#yeah two posts today because why not?
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I caved and installed Businesses & Hobbies, so Micah and Naomi got some new outfits. I'm hoping to play a bit in their save to reset my brain for storytelling!
#ts4#sims 4#ts4 lookbook#naomi uchiyama#micah uchiyama#legacy: g9#story: mourningvale#i definitely need to make some more colorful looks!#but i'm not sure if i'll use an existing sim or a new one#the clothes in this pack are... interesting#i like them for the most part but a lot of the shapes are weirdly alpha-ish??#like lots of very realistic bumps and folds which i wouldn't usually expect from ea clothes#yeah two posts today because why not?#*tbw
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A little zine about how I (still) have trouble saying the word aromantic.
I've never made a zine before! I was inspired to try it because @queerliblib mentioned a zine making night in an email. That hasn't happened yet - its on June 26th - but once I had the idea, I couldn't wait, lol. It was nice to put something down on paper and have the finished product to hold onto.
Image descriptions under the cut:
Page 1: Three tiny speech bubbles say: "Do you have a bf? Do you like anyone? What's your type?" A big speech bubble says, "Oh, I don't date." The big speech bubble comes from a heart colored like the aromantic flag.
Page 2 says: I could say: "Actually, I'm... ...aromantic." ...aro." ...aromantic asexual." ...aroace."
Page 3 says: But there are a few problems:
aromantic: Has been misheard as "A Romantic".
aro: Opaque if you don't already know the term.
aromantic asexual: A mouthful! And sounds...scientific?
aroace: shares The Big Problem: it may require a vocabulary lesson!
Page 4 says: It doesn't actually come up too often! Which is fine. My coworkers, my neighbors, and strangers don't need to know I'm aroace. I just wish I could say it sincerely when I do want someone to know.
Page 5 says: I always have to smile - laugh - hedge. "Oh, well, actually, I'm kind of like, aromantic? Basically just not interested."
It's been more than 8 years since the first time I said it out loud! I'm certain of it, but I still can't say it like I mean it!
Page 6 says: The most memorable time I said "I don't date" the guy I was talking to asked "Oh are you asexual?" and I said "Yeah, actually. And aromantic." And we moved on.
That was nice.
Page 7 says:
The times I've lead with "I'm aromantic" -- well, there's only one I really remember:
"I didn't use to think that was a real thing."
Other than that time -- even if I use the word, I always explain what it means first!
Page 8 says: I just hope that one day I'll feel like I can say, simply, confidently: "I'm aromantic" and "I'm aroace."
The words "I'm aromantic" are big and dark green, the color of the top stripe of the aromantic flag. The words "I'm aroace" are big and bright orange, the color of the top stripe of the aroace flag. Three hearts below the words are colored to look like the aromantic, aroace, and asexual flags.
#aromantic#aroace#aromantic asexual#zine#my writing#i realized today I don't own any pencils. there is some white out on page 7 idk if you can see it in the scan though#i did two and a half drafts. its hard to figure out what to say in just 8 pages!#and when I got the markers out today I did not want to do it again#so some of the spacing could be better but anyway I'm happy to have made something :)#i really could write whole paragraphs explaining what I'm trying to say here. I don't really want to though#i just realized i didn't use the word 'casual' at all. huh#page 7 was initially a lot longer but the other details aren't relevant. I hope the idea gets across clearly.#anyway yeah one of the ideas i had was to get into why i act and feel this way. but that needs more than 8 pages#some of it is justified. some of it is just me#anyway curious to know if anyone else feels the same#huh i guess i didn't really describe how i feel either - just what I do#there's actually. so much here. i should write a post or a journal entry or something instead of making these tags longer#might be able to do a better zine about it if i really knew what 'it' was lol because its a lot of emotions and a lot of factors#ngl its a little hard to say out loud in the privacy of my own room. that's weird right??#happy pride month everybody
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Funny thing I realised earlier: the UK elections this year happened on America’s fireworks day (independence day) and the US elections this year are happening on Britain’s fireworks day (Guy Fawkes day)
#basically on the 4th of July the UK was like “have you voted???” while America was like 🎆 🎆 🎆#and on the 5th of November America’s like “have you voted???” while the UK is like 🎆 🎆 🎆#do I like the phrasing of those two tags? No. Will I cringe when I discover this post later? Most likely yeah#in all seriousness if you’re in America vote. Preferably against becoming a facist dictatorship for the foreseeable future#(why does my autocorrect not believe in the word facist?)#this is the only political post you’re getting from me about this election because there is no reason it should concern me#bc I don’t live in America I’ve never been to America and I have no intention of ever going there#unfortunately I love surfing the internet while also keeping these complicated things called rights#us politics#guy fawkes night#strangely I haven’t actually heard that many fireworks today#i think the neighbours have just been doing it every day since Halloween (including Halloween)#oh hang on they’ve just started (I was wondering where they were)
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(。・ω・。)ノ♡
#Alright I got tragically interrupted while watching it but I'm finally finished watching the episode!!#It's really really good both the animation and drawings are very detailed compared to the rest of the anime but...#The pace is so off :((( Like it's not the end of the world but ugh. It's unfortunate...#So many things just don't hit off as deeply because everything is moving so fast all the time and there's no time to process anything.#They won't allow you one second for the last line of a scene to sink in that the next scene's ost is already playing.#And like it's not even the worst crime an anime can commit I guess but still...#I wish they didn't. Like rather than make a 13 episodes season and squeeze the Sky Casino arc in merely two episodes it would have been–#a lot better to finish the season at the previous episode and make 12 episodes out of everything (so that everything could be better paced)#Like yeah maybe it's not the best season ending that there can be but... It's not terrible either‚ you have Atsushi saying the line–#“there's still hope” and the season ending there‚ that's pretty cool#I don't know why everyone feels like they have to rush all the time.#Guys do I have to be the one to remind you you make more money if more season come out.#Like how can the knowledge of Sigma being made by the book have any kind of impact when we've only known him for ten minutes.#Teruko's looking mad AND looking cutesy AND blowing up the landing zone didn't have the same comedic effect they did in the manga because..#It just happened all together! There's no time to process anything. Or maybe I'm just slow idk but I mean YOU GOTTA–#MAKE TIME FOR THE OPENING AND ENDING IN THE EPISODE c'mon man#Sorry I'm complaining it's actually good. I really really love Teruko & Tachihara. Jouno too!!!#I liked the Tahihara spotlight this episode... It's so cute to see what he's like when he's not acting– well‚ not completely I guess#Mmmmhhh.#Yesterday I read an interesting post on how a lot of early dc/mk wouldn't work today because the technology of the world has changed SO muc#I think a similar reflection can be made for the doa terrorist plot. Countries are pushing towards a complete digital money transition.#In 50 years or so coins may not be circulating anymore and today already the impact of this terrorist plot would be a lot smaller–#compared to when the chapters were coming out. I think#Well. Nice episode! Forward to next week! If tomorrow's manga chapter hasn't killed me before that#random rambles
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Okay, I have 'returned' from my minor Tumblr absence. I say 'returned' because I never truly properly left, as you might've noticed from the few things that I reblogged onto my main and whatnot. Part of it was just a break, but the other major part of it was... I went to a concert!!! Of one of my favorite bands that means so, so much to me.
Big tangent below that isn't very selfshippy related.
