#writing and reading bad fanfiction is ultimately better

[boycigs]

guess who is actively liberating themselves from c.ai.

[fixyourwritinghabits]

Do you have any ways to check in a fanfic is written by AI? I have no trouble detect if a work email is written by AI but when it comes to fanfic, I just can't. English is my second language too. There are a bunch of fics of this one author on Wattpad that when I was reading, it feels weird? A little bit uncanny. I don't want to misunderstand them if it's just a me problem but I also hate everyone using AI to write so I'd appreciate a method or a tool to check. Thank you.

I don't have any solid indicators, however, if it feels off, you're likely noticing something off about the writing. The "em-dash" claim (that AI uses em dashes a lot) isn't really something to rely on.

(A better way to identify AI is an overuse of bullet lists, which, uh, I'm about to do, so here goes.)

Inconsistencies and repetition. This is a tough one right out of the gate, but all writers have a style. There's a turn of phrase, sentence structure, or common words that tend to pop up in their writing again and again. AI, on the other hand, does not stick to a distinctive style. It may repeat the same sentence structure over and over, or seem overly formerly written, especially in dialogue. The longer a document/fic, the more repetitive writing structures you will see.

Lack of depth or subtlety. Do the descriptions feel stilted or odd? Are the metaphors mixed together in a way that doesn't make sense (describing something dark using a comparison to something bright, odd comparisons that you've never heard before, etc)? Does it feel like the emotions are flat and not connecting to the story? All of these things could be things to watch out for.

Perfect grammar. I'm still finding grammatical errors in stories I wrote years ago. No amount of spellcheck will save me from a typo. AI never has that problem, but it also won't use punctuation to make a point (like using commas to indicate a speech pattern).

Updated too damn fast. If someone is uploading thousands of words a day, there's no way they're writing the story themselves. Massive, rapid-fire updates are something to keep an eye out for.

Now, all of these things alone do not indicate someone is using AI. Everyone's written a bad metaphor before, some people are great at grammar, and folks new to writing may have an inconsistent writing style. As you have noticed, speaking English as a second language makes folks overly prone to being flagged as using AI, which is also not helpful.

There's also no perfect AI checker, as most tend to throw up false positives. But the longer the story, the more indicators will pop up. Scenes might get repetitive, or sex scenes start to feel the same.

I also, unfortunately, don't have any advice for what to do if you feel like AI is being used to write fanfiction. You certainly don't want to falsely accuse someone of using it publicly (though I'd reach out to friends to see if they have the same suspicions). Ultimately, the best case scenario is that people will identify when they use AI (there's a whole tag for it on AO3), but I don't know how common that will become. In a pinch, when I suspect something has been plagiarized or written by AI, I shift the writer to my "do not read" pile and move on.

[genericpuff]

I don’t know if this is weird to say, but I’ve been enjoying LR kind of as its “own thing” if that makes sense?

Like before LO ended my only interaction with it was reading the first printed volume at a friends house, going: huh, this kind of pisses me off and gives me bad vibes for reasons I can’t quite place… and then never thought of it again until I started learning how to craft comics and saw it mentioned as an example of what not to do in something I was reading. So I looked into it, partly out of a sort of morbid curiosity, and partly because I had a bit of knowledge of the medium now and I wanted to find out what had caused the “bad vibes” in the first place (it was the way Persephone was constantly posed, framed, and occasionally anatomically messed with so her but and boobs could be better on display… also probably the writing quality.)

I’d probably have made a couple of mental notes and forgotten about LO again if I hadn’t come across your comic and decided to give it a read. Not only did LR NOT piss me off and give me bad vibes it actually interested me, and captured my imagination in ways LO didn’t. Like, it’s sort of just a cool comic I read because I enjoy it, and at this point my entire interest in LO is knowing how it inspired the comic I like.

(I will get around to reading the rest of LO once I’ve got enough free time/energy/inner peace though, out of an academic desire to dissect a broken story and see why it died… ngl I’m a bit intimidated by how long it looks)

Aww I appreciate that! Ultimately I do encourage people to give the original LO a try if they haven't before, not just to understand the context in which LR exists, but to sort of "honor" its roots because in spite of how mismanaged LO turned out to be, I still loved it for a long time (and continue to love it, even if it's in different ways now) and if it weren't for LO, LR would never have existed !

But I'm glad to hear there are readers who enjoy LR as its own thing because while it is just fanfiction, I still want it to be a story that can function and stand on its own two feet, without over-relying on LO to explain itself. And then, if you do ever read LO all the way through, you can hopefully have even more fun reading LR for all its little references and secrets 🤫💖

[antiquatedhag]

Hellenism for the experienced

So, you’re experienced, and all informational posts are for beginners? That’s exactly why I’m making this!

You’ve developed Kharis, learned about the mythology etc,,,now what’s next for your practice?

priesthood

Im gonna start off with something which is REALLY for the experienced, but even if youve practiced for years, keep in mind that this doesn’t equal being quite ready yet either. It’s a serious act of devotion which is to be taken seriously. Once you reach priesthood, you take an oath of devotion to that god for the rest of your life. Keep that in mind.

In our modern age, priesthood may look different than it did in Ancient Greece, for at that time, it was more so a political position, those in this line of work were elected and had a temple to care for. In this age, priesthood looks comparatively very different. It’s a calling, a lifestyle, a way to devote yourself to the gods and your community. Your temple may look different too, perhaps it’s in the form of some sort of discord server, or an altar space where perhaps you gather with close friends or just by yourself.

Most can agree we lack our community and temples in this age, which may mean priesthood is unreachable. That’s not so true, it just looks different than what the title once meant. It’s still entirely reachable a goal, if one is committed.

Keep in mind that this isn’t something you can get into on your own. You need a third party to do a reading, and a mentor to teach is preferable, though I understand how for some such an idea may be unobtainable. I see nothing wrong with teaching oneself with the aid of a god, but alas, the community aspect of priesthood is important that, for me personally, wouldn’t feel right to do solely by oneself.

First step: do tons of research, make sure you’re ready, and that you have someone do a reading for you to see if the god you wish to serve even wishes for you to do so. Make sure you can devote time to this career and the god, and that you’re absolutely committed. It’s not something to take lightly at all. Period.

Myths do not denote the nature of the gods

this may seem like a beginner thing, but, unfortunately, it is a much needed reminder even in those who have been practicing for long. It’s a common misconception that gods are equal to their myths, which is simply not the case.

Myths were written by man, sometimes to excuse their own behaviours by using the gods as examples of conduct. Now, whilst myths can be helpful in understanding the divine natures of the gods, it is not meant to be taken literal, but instead with a grain of salt. They too were used to explain things people did not yet understand, the gods being their best teachers.

Now, it’s a common question among those who do not practice, what’s the point if the gods don’t equal their myths? How do you explain their natures? Well, the gods existed before the myths. Think of it as a sort of fanfiction.

Write your own myths!

Yeah, you can do that. If the ancients did it before, why can we not do the very same? Writing is an act of devotion, and often, I do not see this idea mentioned. This can be for beginners too, of course, but the reason I put this here for the more experienced is because those who have experience may understand the gods they work with better, which will result in a better, authentic piece of writing. Let’s start a renaissance, bring the gods forth in myth.

Dedicate a larger space to them

now, this is not a necessity, but merely an idea for someone who has devoted much time and love to the gods for perhaps years. If you don’t have space, that’s quite alright and you shouldn’t feel bad, but if you DO, perhaps an ultimate act of devotion can be dedicating a much larger space to the gods.

For example, I recently decided it was time to give Eros, my patron, a larger altar that wasn’t in a little porcelain bunny jar. He shares it with Aphrodite, but it still felt so good to dedicate a larger space after all these years. It was simply time.

Tattoos

Now, this isn’t to mean that I think everyone should get a tattoo, but if you’re someone who likes them and can afford it, and are an adult whose thought about it heavily, by all means get a tattoo of the gods in devotion.

This is an act of devotion that requires a lot of thought, and is something I admire heavily. Tattoos are works of art, and to have the gods imprinted on you for life is beautiful. But again, keep in mind that this is only for someone who’s committed, and doesn’t mind the idea of tattoos.

Study the practices of the ancients

This is a beginner thing to say, that much is true, but it’s just as important for an experienced helpol to learn as much as a beginner. To take it a step further, dedicate your life to the study by making it your career.

The pillars of Hellenic polytheism, and the Delphic maxims

Now, this is something a beginner should study, but unfortunately, even those who have experienced lack knowledge on this subject. Perhaps we have pagantok to thank for that, I’m not sure, but often people delve into this religion and start worshipping right away without doing research beforehand, and at times, people can go years into their practice without even knowing about this.

This religion is more than acts of devotion and worship. It’s a LIFESTYLE. The pillars were not like the Ten Commandments that people studied in ancient times, but were instead daily practices that people learned much in the way we know to say “bless you” when someone sneezes.

Practice Xenia, which is hospitality, or Sophia, the pillar which strives for knowledge. Study them, understand them, and put them into practice each and every day.

I feel stuck, like I’ve done everything….

congratulations. You’re truly an experienced helpol. At this point, someone like me on the internet can only tell you so much. Go explore the world, see the gods in every cloud or every season or every smile. Go find out for yourself what more you can do, it’s all part of the journey.

You shouldn’t have to rely on the internet to figure things out, it’s true that it can be helpful, but at times, be aware that it can be a hindrance to your practice. Im glad to be of service, but I should not be relied on at the end of the day.

If you feel stuck, like you’ve done and heard everything, that’s okay. Part of being experienced is doing it all over again, learning and striving to do better.

Extra advice

NEVER STOP LEARNING. Theres no point in this religion where you’ve completed it like a quest. Always strive for knowledge, repeat things, and remember WHY you started practicing in the first place. There’s no end goal, aside from doing your best every day, not just for the gods, but for yourself.

THE JOURNEY NEVER ENDS. Our religion isn’t something that’s meant to be “completed” and there’s no competition to learn everything as fast as you can. Take it slow, and cherish everything no matter how many times you’ve experienced it.

YEARS OF EXPERIENCE DOES NOT EQUAL BEING AN EXPERT. Im bruising some egos with this one, even part of my own, but it’s the absolute truth. Experience doesn’t suddenly mean you’re an expert, as much as we would like to think. In many ways, like me, you might still feel like you’re a beginner even after all this time. That’s okay. Even with that being said, don’t be shy to share your experiences and any advice you may have. The best way to learn is to share with others, just don’t pretend you have a PhD in the subject (unless, of course, you really do have one).

[delulu-with-wandanat]

Objective: Teenage Dreams.

Pairings: Wanda Maximoff x Natasha Romanoff

Tags: Pride month, bisexual Wanda, mutual pining, canon divergence, lesbian Natasha.

A/n: My gift before pride ends lol, it a little rushed but uhh... I enjoyed writing it and I hope you enjoy reading it. It's kind of a crack fic honestly, just good vibe for ye gays :D (Ps. sorry if there are mistakes I kind rushed this andd it's been a while.)

Summary: It's pride month and Wanda still hasn't made her move. Being the self-proclaimed greatest ally, Y/n and two other decided to give them a push.

