#~prowess~ lmfao wtf

[yuurivoice]

I know it’s a completely understandably touchy subject but I just want to say as someone who was painting myself Grey a la homestuck deep in the T&D fandom: Atleast one follower from then still fucks w you heavy. That was only a fraction of what was to come of your story telling prowess and you’re awesome and you keep it real

💖

Thank you! Also, the Homestuck scale of how deep someone is in a fandom is so real. Lmfao

I really loved the show and what it was getting out of me. It's why I've still got a part of me that wants to fire up a DnD project, which has been floating in the ether for 2 years now.

There's been some anxiety there related to T&D, but I think what I've realized is one, 99% of people around at this point don't even know wtf that is. Two, I think I've earned enough good will and trust that folks trust that a project under my watch would operate the same way I do and they fuck with that.

Any time I've talked about any sort of big project, whether it's working with other VAs for Echoes, a D&D thing, etc. one thing I've always brought up is that my community specifically is a really amazing foundation. The core is really mature, chill, and locked in. That core has steadily grown, and over the years that has been responsible for developing the kind of followers and fans that anyone on the internet would kill to have in their community.

The niches we are in are filled with a lot of parasocial vibes, rampant immaturity, or just...idk, fuckin attitudes that I find off-putting and obnoxious. That shit works for some people but it isn't for me. And because I'm very open about it, I'm not some folks cup of tea and I'm cool with that because they probably aren't mine either and I'm in the position to not have to sacrifice my comfort and patience for a dollar.

Saying a whole lot to say if I do fire up the DnD project, I hope friends old and new will come along for the ride. It will always be a little scary for me. I'm scared just doing Echoes of Evalas, which isn't nearly as intimate and personal as sharing a DnD table. I have some fun ideas both for my "tabaxi" DM Vtuber and a full on live play setup. But we'll see what the future holds. ✨️

[firelord-frowny]

sooo im feeling Bad and Sad bc according to my fitbit, i’ve fallen from the “poor-fair” range for my cardio fitness, and am now just plain “poor.” :(

i knoooow i should not put too much stock into a fitness tracker, and i’ve heard about how fitness trackers may ~underestimate~ your stats in an effor to get you to invest more money in fitness products, but I do take the time to check my own bpm manually, and my fitbit is never far off from reality, and I find that it does do a pretty good job of giving me a broad view of how much activity I’m getting every day.

When I first got a fitbit a few years ago, I started out in the “poor-fair” range, but in a few months, I worked my way up to “fair-average” and I felt SO proud! That was a time during which I’d been really committing to ~going out for a run~ at least 3 times a week and I was able to nag my mommy into going on short hikes with me on a semi-regular basis. 

then i guess i fucking got depressed as per usual and I quit doing healthy things and gave in to the same maladaptive self-soothing behaviors a la lying down all day and eating shockingly abhorrent amounts of junk food. And i didn’t want to be constantly reminded of how awfully i was treating myself, i took off my fitbit and left it off.

And then after several months, I felt okayish again, so I put my fitbit back on. I was back in the “poor-fair” range and then worked my way back to “fair.” Feelin great!

Then I, on EXTREMELY short notice, like, less than a month beforehand, I got invited to participate in a chamber music festival and perform one of my absolute favorite pieces - tchikovsky’s string quartet no. 1. So like. There was absolutely no way I was gonna pass that up. But it was so hugely stressful bc despite my technical prowess* in actually playing violin, I’m a TERRIBLY slow learner. And I had to whip together a tchaik quartet in like two and a half weeks. I practiced literally all day and all night, and I pulled it off! Then the festival starts, and I meet with my quartet, and we immediately jump right into an intense daily schedule of rehearsals and coachings.

It was so fucking stressful. 

My resting heart rate went from like 82bpm, all the way to like 97. Just because of the stress. And then the fact that I was literally watching my heart rate skyrocket, was causing me even MORE stress and anxiety. So I took off the fitbit again. 

But that time, even after the festival was over, i was too scared of seeing what my heart rate was to put the fitbit back on. And all the self loathing i was experiencing because of that very fact kept me from feeling motivated to try to improve any more. 

And now, I have a new fitbit and i’ve been doing light exercise with my mommy almost every night, so I figured alright, this level of exercise probably won’t improve my fitness very much, but it will at least stop me from getting worse. 

