. He’s extremely exclusive and known for running tests on his potential partners before agreeing to invest with them. My intel suggests he’s going to propose a joint project, but the numbers he’ll give me will be far off. I need to counter-propose numbers that would generate a high return and quickly, or he’ll hang up and I’ll never hear from him again. So, open up your laptop and prepare, because if you tank this for me, there will no longer be a place for you here. Understood?”
When Sylus did things like that, it made it easier to love him a little less. He could be a complete and utter dick sometimes, and while you’d learned to accept it as a human flaw, recently it seemed more like a permanent predisposition. 
Perhaps Sylus was nice to you because you were entertaining, now that he had someone better to occupy his time, you were nothing more than a forgotten bygone. 
“Yeah, I got it.” You opened up an excel sheet with a project analysis template. These were the types of questions you’d get in your first year accounting courses but you let Sylus think it was much harder than it actually was — just to make him sweat. 
When the phone rang, Sylus’s muscles grew tense and Miss Hunter gave him a comforting squeeze on his shoulder. You bit your lip to hide the sudden scowl on your face. Think of corner-shop man. Think of corner-shop man. Think of corner-shop man.
Your eyes bore into your excel sheet with an intensity that would’ve produced laser beams in an alternate reality. You focused entirely on the calculations, listening intently to the brassy voice of the investor on the phone. 
It didn’t take you long to generate the minimum initial investment they’d need to generate some form of return, as well as the payback period. You wrote the numbers down on a notepad, and you let him do the rest. 
When you heard the investor let out a humorous ‘I’m impressed’ you packed up your laptop and left the room without so much as a wave. You felt Sylus and Miss Hunter’s eyes follow you out of the room, but you didn’t bother looking back.
You felt the thin line between love and hate begin to grow blurry. Where Sylus was concerned, your feelings were as clear as the muddy water in a swamp. Maybe two and a half months was too much time. You needed these feelings gone expeditiously. 
You decided to take your lunch early, and you left the extravagant mansion that doubled as HQ to find your bike. You couldn’t really afford a car, or a license, but your bright yellow bike could do everything a car could for a fraction of the price. You were in the process of strapping up your helmet when Luke walked up. 
“What’s up with you lately?” His question was inevitable. You wondered how long it would take for someone to notice that you were fighting internal battles on every front. Your mother’s health, Sylus’s sudden chronic asshole syndrome flareup, your dwindling bank account. 
“Nothing, I’ve just been tired.”
“Well, we’re having a few friends over tonight. Just a small group, if you’re not too tired, you should come.” Luke was the more sociable twin, and he was most likely extending this invitation to you out of pity, but you’d take anything over being trapped in your own mind. 
“Will there be alcohol?” You quipped.
“Duh.” Luke’s response brought the first genuine smile to your face in weeks. 
“I’ll be there.” After your agreement, you cycled away toward the corner shop for lunch.
It was a quaint bakery/deli run by a Turkish man who you knew on a first name basis. He was aged-like-fine-wine handsome. Features weathered tastefully by age, with a full head of hair that quelled your fears of your future children inheriting the early onset male pattern baldness gene. 
But when you entered the store and saw Mr Demir, there were no butterflies. Your heart didn’t skip a beat. Your hands didn’t even quiver as you paid for the sandwich. In fact, they were so steady you figured you could give Dr Zayne a run for his money. 
Speaking of Dr Zayne, his daily updates were growing scarcer in detail, and you were worried that something was wrong. He insisted he was just busy and since your mother had moved up to 93 on the transplant list, you let it slide. 
“You know you’re allowed to try the other sandwiches, right?” Mr Demir’s handsome face contorted into a teasing smile, and if he didn’t own this shop with his beautiful wife, you might’ve asked him to marry you then and there. 
“I like this one. Your family is very talented.” You smiled at him, but it seemed even he could tell that it wasn’t genuine.
“You’re getting skinnier you know, and you haven’t been coming as often. Is something wrong or are you cheating on me with a salad store?” His joke brought a giggle out of you. 
You never thought that people noticed you in a way that was significant. You felt as if you were akin to a missing bird poster on a telephone pole in the middle of a busy street. People would glance at it, remember how common and undistinguishable birds are, and forget it ever existed.
Mr Demir’s concern warmed your heart, and you promised that if you ever won the lottery, you would give him half. 
“I’ve just been cooking more, that’s all. Thank you Mr Demir, say hello to your wife for me!” You gave him a small wave as you exited the shop and the weight suffocating your chest was a little lighter.
