#who tf is Eddie without Chris

[pettydiazmybeloved]

yeah I’m uhhhhh never getting over the way Eddie told Chris he loved him before he had to let him go

the way it scraped his throat raw

the devastation bc Chris couldn’t even look at him but Eddie needed needed him to know

that even though Eddie fucked up and even though Chris was breaking his heart by leaving because of it and even though Eddie hated that choice he would never stop loving Chris

he’d get him back immediately whether it was 5 min or 5 months

oh the Diaz boys stay breaking my heart I’ll never recover never never never

[bucksboobs]

Re your “what was the point of bringing Gerarrd back” post: it’s so maddening that it honestly makes me wonder if there was a better plan in the S7 writers room that got pivoted due to studio notes like maybe the network didn’t want to touch anything that might be too “woke” (or just Tim getting distracted by Brad, who tf knows)

Like i know this show just doesn’t plan things, but it’s weird how very planned it seemed right up until that plan went nowhere fast and it would make the dropping of pretty much all the S7 plot lines (all connected to Gerarrd) make more sense if someone on high just demanded they kill it quickly and without fanfare

The interconnectedness of Tommy explicitly referencing how Gerrard is just like his father, the setup for the mystery of how Gerrard got put back at the 118 that was supposed to be answered with the reveal that Gerrard and Ortiz are somehow friends, that Buck has never worked under any captain BUT Bobby. The idea that Buck would be treated as the golden boy until Buck comes out to Gerrard, or the idea of Buck and Tommy having conflicting opinions on whether he should come out to Gerrard and that being Baby’s First Homophobia. The interplay with Gerrard being a military style man and Eddie’s history with the military. Up to and including 801, it looked like all of that was set up perfectly and then 802 was extended into two episodes and that was fine at the time but then 804 was very clearly written to be two episodes that got drastically shortened into one to make room for the stretching of 802 and 803 (which IMO wasn’t necessary. If you cut out one of the passenger emergencies and the drama with the copilot waking up and then having a heart attack and just land the plane at the airstrip instead of the freeway, and maybe even cut the final shootout over the black book, then you wouldn’t have had to do another episode.) and then so much of Hotshots and Wannabes is taken up by Brad’s stupid little storyline when they could have left him behind in 804 to focus on expanding Eddie’s storyline with Fr. Brian to help pave the way for Eddie’s decision to move

If I was planning out the 8 episode half season it would have gone

801-802: Plane disaster

803-804: Mara storyline Gerrard is actually still out of commission for more than a day and doesn’t come back until 804 at which point it’s revealed he was in cahoots with Ortiz. Hen is the one who records Ortiz instead and Gerrard goes down with Ortiz as an accomplice. The court drama lasts more than one single scene

805: Bobby’s back! still the cute little Halloween episode, instead of hurting Denny though, we focus on HenRen the drama over PTO. This is meant as a breather before the breakup and Eddie storylines

806: have the breakup be about Buck’s uneasiness being Queer In Public, using Picture Girl and Hot Waiter as a compare and contrast flashpoint instead of Abby. Keep the Glee speech but have the breakup be about how Buck keeps rushing headlong in but can’t say the word bisexual apparently. If Buck can’t acknowledge Tommy as his boyfriend to Picture Girl then how can he be ready to move in? Make it about Buck and Tommy as people, not a contrivance that Tim stole from a video he watched once.

807: this is where Eddie should have first started thinking about moving and he should have a conversation with Hen about losing Nia and nearly losing Mara as well and then one with Maddie (or about Maddie through Chim if you combine it with previous convo) about missing some of Jee’s milestones that convinces him he doesn’t want to miss any more of Chris’s life. Fr Brian should play some role in this decision too so he can discuss his thought process.

808: the moving reveal happens early in the episode, just as Buck has slowed down on baking and it immediately ramps up again. He takes the products to Maddie and they have a coded conversation about people leaving him (Maddie thinks they’re talking about Tommy until the end of the scene when Buck tells her it’s about Eddie) inadvertently foreshadowing Maddie’s kidnapping. We end on Buck basically begging Eddie not to leave in an Emotionally Charges Scene that is Up To Interpretation. Eddie at some point asks “is this really about what’s best for me and my family or is it about something else?” Because perpetual martyr Eddie can’t believe something is actually about him and then as Buck leaves he gets a text from Tommy “Can we talk?” It says. Cut to black before we see if he answers.

