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Personally, I think the No Kings protests are a sign we've come full circle as a country and should give everything back to Indigenous people and just slink back to England's basement to drink beer and be jobless.

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clear containers are terrible they make everything look cluttered. send tweet.

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brother ew. whats that brother

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isn't literally everything made up? like even though grass is objectively a truth of the universe we still made up the word and human concept. Where is the line between social construct and fact of the world, and who decided it. Bill Nye? I would trust him to do that. I'm also not a scientist.

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*secretly changes theme and purpose of blog* haha my one follower will be so pranked

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House (2008)

general rating: 0/10

first, i'd like you to read these movie plots:

-man and woman crash their car and wander into an inn to stay the night. there's a strange family there... but the phone won't work so it seems like they'll have to stay the night. the family turns out to be crazy and try to kill them!

-man and woman crash their car and wander into an inn to stay the night. there they find another couple in a similar predicament! there's a serial killer there called the tin man who forces people who have done "wrong" to kill one of themselves before sunrise or they all get killed!

-man and woman crash their car and wander into an inn to stay the night. the family who owns the inn practice dark magic! and are possessed by demons! while they try to hunt the newcomers they also regenerate whenever injured.

-man and a woman crash their car while ditching marriage counseling and wander into an inn to stay the night. they have a bad marriage because their daughter died due to neglect. they face near death from paranormal activity in the inn, but a spirit tells them that their daughter is okay in the afterlife and loves them. at the end of the movie, their relationship is better

-a man and a woman crash their car. they wander to an inn to stay the night at. they are separated in the house and subjected to horrors from trauma and abuse they endured as children. you find out that the woman was only with her bf for money. she also kind of overcomes her trauma? these two generally are fine people and don't seem to have much negativity associated with them besides the childhood trauma. nevertheless, they both kill each other in the end.

-a man and a woman crash their car. they wander to an inn to stay the night at. while there, the innkeepers son takes a liking to the woman. while the man is distracted, he kidnaps her and forces her to dress up as a doll and do roleplay. he wants to marry her. it reminds her of childhood trauma. she fights him off.

-a group of people are attempting to escape murderers, come across a police officer who they think will help them, but it turns out he was in on it too! and they actually killed the good guy who they thought was bad!

-a man and a woman blame themselves for the death of their daughter. they are held hostage by a psychopath and mentally/physically tortured. they manage to escape, but it was all a dream! they wake up and reconnect

-a man and a woman are in a car accident, they hallucinate leaving their car and finding an inn to stay at during the rain. turns out, they actually died in the crash!

-four people are tied to chairs around a table. they are told one of them must die in the next few minutes, or they all die.

-a man is faced with the choice to shoot between two men. but one of the men is real and the other is a demon! which one will he choose!?!

-while running from a murderer, a man finds a young girl who has been hiding in the basement of the house! she seems to know the way out. will they survive?

...those are some pretty interesting plots, right? yeah. i bet all of those exist in their very own movies. and i bet those movies are thrilling!

what?

you... you say that they all simultaneously exist in one movie? and that the movie is House (2008)?

But... but that's way too much for one movie. and it leaves rooms for so many plot holes and unanswered questions.

...

yep.

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The Blair Witch Project - 1999

general rating - 3/10

i think a lot of why i dislike this movie is purposeful and serves either the plot or style of the movie, i just am personally not a fan! no hate to the creators i think the idea is solid and the suspense is built up pretty okay.

scary-ness is a -5/10. unfortunately thinking about the horror bits of this movie only make me laugh. the first thing i want to say when i finish watching a movie is not "are you fucking kidding me? that was it?" but that's what happened.

again, i think this particular style is just not for me, because i've heard GREAT things about this movie, but i can't help but feel like i'm missing half of it. anyway. more details below.

my issues with this movie

-all of the characters are annoying, particularly heather, though i KNOW that's on purpose believe me. their arguing and insufferable attitudes are part of what makes their descent into insanity more reasonable. however, i kept wanting to yell at my screen instead of watching the movie. so.

-what was even hunting them!? like, there were several different stories told. the horse hair lady, the mysterious river fog, the coffin rock guys, the witch, the girl, like SHIT what the fuck i was expecting some kind of horror medley but nO. instead we never even SEE the fucker. goddamn.

-part of my love for found film movies, and what can make them so scary, is when you see something in the background of the video that the person doesn't see. did any of that happen? again no. didn't see shit.

-the boys personalitites and motivations were so fucking inconsistent there were only three characters and i kept getting them confused anyway.

-end ending. was so. fucking. underwhelming. what the hell.

-sigh.

i could go on but it's 1am and i was hoping to actually watch a horror movie but instead i watched this and now i'm too tired to keep my eyes open.

acting was solid. k goodnight.

