thetwoaliens

[thetwoaliens]

James: I figured out why you're so depressed. You have updog.

Remus: What's updog?

James: PADFOOT, GET IN HERE I TOLD YOU I COULD DO IT.

[thetwoaliens]

[skipping stones on The Great Lake]

Lily: It's such a beautiful evening.

James, whispering: Take that you fucking lake.

[thetwoaliens]

James: Are you a big spoon or a little spoon?

Lily: I’m a knife.

[thetwoaliens]

Not sure if anyone done this but…

[thetwoaliens]

Next Gen Headcanon

i feel like the next gen on the morning of the 1st of September at the Burrow, is a lot like Home Alone™

everyone stayed the night at the Burrow

everyone

they’re all catching up with one another

telling each other about the vacations they went on, congratualating a few on promotions and awards, ranting about the stuff that has been happening at their sector of work, and what crazy magic their kids illegally did on their sibling that got them grounded for 3 weeks

all laughing and having great family time

but the morning of September 1st?

all hell breaks lose

parents yelling, animals going berserk, kids scrambling around trying to pack (because you know there is no way in hell they packed the night before, they were all too busy testing the latest Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes’ toys and tricks in the field by the burrow late into the night)

“JAMES YOU DID NOT FORGET YOUR WAND AT THE HOUSE - OH GOOD GOD!”

“ROSE - ROSE YOU ARE NOT BRINGING THAT”

“DOMINIQUE GIVE YOUR SISTER HER SKIRT BACK! OH I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT DOM”

“TEDDY?! GOD DAMMIT - TEDDY WHERE ARE YOU?”

“FRED WHAT THE HELL DID I SAY?!”

“mOLLY! NO NOT YOU MOLLY, THE OTHER MOLLY!!”

just the biggest, most hectic madness in the world

they have ministry cars that have been waiting on them for an hour but only leave the Burrow 15 minutes before the train leaves the station

the ministry cars hauling ass to get Kings Cross

everyone trying to calm down as they drive to the station, but something just doesn’t seem right

they try to shrug it off, until Hermione gasps, throws out her hands and clutches on to whatever she can to steady herself (which happens to be an alarmed George and a wincing Albus), and screams “HUGO”

She immediately disapparates from the car, to the Burrow where she finds Hugo sitting at the kitchen table, eating the scraps of the porridge, already dressed in his robes, ready for his first day at Hogwarts

She runs over to him and pulls him into a tight, skull crushing hug, smoothing his hair and almost crying

“Mum, it’s oka - mum i know, i get it - we have to - MUM”

They all make it to Kings Cross just as the whistle blows for them to board

All the kids that are still attending Hogwarts flood onto the train to try and stuff themselves all into one compartment together

They wave and scream out the window to their enormous family, making a huge scene that all of them couldn’t care less about

The family waving them off, tears in their eyes, laughing to themselves

“Feels just like when we were scrambling to make it aboard back in the day”

“Yeah, but I wouldn’t have it any other way…”

“Well in that case, next time we could strap Fred and James into a jinxed car and make them travel that way too for old times sake”

“Shut up Ron”

All was well

[thetwoaliens]

HP Headcanon:

Gryffindor common room and dormitories (I had an idea now it has made an explosion in my brain I have to post this)

the common room is just the definition of warm

the fire is always going

and the sofas are just like fucking marshmallows

like Harry once found Ron nearly being swallowed alive by it

because it’s so soft

there are baskets of blankets in the corners of the room

you often find people just cocooning themselves in the blankets whilst  moving around

there is also a basket of huge jumpers

that is probably courtesy of Mrs Weasley and Remus

‘IT’S ONLY WEIRD IF YOU MAKE IT WEIRD’ said James whilst wearing about five of those jumpers, pouting at Sirius, who is in stitches of laughter, probably

the house elves just wash the jumpers knowing that the Gryffindors would probably never go to the effort of washing them

there is the occasional bookshelf

on the walls, are pictures of Gryffindor winning the house cup, Gryffindor banners etc (it is a very competitive house)

also, there is a set of rules for truth or dare, pinned next to the notice board that is one of the first things new Gryffindors must learn because in their eyes, those are the rules of truth or dare

truth or dare games are taken very seriously and go on until they can hear McGonagall coming, then they all run up the stairs as quick as their leg will carry them because, my god, she’s terrifying

there are also sets of wizard chess and exploding snap that are just there for anyone to use.