[ballroomeddie]

imagine this with me. bathena have a housewarming barbeque party when they move into the new house. this is before mavi get together. the entire firefam is there, everyone but karen and mara. they had to stay home cause mara caught a stomach bug (poor thing🥺), and karen insists that hen and denny go without them. the party runs late, there’s so much to celebrate after all; bobby’s miraculous return to life, bathena moving into their new home, chim surviving his latest nde and hen surviving her first, eddie and chris returning home and buddie finally getting their shit together, buck and athena saving the world from super ebola, ravi avoiding terrorism charges (they’re the unluckiest/luckiest family in the greater los angeles area).

the thing is, may has other plans that night. it’s saturday night and our girl's going out dancing. her and ravi are mid conversation when her girlypop group chat starts going off. 

MAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY wya???

we’re like idk like four shots in. hehe 😊😊😊

girl get your ass over here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

we miss you bb 😚😚 what's your ETA?

may’s about to get going when she realizes that she can’t leave ravi there. buddie are being disgustingly clingy. athena, hen and maddie are bestieing tf out (jee’s napping in the guest room). chobby are revelling in their ‘’bro’’mance, they’re having the time of their life. and the boys are playing video games. she can’t abandon him, that would just be rude. she leans in a little closer (why would you do that may🤨?? it’s not like anyone’s paying attention to your convo. sus), with a conspiratorial playfulness she goes ‘’wanna ditch these losers?’’

their closeness is getting to ravi. he’s a little flustered. he’s not quite blushing but his voice comes out a little shaky when he asks ‘’uhm… what did you-  what do you have in mind?’’ 

‘’have you heard of Urban Vybez?’’ may thinks that her face is doing this -> 😏, but really she’s like this -> ☺️

‘’can’t say that i have’’

may feels the sudden need to put some distance between them. ‘’i’ve never been, but my friend alyssa got us on the list. here’’ she pulls out her phone to show him the instagram promo page for the club event that her friends are at.

‘’honestly, that looks really fun. but i wouldn’t wanna intrude’’

‘’you’re not intruding, i’m inviting you. besides, amina and jordan are bringing their boyfriends and amina’s man’s a total rando, none of us have met him… 😐🫦i mean, not that you’re- yeah, you get the point.’’

they’re in an uber within 15 minutes.

ravi buys her a drink when they get in. she protests at first but he wants to thank her for not stranding him with the olds (buck would definitely feel a way about being called an old by someone who’s less than 10 years his junior). they find their way to the dancefloor and before long ravi has his arm around her waist. by this point, most of the nerves have dissipated, they’ve been replaced by an anticipatory energy. it’s not a matter of if, it’s a matter of how and when. may’s only had the one drink that ravi bought her so she’s sober, and responsible, enough to text her mother to say that she’s not coming home that night.

do you see the vision?

[ironworked]

911 8.09

Hmm, either things really Change, or this is them once more extending big checks they have no intention of paying.

With Eddie, same as we've been saying, that they better lay Shannon's ghost to rest for real this time and we'll have to wait and see how it goes with Chris.

Buck... it really is about bringing up his abandonment issues but with a heavy dose of Buck seen/treated as a Giant Manchild Who Always Makes Things About Himself (how novel! how fun!), and to top it off now he doesn't even have a place of his own anymore. Which leaves them in an awkward place.

If Eddie comes back with Chris, Buck can't stay there without courting trouble with fandom; same if Eddie comes back alone. That would leave Buck doing Couch Surfing Redux until... who knows. Or maybe the loft will have conveniently remained free!

If Eddie doesn't come back, then Buck is back to status quo just minus a BFF and having changed a loft for a house.

And again the question is, where is this all leading Buck? the deeper they press on the bruise, the more... evident the healing that must occur afterwards.

After this episode it isn't any more or less likely that Bucktommy will reunite, but in my opinion it's even more necessary that they do.

Because with Buck what they're poking at is: abandonment issues, adulthood/responsibility, and family/home.

None of that is new.

But doing that after Buck's 'most transformative relationship' ended in such a premature and open way, then displacing him from his home of 6 years... that demands a resolution, an evolution.

And seriously, sincerely, how tf do you do that without reuniting him with Tommy? Tommy who not for nothing, has been the one character who consistently has indulged Buck's whimsy and also noticed and taken his concerns seriously (I don't need to list examples, do I).

