ubvaniya-blog

[ubvaniya-blog]

[ubvaniya-blog]

Ubvaniya was glad to hear him relieve her of this duty. With a small sigh, she looked around the garden. She loved flowers, they reminded her of babies, which she loved more than anything. Flowers and babies were soft, and new, and wholly innocent. She dreamed of being a mother, but the young woman had not gotten her menses in almost a year. She feared this meant the death of her dream. Her malnutrition was due in part to her modeling, but mainly she starved herself as a test. To see if her body still worked, if she was still attached to it. The Russian girl felt nary a thing when she was disassociating. Starvation was a good reminder she was still alive.

At hearing she may not be alone, the dreamy young woman felt a tinge of excitement. "Like me? Leaving the body even?" She had not before considered the possibility of there being others like her. "I like this very much."

начало - a start.

ray-of-sunshine-phd:

“Ubvaniya it is.” Roman gave a caring smile, and placed a soft hand on her shoulder. “Come on, we can go outside for a smoke.” He had learned to keep a pack of cigarettes on hand for the patients that did indulge. Personally he didn’t, but much of the population in this hospital did, staff included. He led her to a set of double doors, where he scanned his key card to let them pass, then down a long hallway where he did the same thing. They were out towards the common area now where the garden was just outside. 

“I know it’ll take some getting used to, but everyone here is usually pretty nice.” The redhead’s smile never faltered, and soon they were outside. The spring air was warm with a light breeze, and he took a deep breath. “Tell me about yourself. What are some things you like?” He said, sitting her down on one of the less rickety benches and pulling the cigarettes out along with a lighter. He offered her the pack and waited to light it for her.

Ubvaniya pondered the question while graciously accepting the cigarette and allowing the therapist to light it for her. After a long drag, she slowly exhaled, all the while attempting to come up with something about herself to offer him. “I…” It was more difficult than she’d imagined. In this moment, she realized that yet another side effect of disconnecting from herself was that she knew very little about herself. 

“I like to read books, they make me…relaxing. More than this, I don’t know. I use to like take pictures, but now, no.” She knew this was a lackluster reply, but could come up with nothing to supplement it. The immigrant glanced down at the stick of tobacco held lightly in her grip, and had an epihany. “AH! I like smoking.”

[ubvaniya-blog]

"Why you are here, Jess?" Ubvaniya could not figure out why such a lovely girl would be in a place like this. She silently hoped it meant they were alike.

ubvaniya:

“If he is not here, he cannot hurt you, no? So, I think yes, you are safe.” She smiled widely and placed a hand on the girl’s trembling shoulder. “My name is Ubvaniya, what is your name?”

Originally posted by thecartierrug

“I uh…yeah, I guess so” she said, not noticing how much she was trembling until the other girls hand was placed on her shoulder “Um, my name is Jess, nice to meet you”

[ubvaniya-blog]

hayitsjess:

“No, I think he’s back at home. But he’ll be real mad at me. I don’t want to get more hurts though they say I’m safe here”

“If he is not here, he cannot hurt you, no? So, I think yes, you are safe.” She smiled widely and placed a hand on the girl’s trembling shoulder. “My name is Ubvaniya, what is your name?”

Originally posted by thecartierrug

[ubvaniya-blog]

ray-of-sunshine-phd:

“Ubvaniya it is.” Roman gave a caring smile, and placed a soft hand on her shoulder. “Come on, we can go outside for a smoke.” He had learned to keep a pack of cigarettes on hand for the patients that did indulge. Personally he didn’t, but much of the population in this hospital did, staff included. He led her to a set of double doors, where he scanned his key card to let them pass, then down a long hallway where he did the same thing. They were out towards the common area now where the garden was just outside. 

“I know it’ll take some getting used to, but everyone here is usually pretty nice.” The redhead’s smile never faltered, and soon they were outside. The spring air was warm with a light breeze, and he took a deep breath. “Tell me about yourself. What are some things you like?” He said, sitting her down on one of the less rickety benches and pulling the cigarettes out along with a lighter. He offered her the pack and waited to light it for her.

