#zam refuses to give up and ro refuses to give in

[mcytegg]

finally watched the stone sword stream and i feel So Sane abt drastics. btw.

[derww]

full lifestealtober2024 fic masterlist.

DAY 1: HEARTS – Unable to live in a world where his best friend is rapidly turning into a monster, ItzSubz_ makes a choice. (CW Death, suicidal ideations, god complex, self-harm)

DAY 2: MACE – Clown has no plans to participate in the Peace Trials, but Squiddo says he has to, so he does.

DAY 3: DISTRESS – Trying to save the spawn, Zam breaks the Oath. (CW Temporary death)

DAY 4: PACIFIST – Zam kills Mapicc. Accidentally. (CW Temporary death)

DAY 5: BUILD – Zam refuses to leave the floating islands because Subz made them. (CW Temporary Death)

DAY 6: BURN – Despite shapeshifting to suit his teammates better, Zam is still too human for the war. (CW Injury, death, trauma, suicide)

DAY 7: ALIANCE – Wemmbu misses the moment when he does become not an ally, but a teammate.

DAY 8: POTION – Pacifist Zam does not need strength pots. When you are not planning to fight, why would you waste your space?

DAY 9: TRIO — Zam involuntarily grows horns – a symbol of his trust in Subz. It's bad.

DAY 10: VILLAIN – Spoke puts everything on the line for the realization of an absolute plan. (CW Violence, temporary death)

DAY 11: GIFT – It's time for Vi to say goodbye to Jumper. (CW Death, suicidality)

DAY 12: SECRET – Zam meets Mane. They are enemies now, but still not really.

DAY 13: GAME – Under Rek's leadership, Lifestealers go to the BlockWars. With the degree of strangeness expected of them.

DAY 14: KILL – The Abyss makes a special gift for Zam.

DAY 15: TREASURE – Zam gets his happy ending with Vi and Subz, but nothing is that simple.

DAY 16: WOUND – Vi doesn't quite understand what's wrong and decides to check for himself. A direct continuation of day 15. (CW Suicide, death, DDDNE)

DAY 17: FLIGHT – Defeated in battle, the Empire is hiding underground. Zam comes to help.

DAY 18: EXPLOSION – PB&J defeats Wemmbu, but for some reason he refuses to just die. (CW Death, violence)

DAY 19: WEAPON – Kaboodle has a blue bow. It is not just a weapon. She knows it.

DAY 20: BLOSSOM – One day Poafa just decides that he wants to photosynthesize instead of eating netherrack. He's too stubborn to give up.

DAY 21: SIGNS – Mapicc invites Ro in the Abyss. Again. Again. Again. And again. (CW Temporary death, violence)

DAY 22: PUPPET – Leo fights in a war. Many things feel not right. (CW Death)

DAY 23: PROTECTION – Zam gets splashed with some kind of really bad potion. Gladly, Pangi is here to help. (CW Temporary blindness)

DAY 24: BACKSTAB – Zam thinks he can't kill Pangi. He still does it. (CW Violence, death)

DAY 25: VOID – Zam really wanted to be called the Voidwalkers. They are still called the Abyss, but they do walk on the void.

DAY 26: POWER – There is something wrong with Ash's bow. This has absolutely nothing to do with Dodgebolt.

DAY 27: DECIMATION – Bitter Jumper!centric about PB&J. (CW Death, violence, gore)

DAY 28: POSSESSION – Zam stays in the Spepticle's body after Minute's death. War continues, as well as the battle for the control of the body. (CW Death, violence, religious themes)

DAY 29: HAVOC – Vi jumps into the void and hears the god. He has nothing to lose and he has to make sure Jumper will be fine, so he asks to join the Abyss. Maybe there are more reasons than that. (CW Death, suicidal ideations)

DAY 30: LOVE – True Abyss member Jumper and a happy end.

DAY 31: END – Building on the Lifesteal, ItzSubz_ does not expect that his buildings will really stand. It's a little harder than just that.

[mering]

design experimenting. two completely incongruent dudes

originally put this in the tags but it was getting long. having fun trying to figure out how to approach ls designs... key tenets:

1) wildly clashing styles of dress

2) costume elements. if someone is wearing historical clothing they are effectively larping like that says something about you. clown being a clown says something about him. etc. leaning into ballet costume/wrestling costume/theater/etc depending on the character in question because it's fun.

in relation to a bunch of people intentionally dressing up weird, wearing normal clothes also says something ("there is no c!mapicc he just hates you" etc). mapicc wearing whatever the fuck is also related to like, you know when he starts wearing diamond so zam will quit freaking out. sometimes he wants to look like the underdog, and it also has to do with part of mapicc and zam's conflict in season 4 being about... how do i put it. the same parts of zam's playstyle that make him a useful ally are the things he stubbornly refuses to change even when it would be tactically smarter to do something else. he hates that mapicc won't ever just build a base, but mapicc not living the way zam does is part of what keeps them from getting even for so long. mapicc doesn't need villagers because zam sets up villagers and then dies to him and that feeds him gear. zam has a set of rules for how to play fair in his head that mapicc does not ascribe to, mapicc can play "weaker" and still come out on top because he's "cheating" by zam's rulebook.

so mapicc's design is meant to starkly contrast both ro and zam in different ways. ro design choices feel self explanatory, he's always trying to dramatize and then it lands in the goofiest way possible so he needs to be a little over the top. at the same time he completely refuses to take things seriously when it's OTHER people's thing in question, so he's a mix of trying to give off a certain image some of the time but expressive and kinda mocking in body language. he has "mostly monochrome vaguely historical outfit design" in common with zam because on top of the literal monochrome skins, they both have a thing about trying the same tactics over and over again regardless of evidence against its efficacy, trying to return to something or preserve something which is impossible to preserve by nature.

3) leaning away from animal or monster elements common to mcrp character design because i wanna focus in on how someone would choose to present themselves through both clothing and...