[texasbama]

Eddie Diaz who worked 3 jobs before he moved to LA??? I think tf not. Also i don’t like how they threw in that the AU captain wouldn’t let him bring Chris to the station as part of the reason why he was struggling. Because we all know he would give up being a firefighter (and already HAS) and do something else to make things work before it got to the point where he lost custody.

and you know maybe this AU captain would't allow it. that's not hard for me to believe. Eddie had offers to different firehouses. he still choose LA. he gets there and he struggles. and contrary to the condescending people who like to act superior, I know that Eddie would have struggled without the 118 support system and Carla of course.

but to ME, Eddie Diaz would sooner eat crow and move back to Texas and have his parents/family help than to lose Christopher completely. he may still deal with his anger and that anger may threaten to swallow him whole but...lose Chris? to be called the "the angry guy"?nah.

im a rational person, I'm trying to look at this from different angles. it's just not making sense to me.

[honeyflies05]

ITS TIME FOR MY 6x13 THOUGHTS BUCKLE UP PEOPLE!!

WE SURVIVED

WE DID IT!!!

that looks fun wtf

i wanna join that cycling class

I am char char is me

what is gonna happen with the water bottle

yo he good?

apparently not

if my thighs poison me just let me die

WHY IS BUCK BACK TO WORK??? LET MY BOY REST!!!!

Jesus they’re all goin💀

“did he just do math?? in his head??” CHIM-

SCREAMING

ANGELA BASSET WOOOOOOOOO

DAMN SHE RAN CROSS COUNTRY?? makes sense

denny missed the bus💀💀

denny and chim connection?? didn’t know I needed it

CHRIS ASKING HIM MATH WUESTIONS DJCIDHSHW I CALLED IT

BUCKS HANDS WITH THE POWER OF ELECTRICITY ANFJCUSBA

ESP DIFUDHSHSHAHAHA

buck and chris relationship >>

that IS a classic origin story

“HE COULD GIVE ME THE ANSWERS TO MY MATH HOMEWORK” THATS LJTERALLY ON MY BINGO CARD AKFICHDHS

MADDY BACK TO WORK MADDY BACK TO WORK MADDY BACK TO WORK!!!!!

that looks like a pioneer woman dish🤨

poor maddy💀💀

okay we’re back

I DO THIS WITH MY PARENTS ALL THE TIME AKDICHSA

…that house is green

WHO WAS IN THEIR HOUSE????

“you and law enforcement” NSIDHDHSHA

BUCK HAVING A CROWD AROUND HIM AND GETTING MONEY FOR HIS MATH DJCIDUDBWNWJEUW

HIM COUNTING THE MONEY SKFUDJDISBWA I CANT

she’s gonna have an asthma attack aint she

i too want a haircut without my mom’s permission

he seems like a creep💀

i don’t want him to do my hair

NOW GIRL-

WHY WOULD YOU THROW A BLOWTORCH

ALLERGIC TO WATER???

JESUS THE SCISSORS

the dead nebulizer stare AKDJFJDJS

WHERES DENNY

DENNY

…husband???

OH DENNY’S DAD

I GOT A MED EXPRESS AD DURINF THE BREAK ANDIHFHS

denny’s gonna get his ass BEAT

no Karen’s right

no bc see now I’m torn

athena going full police is so,,,,

they’re gonna station someone outside hUH

BUDDIE BUDDIE BUDDIE BUDDIE

RED AND BLUE COLOR THEORY

I’ve seen this part before

why does Eddie walk in here like he does this every Saturday night??💀

THREE MINUTES AND SEVENTEEN SECONDS!!!!!!!

I’m gonna be honest how tf do you play poker

MEHTA IS TRYING SO HARD SKFUUDS

HES GONNA GET CALLED OUT

“maths not his thing” YEAH! ITS NOT!

EDDIE LOOKS CONCERNED

“imagine that” SHE IS SO,,

PLAYBOY BUCKLEY!!!!!

EDDIE IS ONLY ARM CANDY!!!!!!!!!!

BUCK IS GONNA WIPE THEM OUT OH MY GODDDD

WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK

HE JUST LOOKS TO EDDIE

STEAKS???? S T E A K S ? ?

she noticed.

oh so my guy was FR HURT??

no fr why didn’t his dad come to them?? HES THE ADULT.

okay can we agree the looks eddie was giving buck we’re NOT straight

OMG HENS MOM?????

i want denny’s mushroom shirt #imgay

hen’s mom being the mediator and voice of reason is so,,, ♥️💜♥️💜💗💜💕💜

denny had good intentions but also he’s like 12 so

what’s she got stuck up her asshole.

