upryavictor

[upryavictor]

Victor/Bea kid

(This might be an AU b/c I feel like most likely Victor/Bea have passed their kid having time haha??? Not sure it’s that likely that they will get back together at this point???? I mean, they could but they aren’t in a good place right now, haha!!! So, for this purpose, I’m gonna pretend they had a kid back when they were “happily” married. Also, I realized I imagined him as the oldest of these imaginary kids we’ve created haha so … there’s that, too) 

Name: I’m crying b/c it’s probably legit Xavier Crandon!!!! (but like so many of our kids he probably has another name that he is known by now b/c xavier is awful!!!) 

Gender: Male

General Appearance: Often pale (needs to get out more!),very tall!!  

Personality: Very quiet and introverted! Trust issues!!!! Grew up thinking both of his parents loved each other and were happy and that the South was bad and the North was good and then BOOM! one day his mom is outed as a spy and is literally going to die????? and he finds out that it has all been a lie and that she’s betrayed not only his dad but him, too, and it’s a mess but then he finally learns the truth about Xavier Vardon and how his mom was actually super brave and not this horrible person and falsjflkjf anyway it’s great!!!! (And then probably learns that his mom DID love his dad after all and ?????? HIS EMOTIONS!!!) Feel like in this AU eventually Xavier and Beatrice escape to the south with Lina and Nathaniel most likely because of Victor!’s help!! Anyway, Xavier is pretty serious most days but is learning to smile and trust more when he’s away from the North!! Super perceptive!!! And old soul tbh!!! Like his dad, has a tendency for brooding when stuff sucks also not the most comfortable in a huge group of people, especially when he doesn’t know them!!! But, like his mom, has a very witty and sarcastic sense of humor!!!! Does love to smile and laugh and was generally a much more cheery kid back when he lived in blissful ignorance haha but that side of him is coming out more and more these days

Special Talents: Photographic memory!!!!! Loves to read!!!! Still not over how he was kept in the dark for so many years about things and he’s determined to be so informed/educated!!!! Honestly if you see him less than three books at any one time, something is probably wrong! Learned to play the piano from his mom!!! Is super good @ it!!! Adores classical music and he finds it soothing to write his own pieces!!! 

Who they like better: idk it varies based on what he knows about what’s going on haha (it’s fun!!!) but overall, probably beatrice

Who they take after more: honestly probably Victor lmao

Personal Head canon: The dad!friend!!!! Looks out for everyone!!! Would like to spend his time indoors, but he’s best friends with Oliver and Nathaniel and also Lou/Ren’s daughter (to be named in a second - who he has a soft spot for!!!! She can ALWAYS make him smile/laugh

Face Claim: Jaeden Lieberher 

[upryavictor]

The Commander’s Yule Ball of 1942

The young man’s hand moved ever so slightly down off the young woman’s waist and, within an instant, Victor Cradon was cutting in and guiding Louisa Prior off the dance floor and back to the table at the head of the room.

“Lu, I do wish you’d stop dancing with such inappropriate men,” Becca scolded as the waiter brought Louisa a drink. Louisa opened her mouth to protest, but Beatrice Cradon beat her to it.

“Oh go on, she’s young and pretty– let her have a bit of fun.”

“That is not the sort of fun a reputable young lady should be having,” Rebecca shot back, her brow furrowing at Beatrice. 

“Ladies..” Xavier Vardon spoke suddenly from his seat at the head of the table, his tone not unpleasant but with an air that seemed to say enough is enough. He glanced towards Victor as the tempo changed. “This is slow enough for me even,” Victor held out his hand to his wife, who gladly took it and the pair headed towards the dance floor.

“Becca, I would’ve stopped him myself if Victor hadn’t showed up,” Louisa assured her sister. Rebecca patted her hand affectionately. 

“Of course, I know you’d never promote such an action. It’s that dreadful Hargrove boy– someone needs to teach him some manners!” Rebecca turned to Howard, who clearly hadn’t been listening to a single thing. “Howard?”

“Yes, alright, it’s fine… outings are encouraged,” he answered confidently enough to send Louisa into a fit of giggles.

Rebecca instantly launched into telling their brother what he’d missed while lost in thought and all the reasons she thought Graham Hargrove was the most inappropriate of young men to be around their sister. Louisa somewhat glumly reached towards her glass of water (Rebecca had put a stop to her champagne consumption over an hour ago) when she heard a light cough. Her eyes darted to her right where she saw Xavier sliding a flute of champagne across the table towards her before bringing his index finger to his lips, grinning as he glanced at Rebecca and then back to Louisa. Louisa mimicked the motion, bringing her own finger up to her lips in response. Xavier winked before turning his attentions back to his wife, Gwen, who was hanging onto the man as if he were a life raft. 

“Xavier, I’m so terribly sorry but I cannot seem to shake this headache. I hope you won’t think too poorly of me if I turn in early this evening?” Howard announced suddenly, rising to his feet across the table from Louisa.

“Alert the presses– someone has decided to retire for the night before Victor!” Louisa announced teasingly, which was immediately met with a tut of disapproval from her sister. Xavier laughed, however, standing to shake Howard’s hand.

“No need for apologies my friend… Though perhaps you might escort Gwendolyn back home for the evening if you’re going?”

“I’m not ready to go yet,” Gwen protested. 

