thankyoufinnick

[thankyoufinnick]

hi I've just finished rereading the entire mags weapon saga alternate endings and all and I've been foaming at the mouth to see if you'd drop any other fics after this long. Do you plan on ever releasing another fic/au on A03/tumblr again?

AAAHHHH, thank you for this comment! I'm always delighted when my work brings joy to someone.

Unfortunately, I have to answer no to your question. I've moved out of this fandom, and I'm no longer posting as thankyoufinnick. If you want to check out my other fanfics, they're under my main AO3 username, mildred_of_midgard, but they're not Hunger Games.

It's not impossible that I might someday come back to this fandom, but we're talking on the order of years from now. At the moment, I'm in a fanfic lull, because I'm focused on academic writing.

But I super appreciate your comment! <3

I recommend you go check out @lorata's THG fics if you haven't already found them.

Cheers!

[thankyoufinnick]

Their documentary on the 2023 Barkeley is out! It's best watched, I think, after the other 2023 Barkley documentary, because they clearly tried not to overlap much at all, to the point where that tender embrace isn't even included!! (What were they thinking??) But the new documentary does cover the full longer hug later, whereas the other documentary panned away partway through (it was a looong hug), and the new documentary translates a bunch of the dialogue.

Oh, speaking of translation, I've been going back and forth between saying Dutch and Flemish for what they're speaking, because it wasn't clear to me which it was, and Karel has now confirmed it's West Flemish. Not always intelligible even to speakers of East Flemish, apparently!

Yes, I'm a bit of a language geek.

In other Karel/Joren hug news, one of their best took place at Laz's Big's Backyard Ultra in 2020, where Karel was world champion and Joren lifted him off his feet and spun him around. It's a 20-second video here and well worth watching if you like how over-the-top these two can be. (If Karel seems a little out of it, he's been awake and running for 75 hours with only minutes of sleep.) Oh, and that's Karel's wife, Emma, trying to get in on the celebratory hug action, and failing because Joren has completely monopolized his BFF, lol. (Don't worry, she gets a hug and a kiss later.)

There's also this easy-to-miss but hilarious fact that in one of Karel's other documentaries, it shows Karel hugging friends and family one after another after setting yet another world record. The film clearly cuts mid-action to a different Karel/Joren hug and then cuts back to the sequence of hugs with everyone else. Piecing this together with the uncut raw footage on Facebook, I realized that the original post-race Karel/Joren hug was kind of meh, and then they shared a more enthusiastic one a bit later.

What this means is someone involved in the filmmaking decided that it was worth splicing in a completely separate, better hug into an otherwise unbroken sequence of events...because...they know what the people want, I guess? LOL forever.

These two. :D

Ok, I don’t go here,* but. Karel Sabbe’s friend tenderly holding him after he (Karel Sabbe) slumps to the ground at the gate, and saying something very close to his face that we can’t hear, and gently helping him out of his running vest. What was I saying about Barkley. Some brothers-in-arms shit. Over the top. I’m about it.

*male athletes

Also the fact that this is the first thing Google has to say about Karel Sabbe

[thankyoufinnick]

Verdict from Karel's documentary, which just came out: it skips over the initial embrace (and forehead kiss!--unforgivable :P), so no subtitles for that bit, but after Karel's lying down, Joren asks him if he wants anything to drink, and Karel answers, "Sparkling water." So that's one minor mystery solved!

Watch the documentary! These two are amazing. <3

Ok, I don’t go here,* but. Karel Sabe’s friend tenderly holding him after he (Karel Sabbe) slumps to the ground at the gate, and saying something very close to his face that we can’t hear, and gently helping him out of his running vest. What was I saying about Barkley. Some brothers-in-arms shit. Over the top. I’m about it.

*male athletes

Also the fact that this is the first thing Google has to say about Karel Sabbe

[thankyoufinnick]

YES THIS OMG. The friend is Joren Biebuyck, Karel's brother-in-law/physio/best friend, and the bromance is *so amazing* it inspired a ship manifesto from me over on Dreamwidth. The final hug, after Karel's recovered, omg!

Okay, the ship manifesto presupposes you've read my intro to the Barkley, oh, and then there's my fan theory.