Now, I don't know how much I mention NSP on here, perhap's I have once or twice when talking about songs that I've added to my F/Os playlists, but I don't think I ever really went on anything too lengthy. And I know I've mentioned Game Grumps a few times on here as well- definitely not as much as Jerma- but One of the co-hosts of Game Grumps is the lead singer in NSP, and both NSP and Game Grumps mean a lottt to me, even if I don't mention them often. They've gotten me through a lot for a very long amount of years, ever since I was around 11~ish. Made me laugh, helped me sleep, relax, entertained me, and have said a lot of motivational and heartwarming things that have helped kept me going. Getting tickets to go see the band was nearly entirely on impulse, which is something that I don't really ever do, but this was beyond worth it. It... it felt like it reset my brain, almost. If that makes any sense. Like my brain was a computer that had been running on sleep mode ever since it first booted up and finally got restarted for the first time ever. I'm upset that I can't have the entire thing burned into my memory second by second cause it was incredible. The lights and noises were overwhelming at first and I had moments questioning if I should regrettably step away but I managed to cool myself down. It was magical, there was some crying, there still IS some crying, and probably always will be, and they did some really cool "Hey, however you identify or who you love is completely okay with us." TWRP was also there, which is a slightly longer story, but they were also brilliant. I used up a lot of my energy and tears during their songs that I didn't have any left for the songs that I actually anticipated crying over! I could go on for ages about it, but I wouldn't have chosen anything else. I actually think I needed this. It feels like I can think like...better. More clearly. I feel more relaxed about my future and spending money and just...UGH. There are the watery eyes. Maybe because I anticipated crying during some of the NSP songs it didn't hit me, but the TWRP stuff really came at me from out of left field and the little intermission dialog and..man. maaann. It was really funny as well and. I wish I could remember it forever I really really do. I never thought I would ever get to see any artists that I enjoyed live, honestly. Most of them don't tour anymore or are all UK based, and I didn't know if or when NSP would tour again, nonetheless if they would be anywhere close to me. I HAD to. And I'm glad I did.
I know this perhaps sounds like every other description expereince of someone going to a concert but.It just felt so good. To be in a room where I practically felt like I could just.. be myself. I will say the worst thing to come from all of this is just potentially slowly forgetting details and that now I will get FOMO over any and all future concerts that they ever have. Concerts aren't really my thing but that.. was magic. And inspiration and awe and. I still can't get over TWRP's songs and the little intermissions about the lead singer hyping us up over our humanly hidden potentials.
It's almost hard to listen to any of their songs now after listening to them live! My phone camera desperately needs to be cleaned so the few pictures that I got during the moment we were allowed to have phones out are really fuzzy. I got a really good spot standing at the top of some small staircases so I could see over everyone(and it was also a good spot to sit/lean against the railings). It was worth it. it was worth it all. It was worth the sleepiness and hunger and thirst and frustrations. In fact it exceeded that.
I also got to stop by an IHOP and BurgerKing and ironically I love both of those places and yet neither of them are within like an hour drive of me.
#Thank you Crowley for planting this idea into my head that quickly formed into something else.#And thank you to every other F/O that is going to be enduring my choked-up-ness over a band with a name that is moderately embarassing-#-to not intialize because of a word it contains. And also some of their funny songs follow suit in such themes.#Which normally isnt themes I indulge in at all but Ive gotten really comfortable with Game Grumps and NSP-#-so hearing those sorts of jokes get cracked from them doesn't phase me and even gets some chuckles out of me on occasion.#I know this isnt my usual selfshippy post but. This is the episode in a show where a character goes to a concert and it changes their-#-entire life. Or at least bits of who they are. Insert one or two examples here.#And there were certainly some F/O thoughts while I was there and driving there and whatnot....#Okay back to your regularly scheduled Kane posting. I remembered the bits of the storyboard posted for M.oshi Monsters movie-#-while at the hotel so I got a slight photo dump that I might do later tonight so ther is that to aniticiapte.#yeah yeah I know I went five seconds without mentioning him but considering that a convo i had earlier today with someone was-#-“What if I let myself indulge in my feelings over him and it gets worse. My feelings intensify.”#and they responded with essentially “MORE good feelings to experience? Why not indulge?”#So. I dont know how it can get worse than daily occurence for almost three months and still Heavens Forbid i think about any fraction of-#-affection betqween us or I might as well start chewing dynomite.#please dont let him be the next big thing plEASDDONTTT I AM A BLOG THAT POSTS ABOUT PIIXAR CCARRSSSSSS.#out of any character i could have struggled to tal k about why did everyone have to be so encouraging abouit it with him.#I do think that has contributed a lot. Having a lot of positive reaction and zero negative ones and so it has made me far quicker to post-#-about many thoughts that I have about him. I do feel like I have been extra posting since. he.#Whereas when I was in like. strictly Cars days I mostly posted about when the dam broke and-#-hey im getting strondeja vu this is verbatim isnt it. ive said this like fifteen times before havent i.#Hey FunnyMitten creature can you keep one post not about you. This was about a band. N.No I dont care that you also- that doesnt count.#im not adding your tag you dont get that satisfaction right now. Sorry everyone.
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like 60% percent of the feedback i get from my professors on my art for critique is just like "keep doing what ur doing" WHAT does this mean
#i dont know what im doing. but thank you i think? i guess i will.#maybe its like that tumblr post where the dog serenely makes a beautiful modernist ceramic out of a baby on a pottery wheel.#'lets see where the dog is going with this' type deal#im glad i think though. maybe i know what im doing. did i ever mention like a few months ago i was staring at the upper year art#while doing some cleaning for a part time job i had (a work+study program in my faculty) and like#that day was the day they announce student awards in the faculty and i basically never go to the lil ceremony because im usually busy BUT#today i was in the building. but still not at the ceremony LOL but i was staring at the upper year art like spiraling into madness or#whatever like oh god. oh god i need to drop out. oh god. and like two minutes later my supervisor (part of faculty) texted me like#you should go to the award ceremony NOW and i was like oh do they need help cleaning up or setting something up?#still in job mode LOL and i walked in and it turned out i won an award. which im still reeling from. ive never actually won anything like#that before. certificate..... my art is being hung somewhere.... i got a lil cash prize... doesnt feel real still#i walked in and stanced like caveman spongebob because people were clapping and i was so confused.....#whiplash of like. 'oh god i'll never be good enough' to 'oh time to do job' to 'WHY ARE PEOPLE CLAPPING'#it was a crazy experience. funny though im glad it was memorable to the audience HFKJDSFKDS#BUT like yeah i dunno i have no clue how my art is perceived sometimes <3 im grateful though. i think?
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Quick round-up of a few small projects; Scarf. It is a scarf. Used the remaining silk/wool yarn I had left from when our yarn store closed, the yarn was really thin so I ended up holding it double and yeah, got a really cute, comfy Halloween-y scarf. Very happy to have it. I do regret making the stripes as thick as I did, like they look cute but between that and me making the scarf a smidge too wide, I ended up having to cut the scarf shorter than I would've liked because I didn't have enough yarn to make it any longer- at least not with evenly sized stripes. Like had they been thinner I could've repeated the pattern a little longer, but oh well, it is what it is. With the scrap yarn I just made this ugly little neck warmer, and yeah, it'll keep my neck warm indoors.
And then, using the scrap yarns from the bleeding heart sweater, made a very Crimbus-y beanie. Sidenote but I did actually pre-wash the fucking red yarn before knitting this, because I did not want a repeat of the dye bleeding incident. But yeah, it's a beanie. Again, held the yarn double this time and I'm glad I did because oh, it made the beanie so soft. It is so comfy y'all, I can not wait for December so I can wear it. I still have more of that red yarn left though. No clue what I'm doing with it.