“I think it might be best if you checked on the girls and nanny one last time for the night,” Xavier said in a tone that conveyed protests would no longer be tolerated. A tense moment hung in the air around the table before Gwendolyn rose to her feet and began marching towards the exit without another word to any of them.

“Goodnight, Howard,” Louisa and Rebecca chorused brightly as their older brother followed after the Commander’s second wife. Both sisters would come to regret not standing up to embrace their brother before he left that night, as his form retreating out the door would be the last time either would see him for quite some time. 

Gwendolyn would tell everyone the next evening that Howard brought her to the nursery to check on the girls, leaving her with their night nanny while he returned to his own room, What happened to Howard after that moment would only come to light after a letter bearing the seal of Virginia Beauford was delivered to the border patrols of Vardon’s army. The letter would inform Xavier Vardon and the Prior sisters of Howard’s abduction by northern forces, that he would be pressed for information. Information, the letter informed Commander Vardon, the north meant to acquire by any means necessary. 

No one knew this, however, as the party continued that evening. Victor and Beatrice returned from the dance floor, the former blissfully unaware that the woman he looked at so adoringly would soon be exposed as a spy. Rebecca soon found Louisa was drinking champagne, not water. The younger sister immediately outed Xavier as her supplier and Rebecca chastised the commander of the entire country to the delight of the table. The party would go on into the early hours of the morning all while the thread that might cause the entirety of Uprya to unravel was being pulled for the very first time. 

[upryavictor]

“It was the kind of kiss I could never tell my friends about out loud. It was the kind of kiss that made me know I was never so happy in my whole life.”

— Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

[upryavictor]

💍 victor crandon + bea hartwright

Vardon had rebuilt this city from the ground up. It had been a heap of ash and decay when they’d arrived, all those years ago, and now it stood: beautiful and strong. The entire city was awe inspiring: there was nothing left like it in the world and few left who even remembered a time when the capital of Uprya was not the jewel of civilization. And at the center of it all; stood the most impressive landmark of the entire metropolis: Vardon’s own household.

Victor stood alone in one of the gardens: reflecting on his past while considering the future. In the distance, the faint sounds of music and laughter could be heard, but Victor hardly noticed anything but his own thoughts until he was roused by the sound of heels on stone accompanied by the familiar scent of rose water and ivy.

“What are you doing out here all alone?” She asked. “Brooding?” She asked, teasingly.

He turned to face her and, for a moment, he forgot to breath. She was stunning: dressed in a green dress that hugged her slender frame. “You look lovely.”

She smiled, but brushed off the compliment, “Come along back to the house. Vardon’s been asking after you.”

She turned to leave, but he reached out and touched her arm, “No, wait, Beatrice, please. There’s … there’s something I’d like to say first. It’s only, I’m … I’m not sure i know how to get it out.” He’d never been especially good with words. That had always been Vardon’s area of expertise. Victor didn’t know how to be charming or charismatic. He only knew what he felt.

“I know very well that you haven’t always cared for me. We never did get along well when you were younger, did we?” He had to smile then, even as he remembered how she’d rejected him that first time he’d finally worked up the courage to ask her to dance. They’d danced many times since then: something Victor had never been fond of before Bea had been his partner. He was afraid, suddenly, that after he said what he was about to say next, that they may never be that close, again. Still, he’d come this far. And he had to try. “But these last few months … we’ve become friends, haven’t we? I hope you know how much I value your friendship. I care for you, Bea.” He shook his head, “What I mean to say is that … I love you, Bea. I’ve always loved you. I know it’s likely that I am very wrong but … these last few months, I feel as though, perhaps, you may care for me, too? And if you do, I would ask you, darling, would you do me the honor of being my wife?”

His question was met with silence. He couldn’t read her face; he didn’t know what she was thinking. He’d feared that he would be rejected straight out, but it had, at least, given her pause.

“I’d be a fool to say no.”

“And you are no fool,” He said,  “But I don’t want you to marry me because it would be foolish not to. I want you to marry me because you want to. I want you to be happy, Bea, more than anything else in the world. I wouldn’t have you marry me unless you know that it would make you happy, too.”

She smiled, filling the dark spaces around her with light. “I was afraid that you weren’t ever going to ask … that perhaps you wouldn’t ever forgive me for how I once treated you.”

He laughed, “I don’t particularly care much for myself then, either.” Truth be told, he didn’t always care for himself nowadays, either, but he felt as though he was better now than he had once been. He felt he owed it all to her. He paused, shaking his head, a more serious look in his eye, “Is that an answer?” He asked. “What are you saying?”

She took a step closer to him, entangling her fingers with his own. “I’m saying yes. I will be your wife for as long as you care to have me.”

He reached out to her, touching her check, “Until the end of my days.”

She smiled, laughing, “You may regret it long before then.”

He shook his head, “No. Never.”

[upryavictor]

Matthew Goode as Henry Talbot, Downton Abbey 6x08

[upryavictor]

upryaxavier:

“What the devil is this?” demanded Xavier, when he heard what Victor had to say.  His eyes widened with disbelief.  “After all this we have faced the two of us together, and you would abandon me!  I won’t hear of it.  No, you may not resign.”  There was finality in his voice.  “I need you here.”  Irritably, Xavier cast another log into a nearby fire, though it was already quite hot.  He prodded at the fiery limb with a poker.  “How did this happen, Victor?  How could one woman bring you so low as this?  You’re not yourself.”

