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Note to self: Every future friend now has to meet this criteria

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‘Evenings’ - a mixtape of healing and feeling

I wanna share this playlist that's essentially been my crutch this whole summer to get over shitty feelings and depressive thoughts, the ones that rise especially during evenings and night time. Life can suck and there are times you can't catch a break, this can go on for months. I made this to escape that feeling and curl into an emotional blanket of sounds. The photo is a view of the twilight from my previous apartment back in Pune. I actually can't remember if this was a sunset or sunrise that I was watching, but it’s the feeling and place in time that I'm chasing.

The actual playlist is at the bottom but here's some of my favorites I want to highlight.

PS: I’m at a much better place now, which is why I want to put this out there. If this brings comfort to even one soul somewhere, I’d be glad :)

Rhye - Open (SOHN Remix) This is the first song, it's a moodsetter for sure. Rhye's music is already the aural chicken soup for the broken soul. SOHN transcends this feeling to the next dimension and adds a little bit of playful tension on the song with his gorgeously layered beats. It'll melt you. Perfume Genius - Alan "Did you notice / We sleep through the night Did you notice, babe / Everything is alright" My knees will never stop shaking to this. Chance The Rapper - Same Drugs Ever since I heard him kill his verse on Ultralight Beam, I've been in love with lil Chano and his earnest gospel rap. Dear future kids at some point, if you ever wanted to know what your dad's quarter-life crisis sounded like, well look no further. Bread - Everything I Own I found this song from Jamie xx's remix of Barbara Mason's version of this. And while I keep bumping that mix from time to time, nothing beats the vulnerability of the original version written to honor the late father of Bread frontman, David Gates. Fleetwood Mac - Everywhere This song is the dose of positivity I need to get out of bed and remind myself that everything is going to be five hundred percent okay. 

Spotify Playlist

Youtube Playlist

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Two years after its release, two years of Michelle and Safeer telling me off for not "really" listening to Blonde... I found my midnight anthem. In my defense, I think I'm enjoying this album more now at this point in time, than when I would've listened to it in 2016.

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‘Ye’ and my beautiful dark twisted therapy

“It’s been a shaky ass year”

I have writer’s block for life. I mean that in two ways - I’m almost always struggling to find the right words to articulate what I’m thinking (so therefore I end up saying nothing), and for the better half of this year, I’ve been confused about which direction I take next in this journey of life. It’s brutal trying fight the feelings of hopelessness and horrible thoughts coming in and out, while still trying to remain positive for others and yourself.

Mid-May I moved back home in the Arab Emirates and yet, came to a place where everything was unfamilar. Navigating through a familar foriegn land, I found my solace in my iPod and playlists. I’ve fallen back in love with loving music again and find myself comfortable to write once more. I want to start with the music that’s helped me get out my spirals and feel better about myself.

‘Ye’ by Kanye West (2018)

One of the big reasons to be excited in May was knowing Kanye West was producing again - working on not one, but five albums including one of his own. Following that hype train on a daily basis was a fun distraction for my cousins and I. There are few artists today with a rich and excellent body of work that spans across several genres of music. From my point of view, Kanye is one of those people who has consistently pushed boundaries and shattered expectations with each studio album release. I’ve always found feel good vibes and positivity in his music, no matter what.

Confused at the first listen (as always) on the Day 1, I ended up listening to Ye on repeat for the entire next two weeks, taking this with me everywhere I went. Clocking over 200 listens on my last.fm since its release just two months ago, I have to say that I don’t think I’ve found any recent album more brutally thought provoking and yet so accessible like Ye has been.

This is an impulsive, unfinished compilation of one guy’s thoughts strewn across twenty-three minutes - from the deeply disturbing to the warm and wholesome.

Decending into darkness with I Thought About Killing You and Yikes, I find myself connecting a lot with Ye’s ideas of accepting and taking loud ownership of your disturbed psyche. Narrating a battle with drug addiction, Ye tells us it’s okay for shit to hit the fan and you shouldn't be afraid to go seek out for help. 

Wouldn’t Leave sobers the mood as Kanye get his ass handed to him not by the media or public, but by his wife’s schooling him. With an outro calling for guys to be thankful for their lovers who’ve put up with their shit, this song smacks me in the face as I flash through my own relationships. 