A VIBRATOR??

BUCK AND EDDIE QUESTIONING HIM??

HER BLADDER???

his math ain’t helping💀💀💀

EDDIE YELLING AT HIM FOR THINKING AB HIS PAST RELATIONSHIPS THAGS HOW IM TAKING KT

hen knows how much that must hurt

NOTHING PREPARED ME FOR THAT CALL

buck was DEF on the phone with that girl he fucked in the firetruck

hen and chim bestieism

MADDIE WHY WOULD YOU INVITE HER IN

oh she SNEAKY

ATHENA!!!!!!

oh she wants a LETTER

WHY SHE TAKIN ALL THEIR MAIL????

THENA!!!!💜💜

okay but WHY does she want the mail

coupons💀💀💀

woooohoooo back to prison!!

buck would DEF use jeeyun for money skdichdhsha

my mom says aisha and hen’s mom’s actress are biologically related

hen’s mom is speaking truths with letting denny see his dad BUT telling his moms he’s doing it too and letting them regulate it like ADULTS

“like I got hit by a car” oh so he GOT JOKES???

YOURE AN ADULT??? YOU SHOULDVE SAID SOMETHING.

them being ADULTS and creating ground rules!!!!!

Karen and hen being amazing mothers once again god they stay winning

CHRIS AND BUCK!!!

chris is his sous chef!!!

COOKIES

America not using the metric system has its downfalls once again

“you know what a porterhouse is???”

“Buck.. I’m from texas” THAT HAD THE SAME ENUNCIATION AS “buck you don’t even have a couch!”

I LOVE ANGELA BASSET

that’s the same room Buck was in😭😭😭

henren fans were FED tonight (me)

ARE WE GONNA SEE BUCK FIGHT HIS WAY THROUGH A CROWD BECAUSE IM READY

i can’t wait until I leave for college and my roommate has to deal with me and my 911 brain

[lovecolibri]

SaL anon here friend and it's Friday, i'm getting over my 12th cold since the year started, and AO3 is down so if you don't mind I'll be ranting about my recent Buddie thought. So with all the discourse over if Buddie is actually happening I've been thinking about scenes and got stuck on 4x14. As you've noted that episode would be pretty shitty without Tim's scenes, and I'm fascinated by the choices made in the scene where Buck talks to Chris. Obviously we start with Buck barely holding it

together when he enters. They talk, and then Buck gets that text that Eddie is going to be okay. And he just breaks. Now if this was JUST about Buck having to tell his BFF's kid bad news, when Buck gets that text shouldn't he have been relieved and happy?? Isn't that what his reaction you'd expect if the same had happened to Chim or Hen? But it doesn't happen here and it's easy to say after everything, he's just so relieved but that's a pretty specific reaction. I'm thinking something like Sense and Sensibility, when Eleanor cries finding out Edward isn't married and forever beyond her reach. Its the reaction you'd expect from someone who's had to think about never having this person in your life and finding out it's not going to happen and hate to tell KR, that is NOT a platonic reaction. I don't know why that got stuck in my head recently, but I blame the absolute boredom of last season for not giving me something better to think about.

Oh no! I’m so sorry you’re struggling to stay well. 🥺 Also, Ao3 like...cannot be down, WTF are we all supposed to DO with ourselves? Introspection? Chores? Stop procrastinating on what we’re supposed to be doing? Sleep? I think TF not! Looks like “bitching about things” it is! Bring it on!

Okay, so you know my thoughts about the shooting specifically being good, but 4x14 in general being way overrated just because of a couple scenes which ignores how KR sidelined the firefam from Eddie’s injury/recovery and also sidelined EDDIE himself from what should have been his own story. (Unlike Buck who still got to have a whole spin-off thing from his ladder truck injury. At the time it happened it was about Bobby, but Buck still got to be centered in his injury and recovery, just saying). 