4) how much of your human face/body you're choosing to reveal (sliding scale of abstraction; some characters appear more or less human at different moments). so you can have inhuman designs but it leans away from the organic towards the symbolic if that makes sense. this is sort of my visual shorthand for how lifesteal's roleplay works but it's hard to explain what i mean by that

[zylian]

modern au where after TA has a messy friend group break up they, a year later, have a surprise reunion which is really just an unexpected sleepover cause the whole cities power goes out and the only person who has a generator is zam (long writing)

surprisingly ro shows up first, very dramatically apologizing for showing up with a pillow in hand and every nerve in zam is screaming for him to turn him away but ro starts begging him with his hands together pleading as he can’t sleep without an ac on and he can already feel the cool air in zams house so he can’t possibly just leave

he starts crying when going down the steps to zams house after zams 5th refusal and zam gets this very bad feeling about what could happen if anyone see's or hears ro crying anywhere near him

so in a panic he lets ro crash for the night where ro immediately runs upstairs and takes zams king sized bed while yelling "goodnight!" as he slams the door shut leaving zam with silence

knowing this was a bad idea to let ro in with how mapic always happens to show up if ro's around, zam calls terrain to calm himself and to ask what he should do

terry is baffled, not helpful in the slightest and from his reaction he makes it sound like zam killed someone which doesn't help zam feel any better but says he’ll bring popcorn and set up a movie so zam wouldn’t be alone if things got too bad

zam immediately questions what terrain meant by "too bad" which is not helping his nerves but terrain cuts the call and leaves zam to ponder in the middle of his living room on how worse things could possibly get

zam than hears a knock on the door just as he was lost in thought and since knowing how terrain would not give him the courtesy of running over to his place, he braces himself and opens the door to someone unexpected

the second person to show up was none other than spoke, when zam opened the door spoke’s eyes were watering while he was holding a box of frozen hot pockets and without a word from any of them, spokes stomach growled

zam sighed, holding his head in one hand as the other opens the door wider to let spoke in, he runs towards zams microwave and zam has to run after him to warn him that ro was sleeping upstairs so he can’t make too much noise

spoke almost trips hearing that, quickly shoving a hot pocket in the microwave and looking at zam with the widest questioning eyes while stepping towards zam and asking why in the world the number one person who hates him is in his house

to zam it’s not bad if spoke visits since he technically wasn’t there when the group broke up and floats about but ro? in his house? after the argument that led to him breaking his arm and ro breaking his leg? yeah spoke had a point to question what the hell ro was doing in zams house

spoke did not like ro when he heard what happened as he was the one to help zam recover while ro pranced around sobbing about his casted arm, zam's happy spoke cares but he can't be having spoke fighting ro at all

zam immediately start telling him they both know how bad ro’s sleep issues are but spoke wasn’t buying it, telling zam he needs to kick ro out as this will not end well in any scenario ever

zam hates it but spokes right, in the morning it would be 10x worse, terrain was also coming over and the looming threat of mapic showing up was making him dizzy

they argue over who’s gonna wake ro up and kick him out whisper yelling until they hear the door unlock, the front door that zam just locked, that no one should have the key to, has unlocked and the door knob was turning

zam shushed spoke and they horrifyingly watched the door slowly open and the next person to arrive was the one and only mapic, his eyes scanned the room the second he slipped inside until landing onto spoke and than zam where zam immediately slides behind spoke after making eye contact

mapic opens his mouth first, with nothing giving away his feelings or thoughts he questions why ro’s location was saying he was here

spoke pipes up first knowing damn well if zam speaks a word mapics mood will sour so he explains that ro crashed here for zams ac since the cities powers out

mapic lets out an irritated sigh and zam was going to add that he didn’t do anything but spoke was squeezing his wrist so hard that zam knew he needed to keep his mouth shut and not move

mapic walks through zams house, looking down at his phone to find ro, zam feels sick watching mapic move as if he still remembers the layout of his place while spoke takes his hot pocket out of the microwave and leads them both to sit on the couch

zam follows with no resistance, eyes still watching as mapic goes upstairs and vanishing out of sight, he doesn’t really know what to do, maybe mapics gonna grab ro and drag him out? it’s wishful thinking to assume both mapic and ro are gonna leave quietly so he sinks into the couch while spoke happily eats his food

the house is really quiet when the door opens again, this time it’s the expected guest terrain and zam starts to think it might’ve been a bad idea to call terry as the entire TA group is back under his roof while they are all on not talking terms

terrain immediately throws the popcorn at zam, greeted spoke and than put on a movie, it should have been fine, really the house isn't burning down and terrain picked- didn't pick a romcom for once

terrain sits beside zam and zam finally stops thinking until terry asks why zams door wasn’t locked

zams breath starts to pick up, yeah the door he clearly locked when spoke showed up had unlocked itself, terrain doesn't know mapic showed up, mapic has a key to his house, the house he specifically changed all the locks to after the TA breakup

the implications of how bad things kept getting and they all haven't even seen each other were sending him off the edge, spoke had to start calling zams name to get him to focus

in the midst of stopping an oncoming panic attack, terrain obliviously goes to find blankets wanting to be cozy on the couch and goes to zams room where all the blankets, where he vaguely remembers, are stored at which just so happens to be where mapic and ro were talking

after spoke and zam finish the popcorn more than halfway through the movie, spoke turns the movie off very abruptly, zam who's very lost asks why and spoke simply points upstairs and zam realizes terrain never actually came back downstairs from wherever he wondered off to

silence fills the house once again, spoke goes upstairs with zam looking for terrain, zam starts to question if he was too zoned into the movie to notice if he left, did mapic leave? was mapic still in his house? zam was not liking his mind right now but it didn't matter as spoke opened the door to his bedroom

laying on zams bed was ro, mapic and terrain all fast asleep in a mountain of blankets

zam was in shock looking at how unorganized yet comfortable they were as spoke started to push them around so he could crawl in too, lost in what he was seeing, zam barely reacted when spoke just yanked him in the bed as well

wanting to avoid the awkwardness when the morning comes was voided as the coziness of the super soft blankets immediately brought him under

when the morning came it wasn't too bad, no one really moved even after all of them woke up, first to speak was mapic, apologizing for making a key to zams house the day after zam changed the locks, zam was baffled next day???, than next was spoke apologizing to zam for stealing his keys so mapic could make a copy of it and zam proceeded to kick spoke under the blankets to which everyone chuckled at

