understandyouth

[understandyouth]

Rules to Move On.

We all end up lost and confused when we are diagnosed with HeartBreak, as if its some type of disease. With no where to run or hide, we mostly end up on a slow journey to recovery. We need some direction and advice as to things that will help us during this time. Here is a few rules to follow, and it might help this process take a lot less time, and hopefully less tears shed too.  RULE #1

Cut off all contact - Maybe it seems like a life or death situation, you don’t really want to unfriend him/her. Almost keeping them at a distance where you can still watch them. This also gives you time to see a world without this person in. You may even find them doing other things in order to obtain your attention, due to you unfriending them. 

RULE #2

Enter complete silence - In regards with social-media, calls, messages, or any way of communication with your Ex. Yes it will be extremely hard, and at times you will want to give in and go back to the way things used to be. This is not the time to be friends yet. 

RULE #3

Pack it up and Send it Back - All his/hers clothes, or items that belong to them need to be returned to them. There is nothing worse than have this things around the house that can remind you of him/her at all times. You don’t have to do it yourself, but make sure it is returned. 

RULE #4

Let go of Bitterness -  You will never teach someone by explaining. You show through actions, not words. Show that you have forgiven them for whatever may have caused this breakup. It is very important not to engage on an emotional level, rather be sweet and blunt. 

RULE #5

Go on a few dates - Change what you are used to, and step out of your comfort zone. You do not want to be this lonely person at home, so you need to get out, and get your mind off things. Be careful not to set any desires or goals with someone, this time is only to get your head out of the trash. Don’t hurt someone in your heartbreak to make you feel better. 

RULE #6

Expect the Unexpected - You are either going to get a frantic array of messages that are begging for you to come back, or painful messages of how they have made a mistake and want you back. OR maybe they have moved on and found someone else. You need to be ready either way. 

RULE #7

Learn to make choices in life dependant on your well-being and not that of someone elses. You need to learn to take care of yourself, and be happy with that. Remember you can only true move on if you have found happiness in something else. 

Ultimately this all falls down to choice, and without you WANTING to move on, you will never do it. The power of our Choice is something far greater than we know. Take the time to analyze the situation you may be in, and take an approach that is not emotional. Seek guidance from people outside of the situation and follow these steps. For some it may work, and for some there is a chance it won’t. But its worth a try!!! 

[understandyouth]

At some point you need to realize that some people can stay in your heart but not in your life.

[understandyouth]