Ubvaniya pondered the question while graciously accepting the cigarette and allowing the therapist to light it for her. After a long drag, she slowly exhaled, all the while attempting to come up with something about herself to offer him. “I...” It was more difficult than she’d imagined. In this moment, she realized that yet another side effect of disconnecting from herself was that she knew very little about herself. 

“I like to read books, they make me...relaxing. More than this, I don’t know. I use to like take pictures, but now, no.” She knew this was a lackluster reply, but could come up with nothing to supplement it. The immigrant glanced down at the stick of tobacco held lightly in her grip, and had an epihany. “AH! I like smoking.”

начало - a start.

[ubvaniya-blog]

Ubvaniya had only been in the asylum a few days and was finding herself lost more often than found. She was unfamiliar with her surroundings, and being that she only paid attention about half of the time, orienting was difficult. As well as having difficulty finding her way, she’d found it impossible to sleep in this strange new place. It had been 3 nights since her mind had found any rest, and she was feeling it. Rather than lay in her room for another four hours, she decided to get up and explore, hoping to find a library of some sort. 

The leggy young woman turned a corner and found herself face to face with a young man. He was painfully thin, and it seemed his eyes were just as heavy-lidded as her own. She looked up at him, something she did not often have to do given her height. With a wide smile, she introduced herself. “Hello, my name is Ubvaniya,” she spoke professionally. She stretched forward a delicate hand, offering it to him.

meteletsa ┼ ubvaniya starter

It was early, the sun had just crept its way above the horizon. Everything was lit with a dim glow, tinges of orange dancing around the empty common room. He’d promised the nurses he’d get out of his room more, but he made no promises that he would go when there were other patients. Thus, for the past week, he’d awoke at exactly 5:45, and requested an escort to the common room. Due to the nature of his arrival at Stonefield coupled with his resistance to all treatment, David was a ‘red band’ patient. This meant he could not go anywhere unaccompanied. They feared that his violence to the body he felt did not belong to him would extend to other people’s bodies. Any staff members who spent more than an hour with him knew that to be unlikely, still, none of them ever motioned to have his restrictions lessened. 

So, he came out when the world was still quiet, and all was calm. This morning in particular, however, David found himself musing on his existence before he discovered he was undead. He’d been a reasonably popular adolescent. Had a few girlfriends, a large friend group. Now, he sat in isolation in an asylum he was almost certain he’d never leave. As he mourned his young ignorance, he registered a third pair of feet entering the room. The corpse turned slowly, his eyes falling on a young woman. She was lovely, waifish, with a warm visage. “Hi,” he murmured, half hoping she wouldn’t hear.

[ubvaniya-blog]

“This ‘Daddy’... he lives here also? I do not know that family can be here...”

“I..I already don’t like this place. It’s all scary. Daddy will get mad if I’m not in my room at bedtime”

[ubvaniya-blog]

[ubvaniya-blog]

ray-of-sunshine-phd:

Roman was washed over by an overbearing need to help this girl, she looked so fragile, so delicate. And as she touched his hand, the need to help her only grew. This was why he did this, to help people like Ubvaniya. She looked like she could use as much help as she could get. He let her take as much time as she needed to speak or touch or do whatever she needed to do.

“Doctor Cabana?” The ginger chuckled softly. “That’s fine. Where do you want to walk? There’s a nice little garden outside. My office. The cafeteria.” His smile only brightened when he saw hers. It felt happy, even though he knew the happiness might be short lived. “There we go! You have one of the loveliest smiles I have ever seen, Ubvaniya.” He tried to keep his vocabulary at a basic level, but he was almost certain he butchered the girl’s name. “Do you prefer Ubvaniya or Vani?”

Her expression turned from grin to grimace as she attempted to translate in real time what the doctor was saying. The smile returned to her face tentatively once she had decoded the therapist’s compliment. “Thank you, doctor. Your eyes are shiny.” She tried her best to formulate replies with some coherence. “Ubvaniya, please and thank you. Vani is only name from... моделирование...model? You can understand? Take picture?” She mimicked a photographer, hoping to drive the point home.

