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John Crichton: You're the closest friend I have.

D'Argo: You could have done better.

Crichton: Nowhere in the universe.

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Rose: I wonder why Italian men are so romantic.

Dorothy: It’s the tight pants, Rose.

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Ahmed Ibn Fahdlan: Have we anything resembling a plan?

Herger the Joyous: Mm-hm. Ride till we find them... and kill them all.

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Arthur: I warn you, I've been trained to kill since birth.

Merlin: Wow. And how long have you been training to be a prat?

Arthur: You can't address me like that.

Merlin: Sorry. How long have you been training to be a prat, my lord?

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John Crichton: Bill Gates can’t guarantee Windows, how can you guarantee my safety?

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Blanche: Well, what do you know? Sophia has a past!

Sophia: That's right! But unlike yours, I didn't need penicillin to get through it.

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John Crichton: Have we sent the "don’t shoot us we're pathetic" transmission yet?

D'Argo: That was actually the first thing we tried.

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John Crichton: On my planet we don’t marry people we don't love unless they're critically ill billionaires.

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Toby: Mrs. Landingham, does the President have free time this morning?

Mrs. Landingham: The President has nothing but free time, Toby. Right now he's in the residence eating Cheerios and enjoying Regis and Kathie Lee. Should I get him for you?

Toby: Sarcasm's a disturbing thing coming from a woman of your age, Mrs. Landingham.

Mrs. Landingham: What age would that be, Toby?

Toby: ...Late twenties?

Mrs. Landingham: Atta boy.

Toby: Can I have a cookie?

Mrs. Landingham: No.

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D'Argo: Something Crichton said is disturbing me.

Rygel: Finally! I've been saying that since he arrived.

D'Argo: It's what he said about us all having the same dream.

Rygel: It wasn't the same. Mine was better than yours.

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Nate Ford: Yeah, you seem pretty relaxed for a guy with a gun pointed at him.

Eliot Spencer: [looks at Hardison] Safety’s on.

Alec Hardison: Like I’m gonna fall for that.

Nate: No, no, actually he’s right, the safety is on.

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Eliot Spencer: This thing safe?

Alec Hardison: Yeah, it's completely safe…it's just you know, if you experience nausea, weakness in your right side, stroke, strokiness…

Eliot: You're precisely why I work alone.

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John Crichton: Open your ears, or your tentacles, or whatever orifice it is you listen with!

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Sophie Devereaux: You pick the jobs.

Nate Ford: My job is helping people. I help find bad guys.

Sophie: Then go find some bad guys. Bad guys have money. Black King, White Knight.

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Aeryn Sun: No offense, human, but what could I possibly need from you?

John Crichton: Manners, personality, stock tips.

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Sheriff Forbes: Honey, are you okay? Anything you wanna talk about? Is it a boy thing?

Caroline: Mom, if I wanna talk boys, I’ll call dad. At least he’s successfully dating one.

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John Crichton: Next time you hit me, make sure I don’t wake up.