#writing this instead of taking a nap

[mellosdrawings]

Now I want to see the losers club. :)

Are you referring to the ACTUAL Losers' Club (aka the Stephen King's Losers Club) or my band of completely unlucky morons ? Whichever the case, you're getting more N2 Squad x)

Here's some random doodles I did to try and get their dynamics for an attempt at fanfic.

(With a very self-indulgent side of Jamil & Ruggie)

[chaoticbooklesbian]

One of these days, I'll figure out why I can't just take a break from creative projects I'm ticked off with. Bored? Super easy to put that shit down, I might even forget it exists. Angry? I am gnawing on the bars of my enclosure, let me back at it, I can fix it

[abbey-abdominal]

day 2: morning routine

um since the hc is that raggs doesn’t sleep at all while pomni probably cat naps depression naps for 13 hours a day their morning routine is weird (and this isn’t the first time raggs was disturbed enough to want to try to take a nap…)

[a-concert-just-for-me]

Adderall euphoria where…It’s still nap time…?

[ordinarydoodles]

We don't talk about that

Maybe you'll be okay with it now People change, after all. Everyone changes. But I remember how I saw drag queens for the first time on some dumb daytime talk show And I remember thinking "That's weird but as long as they're happy" Until you sat down and calmly told me that they were not evil, but what they were doing was a sin Talking in your teacher voice I was confused, but I nodded anyways Wasn't a sin supposed to hurt someone? I remember how you watched the Oscars in a furious rage the year Brokeback Mountain came out Curled stone-stiff like a gargoyle at the edge of the couch, And how you sat back with a satisfied huff and said "Good, that's the way it should be" when it didn't win Best Picture You don't even care about the Oscars It wasn't even a good movie, it was just boring and sad and no one got a happy ending But, like, it's not about sad films about men kissing, or sins that don't hurt anyone It's not about women in wigs It's not even about hate It's about the ones called the fathers going out and living lives and the ones called the mothers saying home and getting fucked It's about the boy cousins getting multitools and girl cousins getting bath sets It's about me cracking a joke in first grade and the teacher going "quiet!" And a boy two seats over cracking the exact same joke five minutes later and the teacher laughing It's about someone taking you and forcing you, step by excruciating step, to recognize dirt and clean it, anticipate hunger and feed it, see a grown-ass adult man and know that your five-year-old child self is responsible for his care and upkeep whining and fighting and complaining every step of the way (while the boy cousins play Nintendo) and then later they have the nerve to tell you that women are naturally caretakers. It's about how I'm still not exactly sure if the devil scooped out my brain and stuck a stranger behind my eyes, someone who would adorn themselves in long lashes and hunger pangs, if you would even notice It's about how, until I was 19, the only words I had to describe myself were "girl, but wrong" It's about this guy randomly telling me he had feelings for me and me not feeling anything at all towards him, not one thing, not love or curiosity or boredom or disinterest or pity not one thing and I said "okay" because I didn't know what else to say (turns out that was the wrong thing to say) It's about being body-checked out of the way when some guy lurches forward to pull open the door that I was just about to open and he holds it open like he's announcing the fucking pope and he's half blocking the doorway and then he kind of glares at me when I sort of awkwardly wriggle past him and don't make eye contact and don't say thank you I didn't ask to play a bit part in your street theater improv I definitely didn't ask to be typecast It's about how being a woman makes you less of a man And you can always be less of a man But you can never be less of a woman It's about a game that isn't fun and no one wins and everyone has to play it forever And no one is willing to admit it's a stupid game And the people who do, the people who realize that it can be fun, all the players who say it's not a game want to kill them Like actual death I don't know if I'll ever tell you I never talk to you anyways and I'm pretty sure that if we went to some gallery that was unexpectedly displaying Electric Fan (Feel It Motherfuckers) That even if I explained the story behind it, the deliberate disregard, the lovers torn apart and denied a final comfort, the history of all the people who were erased by their families, (the unspoken question of what you would erase-and-replace on my gravestone) you would still wonder why I was making a scene crying in front of a stupid box fan You're embarrassing yourself Thank goodness we don't have any of that in our family

[six-white-venus]

What can you do when you hate every word that comes out of your mouth with a burning passion? When nothing you say ever feels right? When all of your words feel like lies, even though they’re not?

