#why is writing hard.. and drawing... and doing like. anything ☠️☠️

[todayisafridaynight]

PLEASE THE WORLD NEEDS MORE HIJIDAI CONTENT (aka any at all </3)

IF I HAD THE BRAIN POWER AND INTELLIGENCE I WOULD I WOULD DO IT SOOO BAAAADD

[mngo-jii]

☆ 𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐞𝐥 𝐩𝐚𝐠𝐞 (𝐡𝐩 𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐜 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐝) 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 CRUSHING HEADCANONS ! 🐚

✉️ : i guess ill write it myself then (p.s. i havent written in MONTHS but you have NO right to tell me this sucks because this is the most you can get for hpma x reader 😠 /j) I'm open to requests, I'm bored

Daniel Page, who accidentally messes up his potion from staring at you too hard—who, on the other hand, was too fixated and focused on trying to help him ferment the mixture with what he had teached you so far.

Daniel Page, who constantly, indirectly calls you pretty.

Lottie had asked for advice on who she should draw to practice anatomy on, adding that it should be someone who has relatively pretty features so it won't be too hard to captivate. On the spur of the moment, Daniel was the one who almost immediately responded with your name.

Daniel Page, who always offers to help you study for exams, of course without a remark on how you "always need him" first.

Daniel Page, who ironically always needs you, and goes to you for help even though everyone else is a 100% available and a lot more suitable for the situation.

Daniel Page, who's slowly getting used to sneaking out at night with you to explore Hogwarts even further. To the point he could almost feel a pang of disappointment when you decide not to go.

"Alright," he speaks through his usual accent, "It's better not to get hung up by Mr. Filch anyway." He wishes you a goodnight after you do and tries to ignore the way his shoulders slump and how his mood lightly drops.

Daniel Page, who randomly gets reminded of how pretty you are despite the light frown you have displayed on your face as a result of whatever he said.

Additionally, Daniel Page who can't help but halt his speech when he realises how pretty your pout looks and the way you sassily cross your arms at him, so out of patience yet ready to hear him out. Hence why he always ends up "reluctantly" complying with your plan instead of his.

Daniel Page who covers up the fact that he wants you to dance with him "as a favor."

Daniel Page who gives you a flower because it was an "extra herb" he didn't need (even though he could have kept it for the next potion that acquired it), and makes up an entire potion when you asked what it was used for.

Daniel Page who suddenly distances himself from you when you start hanging out with another male student—

Daniel Page who says it was he who was "your first" and who has been on adventures with you more than anyone else and asks what's so special about said male student once you worriedly ask him what's going on

Daniel Page who's stuttering, awful lying, and flushed face never fail to give him away every time the others question him about you

Daniel Page who looks like a beaten-up puppy whenever you choose someone else over him. Notwithstanding it might be the smallest matter as to accompanying you to go back to your dorm to pick up something you forgot ☠️

Daniel Page who starts to stammer and sweat when you ask his opinion on how a certain outfit, accessory, or makeup looks on you— His response either being "It-it looks fine" or "uhhh um 🧍🏻‍♂️"

Daniel Page who feels guilty about the lack of solid answer he had given you, not to mention the pout on your face once you back away.

So he apologises afterward and straight up tells you that you're always pretty, and that he doesn't understand why you need to be told that when you'll always be the same or even prettier in anything you wear 🤷🏻...

Daniel Page who goes blank when he realises what he had just said ☹️

Just Daniel Daniel Daniel Daniel <3 he's a cutie patootie fr

a/n: GOD I ACTUALLY DON'T LIKE THIS ITS THE BEST I COULD DO IM SORRY

[alo-piss-trancy]

Btw even if I don't check in here as often as I used to, I really do appreciate all of you who stick with this blog anyways c': Especially since I barely post anything 'kinky' myself anymore. So this is mostly just a gaming/media rant and personal blog now oops

In some ways I'm definitely better off than I was a few years ago, but I've also been dealing with a lot of chaos in my life and household and it doesn't look like it's gonna get fixed very soon. Mix of financial, physical health of me and family I've been heavily assisting, house things in desperate need of repair...