ANYWAY, that all aside, you bring up a VERY interesting point which is one of the things that people latch on to about this episode, and that, as you pointed out, nearly didn’t exist because KR didn’t think the audience needed to see Buck telling Chris about what happened to Eddie and Tim put his foot down. Now ostensibly, that was because Tim knew the dynamic is a favorite and a scene like that is right at the heart of the show and something at the time it was known for doing and doing well. However what we got was NOT an adult telling a kid some tough news, stepping out to take a call about an injured co-worker, letting out a shaky breath and sigh of relief, then returning to the kid to cheerfully give them the good news. Instead we saw someone the kid trusts enough to run away to when he’s upset, struggle to form the words, and then have a full-on sobbing breakdown when he found out his...”friend” made it through surgery while being comforted by the kid like they are a family. Not like Buck is just a co-worker and “dad’s friend” coming tell Chris what happened before leaving him to his grandparents or something like you would see if they were just “normal” friends. Tia Pepa and Abuela are still around, we see them at Eddie’s party, but it’s never even suggested that Chris stay with them, or one of them come stay at Eddie’s. Like????? They both used to watch Chris before and Chris is much older at this point and Carla is around to help. There’s ZERO reason why the two of them couldn’t come stay and watch out for Chris, or Eddie’s mom couldn’t come in from El Paso right away. I just...WHAT IS THE REASON?!

We have seen several members of the firefam get hurt and the only time Buck came anywhere even close to how he’s reacted to Eddie being in danger is finding Maddie in the woods and even that he’s able to be focused and present on her and is just relieved they found her. With Eddie, he’s completely lost and has to have Bobby pull him together during the well incident, and during the shooting Buck freezes first, then saves Eddie but looks one second from falling apart the whole time, and the second he isn’t actively keeping Eddie alive, he’s nearly catatonic. Speaking of other members of the firefam, we saw Bobby’s reaction to Athena being attacked, and Maddie breaking down sobbing (very much like Buck did with Chris) when she hears that Chim is alive, and how Chim broke talking to and about Maddie in regards to her leaving, hell we literally JUST saw in Tomorrow Hen having the exact same reaction to Karen nearly dying and the way she broke down when they got Karen’s pulse back and handed her off at the hospital. The parallels there are....very loud. Which begs the question WHY was Tim so adamant that this scene take place and give us all of that, only to ultimately do nothing with it? BRB gotta go scream into the woods about this for a bit.

“I don't know why that got stuck in my head recently, but I blame the absolute boredom of last season for not giving me something better to think about.” Okay but for REAL it is *crickets* out here right now. Probably because we went through 9 hours of show that was about 6 hours of filler that didn’t tell us anything at all. Not a great thing when your show is going to be off the air for 3 months.🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Thanks for giving me something to do while waiting for Ao3 to come back up, I am always here for the salt and the general “WTF is all this then?”-ness. And as always, it’s a delight hearing from you. Let’s all manifest some direction for 6b, a return to emergencies that mean something and actually pertain to the main characters and their arcs, FINALLY some good Ravi content, and most of all, Buck and Eddie being allowed to be friends on screen again. Considering that was something very loudly mentioned all season across the board, hopefully someone took some notes. Until then, I’m always here for your rants- excited, frustrated, or otherwise! 

[aashiqeddiediaz]

Thoughts on the 3x15 Spoiler Video

don’t read this if you don’t want spoilers

linking the video in the source

omfg Eddie looks so YOUNG in those flashbacks

That’s why his hair grew out some! So they could spike it up like that! And that black shirt! He looks almost like he did in Step Up!

I hope we find out his actual canonical age tomorrow

WEDDING RING. I know it may not be that big but ITS A WEDDING RING. HE LOOKS SO GOOD.

Oh illness? Eddie honey, no.

oh damn Eddie be so so wrong. tf?

I never thought I’d sympathise with Shannon this much without a single ounce of empathy for Eddie.

So basically, we find out that Eddie enlisted twice. Once when Shannon was pregnant, and once after Christopher was diagnosed (Eddie says in 2x10 that he’d gotten diagnosed right at the end of his first tour)

Eddie was right in 2x10; he did run out on both of them. He hadn’t even discussed it with Shannon, which is a total no-no. That’s the kicker.

“I was in Afghanistan, not Cancun” okay but this is true, Shannon can’t blame him for not being there when Chris got diagnosed if he was literally in the middle of his tour. She can blame him for everything else though...

Whatdya mean she has to stay home because Chris is a priority! That’s such a cop-out thing to say and super hypocritical!

I know we haven’t seen anything more than this small clip, so it’s hard to judge everything but Eddie my dude, that was not the move.