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The Imitation Game - 2014

general rating 7/10

by god am i crying rn. the end really hit me hard. fuck. i shouldn't have watched this during pride month i'm really feeling all the feels. FUCK. that man deserved so much better and i hope heaven exists SPECIFICALLY so he can look down on everything he helped create, everyone he helped save, and be so proud of himself.

but fantastic acting all around!!! i felt like benadryl's interpretation of an autistic character were super great and real.

spoilers below cut

pacing was a bit weird. the quote was sweet but i feel like the scene where it's introduced and when alan tells it to joan are too close together. i'm betting originally they were farther apart but stuff got cut. anway speaking of joan wth is up with her. she's literally like a genius. like she finished the puzzle faster than alan that's why she's there. but then she's just... cast aside as this #ally supporting character.

girl!? where the fuck did her storyline go? like... that pissed me off. also the blackmail bit was weird because it ended up not mattering for a number of reasons. and. idk. it's hard to tell which of these details are real and just weren't given enough context or were made for the movie.

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The Idea of You - 2024

9/10

general-

i have been WAITING for this fucking movie. if you know me you know i am a whore for all characters by nicholas galitzine and HAYES IS NO DIFFERENT. the point taken off is for the fact that his name is hayes and another secret reason i will reveal below. wonderful movie- honestly solid dialogue and plot for an angst rom. ummm,,,

spoilers below cut

okay the secret reason is his facial hair at the end. it's a no from me. anyway. LOVE the dialogue LOVE the mother-daughter relationship LOVE hating daniel LOVE all the acting (seriously Anne and Nick KILLED THE SHIT OUT OF THIS IT WAS BRILLIANT) kudos to nick for having the first thing he physically did to her be literally shove his face into her tits i turned away from the screen for one second and bam. also i immediately saved all the august moon (that's also a weird name wtf) songs on spotify. I kinda wish hayes' bandmates were like,, cool and sweet. at least one of them seemed to be. but the one guy was a douche wtf. anyway. ummmmm,,,, for being a Wattpad fanfic the general plot was pretty believable. Soléne's inner turmoil and choosing her daughter over Hayes but still loving him. the way media turns everything into a witch hunt. bonus point for the graham norton cameo. and the fact that for everything they seemed to use actual shit instead of editing a text message or interview or something lol. i kinda love it.

Most unbelivable thing to me in the entire movie was Soléne saying she wanted to live in new york but could "afford to live in LA" girl you own an art gallery how,,, how,,,, nvm. anyway.

Humor was great, acting was great, kissing was great, this was a killer movie and i will watch again.

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Mary and George (2024)

General: 9/10

Gonna be honest: i watched this for nicholas and wasn't expecting much because I'm not a huge period piece fan,, but it ended up being so good I finished it in two days!!! Also Amelia Gething is in it, which if you haven't heard of her before I'm not surprised (she plays Frances) but I watched her back in 2017 when she did these little niche skits on musically and thought she was brilliant. I haven't thought of her since but it's great to see her doing so well!!! Okay back to the show- I recommend it!! It seems like something that won't have another season,,, and if you finish it you'll know why. The plot is really coherent for a drama which I always find difficult to follow. The acting and writing is phenomenal and the effects are bomb!!!

Spoilers below the cut

SOOOOOOOOO pleased with the ending. As much as I love Nick, George deserved the ending he got. I wish Mary had a similar fate but whatever. Was NOT expecting George to kill James but I love that resolution. Loved all the little details they stuck in. It was a really well-thought-out show and I loved how they executed it. I love Nicholas Galetzine with my whole queer heart but he did such a good job I forgot it was him half the time. For how much they play into his promiscuity for cause, they didn't go too heavy on the nudity and sexual stuff, which I appreciated as a watcher. Even though that's a big part of his character's plot, they added it tastefully and when necessary.

One thing I noticed was that the sound design and music was a little weird sometimes. I don't usually pay attention to that stuff, but the music choice and volume of small effects was a lot sometimes. Like in one of the later episodes, Katherine is trailing her fingers up Frances' dad's (forgor his name already oops) shirt and it sounds like someone walking across gravel. like really loud. just something i noticed, but anyway, i digress.

Loved it! Recommending it to all my friends.

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Zombeavers - 2015

General:

7/10

No, I didn't mistype that. It was a solid seven. I can't believe it either. Do NOT watch this with family though, there is copious amounts of tit. But, for a movie that was definitely made to make fun of the cabin-in-the-woods trope it was bomb. Like... even better than the actual Cabin in the Woods movie. It does not take itself seriously at ALL. I genuinely enjoyed it. Although I watched it with other people so I couldn't skip it, I don't think I would've skipped through much.