I also have more material (and fan theories) about them if you want, just ask! They have interviews, videos, news articles, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter material that I'm mining for goodies!

saying something very close to his face that we can’t hear

I'm pretty sure we can hear it fine, it's just that it's in Dutch (Flemish) and I don't speak Dutch. (I can read about 50% of what's written about Karel, thanks to German, but understanding speech is a no-go.) Someone who does understand it was able to subtitle Karel's words as "I'm going to lie down for a bit, I want to lie down for a bit", and that's much less clear than whatever Joren's saying. (Based on his tone and body language, my guess would be "You did it, you did it!" but who knows. I would love for a Dutch/Flemish speaker to weigh in.)

Karel also murmurs something to Joren when he's lying down, which I think is in English and is "Stop it, it's okay," but could be Dutch "I need some water" for all I know.

I also want to know who says "Do not be sorry" when Karel apologizes for the drama. It's a very clear American accent that's not Joren (he not only has an accent in English, but he has a distinctive voice, plus his mouth doesn't seem to be moving), and isn't Laz or Ed Furtaw either, but it sounds naggingly familiar! At first I thought it was John Kelly, and it might be (we know he's right there), but it could also be Fegy. Would love to know!

ETA: Having listened to more John Kelly interviews, it doesn't sound like him. Might still be Fegy, or could be someone I don't recognize.

Ok, I don’t go here,* but. Karel Sabe’s friend tenderly holding him after he (Karel Sabbe) slumps to the ground at the gate, and saying something very close to his face that we can’t hear, and gently helping him out of his running vest. What was I saying about Barkley. Some brothers-in-arms shit. Over the top. I’m about it.

*male athletes

Also the fact that this is the first thing Google has to say about Karel Sabbe

[thankyoufinnick]

REBLOG IF NAZIS OFFEND YOU MORE THAN NIPPLES.

[thankyoufinnick]

Image hosting is crap, but I otherwise like it. I do most of my posting there and only come here to ramble about not writing Finnick fic. It’s been my primary platform since I migrated from LJ in 2009.

My DW is mildred-of-midgard, if anyone doesn’t already know. *waves to agitatedmuffins*

I’m also on AO3, as I assume everyone knows, under both mildred-of-midgard and thankyoufinnick.

I haven’t been on the internet much (thanks, back pain--I’m now officially on 75% time and salary at work) and only just saw the tumblr kerfluffle. It appears tumblr agrees my blog is SFW, but I’ve scraped my favorite NSFW blog (with some help from Ruby and sed), am waiting on my official personal blog export (I’m assuming it’s taking so long because the tumblr servers must be slammed), and am uncertain whether I want to continue on tumblr. I’ll give y’all some warning if I decide to delete in protest, but...

I literally just remembered I have a thank-you-finnick DW that I set up so my betas could read drafts of Mags’ War when it was still a WIP. Huh. I might start posting my rambles about not writing there.

I might also do what I was doing back in the day and post my WIPs as I work on them, so you can see all the shitty first drafts, and if something gets abandoned, well...maybe there was something worth reading.

I kept thinking about doing that on tumblr, but tumblr gives me zero ability to navigate back to old posts and update them with revised drafts in a way that doesn’t make me want to stab the computer.

So yes. I might do that.

Silver linings.

Should I make a dreamwidth? I’ve never interacted with that platform before and don’t have much free time on my hands these days, but seems like tumblr is increasingly not the place to be.

[thankyoufinnick]

Cinna/Finnick AU

Well, I have one million fics in flight that will never be finished, and this is almost certainly one of them, so I figure I may as well give you a summary, since the entertainment value of that has to be somewhere above “an indefinitely long string of posts about writing fic that don’t actually result in fic for you to read.”

So this is Cinna/Finnick roommates fic, but this is in fact not the Cinna/Finnick roommates modern AU fic I just posted about. This is actually a serious business, canon-divergent fic!

Content warning: character death, dubcon drug use, addiction, codependence, PTSD, didn’t spell it out but I think we all know why Finnick can’t take it any more...

The story opens with Cinna testifying before a coroner’s court that he killed Finnick. They were having sex, Finnick was high, Finnick kept asking for another hit, Cinna knew he should tell him he’d had enough but could never say no to Finnick, Finnick’s heart stopped. Now the Capitol’s investigating: murder, suicide, or accidental drug overdose?

Cinna puts on a convincing portrayal of grief and Finnick’s complete mental incapacitation under the influence and general lack of good judgment, and the verdict comes back accidental overdose. Now, in theory, both Cinna and all of Finnick’s district, loved ones, and other D4s victors, are free from the consequences of depriving the Capitol of their favorite plaything. Shit happens, be more careful with your drugs, let this be a lesson to everyone.