when the laughter stopped terrain started apologizing seriously for running away and avoiding all of them when they really needed him which was very unexpected, they all started to say it was okay as his life got busy but than he got a kick from mapic under the blanket and they all couldn't help but laugh at terry's reaction

than next at the same time zam and ro apologized for breaking the others arm/leg and got super emotional about the other actually forgiving them, though mapic pipes up about not forgiving zam for hurting ro

he ruined the vibe terrain says, but spoke chimes in saying he doesn't forgive ro for hurting zam leading to spoke and mapic squabbling about who was in the wrong more, getting no where as they start insulting each other completely off topic

zam tries to get up to leave but ro pulls him down, stating that they all can't leave until they talk this out, talk out the infinite problems from last year while kicking each other until its solved

they all rolled their eyes giving in and tucking themselves closer into the blankets as ro starts retelling where the problems began as everyone chimes in to correct him throughout

at least it wasn't as bad as zam thought it was gonna get but he never expected for his year long avoidance of anything about TA to lead to them actually talking it out, he just hopes he has enough food in the fridge to feed all of them after this

[siren-of-fire]

I have seen people say Mocha would hate Pili 2 because he hurt Pangi but honestly I don't think he would. Pili 2 would be alot more mad at Mocha if anything in my opinion.

Mocha's life was never kind to him and the one thing he wanted for Pili 2 was to have a better life then he did and be happy. And even in books to others he asked them to help this new replacement of his and look after him since Mocha made decisions and choices that might end up affecting Pili 2 and they did, quite alot.

Mostly everyone other then Foolish and later Zam never saw Pili 2 as his own person even if he continuosly said he was different and later down the line he even started believing what other people said about him.

Mocha shared a big secret that was something Pili 2 was also involved in. What if it was something that could ruin his life in this Realm but Mocha still did it and Pili 2 called him stupid for doing it and in general was mad that Mocha didn't leave anything important for him.

And then comes the conflict with Pangolin. Pili 2 didn't start it, he did look past all that stalking and harrassing and offered him a branch of friendship with white room. Pangi refused and even broke the rules (and he in the next stream himself admitted he was a dick for no reason after he realised there was no traps). The book incident would have never happened if Mocha wouldn't have shared a big secret in that book so he did put Pili 2 in a tough spot.

And I doubt Mocha would have not understood what happened after that. Pili 2 was just trying to go back home with that restriction order and stole the armour and even later Mocha showing up messed things up for Pili 2 since he didn't remember what his other identity did or said but he was the one left to suffer the consequences.

And how can we forget Mocha's love for killing. How would he feel about Pili 2 just sitting there and getting killed over and over again by someone he once had strong emotions for. Pretty sure he would feel bad a little considering a part of Pangi in the begining did kinda believe that Mocha was Pili 2 and just pretending to be someone else..

Oh and how can we forget that one incident in potion room when Mocha did show up only to find the potion room completely different and Pangi taking Lukey's side over him.

"I am glad I am dead" "I don't wanna be honest"

He still remembered having those feelings for him but things are alot different now, Pangi has Lukey and is friends with Ros and in general the entire Realm is so much more different from what Mocha saw.

Red is gone, Sausage is yellow and other members have joined green. The walls he built are gone their is no home left.

Only exception to this rule would be Bad who both Mocha and Pili 2 understood and would not actively hate but who knows. Pili 2 and Bad had a interesting dynamic which you can't call friendship but also not enemies. And we already know Mocha owed everything to Bad and holded him in high regard.

But I do think its a very big possibility even Mocha starts hating Pangi. Mocha gave strict instructions to Pangi and asked him to not mess with the Clown fight because he wanted to be killed by him (his trait of giving lives as affection) and on the other side we have Pili 2 having his best day ever on this Realm for the first time and plans to end his this identity by getting killed through Zam's hands and guess who steals that one thing from him...Pangi..

[sol-rambles]

Have you had any Zam thoughts recently which there wasn’t really a good time to drop (bc he disappeared into editing jail)?

not directly Zam but i did have a devotions at prom thought that I threw in a notebook during class :3. So here's that ^^.

First off I wrote this before Mawn stream so like kinda thought that Mapicc didn't think Zam hates him lmaoo. I am however retroactively adding things from after.

Zam and Mapic don't mention to anyone that they've sorted things out and pretend to still hate eachother. Zam stays at Zaun refusing to go to Mawn if anyone else is on. Whenever he gets a chance he heads to Mawn and helps Mapicc with it, tidying it up and also making sure the walls are out of one block.

They spend some time leading up to the prom preparing some traps around Re:Spawn and also gathering tnt. Wanting the shadow that covered Mawn gone. About one hour before the prom they sneak in and start rigging the place up with tnt. Fully invis as they fly up.

Rek and 4C have built tunnels in Re:Spawn and see the tnt as they enter into them. They discuss telling someone about it but decide on letting it play out, and creating an escape down to Mawn for the second they see and tnt explode to jump into.

Zam goes with Kab to keep up the charade of him hating Mapicc, who goes with Ro. They give Ro enough things to survive after the tnt goes off and half tell him what's going on. Because I have wants and needs, which are in still think about Team Awesome and I throw them into places that bearly make sense.

Kab has like an announcement speach announcing Re:spawn officially. During which, Devotions slowly move into a spot in which they have a clear line of sight for an arrow to fly so they can banana cart. Mapic places the cart since he's on a higher heart count and Zam would kill himself with a cart if given the opportunity. So he shoots the cart.

Also this

[lifestealupdates]

Lifesteal Season 6, Week 11 Recap

There have been... interesting events on Lifesteal this week... As usual, major spoilers under the read-more, Lifesteal members should be blocked but if I've missed someone do not interact with this post :D

Devotions Experiments

Early this week, Mapicc revealed to Zam how he'd been stalking him for months. He claimed the only reason he commissioned the castle was to watch Zam, and one of the three times the castle was blown up it was actually done by Ro at Mapicc's request, so Zam would have to continue building it. (This means there is still one instance where the castle was blown up with no clear perpetrator.) After testing Zam's resolve by withdrawing 4 (?) hearts and telling Zam to kill him, Mapicc logged out and hasn't attempted to prove Zam is evil since.

