#writing letters to yourself

[fandoms-in-law]

To the Past Versions

Summary: Steve gets pushed to write letters to his past by Dustin, and then Robin when he isn't nice in the first. It does eventually help him.

Authors note: I am ever confused when words fall easily. I write constantly so it happens often enough, but if I have a prompt I expect to get stuck. Today I did not, happily so.

The idea for this fic: Dear self esteem* as a Steve fic except he's really just writing to memories, wondering when he stopped feeling like he could do anything/be anything

*A sanders sides fic I wrote a while back

/\/\

Attempt 1:

Hey Steve,

So Dustin has it in his head that we all need to write to the past to get mentally healthy or something, sounds like bullshit, which is what you are, so I picked you to write to.

You’re so wrapped up in yourself, you don’t even realise how much of an asshole you are. You Don’t treat Nancy right now, and barely get better after you sleep with her. You’re a complete jackass, who I and everyone I’ve basically ever met hates and that’s without knowing you most of the time.

Literally, I meet people I thought were complete strangers, or maybe classmates I never interacted with, and get told how horrible you are. That’s how bad you are. You’re worse than complete garbage and trust me, I’ve met men like that enough to know.

Get your head out of your ass, stop bullying people for no reason and fucking learn money solves basically nothing. It just lets you pretend the problem isn’t there until you run out of it.

Thanks for nothing, And better grovel for Nancy to help you learn to be better, you useless prick.

Steve.

Attempt 2:

So, somehow Robin found out about my first letter and got mad about it? She’s telling me to right to a past me that I actually like and seems set on doing so until she thinks I’m healthier. There were threats to show it to Dustin involved and I do not want to know how he’d react. He’s already acting oddly, along with the other kids since Robs found it. I think she spoke to them too.

Sorry for the ramble, Steve, hello.

You’ll meet Robin soon so don’t worry over having no clue who she is. The kids have already inserted themselves into your lives and I still agree that you’re better for it.

I think the first time I actually liked myself was because of those kids. For once I wasn’t a Harrington, or a basketball player; I was a guy who could help them, protect them in a way Nancy never let me feel like I had done. (We both know I was the one who won against that demogorgan not her or Jonathan though)

Times are shit for you outside of the kids though, but I miss those days. Even if Billy liked to lord over me that he was king now, it was nice to be in the background at school, and stand a chance of learning in lessons instead of Tommy yanking me into parties or rubbish that I never enjoyed. Heck I even enjoyed a few of the classes that year. Who knew I could be interested in that stuff?

Life gets better though, even if it comes looking like horrid situations sometimes. And the kids will be there nagging you through it all. I love those shitheads.

Keep going.

Steve.

Attempt 3:

Hey Steve,

Erica would have gotten involved regardless. It might be horrible that you and Robin were the ones to do it when she was so young, but I think it was better for her. This last time was the worst and I’m glad she wasn’t trying to understand it all without something to get out of it. You don’t have to carry that guilt forever. At least share some of it with Robin since she was the one who came up with the idea and acted before asking me or Dustin if it was sensible to try.

I wish you had done that ceremonial burning of the scoops outfit though. You and Robs joked about it so much in the weeks after the fire but here I am, with Eddie fucking Munson begging me to wear it again just so he can see the old uniform fully assembled.

Seriously, go burn it now whenever you don’t get a letter from the future appearing

Steve

Attempt 4:

Dear Steve,

Kiddo, you know these people you think are friends aren’t. I wouldn’t call the kids I look after kiddo but somehow it works for 13yr old me. Popularity isn’t friendship, it’s people pretending to like you because they think that’ll get them something; I wish you weren’t so desperate for friendship and connection you fell into it.

This is the last year I remember trying to stop someone insulting another person. You got called a bleeding heart for months and if you even grimace at the worst bullying happening around you Tommy or one of the other people hanging onto you would turn everything onto ‘bleeding heart Harrington’. The poker face you develop because of it still hasn’t been broken when Eddie decides everyone should play cards.

