thebeginingofsomethingelse-blog

[thebeginingofsomethingelse-blog]

Before I start this I do need to say that this could be triggering for me, as I will be telling everything from starting to now.

this is in honour of bell lets talk day. And this is MY story.

I guess everything started to take a toll on me in grade 6 I had been bullied for most of my elementary schooling but it got worse in grade 6 the one memory that is still so vivid in my mind is that one time all the ‘popular’ kids were chasing me around the play ground laughing, I didnt know what I had done wrong I felt like I had something wrong with me, the way they treated me made me hate myself that day, after school that night I self harmed for the first time in my life. Thats when I thought maybe the sadness I had been feeling was more serious than I thought it was. The self harm progressed into grade 7 and 8 thats when it became very present in my life I was 12 in grade 7 I was 12 when I thought that hurting myself was the only way to take away the pain and my heart aches for the younger me. The bullying continued, I would get excluded from groups people would laugh and tell me to pull up my sleeves, I was too embarested and I mean even if they did know, they would make fun of me so I didn’t. Another vivid memory I have is a boy saying “who would want to go to a dance with an emo” after I asked him. fun fact though a year or so ago that same boy asked me to hook up with him, I laughed in his face.

High school is when my life went down hill, high school was a living hell for me. grade 9 was fine I was around a great bunch of people my grades were good my self harm was still very bad at that point grade 10 I changed schools and man that is my biggest regret in life. in grade 10 I had people telling me to kill myself daily like it was a big joke to them, well after hearing that line so many times, I did it , I tried to kill myself. I ended up at mc masters youth mental heath impatient unit or 3B to anyone else whos been there. It was at that hospital where I was diagnosed with major depression and high anxiety, after that I went to another school, this one was much smaller and then I met my ex boyfriend I rode the toxic relationship rollercoaster for as long as I could but I couldnt do it anymore I was scared of him. my anxiety became a monster after that, the constant thoughts of “ if I die I wont have to see him again” but my life moved on and  I graduated back at the school I started at and went into  behaviour phyc well imagine that- the bullying continued there as well. I started getting really depressed and eventually I gave in and attempted again I was in the hospital, I dont remember much about that night there were many hospital visits after that, but at the last hospital visit they gave me what I wanted- My proper diagnosis - Depression, social anxiety, generalized anxiety, eating disorder not otherwise specified, and Borderline personality disorder, they gave me the right medications and ever since that last hospital visit ive been getting better, im on the right medications I have positive people in my life and I love those people with everything, I dont know if I would have been alive without my family supporting me through all of this. Sure there were bumps and there still are bumps my bump this time is trying to get myself out of my postpartum depression it is tearing me apart and some days I don't want to leave bed and I'm scared and I'm crying a lot I feel like I'm loosing myself and going numb but like I said they are just bumps and I will pick myself up every time I am strong I am worth it I am important enough I am pretty and I will continue to fight the monsters that are mental illness and I will never loose to them. And those scars are a constant reminder of how far I have come.

[thebeginingofsomethingelse-blog]

Who am I

Ah, the first blog post, the one that describes who you are and what you like. The one that no one is really good at because realistically who really knows how to how to describe themselves without sounding weird. So lets give this a try and please, this is my fist blog post so it really won’t be that great, so if you decide to keep reading, then thank you for that.

Let’s start with the basics. My name is Taylor, I’m 19 years old, with a late birthday, I was always the youngest in my class. I was born in a small town in Ontario very close to Niagara Falls. I had a good childhood growing up in a typical small town with people who could sometimes be mean (we’ll get into that at a later date) I graduated high school in 2014 and went to college for Behavioral Psychology, that really didn’t last long before I decided that wasn’t for me so I dropped out. I then decided I wanted to try journalism fast forward a couple months I didn’t like that either so I dropped out again. I know dropping out of college twice? how could I. I decided to take a break from school and focus on myself, my mental health was suffering and I needed to get better. Still today I really flip flop on what I want to do with the rest of my life, maybe one day soon I can be more concrete. I am very introverted and have a small group of friends who I love very dearly, I don’t open up to many people and the ones I do are very few and far between. But I love helping people and giving advise, I get that part of me from my mom who is just amazing.  Also fun fact I’m deathly allergic to mayonnaise, no seriously, I have to carry an epi pen with me 

I have a lot of hobbies that all flip flop. One could almost say I go through phases of what I like to do, one month it will be painting the next it could be knitting it kind of depends on the month. But basically I love anything creative, I get that from my dad, who is an incredible photographer.

On December 6th (hey that’s my birthday too) I gave birth to my beautiful son he was healthy and perfect, you won’t see any photos of him on here because honestly the thought of total strangers seeing what he looks like kind of scares me, especially in today’s society, I love being a mom but it is really hard and there aren’t many resources out there for young moms, that’s something I hope to help some people out with on this blog ‘young mom advice’. I have a lovely little family and a wonderful extended one.

I’m just a lady who is trying to find happiness and my place, and each day I get one step closer. 

- Tay