Replacing the poker, Xaiver turned back to face his friend, laying one hand on his shoulder.  “Listen to me.  That abominable whore took us both in, Victor.  Both of us.  Now you know I am not the trusting sort, but she pulled the wool over my eyes as well, so if your judgment was corroded, well, so was mine.  We’ve met with stumbling blocks before, my friend.  Many, many stumbling blocks but we didn’t let those things bring us down and neither will this.”  Xavier sat back, patted Victor’s shoulder before glancing back towards the fire.  “Neither will this.”

Shaking his head, he replied, “All you have proven, Victor, is that you care fiercely which is, in fact, one of your finest qualities.  Beatrice used that against you and proved herself unworthy of your loyalty, but that is on her, not you.  Chin up!  Don’t let her win.  Anyway, it all ended up well enough, didn’t it?  Seizing her sister back from Arcadia was both a personal triumph,” he said, placing a hand on his heart, “For me and a symbolic victory for Uprya: taking back what once had been stolen away and proving to the Arcadians just how useless their artifices ultimately are.  

“Besides, after Madeline has had a little time to…settle in, she may be more open to the truth about her sister and we can find out just how much Beatrice knows.  The bitch used us, yes, but there is still time to turn the tables.  She might still perform us a service, yet, Victor, mark my words.  They slice and dice Howard at the cost of their own, hm?  They may have valuable hostages, but so do we.”

“I would never abandon you, Xavier,” Victor said firmly, taking a step towards him, “I would step down only because I do not think I am up to the task, but never to leave you. If you insist upon me staying, of course I will.” Vardon never had to ask him for anything twice. 

How could one woman bring you as low as this?

Victor wished he knew the answer. He wish he could love more freely, as Xavier did. If he had been able to love more than one woman, if he had been able to take more than one wife ... perhaps this betrayal would not hurt so much as it did. But he loved Beatrice: he loved her fiercely (and bindly, it seems). And he couldn’t so much look at another woman. She had his heart: all of it, for better or worse. 

And despite everything, she held it still. 

“I wish i knew,” Victor replied. His gaze met Vardon’s, “Xavier, you should ... you should know that despite everything that’s she’s done that I .... I love her.” The words came tumbling out before he knew what he was saying. It felt good, somehow, to say them aloud. He’d been trying to ignore it, but he knew his own feelings. “I still love her,” His voice was low, almost a whisper, “I wished that I didn’t. I wished that I hated her,” His fingers balled into fists at his side, “But I don’t. I don’t think I ever will.” He exhaled, defeated, “I can’t let anything happen to her. When it comes to Beatrice, at least, you won’t ever be able to trust my judgement.” 

He nodded, "But you never did like her, did you?” He asked, even though he knew the answer. “Neither of us saw this coming, but you could sense something at the start, couldn’t you? I wished I had listened.” But even as he said that, he wondered if that was true. Would he have given up all of those years he’d spent happily with Beatrice, even if they had been lies? Even if they had hurt them all? He liked to think that he would, but deep down, he knew that he wouldn’t trade those times when he was the happiest that he had ever been for anything. 

And he hated himself all the more for it. 

“You’re right,” He said, finally, “Through all of this, we’ve always had each other, haven’t we?” He said, a little sadly, wishing he hadn’t hurt Vardon in the process, “I’ll always be your man.” He said. That much, at least, he believed to be true. 

“I don’t think Madeline will ever betray her sister’s confidence,” Victor said. She’d already proved how much she cared about her sister by coming here at all, he thought. But they both could be persuaded, he thought. Neither of them would stand for the other being hurt, if they could at all prevent it. He meant to say this aloud, but found he couldn’t say the words. “But the South may be willing to trade her for Howard,” He ventured, wondering if Vardon would even consider it. Victor hoped that he would: it would mean that Beatrice could go home and be safe and Howard would be returned to them. 

It would mean that he would never have to see her again. Perhaps then, he would be able to put her behind him.

Even as the last thought crossed his mind, he knew that he would never be able to do that. And no amount of time, or new distractions, would change that. 

New Blood | Xavier & Victor

[upryavictor]

upryalouisa:

Louisa had to stop herself from wincing at his words. She’d unintentionally hit a nerve with poor Victor, something she desperately wished not to do. She worried he might never recover from Beatrice’s betrayal and only wished she knew how to brighten him mood.

As he amended his words, she smiled. She appreciated his smile– it had been ages since she’d seen one of those. “I knew I could trust you of all people,” she chirped at him. “There is no one I would trust more to protect me from the wilds of the Capitol at dusk,” she informed him dramatically.

“I am also an expert at distractions, as you very well are aware,” she continued, walking slowly alongside Victor towards the circulation desk. She was planning to borrow a book she’d read dozens of times already, but something about the familiarity was comforting. “Perhaps we should forget the books and go dancing– the ultimate distraction,” she teased, knowing full well Victor would rather throw himself in a river before stepping foot into a dance hall. 

Louisa stopped suddenly as Victor spoke of Howard. She immediately felt foolish. How silly he must think her, prattling on about dancing and frivolities while Howard was chained up in some southern jail.

“Of course I know that,” she replied, nodding slightly. Their little family– Victor, Xavier, and the Prior siblings– felt like it was in tatters at the moment, despite most of them being safe and sound. Nothing would be entirely proper until Howard was home again. She wanted nothing more than to sit in the warm parlor alongside all of them like they used to– before Beatrice, before the troubles with the southerners. 