Story of an Ex-Addict

Where do I begin? I have so many stories, so many experiences. I thought I'd start with just two simple memories, it does get over whelming,never mind grasp on, or even begin to understand. How can I transfer memories and feelings into words? Honestly, how can you describe the perfect nightmare...I come from a great family, loving,supportive, we were not the wealthiest but we stuck together. As a young girl, yes there were struggles, massive challenges, growing up wasn't easy, I was rapped for the first time when I was nine years old, that is just when it all began...I've been rapped a total of seventeen times. By family members,friends, friends of friends, for a woman, its strips you down to the core, you remember every detail, every smell, sound, facial expression,touch. I promised myself they can take it all from me, but over my dead body would they steal my soul. Over my dead body. Every relationship,be it a friendship, or what ever the case was, I struggled to feel acceptance, to feel loved, although there were times it was there, but I some how always ran from it, when in actual fact I yearned for it, with every aching part of me I yearned for it. I much preferred putting myself in situations of utter terror, because I felt I was needed there at that time, felt sorry, made excuses, it'll get better!!we will get there!! Together. It was just the once, but actually almost everyday, I know it is messed up, its rather crazy when I think of it now, all the manipulation, all the anger, how could I ever be so naïve. Dam.. My journey only truly started when I met a man, rough around the edges, some one who needed me? It was so great to feel needed, to feel important, I took on that role so easily, it came naturally, I was treated with such respect, such love. Wow I'd never had this kinda thing, we were two peas in a pod, we lived together, we worked close to each other, we did it all side by side, do anything to keep it, as usual it faded, I'd still do everything in hopes for the same reactions, I used my intelligence for the wrong reasons, I knew this at the time, but I couldn't care less, it just felt great to be able to some how manage to slip away from danger, I loved to this for him, he always treated me like he did in the beginning afterwards. I learnt to think on my toes and always be two steps ahead, so of course he took advantage of this, and I ran out of excuses for him eventually, there's a saying, if you join the swine soon you too shall be one. And boy did that happen. Before I knew it my life spun out of control, I couldn't function, nor could I even count to three really. I was weighing forty to forty two and believe it or not it was great fun for a week. But then the week turned to a month and a month turned to a year of pain, of terror, of just utter longing, but you're lost, its hard to explain the feeling, imagine this..you're shaking, out of control, you haven't slept for eight days you've eaten maybe five or six times, you are screaming inside, you're heart is racing constantly, you're nose doesn't stop bleeding, you can hardly focus, and you speaking but its all in your head, you think you've gone for a walk but you've actually stayed where you are, you look at the time, at its only been four minutes. You look again and its the next morning, how long have you sat there, did any one notice. Why can't I feel my legs you'll ask at some point. That is where drugs lead to. At some point or another, you will fall. I have many stories to share, all of which I am ashamed for. That wasn't me! Drugs were never part of my vocabulary. I tore my family to shreds, lost my ambition, my innocence, my intuition. I pushed every one away to such an extent I'd put a protection order against my family. My family, come on, I didn't want any one who knew me,near me, there was nothing to me, I was dead, so were they, the only thing that kept me going was my man and my drug. I was living in the streets, it was way better to be there with your drug and man than home where you could get caught. I eventually lost every thing, I had to move in with his mother, which of course didn't suit us. We didn't want to be watched. Who does when they're high, there's nothing worse than being paranoid, you always looking over your shoulder, you scared all the time, what if. Oh my gosh the swat team is following us but its actually a normal black bakkie .I mean really. Yes its funny now, but then and there it wasn't at all. It got to the point where I was staying over at my dealers place I helped him do his job, I ran his business, which is ironic, I used to run my mom's business, and my own, so literally I just used the skills I learnt to better myself, to actually apply it into the dealings of drugs. I got to the stage where I wanted out, but I was so deep I had no opportunities of a way out. I had no where to live, no one to go to, I was as lost in my head as I was in the real world,all this was only created by me, there's no pity in it what so ever, I made this world of mine on my own. slowly I faded away, I lost my voice, I lost my confidence, I couldn't stand the sight of myself nor could I stand the sight of my man. I moved bedrooms, I couldn't speak to him, look at him, I hated him, I hated myself, how could I do this!! How did I even land up here so fast, that's the thing you think you can control it, I've got news for you. You can't,will not, not matter what. I have been traded for more drugs, the worst is, at that stage I had even stopped for a while,I thought he had too.. I had gotten into my car to go with this man, he was with friends and he was completely high, I wasn't, so I thought I'd be able to stop something horrible from happening. it was like two A.M of course, and he was on a trip of note. Wanting more, he had managed to make a deal with his friends, who are also known dealers, I was in my car, just chilling, and they had come to me, told me to join them as my man had said it was fine, yes I fought back, yes I bit,scratched ,screamed,cried,begged and pleaded. Did it work....no. But he got his fix, I walked home, from benoni town down and across the streets. After being left. This moment was the moment that changed my life. When I got home, he didn't even realize what had happened he couldn't comprehend nor acknowledge the recent events. My journey through drugs costed me, everything, I was beaten, I was raped, I was emotionally dead, I was mentally unavailable, the turning point for me was when I looked at myself in the mirror, It scared me, to this day,I scream in my sleep because of what I saw, I was trapped inside a corpse, of pure pain,sorrow,guilt,shame, a rotting soul. That's when I realized, I'd broken my one and only promise. Its taking my soul... I stopped dreaming, I stopped laughing, I stopped wanting to be greater in life, I had no destination, I had no goal. No finish line nothing. I had nothing, I became nothing, a ticking time bomb, causing mass destruction, living a life of deceit, in the shadows, terrified of movements, horrified by sounds, I would rock myself behind a locked door in the empty bath tub-that was my safe place. For hours, just swaying crying out of control, I tried anything and everything to get out this world. Suicide, hiding away, you name it. But at the end of the day the real demon was me.. Your own worst enemy, I refer to this as war, it is literally a war in your head, I would slam my head against walls, I would pull my hair out, I would do anything to make it stop!! The voices, the things you see, the sounds, the smells even. My body would go into weird spasms where I'd fold over into jaw dropping positions, I'd bend things the wrong way, and it was awful, pain at its most. Even worse to see it happen to myself. You can't stop it or control it. I have scars from when I was beaten, I have been shot, I was just at the wrong place , wrong time defending my man. Typical. I blame no-one, I blame no past situation. I hold myself accountable completely, I made the choice. I took that first temping sweet line, and drowned it the shallow salty waters. I booked myself into elim clinic, what an experience. Wow they really know what they're doing, I had to detox for five days, you think a downer is bad, you thought you had bad cravings. You know nothing. I thought I was already in hell. Did life throw me a curve ball of note.. That was sheer hell, detox for me was the daddy of pain. Your therapy rips all your sores open and teaches you how to deal with things the right way, the rational way of thinking . drugs suppressed it all. Which isn't normal. Drug addiction is a disease, a disease of choice, where you are unable to make rational decisions. You think you can fly and do magic, but in reality you can actually just sit and stand kind of thing. I've been clean for six weeks. I have my family back in my life, I have a strong relationship with jesus, I have happiness, peace, I have hope and I'm starting to feel things again, I'm starting to laugh again, one thing its taught me, its a question we all ask ourselves but some of us can't really answer, who am I? I know who I am not. Its not over yet, its a life long battle, yes it gets easier, but it never goes away. It is worth it though, feeling like this is better than any high you can buy, its happening right now, at this moment, on this day,you don't miss a thing of beauty or inspiration to be greater. Nothing can stop me, sobriety is my achievement. I wouldn't change what I did, what I went through, I wouldn't be where I am now, If I hadn't, I wouldn't know what I know now if I didn't. No one said it will be easy, but the things you fight for with everything you got, are always the best things in life. I fight for me, I am worth it, I am strong, I do have faults, I do make mistakes, but I know what I don't want to be, I know who I don't want to be. I am Danny, I'm a proud ex drug addict 2014. Who aspires to be successful,to teach, to learn,to have a destination. To be part of something greater.