Even though there’s tons of clever wordplay in All Mine, glorifying the desire to act upon your urges, I’m not really able to vibe with this too much. It’s just uncomfortable now. On No Mistakes, which I absolutely love for Kid Cudi and Charlie Wilson’s gospel-like hook: “Make no mistake girl, I still love you”, I’m not particularly impressed Kanye’s verse - dissing Drake here just isn’t worth his time and does that hook no justice. But that Slick-Rick sample is just so fiiiiine.

Across this album you can sense an undercurent of conflicting emotions, notably with the final Violent Crimes. Kanye fears his daughter growing up in a world of perverts and womanizers, a hypocritical and self-aware sentiment as Kanye does Kanye: “But how you the devil rebukin' the sin? Let's pray we can put this behind us.” 070 Shake brings her magic again in a beautiful chorus that closes out the track before a voicemail from Nicki Minaj plays out. 

Nicki gives him a couple of lines (used earlier in this track) before going, "I don't know how you sayin' it but, let 'em hear this." which in a way captures the whole artistic mission behind the whole album - Ye is a body of work that could have easily been better articulated with more time and input, but would then lose out on its raw energy. It had to be heard for a now, in-the-moment moment. You won’t find any justification here to his recent behaviour, with the MAGA hat and Trump supporting, and I’m very let down by that. But that’s usually the case when you try to dig deep into troubled thoughts, you’re only going to unravel more shit.

At the end of the day, I love this album. It’s been good company during my travels and its all the countless imperfections that make it perfect to me.

Best track: Ghost Town

Some day we gon' set it off Some day we gon' get this off Baby, don't you bet it all On a pack of Fentanyl You might think they wrote you off They gon' have to rope me off Someday the drama'll be gone And they'll pray, it's not enough

Arriving at Ghost Town is what absolutely takes the cake as this insta-classic soundtracks a lovers’ escape, leaving all the drama behind. It's an off-key, vulnerable epic that soars in its last two minutes as newcomer 070 Shake sweeps you off your feet: "And nothing hurts anymore, I feel kinda free". In all the shitty space my head's been in, this song's been a wonderful anthem of liberation. Fun fact: This song was finished the day Ye was released. Because obviously.

Couple of interesting things to read/watch from the experts:

Pitchfork | The Plight of the Kanye Superfan Anthony Fantano/The Needle Drop | ye ALBUM REVIEW GENIUS/For The Record | Is Kanye West’s ‘ye’ Good Or Bad? Bandstand | Every Sample From Kanye West's ye The Guardian | ye review – a candid tour of a troubled mind 

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One of my resolutions was to get better at writing here, clearly that hasn't happened yet. Sorry, blog. It’s been a shaky a** year, lost in a sunken place of my own making. (Remember kids, your shitty actions will have shitty consequences!)

In a sort of social life hiatus, I found a happy place with my usual therapists - music and playlists. Drowned in sound, I've learned invaluable lessons from my gurus Florence and Sheezus, and lived glorious escapes with Beach House and Yeezus. There's a ton of good music I can't let myself shut up about, so I must get back and log it down.

One thing I'm trying to get better at while I do this, is to not overthink this too much and just write. I spend way too much time worrying my writing isn't good enough and what other people think that I forget person I made this blog for - myself.

Keep moving forward.

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Thank you Kanye, very cool!

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3:00 AM reminder

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10 Best Albums of 2017

Like I said in the 100 Songs post. It is really hard to boil your favorite music to a list of ten. It’s exceptionally hard to do that in a year of good music! Before I start the list, I feel obligated to mention the super records from the year that didn’t make the cut: Lana Del Rey’s Lust For Life, Bonobo’s Migration, Four Tet’s New Energy, The Nationa’s Sleep Well Beast, and Stormzy’s Gang Signs And Prayer.

1 - Joe Goddard - Electric Lines

At this point it feels like I’m overhyping it. Haven’t I talked about this enough? I started the blog with this! But the hype, the praise - it’s real to me. I absolutely adore this album. I’m not blind though, there sure are a few songs in it that you need to give a few more listens to really get it, you know? But that’s honestly what I love about this record. There’s so much happening in it, it’s really a treasure box of bangers. I could go on.