Because they’re not, right? …right?

[tinkertailorsoldierguy]

Time for the weekend ie time to do writing or at the very least think long and hard about possibly doing some writing if I feel like it.

[yuri-is-online]

Yuri. Yuri if you have ANY thoughts on punk jade I NEED TO KNOW

(⊙_⊙)

I'm afraid that I am going to come off as very autistic and mean but I am kind of glad Yana didn't go that route because as much I would like to see Jade with piercings and a choppy haircut that's... not really punk. Or rather it's not all that punk is. Most alt fashions have a subculture associated with them, and punk has a well established hatred of authority and the staus quo, both of which aren't really traits I'd associate with Jade. He might hate things always being the same, but any hate he has for "the establishment " is because he isn't the one running it.

What I could see is a visual kei Jade. The fashion shares a lot of visual elements with punk (piercings, leather jackets, platforms, wild hair etc.) But is less about resistance to capitalist norms and more about shock and self expression. I can easily see Jade with piercings he jokingly calls his "fish hooks" that me makes sure you notice as he speaks.

Maybe you want those hooks in you hmmm? He can certainly oblige. For a price ¬‿¬

That price being your soul because he's never going to let you go

[blithesrps]

Act II Scene I

“God, this is miserable. Wake me up when it’s over.”

Leona slumped in his chair, closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the ornately papered wall, only to jerk upright with a grunt as Ruggie shoved his elbow into his side.

“Oh, no you don’t. This is your shindig, ain’t it?” he hissed, ignoring Leona’s scowl, “Jeez, all you gotta do is smile and dance a little and you’re set for life, and you can’t even manage…”

“I don’t see you rushing onto the dance floor,” Leona snorted, grudgingly sitting upright and gazing out over the room.

To be fair, it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. It was kind of interesting having classmates from NRC at his home in the Sunset Savanna. It was under the guise of some sort of cultural exchange summer program, visiting the homelands of every housewarden to gain exposure or build character or some bullshit. Leona hadn’t minded showing some of his less-irritating classmates around. It was almost pleasant, when Falena wasn’t butting his nose where it didn’t belong.

He glanced at Ruggie, who hadn’t answered his last verbal barb, but the boy’s gaze had found Ara again in the crowd. Leona rolled his eyes, trying to hide a smirk. It was a bit amusing seeing Ruggie so smitten and unsure what to do about it. Leona had to admit, it had been nice having Ara around more often. Of the three of them, she was the only one who kept to the dance floor that evening, swapping partners as they requested and adapting easily to the different steps.

“What was the point of this dance anyway?” Ruggie mumbled under his breath, finally tearing his eyes away from Ara and turning them to the nearby buffet table. He’d gone through twice already but he planned on at least a third before he swapped to filling his pockets.

“Who knows. Some diplomatic bullshit, I’m sure.” Leona waved over a servant working at the edges of the crowd and stole one of the glasses from his tray, “Falena said something about visitors from across the sea.”

“Very specific.”

“What? You think I actually listen when Falena opens his big mouth?”

Ruggie snickered, before seeing an approaching figure and making his escape for the buffet table. Leona watched him shove off with mild amusement, ignorant to the danger approaching.

“There you are. Are you truly satisfied putting on this pathetic of a show this evening?”

“Hey, you,” Leona called to the retreating servant again, “Find me something sharp. Maybe if it drive it into my ears I can drown out his voice.”

“Very charming,” Vil replied dryly, hands on hips elegantly draped in an evening gown, “You have a duty you know. It wouldn’t kill you to rub elbows. Who knows, you may even find you enjoy it.”

“I’ll tell you what I’d enjoy: a lobotomy.”

Vil reached out and pinched the fat of Leona’s arm. He yelped and moved to swat him but Vil had already daintily stepped out of range.

“Very well, sit here and look miserable, see if I care,” he said loftily, “It’s just a shame when Ara is meeting so many new and interesting people…”

“The hell do I care what sort of people she meets?” Leona growled, but Vil didn’t answer, giving Ruggie a nod as the other boy returned with a full plate and a roll in his mouth and Vil floated back onto the dancefloor. Bastard.