But in practice, the government is capricious, and the socialites are very unhappy. Plutarch Heavensbee appears at Cinna’s door in the middle of the night, offering him an escape to an outlying district to lie low while he waits for things to blow over and another pretty young victor to come along. (Gag.)

Cinna, who feels guilty about his life of Capitol privilege, takes Heavensbee up on the offer, and Cinna goes to District Twelve to make ends meet as a tailor.

The train breaks down before it reaches the station, and Cinna’s escort says they’ll have to walk the rest of the way and inform someone. As he’s stepping off the train, Cinna feels something sharp, like a bee, jab him in the back of the neck.

He wakes up in a hospital bed, and he’s either hallucinating, or that’s really Finnick Odair standing over his bed, frantically demanding, “What was the verdict?!”

Turns out! Nineteen-year-old Finnick decided he couldn’t take it in the Capitol any more. He got in touch with District Thirteen via their moles in the Capitol and drove a bargain: critical military and political intelligence in return for assisted escape to District Thirteen, for him and the only guy in the Capitol he trusted to help him, and whose life he put at risk by including him in the plan: Cinna.

So D13 got together some drugs that mimicked death, Finnick spent the better part of a year laying the groundwork by developing a real addiction, and he made sure he was with Cinna when the apparently fatal dose was administered. He trusted Cinna to pull off an accidental overdose verdict if anyone could.

Then the doctor who officially declared him dead was friendly to the cause, and Finnick had framed someone else in advance to take the fall when his body disappeared.

Now Finnick and Cinna are in District Thirteen for life. They’ll never (as far as they know) see any of their loved ones again, but Finnick’s are safer now that they can’t be used as leverage for his good behavior in the Capitol. Finnick is apologetic that he couldn’t either tell Cinna about the plan or get permission to include him in the escape plan, but there was no safe way to do so.

And Finnick knew Plutarch wasn’t lying: even that verdict wasn’t totally safe for Cinna.

Cinna, who has been developing feelings for Finnick in the little time they’ve been able to spend together, and is, as we’ve seen, absolutely riddled with guilt at profiting off the blood and sweat of the districts, not to mention horrified at what Finnick’s been put through, readily forgives him and agrees Finnick did the right thing.

Now they’re living in District Thirteen.

Draft 1:

Finnick and Cinna have a chance to help fight back, in a few years the reader knows the war is going to break out, the end.

Draft 2

A badly traumatized and missing his family (mostly Mags) Finnick desperately wants to share a room with Cinna, the only person he knows and trusts. District Thirteen has rules, and you’re only allowed to pick your roommate if you’re married. But due to the population crash after the recent epidemic, non-fertile marriage licenses have been revoked. Maybe that’ll change in a decade or two, if the birth rate picks up.

Enter Doctor Aurelius, who I have made a kind and competent therapist. Out of concern for Finnick’s mental health, he talks Coin into a compromise, where she exempts refugees from the new fertile marriage law, on the grounds that refugees have already contributed to the population.

Aurelius also gives Cinna some serious counseling, along the lines of, “I know all your interactions with Finnick so far have been sunshine and roses, but there haven’t been that many, and you better know what you’re getting yourself into here, because a relationship with a deeply traumatized teenager is not the world’s easiest job.” And he strongly encourages Cinna to enter into proactive counseling if he goes through with the marriage.

They get married. Implication that it will be rocky but they’ll get their happy ending because they have support. The end.

Draft 3

Finnick's been going through the standard D13 program for tapering off drugs. He's doing well and looking forward to contributing to the resistance.

Buuuut. Coin is evil. She likes neutralizing rivals and threats. And a boy who won the Games at fourteen and by nineteen demonstrated he could negotiate special treatment from one government in order to bring down another government using information he gathered while spying on them is a definite potential threat.

So after milking him for the information he has, Coin goes on about how amazing Finnick's accomplishments are and how he's the only person whoever acquired a drug addiction on purpose to help District Thirteen out, and if he's still having cravings, they can repay him for his sacrifices by giving him a slower taper. Which, as you can probably guess, ends up being a taper up, so that Finnick is not figuring out that his new president is almost as despotic as the last one and deciding he needs to sleep with her underlings to gather information.

Finnick, instead, is perfectly happy with all the accommodations this helpful and supportive government is making for him, from being allowed to room with someone he's not married to, to a concerned nurse who's happy to prescribe anything he likes, to his wonderfully ever-present boyfriend/roommate, who lacks an official schedule tattooed onto his arm, and is thus free to keep an eye on Finnick while he's high as a kite, which is most of the time these days.