2 - I See You - The xx

I’m a sucker for good packaging, and oh boy this album is packaged really well. But that applies for the music too! This album is gorgeous, intimate, and honestly - just so brave! It’s my favorite thing The xx have done together. Brave For You and Seasons Run are my life anthems, I feel.

3 - Arcade Fire - Everything Now

I caved. I honestly didn’t expect this album to reach my top 5 when they announced it. What more can AF do? They peaked at The Suburbs and Reflektor was fun but nothing especially special. But this album has something to it. Maybe its the annoyingness of it. The irritating tracklist, the obnoxious non-singles, but I embrace the ridiculous with open arms so here this album sits - number 3.

4. Sampha - Process

I would put Sampha higher if I could. This is a fine studio debut with songwriting and production that are just out of this world. Seriously, I haven’t heard anything like it! Also one of my favorite memories of this past year is bonding with my mom about Like The Piano and his voice on it. 

5 - LCD Soundsystem - American Dream

I hadn’t even watched the ‘last show’ film or the documentary - I’d been saving it for later. And then LCD had to go and announce their return, effectively killing the excitement out of watching that film. That being said, have you listened to this album? And I mean, listened? It doesn’t sound like it, but American Dream is one of my favorite and most emotionally draining albums of the year. Love.

6 - Lorde - Melodrama

I wanted to skip this, but it was pending and I was trapped in a flight for hours. I needed an escape. I also needed an escape from other things. I think that’s what I got with this album. I think Lorde wants to escape too. This is the quintessential millenial’s quarter-life crisis soundtrack. 

7 - HAIM -  Something To Tell You

HAIM’s music is always a thrill. It’s music that slaps you in the face and makes you realize your mistakes. It’s also music that’s forgiving in a sarcastic sort of way. It’s the music that takes moments I’ve buried deep and turns that into much needed life lessons. HAIM, you are my life coach.

8 - Kamasi Washington - Harmony Of Difference

I don’t know anything about jazz - and I don’t know what people who like jazz think about this album. All I know is 

9 - JAY-Z - 4:44

Okay I know JAY-Z’s not that old but this is the sonic equivalent of Logan. It’s old man JAY-Z schooling the shit out of you about history, race, family, and relationships. This the valuable gold they don’t teach you in school or put in your textbooks. You need to learn that shit on a Hov album.

10 - Liam Gallagher - As You Were

See I want to say something like, oh wow the great Liam Gallagher’s come to his senses and isn’t a jackass anymore. I want to say something like this album is the holy grail of lessons learned. But that’s not true. What this album is though - it’s raw, it’s human. It’s open to learning, it is indeed asking for forgiveness. But Liam is also bold and unnerving. He’s unafraid and unpretentious (as much as can be). It’s so so good to hear a serious Gallagher album that doesn’t take itself seriously.

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100 Best Songs of 2017

My 2017 greatest hits was too much to boil down to a list of ten. 

And I'm so happy about it - what a really fantastic year for music! There were brilliant tunes from my favorite old artists and there are many of my favorite songs from brilliant new folks. I'll be honest though, there was a lot to keep up. Like, a lot. Finding new music is very much my favorite thing to do but that's hard if there's never ending new music releases every other day. So there's always the picking and choosing. Sometimes I'll pick and choose solely on the album art. Sometimes it's something or someone familiar. Or sometimes it's just because my player is set to auto-play a new song after it's finished whatever it's playing.

You might point out this list has covers or remixes of tracks released before 2017 (#37, #58, #77) but I’m going to count it as new music released in 2017 because its my list, so there.

Each of these songs have a moment or place in time attached to it, I’m going to share a few of those with you.

Alternatively: Shut up and show me the Spotify Playlist

1 - The xx - Brave For You

This song has a lot of meaning and attachment behind it. Back in April, my coworker Adhishree asked me if I could make a video to play at the Teach For India Alumni Induction for 2015 Fellows who completed their two year Fellowship. I’m very attached to people in that team and this kids involved, so we set out to make a video with as many Teach For India classrooms as possible across the city. If you’re keen to take a look, here you go! Of course, it’s more personal if you’re acutally taught these kids for two years and are leaving, but hey let me know what you think.