California Girls

After Bacon decided to join Wemmbu's team along with Kab, things went very wrong very quickly. Bacon and Kaboodle have been Wemmbu-ifying areas of the server in order to annoy people. This includes building Wemmbu heads at Spawn and later turning Zam's flower field into purple alliums.

However, things were soon complicated by Manepear killing Kaboodle, and somehow knowing their spawn point and killing them again. As Bacon should have been the only person to know her spawn point (due to an earlier duel between the pair), Kab assumed Bacon had sold her out to Mane, especially considering Mane likes Bacon and won't kill him. Mane had earlier told Bacon he thought Bacon was teaming with Kaboodle to make Mane jealous.

After Kab's deaths, Hannah logged on and killed Bacon without any warning, saying it was revenge for him killing Kaboodle. In his attempt to get his stuff back, Bacon died again to fall damage, placing him at 2 hearts.

Later that day, Bacon started streaming again in order to speak to Kaboodle, Hannah and Wemmbu. He wanted Hannah to give him the two hearts back, but she refused, and despite this Wemmbu let her join the team. He told Bacon to kill someone like Midmysticx if he wants the hearts back, but Bacon refused.

A few days after this, Kaboodle gave Bacon two hearts back and apologised for not trusting him.

Bacon gave Kab some more advice for escaping fights, and they worked more on changing the flower field to alliums. After a team meeting between Wemmbu, Bacon and Kaboodle the team name was decided to be California Girls (this is due to a chatter gifting subs in order to make Wemmbu sing).

Bacon agreed to try and help Wemmbu get some more fights, as a wish for violence is Wemmbu's main motivator.

Zam and Poafa

Zam made a response to Poafa's book (see Week 10 recap for screenshots), and the two are now semi-allied, with Zam offering Poafa access to his resources.

When Zam was investigating both the cause of the new server lag and whatever is going on with Wemmbu's team, Poafa was killed once by Hannah (at Wemmbu's urging) and once by Wemmbu, and Zam felt incredibly guilty about this, as he was the one to call Poafa to spawn.

Zam failed to convince Hannah that Wemmbu was manipulating her into killing people. He gave Poafa two hearts as an apology then debated his morals.

"I could use my blade for good, if I wanted to, but I shouldn't be the one to dictate what's good and what's not" - Zam

Zam then decided he had to stay committed to pacifism.

The Plushie War

After Pangi blew up one of Midmysticx's Midnight plushies that she has been building around the server, she found his base and built a plushie in it, with a sign saying they are now at war. Pangi has since blown up even more plushies.

[mapicccc]

like i had specifically imagined how i thought mapicc and ro would act about zam right after he betrayed. no one told me they turned straight around and went 'we hurt zam by duping 😔'. there was an image in my head! and it! was not! that!!

sorry anon... DISAGREE!!! I know part of this is for the sake of brevity, but simplifying their reactions to that is just nawtttttt accurate.

take ro, his confusion at it being a betrayal, wanting to believe in zam, but not able to give it up. he didn't mean to hurt zam but once it happened he didn't care. I might be wrong as I haven't seen that vod in. ages. but if ro kept duped items after hsh, that's very showing.

and then mapicc didn't care about hurting zam with dupes. he got rid of them because he found it boring. he did not for a second feel bad about it and that's really obvious in castle arc.

ro felt bad about failing his team, failing the server in ways, but he didn't see it as dupings fault. mapicc refused to feel bad as the sting of zams betrayal overwrote any other feelings.

I feel like this is further proven eith leviathan and the pearl/gapple dupe glitches. sure, there was some time where ro cared, but with his connection to zam being severed he didn't see a point anymore.

[vitalazam]

(febuwhump day 1 & 2: touch starved and flinching)

Subz knocks on the doorframe, a habit he’d taken to after surprising Zam one day and getting a sword pointed at his neck. There’d been a panicked, frantic look in his eyes, until he’d realised it was Subz, and he’d quickly switched to panicked, frantic apologising instead. Subz wasn’t going to hold it against him, he’d clearly been through some shit. It didn’t take much effort to make his presence known before entering a room anyway.

This time, Zam is too engrossed in the redstone of his latest farm project to take notice of the knocking, so Subz decides to announce his arrival by greeting him.

“Hey, Zam.” He says, but Zam is still distracted, brows furrowed in concentration. Subz sighs and decides to suck it up, but his caution turns out to not be necessary as Zam jumps at his shadow. He turns quickly enough to realise he’s not getting jumped by Ro and Mapicc, but there’s still remnants of fear in his eyes. “Vitalasy’s making dinner.”

“Oh, I’m sort of in the middle of…”

“Nope, no, no you’re not. Time to eat.”

“But…”

“You’re eating with us. Team bonding. Non-negotiable.” Subz gently moves Zam’s hands away from the redstone, and Zam looks up at him with a dazed look in his eyes. Subz decides then to pull on Zam’s hands more firmly, to pull him to his feet. Zam obeys wordlessly, putting up no more resistance. Even after Zam is stood up, Subz keeps one of his hands firmly in Zam’s, and tugs him along to the kitchen. Zam remains stunned into silence the whole walk, and Subz refuses to acknowledge it out loud, which is a little funny to him.

Subz does drop Zam’s hand once they reach their little kitchen, but only to fumble around in their cutlery drawer and dump spoons in Zam’s hold. He ushers the other out of the kitchen, ordering him to set the table. The dazed look in Zam’s eyes has yet to disappear, and it’s coupled with a slight blush of his cheeks.

He turns to Vitalasy then, who’s tending a pot on the stove.

“Hey, uh,” He starts, and Vitalasy makes a hum of acknowledgement. “Zam could probably use some affection.”

Vitalasy gives him a confused smile. “I mean, I’m down for affection, but he’s not gonna jump me if I do, right?”

“Nah, just announce you’re there. Like petting a cat.”

“Mm, well I know all about that.” Vitalasy teases.

“Fuck off- mm.” Subz is interrupted by Vitalasy bringing a spoon of soup up to his mouth for him to try.

“How is it?” Vitalasy asks.

“Hmm,” Subz mimes as though he’s thinking deeply, “Needs a bit more salt, maybe.”

“Don’t lie to me, it’s perfect.” Vitalasy rolls his eyes and shoves Subz’s shoulder playfully. “Get bowls.”