“Please say you’ll stay for dinner with us tonight,” Louisa said quickly. It seemed like a sudden change of subjects, but she genuinely wanted nothing more than all the people she cared for most in one place right now. 

He managed another smile, “Your faith is poorly placed, Miss Prior,” He said, “You’d be much safer with Xavier. Has he never told you how useless I was, as a boy, next to him?” He said it teasingly, trying to lighten the mood after he had dampened it, but every word of it had been true. “He saved my life more times than I can say.” He added, sobering, thinking how he would have been dead long ago if it wasn’t for his friend. He wished that Vardon might have been able to say the same of him. 

But all I have ever done was put his life in danger, he thought bitterly. 

He raised an eyebrow, “Dancing?” He asked, almost laughing at the suggestion, “You really must be confusing me with Xavier if you think I’d make a suitable dancing partner.” He was still smiling as he said it, but he couldn’t help but think about the many times he’d danced with Beatrice ... the only woman (besides the Priors) who could have convinced him to try: the only person who could make him forget himself and not worry if he looked a fool. He wanted to laugh, again, at the thought ... he already was a damned fool. He was only too foolish to notice. 

“If we are to go dancing, I must insist on choosing the music,” He said: he had no intention of dancing to anything too loud or fast. Louisa had once pulled a very reluctant Victor onto the dance floor during a song that was very upbeat. Victor had never detested anything more. If he must dance at all, he preferred something soft and slow. He must insist on being, as Xavier would have affectionately put it “a bore”. 

He wished he hadn’t brought up her brother just now. What good would dwelling on any of that do? Neither of them were in any position to fix anything tonight. He rested a hand on her shoulder and gave it an affectionate squeeze, attempting to be comforting. He decided to say no more about it tonight. 

Instead, he nodded, “Yes, please. I would love to stay.” 

Caught Me Thinking | Victor & Louisa

[upryavictor]

upryasebastian:

alksjfkldsfjkldsajfkladjf HONESTLY THO Seb: *looks directly into the camera* <33333333  Honestly tho Seb lowkey wants to fight someone hahaha and if Victor ever said that to him he’d be like (yelling) ‘don’t you see what’s going on here!  it’s not them!  it’s him!’ *points are vardon*

DOUBLE DATES W THESE TWO AND HARTWRIGHTS lkjdsfkljDKLFJSADKLF honestly it’s probs for the best that didn’t happen hahaha  I feel like Seb would’ve been completely distracted by Victor’s presence bc he was technically one of his bosses…and Seb was growing more and more and more to hate his bosses bc he was seeing what was happening to Uprya and yeahhh  Honestly, part of why Seb was probs like *michael bluth voice* “her????” when Lina was like ‘i wanna destroy our lives to save my sister’ was bc he just remembered her as the one who was for some???? reason????? dating Vardon’s bff and I feel like when Bea introduced Seb to Victor, he was just like (softly, but w feeling) ‘wtf’ under his breath hahahaha

Anyway, anyway!  I’m actually seeing sort of a turbulent relationship here!!  Bc I feel like Seb def liked and respected all the Hartwright girls and so, despite the fact that his impressions of Victor from afar weren’t! positive! and so the first couple times they spent any time together Seb was just like ‘what is happening can we noT’ basically, he was also like ‘Bea wouldn’t bring him around if there wasn’t something more to him’ yknow?  So after he settled in a bit, he made a genuine effort and obv Victor was making an effort too and they could def have compared notes on the Hartwright girls which…it was probs nice to have someone else being like ‘yeahhhh their dad was a jackass’ or ‘heyyy have you ever noticed this weird quirk or is that just me and her????’ ‘no buddy that’s def a thing™’ etc hahaha  And, esp back then, Seb was def in a really good place and he’s always been more the forgiving type, naturally (not so much now #yikES) so I feel like they def could’ve gotten on!!

But thennnn Xavier comes around and starts sniffing around and that was just a step too far!!  Seb was NOT feeling that!!!!  Esp when he started trying to make the moves on Lina like…nO!  And then Victor gets aboard the Xavier train and Seb is just like exCUUUUUSE!!!?!!!??!!  And now he’s like ‘wow that guy put on a really good act there for awhile totally pulled the wool over my eyes now i see he was genuinely a jackass the whole time’ re: Victor hahaha a feeling which only embittered after Lina was taken away esp to save Bea bc Victor obv didn’t do it (and, Seb suspects, Victor was probs in on uncovering her activities and maybe that’s why he got w her in the first place!).  So I feel like that’s where Seb is now hahahah  Honestly if he just saw Victor randomly in the street sometime he’d probs slug him but…also…like I said, he’s sort of jonesing for a fight so there’s thAT 

How do you think Victor feels about Seb atp?

HAHAH omg!!! I honestly didn’t even think about Seb not knowing about Bea being a spy!!!!!! (I feel like Lina would have told him once they were married (w bea’s permission!) but before then I don’t think that she felt like it was her secret to tell pLUS it’s just a dangerous thing to say out loud in the north where the walls have ears haha) but oMG haha seb!!! being!!! so confused that bea was dating victor!!!!!!!! 