Spoilers:

If you were as upset as I was about the dog dying, just know they have bloopers after the credits that show that scene with the actor dog swimming away unharmed. It made me feel a lot better.

Also JOHN MAYER IS THAT YOU??? Girl wtf u doing here?????

Some of the jokes are bland but overall I thought it was fuckin' hilarious. The foot and bad CGI and shitty plot points it was all wonderful. The end twist is terrible and I loved it. I don't know if I would watch it again but I would definitely recommend it to friends.

Also the scenes I mentioned that I would skip was just the entirety of the one girl being topless for no reason. I was bored during that part ngl. But even though I would've skipped the sex scenes too, I'm glad I didn't because they were honestly hilarious.

Plus the end credit song was catchy as hell.

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Everything Everywhere All At Once - 2022

General

10/10

Brilliant movie, I can't believe a. it hadn't been completely spoiled to me by now and b. i hadn't watched it yet?!?!?! It was brilliant. The editing oh my god the editing. This was my fucking heaven in one movie. Christ, I am in love with it. Michelle, Ke Huy Quan, and Jamie all deserved those oscars so hard. and I fucking hate the oscars. but damn. they deserve all the recognition. It was the most "real" movie I've seen with superstar actors before. Holy shit.

Spoilers:

Jamie Lee Curtis and Michelle Yeoh CARRIED this film. I am in fucking love with their acting. And the editing when Joy turns her hand and the universe changes with it. And how they used real red carpet footage for Evelyn as a movie star holy shit the way the camera quality changes and it's so raw and fuck and the sausage fingers was so STUPID but they made it so serious and fuck it was so amazing. They did a great job at considering what might really happen with multiverses, how Joy/Jobu mentions that most of the universes didn't end up with humans!!!!! And how in one they were piñatas?? And the rock sequence???? And the animations?!!?!?!?1 Also don't think I missed how idol!Joy's bangs spelled 'Jobu' that was fucking ace. Oh my god the details. I have the urge to go back to the movie and pause at every universe when they go through the sequence because there were so many and it was fucking AWESOME. Holy shit. I love this movie with a burning passion. I sobbed at the end. I love that Evelyn let her go but she came back. I love that Evelyn was upset with Joy too and that they both had issues but they wanted to be with each other. I LOVE that when Joy said Evelyn could go to a universe where she's "better" she said no.

Ugh. Fuck fuck fuck. Wonderful movie.

Also the fact that to trigger the sling shot in universes they had to do something that was so unlikely that it triggered something was amazing? And the fucking censored butt plug war and the fact that the guy LEAPED onto the fucking thing and then proceeded to FIGHT with it HANGING out of his ass. Oh my god. You cannot fucking do this to me. I was sobbing. It's so dumb and it makes all the sense and no sense at the same time. FUCK.

Also the fake credits kicked my ass I was about to kill someone. And ohhhh my god the way she reconciled with her husband in the one universe and took his fanny pack and kissed him and was all blushy and shy and revitalized their romance and fucking the way they accepted Becky in the same universe and goddamn. And Evelyn's fucking GROWTH through the movie.

Did I mention that Michelle fucking ruled? Because she did.

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Saltburn - 2023

general:

1/10

I think this is just the kind of movie that i hate. I can't. I'm... disturbed?? I know there has to be an audience for this but i am not she.

spoilers:

WHAT THE FUCK

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Wonka - 2023

General:

8/10

I'm not gonna lie I thought this movie would be shit. It was fucking hilarious and honestly I had a great time. First time I've gone to the theater in a while but I got a gift card from someone who obviously doesn't know me well so I thought might as well.

Great for families! I, a grown adult, had a great time, but so did the kids in the theater. Plenty goes over their heads and it was very Gene Wilder-y (although nothing can truly compare). Timmy Salamander did a great job I honestly forgot it was him even though he changed nothing about himself. The "scratch that, reverse it" was not nearly as cringe as it sounds in the trailer. And the songs were actually fantastic and very well paced!!!!! I don't normally like musicals but... fr the soundtrack was downloadable.

Again, saw in a theater so I didn't have the option to skip but I don't think I would've skipped much! I found myself very invested.

Spoilers:

I don't have much to say in the way of spoilers ig. I did end up crying at the end, it was very sweet and hit right in my emo bone. that's worded weird. u know what i mean. One thing I have to say is how tf is Wonka all like "it's all levers and pulleys" but then has chocolate that makes people fly like girl you are not a fucking normal ass magician that is wack. Hugh Grantloompa was fire I love it. Also how tf did wonka survive swimming miles in the freezing water and then shows up on a ladder with perfectly dry attire. I'm not saying it's meant to be realistic but GIRL.

um... also the detail with the gold paper being in the bar was so predictable but also so sweet and i lost it.

