two-vedas-only

[two-vedas-only]

no sooner did i look up for a foldable table for my bed than i realized that i am falling prey to having an easier life instead of fixing my habits.

[two-vedas-only]

tyler versus tyler (i am jack's shifting perspective)

one of the most obvious proofs of my constantly changing perspective is finishing the same movie for the second time after an eternity with an enigmatic attitude towards the sudden realization of how my opinions showcase a whole different scene than what they used to before.

fight club is one such piece of art that i watched for the second time after completely agreeing with its agenda for the first time. however, this time, it felt different, it felt threatening. while i may not be accurate about the reason behind feeling this particular way, i for sure can infer that my experiences and ambience may have a significant role to play here.

breaking down the plot and perspective of fight club will definitely be a rule breach but fight club is also about that. here we go. each video frame came with a heavy message for a light-headed and care-free child that i was three years ago.

it was a phase of serious mental crisis for me because i realized i was doomed and there was no going back. at this point, i still do not disagree. i could never go back, i am either moving forward or staying still watching the birds in the sky get old. i only have a fond memory of what it was like when those birds were literal eggs. why did they not fall off the nest? why were they nurtured? had they perished, what i am now, i would have never been. baffling how one flap of a butterfly's wing somewhere in texas can be responsible for the haplessness of my being.

fight club then taught me how consumerism is unhealthy, how the things that i own end up owning me and how i should learn to let go. i do not remember anything beyond it and today, after three short years of looking at consumerism from a proximity, witnessing how different people around me think and behave, the cinema concerned me. it wrenched my brain because it no longer made me feel like i was a school slave who needed to be introduced to stoicism but like a responsible young adult who now possesses the ability to differentiate between the rational and the irrational.

this realization dawned upon me when i started hitting pause after each segment. it began to get pretty obvious that the definition of masculinity may have been portrayed wrongfully and that i would have to read between the lines to comprehend the metaphorical portrayals. one segment talks about men being a generation raised by women and how another woman was not someone they needed. i never paid attention to this statement but when i did, the controversy stayed with me. there are two sides to this coin and i must look at only one at a time. of course, i know not if this statement is open to interpretations but i do not care enough. one side led me to believe that some men consider women as a hindrance to their path of achieving greatness because they are a source of pleasure while the other highlighted that it is rather opaque. candidly, this is what i could infer from the scene and found it a tad misleading for the general crowd that may conceive a wrong notion and live with it for the rest of their lives.

tyler is a suave philosopher who can charm almost anyone into practicing what he preaches. he aspired to bomb the concrete jungles of finance so everyone could start from zero hence marking it as a sign of equality. if taken literally, the idea seemed too good to be true and too bad to be implemented for real. the human civilization has come a long way and each level has been woven with such intricacy that there is no point of return.

what do i make of tyler returning to his senses? he wished he could undo every single thing he did as his alter ego. he disclosed his plan to bomb the units, he was ready to submit himself to the police, he insisted that marla leave town and ended up shooting who he wanted to become. tyler was what tyler was not - free. tyler getting rid of tyler probably proved a point - capitalism is not going anywhere. consumerism sits itself on our heads and watches us ogling at every little and small thing that we want to own. tyler and marla definitely did not make it seem like a happy ending. it was the beginning of something even more complicated and delicate.

rewatching fight club filled me with despair and a sense of captivity. to me, it seemed prone to misjudgments. i could coherently understand all the interpretations that i had missed previously. it is by no means a straightforward movie with countable agenda. some still hide in every basement that stayed warm because of a fight happening the day before.

tyler versus tyler face-off still tops all my qualms.

i am jack's confused laughter.

[two-vedas-only]

on articulation

i try hard when it comes to articulation and it might not be because i am from Bihar but solely because i wish that people were inside my head and the fact that they are not urges me to give in. understanding what i feel, how i feel and then wording it letter by letter to elucidate it to the folks outside so we can establish a better connection between the two of us is a very tedious task for me. yet, i do it with all might, with pauses, with confusion and with a sense of comfort that you understand me better than anyone else and voila, you do. you have taught me how smooth articulation can be, with constant use of rich vocabulary, metaphors and abstract poetry. you leave me in splits when you are engulfed by sorrow, and you choose to express it. one moment catches me feeling sympathetic and the next, wondering about how wise you become all of a sudden. it is rather hilarious that you cannot manage to be wise all the time hence maintaining an equilibrium of your multiple personalities. the synthesis of your thoughts adds value to my thinking.

you are one of the rare rabbits that i would listen to for two hours, because that is my record for actively listening to my favorite podcast. after a thorough investigation of how i process stimulus around me, i infer that learning anecdotes from the living in person overweighs my retention capabilities from that of a recorded presence hence serving as a major reason of my undying interest in listening to you. i do not have a history of long-term connections because they lacked the grandiose vocabulary to articulate themselves, although they hailed from premium schools. confrontation was difficult, there were chains of crash outs in dull dialects but sumptuous slangs. with you, every conflict begins with you being a tragic kafka or dostoevsky, snowballs into you giving sermons like camus or neiztche and finally concludes with a breezy shakespeare sonnet.

you are aware of your needs and wants, you do not hesitate to be out there and express freely your opinion of others while maintaining boundary and respect, you believe in a placidly pragmatic discussion. there have been times when these rules have been broken but they were never rules to begin with. there is a lot to learn from you in this regard. as for the others, you learn them from me.

[two-vedas-only]

the summer of '25

concluding a very fruitful semester has me in metaphorical tears because i cannot seem to wail as a result of prolonged emotional numbness. i experienced joy in every little deed that my muscles mustered the man(muscle)power to do. however, indulging in trivial activities that make me forget the tenderness of my writing comes as drawback. as a result, i have taken into account every single detail that is waiting to be penned down starting from my dizzy diarrhea to a voided voyage and decided to not use artificial intelligence in this category that i call, "what happened to my life?"; courtesy KG.

[two-vedas-only]

Let me have a faithful account of all that concerns you; I would know everything, be it ever so unfortunate. Perhaps by mingling my sighs with yours I may make your sufferings less, for it is said that all sorrows divided are made lighter. - The Letters of Abelard and Heloise