“What was that about?” Ruggie asked, grinning at the look on Leona’s face. He laughed again, “You look like you swallowed a grub.”

Leona opened his mouth to snarl back, but stopped suddenly. The hair on the back of his neck prickled, and his ears gave a flick, pressing back against his skull.

“Somethings wrong,” he hissed, eyes narrowing. Ruggie froze mid-bite, eyes shifting from face to face in the crowd as he tried to seek out what had Leona’s pelt ruffled. Something was happening at the front of the room, but they were too far away to hear. There was a sudden burst of applause that made him start, nearly jolting his plate from his lap.

Leona stood, lifting his chin to see over the shorter members of the crowd. He could just make out some sort of tall gentleman, with a trim grey beard and shaved head. At his side, a smaller figure, with long blond hair that hung straight over their shoulders.

Turning to try and skirt his way around the edges of the crowd, Leona nearly knocked into a new figure that had slipped silently to his side.

“Damn the gods, Rat!” he hissed to the younger boy, “I swear if Ara doesn’t put a bell around your neck…” He trailed off, sensing a change in the quiet boy that Ara had brought back from the Hive. Normally Rat would have shrunken under Leona’s irritation, muttering apologizes and wilting into the background as quickly as he could. Now though he was silent, amber eyes piercing as he took Leona’s scolding. He looked almost formidable, were it not for his pale pallor and the shaking of his fingers by his side.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” Leona demanded, pulling the boy closer by the arm. Ruggie pressed in by his shoulder, listening even while he kept an eye out.

“Thorn,” Rat whispered.

“A thorn? What, you got pricked in the garden?” Leona said with growing frustration, giving the boy a shake. Rat didn’t react: his duty was to protect Ara’s pack and that was what he was doing.

Leona became aware that the music had started again, and for some reason that bothered him. Could no one else feeling the sense of wrongness? Did no one else sense some sort of danger in the wings? He swore again under his breath and returned to his mission of shoving his way to the front of the room.

“Go find Jack and bring him to me,” he ordered Ruggie.

“No, stay here,” Rat interjected, words firm enough to master his stutter. Leona and Ruggie stopped and stared at him. Rat’s face turned red but he did not retract his order.

“…are you drunk?” Leona asked, bewildered that the boy who had the piss scared out of him by his own shadow had dared to not only give an order, but one that directly refuted his own.

Rat opened his mouth to respond, but something distracted him and he snapped his jaw shut, eyes dilating with fear. Leona could smell it coming off him in waves, and he whipped his head around ready to face the terror.

Instead he saw only Ara. Ara and a stranger. The Queen was dancing with the diplomat, a few other somebodies following their lead. But Leona was sure that what had scared Rat was right in front of him, and somehow…

He understood.

The man looked like he wanted to eat her, with eyes that reminded Leona of a leopard who knew it had encroached on a pride’s territory. The two didn’t seem to be speaking, their dance measured and slow. Leona could see the muscles in Ara’s back flex each time the stranger drew her close. She was no longer smiling, her grey eyes locked on the stranger’s green as they slowly circled one another in accordance with the dance. It was as though neither dared look away and give the other a chance to strike.

“Who is that?” Ruggie asked, his own hackles rising, even if he didn’t understand fully why. Sure he wanted to be the one dancing with Ara (not a chance, he had no clue what these damn fancy steps were), but none of the other guys had bothered him like this.

“Thorn,” Rat murmured again. He watched as Thorn dipped Ara, the girl letting her head fall back, exposing her neck. Rat saw it was a Hivechild insult, a ‘you couldn’t slit my throat if you wanted to’, and Thorn knew it to, his grin widening even as his jaw clenched. His hands grew more demanding, moving her more quickly and squeezing her flesh meanly, pushing the edge of what was socially acceptable. He spun her, and leaned to murmur something in her ear, and this time Leona could see her face.

He did not like what he saw.

He was on the dance floor in four strides, breaking the hypnotic connection Ara and this Thorn had fallen into.