the dormitories have the same vibe as the common room, just plain soft.

always warm

‘sharing’ is the motto for Gryffindor and if anyone has a problem they need to learn

‘SHARING IS CARING HERMIONE’

you will always find a spare blanket anywhere in the common room so do not fret dear child

[thetwoaliens]

HP Headcanon #2

Slytherin house, common room and dormitories

contrary to popular belief, the Slytherin common room is reasonably light in the day because it is basically an aquarium of the black lake

the natural light from the sky reflects in the water and sort of lights up the room

it will always have a chill about it because it’s under a fucking lake.

not cold enough for people to get hyperthermia tho

everything is symmetrical, unlike the gryffindor common room

yes, they all definitely know sign language to speak to the mermaids and they do give horrible dating advice (that is one of my favourite headcanons)

ALL TIES WITH THE DARK LORD ARE GONE, NO PREJUDICE, CAMPAIGNERS FOR NO HATE

older students are always seen helping younger students. Slytherins look after each other, they have never needed anyone else to.

you often find people just lying on the sofas not doing shit, they’re just lying there, probably having an existential crisis or plotting the murder of someone or something.

strong campaigners for LGBT+ rights

revision and homework is an important factor of their lives so mutually, they agreed to have quiet study period between four o’clock (when they finish their lessons for the day) until dinner (which is about six o’clock) then on the weekend it’s between after breakfast (about eight thirty) until eleven o’clock and between four and six o’clock. 

there are bookshelves, arm chairs and desks with spare parchment and quills in one section of the room for studies and next to the fire are the sofas

everyone openly talks about their shit (especially Draco)

the difference between older and younger students disappears within the first four months of arriving at Hogwarts because Slytherin house is a community

music is always playing quietly in the background. And it’s usually the Weird Sisters. 

Slytherins have great music taste

unlike Gryffindors

Pansy is just lowkey a punk rocker feminist in her seventh year and is the one who provides most of this music

she has also gone exploring the muggle world once all of her ties with the dark lord are gone

and finds tons of punk rock like the Ramones and the Sex Pistols

much to Draco’s dismay

‘IF IT WERE UP TO YOU DRACO, WE WOULD BE LISTENING TO THAT MUGGLE POP SHIT, what’s it called … FIFTH HARMONY OR THE FUCKING VAMPS THAT’S IT

pansy has her way

people agree with her

they all swear like sailors

you can see the portraits of old Slytherins just pinching the bridges of their noses thinking, ‘what the hell has happened’

the dorms are small, and everyone has their own space.

don’t invade someone’s personal space in Slytherin

or you will die

pOTTAH is a common topic

everyone take a shot when Draco mentions Potter (another amazing headcanon

you help your community if you are in Slytherin. It’s a unspoken rule

[thetwoaliens]

slytherin aesthetic / / ambition, cunning, resourcefulness 

[thetwoaliens]

why writing takes forever

writer: *stops mid-sentence* damn what's the word I want?

writer: *spends 25 minutes on google trying to figure out the right vocab word*

writer: *gets a paragraph done*

writer: *starts another sentence, stops* what is that really specific fact I need?

writer: *spends an hour trying to figure out this obscure thing that probably doesn't actually matter*

writer: Wait what's that thing called again?

writer: *has no idea how to search for what I need*

writer: *ends up digging through blogs and other archived websites for details*

writer: *needs to reference source material for fact checking*

writer: *has to eat and sleep at some point*

writer: should it be "she regards him with disdain" or "she glares at him with disdain" ??? (hint: it doesnt matter but gunna go back and forth over it for an hour)

writer: *gets distracted by the internet in general*

writer: HOW IS THIS ONLY 800 WORDS???????

writer: fuck proofreading

writer: okay fine i'll proofread.

writer: holy shit this is awful.

writer: *reworks entire sections*

writer: *doesn't think I'm good enough as a writer and stops for a few days*

writer: repeat process as needed.