#Moon posting#Yarncraft Diary#Yarnblr#Knitblr#Knitting#Why yes you ARE getting two crafting posts in one day today#Look if my neck gets even a little cold I will end up with a sore throat in an instant. But nothing I own has a high collar/turtleneck#And I don't want to wear scarfs indoors that's just inconvenient for me#So the little neckwarmer actually works fine for me#Hilariously I did actually run out of the white Malabrigo when doing the rim of the beanie#And I was just gonna leave it the way it was but once I was done and looked at it... I just needed a white pompom SO BADLY#The hat looked so sad and miserable without one#So while I was getting the plushie stuffing I did end up getting one ball of like some Drops wool/alpaca yarn (it was on discount too)#Just so I'd have something to make the pompom with because. Yeah I had no white yarn in my stash beyond some thin cotton yarns#Which do not work for making pompoms. (Trust me I tried and ended up wasting yarn) (Used it for plushie stuffing but still)#The natural white of the Drops matches the Malabrigo perfectly though so you literally wouldn't be able to tell it's a different yarn#Like maybe if you looked closely you might notice the rim is knit double (so the actual yarn there is thinner) but that's it#IDK I know what I want my next actual knitting project to be but my scrap yarns are haunting me and I wanna use them up first...#And it is nice to do smaller projects like these from time to time#But also yeah I'm getting tired of trying to figure out What The Fuck To Make with small quantities of yarn
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ohhhh my god. okay. so. my aunt does like, she buys random junk in bulk from retail wholesalers and then resells it on like, facebook marketplace and ebay and stuff. whatever. so my mom works for her. makes a flat $50 a day, regardless of the fact that shes disabled and doing hard labor for at least 8 hours a day, often 10+. and min wage here is $10 an hour but mom argued that $50 a day is still more than what she would make working the same hours at an actual job because of taxes...like girl that would be 50% taxes. you do not pay that fucking much. so thats already Bad.
but today mom shows me a video of a knife theyre gonna sell, and i watch 2 seconds and i realize its an automatic knife, and i tell her hey. thats illegal to possess in this state. let alone sell! and mom is like ohhh [aunt] knows what shes doing itll be fine.... we sell knives on there all the time she just doesnt put pictures and calls them something else on the listing to get around fb/ebays policies :)
LIKE. HELLO. THATS NOT BETTER. YOURE COMMITTING MULTIPLE CRIMES. *AS YOUR JOB.* and she was just like "its not a big deal she knows what shes doing." folks, this is the same aunt that, very illegally, paid me to sort through her clients confidential tax documents and bank records and stuff. because she works for a bank. and took the records home to sort them. i dont think she DOES know what shes doing, actually!
#why do both of my parents need to be so impressively incompetent. i like. cannot find the words for how . i feel about this#like. idc about crimes. go forth. be free. but maybe. just maybe. you should not make your job#“hi today i will post about how i am selling illegally possessed objects on a widely used public forum”#dont do crimes STUPID. yanno.#in other parent news. its now like. month 6 or so of dad refusing to get his insurance reinstated.#hes been on the same step (taking his paystubs to the dhhr office) for like 3 months?#anyway apparently he found out today/last night that when he was a kid he was diagnosed with gastroparesis !#which is like ! cool! you have a diagnosis AND ive been living with that for 16 years and can help you 🥰#but we were sitting there with mom (this was right before the knife thing) and she was like “well you gotta get your insurance now so you#can get on the right meds“ and dad was like yeah ill go....#and mom was saying well go in the morning when they open etc etc and he was like i will#and i pointed out that just two weeks ago i told him that too. and he didnt want to. bc hed lose money due to not being able to work#and mom was like well he doesnt work at 8am. and i was like yeah i know but i told him to go at 8am two weeks ago and that was his response#and then he proceeded to claim that this whole time he didnt know they opened at 8am.#folks. he doesnt start working until like...usually 10 or so. WHAT GOVERNMENT OFFICE DOESNT OPEN UNTIL 10.#PLUS. WE LIVE IN A RURAL HOUR. *BUSY* TAKES LIKE AN HOUR. MOST OF THE TIME YOURE IN AND OUT WITHIN 20 MINITES.#ive been fucking considering PAYING HIM to go get it.#and then he claims he didnt know it opened at 8am. when i have told him that. MULTIPLE TIMES.#WHY DO THEY HAVE TO BE LIKE THISSSS THEYRE THE MOST IMMATURE ADULTS IVE EVER MET AND THATS IMPRESSIVE!!!#IVE KNOWN PEOPLE WHO PAY THEIR RENT IN COKE OR WHO ARE ESSENTIALLY PROFESSIONAL PARTIERS. AND *THEYRE* MORE RESPONSIBLE AND MATURE THAN MY#PARENTS. SO WHAT GIVES.#also theyre 50 like cmon yall. youre not even 20 or 30. i think you should know how to not like. get your job shut down or die of lack#of medication.#did i tell yall one of the times a few months ago i was nagging dad abt getting his insurance#his response was literally. no exxageration.#he was like oughhh i dont wanna see doctors because then theyll find out somethings wrong with me#and ill have to go on a bunch of medication.#and then he actually for real. said.#“being on too many medications killed my grandma”#even mom was like cmon man. thats not even true. they misdiagnosed her and put her on WRONG meds. she wasnt even on that many.
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Daily drawing, 12/12
It is such a delight how well “Jean Valjean” and “Evrémonde” can substitute for each other.
#Charles Darnay#A Tale of Two Cities#AToTC#classic literature#Les Mis#Les Misérables#crossover#lyricstuck#Waffle Art#digital#iPad#I did. NOT AT ALL intend for this sketch to turn into a full-blown drawing#I genuinely just wanted to do a sketch of Charles today as my daily drawing but things have a way of doing things I guess#these daily drawing exercises really do help me be more spontaneous with my art!#anyway yeah that’s. kinda. why I’m posting this so late. because it was not supposed to. take that long#because it was originally meant to be of a completely different level of commitment altogether😅👍
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The only interesting thing I have gone through...
in my boring AF job was the phone calls I took yesterday [all in Portuguese. Granted... The lady was pissed AF and with all her entity given right.], and the one I took today in Hmong.
Of course, both times I had to get the translation services team on deck with me to complete the calls.
Those are the only times I am wide awake during my job. lol. When something interesting happens and I don't have to listen to a million iterations of the Spanish language, or one or two randomly lost English speaking customers... Oh sorry we call them 'MeMbErS' ... bitch.. they're customers. STFU.
Also, I haven't taken English calls in a while. I feel I am forgetting the way to answer those. XD
But yeah, those were the only two phone calls in the entire time I've been in this shitty job where I was like. *gasp* OOOOOOOOOOoh listen to this language I don't speak, it's amazing! People talk! in other languages! And I'm here all stupid only speaking Spanish and English. tsk.
#Random#Or Not So Random#Headspace Talk#Thoughts#Languages#Hmong#Portuguese#Two amazing languages... I don't speak. But had a great time listening to and taking calls with interpreter and all.#... Another funny thing... UHC has been so inundated with phone calls this month... obviously.#they really did say we will make offshore agents take all the Spanish calls. I can't stay on those calls with those agents because they -#don't have access to the U.S. accounts that belong to Spanish speakers so I've had to act as interpreter for a few of them. It's...-#annoying... What is up with UHC not hiring Spanish agents? My company's Spanish agents have to act as translators too. Who's going to pay -#us more!? ........ *crickets* ...... yeah I thought so. sheesh. It's also annoying to have to explain to people I don't work for UHC. I -#work for a company that provides service for all the enemies. Aka- Most Insurance companies that specialize in medical. So yeah all the -#assholes in one. *shrugs*#We 'kindly' as the peoples put it provide good services that are useful to people. Right... That's why I've had a ton of them ask why -#their benefits were lowered this year. Sometimes when they people have UHC [which most do... I feel like 'asking them#'YOU CHOSE THIS COMPANY TO BE YOUR PROVIDERS... what did you think was going to happen? Do you not watch the news? I thought most of you-#normies DID. psssh...#anyway... I think I ranted more in the tags than I did in the actual post... lololol... go figure. I had a lot to say today.#I shall disappear for eternity now. *cackles*
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My actual conversation: so my Nana picked Collingwood when she was a kid, I'm not sure why, I mean Sophia picked Collingwood because she was born in Collingwood and I think grew up that way and then she stayed with Collingwood her whole life even though her brother always switched teams---- wait oh no why am I talking about Sophia's life, this is meant to be about my Nana and
#my special skill: turning everything into being about Sophia#sophia 'just post the fucking letter today then'#Sophia who argues with me about when to send an invoice charging interest#Sophia who rings up in the afternoon to ask why i haven't done any invoices and asks what I've been doing all day#Jesus Christ i don't know#nothing really#the tiramisu came with a dried orange so i got to eat tiramisu and then suck on the dried orange and#now the dried grapefruit in my pocket has a friend#just weirdly collecting dried citrus fruit#completely normal#can't wait for the next therapy session just list the dried citrus in my coat pocket and she's like 'oh dear this is bad'#oh yeah back to sophia she's hiring another admin staff WITHOUT TELLING ME#when is she going to spring this on me#she just expects me to teach this new girl EVERYTHING without giving me a heads up first??????#what the hell#when's she going to tell me?????#she only rang me every two seconds today and not once did she think to tell me there's a new girl starting??? that i have to train?????#Jesus Christ#she's out of control#no sorry we can't name yesterday's cyclone 'Sophia' because we've already got a cyclone named sophia
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/meds talk, mental health as well ig, uhhhhhh
#kats personal#talked to the gp today (that works alongside the psych) and super long story short#she said the best course of action would be to just stop taking vyvanse for 2-3 weeks#primarily bc shes concerned about my shortness of breath (which i feel like im so used to i dont notice it unless its super bad#or someone asks me about why i keep taking deep breaths)#but also (tbh idk if she implied this or not) to see how its affecting my energy/mood? bc uve been exhausted the last month#and part of thr struggle is not knowing what symptoms are being caused by what bc there was and is so much goijg on all at once#obvs i didnt plan for it all to happen at the same time but it just. worked out that way unfortunstely.#BUT vyvanse shouldnt ??? make my mood and energy drop as early as it does??? and my first month and a but on it i felt Good tbh#(re: energy and sociability) but now i just 🧍🏻♂️🧍🏻♂️🧍🏻♂️#and then yeah okay my sleeps fcked as well so THAT doesnt help at all#and my diet and weight post-op is ugh#and then the additional stress of thr family stuff#anyways what i set out to say was idk how im gonna. manage uni and family if going off meds actually causes a crazy crash#like im lowkey scared that the only reason im even managing to do the bare min these days is because of tje meds giving me a lil boost#but anyways guess we'll find out#but i have so much shut to do these next two weeks that i just 🫠
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Love Lies
Theodore Nott x Ravenclaw! reader
Based on this request 🫶🏽
Summary: You’re just as confused as everyone else when your mortal enemy wakes up fully convinced that you’re the love of his life. (Spoiler alert: literally no one else was surprised)
word count: 5.2k
©️ obsessedwithceleste. all works posted here belong to me and should not be reposted or copied in any way or form.
