#z.rant

[boyslit]

you know why i miss malls?

places to fucking sit down

the fucking local Walmart has removed every bench and I'm about to start digging into why and raise hell about it I'm fucking tired of this shit

[boyslit]

bunch of cowards, they won't even come kill us with their own hands. i demand blood sport, not this faffing about in politics!! I've got 35 years of repressed queer ex-Catholic rage and i want Erin houchin's head on a platter!!!!!

[boyslit-moving]

i am going to fucking wreck everything as soon as i build it in moonbrook you fuckers deserve NOTHING. NOTHING.

YOU DESERVE TO HAVE MY HAND SPILL YOUR BLOOD IN THE STREET. YOU DESERVE TO HAVE YOUR BONES BREAK BENEATH MY BOOTS. YOU DESERVE TO WITHER AND DIE IN THE COLD UNCEASING WIND.

YOU DESERVE LESS THAN NOTHING AND I WILL DESTROY YOU FOR BREAKING MY BOND WITH MY BELOVED THROUGH TREACHERY

[boyslit-moving]

nevermind, going on reddit was a mistake

'why do we as mc have to be sad about someone we didn't really even meet' ... tingyun was important to people we did have more time spent with?? also shows xianzhou funerary traditions which are really very different from short-life species?! something something literal main character syndrome

i shouldn't even be wasting brain power on this

[boyslit-moving]

the worst thing Internet bros have done to fashion is make people think of trilbies when they say "fedora"

your stupid head isn't wearing a fedora, you are no Indiana Jones, you are a dipstick in a trilby and i hate you

fedoras are beautiful, and originally a women's hat. which is of course no surprise that it was co-opted by MRAs 🙄

anyway. that's my little rant for today. toodles.

[boyslit-moving]

not sure what I did to deserve this (I don't) (capitalism and ableist expectations did this to me) (I will live with this for the rest of my life)

[boyslit-moving]

I mean you can do whatever the fuck you want forever

but headcanoning a canonically genderless character who uses they/them as using he/him pronouns when the character in question is visually male presenting is not groundbreaking and in fact feels very counterproductive and upsetting

I guess especially as a transmasc person who gets constantly she/her'd irl because of visible tits and higher voice it's particularly upsetting

the fact that the localization team has stuck so firmly to the they/them pronouns usage for the Aeons, not just in texts and descriptions but in the language of literally any person speaking about them! the entire world has adjusted to the genderlessness of the powers that be. like that means a ton to me.

idk this is something that personally rubs me raw in the worst way and I understand English isn't everyone's first language but goddamn. if you're giving another aeon who looks visually feminine 'they/them' in the same post where you've given a visually masculine character 'he/him' when they're both canonically 'they/them' I'm side-eyeing you so fucking hard

[boyslit-moving]

it is such a fucking slap in the face to sit around a fire with a bunch of retirees talking about how they paid $500 for a semester of college, and at that point they didn't "Even know what a student loan was"

i sat there and ground my teeth until my jaw ached

i don't think it was malicious but at the same time ... i want to literally explode and take out the entire county with me. you people paid for part of your children's college. you just admitted to me that your kid has 80. fucking. thousand. dollars. in student loans from grad school

i get so nauseous fucking thinking about it. i think that's part of why i am so hesitant even to take 1 class at the community college. i hate your costs i hate your fees no where else in the fucking world does it cost this much to learn

sick and shaking and i want to put everyone who made this shit possible in a saw trap

[boyslit-moving]

last time the psychiatrist bumped up my meds bc he 'wasn't convinced' i was feeling better. im like man im never a cheerful little bubble of fun i have chronic pain. the mere fact that im doing my activities again should be proof enough? idk. the appointment is tomorrow and i don't know that 30mg has made any sort of difference tbph

i also feel like he dismissed my adhd symptoms as being part of the depressive/anxiety shit but i dont remember what was said verbatim so i don't know if i should go 'my mother regularly yelled at me for forgetting every second school assignment, my shoes, and other important items. since I was in kindergarten. my teachers got on my case for 'daydreaming'. i had difficulty forming strong friendships with my peers because my emotional responses were often 'too much' and i hyperfocused on things that caught my attention instead of socializing. i. i dont know how much more long-term evidence i'd need to present and also ive got a diagnosis but id have to call the center that did it to get results bc my strongbox has been broken/lost key for years. and i have no idea where that shit is.

.. edit; this has been in my drafts for ages and i should've followed my gut bc i ended up getting triggered from feeling dismissed and shut down again and walked out of the appointment crying and luckily my therapist had a minute for a crisis session. Christ. anyway not going back to old man condescension. gonna see if regular doctor will prescribe the thing i was already on at the stable dose and get me back on the Ritalin but the xr dose bc I've figured out the weird headaches and shit that bothered me before.

[boyslit-moving]

literally any moonbrookian besides esther: tries to talk to me

me: shut up. die. do not breathe in my direction

[boyslit-moving]

dqb2 spoilers/vent

really didn't remember the full extent to which this game shreds me :)

we saved the island but my fucking husband wants a divorce so what's even the point

i should've slaughtered them all and dragged my man home with blood on our hands instead

[boyslit-moving]

i learned so many things i didnt want to know as a janitor tbph

i didn't wanna learn that piss eats through floor wax

i didn't wanna learn that piss smell sinks into tile grout forever

i didn't wanna have to learn the hard way to check that i have badge access where i need it in case i get locked outside the facility in a downpour

i didn't wanna learn what garbage compactors smell like (it's month-old fermented garbage juice, rotten cardboard and hot metal)

i didn't wanna learn that drainflies are called that because that's where they live if you don't clean your floor drains

now every time i see drain flies in a public bathroom or anywhere in a business all i can think is 'did you motherfuckers not sanitize your drains' and its very hard not to stare at them judgementally bc how would i know whose responsibility that is

i used the restroom at my partner's dentist's and i had to bite my tongue so i didn't ask the receptionist to make sure they're cleaning their drains

and i hate that i hate drainflies because their round little wings are adorable but their presence means dirty drains 😩

[boyslit-moving]

EVERY TIME I THINK ABOUT ONI I THINK ABOUT HOW THAT TIME I GOT REINCARNATED AS A SLIME DID THEM FUCKING DIRTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[boyslit-moving]

the starsending spell level material amounts are different from the last 3 events >:( i can't complete my spreadsheet like this!! I just needed to know the first four levels...

[boyslit-moving]

like i actually have secret pronouns which are they/them but i feel like when i give people a choice of 'he' or 'they', they always, always immediately and consistently reach for 'they' and in my heart it feels like a cop-out and like the -masc part of transmasc is getting intentionally ignored. like 'they' is safe for people because it means 'girl lite' to them and that makes my skin crawl

like no i can't actually see what people are thinking about this but it happens most of the time and i got tired of my he/him gathering dust. after a certain threshold the choice feels malicious u know

so that's probably why this is getting my dander up

the desperate need of some people to gender an ambiguous creature with he or she instead of a CANON they and in the same fucking breath when given the option to use gendered and genderless pronouns for a real breathing person they will only use the genderless one. ???

i don't know, I've been in a lot of pain and I'm dissociating hard but this is something that's been stewing away under a lid for years and recent bullshit just popped the timer

i try to give people the benefit of the doubt because i have my lapses of memory and confusion but goddamn there is such a thing as a death by a thousand cuts

[boyslit-moving]

am i allowed to bitch again about those 'Disney style' twst merch things looking like shit? they look so low effort and genuinely off-putting that i just make this face every time i scroll past one