On lazy days like these, Wanda usually spends it by reading a book, maybe binge watching some shows. Other times she spends it with her brother, but ever since joining the Avengers, Pietro has made it his ultimate goal to have Steve Roger's physique. He trained almost day and night, honestly Wanda could enter the gym at 9 in the morning finding her brother in the middle of a workout, and by the time she was finished he was still there.

Often time he was also with her best friend, who is now his gym buddy, Y/n Romanoff. Who was just as much of a gym rat as Pietro. Honestly, the amount of time they stare at themselves in the mirror was concerning. She's almost sure she had passed a video on social media featuring them titled; 'How to train like an Avenger'

So nowadays she spends her free time alone, even though she wishes she could spend it with a certain beautiful redhead-

Although it wasn't all that bad. Wanda had found a new fixation to spend her time on. Which was Fanfictions.

Now how does one stumbles upon this... wonderful world you might ask? Well for Wanda it started when she was watching a new TV Show she had recently discovered called, The 100. It was fun until they killed off one of her favorite character, Lexa. Wanda naturally dropped the show in an instant. During one of her rants to one of the new recruits, Kate Bishop then sent her a link leading to a website followed a text that read; "The showrunners might break your heart, but fanfiction authors will be there to pick up the pieces."

And Wanda... Fell down the rabbit hole from there.

At first all she searched was merely about wlw couples on her favorite movies and shows, like that one Supergirl TV show she had been recently watching. Or that one cute show called 'Everything Sucks' that got canceled after one season. Basically any wlw couples she started to like, but couldn't be explored due to the showrunners being a pus-

It didn't matter, she founded the holy-site that held all the stories in the world. Then, when she found nothing else to read there, it lead her journey to... a site that shares the same name as drinking bottle; Tumblr. Minus the 'e'.

The site gave her access to a whole new world and whole lot more stories. It was on this website that she found out there was a whole fandom for the Avengers, and many stories was written about them in different scenarios. Sometimes it was cute, other times it was... questionable-

You can't really blame her, can't you? Her name and the word mommy was basically inseparable on this site.

This was where she learned that people have also been 'shipping' one Avenger and the other. Curiosity got the better of the witch when she started to search herself... and a certain former Russian spy. She was surprised to see how many stories were written about them here. Wanda... may have gotten a little out of hand.

This was her guilty pleasure. Reading stories about her crush and herself in a scenario instead of actually trying to talk to her. Can you blame her though? She was what the internet describes as a 'Loser Lesbian'.

The little voice in her head prefers the word 'Useless Lesbian', which wasn't even accurate as she mostly resonates more with Bisexuality-

"Happy gay month, cus you know you bi and stuff!" Ah there it is, the 'little voice' burst through her door unannounced, causing Wanda to yelp and quickly shut her laptop close to hide her 'shameful' activity.

Wanda glared at the young Romanoff who was carrying 3 different items in his hand and approaching her on the bed. "What the fuck is wrong with-"

"Here, I got you a gay balloon cus it got all the color because it's GAY."

"Y/n-" She reluctantly takes the balloon.

"And I gotchu a vinyl album with that Sweater Weather song cus you Bi." He handed her the vinyl, how thoughtful.

"Ok-"

Lastly, "And I baked you a cake that says, 'BeeEE who yoOOUUu aaRREEE, for YooUURE PRiiiDEEEEeeeEE'" He sang the word off tune.

"Ok- Thank you... Uhm-" She grabs all the items and looks at them with confusion. "This is..." Wanda furrowed her eyes at her friend. "Why- Why did you do this, why are you doing this??"

"You know... Cus you're Bi!"

"I'm well aware of that fact."

"Well my dearest Wanda, in this holy month of June I have a very important mission to accomplish." The young Romanoff suddenly jumps on her bed and dramatically opens his arms as if he was some kind of showman. "I'm gonna get you a woman!"

The youngest Maximoff cringes her face and with a flick of her wrist she knock the soldier off her bed, earning a high pitch scream from him. "First of all, you can't get a woman for yourself how do you expect to get me a girlfriend."

"I have plenty of girls!" He said rather defensively as he sat up on the floor.

"And second, why is this so important to you?"

"What you don't want a girlfriend?"

"I still like guys you know."

He rolled his eyes, "I know that, but you always told me you wanted to try dating girls."

"Not just girls... a girl-" She mumbles.

"What was that?" The man raised a teasing eyebrow.

"Nothing! Now shut up, you haven't answered my question." Wanda said while huffing and crossing her arms.

"Because my dearest friend being Bisexual is one thing, but being bi yourself is just sad-" That statement earned him a rightful pillow thrown at him at full speed. Which he thankfully manages to deflect this time with his reflex.

Wanda then groans and plops on her bed. "You're not going to stop, are you?"

"Nope." Y/n even popped the 'p' to emphasize his point. With a roll of her eyes, Wanda agrees with an exaggerated fine and he joined her on the bed with a grin. "Now, first thing on the list is we need to get you some new clothes."

Wanda hastily sat up looked down at her current outfit and glanced at the mirror in her room. She gave him a stinky eye. "What's wrong with my clothes??" This rude bitch-

"Nothing..." Y/n said rather sassily, "I just... think it might need a little spice is all." Without asking for her permission, Y/n grabs her laptop out of her reach and opens it. "I was thinking we could- WHOAAA..."

"What's- NO!" Her eyes widens in panic has her dirty little secret have been exposed. The witch lunges herself to him only for the young super soldier to hold out a hand to keep her at a distance while staring bewildered at the screen before him. "GIVE IT BACK."

"OH MY GOD???? YOu into this shit?!!" Oh the young Romanoff was having the time of his life. He grinned as he looked at what the story was about, "Natasha Romanoff x Reader? Ohhh ho HO, you really llike her huh-?"

"Y/n I swear to god, GIVE IT BACK." She yelled, Wanda was fucking furious. She already had an annoying brother to deal with, what was she thinking adding Y/n into the mix.

"I want to see your blog." It was like she was seeing red, blood thumping in her brain.

Wanda screeched like a maniac, suddenly overpowering the super soldier. She was practically sitting on top of him wrestling with the now closed laptop, Y/n hugged the laptop close. "Y/N I WILL KILL YOU!"

"I JUST WANT TO SEE!"

"NEVER!" Their screaming was probably heard all over the compound as they wrestle for Wanda's laptop. However, a stern voice stopped their childish fight.

"Enough, both of you!" The two whipped their head to the door to see Natasha crossing her arms and looking at them expectantly. The two scurry off of each other and Wanda made a final yank on her laptop out of his reach. The two stood up like guilty children caught in a fight.

"He took my laptop without permission." Wanda spoke up before Y/n could open his mouth. The look of betrayal on his face brings pleasure to Wanda as Natasha's anger was now directed to him.

"You-"

"Y/n, you know better than to take other people's personal things." Natasha glared at her little brother.

"You're just going to believe her right out of the gate?!" He retorted.

"It's the truth!" Wanda said while hugging her laptop tightly.

"You little snitch-" The super soldier turned to face her challengingly. Before the two were about to enter yet another screaming match, Natasha's stern voice puts them in their place once again.

"You two are acting like children. I have enough of this, Y/n if you don't stop this childish nonsense I'll have you grounded from any missions."

"You can't do that?!" His eyes practically bulge out of it's eye socket.

"I can, and I will." Natasha's death stare easily intimidates him as he quickly mumbles an apology to Wanda. The spy's gaze turned to the witch with soft and caring look, unlike the one she gave to her sibling. "Wanda, if he gives you anymore trouble you let me know ok?"

"Thank you, Natasha." Wanda said shyly, a faint blush visible on her cheek. The redhead smiled at her before giving one last glare to Y/n and left to god-knows-where.

It was so painfully obvious that the two liked each other. Except the only one that fail to realize that is themselves. Operation Scarlet Widow was going to be a lot more difficult than he anticipated, Y/n might need a little backup.

"I seriously don't get why you can't just ask her out instead of reading a bunch of stories-"

This annoying fuck- "DON'T talk to me about that!" She suddenly uses her powers to float him out of her room. "I don't wanna hear about it-" She practically throws him out, Y/n lies on the floor while looking at his friend bewildered. Wanda gave one last glare and shuts the door on his face.

"But-"

"And stay out!" Her voice yelled from inside the room.

Being the annoying friend that he is, he got onto his feet and proceeds to bug the shit out of the witch. Y/n started with those gentle knocks on the door. "Honeyyy-" He teased her.

"Ohmyfuckinggod. Don't call me that!" Wanda yells again. Y/n snickers at her response.

"Wanda, come on..." He knocks again, hearing no response the soldier knocks on the door harder. "You can't hide forever, come out!"

"Jokes on you, I already am!"

"Not what I meant, but ok!" He snickers again, clearly Wanda would not be opening the door anytime soon. He makes his way to the gym to recruit some people who shall help him in this mission.

------

Upon entering the training grounds, Y/n found Yelena and Pietro in the middle of a sparring session. Only these two would spend their Sundays training.

"Dearest Brother, nice of you to join us." Of course Yelena would know it was him, despite having her back facing Y/n.

"Let me know when you want to spar with someone who can actually throw a punch." The soldier said with a smirk.

"Fuck you, Romanoff!" The silver-haired speedster gave him the finger before focusing back on his opponent. "You're the one who's lacking, I thought super soldiers could do this all day?"

Y/n scoffed, "Oh please, I can take you down without breaking a sweat. You rely mostly on your powers."

"Barf, are you going to keep bothering us or join us?" Yelena said with a roll of her eyes, using the distraction Pietro surges forward in an attempt to tackle Yelena. Although she may not have powers, her skills were beyond his years. Using the techniques taught by none other than her own sister, Yelena manages to take down the speedster with ease.

"Hah!" She snorted seeing Pietro with his face on the ground and tapping the floor to announce his defeat. Yelena gets off of him with a smirk on her face.

"Oh come on! If this was a real fight you know you wouldn't stand a chance." The speedster grumbles.

"I'm not denying that, but take that power away and you're just another damsel in distress."

Pietro narrowed his eyes. In the midst of her overconfidence, he uses his powers to knock Yelena on the feet, causing her to fall backwards onto her ass. Normally, her instinct would've kicked in and she would prepare for the fall, but this time Pietro stands in triumph while crossing his arms with a smirk on his face.

"Bitch." Yelena mumbles in Russian before dusting herself off.

"Now if you're both finished, I would like to make an offering." Y/n said while putting his fingers together like some menace business man with bad intention.

"You want to steal Tony's car and do a high speed race on the highway? I call dibs on the Mclaren." Yelena spoke up.

"So long as I get the Ferrari-" Pietro chimes in.

"No, but we'll get back into that because I always wanted to try his Audi. What I have is, how would you feel on playing cupid for our dearest sisters?" Yelena only raises an eyebrow while Pietro squints his eyes.

"I am getting sick of seeing them practically eye-fucking each other at the gym." Yelena started.

"Hey, that's my little sister." Pietro said while puffing his chest out playing the overprotective big brother role.

Yelena rolled her eyes, "She's 27 dipshit, and you're only 12 minutes older."

"Still my little sister..."