On top of that I've been starting to realize I might actually have developed some form of Agoraphobia from all that time I was housebound before... and other stuff, but I think that was probably the main contributor. I'm still looking into it but with how a lot of the other things I've tried to cope haven't helped, meds don't seem to touch it much, and it seems to be getting worse, it's looking more and more likely than I'd like to admit. Which sucks bc it's also going to be hard af to keep up with working to treat it with Exposure or smth if I'm buried in all the above stuff/have limited transport/places to even go. It's really freaking hard when I do rarely go out and the anxiety/illness makes it so much worse. There've been times I've had to give up and go back early after like, an hour bc I was vomiting/crippled with pain/on the verge of fainting... and that's been happening more often. Like 1 in every 3 times, and I may only get out 3 times a month at the worst points.

Idk. I'm trying. I'm keeping up with the bare minimum rn and that's all I can really say lol

Also the only problem that's actually relevant to kink blog: my drive is still at 0 or even the negatives bc I can't get my medication sorted out bc my appointments got pushed back AGAIN ☠️ So yeah. That's why there has been no writing or hc posts and will not probably be for a WHILE. On God, it's about as appealing to me as eating dry cardboard 😔 Trying to write or draw anything fun is like pulling teeth and if I won't enjoy the end result then I'm not gonna bother RIP. When I get that sorted out maybe I can finally touch my poor WIP pile again 😭

Uh yeah so. That's why I've been so absent for like... forever. I do miss checking in here but I also get in my own head sometimes about posting when I'm not 'providing' anything this blog was intended for. Which I realise is dumb bc it's MY blog and if I want to rant about video games only for like a year straight then I'm allowed to. But brains are Fun like that 🥲

For what it's worth I'm not in like, a fullblown mental crisis so please don't worry about that! I'm not in any immediate danger or smth! I do have some other hobbies I've been keeping up with and socialising in other spaces. And I've been reading. So I promise I'm not in a complete isolated depression pit 💛 Life could definitely be better and I def have some rough days, but I have been trying to take some baby steps to either fix things or keep myself sane at least lol

Idk I just felt like I should explain why I've been mostly gone for ages off and on. I do lurk here sometimes to peek at things even if I don't have the energy to show myself. But I do really appreciate anyone who sends asks or comments on my ao3 or just reads my ramblings lol 💛 Even when I can't respond immediately I still treasure the gesture and it makes me happy to see some of the same names around in my notifs/dash c': So thank you~

[candidcondor]

☠️🕊️🚫🍽️

Spilled vent about my upbringing. Read tags.

I wasn’t yelled at! I just got… told that I wasn’t doing well enough… that I couldn’t do anything fun… that I was destined to fail.. that I wasn’t trying as hard as I should… that everyone would leave me behind… that I would be stuck somewhere everyone hates me.. that I was a disappointment… that I didn’t have a valid reason to be doing such a disappointing job… that they were sad I was throwing my life away.. that I wasn’t allowed to have any trouble because I was smart.. that I had to try harder.. that I had to do more… that i wasn’t worth the effort if all i was going to do was make the wrong decisions… that they shouldn’t have to hold my hand when i don’t know what I’m doing… that I’m not allowed to ask questions.. that i already know everything so they don’t need to help me… that I could do it myself… that it wasn’t as difficult with the first kid… that i could do it on my own… that they didn’t have the time for me.. that I didn’t care enough… that I wasn’t going anywhere… that it was never enough… that if i wasn’t tearing myself apart to be perfect then they raised a failure. They didn’t yell at me! They just didn’t love me with their eyes or their hands or their words. They just never said they were proud. Never happy to see me. Never treated me like a person. Never held me or told me they loved me. Truth be told, the only times I can remember ever getting a hug as a child, were times I stared it and begged them to hug me back and tell me they loved me. Even without technology, I grew up ignored and pushed aside. Dinners were dead quiet. Pain was invisible. I could never talk about my personal life. I could never feel anything. I could never understand why I always did everything wrong. I didn’t know how I could try so hard to make them happy and always disappoint them. It was always “we’re a little short on money and don’t have enough to buy you X” and then a dozen Amazon packages full of makeup and trinkets deliver the next day. It’s always been “go play” and “how about you draw something” and “why don’t you go write another book for me” and never “thank you for telling me” or “that’s very interesting” or “that’s cool” or “I care about what you have to say”. Nothing I made lasted as long as the things I messed up. Winning a trophy in academics was never as important as getting a B on a test. Drawing a pretty picture was never as important as taking up too much time and energy. Telling them I loved them never mattered as much as hearing I was making them feel embarrassed to have me. Human development is impaired when you don’t touch your child enough. Is that what happened to me? Did i fail so often because you didn’t love me as much as i needed?