Steve, you have hell coming before you, and despite the monsters and location that matches that name better to most people, for you that is high school and being forced to the top all because you wanted friends. You get through it, you find monsters and discover what real friendship is after all of that. I think someone in history class said something about if you’re going through hell keep going and that’s what you need to do, what I did.

But, kid, still keep trying to be kind when you can. I know it feels precarious, dangerous, to have everyone looking at you and see the bullying they do to anyone shown to be human. I know how scared I felt that it’d turn on me if I refused any of those people I thought were friends too much, but you try, I tried, as much as I could for as long as I could, until I got here.

You’re going to be lonely for a while, Steve, but not forever, I promise you that.

I’ll see you in my reflection when I get stunned by my friends. They’ll find you eventually.

Steve

Attempt 5:

Dear Steve,

I dug out a picture to write this. One mom took just before leaving saying she’d get it developed so she could never forget her darling boy. Two promises broken at once because I found that camera, and the film still inside it a decade later, the picture still undeveloped until I asked Jonathan if he could.

Dustin was right when he read somewhere that writing to our past could help us feel better, but he was wrong too. He suggested times I could write to for stupid things or times following what he thinks are the big traumas, but those are easy. I knew more of the world then, but you’re just a kid, younger than Erica was when I got to know her and needing far more protection than I think she’s ever done.

If Robin had brought you into the back room of Scoops that day I might’ve done the most sensible thing ever and just driven out of Hawkins, you and Dustin packed into the back seat to try and figure out how to survive. Until Mrs Henderson took Dustin back because she loves him so much.

Sometimes it hurts to witness that, because of your year, 8yrs old and absolutely sure I was a big boy who could cope with a few nights home alone because mom wanted to go with father on a short trip. You shouldn’t have been, have needed to be, and for a long time I’ve been sad about that.

Mom and father were home last week and she found the picture, said she didn’t remember getting it developed. I didn’t correct her. Because you were lonely, scared, for so long, and now I’m mad.

I know you get through it, become the best cook to start taking home economics and almost kill yourself mixing cleaning products enough times you didn’t need chemistry class to tell you what makes poisonous gases. You get to become me eventually, but you shouldn’t have. I could never imagine leaving one of the kids I look after home alone in the way you were, and that’s on our parents. They failed you, even before now, but at 8 was the first time you wondered it. You didn’t need to correct yourself then although I know you did. Mom and father failed you.

We make it, and they will realise they’ve been strangers my whole life when they come home to emptied rooms, bills unpaid and no forwarding address. I move out next week to an apartment with friends.

You will have company again.

Steve

Attempt 6:

Your majesty, King Steve,

Eddie is pretty funny and I think I need his flavour of madness right now. Last time I tried to write to you I got mad, at myself more than at you. Then Robin both got mad and started paying attention to how she and everyone talks to me or about who I’ve been. She’s still mad but at herself and others now.

You aren’t good, Steve, but you weren’t as horrible as I began to think. I mean, even at what everyone thinks is my worst I went back to save Nancy. Robin pointed that out to me, sat down and dissected things I was sure I did at my worst, before Nance and I were officially dating.

Some things surprised her and I like knowing that I was a good friend, even to people who weren’t, because you are. You are there giving Carol pudding pots when Tommy ruins hers; there checking no one on the swim or basketball teams gets too hurt by teasing; there trying to make sure everyone claiming to be your friend has what they need.

Those aren’t things a bad person would do, just someone so caught up in protecting themself from the pain of loneliness and isolation that they compromise themself for company. Okay, Robin told me that too, but it tracks.

Most importantly, when I get the chance to be better, to know real connections, I take it. That’s pretty great of you.

Thanks Steve. You take the biggest step for us.

Attempt 7:

To Myself,

It’s been a long journey and I never thought I’d write to myself half so much as I have.

I’ve been popular, lonely, both at once, heartbroken, loved and to hell only to come out fighting. Concussions are far too familiar a sensation and I could probably make do living in the woods with the ways I learnt to cook.

Life is a trip and apparently I don’t get a choice about living it. But in all the letters to our past I’ve written there’s one thing I realised I’ve wanted someone to tell me for years and that’s that it’s okay to mess up. It’s okay if I wasn’t always the nicest person, or that I’m not smart, hardly perfect and have very little will to fight for myself or against other people. I don’t need to be perfect because with the right people we can make a wonderful imperfect family.

