this-is-where-my-head-is-today

[this-is-where-my-head-is-today]

This, For Now

I sit in the silence between keystrokes,

half-present in a room that never really sees me.

Laughter rolls past like a wave I’m not invited to ride.

I nod, smile when it’s safe,

then return to my small island of purpose.

They don’t know how loud it gets

when you’re quiet on purpose.

How heavy it is

to carry yourself with dignity

in a place that only honors noise.

The urge to escape,

Near outweighs my resolve.

But to run without a plan would be a death wish.

I will bide my time.

My tattered armor is all I have left.

I’m meant to be fighting greater evils.

Not fighting with my sense of belonging.

But I won’t let small rooms

convince me I was built small.

I wasn’t made for echo chambers

or breakroom kingdoms.

Every day I stay,

I sharpen my patience like a blade.

Every silence I endure

becomes another line in my story.

And when I go -

it won’t be with bitterness,

but with fire.

Because the ones who outgrow the noise

walk out with thunder in their chest.

LG

[this-is-where-my-head-is-today]

3 Minutes

3 minutes is what it took for a simple shower to turn into a disaster.

3 minutes is what it took for a holiday celebration to turn into a evacuation.

3 minutes is what it took for a body count to start.

3 minutes of proof that the citizens suffered and only other neighboring citizens were willing to help.

3 minutes for Texans to show what it means to be a Texan.

3 minutes is all it took for the rest of the country to look at Texas.

3 minutes for Texas to show we take care of our own.

3 minutes is all it took.

3 minutes.

[this-is-where-my-head-is-today]

For the one word prompt. Chess

@picklemafia

Chess Game

Love feels like a chess game.

Not everyone is playing.

Some are spectators. Some are victors.

Love feels like a chess game.

Am I a pon? Or am I a queen?

In your game, who am I?

Love feels like a chess game.

When I'm playing, am I a beginner?

When I'm playing, am I an expert?

Love feels like a chess game.

Sometimes I'm out of my league.

Sometimes I'm right where I should be.

Love feels like a chess game.

Winning is a foreign concept.

Continuing past the first move will be a first.

Love feels like a chess game.

I haven't played in awhile.

I should work on my own game before playing again.

Love feels like a chess game.

I have the interest.

I'm not afraid of losing.

Love feels like a chess game.

[this-is-where-my-head-is-today]

Shout out to this cool peep.

@picklemafia

Void From Across The Spectrum

I remember when I was teetering on feeling everything and nothing at all.

I remember when all I wanted to do was never leave home and go anywhere but home.

I remember when zoning out meant daydreaming not checking out completely.

I remember when I held out hope for certain winners for the Kid's Choice Awards.

I remember when I started expecting worse case scenarios just so I could prepare myself.

I remember being the kid that smiled every single day at school.

I remember being the kid that came back years later with their whole world shattered.

I remember what it felt like to just feel one emotion.

I remember when I started feeling everything at once.

I remember when nothing was enough.

I remember when it all was too much.

I remember what it was like being on the left or right side of the line.

I remember when I just became the line itself.

I remember when I cared about everything.

I remember when I cared about nothing.

I remember. I remember. I remember.

All times were just me trying to fill a hole I didn't know was there.

All times were just me trying to fill my head with anything to find what I was missing.

All times were just me trying to fill my life with small pieces of nothing.

All times were just me trying and failing.

I didn't figure out how to solve this problem until now.

I didn't figure out how to fill this hole within me until now.

I didn't figure out how much was wrong until I left.

I had a void in every stage of life.

I had a void I hid from my kid self.

I had a void I hid from my family.

I had a void I hid from my friends.

I had a void I hid from everyone.

Remember. Were. Until. Had.

Past tense.

That void became nothing to me.

That void became a memory.

That void became the reason I found peace.

That void became just something I went through.

I walked through the tunnel the void locked me in and found my way out.

I'm out now.

I'm free now.

I'm happy now.

I can look myself in the mirror now.

[this-is-where-my-head-is-today]

God, remember in school when our friends would tease us about the guy we liked.

Push us to go talk to them.

Dare us to message them on whatever social media was popular at the time.

Now, we remind each other of that guy none of us should have gone out with.

Push us to delete that guy's number.

Bet us to go back to dating apps for a new roster.

Our crushes in middle school became out type.

Our crushes became red flags.

Our crushes became something we flock to when we're bored.

Then, we finally find one that doesn't seem too bad ,but we're the red flag this time.

[this-is-where-my-head-is-today]

Okay, so there was this movie called Friday. Iykyk.