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Annie - 2014

General

3/10 movie wise 10/10 for nostalgia

Watching this movie with the adult lense made me realize how batshit insane everything that happened was realistically but.. ya know. The eye of a child, man.

Skipped through all of Jamie's songs. No offense, man. The autotune was too much. As it was for most of them, but "Little Girls" will always slap. Timeless. Cameron Diaz ur a star ily.

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Joker - 2019

General:

8/10

watched most of it!! There's several slo-mo scenes that I skipped through but I found myself rewinding them to watch anyway more often than not. Very interesting and I liked looking at details. It was pretty late when I started it too and I somehow managed to be excited by the end, although I knew about the twist from spoilers. that's what you get for waiting four years to watch a movie i guess idk.

Really interesting take on the joker! I found the plot very thrilling and everything I thought was pointless made sense in the end. I guess i'm not sure why it's only an 8 for me, some part of the neurodivergence and trauma for plot bothered me i think, but I can't put my finger on the right words to describe it.

Spoilers:

I knew about murray's death, but I didn't know anything about Arthur's mother or backstory. Google says it's not canon compliant with the DCCU or whatever (i'm not a huge batman fan anyway) so I don't know how much of that was anticipated. I really enjoyed the plot twist about his neighbor being a hallucination, the scene where it is revealed was wonderful. Also I have a lot of feelings about his mom. Idk. One minute thing is the way the cops were after him but somehow he managed to slip through the cracks enough to go on live tv. You'd think even in gotham that something causing as much stir as the three homicides would prompt them to get on Arthur's ass about an interview. but no, he got away with ghosting them until he literally ran into them.

Stair dance scene was just as great as described, way better movie than I was anticipating!

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BARBARIAN - 2022

General:

4/10

Surprisingly I managed to make it 70% of the movie without skipping. When it gets to the dude… well… if you watch it you’ll probably know exactly what I skipped.

I’m gonna be honest. It lost me. Not in a cool ‘Us’ kinda way where in retrospect I’m like woaahhhh but leaving the theater I’m like woah? 🤨. No, this was more woah 🥸 and it’s NOT because I have mommy issues!!! Anyway, not for the faint of heart, and I say that not because of gore, though there is relatively little for a horror movie with Bill Skarsgård, but for mental capacity to handle wtf is even going on there.

Spoilers:

HUH?????????

SOME MOTHERFUCKER WITH MAJOR ISSUES. KIDNAPPED AND R4PED WOMEN, AND INBRED THEIR CHILDREN (how? And how did he make those tunnels?? Did he??? Did they??? When the guy said she’s not even the worst thing down there she must’ve meant there are MORE CHILDREN) TO CREATE MONSTERS WITH SUCH BAD MOMMY ISSUES THAT THEY KIDNAP PEOPLE WITH AN AIR B AND B SCAM (HOW?????????) AND THEN BREASTFEED THEM.

I’m sorry… clearly I’m in over my head. I must not have the braincells to understand this.. whirlwind of a movie. The only reason I watched it to completion was so I could understand what the fuck was happening. And it DID NOT HELP.

Big issues that I will not dive into

1. I don’t care how bad Detroit police are, NO ONR WOULD FUCKING LEAVE THAT WOMAN THERE IF SHE SAID SHE’D BEEN KIDNAPPED. LOOK AT HER CLOTHES. THEYRE NICE. JUST DIRTY. SHE’S WEARING JEWELRY.

2. HOW WAS KEITH NOT A PSYCHOPATH HE WAS SO FUCKING WEIRD

3. WHAT WAS THE CELEBRITIES PLOT FOR. HOW DID HE OWN THE PROPERTY THAT WAS BEING RENTED?? HOW DID HE NOT KNOW IT WAS BEING RENTED??? THERE WAS NICE WINE AND A LOCK BOX AND A WIFI PASSWORD

4. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THE ORIGINAL DUDE EVEN FOR. LIKE TO SET IT UP I GET IT BUT THEN HE ENDS UP JUST KILLING HIMSELF. WHY. DID HE NOT GET WHAT HE WANTED I DONT UNDERSTAND. I THOUGHT HE HAD BEEN DEAD UNTIL HE SHOWED UP. IT WOULD’VE BEEN BETTER IF THE CELEBRITY GUY HAD FOUND HIM HAVING ALREADY SHOT HIMSELF YEARS PRIOR AND THEN TOOK THE GUN.

Alright. That’s all. I’m so angry it’s not even funny. Also I guess the ending was sweet and I did manage to feel bad for the woman who had been born and raised in a hole. But that’s all.