thisiwilldecidelater

[thisiwilldecidelater]

“Our memory is a more perfect world than the universe: it gives back life to those who no longer exist.”

— Guy de Maupassant (b. 5 August 1850)

[thisiwilldecidelater]

You should be glad you don’t understand why they did that to you.

I am—but what do I do with all this hurt they left behind, how do I make the wounds carved after their name stop bleeding? Not understanding only makes it more confusing, the pain turns inward and attacks your self‑worth, making you wonder what you did to deserve it. But understanding is no better, for then you recognize the cracks in everyone, you come face to face with the wounds they refuse to address, and you are left depleted—and even though it was never your fault, it becomes your responsibility to heal, just because you understand doesn’t mean you have to endure it.

-vesper

[thisiwilldecidelater]

When women claim that "it's all men," they are unraveling years of patterns and experiences. The men who take this as a personal attack are part of the problem. Why would you feel offended for something you haven't even done, despite knowing about the bone-chilling cases? Why would you bring up the fact that men get sexually assaulted only when women talk about their experiences? What kind of superiority do you chase when you bring up statistics in the comment section about how men are not safe too? Not safe from whom? Mostly other men. If every time a woman speaks about her experience of harassment, and your first reaction is to slam down how men get harassed too, or take it upon yourself to be offended, then you contribute to the problem.

-vesper

[thisiwilldecidelater]

today I’m going to break the pattern today I’m going to break the pattern today I’m going to break the pattern today I’m going to break the pattern today I’m going to break the pattern today I’m going to break the pattern today I’m going to break the pattern today I’m going to break the pattern today I’m going to break the pattern today I’m going to break the pattern today I’m going to break the pattern today I’m going to break the pattern

[thisiwilldecidelater]

[thisiwilldecidelater]

Every bond has been watered down to mind games. You can't breathe peacefully without someone dropping a new theory, crafted from collective experiences, about how you'll get heartbreak at this age, or how you shouldn't reply too fast, or shouldn't make the other person feel too important. It's as if you're suffocating under the weight of calculated emotions—don't show too much effort, act like you don't care. As if nothing can be interpreted as genuine anymore, and you need to cut off your affection. What happened to understanding, yearning, and loving? The whole point of life is to love and let go. You'll get betrayed, outgrow people you thought you couldn't live without, and face heartbreak, yet you'll try again. Open your heart one more time, fall in love, and this time, your person will be right there, with open arms, ready to catch you.

-vesper

[thisiwilldecidelater]

“You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from.”

— Cormac McCarthy (b. 20 July 1933)

[thisiwilldecidelater]

मुझे उसमें भगवान शिव दिखते हैं,

जब वो गुस्से में सारा घर

सिर पर उठा लेने वाला,

किसी की भी बात

ना मानने वाला,

मेरे आगे झुक कर सारी

शर्तें स्वीकारता है,

बिना शिकायत मेरी हर

जिद को मानता है,

वो ��ानता है,

मैं नासमझ हूँ थोड़ी,

इसलिए बिना कहे मेरी

हर बात जान लेता है |

कब, कहाँ, किससे, क्या

कहना है,

सब पता है उसे,

फिर भी मेरी बातें

चुपचाप सुनता है |

उसके हाथ में त्रिशूल,

सिर पर चन्द्रमा नहीं,

फिर भी अर्धनारीश्वर सा

अपनाता है मुझे |

मेरे सोलह सोमवार के व्रत सा दिखने वाला,

हर ज़हर मेरे लिए पी जाता है,

कभी एक जगह स्थिर न रहने वाला,

मेरे माथे पर वो चाँद सा ठहरता है,

शायद इसलिए मुझे उसमें अपने शिव दिखाई देते हैं |

-Gauri.

[thisiwilldecidelater]

fuuuuck i just realized that the future idealized version of myself cant exist without current me being the catalyst for change and doing hard things. has anybody heard about this

[thisiwilldecidelater]

fuuuuck i just realized that the future idealized version of myself cant exist without current me being the catalyst for change and doing hard things. has anybody heard about this

[thisiwilldecidelater]

Everyone has different ways

of collecting things

Stamps, coins, bottles or pictures,

I collect grief

felt enormously in your slightest absence

Sewing them as buttons

into my wedding dress.

I Walk down the aisle estranged,

With a bouquet in one hand

And my broken heart in the other,

But i don't see you standing at the end.

The musician plays our favourite song

Yet you're not there to hum it with me

I look for you at every table,

in every corner,

You're nowhere to be seen.

It is my wedding day,

I am standing there,

Still, in a wedding dress,

With another man by my side,

yet i only thought of you

when i said, "I do".

The realization hit when he kissed me,

Held my hand,

and said his vows.

I did it again,

My dress turned from crimson to white,

my heart shed the last illusion i had of us.

-Gauri.

[thisiwilldecidelater]

When fathers realize their daughters are not as compliant as their mothers, they don't just lose a bit of their mind, they lose the illusion of power they thought they had. They lose their sense of identity, built around dismissing, abusing, neglecting, and controlling their wives. They lose their words because how can a woman, let alone their daughter, possess the courage to stand up to what's wrong? Most importantly, they're flabbergasted because in their daughters, they don't see a reflection of their wives, who were easy to control, instead, they see a more relentless and ruthless version of themselves.

-vesper

[thisiwilldecidelater]

Let Me Miss Him Now

Let Me Miss Him now,

Let me miss him now,

with trembling hands,

In the hush of night

where silence stands.

Let me ache

beneath this hollow moon,

And weep for love

that's left too soon.

Let me carry him

in shattered prayers,

In every breath that

still feels his airs.

Let my ribs crack

from memory's weight—

But spare me the grief

dressed up in white fate.

Let not the day of vows and rings

Be haunted by forgotten things.

Let not my smile be stained by loss,

Or eyes still search for what love cost.

Tonight, let sorrow take its due,

Let longing drown me through and through.

But on that day, God,

make me whole—

Don’t let his ghost walk down

the aisle with my soul.

-Gauri.

[thisiwilldecidelater]

A poem inspired by the line "Yaar noon milegi ajj laash yaar di" from the song Paar Chanaa de:

Tonight, you'll find her body, love—

Not the girl who danced in rain,

But the quiet where her laughter died,

A face now free from pain.

She stayed up late with breaking hope,

Each “seen” that never meant a thing,

A soul that wrote you every night,

Now sleeps without a ring.

You’ll wonder where her sunshine went,

Why mirrors don't reflect her eyes—

But love, tonight you’ll touch the truth,

Wrapped in her last goodbyes.

So if you cared, even too late—

Don’t come with guilt or plea,

"Yaar noon milegi ajj laash yaar di"

What’s left of her, not who she used to be.

[thisiwilldecidelater]

It's my 1 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

[thisiwilldecidelater]

After a certain age, it is literally your responsibility, no one's else, to teach yourself the things you were deprived of, to unlearn and let go of all the toxic habits, because flaunting anger issues, being emotionally unavailable, and not being able to communicate your feelings seems like nothing more than an excuse. Life is unfair to everyone in various ways, a little to some, a lot to others. You cannot spend your whole life whining and complaining about how cruel it was to you; the trauma inflicted upon you cannot be justified, but it is your duty to heal, grow, and feel safe in your mind.

-vesper

[thisiwilldecidelater]

The sexual tension between not being able to write when nothing's going wrong and wishing for everything to be fine.