Hats off to Shannon (who looks really pretty in this scene too!)

Okay but why is that cry more like a baby’s and not like a 3-year-old’s.

If we get Eddie going to the crib to pull Christopher out and soothe him I am literally going to lose my mind. 😭😭

[lovecolibri]

SaL anon here friend and feeling better after the 5a finale (thanks for the pep talk!!!) so that means it song time and I think all things considered now is the perfect time go revisit Earth. So aside from the references to natural disasters that are part of Buck and Eddie's lives, and the appropriate "til the sirens sound I'm safe" line, this song feels like a good representation of these boys now, hiding/pushing down feelings, repressing trauma, though something new could be on the other side.

*deep sigh* I absolutely HAVE to make a masterlist post because I know we have talked about Earth. I know we have. But do you think I can find it anywhere? No. No I cannot. 🙄🙄🙄 So I’m going to apologize if anything here ends up being repetitive from when we did this one for Malex, but I’m thinking in this case I’ll be okay because this song has very different vibes for me on the Malex front vs the Buddie front. 

ANYWAY, I’m so glad you’re feeling better and the pep talk helped! It’s our first Monday of hiatus (😭😭😭) and I’m so glad the fandom is being totally normal about this. By that, I mean that everyone is absolutely unhinged and making wrench memes and yelling at Oliver to explain what TF he’s talking about and I love that for us. 

Okay, so as much as I was looking forward to going into the hiatus on a higher note and maybe having a “January White” Eddie discussion (maybe next year?), I am...a little excited about all the angsty songs we’ll get to talk about so I can’t be TOO upset. And this is a great start! Not too angsty and hopeless, which I think we’ve all had enough of for now this season, but not overly cheerful so it matches the tone of where we are now. And whooo boy if these lyrics aren’t Eddie Diaz right now (though I feel Like Buck’s turn is coming in 5x11)!

i dig ’til my shovel tells a secret, swear to the earth that i will keep it, brush off the dirt and let my change of heart occur.

sold soon after the appraisal, the hammer struck the auction table louder than anything i’ve ever heard.

Okay, so this part is really hitting me in my Eddie Begins feels. Like, Eddie has these moments of “big” trauma that reveal the secret traumas of his life (feeling like he’s always failing-his parents, Shannon, Chris, like he’s not good enough, like he can’t trust his instincts or make good decisions etc) and he has these “oh” moments that those “big” traumas dig up about how really not okay he is, but instead of dealing with these realizations, he just....shoves it all back down and locks it away, only acknowledging as much as he needs to in order to adjust his parenting and not have Chris turn out like him. (Spoiler alert, this is....not working)

fault lines tremble underneath my glass house. but I put it out of my mind long enough to call it courage to live without a lifeline. i bend the definition of faith to exonerate my blind eye. “’til the sirens sound, i’m safe.”

Oof oof oof. This is what we have been seeing since the shooting. That gunshot was the thing that triggered those fault lines and I find it....interesting, that it comes up right after Eddie has been helping Buck to process his childhood trauma. He so gently and insistently validates Buck’s feelings while just...totally ignoring that his own feelings about his own parental/abandonment/not good enough for them to stay trauma (”if that’s how you feel? How they made you feel?”) is also valid. Glass house much, Eddie? But as always, there is another emergency, another person who needs help, another homework assignment or parent teacher conference for Chris, another friend in need, so he puts it out of his mind and pretends that he’s doing the right thing and just moving on. Like turning a blind eye is the same as acknowledging and moving past something. And I am feeling some kind of way about “’til the sirens sound, i’m safe” because Eddie has been falling apart since that shot rang out and we saw him jumping back into the job but repeatedly struggling on calls. Because at this point it’s all sirens all the time and nothing is safe anymore.

meanwhile, my family’s taking shelter. the sparks send the fire down the wire, a countdown begins, until the dynamite gives in.

the echo, as wide as the equator, travels through a world of built up anger- too late to pull itself together now.