Because Cinna continues to be both guilt-ridden, confused about what's in Finnick's best interests, and manipulated by his therapist (who the reader figures out is the same happy-to-prescribe nurse who's working for Coin) into thinking that his instinct never to deny Finnick anything is much healthier than his better judgment that maaaybe Finnick spending all day in his room and never interacting with anyone except Cinna and the hospital staff is a bad thing? And Cinna is encouraged to be proud that his continued attentiveness is so good for Finnick's mental health. In a word, Cinna ends up in a totally codependent mindset, where the more Finnick depends on him, the better Cinna feels.

This is that predicament I was talking about. Because in my observation, people who don't want help, and live with their enablers, don't get help. Times one million, I imagine, if the government is invested in keeping them that way.

Because Snow never fully knew what Finnick was capable of, but he came to Coin with his hand played.

Lorata, this is pretty much the same reason you haven't been able to finish Rick & Lacy.

Part of the problem is that in order to make Cinna the love of Finnick's life, I set this before Annie, i.e. before the 70th Hunger Games. So it's a little over five years before any other victors come to D13. By making Finnick not the D4 tribute in 75, I can probably have Mags survive, possibly at Peeta's expense (I would really like to talk to someone who understands Katniss to figure out how she would react), but that's a really long time, and also almost certainly results in Finnick missing all the action. Because it's not like Mags shows up, Finnick's back to his old self in time to participate in the war. Which is good because he lives, but bad because that's a hell of a time skip and I'm not sure it's worth the payoff. It feels pretty anticlimactic, actually.

Plus there's the problem that in my head, whenever Mags does show up and start trying to convince Finnick that Coin did this to him, he's had five-plus years to rationalize to himself that it was his idea, that he's been through enough, that he's finally happy, and that after all he went through to protect her, she has no right to demand that he sacrifice himself yet again to this war. And there's a pretty interesting philosophical argument where she insists "he" doesn't want this, it's just the drugs that altered his brain chemistry, maybe irreversibly, and he asks, "If I'm perfectly sober and just enjoy this lifestyle, what on earth does it mean for there to be a 'me' that doesn't want this?"

So idk what to do. If there’s to be a literarily satisfactory solution, I feel like it has to come pretty early on.

Maybe, because Doctor Aurelius is in the picture, and Finnick's been having daily therapy with him during the first weeks after his arrival, I can have Finnick say something to him that causes him to get suspicious and say something that causes Finnick to realize what's going on...but, damn, this is complicated, y'all.

Here, have a summary instead.

[thankyoufinnick]

You know what I think I need? (Other than my back and neck, or alternatively feet, to stop hurting so I can write properly?) A DeviantArt account. Because my impression is that’s where people post totally unapologetic, over the top, no-literary-value stories about their kinks, without having to get into the “In real life, you should get help for your addictions, and pressuring your friends/significant others into unhealthy behaviors is bad!” discussion. Because every one of my kink fics is like, “In this universe, excessive alcohol consumption is surprisingly free of unpleasant side effects or health effects, STDs and unplanned pregnancies don’t exist, and pathologically needy behaviors are totally hot.”

This post brought to you by “Panem Institute of the Arts, located in Southern California in the year 2018, where Finnick is going to modeling school and his roommate Cinna is studying to be a designer, but Cinna is way more interested in Finnick and Finnick is way more interested in his fake ID than either of them is in their studies.”

I promise I want to get back to the more serious stuff too (Mags’ Heir part 2, oh how I long for you), but I can only type standing up atm, and because of my plantar fasciitis, can only do that for about an hour a day. I’m using a lot of sick time at work. And even in the weeks leading up to this, it’s been hard to type much outside of work. That’s been a huge part of why the recent focus on easy stuff I can knock out without thinking about it, because thinking takes time, and time at the computer is painful. (Time with pen and paper more so.)

I need to be disassembled and reassembled. Can’t wait until Amazon Prime delivers replacement body parts.

“Some assembly required.”

[thankyoufinnick]

lorata replied to your post: Well, that was fast (and predictable). Draft 1:... omg i’m sorry but this progression is the most You™ thing I’ve ever seen

lorata replied to your post: Well, that was fast (and predictable). Draft 1:... (by which I mean ilu)

Hahahahahaha. Did you mean: every THG fic I ever wrote?

Aaalso, unrelated, but I meant to say in one of my earlier posts that the difference between a good fanfic author and a good author is one that makes me like a fic about Finnick and one that makes me like a fic about someone I don’t already care about, so that’s why I’m always saying you’re the best author in fandom.