Mr Demir’s family had boundless love to share, and while their shop was small, they were happy. Maybe things would work out for you and your mother after all. 
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The rest of the workday passed by like a fever dream. You finally managed to complete the annual report, a copy of it sitting in Sylus’s email, surely unopened. He left soon after that phone call with Miss Hunter, you didn’t bother to ask where.
The mansion was empty when you turned off the last monitor, and you thought you’d start pre-gaming early. Sylus always warned all of you that his bar was off-limits unless he stated otherwise, but the man had so much alcohol, you doubted he’d ever notice. 
He only drank red wine and whiskey, and you hated wine, so you settled for an almost full bottle of whiskey. You took one sip and realised you couldn’t stand the taste either, but it was still better than the wine, so you chugged glass after glass like they were shots. 
The heavy alcohol burned your throat on the way down and continued to burn in your stomach, but the feeling kept you warm so you didn’t really mind. You’d consumed half the bottle by the time the twins returned with two other men and one girl following in suit.  
“Y/N! Good, you’re here. Help me set up the drinks on the table.” You nodded your head at Luke’s request, knowing your speech would likely be slurred. 
You helped him line up the bottles of cheap tequila, vodka, fireball and a fear-inducing amount of absinthe. These cheap spirits were much more your speed.
“Alright, we’re starting with truth or dare. Pick your poison and sit around the coffee table.” Kiernan’s announcement had everyone scattering around the coffee table with cups in hand. You opted for the fireball, too scared to mix alcohol this early in the night. 
You recognised everyone from another one of the twin’s impromptu parties. They only ever threw them when they were sure Sylus would be gone overnight. You didn’t let yourself dwell on where he was or who he was with. 
The game was more entertaining than you expected, everyone had interesting questions, and when it came to dares, the twins always had something sadistic in mind. 
It was your turn when they decided to up the stakes. You were already wasted, so you committed to answering whatever question they pummelled at you. 
“Truth.”
“You’re so boring, you always pick truth.” Luke whined, his arm shaking yours in protest.
“That’s because I’m scared of your dares.”
Luke rolled his eyes but conceded.
“Fine. How many people have you slept with?”
All conversations came to a stifling halt as everyone’s eyes landed on you. Far too embarrassed to tell 5 people you barely knew that you were still a virgin, you changed your answer. There was nothing to be ashamed of, but you knew the twins would mercilessly make fun of you, and you didn't have the energy to explain that between the constant pressure to succeed for your mother, and her eventual illness, your love life had been placed on the back-burner.
“Dare.”
“You know the rules, if you switch options and refuse to do it, you have to finish everyone’s drinks.”
“Yeah, yeah. Hit me.” You glared at Luke with determination. You should’ve known that when everyone was this drunk, the dares could only get progressively more outrageous.
“I dare you to call Sylus and tell him you crashed his McLaren.” Luke looked proud of his dare, and the smile dropped from your face instantly. 
Even Kiernan’s eyes flashed with concern before he broke out into an obnoxious laugh.
“Oh- Holy shit! That’s gold.” The words left Kieran’s mouth in-between his laughter. Everyone around the table looked at you eagerly.
You knew if you finished off everyone’s cups you’d definitely die, or worse, throw up. 
“Fine.” Too drunk to realise the implications of what you were doing, you dialled Sylus. There was also the chance he just didn’t pick up, but four and a half rings later his annoyed voice resounded through the speaker of your phone. 
“What is it?” From the sound of Sylus’s tone, you’d interrupted something important. You bit down the bitter feelings that threatened to spill out, and stuck to the objective.
“I have something to tell you, but you have to promise you won’t get mad.” There was no universe in which Sylus couldn’t tell you were drunk.
In all honesty, your phone call was a welcome reprieve from his mind-numbingly boring conversation with Linkon’s politicians. He’d offered to attend this event with MC with little thought as to what it would pertain. His eyes raked over her baby pink dress, and since he couldn’t get her out of it just yet, he entertained your drunk rambling.
“I don’t have to do anything.” Sylus expected you to apologise, but all he heard was a sound foreign to him. Were you laughing? Sylus heard indecipherable voices in the background, and he found himself wondering who was making you laugh. 
“True. Okay well, you know that dark grey sports car you love soooooooooooo much?” Nice going, Y/N, remind him just how much he loves this car. You thought. The phone was on speaker, per the requests of the fellow attendees. 