It was cold and windy and wet as you stepped off the quidditch pitch, rain soaking you to your core. Thank Rowena you didn’t have to play an actual match in this weather. No, that honor went to the Slytherins and Gryffindors and you did not envy them at all, regular practice was enough for you.
As you make your way back to the locker rooms you see students and staff already beginning to fill the open stands and shake your head with pity. No amount of drying or warming charms were going to make it a comfortable match to sit through.
Just as you're about to turn into the locker rooms you feel yourself jerk back as a green robed shoulder slams past you, nearly knocking you off your feet.
“Watch it dolcezza,” a familiar voice slurs over the rain, condescension dripping from his words.
Despite your better judgement, you turn to find yourself facing none other than Theodore fucking Nott, broom in hand, and signature cocky smirk pasted across his face. God you hated that boy.
“Call me sweet again you pompous git,” you snap, glaring up at the Slytherin.
“Why waste my breath on you?” He retorts, matching your steely gaze, his lip curling up in a sneer.
You had never gotten along with Theodore. It was no secret among your classmates that the two of you hated each other. Despite being in many of the same NEWT level courses, sharing a love for quidditch, and both of you basically residing in the Hogwarts library, you simply could not tolerate one another’s presence.
It was strange perhaps, you’d done the analyzation yourself. By all accounts you two should probably be friends. But no amount of similarities or shared interests could make up for the fact that Theodore Nott was an insufferable, arrogant arse who only cared about maintaining his perfectly curated reputation.
"You're right Theodore, save a tree a bit of work why don't you. Rowena knows that tree is doing more for the world than you are," you reply coldly.
Theo opens his mouth to respond, but for maybe the first time ever, you see the boy falter, if only for a split second, before he's back to his usual stoic self. He scoffs.
"Just forget it, you're not worth it," he mutters under his breath, rolling those pretty blue eyes as he turns to go.
You shake your head at the boy, scoffing yourself.
"Yeah, do your best to forget me Nott, because I won't hesitate to forget you."
"Don't be mad."
"Just hear us out."
Oh dear god. As soon as you hear the combined voices of Mattheo Riddle and Lorenzo Berkshire, you know that you're about to be in for a ride. You look cautiously up at the pair from your seat in the library, on edge because wherever these two were, Theodore was sure to be nearby.
"He's not here if that's what you're worried about," Lorenzo offers with a nervous smile.
It's the kind of smile you would offer a skittish cat that you've cornered in hopes it doesn't bolt, and you had an unfortunate feeling that you were the cat in this scenario. Still you feel your shoulders relax a bit as the two carefully sit down at the table across from you.
"So uh. We heard about your, ah, little tiff, with Theo today," Lorenzo starts out awkwardly, looking like he'd rather be anywhere else in the castle at this moment.
"Bloody tosser never shuts up about you," Mattheo mutters so quietly you almost miss it.
You raise in eyebrow at the two boys in front of you, waiting for them to get to the point as Lorenzo gives Mattheo a sharp jab to the ribcage.
"Anyway," Lorenzo continues a bit too loudly, "There was a bit of an incident at the quidditch match today."
"Yeah, Slytherin lost. Again. I heard," you cut in, trying to wrap this up.
"Okay, ouch," Mattheo mutters once more, earning a glare from both you and Lorenzo.
"Did you also happen to hear that Theo was knocked of his broom?" Lorenzo asks.
Oh shit. As much as you couldn't stand Theodore, it's not as if you wanted the boy to get hurt. And you knew from personal experience, any quidditch injury should be taken rather seriously. But then, why were Theodore's two best friends sitting here in the library with you and not in the hospital wing with him?
You narrow your eyes at the boys across from you.
"So what does this all have to do with me? Nothing good could possibly come of you two starting the conversation with 'don't be mad' and 'just hear us out'."
Lorenzo fidgets nervously, shifting in his seat and Mattheo refuses to make eye contact with you. You truly had never seen the ever stone cold Slytherin boys look so wildly uncomfortable before.
"He got knocked out and when he woke up he was convinced the two of you are madly in love," Lorenzo rushes out, flinching back as if waiting for you to yell at him.
"And now the smitten tosser is requesting the presence of his beloved. He's really torn up about it too," Mattheo adds looking the most serious he’d been, probably ever.
But you were having none of it.
"Alright, hahaha, you almost had me there, you two actually sounded pretty sincere for a bit, but seriously it's not funny anymore. There's simply no reality where Theodore is in love with me, that's disgusting and I'm not stupid."
Mattheo and Lorenzo glance at each other with knowing looks before sighing in unison.
"On Salazar's good name, we are not lying or joking about this," Mattheo says solemly.
"And we didn't want to involve you in this whole thing anyway. We know about how well you and Theo get along. It's just that Madam Pomfrey is concerned that, until she's able to brew something to get Theo's head back on right, any world crushing stress or shock might have lasting, long-term psychological effects or what have you," Lorenzo finishes, emphasizing his last point rather strongly.
You continue to stare at the two boys in front of you as if their heads had been replaced by hippogriffs, slowly understanding what they were asking of you.
“Oh absolutely not. There’s literally no way. I’m not going up there.”
You hated the smell of the hospital wing. It was far too... sterile. Unnervingly so. The last hour of your life had been a blur and frankly you still weren't entirely sure how Lorenzo and Mattheo had managed to wrangle you all the way up to the hospital wing, but here you were.
As you make your way to the large double doors that lead into the infirmary, you send one last pointed glare to the pair of Slytherins behind you before turning, steeling yourself as you prepare for the worst.
The first thing you notice when you enter the brightly lit room is how strangely peaceful it is. As you quietly approach the rows of narrow hospital beds, the second thing you notice is how normal Theodore looks lying there asleep. There's no snarling lips, raised eyebrows, or biting words, it's just Theo. Tilting your head a bit, you're able to really admire the boy for the first time, not worrying about what insult he's going to throw at you next. He actually was rather attractive, you could see why so many of your classmates practically threw themselves at his feet. Maybe you would too if he weren't such an insufferable prat.
Just as you’re about to finally feel a bit more at ease, Theodore has to go and ruin it, because of course he does, by shifting a bit in his bed, eyes fluttering before settling softly on you.
