this-url-is-no-longer-available

[this-url-is-no-longer-available]

via @swatercolor [insta]

[this-url-is-no-longer-available]

okay i have to show everyone my favorite tiktok.

you don’t understand. i could recite this from memory.

[this-url-is-no-longer-available]

no more group chats. we meet once a week from now on and everyone prepares 2 personal stories and 3-5 memes and we sit in a circle and have a Socratic seminar covering these topics

[this-url-is-no-longer-available]

Having haters doesn't make you special. Everyone's got haters. You forget to use your blinker in traffic just once, and the driver behind you is like "fuck that driver, I bet they never use the fucking blinkers ever, fucking dipshit", that's a hater. You're halfway to being born and your older sibling realises they're going to have to share all their shit, that's a hater. And if you don't have haters before you were born, you'll be in the hospital crying your first breath and someone else hears you in the hallway and thinks "oh fuck there's a fucking baby somewhere here." One minute old, did one thing, and already got one hater.

[this-url-is-no-longer-available]

it’s called The Canterbury Tales, not—wait.

[this-url-is-no-longer-available]

[this-url-is-no-longer-available]

[this-url-is-no-longer-available]

was talking to a coworker and realised i could not for the life of me remember his name but i was too embarrassed to ask because we've spoken multiple times so mid-conversation i started concocting a plan to nudge the conversation towards the ID photos on our building passes so that i could be like oh my ID photo is awful haha the camera they use to take these has a real talent for making me look as unphotogenic as possible and then he would say oh yes me too haha everyone says that (because they do) and then i would be able to say well let me see yours it can't be as bad as mine! and he would show me his ID because we are coworkers and why wouldn't he and this would allow me to see his building pass which of course would have his name on it and then i would be able to say well yours is perfectly nice it must be me that's the problem! and then we would have a polite chuckle about it and i would have his name without needing to ask for it and he would be none the wiser and all would be well but then before i could execute this fine plan a little voice in my head went "so this is some light yagami bull shit you are about to pull" which was such a violent reality check it shocked me completely out of my embarrassment and i went "hey im so sorry your name has slipped my mind could you remind me" and he did and it was fine.

[this-url-is-no-longer-available]

This really ought to top every, “Best Opening Lines,” list. The 21st century reading public is sleeping on Dorothy L Sayers.

[this-url-is-no-longer-available]

If i may ask, why has your kid had a lawyer since birth?

Honestly, because I had unprotected sex with one

[this-url-is-no-longer-available]

What is your stance on the issues?

[this-url-is-no-longer-available]

Went to take this picture of this insane bigfoot sex sign and only after opening my camera did i notice the entire flock of little chickens chilling in the dirt. life is good again

[this-url-is-no-longer-available]

i love when ppl say “that’s so you” it feels good to know i exist and have a vibe

[this-url-is-no-longer-available]

[this-url-is-no-longer-available]

giant redwood trees really are so cool, they just have something incredibly special going on. it's hard to describe if you haven't seen them

[this-url-is-no-longer-available]

drinking water when I have a headache should give instant relief. it should go away. what's even the point of drinking water if it can't do that

[this-url-is-no-longer-available]

happy make a terrible comic day 2025 . I am 80% mucus today