To us, Steve. To being myself, as best I know how.

[kedreeva]

Can I have your attention for a minute

It's nothing bad!

I wanted to share a little website with you, one i have used in the past. It's called Future Me.

All it is is a little web based word processor, that you fill in a letter to your future self, fill in your email address, pick a date, and hit send. The site will store the letter, and send it to your designated email on your designated date. It's completely free, though they accept donations if you like the service.

I've used this site for YEARS, it's not at all new, but it has at times been a little bastion of hope and good things for me. Every year on my birthday, I send a letter to myself, and I receive the one I sent the year before. I write about what I've been through that year, what I've accomplished, and what my hopes are for the year to come.

I have cried every single time I've gotten that letter. I know it's from me, but by the time it comes around, I've usually forgotten I sent it. But... every year on my birthday, I receive a letter from Past Me, who cared enough to sit down and have hopes about my future. And it makes me want to pay it forward to Future Me, and dare to hope that she, too, will remember that someone cared a lot about her future, and choose to keep going even further.

Anyway, I am giving you the link now, because there are definitely going to be rough times ahead of us, but I feel like maybe writing ahead to Future You, to the You that has made it past the rough times, might make them ever so slightly easier to endure. Knowing that Future You is waiting at the end of the line to welcome you, holding onto the letters you sent.

[samuelroukin]

it's so funny that you can hit all these buttons on a keyboard to make words appear on a screen. i will use this power to write about gay sex

[rowyndodendron]

Diomedes really cranked the "simp-o-meter for Odysseus" from 0 to 12 in approximately 0.6 seconds in book 10 (choose ur spy buddy) and im snort-laughing.

Partially because of how Unnecessarily Extra Diomedes is.

And then even more so because of how Extremely Done Odysseus is in his reply (every time he uses the "long-suffering Odysseus" epithet i fucking DIE laughing. I can FEEL the -_-)

But also, because I feel like the opposite is more typical (Odysseus having the flowery flattering speeches and Diomedes just, like, "read at 2pm"-ing him in return):

I am choosing to headcanon that Dio is very subtly/very gently teasing/mocking Odysseus. And that Ody has done the "oh i pick Diomedes the incredible, the unmatchable, unwinnable force of the gods' will!!!" thing to him recently and Dio is now just throwing it back at him in a "do u hear what u sound like when u talk???" Kind of way.

Which is why Ody is peak "i am Unamused by this, diomedes" in the scene. Because he knows he's being gently roasted in a way the others likely won't pick up on/which is Just For Him.

And i think that's beautiful

[beforevenice]

have the courage to transform yourself, my darling, to what you desire.

// clarice lispector

[secondbeatsongs]

can you guys like, send beams at me that will make me figure out how to sound like a human person when applying for jobs

[shisasan]

June 6, 1914 Letters to Felice by Franz Kafka First published : 1973

[fallminlove]

[03:29]

Your body is tired as hell, your mind is tired as hell, every part of your body is screaming for you to get some rest, but you just can’t fall asleep.

You tried reading some ebooks, hoping the words on the screen can knock you out like reading a textbook.

No use.

You tried mindlessly scrolling through some short videos online, hoping the same types of video on your feed will make your phone slowly slip out of your hands.

No use.

You were about to try another method to help yourself sleep till you hear a little groan next to you.

An arm gently wraps around your waist, you didn’t realize how much you were shuffling around and that must have woken up the boy next to you, he mumbles softly, “why are you still up?”

You locked your phone and put it on the nightstand on your side, you snuggled closer to him in bed, “sorry for waking you up Seungkwan…” you comb through his silky soft hair with your fingers, trying to help him to go back to his slumber “I’m having some trouble falling asleep…”

Even though it was pitch black in the room, you can feel that Seungkwan gave a worried look at your response. He gently takes your hand away from brushing his hair, holding them softly under the cozy covers, and shifting his body so he’s now facing you.