“Morning dolcezza, finally come to see me hm?” he asks, lips curling up into a sickeningly sweet smile. You can see the adoration in his eyes as he looks up at you.
It should’ve been a sweet moment. Something straight out of a romance movie perhaps, but all you could hear was the way he had snarled ‘dolcezza’ at you earlier that day. Nothing but hatred and malice on his face. Not, this. Whatever it was.
“Please don’t call me that,” you blurt out, your body subconsciously stiffening, ready for whatever Theodore was about to throw back at you.
Instead though, he looks hurt. A frown flickers across his face making him look like a kicked puppy and you instantly feel a wave of guilt crash over you.
What the hell had happened out on that quidditch pitch.
Before the situation could get any more uncomfortable than it already was, Madame Pomfrey saves the day as she comes whisking into the hospital wing to check up on her charge.
“Hello dearie, you must be the one Mr. Nott has been going on about all evening,” she says with a knowing glance as she gives Theodore a quick inspection. “Now it’s been my understanding that Mr. Nott hasn’t quite been, well, himself since he woke up. Unfortunately, the specific brew that’s needed for these kinds of things takes a full moon cycle to whip up. Until then...”
You stare at the witch in horror. The idea of being stuck with Theodore for the next month made you want to vomit.
“I feel fine,” Theodore protests, shoving himself into a sitting position and reaching out to clasp onto your hand.
It takes everything in you to not recoil away and you shoot a look at Madam Pomfrey, hoping she’d speak some reason into the boy.
“Well, if you’re sure,” she says instead, “Mr. Nott is clear to go, but do come back if you start feeling dizzy again, I simply won’t have another student fainting in the corridors.”
With that, she ushers Theodore up and out of bed before shooing the both of you out of the hospital wing.
Once the metal doors clang shut behind you, you feel Theodore reach out, grabbing your hand once more.
“Let me walk you to your common room then?” He asks, giving your hand a light squeeze, already tugging you in the direction of Ravenclaw tower.
Resistance seemed futile at this point, so you let the boy drag you along doing your best to avoid conversation and eye contact. You receive several very bewildered stares as you pass your classmates in the hallway, but thankfully no one says anything. Not to your face anyway.
When you finally arrive at your common room door, even the golden eagle mounted to the door looks baffled by your choice of Slytherin companion.
Before you can pull away, Theo presses a soft kiss to the top of your head and you jerk away from him.
“Um, I’ll see you tomorrow carissima,” he murmurs, eyebrows furrowed a bit before he turns and disappears down the corridor.
The first week with Theodore glued to your side is, for lack of better words, literal hell. The next morning on your way down to the great hall for breakfast you simply want to melt into the floor in horror when you find Theodore waiting outside your common room door, garnering a good number of whispers and stares from your fellow housemates.
He takes hold of your hand once again and you begrudgingly follow, silently cursing the brunette boy and the rest of his bloodline.
“Have you finished the charms essay Flitwick assigned last week?” Theodore asks as you stroll through the corridor.
You want to burst out laughing at how comically mundane the question was given the absurdity of the whole situation, but you do your best to keep it together.
“Not quite, just have to wrap up the last few lines I think,” you reply, trying to keep it short.
“We can finish up in the library together tonight then,” Theodore decides.
You open your mouth to protest, but close it just as fast. If you were going to be stuck with this tosser, you might as well extort him you think begrudgingly to yourself.
You can feel several pairs of eyes on you as you sit down next to Theodore at the Slytherin table. Your blue robes stick out like a sore thumb making you rather self conscious. Still, his friends all greet you as if it’s the most normal thing in the world to have you sitting with them and you feel like you’ve entered the twilight zone.
As the rest of the week goes by, it’s all more of the same. Trying to hold back a grimace every time Theodore takes your hand or kisses your forehead good night, pretending you weren’t completely weirded out by the way his friends had so easily adapted you into their little group, ignoring the whispers and side eyes from other students.
Objectively speaking, this could be much worse. Theodore was actually rather tolerable to be around when you weren’t throwing insults back and forth. The real issue was that every time you thought to yourself that Theodore Nott might not be all bad, you’d get a sudden flashback of him and his friends picking on some innocent first or second year, or playing a particularly foul game of quidditch, or the time they’d hexed poor Hermione Granger’s teeth to keep on growing like a beaver's and you’d feel sick to your stomach.
You really didn’t think your hatred for Theodore was all that misplaced. When it came down to it, he and his friends could be down right bullies and you loathed the way they acted as if they were above others. Even now when it came down to it, your whole part in this little cooked up scheme was to protect Theodore’s ego.
It's in the second week that your perception on things begins to crack. You'd been spending a lot of time with Theodore and his friends and, you didn't really know what you had expected, but, it wasn't this.
It was the first time you'd ever been in the Slytherin common room. All dark and cold and dreary. Nothing like Ravenclaw tower, but they were on two opposite ends of the spectrum you supposed. You were sat next to Theodore, buried in your book, one that he had given you, and trying to ignore everything going on around you when a group of first year Slytherins come stumbling into the dungeons, huddled around a young boy who's skin was an alarming shade of electric purple.
You're not prepared for the way the students around you jump into action. Daphne Greengrass is by the boy's side in moments, wiping tears from his cheek as Lorenzo and Pansy interrogate some of the other's as to what had happened.
It had been some second year Gryffindors, one girl said her lower lip trembling. Apparently they had gotten their hands on some of the Weasley twins' underground candies and tricked the poor boy into eating a few.
You watch silently as Draco and Blaise examine the boy before ushering him off to their dormitory, confidently telling him a cure would be easy enough to brew.
In all the commotion, you don't notice Mattheo and Marcus Flint sneaking off to go find a certain group of young lions. But Theodore does.
"Better go make sure they don't take things too far," he sighs, rising from his place next to you and giving your hand a squeeze before following the other boys out of the dungeon. You don't even have time to protest.
You're about to just return to your common room and call it a night when Daphne finds her way over to you, having calmed down most of the shaken up first years, and sits down next to you.
"Sorry you had to see all that," she sighs looking tired and worn down.
"I didn't realize you all were so close," you state, gesturing to some of the older students who had seemingly taken some of the younger ones under their wing now.
"We have to be. If we aren't on our own side, who else will be?" she replies.
When she's met with silence she gives you a tight lipped smile before turning, ready to go.
"So when Theodore and Mattheo get into fights, is it always because—?" You let your words trail off, not really sure where you were taking this and Daphne turns to face you once more.
"Honestly? No. Sometimes they can just be massive pricks. They usually make up for it though." Daphne says as you nod your head in response. "We really do appreciate what you're doing for Theo," she says, switching topics. "I know you don't exactly see eye to eye, and honestly I can't blame you. I know how the boys can be. But between you and me, I've always suspected that he actually liked you, at least a little bit. Maybe this knock to the head got him to finally come to his senses," she laughs.
"I don't know about that. I'm pretty certain once Madam Pomfrey whips up that potion, he'll be right back where we left off," you reply, adding in your own nervous laughter.
"You're only saying that because you don't know what he was really like before. You don't have to believe me, but if you really gave him a chance- you never know."
"Maybe, but I'm pretty sure about this."
Daphne shrugs her shoulders.
"Suit yourself, but um, if you wouldn't mind, maybe don't go spreading this whole incident around the school? We try to keep these kinds of things, discreet. Don't want the other houses to see us sweat and all."
You take a good look at the girl beside you and then at the room full of Slytherin students around you, realizing for the first time that it really did seem as if they had the whole school against them.
"No, of course not. I didn't see a thing," you tell her.
Daphne gives you a grateful smile as she rises to leave.
"He'll be back in a bit. Probably be glad to see you still here," she says before disappearing to her own dormitory.
It's not long before Theodore finally returns, his face lighting up when he spots you still tucked cozily away in your corner, nose buried in the pages of your book.
Theo was very confused to say the least. It had been almost three weeks since he'd been knocked off his broom in that match against the Gryffindors, and things just felt, off. Truth be told, he couldn't really seem to remember much of anything since before the fall. Not clearly at least. It was all fuzzy shadows and warped conversation, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't make sense of it all.