"Look we can all agree that these two needs to sort out their feelings, and since the two are completely useless as one is an idiot who thinks staring will magically get her a date. And the other has deep traumatic issues where she struggles to have proper relationship due to her upbringing. I'd say, maybe they need a little third party help?" Y/n opens his arms as if to wait if any of the two objects.

"And how do you plan on pulling this off?" Yelena asked.

"I was hoping you might help me figure that out." Y/n threw back the question. Yelena rolled her eyes.

"So you came to us for help empty handed?"

"Well I would argue dedication and sheer will counts for something." Y/n puffed out his chest, he clearly has nothing.

"We don't even know if Natasha likes Wanda back." Pietro chimes in, which earns him a raised eyebrow from the two Russians.

"It's hard to miss."

"Yeah, I can see the oblivious genes runs in the Maximoff's."

Maybe it was less obvious to someone who was not close to Natasha, she was a trained spy overall. And these two were practically raised to be more observant than others. Or that could just be the oblivious Maximoff genes.

"All I know is, Wanda has had this crush ever since she stole Natasha's jacket."

Y/n furrowed his eyebrows at Pietro. "Wasn't that like... a year ago with Ultron?" Yelena barks out a laugh, "You mean to tell me she's been pinning on Natasha for a year??"

Pietro shrugs his shoulders and smirked, "Wanda has bigger pool, but I'm the one getting all the girls."

"Barf-" Yelena said while fake gagging, earning a jab on the rib by Pietro. "If we want a shot for our dearest love birds we have to be quick, cause I'm noticing a certain android having his eyes on Wanda."

"Who, the toaster?" Pietro said while cringing his face.

"Ok... I can see you don't seem so fond of the guy, and Vision's not so bad y'know-" Y/n said, it's not that he was close with Vision. But he didn't understand why Pietro would look so utterly disgusted.

"No, he's not bad. But if this works out, you and I would be brothers for real, y'know?"

Damn... This was true brotherhood. "Bro..."

"Bro..."

The two hugged like it was something out of a bromance movie. Yelena could only watch with her arms crossed, wondering what the fuck was going on. However, while the two gym rats were having their moment, a plan formed in her mind.

-------

The trio sprang into action in an instant, ordering a bunch of pizzas, heading to the city to grab some supplies, thankfully alcohols were already taken cared of.

"Ok! Now we just need everybody here." Y/n said with a satisfied grin whilst taking a shot to give himself a head start. Yelena mimicked his movement and so did Pietro.

"FRIDAY, assemble the team to the common room." The AI gave Pietro the acknowledgement, soon enough the team entered the common room with a confused look.

"What's going on?" Steve was first to spoke up as he looked around the decorated room with food and beverages.

Wanda glances to a certain redhead a few meters away from her, Natasha initially had a bored look on her face, arms crossed, and was probably mentally preparing herself to whatever the hell her siblings had in mind. And it was as if the spy felt a pair of eyes on her she looked to the side and locked eyes with Wanda, instantly, the corner of Natasha's mouth pulled into a tiny smile and a small shrug.

Wanda blushed instantly and turned her gaze to the floor, tucking a hair behind her ear. The trio, saw this and glances at one another.

"Well dearest teammates." Y/n started, taking a microphone and speaking to it as if he was an mc. "Tonight will be the night-"

"What's with the mic, Y/n?" Natasha asked with a roll of her eyes.

"I was getting there," He responded while putting his hand up, "Tonight Is the night we let loose!" He whooped, yet the only one cheered with him was Pietro.

"Seriously?" Natasha asked with a raised eyebrow.

Y/n scoffed at his teammates, looking at all the low faces and annoyed faces. "Sam! Come on, you're always game." He asked, needing ATLEAST someone to be in it.

Sam sighed, "Man, I would but honestly I was looking forward to sleep early tonight." Y/n looked at him as if his heart had been stabbed.

"Wanda??" He asked his best friend, and Wanda groaned at him. Oh this was a rough start.

"Honestly, I'm in the mood for some me time and not... whatever this is." She replied indicating to the alcohol bottles on the table.

"Sorry kid, looks like everyone is super tired." Steve added with a pity look, "Maybe next time plan things out."

"But that's boring!" Pietro exclaimed, and speeds to every single one handing out a shot glass filled with vodka.

"It's not just any normal drinking night, there's singing involved." Yelena finally chimed in while dunking another shot.

"Yelena, you can't possibly be part of this." Natasha asked her sister, and Yelena shrugged in respond.

"Any reason to grab Tony's alcohol is as good as any." The blonde replied.

Everyone glanced at one another, shot glass in hand, contemplating their decision. "Think of it like a team bonding." Y/n talked again, he cocked his head at Yelena who turns on a song and a familiar tune started playing, a song that would get anyone from any generation dancing (excluding Steve, perhaps). Dancing Queen by Abba.

Y/n had a goofy grin on his face, dancing into the tune, Pietro followed through while Yelena occasionally bopped her head. Sam was the first to grow a grin on his face. Steve, Natasha and Wanda looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "It's Abba!" The falcon said as a matter of factly, he then downed in shot.

"That's the spirit!" Y/n said excited as Sam danced to his direction.

Hesitantly, cap started to walk forward earning a disbelief gasp from Natasha. "Rogers, really...?"

"I mean, I really did enjoyed Mama Mia...." The American boy said with a sheepish smile.

As soon as the lyric's intro came in, Y/n puts an arm around Steve with a microphone in hand. "You can dance!"

"You can jive!" Sam pulled the microphone to himself.

"Having the time of your life!" Those who were already in the circle sang simultaneously, Natasha rolled her eyes but if you squint you could see a tiny smile there. Meanwhile Wanda shifted closer to Natasha watching the group in amusement.

"See that girl!" Y/n pointed at the two, and the other followed. "Watch that scene, digging the dancing queen." He sang, "Come on dancing queens get in here!"

Natasha shook her head fondly, holding back a smile.

"Wanda, Wanda, I know you want to join us girrlll..." Y/n said playfully to his best friend, the boys and Yelena were beckoning her to join. Natasha looked to her side and true enough, Wanda was biting her lips, contemplating whether or not she should join. "You like this song don't lie! Natasha, help me out." Wanda did in fact like this song.

The way her body swayed subtly to the rhythm, her eyes glinting with anticipation, the only thing that's holding Wanda back was herself. Fuck it, Natasha thought to herself. She then held Wanda's arms and dragged her into the group who cheered when they joined. "Wha- Nat, no I-"

"Come on, little witch." Natasha said, turning to face Wanda and raised her shot glass. "Loosen up a bit."

God, Wanda couldn't decline, especially when her crushed smirked like that. They clinked their shot glass and downed their drinks.

------

As the clock got closer to midnight, the more they drank, and the more they drank, the more chaotic it gets. The song they choose ranges to many different genres, in the beginning Pietro and Y/n mostly sang something boyish, like rap or rock. Then as the two gets progressively drunker they sang something what would be describe as 'Girly Pop'.

Steve sang some old 40s song, which was refreshing especially after hearing Y/n's off tune singing voice. Everybody except Natasha was surprised to hear Yelena singing American Pie wholeheartedly, Natasha even sat next to her and sang it with her briefly.

Although the highlight of the night was probably the time Yelena, Pietro and Y/n sang and dance to the song 'Wannabe' by Spice Girls. Natasha had to hid her face with her hand while Sam was laughing his ass off and leaning to Steve for support. Wanda was like a giggling maniac the whole time as she was secretly recording it for some black mailing material on her twin.

Mid-song, Yelena pulled her brother subtly and pushing a very drunk Pietro forward. "Take it for a spin, Maximoff!"

"So, here's a story from a to z-!" Pietro started rapping his part drunkenly.

"She's not drunk enough." Yelena said to Y/n who was trying to stable himself.

"Yep, the alcohol hasn't hit her yet, and Pietro's not going to be much help-" Y/n covered his mouth suddenly as he felt a vomit, he then answered after seeing Yelena's raised eyebrow. "Sorry- Don't worry I got this, hold a bottle."

"Slam your body down and wind it all around!" Pietro continued singing with Yelena twirling his ass in what this generation would describe as 'slay' manner, Y/n drunkenly sauntered over to Wanda who panicked when he started pulling her to the make shift stage.

"No- No, let me go, Y/n!" Wanda protested.

"Just take a shot and come with!" Y/n practically yanked her and they stumbled over to the middle of the living room. "Cheers!" He said while knocking his glass with hers and Wanda finally relents and knocked back her shot.

"-make it last forever, friendship never ends!" Y/n sang while putting an arm around his best friend, Wanda cringes at the bitter taste of the alcohol, she had a few drinks in already but she was never really fond at the taste of vodka.

"Wanda!" Yelena said, suddenly putting an arm around the her as well. "Oh, honey, you emptied your glass already."

"N-no, Yelena, I just dra-"

"Don't you worry, I got you." Yelena said while pouring her another shot, Wanda's eyes widens. She glances to the side and locked eyes with Natasha who raised a teasing eyebrow at her. "Yes, now we cling!" The blonde haired woman said while raising her glass.

Reluctantly, Wanda clinked their glass awkwardly and took a deep breath before taking another shot. She doesn't know how many shots she have taken from that moment, all she knew was that she felt like dancing.

Natasha watched as Wanda's dance move progressively become more fluid and at ease in contrast to her usual shy self. The spy smiled to herself, dance with her. Natasha shook her head at the impulsive thoughts. At some point during the song 'Teenage Dreams' by Katy Perry, Wanda was handed a mic by Yelena. Thankfully this time Wanda was drunk enough not to refuse, and instead grinned like a goof.

When Wanda sang the second verse, Natasha almost lost her breath because she sounded so... beautiful.

"We drove to Cali and got drunk on the beach. Got a motel and built a fort out of sheets."

Wanda sang with her eyes closed, smile on her face, swaying her body to the rhythm. "I finally found you, my missing puzzle piece, I'm complete." The witch opened her beautiful green eyes just to have a similar looking ones staring right back at her.

Wanda giddily approached Natasha and extend her hand, "Wanda-"

"Come onn, Tasha!" Wanda pleaded. Tasha, well that's new-

Natasha hesitantly looked around, the trio were holding onto each other while slurring to the song, Sam had passed out, and Steve... Well, he gave Natasha a knowing look before helping Sam up to his feet and gave Natasha a look that says 'Don't mess this up, Romanoff.' And walking off with a drunken Sam.

"We can dance, until we die. You and I..." Wanda sang waiting for Natasha to finally grab her hand, finally the spy relents and took the witch's offering hand. "-we'll be young forever!"

Wanda practically yanks Natasha into the middle of the living room.

"You make me feel like I'm livin' a teenage dream. The way you turn me on, I can't sleep. Let's run away and don't ever look back, don't ever look back!"

The younger woman puts a hand on Natasha's shoulder, swaying her hips while singing the lyrics. Natasha was unsure if she should put her hand on Wanda, keep it to the side, on Wanda's waist perhaps?

"My heart stops." The witch suddenly tilt Natasha's chin so their eyes meet. "When you look at me," Natasha's breath hitched in her throat, "just one touch...." And the rest of the lyrics seems to died on Natasha's ears as all she could see was a drunken state Wanda making her confession crystal clear.