He hums out a little tune, the pitch was low as if the melody was slowly rocking you back and forth on a swinging hammock. He places his other hand on your back, delicately patting to the rhythm of his hums. You felt your eyes starting to get heavy, and whatever power that was keeping you up, slowly started fading away.

Once Seungkwan notices your breathing slowed, he places a little peck on the tip of your nose and whispers, “sweet dreams my darling.”

[syntheticcy]

Reminder, you can always use your creations to help people.

Even if you believe that your art is "ugly" or "useless" it's not. Please don't tell yourself that. As an artist, you impact the world in ways you cannot even comprehend. People see your art, they see what you pour your love into. They get inspired by your work and build so many beautiful and deeply moving things. Whether it's a game, an animation, a drawing/sketch, or even a book or movie. Sometimes even a show.

Stop selling yourselves short, your creations breathe life into spaces. Not just fandoms, but entire lives. So many people love you and what you create. You just may not know it yet. You believe that your art doesn't much, but it means everything. It's just a small stepping stone for now, but even so, you should be proud— Proud of your art, proud of you. You've created this. You thought of this. You've sunk hours into your thoughts about this. Whether you're a beginner or a long-time artist, you've created something wonderful.

Please love your art and give it the care it deserves. Don't give up just yet. You have so much to do and make. It always brings me to tears when I think about all the artists who gave up. Love your emotions and love your self-expression. I know things are scary and I know it's only going to get scarier. But that doesn't mean you should drop everything and run. You still have time. You can still be yourself. You can be you. You're allowed to. At least here you are.

You and your art are more than you could ever know.

[fisheito]

is he a wise mentor or just jealous

[yakool-foolio]

Everyone's talking about That Image because of its, well, everything. But let's be real if we get scenes of Eito n Takumi cuddling or kissing or any multitude of soft, gentle gestures of affection I think I will actually melt into the floor as a happy sobbing mess.

[thyming]

Moodboard for the name "Mercedes" 💭

(All images found on Pinterest)

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

OK @taylortruther reblogging her post made me go back and watch the whole BBC Live Lounge performance and her introduction to Can't Stop Loving You is SO revealing in retrospect regarding so many of the themes we've been talking about lately in her later albums.

"The type of love that this song sings about is unconditional love. People say that term all the time and they kinda think that they know what unconditional love is, but I think true unconditional love is, like, do you love someone so much that you would even love them if they didn't love you anymore? That is unconditional love."

Um, "hoax" has entered the chat. 😳

I feel like that goes a long way to explaining why she may have believed "hoax" was romantic, and why "grey skies everyday, would you still stay" was the ultimate expression of love. "Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in" makes a lot more sense in this context, holding onto someone who's drifting away or showing that they may not love you in the way you need or in the way you'd once been. It's kind of heartbreaking because she's so earnest and so emphatic about it, but it's actually so sad in the context of ~everything~.

Help me hold onto you. That's the kind of heartbreak time could never mend. And I can't talk to you when you're like this, staring out the window like I'm not your favorite town. Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in. Don't want know other shade of blue but you. I'll be getting over you my whole life. Like waiting for a bus that never shows you just start walkin' on. Pulled him in tighter each time he was drifting away. I left all I knew, you left me at the house by the Heath.

(My personal opinion is that unconditional love isn't loving someone even if they leave you; it's loving someone for who they are, including their challenges, and not seeing it as a transaction but an action. ANYWAY. Semantics I guess. I find the way she explains it really devastating tbh.)

(video timestamped @ 19:27)

Unrelated: I need an entire show done acoustically like this please and thank you because the entire performance is 🤌

[wring-wraith]

thinking about this bad summary of Pride and Prejudice I made in eighth grade so I wouldn’t forget the plot while doing a report

[cherrywineangellove]

today in the morning i wrote myself a love letter. now it's 6;45 pm and i have just read it and dear universe, i feel so loves by myself right now - i have to start writing myself love letters and reading them later more often, because it's literally the best thing on earth and the best way to give myself not only a big smile on my face, but also a love in my heart

[displayheartcode]

I’m gritting my teeth. I’m writing a fake query letter on the subway. The horrors are upon me.