The only thing he was really certain about, was you. He remembered dreaming about you while he was asleep in the hospital wing, and how angry you had been that day before his match, though he couldn't quite place why. He had worried that that was why you weren't there when he woke up, maybe you were mad at him.
But then the next time he opened his eyes you were there, gazing down at him, and everything had just felt right. Your hand had slotted perfectly with his and he was sure that, out of everyone, you were the person he could trust the most.
So why did you look like you were in pain every time he approached? Why did you flinch away whenever his lips brushed the top of your head? Why did it feel as if you were holding him at an arms length?
All this swirled around in Theo's mind as he sat on the library sofa next to you, watching the warm glow of the fireplace dance across your face.
"Have I done something to make you upset carissima?" Theo asks, the words leaving his mouth before he can stop them.
You look up at him, startled by the abrupt question as you snap your book shut.
"No, why do you ask?"
Theo watches you turn your body to face him now, tilting your head as he furrows his eyebrows, trying to put the words together.
"I just, remember things being different, I think," he replies, hating how his brain wasn't letting him form cohesive thoughts.
"Oh?" You look surprised at his statement, eyes darting away from him and Theo can tell he's onto something.
"Was it before the match? Before I fell? Were we fighting about something carissima?" He asks again.
It's obvious you're thinking hard about what to say as Theo reaches out to take your hands in his. For once you don't flinch away from his touch, instead just staring at your intertwined fingers.
"It was something like that," you mumble as Theo rubs careful circles around your knuckles.
“I don’t think I remember a lot very clearly. It’s frustrating sometimes,” Theo admits. “But I remember you.”
“Yeah? What do you remember about me?”
“I remember how you always say hello to the painting outside of the charms classroom. And how you like to sneak snacks into astronomy. I remember the time in third year when we were flying on the quidditch pitch and you were about to get hit by a bludger so I had to move you out of the way.”
You blink at the last memory Theodore shares. You knew what he was talking about, but that’s not how you remembered it. You had been flying yes, when Theodore had come out of nowhere, shoving you while in the sky and then turning, laughing while calling you an idiot. You’d never even seen the bludger.
“I remember kissing you under the bleachers, and holding you by the fireplace. I remember you telling me you loved me.”
And that's where he lost you. Those memories, you didn't know where they came from, but for Theo, they were real. And who knew he was such a sap? You'd never thought the boy was even capable of having emotions.
"Can we start over? I don't remember why you were upset. But I'm sorry. I just want what little memory I have to go back to normal."
Theo watches as you let out a deep sigh. Every word out of Theodore’s mouth was like a punch to the gut, absolutely devastating any sort of resolve you had still been holding.
“Sure Theodore.”
“Just Theo,” he corrects as he pulls you into his arms, tucking your head snuggly under his chin.
The last week you have with Theo, or at least with this version of him, you spend trying not to get too attached. You'd grown rather used to having the boy appear by your side to carry your books or to sneak snacks into the library for you when you'd spent the last several hours putting the final touches on your ancient runes essay. You didn't even mind having to constantly tell him and Mattheo to quiet down anymore.
As it turned out, Daphne had been right about one thing. Theodore and his friends could absolutely be obnoxious, arrogant, pompous pricks, but they did have their ways of charming their way back into your favor. The little parasites. They'd grown on you.
You knew that Madam Pomfrey had finished brewing the elixir before Mattheo could open his mouth just by the guilty expressions on his and Lorenzo's faces when they walked into the Slytherin common room. You'd been frequenting the dungeons a lot more recently, but it looked like that was about to come to an end.
"It's ready then?" you ask, tucking your book away as your hand falls to rest on Theo's arm.
Mattheo just nods his head as you all turn to look at Theo who's still focused on his own book.
"Hey. Madam Pomfrey says she wants to give you one last check. Just to make sure your head is on straight," Mattheo says, thumping Theo on the shoulder.
"Why? I feel fine," Theo replies, an air of annoyance laced in his voice as he's torn away from his book.
"Don't know mate. Just humor the old bat," Enzo sighs.
Theo rolls his eyes before reluctantly rising from the couch, offering you a hand up as well.
"Coming along carissima?" he asks, already reaching out for your hand, but you dodge away.
"I think I'm going to head back up to Ravenclaw tower actually. It's getting pretty late," you reply, feigning a small yawn.
As you exit the dungeons, Enzo catches you by the arm.
"Are you sure you don't want to come with? We don't know for sure that he'll, ya know, go back."
"It's fine Lorenzo. I just- I really can't be up there. We all knew this wasn't a real, permanent thing. I just want to finish my book," you reply, backing away. "I hope Theodore feels more himself, I guess."
You can see Lorenzo's face visibly shift as you revert back to Theodore's full name, his whole demeanor stiffening.
"Right well. Have a night y/n."
And then he's gone.
When you finally make it all the way back to your tower, you collapse onto one of the sofas overlooking the castle grounds, eager to distract yourself by diving back into you book.
"Just come back from the dungeons?" the voice of Marietta Edgecombe asks, dragging your attention away from your novel.
You nod your head, hoping your short answer would encourage the girl to move on quickly.
"I called that one so early on. I've been telling Cho for years, those two are going to end up together, I just know it. And I was right!" she says gleefully, giving your shoulder a little squeeze before flouncing off.
“You came,” Theodore’s voice rings out from his spot on one of the stone benches that lined the walls of the astronomy tower.
“I did,” you reply carefully, watching as he leans back inviting you forward.
It had been almost two weeks since the antidote had been brewed and Theodore looked like he hadn’t slept at all in that time frame. You’d spent that time avoiding him, and all the Slytherins really.
You were confused and you hadn't known what to expect when Theodore came back down from the hospital wing. It had been a strange past month, and now you weren't sure where it left the two of you. What did he remember? Did he care?
You take slow steps forward, Theodore’s eyes never leaving yours until you’re standing directly in front of him. He continues to just stare at you, the silence becoming deafening.
“What do you want, Theodore?” You ask finally, growing frustrated as you let out an agitated sigh.
“Just to talk, dolcezza,” he replies lazily, patting the spot on the bench beside him.
“Don’t call me that,” you mutter, rolling your eyes but taking a seat anyway.
“Don’t call me Theodore,” he shoots back.
You feel your eyebrows raise.
“So you remember then?” You ask.
“I remember. Everything from the past month. And before.”
There’s another pause, less uncomfortable this time though as you both consider his words.
“So why am I here Theo?”
“Cause I can’t keep you out of my head mostly,” he replies, rather resigned to the fact.
“Have you tried?”
Theo gives you an exasperated look.
“Obviously. If I could, I’d just loose feelings for you, but it’s not exactly easy to fall out of love with someone you’ve been holding onto for so long. What do you think I’ve been doing for the last two weeks?” He grumbles stubbornly.
"What do you mean 'holding onto for so long'?" you ask, giving the boy a puzzled look. You'd hardly call a month a long time.
Theo just looks at you again as if silently willing you to simply read his mind. Unfortunately for him, that's not how osmosis works. With another long, drawn out sigh, Theo rests his elbows on his knees letting his head fall into his hands as he mumbles incoherently into his palms.
"Huh?"
He mumbles something again, louder this time. You squint at the boy, trying to make something out.
"If you're trying to confess your undying love for me, you're doing an awful job," you tell him.
This gets Theo to glare up at you, a pout almost visible on his lips. Oh how the mighty fall.
"I've liked you for years," he mutters, his chin resting in his palms now as he refuses to look at you. Pride really was a strange thing.
"Well, you've been truly terrible at showing it, you insufferable prat," you say, giving his shoulder a light shove.
Theo just let's out a grunt, watching your hand on the bench next to him from the corner of his eye. Dear Rowena, you had no idea how you'd ended up falling for this prick.
"But, I suppose you've been, significantly less insufferable this last month or so," you finish, carefully resting your head on his shoulder.
"If you're trying to say you like me too, you're doing an awful job," Theo responds, causing you to immediately tear yourself away from the boy once more.
A smile finally cracks Theo's lips as he smirks playfully up at your deadpan reaction.