By which I mean, iluuuu too. <33 Also, I think it’s your fault I have all these unfinished AUs, you encouraged me! Would love to chat sometime but back pain. *shakes fist*

Must end reply here.

Well, that was fast (and predictable).

Draft 1: Finnick and Cinna live happily ever after, the end. Very short.

Draft 2: Finnick and Cinna have to work for it but get their happy ending. Somewhat longer.

Draft 3: Finnick and Cinna are in a predicament and I haven’t figured out how to get them to their happy ending. No end in sight. Maybe I should go back to draft 1?

Also, curse you, back pain! *shakes fist* I’m minimizing typing and on a reduced workload at work, looking into short-term disability in hopes (no confidence) it helps. Finnick and Cinna may remain in their predicament indefinitely.

[thankyoufinnick]

Well, that was fast (and predictable).

Draft 1: Finnick and Cinna live happily ever after, the end. Very short.

Draft 2: Finnick and Cinna have to work for it but get their happy ending. Somewhat longer.

Draft 3: Finnick and Cinna are in a predicament and I haven’t figured out how to get them to their happy ending. No end in sight. Maybe I should go back to draft 1?

Also, curse you, back pain! *shakes fist* I’m minimizing typing and on a reduced workload at work, looking into short-term disability in hopes (no confidence) it helps. Finnick and Cinna may remain in their predicament indefinitely.

[thankyoufinnick]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, Hunger Games Series - All Media Types Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Mags (Hunger Games) Additional Tags: Hunger Games-Typical Death/Violence Series: Part 4 of Mags-verse One Shots Summary:

The Capitol is all-powerful. A slip of a girl whose every move is watched stands no chance of changing that. But as a survivor of the Hunger Games, Mags has her own take on impossible odds.

Or, how District Four planned a revolution under the noses of the Capitol.

In a surprise move, I finish a 2,000 word story and post it.

[thankyoufinnick]

I just want to say that the Five Places Cinna Came From series is terrible and you should not read it, and by terrible I mean “beautifully written and heartbreakingly canon-compliant,” and by should not read it I mean “unless you are ready to cry, and scream at the unfairness of canon, and mentally write AUs where Cinna and Finnick live happily ever after” and possibly like me actually write the AU. Ahem.

Some of those lines are going to stick with me for a long time, I can tell. GAH.

I still think “Wisely, I Say, I Am a Bachelor” is my favorite Finnick/Cinna, but actually I think it may be my favorite Hunger Games fic EVER, and that’s saying something when I think of fics like “Fixed to a Star” and “Spin Control” and “Benevolence and Impossible Kindness” and “with the furies breathing down your neck,” and okay, I think I just listed my top five--oh, and Lorata gets major props for making my top 5 without Finnick, which caught me by surprise at the time. I actually paused in my devouring of Finnick fic to read about some D2 OC and leave comments and rec it to people, major props. And okay, “Can you hear me right now?” is probably my 6th favorite. And then it gets fuzzy, especially as Odesta taught me to love modern AUs, and my two favorites (“Little Stars” and “The Roommate Agreement”) badly need betas so it’s hard to say they’re great, but I keep rereading them and being influenced by them and writing my own modern AUs, so it’s hard to say that even if they’re flawed they’re not among my favorites...

Anyway, I came here to talk about Five Places, and now I need to get back to writing some AUs where Finnick and Cinna live. I have to say, I loved the comment someone left on one of the Five Places fics: “I would do almost anything to know what happens to them in the end. Like I’ve already constructed a happy ending for them in my mind where they all escaped to thirteen and their safe and happy, Finnick never dies, and maybe somehow they all [Annie, Cinna, and Finnick] get married to each other and are happy together.”

YES PLEASE.

[thankyoufinnick]

OMG, I think I finally finished one. 

Mags founds a forbidden Career academy. 2,200 words long, and it needs polishing, but I think it’s finished.

Hallelujah. \o/

And of course there’s the new one I started this weekend, 7,000 words of Finnick/Cinna fixit fic where EVERYBODY LIVES HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

WIPs

Wow. I’m looking through my folder called “Hunger Games shorts”, and I see no fewer than 7 ultra-short (< 2,000 words) fics that I could post if I ever got around to finishing them instead of abandoning them and starting new ones. By “could post” I mean these are not embarrassing OOC modern AU silly/sexy fics, but actual serious-business canon or canon-divergent fics. Most are Mags-verse or nearly so.

* One of Finnick’s clients lands him in the hospital. Johanna comes to visit.