Wanda turned and moved her body sensually against Natasha, without hesitation, the older woman puts a firm hand on Wanda's hips to guide her moves. Wanda shivered when she felt Natasha's hot breath on her ear. "Imma get your heart racing in my skin-tight jeans." She grabs Natasha's hand and trail it up her body, a silent plea to the older woman to touch her. "Be your teenage dream tonight..."

Fuck... if Natasha had no self-restraint, she would've taken Wanda here and there. "Let you put your hands on me in my skin-tight jeans" Wanda turns around to face Natasha again and this time the younger one guided Natasha's hand to rest on her thighs. "Be your teenage dream tonight...."

The song reached it's mini pause. Wanda, almost in desperation and system full of alcohol wrapped her arms around Natasha and leaned in til their nose was touching. "I want to kiss you so bad..." She whispered.

"I-" The redhead was at lost for words, her eyes looking deep into those beautiful green eyes, searching for any signs of hesitation. Blown pupils were looking right back at her, slowly it travels down to Natasha's lips. Fuck this.

As soon as the song started again, Natasha gently cup Wanda's face with one hand and pulled her into a soft kiss. Oh Wanda's heart could explode right about now, for a second her mind became stone-cold sober so it could remember this moment properly. Wanda drops the microphone she was holding and puts her hand on the older woman's cheeks, using her thumb to caress her soft delicate skin.

"You make me, Feel like I'm livin' a teenage dream The way you turn me on, I can't sleep Let's run away and don't ever look back, don't ever look back."

The two women were now lost in their own world, they failed to notice the cheers from their own respective (very drunk atm) siblings. Wanda was taller than Natasha, but she went on her tippy toes and wrapped her slender arms around the spy. Natasha craned her neck a little, smiling into the kiss, her arms securely on (her) the little witch's waist.

"My heart stops, when you look at me. Just one touch, now baby I believe this is real. So take a chance and don't ever look back."

Wanda felt like she was on cloud nine, feeling Natasha's soft lips on hers. Oh those sweet plump lips she's been day dreaming about for months, honestly, she felt like the main character in a movie. A teenager if you will in a coming off age movie, is this what Simon felt like from Love, Simon? The song was quite spot on, as Natasha made her feel like a teenager once again, or at least what she assumes a teenager would feel. She never really got to properly enjoyed her teenage years, but here she is. With the woman of her dreams.

"We're siblings for real!" They finally broke the kiss after hearing a drunken Y/n made the statement, arms on both Yelena and Pietro who were just as equally drunk as him. Pietro mimicked his sentence, and Yelena only nodded her head while occasionally raising her glass. Natasha and Wanda shared a look as they held each other, the spy snorted while her counterpart giggled at the scene.

It seems like the trio had put Katy Perry's song on shuffle, because the beat to 'Last Friday Night' started playing.

They started chanting "We did it!" matching their words to the tune of the song, the two couple shared a look.

"Do you wanna get out of here?" Natasha asked, a small smile on her face.

"Yes, please." Wanda replied shyly before being dragged out of the living room by Natasha.

-------

The witch woke up groggily on her bed, her eyes needed time to adjust to the light that were peaking into her room. She groaned and fell back onto the bed with a thud, shielding herself from the light like a vampire allergic to it. "Ugh... what did Yelena put in my drinks." She grumbles.

All of the sudden everything came rushing back into her memory like a tidal wave. I kissed Natasha...

She hastily sat on her bed and looked around. She remembered they kissed, but... how did they end up here. Wanda remembered Natasha asking her to move out of the living room, oh my god did we slept together? The witch's face started to match her battle suit as she thought of the possibility, wish I could've remembered.

Her throat felt dry so she decided to grab herself some drinks in the kitchen. And to her surprise, Natasha was already there. Humming to herself and cooking breakfast, Wanda let in a sharp breath at the sight. Of course, being the trained spy that she is, Natasha greeted Wanda without having to turn around.

"Good morning, Wanda. Slept well?" Natasha asked kindly.

"I don't know how you do that." Wanda muttered.

The spy chuckles to herself, "What I was trained for, little witch. I already put a glass of water for you by the table. Bacon and eggs alright?"

Wanda glanced at the table and surely enough Natasha already prepped a big jug of water and a glass for her. "Oh thank you, you're a godsent..." The younger woman took a seat and dawned her water, and then also her second glass of water.

Natasha walked by her and set a plate for both herself and Wanda. "What a night was it?" She said with a hint of tease.

The brunette only nodded her head while drinking her water like it was the last one on earth. She dropped her glass with a sigh of relief and glances at Natasha, a faint blush appeared on her cheek almost immediately. Wanda cleared her throat before answering, "It was, thank you for breakfast."

"You're welcome." She replied simply, her body still angled a little to the side, one arm propped on the head of the chair whilst staring intently at Wanda.

"Natasha, I..." Wanda started, oh god suddenly her throat feels dry again. The spy gave a small nod, urging her to continue. The younger woman started fidgeting with her finger. "I don't regret it," Wanda finally looks at her. "Kissing you, all of it, I don't regret any of it."

A smile tugged the corner of Natasha's lips, but before she could answer, Wanda started rambling on.

"B-but it's ok if you don't feel the same. Or that it was just a heat in the moment kind of thing."

"Wanda, relax." The older woman put a gentle hand on Wanda, she inhaled sharply at Natasha's action. "Listen... I'm no better at this. However, if your interested, I would like to take you out on a date." Natasha smiled at her, oh god, Wanda's heart was beating a mile minute. Wait, wait, she said date?

"I- Yes, I would love that." Wanda averted her gaze, the intensity of Natasha's green eyes was too much. The sheer intensity of the spy's gaze could turn her into a puddle of mess.

"Good, I've been dying to try this restaurant." Natasha said while turning her body now to face her breakfast, she took one bite of the bacon before continuing. "I hope Southeast Asian cuisine isn't too spicy for you." The spy said teasingly.

"Oh please, you underestimate me." Wanda responded with a slight bump of their shoulders, yet a question still lingers on her mind. "Hey uh... Sorry, I was just wondering. Did we uh... do anything?"

"What do you mean? We kissed." Natasha answered cluelessly.

"Yeah, but I remember you took me to my room. I couldn't remember anything from there, so... I was just wondering if we did anything." Wanda asked, her voice progressively gets more timid the more she explains.

"Hmmmm, like what? Watching a movie?" The spy said while looking up to the ceiling as if deep in thoughts, small smirk on her face.

"Tasha, stop messing around." Wanda said with a playful eyeroll.

"Tasha, huh? That's new." She continued to teased her little witch. Wanda playfully pouted her lips, of course Natasha couldn't help but give in to that. "Don't worry, little witch, nothing happened. I took you to your room, we made out for a little bit and before you finally fell a sleep in my arms. It was a adorable." Natasha added the last bit with a shrug and a smirk.

Wanda's face got increasingly red, "Ugh..." She groaned at hid her face in her hand. "I'm sorry."

"Don't hide that pretty face, as I said, it was adorable." Natasha pried away Wanda's hand, the witch relents and was greeting with a fond smile from Natasha. One she rarely saw, god she's so fucking beautiful.

And unfortunately for them, it had to be ruined by the trio... Again.

"Ughh.... my head-" Y/n groaned.

"I feel like skipping gym today." Pietro chimed in.

"Keep up." Yelena responded with a bored tone. She was sweating, probably went on a run.

Wanda and Natasha mentally cursed at themselves and returned to their own respective breakfast. The trio rummages through the kitchen, finding cereals and bowls, Yelena opted for an apple instead. They sat down across Natasha and Wanda, Y/n was first to point out the obvious of course.

"So...?" He asked them excitedly.

"So what?" Natasha raised an eyebrow at him.

Only for him to raised his eyebrow right back, "Did you guys shag?" Yelena piped in, Pietro groaned.

"No, don't answer that-" The older Maximoff covered his ears while Wanda shrunk in her seat.

"I'll take that as a yes!" Y/n yelled excitedly.

"First of all, we didn't." Natasha said firmly, "And second, I don't see how that's any of your business."

"Oh, but it is." The redhead narrowed her eyes at him, but it was too early to deal with her brother's antics.

"Look whatever you saw, zip it." Natasha stated, "I personally want to keep this under wrap, if this goes out to the press they're going to have a lot of questions and I don't want to deal with that."

"I'll second that." Wanda muttered, casting Natasha a grateful look to which the older woman smiled in response.

Y/n scoffed, "Whatever, I'm great at keeping secrets. Beside, I'm just glad the whole sexual tension can now be resolved-" He shuts up immediately upon seeing Natasha's glare.

After a few minutes of silence and eating their breakfast, Y/n's phone notification started going off like crazy. "Oh, Piet I think one of our videos got viral."

"Where let me see." Pietro leaned over to take a look, and upon opening the app, their eyes quickly widens. "Why would you upload that?!"

"I didn't! I must've- Fuck..." Y/n panicked, and by that, really panicked.

"What's going on?" Natasha asked.

"Nothing!" The two men said simultaneously, fuck... if Natasha finds out they're screwed. However, before they could delete the evidence, Natasha snatched the phone from her brother's hand. Wanda leaned closer to take a look and gasped. Yelena only snorted and excuse herself as she had an idea where this was going.

It was a footage of them, kissing, wrap up in each other's arms, lip tight in a passionate lock. Fuck, Katy Perry was right, Pictures of last night ended up online and they were screwed. "Y/n..." Natasha said warningly.

Without a second thought Y/n dashed away from the table with Pietro who zooms past him with his superspeed.

"I'll fucking kill you both!" Was Natasha's last word before hunting them down one by one.

[writingquestionsanswered]

i've recently started writing fanfiction, but even after meticulously planning everything out before starting, my writing feels very choopy, emotionless and passive for the most part, and if i try to include description, it feels i'm overdoing it. i mean, it is the firsts draft technically, but the low quality makes me demotivated to continue writing. i know i need to finish the first draft before reading back and editing, but seeing the state of it now, i feel like i should complete the first draft then rewrite it instead of edit it so i can frame sentences better. but i worry it will take too much time, time i cannot afford to spend for writing fanfiction as a college student. is this just a beginner thing? what should i do to make my writing interesting? or am i asking the wrong questions?

Fan-Fiction Writing Feels Choppy and Emotionless

I don't want to assume you've never written fiction (because you could be a writer of original fiction just beginning to write fan-fiction), but unless you are an experienced writer of original fiction--then yes, it's a beginner thing.

Writing fiction, for whatever reason, is something people think they'll be able to take a crack at for the first time and do brilliantly. Which is funny, because we never feel that way about anyone else. Most people don't pick up a guitar for the first time and expect to be able to shred the solo of Purple Haze. Likewise, people don't generally pick up a violin for the first time and expect to sound like Lindsey Stirling, or pick up a tennis racket for the first time and expect to win a game against Venus or Serena. But for some reason, people who sit down to write fiction expect to be able to do it really well right from the beginning, and it just doesn't work like that, just as it doesn't work like that with anything else.