"I take it back. I actually hate you. You are the worst."
"Aw, come on now carissima, did the last month mean nothing to you?" Theo asks, pulling you back into him, the same way he did that one night in the library.
"It meant literally nothing. You were being weirdly nice and clingy the whole time," you reply, begrudgingly feeling yourself melt into him.
It wasn't your fault you'd been going through withdrawals the last two weeks, okay? Theo's chest shakes with laughter against your head.
"Contrary to popular belief, I can be somewhat tolerable sometimes."
"Then why the fuck have you spent the last several years being such a prick? It was just pushing me away you know."
"That was kind of the point," Theo says, making you scoff. "Love is weakness and all."
God, the emotional whiplash was going to make you sick.
"Well, which one is the real you?"
"Can't it be both?"
"Not if you want me to put up with your sorry arse."
Theo lets out another quiet laugh.
"Well, you might have to learn to love both sides, because I do fear you're stuck with me," Theo responds, pulling you closer to his chest. "Now come here you little minx."
Before you can protest, Theo's hand has found your chin, tilting your head up just enough for him to capture your lips with his own. It's soft, hesitant at first, as if he's not sure if you'll pull away or not. But your hand finds its way into his hair, pulling him closer still as you move your lips against his, nipping, teasing. You can feel the smile grow on Theo's face as he deepens the kiss, his other hand finding it's way to rest on your thigh.
When you finally pull away, you can still feel his warm breath on your face as he presses a gentle kiss to your forehead.
"For the record, I still hate you," you say, still slightly out of breath, a teasing smile playing across your lips.
"I'm sure you do carissima. I hate you too," Theo replies before engulfing you in his arms once more.
Taglist: @adreamingpendulum @ahead-fullofdreams
#slytherin boys#theodore nott#theo nott#theodore nott fic#theodore nott fanfic#theodore nott fanfiction#theodore nott x reader#theodore nott x you#theodore nott x y/n#theo nott fanfic#theo nott fanfiction#theo nott x reader#theodore nott imagine#theodore nott one shot
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Okay, here's my criticism of this post I keep seeing -- and no, it's not what you think. I know, my longtime followers who know the kinds of things I post about a lot are probably thinking, "Oh, I know what their objection is going to be. It's going to be that 18-19 year olds are adults who can date older partners if they choose to." But no, that's not it this time! Yes, I do believe it's fine for young adults to date older adults if they choose to (and am accordingly rolling my eyes at all the "This should go up to 25!" comments in the notes), but. That's not my issue here. In fact, precisely because I believe that young adults dating older adults is morally neutral, I'm not at all concerned about the efficacy of the messaging against it. My concern is that underage minors being in sexual/romantic relationships with adults is actually harmful and dangerous, and therefore young people actually should be warned against it, and this is not an effective warning.
Fellow old people, do y'all remember being 14? At all? Would you have found this warning effective and compelling at that age?
I for sure would not! I did not! Quite the opposite!
Put yourself in the young person's position here. You have no rights. You're treated as someone with no agency. Your parents, teachers, government, and society as a whole treats you as some combination of "nuisance," "ticking time bomb," and "unthinking blob." Developmentally, you're at a phase of life when you should be transitioning to a more adult role, but everyone around you demonizes you for that desire. All your thoughts, feelings, and opinions are dismissed as the inconsequential ravings of Just A Dumb Kid Who Doesn't Know Any Better. You meet someone who treats you with basic human politeness, tells you that he likes you and that you're mature, actually treats you like you have two brain cells to rub together. Of course you're going to be drawn to him. And then when other adults warn you that obviously of course he doesn't really like you, that's impossible, of course you're not really mature, no one could possibly see you that way; actually you're naive and incapable of making your own decisions, and the way your parents/teachers/society treat you is completely justified. Are you going to heed those warnings?
Why are adults absolutely constitutionally incapable of giving good, necessary advice to teenagers without fucking insulting them in the process? Of course teenagers don't listen to it! Why would anyone??
"Oh, well, of course teenagers don't listen, because they're stubborn, and immature, and biologically determined to make bad decisions, which is all the more reason they need to be controlled," say adults, completely oblivious to the actual problem.
When I was a teenager, the big moral panic at the time was teen pregnancy, and we were all inundated with the least effective cautionary tales in the world: "If you get pregnant as a teen, you'll have to leave your parents' care and function as an adult!" Which left every girl who'd intentionally gotten pregnant for the explicit purpose of escaping her abusive parents saying "Yeah, that was the goal." And every girl who was looking for a way of escaping her abusive parents to think "What a great idea!" Today the big moral panic is older partners, but if the appeal of an older partner is that he treats you like someone capable of making your own decisions, why would you be persuaded by a counterargument of "Don't listen to him, of course you're not capable of making your own decisions!"?
Again. I'm saying this because I agree that adults dating minors is a bad thing and that minors should be warned against it. EFFECTIVELY.
That said, this is my advice to any 17-or-younger person being pursued by an 18+-year-old partner: Listen. You deserve so much better than the way society treats you. You deserve to be taken seriously. You deserve to make your own decisions in life. You have a mind of your own, and people should recognize that instead of treating your pesky "free will" as a personal affront or an inconvenient glitch. You can and should think for yourself. You deserve, and I hope you have, relationships with older people who validate those truths about you. However. You are still legally and materially powerless. I don't have to tell you that. You live it every day. Someone older than you -- and therefore, inherently, legally, more powerful than you -- should not be trying to extract things from you. Money, sex, unpaid labor, anything of value. Someone more powerful than you who truly values you, values your friendship, values you as a person, will be mindful of your status and not try to extract anything from you. Cross-age friendships are good. Older people can and should genuinely like and appreciate you, and you can and should genuinely like and appreciate them. But if they try to extract anything from you, run away.
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Yeah sure we’ve all binged a long fic, but have you ever read a WIP and followed someone’s life?
Tidbits of information - (“I graduated today!”) - and small joys (“It’s my birthday!”) and you get to be there to say “This chapter made me cry, happy birthday, thank you for gifting us this”.
I remember reading this fic of someone at the end of high school, older than me then. They seemed infinitely wise, spoke of their future career and getting into the college they wanted. I remember them posting on days they felt like nothing could bring them down - and on days the whole world did and it’s the aftermath of a hospital visit. Cancer, I think it was, their father. I got to the end of the story, I know their father was fine, but also they got to finish their WIP. I graduated three years later than them, still dutifully wrote thank you notes in every comment. I wonder if they remember me, or just the collective of people reading the story as it updates.
Four years ago I was into my first year of university, my first year of figuring out being out in public spaces. I made excuses as to why my name didn’t match my paperwork and read a fic on the train, the same five chapters over and over again for the next years as I thought the story abandoned. It updated this week after such a long hiatus, I left another thank you comment.
There’s an author I love, they update their stories like a clockwork. When they don’t, I check their blog, just to see if their doing alright, not because I feel like they owe me, just to ensure whether I better get out my laptop to write that really detailed university level essay chapter analysis to get them smiling when their day sucked.
And then, once, when I was 17, I read a fic that hadn’t updated in over a decade. I wasn’t even in primary school when it started posting. On the last chapter, I left a comment that, in retrospect, was horribly rambly and most likely full of grammar mistakes. The author replied and though I couldn’t see their face, I thought of them crying. They were married now, had children, and hadn’t thought about this fic in years. They went through their files again, found another half written chapter and an outline. I got two new chapters to read that year.
And then, recently, someone told me they got back into writing original fiction because of my comments. I get to read nearly weekly chapters.
I love binge reading a finished fic, but nothing is ever going to top the feeling of anticipation of waiting for a chapter, the pure joy when someone tells you I was done with this, but you made me think of it again, so this is for you.
Anyway, I think we should romanticize reading WIPs more, growing up alongside the authors writing the stories we love.
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Manhandling him
Multiple character headcannon
Authors note: UGH pls this whole things was for jokes bc I can’t really be that ask to make something I feel is good. Teehee. Also I can mischaracterise all I want okay let a girl dream pls. (POST-TIMESKIP!!)