“Nice moves. It’d be a shame to keep them all to one girl, yeah?” he said, forcing a sharp grin on his face. He slid a hand down Ara’s arm, smoothly freeing it from Thorn’s grasp and pulling her from his hold. Leona got only a glimpse of a look of disgust on the man’s face, like Leona was nothing but a worm begging a hawk for the time, but it was quickly covered up by a mask of deference.

“Of course, your Highness,” he murmured, voice lower than Leona would have expected, “It is an honor to concede my dance to the prince. Or, no, forgive. A prince.” He straightened again smiling, giving Ara one last unreadable glance before turning to melt back into the crowd.

“Leona…my hand…”

Leona barely heard Ara’s whisper, immediately relaxing the crushing grip he had unknowingly inflicted on her hand. He pulled her to him, cupping her waist and glancing to find what step of the dance they were on before guiding her into movement. For a long moment neither spoke.

“Rat?” she finally asked softly.

“With Ruggie,” he responded in the same tone. He felt her relax slightly, though every muscle in her body still seemed ready to be attacked at any moment. Leona spun her, feeling a brief moment of regret that this was the circumstances under which they were dancing. It wasn’t half bad, to be honest.

“What’s his problem?” he mumbled into Ara’s ear.

“…long story,” she replied.

Somehow, Leona felt that might have been an understatement.

[baileycatarina]

vibrates. I spent a Hot minute drawing this morning, like maybe an hour and a half broken up by chores. that. Doesn't sound like a lot but I'm not used to drawing for that long anymore.. it kinda wiped me out so I took a break a couple hours ago and now I kinda?? Wanna keep working on it?? I know if I do then I'll burn myself out pretty quickly but god the motivation is there......

edit wrong blog but I don't care to repost, you get to deal with me complaining LMAO.

[snailmp3]

always tired brain hurt disease :\

[random2908]

Domestic timezones: extreme edition

I'm trying to communicate with a collaborator who's on Eastern Time when I'm on Pacific Time.

Except he's also on aerospace time and I'm on tech time. So he works 7 am to 4 pm and I work 11 am to 7:30 pm. We have 2 hours overlap at most. Plus he's on one of those engineer schedules where you don't work on Fridays, or you don't work every other Friday or something. 9-80 or 4/40, I'm not sure which--I just know I can't reach him. Just, completely different universes.

[hiswrlds]

god i need to lock in

[chaoslynx]

ughhhhh I miss writing for you all so much!!!! I'll try to get back into it soon! Sorry I can't promise anything yet

[rose-tinted-vision]

WIP Wednesday

for @extraordinarilyextreme

I Am Nobody Memory loss AU (Wang Ye/Zhuge Qing)

“It’s Zhuge Qing!” someone cried, singling out a lanky, well-dressed male standing across the street. The man greets his eager fan with a practised smile and a wave, all traces of discomfort at being recognized were expertly tucked away as he slipped into his celebrity persona with ease.

“Zhuge Qing!” The cry was soon taken up by others who rushed to crowd the celebrity, and Wang Ye could only silently will the chef to hurry with his order so he could slip away from the chaos brought about by the celebrity’s appearance. 

What business a celebrity would have in this corner of the country, where there were only shophouses dotted with little food stalls was beyond Wang Ye, and he had no intentions of sticking around to find out– there was a reason why he chose to stay away from social media and all its drama.

(Though he had been oddly compelled to take one last look at the man, now swarmed with fans demanding for his autograph, and Wang Ye does not understand why his chest had felt oddly tight at the sight of this stranger).

[atigrado]

SPECULATION RAMBLE ABOUT NIIGO IN GENERAL THTAT I NEED TO POST BEFORE ENA5 SO I CAN EITHER SAY I CALLED IT OR LOOK LIKE A CLOWN

SO. ive been thinking if mizu5 might be establishing a pattern for the overarching structure of niigos story......

like. i feel like the whole mizuki being outed and hitting absolute rock bottom mentally kinda sorta mirrors mafuyus rock bottom in the main story. this is putting aside that mafuyu had been in a longer and more constant descent in contrast to mizuki more or less doing well prior to mizu5 but both of them hit a breaking point that leaves them completely dysfunctional and actively suicidal thats visually represented with the live2d hollow eyes.