[thetwoaliens]

A ridiculous little comic made by Alien #2 (Fernanda) based off of one of the chapters in our book “When Chaos Struck” on Wattpad @thethreealiens.

[thetwoaliens]

HARRY POTTER WEEK

Alien #1 and I have decided to make themes months/weeks from now on and this week its Harry Potter week. There will be original fics, comics and sketches coming soon. Make sure to check out our Wattpad account @thethreealiens where we write more Harry Potter fanfic with a third alien.

[thetwoaliens]

Late Lunch by Primrue 

Hermione was supposed to meet her father for lunch, but when he’s not there to meet her she gives him a call. Turns out someone set off a few fireworks in town.

[thetwoaliens]

Ilvermorny/Hogwarts Combos

I’ve seen a couple of these posts, so I thought I’d try my hand at it. Go through the potential combinations of Ilvermorny and Hogwarts houses and write a bit about what they represent to me. Not based on any data or polling, just on what seems to make sense to me:

Thunderbird Gryffindor: Thunderbird house is said to favour adventurers, and this is perhaps the most literal interpretation. Thundergryffins tend to be explorers and thrill seekers. Their bravery is not necessarily geared to some righteous cause (though this combo does not preclude that) they simply want their life filled with excitement. As such they can be easily bored which can make them irascible if they are deprived of stimulation. But they are bound to make interesting the lives of any who calls them friend.

Thunderbird Hufflepuff: Thunderpuffs focus on is on experiencing things with friends. These people are not ones for solitude, they will go stir crazy left on their own for a couple of days. It seems they’re always on lunches out, at parties, on trips. It’s not so much the activity that matters so much as the company. They just love people and want to experience as much of mankind as possible.

Thunderbird Ravenclaw: This is my house combination. Thunderclaws are the creatives and innovators. Luna and her parents would all find themselves in this category. If Thunderbirds are adventurers, Thunderclaws prefer to adventure via stories - sitting curled up with a good book as their mind takes them to far off worlds beyond anything that can be experienced in reality. They are dreamers and idealists and can often get their heads lost in the clouds. It can be painful for them when their dreams do not match up with reality and perhaps the oft-found obsession with fiction is an escape.

Thunderbird Slytherin: Thunderins are definitely more on the ambitious side of Slytherin house. They aspire to achieve greatness. For them their adventure is the road to success, and the luxuries that success brings. They definitely appreciate the finer things in life and their ambition tends to be towards living the high life rather than being some lofty goal. Nonetheless Thunderins are often some of the most driven and passionate folk you will ever meet.

Wumpus Gryffindor:  Unshakeable in their convictions and unmatched in their tenacity, Wumpindors are soldiers through and through. Their causes may be righteous or not, but like the beast from which House Wumpus gets its name, Wumpindors are nigh unstoppable. This combo has a dark reputation and Wumpindors may tend towards anger and aggression. They can be quick to see force as the best option in a crisis. They are ultimately fighters - Not merely people who will fight, but people for whom fighting is their way of life and their first resort.

Wumpus Hufflepuff: If you think of the quintessential social justice warrior, that is a Wumpuff. I do not use the term SJW in an inherently negative term as many do. Rather, Hufflepuffs are concerned with honour and fairplay and as such Wumpuffs cannot stand seeing injustice in the world and seek to eradicate it. They will fight fiercely to protect their friends, but their protective instincts apply to the whole world. This can result in them lashing out at people who they see as part of the problem but at their hearts they simply wish to fight for a better world.