Warning: man it’s like the smallest hint of the nasty freaky stuff
“Babe, you got something on your face. Let me just…” You reach out to your boyfriend, making him look your way by gripping his chin firmly while you flick away a bit of ‘glitter’ from his cheek. “There you go.”
Strike one.
That was just the beginning of your strange behavior today.
“Hey baby, c’mere I wanna kiss…” you call him over from the other side of the kitchen counter, only to yank on his collar and pull him in for one hell of a snog. “Seriously, you have no business looking this good today.”
Strike two.
Just what was up with you today?
You just got home from work, and as he’s about to sit up to see you, you suddenly push him back down onto the couch, mumbling something about how much you “missed him”.
Strike three.
You run your fingers through his hair, pulling him closer to your lips, but then you pause to check out his face.
Perhaps you took this prank too far…
The type to be oddly into it
“…are you hard?”
This snaps your boyfriend out of his thoughts.
He’d never ever ever thought he could find himself in a situation like this. this is the kind of stuff you see in movies, right? I mean, come on!
Just picture how mortifying it is to be turned on from someone mistreating you! It’s pathetic!
He can’t just blurt out, ‘oh hell yeah I’m hard’ in response to that question—why would anyone even think to ask that? What can a guy do in a moment like this except deny it?
“What? N-no!…” He glances away, feeling the weight of your intense gaze. “…maybe?”
When you raise an eyebrow at him, his mask crumbles entirely. There’s no use in pretending.
You’ve already seen right through him, leaving him no option but to retreat into a shadowy corner and disappear.
“Yeah.” He responds, his voice tinged with disappointment. “I…I am.”
Maybe it’s because of the way you handled him like he was nothing that made him so bothered.
Maybe it was the way you looked so desperate to have him that did it for him.
Either way, he’s discovered something about himself he never knew he ever had.
And make no mistake, you were going to exploit this discovery to the fullest.
“Have I told you how much I love you babe?” You pull back from his face after practically devouring it as he stands there, grinning like a lovesick fool, dishes still in hand.
“I think you should tell me more.”
“Wrap up with those dishes, and I’ll give you a demonstration instead.”
Be ready for one hell of a night cowgirl. Wink wink
Charcters: serizawa, armin, EREN, REINER, ukai, ATSUMU, Osamu, Gojo, CHOSO, leviathan, SATAN, DIAVOLO, IIDA, denki, tamaki, CHILDE, Cyno, sanji, LAW
The type to think you’ve finally gone crazy
you call out to him, noticing he seems lost in his phone. Yet, oddly enough, he flinches slightly every time you speak.
This reaction occurs whenever you draw near him, as if your voice startles him, even when you're just a breath away. It’s not that he dislikes your voice; rather, it feels like he’s a bit intimidated by you now.
What happened to the confident guy who was with you just two days ago? Why does he seem to be tiptoeing around you like a child with a fragile toy?
“Y/N…is everything alright?” He approaches you cautiously, maintaining a bit of distance, trying to balance his interest with a hint of hesitation. “You’ve been…um, I just wanted to check—are you upset with me?”
“Upset with you?” You set your phone aside, raising an eyebrow at him. “Why would I be upset? Did you do something wrong?”
That’s the very question he’s grappling with. Your passionate touches and fervent kisses have left him bewildered about your feelings.
Are you so enamored that you can’t help yourself, or are you retaliating for something he might have done? Suddenly, a thought strikes him.
“…If this is about how intense things got last night, I’m sorry, but you did ask for it when I warned you I wouldn’t hold back—” His words are cut short as your hand swiftly covers his mouth.
“No! No that’s—just no. It was a prank babe, a trend I saw online” you say, removing your hand and placing both on his shoulders. “Last night has nothing to do with today or any other day.”
“Not even you complaining about being sore?”
“Not even me complaining about…wait I never did that!”
“Yeah buts it’s easy to tell.”
Charcters: REIGEN, giyuu, giyomei, JEAN, KAGEYAMA, hinata, kuroo, OIKAWA, AKAASHI, geto, NANAMI, Solomon, IZUKU, Diluc, LAIOS, zayne, LAW (Sowy I can see him as both)
The type to also manhandle you
Did you honestly believe you could manhandle him without facing the same treatment in return? Come on this is your boyfriend we’re talking about, In fact, I think he’s thrilled that you can boss him around so effortlessly.
So thrilled that he makes it into a competition
“Okay let’s see who tackles the first person on the bed.” His eyes shine with enthusiasm as he confidently places his hands on his hips. “If I win I get to have my way with you, and if you win, you get to have me have my way with you. Deal?”
You pause for a moment to process his words “…uh, how is that fair?”
“What do you mean?” he replies, brushing off your concern with a grin.
“I think it’s perfectly fair. No matter the outcome, you get a nice little reward, right?” His voice dances with mischief as he nudges you playfully with his elbow, clearly trying to elicit a reaction.
You roll your eyes at him, feigning annoyance, before relenting, “I guess it’s not so bad..”
“Exactly! Now, I’m going to count down. Ready? 3…2…” Before you can fully grasp what’s happening, he lunges at you, tackling you onto the bed before he even reaches 1.
“H-hey! That’s cheating, you can’t do that!” But your protests are ignored, your boyfriend already having you wrapped in his warm embrace, his face buried against your neck.
“This is what you get for how you’ve been treating me today.”
“What are you talking about?” You pause for a moment, though you suspect he’s finally caught on to your little scheme. “You mean me kissing you like any normal woman would with the love of her life?”
“No. Just you touching me all weirdly…”
“Don’t say it like that you make me sound like a perv.”
“Maybe cause you are.”
“I’m not.”
“You are.”
“…”
“…”
“I’m not.”
Charcters: RENGOKU, tengen, connie, NISHINOYA, hinata (yes again), kuroo (YESSS AGAIN), BOKUTO, TENDOU, MAMMON, DENKI (twice and what), kirishima, ITTO, rafayel, LUFFY
The type…yeah you ain’t doing that
Screw everything I just said in the intro. If you genuinely think you can manhandle this man and succeed. You’re crazy.
“Hey, come here, you’ve got something—” The moment your hand nears his face, he seizes your wrist, staring at you as if you’ve just committed a serious offense.
“What are you doing?”
“Uh…I’m trying to like get the little speck of glitter off your face.”
“We don’t own glitter?”
“Dust then?” He shoots you a skeptical glance.
“…sure.”
So that was an absolute fail…
But you’re not ready to throw in the towel just yet. No way! You just need to bide your time until nightfall, when he’s all soft and cuddly. That’s when you’ll make your move.
As the evening unfolds and you’re prepping for bed in the bathroom, you catch sight of him reaching for something in the cupboard above you. This is your moment. The time to pull him in close and—
SMACK
“The hell? What was that for?” He rubs his forehead, clearly taken aback by your sudden move.
Who knew kissing your boyfriend could be this complicated? Somehow, you ended up colliding headfirst into him, and now he’s clearly fed up with you.
“That wasn’t how it was supposed to go…” you say with a shy smile, nervously scratching the back of your head. “You alright?”
You gently move his hand away from his forehead to check for any damage, and to your surprise, he lets you.
Wait a minute… you actually moved his hand, and he’s okay with it? Is this manhandling? I think it’s manhandling. It’s manhandling.
“…I did it.”
“Did what?”
“I touched you!”
“??”
Pls stop confusing this man he’s already tired enough.
Charcters: dimple, akashi, MIDORIMA, aomine, sanemi, KAGEYAMA (yes again), TSUKISHIMA, iwaizumi, TOJI, LUCIFER, bakugou, AIZAWA, sylus, ZORO
#x reader#smut#reigen x reader#jjk x reader#genshin x reader#demon slayer x reader#aot x reader#haikyu x reader#obey me x reader#mha x reader#op x reader#laios x reader#luffy x reader#zoro x reader#bakugo x reader#itto x reader#mammon x reader#bokuto x reader#iwaizumi x reader#reiner x reader#rengoku x reader#fluff#knb x reader#lads x reader#choso x reader#gojo x reader#gojo smut#choso smut#jjk smut#haikyuu smut
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