* Nobody will listen to Annie, because she’s “crazy”. “Finnick, you go reason with her. You have a way with her.” Finnick: listens to her.

* Mags founds a forbidden Career academy. (Started yesterday. I may finish this one for the sake of the title alone, never mind my deep and abiding love of Mags.)

* Cinna and Finnick: at the beginning of Finnick’s stint as Capitol plaything, in the middle, and on the last day. Started today. (Will never be as good as “Wisely, I Say, I Am a Bachelor” or probably even “Five Places Cinna Came From,” but hey. The literary critic brain is not allowed to comment during the creative writing process.)

* Finnick and Annie, ice cream and insecurities. (Started something ridiculous like three years ago. Have almost 100% given up on this one.)

* Johanna visits Annie in the District Thirteen hospital after they learn Finnick’s never coming back. Post-actualfax canon. (Shocker.)

* AU where Finnick does come back, Annie can’t handle the clinginess indefinitely, and Johanna decides that clinginess beats having no one left that she loves. (See previous post.)

PLUS

* Assorted Mags-verse divergent fics from the same universe, like “Johanna moves to District Four in Seventy-Three” or “Finnick is trapped in the Capitol when the rebellion breaks out” that are much longer but could potentially be finished if I ever, you know, worked on them.

* Extremely crazy modern AU M/s fic that’s 25,000 words long and actually developing some depth. (Still in progress as of like 2 weeks ago.)

* Mags’ Heir part 2, which I almost never work on but am still in total de Nile about having abandoned 40,000 words of the way in with a million ideas about what else to add. :( (You will almost certainly get an epilogue summarizing events if I can ever convince myself that I’ve abandoned it. May be published posthumously, like Tolkien’s Silmarillion/History of Middle-earth, but not as good).

* That Delly/Peeta fic I posted the first part of and have some idea where it goes, but not enough to actually write anything.

This, of course, is not including the 27 million fics you will never ever see but will no doubt continue to hear about.

The part of my brain that wants to write things and post them for people to read is interested in what you guys think and if you have preferences, but the part of my brain that actually does the writing these days is like “#YOLO, Gale’s gonna spot Finnick standing on a corner in New York City and blurt out ‘How much?’” so no promises. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[thankyoufinnick]

7,000 words of people talking about their feelings, must be a Hunger Games fic by @thankyoufinnick. :P

I managed to come up with a compromise wherein Finnick latches onto Cinna to satisfy my fannish wishfulthinkment brain and also gets therapy to satisfy my rational brain. Doctor Aurelius now spends 2,000 words wall-of-texting advice at Cinna about the perils of being in a relationship with someone so traumatized.

Very rough draft that might get finished and polished some day, who knows.

@princess-nell, if you have the spoons, time, and interest for a little chat about the realism and advisability of my authorial choices, I can comp you for your time as professional psych consultant, but if not, best of luck managing your spoons. <3

[thankyoufinnick]

IRONICALLY, between Nov 3, 2014, when I started writing Hunger Games fic, and November 15, 2016, I managed to complete and finish a 120,000 word fic and be something like 50,000 words into the 330,000 word sequels that were posted November 3, 2017, but between November 3, 2017 and November 3, 2018, I have managed to start and not finish 7 < 2,000 word fics, and post one unfinished 1,914 word fic.

[thankyoufinnick]

WIPs

Wow. I’m looking through my folder called “Hunger Games shorts”, and I see no fewer than 7 ultra-short (< 2,000 words) fics that I could post if I ever got around to finishing them instead of abandoning them and starting new ones. By “could post” I mean these are not embarrassing OOC modern AU silly/sexy fics, but actual serious-business canon or canon-divergent fics. Most are Mags-verse or nearly so.

* One of Finnick’s clients lands him in the hospital. Johanna comes to visit.

* Nobody will listen to Annie, because she’s “crazy”. “Finnick, you go reason with her. You have a way with her.” Finnick: listens to her.

* Mags founds a forbidden Career academy. (Started yesterday. I may finish this one for the sake of the title alone, never mind my deep and abiding love of Mags.)

* Cinna and Finnick: at the beginning of Finnick’s stint as Capitol plaything, in the middle, and on the last day. Started today. (Will never be as good as “Wisely, I Say, I Am a Bachelor” or probably even “Five Places Cinna Came From,” but hey. The literary critic brain is not allowed to comment during the creative writing process.)

* Finnick and Annie, ice cream and insecurities. (Started something ridiculous like three years ago. Have almost 100% given up on this one.)