“Yes, sir.” He turns to fetch bowls from their cabinet, and catches Zam’s gaze. He’s hovering awkwardly in the doorway between the kitchen and dining room, looking like he wants to ask something. Subz has no interest in being a mind reader, so just fetches the bowls as requested and makes sure to nudge Zam’s shoulder with his own on the way out.

Once he’s put the bowls out, he turns back to Zam, who’s migrated to hovering near their table.

“Come on, helmet off for dinner.” Zam starts to protest, but Subz cuts him off. “This base is safe. It’s not gonna be found. You can take off your helmet to eat.” He reaches up to lift Zam’s helmet off his head, and places it delicately on the table. This makes Zam blush harder than the hand holding, somehow.

“I see what you mean.” Vitalasy hums, and Zam’s eyebrows furrow in confusion.

“What d’you mean?”

“Nothing, nothing, sit down, the food’s going cold.”

Subz and Vitalasy both ensure that all three of their legs are tangled under the table the whole meal, and it’s clearly flustering Zam, but he also seems to be refusing to acknowledge it. Suits Subz just fine. He wants to see how far he can take it, and by the mischievous look in Vitalasy’s eyes, he’s also happy to play along.

As they eat and talk, Zam seems to relax more and more. He happily clears away the table with them when they’re done, and accepts any friendly bumps between them. He’s only seemingly thrown for a loop when Vitalasy loops their arms together to drag him into the kitchen.

“I cooked, you two wash up.” Vitalasy orders, and winks conspiratorily in Subz’s direction.

“Oh! Yeah! Sure, that’s fair.” Zam rolls his sleeves up immediately. One thing Subz has always respected about Zam is that he’s not one to shy away from hard work. Meanwhile, Vitalasy is quite happy to hop up on a countertop and watch them loftily. He did cook, so Subz can’t really be mad. Washing up isn’t a horrible process, he’s on cleaning duty, Zam is on drying, and they work in companionable silence.

Then, Subz decides to start flicking suds at Zam’s face. He get such an offended look on his face Subz bursts out laughing. He flicks more water at Zam’s face, and he can hear Vitalasy snickering in the background. Zam clearly decides he won’t stand for this anymore, and starts trying to wrestle his way into accessing the sink. Subz, of course, will not be going down without a fight. He grabs a handful of bubbles and tries to shove it down the back of Zam’s shirt. The other gives an indignant shriek, which just makes Subz laugh harder.

They continue play-wrestling and flicking water at each other until Vitalasy clearly gets fed up of just being an observer and dumps a whole water bucket on both of their heads.

“What the fuck?” Zam whines, though he’s clearly not genuinely mad over it. Subz rolls his eyes, and wraps his arms around Zam’s neck, tucking his face into the crook of Zam’s neck. Zam makes a surprised little squeak, and Subz will kindly not let him know that it was kind of cute. Subz is not going to move from here until Zam hugs him back, so he just stays there, peacefully. Zam hesitantly brings his own arms around Subz’s waist, and tucks his own face in Subz’s neck in return. His breath is shaky, and his grip uncertain.

“Thank you.” Zam whispers. Subz doesn’t know quite what Zam is thanking him for, but he’s happy to provide regardless.

“Hey, don’t leave me out of the group hu- oh, you guys are soaked, ew.”

“Who’s fault is that, idiot?!”

[aroaceacacia]

thinking about last night's girl talk w zam and planet again. (zam stream, jan 23)

c!planet has always stood out in the lifesteal crowd as one of the few players who doesnt seem to take part in lifesteal's characteristic distrust and cycles of revenge. in season 4 alone, planet's only main channel video so far - "breaking survival minecraft to get revenge" - doesnt really contain any real "revenge" at all. planet and his teammates are routinely knocked down by other, stronger players; used as bodies in a war they dont have much of a stake in (besides the thrill of having duped hearts), imprisoned, killed, spawn trapped, banned, etc etc. their bases get found and used. but it doesnt really bother planet, at least not in any lasting way. planet doesnt hold grudges, he was able to stand with three heart trio and say he didnt think zam was a bad person, even after zam pointed out repeatedly all of the ways he had wronged planet, bacon, and jaron personally

part of it is just who planet is, I think. they're not the kind of person to get too fussed about the sides and conflict. they routinely make light of it when they abruptly pull out a sword on bacon and start monologuing about how they were "working against him this whole time". during the latter part of girl talk w zam they bemoaned how zam wasnt "besties" with mapicc and ro anymore - even though zam was evil when he was with them, to planet, they had been friends, and friendship breaking up is sad!

planet sees that zam is scared and tries to help talk him through some of it, puts him through a series of bizarre "scenarios" to test zam's trust - up to and including begging zam for over an hour to let planet into the new eclipse base, to which zam eventually complied - all of the scenarios are things which, had the player been anybody but planetlord, may have been actual traps or threats to zam's life. planet does care, but on some level just doesn't fully understand the position that zam is in.

zam has been harassed*, stalked*, and threatened* by mapicc (*in a video game) for months now, and planet - who is on good terms with just about everybody, including mapicc - cant really understand why zam cant just let it go. planet themself has let a lot of things go, but zam has never been afforded that privilege - mapicc refuses to forget him.

as a result, a lot of planet's advice and thoughts for zam, especially in the "therapy session" part of girl talk, seemed to lean a lot into toxic positivity. just stop being scared and you wont be scared. mapicc doesnt care about you as much as you think, etc. it's all about mindset! I think some of that advice is helpful (especially during this week - cc!mapicc is recovering from surgery and unable to be online, and ro is unlikely to do anything without mapicc there, so there isnt really any reason to be afraid of mapicc logging in) but a lot of it is not constructive for princezam long-term. and zam even said as much at one point!