NOPE. and I’m just. So discouraged and i feel like the exercising i’ve been doing has all been for nothing. like, i feel like so much of a failure that even when i AM exercising, I still just don’t fucking improve. 

to my credit, i’m under a lot of stress now like I was at the festival, so maybe it’s just anxiety that’s causing my heart rate to be so high at the moment. 

I mean I know I’m capable of improving, but it really doesn’t feel like that right now.

[stellarbisexual]

S2E4

OK friends, I have caffeine, I have sustenance, I am ready for ALL DAT BYELER LET’S GO WILL THE WISE

Joyce is my fave mom, she does NOT fuck around

MY POOR GAY SON THO IS HE LIKE A MONSTER NOW

I WILL NOT REPEAT WILL NOT SKIP DAT INTRO NETFLIX

omg mike’s worried-about-will!face farewell 

oh honey, oh bb, stop lying to your mama.

*clutches will to my bosom FOREVER*

“IT’S MORE LIKE A FEELING” THE GAY ALLEGORY GUYS THE GAY ALLEGORY OF THIS SCENE “I TRIED TO MAKE IT GO AWAY BUT IT GOT ME MOM”

Joyce gon kill that fuckin Thessylhydra with her bare hands tho

Hahaha Hopper waiting on El on the porch total surrogate father status

omg POOR HOPPER and his dead daughter i can’t

Wow Eleven, really? Using your powers on him?

MY POOR LITTLE GIRL JUST TRYING TO LIVE <3

Oy, Will sleeping in Mom’s bed, that is not going to be good for his well being

Hoo Nancy stepping out with Jonathan overnight thoooooo

Hmm Will’s temperature is down HAS HE GONE REPTILIAN WTF

Holy shit is he gonna turn into a big slug if you put him in a bath?

“Hi, Max” :D :D :D *also getting the feeling Max is the gay character that all these rumors have been flying around about*

Me as BMW looks longingly at Will’s empty seat: “*tears shirt open* BYELERRRRRRRRR” 

HO SHIT WILL’S POSSESSED HELP

Wow 80s jams over the next bball game BLESS. Just when I thought this show couldn’t get gayer, we have Steve/Billy ‘a pretty boy like you’s got nothing to worry about’ uhhhhhhhhhh..... srsly?

ho shit the feds about to get nancy and jonathan

srsly this whole storyline reminds me of Roswell and I am About It(TM)

“i don’t have to think, i just know things now, things i never did before/  BIG GAY ALLEGORY FOLKS, BIG. GAY. ALLEGORY. 

BYELER MOMENT # ELEVENTY BILLION: Mike calling Will’s house

GDI Mike tossing Max out like that.

“We acquire more knowledge.” AH MY NERDY BISEXUAL SON

hoooo shit is there a trap door in the cabin? ooooooooooh

OOOOOOH HAWKINS LAB WHAT DOES THE BOX CONTAIN

“you killed barbara” “abundant mistakes” lmao paul reiser, classic

HE JUST REFERRED TO HIMSELF AS A SCHMUCK BLESS

I’m skeptical, Paul Reiser. I’m skeptical. And I think Jancy are too TBH.

DRAW, WILL, DRAW! SAVE HAWKINS! SAVE YOURSELF! BE GAY AF!

YOU TELL HIM, MAX. YOU FUCKING TELL HIM.  “I’M OUT.” I love her.

LMFAO LUCAS SNIFFING HIS COAT “AW SHIT” LMFAO <3 *fave*

JFC Billy leave her alone. AND LEAVE LUCAS ALONE OR I’LL FUCK. YOU. UP.

ELEVEN’S MAMA FEELS. BIG TIME FEELS. BIG! FEELS! *STREAMING TEARS EMOJI* I’M ACTUALLY CRYING BYE fucking millie bobby brown and her acting prowess, just. no.

BMW coming at the byers’ door thirsty as hell tho!

YAS NANCY GET IT WITH THAT TAPE RECORDER

FUCK YES JANCY BURN THAT LAB TO THE GROUND YAAAASSSSSS

I am loving all these scenes at Dustin’s home, I wish they had more at Lucas’ too

ho shit dart got the fuck outta there, saw that coming

DBSIUAFNSJGNFASJLDGNSDLKAFDSNGLKAMSGKLNALGS OH MY GOD THAT IS THE MOST UPSETTING SHIT I’VE EVER SEEN HOLY SHIT RIP DUSTIN’S CAT OH MY GODDDDDDD

Also Dart be lookin like a tiny demagorgon, y’all better euthanize him Q U I C K

wowza hopper found a way through MY DUDE