Everyone bit back laughs at the situation which was extremely unfunny to anyone with a blood alcohol level under 0.05. 
“What did you do?” Sylus’s question had a deadly underpinning, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care.
“I crashed it!” At your exclamation, the room exploded in laughter, and you muted the microphone quickly before Sylus could hear it.
“You crashed it?”
You quickly unmuted to add. “Yup! Absolutely totalled.”
“Are you okay? Where are you? I’m coming.” 
The laughter immediately died down. That was not how he was supposed to react, not at all. 
Luke and Kiernan gestured for you to shut it down and you quickly began to backtrack.
“No! No you don’t have to come home. I’m fine. It was just a prank.”
“Oh, so you’re at my place?” ShitShitShitShitShit.
“Yes… The twins and I had too much to drink and we thought it would be funny to prank you. I’m sorry, I really shouldn’t have interrupted your night.”
You braced yourself for the angry lecture on how Sylus’s time was more valuable the rarest ruby, but it never came.
“Just you and the twins, right?”
Luke and Kiernan gestured for you to agree.
“Yes.”
“You should probably call an exorcist.” Were you drunk or did he actually just tell you to call an exorcist?
“Huh?” Everyone in the room looked just as perplexed.
“You know, since those three other people in my living room must be apparitions.” 
“You didn’t rig the camera?” Kiernan’s shrill scream was definitely registered by the phone’s mic. 
“Fuck! I forgot.” Luke exclaimed in response as they scrambled to pack everything up. 
“Um…” With everyone frantically running around the room, you were left to deal with Sylus’s wrath alone.
“How come you never laugh when you’re with me?” And with that question you were convinced the alcohol had induced auditory hallucinations.
“You’re not very funny.” You decided to play along, after all, imaginary Sylus was much more fun than the real one.
“Hmm, I thought I was.”
“Nope. All your jokes end in someone dying, and usually that someone is me.”
“Oh, sweetheart, those aren’t jokes.” That was something real Sylus would say. Damn, these auditory hallucinations were realistic.
“I know, I really thought you were going to kill me last week.” You let out an involuntary snort at the hilarious image of your head on a pike. 
“Why’s that?”
“Because I screwed up that wire transfer to Miss Hunter. You were soooo mad. You must reaaaalllyyyy like her.”
“I guess I do.” The line went quiet on both ends after that. 
This auditory hallucination was no fun following his confession, so you hung up. Sylus called a few times after, but you never noticed. The room began spinning and your eyes began watering, so you curled up on the floor until your head stopped pounding, but by then you were fast asleep.
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Sylus returned to his mansion the next morning to find your office empty. It was still an hour before you were due to start, but you were always early. 
With an internal promise to check again in an hour, he walked toward the living room. It didn’t take long before he noticed a mop of light brown hair on his rug.
He walked toward your sleeping form with indignation, only to find every ounce of anger sucked out of him when he knelt down to find your sleeping face. 
He hadn’t been that close to you in what felt like forever. Was your face always that pale? His eyes caressed your under eye bags, and your hollow cheeks. He could’ve sworn they were fuller when he hired you. What happened to you? 
Before Sylus could give in to the urge to wake you up and ask, your phone made a sound from the coffee table. He picked it up and saw you were getting a call from Zayne.
Who the fuck was Zayne?
He answered the phone before he could think it through.
“Oh, Y/N, good. I’ve been trying to reach you since last night.”
“You should’ve taken the hint.” Sylus couldn’t help the bite in his tone. He wasn’t sure why he was so angry at this Zayne, but his emotions were beginning to confuse him more often than he cared to admit.
“Who’s this?”
Sylus could’ve said that he was your boss. He should’ve said that he was your boss. But what he said instead…
“Y/N’s mine.” His employee, but that distinction didn’t seem necessary in the moment.
“Well, could you tell her to call me back as soon as possible. I have urgent news about her mother.”
The comment about her mother perplexed Sylus even more. 
“Who are you?”
“I’m her mother’s heart surgeon. I have to go, have her call me soon.” Sylus felt stupid for the unnecessary show of hostility, but he only had more questions following Zayne’s answer.
It seemed the conversation was enough to wake you up from your slumber, and the moment you registered your surroundings, the headache you had was amplified tenfold. Your muscles hurt from sleeping on the hard floor, and you were sure your legs had morphed into jelly. 
You were never drinking again.