I think planet is like this in part due to their more easygoing nature, but also because planet has never really been afforded the privilege of being in the position to enact revenge in the first place. their team was named "three heart trio" for a reason! of the three of them planet is the biggest grinder and usually has some extra hearts stashed away, but overall they dont have anywhere near the kind of resources other teams might have: team shades are basically all on 20 hearts, the eclipse federation has subz' grindset and firepower, and team awesome is stacked with both the hearts and power to succeed, with the addition of their abuse of the pearl and gapple glitches and leftovers from the duping war.

compared to all of that, theres no way bacon, planet, and jaron can match up. that doesnt mean they dont try, because they do! they try to fight anyways, and they take some Ws now and then! they keep grinding and they keep hanging in there, refusing to give up. but I think, when you're that disadvantaged in a server that's unforgiving as lifesteal is and can be, on some level they let stuff go because they cant afford to hold a grudge.

at the start of the APO vs team awesome war, planet, bacon, and jaron had to decide what they wanted to do. they had received an offer from team awesome to join them, with the promise of a lot of hearts for each of them if they did join. bacon expressed his misgivings by saying that (paraphrased) "team awesome did all this bad stuff to us. it wouldnt really make sense, character wise, to join them now". but they joined team awesome anyway, and they set aside their hesitation and the memories of an obsidian prison and bloody knuckles, and marveled at the feeling of a healthbar on 14. how powerful it made them feel.

[vanivanvanilla]

ignoring the bad quality of the screenshot, zam’s board of lifesteal members he trusts is soooo interesting 2 me

first there are people with question marks: subz, vitalasy, and planet have multiple question marks, while ro has a single one

with subz, zam has gone back and forth with trusting him but seems to know that he can depend on subz in a fight. zam probably doesn’t know where they stand since he closed himself off from everyone, but since subz hasn’t tried to kill him since he left team awesome & has been active, i could see zam trying to trust him again

even though zam hasn’t interacted with vitalasy much this season, vitalasy is teamed with subz and is currently planning a group to go against team awesome (which zam has stated in the past he’s for but now he wouldn’t say out of fear of being killed). if zam decides to trust subz, he will likely be trusting vitalasy too (purple duo package deal REAL)

two of the deterrents of trusting planet (and the three heart trio as a whole, although the question marks is only applied to planet here) zam has mentioned in the past is the team’s low heart count, where he would not want feel like he has to defend them at all times from danger, and not wanting them to be put in danger because of him. while i think zam sees planet as a good person, zam will probably choose not to trust him due to the deterrents i mentioned (plus, planet’s allied with bacon & jaron: two people zam does not trust according to his board)

ro is an especially interesting one since he is the only name listed with a “NO?”. i assume this is because with mapicc, zam is basically kill-on-sight while with ro, zam may feel like he can have a conversation with him that doesn’t lead to violence. personally, i can’t see zam trusting ro at all though because of how close ro is with mapicc & since taking over spawn is something both ro and mapicc are doing

while my screenshot doesn’t have this, zam updated the board on pangi’s stream for it to say, “PANGI - MAYBE”, which is the closest he has to someone he can trust atm

pangi and zam were on good terms & they hung out quite a bit until pangi accidentally killed zam’s goat walter. because zam cared for his pet + pangi didn’t know how to make amends for it, their relationship took a turn where zam didn’t want to be around with pangi while pangi wanted to hang out with zam. however, with the recent pangi stream, zam is more open to trusting pangi (e.g. giving him the location of his castle, showing him his panic room filled with his thoughts, etc). this very well could lead to zam trusting pangi (and likely red as well since pangi’s teamed with him + red saw zam’s base), although depending on zam’s paranoia and if team awesome’s online at all, that could change

zam’s board of options is also super intriguing to me!! he listed three options (DIE, FIGHT, and RUN) that all end with “THERE IS NO HOPE FOR PRINCEZAM”

for DIE, zam recognizes that he’s a threat to team awesome; afterall, standing up for what he thinks is right is something he does a lot. since he’s a threat, zam could die by team awesome or his own hand— either way, he can’t find hope that he’ll make it out okay

for FIGHT, zam immediately shuts this idea down by stating “I WILL DIE TRYING”. there isn’t a possibility in his mind that he’d win against team awesome, which is why he follows this up with “THERE IS NO HOPE FOR PRINCEZAM”.

lastly, RUN is what he currently has done: he ran away from allying with subz, he ran away from spawn, he ran away from everything and everyone in attempt to stop team awesome from going after him or assuming he’s conspiring against them; hence why zam has locked himself in his castle. however, he says, “THEY CAN FIND ME” referring to mapicc and ro who know the location of his castle he refuses to abandon.

the repetition of “THERE IS NO HOPE FOR PRINCEZAM” after every option really cements how paranoid and pessimistic zam has become— he isn’t hopeful and determined like he used to be, rather, he’s immensely paranoid and does anything he can in order to feel even the slightest bit safe

[mcytegg]

"thank you for everything, ro. i wish we got to work together."

"oh same, but y'know, some things just don't work out."

i hate drastics i hate drastics i hate drastics i hate drastics i hate drastics i hate drastics i hate drastics i hate drastics i hate drastics i hate drastics i hate drastics i hate drastics i hate drastics i hate drastics i hate drastics i hate drastics i hate drastics i hate drastics i hate drastics i hate drastics i hate drastics i hate drastics i hate drastics i hate drastics i hate drastics

[derww]

DEVOTIONS WEEK DAY 6: FRIENDLY/PARANOIA

– Listen, – Spoke begins, sitting with his legs apart and leaning on them, on a block of netherite in the middle of the dupe vault, – I know that I've been acting strangely lately, right?

– That's not the right word,– Mapicc grumbles – he stands leaning against a wall of beacons, arms crossed, – a little more, and you would have completely switched to riddles.

– I know, I know, I'm sorry, – Spoke raises his hands, showing that he gives up, – I thought to keep everything to myself – here, you know, such a delicate matter, anyone can break everything, – he hesitates, – but then I realized that the simplest way to get you in my way is to keep you in the dark.

– I wish I could say you're wrong, – Zam stammers, – but you're probably completely right. To be honest, I've been very worried about you these last few days, all you've been doing is saying mystical phrases and refusing to clarify, I already thought that you were betraying us.

– Fair enough,– Spoke nods, – I'll tell you. But this has to stay just between the three of us. No one else has to find out; otherwise, everything will be at risk. Do you understand?

– What about Ro, – Mapicc interrupts, – even he can't know?

– He can't. Neither Roshambogames, nor TheTerrain, nor Vortexdragon. Just the two of you. It should be a secret from everyone. I can only tell you two.

Mapicc gives him a dark look and shakes his head – suspects, does not believe – but does not continue.