The good news is this: the discord between what you're actually writing and what you want to be able to write means that you know how good writing should sound. That gives you a leg up on a lot of beginning writers. The bad news is no amount of knowing that or knowing what specifically to do to achieve that translates to instant amazing writing. Just in the same way that if you pick up a guitar for the first time, someone can tell you, "In order to shred the Purple Haze solo like a pro, you should do this, this, and this..." but that still doesn't mean you can instantly do those things. You still have to learn how to do those things and practice doing those things. Writing is the same way.

Choppy writing can be the result of a lot of different things... lack of planning, lack of structure, not knowing how to control pace and flow, and more often than not, just outright lack of practice. If you learn how to write your name in calligraphy, even knowing how to hold the pen and what strokes to make doesn't mean you're going to do it pretty the first time. Your early attempts will be choppy and rough, but every attempt will be better than the last. Same with stories. Luckily, these are things you can improve in revision.

Lack of emotion, too, can be caused by a lot of different things. Not knowing the characters well enough, not putting enough thought into how the character development connects with the plot (or what the character development is if you're writing a character-driven story), and not having a good grasp on bringing emotional and sensory details into the story. Passive writing can be sought out and changed to active writing when it makes sense to do so. Again, these are all things you can fix in revision. The next time you write a story, you'll have a better idea of how to implement these things the first time around.

So, ultimately, what I'm trying to say is do write the story despite how not great it feels. Then, use your revision as an opportunity to learn the things you need to know to make the story better. If it still feels choppy, read up on structure, pacing, and flow, then see how you can fix what's there. If it still feels emotionless and uninteresting, read up on emotional and sensory detail, and add it where it's lacking. This combines the learning process with practice in a targeted way... you're learning and practicing the things you specifically need to work on, rather than overwhelming yourself by trying to learn everything there is to know about writing.

The next story will be a little better, the one after that will be even better. ♥

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

♦ Questions that violate my ask policies will be deleted! ♦ Please see my master list of top posts before asking ♦ Learn more about WQA here

[berserker-syndrome]

Chapter 4 Teaser.

I wanna up my teaser game for upcoming chapters.

When I write I start with jot notes, then I add in the script for the dialogue and following that I start actually filling in the prose of the chapter.

The end result you've been getting so far is my first draft. My next step is to swing back around and flesh out the chapter with better environment and character descriptions, which ultimately is what I would prefer to be publishing in the case of a fanfiction.

You're getting the first draft because I'm so damn eager to encourage you to keep reading that I'm rushing through my work and publishing the incomplete first draft. I would like to stop doing that, but I would also like to continue giving you something to keep you hooked, so here's what's going to happen.

Along with the mood board I'm going to give you a glimpse of an intriguing scene that is still at the jot note/dialogue scripting phase to make you hungry for what's to come.

I also really enjoy sharing my creative process - kind of like when an artist shows off their early sketches of a piece of work. Hopefully this will also help stop me from giving you these subpar chapters in the future.

Sound fun?

Here's your Chapter 4 teaser.

---

It’s been a month since NeoBorg were seized by the NWO at gunpoint. This part will open with a description of what the NWO is to Borg, discuss the bio-weapon project briefly, and focus on the struggles the boys are having readjusting to the military environment.

Yuriy and Sergei are standing between Boris and another member of Borg, trying to keep them from ripping one another apart.

Yuriy: “Both of you, knock it off! This isn’t the abbey! Leave that dog-eat-dog bullshit in the past. We've gotta start trying to get along here...”

Boris: “Somebody needs to put that smug bastard in his place!”

Yuriy: “Someone will, when that attitude inevitably gets him killed on the battlefield. Walk away. Now!”

They successfully break the two up, just in time for a guard and an accompanying doctor to poke their heads in the room.

Guard: “All good?”

Yuriy: “Yes, sir.”

Guard: “Good. Borg weapons, line up.”

A shot of Neistovycaine is administered to the 10 Borg Weapons in the room. Ivan complains of how bad it stings and mutters:

Ivan: “Do they gotta keep us on this stuff? They know so long as Koscheyev is in the building none of us would be dumb enough to do anything.”

The guards leave and the teen causing problems with Boris from before speaks up

T: “When you think they’re bringing Hiwatari in?”

Yuriy: “Hopefully never.”

T: “You saying that for our sake, or his?”

Yuriy, annoyed: “I hate him just as much as the rest of you. You seem to forget, I had a front row seat for what happened that day.” Yuriy pulls up his sleeve to reveal severe burn scars running up the entirety of his right arm.

T: “Mmmhm. Whatever you say, but we saw you guys all buddy-buddy on TV last year.”

Yuriy is clearly irritated. Boris speaks up and teases. “Remember, no fighting.”

Yuriy: “I need to go for a walk, come on.”

Boris, Yuriy, Sergei, and Ivan leave to wander the corridors for a while, just to get a break from their roommates.

Ivan: “You think they’d really bring Kai in after what happened?”

Yuriy: “He wouldn’t be the only Berserker here. They can keep him under control with the Neistovycaine until they need to use him, just like the others.”

Boris: “Yeah but the others didn’t lose total control and kill 68 members of their own unit. It would be a bad idea, if you ask me.”

Yuriy: “It would be a brilliant idea, actually. If you put yourself in Koscheyev’s shoes… Fuck it, I know exactly what he’s going to do. He’ll have Kai come of his own free will by threatening the lives of his friends in the BBA. He’ll bring him in, keep him heavily doped up, and then unleash him on the opposing forces during any fight that might be a struggle for the NWO's forces to win. Koscheyev won’t want Kai as a soldier, he’ll just want him as a weapon, and so long as he’s got team BBA in his hands Kai’s dumb ass is going be desperate enough to fall for it. Thing is, they'll probably just use Kai to kill Takao and the others for their Sacred Spirits in the end anyway, and by then Kai won't have any control over whether he does it or not.”

[asher-writes]

Author Ask Tag

Big thanks to @the-inkwell-variable for this tag!! Follow them!!

I suppose seeing as I'm posting The Anthology of Cardinal Sins, I'll talk about that!

What is the main lesson of your story? Why did you choose it?

So I was raised catholic, and the thing about being raised catholic is that it's like being dumped into a vat of guilt as a young child and then spending the rest of your life trying to make sense of the things you now have to unlearn.

I thought about how we learn that good is someone without sin, and I thought about how I think good people do bad things and try to do better. And then I wrote some stories about good people who do bad things, sometimes because they were just making bad choices, or trusted the wrong people. Sometimes because they thought they were doing the right thing. I also write about bad people who couldn't be worse, for the sake of it.

Ultimately, it's an examination of how goodness doesn't - and shouldn't - present itself as something squeaky clean and "without sin." Bad people are bad because it's easy for them. Good people do bad things, and they learn from them.

It's also about gay polyamory and love <3

What did you use as inspiration for your worldbuilding?

If I say I hallucinated most of it from a Hozier album, would you believe me? I also take big inspiration from Ghibli for the CS and Sleep of a King world. Other than that, different mythologies, mainly Christian and Greek.

What is your MC trying to achieve, and what are you, the writer, trying to achieve with them? Do you want to inspire others, teach forgiveness, or help the reader grow as a person?

I have a few MCs, but I'd say most of them are just trying to figure out how to be happy and do their jobs. I want people to forgive themselves, mostly. Nobody can be perfect.

How many chapters is your story going to have?

*is running away*

Is it fanfiction or original content? Where do you plan to post it?

Original content and I am posting it on Substack!

When did you start writing?

...I was a very lonely child. Despite being basically blind until I got my glasses, I was telling and writing and somehow reading from the age of 3. The optician could not understand how I was doing this as I had massive spot thingies at the back of my eyes. I don't know how I was doing this either.

Do you have any words of encouragement for fellow writers of writeblr? What other writers do you follow?

There are some days when I am so wrapped up in loathing of my writing. These are the days that you should post something.

I follow many, many other writers, but here's a list (pls take this as an invitation to do this tag):

@tc-doherty (fantastic YA author) @did-i-do-this-write (absolute MVP) @winterandwords (Recommend so highly I could combust), @oh-no-another-idea (Urban fantasy writer - which always has me by the hooks). @aromanticsky (Aromantic stories <3) @seastarblue (fantastic worldbuilder) and that's all I've got, but I Know I'm forgetting people.

[earlgreytea68]

u scare me genuinely cause we still have vicky’s finals, pete’s game, traveling home, and whatever happens at home left in golden and ik ur gonna find a way to make that 50 chapters. i don’t know how you do it. you elaborate on the smallest things that i would never think to elaborate on. just the most attention to detail and character development that u will ever see in fanfiction.

IT'S NOT A GOOD SITUATION. EVERYTHING GETS SO OUT OF CONTROL.

In seriousness, if you're wondering how everything I write turn out this way, it's because I have this rule that whenever I am tempted to skip ahead in time, to summarize a day or a morning or a few hours in just a few sentences, I find myself thinking, "But what really happened during that time period?" Like, these characters didn't cease to exist. They lived that day, that morning, those hours. What did they do during them? Sometimes the answer might really be unimportant. But a lot of times once I stop to think about what they did with that time, I realize that maybe I can't summarize it but we need to live it with them so we understand their headspace better when we come back to the "main" action.

And then, of course, it turns out that all these little side bits I didn't mean to write end up being the story. The real goal was the journey, not the destination, etc., etc.

And then people have left me comments that are like, "But how do you make that conversation with Vicky last so many words????" And not in a bad way! In a good way! So I'll tell you. Once again, I don't let myself handwave very much. I don't often just say, "They chatted for a little while about the Olympics and the weather." I think to myself, No, what did they actually say to each other about the Olympics and the weather? Because their small talk is every bit as important as the real "point" of the conversation. This is how people IRL actually converse and interact with each other. Our relationships are mainly composed of just a series of "meaningless" conversations with each other. But those "meaningless" conversations are the whole point. So Pete and Vicky end up talking longer than is really needed because, Idk, that's what I feel like I need to do to truly understand what either one of them will do next.

I will also say that my first draft of a scene is always much shorter than the version I end up posting. Often my first time writing, I am just trying to get to the point. Why are these two characters talking? What am I trying to accomplish here? But then when I read it over, it will feel rushed to me. It will feel like they say things out of nowhere, and so then I find myself either writing more dialogue to justify the thread of the conversation, or writing more internal monologue for the same reason. Either way, the scene gets longer when I come back to it and read it over, because bits stand out jarringly and need to be smoothed over. I don't often add a lot -- with the Vicky/Pete scene, ultimately I added around two hundred words before posting it -- but those words are where I feel like I need to slow things down because they felt like I was in a rush.

[yellowocaballero]

hi! i've been reading some of your older fics and was wondering if there's any merit in watching buffy for the first time in the year 2024

This may not be obvious, but this is actually an extremely complicated and highly subjective question. I'll try to go on for too long.

As background: my mother loved Buffy and its spin-off Angel growing up. It was our Bible (besides the actual Bible). Not kidding, she was on the forums and fan groups and wrote fanfiction for it and everything (These days, she's really into kdramas and Asian dramas, and calls me about how the Thai seem like big fans of gay people). So I'm quite biased.