2 - Joe Goddard - Electric Lines

This song was playing in the background one day and I caught this verse:  I don't know a real ale from a fake one / I don't know which is more sincere / The music we're making / Or the music we hear I just stopped and played the whole thing again. And again. And again. And again.

3 - Joe Goddard, SLO - Music Is The Answer

I heard this on some work playlist. I’d never heard of Joe Goddard before, but I’m so glad I found this song. It’s been a gateway to a whole world of new electronic music I’d never paid attention to.

4 - LCD Soundsystem - oh baby

The comeback track. It had to be good. It needed to be good. But my god, it was adorable as hell.

5 - Arcade Fire - Everything Now

Later into this list, you’ll find the reprise to this song AND a Bomba Estéreo remix. That’s how much I love this song and its stupidly catchy hook. Close friends and loved ones will know my freak out dance to this song. For humanity’s sake, let’s hope no one’s carrying footage.

6 - The xx - Seasons Run

They didn’t even let this song make the final tracklist! But I can either whine about the band not including this in the album or I can be grateful they saved it from “unreleased” hell and slapped a bonus track label.

7 - Sampha - (No One Knows Me) Like the Piano

My mom really loves this song. She’s never appreciated or recognized any of the music I’ve played before (The go to response is usually, “Is this Coldplay?”) but she adores this song. Every time we connect the phone to the speakers, Mama will always ask - “Can you play that Sampha?”

8 - Lorde - Green Light

There’s a recording of me dancing to this and messing up lyrics in my friend’s phone. Pray that my kids don’t find it.

9 - HAIM - Want You Back

I’m very happy with my relationship status at the moment, thankyouverymuch, but that doesn’t mean I can’t stop singing and dancing to this at the top of my lungs in my balcony. Pants are optional.

10 - The Horrors - Something To Remember Me By

Ohhh this song, THIS SONG! It’s the most glorious “goodbye world and all of you in it” song ever. I can already picture a fast-paced montage with never ending roads intersperesed with faces of friends, family, and fools. I need to make this a home video!

11 - Kamasi Washington - Truth

12 - Sampha - Blood on Me

13 - Lorde - The Louvre

14 - Joe Goddard - Lose Your Love

15 - Mura Masa, A$AP Rocky - Love$ick

16 - The Killers - The Man

Sometimes I get worried I’m going to offend someone who doesn’t get the irony of this song... (so much so that I have to write it down here).

17. Lana Del Rey - Love

18 - Bonobo, Rhye - Break Apart

19 - SOHN - Conrad

20 - JAY-Z, Damian Marley - Bam

21 - Lana Del Rey, A$AP Rocky, Playboi Carti - Summer Bummer

Straight up fire.

22 - Arcade Fire, Mavis Staples - I Give You Power

It’s gravelly and cruel and a beast of a protest song. I should also mention - the instrumental version of this song is just as good.

23 - Kyle Dixon & Michael Stein - Soldiers

24 - Radiohead - I Promise

25 - Gorillaz, Popcaan - Saturnz Barz (feat. Popcaan)

26 - The Killers - Wonderful Wonderful

27 - Lucy Rose - Is This Called Home

28 - Liam Gallagher - Chinatown

Proof that new Liam is better than new Noel.

29 - Arcade Fire - We Don't Deserve Love

30 - LCD Soundsystem - tonite

31 - The xx - I Dare You

32 - Arcade Fire - Electric Blue

33 - Bonobo - Kerala

34 - Ramin Djawadi - Dragonstone

Payoff Is Coming!

35 - The xx - Replica

36 - Joe Goddard - Home

37 - The 1975 - By Your Side (Sade cover)

This is my Diwali in Delhi song.

38 - Gorillaz, Peven Everett – Strobelite

39 - Liam Gallagher - Wall Of Glass

40 - Lo Moon - Thorns

41 - Skinnerbox, Axel Boman - Gender (Axel Boman Remix)

42 - Baio - Sensitive Guy

43 - RY X - Bad Love

44 - Bibio - CAPEL BETHANIA

45 - Four Tet - Two Thousand and Seventeen

46 - Hans Zimmer - Supermarine

47 - The xx, Jamie xx - On Hold (Jamie xx Remix)

48 - HAIM - You Never Knew

49 - JAY-Z - The Story of O.J.

