velvetgh0sts

[velvetgh0sts]

[velvetgh0sts]

I am so embarrassed to tell people how dirty you did me.

Because of how innocently I used to talk, about you.

[velvetgh0sts]

[velvetgh0sts]

[velvetgh0sts]

You are not responsible for meeting everyone's expectations. Let them be disappointed.

[velvetgh0sts]

I'm too exhausted to explain my soul to someone again.

[velvetgh0sts]

“I spent my childhood learning how to fear, and now I spend my adulthood learning how not to.”

— Gemma Troy

[velvetgh0sts]

“I’ve found that growing up means being honest. About what I want. What I need. What I feel. Who I am.”

— Epiphany

[velvetgh0sts]

[velvetgh0sts]

“I don’t regret us but I wouldn’t do it again.”

— Unknown

[velvetgh0sts]

It’s been a long time since I’ve been me.

Fernando Pessoa

[velvetgh0sts]

“I loved you in a way I wished someone would love me.”

— Mahmdou Darwish

[velvetgh0sts]

[velvetgh0sts]

[velvetgh0sts]

You are the love 🤍🤍

[velvetgh0sts]

trust that everything will fall into place without you forcing it there.

[velvetgh0sts]

Blue Raspberry Lemonade

It’s so easy to go out by yourself,

until you sit down and everything around you slows.

The clock moves, but you can’t feel it.

The server brings your food,

and you stare at your phone—

waiting for a notification,

waiting for someone to guilt you,

force you to rush back home.

You stop, take a breath,

realize there’s no reason to hurry.

You put your fork down between bites,

taste every ingredient.

A pinch of salt, the sourness of blue raspberry,

the garlic on the chicken,

the Parmesan shreds,

the zest of honey barbecue,

the cilantro on my taco,

the spiciness you never noticed before.

I ordered what I wanted,

didn’t second guess it.

No worries that it’ll go to waste,

or that I need to bring some back for someone else,

because of course, I can’t eat alone.

I can’t go out alone.

But there I was.

Table for one.

The anxiety creeps in,

the guilt tightens my chest,

but I look around—

it’s just me,

and the world is still spinning.

My lemonade, a bug in the first cup.

I almost didn’t ask for a new one,

didn’t want to bother the waitress.

But I did.

I found my voice.

And it felt good.

I hugged my stuffed panda,

played with my squishy stress ball.

Across from me, a little girl with special needs,

eating with her mom.

She triggered something in me, ( resemblance maybe ? )

but I’m happy I went to Applebee’s,

happy to have leftovers.

There’s no reason to rush home.

I can go out at 2 AM if I want,

I can do whatever I want.

No one’s telling me what’s normal or wrong,

no one’s telling me when to stop.

The only person stopping me is me,

and I can change that.

I don’t have to go home.

I can sit here, in this parking lot,

with my panda, eating leftovers,

crying if I want.

I can go anywhere,

do anything.

No one can take that from me.

I did something today.

Screamed, laughed, cried, danced, exercised.

The walk on the preserve was beautiful,

but that trip to Applebee’s—

the cherry on top.