so!! ive been thinking that having mizukis emotional state completely fixed with the next event would be Kinda lame considering the sheer gravitas mizu5s ending had, and thought it would be cool if, just like the events previous to sayonara my persona, where kanade ena and mizuki impart unto mafuyu important lessons that she then goes on to use to stand up to her mom (unconditional companionship, assertiveness about her boundaries, disengaging from a distressing situation), mizuki could also have events where the rest of niigo gives her advice that shows aspects of their character how that mirrors her just like niigo mirrors mafuyu, which she maybe could use to confront the way not only her peers treat her but also how school faculty enabled and heal from the trauma isolation and scrutiny left in her.

so i imagine this pattern could be

niigo member hits rock bottom (mfy main story, mizu5)

rest of niigo helps her out of rock bottom, while currently stable she still has emotional scars from rock bottom and whatever caused said rock bottom hasnt been completely resolved (mfy end of main story, ena5(?))

rest of niigo has paired event with niigo member where the one of them is explored through the lens of something she has that can help the other (someday this wish will transcend the morning sky, immiscible discord/mirage of lights, our escape for survival)

niigo member is able to confront whatever caused her to hit rock bottom and ends up in a better place where she is not being currently tormented and can properly begin healing (sayonara my persona)

if this is somewhat accurate then ena and kanade going through the above after another age up would make sooo much sense to me. both of them are unsure about what theyre going to do after high school

so like imagine if ena went to college as an art major and felt so strongly a gap in skill between her and her classmates, or could try to break into the art industry right after highschool to the same effect, feeling completely inadequate to the point of wanting to disappear because, just like her dad said, she isnt talented enough to be an artist, the thing she loves most in this world will forever be out of reach.

and kanade, who feels fundamentally worthless (evil, even) and needs to constantly justify her own existence by 'saving' others, sees the rest of niigo mentally stable (mafuyu specially), no longer needing to be 'saved' via her music, maybe in her eyes no longer needing HER, and begins wanting to disappear as she feels aimless after finishing highschool and no longer has physical proof that she is 'saving' someone (i dont think colopale would ever do this but how fucked would it be if her dad died and thats what pushes her over the edge.. more plausible would be if he had health complications i think)

i feel like kanade and ena's central conflicts are more abstract than mafuyu and mizuki's, while mafuyu and mizuki have actual people they can confront who caused their hurt (mfys mom, mzks classmates), kanade and enas are a lot more. idk, internal??? maybe not completely for ena as trying to make a living as an artist is extremely hard and she has her dad as an 'actual person who caused their hurt' but i think shin'ei is a bit different?? hes not as antagonistically presented as mafuyus mom is, i havent read knowing the unseen yet but from what little ive seen it seems like we get a lot of insight as to why shin'ei did what he did and the affirmation that he does love ena a lot, which i dont think we will quite get with mafumom, who was in no uncertain terms shown to only care about the mafuyu who is a good girl.

kanade though i think does represent this entirely more interal conflict, shes had to face so much death and decay through her moms health issues and eventual death coupled with her dads current health issues that sometimes her darkness feels so much more. idk. dramatic?? tragic?? raw?? when compared to even the rest of niigo who while suicidal never had to face the Actual Death of a Loved One to where i think kanades journey to healing will be turbulent with her issues so deeply held. i dunno maybe lm Being Shitty And Doing A This Character Has It Worse. idk.

↓out of topic kanade ramble sorry. i feel like i dont have that strong of a grasp on her character so if im off base you can kill me ^_^

kanade has always had a different vibe to her in my eyes though.. her childhood flashbacks that are present in all her focuses and central to her character are so tender but have such a sad undercurrent, the way her parents raised her with unconditional love and support allows her to in turn support the people she loves in the present but theres always this facf in of your head as you see them, kanade is alone now, her mom is dead and her dad, while alive, might as well also be dead since he doesnt remember her, hes unable to help her in the ways only a guardian could, not only that but seeing him is an eternal reminder to her to how in her eyes she is worthless, she almost killed her dad, how can she go on living having done that.