50 - Public Service Broadcasting - People Will Always Need Coal

51 - Tourist, Ardyn - We Stayed Up All Night

Again, the instrumental is such a banger

52 - Emily Haines & The Soft Skeleton - Planets

53 - Bicep - Glue

54 - Joe Goddard - Human Heart

55 - JAY-Z - 4:44

56 - Lana Del Rey, The Weeknd - Lust For Life

57 - Cigarettes After Sex - K

58 - Aphex Twin, Murcof, Vanessa Wagner, Loscil - Avril 14th (Aphex Twin) - Loscil Remix

59 - Moby & The Void Pacific Choir - It's So Hard To Say Goodbye

60 - Ramin Djawadi - Truth

61 - The National - Nobody Else Will Be There

Another one of those brilliant ‘last night on earth’ songs.

62 - LCD Soundsystem - black screen

63 - Kyle Dixon & Michael Stein - Walkin in Hawkins

64 - Sampha - Timmy's Prayer

65 - Calvin Harris, Frank Ocean, Migos - Slide

66 - Radiohead - Man of War

67 - The Local Train - Aaftaab

Kritika introduced me to these guys. I’ve seen them perform live three times already this year. I really hope they get the attention from outside India - they deserve it.

68 - Dirty Projectors - Little Bubble

69 - Bonobo - Ontario

70 - Nilüfer Yanya - Baby Luv

71 - Emily Haines & The Soft Skeleton - American Dream (LCD Soundsystem cover)

72 - Stormzy, MNEK - Blinded By Your Grace, Pt. 2

73 - Rhye - Taste

74 - Kojey Radical, Collard - Utopia

75 - Four Tet - Scientists

76 - This Is The Kit - By My Demon Eye

77 - Daecolm - Dancing Queen (ABBA cover)

78 - Masakatsu Takagi - Marginalia #18

79 - Phoenix - Goodbye Soleil

80 - Coldplay - All I Can Think About Is You

81 - Westerman - Roads

There’s a fantastic storyboard for a music video in my head for this.

82 - French Montana, Swae Lee - Unforgettable

83 - Beck - Dreams

84 - N.E.R.D - Deep Down Body Thurst

85 - Ramin Djawadi - Home

86 - Anna Of The North - Someone

87 - Frank Ocean - Chanel

88 - Broken Social Scene - Halfway Home

89 - St. Vincent - Slow Disco

90 - Arcade Fire - Everything Now (continued)

91 - Joe Goddard - Nothing Moves

92 - LCD Soundsystem - call the police

93 - Mac DeMarco - My Old Man

94 - GoldLink, April George - Rough Soul

95 - Sufjan Stevens - Wallowa Lake Monster

96 - Meadowlark - Postcards

97 - Wilsen - Final

98 - Ramin Djawadi - Winter Is Here

99 - !!! - Dancing Is The Best Revenge

Straight to the top of my Ridiculous Mix playlist.

100 - Arcade Fire, Bomba Estéreo - Everything Now (Todo Ya) - Remix por Bomba Estéreo

This has been fun and I'm super pleased with my lists. If anyone's managed to reach this far, I hope you enjoy this. And if you don't... “...okay”.

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Open up your skull, I'll be there

Ridiculously Good Mashup: Climbing Two Thousand And Seventeen (Radiohead x Four Tet x Ara Macao)

I actually discovered this when I was trying to find a youtube video to embed in my previous post for Four Tet. Climbing Up The Walls is such a menacing beast of a song but for it works so good with remixes. This mashup goes really well here with the new Four Tet track. 

Check out more of Ara Macao’s music here: Soundcloud |  Bandcamp

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What I’ve been listening to - Nov 2017

Okay maintaining this is hard. Sorry, blog. Here’s some of the stuff I’ve been digging over this past month.

Dirty Projectors - Little Bubble from Dirty Projectors

I’m discovering Dirty Projectors now. Looks like there’s seven other albums for me to explore in the back catalogue. And in this one, it sounds like David Longstreth’s friends have left him. This is going to be fun.

“Morning. There's no one else here. I'm alone and the cold. October light hits like a black hole.”