I am in my “Fight Club Arc” feelings about this verse. Like, Eddie. My dude. My guy. *siiiiiigh*. He may have been struggling before but he has kinda been falling apart since Shannon died and the tsunami hit and he nearly lost everything. I know there are...divisive feelings about the fight club arc but I don’t mind it because it makes so much sense to me. A man who has been taught his whole life that the only feelings and emotions men are allowed to show are basically fuck or fight? A man like that losing someone he loved once but that he was still angry at and never got closure? A man like that doing everything in his power to be gentle and soft and understanding with his son which he thinks means hiding those “uglier” emotions? And then “losing” the one person he might have felt safe discussing those more difficult emotions with so he could process them? Because that person is going through something too but Eddie is drowning and he doesn’t have his best friend and he feels like he’s failing his son and it’s all just so much? That is a man who is a powder keg and knows it, so he did something he thought would mitigate the collateral damage. But fun fact! You can’t fuck or fight your way out of stuff like this, and no matter how you try to hide it, those closest to you will eventually get hit with some of the blowback.

fault lines tremble underneath my glass house. but i put it out of my mind long enough to call it courage to live without a lifeline. i bend the definition of faith to exonerate my blind eye. “’til the sirens sound, i’m safe.”

I am still in awe of the Eddie reveal in 5x10 because it felt a bit like it came out of nowhere during the episode when it starting hinting he was going to leave the 118, but it didn’t. Not really. Those fault lines have been opening up bigger and bigger cracks all season and Eddie has been pushing through, and pushing through, and living without that lifeline and he is officially out of rope. (Also, not to make this about a different SaL song, Two, interesting fact! A lot of parents can mistype as enneagram type 2′s because so much of who they are is wrapped up in being a caregiver to their child, and even more so for parents of disabled children, or single parents. And Eddie is both of those with additional things heaped on top of Christopher’s little shoulders such as “absent military parent who came home injured”, and “traumatic parental separation, brief reunion, then traumatic parental death”, and “traumatic near-death experience”, and most recently “nearly another traumatic parental death”, and that’s not even counting how Chris must have felt about all the times Buck has been injured! So Eddie defaulting hard into making everything about Chris without putting his own oxygen mask on first is...not unexpected but also not something that’s going to be sustainable in the long term. I cannot wait to dig deeper into that one with you because whooo boy is that going to be A Lot for both Eddie AND Buck.) 

there was an earthquake. there was an avalanche of change. we were so afraid, we cried ourselves a hurricane. there were floods, tidal waves over us, so we folded our hands and prayed. like a domino, these wildfires grow and grow until a brand new world takes shape.

So of course this is going to make us all think of the various natural disasters we see in the show all the time, but I think it’s important to note how the unpredictability of life and those strong emotions that come with those life changing moments can feel like incontrollable natural disasters. They can feel like everything is cracking and buried and flooded and burned to the ground but out of all that chaos and change, a new world can take shape. And Eddie can’t see it now, he’s still in the middle of all the upheaval, but I think we things settle down and he’s doing his therapy (good god, get that man into therapy!), and he’s unraveling everything, he’s going to find that the old world that crumbled was making way for something new and beautiful and something without those hidden fault lines underneath. He’s going to find that he already has everything he ever wanted, but he has to actually do the work and reach out and grab it.

fault lines tremble underneath my glass house. but i put it out of my mind long enough to call it courage to live without a lifeline. i bend the definition of faith to exonerate my blind eye. “’til the sirens sound, i’m safe.”

I usually lump the last repeated chorus in with the last verse or the bridge, but I’m feeling like this chorus is going to fit Buck pretty soon when we come back from the hiatus and I cannot wait. Because as much as Eddie has been cracking all season, so has Buck. And it’s in a different way, but we are seeing the fissures in the way he tries to put in a transfer (pushing as a way of begging his family to tell him not to go), and the relationship he’s in that has him falling into old, self-destructive habits (isolating, chasing after people because he thinks he’s not good enough, repressing and hiding his true feelings etc). And OOF if “long enough to call it courage to live without a lifeline” isn’t just the most Buck line of all. Because that’s what he tries to play it off as. Courage. And people call him “reckless”, and “indestructible” and “invincible”, and Eddie, only Eddie, sees it for what it is. Expendable. And I think Eddie leaving has some interesting potentials. I know we are all chanting for a Divorce Era 2.0 storyline with upset!Buck this time because season 5 is a warped season 3 mirror and I am all on board for that, but I’m thinking of what Oliver said that he’s going to struggle but he’s going to have to “get used” to being without his partner. I’m thinking maybe we get early days without Eddie, then a flashforward, but I’m not sure if Buck is going to break before or after. Either way, I can’t wait to see it. I can’t wait for both of them to let out all the hurt and anger and sorrow and everything and then start building their new world. Together.