!!!!! BUT I LOVE THE IDEA OF THEM EVENTUALLY COMING AROUND TO EACH OTHER!!!!!!!! and ugh i love thinking about the four of them hanging out because I feel like they would have weirdly gotten along then and yeah cOMPARING NOTES!!! ABOUT THE HARTWRIGHTS!!!!!!! honestly victor loves them all too a lot (I think his affection for them definitely stems mostly from his affection for beatrice and he just sees how much she cares for them so he cares a lot, too, but he probably wouldn’t have given the others a second glance if it wasn’t for beatrice haha if that makes sense??!) anYWAY there was a time when all he wanted was to be happily married to beatrice and seb happily married to lina and they’d all love each other and ofc veronica and vardon were also at this imaginary family gatherings of the future haha and even thEY would learn to get along ... but yeah ... what actually happened was way less pleasant ... 

ANYWAY, yeah I feel like they did start to fall out after Vardon tried to come between Seb and Lina and it was clear where Victor stood on that .... I think he probably wasn’t a fan of Seb’s at that time b/c he felt like Vardon should just automatically get what he wants??? and how dare seb stand in the way of that???? now though ... it’s a little more complicated for victor ... he realizes that vardon is always right and he has also seen first hand what all of this has done to both beatrice and lina and I think even he thinks that seb and lina should be together (despite being the one to have made the suggestion to vardon that he try to get lina in exchange for bea’s life!) ... but like life is complicated r/n and if lina being with vardon means beatrice gets to live well then that’s a trade that victor is willing to make (even if like no one else except vardon is okay with it!!!) 

okay so all of that being said, I think that he always did hold a special affection for seb and yeah, like i said, there was definitely a time when he thought that they might be family and he does look back on those times when they were friends/friendly super fondly and he 1000% gets that seb wants him to die (victor: same) anyway, idk that they will run into each other anytime soon but victor will just have a lOT of conflicting emotions!!!!!!! especially since liking seb even a little feels like a betrayal!!!!!! and victor already has a lot of those feelings thanks to beatrice and ugh he just hates everything and wants to die!!! it’s fun!!!! 

ooc | Victor & Sebastian

[upryavictor]

upryabeatrice:

Bea nodded as he spoke.  “He’s like your brother,” she agreed quietly, looking at her shoes.  She was conscious he must think she did not understand, but she did.  She did.  She thought of her sisters and wondered, in a distant kind of way, if it had been one of them instead of Vardon…How would she have reacted?  It was a question she couldn’t answer.

Still, it wasn’t and the theoretical question didn’t matter in the long run.  After all, her sisters had each fought against Vardon’s tyranny, each in their own way: Veronica with fire and Lina with love.  Like them, what Bea had done, she had done because she had believed it was right.  In his way, Victor had done the same.  How could she possibly fault anyone for that?  Yet, no matter how similar their motives, their decisions had placed them on opposite sides of the board and now they were at a crossroads.  Now they were here, in this miserable place, though Bea was conscious they both probably wished they could be nearly anywhere else.

She wanted to ask him what Vardon’s plans were, where things were headed now, how Victor thought he would treat Lina and her child, given the way he had gotten her but…She found she couldn’t, not now that he thought her only interest in him had been finding out things about Xavier.  Ironically, it seemed wrong somehow now to ask for information honestly, now that he knew she’d come by it in a less open way.  She thought of this irony and laughed humorlessly, turning away from him again.  

Somehow, it gave her courage.  “What will become of Lina now?” she asked, running her fingers absently across the chest in front of her.  “The baby?”  She turned back to him, again.  She wanted to ask him to look out for her sister, once she was gone, but she had no right to ask favors now.

‘Yes.’ He’d said, cooly. ‘Wouldn’t you think me a fool if I thought otherwise?’

It was a blow, but one she’d worked very hard to earn.  Still, she felt it as much as she’d ever felt her father’s blows: more, because she’d deserved it; more, because for all that he’d never actually struck her.  Bea held his gaze.  His eyes burned, but his cheeks were flushed and she thought she probably looked quite the opposite.  Another small irony.  Bea shook her head.  “I never thought you were a fool, Victor,” she said, finally.  “Even when we disagree, and even when I hated you, I never thought that.  In all this mess, you were the only one who was always honest.  Maybe that makes you the best of us.“  

She paused, didn’t like leaving that hanging there now that she knew he thought she was still being insincere, but couldn’t think what else to say.  She believed it, after all.  It shouldn’t have surprised her that she’d lost all credibility in his eyes, but somehow it did.  Bea had always prided herself on her utter honesty, even in the face of threat, but when she’d let that virtue cave, she’d still somehow thought of herself as honest in her own mind.  After all, it wasn’t as if she hadn’t told them all at some point exactly what she thought, even while she charmed and dined and danced and chatted them all, she’d thought herself honest because, in her heart, she’d been doing what she believed in and because, after a time, when she said she loved him, she’d really meant it.  Somehow it had eluded her that all she’d been doing was lying.  Maybe, and worst of all, she’d been lying to herself all along.

Bea laughed again, a sad sound, and shook her head.  “You think that he has not harmed her?  Separating her from the man she loves so cruelly, forcing her to be his bride, to do his will against her own, holding her here as a glorified captive - exotic and exciting to watch like a lion in a zoo!  How can you possibly think that this does her no harm?  He gave his word, yes, but already he’s broken it again and again and again.  Everyday my sister breaks her heart over these things.  How is that not harm?”  

Too late she realized that he had said ‘you’ and not ‘her.’  Bea bit her lip, realizing it didn’t matter.  She’d essentially described her own situation as well, hadn’t she?  At least she wasn’t Vardon’s bride.  That was far, far worse than any of Bea’s own punishments.  And that was the inequality that most horrified her.  How was it that Lina suffered worse than she did, herself, for the things that Bea had done?  Injustice, yes, Bea had been right.  There was no justice to be found in this place.  There had been something awful to fight here, all along, but all she’d done was drug her own sister into its path.

