theartoflettingg0

[theartoflettingg0]

— @eternaldroplets on x (via letsbelonelytogetherr)

[theartoflettingg0]

— Traci Brimhall, Dear Eros

[theartoflettingg0]

You called you actually called. I never thought that I’d hear your voice again and then randomly on a Wednesday. You accidentally call me because you don’t recognise the number. I don’t even know if I want to believe that I don’t know how to feel. I don’t know how to process it. I’m sad.

[theartoflettingg0]

Letting you go has been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

But not as hard as watching you not want me.

[theartoflettingg0]

Well, here it is. My first night in my new home. A home you’ll never see or know about. You won’t ring the doorbell or park in the garage.

I won’t hear you say how pretty the view is from the balcony.

You’re just not here. And I never expected you to not be here.

[theartoflettingg0]

I’m starting to have this realisation that you really aren’t coming back.

No amount of praying or wishing on a star is going to work. Nothing is going to bring you back.

And that makes me so fucking sad.

[theartoflettingg0]

Sometimes I still text your phone number and I wonder if you get the message. I don’t think it goes through. I’m pretty sure I’m blocked. But a tiny part of me hopes you get the message

I try to imagine where you are when you read my message. Do you have any emotions? Do yiu feel it in your chest? If you are reading them.. I wish you’d text back.im waiting. I’m waiting.

It’s lonely without you. I’m sorry I was mad. I’m sorry I was a bitch. I was rude, ungrateful and hurtful. I did and said things I’m not proud of and regret but this can’t be the end. Please come back. Please.

I’m tired. I just want you back in my life. Why won’t you text me back.

Please text me back

[theartoflettingg0]

Don’t you miss me? Don’t you wonder how I am? Do I cross your mind in those insignificant little moments?

I think about you a lot. too much.

[theartoflettingg0]

Can confirm I am not over it.

Cool

[theartoflettingg0]

I love you and I’m scared I’ll never get to tell you that again

[theartoflettingg0]

— Evelyn Graham Frost, ‘Memory’

[theartoflettingg0]

I’m sad again

[theartoflettingg0]

And then, instead of thinking about you every second of every day, I slowly progressed to every 5 minutes or so.. then 10 minutes, 15.. 20.. and suddenly, half a day. It was all I could manage - before a small, insignificant thing to anyone else - ripped through my consciousness as I stared at this stupid picture of white chocolate syrup. I froze, memories flooding my mind like waves, crashing down on the walls I built around my feelings for you.

I’ll never be the same again.

[theartoflettingg0]

Well

There it goes.

I’m moving. I’ll officially be living in a place you’ll never see

I should be happy

So why am I scream crying

[theartoflettingg0]

This weeks better

I’m kinda over it. You’re a loser.

[theartoflettingg0]

Sometimes I wonder if you cared at all. But I think back to a lot of things and I’m like… you must’ve cared. No one does that just cause.

But then how can you miss my birthday? How can you just let me, let us fall apart like this? That makes me tbink you don’t care.

Did you ever? If you stopped caring, when was the exact moment? How did it feel.. was it just, like a light switch flicked off? Was it like a wave, that came crashing down on you.. did you sit in for a while and feel the feeling.. then let the feeling go as the wave retracted? Tell me what it meant.

I say “this wasn’t suppose to happen” a lot. It’s like my default inner dialogue. It consumes me. Do you feel consumed? Confused?

Why did this happen. How did this happen. Why did we do this.

[theartoflettingg0]

I wonder if you’re looking at the same moon,hurting like me.

I wonder if you’re completely fine and not thinking about me at all. I’m not consuming every thought or keeping you awake at night.

I hope you’re somewhere safe and warm but damn this hurts. Are you hurting? Do you feel pain like I do?

Where did we go so wrong, I’m so fucking frustrated that you won’t call. Why didn’t you want to work this out with me?

This diary helps. I know you’ll never see it but I secretly hope you do. I hope you realise how much you hurt me and it makes you sick.

All I wanted was my best friend.