* Johanna visits Annie in the District Thirteen hospital after they learn Finnick’s never coming back. Post-actualfax canon. (Shocker.)

* AU where Finnick does come back, Annie can’t handle the clinginess indefinitely, and Johanna decides that clinginess beats having no one left that she loves. (See previous post.)

PLUS

* Assorted Mags-verse divergent fics from the same universe, like “Johanna moves to District Four in Seventy-Three” or “Finnick is trapped in the Capitol when the rebellion breaks out” that are much longer but could potentially be finished if I ever, you know, worked on them.

* Extremely crazy modern AU M/s fic that’s 25,000 words long and actually developing some depth. (Still in progress as of like 2 weeks ago.)

* Mags’ Heir part 2, which I almost never work on but am still in total de Nile about having abandoned 40,000 words of the way in with a million ideas about what else to add. :( (You will almost certainly get an epilogue summarizing events if I can ever convince myself that I’ve abandoned it. May be published posthumously, like Tolkien’s Silmarillion/History of Middle-earth, but not as good).

* That Delly/Peeta fic I posted the first part of and have some idea where it goes, but not enough to actually write anything.

This, of course, is not including the 27 million fics you will never ever see but will no doubt continue to hear about.

The part of my brain that wants to write things and post them for people to read is interested in what you guys think and if you have preferences, but the part of my brain that actually does the writing these days is like “#YOLO, Gale’s gonna spot Finnick standing on a corner in New York City and blurt out ‘How much?’” so no promises. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[thankyoufinnick]

So the thing about me shipping Finnick with literally everyone, which is not a thing I’ve ever done before (I have historically been an OTP kind of fan), is that my brain starts mad-libbing. Finnick + theme + [Character]

Like I mentioned the “[Character] picks up consensual!prostitute!Finnick” theme before, where so far, Johanna, Cinna, and Gale have all stepped up for that role. (I’ve read a fic where Annie does, that’s what inspired this. It’s great, I wish it hadn’t been abandoned, I don’t think I can do it better.)

And I’ve written at least two fics where Finnick has a submission kink (one consensual, one the result of some icky Capitol hijacking) and desperately needs someone to tell him what to do ALL the time, and Johanna and Cinna have stepped up (and, believe me, other characters have appeared in this role in unwritten fics in my head).

Well, lately I’ve got another one. (I think this is all because my Finnick/Cinna ship, latent for four years, has been picking up speed the last few months and especially two weeks.)

Remember in Mockingjay where Finnick goes from borderline catatonic to “totally happy and glued to Annie every moment of every day?” If he’s not training for war, he's hovering over Annie?

Well, some years ago, @inelegantprose and I had a very interesting discussion in which we agreed that 

1) Annie did not fix Finnick’s mental health problems overnight simply by existing, and

2) That kind of clinging does not smack of mental health and a good relationship.

Now, *I* pushed back on 2) a little bit, arguing that given the context, you could see that as a very reasonable and healthy temporary reaction to events. Namely:

They’re newlyweds.

War weddings tend to be fast and intense.

Annie just got back from captivity and torture, and frankly so did Finnick.

Finnick’s about to go off to war and may never come back.

A little clinging seems in order. They’re under a lot of stress, and Katniss’s limited-as-usual perception may not be representative of their normal interactions.

Now, @inelegantprose said that was an interesting and convincing take on things, but lamented that “mentally unhealthy person is fixed by clinging to another person” is all we see of Finnick’s mental health trajectory as well as of his relationship with Annie. You can, if you like, tell yourself that Finnick is still having attacks of grief, fear, guilt, whatever, behind closed doors where our limited POV protagonist Katniss can’t see, and that Annie is helping him deal in constructive ways. But you don’t get this message from the narrative. The narrative message is “Magical Healing Vagina” (as someone else put it).

(Man, I wish @inelegantprose were still in fandom. I enjoyed our convos.)

Well, being me and prone to torturing my characters, as well as infamous for my well-known predilection for breaking up Odesta (SORREEE), I’ve long had this theme in my head:

Finnick comes back from war. He resumes clinging to Annie. They have a honeymoon where Annie’s up for some clinging, but she expects it to wear off naturally over time. Hers does. Finnick’s doesn’t.

Annie, who’s struggling with her own mental health issues, loses more and more spoons to never ever being able to be alone for a minute. Finnick is neither oblivious nor an asshole, and he starts trying to give her the space she needs. At great cost to himself.

Insert [Character], who does their best to supply what Annie can’t.