“Lina did nothing wrong!” she whispered, sinking against the wall.  She was close to tears, but she refused to shed a single one, not here, not now, not in front of him.  Still, her voice was choked and she took a moment to compose herself, when he spoke next.

‘You really must think me a fool if you expect me to believe that.’

It occurred to her that, like Lina, Victor hadn’t really done anything wrong, and like Lina, here he stood breaking his heart over it again and again and again.  Bea stared at him, felt a cold that wasn’t in the air wash over her.  Bea tore her gaze away, staring blankly towards the door.  “No,” she mumbled.  “I’m the fool.”  

When her reprieve had come, she’d thought as she always thought: I can fix this, now that I have some time before I die, I can set all to rights.  After all of this, it boggled her mind to think that she’d believed something so foolhardy.  There was no fixing this, no setting it right.  

Finally, after everything, Bea had come up against a wall too high to climb, a puzzle too complex to solve, a situation too broken to ever salvage.  She’d protected her sisters from an abusive father and helped Arcadia in its efforts to fell a tyrant.  Wasn’t that enough?  Was she really so proud and delusional as to think she could really do any good here?  Her magnum opus was complete and the sands of time had nearly trickled out of her hourglass. Something like this would take a lifetime to heal and hers was gone.  Her time was up.  Still, after everything she’d done to him, she owed him some sweet balm.  There was only one thing left to do to help him, now, with the time it had left, to help dull the pain.  She could make him hate her.

“You’re right,” she said, staring off into a corner.  She couldn’t look at him.  “You’re right.  I was hoping I could make you help me, hoping I could manipulate you again.  I see now you’re far past that.”  Bea wiped hastily at her eyes, laughed.  “Good for you.”

“What do you mean?” He asked, confused by her question. “What will become of them? Do you truly have any doubts there? Your sister is Vardon’s wife: she will be cared for and protected until the day she dies. So will your nephew. He will be Vardon’s heir. All of this … everything … will be his.” He will rule the world, Victor thought. “You won’t have to worry for either of them.”

He knew that she will would, despite his words. He knew that she’d rather see Madeline back in the South, then here with Vardon. Victor supposed he couldn’t entirely blame her for that: despite everything that Vardon could give Madeline; the life he could provide her with … he knew that Madeline had been happy with her simple life with Sebastian Gray. There was a part of him that tried to justify everything with the knowledge that Madeline would be well looked after; that she would be safe. Somehow he didn’t think that Beatrice would see it like that.

Victor saw Vardon’s complex as a fortress that would protect them; the Hartwrights only saw a prison.

I never thought you were a fool, she’d said, and he’d softened slightly at the sound of her words. He didn’t stop to consider that perhaps that this was a lie, too. He replayed them again in his head; wanting it to be true. Her betrayal had hurt all the more, when he had thought about her selecting him as her target because she thought it would be easy: because she thought he’d be stupid enough to believe her lies. It doesn’t matter now, he thought bitterly, whatever she thought of him. He had been foolish; it had been easy … far too easy for her to manipulate him.

He wondered how long she’d been planning this. He’d been drawn to her from the moment he first met her: her spark, her smile, her wit. She, on the other hand, would have none of him. He stopped pursuing her after she’d made it clear, but he never stopped caring for her. Part of him had always hoped that one day she would change her mind; but part of him knew that she never would. All it had taken was one smile in his direction, one lingering glance for him to ignore the voice in his head that told him that he cared far more for her than she did for him. He should have listened, but one sweet word from her had been enough to silence all of his reason for ever; had been enough to convince him that he didn’t care.

He had truly been a fool.

“Enough!” Victor raised his voice louder than he had meant to, but he only wished to silence her. He knew she was right: he knew that what Vardon had done to Madeline had been cruel. Victor tried to justify it: his reasonings had been enough to soothe his own conscious but he knew the more that Beatrice said, the less he would be able to say in Vardon’s defense and he didn’t mean to let her speak ill of him: Vardon was, after all, the only family he had left now. “I know you don’t see it;” He said, voice raised, “I know you refuse to see it! It makes all of this much easier, doesn’t it, to imagine Vardon as a monster? But he isn’t. He saved us all from the monster. We’d all likely be dead, if it wasn’t for him.”

He was angry: angrier with himself than anything else. He would have stormed out then, but then he looked at her. He’d never seen her look that way before. Lina did nothing wrong, she’d whispered. Victor wondered, suddenly, if he should not have tried to interfere. He’d saved Beatrice’s life, but he’d broken her heart in the process. She looked helpless; overwhelmed with guilt. She looked as though she would have rather been dead. He softened noticeably at the sight. He had to stop himself from going to her and taking her in his arms as he once would have; to whisper comforting words in her ear.  Instead, all he could do was look on, feeling as helpless as she looked.

Victor knew that Beatrice considered all of this to be her fault. It wasn’t, he wanted to say. He wanted to tell her that it had been a double agent who had given her up. She’d never made a misstep. Even Vardon, who mistrusted her from the start, thought that she was a spy. She blamed herself for her sister’s situation. He knew that he couldn’t tell her; that he couldn’t breathe a word of it. He had to let her suffer.