Wumpus Ravenclaw: Wumpenclaws are the practical Ravenclaws. These people have ideas and they want them implemented damn it! They are excellent planners and incredibly organised. This combo favours strategists, business leaders and entrepreneurs.

Wumpus Slytherin: Ruthlessness incarnate, Wumperins have lofty ambitions and will do absolutely anything to achieve them. This is probably the combo with the darkest reputation. I would put Voldemort himself in this category. But do not let you think this is an inherently bad combo, any more than Slytherin itself is. If a Wumperin’s ambition is a benign one their passion for achieving their goals is bound to result in success. And if their cause is righteous, a Wumperin can spark a revolution.

Pukwudgie Gryffindor: Anyone would be fortunate to call a Pukindor a friend, for they are perhaps the fiercest allies one could have. Their loyalty and the bonds of friendship that they form are unbreakable. When their friends are down and out they will be the ones to light a fire beneath them, and then rain hell down on whoever did their friend wrong.

Pukwudgie Hufflepuff: In my mind Puffs and Puks have a lot of similarities, so a Puklepuff represents the idea of the quintessential Hufflepuff. These people are the gentlest souls you will ever meet, kind, nurturing and supportive. The Cinammon Rolls of the world. They may well be great cooks or simply have a great love of food - or indeed of anything which brings people together.

Pukwudgie Ravenclaws: Pukenclaws are people who use their ideas and intellect to help others. Pukwudgies are known for being healers and it is in this combination that that becomes most literal - Pukenclaws are often Doctors, nurses, vets or surgeons. In their day to day life they are adept at finding the easiest solutions to problems - the masters of “lifehacks”.

Pukwudgie Slytherin: I’ve often said that Slytherins are the type of people to low-key ruin the lives of anyone who wrongs their friends. People often overlook that Slytherins are incredibly loyal to one another and it is in the Pukerin combo that this quality shines through. The focus here is less on ambition and more on cunning and ruthlessness - more specifically the cunning and ruthlessness required for the Pukerins family (be that literal and/or metaphorical) to survive. And when they or their loved ones are wronged, they are not above enacting a terrible, yet subtle vengeance.

Horned Serpent Gryffindors: Serpendors are people with an area (or areas) of expertise and they know it. They are self-assured in what they are good at (and know what they are bad at) and this surety results in unmatched confidence and competence in that area. That classic Gryffindor bravery comes through in their ideas and their execution. They are independent and efficient. Hermione would be a proud Serpendor, as would McGonagall.

Horned Serpent Hufflepuffs: An unusual combination, as the warmth and heart of Hufflepuff may seem at odds with the detached analysis of Horned Serpent. However funnily enough I think that Isolt Sayre herself falls into this combo. Serpenpuffs know people. They are excellent judges of character and know what makes people tick. They may find promising careers in psychology. They are well meaning but they may feel the need to coddle their friends and family (just as Isolt refused to tell her children of Gormlaith even into their teenage years) and they can at times be aloof and irascible. If you are friends with a Serpenpuff you can probably expect a couple of fallings out (just as Isolt did with William), but in the end they care for their loved ones deeply.

Horned Serpent Ravenclaws: These two houses share many similarities, and of the four Ilvermorny Houses, Horned Serpent is the one with the most direct Hogwarts counterpart here. As such Serpentclaws represent the “stereotypical” Ravenclaw. Aloof, cool and analytical, these are the academics. Their work is done in papers and in the lab, but the implications can be world changing. They need to be mentally stimulated at all times and as such prefer the company of other intellectuals.

Horned Serpent Slytherins: Slytherserpents have a focus on the cunning aspect of Slytherin house. They are always the ones with the plan and that plan is more often than not at least a little underhanded. While other Slytherins may let their ambitions outmatch their abilities, Slytherserpents never have this problem. They do not achieve their ends through brute force and ruthlessness (as Wumperins do) but through subtle tricks and manipulations.