This is the part where my responsible real-life brain says, “Not healthy, get therapy,” and my fannish brain says, “Give Finnick someone who wants to be attached at the hip with him forever, and he’ll be happy (or at least I as reader/author will be).”

Now, if you’ve read the Mags Trilogy, you will recognize these patterns. Finnick deals with stress by not wanting to be alone, he has some noticeable skin hunger, Annie needs space when she’s stressed, Finnick gives her that space at cost, and Johanna steps up with, “Okay, it’s not going to be romantic or gushy, but if you need to sleep on my floor every night and get a stiff pat on the shoulder once in a while, doesn’t bother me after all we’ve been through together.” (Note: my Finnick has prostituted himself voluntarily to get Johanna medication she needed. Twice. She’s got a strong sense of owing him.)

But in my Mags-verse fics, Finnick’s reactions aren’t so pathological. He’s not refusing to take a single breath alone. Seeking support from people he trusts is less suffocating and more of the healthiest coping mechanism he’s got in a therapist-less world (I have opinions on the roles of therapy and loved ones in mental illness that are a whooole ‘nother post). And in Mags’ Heir part 2, which may never be finished but is 40,000 words long on paper and longer in my head (I want to finish it, guys, really I do), Finnick gets a therapy dog and then a therapist. And okay, he turns the dog into a bit of a velcro dog, because he’s a bit of a velcro owner. But it’s better to have a dog that you never want to leave your side than your wife.

In my Finnick-lives post-Mockingjay AU, in contrast, it’s very pathological, and Finnick really can’t handle being alone. Whenever he is, he very quickly starts regressing back toward where he was before Annie was rescued. (Not as bad because he knows she’s safe; worse because now he’s the one causing her pain, and she’s rejecting him even if he knows rationally that’s not what she’s doing.)

And I have fragments of a story where Johanna steps up to fill in the gaps. When Annie needs space, Finnick goes and crashes with Jo, and they have drinks and chat or something until he can go back.

But starting yesterday, he’s found Cinna in this universe. (I think we can all agree that if we’re writing “X lives” canon divergence, Cinna needs to be included.) And the Cinna/Finnick dynamic in my head is Cinna adoring Finnick and lavishing constant attention and affection on him. Not in a lovey-dovey cutesy way, and not in a daddy kink kind of way, but in an “exuding poise and calmness” way. Cinna gives, and Finnick basks. My Cinna is a very centered person. Not unlike my Patroclus, come to think of it. Kind and caring and very sure of himself, very unthreatened at his core. (Unlike Annie, who’s having anxiety attacks all the time.) I have a very strong sense of this pairing in my brain, and a great deal of difficulty putting it into words. But it’s there. Cinna is an incredibly supportive force in Finnick’s AU life, and Finnick returns love and trust and companionship and laughter.

So now my fannish brain is very illogically yelling, “Do it, Cinna! Do it!” And now I’m writing Cinna taking Finnick in and never ever letting go, and that somehow magically fixing things instead of Annie magically fixing things.

And you know, wishful thinking is a valid reason to write (or read). Sometimes we don’t want to read about the world as it works, we want to read about something we can’t find in real life. I’ve always said it’s less incumbent on the writer than the reader to make the distinction. I mean, I would like to believe that the writer has sensible opinions about real life, and I get itchy if I start getting the sense the writer actually believes X is real or Y is a good thing. But as the reader, if I’m using fiction as my how-to manual, I’m the one responsible for that, not the writer. I don’t want to limit the kinds of fiction people write (or read) to the ones that could be used as how-to manuals for real-life (which I have seen people argue as being the writer’s responsibility, and which I have argued against).

P.S. I have much to say about Finnick’s need not to be alone and his skin hunger, which I’m aware run contrary to what you might expect given his history. I have entire therapy sessions in my head, complete with neuroscience mumbo-jumbo, and a Google drive file where I might write them someday. I’ve been having a little more trouble writing serious stuff lately. I think mostly because I’m drifting out of this fandom, and the only things giving me enough inspiration to put words on paper are the really silly, frivolous, effortless things. And so I’ve been going for it because if that’s all I’ve got, maybe it’ll prime the pump. And if not, I still just like writing. And ultimately, I’m writing for myself.

(There may be some pump-priming going on. Today I wrote 2,000 words of a serious business Mags-verse fic that I’m going to try to finish and post. Mind you, I have about 6 unfinished 2,000 word serious-business fics that have been languishing for months if not years. But one can hope. This one even has a title that I love!)