After her next words, for a moment, he wanted to let her. I was hoping I could manipulate you, she’d said. His hands balled into tight fists at his sides, trying to push away all of the once happy memories that suddenly came flooding back. All of them lies.

And then, suddenly, he realized that he wasn’t sure if he believed her, even now, when she said she’d been manipulating him all along. She didn’t look at him when she said it and there was something in her voice that made him doubt her sincerity. He wondered why she would lie to him, now, about this, but he was more concerned with the thought that maybe she had cared for him, even a little. He realized the not knowing might drive him mad.

He couldn’t tell her about Jack Lewis, he realized, but he could tell her about his own involvement. It might ease her own feelings of guilt and it would certainly crush any lingering feelings she may or may not have for him. At least now, he would know for sure. “It was my idea.” He said, his voice calm and cool, “I suggested to Vardon that he try to make a deal with your sister for your life. He wanted to kill you. He would have killed you. But I made him see: there are punishments worse than death.”

Let You Go | Victor & Beatrice

[upryavictor]

Max Richter - On the Nature of Daylight

[upryavictor]

“Share too much and someone can hurt you.”

—

Dorothy Koomson, My Best Friend’s Girl

@wnq-quotes

(via wordsnquotes)

[upryavictor]

Hugh? He’s terribly attractive, I’ll give you that, but I don’t really think he’s the marrying kind.

[upryavictor]

upryalouisa:

Despite what some people might think, Louisa loved to wander in the silence of the library. The young woman, though very sociable in many aspects, quite appreciated time alone with her thoughts and her books. Normally, after a night of revelry with her siblings, Xavier, and whoever else had been invited to dinner that evening, Louisa would be up for all hours of the evening engulfed in whatever book was currently in her possession. 

This was her first trip back to the library since Howard had been taken by the southerners. She found that she couldn’t focus on stories and fantasies when her life had been thrown upside down. Most of the titles on the books in front of her didn’t even register in her mind as she walked slowly up and down the aisles. Today it was the seclusion, the silence, that she was after. 

When she heard Victor’s voice, however, she jumped slightly, startled. Quickly she recovered, offering him the same bright smile he always received. Victor Cradon had been a constant in her life just as Xavier always had been, though the pair were radically different personalities 

“You mustn’t tell Rebecca I’ve come alone. She’s on edge about me being out on my own what with everything that…” she faltered in her wording momentarily. “with the current situation regarding Howard,” she corrected herself quickly. Rebecca has been insistent that Louisa not leave the estate without a guard, fearful that the rest of Xavier’s family could be targeted next. Louisa, on the other hand, couldn’t imagine even the southerners would be ignorant enough to think she would have any information that might benefit the southern cause. 

She nearly asked what brought Victor to the library that day, but stopped herself. She knew, everyone did, what consumed Victor’s thoughts: Beatrice. No one could believe when she was arrested and admitted to being a southern spy. She had been the one thing that seemed to turn Victor Cradon from a silent figure brooding in a corner to a slightly sociable human being. She had been charming and bright and, at least it seemed, completely devoted to him. Everyone had been fooled. She hoped Victor could recover from it. 

“You’ll simply have to escort me back home in order to assuage my sister’s fears of my being out on my own,” she informed him, knowing her wouldn’t turn down her request. She very rarely heard the word no in all honestly. 

“Can I give you a recommendation?” she offered, gesturing towards the stacks of books surrounding the pair. “Or are you simply trying to escape the chill. It is,” she gave him a teasing smile. “quite chilly outside, you know.”

“I abhor secrets.” He said, a bit more sternly and cooly then he had meant to. He wasn’t angry at her, although he sounded it. It wasn’t her secret that he despised. Her’s was such a little thing. It was the secrets Beatrice had kept from him ... it was the ones that he was keeping from Vardon, even now. It took him a moment to realize how displeased with her he had come off. 

He pushed all of those unpleasant thoughts out of his mind (or rather, made some attempt to) and looked down at Louisa, giving her the most mischievous smile he could muster. “But I will keep your’s. I’d be awful grateful for your company, just now.” 

He hoped he hadn’t caused any offense by his first remark. He considered Louisa to be the closest thing he had to a sister and, as such, she knew him better than most. She knew how he could be and he hoped she knew that he did not always mean it. 

He’d relaxed considerably, already, in her company. It was easy to do, when she was so bright and cheerful ... even after all she was going through. He wished he could be more like her but truth be told he found keeping such a demeanor exhausting if he did not truly feel completely happy and content. And it was rarer and rarer these days that he felt either. 

He nodded, “Of course, I will escort you back to your corridors when you are ready. We can’t have your sister worrying after you.” 

He paused, considering her question. “I --” He exhaled, “I will gladly take any recommendations you may have but ... to be honest, I’m not sure I could concentrate much on anything, just now. I was hoping to find a distraction, but I think I will not find it here.” He turned to her, “There’s been much on my mind ... there’s been much to do.” He paused, “Louisa, I ... we will find your brother and bring him back safely. I hope you know that.” 

Caught Me Thinking | Victor & Louisa

[upryavictor]

upryabeatrice:

Bea eyed him seriously for a moment, her lips pressed tightly together.  He was behaving defensively - she knew him well enough to tell - and that was understandable, but she wondered how deeply that went and just where true belief began.  Did he sincerely trust so much in Vardon?  Did he truly think that Vardon had forgotten the pebble in his shoe that was Bea?  

