tobylfilm

[tobylfilm]

my ahh can never have money

today, I wanted to buy some merch of my oshi... nothing crazy, literally just two weiss schwartz cards, a can badge, a coaster, and an acrylic charm... AND THAT CAME UP TO ALMOST 5K YEN????? WITHOUT SHIPPING???? shipping won't be that bad anyway bc all that shit is super light, BUT WATAHEL...... I guess I should have checked if the shop I was buying from had some changes in their proxy price (which I knew that they did, I just thought it was +300 yen per item and not a mf 500😭)

idgaf anyway, anything for my boo revolver jesus <333 MONEY REGENERATES ANYWAY, THESE THINGS DO NOT!!!

pic - my beautiful messiah is getting us lunch

I am pretty happy that from all persona characters I could have picked, I picked the one whose official merch goes for dirt cheep, lol... (even though my main love from that series is akinari......with literally just ONE piece of original merch.... and it's a mf weiss schwartz card..... with his worst sprite at that..... don't get me started... I genuinely get so mad while thinking about it.....)

sorry for the horrendous amount of dots, but I am VERY passionate about this.

♡see you!

[tobylfilm]

I love taking care of myself

I love brushing my hair, being clean, using skincare, and just being pretty♡

and like... getting completed by girls. idc about most men giving me compliments bc most of them just want to get some self gratification in return (especially straight ones that think I'm a girl, lol), but when a polish (generally not-american or overly talkative about other people) girl does it, you know she's not fucking around or being nice and actually means it.

I also appreciate compliments from older ppl, and strangely enough, homeless guys that mostly just want money?? like yeah, some of them are just weird (I went through some really unpleasant situations that I won't talk about now bc I want to keep this cute), but some are just pretty okay people with a sense of humor loooool

anyway YEAH I love being noticed for all the work I'm putting into myself >o<

♡see you!

[tobylfilm]

I'm so tired...

I got my driving license pictures done today, and that's pretty much all, lol. it's still pretty early, but I just need sleep (ᴗ_ ᴗ。)

I get tired by doing absolutely nothing. pretty much nothing numbs that feeling of being lethargic, I can drink a fuckton amount of energy drinks and just sleep away the day right after. social situations make me depressed too, especially with bigger groups (not counting my two besties, though :)). it's all just exhausting. I haven't been doing pretty much anything I planned for summer vacation, and I'm starting to neglect all my hobbies too

rn I'm just praying for a week of not really doing anything and for my lashinbang package to arrive > <☆

and tbh the only thing that would really make me happy for a longer time is a graying, a bit long-haired, and bigger (and older) than me, man... I NEED THAT HAYDEN FIELDS OF MISTRIA TYPE HUSBAND...

♡see you!

[tobylfilm]

tw

constant hunger

it's not actual hunger, of course, just a random mf appetite for some reason. I haven't been eating awfully little for something like this to appear, so it's really confusing. I'm not really doing anything anyway, I pretty much rotting in bed for hours and maybe doing some cleaning at most. I just fucking want to keep on eating, even though I'm absolutely full and borderline feeling sick. but I'm grateful that it's happening in the morning, so I just eat some processed soup or pasta in small amounts and don't go above my calories for the day overall. still, I know I can do better, even though I'm clearly not acting on that.

sorry if this is unreadable, but I lowkey feel dizzy and excited for the fields of mistria update😭😭 I want hayden so bad bruh

♡see you!

[tobylfilm]

I had a little photoshoot ;>

shout out to my friend for taking the pics, they came out super cute >< I won't show the ones with my face though, sorry :0

I had a fun time, but seeing some of the other pictures we took made me realize how much fat I still am bruh

I'm closer to getting my room done though, so maybe that will take care of that constant hunger I have... I'll just pace around it and look at all the cute shit I have

♡see you!

[tobylfilm]

I painted the ugliest wall (?? more like bricks) in my room

my mom didn't let me do pink (bc wHaT iF yOu mOvE) (you'll paint it back?? lol), but I'm still satisfied with white. it makes my room a bit more coherent... now I just have to throw away that POS piano!!!!!!

I won't show you guys the results just yet... right now I think it needs an another layer, but I need a clear mind [sleep lol] to see if it's actually necessary to paint it again, and then I also need to think about how I'll set ny mangas on the shelf that's under that wall(?? still don't know how to call it)

but to not leave you with nothing, here's my vocaloid graphig shelf!! I posted it on mfc, some random dc server, and a group on here, so no, the image is not stolen lol

I'll post some more pics of my room soon... maybe... esp with my miku figures... btw pls don't steal this image ૮ ․ ․ ྀིა

♡see you!

[tobylfilm]

I just had a very normal day

I didn't fully enjoy it as I would have preferred to just stay in my room and play some games, but I visited my granny and did some shopping =3

I didn't eat too much, but also didn't really eat too little. I have to get back on track so that I can get all my uni profs to like me ;))

that's an another aspect of my life that I haven't touched on here yet, and I'll get to it sometime... it might be a bit weird or triggering for some, though.

anyway, stay on track, guys!! all of your efforts will be worth it ♡

♡see you!

[tobylfilm]

tw

I'm so tired of my family

there is not a single day where things are quiet here. I genuinely despise all of them in some ways, but the "sperm donor" is the absolute worst offender.

never showed any empathy, things are never his fault, he expects above and beyond from everyone, but he himself doesn't do shit nor has he ever achieved anything in his hateful life.

today, I kinda crashed out and started texing my mom some things I want to do (/neg), and she said I should probably be placed in a psych ward... like wow, that literally what every single doctor has been telling me (even a dermatologist LOL)

I lowkey hope I do end up in one so I won't have to act nice or quiet when I'm actually doing absolutely fucking horrible ⚉

♡see you!

[tobylfilm]

tw: ed

I feel like such a piggy

yesterday, I ate a LOT, but I didn't really mind bc I was hanging out with a friend (I did mind but didn't let it get to me), and today, my dad wanted to get kebabs for dinner and I gave in (𖦹ᯅ𖦹) I'm still below my limit and I'll work out anyway, but bruhhhh

I really need to get back on my game, I can't let the 20kgs I lost go to waste :<<

I did kinda stop myself from eating more today, so at least I showed a bit of "resilience"

♡see you!

[tobylfilm]

I finally got "diagnosed" as transgender!!

I'll start eating testoburgers soon...

also, the tests they made me do say that I apparently scored high in some kind of schizophrenia scale?? and some other concerning ones too lol

and I also did surprisingly well on an intelligence test, as they described me as "above average" (glazers)

anyway, I'm happy that I finally have that paper, it makes me feel validated (╥ ᴗ ╥)

♡see you!

[tobylfilm]

I want to get rid of the piano in my room so badly bruh

it's there for absolutely no reason, maybe only for reminding me of the hellscape that was music school... I didn't even play anything on it since I graduated 6 years ago ｡°(°.◜ᯅ◝°)°｡

I dunno I'll probably talk about it with my mom bc my "sperm donor" will get mad (just like when he was forcing me to attend that place)

like I'm running out of space to put my silly stuff on, and I don't want to see it anymore （ꐦ𝅒_𝅒）

♡see you!

[tobylfilm]

I never posted anything on tumblr, but I feel like I need a semi-public diary for my thoughts, so hiiii(˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶) .ᐟ.ᐟ

I'll probably be posting rants/vents or other silly stuff

♡see you!!

[tobylfilm]

#sfw｜ kitty !! 🎀💙💜 ft. kitty from sun haven

if you're interested in commissioning me my prices are in my carrd: https://kikueatgoo.carrd.co