BTVS is both a product of its times and ahead of its times. It was a show about feminism and the struggle of living in this world as a woman, when very few shows were doing that. It was the first show to have a long-lasting lesbian couple, and the first show to depict a kiss between them. For better or for worse, it was one of the codifiers of broody vampire boyfriend. It was pretty unafraid to be experimental in a lot of what it did. It had incredibly complex and nuanced character work and growth that I still aspire to. Spike's arc is still matched in quality only by Avatar's Zuko. Angel's long term arc, from Buffy to his spin-off series, still makes him one of the most complex characters on TV. It had the most complex depiction of depression on TV at the time and I still think it's one of the best. I think the show had very high highs.

It also had very low lows. Some of the feminism is problematic in retrospect. The sapphic couple has a rather famous element that was severely problematic. There are, overall, some deeply atrocious arcs that I can appreciate objectively but not in practice. Xander: a whole-ass character aged awfully. On a meta level, the workplace conditions were bad (thanks, Whedon.) There are no people of color. The spoiler's sake I won't go into detail on this, but in general the good stuff was so influential and the bad stuff was just awful.

I think these days people tend to brush off the entire thing because it's Whedon. That is more than fair. But I'd also say that Whedon & Buffy is extremely similar to Brian Michael Bendis & Ultimate Spider-Man. Bendis was fantastic at writing sassy, bouncy, permanently stressed-out teens - issue was, he wrote entirely different serious adult characters the way he wrote these sassy teens. Same with Whedon: the annoyingly constant quips are perfect for Buffy, because that's who the characters are. They're awful in Marvel, because Steve Rogers is not Xander. Kinda similarly, Buffy was genuinely feminist for 90s TV - issue is, Whedon has not grown or developed his views, and now his works feel so sexist (oh my fucking god why did you treat Natasha like that). After a certain point it's egotistical: you're writing like that because you're Joss Whedon and it's how you write, not because it's what's best for the characters and story. But it was really important to me to get the character voices right, and it's freaking difficult to endlessly write dialogue that distinct, full of voice, witty, and clever.

I think BTVS & Angel TV's greatest influence on my writing is how intensely character-driven both of those shows were, and how intricate the characters were. What every character did was something they would do, if that made sense. Even the stuff I hated to watch, that made me uncomfortable, was the culmination of so much (usually). I think I also picked up the constant wit and humor lol. On a personal level, the conversations I would have with my mother where she broke down the character motivations and composition of the story was my first exposure to looking at storytelling from an analytical perspective and a framework of critical analysis, which was an approach I carried into the rest of the media I consumed and that was the primary reason I was able to become a decent writer. Thanks, Mom. Have fun with your kdramas.

TL:DR: There is merit, especially if you care about good character work. There are things about it that may make you want to drop it, which is extremely valid. Season 1 is rough but interesting, Season 2 and 5 are the best, Season 3 is pretty good, Season 4 and 7 skippable, and Season 6 is........epic highs, epic lows......

[frodothefair]

I recently came upon a post on Reddit about why people do not comment on fanfiction as much as they used to, and here are two interesting observations that jumped out at me:

And ok, my thought on this are:

Regarding what's outlined in the second post... *facepalm* Do people really not have anything better to do? Like, really? Really-really? Harassing people for the fics they comment on? But I suppose, it's not entirely surprising. One of my friends is of the opinion that on the internet these days, anyone can be a minor celebrity, and what do ill-meaning fans and papparazzi do to celebrities? They stalk them and try to make a scandal out of everything they do. We've seen it with Britney Spears, and I've seen it with youtube creators, and I've seen it with roleplayers. Different scale of fame, similar behavior, and in the age of social media, anyone can be a self-styled paparazzo.

Regarding the first post, I admit I've been guilty of ranting about a comment once, but it was a peculiar case where a person said that I had a pro-Lothíriel and anti-Éomer bias in my responses to other readers (not even in the actual fic). And ultimately I feel that I blew it out of proportion, and quickly deleted the post. All this is to say, I do not care what kind of comments you post - I welcome them all: short comments, long comments, even comments that don't make sense. Hate or harassment will not be tolerated, but kind concrit is welcome, because how else am I going to get better? Thankfully, I often do get comments: from my mutuals, but also from other consistent and drive-by readers (more for Eothiriel than for Frodogold, understandably). Interestingly, I've found that people have been increasingly commenting under guest pseudonyms - which helps separate your reader-self from other parts of your online presence. There are pros and cons to allowing and using guest comments, but that is one way around the problems described above. Another thing you can do is have a reading account that is separate from your writing account, again to avoid being judged for your tastes and opinions as a reader.

Image transcripts under the cut:

[Jade-Dragon927]

I think its a combination of things. Some that have been recent, and others that have been slowly making change.

Most of our social media pages display engagement from likes, follows, and shares while providing very little response and satisfaction for commenting. This has slowly been changing how other media sites show engagement with their audiences over the past half decade.

Recently however, I've noticed that the opinion of those that write fanfiction have shifted, and I completely disagree with it. A lot of people kn the fanfiction sphere complain about short comments, too long of comments, comments that don't make sense, just about anyone commenting anything. ESPECIALLY constructive criticism or criticism comments. I cannot agree with people who think commenting criticism and "con-crit" shouldn't be allowed or done.

A lot of people are complaining about how people comment now-a-days and it makes others wary of commenting now. It's pretty sad to see.

[Guoba-Gaming]

This isn't a catch-all explanation, but based on my experience (as part of a few video game and book fandoms) and the experience of my friend (who is part of a few danmei fandoms), there have been cases where people will go to the comments section of controversial fics and harrass the people who commented using their public AO3 account. They'll either check if the AO3 account is linked to any social media accounts (like Twitter) where they can bully the commenter, or they'll go on the AO3 profile of the commenter and leave bad comments on their fics. We've also seen this happen with more innocuous stuff like Kudos.

Again, this is only what my friend and I have personally observed, and this isn't applicable to all fics, only those with dark or controversial content.

[confused-rat]

I just read your most recent post after I sent Lily this:

This is in reference to the person who called you out for making, "Watsonian reasons for why every single sibling pair that the author writes end up in bed together contributes nothing to a Doylist question about this quite disturbing trend."

Do you think your response proved them wrong? They clearly said, "All that this has proved is that you’re so obsessed with this one, singular, highly LOADED way of demonstrating 'trust' that you will warp and twist the worldbuilding in your stories however you need to make it fit, no matter how bad or creepy that it is." And then you proceeded to respond by trying to hand wave away the examples they give with in-universe reasons as to why a bunch of your sibling characters end up sleeping together in the same bed.

Do you not know that you ultimately hold the reins on the decisions that happen in every story you make (fanfiction or original)? It's you who decides what's cannon or not, it's you who decides what character is related to who, it's you who decides their profession, it's you who decides how characters feel and react to any of the events that you made happen to them, it's you who decides what bed is in what room and what type of bed it is, and it is you who has decided to have a bunch of sibling characters sleeping in the same bed.

"Bro two of them just came back from their honeymoon, you want 'em to start the moving process immediately?" 1. If the response is yes, then what is your rebuttal? 2. Let the newlyweds sleep in the same bed and let Iris take the couch or get her an air mattress. 3. Why didn't these three working adults (2 of which are getting married) plan their living arrangements better?

"All of them could carry gear and had Appa to lug around their equipment. Lavi can only carry so much." 1. Why don't they have an animal companion to carry around their equipment? 2. Why doesn't the Avatar earthbend a rock tent for both of them like toph does, and if they don't want to just sleep on solid ground then why not have Lavi carry two sleeping bags (since you made her carry everything)?

"Because they had separate bedrooms and then the kid came by. It could certainly have bunks, but it doesn't have them yet. But also remember: This is a setting where small spaces and close quarters are commonplace, and where weird people like you who sexualize everything are all dead." 1. Why in this setting "where small spaces and close quarters are commonplace" are the inhabitants not already optimizing their available space? 2. If "weird people like you who sexualize everything are all dead" then why don't one of the parents sleep in the same bed as their new child? 3. Why didn't you write these two people (who you ultimately wanted to adopt a kid) to already have a guest room for the kid to move into instead of making this dumb ass setting?

The answer to all those questions is because you (the author of those works) want to have two siblings (no matter the age) being weirdly close and sleeping in the same bed no matter how stupidly contrived you have to make the story. And when people call you out for doing this, and how it's weird and creepy and reeks of an incest fetish your rebuttal is always, "It's cute. It establishes trust in an easy to understand way and it's heckin' dorbs. Everyone in my stories is co-sleep. It's not just the siblings, the BFFs do it too." No one gives a fuck about those stories Lily. When we are talking about the obvious incest fascination you have, where you have to put every pair of siblings you write in the one place the entire world agrees is the top socially acceptable place to engage in sexual explicit activities with someone else, we are not talking about Assana and Saige until you decide to pull a PokeMadHouse and tell us that they view each others as siblings. The original anons question didn't even bring up how a lot of people see your incest fetish in your writings. The closest thing to a reference to incest in the original question is when they called your bad and creepy. Your the one who brought up the topic of incest in relation to your work, despite the fact that you claim other people are the ones calling it incest. Your a fucking idiot. Learn to read, then learn to write. Even without all the incest your stories are shit because of how ridiculously contrived they are so that it caters to what you want. And that's what the original ask was clearly alluding to. And since I know you still don't know what that is let me spell it out for you. You are a bad critique and a bad writer, all of you works are the same coffee shop au's where the childhood friend character gets with the main character (who's usually a self insert character). And in all of the examples that were used you copy and pasted that formula and called the love interests sibling. And that shit just doesn't fucking work and it reveals how much of hack you are.

Your argument is sound and a very good rebuttal, but I gotta recommend not interacting with Lily directly. No poop touching. It doesn’t matter how flawless your argument is, she is going to dig deep and bury her head in the sand until you give up and then weaponize your interaction as proof of her harassment. Nothing will get through to her, because she is already well aware of what she is and what she is about.

[onthesandsofdreams]

The Author [1/?]

Fandom: ASoIaF Pairing: Sansa/Sandor Summary: Sansa Stark knows she is a romantic at heart. She has never been shy about it, she's one of the girls who is in love with love. Who enjoys a good romantic movie or book or song… or her ultimate guilty pleasure: fanfiction. Warnings: None Notes: For my sister @mousedetective, hope it brightens your day a little. By the way guys, she's going through some rogh

Read @ AO3

Sansa Stark knows she is a romantic at heart.

She has never been shy about it, she's one of the girls who is in love with love. Who enjoys a good romantic movie or book or song… or her ultimate guilty pleasure: fanfiction.

It was not that she thought fanfiction was bad, after all, how many classic books had had their origins in legends and spoken lore? Most of them. So, she refused to feel bad about it. It was only a guilty pleasure because the author of this series of fics was her favorite. She would cry if they would ever stop. Whomever it was behind the all of the stories, had a gift. They brought to life stories of knights and maidens, of brave princes and love struck princesses with such effortless grace that she was a bit jealous.

She had dabbled and still did in writing fanfiction, but in her opinion, NotASer was a better writer than her.

Reading and re-reading their stories were a highlight of her day. Hell, one time, NotASer had gifted her a story for her devotion to his stories and her constant comments; comments that were always respectful, but gushing. And they had struck a friendship of sorts, NotASer would comment on her stories, and she in theirs. But she didn't know who was behind the username and she would not be nosy enough to ask. That felt like a breach of privacy, like looking behind the curtain; and while she was curious, she would never do anything that made the writer uncomfortable.

