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Road trips can clear the mind. Good music cleanses the soul as the wind blows through the window filtering the toxins from your soul
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Day 1
When I was younger I would crawl into bed late at night, long after everyone in my house had fallen asleep. I would pull the covers over my head and begin to create fantasies. I could become anything I wanted to be, fearless, I used to let my imagination run wild. I would slip into the darkness but that was the only place I saw the true light. I could spend hours under that sheet, dreaming of a different life. One that wasn’t controlled by the family I grew up with. My parents, they only wanted the best, hardworking father, dutiful mother. They raised me to be the perfect image, well an image that they saw as perfect. I was told from a young age the way proper way a man was supposed to act; strong, independent, selfless. The sheets were my shield and as morning grew close I begged time to stop. I prayed every night that I would be so intently in a dream and that the dream would envelop every second of the night. As the sun rose I’d push my face into the pillow to breath in every last ounce of darkness because the day meant back to reality, back to hiding, back to silence. Disappointment, my biggest fear, how to you tell the people who should love you no matter what something that would make them want nothing to do with me, because I’m wrong. I’m not something they believe to be okay so why would they be okay with their son being that way. Other than my parents what will my friends think. People say true friends wouldn’t care about who you are. They should love you for you, but that’s a bunch of bullshit. I have to go out with friends tonight, I have took my medicine so hopefully it’ll be better tonight. I’m kind of anxious going out with a small group, especially if I see someone. They’ll be more inclined to come up to me if there’s not a crowd. Hopefully I just don’t see anyone, that’ll be better. At least Alex knows, well I’m scared they all do but I just don’t say anything. I told her when I was drunk, big mistake. I don’t know how much she already knew but she learned a lot that night. That medicine might be working too well, a little to big for my britches if you ask me. I can’t get too drunk around Diane and Lucy tonight. Who knows how much I’ll say since apparently vodka opens me up like an exploding firecracker. I build up pressure then burst sending out secrets that should never be spoken much less known by someone else. I’m gonna work on my social skills tonight, I’m gonna really try to have fun and not worry about what other people think of me. I don’t know if they stare at me in the bars but I just always feel peoples’ eyes glued to me. Their glares as they pass judgment on me, How weak and weird I look. I’m just gonna be optimistic, tonight’s gonna be fun I know it. At least I’m gonna try my best to have fun, as much as I’ll let my self have at least.
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