Zam looks at him from under his brows. Even now, holding on to different walls, he and Mapicc feel like one team, – what's the matter, Spoke?

He grins.

– This is a large-scale plan that originates before the start of the season. A glitch capable of determining the order of this world for years to come. The vulnerability is in the very code of reality. The whole dupe war is just part of the setup for it, and when the plan is put into action, nothing that happens at the level of ordinary players will cease to matter.

– Are you going to end this world? – asks Zam with unreadable emotion.

– Oh, Zam, – Spoke shakes his head, – I'm going to do a lot more.

***

– I just can't take it seriously anymore, – Zam shares, gnawing on a cookie. – Ro and his plans, – clarifies, – all his plans, you know? What difference does it make if Spoke turns the server into his playground very soon?

– He's having fun, – Mapicc shrugs, – weren't you having fun?

– Not really. I tried, because you are my team, but I never got better. It's not my thing.

– But you're so calm about the Wormhole. How is this better?

– It takes any responsibility out of the hands of the players, – Zam shakes his head, – what difference does it make if someone has an op? This world is obviously doomed, and you are my team, so why would I bother?

– I don't understand how you think. – And, distracted instantly, – I would have told him, but Spoke is right. The information is too sensitive. He's already taken a big risk by including us in.

– I would not like to fail to meet his expectations.

– I wouldn't want to mess up his plan. It's cool.

– It is... It's cruel, – Zam snorts, dragging his fingers along the masonry floor of the base. A modest poppy is breaking through the seams, – but I will not stop it. I respect Spoke. But, you know what?

– Hmm? 

– Spoke will regret it.

***

– How would you explain it at all, mind who? – Vi throws up his hands. A helpless expression is stuck on his face.

– We didn't like our team anymore, and we came for an interview, – Zam calmly replies, hanging down to see the swirling thick fog.

– To a secret base?... – Vi ironically clarifies, and Zam, grunting, nods, as if it was absolutely normal and definitely not crazy.

– I mean, – Mapicc grins – he, unlike Zam, sticks to the wall, clearly not feeling safe, – the fact that we were able to find it quite counts for passing the test. Not that it was difficult, of course.

– You know we're going to war against you, right? – Subz remarks skeptically, clearly not seeing the need to keep this in his sleeve, – against Ro and Mapicc in the first place, but also against Zam and even Spoke, too.

– Publicly, fight as many as you want, – Mapicc snorts; for him, the idea that he could lead to a decrease in the amount of violence on the server would definitely be unthinkable, – we are here unofficially. As colleagues. We came to say hello and find out how you are here. How are you doing with your idiotic emocult.

Subz facepalms. Vi sighs heavily.

– You shouldn't have been included, – Vi grumbles, but he doesn't sounds angry. – the more people know, the higher the chance that information leaks out.

– You can't return what has been done, – Zam shrugs his shoulders. – but hey, we're your best bet, we keep secrets well, remember the dupe war? – he grins, – we will be friends, Vi, don't worry. Do you remember the end of the season 3? I do.

There is a deadly silence. It is interrupted by Mapicc:

– So, where's the sacrifice room or something?

***

– I don't really like all of this, – Zam sadly admits, poking at the side of a po potion, – it creates too much imbalance between the players. If Spoke gets an op, he will be the only one with absolute power. But now... They're just mortals playing gods. You may be immortal and omnipotent, but you're still human, actually. It's stupid.

– I can understand that,– Mapicc nods. – the way Ro shot Pangi? Absolutely not necessary. Bro, bro, you can pick up a sword and kill him yourself. 

– Yes... – Zam pulls, – I understand the thirst for power and advantage, but what's the point if all this is illegal and doesn't really belong to you? This is... wrong. I wouldn't want it all to be on the server.

– Do you want to betray Spoke? – Mapicc asks imperturbably, and Zam flinches.

— No... No, – he stammers, – of course I don't like it, but there's no point in betrayal. Of course, I can try to take illegal items from people and dump them into the lava, but it will never work. And Spoke will be a god very soon, and none of this will matter anymore. If he wants to, he will remove all these toys. If he wants to, he will give them to absolutely everyone. Then why do anything at all?

– You could tell Parrot what's going on, – Mapicc suggests disinterestedly, and Zam snorts.

– To him? It's too late, the illegal items are already on the server. Spoke has too much pressure on him.

– It must be hard for you,– Mapicc says suddenly.

– Why? 

– Things are wrong for you, and your prospects are meaningless.

– Isn't that true? – Zam is surprised.

– Who knows, – Mapicc shrugs, – I'm not inclined to overthink as you do, but I know that wherever I am, any decision I make counts. – And with a well-aimed blow, he smashes the bottle of potion into the wall.

***

– It's, like, pretty decent,– Zam comments when they get high enough to regard the position as private.

– Who, your self-esteem? – Mapicc laughs it off and intercepts his trident, which is almost completely blackened by the number of effects.

– The Wormhole, – Zam replies with a smile, and Mapicc looks up.

Below them is a huge war for a twisted and broken world. Above them – a blue–blue-purple funnel continues to spin inexorably.

– Well, at least something good came out of it. – Mapicc shakes his head.

– No, there's something else, – Zam adds meekly.

– And what is it?

– It will never happen again.

Mapicc clicks his tongue and nods, understanding.

– You're right about that. Once and never again.

[derww]

DAY 28: POSESSION

CW: Death, violence, religious themes

He wakes up and feels a knife by his throat.

Firstly he panics, but then sees the person holding it and it's Mapicc – in Spoke's body, but it's still Mapicc. After that, he calms down instantly.

– Pina colada, - he says and the weight on his neck disappears. Mapicc nods and pulls a knife away.

– Welcome back, Zam.

It cannot be said that everything is fine with Mapicc himself too: he has never been able to get used to the inability to see clearly beyond his nose, the desire of this pathetic body to complete deformation and the continuing flow of the inaccessible but too great power of God in the blood. His center of gravity had been knocked down, and Spoke's twin blades, instead of the falcata destroyed in the explosion, were too light for the comfort and lingering blows. Zam gives him his saber, taken from the corpse, but even it lies wrong in insufficiently material fingers.