[thetwoaliens]

Fred to Hermione: would you like to stay for dinner?

Molly *from the distance*: WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY FOREVER?

[thetwoaliens]

#1 Fremione  Pt 1

I have literally just fallen in the deep pit of Fremione about a week ago and don’t think I want/can come out. So enjoy this first part of a short Fremione :)

Hermione Granger. Bookworm. Genius. Nerd. As you can see ‘party animal’ or ‘relaxed’ isn’t on that list. But one thing that Hermione found more important that her books (most of the time) were her two best friends; Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley. She loved them dearly like brothers and would risk her life for either of them.

How could he forget. 

Ronald Weasley is the biggest prat that has graced the earth with his presence. It was her birthday. Her sixteenth birthday and it had ‘slipped his mind’. Even Harry, who has the worser memory out of the two gave her a present. She even received a bar of Honeydukes’ finest chocolate from Mrs Weasley! She couldn’t believe it.

Well it’s not like he’s her boyfriend but that’s besides the point.

So Hermione was slumped in front of a tree late afternoon in the courtyard not even bothering to properly read her book and was currently snacking on the chocolate she received. Happy bloody Birthday.

Hermione wasn’t aware of the twin red-heads creeping up on the sullen teen until they both sat either side of her, turning their heads to face her.

“Hello Granger,” They both said in unison.

“Whatever you want, I don’t want to know. I am in a foul mood because of your other brother and I am quite ready to hex your balls off if you don’t go away,” she hissed, taking another bite of the chocolate bar 

“Miss Granger, that is not the attitude to have-” George started.

“-especially on your birthday!” Fred finished.

“Well at least you remembered,” Hermione grumbled, setting her jaw.

“Come on Granger, cheer up! Don’t let my idiot of a brother get you down,” Fred said whilst nudging her shoulder. It was both Fred and George’s firm belief you should be happy on special occasions and Hermione wasn’t going to be an exception to that rule. Both Weasleys turned to face each other with identical smirks on their faces.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking Freddie?” George whisper-yelled, getting Hermione’s attention. This couldn’t be good.

“I think I am dear brother. George, fetch any willing accomplices- preferably not Ronniekins- to retrieve as many bottles of butterbeer that you can find. We are having a party to celebrate Miss Bookworm’s birthday,” Fred announced.

Immediately, Hermione sat up bolt right, with a death stare to rival Professor McGonagall’s on her face.

“You can’t do that! Do you have any idea how many rules you are breaking?” Hermione cried, exasperated. “I am a prefect you know and have the right to deduct points; even if it’s from my own-” Hermione was silenced by Fred’s finger on her lips, causing her to scowl. But she still didn’t notice the subtle wink he sent to George to tell him to get going.

“Hermione, just please let this one slide. Parties are fun and it’s all for you,” Fred pleased quietly.

Hermione turned her head towards the Weasley twin who had cocked his head to the side whilst resting his arms on his knees.

“I’m no fun, I don’t want to go” She muttered with a sheepish smile.

Fred exaggerated a sigh as Hermione hid her head with her arms on her knees. Nearly as soon as she had put her arm there, Fred had pulled it off of her head and waited for her to turn her head to look at him.

“Hermione Granger, you are the most stubborn person I have ever had the pleasure in meeting,” A goofy grin spread across his face when an embarrassed smile tugged at her lips. “If your real reasoning for not going is because Ron forgot your birthday, then I guess you’re an idiot that lets him get away with things like that,” Fred affirmed.

“Fred, I’m still not going,” Hermione mumbled, hiding her face again.

But again, the teen didn’t notice Fred get up until she felt a pair of arms wrapping around her waist, picking her up. Immediately she started to scream in anger and frustration for not stopping him sooner as she was hoisted up with ease and put over Fred’s shoulder.