She was doom scrolling when up popped up a notification: NotASer had just posted a new story: Lady Jocelyn's Journey. She rushed to read the story, it was a very good start; the story about Lady Jocelyn Baratheon after Duncan Targaryen had jilted her for a low born girl. The story promised to show how Jocelyn had overcome her grief and grow and find love by herself.

Once she reached the ending of the first chapter, she immediately left a kudo and a comment: Lovely start NotASer! Can't wait to see what you do with the story 😍

To her surprise, NotASer's response came quickly: Thank you, LadyWolf! The next chapter is almost done, so expect it soon!

She squealed excitedly and responded: Yay! Looking forward the next chapter!

She held her phone to her chest and looked at her dog, Lady had lain down at the foot of her bed and had all but jumped the very moment she had let her squeal of excitement out, now, her usually calm and easy going husky (yes, she lucked out, she knows) was giving her sad puppy eyes.

"Come here, darling girl," she said as she patted the other side of her bed. Lady jumped and curled at her side, "I'm sorry I startled you, just… my favorite author posted!"

Lady looked at her mistress, gave a doggy sigh and laid back down. She laughed and scratched Lady were her hand could reach. "I know, it's silly. But it's harmless, I mean, Arya has LARPing, Robb and Jon have video games, Bran also reads and Rickon is always in nature. Let me have my fics."

Lady snorted.

[respheal]

What happened to your Discord?

Where do I begin.

Well, first, hi—I recognize your avatar from the Galebound Discord so I'm assuming you're the same person.

I got this message late last night (my very first Ask lol) and I've been mulling over a response since. Really, going into it at length would be Trauma Dumping on Main so I'm not going to go into it at length. Probably. I'm bad at not rambling. (After writing everything below: yeah. Bad at not rambling)

Long story short, the Galebound Discord had become a major anxiety trigger. After attempting to send the finished novel out to 100+ agents and a respected, professional (and very expensive) editor for a chance at traditional publishing, the rejection was a crushing blow.

After that, I completely froze up creatively. The last time I made an illustration of any sort was in 2020, and the last prose was in 2022.

Ever since, any time I got a notification of a new message in the GB discord, I had an anxiety spike. Oh no, anxiety says, people are going to remember this server exists and ask Questions about Galebound and then I'm going to have to confront and explain my Failure.

So, I made the server a read-only archive. I've been grappling with the next steps, like do I keep it open as a not-related-to-galebound server? I did make good friends on the server and, when it was active, the vibes were mostly good. But ultimately I've still not healed from the creative blow, and it's a wound I don't want randomly poked.

Also I've hit the stage of my life where I don't want to be the Adult in the Room (i.e. a server moderator). It didn't happen often, but it definitely did happen, and I'm super over being in charge. I quit being a manager at work for a reason.

Anyway, I have been healing. I went back to my ancient roots and got really, really, really into Legend of Zelda fanfiction again lmao, which is how I got started writing in the first place. With my husband's help, I drew something for the first time in four years (he did the base sketch!). I'm being stupidly self-indulgent and it's great. I don't know if my creative batteries will ever recover enough to dip back out into an original project again, especially with the intention of publishing. But fukkit, I ain't a Magician and I ain't Obligated to try.

Either way, I learned a lot about becoming a better writer and what mistakes I made with GB (honestly, problem #1 was trying to get a 125k word monstrosity into the market as a first time author, at a time when traditional publishing is a little fucked in the first place). The editor recommended the book The Fantasy Fiction Formula by Deborah Chester and parts of it have been really helpful at shoring up my problem areas (particularly the bit on writing sequels to scenes).

Anyway, that's what it is. I'm keeping the server read-only for the foreseeable future. To be clear, I'm not mad at anyone who continued posting on the server after it went quiet—it's not like I told anyone I was getting triggered, so not anyone's fault for tripping into it. It is what it is.

[marsbarsfrommars]

if you need to be mean (be mean to me)

star wars: the high republic | rated t | complete | 2,661 words | avar kriss & elzar mann, a little avar kriss/elzar mann | hurt/comfort, angst, little bit of fluff

summary

“Are you alright?” he asks then, his voice gentle yet heavy with concern. It makes her want to scream at him and break down crying at the same time. She chooses the former. “Of course I'm not!” she snaps, whirling around to face him with so much force she nearly stumbles. “Starlight is lost at the bottom of the ocean, along with Stellan and Maru and so many others, and it's all my fault!”

or, a continuation of their argument in sos #2

read

under the cut or on ao3 for better formatting

notes

I told everyone who asked me to write more elvar (I'm incredibly honoured by that btw) that it would definitely take a while, but it hasn't even been a week so now I look like an idiot, but at least I have this for you

this one is dedicated to everyone on tumblr and ao3 who commented/liked/reblogged/left kudos on my last fanfic. your support means the world to me and is probably the reason I was able to finish this so fast

unfortunately, this is not as fluffy as the last one, but I really wanted to write this because I feel like we don't talk about avar's trauma regarding starlight and stellan's death enough. she deserves to let it all out and receive the comfort she needs.

I need to be real with you for a moment, though. I struggle with perfectionism, and that makes me really insecure about my writing, and while I try to overcome it, I have managed to convince myself that this is actually the worst thing ever written in the history of fanfiction. initially, I didn't want to post it at all, but I'm trying to overcome my perfectionism because it's actually pretty hard to get anything done like this, so I have forced myself to post it anyway. that is actually not at all relevant to the fanfic itself, but I needed to get this off my chest. anyways, I hope this isn't as bad as I think it is and you actually enjoy it

what avar and elzar say to each other during the first argument at the beginning of this will probably seem familiar to you because those are direct quotes from the comic. everything after that is written by me only.

also, english isn't my first language, so please just ignore any grammar/spelling mistakes

content warning for survivor's guilt, loss of a loved one (stellan in this case) and description of the start of a panic attack, but it's not more severe/graphic than in the books

“I am going into Nihil territory. I will find their leaders and bring them to justice,” she said when they fought that afternoon, the anger clear in her voice but not fully masking the still-audible edge of desperation.

Elzar looked taken aback. “Wait, you're leaving? After I just told you…” he hesitated then, like he just realised something. “Is that why? Because of what I did?”

It wasn't; of course it wasn't; she would never dream of leaving him because he had made a mistake. Normally, she would have explained herself and told him that she wanted to leave because of her own mistakes, not his, but she was too shaken up to properly explain herself, and he continued talking almost immediately.

“Or… is it something to do with us?”

“I can't make important decisions based on us, Elzar. I am a Jedi,” she answered, already turning on her heel and starting to walk away from him. “And so are you.”

She left him in their tent and went to help with the relief efforts until dusk, when the Eirami disaster relief workers told her to go and rest. She protested, of course, but they couldn't be persuaded to let her continue helping them.

She debated checking on the other Jedi, but she couldn't bring herself to face them at the moment. Ultimately, she decided to walk back to the refugee camp, hoping that Elzar wouldn't be in their tent. Out of all the people here, he was the one she wanted to see the least.

When Avar opens the door to the tent now, it's empty, and she lets out a breath of relief. Maybe I really should rest for a while, she thinks, even though deep down she knows she won't be able to, despite her tiredness. Nevertheless, she strips off her torn and singed cloak and washes her hands and face at the small sink in the corner.

Someone placed water and a small pile of ration bars on the low table between the bunks while she was away. Avar unwraps a bar and takes a bite. It tastes like nothing, like it always does, but unlike so many other times before, she's not bothered by it this time; she has no appetite anyways.

She takes another bite and lets her thoughts wander, almost desperately trying to avoid thinking of Stellan and Starlight. Amazingly enough, she succeeds. Instead, her thoughts travel back to Elzar and the argument they had this afternoon, which is only a marginally better thing to think about if she really intends to rest.

I can't make important decisions based on us, Elzar. I am a Jedi. And so are you, she told him and she meant it, she still means it. They are Jedi, after all. They can't put their feelings for each other above the wellbeing of the galaxy. Not that he had asked her too; he would never. Both of them believe in being Jedi too much for that.

Deep down, she knows that her desire to leave has nothing to do with them at all, and everything with her not being able to face her own failures. But it's easier to not think of that right now. Instead, she reminds herself that there is no them—there can't be, not like it's supposed to be, because they're Jedi and because Stellan is dead. They are a constellation missing a star, a composition with one note crossed out, an ocean devoid of life. They are forever incomplete. And there is nothing she can do to fix that. She has failed them all.

The pain manifests as a physical ache in her chest, and it becomes harder and harder to breathe. Before, Avar had hardly noticed the panic building up inside her, but now it threatens to overwhelm her. She clenches her trembling hands into fists and tries to breathe as deeply and evenly as possible. This is not supposed to happen to her. She is a Jedi; she doesn't let her emotions control her. She's not supposed to be overwhelmed by them or feel like she might die.

Avar tries to push the panic away, but the harder she tries, the worse it gets. Theoretically, she knows she has to calm herself, but it's hard to focus on anything but the fact that she can hardly breathe. Every single one of her senses is solely focused on the panic, until she abruptly senses something else—she expected him to return at some point, but she didn't expect that point to come so soon and even hoped to be gone by then. The shock snaps her out of the spiral she was threatening to go down and lets her focus on her breathing until she feels the panic subside. It's still there, but it's less overwhelming now.

She feels Elzar's presence before she hears the door open. At least one thing is still the same. He pauses at the open door, and there's a moment where neither of them say anything. Avar thinks he might just turn around and leave again, but he doesn't. Instead, he closes the door behind himself and walks over to her, stopping a few steps behind her. “Are you alright?” he asks then, his voice gentle yet heavy with concern. It makes her want to scream at him and break down crying at the same time. She chooses the former.

“Of course I'm not!” she snaps, whirling around to face him with so much force she nearly stumbles. “Starlight is lost at the bottom of the ocean, along with Stellan and Maru and so many others, and it's all my fault!”

He doesn't seem taken aback by her anger. A part of her wishes he was, wishes he would shout back. He doesn't. His voice remains gentle when he shakes his head and says, “It's not, Avar. I said this earlier too, but you can't put all the weight on yourself. I know you blame yourself, but no one else does, I promise you.”

“And how would you know that?” Her voice is raised and full of anger, she's almost shouting. It's unnecessarily mean, she knows that. Elzar is just as hurt as she is, he doesn't deserve to be the target of her rage at all, but he's here right now, and the anger is simmering hot beneath her skin. She knows she shouldn't give into it, but she's afraid of what will be left once the rage is gone.

“I know,” he responds, still infuriatingly calm, “because everyone out there has made mistakes as well, and some of those mistakes have set something in motion that got people hurt in the end, but no one blames them for that. How could they? Making a mistake that gives people who want to harm others the opportunity to do so doesn't make you wholly responsible for the harm caused. Sometimes it doesn't make you responsible at all.”

He's right. She knows he's right, but she can't quiet the song of fault and failure the Force has been singing to her all day. It's as overwhelming as the panic had been before.