It's a coinflip every time – who will wake up, who is responsible. Zam was stronger, more tenacious, but Spep was also breaking through from time to time. They were afraid that one day it would be Minute who would wake up. It never happened but they couldn't afford to let their attention wane. Their worst enemy in the middle of their base is a death sentence.

Sleepwalking, Zam was unstable in his activity and could pass out half a step away. But he refused to give up – he wrestled control for himself, adapted to the sword from Minute's corpse, and moved step by step.

Jumper was standing against them. And two immortal gods with their wings torn off. Void and chunkban were the only ways to solve the problem, and they burned too many Ashes bookbans to deal with them themselves. At least while they have another option.

Mapicc had to learn to identify each of them by vague figures, Zam had to study how to faint safely, and Ro had to withstand the loads and fight over and over and over again. Only Clown looks as always, but even his hands are gradually starting to tremble.

Jumper is chosen by the gods, and they feed her with divine apples and crown her with a laurel wreath, and black and purple and red ribbons are woven into her cropped hair. She has no shortage of armor, she always has the exp bottles and golden apples, she almost creates potions out of thin air and never removes bright pink elytras. But she is still mortal. Unlike Ash and Squiddo, Jumper is still mortal.

Zam refuses to sleep. As long as the body belongs to him, he uses it, no matter how exhausted it is. Spep's body is not his own, it is weaker and more vulnerable, it is not hardened in endless battles and days of grinding, and one day Zam exhausts it so much that Spep who wakes up in his own body next cannot even move a limb.

They manage to push Squiddo into the void, but before that, she point-by-point blows up Mapicc on the spot. This time it's Zam who has to grieve for his dead partner, but he just doesn't have time for it. He and Ro have to climb out of another chunkban, and he is knocked out almost immediately after. The next time he wakes up, it's Clown who's holding him and asking for the password. Zam thinks wearily that he would like to cry.

Instead of two gods, there is only one now – and Jumper, she is still here, angel wings and one more ribbon in her hair – and Ash is noticeably gloomy, carrying a bible of saving the world under his arm. In such a man, with pointed facial features and dark eyes, black lightning burns from the Bhaal sunk deep into the skin are especially noticeable.

This time, Ash throws an inventory ban at Clown, and Clown doesn't even have time to say anything. While Ro cuts Jumper off, Zam writes a first book for the bookban with unnaturally icy fingers and then breaks the shulker on the build limit right above Ash. When he finally gets down and reunites with Ro, he can barely stand on his feet, and Ro, taking on some of the weight, brings him back to their base. Home. Zam's pupils roll up halfway through, but he finally falls asleep only inside the base. Ro leaves him on the bed, making sure he doesn't break his neck or swallow his own tongue, and only then allows himself to take a break.

This is... Exhausting. It wasn't the first time Ro had been involved in a war, but never before had it demanded to give it his all. This war had been going on for a month, and every new day was full of deadly dangers and demanded to give everything for the sake of a ghostly chance to achieve something.

But they almost did it. Jumper was left completely alone. Neither Squiddo nor Ash will be able to help her, and the world border is so small that they can always find her. And Branzy still hasn't revealed himself as their ally...

Just a little more, and he can finally get it over with. Kill Jumper. Destroy the world. Retire. See Mapicc again. He nods to himself. Take a rest, and then end the world, reminds Ro to himself, and then passes out.

Zam wakes up before Ro does. He moves with both mechanical and slightly awkward movements. For some reason, there is no pupil in his whitened iris.

[aroaceacacia]

ok but the 3 heart trio + zam conversation is actually REALLY INTERESTING.

narratively, they're both in very similar positions - they've cut ties with team awesome (aka mapicc and ro) and as a result, they're now poor. but they're foils, you see! because zam is alone; he used to think everyone hated him, now he just thinks hes friendless. his friends were ro and mapicc, and hes realized they're evil and that being with them made himself evil and that he doesnt like that. so he took a stand, got his ass kicked, and left.

but 3 heart trio, on the other hand, are - as zam pointed out - the longest-lasting team of the entire season. when 3 heart trio had to chose between TA or APO, they chose team awesome partially because the APO only wanted planet. no matter what theyve done, 3HT has always prioritized keeping all three of them together. not only is it just... not in their nature to want to turn on each other, from a more cynical standpoint, it would make zero strategic sense. planet, bacon, and jaron are three of the more... uh... down bad? Broke?? players on the server and tend to be chronically low on hearts. when you're in such a difficult position, it is much easier to escape and grind for materials if you have people helping you! and that's how 3HT has always operated - it's simply a given that they'll share with one another.

when they approach zam, hes wary! when they discuss trust, hes shocked at how comfortable they are talking to him - he says they shouldnt have trusted him (but they did), he says hes killed them over and over and personally wronged them (which he did). but they still offer an allyship: more substantial than a truce, but not an acceptance into the 3HT fold, either.

zam refuses because ultimately he cannot reconcile the wrongs hes done to them & the server with the simple and honest trust they offer him freely. "I'm evil," he insists, over and over, as he's reconstructing the ground at spawn and building new earth below their feet. "I haven't changed." "We can fix him But you admit that you're evil," Planet says in turn. "That's the first step to being better." Jaron makes a quip about a 12 step program. Bacon asks for advice, and encourages Planet to write down the scraps of offhanded wisdom Zam gives by mistake. They're genuinely interested in his story; when Zam explains how he's actually doing better than he looks, Planet likens it to a breakup with a shitty partner. Yeah, Zam might look like hell right now, but he's free.

They come to Zam immediately after all having died in "space" with no hope of regearing, each down from 3 hearts to 2 (and one of Bacon's is borrowed from Spepticle). Zam is at twelve. His sword has smite on it, but even that would have easily killed any of them. And yet, and yet, and yet, they climbed the mountain anyway, and went to speak to him.

3 Heart Trio are, like Mapicc and Roshambo, a tight-knit group, one that's so deeply intertwined with each members' identity on the server this season that it'd be near impossible to break them up. Like Mapicc and Roshambo, Zam will continue to be an outsider to that. But, even in just once conversation, 3HT were able to do something for Zam that TA couldn't do: Be Normal

or maybe, in the words of planetlord, it's just that "bro is using reverse psycologhy 💀". the world may never know