Four Tet - Two Thousand And Seventeen from New Energy

In a year that’s so polluted with horrid negativity in the news (at home and abroad), it’s nice to have Kieran come down and bless us with the ultimate escapist’s soundtrack.

Kyle Dixon and Michael Stein - The Return from Stranger Things 2 Soundtrack

That soundtrack was incredible, no surprises really. My only problem with the show, and therefore the soundtrack by extension, is that it’s not enough. Loving the adrenaline building Soldiers and The Return. 

Kamasi Washington - Truth from Harmony Of Difference

This year was me discovering jazz. Like, discovering discovering jazz. Like doing Thursday Jazz Nights at Shisha Jazz Cafe discovering jazz. And then Spotify has to come along and suggest this 14 minute epic and here I am again, dicovering jazz.

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Ridiculous Godlike Genius Best Ever Remix: Radiohead - Reckoner (Chris Martin RMX) (ft. Matthew Bellamy)

WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW?

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Ridiculous Remix: Fall Out Boy - This Ain't A Scene, It's An Arms Race (Kanye West Remix)

Haaa, I love this remix! Stuff like this is why I need separate playlists for myself that I don’t play in front of other people. 

But for real though, I love how Kanye chews Fall Out Boy here and points to the obvious irony of the insane commercial success this song got. This Ain’t A Scene was an international breakthrough for the band -  their first No. 1 Billboard Hot Digital Song and Pop 100 No. 1. Basically, as Yeezy puts it - The same arms race got FOB racing straight to the top.

[Verse 2: Kanye West] Now, I don’t know what the hell this song is talking ‘bout Do you? She said, "Yeah, I’ve been spending all day trying to figure that out You too?" The arms race made 'em raise they arms and race straight to the top Who knew? Right now, they got the number one spot; do you want that? Me too One thing I gotta call out boy Take a look at Fall Out Boy Since they ain’t black When they get money they don’t ball out boy They just buy tight jeans till they nuts hang all out boy They figure Ye' dress tight So we gon' dress tighter He dress white, so we gon' dress whiter So in spite of anything you might of Seen or heard, this scene occurred Word

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Stranger Things 2 is coming out this weekend and I can’t stay still! This track, the second on the soundtrack for seaon 2, revisits Kids and that beautiful cycling scene in the first episode. In fact, that’s the scene that got me attached to the kids in this show. Listening to this new soundtrack and reading song titles is having my mind run with ideas on what we’ll be seeing for S2! Oh boy, oh boy.

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New Gramophone House, Chandni Chowk, Delhi

I needed some help getting here, but buried somewhere in the heart of Chandni Chowk is this absolutely wonderful house of records called the New Gramophone House. This place had by far got to house the best and most records I’ve seen in India. 

I was pretty disappointed that they didn’t have anything alternative and 90s rock though - surprising considering how attached to that age of music many music lovers from India are. That said though, there was a pretty solid collection of old school pop, funk, jazz, and classical records. 

I left the place pretty happy with my copy of Kraftwerk’s The Man Machine. It’s not an album I haven’t heard before - but just the satisfaction of owning a physical piece of Kraftwerk music gives me a lovely high. I can’t remember how many times my dad would play The Model from his compilation CDs on our long drives back home.

Bonus Atoms For Peace CD In my hunt for this elusive vinyl store, I actually came across another place in Khan Market where I picked up this one! Man, I’m sucker for anything Thom Yorke and Stanley Donwood.

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Delhi Playlist

A post shared by Zeashan Ashraf (@zeashanashraf) on Oct 21, 2017 at 9:57pm PDT

Everytime I travel to some place else, I’m trying to make sure it’s a different playlist I’m listening to. Something that I can remember the place with when I listen to the song later, so this is the Delhi playlist I made when I spent Diwali with K and her family.

We’ve had endless debates before over which version of By Your Side is better - the original by Sade or the dream-rock version by Beachwood Sparks. The 1975′s version doesn’t top it but hell, it’s such a dreamy atmosphere that *makes* you forget all your debates.

Later K played Ed Sheeran’s Perfect which was her song for me. And as if in cue, I have to annoy the hell out of her with The Most Beautiful Girl (In The Room) by Flight Of The Conchords. 

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Hope everyone's having a lovely time this Diwali! Stay childish, stay woke.