“Fred Weasley put me down, now!” Hermione yelled, thumping his back.

“Hermione, you know your attacks don’t affect me so I would stop now,” Fred advised with a laugh bubbling in his throat.

“I will never forgive you for this Weasley! Do you realise how humiliating this is?” She hissed, turning bright red.

All Hermione got back was a loud laugh that seemed to echo everywhere as he still carried her through the corridors of Hogwarts.

As Fred travelled at an ‘agonisingly slow pace’ (according to Hermione) people stopped and stared at the odd spectacle. Hermione Granger over the shoulder of one half of the two pranking kings of Hogwarts.

She could already smell the rumours being created.

Even some teachers found it slightly amusing, McGonagall said as a quick comment to ‘Let your hair down for a bit Miss Granger, it will do you good’ which left Hermione gobsmacked.

But the last straw that made Hermione nearly die with embarrassment.

A pack of boys from Hermione’s year were particularly interested in the way Hermione’s skirt kept flying up much to her annoyance as she was focused on clutching onto Fred’s jumper to make sure she didn’t fall off.

“Dirty arseholes,” she muttered (but still loud enough for the red head to hear) as they wolf whistled when they came past.

As if Fred would let that happen.

“Oi lads,” he yelled, getting their attention. “This is property of a Weasley,” Fred then placed a protective hand on her skirt where it kept flying up causing Hermione to go positively beetroot and the boys to scurry away.

“Fred, what the hell?” she groaned, putting a hand on her face but again received a laugh as an answer.

Once they had arrived at the common room, Hermione was placed back onto the ground, much to her relief but was confused why it was so quiet. Fred then came up behind her, looked around and finally said:

“You can all come out now,” And immediately, the whole Gryffindor common room came to life, shouting surprise!

Fred watched Hermione’s reaction with a smirk. She turned to look at him with an excited look on her face and ran and hugged him, much to his surprise but reciprocated it quickly.

“Thank you!” she said, her voice muffled by his chest.

“You’re very welcome Hermione, now I think my sister wants to speak to you,” Fred said, pointing at the Red haired girl waving frantically for her attention.

“I’ll go to her, thank you again,” she laughed whilst sending a smile in his direction.

“My, my. Someone is smitten,”

“Bugger off George,” Fred replied, but was still smiling like an idiot.

Alien #1

[thetwoaliens]

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely adore Rowling’s work, but I can’t help but to dislike her creation of Castelobruxo, the Brazilian wizarding school. Hogwarts was built and shaped on European history and understanding. I feel as if Castelobruxo wasn’t. To me, it’s just portrayed as an Incan temple at the middle of the Amazon with folkloric creatures (Caiporas from Tupi-Guarani myths.) What about the Saçi, or the Botos or even Cuca and the Amhanguera! Even then there is so much more to the culture of the native tribes than their folklore.

Even disregarding the rest of the natives, there is also a strong part of our culture brought in purely by immigration! We have arroz com feijão and capoeria because of African slaves being brought in. That could have been a huge part of Castelobruxo; a relationship between Uagadou and Castelobruxo because of that intercontinental connection. Even then, there were so many more races of immigrants forming present Brazil ranging from the original Portuguese themselves to Italians and Lebanese, even other European countries!

What about out fierce pride in our animals such as the Mico Leão Dourado or our Tamandua and Onça.

What Rowling wrote about Castelobruxo was great, but it could have been so much better and deeper. A realistic representation of what a school of magic in Brazil would have been like, not just a stereotype of our culture. No: we are not all natives living in the Amazon and our country isn’t riddled with mysterious temples. Brazil is a pretty large country and it’s full of vibrant and diverse culture that deserves to be shown from myths originating deep in the amazon to strong, independent people with culture seeping into the very basics of their lives such as rice and beans due to centuries of unique and passionate history.

Patria amada idolatrada salve salve.

-Alien #2