[understandyouth]

Follow your heart but take your brain with you too because there is a thin line between being Inlove and being stupid

[understandyouth]

We have all we think we need, all the happiness we believe we can find. And still out of nowhere, we get a sudden strike of loneliness and our purpose leaves us!! Just remember that this is a phase, not a lifestyle!! Always be better, bigger, bolder!! #bbb

[understandyouth]

Don't look at the tough times like you are alone and no one is there! We have to know that we can survive with just our will and determination!! WE ARE THE REASON WE MOVE FORWARD OR FALL BACK!! stand strong and never give you, the more you pick yourself up, the strong you are!!

[understandyouth]

Let's see how close is men think we are, to the ideal man that ladies see. Who knows it could be some wake up call for most of us! #buildaman #perfectguy

[understandyouth]

No question about that!! Dont do things people say you can, do things they say you can't! #motivation #reachhigher

[understandyouth]

Don't focus on the way you dress, but on the way you act!! You can tell a lady and gentlemen apart sheerly by how they act, not what they're wearing! #motivation #encouragement

[understandyouth]

People say we've changed, not who or what we used to be. Maybe this will clear a few things up...

[understandyouth]

Don't take it the wrong way!! Life gives us lessons, try see them as that!

[understandyouth]

KEEP GOING!! #fightingFridays !! You are strong and you are able!! Don't give up!!!

[understandyouth]

Let this be your motivation to keep going! Don't give up! YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

[understandyouth]

Some wise words to start your Wednesday morning! Have a great day guys!!!

[understandyouth]

Do you agree? Or should we learn to face our demons and stand our ground!!

[understandyouth]

Great picture that I saw on @TrentShelton blog! Powerful!

[understandyouth]

To the ladies... Is the man you are with making you feel that way?? And to the guys, are you being that guy!??