After a moment, she formed a smile, nodded.  “Well,” she remarked, softly.  “You know him much better than I do,” she said, but she was not convinced.  It was true, she did not wish to see him live under this delusion, but she knew he’d soon be divested of it - or at least begin to doubt - when Bea’s body was discovered after some awful “accident” that had taken her life…and she did not wish to quarrel with him.  Bea didn’t know if she would ever see him again and she would much rather do what little she could to make it up to him - or at least apologize - than pick a fight over Xavier Vardon.  He’d destroyed enough lives already - theirs included - he didn’t need to take any more from them.

“Your word may mean nothing to you, but it is everything to him.”

Bea’s look was searching, eyes seeking to find the reality.  “Is that really what you think of me?”  She studied his face for a moment before turning hastily back to the clothes.  Pointedly she stowed them, trying to focus on the order she wanted - sweaters, here; shirts there - but his words ran through her head like a refrain.  

She deserved it, she’d earned it, but that was why the blow smarted - it was far worse for ringing true.  All this time, she’d told herself she was doing her duty, the right thing, helping this wretched world when it needed it most.  She’d believed her word, duty, sacred honor satisfied.  Had she betrayed it, instead?  After all, she’d made vows to Victor, too, when they’d married.  What exactly was her word worth, now?  

Glancing over her shoulder, Bea laughed.  “Don’t be silly.  I think we can all agree that he certainly wants me dead.  If Lina hadn’t interfered, I certainly would be.”  She imagined that Victor most likely shared those sentiments.  That notion was a slap in the face, though not entirely surprising, itself.  How he must hate her now!  She wished she could change his mind - though he had good reason to feel that way - but she wondered if it was really for the best.  If he went on hating her, well, perhaps that was for the best.  Bea grasped the edge of the open drawer, staring blankly at the dresser without really seeing it.  

However he felt about her just now, she knew she’d hurt him deeply.  She tried to puzzle out how he must feel.  Bea had had her share of damaging relationships, but she realized no one had ever treated her as she had treated Victor.  After all, even the people whose hatred wounded her (her father being the glaringly obvious example) had at least had the decency to be open and honest in their way.  She had never been betrayed.  Victor had been stripped of that - and the armor had came with it - and utterly blindsided by her actions because he had loved and trusted her.  And she’d inadvertently made a weapon of his devotion.

“I never meant to hurt you,” she murmured, still facing the dresser.  She hadn’t really meant to say it out loud and, now that she had, her voice sounded small in the gaping silence; wildly inadequate in the face of what she’d done.  It was like setting sail on the ocean in a boat made of paper.  It would not do; would have been better perhaps had the journey not been begun at all, but she could not recall the words now that they’d been said.  Bea turned to face him again.  She knew it didn’t matter if she hadn’t intended the pain - it had come all the same.  “There’s no more need for playacting,” he’d said.  Bea swallowed and continued.  There was nothing for it but to continue now that she’d begun.  “It wasn’t all an act.”

“I do.” He agreed. I know him better, he thought, perhaps than anyone. They’d come so far, he and Vardon. They’d come from nothing. Less than nothing. Vardon had escaped being sold into slavery and Victor had been an orphan, helpless and alone. He knew Vardon had faults. He hadn’t always known that ... but he knew it now. But he was human. They all were. Beatrice had looked at Vardon from the first and saw only his flaws. Why could she not see the good there, too? He knew that it was far too late for that now. 

He swallowed, realizing that perhaps that had been his fault, too. She had shown him that Vardon was human, but had not been able to convince her that he wasn’t a monster, either. The trouble had been, he hadn’t known what she had really thought. Or if he did, he hadn’t wanted to see it. 

“We’ve been together since nearly the beginning, he and I,” He said. He wasn’t sure why he said it. She knew it, already. Everyone knew that. He supposed that was why she’d married him. Vardon, himself, would not have her, so she settled for the next best thing. He wanted to laugh. Even then, he wouldn’t have been her first choice. 

is that really what you think of me? She’d asked. His eyes met her’s for a moment. She’d stopped moving about; hands no longer busy putting clothes into drawers. “Yes.” He said, cooly. “Wouldn’t you think me a fool if I thought otherwise?” 

Victor inclined his head, “Of course he wants you dead. You should have died for your crimes a long time ago. But that’s just it, isn’t it? He gave your sister his word that he would not harm you, despite wanting him, and he hasn’t, has he?” 

Her next words caught him off guard. It wasn’t all an act. He wanted to go to her. He wanted to pull her close; to kiss her; to tell her that he still loved her ... that part of him would always love her ... and that part of him, a part of him that he hated, even understood why she had done it. He even wanted to tell her that he’d been the one to save her. He knew she’d hate him for it; hate him for what had happened to Lina because of it ... but there had been a time when he hadn’t kept anything from her. And that, he thought bitterly, had been the problem. 

The last thought had angered him. He straightened and his eyes, which a moment ago had softened, looked at her now with cool indifference. “You really must think me a fool if you expect me to believe that.” 

Let You Go | Victor & Beatrice

[upryavictor]

This morning, with her, having coffee.

Johnny Cash, when asked about his paradise (via wnq-music)

[upryavictor]

me: *spills my feelings* my brain: *slamming fists on table* REGRET REGRET REGRET REGRET REGRET REGR

[upryavictor]

Victor Crandon: Local Man Looses Last Additional Piece of Hope He Didn’t Even Know He Had