After hearing his list, she knew precisely where she wanted to go. She’d been dying for a cigarette since she’d been admitted, but didn’t know where to smoke. “I like to go outside? Maybe garden is better? I want smoke, sigareta.” She brought an imaginary smoke to her lips and inhaled air. 

начало - a start.

[ubvaniya-blog]

Ubvaniya stared emotionless at his extended hand. She took stock of every line, every curvature of its digits. Everything else in her sight was in soft focus. She lurched forward an index finger to touch his. His skin felt as she had imagined; softer than the men back home, pliable. She decided to listen to him, try to catch up. “My name.....Dr. Cavanaugh.....We should go for a walk....?” 

She attempted to piece together what he’d said and formulate a response with her limited English. “Doctor Cabana. Yes, okay,  I can walk.” She let the words tumble from her lips and continued to draw circles on his skin. Slowly, she brought her hand down and lifted her eyes to meet his. They shone in a gentle way she’d never seen from a man. She felt safe with this stranger, and it made her smile a toothy grin.

начало - a start.

Near- motionless and unresponsive, Vani tuned out the intake nurse’s welcome speech. She remained in this disassociative state throughout being led to her room and given the rules. Ubvaniya had a hard time enough understanding English, but this difficulty became amplified when she could not break through her fog. The young woman had developed an affinity for leaving her body at an early age. A model at 14, she learned early on to ignore hunger pangs. This was easier when she just watched her small frame growing smaller from a spectators place, from above.  Eventually, after more than one transgression from the elders in her life, Vani began to despise the flesh she inhabited. Pushing herself to extremes, she’d go days without food or rest, hoping to finally exit her torturous physical form. 

After passing out before a Milan show after a 78-hour sleep-strike, her manager had sent her to Stonefield in the hopes that she would become just healthy enough to function. At some point, Vani checked back in and noticed the nurse placing a well-meaning hand on her fleshless shoulder. She heard some words she knew. “Are you okay sweetie? Do you understand?” The young woman knew the ‘slow-speaking-because-i-think-this-makes-it-easier-to-understand-me’ was coming, and briefly considered heading back into her fog. Eventually, she decided against it and instead braced herself. “YOU. STAY HERE. TALK. TO. OTHER. PATIENTS. OK???” 

“Okay,” she replied softly, walking towards the first interesting person she saw. 

[ubvaniya-blog]

This user 🚀

[ubvaniya-blog]

начало - a start.

Near- motionless and unresponsive, Vani tuned out the intake nurse’s welcome speech. She remained in this disassociative state throughout being led to her room and given the rules. Ubvaniya had a hard time enough understanding English, but this difficulty became amplified when she could not break through her fog. The young woman had developed an affinity for leaving her body at an early age. A model at 14, she learned early on to ignore hunger pangs. This was easier when she just watched her small frame growing smaller from a spectators place, from above.  Eventually, after more than one transgression from the elders in her life, Vani began to despise the flesh she inhabited. Pushing herself to extremes, she’d go days without food or rest, hoping to finally exit her torturous physical form. 

After passing out before a Milan show after a 78-hour sleep-strike, her manager had sent her to Stonefield in the hopes that she would become just healthy enough to function. At some point, Vani checked back in and noticed the nurse placing a well-meaning hand on her fleshless shoulder. She heard some words she knew. “Are you okay sweetie? Do you understand?” The young woman knew the ‘slow-speaking-because-i-think-this-makes-it-easier-to-understand-me’ was coming, and briefly considered heading back into her fog. Eventually, she decided against it and instead braced herself. “YOU. STAY HERE. TALK. TO. OTHER. PATIENTS. OK???” 

“Okay,” she replied softly, walking towards the first interesting person she saw. 

[ubvaniya-blog]

[ubvaniya-blog]

[ubvaniya-blog]

panic! at the disco - always