“Well hello, sleeping beauty.” Sylus watched as you groggily rubbed your eyes. The right side of your face had an indent matching the pattern of his rug, and your hair was dishevelled. He couldn’t help but smile at the sight.
“Sylus. I’m so sorry.” You spoke through a yawn before cradling your head in your hands. The world needed to stop spinning.
Sylus shoved an open bottle of water in your face, and you greedily snatched the peace offering before he had time to change his mind.
“Zayne called, said he had some news about your mother.”
You shot straight up, spilling some water in the process.
“What did he say? Where’s my phone?” You glanced at large Sylus’s hand which was wrapped around said phone. If you weren’t so worried about your mother, you might’ve found the sight of Sylus holding something covered in a floral case amusing. Powering through the piercing pain in your temple, you held your hand out.
“Please give it back.” 
“What’s wrong with your mother?”
“Please Sylus, I can’t do this right now.” You tried to lunge for the phone, but he was faster. Raising his hand above his head and well out of your reach. 
“You’ll have this back once you answer my question.”
“She has the flu. Now give it back.” You jumped up in a feeble attempt to retrieve the phone, but he was just so goddamn tall. 
“I didn’t know flu treatment protocol involved heart surgery now. Guess I need to brush up on the latest medical news.” His sardonic tone made you scoff. Only Sylus could be such a dick while your mother's life was in limbo.
Curse Dr Zayne and his blabbermouth. 
If it wasn’t for the severe hangover, you might’ve been able to think of an explanation. But you were so nervous you felt sick and you needed to know the news Dr Zayne had.
“Fine. She needs a heart transplant, she’s on coronary bypass and if she doesn’t get a heart soon she’ll die. Is that good enough for you?” You continued to try to reach the phone, not bothering to check Sylus’s reaction to your confession. 
He dropped the phone in your hand and you all but sprinted out of the living room to make the phone call.
The line rang once, twice, three times before Zayne picked up.
“Y/N?”
“Yes! What’s wrong? Is my mom okay? Tell me she’s okay.”
“Slow down, she’s alive, but she had a cardiac event. Not a heart attack, but it still did some damage. Her condition is worse, much worse, Y/N. I’m sorry.” 
Your back slumped against the wall of the hallway and you felt your knees give in as you slid to the floor. 
“How long does she have?” The tears streaming down your face fell onto your shirt, leaving uncomfortable wet spots in their wake.
“A few weeks, a month’s top. But this did move her to the top of the list. She might get a transplant in time.” Zayne must have heard the sadness in your voice if he’d offered words of encouragement. He never did that. 
“Thank you. I’m going to come see her.”
“I’ll get the nurses to bring in an extra bed. I’ll see you soon, Y/N.”
You couldn’t bring yourself to respond so you hung up instead. The pain in your head was now but a mere memory as your heart began to splinter into a million little pieces. 
There was so much you still had to do. You needed to buy your mom her first ever house, and help her plant the prettiest flowers in the garden. You had to get her the dog she always dreamed about and the outdoor swing she missed from her childhood home. She still had to walk you down the aisle and sing your future children the lullabies she sang to you. She couldn’t go. Not yet. 
You didn’t even notice Sylus enter the hallway until you felt him sitting down next to you. He wove an arm behind your head, bringing your face into his chest. The intimacy of the act only made you cry harder. The last person to hold you that close was your mom, a few days before she’d collapsed. 
“It hurts.” You choked on your words and they came out muffled against Sylus’s chest.
“What hurts?” He asked. 
“My heart. It really hurts, Sylus.” You sobbed harder. It felt good to finally admit that you weren’t okay. To have someone hold you as your life fell apart around you. 
“Tell me what to do, Y/N. Anything.”
“Can I have some time off?” You took deep breaths as you tried to slow your crying down. You could break down once you reached the other side of this tumultuous predicament. 
The humble request drove Sylus insane. He’d offer you his own heart to save your mother if he wasn’t sure it was severely damaged, and all you could think to ask for was time off. 
“Of course.”
“Can you give me a ride to Linkon?” 
That request was a little better, but still not enough. 
“I’ll take you now, come on.”
“No wait, I need to go home and pack some things. I’ll be back in an hour.”
“You know you can still get a DUI on a pedal bike, right?”
“I’m not drunk.”
“But there’s still alcohol in your system, and you’re very upset. It won’t be safe, I’ll take you home on the way. Let’s go.” He stood up, his hand outstretched toward you. 
And with a heavy heart, you took Sylus’s hand.
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