Anyway, I have a theory that the guy on the tapes that looked like Craig was same guy in Joy's bed. The guy laying next to his GF when she first called.

I also believe that he was the one cheating on Joy. He was the one who was spotted "at the show" by her sister in laws baby cousin Tracy.

That's the guy that caused him to get fired.

All the same guy. One guy.

The very reason that whole day happened to Craig.

Just a theory, but I've been holding on to this for years.

[this-is-where-my-head-is-today]

Yo, this just clicked for me. Penelope Featherington was pregnant that entire time.

Her wedding? That baby was there.

Her fight with Colin? That baby was present.

Her getting blackmailed by Cressida? Baby was with her.

Her outing herself as Lady Whistledown? her baby had a front row seat.

Because by the end a healthy baby was in her arms. The only boy when her sisters had BABY GIRLS.

[this-is-where-my-head-is-today]

Two steps forward,

Three steps back.

That's life now.

I used to be stuck.

I used to feel stuck.

In a place where it seemed like no progress was being made.

No time to rest in the shade.

Two steps forward,

Three steps back.

Achievement unlocked.

I should feel happy.

I should feel at ease.

In a new phase with full independence.

Relief coursing through my veins, not feeling like a nuisance.

Two steps forward,

Three steps back.

That's life now.

No more milestones.

I am now free.

I am now in this new routine.

The things I want now I am not ready for.

So I wait. Wait and work on getting ready.

[this-is-where-my-head-is-today]

Remember that brief time in Friends when Monica worked at the Moondance Cafe. It was this 50s themed diner. She dated Pete and had to wear a blonde wig and fake boobs.

Ring any bells? It should. Why?

Because in Spider-Man (2002), Mary Jane moves to the city to become an actress. Only things doesn't go as she wanted. So she does what any other struggling actress does. She takes a job waitressing. We all remember that.

Do we all remember the place she waitressed at?

No? That's okay. I do.

The diner she worked at was none other than the Moondance Cafe. The very same establishment Monica worked in. Only MJ wasn't dressed up as a 50s TV character. She was in a normal waitress uniform.

So, one of those representations is wrong.

Which begs the question, which one is wrong?

[this-is-where-my-head-is-today]

EuroTrip

Jennifer's Body

Josie And the Pussycats

3 movies all with at least one thing in common.

They all gave us songs that only exist in that movie's universe.

EuroTrip had Scotty Doesn't Know.

Jennifer's Body had Through The trees and New perspective if you wanna count that.

Josie And The Pussycats had 3 Small Words, Pretend To Be Nice ,and Backdoor Lover.

Now, I'm aware there are WAAYYY more movies than that. This is just to name a few.

A few that aren't remembered as much as they should be.

[this-is-where-my-head-is-today]

In Spider-Man 2, there's a scene where the landlord's daughter offers peter a piece of cake. Right? Remember this? She calls it chocolate cake. Remember that. It's important for this next bit. He accepts.

In the next scene, we see they both had a piece of cake after Peter has vented to her about his problems. One plate completely clean. The other? Still has some "chocolate cake" on it.

Why the "" around chocolate cake?

I'm so glad you asked. The "" are there because THAT WASN'T CHOCOLATE CAKE.

This is a hill I will die on. I don't care. THAT👏WAS👏NOT👏 CHOCOLATE 👏CAKE👏. THAT WAS YELLOW CAKE WITH CHOCOLATE FROSTING. I've been saying this for years. Chocolate cake means chocolate cake.

Imagine if she offered him chocolate cake with vanilla frosting and called it vanilla. No, EVERY SINGLE PERSON would be calling it chocolate. They would be in the chat typing up a storm.

But no, that's not the case. We have these names for all these different cakes for a reason. Let's use them please. Who's with me here?

[this-is-where-my-head-is-today]

I haven't finished Lights Out. I wanna make that clear. But we need more morally gray book boyfriends like Josh. Knows he's doing things he's not supposed to. Does it anyway and has a sense of humor about it. I need more Josh Hammond types. Self-aware with a sense of humor. If we can't joke about it, then what are we doing here. Is it just me?

[this-is-where-my-head-is-today]

There are people out there who've never listened to an audiobook in their life and it shows. Especially if it's a romance book. Those books hit differently and they will never know how their book boyfriends truly sound.

[this-is-where-my-head-is-today]

I just saw a post about the show Degrassi. There was a little clip of season 1 cast doing a table read. My first thought was,"We need to bring back the table read reactions." Like there's so many things that I would have loved to see actors reaction of. Like season one actors reactions to JT's death. I want more table read reactions.