Elzar continues talking. “Yes, you've made mistakes that indirectly led to all this happening, but so did I, so did Stellan, so did the Council, so did the Chancellor, and so did lot's and lot's of other people. But in the end, it's the Nihil alone who blew up Starlight. They caused all of this. They are to blame for all the deaths and all the hurt.”

He still sounds calm, but there's a clear edge of desperation in his voice now. “I know it's hard to accept that no one else blames you, when you blame yourself.” He doesn't say, I blame myself, too, doesn't say, If you blame anyone but the Nihil, it should be me, doesn't say, Logically, I know what I said is true, but I won't stop thinking it's all my fault, but she knows anyways. Normally, she would try to comfort him, like he's trying for her now, but she is unable to comfort anyone right now, not even herself.

“But I need you to know that the galaxy doesn't blame you, Avar. I don't blame you, and I know that Stellan doesn't-, didn't… that he didn't either.”

And that's what makes her tip over the edge she has been so precariously balancing on. “You have no idea what Stellan thinks of me or if he would blame me!” She's definitely shouting now. “The last thing we ever did was fight! It's the only thing we've done the past year, and now Stellan is dead and I can't ever tell him that I'm sorry and that I didn't mean any of it and that he will always be my best friend and that I… that I…” her voice breaks, effectively interrupting her rambling outburst. She has to take a deep, shaky breath before continuing, only to find that she can't. At last, her voice has failed too. That's when all the emotions she had been so carefully pushing down finally spill over and she just breaks down.

Elzar is there to catch her. He takes two quick steps forward and wraps his arms around her. Avar allows him to pull her close and clings to him like a lifeline. She buries her face against his shoulder and starts sobbing uncontrollably. He holds her for what feels like hours and lets her cry for as long and as hard as she needs to, while gently caressing her back and occasionally stroking her hair.

Eventually, the tears stop coming, and her breathing steadies enough to allow her to speak again. She pulls away slowly, not enough to create any real distance between them, but just enough to look him in the eyes. Elzar’s been crying too, she realises. His face is stained with tears, and his eyes are just as red as hers probably are. She brings one hand up to cup his face and he leans into it like it's instinct.

Avar leans her forehead against his and closes her eyes. They’re so close now that they are sharing breaths. She can't remember the last time they've been this close to each other. She missed this; she missed him.

“I'm sorry I yelled at you,” she whispers, her voice hoarse from all the crying. “It's just… I miss Stellan. I miss him so much, and I can't stop blaming myself for Starlight and for never apologising to him.”

“It's alright, I understand. I miss him too.” Elzar's whispering too, his voice as hoarse as hers. “And I know that he didn't blame you—he would never. He wanted to apologise and make things right with you. He missed you, Avar, and he wasn't angry with you in the end.”

She had thought she physically couldn't cry anymore, but she feels the telltale pressure of tears behind her eyes return at his words. “If he didn't blame me, he didn't blame you either, El.” It’s the only thing she manages to say before she has to bury her face against his shoulder, as her body is once again wracked by sobs. Elzar is crying too, she can tell by the way he's trembling in her embrace.

She doesn't have to question if what he told her is true or not; he wouldn't lie to her, she knows that. She also knows that he believes what she told him. It makes everything a little better. Still, neither of them will stop blaming themselves. Starlight is still gone, and Stellan is still dead, and there is nothing they can do to change that. The grief is something they have to accept and work through, as is the Jedi way. And as much as each of them wants the other to be okay, it's not something they can offer one another. Elzar and her—they're as broken as the song of the Force and all they can do is hold each other so they don't fall apart. It's a painful realisation, but Avar is grateful for it nonetheless. It's better than the panic or the anger.

It's then that she truly realises how tired she is. Her body feels heavy with exhaustion, and she doesn't think she can stay on her feet a moment longer without collapsing. “I think we should try to sleep,” she tells him.

Elzar nods. “Yeah, we should. I can go and find another tent if you-”

“No,” she interrupts him firmly. She doesn't want to be alone tonight, not anymore, and she imagines he doesn't either.

“Alright,” he answers, and Avar can hear the relief in his voice.

They pull away from each other fully, and while she toes off her boots and takes off her belt, outer tunic, and gloves, Elzar strips off his cloak and washes his hands and face like she had done earlier tonight. He takes off his boots, belt, and outer tunic as well, but leaves his gloves on, which should strike her as odd, but she's too tired to even question it right now.

They sit down on the edges of their respective bunks, facing each other. After everything, the physical distance between them feels too far like this. It's something both of them know, but neither is brave enough to address in fear of overstepping the boundaries they've so carefully drawn up between them. It's not something Avar can deal with tonight, she decides. So she walks over to him, sidestepping the low table, until she's standing right in front of him and he's looking up at her. There is a question in his gaze, he doesn't dare assume anything. She cups his face again, this time with both hands, to reassure him and because she wants to.

“El,” she whispers his name. There's more she had planned to say, but all the words are wiped from her head when his hands find her hips. This doesn't need to be discussed; they understand each other just fine without words. He gently squeezes her hips before letting go and scooting back on the narrow bunk. She climbs in beside him. It's clearly not made for two adult humans to comfortably sleep next to each other, but they make it work. They lie down side by side, faces turned to each other, and Elzar pulls the blanket over both of them. They don't speak, both of them are too exhausted to have a conversation.

Elzar softly brushes his lips against her forehead in lieu of saying good night, and she presses her hand against his chest, right over his heart.

They fall asleep like this. Lying on their sides, facing each other, arms slung over waists and legs intertwined. It's a surprisingly deep and restful sleep considering the events of the day. For a moment, it feels like maybe they'll be okay after all.

In the end, though, that night changes very little in the grand scheme of things. Avar still leaves in the morning. She wakes before he does and slips out of his arms and the bunk as quietly as possible. As much as it hurts her to leave Elzar like this, she knows in her heart that she can't go back to Coruscant. She can't face her own failures, so she tells herself someone needs to be out there fighting the Nihil and runs, even if she hates herself for it a little.

(Six days later, the Stormwall goes up and she's trapped in the Occlusion Zone with no way home. Three hundred seventy-six days later, she finally hears Elzar's message and his words make her sob once again. Three hundred and seventy-eight days after she left him on Eiram, she steps into the Council Chambers in the Temple on Coruscant and he's there. It takes her three hundred seventy-eight days to find her way home, but she gets there in the end.)

[its-all-papaya]

OK you’re about to get back to back chapter reactions so be prepared.

CHAPTER 7. Swear these get better every time. I keep thinking I have a favorite chapter and then the next one comes out and it’s my new favorite.

I love the little glimpses into Lando’s backstory. It’s so interesting to read about how he struggled with that jealousy surrounding Max’s career. AND how that ultimately lead to Emma’s existence. (I am curious if YOU think Max is aware of the timing? Ik in the fic it’s something they never spoke about but I’m curious what you think in that regard? Personally I’d imagine he’s figured it out. He’s quite attentive when it comes to lando and I feel like that’s something he would have figured out but never really knew how or had a reason to bring it up.)

Now. The phone calls. Oh the phone calls. Swear these scenes have been my favorite to read. There’s something so sweet and domestic about calling someone on the phone. It feels like it’s so uncommon these days which is such a shame bc it can be so intimate and meaningful in scenarios like this. It’s the closest you can be to someone even when you’re far apart.

AND THE QUALI SCENE- “Not Uncle Max, baby, that’s Oscar.” THATS OSCAR. It’s such a little detail but so symbolic about the way things have changed and how important Oscar has become to lando.

THE SLEEPY PHONE CALL?????? “What’re you thinking about?” “Mm. You.” WHAT.

OSCAR GOING TO LONDON???? JUST TO SEE HIM?????? (He can say it wasn’t just for that but we all know he’s lying)

“You could text me your address right now.” I gasped. I was not expecting this. God he’s so down bad it’s so funny.

The HUG. Im such a sucker for a good hug scene. This one had me kicking my feet giggling. But also just melting bc it was SO SOFT. Something about how you become sleepy around people you feel safe with bc your body knows your safe. AH-

THE KISS???????? HELLO?????? IT WAS SO-

“Oscar’s thumb dips into the bow of his upper lip and Lando presses his lips against it like instinct.” Jeezus. When is it MY TURN. This quiet, simple intimacy about them is what GETS me. It’s so loving and gentle bc Oscar KNOWS that’s what he needs and even better? It’s what he WANTS to be for him. Literally jealous of fanfiction men. Not my finest moment.

Also. “I know, baby. I’ll see you soon now, though.” DEAD. BANGER LINE. Could literally feel Lando’s brain short circuiting in that moment.

Dare I say Oscar is almost more down bad than lando at the moment- I feel like I can proudly say I called it.

I feel like I need to specify- these reactions are so real. Like I genuinely just love this fic and love being about to chat about it in your inbox. I don’t have anyone I know who is into the rpf side of F1 so it’s been so lovely to chat with you about this :) -og

Chapter 7

thank you og i am literally having a crashout of monumental proportions about lando p6 and i needed this to talk me off the ledge of quitting rpf and leaving f1 as a whole.

bulleting this one to organize my thoughts bc i have many and i'm going to share them all to make my brain happy bc god knows i need it rn.

"I keep thinking I have a favorite chapter and then the next one comes out and it’s my new favorite."

that's how i felt writing the entire fic. we're pretty aligned too so i fear this will probably continue happening to you until the end.

do i think max has figured out the emma conception timing?

i honestly did not really think about whether he had or not when writing this passage (which, by the way, is my favorite section of the ENTIRE fic prose/mood wise). tbh i expected to include more of this specific lando lore than i ended up doing, but in my brain he was in a class-a hoe phase that summer. so it's possible max wouldn't be able to pinpoint a date. i think the ambiguity is part of the charm of that lore anyway, so i'm not giving this a definitive answer.

phone calls

i'm obsessed with calling ppl i care about on the phone. that martijn garrix video where lando was like "i hate phoning people" came out midway through me writing chapter four of this fic and was like "i'm just going to pretend i didn't hear that and move on with my life." anyway, yeah, they're like the heaviest through-line of dad lando other than max fewtrell, so glad you like them !!

quali scene

kissing you on the mouth !! literally this scene's purpose, yeah. it's the narrative twin of the first race scene of the fic where lando's like "emma doesn't know the difference so he doesn't bother correcting her."

(bundling the rest together)

I WARNED YOU ALL THAT OSCAR WAS DOWN WORSE. i warned you. writing this chapter i genuinely felt a little bad, i was like "what am i making our boy man do rn...." like he is a SIMP for lando norris, sorry. the hug and kiss are drawn out bc (as an ace fella) i used to read fic as a teenager and be like "i want someone to write a fic that's structured like smut but instead it's just cuddling." like there are never enough words in fic spent describing not-inherently-sexual intimacy to satisfy me, i am never sated. so any time you're reading a cuddly scene of mine and thinking "damn, she's REALLY describing this" it's bc of that.

i'm so so so so glad you love the fic, and i love chatting about it with you! i love hearing your favorite parts and the connections you're making and your questions and thoughts and curiosities, like i eat these asks UP. it's literally why i write fic - so i can talk about it like this with people !! love ur work <3