thinkandcreatethings

[thinkandcreatethings]

You've spent an infinity years not being born yet and you'll spend an infinity years being dead. Finish your cereal and go outside.

[thinkandcreatethings]

“Still, there are moments when one feels free from one’s own identification with human limitations and inadequacies. At such moments, one imagines that one stands on some spot of a small planet, gazing in amazement at the cold yet profoundly moving beauty of the eternal, the unfathomable: life and death flow into one, and there is neither evolution nor destiny; only being.” -Albert Einstein

[thinkandcreatethings]

Portland looks.

[thinkandcreatethings]

Nature or Nurture? Both!

[thinkandcreatethings]

Semantics and solipsism can be difficult together.

[thinkandcreatethings]

Against the dying of the light.

11/5/15 I find it's hard, the more you think about it, to think that we might have control. We exist in a series or systems, each of which is set perpetually in motion by some initial force. We ourselves don't change, the circumstances surrounding us do and we, in turn, adapt. The circuitry of our brains very plausibly may make up our minds. This means that we are in thrall to our programming. Self-consciousness doesn't provide a way out because of it's logical impossibility. If being conscious of something is being awake and aware of something separate from what is doing the observing, then it would be impossible to be self-conscious. Circular, self evaluating programming would be needed, no matter the level of complexity on which our brains operate. In turn, each new layer would need another layer to observe the last in a conscious way. In order to be fully self-conscious, one must exist outside of oneself. Sadly, we cannot. You can be logically or empirically aware that you exist, though. It’s pretty clear to understand that you are something and you are here, but it is never super clear what exactly that thing is that you are. The fact that we know we are here, but we can only experience that phenomenon rather than comprehensively and observationally understand it is extremely discomforting. It means that we are potentially powerless, trapped in our own consciousness of all that is not ourselves. What, then, can we do? "Rage, rage against the dying of the light." I don't think that there is a reason to live without the spark that is the ability to determine yourself. You need a realm of your psyche that is yours. This is my faith. I pray with the last little lighted bit of my soul. I search for the possibility, the necessary belief, that I have purpose, that I need to live within myself and push and push and push forward. I need to have what I have and use what I use and try every day to escape from the trap of no longer living. I need to not let it break me. I need to understand that the relevance of my fight is only so great as as long as I let it stay with me. That after it is lost it is hard to be regained, a virtual death of myself only to the operator of my internal monologue. I need to stay alive. Battle with me, please, into the void of the unknown, shone with only the sliver of ourselves that remains in the nihilistic world of the everything else.

[thinkandcreatethings]

The best moments in reading are when you come across something - a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things - that you’d thought special, particular to you. And here it is, set down by someone else, a person you’ve never met, maybe even someone long dead. And it’s as if a hand has come out, and taken yours.

Alan Bennett, The History Boys  (via h-o-r-n-g-r-y)

And so it is with music, too.

[thinkandcreatethings]

Derealization

10/15/15 I have issues with derealization. It's a word that Apple devices autocorrect into two separate words. It doesn't get much attention. It's a very isolating sort of thing to deal with. It's a deeply profound way of saying "what the actual fuck" when you realize how fucking absurd and bizarre the entire concept of consciousness is. To grasp it on a deep level is to jump off the deep end. It feels like you suddenly exist beyond your body. The physical world is something you can look at like a TV, but not something you can experience. It's like viewing your entire life through a window. It's a haze that you can't shake off, a disconnect between the physical and the metaphysical self. To grasp it you have to flip your mind inside out like a rubber popper toy. They say that it is a coping mechanism for anxiety, but for some reason each always causes more of the other for me. It's a really difficult cycle to try and break. It's weird, and it makes you feel really really really weird and I just want to be able to go back into concrete reality again. I want to be able to trust my senses. I want certainty with all of the pain and discomfort that comes with it. I'm tired of being numb to myself. I want to stop believing that we can't know anything for sure. I want to stop tricking myself into some convoluted nihilist God complex. I want to be humbled and awed and fascinated again. I want just a little bit of subjective enjoyment of my life. I'm scared it won't end.

[thinkandcreatethings]

On good days I'm an absurdist. On bad days I'm a nihilist. Neither day makes sense to the other.

[thinkandcreatethings]

Be careful with light.

[thinkandcreatethings]

Try to learn something new every day. Also, please try to share it.

[thinkandcreatethings]

Serene derealization.

[thinkandcreatethings]

If the tree stays standing in the middle of the forest and nobody is there to see it, it may as well have fallen.

[thinkandcreatethings]

I.

8/23/15

I am everything.

I am everything all at once. All of your thoughts, your fears, your confidence and insecurities. I am every notion of an urge that courses through your veins and everything that lives, breathes, and functions inside of you.

I am inside of you.

I burn with every action you make. I am the insatiable outside force that disables you from finding equilibrium. Because of me you beat not against the darkness of the night but against the brick wall of everything for which I crave.

I am broken.

I am flawed at the base. I drive you to insanity. I sleep within you and subconsciously drive you to everything that you do. You rush back home to catch me, you risk yourself to feed me, and you are in constant regression of my every will.

I am what breaks you.

I outlive you. I outlast you. I am insatiable. I am that thing that will always nag at the back of your brain. I am the first thing you think about in the morning and the last thing you think about every night.

I am hidden.

I am accessible only via the subconscious, directly opened only in moments of pure inspiration. But I constantly beat beneath the surface. I am there, I am lurking, I am pounding at the door of ignorance.

I am what drives you.

[thinkandcreatethings]

Shots of strong whiskey. Thoughts of you leave me slowly. Wisconsin winter.

cadencecrownking (via wnq-writers)

[thinkandcreatethings]

This is ecstasy. Revel in it.

[thinkandcreatethings]

Haiku 1

9/1/14 I see another Layer that you've layered in As we learn to love